#i wonder where they poop

[burdock-root]

John gets dragged for looking smelly and greasy, but he’s the only one of these mfers i see wash themselves

[shirecorn]

Tumblr keeps popping up to sell me ad free dashboard. But what it doesn't understand is that me and the ads have a sort of symbiosis at this point.

The guys from the fake gameplay trailers for a predatory mobile app are my blorbos

[bil-daddy]

Bildaddy, in light of the recent events,

MAY WE PARTY AND FEAST WITH OX & BROC RIBS??????

Yes, we may, kid. Yes, we may. WAHOO!

Have a Good Omens renewed for a third and final season (platonic) (celebratory) (wahoo)

[kedreeva]

.

FB Lady: Why did my new peachicks that I got from a clean home die so fast? All her birds are fine and she treats to prevent parasites.

Also FB Lady: *posts photos of absolutely disgusting coops with filthy feeders that look to be more poop and bedding than food and waste piled up so high around it that it's spilling into the feeder, as well as chickens in with her peafowl*

Also FB Lady: I quarantined them for 7 days and then put them in with the rest of my birds and they died after one day! This person sold me bad birds!

Me: truly it must be their fault...

[kowaindar0u]

//

[milimeters-morales]

i’ve known Dima for 10 minutes and i would kill for them. and the disrespect to have a tiger pelt in the same room as that beautiful creature ..💔

[yaz-the-spaz]

.

[theater-of-dimensions]

I just found the cutest worm in my apple 🥺 it was a very nice orangey salmon pink and like 3 mm long

[newttxt]

the best way to luffy’s stomach is through his heart (or something like that)

a four page one piece fancomic in which luffy and law talk about luffy’s stomach

page 1

panel 1: a top view of luffy and law sitting in grass. luffy is leaning back on his hands with his legs outstretched. law sits crosslegged between them. they are both looking down at the hole in luffy’s abdomen, where law has used his devil fruit power to remove his stomach. “whoa! cool!” says luffy, while law hums, “hmm… interesting.”

panel 2: a close-up of law’s hand holding luffy’s stomach in its cube-like container. “it looks surprisingly average,” law says, “for a bottomless pit.”

panel 3: “isn’t it weird?” luffy asks. he is sitting with his back to the viewer, but his smile is still visible as he leans into law’s space. law is still crosslegged, holding the stomach, and he looks vaguely uncomfortable as luffy keeps talking. luffy says, “that thing can make food stop looking like food and start looking like poop! huh. wonder how it does that…”

page 2

panel 1: law looks off to the side, sweating and kinda grouchy. knowing he’ll regret this, he mutters, “i… know how… at least for NORMAL humans.”

panel 2: the back of luffy’s head takes up most of the panel as he demands, “what?! i wanna know too!” law grits his teeth and shouts back, “you’re just gonna fall asleep!” and luffy yells, “nuh-uh!”

panel 3: luffy grins widely, throws his arms out to the side, and flops onto his back in the grass. he’s loudly yelling, “tell me! tell me, traffy!”

page 3

panel 1: law is visible from a low-angle, as if from luffy’s pov on the ground. he sighs, “fine. here’s how it works.”

panel 2: this panel looks similar to the previous, but its slightly darker, with gray bars at the top and bottom, narrowing visibility to show luffy’s eyes are closing. law continues, “the stomach has two main functions.”

panel 3: law is now barely visible through the gap. luffy is almost asleep. law says, “the first, as YOU know, is the storage of food.”

panel 4: the background is completely dark, and law’s words trail off, “the second is—“

page 4

panel 1: a large, top view of luffy lying on his back in the grass. his arms are thrown wide still and his eyes are open. he has just jolted awake, saying, “hmm?” off-screen, law complains, “i don’t know WHY i bothered.”

panel 2: law accuses, “you didn’t listen to a word i said.” luffy sits up, his lips pursed and eyes narrowed because he’s a terrible liar. he says, “sure i did,” dragging out the “sure.”

panel 3: luffy breaks into a grin and proudly declares, “it’s a mystery!” law cuts him off with a “NO,” his speech bubble literally dripping with disdain.

panel 4: the silhouette of luffy and law sitting side by side. law is whapping luffy on the head with a light fist. law says, “idiot…” before bonking him. luffy yells, “hey!” but he is laughing, and a small “heh” shows law is too.

[cow-smells]

Worth your While | Opla! Sanji x reader

Request: I've read that you are in the need for some Sanji request or ideas so here's one for a fic :D

The crew gets into a fight ( it can be the Navy or anither pirate crew) and the reader gets badly hit and Sanji just loses his shit seeing the person that he cared for the most getting knocked out?? I just genuinely wanna see Sanji just go ape shit on people because of it XD and maybe hiw the others in the clue will react to seeing Sanji like that? @smolracoon25

Summary: You and Sanji have been playing the flirting game for way too long. When you get injured, Sanji shows a side of himself you had yet to see.

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: none

A/n: I'm going purely off the live-action so pls have that in mind, also I'm just getting back in to the rhythm of writing after such a long time so sorry if this is poop/ooc/both, love ya :)

Read on AO3

“Don't you ever take a break?”

Zoro's voice coming from behind startled you, forcing you to break your longing gaze at Sanji who was fishing at the bow of the ship. “Huh?” came your wise response.

