#i wish she was nice to me
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"And yes, seeing you fail because you are your own worst enemy pains me daily."
- txt from mom
#it hurts because shes right#its my fault i am where i am#i cried for hours after this#i still do#its among the top 5 most painful things that have been said to me if not 3#it physically hurts my heart#i wish I wasn't such a mean person#if i could choose anything to do in time travel I'd waste it on going back in time and killing that little girl (me)#she wouldn't listen to me. its the only way that brat would fucking stop#i hate her#i hate her so fucking much#i ruined my life#i hate her i hate her i hate her#my mom is right and I hate myseld#i wish she was nice to me#who doesn't love their kid#im still her daughter#i really want to blow my head off#thank god im not legally allowed a gun license#(i want to clarify that i am safe and just venting my feelings)#(i experience s-icidal ideation without intent quite often. today is one of those days)#consider this a class on mental health awareness /j#look at me#educating ppl...#yeah.#sure#mother wound#mommy issues#mother issues
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Thinking a bit more about this Steve Has Older Siblings AU I’ve got going on (here, here, and here). Specifically about Richard Harrington’s first wife, and two things:
1. She’s a saint. Theresa Kline (former Harrington) stood by her husband through multiple extramarital affairs but a not-quite-yet nineteen year old mistress with a baby was her breaking point. She bowed out gracefully.
Richard married his mistress and Theresa moved on. She never said a bad word about him to her kids or to anyone. She never spat an insult at the child that ruined her marriage or about her baby boy.
Though, she didn’t have to.
Her kids said enough bad things about Steve and his mom on her behalf to fill a book. They never miss an opportunity to remind Steve that while both their parents were from two of Hawkins’ more influential and wealthy families, his mother was a high school dropout homewrecker and a whore that didn’t love him.
Even after his siblings tried fixing their relationship with him, they all still take shots at his mom. Jason’s favorite analogy seems to be that him and his siblings are ‘purebred’ and Steve is a ‘mutt.’
Or, well. It was until Robin heard it and said, “Pure? Like the Nazi’s ideology?? Yikes.”
2. I realize that this AU does not really contradict anything important in the Officer Noodles (and also here) universe. You’d just have to make Angela Harrington Callahan’s little sister.
#I think there’s another officer noodles post out there but god forbid my blog let me see something I posted#I think Theresa would’ve always been really nice to Steve when there were functions that both families had to attend#but Steve’s parents talked so negatively about her that he was always kinda suspicious#she would send a Christmas gift with the kids for him when they did the holiday with their dad#it was hit or miss if he actually received it#he used to kinda wish she was his mom but then would feel so bad about it that it’s make him feel sick#steve harrington#stranger things#phil callahan#Officer noodles#Steve Has Older Siblings AU
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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ah. it hurts
#kimi ni todoke#i knew this episode would wreck me personally but..... idk this.. this here just.. oh it killed me#grief is so.. its so... it eats you whole#and you really do think you arent allowed to move on or smile or eat#because you should be sad#my mom told me the story that about 2 or so weeks after my dad died#when she went back to work#her colleagues made a joke at the lucnh table and she laughed#and one of them said oh look she can already laugh again#and he meant it nicely but my mom felt SO GUILTY#can i even be allowed to move on with my life if someone died that i love#am i allowed to smile tto have wishes to be annoyed about things to be angry about things to complain#ah. man ah man. i love kimi ni todoke so much i can barely put it in words
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DP x DC Prompt #83
Tucker loved going to conventions. He loved sharing the love of his favorite characters with other people who loved the same characters. Mostly, he looks forward to seeing the cosplayers who show up. And this convention is extra special.
A cosplayer he follows online is going to this one! She calls herself Babs, and Tucker hopes he’ll run into her. Her cosplays are always insane and detailed! Maybe she’ll even be willing to sign some fan art he made of her cosplays if he asks nicely enough.
