#as usual the bullshit remains transparent and obvious as hell

[yaz-the-spaz]

.

[mulder-isms]

The playlist - thorcid fanfic

A\N: This fic addresses Thorgy leaving for AS3 and how this will affect his relationship with Acid. Also shalaska is briefly mentioned, since one of my main inspirations for this was this pic

Also this is a fic comes with a playlist ( clever, huh?) and I strongly recommend you guys to listen after reading the it 👌

Feedback is always welcome and slaps in the face too!

*

Shane witnessed many sunsets, but he was more drawn to sunrises. They meant you get a new chance again, to start from scratch.

His absolute favorite was the view from his grandfather’s porch in Norway, back then when he was too young to get struck by the beauty of the most common phenomenon in nature. As adults, we are always looking up to sky, to catch a breath when everything is too overwhelming or simply to find an answer in heaven for the fresh new hell of the day.

In 2011, his dearest was from the top of his apartment. The rooftop became his favorite hideaway to smoke weed, to enjoy the few moments of silence in the city and to throw parties after Saliva nights. Sharon Needles was the guest queen tonight and the whole Haus of Haunt was there mingling with the Brooklyn folks.

The day was rising and everyone seemed exactly what they were, the true colors of the creatures of the night, pale faces with smudged make up and outfit remains, being exposed to the light coming from the East. It was a gentle exposure, the yellow mixing with soft strokes of pink and blue shades. The night before was hot and Shane was wearing the minimum. A black tank top and shorts, barefoot. He was sitting on the floor, resting his back on the low wall of the edge. Everything was still a bit blurry, he wasn't wasted, but in that languid state that comes after a long night of drinking.

We found love was playing for the hundred time. He was observing a photographer friend taking pictures of Sharon, while fumbling the first cigarette of the day. There was nothing left, he realized observing the astray full of ashes on the floor and the empty package. Sharon was walking towards his direction and sat on the floor. Aaron wasn’t much different from Sharon. He was still pale, cartoonish thin, and looked like he didn’t belong to that period of time or any time ever.

“You’re out too?” he asked making a gesture of holding a cigarette and Shane nodded.

Aaron sat by his side staring at the sunset, splashed with the new colors.

“You have quite a view here” Aaron added resting his chin on his forearm. Then he made a Nosferatu impersonation. “Look, Thorgy, thanks for letting me and Lasky crashing here these couple of days. I have to make this trip to L.A, for the prosthetic course and I could surely save the hotel money and-

Aaron noticed Shane’s face full of disbelief.

“If the rumors are true money won’t be a problem for you for a long time” Shane scoffed. Rumor has it Sharon was in the cast for Rupaul’s Drag Race. The show was becoming a hit in the LBGT community and getting bigger. Thorgy auditioned one more time, and by his own math, he was sure he didn't make it.

“Look, do you really think they would cast a freak like me? I spill blood on my performances and my boyfriend lets people piss on him on stage…”

Shane chuckled and observed Alaska talking to some queens in the back. She was still in full drag, black panties and a bra and an even more exaggerated Divine make-up.

Maybe the world wasn’t ready for them yet.

“How do you do that? Two queens in love must be a messy mess. But you guys are so passionate…from what I unfortunately heard…thin walls” he tilted his head in a suggestive way.

“Love is a mess. We’re people. Dressed as clowns and craving for more attention than usual, but just people” Aaron shrugged and draw his attention to the horizon again.

Shane took few seconds to sink the casually profound meaning of his words. He was there, bare. He was a person. Sometimes it was hard for him to peel all the layers, to let people see him. Since he was a child he tried to divert everyone else to see him. His instruments were shields that make beautiful sounds and drag covered him completely.

“Look at these beauties contemplating the birth of time!”

His photographer friend was pointing the camera at them and Shane started to protest covering his face.

Sharon tapped on his thigh excited, “Girl, let’s pretend we have discovered the meaning of all this bullshit. To our future stardom right there on that goddamn stinky corner”

Shane giggled and agreed. They positioned themselves as the camera lens captured the moment, the pink lighting illuminating their wishful thinking. In Brooklyn there was still a lot of green, the tall gray buildings cutting the view from behind. The Tribute in Light set where the Twin Towers once stood was translucent and yet radiant, a constant memento that we’re more than what meets the eye. In the light of morning it was completely turned off, not a single trace of what was there.

“The Twin Towers now can only be seen at night…” he spoke loud almost in a whisper. But Aaron heard and agreed.

“Just like us”

*

Jamin knew something strange was happening the minute Shane went quiet. It was never a good sign. That man was transparent. All his emotions were obvious, a sort of childish trade that Shane never grow out of it. Jamin knows when he cooks something terrible because every time Shane immediately makes a face or bluntly spit it. He knows when Shane is close to come because, because grins with eyes shut, and bites his lower lip to not moan louder. All his emotions tracked down.

