isweariambeingsonormal

[isweariambeingsonormal]

chameleon chameleon

a comic about being bigender, and bisexual, by me! happy pride everyone.

[isweariambeingsonormal]

the urges to rip myself apart are back.

[isweariambeingsonormal]

this is a vent blog. there may be sensitive or triggering content here regarding mental health. (gore free dw. it's not like that)

I want to mention that I've struggled with an ed, and it might get mentioned in my posts. this is not an ed blog and i will not be venting about that in detail, or very often.

block me if these posts affect you negatively. you are able to shape your internet experience, and its important to prioritize your mental health. <3

[isweariambeingsonormal]

"And yes, seeing you fail because you are your own worst enemy pains me daily."

- txt from mom

[isweariambeingsonormal]

Tell me when you get bored. A story about doses. [x]

I posted this on twitter and had a variety of aggressive ableism thrown my way.

This is a story about changing what I can in spite of what I cannot for the comfort of my loved ones. The thing that others find to be hurtful about me is that I like to spend time in silent solitude. People who love me often feel hurt that I tend to solve my own problems instead of leaning on them.

When we spend too much time together, people find my neutrality to be concerning, and it becomes too much for people to be unable to read me.

To show the people I love that I enjoy their company in ways they can understand, I pool my energy together to be high-energy, peppy, and social. Since this is not my natural state of being, it takes effort, which can only be expended in small doses. I amplify the things people like in me while filtering out everything they dislike about me when I am in their company.

I change my behaviors for those I love, but at the end of the day, I cannot change my neutral state of being, which is the thing that they want most out of me.

This is a story about me accommodating people in the best way I know how, not the other way around. I would truly appreciate it if people don't misconstrue this anecdote as me asking for dismissal of hurtful behavior when in reality, people find hurt in the fact that I simply exist, and I must change for them.

[isweariambeingsonormal]

𝐼𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 𝐼 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑠𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑡 𝑠𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝 𝐼 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑢𝑟𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔.

[isweariambeingsonormal]

im sorry i cant tell you to your face that im going to miss you. even while we're saying goodbye. i just sob 30 minutes afterwards because i got angry at you for leaving, and i already miss you. even though i knew this was going to happen. you're always trying your best to make me happy and it's never enough. you're never around enough to make me happy. I want all the time in the world with you and it will never be enough.

[isweariambeingsonormal]

there are more pictures of my mom's stepkids on her Facebook than there are of me and her two other kids. yk. the ones that have been around a decade longer