#i will write fanfic for him....if i must

[judasgot-it]

Headcannons: What kind of lover are they? (Sigma, Mushitaro)

Continuing this series a little cause these characters get NO love and they're among my favs.

SIGMA

He's the type of guy to spoil his lover rotten since he really dreams of a TV style romance. It's borderline silly sometimes, but his person would be someone who would be as cool as he is - possibly cooler. No amount of money can buy the easy style and fashion that him and his lover have.

He'd be the BEST omg

Type of guy to send his lover money and be like "buy yourself something nice" and it's like 2k

This man spoils but he also has the mindset of looking rich and being rich cause he doesn't wanna be poor

He smells better than handmade leather

He probably expects his lover to look good enough to walk around the casino though so he does have high expectations - he's a career guy. Also he cares about that place a lot (before you know....)

Although he's the type to be like "you don't want me...I've killed people" stfu bro you're favorite food is cookies

He's like a killer Teddy bear compared to the rest of the BSD cast tbh

He'd be a sweetheart but he needs praise and 100% if he has a lover they're in on all of his life drama too

You probably know more about him than he does himself lol

Will try to protect you from anyone he knows is weird and a killer - dazai, fyodor, nikolai, even the hunting dogs (he has serious beef)

Honestly he'd be a great BF but you'd need to carry a gun on you 24/7 or something so sigma feels better with him not around

He is probably needs security the most out of anyone

MUSHITARO

Certified loser, this guy really just wants people he can depend on and won't betray him considering his past. He'd never cheat, he just wants to enjoy the day to day with his lover even if he seems like a sour apple all the time.

He's a fucking loser (no offense, just a fact. The washing machine manual did it for me) so this guy is guaranteed not to cheat tbh

Like. He has 2 friends if you count ranpo and poe and maybe anyone associated with the detective agency. And none of them are touching his weird astrology obsessed ass (I love him)

This guy would date someone and is loyal be default, plus if he opened up then like. Bro idk how he's moving on from that

Marriage. Point blank. He wouldn't move on from a breakup at all

Also as depressed as he is ik he'd probably enjoy day to day life instead of focusing on the long term anymore. You can't be assured of the future, so he'd always go get whatever sweet treat you want

Honestly he'd be an amazing bf tho like this man APPRECIATES the people in his life

If you're in. You're IN

He'd be chill about it like. Probably would do a whole lot of stuff like sight seeing and all of that. Maybe he'd be sour about it, but he'd enjoy being forced outside of his shell

Inside he's a sweetheart and would think about his lover a LOT

Probably gets them their favorite snacks on his day to day

Cries during sex tho he can't help it

[ariaste]

Me: [sees everyone talking about how Assad Zaman was "literally" coming up with RPF about himself and Eric Bogosian in an interview]

Me: ah, fandom's doing its little "interpret an innocent comment in Some Kind Of Way" thing again, let's go find the video and do our own critical thinking about what was actually said here--

Assad: What would happen if I said-- [words that cannot be interpreted as anything but RPF fanfic]

Me:

Me: ok fandom gets a pass on this one actually

[aphel1on]

neuvillette's lore is actually insane. we all took one look at him and went "haha dragon🫵" but i significantly underestimated how big of a role he would play. he's the incarnation of the original hydro sovereign. he took back his rule right under the heavenly principles' nose. he's the one handing out hydro visions now (not even because he has to, he doesn't, he just grew so fond of humanity that he chooses to). he gave away the hydro gnosis bc he straight up doesn't need it. he's planning to DETHRONE ALL OF THE ARCHONS (in a few hundred years, when the traveler's not around to see it, so it won't be awkward for them). he's kind and soft-spoken. he's full of vengeful rage. he's a father to hundreds. he found his purpose after feeling lost for 500 years. skirk pulled him aside for a super-secret convo and when he saw us again he immediately spilled the tea. as far as i can tell, he spawned into existence fully formed. no other character can fucking compare

[cluescorner]

I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

[gd-dollopole]

I can’t stop thinking about a poisoned Arthur, who’s not sick with just any poison. Maybe he’s hit by someone with magic and he has no collateral effects, except that of his body slowly dying.

