#i will never understand if the characters are Aware of the chapter videos or what flashback videos like dance macabre are to them

[gogodollie]

papa nihil literally has an ipad with a giant rubber case that he plays on at full volume and brightness. and he sits up in bed at night right next to sister imperator watching thirst traps and scrolling through tiktok and asking her what something means every 10 seconds. and he shows sister Every single video that has one of his songs in the background. and he has a folder for all of the #sisterimperator thirst traps he finds online. and sister still isn’t sure how to fuck he keeps disabling the parental controls she put on his ipad.

[rika-mmendmethings]

Interdimensional Epiphany l Rafayel

CHAPTER 2

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

Summary: A fortnight of compensated leave from your company was supposed to be a rejuvenating experience. Things take an unexpected turn when Rafayel, your choice of ML, starts becoming self-aware. His love knows no bounds, not even interdimensional ones.

Warning(s): Subject to change as we progress further into the story. For the prologue, currently none. Though story has major character deaths, subdued manipulation, heavy angst with a happy(?) ending, slight yandere themes, fluff, did I mention angst? (I'm so bad at tagging send help)

Word count: 2.0k

Playlist coming soon.

Notes: As promised, chapter 2 is released on Wednesday and you can expect every new chapter every Wednesday. Keep in mind, that as cute and a total man-child Rafayel is; he can also be vengeful and undeterred from what we've seen in his anecdotes. If you feel that this is too serious for him, then you simply need a better understanding of the red-flag side of Rafayel shown in some parts of the game. This story circles partially around that side of his as well, so I don't feel it should be that much uncharacteristic. Mikayla is the name of the mc in this fic and aside from Rafayel no-one else is aware of being a video game character. Anyways, hopefully you enjoy the read and stay tuned for the series. Lmk if you wish to be added to the tag list for this. ♥

Taglist: @loveanddeephistory @lyssandraxo @micasosa34 @ittybittyfanblog @hyein21 @browneyedgirl22 @yournextdoorhousewitch @blessdunrest @altair718 @3fg7 @froleineeeee @mikachux3 @aiehtta

You were thoroughly enjoying the first week of your compensated leave. You spent an entire day sleeping, waking only for a few hours to eat and freshen up before drifting back into restful slumber. After weeks of relying on takeout and fried foods, you finally went grocery shopping. You reconnected with a few friends, had meaningful conversations with your parents, and allowed yourself to indulge in a long, relaxing skincare routine. Your headspace was beginning to feel clear and at ease.

You even treated yourself to foam roller workouts, easing the tension in your sore muscles. You’d start a session with Rafayel in Quality Time, and for the next thirty minutes, your focus would be entirely on stretching and relaxing. It was the perfect way to unwind and restore balance to both your body and mind.

Rafayel found himself pausing every now and then and it wasn’t even because of the programming, he had long broken out of that. He never particularly enjoyed exercising on land anyway because it made him all sticky and gross but he sure as hell liked you exercising. He would pedal mindlessly on the gym bike, dusky eyes trained on you as you rolled the foam roller up and down the length of your hamstrings. He felt like a Victorian man seeing ankles whenever your shirt rolled up slightly and he would see a sliver of your waist. He banged his head on the handle of the bike, ears red as the soft, blissful sounds of your relief filled the room, signaling that most of your muscle tension had been eased.

When you grabbed your phone after the 30 minutes had passed, you were completely rejuvenated, and Rafayel was far from it. You tied your hair into a ponytail, and Rafayel drank in the sight of you — a pink scrunchie perched between your lips, beads of sweat trailing from your forehead down your collarbone and disappearing wholly after reaching your cleavage. He was accustomed to adjusting his footing every so often due to his Lemurian nature, but now, he found himself losing his balance for an entirely different reason. And it wasn’t just because of the gorgeous woman before him. No. Yes.

After freshening up following your workout, you grabbed a bag of chips and made your way to your bedroom, practically melting into the satin sheets as soon as your back hit the mattress. With no plans to leave the house today, you decided to spend a few hours indulging in your favorite game. You had even charged your phone in advance for this moment. Logging back in, you claimed the rewards from your daily tasks. Rafayel was sitting in the Destiny Café, casually inspecting his nails.

You went to change the lead character on your screen to Sylus, but a bug prevented you from doing so. Every time you clicked on his character, the game’s main interface reappeared, with Rafayel still sitting in the chair. Frustrated, you tried selecting Zayne instead, but you were met with the same result — the now agitated, purple-haired man.

He tapped his foot impatiently, his eyebrows furrowed and lips pulled into a frown. It almost seemed like he was annoyed by something. You dismissed it as something characteristic of him and muttered with a smile, “What? Only want me for yourself?”

“Yes.”

