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creedslove · 1 year ago

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WHO KNEW? 💍💔 - PART TWO

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around (...)

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me (...)

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong

I know better, 'cause you said forever, and ever, who knew?"

Summary: even against your wishes, your bond with the Millers straightens and a series of events causes you and Joel to get closer, enough to spike the fear of falling again for him

�� This is the second part of Who Knew? 💍💔 Which was also inspired by this amazing HEADCANON request

Warnings: angst, broken hearts, mentions of divorce, mentions of infidelity, fluff, age gap (Joel is four to five years older than reader and the time skip is 12 to 14 years (Sarah's age) but feel free to imagine whatever you want), house breaking, protective Joel, sexual tension

A/N: so besties, I've been obsessed with this idea, and I hope you enjoy it as well! I mean, I've been writing a little more than 1k words a day, there were some parts I thought were good and some were not so good, as a final result, I don't know, I really hope you all enjoy it my lovelies! It's so hard to resist Joel, isn't it?

10.4k words

If someone told you one day, after a decade of being divorced from Joel due to the huge heartbreak he put you through, your bond with the Millers would straighten once more, you would stand up and punch them out. It was so ridiculously absurd to think you would become closer to the man who chewed you up and spat you out and even if he had indeed changed and was a better person, wasn't enough to make you forget what happened. Yes, you had forgiven him, but not forgotten what went on between the two of you, and even if a part of you desperately begged you to stay away and never talk to Joel again, destiny was pretty ironic at its doings and made you and his daughter, Sarah, become friends. You didn't mean to, and you were sure that if it were up to him, he wouldn't have said yes either, but you never knew she was his daughter and he never knew his daughter's friend was… well, you.

After he did some working at your home, he had asked you out, which you actually considered, but then dismissed the idea completely, there was no way you would put yourself through that again, even if he was even more handsome than when he was young, even if he did make your heart race and pound like you were some inexperienced teenager and even if late at night before falling asleep you closed your eyes and replayed in your mind the last kiss you cherished. Even if you focused hard enough and could still feel his warmth, the heavy grip of his hand on your waist, the way his beard that now was sprinkled with grays here and there scratched your skin and how Joel Miller still had the best kiss you'd ever tried. For a moment it had felt so right, even if it was wrong, and a hidden part of you, the part that just maybe didn't despise Joel that much often allowed you to wonder what would actually happen if you had given him a chance to take you out, would it have been really that bad? You would've gone somewhere to drink or grab something to eat, hang out, perhaps even dance and of course you would end up in Joel's bed, hardly any woman would pass up this opportunity. For a moment you wish it could've been that way, but unfortunately, you and Joel were done. After you turned him down you still shared a last kiss and then you both went back to your own lives, the only thing that connected the two of you in the past was the failed marriage you had just as the only thing that connected the two of you in the present was Sarah.

She was the loveliest girl you'd ever met in your life, so smart and sweet, always kind to everyone, responsible and even if you had had problems with her dad, you couldn't help but feel sorry for her and the fact her own mother didn't want to be around; it sounded crazy to you that woman could give up her chance of being the mother of a wonderful little girl like Sarah, even if Joel had killed any kind of desire of getting involved with someone to the point of building up a family. Not to mention Joel himself, he was a handsome, hard-working man, and he had been a good husband before Angela ruined your life. You knew she wasn't the only one to blame, Joel was a real dick, but now you certainly had two reasons to hate her: the fact she ruined your marriage and that she abandoned her daughter.

After Joel took over the renovations in your home, Sarah continued coming over and even if you felt sort of guilty from keeping the truth from her, you also knew it wasn't your place to tell her, if anything, you and Joel needed to do it together. You couldn't ruin the perfect image she had of her dad, because he was a great father to her and no one could deny that. Overall, you really enjoyed her presence; it wasn't uncommon for her to tag along during lunch time or spend the afternoon reading on your couch. Sometimes you wondered if she didn't have enough friends to hang out with, after all, Joel was busy throughout the day and any teen would take the opportunity of freedom to do whatever shit they wanted with them without having to give their parents the time of the day, but that didn't make any sense, not with Sarah being a sociable girl like she was, so when the realization that she sort of envisioned you as a motherly figure at some level, you felt quite shocked. If life hadn't pulled some unfunny tricks along your way, she could've easily been yours and Joel's daughter. You tried to shake it off and pretend she didn't see you that way, but looking back at your interactions it was undeniable; Sarah opened up to you about things she certainly didn't with Joel, from the pain of periods, to problems with girl friends and boys. It was amusing until Sarah began questioning you about it, asking you about your love life, past relationships and why you were single. You felt bad about not telling her the whole truth, but it was a complicated situation. Especially when she came up with the idea she really considered it to be genius

"Why don't you date my dad?!"

She asked you one lazy afternoon, making you choke softly at the water you were drinking, looking at her shocked and speechless for a while, her sweet smile was impossible to make you get mad at her, and above all it was a genuine question, she wasn't just messing with you.

"What?! My dad looks good, he works hard and he would make you very happy!" She cheered innocently, which caused your heart to sink.

"No… I wouldn't date your dad, he's incompatible… I mean, we are incompatible, I'm sure we wouldn't get along"

"Why?! Is it because you have more money than us? Dad does say you are way out of his league"

And you were shocked and speechless once more. Joel had talked about you to Sarah? And he had told her you were out of his league? This information should have made you scoff and roll your eyes, and not make your cheeks heat up while you blushed.

"No Sarah, Jesus no! It's got nothing to do with money or anything… I mean, your dad works hard and he should earn more than he does, because he is very dedicated and well, an honest working man like Joel can be worth a lot more than a rich guy, trust me" you sighed as she stared at you intently "but the thing is… I've been married once, I was too young, it was disastrous, it didn't work obviously, I got hurt and well… your dad sort of reminds me of him, my ex-husband I mean… It's hard to explain, but no, I wouldn't date your father"

You hated that you lied to her, well, half lies at least, but you wished you could be honest, Sarah was an important part of your life and it would be a lot easier if you three would come clean about everything that happened; on the other hand, you couldn't even imagine the mess you would make in her poor little head, as it was pretty messy and fucked up for you as well whenever you stopped to think you were friends with your ex-husband's daughter, the one he had with the woman he cheated on you with and that simply walked out and abandoned him. It even sounded made up, so you offered her just the piece of information you could. Sarah reached out to you, taking your hand in hers and caressing your knuckles, she gave you a sympathetic look and nodded

"I'm so sorry… I can't even imagine how you must feel, he didn't deserve you anyway, you can be sure you are way better than him, and well, I am just glad dad isn't like that, he's a nice guy, he would never do such a thing to anyone. I just feel like he deserved more too, you know? That woman… my mom, even if she shouldn't be called that, just broke his heart and disappeared. Uncle Tommy told me she never really wanted to have me in the first place and if it weren't for dad, you know…" She looked down trying to hide the thick sadness that fogged her face and it was your turn to reach to her, taking her hand, but seeing it wasn't enough as you got up and walked to Sarah, giving her a hug.

"I don't know, I just wish dad would find a nice girl like yourself and then he could be happy, I mean, we all could…"

•••

Joel groaned at how annoying his brother really was, he didn't get why Tommy would always pry into his fucking business instead of handling his own life, Joel was a grown man and he didn't need anyone trying to set him up with women or just inviting him out out of pity. He could take care of himself; he didn't need to meet women or be in a relationship, he was fine the way he was, his life was already way too hectic the way it was, whenever he felt lonely he could just pick up some woman at a bar and get laid and then go back to his everyday routine. And yet both Tommy and Sarah kept on getting on his nerves, always suggesting him to one girl or another or trying to drag him on double dates. When Sarah had casually told him to ask you out, completely oblivious to the fact he had already done it and you shut him out, Joel was at a loss of words, he tried playing cool but he couldn't deny the mess his feelings had become. He wasn't sure how to suppress them, not after that one kiss. That must've meant something, you wouldn't just give him a speech of how uninterested you were and how you two would never work out again and then kiss him like that, you probably still had feelings for him, if not feelings, at least desire, and as much as he would love to act on it, he didn't want to force things up, to he pushy and make you uncomfortable. He'd hurt you too many times to learn that if you'd asked him to stay away, he should stay away. Not only that, Tommy was completely onboard with everything you had said, to him, the fact Joel was crushing on his ex-wife more than a decade after breaking her heart was a clear sign of madness. He figured Joel still had feelings for you, even if Tommy wasn't one to settle down, he couldn't understand how his brother went from madly in love with his pretty young wife to a terrible husband and finally the asshole who dumped her for another woman. He knew that the passion Joel felt for Angela was strong, but even more than just a burning passion, lay that undying love he'd felt for you, and he was sure it wouldn't simply go away, which didn't necessarily mean that Joel surrendering to that love was a smart move. Quite the opposite, it was probably the dumbest thing Tommy had ever heard in his entire life. How could Joel even keep any hopes of getting with you again?! It hadn't worked, too many people got hurt and all he wanted was that his brother could actually see that, so he simply discouraged Joel from getting anywhere near you, as if it wasn't bad enough Sarah had been dragged accidentally into this story, he didn't want his brother suffering around. So he set his brother up on a date, something that Joel hated with passion but since he was feeling particularly hopeless that night he ended up accepting it.

He was usually very against being set up on blind dates, but Joel had created a depressing ritual of always going out and grabbing a drink whenever he came across the date that would've marked his wedding anniversary with you. Joel often heard men were forgetful and didn't remember important dates, but he had never been like that, always keeping the important dates fresh in his mind was something common, ever since he was a child, especially when they brought him strong emotions, such as the ones he shared with you. He thought it was a little stupid at first, but he found out that it helped him cope with the guilt and the doubts that always clouded up his mind. He would sit at a bar and wonder where you could be, how your life would have been like and if you ever thought of him. It sort of became his thing, but this year, for the first time, he knew the exact answers to his questions, and it was so odd, he decided to take Tommy's suggestions to go out with a friend of his brother's girlfriend, he didn't really care nor paid attention, he just exchanged numbers with her, showered and got dressed after work and headed for the restaurant.

And just as he had predicted, it had been another disastrous date. Not that the girl wasn't pretty, she was, but she was just exhausting; her conversation was tiring, her subjects were boring and overall, she just wasn't you. Joel didn't understand why he was having it so bad for you, he knew he shouldn't, he should forget about it all and focus on something else, but as much as he tried not to think of you, more he thought of you. It was maddening. He couldn't help himself but compare the two of you: you were prettier, smarter, funnier, you dressed and smelled better than that random stranger he saw himself being forced to have dinner with. And he wished with all his heart you could be on that date with him; if only you gave him just one chance to show you he was a better man, he would never hurt you like he did before, give you a chance to redeem himself and make you happy exactly the way you deserved it, he would be the happiest man in the world. Life wasn't gonna make things easier for him, and deep down, he knew he didn't even deserve it in the first place, so he tried once more paying attention to his date, which didn't last very long and the moment he saw the opportunity to leave, he grabbed it like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean and headed to a bar - alone, and only after paying for the check, after all, Joel Miller was still a gentleman.

Your wedding anniversary had always been a tricky date for you; there were years you went completely unaffected by it and years you felt like dying. For the first time, however, you were closer to Joel than you'd always been in the years before, and because of that, you decided you deserved better than just stay home and have some bland dinner by yourself, you would go out and perhaps meet other people… And your plan went really smoothly for a while; you got to a nice bar, dressed nicely, dragging some male attention towards you and even got paid a drink by a handsome stranger who waved from afar. It felt like a promising night, until Joel Miller walked in and looked for a table, and he looked devilish handsome as he did so. You bit your lips feeling the alcohol rushing towards one direction at the same time you censored yourself: no matter how lonely and needy you were feeling nor how handsome he was, you couldn't simply feel the hots for him. As if he'd just read your mind, Joel turned around, his eyes falling right on you, his gaze softened up and you saw him running his tongue through his lips, deciding whether or not to walk towards you.

Of course he did it.

The moment he approached, Joel noticed the sadness in your eyes and he was sure you were the for the exact same reason he was, and it was just another motive to get closer to you; taking the chair next to you, he asked the bartender for a drink and as soon as he had it in hands, he stared at you.

"Happy wedding anniversary, darling" he tilted his glass against yours, as you just nodded and took a long sip.

"Happy wedding anniversary, handsome" you replied in a mockery tone using the old nickname you used for him. Handsome was a word that really described him, your Joel. He had always been a handsome man, but how well time treated him was impressive to say the least. He looked so good, he was bigger, broad and stronger. His dark hair had become a little grayer, just like a few patches all over his beard, and that suited him like a damn velvet glove. The way his shirt hung tight around his shoulders and down his arms, eyes lingering on him for way too long, as a warmth spread through your cheek and Joel chuckled

"Funny how you still blush when I'm around… Exactly like old times" he grinned and took another sip of his drink, which was enough to break you free from the spell you were under.

"What are you doing here? I thought I'd made myself pretty clear, Joel" you sighed and stared down into your glass.

"I'm doing the same as you are, darling… I'm thinking about all the bad decisions I made in life. You have been pretty clear, I ain't going to bother you, but I just missed you… it's so weird to see Sarah getting home everyday so excited over you, talking about how nice and awesome you are and I have to pretend not to know about it"

"Yeah? And you think it's easy for me to spend the whole afternoon listening to her talking about what an amazing dad you are? How you are awesome but very unlucky to have had your heartbroken by her mom?" You raised your eyebrow and chuckled

"She really say that?" Joel's expression showed a slight shock "she said I was an amazing dad?!"

You tilted your head at his surprise and bit your lips, perhaps it was just the drinks you had that softened you up a little, but when you saw it, you placed your hand on his arm and shook your head

"Yeah? Why are you so surprised? You are an amazing dad, Joel… that girl loves you more than anything in the world, she idolizes you, of course, she thinks you work too much and that you could both spend some more time together, but other than that, it's clear you are a great father. I was very surprised when we met again, to see your change, I never really thought you would become a better person, not after what happened, but it's nice to see Sarah changed that" you smiled softly at him, and that just melted Joel's rough heart, he immediately took your hand before you could move it away and caressed your knuckles softly, his gaze still making you pathetically shy, as he pursed his lips and you remembered how good they've always felt on your own and also all over your body.

"You know she also sees you as a mother figure, right?!"