Zoro looked from you to Sanji. “You've been making moon eyes at him for months now. Don't you get tired? Or are you waiting for him to take his shift staring at you so that you can clock off?”

You felt heat rising to your cheeks. This was far from the first time crew members commented about you and Sanji's – whatever was going on between you two – but this was the first time Zoro called you out so blatantly.

When you didn't respond, Zoro went on. “I just came to tell you we should be docking soon. I'll leave you the pleasure of telling the cook.” with that, he left.

You closed the book on your lap. You really did have the intention of reading when you first head out to the deck, having some time to kill, but then... you noticed Sanji. At first you thought you'd go sit with him for a while, flirt and banter a little as you always do, but you found yourself absorbed in taking him in instead. He was different when he was alone. The way he looked so focused, so deep in thought when it was just him and the sea. Maybe even a little sad. So different from his usual sunny exterior that he put on when he was with people. Falling in to deep thoughts wondering what he might be thinking about – maybe about you? - you sat and stared, not reading as much as a word.

The book discarded, you felt a spring in your step as you made your way to the ship's chef.

The creaking floorboards alerted your arrival. Sanji turned to see who was creeping up on him, and when he saw you, he set his fishing rod aside as a wide smile grew on his lips, his dimples deepening and making your heart miss a beat. “There's my favourite girl. Come here, let me hear all about your day.” Sanji held his arms open, beckoning you to come sit on his lap.

The flirting was nothing new. When you first joined the Strawhats, Sanji was as flirty to you as he was to any other woman; he did not expect to meet his match in you. You were quick to play along, always one-upping him, dancing along the line that separated playfulness and seriousness, never quite picking a side.

The problem was, in reality, you had chosen a side long ago.

You would flirt and giggle and make him blush but never actually act upon anything. Neither would Sanji. He, however, took your playing along as though it was a battle to be won. Sanji would flirt, you'd reply with something raunchy, he would surprise you with something heartfelt. It was as though he knew exactly where to hit in order to get you a little closer to buckling, every time. As time went on he had become so devoted to your back and forth that you noticed he had gradually abandoned all other efforts flirting with other women, to focus entirely on you.

You had to remind yourself that this was a game to him. An instinct, almost. It hurt to think of your relationship that way, but you had to keep that thought at the forefront of your mind if you didn't want to fall even harder for him.

So you would continue to play along, even if that's all that you could have with him.

You chose not to indulge him completely – that was too dangerous for you – and so you opted to bend a knee over the armrest of his chair. Close, but no contact. “Come on, Sanji,” you bent your head in what felt like a bashful manner and said, “you know I spent all day thinking of you.”

You weren't sure if he was blushing or if that was just your wishful thinking. Composing himself, Sanji wrapped an arm around you to hold your waist, lightly tracing circles on your hip. “I beg of you, darling – next time, come find me instead of just thinking of me. I'll make it worth your while.”

You wanted to ask, how will you make it worth my while? Just to hear Sanji go in to detail of what you've been fantasizing about for months. But instead, you opted for a tamer response. “I came to tell you we're docking soon. Maybe I'll find you then and you could make it worth my while with a drink.”

Without missing a beat, Sanji took hold of your hand, bringing it to his lips. “There's nothing I'd enjoy more.” With that, he kissed your hand, his eyes never leaving yours.

Docking started out normal. Everyone knew what their usual chores were when you reached a town, restocking and fixing so that the ship would be in top condition for its next leg of the journey in your search for the One Piece. So while Sanji went in to town to restock on groceries (you didn't pay much attention to the others), you, Nami and Usopp stayed around the ship to fix up some of the damage it took when you last encountered a rival pirate ship. That also happened to be the reason it was just you three when the same rival pirates noticed your ship docked, ready to take their revenge.

The three of you had your individual talents, but you just weren't enough to hold up against an entire rival crew. They had attacked so suddenly and so fiercely – it didn't take long before you were on the sand, fighting to stay conscious. You lost that fight as you watched Usopp try his best to fight off three attackers at once.

You really thought that would be the end for you. You should have known better; it was Sanji's voice you heard as you regained consciousness, motivating you to open your eyes despite the pain that flooded your body.

The beach area all around you was covered with pirates who were taken down, just like you – only that they were your enemies. You first noticed Nami's orange hair – she seemed to be taking care of a bleeding Usopp, his condition worse than yours. Following Sanji's voice, you found him holding the last one of the rival crew by his shirt, throwing punches like you've never seen him before. It took you aback – thinking about it, you had never seen Sanji use his hands in combat. Too precious – need them for cooking, he'd once told you before adding, the only thing more precious to me is you. It had made you blush at the time before you had laughed him off. Now, you were questioning if it was a joke at all.

The man Sanji was holding wasn't putting up a fight – he was far too battered for that, but Sanji didn't stop. He was too far away for you to understand what he was saying to the guy, but focusing hard, you could just about make out half sentences – "to hit a woman" – "don't deserve to breath" – "finish you" – you searched for the strength to get up and stop him. You had never seen Sanji – your happy, cheerful Sanji – so angry, feral even. It scared you a little; but mostly, you knew Sanji would regret it if he were to kill a man who no longer posed a threat. So you grasped at the sand, forcing your aching bones to pick yourself up. But as you were regaining your balance, Sanji finally threw the man to the sand, a look of disgust painting his handsome features. "Finally made a date with her and you ruined it... You hurt her. You're lucky I don't kill you." The man groaned in pain.