He was cast to All Stars 3.

He confessed during dinner. They were having a pasta Beckie made and Jamin brought the leftovers. Jamin couldn’t be more happy, but Shane stood there motionless, as if waiting permission to be excited about it.

“You know, somehow I was waiting for you to answer me too, bitch and that we would be together again stuck in that fake brick prison again. I wonder if people know about us. It would make good television!” then he pretended to announce it like it was the news on TV, “Brooklyn sweetheart saves Bitter Betty from terminal loneliness”

Jamin rolled eyes shaking his head. Shane grabbed Jamin’s forearm excited midway while he was moving the fork into his mouth.

“We could make out on that huge table, ugh, I can’t believe you’re not going with me.”

“Shane, we’ve had this conversation before. I knew it wasn’t going to happen” he scoffed forking his noodles again and hoping not to be interrupted. Shane still was grabbing his arm, but the pressure was getting softer.

“Imagine that, I would be like “Betty is terrible. We’re getting married after the show”. Edit that motherfuckers!”

Jamin laughed against his will, and felt his stomach swirl but kept looking at his food. The whole weight of Shane’s stare on him.

“You’re going to organize that closet. And gather new outfits.” he trailed it off.

“I’m still sinking in that this is really happening, I’m trying to keep the freak out levels at the minimum.  Kirk is coming this week to help me because I don’t even know where to start and I’m travelling next week for that wedding and…I miss you already. What the fuck I’m doing? I can’t do this again. I’m gonna bomb this so hard”

“Hey hey…”

Jamin was the one now reaching for Shane’s hand over the table.

“Stop it. I’m here, and I’ll be when you come back too. Whoever they are you’re gonna slay them all”

Then he fetched the dishes from the table while Shane stood there, hugging his knees still thinking about what to come. Jamin pick up some of the sauce of his plate with his finger and brushed on Shane’s nose and cheeks. He stood there not amused trying to not laugh but he ended up letting go a soft chuckle.

“Here’s your first look. Queen of condiments” he teased him leaving him on the table taking the dish to the sink.

*

After spending the whole day cleaning up the pile of thrift treasure that was his apartment with Kirk, the place was now filled with boxes everywhere and Shane was completely drunk. His cleaning partner was on the couch already passed out when Jamin arrived.

Jamin reached the conclusion that the living room looked bigger, even with so many boxes lying around. He had a funny expression behind the thick arrow glasses while scratching the chin.  

Shane knew he looked more homeless than ever, still with his comfy pants, sweaty and his hair. He didn’t even want to think about it. The last time he went to to the hairdresser he chose really long dreads and he was trying to tame them.

“Did you guys leave any wine left?” Jamin asked putting his backpack down on the couch and crossing his arms in front of his chest. Kirk didn’t even answered. Shane was finishing doing the dishes. They had two boxes of pizza and he was still full. Jamin approached him from behind kissing his shoulder blade.

“I’m disgusting” he flinched with his touch but Jamin didn’t mind, pushing away his dreads and nuzzling on his nape, hugging him from behind. Jamin was so tender with him all the time he wondered if he was covered in mud he would still want to touch him. He smiled sweetly by the thought. “Kirk saved a bottle for you because I have no self-control.  I’m taking a shower and we can go to the rooftop?”

Jamin that was concentrated in the beginning of Shane's jaw line stopped the kissing, “Wasn’t it blocked?” he asked confused.

“Not anymore! The ledge is not broken anymore” Shane replied finishing the last plate but Jamin seemed not convinced.

“Bitch, if that thing breaks down down my fat ass won’t be enough to save us both to crash down on the concrete”

Shane turned to face him and squeezed his ass with both hands pretending to analysing the possibility.

“I think it would” he replied giggling.

“Ah-hem”

The tall redhead was behind them with bag on her shoulders ready to leave and they quickly broke the embrace. Jamin went to the fridge to grab some water and Shane started fixing the elastic band in his hair. She knew about them but it didn’t mean they could feel up each other in front of her.

“I’m leaving. Please, continue your...security measures” She added laughing. Shane took her to the door feeling his cheeks burning.

*

Shane’s rooftop was still his favorite hideaway. It wasn’t glamorous at all, it only had some washed out beach chairs, plant vases from the neighbors, and a table that was there since Shane moved in. But being there had a whole meaning. It  meant that it wasn’t freezing. That he could have a cigarette with Alvy after dinner and talk about each other's family issues. That he could have deep conversations with Jamin under the moonlight that would end up with him sleeping in the middle of it.

They brought an old mattress to the place, a bottle of wine and some cigarettes. Shane was resting his head on Jamin’s thigh and drinking directly from the bottle. Jamin seemed far away taking a puff on his cigarette and caressing Shane’s forehead.

His fingers were cold and soft. He didn’t have callus like Shane. He loved his hands and all the things they could make him feel. He stared deeply at the sky and he could swear it was full of stars even though this was impossible in New York.