"Yeah, I was reluctant to admit it at first, but she does… I guess she needed that, you know? A woman she could talk to about girl stuff, things she cannot talk to her dad or her uncle Tommy" you smiled "I really like Sarah and I'm very glad you allow us to be friends, I understand it is a really odd situation for you, as it is for me, but I like her a lot… you know, if things had been different, she could've been my daughter… our daughter" you sighed "things could've been different Joel… you know what made so hard for me to forgive you? It's not exactly you falling for Angela, of course, rejection hurts a lot, but sometimes it happens, sometimes you fall for someone you shouldn't have, but what still breaks my heart is that you lied to me, you played with me instead of coming clean. You just kept me around even if you didn't want me anymore, so just you would have a comfortable option in case it didn't work with her, and that was what made me feel worse… it made me feel unworthy, because you could still have been considerate of me and just break things up before it all happened" you shrugged

"Darling, I-" he squeezed your hand tighter but you pulled it away

"I'm not trying to make you upset or anything, all I am saying is that things could have been different between us, they should have been at least, if not staying married, having a child and building a family together, then at least having your honesty…"

"What can I do so you forgive me?" Joel asked, his voice breaking a little as he tried to hide the emotion growing at any minute.

"I've already forgiven you Joel, I already told you that… but I can't forget what happened, it will always haunt me" you sighed "too many things happened and as much as I had loved you, I think I would never be able to trust you"

"Please, I have changed, it kills me to know I've hurt you so much, I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that I did.. please, darling" Joel begged you with those brown soft eyes, his hand cupping your cheek in a warm caress and even if you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch for a while, you knew you couldn't let yourself fall into his touch, because if you did, there would be no turning back.

"If Angela returned today, Joel… imagine if she came back and tried claiming you and Sarah, would you still care about me? Because I don't see this happening, Joel. Honestly, what I think is that you want me because you feel bad about what happened and because you couldn't have who you really wanted…"

His expression was indecipherable and for a second you thought he would say something, but all he did was pull you closer, gluing your lips together in an urgent kiss, you could've fought it, but you didn't; instead, you kissed him back, taking your hands into his curls and tugging at them more and more each time Joel pulled you even closer.

Only when the two of you broke the kiss, he looked into your eyes, his thumb stroking your bottom lip gently

"There isn't anyone I want but you, I never stopped loving you, darling… even when Angela was around, she couldn't compare to you" his words shattered your heart, as much as you wanted to believe that, you still couldn't. You grabbed his hand and sighed

"Don't do this again, Joel, please. You've ruined too many things for me already…" you got up and said goodbye "we can't, you know it"

"What have I ruined for you, darling? Tell me and I'll fix it, please"

You chuckled sad and shrugged

"Joel, you even ruined Queen for me'

You walked away from him, leaving him there with his drink and his thoughts, a puzzled look out of confusion in his face trying to figure out exactly what the hell you meant by that. Just as he saw you disappear out of the door, he realized what meant as he paid attention to the lyrics of the song playing in background:

"Love of my life, you hurt me

You've broken my heart

And now you leave me

Love of my life, can't you see (...)"

And even if Joel wanted to be rational and convince himself he'd lost you for good, his heart still insisted on wanting what he couldn't have.

•••

Your car parked in Joel's driveway was the last thing he expected to see that night, after working excruciatingly and failing his promise of getting home earlier to have dinner with his daughter. He knew Sarah was probably waiting, disappointed but also used to it, full of having some sandwich or any other snack she could find. He cursed himself for getting so caught up at work, he didn't mean to, but he had done it again, after all, he had to attend an important meeting with a possible new client and then he would need to wait for the arrival of a bunch of materials that had been delayed for weeks, and even if he knew his daughter was safe with you, he still felt upset to have not given her the attention she needed. However, you had never been to his house before, that was something that you established from the very beginning and when he kissed you at the bar a couple of weeks ago, Joel was certain that was the end of seeing you, occasionally or not. He was sure you'd never shut Sarah out, you liked her for real, and she reciprocated the feelings; besides, you were a decent enough human being who knew you didn't have to mix things up. So, the fact you were indeed at his home, was concerning to him, who parked and immediately left, getting inside wanting to see what was going on. The moment the door opened in one hard swing, you got off the couch and walked to your ex-husband

“Hey Joel” you said, a little shy, suddenly, the fact you were standing in the middle of his home uninvited made you extremely embarrassed, as it felt you were somehow intruding on his intimacy. Since the divorce Joel had moved into a new house, bigger and cozier, a nice backyard with a decent swimming pool was something that drew your attention; you smiled at yourself, knowing how much Joel loved swimming, so it made your heart warm to see he had accomplished something that seemed quite small, but it meant a lot to you.

At first, when you saw the house, you couldn't help but be invaded by a furious jealousy of the possibility Joel had built that house for her, Angela, instead of you. Luckily, Sarah clarified he only started to build it when she was a toddler and that Tommy helped him, and that's why he often crashed there. You chuckled to yourself, that was typical of Tommy, but overall you felt proud of Joel and everything he achieved, you knew he had potential and it was great that he actually worked on it.

“Where's Sarah?!” He asked with worry and called her name once more, louder this time, frowning as you shushed him.

“I'm sorry I'm here, but she had a fever felt sick, I wanted to call you but she asked me not to an-” you were cut off by Joel simply climbing up the stairs and heading straight to Sarah's room, he felt a mix of guilt and worry weighing in his heart at the fact his baby daughter was sick and he couldn't be there for her. He barged into her room, normally, that would be enough to startle her, but instead, he found her peacefully asleep, clung tight to her pillow, dressed in her regular PJs. He touched her forehead wanting to check her temperature, but luckily her skin wasn't warm anymore. He looked at the door and found you there, arms folded and looking like you wanted to say something else, and then he just realized how rude he'd actually been to you by simply walking away and letting you talk to a brick wall. He placed a gentle kiss on his daughter's forehead and closed the door behind him.

“I'm sorry darling, I was worried and you should've called me…”

“It's okay, Joel… as I was saying, I wanted to call you, but Sarah asked me not to, she said you were having an important meeting and you would be home soon, anyway” you licked your lips as you realized he was extremely late and probably feeling so guilty about it all.

“You know, she was at my place and she was feeling a little down, at first I thought she was just upset because she wasn't invited to Melissa's party an-”

“That girl is a bitch” Joel said angrily and in such a defensive way that it was both cute he was so protective of his daughter at the same time it sounded hilarious to see him cursing another teenage girl. However, you had to agree with him, Melissa was indeed a bitch.

“Yeah, I know right?! Anyway, I noticed Sarah was burning up with fever and since she didn't want me to call you, I decided to bring her home and stay with her. So I asked her to take a cool shower, gave her some tylenol and made her some chicken soup with the things I found in your kitchen…” you both went downstairs and stopped in his living room. You tried not paying attention to how good your ex-husband looked after his long hour shift; his sweaty shirt so tight against his broad chest, his messy hair and that stressed attitude that would always melt away with a very intense orgasm.

“You made soup?!” Joel frowned a little shocked and interrupted your drifting thoughts.

“Y-yeah, why? Did I do bad?”

“No” Joel smiled softly and shook his head “not at all, it's just that… I haven't had your food in so long and you've always been a good cook, that's all” the nostalgia he felt was so big and it also warmed your heart, nodding at him “well, I made some more in case you wanted to have dinner too, it's in the kitchen, you can help yourself if you'd like…” you offered him and grabbed your purse “can you call me tomorrow and let me know if Sarah is better?”

Joel grabbed your arm gently and shook his head

“Don't go, not yet… just have dinner with me, talk to me for a while, I promise I won't try to kiss you or anything. Just keep me company, it's rare to have people over, it's usually Sarah and I and usually Tommy, but when they are out, it's just me” he looked at you with a sad expression, and you understood perfectly: loneliness.

Coming back home to an empty bed at night. Not having anyone to rely on, to hold, to give you support and affection, to make love. So you nodded and smiled at him, sitting down with him at the table and grabbed yourself a plate, giggling at how hungry he really was, eating as if he hadn't seen food in months. He raised his eyes at you and stopped chewing, blushing as you wouldn't stop staring.

“You know, you and Sarah have the same sad puppy eyes when you are sick?!” Joel raised his eyebrow at you and you laughed softly “same red teary eyes, sniffing as someone takes care of you, it's actually adorable”

“You think I'm adorable?!”

“Adorable isn't exactly what you are Joel…” you said letting your eyes wandering all over him and having your ex-husband to smirk at you

“Yeah? You think I'm attractive?”

“You know you are attractive, Joel, now shut up and eat” you frowned softly and had dinner with him; it was a pleasant moment, spending some time together, without any talks about the divorce or the past, just two old acquaintances who perhaps had some kind of feelings for each other and shared a meal together. There weren't accusations, apologies or tears, just mundane, regular conversations and laughter. It was nice to have that moment with Joel, as you both progressed in a conversation about your lives and how things had changed over the years, truly catching up instead of arguing. When the subjected revolved around Sarah again, your ex-husband couldn't contain his curiosity anymore:

“You never wanted kids, darling?”

You looked down at your empty plate, a glimmer of sadness crossing your eyes as you shook your head and stared at him

“Not after you, Joel… I used to want a kid, before, when we were together, but not anymore. I feel it's too late for me now, even if I'm still young, it just feels impossible, you know?”

Joel's hand rested on top of yours, he caressed it very gently and looked at you. He sighed knowing exactly what you meant, knowing you actually meant having a baby together and of course he blew it once more. He couldn't even describe the remorse he felt, even if you had spent the past half an hour having a rare moment of bliss tougher, he knew he would never be able to erase what had happened between the two of you. He wished he had a chance to do so, but deep inside, even if he did, he knew the damage had been done.

“It's alright, Joel…” you said shyly and got up as you picked the plates and piled them in the sink, he immediately walked to you,

“Let me handle the dishes, it's the least I can do, you know… after you took care of my daughter and cooked for us. I'm sure Sarah loved it, we aren't used to having homemade food” he chuckled as you nodded

“Yeah, I figured, that's why I decided to make something else…” you said as you walked to the oven and opened it, showing Joel the freshly baked batch of chocolate chips cookies. He widened his eyes like a child and smiled big.

“This is your favorite, I figured it was Sarah's as well” you said sweetly and got the tray out of the oven, although you mumbled something a couple of times, Joel hadn't replied to you, as he kept washing the plates without interruption. You didn't get why he ignored your question, it made no sense; just a few minutes ago you were both having a nice, sweet time together and suddenly he wasn't going to say anything? That was odd. You placed the cookies on the balcony and called him again, to which you got no reply so you just shook his arm a little calling him again.

He turned around and watched you

“What is it?” He asked with a sweet smile, making you even more confused

“I called you a couple of times and you didn't say anything… is everything alright with you?” And at that question his face fell and it was impossible for Joel to hide his sadness. He licked his lips and nodded

“Yeah… it's just that… I'm kinda deaf in my right ear” he blushed and looked down in shame “I had a work accident some years ago and something blew up when I stood too close to it and well…” he shrugged and you felt your heart sink. Your poor Joel, always such a hardworking man, despite everything between you both, you never wanted him to be that injured. It saddened you to see how ashamed he seemed of it, even if he had no reason to be ashamed of it at all, and suddenly it made all sense to you why he was always subtly tilting his head to the left or standing towards that direction when he talked to you.

“I can hear it just fine, got used to it by now, but if you mumble something on my right it's kinda hard to me” the simple and even innocent way he said that made you so sympathetic of him, but it was way more than just that. It made you want to hold him, to assure him it was fine and he was still nothing but perfect no matter what had happened.

“Oh Joel…” you whispered and held his head in both of your hands, gently, your fingers brushing against his thick beard as you got closer and rested your forehead against his “I'm so sorry honey” you whispered again and closed your eyes. He was determined to respect you and not get handsy with you, but the moment he saw you pulling him closer, he couldn't help doing the same; gripping your waist with large hands, just like he used to, exactly where they fit so well, he brought your bodies close together.

“Don't go, please… stay” he whispered back, his lips were almost on yours, everything felt so right at that moment even if it was wrong. You hated how it felt like playing with fire: it seemed beautiful and appealing but you would get burned no matter what.

“I'm sorry, you know I can't” you said, moving your lips just an inch further and connecting with his, earning a hungry kiss.

For someone who desperately wanted to keep away from their ex-husband, you were certainly doing a shitty job. He needed you as much as you needed him, you both wanted each other, but you broke the kiss. It couldn't happen, your relationship was as complicated as it was and you didn't want to deal with that responsibility later. His heavy breathing lingered on your skin, at the same time he placed a soft peck on your neck, knowing all your sweet spots, that devilish man Joel Miller was.

“You know you can call me, right? Anything you need, anything at all, just call me and I'll come running to you, darling, don't forget that” he whispered into your ear and more than a seducing invitation, it was a plea, from a hopelessly man in love who didn't know what to do to prove his worth.

•••

Joel's offer to call him whenever you needed was so tempting, because you didn't actually need to call him, but you wanted to. It made no sense, you were the one who wanted to keep your distance from him, but due to the latest events you found yourself wanting to see Joel each time more, just the thought of his presence brought you an excitement you tried not reading too much into it; you didn't want to admit you were crushing on your ex-husband, but then, how could you call the fact your heart raced when you saw him? How you blushed and felt sparkles whenever you touched him briefly - accidentally or not? It was tricky, it was a mess but it seemed Joel made you lose that filter that always kept you emotionally distant from everyone. After learning Sarah was alright, you felt relieved for her, and when she stopped by your home and thanked you for taking care of her, you felt that familiar warmth in your heart. It seemed the more your rational part fought for you to stay away, that you had been severely hurt by Joel and you couldn't afford giving him a chance to do the same for the second time, but your irrational side? The one driven by your feelings and desires?! That one only made you dive deeper into the Millers household. Your feelings for Sarah just grew, you were attached to her and she was attached to you, she found in you the female influence it lacked for years and she represented something you never had but wished you could. And her dad was something else… ever since that evening you spent together, having dinner, chatting and enjoying each other's company, Joel had told you you could call him anytime for any reason. It didn't matter if you wanted to talk, hang out or have him fix something at your place, he was at your will.

And then you weren't certain if your faucet was really leaking, or if your door was actually warped or if all of that had to do with the fact you were looking for an excuse to call Joel and see him. You didn't want to hire him and you didn't want to discuss feelings, talk about the past or hear all sorts of apologies, you wanted to have a nice, pleasant moment with him, just like you had the last time. It felt so familiar and yet so new; it was about the two of you being acquaintances but at the same time meeting each other, your older, more mature versions finally getting together and hitting off. That was the kind of interaction you wanted from Joel.

You just didn't know exactly how to initiate it, not without giving him any kind of hope or leading him into it.

So you decided to focus on work, like you'd been doing for over a decade. You liked your job, it was stressful as any other job in the world and the money was great. However, you had got so comfortable and used to working from home, the days you were forced to actually go to the office felt excruciating, but it was part of the deal and you had to do it. So you got up, got ready - not without texting Sarah to let her know you wouldn't be home that day - and went to do your business. It was also when you noticed something was wrong. You didn't know the car that was parked across the street, it was a little odd, as you got used to all your neighbors and it was such a calm neighborhood you simply noticed when there was someone from outside. Still, you shrugged and got into your own car, driving to work.