In a sharp change, his features went from anger to concern as he finally left the man and turned to where he last saw you laying. His eyes were full of honest pain, until he saw you on your feet – then they read of hope. "Y/n!" Sanji called, rushing to you as he could see your struggle to stand upright. "You- I-" he scanned your body as he reached you, taking in all visible injuries. "Are you – are you okay? Can I help you?" he reached an arm around your waist, waiting for your approval before he held on to help you stay up, so afraid he might hurt you.

"Thanks." his arm around you really helped you to stay up. It was a practical measure, sure, any one of your crew mates would do the same – but when you look up and meet Sanji's eyes, you know that the tense feeling between you two wouldn't have been replicated with anyone else. "I mean it. You saved us. We'd... I'd be lost without you." at that, Sanji smiled that deep-dimpled smile of his at you, the playfulness not reaching his still-concerned eyes.

"Y/n," he started. "are you really flirting with me, at a time like this?"

It was strange how despite all your injuries, you felt less and less of the pain the longer you leaned in to Sanji, close enough to smell his fragrance. A half-smile reached your lips. You couldn't play this game any longer. "Did you really beat that guy up that bad because he ruined what should have been our... date?"

Sanji tensed, obviously not ready to have this conversation now. His gaze dropped momentarily before he wrapped his other arm around your waist, holding you tightly to him. "I had a hundred reasons to kill him," Sanji said, and you felt disappointment bubbling through you until he continued, "but the most pressing reason is that he ruined our date."

Sanji took the opportunity to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear and you couldn't help but smile so big you were embarrassed by it. "I really wanted that drink with you, away from the ship and everyone else. Just us."

You recomposed yourself. You needed clarity. "I'm not playing anymore, Sanji."

Sanji chuckled. "Fancy that. I was never playing at all."

You must have forgotten how to breath at all when he leaned down, his hand finding a rest on your neck as his thumb caressed your cheek. Nearly a whisper, he asked – "Can I kiss you?"

You leaning in served as the consent he searched for. After months of pining over each other, wondering what it would be like – his lips met yours, in a mixture of softness and passion like you'd never felt before. Forgetting you were injured at all you sneaked your arms around his neck, pulling him in, almost afraid of letting this anticipated moment of passion go. Sanji was more than happy to pull closer, a hand on your lower back holding you impossibly close to him.

The moment did, however, find its end as you heard your Captain whoop and holler from afar. "Yeah! Way to go, Sanji! About damn time!"

Breaking the kiss, Sanji nodded at Luffy, his smile lines prominent as he looked the proudest you'd ever seen him.

The crew was more than happy to make a quick exit that night, preferring to not stay around until the rival crew regained their strength. You were helping Nami untie the ropes anchoring the ship to the dock when she said, "I really thought he was going to kill him earlier." you didn't know how to respond. "I've never seen Sanji like that." Nami managed to untie a knot, and Zoro began pulling the rope up on to the ship. "He's really got it bad for you."

Despite that questionable context, you couldn't help but smile. In a burst of honesty you confessed; "I hope so, because I've got it real bad for him, too."

On cue, the ship's chef leaned over the ships railing, looking down to you. "Y/n, my love!" he called, as though the rest of the crew wasn't surrounding the both of you. "I hope you're finished down there, because I've got a candlelit dinner waiting for you up here. And drinks. You know, to make it worth your while," he finished with a wink.

From behind Sanji you could hear Luffy ask, "What about our dinner? Just because you're lovers now doesn't mean we don't need to eat..."

Sanji sighed and turned away from you, probably to go protect your dinner before Luffy demolished it.

"Right then, let's go," Nami said as you finished untying the last rope. "While there's still food to eat."

And for the first time, you boarded your ship not to find the One Piece or the All Blue – you were just happy to be there, with the man you loved.

[cherubfae]

carrying you to bed || hazbin/helluva x reader

With Alastor, Lucifer, Charlie, Angel Dust, Husk, Loona, & Blitzø

tags: gn!reader, established relationship, fluff

Alastor

He lets out a deep sigh, staring down at you with slow blinks. "My love, surely that can't be comfortable for you" He has warned you time and time again not to spread yourself too thin with your tasks. Alastor appreciates how much of a good work ethic you have, but what is it worth if you don't have the strength to walk to your room? He picks you up as gently as he can, melding into shadow as he pops into your room. Carefully laying you down, Alastor will cover you up and with a gentle pat on your head before he takes his leave. Perhaps, next time he'll be tempted to rest beside you.

Lucifer

No wonder you hadn't answered him when he called your name. Here you were, fast asleep on his deep red chaise lounge using your folded arms as pillows. Lucifer picks you up bridal-style half-wishing you were awake so that you could see how strong he is! Another time, he thinks. Your rest is much more important than his ego (for now). "Sleep well, honey." He grins, wiggling beneath the sheets like an inch warm, his eyes sparkling with admiration. Placing a kiss to your head, Lucifer is quick to fall asleep.