His tone carried a sense of finality, and once again, his words didn’t appear in the usual white speech bubble, as they always did. This unexpected shift left you momentarily stunned. Was it the strange behavior of his character, or was it the flutter in your chest that unsettled you? You weren’t sure, and frankly, you didn’t want to delve into how delusional you might be getting. So, like you often did with your past, you ignored the problem and clicked over to the memories tab.

Earlier, you’d purchased the "Poised Elegance" outfit from the lunar shop and were excited to dress up Sylus’ Goodcat Code memory using Illusio.

The moment you pressed the button, the screen went black. You waited a few seconds, tapping on the screen, but nothing happened. Just as you were about to check your internet connection, the interface of Destiny Café reappeared. You huffed in disbelief and tried using Illusio on the other characters, but aside from Rafayel, the game would reboot every time. 

Already frustrated by the situation, you decided to pull for Caleb’s myth using the 20 free wishes. You nearly dropped your phone in disbelief as you saw that all ten cards were Rafayel’s four stars and three stars. This had never happened before. Sure, you’d occasionally pull two or three additional cards of a specific lead, but all ten cards being from one character, out of five possible options, was nothing short of perplexing. You gulped, using the remaining 10 wishes as well, and your soul almost left your body as you stared, wide-eyed, at the new set of 10 cards — every single one of them a 5-star and all of them Rafayel’s.

Just last week, during Rafayel’s "When Tides Echo" myth rerun, you had spent every last one of your dias and still hadn’t pulled a single memory of the pair. And now, all ten cards from that myth were what you had managed to get. You couldn’t believe it. You had seen players joking about miracles like this in the candle circle memes, wishing for such luck to happen to them, and now here you were, pulling for Caleb — and getting Rafayel.

You were many things, but ungrateful wasn’t one of them. So, you immediately rushed to the memories tab and ranked up his myth cards before awakening them. Once you were done, you found yourself back in Destiny Café, facing Rafayel. You finally let out the squeal you had been holding in and pressed a kiss to your screen. Rafayel’s ears turned red once again, and his lips curled into a gentle, sincere smile at the sight of your infectious joy.

“I love you so much, Infold,” you chirped, and Rafayel’s smile faltered. He should’ve been the one that line was addressed to. 

You logged out of the game, humming to yourself as you went over to your kitchen to prepare a celebratory dinner of some good ol’ spaghetti, leaving a spluttering Rafayel stuck in his spot at the Café. 

"Rafayel, I'm not letting you go first on the claw machine this time." Mikayla flashed him a playful wag of her finger, signaling that she wouldn’t be giving in to him today. She practically bounced over to the machine, her hands hovering over the buttons.

Rafayel, however, was leaning lazily against a wall, his dusky eyes focused on his nails rather than the bubbly woman in front of him. He replied, "Sure, MC. I’m not in the mood anyway."

Mikayla paused, glancing back at him over her shoulder with a raised brow. Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she wiggled her eyebrows. "What? No ‘miss bodyguard’ or ‘cutie’ this time? You wound me."

Rafayel didn’t bother to look up. Instead, he nonchalantly dropped onto one of the nearby couches, crossing his legs and throwing an arm over his eyes as though blocking out the world. His voice, laced with indifference, carried over to her. "Let me know when you’re done, Mikayla. I’m resting my eyes for a bit."

And with that, he drifted into the land of dreams, leaving Mikayla standing alone by the claw machine, frowning.

She couldn’t make sense of his behavior. Mikayla knew Rafayel was often a bit petulant, but she had never seen him act quite this distant. For the past week, while he had helped her gather information for her new mission, he’d seemed more aloof — dismissing her attempts to make plans or even join her for a casual meet-up. Something had shifted, and Mikayla was determined to figure out what it was, though she knew she’d need to wait for the right moment to get to the bottom of it.

Rafayel didn’t intend to come off as rude, but he was too exhausted to lift a finger now. The past week had been nothing short of grueling — exhausting with a capital E. By day, he had to watch you log in, then rush around performing tasks and maintaining an act of normalcy to avoid raising suspicions. And when you slept, he scoured the darker corners of the world for information on what was truly happening. Yet, every person he approached simply advised him to see a psychiatrist, urging him to keep his — and he quotes — "barely sane, childish thoughts" to himself and not bother them. 

Somehow, by the end of the week, you had unwittingly become his source at the end. He had overheard you ranting to yourself about someone named 'Infold,' expressing a strange mix of hatred and affection — how they were both the bane of your existence and the love of your life. Who was this Infold? And why did you harbor such a paradoxical relationship with them? Why did you refer to them as the love of your life? 

From your scattered monologues, Rafayel had picked up on a few peculiar phrases. He had even started a list in his journal — strange words like “stamina,” “ascend,” “daily login,” “deep space trials,” and others filled the pages, each followed by large question marks. Thomas — bless him — had noticed Rafayel scribbling these words down and informed him that most of these terms appeared to be related to the controls of a game.

