#i wish i knew what was happening to my artstyle

[rompirvat]

aramis…..

[acid-ixx]

They aren't finished but I wanted to give you these! They're all WIPS so so far. Some are a bit older and you can tell what the newer ones are that I just made right now.

Thank you for posting a new chapter. It was an amazing read and I just loved it so much! Still trying to find those song references 😂

chapter spoilers and drafts (again &. again)

— masterlist ! ; chapter 4 ; ash's commisions

OH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A BLESSING??? BANGER AFTER BANGER AFTER BANGER I SWEAR 💞

ash, you have always provided my little fanbase for my series so much food for thought, this is absolutely beautiful in every way. i literally don't care if they're wips or unfinished because either way you always make do with what i write, descriptive or not. i love your artstyle and how soft you draw the mc and how handsome conner is (i literally showed your art off to all my friends). you're so talented and i wish to reciprocate all the efforts you've done for this series 😭

i'm serious. from your portrayal of the mc, to them flying with conner, you never once disappoint anyone.

because of this, i'd like to leak some parts of my story from chapter five and beyond 💕! thank you so much for this, and i hope my yapping below suffices.

major spoilers below the cut!

the graduation photo! i have something planned with that, and i'd delve so much deeper (soon) with just how much a single photo can influence bruce's line of thought once he discovers that picture frame. love how happy mc is in the photo because, for me, it symbolizes them growing up (quite literally) and acknowledging a new path in life, alongside only finding alfred as their only father figure compared to bruce.

you consider yourself reserved, and prefer your life living within the confines of privacy and protection from media exposure. your mother always told you: better safe than sorry once; right after you've asked her about why you can't seem to find personal information about your father when she helped you search him up occasionally.

all the questions you ask her about the lack of your father's preferences — because you merely wanted to know more about him beyond the stories she told you! — she rebutted with a soft smile, a kiss on your head, and an explanation.

she'd warn you about the dangers of media exposure, about how your father and her prefer to keep their relationship a secret, and how too much cameras and paparazzi flashes can blind you.

she said that someone's perception of another person could be ruined once their deepest secrets are revealed. that's why your papa isn't seen beyond the doors of the manor he resides in; because people are attracted to mystery and allure.

hence why she'd restricted you from the usage of any devices within your household during your childhood, other than the excuse of having no money to afford it.

and you always abide by that principle of secrecy; especially right after alfred had saved you from... whatever happened years ago in elementary. from when that man... no, those men knew about your identity...

so, safe to say you were an introvert, at least when it comes to social media. the concept of the fear of missing out never once rattled your brain, no matter how anxious you are whenever you're with your friends; scared that you wouldn't fit in. but they never cared and accepted you with open arms, so it doesn't really matter, no?

you're safe now that you're at metropolis.

and like she always said, better safe than sorry! keep it within you and never out!

so why?

why is it just right after you've opened your twitter app— why is it that your face is plastered all across news accounts?

anyways, the second and third images are so romantic!!! and cute, and cured my depression i swear. i showed this to my one friend and she told me that conner's hand size compared to mc's is straight up hot, and i agree! i love the hand placement, and the way conner holds the mc so softly! yes, i too, would love to touch his man-tits beyond his impeccably tight shirt and play with his hands!

and the cute little panel with him squishing their face and desire their confirmation that, they do, in fact, think they're hot. he's a very insecure man after all, and his self-worth would revolve around your perception of him. he doesn't see you as god, but he doesnt see you as his everything. every opinion matters from you, and that's what makes the green flag part about him.

fun fact about him in the series! he loves to moisturize his hands with lots of skin care products because he read from an article once that some people prefer the feel of soft or moisturized hands. he definitely did not wait for the moment for you to touch him for the first time in forever since he first saw you! yeah, he's a bit more freaky than i let him out to be. the more you're exposed to him, the more you'll learn just how obsessed he is.

as for all the people asking if i'd write more about him: the answer is yes! he's a vital character, so don't worry because he'll appear in many scenes either way. for those concerned about why he didn't save the mc— well, chapter five will explain soon 🩷

and this art perfectly portrays it! it's seen from an outside perspective and they look very pretty, yet from what they see with their eyes is a different thing. the longer you stare at yourself, the more your image is distorted. i intentionally added the flower analogy because flowers are portrayed as pretty, no matter the size and shape. even as they wilt or sag, they still retain some color and a semblance of what was once a history of their prime.

then lastly! the mirror scene. it all returns to chapter three, chapter four was a sequel of their breakdown containing mirrors. reflections and the perception of one self is an important aspect of my series because it reminds me of myself, so them nit-picking each and every insecurity whilst staring at the mirror; that's a scene i wrote based off of a real life experience of mine. having both attractive parents, or those acknowledged as conventionally pretty, whilst being in an environment filled with as equally smart or attractive people, comparing yourself to them all the time, is a struggle.

the only way to make flowers 'ugly' is by destroying them, by stepping on them, ripping them apart, never once caring for them. i think that's very crucial because people do see anything destroyed or stripped away from its foundation a mess, or so. but there's always beauty in everything and i abide by that thought!

again, thank you so much ash for drawing this and bringing my story to life! you, alongside many other users who send in their fanarts, are always such an inspiration for me to write! you guys are the backbone of my series and i stand by my sentence!!! may you get plenty of commissions and plenty of money to support you <333

also, the FLOWER BOTTLE AND THE CAT PAW REFERENCE! i love how everyone accepts that we have a canon cat now based solely off of this. i think that's precious, and having a feline pet is a great little choice for my own plot (just to lessen the pain of the angst).

i hope you enjoyed this little mess rant!

(as for the songs, don't worry, the lyrics become more prevalent for chapter five! chapter four doesn't have any explicit lyrics contained in them, only implications.)