#finemeal prompt#dp x dc#tucker foley#barbara gordon#barbara is so good at cosplay#change my mind#you can't#she literally slays#what a queen#you just know her cosplays are literally top tier#and she would be so nice to tucker#that's just a child#and he loves her cosplays so much?#amazing#i feel like barbara's cosplays would be so practical too#like damn#i love cosplayers btw#if you can't tell#i wish i had the money/creativity to cosplay#instead i just am a fan of cosplayers#cuz y'all are amazing#and impress me so much
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Just started watching the show with my sister, we're only 3 episodes in but I like Hazel! I think it's pretty neat so far :>
#Nyel art#Fairly oddparents fanart#Fop#Fairly oddparents#Fop a new wish#Hazel wells#Fairly oddparents a new wish#Hazel reminds me a little of my sister#She's Hazel I'm Antony 💔#I think a new wish is alright! I find it a little boring at times and some side characters annoy me#But I like Hazel and Cosmo and Wanda so all is forgiven#To be honest I didn't watch the original show that much haha. Only a few episodes here and there#But I think the reboot is pretty nice! I'm excited for Dev
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the closer we get to arcanes finale the more worried i am bc so often .. if not always .. things i like end in a way that i dislike so much it ruins everything else for me
and im so worried they pull a 'this is a multiverse' thing bc then they can say every skin is somehow canon bc its all different universes you seeeeee and jayce went mad bc he lived through all of them or something, or force it to end in a way that makes the champions end up like they are in game- Vi is a shitty cop, Jinx is just heehoo craycray bc xyz etc
#ganondoodles talks#personal#arcane#sorry i cant help but be rather pessimistic#and i know with the skin universes its kinda a multiverse already but like#a multiverse and different AUs are a different thing for me#i cant imagine how they can make this all end in a satifying way with just three more episodes with so many questions still#like the thing with isha and vander only happens so jinx loses every bit of sanity she had left and Vi goes welp#time to be a shitty enforcer#and then singed takes warwick again and makes him full wolf like in game and theres no connection left anymore bc his memory is fully cooke#or some shit#i REALLY dont want to be pessimistic but uh .... it usually happens with whatever i like and it has scarred me a little#i dont even know whats up with mel either??? they did the whole black rose stuff but#thats pulling in so much lore from noxus ... HOW can they make sense of it in 3 episodes?????#unless they make it a shitty teaser for more to come or soemthing i guess??#.. in any case- whenever i tried to be optimistic and then got disappointed anyway it hit me way harder#so im just gonna go with expecting the worst i can imagine so theres hope left to be surprised in a good way#after all they did go with warwick in a way i really liked for act 2 that is ... though the end im meh about#not a fan of the weird hexcore bullcrap in general tbh#though i like victor ... he was so nice to warwick .. even though i wish he wasnt a cult leader now lmao
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#Taylor Swift#Don’t Blame Me#Reputation#The Eras Tour#Reputation Era#Reputation Stadium Tour#Rep TV#Taylor Nation#Swifties#Miami TS The Eras Tour#Miami Night 1#Getty images#take us to church mother#when she hits the high note#you look like Taylor Swift in this light we’re loving it#I think I’ve seen this film before#I will never change. But I’ll never stay the same either.#Your on your own kid. Yeah you can face this. Your on your own kid. You always have been.#Say you’ll remember me standing in a nice dress.#I once was poison ivy but now I’m your daisy.#Flashback when you met me.#There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen I had a marvelous time ruining everything.#I can feel the flames on my skin. Crimson red paint on my lips.#So they filled my cell with snakes I regret to say Do you believe me now? I was onto something they all said nothing.#And in the death of her Reputation she felt truly alive.#Who’s afraid of little old me? You should be.#I said remember this moment in the back of my mind the time we stood with our shaking hands the crowds in stands went wild.#I was screaming long live all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders I’m not afraid. One day we will be remembered.#I said remember this feeling I passed the pictures around of all the years we stood there on the sidelines wishing for right now.#What if I told you I’m the Mastermind?
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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YOU JUST HƎARD IT FROM [HIS MOUTH] FOR SURƎ!!!
