#i will never understand if the characters are Aware of the chapter videos or what flashback videos like dance macabre are to them

[gogodollie]

papa nihil literally has an ipad with a giant rubber case that he plays on at full volume and brightness. and he sits up in bed at night right next to sister imperator watching thirst traps and scrolling through tiktok and asking her what something means every 10 seconds. and he shows sister Every single video that has one of his songs in the background. and he has a folder for all of the #sisterimperator thirst traps he finds online. and sister still isn’t sure how to fuck he keeps disabling the parental controls she put on his ipad.

[shuutingstar]

It’s FINALLY done. I’ve finished the sit-com/reality tv show/whatever. It’s only one chapter/a oneshot because it honestly took so long just to write and I procrastinated a bit, but there’s like 4 drafts of just different scenarios for this AU and I’m tired. Not sure if I’ll post this on ao3 or not, but whatever.

context (I guess??) to my suffering.

@doodlebugdpj I hope you like it and I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t what you were expecting! I understand if it’s garbage because it honestly is.

[camera pans on Will Solace’s face. He’s sitting on a love seat in a bland room and fidgeting with his hands]

Will: [blinks uncomfortably] uh, I’m not sure what I’m meant to—

[a piece of paper gets thrown at Will and he catches it effortlessly, he looks at the contents and sighs]

Will: [reading from the paper indifferently] welcome to the start of a spin-off series where we look into the lives of the demigods residing at Camp Half-Blood. There will be laughs, there will be hardship, but most of all there will be a rememberable and lovable cast of characters— do I have to read this?

Apollo [off-screen]: of course! How else am I meant to start off my career as the best movie director? You know, I’m still disappointed that I couldn’t be in the show, but maybe Hephaestus is just waiting to star me in something really popular! I know he would never brush off my experience and expertise!

Will: [sighs] fine, fine. —rememberable and lovable cast of characters who all face the mundane problems of Camp Half-Blood. Grab some popcorn and sit back because you are about to be sent to an entire different world.

[Apollo claps off-screen while Will puts his head in his hands]

Apollo: well done! Although I do think you need to be more expressive, but I suppose it’s usable. Now if I had done it I would’ve used more emotions to convey just how excited I was to show off my new show, but that might just be a me thing.

Will: [puts his hands on his lap] can I go yet? Nico said he wanted to play some video games today and I need enough brain power to mentally prepare myself for my inevitable defeat.

Apollo: [hums] I guess. All right, you may leave.

[Will stands up quickly and leaves the studio room/basement of the Big House without another word]

[The camera cuts to a shot of Alice Mizayawa and Julia Feingold, who are standing opposite each other]

Alice: so you know how Mr. D loves his coke?

Julia: [nods] yeah.

Alice: [giggles] so what if I told you I swapped it for diet?

Julia: [blinks] you… Alice!? Are you stupid?!

Alice: [scoffs] no? I am completely aware of the consequences! It’s called wanting to have fun, Juls.

Julia: [raises an eyebrow] are you sure you aren’t trying to impress Kayla?

Alice: [slaps a hand on Julia’s mouth] what?! No! Why would I?

[camera cuts to Julia Feingold sitting on the love seat]

Julia: [looks deadpan at camera] Alice has a crush on Kayla and before you say that it was rude of me to reveal that, I’ll have you know that everyone at camp knows except for Kayla.

[camera cuts back to the previous scene]

Julia: [sighs and gets rid of Alice’s hand] okay, okay. How are you supposed to know if Mr. D finds out?

Alice: [smirks] don’t worry, I’ll know.

[a beat of silence before a frustrated scream echoes through the camp, few campers look for its source]

Alice: there it is!

Julia: [face palms] you are so dead.

[camera cuts to Alice sitting on the loveseat, looking worse for wear yet smiling brightly]

Alice: I got put on dish washing duty for a month, but it was worth it! [she sits crisscrossed on the seat] Kayla said my prank was hilarious! Can you believe that? [her smile widens] I think I might explode.

[Dionysus sits at the love seat, looking beyond tired]

Mr. D: fuck you, Zeus.*

*Hephaestus TV would like to clarify that this is a figure of speech and Dionysus does not actually want to fuck Zeus.

[camera cuts to Cecil Markowitz, Lou Ellen and Will Solace sitting in a circle and playing a card game]

Lou: [places a card on the deck in the middle of the circle] UNO.

Will: [huffs] I swear if this is your third win—

Lou: oh please, you’re just mad you’re bad at a card game.

Cecil: [chuckles] even I’ve won at least once.

Will: [rolls his eyes] it’s a game of luck, Cecil. You don’t need much to win a game like this.

[in the background a cabin lights on fire and Percy Jackson can be seen controlling water from the lake to extinguish it]

Lou: [smirks] are you not lucky, Will?

Will: [deadpans] Tyche hates my guts.

Cecil: did you accidentally forget to heal Chiara or something?

Will: what? No! I take my job as head healer very seriously.

[the fire slowly dissipates, however the cabin is charred and badly damaged. Annabeth Chase walks over to Percy, the two discussing something too far to pick up on]

Lou: [shrugs] it’s your turn, dipshit.

Will: [looks at his cards, then places one on the deck ans grins] maybe Tyche doesn’t hate my guts.

Cecil: [groans] just great. [takes four cards from the opposite deck reluctantly]

Lou: what’s the colour?

Will: hmm, how ‘bout blue?

Lou: ugh! You son of a bicth!

[Will and Cecil laugh at Lou’s unfortunate situation all the while in the background the cabin has gone up in flames again, Percy and Annabeth staring for a single moment before trying to extinguish it again]

Will: [puts a card down] UNO!

Cecil: whaaaat?!

Lou: fuck you, sunshine boy.

Will: [grins smugly] I guess Tyche has finally blessed me. Suck it, losers!

Cecil: [frowns] you’re so cruel, William.

[the three friends laugh as the sun sets behind them. The cabin is no longer on fire and now Leo Valdez and Harley have joined Annabeth and Percy. They discuss something before Harley looks down dejectedly]

[the camera cuts to the bland room once more, Will Solace sitting in the love seat once again]

Will: for the record, I won that UNO game.

[a paper gets thrown at him and Will looks at its contents indifferently]

Will: [reading form the paper] that concludes the pilot episode for Apollo’s new TV show. He would like to thank himself for coming up with the idea and Hephaestus TV for sponsoring the production. Tune back in next Wednesday to catch the very first episode of the series. [looks at camera] how much longer is this gonna last, dad?

Apollo [off-screen]: dunno, I’ll have to check the views first. I’ll get back to you.

[the screen fades to black as Will stands up and leaves]

don’t ask my what kayla x alice is doing in here, I wanted a funny scene and kayla was the first person I thought of.

I hate this so much, but honestly I kind of just want to be done with this (for now). This most definitely branches out from my initial post because it’s hard to incorporate fight scenes when my vocabulary only consists of ‘explosions’ and ‘screams’ in that field. Also, I guess it would make sense if sometimes camp wasn’t in mortal danger and other times it was? So yeah. That’s what this is.

[taco-drinking-bleach]

PART 1: basic information Am I unwell about Yanqing? Well, I'm sure enough I'm well enough about him that's why we getting another rant about him :]!! (although that will be in part 2) -Purple: References to time -Red: References to his power, strength, or swordmanship -Green: His character -Blue: His past Today we gonna cover the abundance theory, first I should cover what it is and point you to this reddit link: https://www.reddit.com/r/YanqingMains/comments/1dqmmdl/abundance_yanqing_theory_explained/ that has a connecting Youtube video ^^^ and this reddit post that explained what is was 2 me at first!: https://www.reddit.com/r/YanqingMains/comments/1cgp2it/yanqing_is_sus_and_not_enough_people_are_talking/ First and foremost it summarizing what we know, and what some may not. This isn't all abundance, some of it is merely his lore to understand him better so its easier to under the theory. :] Yanqing's birth parents, origins, and how he spent his earliest years are unknown.

"It's recorded in the military annals of the Cloud Knights how Jing Yuan came to discover the young boy, stood his ground against public opinion, and incorporated him into the armed forces. However, in the family lineage column, Yanqing's lineage was relegated to the category of unknown." What we *do* know is that he was put within the Cloud knights young, loves swords, and is extremely talented (if not doomed) . also the lines "He was born for the sword and is obsessed with it. Whenever a sword rests in Yanqing's hand, none would dare underestimate this genius still in the early days of his youth. Perhaps the only thing capable of dulling his treasured blade's sharp edge is time." - Character Details "Youngest lieutenant in the history of the Cloud Knights" "Ever since he could remember... follow Jing Yuan around.....helping the Seat of Divine Foresight.....Jing Yuan in return taught him the art of swordplay..and...war." "Yanqing is "A gifted swordsman born to fight."' - Character Story: Part I "this genius' debut on the battlefield was even more explosive" - Character Story: Part II "If you ask Yanqing what other interests he has besides sword fighting, you'll be met with a simple answer —

"Interests are temporary, my sword is forever!"' "But for this vastly impressive teen, it's now time to turn over a new page in the annals of history and write another chapter" -Character Story: Part III "Jing Yuan spent much time and energy in raising Yanqing. Some speculated that he was cultivating an heir, others claimed he only kept him around just to use this kid as a secret weapon. Jing Yuan never offered a response." "Yanqing became an unrivaled fighter aboard the Xianzhou Luofu as his skills grew more and more advanced" "What Yanqing needs right now is not more strength, but the ability and experience of curbing that strength — something that can only manifest by the passage of time." -Character Story: Part IV

"The boy is still tightly grasping the sword even when fast asleep against the general's shoulder. The general gently taps the boy's cheek, and the boy mutters in his sleep. "General... I finally... won."

The general pauses. He suddenly realizes that, compared to the boy trying to improve every day, he himself has endured too many years and is used to stagnation.

"You will soon be better than everyone, and that will only be the beginning..."' -Sleep Like the Dead, the lightcone VL's about him (although this isn't really important, it can show insight on how he is preserved, this can help us know his intentions, and if he himself is aware of the abundance.) "Your martial prowess exceeds that of the general, while I surpass him in strategy."- Fu Xuan Added to Team With Yanqing "The smell of this Luofu swordmaster is as pure as his character — I only detect the scent of rain. Hmm, does this mean that his will is pure, or that he is too naïve?"- Lingsha about Yanqing "Master Yanqing has very rigorous teaching style. He's always saying "that's what the general taught me back in the day," ...Looks like everything General Jing Yuan taught him he knows by heart." -March 7th About Yanqing ""A sword will vibrate and beg to be unsheathed if it is unused for too long… Once unsheathed, it will either paint the battlefield in blood, or break itself in the process…"' -Yukong About Yanqing Etymology

彦 Yàn means "elegant," and 卿 Qīng means "high ranking official." (The name Great Qing first appeared in 1636. Since there was no official explanation from the Qing government about the origin of the name, there are competing explanations on the meaning of Qīng (lit. "clear" or "pure"). -The character Qīng (清) is composed of "water" (��) and "azure" (青), both associated with the water element Rain is often associated with life, growth, and renewal, but it can also represent sadness, loss, and despair) -Rain has been considered a symbol of divine blessings in many cultures -There is also scientific evidence to support the idea that rain symbolizes fertility -Rain can also be used to symbolize the unknown or the hidden. In many cultures, rain is associated with the divine or supernatural Specific birds give hidden meanings in Chinese paintings, individual entries in this section include magpies, quails, swallows, cranes, ravens, eagles and many others -The coming of swallows in spring was welcomed and signified good luck for the household. This may be linked to their amazing nest building skills, they can quickly repair and build a structure just out of mud. To account for their disappearance in winter, there was a legend that swallows spent the time transformed into mussels by the sea. In Europe it was believed that they -birds in china "Clouds are considered lucky and so feature heavily in Chinese pictures and symbolism. This is most likely down to the obvious connection that clouds bring the much needed rain to water the crops. It also sounds the same as 运 yùn ‘luck, fortune, fate’." -clouds in china

"The wave design is a common emblem in pictures and on the hem of garments. Water in regular waves represents the sea. The tide 潮 cháo made up of waves sounds the same as 朝 cháo which means ‘Imperial court’ and so waves may symbolize a wish for a job in the Imperial service" -waves in china "Ice forms the boundary between air (yang) and water (yin), from this it symbolizes the match-maker (冰人 bīng rén) who forms the male-female partnership (a true 'ice-breaker' !). Ice symbolizes purity and winter. There is a design made from the pattern of cracked ice that is used in lattice window and porcelain designs. Ice also alludes to the story of Wang Xiang ➚ who was so devoted to his parents that he used his own body heat to melt ice so he could catch carp for his evil step-mother." -ice in china "Not until after one month of life, mǎn yuè (滿月), was a child's birth celebrated in ancient China, due to the high mortality rate. At this celebration, infants traditionally were given a longevity lock, a type of necklace that brought protection, health, and longevity. Often engraved with auspicious phrases, such as 'may you live to one hundred years’, cháng mìng bǎi suì (長命百歲). The lock is made from silver, gold or copper, depending on the wealth of the household." -Longevity Locks (honestly a strange thing to give him considering living longer then naturally given at birth is not really a good thing in the Loufu. There is also the fact we don't know his parents. As strange of a fact that he has it, maybe its hope that he doesn't die young.)