It doesn’t matter if takes years or months or weeks or days, Arthur knows that one day, he will die. He does not get weaker or unable to do things, he just dissipates, and he knows the moment when he’ll be forever gone.

Everybody knows.

Although, there is a cure to his poisoned body, the only one, but Arthur refuses to take it.

Because if he cures himself of the deadly poison, the price to pay is too high:

he will forever forget the person he loves the most, and will never be able to love them again. His memory will be wiped out each time it comes back.

And Arthur doesn’t want to forget Merlin.

Arthur would rather die in the knowledge that he loves him and has known him, than live a life without Merlin by his side, and without his love and care.

[nevesmose]

Somehow the idea of Curze whispering poison in his sister's ear repulsed Perturabo most of all.

[jecki--lon]

Obi Wan Kenobi was dead.

Obi Wan Kenobi was dead, and Anakin Skywalker, now called Vader, came to in his bacta tank knowing that he had killed him.

It should have felt better.

There was gone the last chain tethering him to his lost youth, there was gone his once brother, now nemesis, there was gone the man who had left him in this half-machine state. Lord Vader had had his revenge.

Anakin Skywalker felt empty.

He had dreamed of it for years, spent two decades imagining what it would be like. It should have brought joy, elation. More even than the thundering, rapid pleasure the Sith had a taste in. Peace.

This is the man who you can blame for the death of Padmé, he tried to remind himself. The hole that was remained where Obi Wan's presence had been whispered back: you, your choice, killed her.

There was only Anakin Skywalker to take the blame. For everything.

[heart-select]

Of "Gone Off" Hobbits

It was Isengar, the youngest of Old Took's, that visits Bilbo in Bag End a mere 4 days later after news of the boy's return (in the middle of an auction of his sister family’s home belongings!!) spread. Mad Baggins they called him, oh posh, 13 months the boy had gone, but that boy is from sister Belladonna, what did they expect really?

He's already well and bothered Fortinbras to help deal with the unrespectable behavior of the Shire on the properties of Bag End; why, Baggins maybe by name but if sister Belladonna did not rise from the grave to give him an earful for not taking care of her only son, Mother surely would! He grumbles of unrespectability, not that he can talk— he's much a Took through and through with his own youth adventures though he's well fortunate enough to have people vouch for his dealings during his 3 long years absence with his own adventure (a smile quirks to his lips, a memory of elven companions by the sea).

He's getting on in his years but he still sees clear, the windows open, a faint smoke billowing on over hill to where the kitchen most likely is and there were no more furniture and mathoms and such in front of the house. Isengar walks up, rings the bell and waits.

The green door opens and Bilbo, in all the traits of his father, grumbling and worrying as he does, gives a small smile, reminiscent of his beloved sister and starts. “Uncle Isengar?”

“Hullo! Good morning, dear nephew. Just visiting, I hope I'm not encroaching on breakfasts? Sun is getting on but I wasn't sure if I still had it in me to walk so I might be late for the breakfasts and too early for elevensies.” Isengar greets with a smile, patting his legs for emphasis of his age.

Bilbo laughs. “Oh, I'm sure you could stroll all up to frogmorton without a sweat on your brow, Uncle. Well, it is a bit early but come in, come in! I have some scones and biscuits still and I've brewed a new pot of tea.” His nephew ushers him in, padding along the still somewhat barren smial into the kitchen. “Bell, Gaffer's wife, gifted some quality tea from their gardens. Bless the Gamgees, went and took off some of my precious belongings before greedy hands got to them.” Bilbo says, using a familiar tea set and pot.

Isengar sits in the kitchen, being served tea as Bilbo rambles on, quietly observing. The house was more barren than it was but spotless and aired out, and Bilbo was clean and at a glance, very much so seemed as respectable of a hobbit that he was before he ran off to his own adventure though, now accompanied by a tiredness over his shoulders. He smiles at his tea.