“Were you really mad after you lost that Legend awards? I was thinking about it these days…I” he stuttered feeling confused with the alcohol still running on his blood. He positioned himself sitting and facing Jamin, with crossed legs. “I don’ want you to feel like I’m stealing something from you. Because we both want this. That’s how I felt, like, I was really happy about winning but I know how much it meant to you. And you, oh my god, you blew my mind since I was that busted obnoxious twink. When you talked to me for the first time in that club I thought you’re were going to rip my head off…you were SO fierce”

Jamin took a few seconds to understand Shane’s rambling and where did it come from.

“Thorg, I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad with...Brooklyn in general. You know I wasn’t in good terms with the girls back the and I knew they wanted to see me crack, that's the fucking truth. And being the sensible flower that I secretly am…” his voice dropped down those octaves in a funny way, “Well, I did” he shrugged not bothered.

“I don't know, I was afraid this would backlash somehow, I know I’m crazy, but I keep thinking you’re gonna leave any second…I even made a playlist of heatbreaking songs for you to hear when I’m away that will make you feel bad by the thought of leaving me.”

Jamin laughed shaking his head putting the cigarette away and bringing Shane to lay again, locked between  his arms closer to his chest. He looked down at Thorgy worried face.

“I would plug in if I could touch my ears, but I can’t” he reassured  Shane shaking him a bit, Shane laughed getting out of his embrace.

“Asshole!” Shane uttered laughing and sitting again, drinking one more sip from the bottle. He was feeling brave enough to let it all out. “I was also freaking about with the possibility of facing another heartfelt lip-sync. You know, I have difficulties to get in touch with these emotions when I’m on stage…I feel so exposed? It’s like when that producer asked me to talk about my mom and I just couldn’t. I don’t want them to know this side of me-

Before he could engage in another monologue Jamin interrupted him.

“You need to stop feeling like you don’t deserve love. That people wouldn’t like you if you stopped making them laugh.”

Shane deep sighed closing his eyes in agreement. He was going to miss Jamin in that workroom so much taking him out of his nonsense.

“And you better be fucking prepared to bare your soul, because if my girl Chi Chi is in, well, that bitch is going to assassin everyone”

“I know, like shit” he drank again and Acid took it from his hands and finished the bottle.

Then Shane laid down resting his head on Jamin’s thigh again, staring at the sky once more. Somehow all the stars from before had disappeared.

*

Goodbyes were never easy for anyone but Jamin could handle them surprisingly well. He always kept in mind that was the natural course of things, that nothing could last forever. With Shane, it wasn’t a definite good-bye, but he knew everything was going to change after AS3. If the odds were in Thorgy’s favor, and Jamin deeply wished  they were, he  was going to back home with a crown.

Jamin had a valuable gift on his hand too.

The ring was in a box holographic box he made himself. It didn’t belong to anyone before him, this was all Shane’s to write their own story. He thought this through over and over again, trying to rewind their past like he could make sense of all their countless encounters through the years that didn’t seem significant. Nothing really important seems significant at the moment, and that's the tricky part of life. And somehow, all of these insignificant encounters were leading them to this tiny box inside his backpack.

Shane went to a friend’s wedding in Ohio and when he got home they barely saw each other. Leaving for Drag Race meant a lot of preparation and with all the cast rumors coming up he decided to disconnect completely. Jamin was there helping him with the process as much he could, but he knew his boyfriend, and knew he had a very strong point of view about how he wanted things.

It was all a mess until it wasn’t anymore. All set to go in a heartbeat.

Shane decided to throw a party, “make-up course cruise part II” to his closest friends before leaving for L.A. Everybody knew what was going on but they couldn’t talk about it. Some Brooklyn girls, Ruby, Ragga, Miz Jade, Lady Havokk and Alotta and the assistants. He saw his dad recently and stayed in his house was always good for him. All the support group he needed.

Most people there knew about them, but because of some of them that didn’t know they had to keep it down. They started drinking early because Shane’s flight was in the middle of dawn. Jamin wanted him all for himself, but everything happened so fast he didn’t have the time to think through. He knew the folks would stay there until the last minute.

“So, Acid, are you going to a make-up cruise too?”Alotta asked when they gathered up in the kitchen.

“For teaching them? Yeah!” he sassy replied taking a sip in his drink.

“Betty has a free schedule, but it doesn’t happen only when is AS3 disappearing season!” Miz Jade teased him.

“I’m sitting on a pile of Ru money now. Working is an option” he shrugged raising his brows in a smug way.

“Especially when you hit your age!” Allotta added and Jamin whispered a “bitch” through his drink shaking his head.

Everybody was laughing when Shane busted in the conversation in the small kitchen area.

“Get out of my kitchen, whores. I need my snacks. And take your seats because I’m performing in fifteen minutes”

The girls left the kitchen while Jamin stood there observing Shane emptying a bag of peanuts into a bowl.