On your way back, all you wanted was a cool shower and some relaxing hours scattered on the couch, but you tensed up a bit when you spotted the same car you did in the morning still there. It had nothing indicating trouble, and yet, you had a gut feeling telling you it simply wasn't right, however, there was nothing you could really do about it. You thought of calling Joel, but you didn't want to risk sounding paranoid and overall crazy. What could you tell him?! That there was a car parked across the street?!

You groaned when you checked your email and saw you would have to attend a meeting at work in person the next day. You were so sure you'd solved everything up, so why would you have to go? It was probably one of those meetings that could be just a work email and it annoyed you to no end, but still, you had no other option other than attending so the next morning you were there, getting ready when you spotted the same car. You had no idea if it had spent the whole night there or if it had gotten there before you woke up, nonetheless, you were taken by the same feeling you did the day before, no matter if they were irrational or not, it was just overwhelming. After another day at work, you returned home and sighed relieved to see the car wasn't there. Maybe it had been just a paranoid episode, perhaps you were just reading too much into things and all the stress from work combined with your situation with Joel made you lose your grip on reality a little bit.

The fact was that after doing your regular house things, you decided to take a relaxing bath and sink yourself into your tub. Selecting the perfect bath bomb and adjusting the temperature, you got inside, groaning at how the warm water made your tense muscles relax and you could feel the knots undoing themselves; as you closed your eyes and relaxed, there was nothing clouding up your mind but Joel.

His handsome face, his smile, his curly graying hair. He was your Joel, but older, mode handsome, if that was even a thing, because Joel was definitely the most handsome man you'd ever met. You couldn't help yourself but picture him wrapping his strong arms around your body, perhaps a relaxing bath with Joel would feel so good, you wouldn't be able to to turn it down. Just to imagine his naked body holding yours was enough to spike so many things all over you. You didn't know if you'd ended up dozing off in the tub, but it was hard to say if any time had passed or not the moment you heard some noises around your house. You couldn't remember if you'd forgotten your TV on or something like that, you were sure you hadn't turned on the radio, but it was enough to feel goosebumps all over your skin. You left the tub, drying yourself as quick as possible and wrapping a bathrobe around your body, exiting the room as silently as you could, hearing whispering and steps all over the lower floor. You went to your room and looked outside the window, your heart racing the moment you spotted the same car you'd seen before. You didn't know what to do, you could feel the suffocating wave of anxiety taking over completely. You could hear their voices, because apparently there was more than one guy. They were robbing your home, but what would happen if they reached you? You immediately locked your bedroom door, so relieved to see your phone was thrown onto the bed. Grabbing it, you dialed the number you'd never forgotten.

•••

“Come on, darling, open up” Joel's voice was the first thing you registered after you made the call, hugged yourself against a corner of your room and closed your eyes. You had heard footsteps climbing the stairs and how the thieves banged on your door, but you remained as quiet as you could. Just praying someone would show up to save you. You'd called Joel and he called the cops on his way over, he had dropped everything he was doing when he heard the raw fear in your voice. It was horrible you had your home broken into, but it made it even worse to think of what two criminals could do with such a beautiful woman like yourself. So he grabbed Tommy and they both rushed towards your place. Arriving there almost at the same time as the cops did, finding your front door busted open and a lot of valuable things such as your TV and your laptop gone. He had a baseball bat in hands, ready to attack whoever threatened your physical integrity and when he got questioning looks from the cop, he cleared his throat and explained he was your ex-husband - and friend.

“Is that really you, Joel?” You asked in a little more than a whisper, so glad to know he was there. You walked to the door and unlocked it, seeing Joel's worried eyes scanning you to make sure you were unharmed. Only then, you realized you hadn't gotten dressed, still wrapped in your bathrobe, but it didn't matter, all you could think of was looking for shelter into his strong, safe arms, sinking your face into his chest at the same time Joel caressed your back up and down, his lips planted a kiss on top of your head and another one on your forehead, wanting to soothe you and show you how safe you were from now on. He was there for you, it wouldn't absolve him from what he'd done in the past, but that didn't even matter to you or Joel, the important thing was that he was there, he came as fast as he could only for you and he would do it a thousand times more if necessary; you both knew that.

“I got you, baby girl, I got you” Joel cooed at you, tightening the hug around your body and keeping you closer. And you had missed that embrace, you just belonged in it, and you never wanted to let go.

Joel held you through the whole process of talking to the cops, informing them about the strange car that was seen around your home and also listing every item they stole: your TV, an iPad, your laptop and your car. Even if you were safe among them, you couldn't help but feel that nervous, anxious feeling at the very possibility of being alone at home once more. Nothing happened in the end, but it could have happened, and though it sucked to have been robbed of so much valuable stuff, you weren't harmed, and that was what mattered the most to you and above all, Joel.

As the cops talked to Joel and assured they'd get in touch if any of it was found, he walked them to the door and turned back to you, finding you all shy and scared, hugging yourself and looking at him with sad eyes. You didn't want to be alone and you didn't want to have to ask him for company, you didn't want to sound whiny or pathetic, especially not after it was just a break-in without any physical damage.

“Come on, pack your bags and I'll take you home with me” Joel's voice broke the silence and made you stare at him surprised “it can be for a few days, but if you aren't comfortable with that, then let me take you at least for the night, I ain't leaving you alone. Sarah's out at her friends in a slumber party or something, you can take her bed, or mine and I'll sleep on the couch, it doesn't matter, just come…” he extended his hand to you, which you gladly took it, and made his way upstairs, waiting patiently as you grabbed a backpack and shoved a few clothes and accessories you would need. You couldn't even describe how you felt at Joel's kindness. You were so comforted, so glad to see you weren't alone and that he was willing to take care and protect you. It didn't take very long to get your backpack ready, wrapping your arms around his neck in another tight hug, thanking him for being so gentle and earning only reassuring and affectionate words.

Once you got to the truck, you were welcomed by a whiff of his familiar scent, it smelled like Joel, your Joel and your heart warmed. He glanced at you while he drove, still seeing the tension all over you and his hand rested on your knee “you must be hungry…”

“I am” you said, a little anxious and watched as he turned the wheel and changed streets. Even before getting to the address, you already knew where Joel was taking you: your favorite Taco place. You chuckled as you remembered that was your favorite date spot when you were painfully young; when life seemed so promising and Joel Miller was the man who made you stutter and sweat through your hands. Whenever he glanced towards you, your cheeks would heat up and you would feel like bursting into flames. And after you both got married, when things were still good, that was the place where he would stop by eventually, pick up some takeout and take home, as a way of spoiling and thanking you for taking care of him. As he parked, he smiled and cleared his throat.

“You know, this is our spot, I never brought any girl here, with the exception of Sarah, of course, but much to my disappointment, she isn't really into tacos, which makes it exclusively our thing” he winked at you and you nodded, a small, petty side of you felt thankful for the confirmation of Angela never been there with Joel. It was just a taco shop and yet, it was still one thing that it was so yours and Joel's and she hadn't ruined it with her touch. You felt even hungrier at that moment, relaxing to know you could have a peaceful dinner with your good memories and the man who somehow still managed to make you blush, stammer a little and sweat through your hands.

As you both munched on the food sitting down in the back of his truck, just like you did every Friday night more than a decade ago, you chuckled at how things change but somehow remain the same. He tilted his head to the side, wiping a little bit of sauce you had over your cheek, exactly like when you both were younger.

“I know this probably tastes like shit, compared to the food you've had over the years when you traveled all over the world, you know Sarah told me all about it because she really admires you an-”

You took his hand and squeezed it, then placed your hand on his chin making him look into your eyes.

“Joel… this is the best taco I've ever had, the most delicious takeout I've ever tried because you are here with me..” she whispered and smiled, seeing how his face lit up. Neither of you said it, but you were finally having that date he asked you out several months ago, when destiny decided to put the two of you together. As he saw you shivering in the cold wind, he did the honorable thing and took off his jacket, placing it over your shoulder and rubbing both of your arms. You thanked him and looked all over his truck

“We spent quite a while in here…” you shrugged “and to think I lost my virginity here… you've always been a real gentleman” you scoffed and rolled your eyes. Joel laughed and sighed

“Yeah, well, I've come along nicely, give me a chance and I'll show you” he winked, flirting a little as you shook your head in disbelief.

“Are you serious?! Fuck off, Joel Miller! No guy will ever fuck me in the back of a truck, and especially not you!” You slapped his arm playfully, hugging it and resting your chin on his shoulder, feeling the wind against your face and looking up at him.

“Joel? Can you do us both a favor?” He nodded at you wanting to hear whatever question you had to ask him “please don't let Sarah marry the first asshole she falls in love with”

“I'm on it” he replied, laughing softly and pulling you closer. Closer than you'd ever been to him, he just wished that night wouldn't end too soon.

•••

Lying in Sarah's bed was odd, to say the least; especially when Joel's room was just there, a hallway distant from you. After the moment - better saying, the moments you both had shared in the past few days and even more so that night, you felt things would escalate to another level, a level in which it didn't matter to you if it was right or wrong, It was just bound to happen. But once you got to his home, he showed you his daughter's room, the bathroom, and asked if you needed anything else and simply let you be. Which was what you wanted, it was what you had asked him to do the last time you'd shared a kiss, but at the same time you felt disappointed because you wanted more of him, more of your Joel. The sweet moments you'd spent together were weighing so heavily in your heart, and even if you hadn't forgotten about what happened, the new proximity brought a new light in your relationship with Joel; it felt nice and different, a good different and as much as you closed your eyes and tried falling asleep, you were simply taken back to the moment he held you, soothed you, caressed your skin and assured you everything was alright. Tossing and turning in bed while you wished you were somewhere else instead, anywhere really, as long as he was just next to you. At first, when the gentle strumming from the guitar got to your ears, you imagined you had dozed off for a few minutes, perhaps you had even started to dream, but when your eyes were wide open and the beautiful, familiar sound wouldn't cease, you knew that only meant one thing: Joel was playing the guitar.

It couldn't come from his bedroom, the sound was too far to be coming from there, so you knew you would have to get up and explore. Suddenly, you felt a wave of excitement. Not only did you love watching Joel play the guitar, but now you had a pretty decent and reasonable excuse to go after him. You didn't want to make things weird and be that kind of person to leave the other confused, with your dubious signs, but you were just following your heart at that moment.

You tiptoed through his house, doing your best to move in the dark, as you didn't want to startle Joel or make him think you wanted the music to stop. And then your heart skipped a beat when you looked through the window and saw him playing the guitar on his porch. The cold wind that bothered you when you both were out eating tacos seemed to have stopped, and just then you realized it was indeed warm inside the house. He was so relaxed, strumming his guitar and humming a song softly, you've always loved his singing voice, even if he was a little shy about it, you could sit down and watch him play and sing for hours. You opened the door quietly and rested against the doorframe, admiring it quietly the way he looked focused at his guitar. He played calmly and it was the most beautiful sight you could ever think of. You wouldn't be able to tell exactly how long you stood there, but when Joel looked up at you, you were already walking towards him.

“That was beautiful, Joel…”

“Just like you are, darlin'”

You both knew exactly what you wanted at that moment, how you took another step closer, one after the other and you suddenly were hovering over him. Joel placed his guitar down, he wasn't going to be able to hold himself back, not at that moment. In one single motion, he pulled you to him by the hips, a tight grasp around your body and kissing you deeply. You straddled Joel, your hands making their familiar way towards his curls, loving how they always felt under your touch. Unlike the other times you'd kissed, you knew you would both go all the way down, you wanted it, craved it and even if you knew what to do and where to touch, it also felt new, you were both were the same young couple who'd been so in love, newly married and full of hopes and dreams, but you were also a couple who'd lived separately for more than a decade, you had both experienced heartbreaks, passions, you'd tried and touched other people, but eventually, just like home, it you were drawn to each other. There was no way out. When you were shamelessly humping and groaning on top of him, Joel knew it was time to take things inside, to hell with his neighbors, he didn't care if any of them witnessed it, if anything, he wanted people to see what a lucky bastard he was to have you in his arms, that he was going to take you and make you his at least once more. So he got up, lifting you up easily, so easily, and took you inside, climbing stairs with you in his arms, he longed for you, he was hungry for your body, your taste, your touch. He needed you and Joel Miller was about to take it all. He placed you over his mattress and got rid of his shirt - his dark blue one, that looked so good on him - and let your hands wander his body. He didn't take long to undress you, nibbling your thighs in the process, he knew your body like the palm of his hand, with the exception the last time he'd visited it, his palm wasn't as calloused as it was now, just as you weren't so painfully hot as you were at that moment. You'd always been gorgeous, but at that moment, naked in his bed, it was the most beautiful and erotic thing he'd ever seen and yet he wanted it to make it forever. As he got inside of you, he didn't know how long it would last, how long you both would last, you were being way nicer and more compassionate than he would ever deserve it, but at the same time, something within said you shared the same feelings for each other.

Once you both reached your bliss, love bites, kissings, caresses and so much affection between you both, you relaxed into his arms, your head resting comfortably in his chest, and you felt at home. You still didn't know what the next day would bring you both. Perhaps you would stay together, or you would part ways for good, there was still so much to be done, to spoken, you would have to handle the fact and the consequences of not using protection with Joel, maybe that was a good reason to worry about , or not, you didn't want to think of it, just as you didn't want to think of how you both could ever explain to Sarah what happened, or how Joel would explain Tommy and you would explain your family how you got together, maybe even one day Angela could return, you'd learned the hard way life wasn't a bed of roses and you feared that if you agreed to be happy with Joel once more you would get hurt, one way or another, but all that wasn't important, not at that moment. All it mattered was you and your Joel in bed, snuggled up and worrying about nothing but each other. He nuzzled your neck, making you giggle and in return you pecked his lips once more. He wanted to say those three little words, but decided not to, not yet, instead, he wanted to show you it, now he'd had a taste of you, and he vowed himself to make you happy for the rest of his life.

He knew he had broken your heart, it was the worst thing Joel Miller had ever done, but he was going to win you back, because he wasn't going to give up happiness with you, not again.