Charlie

Honestly, she really does try her best not to squeal at the sight of you. You've been working insanely hard for the hotel-- it's no wonder you're so pooped out! She's careful with wiggling one arm beneath your back and hooking the other beneath your knees. She'll carry you to whichever room is closest: yours or hers. Maybe she'll be able to convince you to move into her suite soon. "Oh my gosh, aren't you just the cutest, honey?? I love you so much!"

Angel Dust

"Awww, sweets! Lookit ya! All tuckered out." He cooed in a hushed whisper, lightly booping your nose. His grin widens when it crinkles upwards. His middle set of arms pick you up, preferring to use his gloved ones to stroke back your hair softly. Leaning his cheek against your forehead, Angel carries you off to his room where an excited Fat Nuggets happily circles the bed in preparation for a lovely nap with his two favorite people.

Husk

Putting away the final glass beneath the bar's counter, his yellow eyes drift to your sleeping form at the end of the bar. You'd insisted on waiting for him to finish but all that work promoting the hotel on foot, searching for any sinners ready to be redeemed was a hard task. Husk fought back a smile. "You really do care about this stuff, dont'cha?" He asks despite knowing you won't answer. "Let's get ya to bed." Husk stretches his wings with a sigh before they fall slack. He lifts you into his arms and makes the trek up the stairs.

Blitzø

He'll bitch and groan about it, but he also won't let anyone else touch you when you're sleeping. Blitz will make some claims about how the person trying to touch you probably has cooties or a viral infection or something. Not happening. He's quick to scoop you up into his arms, eyes narrowed slightly, before scampering off to his room with you. "No, you don't get to fuckin' touch them with your gross unwashed hands, Moxxie-- yeah, that's right I saw you! We are living in post-Covid times, mister! Ack, no, leave 'em! I'll carry them just fine thank you!"

Loona

|| please don't repost, reuse, or edit my works in any way! I do not give permission. Tumblr is the only site where I post. All characters belong to their rightful owner and the story belongs to me © CHERUBFAE 2024 ||

She smirks when she sees you. You look so sweet and cute, curled up into a ball. But that position can't be good on your spine, nor sleeping on Blitz's sad depression sofa. Loona bends down to lift you into her arms, pushing open her bedroom with her elbow and closing it shut with her foot. A nap with you sounded perfect. "You sure do look cute when you're tired, babe." She nuzzles your cheek with her nose.

[hedgehog-moss]

My self-imposed chore for today was to clean the donkey's shelter + 1/4th of the pasture, use the most composted manure that's basically already soil for my potato growing bags, and use the rest to shut down (and fertilise) one of the llamas' bathtubs.

See, the llamas dig these grassless circles with their pointy camelid nails so they can dustbathe like giant gerbils to keep parasites away. I fully accept that it is a healthy and normal llama behaviour but I wish they'd dig one bathtub and stick to it. Instead, every few months they abandon their bathtub and go dig a new one, and never seem to wonder how the sterile moon craters they leave behind end up magically fertile and grassy again.

It's not magic! It's me. I keep moving your (excellent, nutritious, full of plant seeds) poop from one spot to the other so the pasture doesn't become a polka-dotted graveyard of former bathtubs. I understand that if you were wild llamas you would abandon the bathtub and not return for months or years so grass would have time to grow back (I have read Pampe's 600-page manifesto on the health & environmental benefits of wild roaming), but surely you could notice your habitat has changed, and change your behaviour accordingly.

Use your abandoned bathtubs as latrines, for example, so I no longer have to move the poop where it is needed. Or at the very least set up your latrines uphill from the bathtubs? so I can push my extremely heavy wheelbarrows of manure down the slope? 🙏 There are options.

(In the foreground of this video you can see a former bathtub that was covered in manure a few months ago and has begun to heal, and in the background, Pampy happily starting a new one.)

Another thing: there is no need to act like I'm committing a crime when I cover an abandoned bathtub with manure. I only do it once I'm sure everyone has moved on from this one and yet it often prompts Pampelune (Bathtub Administrator) to start digging several new ones like she's convinced I have been gripped by a mindless bathtub-confiscating frenzy and if she doesn't outpace me she'll never get to feel the soft caress of dirt on her wool again.

Sometimes it even triggers protest movements.

Not really—I thought this was a protest involving a lie-in, or maybe a lock-on. In a complex triangle formation around the terminated bathtub (and I was going to say, that's not how this works. You're supposed to glue yourself to the ground of your bathtub to obstruct my work and refuse to budge even when I start shovelling manure on your heads. Protesting after the fact and from a safe distance is pointless and performative)—but then I realised my interpretation was clearly wrong. This was a llama mourning rite to honour last summer's bathtub, and the triangle symbolism simply represents the three stages of life, and the fact that everything, even beloved dust bathing spots, has a beginning, heyday, and end.

[youaresimplylovely]

Plane Rides

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐱 𝐆𝐟!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 & 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐨𝐨

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝!!

𝐀/𝐍: 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 200 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬!! 𝐒𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐫, 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 "200 𝐅𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭" 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮!!

𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭, 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 ^^

https://forms.gle/KLSuGXUEbYs4Jku18

"ʟᴏᴠᴇʟʏ'ꜱ 200 ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡᴇʀꜱ ᴄᴇʟᴇʙʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴘᴏꜱᴛꜱ 02"

Plane Rides with Lando were always amusing and fun but most especially difficult. It's not that you don't love Lando you really it's just that he is very clingy as in VERY clingy to you on Plane Rides.