[scopophobia-polaris]

Look what I found in the book storee!!

didn't know timie had a book already

AH tHE OOT MANGA

You know we can have a little story time today. The OoT Manga was some of the first manga I ever had (besides like....a singular copy of Naruto and the KH manga....I was growing up when manga wasn't as widespread as it is now like hello elementary school in 2008)

Basically I was at the perfect age for this thing because when it got brought over to the states cuz I was 9, and please realize....even though at this point I have never touched OoT but knew about it through Wind Waker and Smash Melee so I knew how the story went? Anyways

That manga I think fucked me up for the rest of my life because a lot of me drawing now is heavily based off it, like I was trying to copy its artstyle for like 2 years!!! Like the copy of part 1 and 2 I have is worn to the point @fairy-spring had to get me the version you have now!

Also like, I have a love hate relationship with the pacing in this, like even as a kid I was like HEY WAIT A FUCK about Volvagia because all I could think about is, if Volga was a big part of Link's bullshit happening now SHOULDNT WE OF SEEN HIM GET THAT DRAGON BEFORE you know set up pay off but well....can't have that.

Oh and I was a HUGE Zelink girly back then, it's genuinely funny how stupid about it I was when you see me NOW. LIKE I'm sorry but everyone knows the PageTM yeah? Yeah the one in book 2? The one?

Also I just love that they made oot link a little shit like, I love you 90s protagonist you're so goofy.

Honestly I wish nintendo would just let Akira Himekawa just redo the oot manga because they gave Hero's shade so much presence in the Twilight Princess manga it was almost detrimental to the plot. Almost like too much of a good thing for me but like I feel like Midna was underused at points to have Shade show up, and I'm calling up Nintendo because seriously if they did the OoT manga with the love that TP clearly got? I think it would be oh so good.

Also speaking about Volvagia in it once again, can I just say....seriously that fucked me up in such a way

[pebiejeebies]

I’m having an identity crisis../vneg

(It’s kinda like why I didn’t post much ig.. I’m so sorry)

It’s not like gender identity, or theriotype Identity

more like who the fuck am I?? (OSDD/DID/Systems pls interact,, I think I might be a system)

One day I feel like pinkie pie, bouncing around the walls and making everyone smile, in the SAME day, I get so angry and annoying, or oddly get good grammar without misspellings..

ASK @akalikestodraw OMFG. We had like a sad therapy session and when I was on my phone (Keep in mind that the keyboard makes me misspell TOO MUCH, and even @moon-fence can agree,, lmao) I was SO FORMAL

I used fancy words, I even used the period most of the time?? I barely misspelled???? WHAT?? Then after the vent suddenly I’m back to misspelling again?? WHAT???? Keep in mind AGAIN that I was typing pretty fast in both situations, and the faster I type the more likely I am to misspell

For some reason, this happens to me a lot, I have other weird things too

I used to draw on procreate, magma, whiteboard fox, and ibis, AND EVEN THE FILES APP.

AND i SWEAR my artstyle was so specific, in each and every one of these apps, it’s as if I flipped a switch in my brain when I went to one of them.. EVEN IRL MY ARTSTYLE IS SO DIFFERENT.

I’ve been having so much weird memory gaps and slight hallucinations

I remember last night I swear I saw someone’s face on my pillow

And sometimes when I cover my eyes with my fingers I see something that resembles a human, or at least a face of something

The eyes always were vivid, but rarely I’d see the mouth and the rest (idk if this counts as anything but it always intrigues me since I never hear my sisters having the same thing)

I feel like I don’t control my body alone yk?? Like sometimes I’m on autopilot and everything is just happening, kinda like right now while I’m typing this

sometimes I start feeling like I don’t exist, sometimes I feel like what I post is always going to be ignored because I know I don’t exist, and sometimes I think it’s the opposite

Sometimes I think I’m the only one alive seeing anything from text on a screen, and some images, there were just so many times and experiences that don’t feel right

If I am one person, why do I feel like ten different personalities keep switching on and off? IS THAT WHY IVE BEEN GETTING THESE WEEKLY VENTS IN THE PAST??

I’m either in constant stress and anxiety, or constant exhaustion and pain, OR constant excitement and energy

there’s still so much about me but I know nobody is interested in a long ugly essay about my shitty ass identity crisis

right now, I feel like my memories are just stuck to this moment.. I just wish I knew who the fuck I am at this point

[loafbud]

I knew I’d end up doing this….. I wish i actually kept my promise & energy for artfight this year and drew a lot more attacks/revenges and actually did 3D AF attacks + mass attacks

i’ve only been able to draw like.. 6 attacks for the first one and a half week of july and then after that i just lost my artfight motivation. that + all the stuff that happened irl, so mentally/emotionally artfight was the last thing on my mind.

i wish i also kept my promise with improving my battle ratio. i received over 60+ AF attacks and i could only do 6, so my ratio is at 8% …….. like, i know you dont HAVE to revenge or anything, but i really did want to give out more attacks this year. but life happened, and all that just drained me. i still have a lot i need to leave a comment on since commenting is literally the only way an artist knows that you’ve seen their AF attack (the site keeps going “slow down you’re commenting too fast!” so i have to wait between commenting)

i’ve done nothing new this year except the same ol’ full-colored, fullbody drawings (no artstyle experimenting/practicing, no 3d pieces, not even an animation brah 💀)

at this point, i think im done keeping or making any artfight promises….. i feel like the months leading up to it i have the most energy, but then i prep last minute and by the 1st or 2nd week of artfight, i lose my inspiration.

but yeah…. i know as of me posting this there’s 3 days left and that i literally still have time to draw as many AF attacks as i can. so idk i’ll see what i’ll do.

MY CHARACTERS WILL STILL BE UP UNTIL THE FIGHT ENDS‼️‼️ no way in hell im repeating the same mistake like last year and hiding my characters during the last minute

[botanicalbasilly]

OKAY.