____

A/N: besties, how did I do? Did you like it? I hope you did! I honestly had planned on writing a sad ending, I was going to make reader move on from Joel once for all, but then, is it even possible to get over him? It's impossible not to fall for him and give him a second chance. A third part is possible but I have no idea when, and feedback is always welcome my lovelies ❤️💕

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akuma-tenshi · 1 month ago

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finished closing night!! boy do i have some thoughts. and now that i've gathered them, i'm about to make my autism your problem. spoilers below.

the first part of the event wasn't awful imo, it felt like character building and just helping establish the dynamic. i know some people weren't fond of it but given that i was never really that invested in hullabaloo before this and didn't know every little detail of these characters, it was nice to get some character establishment and figure out how they all are as people. i am also a fan of slowburn character-focused horror, so that may just be a personal taste thing lmao

bryce papenbrook does a good job as mike, even though there are definitely points where he sounds exactly like nagito (namely the scene where he's shouting at margaretha in the foyer). he has a very particular way of speaking / voicing characters that make it immediately clear it's him. however, i do think he fits mike well and he definitely lays off the nagito-ness in the second part.

the rest of the cast was excellent as well. while there was a Choice made with murro's voice (he sounds WAY younger than he's supposed to be, which is off-putting and takes me out every time he speaks), it's very clear everyone knows their characters well and they all do a good job keeping their mannerisms and vocalisations unique and fitting to each role. aside from some awkward lines (which i attribute more to stilted writing than to the va's themselves), the voice acting is absolutely a highlight.

margaretha's trauma with sergi is portrayed very well imo. bear in mind i have not suffered the same abuse as her, so i can't say how accurate or good it is, but it feels like it displays that it was a terrible thing while also being respectful and avoiding being exploitative. the added layer that everyone else (except joker) liked sergi and was unaware of the abuse adds a lot.

in general, i think mike and margaretha are incredibly well-written here. i think ne could've absolutely gone the route of popular fan interpretations and completely demonised margaretha while making mike a perfect angel, and they would've gotten a lot of praise for it. but they stuck to their guns and made them both very flawed yet understandable people, and that just makes everything feel that much more real, at least to me. they're such different people with opposing goals, and their friction really comes through. everyone else is very well done (shoutout to me a couple of hours ago calling joker cute for some godforsaken reason i can't remember) and i love all of their characterisations, but mike and margie really are the standouts here.

i do wish there was a bigger payoff for margaretha using euphoria so frequently. i know it's implied to have been involved in violetta's death, and i appreciate the connection to game 5, but i wish there was a little bit more there. it's not a huge gripe though, so i won't harp on it for long.

the pacing at the start of the second part had me extremely worried; things felt like they were dragging along and being padded out for the sake of being padded out, and i was not having fun with it. fortunately, this issue was remedied about halfway through, and once things got going, i started really enjoying myself. the pacing of the first half of part two is my biggest gripe with this story.

i was noticing a lot of similarities between hullabaloo and fool's gold: hunter forms of popular survivors being announced and used as a major part of marketing for an update to the idv story. with the aforementioned pacing issues, i was really worried that hullabaloo's reveal would shape up to be similar to fg's: a kinda cool cutscene and a lame chase sequence at the very end of a long, boring storyline. however, despite hullabaloo having a much smaller part in this story than fg did in aom, appearing only briefly in the fire at the very end, i still think it's a better incorporation of the character than what they did with norton. better to have it be quick and intimidating than just kinda tedious.

every death in this (aside from joker's) felt very purposeful and well-done. violetta's death was heartbreaking. the change in animation towards the end, followed by the single sound of her machinery giving out after the screen went black, was beautiful, and hey, at least she died happy. margaretha's death pulled at a very specific and very major love i have in storytelling, that being a character choosing to die free rather than live in captivity, and the payoff of all the underwater scenes where she swims towards sergi finally coming through when she chooses to sink away from him had me losing my mind. i genuinely did not expect mike's death to be a straight-up suicide; like i said, i'm not completely caught up on hullabaloo lore, so maybe other people saw this coming, but the fact that he truly could not live with the truth about hullabaloo is such a heartwrenching yet satisfying end to his character. like i said, joker's is the only death that doesn't totally stand out, but i like that they let you put the pieces together yourself.

the chase sequence with joker was unintimidating and a little lame, and honestly it felt somewhat forced, just a way to get his hunter form in there bc they realised "oh shit right this guy's like. a hunter isn't he." i do like that they gave him back his chainsaw though; very nice little callback to the betas.

the animation of the hullabaloo fire was absolutely gorgeous and the ending had me in shambles. for a while afterwards i felt similar to how i felt after finishing end roll: drained and flat but in a good way, like a ton of adrenaline had just released from my body after some intense event.

all in all, i really enjoyed it. i can't say if i like it more than aom, but that may be the frederick bias coming through, so i'm going to choose not to rank them and just say hey. banger event. well worth the hype even with its hiccups and flaws. i always say this, but idv has some genuinely talented people in its writers' room, and i can't wait to see what they come out with next.

#rambling #idv #identity v #closing night spoilers #mike morton #idv acrobat #idv hullabaloo #margaretha zelle #idv dancer #idv female dancer #idv joker #idv weeping clown #idv smiley face #idv murro #murro morton #idv wildling #idv violetta #idv soul weaver

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simplyzeeka · 2 months ago

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Episode 2. Season 1

Lingering

But I'ma be someone to know soon

Come fuck with me

I aint got no plans for the weekend

Don't know what you was thinking.

Warnings: MDNI! Sweaty Terry in a wife beater, subtle flirting.

Summary: Where Syrae and Terry meet two times too many and sparks seem to fly yet again.

Author's note: everything in italics is a flashback.

Previously on Something Seasonal

Were degrees worth it? A single piece of paper, that only showed that you were eligible to work in a certain field. It didn't guarantee that you would even find work. Syrae often wondered all of this when it was time to open a book and study for her damned Dental Science degree.

With an assignment yet to be submitted, she had to grab her laptop and use her favourite cafés Wi-Fi, since the Wi-Fi in her ran down building was down every other week. Unfortunately for her (and her bank account), that meant she also had to constantly buy something to stay in the café. “Just a coffee will do, thanks.” She said to the waitress with a kind smile before turning back to her laptop.

She was stuck, tired and honestly so over life in general. Having to constantly click in and out of tabs to search for textbooks she couldn't afford was beginning to seem tedious, and she wished she would've gone to the local library instead, but something about the dust there always had her feeling a little itchy. As if her place was any better.

“Fuck me.” She groans lowly, taking off the glasses on her face and placing them on the table. She quickly saved her work and shut her laptop. Clearly she was not going to be the most productive.

Not only was she completely over this degree, she was exhausted from having to now work weekdays at the club. Syrae was falling a bit behind on rent, and that meant having to pick up shifts at the bar. “Thank you very much.” She said to the waitress as they placed her cup on the table.“You're welcome, ma’am. By the way, your check has already been settled by that man over there.”

With a frown, Syrae looks over to where the woman pointed. A tall man, piercing, green eyes and an intimidating aura despite the closed smile on his face. A tall man she has worked overnight trying to get out of her head, especially considering his situation.

“Your fiancé know you here?” A question slips past the sly smile she had on her lips. He chuckles, gaze unmoving, needing to commit her beauty to memory.

“It's my bachelor party, pretty sure she doin’ the same thing as me.” A shrug, he wasn't worried, pretty confident he would maintain his fidelity. “Hmm, a shame really.” her voice echoes, flying like pretty little monarchs into his ear and straight to his stomach.

“And why's that?” Curious, he needed to know, even if it would kill him. “Cause I could've given the greatest dance in your life.” because even if it did, satisfaction would most definitely bring him back. “You still can.” A nonchalant shrug, a mistake more than anything… because once lines blurred, it was hard to draw them again.

“Put it on me, baby.” And who would deny him with eyes like that? Syrae wouldn't, and Indigo? Indigo wouldn't dare to.

She knew she shouldn't entertain this in the slightest. The man was fine… too fine for her own good, but not only that- he was engaged… Well married by now and that was a no-no zone.

So Syrae only smiles, mouths a curt ‘thank you’ before she opened her laptop, trying to look like she was occupied.

Her attempts fail, because Terry frowned at the interaction. Clearly not satisfied, he walked over to her secluded table in meticulous steps, not wanting to seem too forthcoming and eager.

“Uh, hey? Hey, I'm sorry. I figured the message may seem malicious, and that's not the-”

Oh but Syrae was already on his ass, interrupting with a sigh and an unbothered look. “Look, I don't know what you thought this was. But that night was work. I'm not some piece of hot ass you could use to cheat on your wife. I might be a…dancer, but that don't mean I'm unethical.”

Terry placed his coffee on the table and raised his hands in surrender, before looking around then back at her. “Woah woah, that wasn't my intention. I wanted to apologise… for anyway I might have acted that night, actually. I had a bit much to drink, and I don't hold my liquor well.” He explains with a small frown.

Syrae's shoulders relax a bit, he seemed genuine for the most part. “Hmm, you were quite bold.” She jokes with a small smile. “I'm sorry, I just get a lot of thirsty husbands asking shit like that, and-”

It's Terry's turn to interrupt, a short laugh. Too short for Syrae's liking because the rumble was a smooth honey that had little dragonflies fluttering in her stomach. “Nah, you good. I get it. I'm not like that.”

“Of course you not…” Syrae whispered, loud enough for him to hear as they inspected each other with gentle smiles. It took a while for Syrae to notice that their eyes lingered a second too long, so she cleared her throat, pursing her lips as she straightened her posture.

Terry broke his eyes from hers, retrieving his coffee from the table before bidding his goodbyes. “Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your day, Indigo.”

Syrae internally cringed at the use of her stripper name outside of work, but mustered up a smile anyway. “You too. Thanks…again.” Everything about this was so awkward, she was glad when he simply nodded his head and turned to walk out the café so that she could finally release the breath she was holding.

Until a brown object caught her eyes on the floor. She squints and notices that the plain, brown woven leather just so happened to be his wallet. With determined haste, she stood and ran out the café, eyes scanning the sidewalk only to see nobody.

“Damn. Long ass legs.” She did what any other person would. Opened his wallet in hopes of a number, and luckily for her, she saw a business card with a number on it. Mike's Auto Masters. Below were a few numbers on how to contact the owner, followed under a name. Terry Richmond.

“Welp, looks like we gotta catch him again. God, why are all the fine ones taken.” She whispered before walking back into the café to finish her coffee and retrieve her belongings.

“Can't believe that you, Syrae Belles, is bout to break a rule.” Broisa, a fellow friend of Syrae comments as she lays stomach down on the couch.

Syrae rolled her eyes, a sigh resonated deep in chest. “I'm not breakin’ a rule girl.” She stated, “where else I'm ‘sposed to give this man his wallet?”

Broisa was annoying and noisy, Syrae couldn't believe their friendship survived as long as it did. Broisa was a beautiful dark-skinned woman. Working as a bottle girl at the same club Syrae worked in since she claimed pole dancing was too much of a work out for her.

“At the club? Where he met you?” the sassy woman replies as if the answer was that obvious. “You the one who made this whole rule bout not meeting your clients outside of he club, now here you are… breaking it.”

“I wouldn't say he's my client, Broisa. I only danced for him once.” Syrae defended with a sigh as she popped a chip in her mouth. “Yeah, one dance too many. Now he payin’ for your orders in cafés and shit.”

Syrae regretted telling Broisa about Terry. All she needed was one story to spiral everything into some hot fantasy where Syrae and Terry have an affair, despite her screaming men are trash, specifically for that reason alone.

“Broisa, please. I'm just meetin’ him at his shop tomorrow morning and giving the man back his wallet. Besides, ‘member when I told you he's married.” She emphasised the last word with a raised brow.

“How sure are you that he went through with the wedding?” Broisa throws back, “What if he told his wife he cheated and she left him at the al-”

“Woah now girl, cheat? I barely danced on that pole for an hour.” She laughs worriedly, Syrae doesn't condone cheating. Otherwise she wouldn't have shut himself down so quickly at the café. “Besides, he said that his wife went to a strip club herself.”

Broisa hums in apprehension, she has never really understood going to strip clubs for bachelor and bachelorette parties. Hell, she never understood those parties in general. Like hell will her man ever go to a strip club to celebrate his ‘last day single.’ She would turn that into his last day living.

“Anywho, where you go yesterday?” Syrae deflected with a question, “Had me blowing up your phone like I wanted your help burying a body.”

Broisa perked up at the question with a smile. “Tuh, girl! Tell me why Gage popped up on me?”

And just like that, the girls fell into a different conversation.

Syrae couldn't help but hum at the vast space of the auto repair shop. Clearly this Mike guy just recently built this shop from the ground up, everything was so pristine.

Syrae managed to call the number on the car and actually reached Terry himself, so they could arrange a time to meet a little after she found the wallet.

Back at her dusty apartment, Syrae can't help but to light some candles to help soothe her growing anxiety. Something about talking to this random stranger on the phone had her a little too nervous for a plausible explanation.

Still, she dialled the number and then listened to the phone ring as she eyed the flame on the herbal candle. When he heard the baritone of his voice she damn near slid off the couch. “Hey! Hey… uh. Hi, sorry.”

Embarrassing, that was embarrassing. The earth could open up and swallow her whole. If she still smoked weed, she would need fifteen blunts after this phone call. Syrae urged herself to get herself together in her head, needing so desperately to hold onto some sanity and clarity.

“Hey. I'm sorry, who am I talkin’ to?” And fuck did he have to sound so good? The way the phone amplified his voice made him sound finer than he usually does, despite Syrae only having heard his voice twice.

“Oh sorry, it's the girl from the café. I-Indigo? I got the wallet you dropped with me.” She explains, “Got your number on your business card.”

Terry sighs, seemingly in relief as Syrae interprets. “Fuck. Thank you so much, I was stressed out ‘bout that.” He laughed into the line, and Syrae clenched her thighs at the sound. “It's no problem, where would you like to meet to get it?” She asked immediately, needing to get off this damn phone.

There was silence in the line, “What bout tomorrow? I got an early mornin’ at work. You could pass by the shop and drop it off. That good?” He clarifies.

Stupidly, Syrae nodded her head as if he could see her. But she caught herself quickly and cleared her throat. “Uh, yeah. That sound good. See you tomorrow then.”

The inside of the shop was quiet, but Syrae heard the faint sound of soft rock playing at the back. That was probably the garage where all the magic happened. Syrae looked around while walking towards the reception desk. “Mornin’, I’m looking for Terry? Terry Richmond. Here to drop off a package.”

Despite her kindness, Syrae noticed the condescending look the woman behind the desk gave her. “I’m sorry ma’am, he went out.” Syrae frowned at the snide smile on the woman’s face. Syrae couldn't help but laugh sarcastically. “Well in that case… Miranda.” She drags after looking at her nametag, “Could you tell him to come back from wherever he is and honour our appoi-”

“Oh, you’re here already? Is everythin’ alright?” Terry graced the women with his presence. Dressed in a loose wife beater that was tucked underneath blue overalls in which he used the arms to tie around his waist. Rippled arms exposed while he wiped oil from his hands with a cloth.

Syrae quickly averted her gaze from his sweaty build and turned to the receptionist. “Yeah, just peaches and cream. Miranda here was just assurin’ security.” being the petty woman she is, Syrae scrunched her nose at the woman for extra measure.

Terry scratched his neck, noticing the obvious tension. Women, he thought, something always had to be a problem. “O-kay. Let’s go to the workshop. Thanks Randa.”