“You are so being mysterious about this performance but I don’t see you getting dressed and ready in fifteen minutes. Tell me you’re not pulling me off stage to sniff my armpit or any other shit so I can be prepared.”

Shane opened a mischievous smile but didn’t say anything.

“You better take your seat” he warned him proud of himself patting on his shoulder and leaving with his peanuts bowl. Jamin rolled his eyes and followed him to join the rest of the group in the living room.

*

Few minutes later Kirk was setting Shane’s cello in the middle of the living room. Jamin was relieved that he was going to play something so his hands would be busy to not pull anyone from the audience.  He was curious about the number though.

It was a common scene to see Shane playing around the house. Lately the cello was getting especial attention, maybe because it needed more practice since he learned by himself. Every time he made a mistake he would go through it over and over again until Jamin would make a comment for him to stop.

Jamin couldn’t notice the mistakes but he needed him to understand that even in classical music the little imperfections are what makes every musician unique. And the comment was followed by an annoyed shut up anyways.

Shane arrived in the room fully dressed as if he was playing at the Carnegie Hall. All suited all in black and white and people were clapping and whistling with the unusual attire. It was perfectly fit for his long and slender figure. He was wearing a headband to keep all the dreads tidy and neat but they were part loose. He fixed his glasses before sitting and winked at Jamin when their eyes met.

Kate, one of Shane’s friends stood up and was going to introduce him.

“Since we have such a big hall to play tonight I’m going to sing this a capella, so don’t judge me too hard” the brunette with curly black hair seemed a bit nervous,  Jamin didn’t know much about her but the fact she was an excellent singer.

She nodded at Shane giving him the sign that she was ready. He closed his eyes and the whole room went quiet. The somber cello notes started resonating in the place. He opened a sweet and sort of smug smile, every musician has the playing-the-instrument-face and Shane’s couldn’t be cuter.

“And I’m telling you…I’m not going…you're the best man I'll ever know, there's no way I can ever go…no no no…”

Everybody started clapping but Jamin couldn’t even move completely in awe. Kate had a sultry but sad tone, and their version was lower than the original. She continued singing and he kept his eyes closed, but his face was making many expressions. Sometimes he would even lip-sync a bit.

This was the exorcism Shane needed.

Jamin knew Thorgy was ready. So ready to get what she deserved.

“I don’t wanna be free, I’m staying, I’m staying! And you, and you, and you, you're gonna love meeee”

She ended the song not belting her lungs out, but almost pleading. It was a beautiful redemption of the song. Jamin tried to keep his eyes from watering up. When the last notes stopped everyone was clapping and Shane finally opened his eyes and bowed to his small audience.

Chi Chi’s ghostly figure fading away in Jamin’s memory. All he cared about was that man in front of him. There was no way indeed.

*

Once again they were in the rooftop. Only Ragga stayed because she needed to check if everything was really there for the hundred time and she released Shane from his duty to spend some time with Jamin.

Shane brought the old mattress to the rooftop again, but it was a bit chilly so he brought a blanket too. Jamin was stood up smoking and leaning on the ledge. Shane was tired of carrying the thing throughout flight of the stairs and just threw it absently the thing on the floor, next to the a small cabin where the electricity system of the building was. Jamin was wearing a black t-shirt and shorts with sneakers, a look that was quiet Shane's weakness. He was still wearing the black slacks and the white dress shirt, but the sleeves were rolled up and he was getting rid off the bow tie walking towards Jamin that was staring at him from up to bottom.

“Don’t take it all off” Jamin asked him taking a puff in his cigarette and raising his brow.

Shane stopped midway letting it around his collar like a towel. Then Jamin walked to the ending of the ledge where there was an outlet and turned on the switch. And the whole length was lit by colorful lights.

“Ta-da!” he opened his arms and threw the cigarette out. Shane’s face was beautifully lit by all the different lights, making his tiny eyes sparkle.

“Merry Christmas! Wooo!” he threw his arms up in the air giggling and Jamin approached him slowy just to grab him by the tie pulling him for a kiss.

Sometimes he wondered of their constant dance of leaving and coming back was the fuel, wrapping his arms around Shane waist almost swiping him from the floor and lowering him down to lay on the mattress. They never had sex on the rooftop because anyone from the neighborhood buildings could see them, and yet Jamin just couldn’t stop. His hands were unbuttoning Shane’s shirt while he was struggling to take his shoes off with Jamin all over him.

“Wait..” he asked giggling quite breathless pushing him away a bit so he could find a good angle to remove his shoes. But Jamin’s hand were inside his pants already. “Fuck!” he gave up midway of the process of taking the other shoe.

Jamin could feel he was little bit tense because the neighbors could come out any second. The buildings were so close they could easily talk to people from their balconies.