At first, Rafayel had dismissed the notion, but then one day, he overheard you venting as you worked on something beside him during "quality time"—another strange term. He recalled the way your lower lip wobbled slightly as you taped and glued some paper together. “I hate Tyler so much,” you muttered with disdain. “He didn’t even consider the money I spent buying this and just tore it all up like that.” A tense silence followed until you held the paper aloft, your expression shifting to one of subtle satisfaction. 

What he saw on that sheet forever altered his perception of reality. It was a poster of himself in one of his outfits, and in the left corner, emblazoned with bold text, was the label: *“Rafayel: Character of Love and Deepspace.”* He was a game character. Fully alive in his own universe—breathing, thinking, existing—but nothing more than a programmed entity in yours. He felt a deep conflict, struggling to comprehend the full implications. Was this some kind of curse? Has he truly gone insane over the years? If all of this was real, if he really was merely code in your reality, then what cruel twist of fate had disrupted the natural order of things? 

Why was he the only one who had been granted this interdimensional epiphany? 

No-one other than him seemed aware of whatever was happening with him. No one knew that they were all game characters in a different reality. He knew that he could choose to ignore your uncanny existence yet something about you drew him in. It made him wish to escape the world he calls home and just enter yours without a care. Your eyes held all the love and warmth he had ever wanted and some selfish part in him intended to keep it that way. It baffled him further how you were aware that he was a mere programmed character in your world yet you never viewed him as such. 

He wanted to be real for you. 

And he would. He’ll make sure of it.

He was brutally shaken out of his reverie when Mikayla woke him up, showing him the plushies she got. He felt his eyebrow slightly twitch in annoyance when she grabbed his cheeks and squished them. On any other day, he would have let himself be pampered by her affections but this wasn’t just any other day and he was completely not in the mood to entertain her. He watched her retreating figure as she went to play another round on the claw machine. There was only one thought in the front of his mind: He couldn’t get to you in his weakened form. He needed to unlock his full potential once again.

He needed to awaken the seas and restore Lemuria.

And he’ll be doing just that no matter what the price or sacrifice.

Check out my other works if you liked this ♥

[silyabeeodess]

So, these aren't really theories (I guess except the last one, but I don't feel like I'm adding much to what's already out there), just things that have kind of stuck in my head that I want to get down somewhere after Chapter Four's release. None of them are really worth their own post, so I'm just gonna note them each below. The subheadings are as follows: 'False Justification and Unrestrained Evil,' 'The Importance of Kevin Barnes,' and '"Love" with Limits.'

False Justification and Unrestrained Evil

Throughout the game, we've seen several of its villainous characters try to justify the experiments "in the name of science" or in "how it can one day help a lot of people," but nowhere near as much as in this chapter. This chapter showed us cases such as how Stella Greyber got involved with them despite her supposed love for kids, how security staff members who were both aware and unaware of the truth behind the experiments would abuse the toys, and how Warrenbach Construction was pushed into maintaining its contract despite Mr. Silver's concerns over what they were building. Each of these times, all of the adults try to come up with some reason for the evils they're involved with - and even though some of them were rightfully fearful of their own lives, I will go so far as to call out all of them for being wrong.

Starting off with Stella, yes, we can say she "loves kids," but that "love" never goes behind her own desires. Reflecting on her tape all the way back in Chapter One, when she first interviews to get into the company, we already see that she has an obsession with the idea of youth. Quote: "I don't think anyone ever really feels like an adult. Your body, just gets older and older... and then you die." It's important to note that no one prompted her on this issue: She was just asked why she wanted to join Playtime and volunteered these thoughts. Even the interviewer is put-off by her remarks, telling her that they were "getting off track."

This is important because it tells us why she gives in so easily when she finds out about the experiments. She's not doing it because "it'll help out a lot of kids someday." She's doing it because the end result is something she personally desires: Effective immortality. Note that, when speaking to Leith in her VHS found in Chapter Four, she doesn't ask about the failed experiments (as if anyone could avoid seeing the literal mountains of bodies at the Prison's front entrance) or the treatment of the kids involved, she asks "Do they know when it will be ready?" Her rationalizing that "it'll help a lot of kids too" is just a flimsy excuse to spare herself from feeling guilty. For an irl comparison, her behavior and that of the other scientists who follow this justification isn't really all that different from people who murder and steal organs to sell on the black market or doctors that let registered donors under their care die--all under the idea of "saving lives."