WOW

So I finished Smile For Me

I did not get the satisfying ending (I wanted to see what would happen if I kissed the doctor :•/), so I'm definitely going to have to go back to give him the flower, BUT STILL... I feel so many emotions??? I miss all the little guys I've been doing little quests for???

There's just something about this genre of game that makes me so happy. Although, now that I think about it, I could not tell you what the genre is... (There's a game called co-open that's a lot like S4M!! I think it falls into the same category). If anyone has any reccommendations that are like either of these games, please let me know! :•)

Also IM SO GLAD I BOUGHT THE FULL PACK <3 This soundtrack is DELIGHTFUL and the art is GORGEOUS (although I already knew it would be, I think I'm actually obsessed with Yugo Limbo's artstyle–) Actually, now that I'm on the topic of the artist, I just have to mention how BLOWN AWAY I am at how hard they work on their projects??? I mean, what madman creates a 500 page graphic novel AND does the art for an entire game by themself?? Not to mention their short films! I mean, I'll get one piece out a month if I'm lucky! Sorry, totally fangirling (fanboying? Is that a word?), I'll stop!!

Expect an influx of S4M fanart 😳 my little raccoon brain sees bright colors and geometric art styles and goes hogwild

If I had to rate it............. I'd say 🌟9/10🌟! I only knock off a point because it was a little buggy, which kinda took me out of it sometimes :'•) HOWEVER I would still recommend it to everyone I know (especially those who, like me, have trouble handling much longer games)! It was absolutely delightful, and I wish I could erase my memories from the past couple days so I could play it for the first time again 🫶

[rosellerivers19]

I just got on the Arcane train after seeing the edits on Tiktok. Chat am i cooked?

So a few days ago I began seeing all these random Arcane edits on my FYP for no reason. I mean I knew of Arcane back when it first came out but I didn't really care to find out what it was and had other interests back then.

But after seeing my FYP bombard me with these edits and checking out the trailer I thought

Well might as well watch it now.

And oh my god the first season is so good?!?!

I mean the artstyle, worldbuilding, character building, conflict-

This is my first time in a while in which I truly care for the main character (Vi) rather than falling in love more with the side characters.

Vi is my first fave with Ekko just one place behind he truly lives up to the role boy savior and its depressing.

I like Jinx but I so want powder back.

Now I already know a few major spoilers from season 2 with Jinx dying and Isha dying and Act 3 Episode 7 Timebomb stuff.

I think if I were more of a Jinx fan this would've broken me more but I've kinda come to terms with it now. Like I'd much prefer Vi and Powder to reconnect again more than anything, more than any ships or other conflicts.

But I know it's not gonna happen and I guess what matters to me most is Vi's happiness because I sure as hell know she deserves it. I also want Ekko's happiness which I don't mind Timebomb but I always knew it was doomed to fail in their current universe, I kinda hoped like Jinx would mend things with Vi first and then gradually become friends with Ekko again which would be tough with the whole Silco ordeal but they'd eventually become good friends and maybe even lovers but now I know that it's not possible.

But I don't think Ekko's happiness depends on Timebomb or Jinx really its more of regaining his innocence being relieved of the burden that was left after Silco took over and Vi was imprisoned. I need him to be free again from the responsibility of the firelights fighting against the topsiders for the Undercity's wellbeing and seeing him end with heimerdinger in Season 1 gives me hope of that.

So Through the middle of Season 1 I really thought I was cooked but getting to the ending of season 1 shows me that it might not devastate me as much as i thought it would. I do wish Season 2 wouldn't have ended as the spoilers showed me but there's nothing I can do now except push on!

Please don't leave any spoilers in the comments or anything for Season 2. I want to enjoy the story normally instead of knowing so much from tiktok that it isn't enjoyable anymore.

PS: Am i the only one who cheered when Silco died? Everyone's talking about how they loved Silco's relationship with Jinx and that he was a good father in such from my FYP which I found really weird. I see Silco as this really selfish person and personally believe he didn't mean what he said when he wouldn't have given Jinx up. He is attached to her in a way but I don't think it's a healthy way their relationship isn't the best either. Plus Silco has been wanting to establish the Nation of Zaun for years I personally don't believe that Jinx would be able to change his views on that. But that's just my view on things.

[ask-paranoidanon]

Greetings everyone! It’s sure been a while hasn’t it? Feels like no time at all has passed since I was last active, but apparently six or so months have gone by? Not really sure how that happened, but nonetheless, I’ve returned with news of this blogs future!

As I mentioned in my last few posts, I’m thinking of rebooting the whole blog from the start with better understanding of where the plot is going and how to get there. I’ve decided this is the route I want to take, but unfortunately my time constraints are still in place so posts may still folllow my original month long hiatus schedule. Anyone who followed the blog is probably used to it by now, though it’s still something I wish I could promise would get better.

Going forward, I’m going to make a separate blog for the reboot as planned, as well as make a few design changes to the main cast. I’ve been working on them here and there and still might change a few things before the new blog is up and running. Here’s a peek at the main two:

As you can see, Anon takes more inspiration from her design later in the blogs lifespan. Originally I didn’t have a concret idea of the story’s endgame, so Anon just had her official design that I occasionally removed elements from depending on how lazy I was feeling. This is generally how she’ll look from here on out, inconsistent artstyle aside.

As for Cul, she’s another of the key characters in the blog right from the start. In the original story, Cul was added haphazardly as a result of picking asks from the Vocaloid Amino, where people knew I shipped AnoCul and assumed Cul would be present in the story. This was kinda a mistake on my part, but I rolled with it and now I know for sure what Cul’s role is and how to reflect that in her design. It might see a few more changes before the reboot kicks off, but I’ve narrowed down the basics.