[alwerakoo]

Baby Blue (Chapter 8)

Rise of the TMNT Leonardo/Yuichi Usagi Chapter 8 of a longer fic THIS IS PART OF A SERIES - might be confusing to read without context

AO3

---

In the end, Leo turned to April for help, practically begging her to entertain Splinter for one evening.

Which, really, was a big thing to ask of her.

“I don't hate your dad,” she told him (a bit entertained by his theatrics), which might've been true.

But they were also never close or even particularly friendly, which Leo always appreciated. There were many things he was willing to forgive in order to keep her as a friend, and being fond of his father was not one of them.

Raph, surprisingly, had proven just as easy to bribe. Seemed like a quiet evening without his little brother to worry about made up for Usagi's presence in The Lair, and Leo should’ve probably felt at least a bit offended.

Usagi and Raph didn't seem like the type of people who would form any kind of deep friendship anytime soon, but his brother clearly has a soft spot for him, and that almost made up for the rather insulting implications.

“Keep the doors open,” Raph said, clearly half-joking. Then he frowned and added, a little more seriously: “Actually, keep them closed. Raph doesn't wanna see any of that.”

So, in the end, Usagi enters their home without any resistance, but to the loud chorus of Leo's beating hearts.

And Leo would never admit it out loud, under any circumstances – but Donnie was right.

Usagi seems completely unbothered by the walk through the sewers, expressing an appropriate level of appreciation towards the graffiti Mikey left there, and an almost excessive amount of excitement about the rats running around the corners.

He finds them 'cute', and Leo is starting to see a pattern.

The Lair itself seems to make an equally great impression on him, but it all pales in comparison to the pure bliss on his face the moment Leo slips a controller into his hands.

Usagi, as Leo quickly has the opportunity to find out, has only a relative understanding of video games, but approaches each one with the equal level of enthusiasm. And an equal lack of talent.

After showing his usual great aim and quick reflexes don't translate into the virtual world, Leo, somewhat in desperation, lets him stick with Sims.

It's the only game in which Usagi is able to keep his characters alive. Which basically means that he's also playing it wrong, but Leo has no intention of taking away his fun for much longer.

His room is warm, lit by the fairy lights hung near the ceiling and the TV they moved to his bedroom for this one evening. Leo lies on his stomach, sprawled on his beanbag, stubbornly trying to look as casual as possible.

Which is hard, because he can't remember the last time he was so aware of his own body. The way Usagi glances at him out of the corner of his eye, like he knows that Leo is perfectly aware of how closely he's watching him and just doesn't care – definitely isn't helping.

“So...” Usagi says, a bit suddenly, not taking his eyes off the screen. “How are you?”

Leo blinks.

He shifts slightly, resting his chin on his folded arms.

“What?”

“I’m asking how are you,” Usagi repeats, in an equally dry tone.

He grips the controller a little tighter; enough so that his thumb bends at a distinctly awkward angle. Leo should stop looking at his hands.

“We’ve been talking for an hour,” he notes.

“So what?”

For a moment, Leo looks at him carefully, narrowing his eyes a little.

“I'm good,” he says slowly. And then, because he quickly gets the impression that this is where the conversation is headed: “And how about you?”

“I had a shitty day yesterday,” Usagi says without hesitation.

Leo bursts out laughing, lifting his chin so he doesn’t bite his tongue. He covers his mouth with a hand, a bit embarrassed by his own reaction. But not enough to actually stop himself, nor his tail, waging against the leathery seat.

Usagi looks at him, and there's no trace of resentment on his face. Just curiosity, like he wants in on the joke, too.

“You know you can just tell me that,” Leo says. “We don't have to go through all that small talk.”

A hint of amusement shows on Usagi's face, but his shoulders slump a little, like he didn't really know that.

“I'm nervous,” he says. “I'm sticking to the script.”

Leo giggles, rolling over so he's lying on his back, his hands clasped over his stomach.

“Since when do you have a script?” It's one of the things he appreciates most about Usagi. The way he can always turn a situation into something so ridiculous that Leo completely forgets about the knot in his stomach. “And since when are you nervous about anything? Stop being nervous.”

Usagi tilts his head a little, his gaze softening.

“Stop making me nervous, then.”

He's still smiling, but his face is casually sincere, without a trace of the usual overconfidence that pushes every flirtation behind the line of a potential joke.

Leo's fingers tighten, and when he swallows, he feels his own pulse in his throat.

“Okay,” he says, a little dry. “Why did you have a bad day?”

If Usagi is disappointed in any way, he doesn't show it.

“Mikey and Donnie had a fight.”

Leo's shoulders slump a little; his earlier, sudden embarrassment quickly dimming under the surge of pure, nosy curiosity.

“Really?” He pauses for a moment, thinking. “Is that why Mikey texted me: 'if you see him, tell him to fuck off'?”

“You were there for that?” He asks.

Usagi grimaces slightly, like he's disappointed, but not at all surprised.

“Probably. Honestly, they're all kind of fighting right now.”

Usagi shifts in place, turning on his beanbag to face Leo. But he doesn't stop the game, leaving his charges to their own fate for a moment.

“Because Mr. Barry told him,” Usagi rests his hands on his hips, lowering his voice in his best Draxum imitation, “'Stop gallivanting around all night'. And Mikey was like: 'Don't tell me what to do'. And Barry went all 'I am your father', and all that.”

Leo rests his cheek on his hand, frowning. He's known Mikey long enough to recognize all the soft spots that make him snarl. This sounds a whole lot like all of them, at once.

''Yeah, Mr. Barry said he's gonna leave Spot at a shelter if I don't bathe him more often.” Usagi throws up his arms in a gesture of pure indignation. “He's an animal! They all kind of smell!''

Leo wonders if it was Draxum's way of getting Usagi away from his family more often. Probably not. But maybe.

“Right.”

“Well, anyway, Donnie said: 'Father's right, but he shouldn't call it that, because that's kind of cringe', and Barry was like: 'What's cringe?', and then Mikey told them to fuck off.”

Slowly, Leo nods.

He's not sure how much his friend is paraphrasing. Knowing his family, probably not much.

“For the most part.” Usagi shrugs. “But I think that whole...” He falls silent for a moment, studying Leo, as if trying to spot an early reaction in his face. “Shredder situation, he kind of... You know.”

“I thought Draxum doesn't really care what they do,” he points out.

Leo, aware of just how suffocatingly protective he himself has become since then, grimaces.

“Sounds like a nightmare.”

Usagi frowns, something oddly defensive in his tone.

“I don't know. It's nice to have someone who cares about you like that.”

Leo opens his mouth, but then hesitates, analyzing his friend's words a little more carefully.

There's something sharp and determined in them, like a drowning man clinging to a lifeline. Like someone who doesn't take anything for granted.

“I know,” he says, as if trying to ease the tension in his friend's muscles with just his words. His voice pitches a little with a quiet trill. “But you have to let him breathe, sometimes. Mikey's not made of glass.”

Leo worries about Mikey, of course. It's hard not to, when every piece of him seems to be begging for sympathy – like a magnet for trouble.

But he keeps those feelings close, closer than his love. Perhaps it's one of the many abilities that came to him much easier than to their older brothers.

He's harsh with him, sometimes. But there's a palpable sense of fairness in that. In recognizing his brother can, and won't hesitate to hit right back.

If Mikey's made of glass – he's already all broken and sharp edges, something to cut your skin on.

They're two sides of the same coin, and Leo isn't going to pretend they're not, even if he won't talk about it.

Usagi presses his lips together, running his fingers over the controller. He looks like he wants to disagree, but he's not sure how.

“Maybe,” he says finally, and they leave it at that.

For a long moment, Leo just stares at the TV screen, feeling his earlier embarrassment slowly drain away.

“You're playing,” he says, mostly to break the silence, “like you've never seen a console before.”

“Leatherhead had an Xbox. We used to play at his place when we were little,” Usagi replies. “And, well, my brother had one, too. But I couldn't really use it.”

Leo frowns.

This time he sits up, shifting his weight to his hand and hip, tilting his head slightly. Usagi doesn't meet his gaze, but that could simply be a matter of his sudden involvement in the game. His friend's creations don't seem to be doing as well on their own as one might assume.

“What?” Leo says, feeling a bit like he'd just jumped out of the rain and straight into the gutter. “Why?”

Usagi's face hardens a bit, like he just realized there's a stone in his shoe.

“You know,” he says. “Every time we see each other, I feel like I only talk about my family.”

“In my defense, you said we could,” Leo forces a smile, taking that as a clear answer.

It's a 'not now'.

“But we can talk about something else.” Usagi glances to the side, finally returning his gaze.

His ears fall over his shoulder, moving the fur on his cheek at an odd angle.

Leo has the sudden urge to straighten it.

“Like what?” He asks instead, leaning forward and clasping his hands behind his drawn-up knees.

“Like why have we known each other for a year, but this is the first time I've ever been to your house?”

Leo blinks, confused.

Usagi smiles a bit, the way he always does when he manages to throw him off.

“I've never been to your house, either,” Leo says, not convincingly.

“Yeah, because my family sucks,” Usagi replies without hesitation.

Leo presses his lips together.

It was hard to disagree with such a convincing argument, now that he had the chance to meet at least one of its members. He wouldn't argue about it before that either, out of pure solidarity.

Right. Solidarity.

“Well, I mean,” Leo says, carefully feeling each word in his mouth, “mine kind of does, too.”

Usagi turns to him. There's a peculiar expression on his face, something equal parts understanding and curiosity.

“Donnie,” Usagi says, lowering his voice, like they're sharing a secret. “Really hates your dad.”

“Like your dad?”

“Like my dad.” Leo nods. “He's a deadbeat.”

He doesn't even realize how easily the words come out of his mouth now until he says them. It feels dangerous.

“So you've mentioned.”

“Is there a story behind that?” Usagi tilts his head slightly, all casual. “Or do you talk about your family only after marriage?”

Leo lets out an involuntary laugh.

“That's an idea. A father-in-law like that would scare away many people,” he says, mainly to avoid thinking about the deeper meaning of the joke.

And also because he is not sure how to answer the question.

There is a story behind it. There isn't one. There's so much of it that trying to cover it all in one conversation feels doomed from the start.

“You know Donnie can be a little...”

“Protective over you?” Usagi teases.

Leo wasn't going to use those words exactly, and it leaves him a bit flustered with embarrassment.

“I guess,” he mumbles. “It's a lot of different reasons.”

“Mhm.” Usagi sounds like he wants him to continue, but didn't expect him to.

“Splinter- Dad wasn't really...” Leo pauses for a moment, searching for the right words. It's like chewing on glass. “Present. When we were little.”

Usagi's face takes on a strange expression, like he's not surprised, but something makes him feel like he should be, if only out of common decency.

It feels weird to say something like this to anyone – to roll over, exposing the softest parts of him. Especially with someone who he so desperately, achingly, wants to impress.

But it's different.

Usagi makes his heart (just one) jump inside his chest, makes the air stick to his throat, makes his stomach swirl with something dizzying.

But he's also a friend.

And a damn good one at that.

He'd rather they leave the forced decency behind.

“Don't look at me like that,” he says. “You already knew that.”

Usagi's face falls into something more honest, almost apologetic.

“Well, I mean, yeah,” he says with a sigh. Then, more carefully: “You know, when I met you, you and Raphael reminded me of those people who are raised as their parent's sibling.”

Leo's face almost aches with how wide open his eyes are.

“The hell?” He says, laughing, because he doesn't really know what else he should say.

“For the record, I know it's not possible, he's younger than he looks,” Usagi says, like that was the most concerning part of his statement. “You too, but in a different way.” He leans in a little, finger pointed at his face. “He has old eyes.”

Leo quiets.

He sits on it for a moment, but there's nothing to argue against, really. Usagi's right.

He sucks on his teeth, feeling a familiar, old fire spark to life. It's second-hand anger, frustration for the sake of feeling anything.

Sometimes being angry at his father feels like being angry at the sun in the winter, for not rising fast enough, for disappearing too soon. Like he needs something to blame for why he can't bring himself to get out of bed in the morning.

“Don't ever say that to him,” he warns. “It's- He doesn't like talking about that. But I know. He took care of me a lot when we were kids.”

“That's nice,” Usagi says, and he sounds like he means it.