People have and continue to donate their bodies to science. Playtime Co. could've focused on that. Even in the events of the story itself, we see individuals like Thomas Clark from the Bron video on MOB's YouTube channel willingly let themselves be turned into toys--a fact that the other toys are very much aware of and understandably infuriated by. The orphanage just gave the scientists a means of hurrying their experiments along with an endless supply of bodies no one would know went missing.

You can say maybe Stella didn't know about just how bad the Prison was, but I don't give her a pass there either. Knowing about the experiments, going out of her way to even make recordings for the kids who undergo them in attempt to calm them down, yet somehow never paying attention to how they were treated is, in the very least, willful blindness. That, and since the toys were already being used around the factory as slave labor, she doesn't get to make excuses: She would've seen them all the time, particularly the ones in Playcare. She is just as guilty as the other executives, and the fact that she pretends to care despite this, acting as one of the many "gentle voices" that Kevin talks about, makes it even worse.

The matter of the prison guards is a little more to the point. Some of them didn't know anything about the toys being anything other than monsters, as seen in Cole's notes: They followed a "you hurt us, so we'll hurt you," mindset, which while understandable, is never justified. Some guards, however, like in one of the first VHS tapes found in the prison, did already know that the toys were kids--hearing them cry out for their parents or consulars and comparing them to their own children. These individuals are just plain vile. They ignored the horrors that the toys were going through because of their own "struggles" dealing with them. These workers were callous and completely lacked empathy, evidence we see in employees on other teams as well such as the ones on clean-up from the Theatre Incident.

Now to Warrenbach, we can give them some leeway since their lives were threatened. They themselves are also victims of Playtime... but we have to note that it wasn't like they didn't have options either. In Mr. Silver's case, his life was in immediate danger--so, yes, the logical thing to do to save himself was to play along with Eddie's wishes. Key words here: "Play along." Here's a little fun fact: There is no company on this planet that can make you commit a crime. For all of Eddie's talk about the contract, in the eyes of the law, it would be nothing more than a worthless scrap of a paper--and that's not even getting into the matter of morality clauses, something that has regularly been used--and, granted, abused--to break contracts. If I were Mr. Silver, or even just a standard construction hand capable of sneaking a camera in, I would've been keeping receipts. Were they too scared to take Playtime to court? Fair enough, but how about the press? In the very least, you don't think prison blueprints would've raised a few more eyebrows and get people asking questions that Playtime didn't need? One of the worst things a person can say to themselves in a situation is, "There's nothing I can do to fix it." There's almost always something you can do, no matter how small. Giving into fear or ignoring a problem because "you can't do anything" may not be a stance many people can blame you for taking, but it is the exact kind of mindset that allows villains to thrive.

All of the adults in this series failed the kids by trying to justify their sins with these excuses. Even still, all of that doesn't even scrape the surface of Dr. Sawyer's unrestrained evil. Don't get me wrong: He makes the same "for science" excuse that the rest of his team do. However, there's also a lot that he openly admits to doing "because it amuses him." The biggest example of this is Yarnaby, who he treats as a pet, among many of the other toys as well--specifically the Nightmare Critters. A post of MOB's explains that the Nightmare and Smiling Critters once got along well, but "not anymore." It seems odd to say that all of one type of toy simply defaulted to the Prototype's side. Another thing worth noting is that, unlike the Smiling Critters, all of the Nightmares are shown to be feral by the events of the game. I wouldn't be surprised if this was Sawyer's doing. For the experiments, he may have wanted the toys to have intelligence, but the same couldn't be said for his own, personal playthings.

He's done plenty of other acts that have nothing to do with the experiments as well. He had Boxy Boo's appetite "tailored to human flesh," and while yes, this was a way to get rid of witnesses... he could've just as easily have done that by sending their body to the labs. During the Theater Incident tape, one member of the clean-up team notes that he doesn't understand why Sawyer wouldn't cover up his involvement. It's not a matter of Sawyer thinking he's in the right or that he's acting on some greater purpose: He just doesn't care. The only things that Sawyer cares about are what piques his curiosity at any given moment--and the only thing that stops him is the fact that he overestimated his worth to Playtime. Up until then, Sawyer was the embodiment of actions without facing consequences.

The Importance of Kevin Barnes

There's been enough critiques going into how Kevin is labeled a "problem child" both in and out of the story, so I won't get into that here. All I'll say on the issue that I also don't agree with that label. Instead, I'd much rather focus on what makes Kevin's role so pivotal among the three boys used to create Doey. There's a quote from the 2000's Teen Titans cartoon that keeps coming back to me when I think about him: "Having that thing inside you doesn't make you an animal. Knowing when to let it out is what makes you a man."  We can say this for Doey "letting Kevin out," but we can also say this for Kevin himself when it comes to his aggression.