Syrae suddenly frowned at him, because there was no need for them to go in the workshop, she could have just given him the wallet and went on with her day. She did not vocalise her thoughts however, simply followed his lead.

The workshop smelled like a cacophony of strong smells that had her nostrils burning. The faint scent of Terry’s cologne seemed to soothe the burn. It was messy, tools everywhere and car parts. A number of men carried tyres and tools around as loud machines whirring had her feeling a little overstimulated.

The lingering stares from men made her regret her choice of wearing a skirt, and following Terry back here. Why did she follow him back here again?

Thankfully, the man led them into a secluded room, which seemed to absorb all the noise. His office. “Sorry bout the noise, figured here would be better.”

Syrae looked around the office. It was neat, had her jealous about his consistency to keep his space clean. Her room was always a hotspot for clean clothes on the floor with the way she raided her own closet everyday trying to find an outfit. “Yeah,much better.” she responded nervously, because nothing about being alone with this man was better.

“Oh, your wallet.” she said as she dug into her bag and handed him the leather accessory. “Right, thank you. A lot. I was ramming my head ‘bout it.” he laughed and Syrae reciprocated the gesture.

“You should be. Why you put everything in there? The poor thang can barely close.”

Terry let out a shoulder-shaking laugh, one that had Syrae wondering about how he liked his breakfast in the morning, or whether he preferred movies or reading, morning or night. Out of the two times she’s met him, she’s never seen him smile with all his teeth out like he was now. “Oh so you were snooping?” he asked with one thick eyebrow raised.

Syrae rolled her eyes playfully, “How else was I ‘sposed to find your number, which you have quite a lot, sir. You deal with pharmaceuticals or somethin’?” she eyed the man as he leaned on the desk with his arms crossed over his chest,only further flexing his deliciously muscular arms.

“Now what if I was and you askin’ that so boldly.” He laughed and shook his head. “But nah, I don’t.”

Their eyes lingered a few seconds too long, which Syrae broke her eyes from his. “Oh, I bought you some coffee, just to say thank you… for the other day.” she reached her hand towards him with a short smile. “Ain’t know what you like, so I just went with black with two sugars.”

Terry accepted the coffee with a quiet murmur of gratitude, hummed in gratitude at the taste. The coffee was more or less how he took it. “You did good, how you figured I would like it black though.”

“Well, you seem a little… practical and straight-forward. Someone who appreciates the simpler things in life. And you also look a little broody.”

Terry shook his head, taking no offence to her last comment. He often got people telling him that. Even his wife. “Hmm, and what about you?” he probably should not be flirting, he definitely shouldn't be. But just a little banter wouldn't hurt, and Syrae seemed to have a lot of it, it was refreshing.

“What about me?” and she shouldn't be entertaining any of this, but the way Terry was staring her down with those damn eyes. He was reeling her in, hook, line and sinker.

“Are you simple?” The question was, well… simple. But Syrae began overthinking it. The depth of it had her thinking over her entire life. “Hmm, I believe I’m a little more complex than that.” It was a joke, just something to keep the conversation going, although it should be put to an end, because Syrae failed to realise that Terry had long removed himself from the desk. Probably when she was handing him the coffee, his scent tickled her nose forcibly. Old wood and cocoa butter.

“How complex?” It was a leading question, an eager one too. One that had her slowly blinking to think it over, that had her biting down on her bottom lip. Her heart thumped a little faster, because damn Terry’s eyes were so beautiful. He had no reason being as beautiful as he was, had no reason to send waves of heat to her stomach that made the dragonflies grow tenfold. The fluttering caused a slight feel of nausea in her stomach.

Still, despite being so nervous, she smiled. “You tryna find out?”

Fuck, why did Syrae follow him back here again?

Next on Something Seasonal

#Spotify #terry richmond #terry richmond fanfiction #terry richmond x oc #terry richmond x black oc #aaron pierre #black female oc #black women #black!fem!oc #terry richmond fic #terry richmond got me in a choke hold #slow burn

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kaliforniahigh · 22 days ago

Text

But it would've been fun. If you would've been the one - jolly karlsson (part. 2)

It's finally out!!!! This is the part 2 to this Jolly imagine that I wrote.

Warnings: angst, a wedding, reader smokes a blunt, Jolly is insecure, a long dialogue and a happy ending after all <3 I also know nothing about weddings or if Bryan has a partner or not LOL

WC: 5k

Requests are closed for now.

The invitation came in the mail a few weeks after the fallout.

Bryan & Cecilia

Request the pleasure of your company at the ceremony of their wedding.

You stared at the beautiful invitation in your hands like you've been doing in the past couple of days since Bryan dropped it off himself at your house, wondering what you were supposed to do now. That day, you had a conversation with him that you haven't been able to get out of your head.

"I know things have been rocky with Jolly. I don't know why because he refuses to tell us. But I just wanted to let you know that everyone misses you, and I'd really like for you to be at my wedding", Bryan told you. So Jolly refused to tell them what happened?

Before you could think about it, the people pleaser inside of you answered before your brain could catch up with the words coming out of your mouth.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Bryan. Don't worry, I'll be there", you gave him a reassuring smile and he hugged you before leaving, telling you he was rushing to the fitting of his suit.

Realistically, you knew you'd have to attend the wedding regardless. Your friends meant a lot to you and you wouldn't miss this moment because of your fight with Jolly.

But you wish you had given yourself a little more time to think it over.

You told yourself you could avoid him, that you didn't have to speak to him. But how could you when your people were the same as his people? Would Bryan's fiancée sit you at the same table as them at the party? What would you do then?

Before you could spiral any longer, your phone vibrated beside you on the couch, signaling a new text message. You smiled when you saw it was from Folio.

Drummer Boy: You coming to Bryan's wedding, right?

You started typing your response when another text came through.

Drummer Boy: Jolly's been asking since Bryan started handing out the invitations.

Your smile faded immediately.

You: I'm going, but you can tell him I'm not.

You know it was petty, but you couldn't stand his audacity. Asking about you to his friends like he gave two shits about you being there or not. He probably wanted to know so he could bring his other girl peacefully.

Drummer Boy: I think we need to talk about whatever happened.

You: Do we really?

Drummer Boy: Yes, I want to know why the hell it's been weeks since you came over.

And why you make up an excuse everytime I invite you over.

And that's how you found yourself sitting in a café, trying to explain to Folio your situation with Jolly.

"So, you two have been fucking this whole time?", he asks. You gotta give it to him, he always liked to be plain and simple.

"Yep"

"And you got angry because you caught feeling and he didn't?"

You gave him a pointed look, as if to tell him to watch his words.

"It was not only that. I understand that he never promised me anything. It's just that it all became so cheap overtime", you took a sip from your steaming mug that was warming your hands. "Why did Bryan choose such a cold time of the year to get married? What am I supposed to wear? A fucking puffer jacket?", you observed, getting a little sidetracked.

"I don't know, I'll wear a suit", he shrugged his shoulders. "Don't try to get off-topic"

"Yeah, I mean, we never talked about anything else anymore. He only texted or called when he wanted sex. He stopped sticking around after we did it. He just put his clothed back on and then left"

"That's shitty", he pointed out and you gave him a "no shit, Sherlock" look. "Why do you think he started doing it?"

"Because it was simply transactional to him? Fuck some girl to get your frustrations out and then leave. That way you don't have to pretend like you care"

"I don't think that was it at all", it was his turn to take a sip and you waited for him to keep going. "I think he caught feelings just as bad as you did, but didn't know how to deal with it. So he just ignored it"

"Great. And then I have to feel like a fucking prostitute because a grown ass man can't deal with his feelings?", your voice got a little louder and he waved his hand to tell you to tone it down a bit.

"I'm not saying he's right"

"Because he isn't. If he cared at all he wouldn't show up with some other girl just couple of days after he was in my bed"

"That's why you left the party that day?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, by the way. I know it was your day", you gave him an apologetic look, remembering how you left without even saying goodbye.

"You don't have to apologize. But I do miss having you around the house", he smiled at you, and you had to admit that you also missed being there. But the need to never see Jolly again overpowered anything else.

"I really can't deal with being in the same room as him, Nick", you told him and he could see you were being sincere.

"I just sucks you know, having my two best friends fighting", you didn't miss the way he said "fighting" as if it was a temporary thing. You didn't want to let him down even more with the fact that you don't pretend to make amends with Jolly anytime soon.

"What are you gonna do at the wedding?", he asked and you sighed.

"I really don't know. I'll probably not stick around for the party and just leave after the ceremony"

"You can't do that! We haven't partied together in so long", he had a crestfallen look on his face, and that damned puppy gdog eyes he always gave you when he wanted something from you. "I promised I'll tell him to stay away from you"

"I don't know, Nick. He's not really good at following directions"

"I'll make sure he does this time. What do you say? We'll have so much fun you won't even notice he's there", you pondered on the idea for a second.

"I'll think about it, ok?", he agreed, but with the look on your face, he knew you had agreed already.

You didn't have much time to dwell on things for the next few weeks. Work has been hectic and you've been trying to get your life somewhat together for the end of the year.

Slowly, the pain in your heart and the disappointment started to fade away, and as you put on your heels to get in your Uber and go to the wedding venue, you thought you'd be fine seeing Jolly again, weeks after your fallout.

As you sat in the car, Folio had already texted you, saying he was sitting in the second row, and that he was a saving a spot for you next to him.

Taking a deep breath, you checked your makeup on the screen of your phone, and you smoothed out your dress over your thighs. The dress code was black tie, so you chose a simple, black dress, with a slit on the side, along with black stilettos. You actually gave Folio some sandals that he kept in his motorcycle for you to wear at the party.

Arriving at the venue, you gave your name and made your way inside. When you looked at the altar, your steps faltered a bit and you hoped no one noticed as people moved around you to settle on their seats.

Up there, you saw Bryan dressed in a black suit, along with Noah, Nicholas and Jolly on his side. Nothing could've prepared you for the way he looked.

His hair was pushed back and tied into a bun, and he was dressed in all black like the other guys, and you could only see the tattoos on his knuckles.

As if sensing your presence, he locked his eyes with yours and you saw just a sliver of surprise in them. His stare, and the way his eyes subtly ran up and down your body, set you back into motion.

You kept walking and when you got close enough to the altar, you waved at Bryan, Noah nd Nicholas, giving them a smile and tried to look as excited as you could. You could still feel Jolly's eyes on you, even when you turned to the side and slipped into the seat next to Folio, giving him a hug in greeting.

Looking around the place as it was filling up with people, you tried to spot the girl Jolly arrived at the party with all those days ago, but you found no trace of her. He was here alone. You told yourself this is the last time tonight you would let him and this situation consume your thoughts.

"You look banging", Folio told you, giving you a teasing shove with his elbow.

"You clean yourself up nice. Didn't know you could slick back your hair this much", you teased back.

"I think I used a whole bottle of gel. But it's staying intact the whole night, baby", he patted the top of his head to show you just how stiff it was. You laughed at his antics as you slipped into casual conversation with him.

From the altar, Jolly couldn't take his eyes off of you for even a second. The way you effortlessly looked like the most beautiful girl in the room, and he was sure that not even the bride could steal that spot from you.

He desperately wanted to be in Folio's place right now. Making conversation with you and having you smile at him like that.

Over the course of the weeks, he was sure he was never gonna be able to have that again. And he spent the time torturing himself over how much of a fool he was to let you slide through his fingers like that.

How much of an idiot he was to break your heart like that.

"Can I tell you something?", Noah said, leaning a little closer to him, and looking in the same direction as Jolly. He hummed, telling his friend to go on. "Her legs look so damn good in that dress", Noah said, while whistling lowly next to his friend. Nicholas gave him a warning glance, but understood what Noah was trying to do.

Jolly knew he was just messing with his head, but he couldn't help but clench his fists anyway. When he didn't answer, Noah decided to press his friend's button a little harder.

"You think she'd give me a chance if I shoot my shot tonight?", Noah observed as Jolly's eyes got even darker, and he slowly turned around to face him.

"I heard she doesn't give losers her time of day", Jolly said, rolling his eyes when he saw the teasing look on Noah's face.

"I heard she gave you a chance", Jolly slapped his friend in the chest and Noah smiled even wider. "Besides, Folio told me she's single as a pringle"

"She's not gonna be by the end of the night", Jolly said, turning around and finishing the conversation, but he heard Noah let out a little "uuhhh" sound beside him.

It wasn't long before everyone was seated and the ceremony was about to being.

You wanted to say your head and heart were in it, but you could sense Jolly's eyes on you the whole time. You refrained from looking at him, because you knew that if you did, and he was looking at you like he used to all those months ago before things went cold between the two of you, you'd definetely break. And you pretended to leave this place whole tonight.

Cecilia looked like the most stunning bride you've ever seen. Their vows were beautiful and you could see the love in their eyes, and you could feel the love consuming the whole place.

You teared up a little, but before anyone could see, you grabbed Folio's handkerchief from his pocket to dab at your eyes.

"I spent thirty minutes folding that", he whispered to you and you only told him to pay attention to the ceremony instead of complaining.

When the groom kissed the bride, everyone cheered as Bryan and Cecilia made their way down the aisle, hand in hand and with big smiles on their faces.

The party was going to take place at the same venue, but in a different space, and as people started to fizzle out, you stood up to do the same.

"I saw you shedding some tears from up there", you heard a voice and three people approaching, and soon, Noah, Nicholas and Jolly were beside you and Nick.

"I don't know what you're talking about", you answered, eyes not wavering from the tall man, as he smiled at your deflection.

"We missed you, Y/N", Nicholas said and opened his arms for a hug, which you gladly accepted.

"Me too", you admitted, cheek smushed against his suit jacket.

"I don't know about y'all, but I'm very excited to start drinking", Folio changed the topic of conversation, sensing your discomfort a little, and wanting to keep his promise and have Jolly stay as far away from you as possible.

"Gotta grab my sandals from your bike first", you pointed out, extanding your hand for him to give you his key, and you left the boys to make your way out of the venue and towards the parking lot.

Grabbing your sandals, you leaned against the motorcycle to take off your heels, and you stored them away in the top box. You were about to close it, when your eyes caught sight of something interesting. Reaching for it, you could see it was a blunt neatly rolled up.

Of course Folio would bring a blunt to a wedding.

Smiling in mischief, you grabbed it and put it inside your purse for later. It would be a joy to see the look on Nick's face when you showed him that you stole HIS blunt.

Finally closing the top box, you turned around to make your way to the where the party was being held, when you saw him in the distance. He was standing at the end of the stone pathway as if he was waiting for you.

The was no other path around him and the place was filled with cars, so your only option was to walk past him. Keeping your head down, you quickened your pace when you started to approach him.