“I've talked to Fortinbras on the matter of your belongings should you ever need the help. He's new to the Thain work but Isengrim and Isumbras have well trained that boy on disputes and such so don't hesitate to come knocking if any of the rude ones start stirring up trouble!” Isengar huffs, his tea cup softly clinking as he sets it. “Now, on the matter, how are you, boy?”

Isengar sees his nephew freeze, his polite smile dropping slightly. Bilbo opens his mouth to answer then closes it and Isengar knows that face. The hesitation that comes on “odd hobbits” that return after seeing the world. A hand settles on Bilbo's reassuringly.

“Bilbo, my boy.” Isengar softly starts, squeezing the hand in his and a spark of mischief lighting up in his eyes. “Have I ever told you about the sea? or did that old Gandalf spoil my stories whilst you were off?”

Isengar, the youngest of Old Took's and younger brother of Belladonna Took-Baggins, is the first of many idle visits and visitors of Bag end after Bilbo’s return. He sees the change in his nephew and his heart aches as he sees the faint grief much like the one he sees on his own in the mirror. He didn't need his dear mother Adamanta or sister Belladonna to rise from their graves to yell at him that no Took be left behind, especially not like this for all the oddness they already reputed themselves with. So Isengar sips on his tea, patting the chair next to him to usher his nephew to sit. Bilbo's the better storyteller between them really but he weaves his tale to his nephew, glad of the soft smile that delights the smial even if not wholly unburdened.

—

Bilbo listens and for that day, gives himself a rest from all the busy he has been with retrieving his belongings as Uncle Isengar fumbles through his adventures. Of Elves and men and of wide plains and cities and the sea. And he hears the same longing when his heart sings mountains. And when his uncle leaves before dinner as the sun slowly turns to late afternoon, with promises to visit again, he shuts the door and it is later, as he walks into the parlor after supper has all been cleaned up and night has arrived, he falls.

The hearth is warm with fire and he hears a distant hum, a memory of 13 dwarrow mourning a home they will soon reclaim. Bilbo falls and falls, in wretched sobs and heavy sorrow. No hobbit leaves the shire to see the world and returns unchanged, Bilbo realizes and he cries and cries and cries. He's accepted the madness they've already labeled him with but a comfort settles in his heart. He has changed. Perhaps more than the other “gone off” hobbits that have returned but despite it, he regrets none of it, holds it all close to his beating chest and he is comforted by the kinship his Uncle brought, not just by blood but of heart, never pushing Bilbo of his own tale because hobbits who go off and out of Shire do not return the same (and they were the same, in all their Tookishness).

He takes a spare mattress out back to the parlor where he rests when he can no longer busy himself, not having the heart still to settle into a home that feels changed just as much as he has and treat it the same as it were but finding comfort in the hearth that held memories and the presence of an armchair miraculously not taken in an auction. And for the first time in days, he sleeps restfully, dreaming of a mountain from a view of a high rock, and a quiet hum that made him want to see it all to begin with.

–

A/N: I havent written in a long time and well half illiterate most of the time. this started out slightly as bilbo dealing with grief and was a bagginshield but i quite like it ambiguous and short as is now so I thought mmmm perhaps it doesnt hurt to share. I like it being just Bilbo and exploring the people around him and how he dealt with that and how they couldve also supported him. I cant imagine just casually pushing through all that he experienced and keeping it all in without breaking and in the end, Bilbo for all his eccentricity by hobbit standards, didnt really break. Isengar is indeed one of the gone off hobbits but I took some liberties on history and personality. I think there's a lot of comfort in knowing you're not alone esp in an insular community and this little thing kinda just ran itself towards that direction. anyways, again, i dont write prose often and despite my extensive ao3 history, i am also just p bad at reading but I hope this is an okay read.

[ghostradiodylan]

TW: canon-typical graphic violence for The Quarry (all under the ‘keep reading’).