Before I really get into this topic, let me point out one thing I don't think a lot of people considered. For the most part when it comes to Doey's actions, people tend to place Kevin only in the steering wheel at Doey's most aggressive/untrusting moments. Despite this, there's one more time I think we see Kevin's true self shine though, and that's in Doey's final tape. When Doey talks about his decision not to leave the factory, he says the other toys, "mean a lot to him... a lot more than [he] thought they did." This line can't easily be applied to Jack or Matthew. Jack wasn't from the orphanage, but his personality is already plenty bubbly and loving. Matthew would've already cared: He already saw himself as responsible for the well-being of others and wouldn't shut down his emotions. But a kid like Kevin? A kid that was known for getting into fights with his friends and having rocky relationships? That backstory fits this line to a tee. While he was forced to become part of Doey, Kevin came to accept that he cared. Kevin's personality doesn't just come out when Doey's angry: As much credit as we give to Matthew for this, Kevin comes out when Doey needs to protect those around him.

We see two bits of evidence for this. First, is our own meeting with Doey. Pianosaurous tries to attack the Player and Doey destroyed Painosaurous in one of the most gruesome ways possible. The second example is in the murals in Safe Haven. I don't think it can be seen very easily, but in the mural with Doey's arms extended around the other toys, he's drawn with an angry face--the face we associate with Kevin.

One of the reasons Kevin was chosen to become part of Doey was because of his high scores in "mental fortitude." This means that, while Kevin is aggressive, he's also the one who can best handle high-stress situations. Jack was just a small kid with no clue what happened to himself and would've lacked the ability to regulate his emotions like someone older could. Matthew was a peacemaker, but was someone who had already been traumatized due to losing his parents in an accident, which made him fall back on his own sense of guilt and insecurities. Kevin was someone who can put all of that aside to act fast when he needed to. He was a fighter, and I strongly believe that that fighter's instinct is what allowed Doey to be as strong a leader and protector as he was.

Everyone has the capacity for violence. Kevin being aggressive wasn't a flaw: He just needed to learn how to temper that aggression into a tool that could defend others instead of hurt them. The tragedy of his character is that he had to learn that all on his own and in the worst kind of circumstances.

"Love" with Limits

While this theme is echoed with Stella and the security guards who have kids of their own, the character I'd really like to cover with this is Elliot Ludwig. What I'll go into here follows the theory that Elliot became the Prototype, and my reasoning for supporting this theory rests largely in how the Prototype acts toward Poppy. Even when under the guise of "Ollie," he talks to her like a parent would. When he wants Poppy to explain what "the bad men" did to her in one of the VHS tapes, he prods her with the typical lines like "Is there something you need to talk about?" and "There's more to this you're not telling me." He's not really even pretending to talk like a kid: This is how a mom or dad talks, sitting on the end of your bed and refusing to leave until you give them an answer. We also have his reminder of "what he and Poppy are" and his insistence that "she come home"--back to the case, in the room connected directly to Elliot's office.

If the Prototype is Elliot, I think it goes without saying that Elliot loved his daughter. Despite how much he stressed the need to care for others and the formation of the orphanage, however... I think Elliot's idea of love had its limits. For one thing, the experiments seem to have been going on a long while, including during the time that Elliot was in control of the company. We find a report for Experiment 814 on his desk, and while that one only alluded to the possibility of involving humans, there's one more bit of evidence we need to consider: The Poppy dolls themselves. By the time we get to the factory, while Poppy is shown in advertising, we don't see any more of her dolls having been in production by the time the place shutdown. Nevertheless, we know there were more besides our Poppy at one point due to their advertisement and maintenance video. The latter is what's most important, because it shows that organs/blood were used in the toy at a very early point in the company's history. I can't find where exactly I remember this from, but I believe there was also a notice from Playtime insisting that customers not repair the dolls on their own and instead send them back to the company--likely to avoid this discovery. (If someone remembers where, please feel free to link it. Every time I look it up, all I really get is shopping pages...)

There is a good chance that Elliot was framed with the kid in the duffle bag situation, but I think it's equally as likely he experimented on others before Poppy's success. He cares about his daughter, not necessarily kids as a whole. Playcare being built underground was already fishy, something that Rich brings up in one of his tapes when he points out that the kids deserve real sunlight. The Prototype may have saved Theo, but he's also the reason Theo nearly died. There were teenagers in Playcare he could've gone to. There were caretakers at the orphanage who genuinely loved the kids and would likely fight to protect them, not to mention other employees who wanted to expose the company. Instead of turning to them, people who were far more capable of using a grabpack and/or with more access around the factory, he picked an isolated seven-year-old, someone easy to manipulate. There were kids from the orphanage who grew out of the program and added on as factory employees, just like how some of the caretakers wanted Matthew as part of their staff: The Prototype thought nothing of slaughtering them too during the Hour of Joy. And we could go on and on about all the evils the Prototype committed against the toys themselves.