"Hey", his soft voice stopped you in your tracks. You desperately wanted to keep moving and just ignore him, but it was like your brain was wired to pay attention to him. "Could we talk?", he asked as if he was approaching a skittish animal.

This time, you did turn to face him.

"Listen, I'm here for Bryan and Cecilia, and that's it. And no, we can't talk. It would be appreciated if you kept your distance, actually", you kept your face stoic and your eyes could freeze hell over from how icy they were.

"I just want five minutes, that's it", his soft spoken tone didn't waver, and if you stopped to observe his face for a few seconds, you would see the pining and and desperation in his eyes. But your resentment clouded your vision.

"You had all the time in the world already"

With this, you turned around and left.

You eyes looked for Nick, and when you spotted him, sitting at his table, you made your way over.

"Doing a hell of a good jog at keeping Jolly away from me, huh?", you confronted him, sitting in the chair beside him.

"I'm sorry! We were talking and next thing I knew, he was gone", he shrugged his shoulders, looking a little guilty about his little slip.

"Whatever. I'll stay for an hour max and then I'll leave", you grabbed the flute of champagne in front of him and took a sip. He opened his mouth to tell you to get your own drink, when you looked at him sideways and he deciced it was best to shut his mouth.

Soon, the dancefloor was full of with people and the music filled the room. Folio was successful in dragging you for a dance a time or two, but you mostly stayed seated, sipping champagne and then switching to water.

From time to time, you could see Jolly sitting at the bar, chatting with some people you didn't know. They were probably Bryan's friends. But you were just glad he listened to you and kept his distance.

One hour turned into two, and when you looked outside, the sky was already dark, the moon shining in the distance. And you remembered the rolled up blunt you took from Nick's motorcycle.

You'd share with him if he wasn't having so much fun dancing ridiculously to some 2000's song with the boys on the dancefloor. So, alone, you open a sliding glass door that led to a spacious balcony overlooking the whole area.

The wedding was not at a remote location, but it was far away enough from the city to be surrounded by tall trees. You opened your purse and took out the still neatly rolled up blunt, balancing your purse on the wooden rail and leaning both of your elbows on it as you lit up the joint.

Taking the first drag, you feel the smoke consuming your lungs, and you hope this one can make you forget things for a minute or two.

From the dancefloor, Folio saw you slip outside, and abandoned the boys in order to approach Jolly, who was still sitting at the bar, this time alone, hands fiddling with the empty whiskey glass on the counter.

"Hey, man", Folio said, sitting in the stool next to him.

"What's up?", Jolly replied, but there was not much excitement in his voice.

"Listen, I just saw Y/N going outside. You should go there and talk to her", Nick said, nudging Jolly in the ribs. He just sighed and shook his head.

"I don't think she wants to talk to me"

"You gotta try though. You gotta tell her everthing you told me", Nick reasoned and Jolly could tell he wasn't gonna let this go that easily.

"I already tried, ok? I didn't even have the chance to approach her properly, but she already told me to stay the fuck away from her", Jolly's voice was agitated now, remembering your previous interaction. "I gotta listen to her if that's what she wants"

"You do whatever you want to do, but I gotta tell you something", Nick got up and leaned a little closer, to make sure his words were loud and clear. "If you don't try to make things right tonight, you might never get another chance. And in a few years, she's gonna be the one getting married. To another guy", Jolly let his friend's word sink in. He knew Nick was telling the truth, and the thought of you being with someone else terrified him. "You're just gonna be watching from the sidelines, because you were too much of a pussy to go after her"

Jolly couldn't look at Nick, but right after he was done, he left Jolly's side to go back to the dancefloor.

Jolly looked outside, but wasn't able to spot you due to everyone mingling about, as he pondered over his friend's words. He knew that Nick was right. He already went weeks without seeing you, and he was already struggling with the fact that he couldn't talk to you, couldn't see you, touch you. He couldn't fathom spending the rest of his life with anyone else but you.

He decided that you couldn't hate him anymore than you already do, so, abandoning his empty cup on the counter, he got up and made his way outside. His mind running a million miles a minute, trying to gather everything he wanted to tell you before you had the chance to tell him to go to hell.

Sliding the door open, he saw you leaning against the balcony railing, puffs of smoke coming out of your mouth, and he smiled at this. You were probably smoking the weed Folio provided you.

"I told you to leave me alone", you said, keeping your voice even. He couldn't help but noticed how you didn't even need to turn around to know it was him who just entered through the doors. At least you were still attuned to him in some sense.

"I'm gonna talk to you", he said and you were taken aback by his affirmation. Turning to around to finally face him, you saw that his face was serious, and he had his arms crossed over his chest.

"Excuse me?", you asked, tilting your head to the side.

"You heard me, I'm gonna talk to you wether you want to listen or not"

You scoffed, putting out the joint and placing it back inside your purse. It would be stinking of weed later, but you couldn't care less at this point.

Closing the distance between the two of you, you stopped just a few steps in front of him.

"You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to listen to whatever it is that you have to say"

You walked past him and towards to sliding glass door with the intention of leaving this party for good now.

"I'm out of my mind in love with you, that's what I am!", he exclaimed, you stopped in your tracks, breath hitching and heart hammering in your ribcage from what you just heard.

You looked at him, but he was already looking at you. You saw the determination in his eyes, and you bet yours were wild in sheer surprise.

"What did you just say?", your voice lost all it's edge, as you almost whispered your question.

"You heard me"

"You don't know what you're talking about"

He couldn't possibly be telling you he loves you right now, intead of all the times you gave him the chance and all he gave you were crumbles of affection. Sometimes not even that.

"I know damn well what I'm talking about. In fact, I've been in love with you since the moment Folio introduced you to the band"

"Jolly, that was years ago", your head was spinning right now, trying to make sense of the situation.

"I know, and I should've told you sooner instead of doing whatever it is that I was doing", you could tell he was letting his guard down, so you decided to do the same for the sake of this conversation.

"And why are you telling me this right now?"

"Because I was an idiot with you, and I need you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I never meant to make you feel used, or make you feel like you were just someone I called for a quick fuck", he took one step closer, and you let him.

"Then why did you? I felt like you were miles away from me even when we were touching skin to skin. It felt like you were somewhere else all the time. And all those times you just left me there?", your brows were furrowed in confusion and your eyes were starting to fill with tears, as you remembered how you felt after each time he left you alone in bed.

"That night, do you remember when you told me I knew you were emotionally attached to you?", he asked and you nodded your head yes. "That's true, I knew. And I thought that distancing myself from you would make you feel less for me"

"Why would you want that?"

"Because you don't deserve someone like me. And I think this conversation we're having right now just proves that"

"You don't get to tell me what I do and what I don't deserve", your face twisted in anger at what he just told you.

"I know I don't, buy you can't possibly think I would be a good boyfriend to you. I'm gone all the time, for months on end, and I would never ask you to leave your things behind to go on tour with me. Why would you date someone who's gonna leave you for 3 or 4 months at a time?", he tried to get his point across, because in his head, it made complete sense.

"It would all be worth it because I would be yours and you would be mine, and I wouldn't be left wondering if you care about me or not. Besides, you should've just told me that's how you felt instead of stringing me along like you did", you raised your voice, pointing at him while you spoke, and when you finished, silence fell over the both of you.

Jolly felt like he was losing this battle and losing you along with it.

"I'm sorry. About everything. I know you don't want to see my face, but please, don't stop interacting with the boys. They absolutely adore you, and it makes me feel shitty that you can't be around them because of me", he looked at you with sincerity in his eyes and you could see he felt guilty about everything.

"Why did you still call me? If you wanted to push me away, why did you still call me?"

You still had questions, and you wanted answers to them.

"Because I can't be away from you. I know I sound like a selfish asshole, but I literally couldn't be away from you. It was better having some of you, rather than none of you"

You shook your head. What a stupid boy, probably the stupidest boy you've ever met.

"You had me. You had all of me. And you should've just told me"

"I know. I'm sorry"

You could see his eyes gleaming with unshed tears. Your own were the same.

"Damn it, Jolly. You should've just fucking told me"

"I know I'm too late. But I'm really hoping you can find it in your heart to maybe consider me as a friend"

You pondered over his words for a second. You could, you could tell him you would try to be civil, so you don't have to stay away from your friends. But the truth is, you know you could never have him as friend.

"I can't"

Jolly felt ice in his veins as soon as the words left your lips. He was too late, he was too much of an idiot and now he was paying the price. He should've never taken Nick's advide and come talk to you.

"I can't have you as a friend thinking that I could've had you as so much more. I can't have you as a friend, because one day, when you get a girlfriend, I'm gonna be thinking that it should've been me instead of her"

You let the tears fall freely now. He stepped closer to you, closing the distance and facing you. He hesitated for a second, before he gently rested both hands on your face, lightly wiping away the tears falling down your cheeks, as if you were a wounded animal.

"I don't want to have anyone else but you. I don't imagine living my life with anyone else but you", he whispered the words between you.

You put your hands over his, caressing it and reveling in the feeling of his skin on yours after what felt like an eternity.

"Me neither", you confessed, tired of pretending you're not longing for him as much as he is longing for you.

"Then let me try again? I swear I'll do things right this time if you let me", he rested his forehead on yours and you both closed your eyes.

"Do you really love me?", you asked in a whisper, as if afraid of the answer.

"I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, my angel"

You weren't looking in his eyes, but you felt in your bones the emotion and sincerity in his voice. You could also feel the love pouring out of him with every word he spoke.

"Then let's try again", you opened your eyes to see his reaction, and his were already looking back at you.

A smile graced his lips, and you couldn't help but smile back.

"Really?", he asked, a little in disbelief.

"Turns out I also can't be away from you", you shrugged your shoulders and you saw the light returning to his eyes.

"Can I hug you? I really wanna hug you. And I also really wanna kiss you right now".

You didn't answer him, instead, you placed one hand on the back of his neck, and closed the already small distance between you two, your lips finding his in what started as a chaste kiss, but deepened when he started to move his mouth against yours.

You could feel fireworks erupting in your belly. You thought you'd never get to have him like this again, so you savored the taste of him on your lips, the feeling of his skin under your hands, and the heat radiating from his body onto yours. You were sure he was gonna set you on fire.

Once you parted, his hands went from your face to your hips, not letting you stray away from him. And you took advantage of the situation to run the palm of your hand over his hair, that was still tied, but a few wisps stuck out here and there, and you smoothed them down with your hands.

"I'm gonna take you on a date this time. I'll do everything right.", he promised you, and you felt yourself excited for what's to come for the two of you.

"We'll do everything right"

#jolly karlsson imagine #jolly karlsson #joakim jolly karlsson #jolly karlsson fluff #jolly karlsson fanfiction #jolly karlsson x reader #bad omens #bad omens imagine #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fluff #bad omens angst #bad omens fic #jolly karlsson angst #jolly thoughts

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reythenerdypisces · 10 months ago

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things that I overlooked in PJO the first time / small, funny things I noticed during my reread

Part 3: The Titan's Curse

The truth was I was kind of disappointed to hear that she liked her new school so much. It was the first time she'd gone to school in New York. I'd been hoping to see her more often.

I tried to concentrate on little things, like the crepe-paper streamers and the punch bowl - anything but that fact that Annabeth was taller than me, and my hands were sweaty and probably gross, and I kept stepping on her toes.

"The General?" I asked. Then I realised I'd said it in a French accent. "I mean... who's the General?" I want this part to be in the show

"Sweet! Let's go! [to CHB]" said Nico. this breaks my heart. he was so excited in this book

Tyson thought Annabeth was just about the coolest thing since peanut butter (and he seriously loved peanut butter).

"How would you kidnap an immortal goddess? Is that even possible?" "Well, yeah. I mean, it happened to Persephone." "But she was like, the goddess of flowers." Grover looked offended. "Springtime." you tell him grover

"That's some serious danger you're facing." Connor Stoll said. (I liked how he said you and not we.) I'm just imagining the rest of the campers not bothering to go on quests cause it's always the same few demigods and they don't care, they're just chilling safe at CHB while Percy and Annabeth do their things

The creature looked at me sadly. "Moooo!" But I couldn't understand his thoughts. I only speak horse. Percy Jackson speaks two languages: English and Horse

With a shiver, I realised that five hundred or a thousand years from now, Bianca di Angelo would look exactly the same as she did today. She might be having a conversation like this with some other half blood long after I was dead but Bianca would still look twelve years old. ouch

"It wants to kill us!" Thalia said. "Of course." Grover said. "It's wild!" "So how is that a blessing?" Bianca asked.

"That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there." "Which one is me?" I asked. "The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.

When she smiled at me, just for a moment she looked a little like Annabeth. I know everyone talks about this part but I can't help but bring it up again, they are so cute

"Woah, first of all, I never said anything about love. And second, what's up with tragic!" little does he know. also, Percy is so incredibly insightful in this book but he's also so jealous of Annabeth and Luke and so upset about the idea of her joining the hunters yet still can't figure out that he likes her

"Seven hundred feet tall," I said. "Built in the 1930s." "Five million cubic acres of water," Thalia said. Grover sighed. "Largest construction project in the United States." Zoe stared at us. "How do you know all that?" "Annabeth," I said. "She liked architecture." I cannot explain how much this little bit means to me.

The girl I'd just tried to slice in half yelped and dropped her Kleenex. "Oh my god." she shouted. "Do you always kill people when they blow their nose?" Rachel's here!!! I love her

Five minutes later, Zoe had me outfitted in a ragged flannel shirt and jeans three sizes too big, bright red sneakers, and a floppy rainbow hat. someone draw this and tag me. what an outfit

Suddenly it occurred to me: this had happened to her before. She had been cornered on Half-Blood Hill. She'd willingly given her life for her friends. But this time, she couldn't save us. How could I let that happen to her? he is the most empathetic, wholesome guy, I love Percy

"Can't this go any faster?" Thalia demanded. Zoe glared at her. "I cannot control traffic." You both sound like my mother." I said. "Shut up!" they said in unison. I kind of wish we got more Thalia and Zoe interactions... they would've made such a great enemies to lovers dynamic, if Zoe didn't die

"Get away from my daughter!" Dr Chase called down, and his machine gun burst to life, peppering the ground with bullet holes and startling the whole group of monsters into scattering. "Dad?" yelled Annabeth in disbelief.

Grover went off with his satyr friends to spread the word about our strange encounter with the magic of Pan. Within an hour, the satyrs were all running around agitated, asking where the nearest espresso bar was.

"No," I said. "I choose the prophecy. It will be about me." "Why are you saying that?" she cried. "You want to be responsible for the whole world?" It was the last thing I wanted, but I didn't say that. I knew I had to step up and claim it. "I can't let Nico be in any more danger." I said. might I remind you this boy is 13/14 and has the whole world on his shoulders (both literally at some point and figuratively)

I feel like these are just getting longer and longer but again, I will be back for part 4!