Particles and Waves: A Ghost/Love Story

Dylan Lenivy knew he was going to die.

Not in the abstract way that everyone knows they’ll die eventually, but right now, today, in about the next 30 seconds. To say he was too young to die would have been a cliché, sure, but it would also have been true. He’d graduated high school in May and turned 19 in July. He’d just finished two months working with his friends as a summer camp counselor. He was supposed to be starting college in a week, he’d already packed for his move before he set off for camp. He’d kissed his crush in a game of truth or dare beside a campfire just that evening, his heart in his throat and cheap beer on his breath. He’d even managed to save his friend Kaitlyn from a werewolf attack in front of the Hackett’s Quarry Summer Camp lodge. He’d lost a hand that night, too, so it wasn’t all highlights, but, on the whole, Dylan felt like he had kind of a lot going for him. He would have preferred to stick around.

Since not dying didn’t appear to be in the cards anymore, though, Dylan hoped his end would at least be quick, that the grotesque, oddly fleshy werewolf, drooling and snarling inches from his face, staring him down with its demonic red eyes, would rip his throat out in one bite and be done with it. Unfortunately for Dylan, this beast had other plans. It gave him entirely too much time, sitting there in the cab of the magnetic crane at the Hackett scrapyard, to anticipate what would be an unrelentingly brutal end. As soon as it had knocked the blowtorch from his right hand, his only hand, he knew the fight was over. His one available weapon had flown to the left side of the cab, where his handless arm dangled uselessly, at the same time that the wolf had grabbed his remaining intact arm in its jaws.

The werewolf (was it Nick, he wondered. Or his boss Chris Hackett? Or another of his friends who’d been bitten and turned while he wasn’t looking? Surely it hadn’t been long enough since Dylan had seen him for it to somehow be Ryan) was taking its sweet time gnawing through what had been Dylan’s good arm, tearing muscle and sinew, splintering bone. And there was absolutely nothing he could do; no way to fight, no way to flee. He could only curse and cry and scream, so that’s what he did. The pain was indescribable. It was so much worse than the chainsaw, worse than anything he could have imagined, and it just would not stop.

Dylan wished that Kaitlyn could have come put a bullet in his head, euthanized him. That would have been a relief. Failing that, though, he hoped she was running already, hoped she’d gotten a decent head start out of this werewolf choosing to finish him off so slowly. Run away Kaitlyn, he urged her mentally, run!

He’d expected to pass out from the hemorrhaging by this point, especially given that this was Dylan’s second bloody attack of the night, and the last one had come complete with an amputation, but no, that would’ve been too easy. His stupid, stubborn body was so determined to keep itself alive that it just kept sending out bursts of adrenaline that he could do nothing with but shake and suffer. He remained conscious and screaming for several more unbearable seconds.

Though the pain and the terror wouldn’t quite allow Dylan’s all-too-short life to flash before his eyes like a movie montage, he did get momentary visions. He saw his mother, who he knew would be devastated beyond all consolation, and the packed bags and boxes that would never make it to his college dorm. He thought of his ginger cat purring on his lap, of Ryan’s smile and that little beauty mark at the corner of his mouth that Dylan thought might be the most attractive thing he’d ever seen on a human face, and of how it felt to be on the receiving end of Kaitlyn’s infectious laughter. He thought of everything he would miss, the blazing blue summer skies and the sound of boat paddles softly churning the surface of the lake, the faces of his friends in the bonfire light, all the songs his favorite bands would put out that he would never get to hear. And none of this distracted him from the pain, it only piled on another layer. It filled him with longing and sadness and, worst of all, guilt. He was dying, through no fault of his own, really, and he felt so damn guilty about it, about what it would do to everyone he loved.