Elliot/the Prototype may have shown the other kids love... when they were useful and obeyed him. Even his love for Poppy is twisted in this way. While locking her in the case can be seen as putting her in "time out," it's also treating her as an object to be shelved--ironically, just like how the Prison itself is called, "The Shelf." Like the prison cubes, there's barely any room to move in the case, little to no comfort, and nothing to occupy your time but your own thoughts in the darkness. It's abuse. He also shows no remorse for murdering his daughter's friends, scolding her for "missing the point" when she's grieving directly because of his actions. Whether he sees it or not, despite his protests that Poppy isn't a "thing" to him, he's treating her as one: A thing that's thoughts and emotions are to be disregarded, a toy that's always meant to be a sweet, obedient child.

[taco-drinking-bleach]

PART 1: basic information Am I unwell about Yanqing? Well, I'm sure enough I'm well enough about him that's why we getting another rant about him :]!! (although that will be in part 2) -Purple: References to time -Red: References to his power, strength, or swordmanship -Green: His character -Blue: His past Today we gonna cover the abundance theory, first I should cover what it is and point you to this reddit link: https://www.reddit.com/r/YanqingMains/comments/1dqmmdl/abundance_yanqing_theory_explained/ that has a connecting Youtube video ^^^ and this reddit post that explained what is was 2 me at first!: https://www.reddit.com/r/YanqingMains/comments/1cgp2it/yanqing_is_sus_and_not_enough_people_are_talking/ First and foremost it summarizing what we know, and what some may not. This isn't all abundance, some of it is merely his lore to understand him better so its easier to under the theory. :] Yanqing's birth parents, origins, and how he spent his earliest years are unknown.

"It's recorded in the military annals of the Cloud Knights how Jing Yuan came to discover the young boy, stood his ground against public opinion, and incorporated him into the armed forces. However, in the family lineage column, Yanqing's lineage was relegated to the category of unknown." What we *do* know is that he was put within the Cloud knights young, loves swords, and is extremely talented (if not doomed) . also the lines "He was born for the sword and is obsessed with it. Whenever a sword rests in Yanqing's hand, none would dare underestimate this genius still in the early days of his youth. Perhaps the only thing capable of dulling his treasured blade's sharp edge is time." - Character Details "Youngest lieutenant in the history of the Cloud Knights" "Ever since he could remember... follow Jing Yuan around.....helping the Seat of Divine Foresight.....Jing Yuan in return taught him the art of swordplay..and...war." "Yanqing is "A gifted swordsman born to fight."' - Character Story: Part I "this genius' debut on the battlefield was even more explosive" - Character Story: Part II "If you ask Yanqing what other interests he has besides sword fighting, you'll be met with a simple answer —

"Interests are temporary, my sword is forever!"' "But for this vastly impressive teen, it's now time to turn over a new page in the annals of history and write another chapter" -Character Story: Part III "Jing Yuan spent much time and energy in raising Yanqing. Some speculated that he was cultivating an heir, others claimed he only kept him around just to use this kid as a secret weapon. Jing Yuan never offered a response." "Yanqing became an unrivaled fighter aboard the Xianzhou Luofu as his skills grew more and more advanced" "What Yanqing needs right now is not more strength, but the ability and experience of curbing that strength — something that can only manifest by the passage of time." -Character Story: Part IV

"The boy is still tightly grasping the sword even when fast asleep against the general's shoulder. The general gently taps the boy's cheek, and the boy mutters in his sleep. "General... I finally... won."

The general pauses. He suddenly realizes that, compared to the boy trying to improve every day, he himself has endured too many years and is used to stagnation.

"You will soon be better than everyone, and that will only be the beginning..."' -Sleep Like the Dead, the lightcone VL's about him (although this isn't really important, it can show insight on how he is preserved, this can help us know his intentions, and if he himself is aware of the abundance.) "Your martial prowess exceeds that of the general, while I surpass him in strategy."- Fu Xuan Added to Team With Yanqing "The smell of this Luofu swordmaster is as pure as his character — I only detect the scent of rain. Hmm, does this mean that his will is pure, or that he is too naïve?"- Lingsha about Yanqing "Master Yanqing has very rigorous teaching style. He's always saying "that's what the general taught me back in the day," ...Looks like everything General Jing Yuan taught him he knows by heart." -March 7th About Yanqing ""A sword will vibrate and beg to be unsheathed if it is unused for too long… Once unsheathed, it will either paint the battlefield in blood, or break itself in the process…"' -Yukong About Yanqing Etymology