I’m currently working on locking down the story beats, so it’ll be a while yet before you all might hear from me again. The premise of the story has been expanded, so rather than working with a singular room for Anon to interact with, it’ll instead be an entire house for her to roam around. I’m really looking forward to all we can do with this new setup, and I hope you guys can have fun with it to!

Having said that, I’ll see you guys later!

- Mun.

[magnoliamyrrh]

you know i actually think this is one of the worst fucking parts of csa and incest. i despise admitting it, i absolutely dispise it but theres still times when i miss him. not most times. but theres times. theres still times. theres times when i wish i could pretend all the shit just didn't happen. i tried. there were times when i tired. talking to him was only more red flags. but i missed talking to him. were both insane and hes more insane than me but growing up sometimes i felt like maybe because of that at least we understood each other. i do understand him better than anyone else. for the most part he doesnt understand me anymore. but it scares me how well he does at times. three summers ago when i had a mental breakdown i picked up the phone and called him for the first time in years crying like some foolish child wanting her daddys comfort. clearly, i hadnt learned my lesson well enough. sometimes i still want to. foolish and short cited. it was not always bad and that is what makes it hard. if it was it would be easier. i still remember. he would take me to his architecture studio. he taught me how to make mosaics. hed let me help him on his projects, out on the worksite id be measuring and cutting and putting up mozaics. id stay up with his wife at night and make moonstone lamps. he made me sets of moonstone jewerly. i still have them. he made me jewerly and toys out of leather, delicately painted and cut. he taught me how to paint. he taught me how to draw some things. hed stay with me and drew all the things i wanted him too, dragons and portraits of my lps and whatever pokemon i was obsessed with. i still have them. they still smell like him. my artstyle still has his style within it, spirals and swirls so distinctive, a certain surrealism and abstraction, a obsession with gold. down south we would go digging through the dacian ruins in dobrogea, come back with old pieces of ancient pots and pans. he knew history, much of it. he knew theology. he knew anthropology. he still does. when i was little he would buy me these paleontology sets i was obsessed with, youd have to dig out little plastic dinosaur bones, wed spend hours by the black sea as i dug through them. i always wanted to be a paleontologist. is that why i do anthropology now? is that why a fascination and longing for the ancient is within me? he would take me to church. we spend new years in a monestary, sung verses echoing in its small wooden, painted frame. we spend many nights in them. the smell of frankensece in the air. i still burn it. hes still all over me. hes still in my blood. blood of my blood, he is my blood. lately when i look in the mirror i dont see him anymore, but i still know hes there. i look like his mother. i have his eyes and his hair, but lighter. i have the same bad teeth and the same cigarette obsession and my laugh sometimes cracks like his. he was sick. he is sick. he had to give me his sickness because he couldnt carry it alone. unfair. but i still feel responsible for him. i still miss him. i still do. i still remember the reasons i miss him. i missed him. i wanted him to be around more there were times as a child when id cry and think, at least he woukd understand. i hated him. and never wanted to be around him again. and yet i still loved him. what a nightmare. i wish i didnt remember anything at all

[ghostlylicious]

okay so this visual novel has me ACHING so much so that i made a poem about my situationship with this one character i'm romancing😭😭😭 before i share it i just wanna say that i love the artstyle and writing so far, and the menu and all that stuff is gorgeous. it's called 'the pretenders guild'!! i wont praise it too much yet because i'm honestly a little nervous for how our relationship will play out, because it's become sort of a toxic 'will they-won't they' situationship. oh it hurt me sm i made poems abt it which is sort of like fanfiction? anyway here it is (‼️contains spoilers for the paris route if you chose the reaver race‼️):

To Paris, From Ash

do you know how it feels to be in love with you?

terribly entranced, passionately hateful, infinitely due

you kissed me that night, you knew?

or do you not? saints, help me, i'm feeling askew

may only gods know how much i loathe you

how i wish my wrath unto you, how you make me fume

but, dear, i cannot, oh, i cannot

i cannot do that because our friendship is not new

do you know how it feels to be me?

no, of course not, because you couldn't see

what happened that night when you touched me

before you pulled your hand away and slept soundly

like nothing happened

[brokenrobot2004]

It makes me a little sad that I'm going to be convicted forever by the hate blog my ex best friend made about me years ago now; to her, the drama ended with that blog, but to me, it's going to stay forever as long as it's around, because it's one of the first things anyone is going to see when they look me up; I'd be more accepting of it if it wasn't also loosely comprised of buzzwords (Biphobic and ablest are specifically strange to me because I'm bi and diagnosed with autism, and even back when I was aroace I never said anything about bisexuals? I never said anything about any kind of disability either, I was always very respectful about both of those things and have even considered myself bi before now too, when I was 11) and mildly sexualized assumptions that an adult made of posts I made when I was either 10 or 11 years old in the furby community, just trying to fit in with what other people were saying but not entirely having a grip on what they meant and sounding off, when I never meant to sound the way I did at all; like how "Fetishizing trans women" was a post where I angrily mocked my mom calling me cute or girly things because I was a trans guy and found it upsetting, "disabled furby fetish" was me trying to make a positivity post about helping disabled furbies to be inclusive like everyone else was being, one of the things happened to be me saying I'd help a furby who couldn't walk sit on the toilet because I heard around that people taking care of the elderly would do that, so I included it in my post to seem knowledgeable on real ways of helping, and that was it; I really really wish that even while I was an unhinged young teenager, people would have just gently asked before writing those ever-lasting posts, "Hey, did you mean bla-bla-bla when you said this, or did you mean something else?" and I would've answered honestly, I'm sure; I was a bit of a monstrosity the further back you go into history of how I acted on the internet but I was really, not all that terrible to talk to when there was no perceived threat from the person and asking me a rational question would've been easy, I never ever mean to hurt anybody, but now, that's all people are going to think of me; even in real life, because who wouldn't look up my social media in this digital era? 🙁