He doesn't seem to pick up on the bitterness in Leo's voice.

“Splinter-”

And before he has a chance to respond – he stills.

He can see Usagi straighten next to him, his ears shifting with a new sound.

Raph hasn't bothered them at all this evening, but Leo can hear him now – his familiar footsteps down the hall.

They're not talking loudly, not louder than usual anyway (which doesn't really mean much all things considered), but he knows he sound from his room carries; running under the door and echoing down the tunnels.

He should quiet, because Raph will be upset if he hears this.

That thought pulls on him like a last string.

He's set off now – white-hot anger filling his throat, like it'll burn him alive if he doesn't spit it out.

“I fucking hate him.”

The footsteps still.

Usagi turns back to him, his eyes wide and bright with confusion.

“Hey,” he whispers, like he thinks maybe Leo doesn't know.

He's already giving him too much credit.

“I barely even know him,” Leo says, voice a little louder than before. “I hate when he shows up like 'hey, remember me?' and everyone is acting like we're supposed to play happy family.”

Usagi looks at the door to his bedroom and back to Leo, with the facial expression of someone watching a friend shoot himself in the foot.

“Are you-”

Leo doesn't let him finish.

“Sometimes I wish he'd just stop trying.” Leo's fingers tighten, and he bites where it hurts. “It's better when he's not even here.”

He hears Raph down the hall. He hears him hesitate, stumble, before he turns back, footsteps quieting down as he goes.

Leo's shoulders loosen.

Then tighten again, as soon as Usagi leans over to grab his arms, firm and just a bit harsh.

“What the fuck was that?”

He still sounds a bit hushed, but it doesn’t stop him from almost shaking Leo in place.

“What?” Leo bristles, still an open bear trap.

“You know your brother heard all that, right?”

“Yeah.” He moves his arms, shaking him off. “So what?”

“So what?” Usagi repeats, earnestly confused. His eyes are wide and so pretty it hurts. “You just said-”

“It's none of your business, okay?”

He regrets the words before he finishes. He regrets them before they even leave his mouth.

It's venom and misdirected bitterness, and there's such genuine hurt on his friend's face. Like this is something unexpected, like he just woke up to find out the floor next to his bed wasn't there anymore.

Then his face straightens, upset and full of hurt pride.

“You wanna repeat that?”

Leo doesn't.

His shoulders slump. Keeping up with everyone's low, low expectations of him is one thing. Genuine disappointment is another.

“No,” he says, like a plea. “No, I'm- I'm sorry.” The words pass through his mouth like they want to choke him. “I'm just angry.”

Sometimes, he feels like he's rarely anything but.

There must be something particularly guilt-stricken and pathetic painted onto his face, because Usagi's gaze softens.

“That was mean,” he says anyway.

“I know.”

“Then why'd you do it?”

It's a good question. Not one Leo knows how to answer, tho.

“He- Raph's just so...” He starts anyway. “It's like he keeps wanting to defend him. Our father, I mean. I hate when he does that. I don't know, maybe he just doesn't care.”

He knows it's not true.

And Usagi looks at him like he does, too.

“Leo,” he says. “Raph cares about you more than you know.”

“I'm sorry,” he repeats.

“It's fine. I don't-” Usagi stops for a moment, lingering. “I just feel like I'm missing something.”

Leo smiles, faintly.

“I'm as lost as you are.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Usagi asks.

“No,” Leo says, so quickly it's an instinct. “No, I want you to stay. Can you stay?”

He sounds pathetic.

“Yeah,” his friend says. “Of course.”

***

He can't call the rest of the evening 'awkward', but it's stilted, filled with unspoken things, and when Usagi gathers his things to leave, he hesitates for a moment.

Leo can feel him watching when he takes out his sword, tracing the outline of the portal in the air.

“Hey, you know,” Usagi says, his fingers running over the straps of his bag. “You know you can talk to me, right? About... Anything.” He finishes, a bit lamely.

Leo looks back at him.

He's giving Leo so much credit, like he wants to believe this is something unnatural, out of character. Like this is one bad day, one hiccup along the way. Like he wants to believe deep down, inherently, Leo is a kind person.

(Leo wants to be kind. He wishes he could.)

“I know,” he says. “Thanks.”

Usagi doesn't look convinced.

“I really think we should... Talk about this?” He says, like what he's really asking is: 'Is this right? Is this a thing people say?'.

“I'm-” He's a lot of things. And 'ready for that' isn't one of them. “Okay. But not- Not today.”

“... Okay.”

Usagi lingers, for just a moment, before he finally steps closer, wrapping his arms around Leo. It's hesitant at first, like he's giving him space to pull away.

Leo squeezes him like he's trying to hold onto fog, arms tight around his friend's shoulders.

Usagi sighs, face buried in the dip of Leo's shoulder. His neck is soft and warm, and Leo traces the back of it with his fingers before he has the mind to stop himself, feeling down his quick pulse.

He feels Usagi swallow.

“Right,” his friend says before pulling away. “Good luck.”

***

The Lair feels quiet.

He considers himself for a moment; considers just sinking back into his room until everything around him passes by itself.

He doesn't.

He finds Raph in the kitchen, busying himself with something that looks vaguely unimportant.

“Hey,” he says.

He wishes he could see his face, but Raph has his back turned to him. But he answers, which feels like half the success.

“Hey.”

He sounds flat, a little dry.

Leo waits, the clock on the wall ticking away.

“Are you not gonna say anything?” He finally breaks the silence himself.

Maybe he should've taken that chance. Should've taken the out his brother gave him, acting like nothing happened. Brush it under the rug.

They've been doing it for so long, sometimes he feels like they're standing on a ticking bomb, ready to spill over at any moment.

Raph sighs.

He turns and there's something deeply sad on his face, like there's so much frustration pressing onto it he's almost crying.

“Why are you doing that thing again?”

“Doing what?” Leo says, doing it again.

He's hurt and sad and childishly angry, and he doesn't know how to hold all of it inside.

“You're trying to start a fight.” Raph says, plain and simple. “You knew I could hear what you said about Dad.”

His tail shifts behind him, like he wants to strangle Leo with it.

Leo flexes his fingers, his claws digging into his palms.

“I can voice out my thoughts in my own room,” he says, which is right on the line between honest and cruel.

Raph growls, quiet and low, like he wanted to only hum but didn't quite manage to.

“Doesn't mean you should go around airing our dirty laundry to strangers.”

It's mean and unexpected, and there's a flash of real annoyance that passes through Leo.

“Usagi is my friend.”

Yours, too, he wants to add, but doesn't.

Raph's face does a complicated, regretful thing, like he wants to explain himself but can't quite manage it right now.

“You know what I meant,” he settles on.

“I didn't say anything I wouldn't otherwise,” Leo says. Then: “You know I hate him.”

Raph slams his hand on the counter, and it catches Leo off guard so much that he takes a step back.

“Can you stop doing that?!”

He doesn't remember he last time Raph yelled at him.

(He doesn't remember he last time his dad spoke to him like this.)

There is real bitterness and anger behind Raph's words, and Leo already feels each of them sting. He bit into more than he could, and he can feel his jaw start to ache.

Raph raises a hand, putting down more fingers as he speaks.

“You hate him, but you won't move out. You hate him, but you're trying harder when he's in the room during training. You hate him, but you can barely look him in the eye.” He looks back at Leo. He's not yelling anymore, and it doesn't help. “You want him to like you so bad.”

And that makes you pathetic. And that makes you stupid. And that makes you a fool.

Leo can hear all of it loop in his mind, even if Raph doesn't say any of it out loud.

There must be something showing on his face now, because Raph's eyes smooth over, and his shoulders drop a little. There is real gentleness on his face, like the carefulness of picking up broken glass after you already smashed the bowl.

“It's fine, of course you do, he's our dad, Leo.” He says his name like he used to when Leo was a lot younger. “But I'm sick of you pretending it's anything other than that.”

With that, Leo realizes that his eyes are wet. He feels awful, and it's not what he wanted at all.

He likes pointless arguing, he likes hitting where he knows it'll hurt, he likes to feel blood in his mouth.

He likes a double-edged knife – to feel a bitter sting of that push and pull.

This is different. He knows that all of this will hurt Raph more than it will ever hurt him.

And worst of all – is that he's right.

He loves his father more than he hates him, and he's never ready to let go of the only home he's ever known, and he's a coward who'd rather cut his hand on a shattered mirror than ever look himself in the eye.

He opens his mouth, looking for anything to say:

“I don't-”

And with something like the last snap of anger, the last crackle of a dying fire, Raph spits:

“You don't hate him like I do.”

Leo falls silent.

Raph's mouth draws into a thin line, like he's also surprised, like it was a thought that he's been running away from for so long, that he barely realized when it finally caught up.

Raph looks back at him. And when he does, Leo can see every line years of disappointment, anger and bitterness left on his face. His eyes look old.

“Okay,” Leo says, nearly a whisper.

With that, he turns, walking out of the room.

***

He spends the day in Donnie's room, curled up on the small cot his brother set up in his workshop, watching him work. Sleep doesn't catch him, and all he can do is stare up into the ceiling and think.

And think, and think, and think.

[rubberduckyrye]

I’m sorry, genuinely a little confused… how is not liking Kokichi ableist to Gonta? I don’t see the connection but again I’m just genuinely not understanding.

It's not that hating Kokichi is ableist to Gonta on its own. Like if you hate him because he's a jerk, annoying, whatever, then that's fine. You can hate him. That's not the problem.

The problem is when people hate Kokichi and blame him for Chapter 4.

Kokichi is no innocent baby in Chapter 4. I get that. He's got his own sins to carry. That's fine.

However, he did not trick Gonta. THAT is the ableist part. He did not mislead Gonta into believing that killing Miu would untrap everyone from the Virtual World, he did not trick him into believing that people dying in the virtual world would just log out and be fine like in any old video game. He did not trick Gonta into believing in any way shape or form that killing Miu was something other than Killing Her. Gonta was in full awareness of what his actions would do to Miu and chose to do them anyway. Gonta killed Miu. He knew what he was doing. Kokichi did not trick Gonta into Killing Miu.

You can say that maybe he manipulated Gonta into seeing the Flashback Light, you can say that Kokichi convinced Gonta that Mass Mercy Killing the class was their only salvation, whatever. However, the crutch of most Kokichi haters arguments is that Kokichi tricked Gonta into Killing Miu, which is the ableist part. Because it takes away Gonta's agency, it reduces him to a naive little monkey who can't think for himself, it says that Autistic Coded characters like Gonta Cannot Think For Themselves and maybe Make Decisions that aren't Savory.

THAT is why most Kokichi hate is ableist in nature--because a lot of it comes from people who call themselves Gonta Fans who insist Gonta is a poor innocent baby boy who Did Nothing Wrong and it's Kokichi who is the big bad evil man who TRICKED poor innocent baby Gonta into killing Miu because if The Evil Bastard(tm) didn't TRICK him then Gonta would have NEVER thought to kill Miu on his OWN. He's too stupid and dumb to come up with such a COMPLICATED murder plot so CLEARLY he's just too baby and sweet. Also if u ship Gonta with any of his classmates it gives me the Ick he doesn't know what sex is. (That last one is just another flavor of ableism towards Gonta that I often see paired with the Kokichi hate and it makes me so salty.)

So that's the connection.

[epickiya722]

I do not know if it was you, or another blogger that made a character analysis of Gojo that made me like the character and discover more about him through the manga.

While I never read the manga before or watched the anime, I had been exposed to it by my friends and some BNHA bloggers. Back then, I found Gojo to be overhyped (discount Kakashi) while liking the animation(?) style, bit still no interest.

BNHA and its Endeavour Redemption arc in the doing was tiring me to the point that I stopped reading it and manga altogether. For mayne six months or so, until now, at least. I randomly found your blog last week , and it got me a new hyper fixation 😃. You got me to start reading JJK (Megan cos playing also helps).

I bought Number 0 and Number 1 of the mangas. Only to remember midway in Number 0 that Walmart Kakashi will be snapped in two like a Kit Kat🥲. I saw that leak in one of the BNHA blogs, and I didn't mind it back then since I wasn't in the fandom, but Lord, now it sucks.

Anyways, all this long rant to say that I like reading your posts.

Gojo, rest in pain, I guess?

Probably was someone else, I don't write much analysis posts about Gojo. I think once or twice I did, I can't recall. Probably reblogged one though you saw!

I don't know, they're really just two different characters to me. Also... I was never really an active reader or watcher of Naruto like that (just very familiar) so when I first saw Gojo, Kakashi didn't register to me at all.

Like, I did not get similar vibes at all. And it actually annoys me that people will be like "He copied Kakashi's flow"! Kakashi ain't the only white haired, face covering character out there with magical eyes, y'all stop. 😆

Even funnier when, by this point, Gojo has probably been unmasked more than he has been wearing something on his face and switches up what he puts on his face. Kakashi been wearing the same mask for...? Also, didn't it take years for Kakashi's whole face to be shown or something? Took like seven episodes for Gojo to show that face.