Eventually, the monster ripped his arm in two and tossed the severed forearm to the side. Dylan might have made a ‘no hands’ joke now if only he hadn’t been too busy with the whole dying in agony thing. The creature then grabbed him by the throat with its huge, clawed hand and he was ready for that, he welcomed it now. But instead of crushing his windpipe and ending his torment, it merely used the leverage to hold him still (wow, really? he thought, this is just gratuitous). Then, it switched its attention to his other arm, the one that had arrived to the scene of his demise already down a hand, and proceeded to slash that one completely off at the upper arm with its claws. He felt the arm tearing away and the gush of blood, but he didn’t cry out then—the blackness had begun closing in on him too quickly, and Dylan was grateful for that. He was barely even aware that the beast had ultimately gone for his throat with its teeth because it did so only in the very end, once there was not one single shred of mercy left in the act. His last thought, as his heart stilled and his breath left his ravaged body, was oh, finally, thank fuck.

Dylan Lenivy had died, but that was only the beginning.

————————————————

Redoing the landing pages for my fics because I finally learned how to use tumblr semi-properly. 😅 Late to every party. Don’t mind this if you’ve already seen it!

[speciallivery]

Not my dad asking me during his live radio show (which we sometimes host together when I am at my parents over the weekend) ON AIR about the "Book I am writing about F1 on the internet" whilst we were discussing the qualifying results.

Kill me now. I Immediately lied, I do no such thing and were did he even get that idea from?

[kyliafanfiction]

Anakin Skywalker was 'greedy' in the sense that he was holding on to Padme so tightly that he was willing to do anything to save her. That's true.

He made the wrong choice. A lot of wrong choices, really.

But we can't ignore the fact that he'd been groomed by an evil space archmage for 14 years. We can't ignore that the visions themselves were at least influenced by Palpatine (because he knew they were happening to make his Plagueis story have an impact. One wonders what he would have used as leverage if Padme wasn't dying in visions - unless he was full on sending them). We can't ignore the role what happened to Shmi played in all this, and why that led him to be even more closed off about what was happening (since Obi-wan had been dismissive of the visions of her death, calling them merely dreams. I think Obi-wan would have taken these visions more seriously with the hindsight on Shmi's but I can see why Anakin didn't think so). We can't ignore that the force is an emotional feedback loop and yes that's part of the reason why the Jedi have their rules, but once you're feeling the fear and anxiety, etc, then yes, you're just gonna have it keep mounting up and 'just let it go' isn't exactly a great solution.

We can't ignore that Anakin had spent the last 3 years in a constant state of stress and danger and crisis and clearly not getting much sleep, I doubt he was eating right and he hadn't had a moment to actually gather himself in AGES.

None of this and any of the other factors excuses what he did. Not even close.

But to just dismiss it as 'Anakin was too attached' and 'Anakin was greedy' is -

It's bullshit. Anakin had to be put through the kind of emotional and mental wringer that would have killed almost anyone on this website to be brought to the brink, and he still hesitated up until that final choice.

None of what he did was justified, or okay, or mitigated to a degree that removes his culpability, his crime, the sheer monstrousness of what he did. But by any reasonable measure, Anakin was not operating under his full faculties.

In-universe, he deserved lifetime imprisonment in supersupermax (and I only say no to death penalty because I just don't like death penalty, but he would have deserved that too, to be honest) just for what happened in the first three minutes of into walking in the temple. One minute even, probably.

But Anakin is fictional. And we can acknowledge those mitigating factors and appreciate that it was complicated.

And simple, yes, but many things can be both.

Anakin's fictional. He didn't kill any actual people. And it's a tragedy because it's a tragedy. Anakin's tragic flaws were indeed the problem, but -

Context is important. Especially in a movie like RoTS, everything is there for a reason.

[isan0rt]

Hey crazy thought but maybe Kairi wouldn’t seem like such a ‘wasted character’ if this fandom would quit taking everything of narrative and thematic significance about her and assigning it to Riku constantly all the time.

(The evaluation of the ways in which Kairi and Riku are important and vital foils for each other got kind of long so it’s under a read more; to be clear, I love Riku so much, and it makes me super mad to see his narrative also being undermined by this trend, this is not a hate post.)