And it was mostly, if not entirely, consisting of behaviors and views I've grown out of since the 5+ years ago it happened; I have even been met with backlash in 2022 or 2023, for saying I'm sorry to someone I was mean to back then 😯 (I now think that was unnecessary from me, I was very tired that day) what do the people who've cancelled me want from me? I don't think they want me to apologize, or care that I've gotten so much better since then; I think maybe they just want to revel in that I am a complete recluse now socially, a coward; I cannot even say "Cool fursuit!" or "I like your artstyle!" without feeling like somehow, someone will come forward and be able to twist what I've said into something terrible and use it against me if they don't like me, because that's just how people can be online now; it's terrifying. My ex best friend has shunned me behind my back for being so scared, I remember being shown longer ago; but knowing the things that upset her, she would be absolutely broken if someone did to her, what she did to me online; because that shit can ruin careers, it could ruin my chance of ever making a friend again, even IRL because anyone can look me up online; imagine doing that to somebody who was at the time, not even old enough to drink.

I've been called vile, irredeemable, and anonymously told to kill myself once even; I was a 16 year old; a rather air-headed one too yet. Who would talk that way to a 16 year old who made it clear he was trying to improve and never meant to hurt anyone? Who knew he was in the wrong and was trying his hardest to fix it? For young readers rolling their eyes, how absurd that is will click when you're older and realize how inexperienced most people are at that age.

And that isn't keeping in mind how developmentally delayed I always have been too, which I state as a fact and not as an excuse; I don't let it ever stop me from improving myself either, but I feel like it's probably important that I mention that about myself here; I've always been considerably far behind people my age socially and often, intellectually; it was very visible at School especially where alot of the work I did was far behind everyone else's, and was alot slower than them too, and when I was younger I'd hardly get any work done at all even and was very difficult to deal with as a whole; Autism can be a very unflattering disability, it's not generally pure or wholesome, and it has influenced my bad or otherwise embarrassing behavior alot in the past; which I will still take responsibility for; because my illness isn't some seperate entity from me I'd use as an excuse, I just want it to be understood and recognized that I can't function as well as most other people in the head, I never could, and I genuinely just want that to be understood coming from someone who is seriously, detrimentally autistic to a point I had gotten diagnosed with it at a young age; my past outbursts and socially-inept behaviors helped by it gave the internet ridiculous shitshows to point at, and I'll never be able to take that away; what I can do is hope that I'll be atleast somewhat understood in the end, and left alone for how I was such a long time ago now

I've made a good effort to no longer be that way or act immature and freak out like I did long ago, and I can't stop persuing a social presence at such a young age, over the idea that strangers might not understand that about me.

I have no respect for people who think call-out and purity culture are okay and useful towards youth; this stuff was meant for use against megacorperations and rich celebrities that are getting boycotted for being generally harmful and/or gross on a huge scale that affects many innocent people, not stupid teenagers like I was, or even young adults. People learn, grow, and change; I spend and have spent every second of my life finding ways to grow and improve, and taking information in from people I look up to and admire to do so; and came far enough that I am 100% no longer the petty, angry, and immature person I was at the time, and that makes me very proud. I am no longer going to cower in my little corner, shivering at the thought of complimenting someone's 3D model or uploading a piece of music on YouTube; because people who told a scared and confused autistic kid to end his life and tried to take future careers, friendships, or even love away from him with things he's said and done years and years ago, do not deserve my compliance anymore

[chzdavmpr]

Goodnight Punpun Reading Diary Volume 1

Ps: I won't be going into most of it here but if you read the book yourself make sure you look into the content warnings.

Spoilers below

I'm writing this first paragraph before reading a single page to explain that I am going in very blind to this. I know 2 things about this story; I've heard people say it's pretty good, and it's a story that "breaks people." I asked my friend who has read it about that second thing and he said "It's not a sad book, but it is depressing." I have no idea what he meant by this but I saw volume 1 on the shelf of my library so I guess I'm gonna find out now.

Does Punpun not talk?

Jeeze kid. Heavy way to start a conversation

Huh?

Is this seriously the panel used to show that Punpuns mom is dead???? (Spoilers: not dead, but still very injured, and at first viewing of this panel I thought she was dead so... Point stands)

I like this guy's energy. He's funny.

Ah so Punpun can talk, but doesn't talk much and when he does it's summarized through narration rather then speech bubble.

A tittle card after 3 chapters. Hmm.

After the panel on the railing I honestly I was expecting a lot worse. In general I think I overestimated how dark this book would be. Like it's still dark but so far I would say it's more of a dark comedy then the tragic emotional gut punch that I guessed. And maybe that's on me.

There is a LOT going on in this scene... But the main thing I wanted to point out is:

Why are they dancing along?

This "god" character is awfully suspicious. It seems like he knew exactly what would happen when he sent Punpun to the door.

Interesting that there are 2 "parts" to this book. I wonder if in the original Japanese releases these were 2 separate volumes but in the west they combined them.

So was the guy on the roof a ghost? Was it god? Was it poop god? Was it the murderer guy?

So the murderer guy turned himself in, but gave a completely different motivation for why he did it compared to the tape. Interesting...

Who is this guy? He keeps just showing up and just kinda being there. Last time he turned into god, is that something special about him or could that happen to anyone around Punpun?

2 years later? That's a might time-skip to put at the end of a volume.

Final thought for the volume: It was good, but I left more confused then anything. The art is very expressive (one might say too expressive at times if they were lame). The pacing was also pretty well done. And honestly I wish I could have said more about it, but most of the thoughts I had were just different exclamations to wacky stuff.

As I said before, this story is not nearly as dark as I expected (still look up the content warnings before reading if you are sensitive to certain kinds of content tho). I think that's what my friend was trying to say though. It's a story where a lot of sad stuff happens, but the inherent goofiness of the world and artstyle of this book prevents it from ever being a bummer.