**

I always been a fan of Megan's music and then when I found out she was into anime I was like "YYYYYEEEEEAAAAH". She cosplayed as Miruko one Halloween and it made my year. I am a former believer that Miruko would vibe to her music.

Just seeing other Black women being unapologetic fans of anime (or anything) does wonders for me and I hate it when people act as if it's such a foreign idea to understand. Honey, we can have interests, too, like everyone else. It's normal.

**

I always try to be careful about spoilers for anything I'm into. Like, I can talk about a chapter that happened two years ago, but I'll still mark as a spoiler because I know some people don't read Mangas or even if they do haven't caught up to that specific part.

That actually what set me off when Usher cosplayed as Gojo because he literally put "rest in peace, Gojo" or something along those lines and the amount of people who weren't even aware of 236... like bro, come on.

I knew it just had to be a marketing tactic because I know damn well Usher ain't seen JJK a day in his life and how convenient it is he comes out with that cosplay around the time when "Daddy's Home" becomes a fairly popular song used in Gojo's edits. I can't go watching one video on YouTube without hearing that song play when Gojo pops up. And even if he has... WHY WOULD YOU TAG IT LIKE THAT?!

Oh, but Megan definitely doesn't know any of the characters she be cosplaying, alright... okay... 🙄

I'm just going off on a whole tangent here, I apologize for that. I've been sick for like three days and just woke up from a nap. 😅

**

Also, thank you! Glad you enjoy my posts!! Anytime anyone says they like reading my posts, I still get shocked. They're really are just random thoughts I been having and really I'm still learning grasping the characters and story myself. And this is just for any. I don't even for them to get read, let alone for anyone to actually agree with me. I guess because, at the end of the day, I really just needed to throw a thought out there before I lose it or keep rethinking about it over and over.

[stargirlie25]

Ok scrolling through acotar tiktok KILLS ME. Its not the og tiktok with cool edits of ships that you prefer its just pure toxic hate.

Like me, you might have noticed there are few and few Gwynriel/elucien content then Elriel content. I don´t believe it is because they dont ship these ships anymore i think its because they are tired.

When i was neutral (about a year ago) on the ships wars, i would CONSTANTLY see Elriels being so confident about their ship and how acosf pointed to an elriel endgame. I had not read acosf by then and when i did+ the bc i didn´t hate elriel i just started to love Gwynriel.

Sometimes sarah likes to put positive factors on a ship, like something beautiful without there having to be a whole theory. Because sarah does not expect her readers to be theorists. She wants them to laugh,cry,giggle,scream. etc. So when she was writing the BC which according to elriels are not important she probably wanted us to look at Gwyn and Azriel and consider her obvious wording and differences between elriel and gwynriel. According to elriels the BC isnt important and does nothing to contribute into plots,but also it introduces Gwyns lightsinger powers? Whatever that is not even my point right now. My point is, at first glance at the BC everybody should be more positive towards Gwynriel. SJM put out a free bonus chapter. Why should something heavy like a characters powers be in there? Its supposed to be a light hearted thing. Im just tired of Elriels saying we are delusional or our ship is a crackship.

I never hated Elriel before. All the anti elriel stuff i have mentioned is everything i was already aware of before ´´hating´´ elain and az together. I was still neutral even with all those negavtives.

Its the fandom that made me turn around and choose Gwynriel. I noticed Gwynriel and Elucien content was much more surrounding pro content for their ship and cute headcanons,cannons,edits,fanarts etc. It rarely EVER mentioned anti Elriel information. Except the elriel content then and now, all revolves around Gwynriel and Elucien. Instead of promoting their ship, they have to tear down our ships and say we are crazy.

It was like: Elriel vs Gwynriel and it said that gwynriel was fanon and elriel was canon. Thats´ just false but i understand i cant change that which i dont mind but why scream about it to my face? I saw people bullying Gwyn and saying she was faking her trauma,lured in hyberns men or was evil for the sake to uplift elriel/elain. I saw people bully emerie too calling her a crippled fake illyrian and how it was stupid for emerie to win the blood rite against her cousin. Or how somehow emerie was a b*tch and does not deserve to be a valkyrie+ nesta and gwyn. I saw people make edits to uplift Elain and hate Gwyn. I witnessed people dismissing Luciens trauma and comparing him to his father. I saw people say he faked the bond to protect tamlin or what not. I saw people make up theories for Clotho saying she was odd because she said she was going to give Gwyn the necklace but probably didnt....

That was my last straw. So yes naturally i did in fact shift to the Gwynriel/elucien side. It was easier. Instead of the bullies i saw cute videos of ´´Azriel and Gwyn singing´´ or ´´Elain and lucien picking flowers´´ it was all just so lighthearted and beautiful.

Although i think the fandom for G/A and E/L decreased because they are tired. Because i was tired too. I did not even want to enter acotar tiktok because i knew we would all be bashed for it. Dont get me wrong i find myself sometimes leaving comments on Elriel videos. Not the ones with a cute edit or fanart the ones the share false information or something i disagree with. I only hope for a civil talk and next thing i know, there is a whole gang of elriels trying to push their narrative on me without listening.

Honestly the ship wars have always existed but before Elucien was the calmer side. Although sadly they got roped into the mess of the G/A vs, A/E wars. WIthout a doubt on every single Elucien video, elriels never miss a step. It would be a cute video like a fanart of them and they will start being like ´´ElAinS So UNComFOrtabLE aROUnd hiM´ like you guys ask us why we ship elucien when mentioning this but its like you dont even want an answer you just want to disagree. We tell you and you flat out ignore it.

As much as i love Gwynriel/Elucien i cant help but miss the days were reading ACOTAR was for all the characters. When it was just to see my favorites like Nesta. When i just desperately wanted to get to the iconic epic scenes.

I know if e/riel was confirmed, Elriels would firstly shove it in Eluciens and gwynriels faces and then maybe celebrate the characters.

I know Gwynriels/eluciens would too and i honestly want to see none of that. Yes i do believe we are getting Gwynriel/Elucien but i would not want to make people feel bad for their ship. They by all means can still love elriel. So many people like feylin,nesris,Aelin x chaol,aelin x dorain, and obviously aelin x sam (my endgame if rowan never existed) dramoine,klaroline,stelena,stiles x malia, Jelly,Bellarke,clexa,Rory x those 4 other guys etc etc.

Main point, Can we all just do better? Yes i am talking about elriels for my sake and lots of others peoples sakes but to everyone PLEASE.

I know that wont work though even if i say it because im only one human hahah

What im going to say is we should tag all our posts to our preferred ship and probably always put anti to the ship we dont like. That way everything is divided and less toxic. Also i will be tagging nothing to do with ship wars because i want everyone to see haha but please be nice!

This is just my experience btw im sure Elriels have has their fair treatment of toxic Gwynriels/Eluciens

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

Jane of Lantern Hill chapters 3 and 4

Standard Jane warning for emotional abuse; new warning for genre-typical child servant abuse.

Two evening events in a row means that I am quite behind. We're doing these two chapters together because they're both about Jody.

The very first thing I noticed, and one that's purely craft-related, is that this appears to be the book in which LMM experiments with ellipses. Blue Castle was all about em dashes, Jane is all about ellipses. I haven't fully been able to pin down what she wants the effect to be. A pause, clearly, but why an ellipsis? I've never seen them used in the middle of sentences like this, to offset clauses or separate ideas. Did she get bored of em dashes? Did her publishers give her bonuses based on the number of characters she used? Was she playing a game with herself to keep the drafting process interesting? I feel like I'm reading this book through the medium of texts sent by my grandmother (who is much nicer than Jane's, thankfully.)

Second minor detail: Jane has RPG character or anime protagonist eyes, apparently. I know she probably intended them to be light, warm brown, but every marigold I've ever seen has looked like this:

This is an eye color that I give my characters in video games when I want them to look like aliens. And "marigold" as a color is a shade of yellow, not brown. So I'm not sure why that's the descriptor LMM reached for, but it is now my firm headcanon that Jane has yellow-orange anime eyes.

Anyway, on to the actual contents of the chapters. Between the rich girl befriending the poor girl and the whole imaginary garden sequence, I am getting such Frances Hodgson Burnett vibes, you have no idea. I don't know if LMM also read her books, or if they were just working similar themes, or if I just imprinted on FHB as a child and see traces of her everywhere.

So Jody is an orphan, kept on at the boarding house out of "charity", a word which in this context means "a servant you don't have to pay or treat well." She goes to school "every day there was no extra rush" which probably means she's not very well educated, which will make it even harder for her to find better circumstances when she grows up.

And she's clearly set up as a deliberate mirror for Jane. Here they are, two girls who on the surface couldn't be more different, who immediately recognize each other as kin because actually, under the surface, their lives are very similar. This is where we diverge sharply from the Sara Crewe/Samantha-from-American-Girls model. Jane doesn't just befriend Jody because she's kind-hearted and sees someone in trouble, she befriends Jody because here is another person who understands what it's like to live in fear of other people. Jane's material circumstances are much better than Jody's, but her emotional ones are just about as bleak.

That thread gets reinforced in chapter 4, when Mary and Frank are talking about Jane's mother. Jane's mother has every material thing she could possibly want -- and a great many that she doesn't want -- but she's not actually happy. She's just as trapped as Jody is, fully reliant on the good will of someone else to keep her home and fully aware that if she upsets that person too much she could be turned out with nowhere to go. And, like Jody, she doesn't seem to have the resources to just leave anyway and make a go of it. Jody is trapped because she's 11, and Mrs. Stuart is trapped because she's never had to make do on her own, and the one time she tried to leave it ended poorly and she's now too scared to try again.

Jane, meanwhile, is also trapped due to her age, and it seems that at each new turn she encounters a new bar in her cage she'd never considered before. "It had never occurred to her that she was not at liberty to give away her own doll" is such a good sentence. LMM is so good at simultaneously conveying Jane's youth -- she is learning these things for the first time -- and also showing the absurdity of the situation. No, says the narrative. Grandmother is not doing these things for Jane's own good. She will not understand when she is older. She is being a cruel and petty tyrant, and that's all she's ever been.

[oswildin]

What were your initial expectations for:

Infinity War

Endgame

Loki (both seasons)

Well, I did not expect Loki to die within the first 5 minutes that’s for sure. Ha ha ha ha… ha… ha… ah…

Anyway…

I don’t think I had any expectations. I think I just knew it was going to be rough. I did expect Loki to be more involved, maybe even staying by Thor’s side but then being lost in the snap. I did expect the original 6 to remain, cause it was their story. Their goodbye. I do personally think it would’ve been much better to fully close the chapter on their characters in Endgame and leave it with a clear choice of who was next to be in the Avengers. That’s something I think they’re still struggling with trying to decide. Like… who are the ‘new Avengers’? I couldn’t really tell you. And I think that’s where it’s gotten a bit muddy with all these new characters, yet it isn’t clear who is important to the overall story (obviously they’re all important but I mean like, who are our ‘main 6’?)

I watched a really interesting video essay yesterday actually about Endgame. I think I actually agree with a lot of the points they made, I highly recommend watching it.

Endgame to me felt like it could’ve been so much more. Infinity War was so tense, literally felt like life or death, and Endgame sort of felt… the weaker of the two? Again I don’t think I had many expectations, just that I knew of course they would find a way to undo what Thanos had done and that Tony would be the one to make the sacrifice.

I also don’t really understand why when they brought everyone back Thor couldn’t have said like ‘could you also like think about Loki & Heimdall and return them?’ Like they died by Thanos’ hand too… But anyway—

I think they were solid films, Infinity War was the better of the two. Endgame could’ve done so much more with the characters and explore the fact it was Civil War that ultimately caused the snap. It was a domino effect, Steve and Tony split, the team split and that left them weak. (I’m sorry, I’ve always been a Team Iron Man). That was the narrative the writers kept pushing yet it didn’t feel like it held much weight in Endgame?

As for the Loki series, I kinda expected it to be more about Loki jumping through time and causing chaos tbh - which apparently was one of the original pitches for it. I wish it had been more of a standalone thing and not so integral to the MCU, but also I am glad in a way that it is because it solidifies Loki’s importance in the timeline.

For season 2, it went a completely different way to what I expected. I expected the TVA to be fighting this so-called multiversal war that was such a big drive for why HWR was in the citadel at the end of time in the first place… Even Episode 1 of S2 felt like that was the direction it was heading but then it just… never happened? They made it sound like it would be an immediate issue but uh… Clearly not? Again, I think they changed the story from what it was supposed to be. I mean, that’s how it felt anyway.

“War is coming!” Says Loki. “I have to warn them!”