#cw gore#cw blood#jrwi fanart#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#BEEN VEHEMENTLY SCRIBBLING THIS THING ALL DAY#IM SO FUCKING IN LVOE W THE NEW EPISODE#VIV N VEX ARE LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULDVE EVER WANTED. I LOVE BLOOD AND MEAT AND BLOOD AND MEAT#THE SCRIBBLE IS KINDA ROUGH SO DONT LOOK AT IT TOO HARD BUT EHEHEHEEEE THE FACE THAT I CREATED UNNERVES ME#AND IM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I LOVE CREATING SOMETHING AND HAVING IT EVEN SLIGHTLY PHASE ME#I LOVED ALL THE TOOTH RIPPING NOISES IN THIS EPISODE. AHVE U EVER HAD A TOOTH REMOVED?#SHE USED A BLUNT METAL TOOL TO PUNCH IT OUT. IT REMINDED ME OF THE SPLINTERING OF A TREE. THE WAY IT TORE.#SUCH A SPECIFIC SORT OF CRUNCHING AND SPLINTERING AS A MOLAR WAS RRRRIPPPEEDD FROM THE SOCKET. OHH I LOVE IT.#GOING IN FOR A ROOT CANAL NEXT WEEK AND IM VERY EXCITED. ALL THE DENTISTS LOVE ME N ARE SO NICE TO ME#WHAT A GREAT EPISODE. I HOPE THE URGE TO DRAW MORE STRIKES ME LIKE THIS AGAIN. WEEEE!!#I WANNA ANIMATE EMIZEL GETTIN HIS EYE RRIPPED OUT. BUT. IM ALREADY COOKING 3 OTHER VIV N VEX ANIMATIONS#THERES NO WAY THEY WILL ALL BE FINISHED HELP!! HELP MEE!!!! I HAVE TO MANY IDEAS AND NOT ENOUGH HANDS. DO U GUYS REMEMBER HTF?#OR HAPPY TREE FRIENDS. THE CUTE ANIMAL SHOW W ALL THE BLOOD AND GORE AND TERRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENING TO THE CUTE ANIMALS#in elementary school i would show the 'eyes cold lemonade' to other kids and tell em thats how they make pink lemonade.#hope that helps you undertsand. i wish i could make a lil cartoon w just viv n vex doing what they do best#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. IM GOING BACK TO MY LAB. DONT EXPECT TO HEAR FROM ME IN A MILLION YEARS
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CHARLIE MAGNE from HAZBIN HOTEL (2019): Pilot - "That's Entertainment" ↳ "So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption?"
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel edit#hazbin charlie#charlie magne#hazbin edit#requested#hazbin hotel pilot#that's entertainment#charlie#my gifs#god ain't she the cutest little thing!#not gonna lie i get a bit emotional seeing her do The Pose during ''wonderful fantastic new hotel''#it's the same pose she does in the S1 poster :')#okay actually im back here to say some things in the tags:#holy almighty LORD these gave me so much grief to color in a way i thought looked nice#specifically the one of her in the news chair. sorry i was NOT gonna let that hideous highlighter green color assault all your eyeballs.#did i lose nearly two hours of sleep getting it right because i still have no idea what i'm doing? yes. worth it? YES. ohh yes.#i liked the seafoam look so i made the cloud sequence match :] or at least tried to#there WAS supposed to be another one of her in the news room but i just hated how it kept turning out so i scrapped it.#coloring the main series was one thing to learn but the PILOT? never has it been so obvious to me just how much more bright and vibrant#the colors got during the progression of the world design. also. if by any chance one of those cool and experienced#gif makers happens to see these tags and wants a good laugh: i've been doing this for how many months now? and just last NIGHT figured out#how to use the fucking eraser in photoshop....... thing is... i also draw. i KNOW what program tools look like. i KNOW ppl draw in PS.#i'm just a really silly fuckin goose!! TEEHEE FUCKING HEE I GUESS!#so for months i've been like ''god i wish i could just erase this part from the layer'' and looking at the eraser tool and just being like#''nah it's probably different and weird i'll just stick to what i know'' -> said boo boo the FOOL#see i could be in the club but i'd rather be aggressively neurodivergent about the silly queer demon cartoon that altered my brain chemical
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The chat Phil had with the kids today was so important and good for them but I still feel like Chayanne seems himself as a martyr for the sake for others and its killing me. "If it is me.. okay but do not ever hurt Lullah again" was agonizing to read. Like king no you both have equal value that's still not ok to think...
#seeing him and phil have some one on one today was so nice and i missed watching that#ive no issue with lullah at all but sometimes it feels like he hardly talks at all when shes there and it just makes me :(#whether thats a combination of the possession or prioritizing lullah over himself i just dont know man#i wish they got to talk one on one like phil actually planned to#this minecraft egg is killing me man#qsmp#qsmp philza#qsmp chayanne#qsmp tallulah#death family
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Her first design pass is finally done!! Yippee!!!
Imma be honest shes basically been done for about a week now, I just got distracted with other things and then struggled with her colors a wee bit. Since this is the first pass things may change as I draw her more, but tbh Gangles design hasn't changed at all and Jaxs design had very minor tweaks (no more blots or the attempt at whiskers: both cluttered his design and added nothing) so--
The girly pop ever!! I hope you guys also like her design a decent amount because I will be drawing her a lot more now that she has a design since I have ideas.