Lando knew to himself that he was a clingy person. He would always say "you can't blame me, you're just so perfect I always want to be next to you." He can never get enough of your touch, his love language is physical touch that's why your touch is basically his life support.

That's why when you and Lando took a plane ride back home boy, were things crazy.

"I really like this jet you bought baby, it's so cozy." You say softly, while you and Lando enter the private jet. Your hands touching and feeling the texture of the seats while Lando had his hand wrapped around your waist as he peppers kisses on your neck.

"Where should we sit baby?" You smile as you look at him.

"Anywhere you want." He utters, his hand still tightly close on your waist.

"Oooh here, I like the softness of the seat here. Even if they're almost the same." You giggle, sitting on the seat which is a few seats across the bar. With your immediate sitting, Lando's hand was swiftly taken away from your waist.

"Um excuse me? Why are you sitting there?" Lando raises his eyebrows, seeing you sit on the chair which is closely across his seat which he eventually sat on.

"Should I be sitting somewhere else? Is there a problem?" You furrow your eyebrows, looking for an answer from your boyfriend seeing as you were so comfortable already.

"Yeah, you're not next to me." He crosses his arms, fluttering those eyelashes of his at you with the most convincing and cute face he could ever give.

"Baby." You say, glaring at him playfully wondering how on earth you can be next to him when you're just across him. "We're not gonna fit in one seat."

"Yea we will, there's my lap for a reason." He argues back well in a playful demeanor, patting his lap as he looks at you while smirking.

A laugh comes out of your mouth, seeing how clingy your boyfriend is. You stood up from your seat and settled in on your boyfriend's lap, wrapping your hands around the back of his neck which you knew he loved so much.

For almost 30 minutes, you snuggled with Lando. Eventually, Lando fell asleep with his head on the crook of your neck. Snoring softly, you couldn't help but take a picture of your boyfriend's cuteness.

Moments later, you feel your stomach gurgling. Shit. You ate too much earlier during the buffet. You groan loudly, feeling the ache. Noticing that Lando was sound asleep. You gently and softly try to get out of his lap.

With your feet now on the floor, you sigh softly. You stand up, not realizing that Lando's hand was still on your stomach wrapped around.

Lando groans feeling you go away, he immediately pushes you back down to his lap. "Where are you going?" He mumbles, kissing your neck.

A small laugh comes out of you, knowing that you weren't able to escape. "Baby, I need to go to the bathroom." You whine softly, feeling the ache on your stomach get worse.

"why?" He mumbles, shifting his kisses from your neck to your cheeks.

"cause I need to poop and pee." You exclaim, still hurdled on his lap.

"Why?"

"Cause I ate too much and drank water." You argue, knowing the game he was playing.

"why?" Lando says in a playful voice.

"Because I was hungry and I was thirsty!!" You protest, whining at your boyfriend.

"why?" He continues teasing you and pushing your buttons.

"Lando Norris! I need to take a shit!" You hurriedly take your boyfriend's hand off you as you rush to the bathroom.

Lando giggles at your playful argument, he hurriedly follows you to the bathroom. Despite him pushing your buttons, he still was clingy to you. Whether you're pooping or peeing, he'll always want your touch. He'll gladly hold your hand just to feel you while you poop.

After your long comforting and weird poop. You got out of the bathroom with Lando holding your hands that were washed of course. You couldn't help but smug and laugh at your boyfriend.

"your poo doesn't smell, it's nice." He laughs giving you a kiss on the cheek.

"God, you're so weird." You chuckle as you and Lando head back to your seat. Eventually snuggling back together.

TAGLIST

@euphoricchills @charlesleclerx @Inchident-jgp @amethyst-bitch @dr4g0ngirl @likedbygaslyy @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @httpstoyosi @evermore555 @bibissparkles @lokideservesahug @emmy626 @hiireadstuff @urfavouriteanon @darleneslane @anon555xxx @shelbyteller @spookystitchery @bearryyy @justtprachisblog @alliwantisadonut @kika-writes @casperlikej @funnelcakeee

[wittlesissyb4by]

"Oh? You're a big boi? Is that it? Oh, well that's interesting. Let's have a looksie underneath your pretty, pink frilly dress so we can confirm that, shall we?"

*tap tap*

"Come here, sit on Mommy's lap!

Hmm...I wonder what we'll find! Is it a big, veiny triumphant dick the likes of which no woman has ever seen? Is that it? Are you going to have a big, fat cock bulging beneath some boxers??

Oh no...what is this? Is this a pair of pampers? With little princesses on them?? Oh surely this can't be right. No big boi would be caught dead wearing diapers! But maybe we should take a peek inside the diaper, maybe that's where the big dick is hiding...

Hmm...I can't really see anythin--ohp! There it is! D'awww wook at the wittle nubby! So teeny and tiny I could hardly even find it! And look! It's crying little loser tears! Why is it leaking? Is it because you're all horned up from prancing around in pampers? Or is it because you wet yourself?

*crinkles*

Oooh that's a very wet diaper isn't it? And what is that I smell coming from behind?