“Haha, no it’s not.” Says the writers who abandoned that plot. “Don’t worry about it.”

(Yes I’m aware that time moves differently in the TVA/at the end of time, blah blah blah, but from what we’d seen of Kang it felt like it was gonna be happening like… pronto. And then I expected it to lead into the Kang stuff for the main timeline with Loki at the helm, going down to build a team form different timelines and warn them of Kang in future projects but y’know, they went a different direction ig.)

[ablizmal]

I JUST FIGURED IT OUT. the parallels and juxtaposition between the pairs of light+misa vs L+juliette.

something i see heavily in both light and misa —one of the only things they have in common, you could say— is that they both adhere to societal expectations. like… to an excessive extent. you know? they both cling onto it for a semblance of normalcy, to capture that feeling of “i belong, i belong, i belong.”

it’s their crutch. in a life full of alienation (for light, not finding meaning in anything, for misa, the immense loneliness and lack of a social life), at the very least they can have this. although they experience alienation, at least they’re not experiencing total isolation— or worse, ostracization, being disapproved of by others.

(that last sentence would be such an eye opening sentence for someone to analyze if english isn’t their first language… /positive)

getting back on topic, light is a VERY repressed person. in the fucking cherry cola universe (aka death note including my s/i), he’s gay but is so deep in the closet he’s not even AWARE he’s in a closet, it’s all he’s ever known.

besides this (or maybe alongside it???), he’s flamboyant. he really, really is, but in canon, we don’t get to see this as much, which i interpret being due to light adhering to everyone’s expectations of him. idk if this specific facet of toxic gender roles is also prevalent in japan, but i can see light, at a certain age (somewhere from 10-12 years old), noticing adults discomfort at his theatrics and stopping immediately. (he’s kind of a daddy’s boy tbh…)

misa, too, is repressed. you KNOW she would love stuff like horror movies, gothic bands, screamo, metal, and the likes, but she doesn’t. the only interests she has that we’re aware of in canon is the occult and fashion. this is for sure due to the writer of death note’s inherent misogyny in every female character he writes, but if you employ some ingenuity (like me (⟡⸝⸝U_U) *ੈ ‧₊˚ .), you can view misa’s lack of characterization as a foreboding sign that misa isn’t okay.

misa doesn’t have any friends. we know this.

her modeling coworkers aside, the only friend we hear misa talk about is her occult friend, and she never mentions her again past the video tape arc. (yeah, that’s what i’ll call misa’s introduction chapters. why not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

this coupled with her parents being murdered… misa is desperate for any sort of approval from others. i mean think about it— outside of her modeling career, she doesn’t interact with anyone! she has a room full of personal items (plushes, posters, furniture, etc), which can be completely normal, but for the sake of my headcanons, has accumulated so much from her spending loads of time by herself, in her house, alone. this is the main setting she’s in. of COURSE she’s gonna get bored with the minimalism of it and add her own personal touches!

one of the few forms of self expression she allows herself to have is her fashion, but there’s a well known subculture for that fashion in japan (harajuku, but i’m pretty sure misa’s is gothic harajuku specifically). so, to sum it up— misa has a group of people who understand her fashion sense, therefore she belongs somewhere.

(note: i am NOT insinuating that misa only wears gothic fashion to fit in somewhere. that’s a stupid af take and it just doesn’t fit misa’s vibes to be perfectly honest. what i am saying, however, is that misa freely expresses her unconventional fashion sense because she knows there are others like her. that’s all. (this is likely one of the only unconventional groups of people she’s knowledgeable about.))

i’d even say that misa is highly intelligent, given how she gathered credible evidence that higuchi is the new kira in the yotsuba arc, but she intentionally hides it. why, you ask?

because she knows she’ll be undermined by men, and she seeks approval over anything, she’s substituting it for human connection, so she just… tucks it away. (fuck, maybe she believes that her intellect will be undermined by everyone as a result of the murderer of her parents never being convicted despite her testimonies…)

there’s also a Whole Other Instance (slash personal interpretation) i could bring up here, but i’ll just make that its own post, because this one is already WAY longer than i ever thought it was gonna be.

and we’re only halfway there, boys…

touching upon the thesis of this now pseudo-essay, L and juliette are unconventional. and they don’t care lol.

it’s well known that L doesn’t give a particular shit about how he comes across to others. like the dude’s rich, he could buy whatever clothes he wants, but he chooses to wear his usual clothes because of sensory issues he wants to. his hair is messy and he doesn’t need to comb it because of how short it is, he sits in that gargoyle pose, and he doesn’t hold back on using his deferential vocabulary when the situation permits it.

before the kira case, he would solve cases from a dark room. sounds fine enough… until you hear that there is no furniture in this room and his PC setup is on the floor. 😭

L also is either unaware of social cues or doesn’t care about them, or doesn’t care enough to learn about them, leading to scenes such as:

or him dropping loaded comments like they aren’t as massive as they are.

he admits with no hesitance that he can be childish when it comes to competition. childish… he’s using an insulting word for what it is at its core— a word to describe certain attributes. (he is quite literally ignoring what the conventional intent of the word is.)

likewise, even around the taskforce, he persists in his typical demeanor, what with his stare that bores into your soul, or slunking around in public, hunched over, his appearance coming off as ghoulish with his pale skin and shadowed eyes. (i’m not saying this as a negative, btw, i love his haunting aura,,, 💗∀💗)

and juliette?? juliette embraces the unconventional with every fiber of her being. as long as she’s alive, she will always endorse the unconventional so long as it’s harmless (because what’s wrong with it if it’s not hurting anyone?). they hate the word “normal” being used for non-universal experiences. having a certain blood pressure is normal. there is no such thing as a “normal” hairstyle, that comes down to personal preference.

she LOATHES the enforcement of conformity. it pisses them off to the point that they go out of their way to be even MORE unconventional, as a way of telling closeminded’s, “fuck OFF, there is nothing wrong with us, with people like me, and if you do have a problem with me, then you can kiss my heels, cause they’re landing in your face anyways!”

when it won’t come with bullshit consequences (like being treated unfairly at their job for being open about her genderqueerness :/), she doesn’t bite their tongue. they speak their mind if they hear someone spewing the most terrible of things, whether covertly or not, which is what makes juliette the only person to come to heads with light time and time again. (let’s face it, light is the type of person to get away with saying microagressions, and since he believes he’s right, he drops them way too often. and no one SAYS anything about it because “no no, light does mean it like ~that!~ he’s so RESPECTFUL and KIND :(((((((((((”)

she isn’t afraid to express her joy and wonder, even at the smallest of things. they know they can be ridiculed and judged for it, but they also recognize the importance of small joys, and that significance outweighs ANY judgement that may be hurled her way.

that’s kind of juliette’s whole thing, actually. if anyone judges her for her unconventionality, she says “so? what are you gonna do about it? gonna go into my brain and rewrite everything about me? huh?” jdksjdksjdkajxjs, she can get VERY snarky about this, but they are proving a point, which is “BITCH, who asked?”

light: …you sure do have a unique laugh, juliette.¹

juliette: well, Boy Genius,² what’s a normal laugh then? huh? what is the typical pattern emerging from instinct which creates the phenomenon known as a laugh? present me with evidence. write me about all your findings, since you’re apparently so knowledgeable about this topic. (mockingly tilts head) it shouldn’t be so hard!~ (❀ ˶ ⁍̴̛ ◡ ⁍̴̛˶)

1) just one of light’s MANY casual insults that he can justify away due to plausible deniability.

2) yes, like jimmy neutron. (FUN FACT, i just found out by creating this exchange (and subsequently checking to see if juliette making this reference is possible in ~2003, given the manga’s timeline) that the jimmy neutron series first aired in 2002. i would’ve sworn from vibes alone that it started in 2007, but eh, “the more you know,” amiright??)

(how the fuck do i even get back on topic after that tonal shift)

to summarize,

light and misa are both people who care heavily about what other people think of them. they conform to what’s expected of them, even if that means closing themselves off from potential happiness.

whereas L and juliette are so authentic. okay, well, maybe L isn’t authentic around prime suspect, light yagami, but!! in all the time he’s known light, he still continued to eat sweets and only sweets, y’know?? if it won’t hinder him solving the kira case, L shows up as himself, odd quirks and all (🥰).

L and juliette have discovered the secrets of the universe, that secret being “i am cringe, but i am free.” (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

but it’s not so cut and dry as that, as they have varying degrees… no, different ways that this presents itself.

misa is more likely to be swayed if in the right environment (like how she had a friend who engaged in the occult).

L doesn’t care what others think about him. he is SO uncaring, in fact, that he doesn’t feel the need to explain his behavior.

but light and juliette… they’re in leagues of their own.

light has NO identity beyond what others expect of him. this is one of the reason why he’s depressed at the beginning of the series. he’s become everything everyone’s ever wanted— for his family, he’s the perfect son and brother. for his classmates, he’s the perfect student, the perfect friend, is TOTAL boyfriend material (apparently???¿? i can’t see it lmao).

yet it’s meaningless. everything that’s supposed to be fun, like spending time with friends, going out, karaoke, hobbies, playing games, sports, academics, dating… it’s meaningless to light. it’s too predictable, he’s too smart for it, really… so it’s not his fault. it’s not his fault it’s not entertaining to him! it just so happens that he’s better, and more intelligent, than everyone else.

to cope with his alienation, he shoves himself onto a pedestal, eventually diminishing and forgetting the whole point of such human activities. he spits in the face of humanity.

he’s above it all.

but juliette embraces human life. she loves the humans, and sees the inherent worth in the human experience! she condones recreational activities such as singing, dancing, playing, relaxing. they believe that our connections with others is what makes life worth it, even if it’s connections so complex and distant that you can’t even witness them (think of produce at your local supermarket. they wouldn’t be there if the farmers who grew them didn’t exist).

juliette supports self expression above all else, whether that’s through emotions, music, writing, art… any creative means, really! it’s also why she’s so vehement about presenting the way you want through fashion, or socially, through words (heyo, genderqueer nation (⌐ᗜᴗᗜ)).

i mean, this song is one of juliette’s anthems:

these beliefs run deep in their bones. she wouldn’t be the same person without them.

in this way, light is the antithesis to juliette. light is the one who lies about himself to others the most. juliette sticks true to themself as much as she can and HATES conformity SO much that she actively spites people who wish to enforce it.

which is why they are at each other’s throats (mostly) through words.

if misa is more easily swayed, then light stands firm in his need to be acceptable to others.

if L is quiet, but content, with his eccentricities, then juliette is loud and open about hers.

[bluedalahorse]

today’s early morning sargust poll

This may be preemptive since I still have the final chapters of Heart and Homeland to work on (and a grad school deadline the 28th on top of that) but I’m thinking about the next fanfics I want to write/co-author for Young Royals fandom. I have a few ideas rattling around in my brain, all of them quite enticing to me. Of course, the characters I am best at writing and enjoy writing most are Sara and August, and I’m particularly interested in exploring their romantic relationship. I’ve got both Tragic Endings in mind and Fix It Endings for them in mind, and I’d like to try both out. I am also aware that they are not widely beloved, and I fully understand why. Nonetheless, the heart must write what it yearns to write.

I tend to write for myself first and then hope my fics resonate with someone out there so that I can make connections, so your answers won’t necessarily determine what I write next. More what I’m trying to gauge here is if any aspects of my existing ideas are resonating with people, and how I’d pitch/summarize my work to attract readers in the first place.

Also, I’m motivated by good, old-fashioned scientific curiosity. So:

If I’m feeling silly, I may do a less serious version of the poll later.

Note: I’m also asking folks to kindly refrain from explaining to me why sargust is an unpopular ship in the tags and comments of this post. I’m 100% aware why they’re unpopular—it’s because August fully embraces his capacity to be a shitbag far more than we want him to and Sara fell in love with him anyway, and that ended up hurting Simon and Wilhelm. I know that for many of you, fic that includes August at all (and sometimes Sara as well) is a dealbreaker. That’s okay to have that dealbreaker! However, in this post, I’m trying to carve out some discussion space for the more sargust-curious among us, and for the people who find them deeply compelling. I know some of you exist, and I’m interested in hearing what you have to say.

Thank you for your understanding and your consideration. I hope everyone has a restful and/or exciting weekend!

[quortknee]

I am curious to know, what do you like the most of the WH40k universe and what do you like the least?