This volume wasn't my favorite manga or anything, but I'm very curious as to where this goes. Also my friend said that the ending is what really makes this story so I'm excited to see that.

[ram-de]

[Read] Warmth, Magic and Violence

The past few weeks I have been... Consuming a lot of entertainment from various form of medium. Mostly it's returning back to reading mangas, listening to music I used to listen to, and also... I have... I have discovered Ao3... The modern day Library of Alexandria except it's not burnt yet and hopefully not ever💀

(1) Skip and Loafer

A... A...!! I've saw the trailer for this anime several months ago. But from the premise alone I knew it's just up to my alley. It's not Shoujo per se, though the artstyle is so soft and very Shoujo-like, but it's released in a Seinen magazine. The premise is, a village bumpkin went to school in the city of Tokyo. She met her friends, crushes, experiences, stuff like that. I was about to tune in to the anime each week but being the marathon-kinda type of person, I went straight to read the manga instead. I wish it's localized in my native language so I could buy a physical copy of it😔

I love, love the pairing of Mitsumi and the aware Shima. Mitsumi isn't portrayed like usual Shoujo protagonist (fair, because it's not a Shoujo manga, though there isn't anything wrong if there's a character portrayed like that). In the sense that she's so... How do I say... Katro... She's lame, ambitious but she's also charming!! Even her face is drawn so simple too. Shima is kind of doozy, the class darling, popular, charming, but also distant. He had stuff happened in his youth, doesn't treated with proper care as a kid and stuff about his career as a model actor and that's what happened. Shima is cute. But Mitsumi is super adorable. And what I like is how they Shima can open up although slowly and learn more to experience youth and fun and stuff like that.

The series hasn't been completed yet. But I... It's just a ball of warmth and fluff. Granted there's a bit of angst and I sometimes feel like Mitsumi is very, how do I say, it's not Mary Sue, it's like... She tends to affect others rather easily. And I know, it's not supposed to be angsty and stuff. But sometime I felt like her character only sees the world confined through the lens of the all-sunshine and rainbow and everything is going to be okay. Something that is directed later on, introducing clashing perspective and a more challenging conflict for her to face on.

I don't know what I'm saying. I also love that for the anime, it's by Suda Keina!!!! ANYWAY. I usually forget to tune to monthly manga (heck, weekly manga too), but if I remember I would of course want to know how it goes.

(2) Witch Hat Atelier

Not going to lie, this title has been in my mind ever since I saw the name and the guy Qifrey around (which I personally pronounce Chifrey, although the official pronounciation is Kifrey). Uh... There's something about character with partially covered face. DO NOT PERCEIVE👁️

So. I don't know what I'm going to read about. What I know is, magic. Truthfully I have read the first chapter few years back, because I remembered the premise. But I didn't continue because there's a lot of text. I wasn't a good reader back then (even now honestly) and big chunk of paragraph in a graphic media scares me💀 But. Reading it again, I realized it's a testament of how wonderful and intricate the worldbuilding of this series is. Witch Hat Atelier follows Coco, a human fascinated by the prospect of magic. In her world, magic can be only used by Witches, something they're born with, not attained through learning. Comes an encouter that allows her to gain a peek into the possibility of a mere human learning magic.

I was hesitant to actually read through, granted I'm more of a grounded modern world romance consumer lately and this one tackles magic journeys with the main cast consist of four girls under their mage master <- Qifrey. But the art... It's so pretty😭 I love how Shirahamaさん draws and later on I also love the way she involves a very... How do I say... Some real-life issues through the lens of the magical world of WHA. Limitation of the access for knowledge (being magic) is the core issue of the manga, and as her journey goes Coco can see understand why some faction oppose to this. I don't know what I'm saying again💀

Characters! I love characterization. Curiosity and clumsiness of Coco, being introduced to a grander world and how we also see the manga from her perspective (so the author can bring us and introduce us to the world also, putting tidbits of how magic work, etc). It can be dark sometimes. One guy have his body forcefully transformed into a wolf. Another one is implied to have fused with his cat and now tries to use magic to veil his appearance instead. Implied abuse, that way-ly. Another guy have a boulder over him, permanently paralyzed his lower limbs. Another guy is dead and is being dragged one day before his death, and thus living a cycle of it being unaware. Have your enemy put forbidden magic on you, and poof! Memory cleanse! That gave me... Uh... Body horror just reading about it. It tackles a lot of elements regarding disabilities too. And it being portrayed so raw, how the world most of the times doesn't cater to accomodate them. It's endearing because I can see the author put a lots of thoughts before implementing them.

Well... What I want to say is... The scale is going bigger as we see Coco struggles with principles and morales. Qifrey's past and bigger goals. What else... I liked the lightheared segment better mostly because I'm not an angsty person but I understand plot needs to progress lol. I think the feel of it reminds me of Magi. I read that in the past. I forgot how it goes by now but vibes alone... There's also an anime adaptation soon. Life is well and good.

(3) AN ORIGINAL FIC I FOUND ON AO3. It's titled uHH

UM. I. I don't know if I should write about this because this is embarassing💀 I'll even hide the title somewhere in these paragraphs under because. WELL. Okay. As a preface... I discovered the world of Ao3. I was honestly intimidated by the tags system since people used to basically write everything in that. Not to mention I was side-eyeing so hard at how... Uh... People's fantasy can be when written in world. Like... I'm more of a cute fluff wholesome story enjoyer so... BUT... Putting that aside there's a search system with advanced filtering so poof! I pretend I do not see!