彦 Yàn means "elegant," and 卿 Qīng means "high ranking official." (The name Great Qing first appeared in 1636. Since there was no official explanation from the Qing government about the origin of the name, there are competing explanations on the meaning of Qīng (lit. "clear" or "pure"). -The character Qīng (清) is composed of "water" (氵) and "azure" (青), both associated with the water element Rain is often associated with life, growth, and renewal, but it can also represent sadness, loss, and despair) -Rain has been considered a symbol of divine blessings in many cultures -There is also scientific evidence to support the idea that rain symbolizes fertility -Rain can also be used to symbolize the unknown or the hidden. In many cultures, rain is associated with the divine or supernatural Specific birds give hidden meanings in Chinese paintings, individual entries in this section include magpies, quails, swallows, cranes, ravens, eagles and many others -The coming of swallows in spring was welcomed and signified good luck for the household. This may be linked to their amazing nest building skills, they can quickly repair and build a structure just out of mud. To account for their disappearance in winter, there was a legend that swallows spent the time transformed into mussels by the sea. In Europe it was believed that they -birds in china "Clouds are considered lucky and so feature heavily in Chinese pictures and symbolism. This is most likely down to the obvious connection that clouds bring the much needed rain to water the crops. It also sounds the same as 运 yùn ‘luck, fortune, fate’." -clouds in china

"The wave design is a common emblem in pictures and on the hem of garments. Water in regular waves represents the sea. The tide 潮 cháo made up of waves sounds the same as 朝 cháo which means ‘Imperial court’ and so waves may symbolize a wish for a job in the Imperial service" -waves in china "Ice forms the boundary between air (yang) and water (yin), from this it symbolizes the match-maker (冰人 bīng rén) who forms the male-female partnership (a true 'ice-breaker' !). Ice symbolizes purity and winter. There is a design made from the pattern of cracked ice that is used in lattice window and porcelain designs. Ice also alludes to the story of Wang Xiang ➚ who was so devoted to his parents that he used his own body heat to melt ice so he could catch carp for his evil step-mother." -ice in china "Not until after one month of life, mǎn yuè (滿月), was a child's birth celebrated in ancient China, due to the high mortality rate. At this celebration, infants traditionally were given a longevity lock, a type of necklace that brought protection, health, and longevity. Often engraved with auspicious phrases, such as 'may you live to one hundred years’, cháng mìng bǎi suì (長命百歲). The lock is made from silver, gold or copper, depending on the wealth of the household." -Longevity Locks (honestly a strange thing to give him considering living longer then naturally given at birth is not really a good thing in the Loufu. There is also the fact we don't know his parents. As strange of a fact that he has it, maybe its hope that he doesn't die young.)

[yuseirra]

I keep repeating this same theory/idea over and over but it gets enhanced each time, it's something I can do only while I have some passion for this piece so I'll cherish that!

So this is what I wrote the other day.. backing it up here too:

I think I’ve figured out why this manga’s ending is the way it is, the real story behind it, and what exactly happened in it. I believe I’m right. No, I am right.

In Japanese mythology, there’s a divine couple associated with entertainment. The wife is a heavenly goddess who governs love, persuasion, dawn, the arts, and dance, often presiding over performances for the gods.

The husband is a god of light, an earthly deity, and a guardian of the land who guides everything toward a positive future.

Together, they would grant wishes at a shrine dedicated to them.

Both have a deep connection with Amaterasu—the wife even guided Amaterasu’s grandson, and in the process, she met the husband, fell for him at first sight, and they immediately married. They wanted to live together so much that they hastily built a wooden house near that very spot. —And that shrine? That’s the one the main characters in the manga visit to make their wishes.

And there’s even a legend about the husband drowning to death.

If that’s the case… then this manga is simply that story.

Before reading this series, I knew absolutely nothing about the myth of Ame-no-Uzume and Sarutahiko. But I felt something was up regarding these gods, so I looked it up, and everything I found kept matching up. Every time I searched, the pieces just kept falling into place.

Once I learned that Ame-no-Uzume is a goddess with the power of persuasion, I started seeing new patterns. Whenever Ai asked for something or told someone to do something, her words tended to have a significant impact. It happened multiple times—like how she influenced the twin protagonists' dreams, entrusted her final message through a video, and even convinced Ryosuke to back out when he attacked her.

And when it comes to Kamiki, her words held enormous weight. When Ai told him, “I can’t love you,” and “Let’s break up,” he couldn’t say a single word in response. He just let her go. It was as if Ai’s words completely overpowered him—he instantly accepted, “Ah, so that’s how she feels,” and let himself be convinced. (Meanwhile, in Chapter 153, he’s aware that she actually did love him.)

In mythology, Ame-no-Uzume also persuaded Sarutahiko to guide her and in turn, become her husband. So when it comes to Kamiki, Ai’s words likely had an even greater effect on him—though unfortunately, in a way that only led to tragedy.