“So we’re really doing this…you’re getting me arrested before I-I- leave” he managed to whisper trembling while Jamin was nibbling on his chest and reaching for his throat. Shane was still dressed but the shirt completely open and his pants half down. Jamin just grunted impatiently and without further ado took Shane's cock inside his mouth urgently. Shane muscles finally relaxed and he collapsed on the mattress giving in.

He kept working on his cock until it was almost hurting, everything was so fast Shane’s body was still awaking with the urgent stimulation. Shane's were fingers inside Jamin’s black curls gently pulling them up and down, as he guided the pace. The feeling of Jamin's piercing reaching the right spot under his length.

The streets were quiet and all they could hear was the faint sounds of the cars and people on the street, and Shane's moaning. Jamin stopped finally going up for a kiss grabbing Shane’s face, his lips still glistening.

“Fuck me…” he finally said something, and Shane’s promptly answered his request helping Jamin taking off his shorts but when he tried to remove his shirt Jamin stopped him. “No need, just fuck me now” he commanded holding Shane’s wrist.

Shane laughed at his ungency and prompted himself over Jamin, between his bare legs, caressing them and scrathing, burying himself on his neck, placing all his weight over him. Shane searched for some lube inside his pocket and tried to rip the lube sachet but was failing miserably. Jamin took from his hands exasperated  ripping it. He put all the liquid on his hand and reached down for Shane’s cock, never leaving his eyes. He applied with both hands, using Shane almost as a new toy, rubbing him on his entrance, teasing as he couldn’t almost hold the weight of his body.

“Are you kidding me??” Shane pleased with closed eyes, a smile full of pleasure as Jamin lead him in and out slowly, but then he was done with the teasing pinned one of Jamin’s arm on the mattress and penetrating him completely, making him curl with pleasure clutching his free hand on Shane’s back.  He knew he wasn’t hurting him, even though it’s been too long.  But Shan knew he could play all his strings, he was just out of practice.

Shane was thrusting slowly and placing languid kisses on his jaw,  and he could feel Jamin less tense so he fastened the pace as he continued to moan higher, encouraging him to fast the pace, his heart beating like a drum. Shane placed himself in a kneeling position so that he could keep trusting and pumping him. He looked around between the colorful lights and he could see his neighbor watching tv in the living room completely clueless about what was happening. He lowered himself again, the adrenaline rushing and making him even more aroused.

Shane kept rubbing his body as close to Jamin’s as it was possible, and Jamin hugged him harder to make the friction even bigger. Jamin’s cock was being complete stimulated between them, so there was no need for using hands. Shane felt Jamin coming on his stomach, his belly all slit, his thighs trembling, his eyes complete shut and mouth open. Few thrusts later and he was following him, removing himself fast enough to explode on Jamin’s chest, stoking his cock quickly and gasping, still nervous that someone could be seeing them.

Jamin was still panting looking at Shane coming back from his trance, he was all sweaty and red.  His hair all frizzled up.

“Fuck...” he gasped laughing and laying next to Jamin. His black t-shirt was complete ruined. They stood there in silence, just breathing in the cold breeze of Williamsburg at night. The cold air making the sweat of their bodies evaporating.

Jamin was caressing Shane’s dreads and thinking about the ring he had on his backpack on the table. He wondered if this was good moment to propose. Walking to grab the ring, with no pants on and a t-shirt covered with cum. Better not. His legs were still a puddle.

“Do you think Ragga is going to be mad if I text her asking her to bring some clean clothes?” Shane asked already laughing tapping Jamin’s chest lightly. He chuckled but he could actually wear that.

“My backpack is on the table with clean clothes” he replied. Shane raised his brow impressed.

“You really thought this out, huh?” he inquired him standing up and pulling up his boxers and pants on again. Jamin took the opportunity to clean up a bit, using the blanket to dry his shirt a little and putting his shorts on again. He winced already feeling a bit sore.

Shane was fumbling his backpack when he found the holographic box. He froze and showed to Jamin curious. He knew what it was. Jamin kept observing him analyzing the box, his eyes sparkling.

“Nice package…” he muttered chucking softly. Jamin could feel he was nervous but he didn’t move. He kept sitting on the mattress waiting for Shane’s reaction. He finally opened the box to see the ring. It wasn’t gold, and it was actually a ring held by a necklace. Shane removed from the box carefully and he noticed the texture was quite different. His trained finger recognized immediately. Violin strings twisted in the shape of a ring. His eyes watered up but he tried to keep it cool.

“I made it myself, well, I stole some of your old strings and I tried, but it was bitch to deal with these damn strings so I let the professionals do the rest”

Shane was holding the ring with his two hands still speechless. Jamin got up and approached him to take a look at it too.

“Wear it in the show as a necklace and when you come back home with that crown I’ll put it in your finger”

Shane just nodded and held his hand swinging it. There wasn’t nothing to be said. The eyes was all over his face. His cellphone beeped with Ragga’s message. Shane took it to read.