Then the first thing I searched was the Enemies to Lovers trope. DO NOT PERCEIVE💀 There's just!!! I MEAN!!! Sure there's rough path and most of the times there's angst and hatred involved BUT THE PAYOFF?!??! From the clashing dynamics to lukewarm to downright lovebirds?!?!?! Yes. Also I'm not too used to reading fanfiction of an existing story, so I was just looking for the tag Original Work also. Completed. Excluding lots of tags so that the more tame and (what I hope) fluffier and wholesome one remains.

And I do! I read lots of it but mostly one with less than 8k words. Because... Well conclusive one-shot is good! But this one... I have made a mistake. I read this one thinking it's a one-shot but noticed there's 34 chapters💀 I've read the first chapter but I was like... HOOOKED by the premise. It's just. Oh my goodness. This will be good. I knew it. AND IT DID. but. What's insane is that it's 108k words in total... As a comparison. Ari&Dante have like 60k-ish words and Eleanor Oliphant have like 90k-ish words. So I basically read this whole thing in one read in like a day💀 this is ruining my life. I love skull emoji💀

AND MAN. I'm not too fond of the main character being a guy with anger management issues but I just know seeing him more soft as I read is like... It's going to be worth it. And it is. It's. IT'S. I'm melting. I... Underlying all that I... ARSHDGAJHADGSHJRGK. Though it's like... Super slow. And I spend a third of the whole book being... When will they get to spend times together. He took so long to realize. I mean, I should've expected it reading the tags but man... The denial. they're cute. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY WITHOUT ME FEELING EMBARASSED. Just. 😭. There's this one scene after a fight because two of them doesn't want to be seen together, he walked to the house across to prove that he's not afraid of being seen together and it's so unneededly sweet😳

I... I SHOULD STOP... I JUST NEEDED TO LET IT OUT. I've read about the title and it seems like this one is published way back at 2006?ish? And it's just been reposted by the author on ao3 later at 2014. I'm...

I don't like what it implies for my wellbeing to me discovering a site where basically I can look through my favorite tropes and see fiction with that tagged in. It's not looking good💀

------------

Edit. So from what I've read the author actually planned to make a sequel for the series (Sets in college) and they actually released bits of side stories and it's so cute😭 but they didn't continue it and it's been around 7 years since the ao3 Page is updated I'm 😔no I'm actually😓

I saw some reviews on goodreads about the series... But why do these reviews seems so snobby like chill up it's a story that could be read freely and the author spend like a lot building the characters and ok opinions and stuff but 3 STARS?!?! Critics see arts in a whole different lens I'll never get them.

Anyways... I peeked a bit about their college life. What do you mean breaking up... WHAT. STOP. Stop with the realism. Most romance stories I liked and remember somehow had these points one way or another like after they got together... LIKE... this. Normal people. Aridante (2nd book which I haven't read because of this particular reason). Heck, skip and loafer. Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun. Love isn't real even in the fictional realm😔 O well... I guess it's a common mechanism to bring newer dynamics and conflicts else things would be stagnant. Not to mentions also developing each character and how they cope with it, living outside their pairing, letting them grow and be like... An individual! Like life does. But still😔

-----------

[papiliomame]

DannyMay Day 1: New Genre/Artstyle

Phantom Noir: The Ultimate Enemy

They were all dead. I stared in the dancing flames of this hellhole while the grotesque faces of smoke are mocking me with my failure to save them. The stinging smell of burnt flesh reached my nostrils like the cheap coffee I had in morning, reminding me of the future I will never have. The waterfalls started crashing down and gave me the feeling I wished I would never have to call my own...

(Time out...)

We nerver knew what exactly caused the explosion of the Nasty Burger in the original timeline. This is a perfect scenario for a retelling as a noir fiction.

As a reminder: The explosion in the canon timline was caused by the fight between Danny and Boxlunch who was summoned by Clockwork in the first place. And CW only did this because of the future the Observants saw.

So instead of moving to Vlad and getting a exorcism gone wrong, Danny is frantically searching for the true reason of the loss of his loved ones ( and Mr.Lancer). Dan could be some kind of inner voice which pushes Danny to make impulsive decisions and reminds him to seek vengeance.

Maybe Danny finds a strange medallion in the ruins of the restaurant which kickstarts his journey. And in the end he becomes the villain himself after getting older and growing bitter for finding out what really happened.

Version without text:

[brandybradyrandyandyndy]

Got tagged by @official-lauchzwiebel

Thanks for thinking of me!!! :-)

So...

1. What are you currently reading

Rico, Oskar und der Diebstahlstein by Andreas Steinhöfel; Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg; and still Twilight bc I couldn't get myself to pick it up again since the last time I was asked this question 🥸

2. Best movie I've seen in the cinema last year?

Honestly? Actually Puss in Boots - The Last Wish. I immediately fell in love with the animation when I first watched the trailer and when I went to see the whole movie I was completely carried away by the story too! I love this movie so much. Kitties and puppies 😭😭💞

3. What do you usually wear?

In the summer? Button-up/t-shirt + shorts + funny socks + crocs

In the winter? Sweater (with something collared underneath) + high-rise jeans (in any color with any leg width except skinny jeans) + funny socks + docs or crocs boots + the purple winter jacket I got from the h&m men's section only a few weeks ago but I've been wearing it non-stop bc it's exactly the kind of jacket I've been looking for for years and I finally have a cool functional winter jacket in my favorite color!!! 😩🤌💜💜💜

4. Star sign? Celebrity etc. you share your birthday with?

Leo, and I share a birthday with the episodes Eclipse Lake from The Owl House and Wishmaker from Miraculous Ladybug 😌

If we're going with real celebrities like singers or actors.. I was born exactly one day before Tristan Göbel :-)

5. Do you go by your name or nickname?

Depends. My close friends and family mostly call me Lenny, but I always introduce myself to new people with my birth name.