So let's recap: you don't wear boxers, you don't have a big dick, and you've pissed and pooped your pampers that have princesses all over them. So please, tell me again what exactly makes you a big boi??"

[satorudoll]

Gojo saying he hates taking care of brats and then becoming the best dad ever 🤫

💌! anon, you have NO IDEA what that panel of jjk going around was doing to me. Toru literally my cutest hubby ^^

You still remember meeting the grumpy and dork of a seventeen year old manchild when you entered the Jujutsu high's hallways for the very first time.

Your most core memories of him being the ones where he used to accompany you to your part time jobs, to babysit little kids.

While the three year old would be building blocks on the ground in front of you both, Satoru thinking of himself as the sly one would try scooting closer to your side on the couch. Softly grazing your hand and closing his one over it as he'd lean in to whisper something along the lines of,

"Baby, I think this is an amazing time to makeout before this utter nuisance turns his head arou—"

His words being cut off short with the ripping cries of the three year old who'd start to kick his feet and throw all his blocks around in pure anger.

Satoru would heave the loudest sigh,

"Baby please I just need a quick peck plea–"

But you would immediately stand up in panic and lift the child up in your arms, completely falling deaf to your touch deprived boyfriend.

"Satoru I think the baby pooped! " You exclaimed, turning the little boy left and right in the air.

"ew— EW! " Your boyfriend's second signal of disgust getting louder at what you did next, as quick as Satoru was to scrunch his face in disgust, you too were as fast to shove the three year old sobbing boy in your boyfriend's face. Forcing him to hold the baby.

"Hold him tight! I'll be right back with some new nappies and wipes! "

You stormed off, not caring about the way your boyfriend was screaming in pure horror along with the sobbing baby.

"Stop—" He tried to push the baby as far away from his nose as possible, "Stop! I'll actually die if your nasty stuff gets a anywhere on my skin! " He is yelling in pure fear, as if the kid was understanding whatever he was saying.

"Oh my holy lord, Y/n, please get here fast. I don't think I have too much time left! " He is crying out for you as the baby's face gets redder, cheeks puffier and his tiny legs kicking madly in the air the longer he stares at the snowy haired guy's disgusted face. Satoru was shriveling in pure terror by every passing second.

As soon as you enter the room with all the necessary materials Satoru dramatically gasped in relief, as if he just saw Jesus himself walk in to save him from his death.

He watches you and the baby from the couch with his big blue eyes stretched wide in disgust as you are in the process of cleaning the little one up.

"They better pay you a good chunk for that" He continues to comment while continuing to curl himself up in a ball .

You roll your eyes and turn to face Satoru who looked like he was in a Lion's den.

"Why don't to try putting his diaper on? " You ask, holding up the new pair of diaper.

"No! What if that demon has some poop left sticking around his butt! "

You sigh loud, "Toru, I cleaned him well. He is fine."

"But–" He stops, seeing the way your eyes were literally judging him at this point,

"Ugh– fine! But don't cry for me when I get his poop on my hand and die on spot! "

He walks towards you both, stomping and looking all moody and pouty in annoyance. Slumping down and snatching the new diaper from your hand while mumbling a "only coz I love you too much" while still looking annoyed as hell, but you couldn't help the small smile that slips on your face while looking at how he acts no different than the three year old right in front of you.

As the baby stares at Satoru's pouty and moody face who was wondering which side of the diaper was supposed to be in the front, the little boy lets out a hearty giggle.

That catches Satoru's attention.

Satoru raises a brow,

"Oh, So you wanna get along now? " The grown seventeen year old questions, making the baby coo and kick his feet.

Satoru's pout slowly lifts into a smile at that.

"Well, You don't seem like that bad of a guy yourself. Maybe we can get along after all." He shrugs with a smirk.

"watch me babe, I just know well enough how to make these little poopers laugh." He says in confidence and you fold your arms, watching them with a raised brow and big smile.

"Here comes superhero Gojo to save the nakey baby's day! " He lets out, in the most childish playful tone, something you were yet to experience from a 'tough guy' like him up until now.

The baby bursts out in laughter, Your smile turning into a huge grin at the sight

"Superhero Gojo?? Say that again, lemme record it! " You laugh out loud, getting up immediately to look for your cellphone

"Hello? Don't try making fun of me, I'm getting into the charac— "

Oh, the baby loves interrupting the seventeen year old boy's moments for sure.

But this one seemed like straight up hate crime to Satoru,

The baby shoots his pee right at his face.

Your jaw drops down and your eyes go wide in literal shock at the sudden occurrence and you completely freeze on your steps.

As for Satoru,

Boy, he was way too deeply traumatized to move himself right away, Eyes squeezed shut tight he felt like his soul leave his body as all his limbs suddenly became stiff and completely paralyzed.

"Oh my– Satoru— " You were trying so hard not to give up everything and burst in a fit of laughter at the entire scene that unfolded right in front of your eyes.

The baby, however, seemed to be having the best time of his life, giving out the most hearty belly laughter as he finished his work on your boyfriend's face.

"Y/n— i think— I think I'm gonna lose my six eyes— I can't open my eyes—" His hands trying to reach out for you

"Satoru! You are not even trying to open them- let's wash your face!" You immediately put the diaper on the baby yourself before grabbing your boyfriend's hand and guiding his soulless body to the nearest washroom.