“I’m quitting this job today”

Shane giggled showing it to Jamin.

*

He was up in the clouds again. The flight has been smooth so far. Heart full of hope, all nails gone from anticipation. He searched for his headphones inside his bag and there was a note from Jamin glued on them with tape and an iPad also tangled in the wires.

“This is my addition to the playlist”

Shane opened a smile plugging the headphones with the iPad and only one song. “Hey, there’s no way to say goodbye” from Leonard Cohen. Shane remembered the day the singer passed away and how sad he was, spending the whole day listening to his records and Jamin comforted him with ice cream. It was such a specific pick and so out of Jamin’s musical taste Shane was surprised how he remembered that song. That excruciating song.

“This bitch…”he muttered feeling the tears forming, shaking his head. The lady beside him giving the stank eye.

[ohmyneganimagination-twd-blog]

Meeting you again

Hey, cuties ! Yep, anoter bad fanfic written by me. An idea that I had by seeing again few moments of Solace. I’m so in love with Joe Merriweather. Therefore, you’ll have a lot of ff with him ! xP

Summary : “After all of this time, do you think I can really remember ?” “Maybe not now. It can be in days, in weeks, hell in months ! But I’m sure you’ll”.

Ships : Joe Merriweather x Female! Reader

Words : 2660

Warnings : Curses

Parts : 1/?

Tag : @heartfulloffandoms - @itsneganslucille - @negans-network - @ali-pennell - @backseat-negan - @autumnjade22​ - @fuck-yeah-lets-do-negan-ff​ (Maybe it can interested you 😋)

Before beginning, I’m sending a lot of love and support to @heartfulloffandoms who went through of too much hate (those assholes.. Don’t touch my dear and lovely friend 😡). Remember that I’m here, that you’re one of the best people I met on Tumblr. You’re so kind, adorable and talented. My dash is illuminated by your hard and amazing work and I’m always happy to see it, to talk with you. I love ya, sweety ! 💗💗😘 (Go to her blog and send her a lot of love and kindness, please !!)

***

The constant hubbub in the bar bungled your eardrums and your migraine became more and more unbearable. Still, you sat flabbily on your chair, your head collapsed on the counter, a glass half filled in your hand. It was your fifth glass of vodka. In bad mood and an urgent need to release you, you had chosen one of the strongest alcohols, insisting heavily when the waiter had tried to dissuade you, advancing as arguments that alone, you’ll not reach your house, and that it would be a bad idea to drive in this state. In the end, he had given up and had continued to serve you every time you asked. Alcohol burned your throat when you swallowed it, creating a fire in you and rising considerably the heat in your body. With the noise of conversations, chairs scraping the floor, and loud music over you, all that was stretching your brain. And alcohol didn’t help at all. But you didn’t care. All you wanted was to forget this evening which was without a doubt the worst of your life. Maybe you exaggerated a bit. You had not lost everything, either. But you had certainly taken a hell of a blow that always shook you after an hour of the painful revelation. This bar on the corner of the street near your home was the only place you'd thought of to escape. And instead of keeping your calm and trying to settle the situation as you always did, you preferred to dive into the comfort of these addictive drinks. It was a bad idea. It was against your principles. But tonight, you had nothing more to do. Your only wish was that everyone leaves you in peace to temporarily forget these last events. Your hand still holding firmly your glass, you raised your heavy head to the buzzing mind to let your eyes wander the room with an indifferent glance. The place was filled. It was normal. It was the weekend. On saturday, on top of that. The day everyone went out to relax after a tiring week to work for long hours. Men were playing in the machines at the corner of the room, others were filtring  women with short, tight-fitting dresses, which giggled like chickens. Groups of friends, couples, regulars. We found everything here. Many heads seemed familiar to you, you didn’t know why. You only came here once. Maybe it was the effect of vodka that blurred your senses.

You carried your glass to your lips and quickly swallowed the liquid that again inflamed your throat. This one painful, you rest violently your glass on the counter, waving to the waiter not far from you. He sighed, already knowing what you wanted. And having no longer the will to stop you, he took the bottle and poured the transparent liquid. You thank him vaguely with the head, each oneo f you on the point of resuming their activity. When suddenly someone took you by surprise by pulling your glass out of your hands. You blinked, stupidly fixing your hand before raising your reproving eyes towards the culprit. “Who the fuck you think you’re ?” Your voice pronounced with difficulty, your vocal cords still under the shock of the high temperature of the alcohol that you hadn’t stopped drinking for sixty minutes. “A good guy who prevents you from continuing your bullshit”, pronounced the said culprit. You analyzed the man standing near you. With a decadent appearance, his black hair, untidy, his eyes of a deep-hazelnut-green, spoiled by enormous pockets beneath them, describiding an exhausted face. The wrinkles on his face showed that he was of advanced age, yet he was of a charisma almost disturbing, his serious expression of a few seconds ago replaced with a smirk. His obvious cheekbones and his peppery beard fit perfectly with the rest of his face. His bare blue shirt unbuttoned to the third button, hid a sturdy body with square shoulders and muscular arms, leaving you guessed that this tall and slender man took special care of his body. A hand in his pocket, his smile faded and his eyes hanging on to yours stood out and turned to the waiter, who tetanized on the spot in front of the menacing glance that the unknown was sending him.