(note: i got too excited and rambled on for a while, sorry about the really long answer lol)

HI ANON, I’ve just recently gotten into warhammer proper— the black library more specifically. I’ve only read eisenhorn (excluding magos because I wanted to read ravenor beforehand), and the first three horus heresy books so far. I know about some other key story beats just because I am online™ and I cannot avoid the older, more well-known lore. I have never played the tabletop game nor any of the video games (yet). SO it’s a bit challenging to answer this properly.

that said,

off the bat if i could answer this OUT of universe, my favourite thing would be Dan Abnett just as a writer because that guy rules. my least favourite would be how games workshop is seemingly allergic to good business decisions regarding the reprinting of their older books and that they have done nothing to stop scalpers going hog wild lol. ALSO how mcneill writes women and "exposition" (aka tell and re-tell the reader important info so they KNOW it is important rather than treating the reader as a thinking being who can understand subtext and remember the most basic of things from previous chapters/povs/books)

jokes aside, here’s some answers to your question from my current perspective (this is so hard so im gonna share a couple rather than just one each, as i couldn’t pick. most of my gripes with 40k are out of universe minus one woman thing which ill mention below):

I very much enjoy the structure of the inquisition and how many moving parts and types of people an inquisitor employs while on the job. creates a really compelling and vibrant group dynamic within a noir-ish subgenre (i guess? i couldnt figure out how exactly to word that). although i am incredibly biased as the eisenhorn series has coloured my view on the inquisition quite ardently on its own so who knows!!

speaking of Eisenhorn and his crew; glossia is a really cool secret code concept and i personally love it, but that could also just be the romantic in me enjoying the beautiful idea of using personal relationships and poetry off hand with no written cipher to encode your speech

I love how chaos and faith are written as Things; how all of humanity is a hair’s width away from being corrupted, as it is simply the human condition to surrender to faith and “our” base values when threatened or otherwise. It’s really beautiful and tragic

speaking of tragedy; the creation and existence of each of the primarchs and their legions of astartes is just absolutely brilliant. The Emperor creating astartes after the thunder warriors (i think?) to give his soldiers more humanity overall and THAT being the thing that is his downfall (or ascension depending on how you look at it ig) is so beautifully tragic.

Fav characters so far have been literally every main/supporting character in Eisenhorn as well as Loken and Tarvitz from HH. I also think Magnus is really interesting as a primarch so far. Poor guy though lol. I am aware of his uh... big oopsie

Hereticus is still my favourite book I’ve read so far within the black library. (SPOILER: Fischig staying true to himself and his faith and doing all he can to save his friend but not knowing he just contributed to the very thing he hates most (chaos) through Osma, resulting in Medea having to kill him after hailing him to their location to give him a chance to apologize and rejoin the band (against Eisenhorn’s will). And THEN as a last stand while Aemos dies, he and Eisenhorn work together to turn Fischig’s freshly murdered corpse into a perfect daemonhost to imprison Cherubael as a weapon/tool for Eisenhorn to use in the coming battle… END SPOILER) I am still not over it and I don’t think I ever will be. That book is fucking nuts. Abnett did not have to go that hard but I am grateful for it regardless

i hate the remembrancer Petronella Vivar with a burning passion, she is the worst written character in the series period (so far?)

characters I would beat over the head with a steel pipe: Osma, Heldane, Erebus, Eidolon, Lucius, and Petronella. The other characters in this list I can still appreciate as villains. Petronella though... I could probably list some others too but those are the ones who came to mind right away

Other than Petronella idk what I would say regarding what I like the least as of now. I love the other remembrancers (minus the way Karsky was written in false gods, but again this is a McNeill issue), so its literally just her I can't stand. I blame McNeill for this though, with his glaring inability to write a compelling woman whatsoever

also orks are silly i like them

i hope this is satisfactory to you, anon!! please excuse any errors, i answered this first thing in the morning and got way too excited about it lmao. ty for the ask : D

[mekatrio]

Have you watched this?

https://youtu.be/AF8KGdV92ag?si=ccE042UR1LbURuZV

no i have not... but i did just for you anon. usually i avoid will stetson vids cuz his translyrics often piss me off LOL. im aware the translyrics from this vid are written by breadbox rather than him, but his remind blue vid w translyrics by breadbox also pissed me off so....

also u didnt ask for my opinions but i love to blabber so im putting down my opinions 😋 it also ended up long af woops so sticking it under a read more

first off, wow will stetson has rly improved his vocals. ive listened to a few of his recent covers and hes way better nowadays than in this one. the high notes are kinda kicking his ass here, but thats fair. LTM is not an easy song to sing.

that aside this concept is very interesting.. since the lyrics are by breadbox, its very illuminating to see how he interprets the manga and ayano's character in general. which is important to me bc i am aware that he's like the only? kagepro youtuber out there i think.. or at least the most popular. meaning his content and interpretations have shaped recent english-speaking public opinion of kgpr's narrative whether for better or worse. and i care abt that kind of shit

OK ENOUGH NITPICKING THE CREATORS LOL um my thoughts on this entire video: most of it is very standard bread and butter ayano interpretation (sacrificing herself for her everyone etc etc), but its pretty interesting to me that they chose to expand on route m konoha's and ayano's relationship, which was something that was very, very barely touched on in the manga. like konoha gets fucking possessed and ayano doesnt say a word abt that like LOL this manga is.... yeah. its interesting that they wrote their relationship as konoha worrying about ayano, but ayano feeling like he is unable to relate to her. i dont necessarily agree or disagree with that interpretation cuz its something i hvnt really thought about, but i find that to be an interesting interpretive choice.

also the second verse + chorus is pretty confusing bc the verse references konoha and ayano, but then the chorus jumps back to ayano from two years ago cuz the chorus is "Girl, 16" (ayano is 18 in the present day of route m). tho i guess the manga never really specifies how long konoha and ayano had known each other??? so maybe they met when ayano was 16??? god this vid is making me very confused abt the manga LOLLL

i will say tho that the last chorus was very confusing to me. bc it showed LTM ayano, i was under the impression that it was about a route 1 ayano? but i was confused, cuz the lyrics were "Girl, 18", and no route 1 ayano ever makes it to 18 (also when i say route 1 ayano i just mean any ayano whose part of the yuukei quartet + jumps off the roof etc etc). but after a few rewatchs, im pretty sure the last chorus is about yakitsu. i really wish they didnt use a pic of LTM ayano then, theres plenty of good pics of yakitsu from the last chapter of the manga they couldve used instead.

i get why they would believe that LTM ayano is yakitsu tho. thats cuz this is something that still isnt fully agreed on among fans, cuz even after 10 fucking years no one actually understands what LTM's mv is about LMAO. personally i think white dress ayano = yakitsu. and i think the ayano in LTM is just.... ayano from that route, not from route m. why she disappears tho.. um... hm......

but yeah interesting video, gave me much to think about... a bit too much to think about. cuz now im thinking about LTM and how that like.... makes no sense....... kinda..

[blazehedgehog]

Guess reading isn't for everyone, like I have a friend who claims that after reading a page he retains zero information on it.

I'm similar, but not quite that extreme. I think it might be related to ADHD.

I've talked about it before, but when I was a kid, I had multiple teachers try to pin it on me and my Mom refused to believe them. As I've grown older, I've begun to realize maybe those teachers were right. What my mom protested was the "classic interpretation" of ADD, which was for kids that were uncontrollably loud, and fidgety, and impulsive. I was never those things. But since then, understanding of ADHD has grown to include the type of person I am.

As I'm reading, sometimes what I'm imagining in my head will cause my mind to wander. My eyes will keep scanning the page on autopilot but my brain will have fully checked out in to doing something else.

Then comes the realization of "wait, I haven't been paying attention to what I'm reading at all" and having to backtrack to the last thing I remember, which in itself isn't easy because my focus drifted in and out. So I remember bits and pieces of things and I have to try and figure out the source of what caused my mind to wander.

The more I became aware of that happening, the harder it's been to read, because now it's like I'm paranoid about it happening. And it wasn't easy to get me to read before anyway!

Reading comic books helps, I think. I mentioned before, but a couple years ago, I managed to read all the way through the original Dragon Ball -- 16 volumes! Sure, it took me more than a year, but each volume is over a hundred pages.

Having images to go along with the dialog helps prevent my mind from wandering, I guess. Instead of my imagination running away with itself and my brain tuning out to the actual words, I stay focused knowing exactly what I'm looking at.

But even then, I don't read tons of comics. I'm like five or six issues behind on IDW Sonic right now, maybe more, and really, that's kind of the only thing on my active reading list outside of webcomics, and the amount of webcomics I read has been slowly dwindling as more and more end or succumb to hiatus.

Like, if you want to know my active reading list for webcomics, it's:

Gunnerkrigg Court, which is very clearly closing in on an ending sometime in the next year or two.

Flipside, which for the last 2-3 years has been SO EXTREMELY SLOW that I've nearly given up on it, but sunk cost fallacy has kept me checking it. At least things finally seem to be happening again lately.

Barbarous, which if I'm being honest has completely lost me in the last couple chapters as character development leapfrogged my understanding of these characters and now I feel like I don't know what's going on anymore.

Prequel, which has fallen in to the Homestuck trap of short bursts of activity punctuated by long, long, long long long long periods of preparing for playable games or videos or whatever, meaning months or sometimes even years between posts, something I'm sure is very stimulating for the creator but not so much for me as a reader.

Awkward Zombie, which thankfully doesn't have plotlines or anything long-term, so it's low commitment and a breezy read.

Three Panel Soul, which like Awkward Zombie is basically two friends making new comics just because they feel like it.

Oglaf (NSFW), which is consistently just very funny.

Irritability/Maze of Death, which is something I've been reading since I was in high school. Author has a very strange sense of humor that can be hit-or-miss but it shaped me a lot when I was a teenager. I wish he'd update the site, though, it's basically impossible to properly read the archives anymore.

Dolmistaska, which I only just started reading less than a year ago and fell deeply in love with. Nothing but good things to say about this.

And then there's two comics I was working my way through the archives of and haven't caught up with yet:

Rock Cocks (NSFW), I don't specifically remember how or why I started reading this, but I've read close to 500 pages of it so far. It's about a exhibitionist rock band in a world where sex and music are like the most important things on earth. Almost has sort of a Scott Pilgrim feel with regards to how the world feels tuned to its characters. But it's also absolutely not for anyone under 18, given it is very explicit. There is nudity and sex constantly, but there's always a story reason for it. But the author is never shy and it is presented in full detail. So, you have to be down with that. It strangely never feels pervy, or at least I don't think so.

Kill Six Billion Demons, which triggered something new: pages are so dense with detail and narrative that a weekly update schedule wasn't good enough because I started forgetting plot threads. Characters would turn up that, in the narrative of the comic, were "just" introduced in the previous chapter. But when you're reading it as it gets posted, that previous chapter might have been three months ago. It just reads better more as a traditional comic, where you digest entire chapters all at once. I stopped reading in 2018 and have been trying to get back to it, since there's a big backlog to dig in to now (I'm at the start of book 4, and book 6 just started).

[cherokeegal1975]

Mpreg novel. Heterosexually oriented. Main focus is on the adventure and the main protagonist's point of view. One of his best friends is a magical talking rat. She plays a positive role throughout the story. She's also beautiful. He already has a daughter...who happens to be a dragon. There are gay werewolves, but they're only mention in one chapter. I know that's a popular theme in mpregs, but I didn't know that at the time when I was writing my novel. An indirect rescue of some ladies in distress...some of them just preteen girls really. An evil king in the backdrop of the whole story who really is a problem. A princess in distress that eventually rescues herself from her own problem, but uses my main character to help her do that...initially against his will. And that's all the spoilers you get. I am aware it's not perfect, but I can't say objectively that it's terrible either. It's my experimental plot anyway. Let me know what you think.

P.S. - Goldie the rat just popped into my head while I was writing my novel. You can see her in the thumbnail picture on my video. No, I didn't exaggerate her size in the drawing. She's golden colored and about five or maybe even six pounds and about the size of a smallish domestic cat. She also has small hands with thumbs, which real rats don't have. Didn't think about it until much later, but I've never seen a rat play a positive role anywhere except TMNT. Not sure why. I can understand not wanting real wild rats invading a home, but so long as they stay outside, there's no problem. I've seen wild rats in my backyard and they gave us no trouble. They were actually beautiful. Domestic rats are very nice pets I understand. So...why the constant bad reputation in fiction? I personally think they should get more positive roles to balance out the bad ones.

Goldie can talk, is as smart as a human, can teleport so long as there's no electricity in the air from storms. Also, can live into her eighties...real rats' life spans about two to five years. A loyal companion too.

[tkvkfanfics]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

!!! CHAPTER 2

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ ↝ Taehyung was painfully aware of the truth; life was never free. Every decision he made had a consequence, and it seemed clear what price he would have to pay if someone got to know about the true character of his and Jungkook's relationship. However, he had come this far and there was no turning back or throwing it away. Sadly, he wasn't too brave either.

