#i wish i could sleep forever
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goodnight
#going to sleep now#styes up to late#i dont want to tomorrow 😞#i wish i could sleep forever#everythings just dumb😞 for always
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i am so emotionally drained after today :’0
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mooooooorningggggggggg i hope everyone is well!
#work is getting busy sob#and it was freezing and so windy this morning#i wish i could sleep forever
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i feel so so so so tired. exhausted even. like a constant ache all over. i don't even wanna move too much but i feel like i can't be completely still
#god i wish i didn't feel like this#i feel like i have a huge weight on my back and shoulders#and i don't wanna take painkillers bc they literally do nothing for me#i wish i could sleep forever#personal.
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december is hard bc its cold and dark and where is the sun? no one is around and everyone is upset. everyone is broke and reliving shit w their family from the past and grieving another year lost and worrying for the future. all the plants are dead and everyone is sick and everyones lips are chapped, noses raw.
its so hard for me to leave my room its so hard for me to get up its so hard for me to remember all the reasons i have been getting up this whole time.
my friends leave to go home and come back Different but never Okay
#my spider died#he was 2 years old#there arent any tarantula vets in my area#my rat just had babies again#my friends have been hanging out without me but they knew each other a long time before they met me#my girlfriend wanders#my garden is barren and dead until the spring#its impossible for me to eat more than once a day#my indoor plants are suffering#my thumb wasnt as green as i thougt#i dont leave the bed until i hear a voice#i wish i could sleep forever#moth.text
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I should acfually work on that cat plushie project that I started nearly a year ago.
or I should stay in bed all day and rot in my room for most of the day, like I’ve been doing for 3 years. and then randomly try and be slightly productive.
i forgot to practice the violin and go on my morning walk today.
I really should actually keep a routine.
#tired#im so tired#i wish i could sleep forever#or a week#id like to have longer dreams#im only halfway done with the cat#i should finish it#what am I doing
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Listening to Slipping through my fingers by ABBA and thinking about Apollo watching Meg growing up and aging and he feels like yesterday she was only 12
#Meg McCaffrey#trial of apollo#Lester Papadopoulos#toa Apollo#Apollo#“the feeling I'm loosing her forever”#“she keep on gowing sleeping through my finger all the time#sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture#and save it from the funny tweaks of time“#my posts
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apologizing in advance for the person i will become when the next pjo show season comes out
#and the one after that etc#IM GOING TO BE SO NORMAL OK. ill be the normalest guy ever. nobodys gonna be more normal than me about this#iv. eive. been reading the pjo books (first time actually) and. I care them all so mcuh. the books ever#so so many things i cant wait to see in the show. ive been imagining how some stuff could be translated into the show as i read#im so excited ougfhhh i love these books. life changing reads and im not even really halfway done with them#i just started the third one today actually :mindblown:#i sat down just to read the first few pages before i go to sleep. and erm. i ended up sitting there reading the first ~60 pages for over#-an hour instead. Its so good man the only reason i stopped reading is bc if i dont go to sleep now ill pass out lmao#anygays i love pjo forever and ever and when the next seasons come out im going to be insufferable (/pos)#Also i feel like im always saying this but#im not actually apologizing like i said in the post. im not sorry for shit!! im having a good time#cam.txt#side note omfg i wish i didnt get so much of pjo spoiled its ruining my fun. everything couldve been so much more enjoyable#its my fault im always spoiling media for myself just bc of my insatiable need to know everything Smh. im my own worst party pooper.#a killjoy but not in the cool mcr “killjoys make some noise” way 😞😞 big ol spoilsport right here
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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has anyone considered the fact that im the most tired boy in the world.
#chemi chats#just have to finish coloring this. just have to finish coloring this...#wish i could finish more art but ALAS!! its all half done sketches forever </3#wish i could finish more ANYTHING really i am eyeing my fic wips in the next tab over.#no voli the art. the art you're working on coloring. focus until completion please and thank you.#okay almost done. then afterwards sleep time babey. my hips are doing that thing where they are. bad!! lmao...#love seeing my mutuals hello my mutuals i love you im glad to see you <3#OKAY COLORING'S DONE. ITS DONE PROBABLY. i dont want to work on this anymore so its done now.#it would look better with a dark background but i'd have to refix all the colors and aurghhh. whateber!!#alt text and tags left okayyyy signing off on this post now o7
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thinking about spy for olympus hermes again and how hades catches him and how hermes is prepared to be sent out, prepared to lie through his teeth so he doesn't get in trouble with his father for being caught and how hades frowns at the idea of hermes thinking he's going to be let go because why would he when hermes could get in trouble for it and "you ate the fruit, didn't you" "...yes" "then ask yourself, why would i risk the suffering of something that's mine?"
#hermes x hades#happy talks greek mythos#hermes#hades#hermes could lie very easily but the problem is that in this world zeus is heavily paranoid and hermes very much is NOT the only spy he has#and hermes is v aware of that. even if he doesn't know who or how. is it pasithea? is it on purpose? by accident when she visits olympus?#what about ares who is friendly with thanatos and keres? or philotes who is the sibling of so many of the tartarus crew?#how many of them are intentional like he is? and how many are accidental? telling stories unaware of the malicious focus to their words#its easy to keep a lie going forever when there's no one else to refute your words#anyway hades is well aware of who his brother is and he doesn't really care and hermes wishes he would because The Guilt#(he hates The Guilt. rarely ever felt it before and suddenly it's all he feels kneeling at his uncle's feet#begging for forgiveness that's already been delivered before he could even lower himself to the ground)#okay i need to go to sleep and stop rambling before this turns into a bigger thing byeeeeeee
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helloooooo fellow hettimir enjoyer
I have a question
what about Pan's background???