Kairi and Riku serve opposing but complementary purposes in the narrative. Kairi represents light, but she also represents the stagnation of the light. Many characters who are associated with just light are also associated with stagnation and a resistance to change. Hoder and Eraqus are particularly extreme examples, but Aqua exemplifies this as well. They want a predictable world where things stay as they ‘should’ be and they are threatened by changes to the status quo. Eraqus in particular refuses to change anything about himself for 60 years, only taking on students at the last minute because he’s running out of time. Kairi, like Eraqus and Hoder and Aqua, stands as the bold, sharp light that casts others into shadow.

However, the other side of “resistance to change” means that Kairi represents restoration. She is able to restore Sora in KH1, pull them home in KH2, and hold Sora back from death itself in KH3, because her power is one of restoration. She holds so tightly to their old way of being that she can stop death itself in the interest of not changing too drastically. But she is unable to move forward on her own, because she fears change too much. She wants to chase after the boys when they keep leaving her behind…but she isn’t able to keep up, because what she actually wants is for them not to run at all. 

She wants to go home, and restore their previous status quo. This desire is consistent in her for the entire series; this is also why she is unable to let go of her childhood crush for Sora, even though he’s obviously not the person she wants him to be anymore. For Sora, Kairi is the rock, she is the home that will always be there, he feels that she is the secure dock he can always return to after the storm. He relies on her not changing, which reinforces her fear of change. Lea is similar, and they can bond in KH3 over both their mutual desires to restore a prior, idealized status quo where their friends were reliably there and not at risk of disappearing on them or running away from them or changing.

Riku on the other hand embodies transformation. He represents change to the status quo, growth and development and a new way to be. Too much change is as much of a problem as too little; Kairi in KH1 sees Riku wants change, and it scares her, and he does in fact go too far. At the same time, she’s the catalyst for Riku’s desire to change their circumstances. Kairi’s arrival at the islands in the meteor shower incites Riku to dream of going to the outside world. This too is a tension that creates an anxiety in Kairi - in a way, she can see herself as to blame for Riku’s desire to change. But Riku was always going to change, because that’s who he is. He is radical change, the change that cuts away restrictive dogma so that the world can advance. Riku drives Sora to also want to grow and change, to excel and challenge himself. Sora wants to be like Riku, whose strength and internal drive he admires.

Ultimately Kairi and Riku are in BALANCE with each other. Ironically, while Kairi is themed as ‘the sea,’ her narrative purpose is to be steady as the earth. Riku’s name is ‘the earth,’ but he is changing and dangerous as the sea. They are one another’s reflections in the narrative. Kairi’s arc is about learning to let go and move forward, even though it scares her. Riku’s entire arc is about finding balance, not throwing away the comfort of the past, that inoculates him from falling too far the way Baldr and Xehanort do. Riku can drive Kairi to join them by giving her a Keyblade too. Kairi can pull Riku back from fleeing from them by seeing him even under Ansem’s face. He is able to be in contrast with Kairi in a healthy way, in a way that honors her fears while also refusing stagnation. They have to work TOGETHER to find Sora, because they are one another’s narrative and thematic opposites. Kairi is too stagnant on her own, and Riku too volatile. Sora is the healthy middle between them, the center-point that can bind the light and the dark TOGETHER for one purpose. 

Kairi is narratively and thematically important to Kingdom Hearts. She represents something, and trying to take the things that reinforce her narrative importance to the story (her representation of the light, her narrative purpose of ‘disruption’ in her arrival via the meteor shower, her position as the one who grounds Sora in opposition to Riku’s position as the one who drives Sora to push himself and achieve more) not only undermines her story, it undermines Riku’s.

[neon-angels-system]

how to stop crying: think about those two middle-aged men being in love

[katyobsesses]

Am I the only person missing Colin's colourful outfits in S3?

Yes he does look quite dashing in the Parisian fashions but it doesn't feel like him and whenever I read a time travel AU and he remarks on his old clothes and how much he wishes he had his new ones it feels wrong.