As you were saying goodbye to the little boy who was in his mother's arms, you couldn't help but notice how he was staring at Satoru in disgust with his nose scrunched.

You turn to take a glance at Satoru who was holding a tight lipped smile at the boy while waving goodbye. Trying to hard to not humble the baby in front of his mom.

The walk back home that day was quite, none of you really spoke. Satoru looked like he wanted to go back to his room and dive his face straight into the blankets.

You shouldn't be surprised, None of the kids you took care of really got along with Satoru. Most either ended up pulling locks of his hair or throwing their toys at his face. You don't even know why he was still so up about accompanying you every weekend.

You both pause as you finally reach the gates of Jujutsu high,

The awkward silence starting to make you feel bad for what he had to keep going through.

"Did you see how that little clown was looking at me? After I let him pee on my precious face, that too ?!" He finally bursts in utter shock.

"Satoru, I'm sorry.." you sigh, but as much as you felt sad for him you pursed your lips, concealing a laugh.

"You know — My mom always taught me when I was a kid to never befriend your enemies, Look what happened! You just can never be good to anyone these days! This is how people end up walking all over you!" He continued to rant,

as much as you were thinking he wasn't being serious, your boyfriend's tightly knit brows and fuming face told you otherwise.

"Ugh.." He grunts in annoyance before shoving his hands in his pant pockets, looking down, kicking one of the small pebbles on the ground

"This was my last straw.. I never wanna get stuck babysitting a brat ever again" He mumbles in pure annoyance.

It's been ten years since,

the image of the childish dramatic teen still so fresh in your memories, the guy who would always mumble an 'oh god, lets run' or 'another one of satan's poop' whenever you both would be out together and spot kids running in the streets.

A soft smile spreading across your lips as you pull the duvets down at the sudden burst of memories, slowly peeling your eyes open, vision trying to adjust to the big white and beige decorated bedroom.

You get up on your feet when you hear the noise of utensils clanking coming from the kitchen.

Taking small, lazy strides you walk towards the kitchen in your white oversized shirt and fuzzy woolen brown socks.

Rubbing your eyes as you pause on your steps and stare at the scene in front of you at the kitchen.

"Does my Kana like it??" You watch the snowy haired male softly question the two year old who was sat on the marble counter.

The little baby girl nods her chubby face and suddenly clasps both sides of the spoon in her tiny palms, trying to pull back the spoon that Satoru was holding, closer to her mouth, the little baby spoon seemingly containing some yogurt.

Satoru was sitting down the floor on his knees in front of the counter where your little baby was placed, The grown man was in just a pair of his checkered red sweatpants, without even a shirt on in the cold freezing temperature. All his previous scars scattered around his bare skin that ran all the way up to his face still visible well enough, One that you and your baby girl used to cry over when they were in healing process, but grew to love so much now. As you stand there and stare at them your memories took you back again to show the contrast between the once boyish dorky seventeen year old who had now grown up into the man right in front of you.

Satoru was too focused on the little girl to notice your presence, his big blue eyes staring up at the two year old who was swinging her small feet and staring back at her dad with big doe eyes.

"wait– let papa tie up kana's hair or it'll get in your mouth, baby" he smiles, giving her messy white hair that matches his, a gentle stroke. As soon as Satoru stands up, the tiny girl forwards both her hands and starts making grabby hands at the huge man.

"pa– pa! " She coos trying to reach out to him.

"c'mere my little softie" He chuckles, quickly lifting her off the counter and letting her chin fall slump on his bare shoulders, her big glowing eyes finally falls on you while she is sucking onto her thumb messily and almost drooling all over her dad's bare shoulder, Satoru who was busy looking for her little barbie hair tie couldn't seem to care at the moment.

"pa! ma– ! ma wakey !" she immediately points at you in surprise, causing your husband to immediately turn around to face you.

Your lips melt into the softest smile at your little girl's baby voice.

"morning to the best girl " you giggle, walking up to them and landing a big smooch on her forehead.

"morning honey" Your husband throws a wide lazy grin at you, his snowy white hair still tousled and messy, eyes still looking a bit puffy, signaling he too woke up not long ago.

"morning Toru bear " you smile,

he immediately leans in to try kissing you.

You try scooting away,

"Ugh, I haven't brushed yet—" you groan, trying to block his face,

"Neither have I," he shrugs with a boyish grin before stepping forward with your little girl still in his arms, proceeding to snatch a quick peck, which just slowly turns into a little kiss session.

Kana's eyes widen at the scene, and she lifts her small hand up in the air. "me– kana too! ma pa kana too! "

It makes you and Satoru pull away from each other and giggle, You both start smooching the little baby's face together who starts scrunching her nose in response.

"ma pa stink! " she immediately voices making you laugh,

"oh? no more kisses for Kana" Satoru raises a brow, starring at kana dead serious.

That makes the little girls eyes widen and bottom lips quiver before her big eyes start getting glossy.

Satoru's eyes widens at that.

"Papa was just joking! Papa will never stop giving kana big big kissies! " He tries to rock her as she continues staring at him with big sad eyes.

"ok– let's go play, let mommy wash her face! " he is about to walk away when you stop him by his arm.

"I'll take care of her, you should first go wash up" You suggest, but he shakes his head.