↝ Taehyung's and Jungkook's relationship right under the nose of obviousness.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢꜱ ↝ taekook, idol⥏ taehyung x idol⥏ jungkook ↝ idol⥏ taehyung x original male character ↝ straight namjoon ↝ namjin, idol⥏ namjoon x idol⥏ seokjin ↝ idol⥏ seokjin x original male character

ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ ⥏ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ↝ mature 18+ ↝ angst, homophobia, explicit sexual content, self-realisation

ᴛᴀɢꜱ ⥏ ɢᴇɴʀᴇ ↝ secret relationship, slow-burn, awkward first times, awkward romance, complicated friendships, taehyung forgets he should play a detective, ↝ idolsAU, BTS 2016

ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ

ᴡᴀʟʟꜱ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴜꜱ

There wasn’t something Taehyung found more challenging but enjoyable at the same time than being an idol. He liked the silly photos Jin took and Hoseok later uploaded under their group profile on social media. He couldn’t stop the smile stretching on his lips while his finger was all red and felt dry scrolling up and down the comments spreading over the screen of his phone. Yet, they usually spent hours if not days trying to decide which photo from Hoseok’s wide collection, stuck in one folder of his gallery, would be the most suitable to see behind the borders of his camera roll. Whenever he recalled the burst of laughter from his friend, spilling the bits of the unchewed pork belly onto his hoodie, when he shared how their managers leaned over Hoseok's phone, busy debating which selfie the best presented their sharp chins and in which they seemed to be cross eyeing, it still drew the same confusion over his face.

“Taehyung-ah, I don’t understand your jokes, but your serious face can always make me lose it,” laughed his friend while he was wiping off the tears gathered around his eyes and streaming down his red, puffy cheeks filled with fatty food.

However, Taehyung wasn’t joking.

If there were five photos, each one sending an individual notification to their fan’s devices, displaying their faces among the lovely messages their staff usually left on their way to take the chaos of the shared profile in their hands, there were tens of videos, recorded on the more professional camera than their low-quality phones, zooming in on the synchronized choreography their legs, torsos and arms were attempting to sell.

Taehyung eyed the tripod standing at its usual place in the corner of the dance studio where it wouldn’t be visible behind their backs reflecting in the wall mirrors. He wore his most comfortable clothes, long and wide enough so when would be jumping, the hem of his T-shirt wouldn't reveal the skin of his belly. Their managers referred to it as an unnecessary distraction, but if it was true why did they dress Jimin into a sweater so loose around the collar that it exposed the full expanse of his light cutting collarbones even if he was just putting a foot in front of a foot?

“Hey, still stretching?” Jungkook returned with the refilled bottle handing it to Taehyung while sitting crossed-legged, leaning the small of his back against the bag conveniently thrown in the middle of the studio. Taehyung noticed how it wobbled, fearing to trip over, trying to endure the weight of Jungkook’s muscles. But it seemed Jungkook either didn’t notice or simply didn’t care, even wiggling to make himself more comfortable against whatever the fabric and zipper were hiding.

“Thanks,” smiled Taehyung, grateful he no longer had to pretend to be trying to touch his toes when all that shook his body were his huffs and sighs. He grabbed the plastic bottle from Jungkook’s hands, careful to not drop it as it felt slippery from the cold water still grazing along its surface. And instead of complaining, he pulled up the leg of his sweatpants until the tight cuffs weren’t stopped by his knee and he pressed the dripping but chilly bottle against his sore aching calf, moaning in relief.

“When are we starting?’ he turned back to Jungkook, finding him with his left arm bent high over his head, massaging his right shoulder, ‘If now, maybe I can still convince my legs to behave.”

He heard Jungkook snicker and when tilted his head, his nose was already scrunched, like always when he found something amusing enough.

“I don’t know, we are still waiting for Jin hyung,” Jungkook shrugged and pursed his lips.

But instead of returning to bore his fingers into his own tensed muscles, he grabbed Taehyung around the waist and pulled him closer until their hips were touching. Taehyung jerked, not clear if from surprise or pain, as the heel of Jungkook’s broad palm started to gently move in circles over his crying calf.

“I thought he was already on his way?” Taehyung pouted only to shiver in a discomfort boarding an agony, Jungkook was using his knuckles now. “Wasn’t Yoongi hyung trying to call him?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think hyung answered his phone,” Jungkook replied and his gaze got lost among the other members until he didn’t find Yoongi’s squatting figure in the danger of Hoseok’s powerful and Namjoon’s clumsy dancing.

Yoongi’s frown was visible in the shine of his phone screen, stuck close to his nose while his eyes were running frantically across some text he was reading. It appeared the more he read, the more stress he added on the poor eyebrows almost touching in a perfect V in the middle of his face.

“Why won’t Namjoon hyung text him? He is the only one to whom he listens,” Jungkook voiced out his thoughts, shaking his head in disappointment. Taehyung didn’t know if he was mad at Jin for being late again or upset over Namjoon’s these days lacking leader behaviour. But if looked at it logically, it would probably be the latter one, as Jungkook became a bit selfish ever since they started dating and after he learned about Jin’s relationship. He purposely looked over what he would find damaging to their career the other day, possibly in the hope of Jin’s supporting hand if he and Taehyung ever got into trouble.

Taehyung wasn’t sure if Jungkook was expecting an answer from him but he was saved by the thunderous crash shaking the entire room, as the door was slammed open against the wall behind them. They didn’t even have a chance to creak in a protest when Jin’s cry of “Sorry” got everyone’s attention again.

Not understanding what he was expecting if he swung open the door like that all while being late almost for half an hour, Taehyung wasn’t impressed by the blush climbing up high his neck or his awkward cough when he noticed all eyes on him. Jungkook, next to him, pushed a tongue against his cheek but averted his gaze.

It seemed the powerful thud of door, imprinting the shape of the handle into the wall, frost not only everything they were doing but also the time itself. A whole ten seconds had to pass until the breath didn't push out of Taehyung’s lungs and Yoongi threw a scoff with a middle finger towards Jin stomping a step inside the room.

“At least…” murmured Yoongi with a clear annoyance, ignoring Hoseok, biting down a laugh behind him. But only when Yoongi disappeared in the shadows of lockers in the far corner, busying himself with shoelaces, he reached out to hit Jin’s shoulder. “Well, well,’ Hoseok snorted, ‘look who decided to join us, fashionably late!”

Hoseok wasn’t the only one who chose to approach the situation with support covered behind the merciless teasing. Jimin also stood up from his place in front of the mirror where he was tugging at the frizzy fabric, pulling out from the stitches the skin-irritating fuzz or ‘stretching his sweater until it didn’t reveal his whole upper chest,’ thought Taehyung, if he wanted to copy his friend’s pettiness.

“Yeah, hyung,’ he stopped a foot away from Jin’s mud-bringing-in boots, ‘you look like you've had quite a morning,” Jimin abruptly cut himself off and Taehyung saw why. He followed the path of Jimin’s eyes, starting from the hem of his pants showed the logo of his white socks, printed on the very top where they were pressing under his calves, and stopping on the mark the sauce, he spilt over himself during yesterday’s lunch, left, seeping into the material as a stain on his shirt, “Or maybe the night?”

There was no mystery to Taehyung whose were the trousers, too tight over his tights, or that he pulled yesterday’s shirt over his head after he woke up, not even bothering to button it up his neck, probably too much in a hurry.

“Did you lose track of time?” while Hoseok’s question was dancing around the line of innocence, once Jimin’s mouth opened up again, it was clear what he was implying, despite his batting eyelashes, “Or were you just too busy to remember practice, hyung?"

“Guys,” Jin tried to stop the chaos with a gesture, pushing Jimin away from his back. Only, Jimin seemed to be too close for comfort. His short arms wrapped over Jin’s elbows so that he couldn’t move freely and his head was resting on Jin’s shoulder. Taehyung was hit with a sudden pang of longing as he recalled how it felt when Jimin's pointy chin was pressing against him, seemingly wanting to make a hole or turn his bones into dust. He rather turned away from the scene, before a gush of an aching jealousy didn’t possess him and he made something stupid, like elbowed Jin in the ribs and wiggled into Jimin’s arms to feel the hard bones on his jaw pressing against his body. He stared at Jungkook’s hand instead, still massaging his calf softly, and another wave of guilt washed over him. If Jimin was mad because he had left their hotel room as soon as his dreams painted over his sleep that night, to possibly not return back, if things didn’t go as planned, would he stab a knife into Taehyung’s heart if he got to know about Jungkook and him?

Secrets, secrets… And Taehyung really thought he was doing better this year.

He almost missed Hoseok, interrupting the teasing fight between Jin and Jimin, “Oh hyung, is that a hickey?” and Yoongi’s angry grunt followed by the thudding steps on the floor, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me! Are you out of your mind?”

“What? Lemme se- Oh! It definitely looks like one!”

“Someone had a steamy night, huh?”

“Hyung, are you seeing someone?”

Everybody's chatter and Yoongi’s furious curses flew, ignored, over Taehyung's head, as he became suddenly hyper-aware of not only the fingers writing on his bare skin but also of how close Jungkook and him were sitting. Their bodies were barely apart, no air could have pushed between them.

Reading the panic screaming in his eyes, Jungkook pulled away and where the comforting warmth was spreading over his calf, there suddenly was cold, prompting his leg hair to stand up. Taehyung leaned forward, bending his knee, he dragged the fabric of his sweatpants down until the hem wasn’t touching his sock, covering the area where Jungkook’s palm had found its place as if its shape was about to rise pink and revealing on his skin. He only allowed himself a peek when another bang fell on his ears, it was more like a reflex.

“Yah, Jungkook-ah, you alright?”

The loud sound of the crash made everyone look towards them, blinking at Jungkook who had fallen backwards, over the bag he was leaning against. It now disappeared beneath his body, appearing only as an uncomfortably looking swell pushing his stomach up.

Yet all Taehyung could see was a pair of squinting eyes set on his face, with eyebrows pulled high and disappearing behind the short-trimmed fridge. Embarrassed and feeling guilty, Taehyung got up quickly and joined Yoongi, practising in his far corner, while trying to ignore Namjoon's intense gaze fixed on him. 

დ

Jin closed the door of his and Yoongi’s shared room with an obvious slam, as if he wanted to put an exclamation mark behind the ‘I am staying home tonight’ statement but not before meeting Taehyung’s eyes watching him from the sofa backrest.

Taehyung couldn’t tell what noise hurt his head more, the picture frames hitting the walls after they jumped from the compression wave or the clang of dishes, forcefully placed on the rubber mat next to the sink, where they continued to move against each other from the dripping wetness, as Yoongi continued to wash the remains of their late dinner with hot water and soap.

“You can cut through the tension,’ sighed Taehyung and plopped back down onto the soft cushions of their brand new sofa, ‘only Namjoon hyung is missing here.” He could feel himself sliding down the slippery leather, but it was his naked heels that took all the discomfort as they rubbed against the rough carpet.

“If you continue to do this, you will fall down,” warned him Jungkook after he pushed close the disc tray of their DVD player and turned around, noting his ass practically hovering over the nothing and the floor.

Taehyung only shrugged, but he put his arms behind himself. Yet, the softness into which they sank didn’t help his quivering muscles and they gave up soon after under his weight. His bottom touched the rug with an audible thud, scaring Yoongi who threw a rug after him. Taehyung watched it flying above his head and landing on his outstretched toes. It prompted a laugh out of him and he looked up to meet Jungkook’s eyes and the familiar nose scrunch, but he was already bending down and lifting Taehyung’s slopped down body.

“What’s up with you?” he asked him simply as his hands slipped past the gap between his torso and arms.

It felt as if a magnet was searching for its opposite pole under his skin and once it found it, he was pulled towards it. Taehyung’s head fell on Jungkook’s shoulder while the spinning circle was loading a movie on the grey background of the screen. Jungkook nuzzled into the strands of his hair, breathing in the smell of his shampoo. Taehyung didn’t normally enjoy being controlled like a rag doll, but this was different. Letting himself be drifted away in Jungkook’s arms didn’t feel that bad.

The moment was broken soon after by a distant sound, as Yoongi turned off the faucet and the water bubbled inside the pipes.

“Hm?” Jungkook's eyes widened with confusion when Taehyung blindly patted the sofa armrest and pulled away, leaving enough space between his legs and Jungkook's hips for another person.

“Noth-” he shook his head quickly before turning to face the television screen where the opening credits began to roll above a romantic sunset falling over the city skyline. The confusion in Jungkook's expression never faded. “I wanted to tell you something this morning,” Taehyung faced him again, looking at the boy with determination behind his shaking hands.

Jungkook blinked once and then again. “Oh, sure,’ he leaned forward, putting pressure on his toes to support himself while he reached for the remote control, dangerously close to the edge of the coffee table, ‘What is it, Tae hyung?” he asked, pointing the wide part of the plastic device towards the yellow control, gleaming in the left bottom corner of the television. And just before the screen turned black again, Taehyung cut in with panic, jerking his head backwards and mumbling, “Yoongi hyung,” behind his shoulder.