That fashionable Colin was a mask, and surely by the end of the season he should have reverted back to his pastel waistcoats and colourful coats, or at least added some colour back into his wardrobe. I do hope we get that in the next season.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The annoying thing about releasing sanji from the cage inside my brain this week is that 1) I got stung by a wasp or yellowjacket on my dominant hand and it's so swollen there's tension when I grip a pencil and 2) I won't be around this weekend to draw him a million times in color 😭

[steakout-05]

for months now i have had this little story idea bouncing around in my head for an AU of Jetpack Joyride where Barry is stuck inside a big expermental time loop conducted by Legitimate Research to create an army of randomly selected time-travelling soldiers. the idea is very much still rough and i dunno if and when i'll develop it into a bigger thing, but it's a pretty cool idea and it's a twist on the JJ game that i've never really seen much exploration on.

basically, it focuses on Barry, who is the sort of Patient Zero of an experimental concentrated time-fuckery technology LR is working on. every single day, at exactly the same time, Barry goes out to work his salesman job, discovers the jetpack, breaks into the laboratory, takes it for a joyride, eventually gets hit by an obstacle and dies. the next day, Barry goes out to work his salesman job, discovers the jetpack, breaks into the lab, takes it for a joyride and dies. and he does the same exact thing the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... he's pretty much stuck in a loop of the exact same events happening repeatedly every single day, and he has absolutely no idea about it. that is, until there's a glitch in the system, and Barry progressively becomes a lot more suspicious and paranoid about the situation he's in. the rest of this post is gonna be REALLY spoilery (like i literally just explain big important chunks of the story for several paragraphs) if i ever make this into a full-fledged fanfic, so i'm gonna put it under a keep reading thingy. also it is... quite long and convoluted lol.

as the story goes on, it focuses more on the mental degredation of Barry as he starts uncovering all these weird clues, slowly trying to piece together what's going on and driving himself insane, because every time a reset occurs, his memory of the previous loop ever happening is completely wiped and everything he did that day goes all the way back to square one. since the malfunctioning of LR's technology though, Barry has been getting little nuggets of deja vu and half-remembered fragments of dying before a reset. this eventually becomes him repeating things to himself, little phrases and codes over and over and over in hopes that it will persist into the next reset. this eventually becomes symbols stuck up on the walls of his room and then progresses to entire rituals to help him remember and little behaviourisms like tics and stims to let him know he's in another loop. he becomes more and more panicked and unsettled, paranoid that someone - or something - is watching him closely. additionally, he keeps having disturbing dreams in the early hours of the morning before he gets up to go to work, ones that are symbolic and prophetic, as if they're trying to warn him about something. i've had concepts of him waking up on top of a pile of millions of mangled carcasses that all look exactly like Barry, and having on them them forcefully grab onto his leg and pull him down with the rest of them. it's kinda like the nightmare Woody has in Toy Story 2, but like, dead guys everywhere, lol.

the backstory of this whole thing is kinda insane. basically, Legitimate Research is a sketchy government funded facility that's doing secret time experiments to create the strongest beings for a purpose that's somewhat similar to Brains' Zomb Bomb plan from AOZ (i haven't fully decided yet). Barry is someone who has been randomly selected for their newest version of the concentrated time loop experiment, where patients will be put under looping tests to extract data about their strength, agility and performance and decide what they need to supplement them with in order to create the perfect soldier.

Barry was 22 years old when he was selected. he was actually a relatively normal local Fish N' Chips vendor living in New South Wales, but one day, when he recieved an exciting letter in the mail about a new ambitious job opportunity, he completely disappeared without a trace and seemed to have been entirely erased from the minds of everyone he had ever known. Barry had actually been kidnapped and ensnared into a mind-experiments facility of the laboratory, where they proceeded to wipe his mind, proof of his existence and his entire personhood up to this point, and replaced all of it with fake memories to fill in the gaps. he was then placed in stasis and to be injected with high doses of strength drugs as they crafted a new life for him behind the scenes. a new house, in a new state, all with new stories and memorabilia meant to be lived out by new person. now, he was Barry Steakfries in Queensland, a rough-around-the-edges guy with a passion for action movies and destruction. he was a revel with a thirst for chaos and freedom, but he just didn't have the means to achieve it yet. it was all according to plan.