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #pjo series #pjo disney+#the titans curse #rick riordan #perseus jackson #annabeth chase #grover underwood #rachel dare #thalia grace #bianca di angelo #nico di angelo

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kyunniebuns · 3 months ago

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I'll be honest even if I am a big Jinwoo fan I wouldn't defend this man like going to war saying he is the strongest or saying he has the perfect story.

My definition of perfect story is and always will be Heaven Official's Blessing, Grandmaster of Demonic Cultuvation, Scum Villain's Self-saving System, Husky and His White cat Shizun, Little Mushroom and Nan Chan.

Jinwoo is undeniably strong, but emotionally he would've been written better. We should have been given more about his struggle about losing his emotions, his struggle at the fact that he may no longer feel love and maybe it could have been a plot where he struggles to interact with his family knowing he can't feel emotions as much. We should have been given more insight to Jinwoo's depression in his E-rank era. He also went through death multiple times where is the ptsd? He went through war alone he should have more struggle. Sure, chalk it up to him already being disassociated with his emotions but buddy??? Even if he was I'm sure this man must feel a huge emptiness in him as he represents the abyss. What about that plot where Byung-gyu warned about his powers? awe aren't given any sort of sht about that. It was just said and done. We never witnessed Jinwoo struggling with his powers eating him from the inside out.

His powers affected his quality of life in a positive light, but its also a sort of punishment for Jinwoo since he cheated death and defies human biology. We could have been given a plot where Jinwoo is feeling frustrated with himself. Also he watched precious people die around him, wdym this guy has no severe anxiety? I would have personally suffer from constant panic attacks. Even if he places his shadows on everyone this guy must still have some anxiety atleast come on.

Jinwoo would obviously have depression and anxiety with what he's been through.

We can even have a plot where since he is an INTJ and they are known for thinking with their heads most of the time, we could have a Jinwoo who rationalizes things way too much. Or we could have a Jinwoo who rationalizes things to avoid the crippling depression and emptiness he feels after achieving his status as a monarch. There is so much room for us to make Jinwoo more interesting.

Jinwoo has so much potential in suffering with himself yet were just given perfect mr boy powering through everything. Which is good. You can have that plot of Jinwoo powering through everything but atleast show us situation where we can see the broken and battered him so that when he is victorious over them we as the audience feel rewarded for his triumph.

I love this guy don't get me wrong. But I wish we could have been given more emotional attachment rather than just being slapped with "Cute uwu boy turns emo and edgy" randomly. Atleast properly show us his inner turmoils in his transition

#∞ ₒ ˚ ° 📎— kyunnya speaks

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isa-ghost · 4 days ago

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I think my final stance on the cQuackity finale is:

Should it have been done? Eeh. But is it valid to want to revamp what was previously done because the time period the prev happened in kinda sucked? Absolutely. As an artist, writer, and veteran roleplayer with 13+ years experience, I 100% understand why Q redid it and I respect that. He also has every right to close off the chapter of his mcrp journey that involved those shit people, especially Mr. Racist Ringleader, the way he did.

And with that in mind, the finale we got was the best it could be given... *stares at how, again, half the ccs involved with cQ's story suck.* Quackity shouldn't have to sit unhappy with something he did just bc he can't conclude it to the full extent it could've/should've been. I would've loved for him to be able to unpack everything he should've been able to. It just isn't possible bc people suck. At least Q cares enough to want to redo it in the first place, even if the redo maybe isn't better or whatever. Caring enough to redo it at all is more than could be said for quite a few ex dsmp members. :/

It 100% fit the character and people are being way too pearl clutchy about how not every character gets a happy ending. Listen man, I'm sick of mcrp stories ending with "and then I killed myself" too (/gen), but in cQ's case at least it's fitting. I haven't seen a single person that's mad about the ending suggest a better "happy" alternative that fits cQ as a character or is a choice cQ would Actually make. I'm not gonna write another whole analysis about why the ending makes sense again, go find that post. I could say more over there if it matters that much to someone, but I'm not gonna argue about it.

Also this might shock some people: *gasp* Quackity can do what he fucking wants with his characters. That doesn't mean you have to like it. What the fuck ever happened to "don't like it? Don't interact"?? I'm so tired.

I liked the finale and I think it fit cQ. It's not perfect by any means, but of the finales we've gotten after the tension of dsmp's fallout died down, it's a decent one.

People need to chill the fucking hell out, they have been WAY too hostile about the finale. I've seen people call Q a garbage writer, wishing he'd go broke, that he doesn't care about any of this (despite the fact that he was NEARLY IN TEARS because of how much these stories mean to him, especially cQ), that it was a ruse to plug merch, etc. Absolutely ice cold heartless garbage takes about Quackity. And some of them are from blogs who are supposedly fans of his bc their entire BLOG is decorated with him!!! Those are fucking nuts things to say about a guy you supposedly like!!!! You don't know someone's OC better than they do. Period. Fuck you, cope. I can't fucking stand people who feel entitled like that.

Anyway if you start shit on this post or with me I'm just blocking you. I'm not here to argue about this shit man, I'm just sick of people being so black&white and overly critical of shit so I wanted to air out the thoughts buzzing around in my mind so they stop driving me crazy.

Shout out to everyone who's actually capable of being nuanced and fairly critical of things they like without being a total fucking asshole that blows shit out of proportion and takes every little thing in bad faith to the furthest extreme.

#quackity #quackiverse #discourse #dsmp #dream smp #c!quackity

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gamerbearmira · 3 months ago

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My Take On Wish

I liked it. Now, it’s not the best. But it’s still pretty good in hindsight. They had a good idea, but they executed it poorly.

I think a big reason is the movie had such high expectations. It was the movie for the 100th anniversary, which is huge. But they had no time and no money. The movie feels rushed, there's so much that happens too fast in such a short amount of time. That brings me to my next point.

Time. This movie should have been longer. Of the most recent movies, like Turning Red, Encanto, Luca and Elemental, they run for about 1 hr and 35-49 minutes. But they don't feel rushed. Everything us spaced out and works, at least for the most part. Every movie has it flaws in run time. Wish runs for the same amount of time as Encanto; but it feels so much more rush. The movie should have been longer, and I feel like people wouldn't have been too made at an extra 20 to 30 minutes. It would've given a lot more to world and established things, and answer questions that were left unanswered.

Characters. They weren't bad! They had some good characters, and the designs were...good. I like them, and I can see what they were doing. Like Magnifico and Amaya, I really like their designs! Same with the teens (save for a few things, mostly color, but I digress). Valentino is cute, but I don't like how they gave him a deep voice. Asha and Star? They're ok, at best. Looking at the concept art in the book, there was SO much potential that they didn't use.

Asha looks a lot like Isabela. It's a running joke. But the closer I look, she looks too much like her. Literally, if you look in the book, you can see that she actually had a floral dress that seemed a little too similar to Isabela's. The thing is, she had a lot of other really good designs, which I used in the redesign below, among other things. Star, he's cute but...it's sad. He was so obviously going to be a love interest. AND YES DISNEY. IT'S OK TO HAVE A HEROINE FALL IN LOVE. I took one of his designs that nearly stuck and tweaked it a little. He still has a star form, for other purposes.

The songs. They were ok, but I'm sort of understanding the joke if "They were written by ChatGPT". They sound so empty? But when you listen to the demos they sound better. That brings me to "At All Costs". I heard it in the movie. It's sung by Magnifico and Asha, when it was so obviously meant to be sung by Asha and her love interest, which would have been Starboy. And the demo is actually really good.

For my redesigns? I changed quite a but on Asha. Her friends are supposed to be like the seven dwarves. So why in the world didn't they utilize Snow White for Asha? I'm not saying she had to be a carbon copy, but jeez, it would've been nice. In my design, I gave her a mix of other dresses she had in the book, changing it a bit to look like snow white's but still being original. I changed the colors, toning them to be more similar to Wish's colors.

Valentino stayed entirely the same. I saw that he was originally he was going to be much larger, pretty much grown. So, I took that and gave him a sister. They aren't really "siblings, Valentina was born way before Valentino, but he's always following behind her, so Asha deemed them "honorary siblings". And I mostly wanted Asha to have more animals around her, like Snow White.

Star is still Star, but he also has a human form. In my opinion, it wouldn't be very present until later in the story. The more tine he spends around Asha, the more he feels more comfortable using it to help Asha. And also, he wants to be like Asha. He loves humans, and watches them from the sky all the time. He may or may not be the North Star. I'm still debating.

Maybe I'll do more with other characters.

Story. I want to try a rewrite. Not now, cause I still have a bunch of Encanto that I'd want to finish, but definitely in the future. I may do more Wish posts on my designs and what I'd worldbuild with some ideas were:

Asha is already Magnifico's apprentice.

Magnifico used the book before he founded Rosa, and built Rosa to take people's wishes for his power under the guise of what he does in the movie currently. He keeps some wishes alive to grant them. No one knows, not even Amaya. Asha finds out. This means he's evil from the start and stays evil. No redemption. No return.

Wishes affect a person not just emotionally, but slightly mentally and sometimes physically. When ita given away, the person feel not just an emptiness, but also heaviness in their body physically.

Amaya is a bit more morally gray, being in Magnifico's side, and even helping him, but slowly shifting to Asha after seeing what he's doing.

Star plays a bigger role much earlier on. The Teens do as well. I feel like they had no character in the movie. Not even Dahila, who I do I love.

It's closer to Asha's birthday. So when she finds out about Magnifico, she's scared of losing her wish, and being unable to restore everyone else's that was already lost, like her Saba's.

Asha may or may not have a staff like Magnifico's. But like?? A training staff??

Magnifico may or may nit being trying to corrupt Asha with the book. She is subject to hus magic still, and sometimes it seeps into her mind, but Star is there to counter it.

Star is much stronger in terms of magic, enough to be on par, or almost on par with Magnifico.

TL;DR: I like Wish. But it has flaws. I wanna try my hand at a rewrite one if these days.

#my asks are open #wish #wish asha #wish star #wish magnifico #wish amaya

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adamnablelittledevil · 2 months ago

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Only Blood Communion and Interview With the Vampire to go now. I'll make more elaborated posts about my thoughts once I'm done with everything, but here are some of my opinions:

TVA is absolutely my favorite (I've said it before and will say it again: the most purifying cry I had in my life, it destroyed and restored me in the best possible way), TVL, TQOTD and Prince Lestat are also on my top 4, though I don't know where to place the latter on my personal ranking. The others are sort of tied and the order changes according to specific aspects. Like, Blood and Gold covers a lot of eras and places of the world, has multiple interesting characters, so it's fun in the sense there's a lot of stuff to see, even if I'm not a Marius's fan and he isn't the best narrator imo. On the other hand, something like Merrick is more packed, just her, Louis and David (and some Lestat), but I just love her as a character and the whole story of her family. I can't really choose.

Memnoch would be the last because it was the one I struggled with (tho I loved Armand on it), I thought the concept was great and I could've loved it with a more active, intense and eventful execution. Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis is second-to-last because most of the plot was dumb to me, the part that made sense was solved in an unconvincing way, I had to do a lot of suspending disbelief even for a supernatural/sci-fi story... But it was nice to have so many characters I love reunited, even if some didn't have lines, it's nice to know they're around and I enjoy the vampires having sort of a healthy little community.

Favorite character is definitely Armand, then Lestat, then Pandora, Maharet, Mekare, Flavius, Merrick, Bianca, Gabrielle, Mona, Benji, Avicus and Petronia (they didn't appear much and did awful brutal stuff, yes, but having an intersex/gender-fluid character was great and they had so much baggage I could empathize with them). Most after Armand and Lestat are tied. I don't know if I'd call Benedict a fave, but I'm somewhat attached to him (and I KNOW about those spoilers). I LOVE Vittorio and Ursula too and I hope they can appear in some shape or form on the show. I don't looooove Antoine, but he's alright to me. He just seems to be a poor/broke dude who wants to live, have friends and dedicate his existence to his hyperfixations and I can relate because same lol. I get him.

Favorite pairings (either as an OTP or brotp): Lesmand (👑👑👑), Pandora and Flavius (👑👑), Maharet and Mekare (👑, they just don't get more crowns because they don't appear as much as I wanted 😔), Armand and Benji and Sybelle (as duos and a trio), Armand and Riccardo, Armand and Bianca (pretty much Armand and everyone that isn't Marius lol), Lestat and Mona (their childish siblings-coded beef entertains me), Maharet and Jesse and Vittorio and Ursula (👑👑). I wish I had seen more of some characters/dynamics, tho.

MAYBE I could tolerate Marius and even love Magnus (he seems to have a sad and interesting story) if all I'd seen of them had been the content of the last trilogy, but given the previous books, I'm not sure I can enjoy Anne's decisions. I have a lot of mixed feelings about Magnus apologizing and Marius's behavior not even being seen as something to apologize for in the first place, but that's for another post.

Some of the books I would've been able to read and love with or without the show, some I only read to get information, but I'm mostly glad I'm equipped with so much of the lore now. That's not to say there aren't problematic things even for the genre that I need to compartmentalize and ignore (to some extent and not completely) for my enjoyment, because there is a lot of that, but it hasn't been a waste of time. And I'm glad I know what can happen in the future, make silly little fancasts and have events to look forward to seeing on the series. Obviously, opinions can change with the next books, when I re-read the novels or even with conversations and discussions... And that makes me excited as well.

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starryalpacasstuff · 4 months ago

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Knock Knock Boys: A Queer Asian Lens

I didn't watch Knock Knock Boys as it was airing, because it didn't really seem like the kind of show I'd be into. However, this post by @lurkingshan and @waitmyturtles' enthusiastic recommendation convinced me to give it a shot. Having binged the entirety of the series in a day, I can say that the show was an absolute delight to watch.

I've seen plenty of people talking about how wonderfully sex positive the show was, so I'm not going to bother with going too much into it, but I will say that the drama clearly showed the kind of sex education and awareness that is desperately needed around the world. I also really liked how Lukpeach and Latte were the ones responsible for pretty much all of the sex education in the show. It was very realistic in that, in my experience, it's extremely common for teenagers and young adults to get a majority of their knowledge about sex from their friends and the internet. The show had a very clear message about the importance of talking freely about sex with younger generations, because the taboo on the topic only harms teenagers in the long run.

Now, besides that, there was one more issue that I thought the show did wonderfully: it showed how asian kids are often hesitant to discuss things with their parents because they assume the worst in the beginning. I'm having some trouble articulating this, because it's such an abstract, ingrained concept to me, so forgive me if this is incoherent. I'm also generalizing my experience as an Indian, so please do correct me if I'm wrong here. That being said, having been raised in a society that values respect and listening to elders without question, discussing alternate ideas with parents can be a very difficult thing for most of us. It's easy to assume what parents would say to an idea and decide that trying to convince them otherwise is a task that is either futile or requires too much energy.