Jungkook tilted his head and glanced at him curiously, then, the remote fell back among the couch cushions.

“I think…,’ Taehyung’s voice trembled as his gaze remained glued to Ji Sung, appearing under a dramatic light in a foreign apartment wearing a motorbike leather jacket, portraying the role of Cha Dohyun - a businessman with multiple personality disorder - taking over where the last week’s episode left off, ‘I think that Namjoon hyung,’ Cha Dohyun put his head into his palms, noticing the blood smeared over his fingers, ‘might know about us.”

But any sort of reaction from Cha Dohyun was blocked out by Jungkook's figure stepping in front of him.

Taehyung watched how the lazy carefreeness slowly started to fade from Jungkook’s smile until his facial muscles didn’t lock in a panic.

“What?” Jungkook had to bite on his lip, but a shout still roared over the voices coming from the television and a low scoff was heard coming from the kitchen. “What?’ he repeated quietly, ‘How do you know?”

“I-”

“No, wait.” Suddenly, a hand pressed against his lips and Jungkook’s eyes flickered between both him and the shadows coming from Yoongi’s back moving in the kitchen. Then, he clutched the remote, however instead of turning off the drama, he turned up the volume. Instantly, Cha Dohyun's voice could be heard louder than Taehyung's own heart thumping inside his ears.

“Did you tell him? Did Jin hyung say something?” Jungkook’s eyes were big again, running over Taehyung’s face and searching for the answers.

“No! Why would I?’ Taehyung argued back, pushing the hand from his mouth away, ‘I don’t think hyung would…”

“Then how?”

Taehyung leaned close until his mouth didn’t line up with Jungkook’s ear, and he whispered as if Cha Dohyun’s dramatic monologue wasn’t yelling all over their apartment, “You fell asleep in my bed last night,” he remained him softly, but Jungkook’s lips just opened into a voiceless ‘And?’.

“And today,’ Taehyung’s hand shot in the air to scratch the back of his head to bring him comfort, ‘I think Namjoon hyung was watching us while we were warming up in front of  the mirror.” He looked down in guilt at his hands placed over his lap, expecting a pale face to appear within his sight, but when a laugh, strained with a hint of relaxation vibrated from Jungkook’s throat, Taehyung snapped his head up. The unexpected laughter left him unsure about Jungkook’s feelings and thoughts. 

“Hyung,’ Jungkook’s tensed shoulders fell and he released a sigh of relief, ‘I didn’t notice anything. You are probably reading too much into it.” He bent down and caressed the back of Taehyung’s hands, intertwined together and resting on the stretched fabric of his sweatpants. Taehyung followed his step as he sat back down, grabbing Taehyung’s knee and squeezing his muscles around its sensitive sides.

“I am not sayi-”

“But what if I am not,’ interrupted him Taehyung, too high on his worries. His tone sounded hollow and cold, falling off not only his tongue but also seeping through his skin, rising up until it didn’t hit the barrier of Jungkook’s warm hand. Yet, this time, it didn’t seem like a problem. He felt Jungkook shudder and pull away. “I feel like everyone knows…” Taehyung noticed how his voice trembled and his throat closed up in fear, yet the exasperation stepping as a physical reaction in front of the frustration he was feeling controlled him more. He started to see red around the blurred edges of the situation. Taehyung felt mad, confused and irritated the longer Jungkook kept waving an uncaring hand.

“Would it be so bad?” asked Jungkook all of a sudden, his voice barely heard over the drama playing on the screen while he looked at Taehyung shyly as if sensing his distress.

Yet, the look in Taehyung’s eyes was still wild. “What do you mean?”

“Tae hyung, we talked about this,’ the cautious control with which Jungkook had been approaching Taehyung was instantly gone, changing for the tired sigh, ‘We can’t hide forever. We should just talk to hyung and clear the air.” And Taehyung knew he had to mean it, or else his chin wouldn’t stuck in the air in such a confident gesture. He must have been toying with the idea between his subconsciousness and consciousness for some time now, just like when one played with the cap of a bottle with his fingers, thinking if they should pout themselves another glass.

“Look,’ Jungkook shifted on his place and his hand shook in the air above Taehyung’s leg again, until he didn’t decide against it, ‘I know you are still worried about what others might think of you if you came out, but you told me hyung knows, right?” Maybe Jungkook could read Taehyung better than he gave him credit for because the next thing Taehyung knew, he was listening to yet another argument, “He supports Jin hyung too. Why would this be any different?”

The hot rays of conviction started to melt Taehyung’s concerns until he didn’t remember something else. “Yeah, he supports him for his own selfish reasons,” he scoffed and could almost imagine Namjoon’s awkward laugh and hear Jin’s attempt to mask the serious situation with one of his jokes.

“What?”

“Nothing,’ Taehyung shook his head, only now realising he spoke his thoughts aloud, ‘Jungkook-ah, do you remember what I told you yesterday?” During the few seconds, his stubbornness was back, presenting brand new fears behind the walls it was building with determination. “I'm just scared that if hyung finds out, he'll pressure us to tell the company, just like he is doing with Jin hyung and Hyungu hyung.”

“We can’t-”

Taehyung threw his head back with such power that if there wasn’t another person weighing down the sofa, it would fall over and he would be lying with legs in the air and facing the fuming Yoongi. “Yeah, we can’t hide forever, you have already said that.” His palms slapped the cushions on his sides, marking the first beat of the spreading silence. And when Taehyung’s hands raised  to disappear deep between his lifted knees, Jungkook cleared his throat, “So what do you want to do then?”

When Taehyung’s eyes flew to the other man, whose toes were only a bit away from his tight, lying on the couch, the need to apologize ran through him, when he noticed his pout.

“I don’t know,’ shrugged Taehyung, but another idea was already at the tip of his tongue, ‘talk to Jin hyung and Hyungu hyung maybe?”

He thought he heard Jungkook inhale sharply before he asked, “How could they help?”

“I…,’ even if he thought the reason he wanted to meet them was pretty obvious he still struggled to speak his thoughts out loud, ‘They are going through something similar, maybe-”

“Yeah, of course,’ this time he couldn’t mistake a scoff for something else, ‘Of course you would go to him.” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

Taehyung had mistakenly thought Jungkook could see his point.

“Jungkook, please… Not this again,’ he begged him, feeling tired of the old argument, ‘I thought we talked about this,’ his eyes closed before the room in front of him could start to swing as he shook his head, ‘I still don’t understand how can something like this even cross your mind Even now when Jin hyung has a boyfriend-”

“Yeah,’ exclaimed Jungkook, eagerly leaning forward and pointing a finger at himself, ‘and I am your…” he hurried up to speak, however, his mouth stayed hanging open and only hot air changed to cold as his chest heaved up and down as if he'd just run a marathon.

Taehyung nervously chewed his bottom lip and refused to make eye contact. He was trying desperately to focus on the stain on his clothes, anything other than the unspoken truth that he and Jungkook hadn't discussed the status of their relationship yet. He knew that it was a conversation they needed to have, yet neither of them had brought it up in the month that had passed since they have started to... Taehyung wasn't sure if they were dating or not, because all he could remember were their shared kisses and shy touches.

“I just wish,’ as Jungkook mustered up the courage and continued despite the spreading tension, Taehyung felt his heart starting to pound wildly against his chest, ‘we could deal with this together, without running to others for help.”

“But Kookie, this is not something we can do alone.”

“Then let’s come out!” repeated Jungkook, but it wasn’t excitement ruling over his tone, it more reminded of frustration.

“That is-”

“Different, yeah, I heard.” Jungkook's expression grew fierce and intense as he jumped up from his seat, hands running through his hair. His mouth was a thin line of anger and determination while his eyebrows formed an intense knot as the shadow cast by them deepened the lines on his face. He spread his legs, standing tall with an intimidating presence that made Taehyung gulp.

“Are you mad?” he asked timidly.

“No.”

Taehyung blinked. “Would you tell me if you were?”

Jungkook sighed, pressing his tongue against his inner cheek and he glanced over Taehyung's head towards their open kitchen. “Let’s go to sleep, hyung. Yoongi hyung is watching.”

But, as Jungkook got lost in the narrow hallway lined up with doors of their rooms, which Taehyung heard to slam close, and he looked over the backrest, and the saliva of excuses bubbling hot in his mouth, he found the kitchen vacant and the dishes dry and shiny. Yoongi had to leave minutes ago.

Taehyung felt his shoulders tense as he put his head into his palms, struggling to keep back a flood of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. He desperately tried to recall what had lead to this, the first argument between them coming back in waves.

“You wouldn't love me if you knew all parts of me!” screamed Cha Dohyun brokenly.

“Oh shut up! You are so selfish thinking only about yourself!” spat Taehyung in anger towards the pretty face on the television.

დ

On nights, when Jungkook’s big warm body wasn’t there, lying next to him, to distract him from how the lack of the body in his roommate’s bed made him feel small inside the big room, Taehyung was more aware of how much he missed their tiny place where he could just reach out from his bottom bed and he would find himself under the crazy amount of his best friend’s sheets while pushing his freezing toes against Jimin’s calves.

Jimin and he used to fight a lot. Whose dirty socks are smelling on the floor? Can’t you buy your own shampoo? Just be quiet for once, I can’t concentrate!  Every time Jimin stormed with fists clenched alongside his body out of the room or Taehyung shut the door in front of his red face, there was Jungkook’s shoulder to cry out his tears of frustration on, or Jungkook’s chest to punch until the rage didn’t go away. But Jungkook and him had never fought.

During the nights, when Jungkook’s head wasn’t moving up and down with his chest breathing towards the life journey, he felt lonely and restless.

Taehyung grabbed the phone placed next to his hip on the mattress, seeing the annoyance screwing up his facial muscle reflecting on the locked screen before he didn’t press on the button and the colours of his wallpaper eased up his soul.

[12:36 AM] >𝙷𝚎𝚢, 𝙺𝚘𝚘𝚔. 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚔𝚎?

He pressed the yellow arrow in the left corner of his message and watched how the tiny number one appeared next to his sent text. He didn’t hope for a response and he most likely just imagined the ring coming from behind the wall from the next room.

Taehyung threw his arm over his eyes, finding sleep in the darkness pressing on his eyelids, so when the same tiny number one vanished into the blue background of their chat room, he didn’t see it. However, it was impossible to miss the familiar tone of notification in the empty silence. He almost sent the device flying with his elbow when he hurried to take a look at the new white box under his question.

[12:38 AM] >>𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚑, 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚎𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛

Not even a second passed when another message popped up.

[12:38 AM] >>𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍?

Taehyung smiled and his fingers rested over the keyboard again.

[12:39 AM] >𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝...  

He hesitated for a short while before he sent the rest of the message.

[12:39 AM] >𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠.

This time his message went right into read and Taehyung’s heart did a pirouette when he realised it meant Jungkook has also been impatiently awaiting his response.

[12:39 AM] >>𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚃𝚊𝚎 

Taehyung pressed his phone over his heart, as if showing it the reason behind its wild beating.

When he looked at the screen again, there was a new message, longer than just a few words.

[12:40 AM] >>𝙱𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑. 𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚕.

Taehyung’s teeth weren’t quick to bite down the laugh parting his lips and vibrating within his throat.

[12:40 AM] >𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚑

Taehyung responded shortly, hovering his finger over the emoticons, but before he could send them, he looked up, pressing the top of his head into his pillow until his neck was no longer sinking into its softness and he eyed the wall of his bed was touching. Taehyung deleted the ugly yellow faces.

[12:40 AM] >𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔e

[12:41 AM] >𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚝?

He wrote instead and turned around, grazing the mattress under him with his belly. Taehyung pushed his ass back until he didn’t feel stable on his knees, sitting on his heels, he felt the powdery paint under his fingers and palm.

[12:41 AM] >>𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝?

Asked Jungkook.

[12:41 AM] >𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚕. 𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚝?

Taehyung could feel his muscles straining when he pushed against the hard surface, trying to crush it with his strength, but he knew his wrist would break sooner than the first crack would travel between the gaps of his fingers.

His phone went off again.

[12:41 AM] >>𝚆𝚑𝚢?

Jungkook was still trying to understand.

[12:43 AM] >𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚝

Taehyung watched how the little number disappeared again but no new message was coming for the next few seconds. He watched how the time written next to it grew old as the minute tickling over his notification bar changed.

But then:

[12:45 AM] >>𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜?

Taehyung’s eyes didn’t even have enough time to put the written words together when a knock resonated through his ear, bumping against his palm and he jumped from the startle.

Taehyung stared at the simple wall built to divide the place into two rooms. He could feel his heart somewhere in his neck now, close to escape if he opened his mouth. He didn’t doubt it would find the narrowest gap and push through until it didn’t crash against Jungkook’s beating chest.

[12:46 AM] >𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜

He knocked back.