6. Did you grow up to what you wanted to be as a child?

Even as a child I never knew what I wanted to be and I always wrote "weiß ich noch nicht" in that empty space in the Freundebuch, so basically yes bc I still have no plans but now I'm studying languages 👍

7. What's something you're good/bad at?

I'm pretty good at crafty and creative stuff like crocheting, sewing, drawing and all that. Also learning new languages comes pretty easy to me, but I'll probably withdraw this statement after I've gotten back the results from my uni exams that I have yet to write...

Something I'm really, really bad at is being consistent with something. There's always something I'm forgetting and when it comes to important stuff like uni I often can't get myself to even open the uni website on my laptop as if I was paralyzed. Ahaha, anyway on to the next question...

8. Dogs or cats?

See, I'm the person who claims that they like both. And y'know I do like both. When I see someone walking outside with their dog I'm the one excitedly squeaking: "SCHAU MAL EIN HUNDI!!! :-)", but when I see a cat I get even more excited and in my head I'm like: "!!!!!!!!!!!!" bc I don't want to make too many loud noises and scare it off (you know I wanna pet that kitty!!!)

9. If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your fav picture/line/something you created this past year?

The tiny Sendung Mit Der Maus-Maus I crocheted :-)

10. What's something you'd like to create content for?

Tough one. First of all gzsz bc I'm basically the only funny fanartist they have. I mean I've seen some artists drawing realistic portraits from screenshots but that's why I say I'm the only funny one out there. Anyone can redraw a screenshot but I'm the only person willing to draw Maren and Katrin or Michi and Tobias kissing, so even if my sketches look messy and I post so inconsistently that I'll never get more than 3 notes on something I still think I'm doing a more valuable job than people who redraw something that's already happened only for the sake of flexing how realistic their artstyle is. (It's a different story tho if the redraw is stylized!!! There's so much personality to stylized art!!)

So... To come back to the original question. Gzsz definitely, maybe some crossovers like my ml au as well shhshshss, Miraculous Ladybug in general, also Osomatsu-san or Owl House and all that stuff I'm currently watching. Tschick. Yeah.

11. What's something you're currently obsessed with?

Just scroll through my blog for a while.

Besides that? Crocheting. I love that you can do it while watching something, so I feel like I'm doing something useful even while watching AWZ 😩

12. What's a hidden talent of yours?

Nobody peels mandarin oranges and clementines like me! I always peel them in a spiral pattern and almost never fail!! 😤💪

13. Are you religious?

Nice try Gretchen. I'm not gonna answer that.

14. What's something you wish to have at this moment?

Right now at this exact moment? Nothing really. Bin grad wunschlos glücklich, als hätte ich ein halbes Erdbeermarmeladebrot mit Honig verzehrt und würde mit leerer Gedankenblase irgendwo rumliegen und den Rest meines Tages genießen 🍯🍓🍞

Tagging @tofufei @midnightxxcrisis @9puppiesdrowninginapool @jofngve and of course everyone else who wants!!! 😸💕

[bananapajama87]

What are your thoughts on TWCFM? I've watched it so many times, and I feel like I can never form a coherent opinion about it beyond "It has a lot of stuff I like and some stuff I don't like", so it's so interesting to hear what other people have to say about it!

(Oh boy... Shouldn't have asked me about twcfm, essay incoming)

Yeah! TWCFM is a puzzler of a show cuz by all rights I shouldn't like it at all. But I do.

I'm not a huge fan of the artstyle, I don't like nudity, not the biggest Fujiko fan, and the things that happen in it (all of Zenigata, all of Oscar, the school episode, the ending? The flashbacks, the drugs) are pretty gross and I hate to see em.

YET! I love twcfm :) I sing it's praises to people and get them to watch it for themselves, and I think it has to do with the character exploration. Twcfm lets itself dig into the sadder or just more psychological sides of the characters and I think it does it very successfully!

I could (and did) talk for hours about Jigen in this show and how they looked explicitly at how lost he feels in the world. And how he moors himself so completely to anyone he thinks is a kindred spirit and who he might protect, but ends up getting hurt.

This show has one of the sweetest Goemons despite him looking like an agent of death and his interactions with Fujiko show how he idealizes people in his head and that his heart is not really one for the assassin life (like the manga said). He's almost an innocent despite all his crimes.

Lupin... I was so surprised when he pulled his first goofy face in the show. The style made me think he might just be serious and mean. But he's funny! And his dynamic with Jigen and Fujiko is sooooo good. This show really helped my understanding of his and Fujiko's relationship.

FUJIKO! Wow they did so right by her here. Before I knew who had directed it, I had to think a woman had some significant hand in this show because though the nudity is gratuitous, it's powerful and it's in Fujiko's control. She's never bashful or ashamed, she's comfortable at all times and uses that comfort as a weapon against those who are trying to objectify her. Plus, we get the introduction of her character thesis (for Koike but I like to carry it over) which I really like: forget the past, who you are is based on your choices in the present. For a character whose look and identity are so amorphous across the series and in her line of work, I liked that her power came from fundamentally being herself.

Plus! She's so capable and has such an interesting relationship with each of the gang members. I loved seeing her battle wits with Lupin and keep up/get the upper hand! I've always thought that her betrayals and the fujilup dynamic would be much more sympathetic for Fujiko if we saw it from her pov. And it's true. They're having fun. I just wish more episodes from her pov existed so we could really appreciate her. Plus, even though it's artificial, it's good to see her with some internal conflict. Hehe I'm terrible and am always a sucker for some self-loathing and Fujiko gets that here.

Overall for the ending, I'm glad we didn't actually learn her backstory. Initially, I felt cheated but now I think she's the kind who works better without some sob story or any canon background at all tbh, and it works so wonderfully with the show's forget your past thesis. She is herself and that's inherent. For all this show's gritty look and content, it's actually quite soft I think.

Good thing there are only four main characters in the show! Can you imagine if they had tried to make a gritty Zenigata? Yikes, that could have been a disaster :)