The best way I can describe is that the mindset becomes "It's better to ask for forgiveness if you get caught instead of asking for permission straight away". For example, had Almond asked his mother if he could stay with three other guys, she would've most definitely flat out refused, since she would've had a lot of preconceived notions about the idea. But, because Almond is able to show her that he's happy as he was, she was perfectly fine with him continuing to stay with the others. I think that's the hallmark of most asian parents, they want us to be happy but they're convinced that they know what kind of life will make us happy. They did something similar with Peak and his father, but my feelings on that are a little more complex, so we'll come back to this.

Peak and Thanwa, man. I loved Latte and Almond but these two just stole the show for me. I know some people felt frustrated with Peak's dallying and hesitance, but I just felt so sad for him, and something about his situation just hit very close to home. And Seng, the actor that he is. One particular moment that stuck with me was the scene when he leaned against the door while Jumper attacked Max. I must've rewatched that moment half a dozen times, because his acting was impeccable. I will say, I wish that they'd given us a better resolution on the arc after Max, but those are mostly minor quibbles. What I really wanted to talk about was the arc with Peak's father. Peak gathering the courage to tell his father with the support from his found family was beautiful. The scene at Knock Knock House the day before Peak left was one of the most magnificent, emotionally charged scenes I've seen in asian ql in a while. Coming from a societ wherein arranged marriage is the norm, the storyline hit hard in all the right places.

But. I did not love the resolution of the arc. I think we've had some conversation about how some shows try to be both in the bubble and out of the bubble simultaneously, and the last two episodes of the show felt a little like that. From what we knew about the father, it felt almost too easy for him to simply accept everything right away. There should have been some struggle for reconciliation. I know that the show has a theme of assumptions and lack of communication disrupting parent-child relationships, but in this case how fast they move on just seems unrealistic. My cynicism aside, even if we assume that the father wasn't homophobic, there should've been more of a conversation on the breaking of the engagement! The social implications, the father asking him why he didn't say anything for so long, Jane's involvement (how did the father know that she knew about this?). The only argument I can see against this is that the father, while initially put off by the revelation, chose to act otherwise to support his son. But then, he most likely wouldn't have insisted they take his car. And there still should've been some sort of a conversation about the engagement. Arranged marriages have a purpose; it's to provide financial and social security. I find it extremely hard to believe that a father who arranged a marriage for his son wouldn't have so much as discuss the implications of being gay with him. They tried to have the engagement have consequences with the wedding banquet, but the resolution for that really only made it worse. This is cynical of me, but I simply cannot suspend my disbelief enough to believe that the entire wedding party was perfectly happy with the turn of events. This whole resolution just seemed out of place in a show that was otherwise so wonderfully grounded in reality while still being absolutely hilarious. I think, if the show had done something a little more similar to GAP, it would've felt more realistic.

All of that aside, I really did enjoy watching the show. It was hilarious and heartwarming, and the characters were absolutely wonderful. The resolution of the final arc did drag it down a little, but I would be lying if I said that watching two queer couples get to celebrate their relationships with their community didn't warm my heart at all (Also, side note- Jane having a girlfriend was a brilliant subversion). All in all, it's a great series. It definitely felt like something new and fresh compared to the kind of qls that I've been watching lately.

#look i know im being a little cynical about the ending #but when i came out to my mother (who is by all accounts and purposes one of the more progressive older people i know)#and asked her if she thought it was a phase #she said yes and confirmed that i was still attracted to men #because living as a queer person is extremely hard in india #and that's not to mention the numerous lectures ive had to sit through on the importance of marriage #so...yeah #i did really love the show though #feel free to argue/add on i'd love to have more conversation on this #especially because i had a lot of trouble articulating myself for this #so some of what i wanted to write didn't come through #but im tired now #knock knock boys #whoops sorry accidentally deleted a chunk of this trying to fix a spelling mistake #its back now

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varpusvaras · 8 months ago

Text

There was no actual dating involved when it came to being a royal.

At least not officially. Officially speaking, things started with establishing an interest, then doing some light mingling and talking that was strictly supervised, and then getting to have talks that were private, which, most of the time, were done by letters and other forms of messages. Then started the proper courting, which would gradually escalate to public courting, and finally to engagement. The engagements could last for a while, too, especially if both parties were young.

Unofficially, of course, especially during this age, all royals and nobles dated. It was just a bit of an quieter affair than other people tended to have, but it was still dating. Breha and Bail had definitely dated for a long while between their official talks and courting. Breha's parents had wanted to give her a bit more of a relaxed experience, as they had become a lot more careful with her after the fall. Bail's parents had been much the same, but Bail suspected that they were also secretly relieved over the fact that Bail had truly decided to adhere to his status, so they were willing to give him a bit leeway with some things, so he wouldn't feel pressured and get cold feet.

Not that he would've. Bail had been smitten with her from the moment she had said her first word to him. He would've given away all his other hopes and dreams, if that meant he could be with her.

Still, despite all of this, because of Breha's status as the Crown Princess, in public, they had to follow the rules. Which meant, amongst other things, that many of their activities before being engaged were severely limited by what was considered proper.

Not that Bail cared, again. He loved every second he got to spend with Breha, not matter what they were doing.

Walks were the one thing that was permitted to do in public from the very start. They did that a lot. Morning walks, if Bail was staying in Aldera and could come visit her before any other daily obligations. Afternoon walks, when the courts and lessons were on pause, and Breha wished to get some fresh air after hours of studying. Evening walks, when Bail could stretch his visit just a little further, when the city had quieted down and the stars were bright, and he could reach over without anyone batting an eye and hold her in his arms and kiss her sweetly, with his nervous heartbeat sputtering inside his ribcage.

They still did a lot of walks. Maybe it was because of nostalgia, or maybe it was so Bail could spend time with her after being away for weeks on end, and still enjoy Alderaan to the fullest. These days, their walks were longer and could take them far away from the Palace, as there was nothing that could limit them anymore.

It was precisely because all of those reasons why they were currently making their way up the trail outside Aldera. To get away from the city life and enjoy the clear skies and clean air, to clear their heads after long days of working, and to spend time together, as just Breha and Bail, and not as the Queen and the Senator.

It was a bit windy, but in all honesty, it also felt refreshing after spending so much time in the stale air of Coruscant. Bail glanced up. The lookout point was still some ways away, with newly constructed path of hardwood stairs leading up to it for the rest of the way. The view from up there would be spectacular.

Not that Bail was in too much hurry to get to the destination. Not when the whole way there was the point.

He turned back to Breha.

"I hope the path is not too steep", he joked.

Breha laughed.

"I have climbed higher mountains with much less paths", she said. She squeezed his hand. "I'm much more worried about you. The only thing you have climbed in a while are the carpeted stairs of the Senate."

Bail laughed as well.

"I climb those stairs enough times that I would already be on the top and back down again", he said.

Breha grinned.

"It's good to have you back home", she said.

Bail smiled back at her.

"It's good to be back home", he said. "I missed you."

"I missed you too", Breha said. She turned her head, and looked down, towards the city and the Palace visible in the distance. "The view is stunning."

"It is", Bail nodded. "And it will be even better from the top."

Breha didn't answer. She just looked out to the city. The wind was whipping her hair around and pulling it out from the neat braid they had been arranged into earlier that day.

She wasn't smiling anymore.

Bail frowned.

"Breha?" He called out to her. "Is everything alright?"

The wind was seriously picking up now, and was suddenly cold, like it was in the middle of the winter, instead of a bright summer's day.

"I missed you", Breha said. Bail tried to squeeze her hand comfortingly, but there was nothing in his grasp anymore. When had he stopped holding her hand?

"Breha", Bail called, and tried to reach for her hand again, but she was standing too far away for him to do so. He was already uphill, on the stairs, while she was still standing at the trail, looking down over the side of the mountain. She wasn't looking at the city anymore, just staring straight down towards the foot of the mountain.

"I missed you", she said, again. "Aren't we missing someone?"

She stepped forward. Bail hadn't noticed that she had gotten off the trail before she was already falling over the edge.

He had no time to move. He could only stand there as she fell, quickly disappearing from his view. He still heard it when she hit the ground, the hard cracking of bones breaking and the body spilling over.

Bail tried to scream. If he did scream, the sound disappeared into the roiling wind.

"Why did you do that?"

He turned around to look up the stairs. Fox was standing at the top of them, looking down at him. The red of his armor was casting a stark, red refliction on the stone surface of the stairs, that was spilling over each step, until it pooled beneath Bail's feet.

He had his helmet on, but Bail could still see his eyes. The sun was shining straight at them, but it was like he didn't even notice. He just stared at Bail with his dull, dark eyes.

They should've been golden. Fox's eyes had always been a mixture of warmth of a autumn bonfire, the same depth that reminded Bail of Alderaan's night sky, and a burst of gold every time light hit them, like the most beautiful sunsets casted over Aldera from behind the mountains.

His eyes should've been golden, with the harsh, white light shining straight at them.

They were black.

"Why did you do that?" Fox asked again. "Why didn't you help her?"

Bail tried to open his mouth to say something, to say how sorry he was, to scream and cry, but he could make no sound to defend himself.

It was because there was nothing for him to say that would ever erase his mistakes.

Fox stared at him from behind the black visor of his helmet.

"Why didn't you help me?" He asked.

His mouth didn't move as he spoke.

"I am right here", he said.

He was. He was right there, just up the steps. If Bail could make his way up in time, he could help him.

He took a step forward. His foot made a hard thud when it hit the stone surface of the step, and the red shadow underneath him rippled, and the ripple turned into a wave, traveling at an impossible speed up the stairs, all the way to Fox, who toppled over when the wave reached him. His neck twisted to the side and cracked open before he even hit the hard stone, and he fell down on to the step, his limbs splayed out and his head turned towards Bail.

He was still staring at Bail.

"I am right here", he said, even though he was already dead.

Bail tried to scream, but there was no air inside his lungs. It had all disappeared into the wind around him, to the wind that was now a storm and was tearing off the moutain from the ground, and Bail woke up with his breath strangled inside his throat.

He laid there for a moment, staring at the darkness above him, before his body reminded him that he could still breathe by making his chest burn, and Bail gasped and desperately drew in a lungful of air.

He turned to his side and heaved the air back out, before he realised that it was in the middle of the night and that he was not alone in the room. He snapped his mouth shut and tried to breathed back in quietly through his teeth and calm down his painfully thundering heartbeat while doing so.

Then he remembered who were in the same room with him.

Bail turned around. Breha was sleeping in the middle tonight, after Fox and Bail had deemed her sufficiently pleased and had wanted to keep her in their holds afterwards. She wasn't wearing much more than a thin nightshirt, and through it, Bail could see the soft, golden glow under her skin, showing that she was breathing and her heart was beating.

Fox was sleeping with his face pressed onto Breha's arm, his blanket for once not draped up all the way to his shoulders, for which Bail was very thankful for, since now, when he sat up and and leaned over, he could see the same soft, golden glow under Fox's skin as well, running as a line from his neck down to small of his back.

Bail could finally breathe properly.

He looked at them for a little longer, and then laid back down. He breathed. His heart was gradually slowing down.

There were tears in his eyes. Bail wasn't sure if they had appeared there just now, or if he had been silently crying in his sleep, while he had not been able to do so in the dream.

Dream. That was all that it was. A dream. A nightmare.

Breha was alive, Fox was alive. It had just been a nightmare.

Bail let the tears fall down before wiping them away.

It was a good thing they had had some fun before going to sleep that night, because it looked like both Breha and Fox were still knocked out because of it, and had not woken up because of Bail's distress. Good. Bail wouldn't have wanted them to wake up.

He knew both of them would be disappointed in him if he ever admitted that to them.

Bail let some more tears fall down, and wiped them away again. He listened to Fox and Breha breathe, and breathed with them. Softly and slowly. He should go back to sleep.

He couldn't make himself close his eyes.

There was a knock on the door. Bail blinked, and lifted his head.

The knock came again before he could do anything else, this time much louder, very much as hard as a tiny fist could knock onto the door. The slow rhythm of Fox's breath stopped, and he lifted his head up as well. He saw Bail awake as well, and looked at him for the short moment it took for his brain to wake up.

"Is it Leia?" He mumbled.

"From the sound of it, yes." Bail was surprised how level and calm he managed to make himself sound.

Fox hummed.

"Are you dressed?" He asked.

"Sufficiently", Bail answered. Fox hummed again, and pushed himself up. Breha was waking up now as well, and she rubbed her eyes and slowly propped herself up on her elbow as Fox slid out of the bed.

"Bad dreams?" She asked, her voice quiet because of the sleep clinging to it.

Bail knew that she meant Leia.

"Maybe", he said, thankful that it was dark in the room.

Fox got the door open. He didn't even get to say anything, when Leia darted past him, her tiny feet sprinting as fast as they could, her breath coming in high-pitched hitches. She ran around the bed and clambered up on it, pulling at the sheets, and threw herself on Bail's chest.

Bail wrapped his arms around her on instinct, his body moving before his mind could.

"Leia?" He called. "What's wrong?"

She only crawled up on him when he spoke, putting her little arms around his neck and squeezing.

"Leia?" Bail tried again.

"Don't be scared", Leia said against his shoulder. "Don't be scared, Papa. Mama and Buir are here."

Oh. Bail felt a sting of guilt. He had not wanted to wake Leia up with the nightmare, either, but it seemed that his feelings had bled over to the real world much more strongly than he had even realised.

"I'm not", he said, squeezing her back. "I'm not, don't worry about me."

Fox had gotten back to bed now, and flicked the nightlight on.

"Oh", Breha said. She sat up properly now as well, her brow furrowed in a concerned frown. "Is everything alright?"

She reached her hand and brushed her fingers over Bail's cheek under his eye. Bail looked at her, and then at Fox, who had a very similar expression on him. Bail knew that he had not managed to dry all the tears properly enough.

Bail patted Leia gently on her back.

"Yes", he said, and gave Breha and Fox a look, hoping that they would understand that it meant that they would talk about it later.

It seemed like it worked, because they both nodded.

Breha then took her blanket.

"Move over", she said to Bail, and moved closer to the edge of the bed. Fox took his own blanket as well, and walked around the bed, sitting down in the edge and gently nudging Bail with his shoulder.

With Leia still in his arms, Bail moved to the middle of the bed, and laid back down when Breha put her hand on his shoulder and just as gently pushed him there. Fox draped Bail's blanket over both him and Leia, and then scooted so close that he could press his body against the side of Bail's.

Breha turned the light off and moved closer as well, resting her head against Bail's shoulder.

"Go back to sleep", she whispered. "We're right here."

She pressed her lips lightly on the skin there. Fox reached his hand and put it over Bail's, where it was resting on Leia's back.

Bail closed his eyes.

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