“As the server and owner of this bar, Your customers’ safety and health is paramount”. “Ho-How do you know that I-?” “The label attached to your shirt, dumbass”, interrupted the other. “Who are you talking to people like that ? And then, it was I who asked him to serve me”, you spat suddenly. You got up from the chair, your legs flailing, the latter struggling to support your weight. He frowned, letting your finger crash on his hairy chest when you found your balance. “Gimme me back my glass and get outta of here; You’ll not spoil my evening by your pathetic little number of cop”, you replied, staggering slightly. At your words, he giggled. His hand in his pocket came out to reveal a badge that he put under your nose, the letters F-B-I appearing clearly before your eyes. “Agent Joe Merriweather of the FBI. Madam, I'll take you with me to the drunk tank”, said the man by the name of Joe, putting his badge down. “You really need it”, he added, taking your things under your stunned eyes. He grabbed your arm and you didn’t ripost. Holding him tightly, he pulled you toward him to take you to the exit, people in the bar watching the scene with curiosity and frightened mixed. Before putting a foot outside, the agent turned to the server who froze again on the spot. “Next time, avoid serving someone who wants to go home by car. If you repeat this same fucking mistake, I promise you’ll have problems”, he threatened coldly, his eyes narrowed. And without giving the other time to justify, Joe took you out where cold rain fell abundantly.

***

“Great, now I'm going to spend the night in the drunk tank. It could only get worse”, you grumbled as the agent slammed his door. “Shouldn’t drink so much”, he said, settling comfortably in front of the wheel. He put the inside rearview mirror in a good angle before taking his key out of his pocket, which snapped when he plugged it into contact. “Usually I don’t drink”. “Then why did you drink so many glasses ?” Asked the officer who lit the car. It growled underneath you. Joe swung an arm in your seat, looking back as he pulled back the car. Your head turned towards the window, watching the drops of water striking against it. You remained silent. If you had drunk, it was just to forget it. And you would have gone on drinking until you fell just to not remember it until the next morning. Bot here you’re. You were in the car of an FBI agent taking you to the police station to swing you in a drunk tank until the morning. An agent with a charming smile and an attractive appearance. But also strange. Something was crushing you about him. You had a strange sensation of déjà-vu. You felt the same when you saw him a few minutes before. Perhaps it was just your imagination, or the bad effect of the alcohol. Joe had now joined the road. Both you immersed in silence, one watching the buildings passing by the window, and the other keeping his eyes on the road, patting the wheel with his fingers. The car stopped before the traffic lights. Joe took advantage of it to drink a sip of water and rubbing his tired face. He closed the plastic bottle when he broke the silence. “You still haven’t answered my question”. “And why should I? It's not your business, as far as I know”, you pointed out without removing your eyes from a couple who passed on the sidewalk, the two clinging to each other under an umbrella. “I’m of a very curious nature”, justified the other. “Curiosity is a bad flaw”. “Not that much, if you think about it”, said Joe, pressing the accelerator, the traffic lights turned green. You turned your head in his direction, frowning. A smile in the corner, he added nothing, leaving you in doubt as to this enigmatic sentence. You came back to your original position, the elbow resting on the edge of the window, your head resting in your hand. “By the way, you’re not taking me to the post, do you ?” You said after a moment's silence. “How do you know ?” “It's not the same path”, you replied indifferently. “In fact, I have a friend who works for the FBI. Once, I brought some donuts to her”, you added. “Who ?” “Katherine Cowles”.

“Katherine ? Seriously ?” The man asked, now laughing. “Yeah. Why ? What's so funny ?” You asked in your turn, not understanding his giggles. The car turned to the right to enter a suburb dimly lit by the street lights lined up along the pavements. No one was out at this time. No light filtering through the windows. Not a dog barking or the engine of a car that scolded. Only your vehicle broke that disturbing silence. “It's just she never told me she knew you”, Joe commented after calming down. “And why would she tell you ?” Again, the man didn’t answer and merely smiled at you. You sighed, annoyed. “Is not your wife going to blame you for bringing another woman home ?” “How do you know I'm married ?” Joe asked, surprised. “The ring on your finger”. Joe prevented an impressive whistle, clearly overwhelmed by your sense of observation. He actually had a gold ring on his finger. But it no longer had any meaning for him. More since he'd learned that Laura had been having an affair with another man for two long years and that she had decided to leave him the evening of their wedding anniversary. It was ironic on one side. “Since when ?” You asked, not having noticed the driver's dark face. “I'm no longer married”, he whispered feebly. Your heart stopped for half a second. You swallowed hard, cursing your eyes that began to tingle. You swore not to cry anymore for this asshole, not being hurt anymore. But here you’re being on the verge of tears. The throat knotted and the ball in the belly, these words only came to mind. “I’m sorry. I.. I didn’t want to hurt you”. Arriving in front of his house, Joe had parked and stopped the car, the engines stopping purring beneath you. The car was plunged in a heavy silence, your trembling voice echoing in his head. “You too ?” What a stupid question. He knew you had to face this painful truth, too. And yet, part of him wanted to hear you say it. Is it to share his pain, or was he worrying about you ?