The next may actually be Pomni, but it could very well be Zooble since they just need colors. Or it could be neither if I finally have an idea for Kinger or Caines designs who knows at this point.
#art#the amazing survival isles#survival isles au#tadc#tadc art#tadc au#digital circus#digital circus au#the amazing digital circus#ragatha#survival isles ragatha#tadc ragatha#ragatha the amazing digital circus#ragatha fanart#sorry for taking forever on everyones designs#trust me i wish i could go faster so i can actually finish planning the basic art stuff#i want to make their cards since i actually have cool ideas for that#but im being patient and letting myself go at the pace i need to#since letting myself go at a slower pace is leaving me with designs im barely altering#but anyways do with her what you will#just be nice she needs a break <3
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Im just yapping but there is this fic on fimficton called Discord of Tomorrow that’s about s2 evil discord traveling forward in time right before he can be turned to stone to switch places with the version of himself (reformed discord) that exists when the elements of harmony are gone, so reformed discord gets stuck in the past and has had to snap away and hide the elements of harmony from the mane 6 so he can focus on trying to get back to the future without getting turned to stone, all while dealing with the moral dilemma of him realizing how easy it was to take the elements and how easy it would be to seriously just take Equestria over again vs being worried about what evil discord is currently doing to his friends in present time. It’s only like three chapters but I think the plot is so funny and the author didn’t even get to the part where evil discord is in the future and the mane 6 is trying to figure out wtf his problem is, thinking he has amnesia or something. I want to make a comic expanding on it so bad I’m like seriously obsessed with it I can’t stop thinking about it
#jabber#there is zero info on where to find the writer the fic is like 8 years old#I wish I could find the author so bad#drawing mlp Is like so easy that I’m getting comic hungry#the idea of past discord being like god past me was so stupid I could have permanently his the elements and#skipped that whole song and dance with the riddle and the labyrinth#. he like hides out in fluttershys cottage while the mane 6 are at twilights freaking out about how evil discord#got away and reformed discord snapping the elements off their necks#and he is messing around and wearing the elements around his torso going on about how easy it is to take them#I want to draw that specifically#then later flutter shy shows up at her cottage and is freaked to find him there but tries to fake nice with him to get him to stay so#the mane 6 have time to arrive but discord has to come to his senses and realize she’s not being sincere and feels bad so he leaves#ughhh#and then the fic was never updated again#I’m so close to taking the torch I can’t stop thinking about this#discord of tomorrow
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I've just noticed that Vaggie and Charlie's meeting is what Emerald probably wished her meeting with Cinder had been like and now I'm crying 🥲
#target of this post: literally just me#for context here Emerald was my biggest obsession and comfort character for around 5 years#I'm very mentally sane and normal about her#the same way I'm very mentally sane and normal about Vaggie#so not normal at all <33 she's a goddess#also I don't wanna tag it but my obsession with chaggie? Well my obsession with em x merc was BAD too#hazbin hotel#chaggie#charlie morningstar#vaggie#rwby#cinder fall#emerald sustrai#it's always the deeply dependent character for me huh#also I mean it in the 'Em wishes Cinder actually cared for her and were nice to her' way not in a romantic way
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how to explain to your parents that you can't move back in with them because every time you're near them a big part of you buries itself and you're not sure how long that part can stay buried before its hidey hole becomes its grave?
...without offending them, of course
#eliot posts#last time i was forced to move back in w them was when the dorms closed for quarantine#and a part of me DID die then#and i think in those first 18 years i spent living with them so many parts of me died before they even had the chance to be born#they keep framing it as a generous offer. i won't have to pay rent AND they'll get me set up working oart time for my dad's friend#AND they'll replace my car with a newer one#but i do NOT fucking trust it#they act nice while i'm not living with them and am able to freely escape#but that niceness goes away once i have nowhere to go#like that's exactly what happened when i was forced back to them during quarantine#and how hard they're pushing this seems realllly sketchy#i told my mother i'd think about it (to get her off my back) and she said ''don't waste time thinking. just agree to it.''#like hellll no. i do NOT trust like that.#even my sister was trying to talk me into it which i don't get because she of all people should understand.#but anyway. i'm applying for jobs and looking at extending my lease. i am NOT going back there.#i just wish i could tell them that without getting yelled at and guilt tripped and talked to like i'm a stupid little baby.
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