Uhh. To put it simply… ITS COMPLICATED. i haven’t exactly fleshed her story out so its all over the place <\3
But to give you a very brief rundown:
Pan is brash, entitled, reckless, and generally unnaproachable. She’s uh. She’s got issues. Partially because of her upbringing by her parents who are both messy in their own ways.
Because of everything surrounding her parents, people are wary of her, thinking she’s dangerous in some way just like them. This ostracisation combined with a slew of other things has made her distant and bitter towards others. And her sour attitude does not help her image whatsoever.
nobody likes her, she doesn't like anybody (save for her parents). It's a lose-lose situation all throughout. BUT LIKE I dunno maybe things will turn out better in the future for her. If I'm feeling nice that is.
☝eyes full of malice hate and darkness
#shes a friendless nerd thats all im gonna say#GOSH I WISH I COULD SAY MORE BUT THATS THE MOST I CAN DO WITHOUT GETTING INTO CONFUSING TERRITORY 😭😭#OH AND BTW#iggy i am forever grateful for your panacea insight THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME SOMETHING COHESIVE TO WORK(WRITE?) ON 🙏🙏#panacea#hettimir#toh#the owl house#toh fankid#hettie cutburn#vitimir#coven heads#coven head#i should be fucking sleeping rn hggghhhghhhhhghhhhhhhhhhhh...#GOODNIGHT TUMBLRRRR!!!! 🛏🐈⬛💤
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sorry that I'm reblogging like I'm 14 years old again. it's making me happier than I've felt in years
#idc idc idc#dan and phil. percy jackson. the bright sessions. who cares iat least im waking up of a morning not wishing i could sleep forever
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(okay, I don't want this website to stay broken and struggle under big daddy apple's boots, so I thought i'd see if they had any goodies for decorating my blog that I liked... and oh my god the moon badge is neat and the little bone guy is so cute. I guess i'll finally retire the funny checkmarks because they ruin THE VIBE of moonbones)
#I am a sucker for cute decoration so yeah i'll buy that#I do wish we could have animated avatars again (again right?)#i'm not losing my mind they used to be able to animate right?#that could be a tumblr sub perk tho#do it kinda like discord nitro I guess#I really recall being able to have an animated icon but maybe i'm thinking of deviant art#I had my pixel chibi that painted bees made for me as my main blog icon forever and recall it animating#anyway i'd have (NAME REDACTED FOX) animate if I could#maybe discord nitro's sub plan is something worth looking at idk#anyway I just wanted to say MOONBONES is cute#I will go draw now#i've got a couple of asks in my inbox too#will get to them shortly#I already flipped my sleep schedule back around#be proud of me I work so hard to make my sleep behave
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i love melatonin so much... even when i dont sleep im still sleepy so i dont mind the insomnia as much. i will miss her sm when i have to quit taking it </3
#literally wish i could live like this forever it's like stepping into a world where sleeping doesnt suck#personal
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What is a Monday? A miserable little pile of obligations.
semester turnover restructure
generate/send out error reporting
figure out how to separate out unique counts
create polite reply to Massive Dick Move email
finish the bad book >:(
bò kho (not an obligation. dinner)
laundry
lizard bath
#yapping tag#I spent my weekend trying to sleep and now all my chores are due today and I wanna complain. grump grump grump whine.#the semester turnover restructure actually is a pet project so that part I like! I wish I could take my time with it though#the error reporting is. well it's easy to generate (it's actually running now) and it's tedious but uncomplicated to send out#but then I'm going to spend the rest of the day getting passive-aggressive responses from everybody#in a just world my coworkers would respond to careful itemized lists of all their fuckups with 'thank you Alexis you're so helpful#we really appreciate you flagging our mistakes two weeks before the system final-saves them forever into stone. have a cookie!'#but alas#if I'd been any less stressed and frantic when I first established the error reporting I'd have set up a separate address to send them from#write up some template emails and let the reporting all come out of the mythical 'automatic system thing'#--every 'automatic system thing' in our college is me or IT on my behalf. even the people who hired me for this don't seem to realize#if only I'd known from the beginning that nobody would ever connect me and my systems! I'd be exploiting the shit out of it--#the unique counts is going to be a headache. no idea how I'm going to structure the coding for it. might be fun to invent? we'll see#the Massive Dick Move email response also will be an invention. 'hello Mr Massive Dick I am karma here to smite you' but polite#the bad book >:( I don't want to read any more of but the deal I made with my friend is he sends me free books and I report back#we did not discuss a special 'get out of book free' card for when the main character is a godawful shit sibling. (should've done though)#beef stew is good! mostly it's on the list so I don't forget to set the timers#laundry and lizard bath can wait until tomorrow if they must but they shouldn't wait any longer than that. lizard and I will get stinky
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