a big part of the story i want to tell that involves him is that at some point, Barry tries to break free from the time loop by doing something different. this takes a lot of pre-planning, memory rituals and repeating details to himself, but after he wakes up from a reset and gets out of bed, he hesitates, choosing to go to a different place to sell his gramophones that day. he deliberately tries his best to avoid Legitimate Research's headquarters as much as he can, and while he doesn't completely remember why he's doing it, he has a deep gut feeling that he should stay away from them at all costs. so he does. and at first, it goes well. the day is different, his choices seem to actually matter and for once, the feeling of deja vu isn't tearing him apart... until a crazy freak accident happens that forces Barry to die and reset the time loop again, wiping away everything he had done that day. Legitimate Research is now forcefully trying to stop him from knowing what the hell is going on by forcing him to die with each now discovery he makes, and Barry has to figure out more and more creative solutions to averting their surveillance and trying to get the hell out of the loop.

Craig will also be involved with the story too!! i'm not exactly sure what exactly the events leading up to Barry discovering and meeting him would be, but it'd be kinda halfway-late-ish into the story where Barry manages to cut off LR's surveillance of him, breaks into the laboratory and searches through its archives for anything relating to time. during this raid, he accidentally discovers the true Patient Zero to this time experiment: a broken, decrepit shell of a man who has been hooked up to a set of wires and locked away deep into the laboratory, never meant to be discovered by anyone, only known simply as #000 'Craig'. Craig was the very first human they used to run an early prototype of these experiments, but through malfunctions in the threads of LR's technology, he ended up knowing too much and tried to break free from his time loop, which resulted in him being dragged out of reality and becoming completely detached from his own time, stopping his aging process completely and practically allowing him to exist forever and persistently through every reset unaffected. LR relocated him and considered him a catastrophic failure, locking him away in a cell deep in the bowels of the laboratory before destroying and erasing every archive of him ever having existed in any point in time. and now, the same thing is about to happen to Barry if he doesn't figure out a way to stop what's happening quickly. Barry, outisde of LR, is the only one who is aware of Craig's existence in this timeline. Barry makes a vow to make sure that he will never ever forget Craig, no matter what happens to him, no matter how many times his timeline gets reset, because he is the only other person on the whole world who truly understands what he's going through.

at the very end of the story, when Barry finally escapes the time loop and is about to enter into a new reality where none of this ever happened, he reaches out a hand to Craig and offers he come with him to live. Craig, however, rejects the offer, sadly confessing to Barry that because of his disconect from the threads of time progression itself, Craig must stay behind and be erased along with everything inside this one and let Barry live his life. Barry protests, insisting that his life wouldn't be complete without him and that they've already gone through so much together, but Craig assures him that this is the best for the both of them, and that Barry must leave him soon before the window to escape closes. Barry gives Craig once last goodbye, holding him close and basking in his presence for the final time. he closes his eyes, presses his head against Craig's and whispers "I promise I'll never forget you." before he slowly lets him go, not breaking their locked gaze on each other for even a second as he steps into the portal and ventures into an entirely new reality, never to return.

i want there to be an epilogue part where Barry starts his new life and goes looking for a place to stay, and he comes across the place where LR used to be, which is instead occupied with a big square fence plot and a sign that says "UNDER CONSTRUCTION: NEW RESTAURANT TO BE BUILT". Barry stares at it for a moment and reflects on everything that has happened. all the hellish experiments that were once held inside this very plot of land, all the trauma he went through to get to this point, Craig's sacrifice, everything has lead up to him standing here, in the right place, at the right time, to finally live the life he should've had to begin with. eventually, he turns away, continuing to walk down the street. he should go check that place out sometime.

(insert "what a fucked up dream for a baby to have" ending from 'then what' here)