"I'll miss her all day once I leave for work let me spend some time" he pouts, You sigh and give a nod at that.

You watch them walk away,

standing for a bit longer at the same spot to watch your husband put the little girl who was in her cherry printed bodysuit and frilly white socks down the ground.

"it's snowingg ! " Her dad sits down the fluffy beige carpet and exclaims, pointing at the view in the window, making her looking at him with big smile,

"snoing! " she repeats after him and also pointing at the tall windows that displayed the snow covered garden with her tiny finger, before proceeding to waddle towards Satoru and climbing up on his lap to sit down on it, while still continuing to stare out at the window and swinging her little feet out of habit as Satoru starts carefully pulling back the locks of her hair, trying to tie it into mini space buns.

Your little girl suddenly looks back at her dad while practically sucking on her entire tiny fisted hand as Satoru is still doing her hairstyle.

"papa lov uh!" She innocently exclaims, throwing her tiny hands in the air, looking at him with her big round eyes, waiting for an I love you back.

Satoru's lips pull up into a big heartfelt grin.

"love you lot lot more softie" He whispers playfully making her scrunch her nose and giggle, before turning back to look outside the windows.

"papa luv kana" your baby girl continues to sing to herself while getting her hair done by her dad,

"my cutest little fairy " he mumbles to himself while continuing to do her hair.

Your heart felt so full, You got to be in heaven right now. You enjoyed every little moment they shared, hearing kana's voice in middle of the night entering your room to tap Satoru awake every time she felt scared in her room, how you will then find them both in the morning, asleep on the couch with her sprawled on his chest and drooling over it while he had his buff arms wrapped around the tiny baby but still managing to sleep soundly with her, the way you had to rip Satoru back and tell him to go get ready for work instead of cleaning Kana's snot and drool up constantly. Having to calm down Kana who would start crying bloody murder when Satoru finally gets dressed for work and stands near the doorway, waving you both a goodbye. Satoru having to always bargain with her by leaving a bunch of endless kisses all over her chubby cheeks and forehead, and also promising to watch Disney movies with her in the upcoming weekends if she stops crying when he leaves.

Oh she was definitely a daddy's girl. One that Satoru would never get tired of no matter how much of a brat she'd become. You have to hold back a laugh every time you think about how the Satoru you knew from ten years ago would react if he would have known about this information.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Swirlypod

Debut: Super Mario Bros. Wonder

YIPPEE YAHOO! A brand swirlin' new snail fresh for 2023! It has been quite a long time now since we've gotten a new Mario snail, and even since I've posted about one, since I covered all the snailiest Mario snails a while ago. But lookie here! Snaily snaily snail for me to see and for you to view!

Swirlypod is so delightful! To get this out of the way first, yes, its eyes are not on the ends of stalks. Yes, this is good and okay. Some snails are like that! Especially freshwater snails. And that's the kind of snail that this snail seems to be! While sometimes seen on land, it is also seen emerging from (poisonous) swamps. It can breathe that!

Swirlypod's face is just so, so precious. Its big, innocent, curious eyes experiencing the world in the way only a snail could! Its big ol' bulbous antennae, more bulbous than they have any right being, more like a nudibranch's than a normal snail's! And its mouth! I think that's its mouth? It's like three scrumbly tentacles ready to scrumble down some delicious fungus!

Did you know that the salt marsh snail Littoraria irrorata is able to FARM fungus? They damage marsh grasses to create large wounds for fungus to grow in, and even use their own poop as fertilizer! Snails can FARM!

Yes, indeed, what a wonderful snail we have here! Thank you, Super Mario Bros. Wonder!

...Hey! That shell comes right off! Now it's all Pod, with no Swirly! Does this mean Lime is The Impostor? I may have just asked you, but that was rhetorical. Don't ask me, because I don't know! Removable shells are a common ability for cartoon snails, and of course, the turtles of this world also have removable shells. I think it doesn't really mean much at all! Though, the idea of a "hermit slug" is very amusing. A snail who can't be bothered to grow its own shell. Maybe it wants to switch shells for different styles sometimes. A slow victim of fast fashion!

Wonder is one of those games where Koopa Troopas retreat into their shells when stomped, so Swirlypod is sort of a way to have Beach Koopa in the same game as the more standardly-behaving Koopa! Once it gets back on its foot, it will try to squirm back into a shell, if one is available. You can give it back! Just drop it down at your feet, and Swirlypod will have a home once more!

Another thing that sets Swirlypods apart from Koopas is that they are sticky slimy and can slither up and down vertical surfaces! Just like in real life! They don't only climb on the left and right sides of surfaces, either. They can even go on the surface facing the screen! Not just anyone is allowed to do that!

I am saving what may be the best tidbit for last! There is a good chance Swirlypod's bulbous antennae look familiar to you. That's because they look just like Leucochloridium paradoxum, the green-banded broodsac, everyone's favorite snail parasite! The flatworm that inhabits a snail's eyestalks, making them look more like caterpillars to get a bird to eat them so they can continue their life cycle! Swirlypod definitely isn't supposed to be like, ACTUALLY infected by this funny worm, but I think the resemblance is very much intentional, between the shape and coloring. And that is so awesome to see! This isn't even meant to be a scary snail or anything, but they represented a freaky parasite anyway!