“Yeah. For a very long time”. He felt a squeeze in his heart at your feeble, broken voice. You were cursed yourself of this ephemeral weakness. But this pain in the chest was unbearable. These still fresh images in your head reminded you all the time that you had been a poor blind idiot all this time. Love was difficult to subdue. It could be a force, as it could be a devastating storm. You thought you had succeeded in getting it, that you had domesticated it. And yet your heart was bleeding, your lungs were contracted. You had trouble breathing. You should have known. Despite the many clues, you had closed your eyes, refusing to believe this probable truth. You'd rather drown yourself in a pretty comforting lie. With the edge of your sleeve, you dried your blurred eyes. You just opened the door and went outside, paying no attention to the biting wind and the icy rain. Joe, motionless for a moment, followed your movement, taking his keys in passing. He slammed the door behind him and extinguished the car at a distance, his footsteps rushing to catch up with you. “Hold on !” Joe shouted, protecting his face from the rain with his forearms. You didn’t turn around. You were stumbling on your heels, your head spinning like a top as you rummaged through your pockets. “Fuck. God damn it, where's that damn phone..” When you touched the smooth surface of the screen, your foot caught in a misplaced slab. And while you were already seeing the shock coming in full force, an arm wrapped around your waist and brought you back, preventing you from falling head first on the stone. “Are you okay ?” "Bring me back to my house. I have things to do for the job”, you replied by releasing you from Joe wet from head to toe. “Stop fucking lying to me. I know very well that you’ll continue to drink”. “Absolutely. Do you have a fucking damn problem with that ?” You asked sharply as you saw his disapproving gaze. “If you want to drink, do it with someone”. “I thought the FBI agent was against alcohol”, you bitterly exclaimed. “You like me had a bad night. I need  as much as you a little pick-me up and a little.. company”, he said, shrugging his shoulders. The mouth half open, you were looking for something to say. But no word came out. It was true. To mop while drinking was more appreciable with someone than alone at home. Normally, you would have refused. But the expression of his face - strangely familiar - made you do the opposite. You nodded. And a smile illuminated his face.

“So, hurry up. I'm fucking frozen here”, exclamed Joe, shivering from head to feet. He turned and hurried to the porch of his house, glancing behind his shoulder to see if you were following him.

You were both in front of the front door. You were by his side, rubbing your arms to warm you as he looked for the keys in his pants pocket. Droplets of water fell on the floor, your wet clothes stuck to your skin. When Joe finally found the key, he put it in the lock and turned. He pushed open the door, letting you go first, then quickly closed it behind him. The lukewarmness of the great house caused you to let out a sigh of well-being. Joe pulled out his wet glasses and swore as he dried them with the side of his shirt. As for you, you walked through the entrance hall, watching pictures and paintings hanging on the beige wall. “Make yourself at home”. Now turned towards you, Joe put a hand through his wet hair, the other resting on his hip. The red rose to the cheeks, turning quickly your head in the other direction. He gave you a curious look, before he understood and smiled.

“Sorry”. “No, it's nothing”, you stammered, frantically waving your head. You removed your jacket and hang it from the coat rack, Joe climbing the steps of the stairs, grimacing at the unpleasant feeling of his shirt glued to his skin. “I'll take a shower. If you're hungry, serve yourself. I went shopping yesterday”, exclaimed Joe from the railing. “Thank you”. Joe smiled and disappeared into the corridor. You closed your eyes for a moment, swallowing hard, your hand resting where your heart was. When he had smiled at you, your body had relaxed, a pleasant sensation of warmth had spread in the hollow of your chest. That smiling face. This gentle warmth. That laugh. Perhaps it was one of the effects of alcohol but strangely, all of this seemed.. familiar. Ignoring that little voice in your head, you walked towards the room containing the living room and the kitchen, deciding to explore more deeply the house of this man, Joe Merriweather.

***

OMG ! I love Joe. One of my favourite jdm’s characters. So, what did you thought about it ? Tell me in the comments and if you have any advices, please give me them. Like that, I can improve ! Thank you for reading and remember that I love ya all ! Thank you again ! 💖💖