Even the circumstances of Ai’s relationship with her boyfriend align perfectly with the myth of the Tenson Kōrin—the descent of the heavenly grandchild, which led to the founding of Aratate Shrine.

So, what’s the story being told here?

It’s about Japan’s two deities of entertainment being reincarnated into the human world, only to be twisted by the darkness of the entertainment industry. And in order to correct that imbalance, their children—the twin protagonists, especially Ruby—have been fated to carry out a mission.

Ame-no-Uzume, the goddess of love— Ai, who was unable to understand love, never found certainty in her feelings until the very end. Her loved ones didn't understand her feelings of love, and she struggled to convey them properly to her most important people.

Sarutahiko, the god meant to guide people toward the right future— Kamiki… he is the real tragedy here. When this guy's unstable, his influence turns everything around him in the worst possible direction.

At some point, everything around him—including his own fate—became consumed by misfortune. For a while, it was probably passive—he wasn’t even aware that his very existence was warping fate. He might not have even realized that every little thing he did set off a chain reaction that pushed people toward madness, drove them to extremes, and led to suffering.

And that’s what ultimately led to Ai’s death.

Would he have wanted Ai to die? Not at all.

If you look at the circumstances, the entire sequence of events that led to her death makes no sense. There’s no clear malice in his actions—yet every time he tried to do something for Ai (as suggested in ch 160, he pondered about going to meet her or send her flowers), the people around him committed horrifying acts.

And what did Kamiki actually gain from any of it? Nothing.

I don’t think he ever saw it coming. And honestly, I still don’t understand why Gorou had to die. What reason would Kamiki have to harm him?

The only explanation that makes sense is that Kamiki truly is Sarutahiko’s incarnation. Because no matter what he did, everything around him fell into ruin.

Even the fact that he talked about Ai so much to Nino and Ryosuke— If he had deliberately spoken about her intending to cause harm, Nino would have said something about it. That it's his fault and he wanted to harm Ai, and she was following his directions.

But when you look at it, Nino didn’t actually follow Kamiki’s words that closely. When Kamiki told her to turn herself in, Nino suddenly lost control and went after Ruby instead.

If Kamiki intended that exact outcome, then that means he really had become a corrupted god. Because, how can that action logically add up to that exact situation? How can he see it coming if he isn't some god who can tamper with the future? (which he actually could be) But if he didn’t, then this is yet another example of the eerie pattern surrounding him— The sheer number of tragedies, the way people kept dying or losing control around him, even Aqua getting caught in the same spiral—it all goes far beyond mere coincidence.

He said, “I didn’t do anything.” Either way, this would be true in a physical sense.

Even so, when you look at his actions, there’s no doubt—He loved Ai.

What really got me was his reaction when he saw Ai’s video. That reaction? It’s how someone looks when they’re utterly in love with said person. That was real. That wasn’t an act. And it was such a gentle reaction—there was no way he could have faked it because it wasn’t something he could have prepared for—it was a moment of pure emotion. It also perfectly matched his personality from childhood. That’s when I knew there was something deeper.

I truly believe they could have been happy together. I don't see them having had a foul relationship. The flashbacks suggest the same thing.

There’s no way they wouldn’t have cherished each other. No way they would have made each other suffer. There are no signs of that. I kept looking for them because I can spot these things but the writers didn't include such parts. And they have so many traits that they share with that divine couple it's impossible to overlook once you spot them. They must be their incarnations or at least have something to do with those gods and in that case, they were meant to be.

But Ai herself was in a state where she couldn’t be certain of her own love, and their timing was all wrong.

Meanwhile, Kamiki kept spiraling, unable to recover from the misfortunes stacking against him. And in the end, that’s what led to Ai’s death. So he broke.

Half-mad with grief, he started seeking out people with starry eyes, trying to collect their light—because white starry eyes are said to carry the power to convey love. It’s likely that they’re a blessing left behind by Ai, who became a star. Ai's name, Hoshino Ai (Love of a Star) suggests this. And Hikaru's name, Kamiki Hikaru (God-Light) indicates he's the god of light or a god looking for light. In chapter 160, this is directly mentioned, as it is said that he is looking for love. and he's looking for the star eyes. This means he is looking for love within the light of the star eyes. That's his motive. That's what's been going on with this character.

He kept saying he wanted to offer something to Ai— but in reality, he was collapsing under the weight of his own loss.

But gods aren’t supposed to act like this.

That’s why Aqua had to stop him.

And that’s also why Aqua calls him selfish— because he abandoned everything to pursue his own desire to see Ai again.

If Aqua corresponds to Susanoo, with Ruby being Amaterasu, and we have Tsukuyomi appearing as another character as an actual god, then Ai and Kamiki’s relationship must also parallel Izanami and Izanagi, the parents of those gods.

This was the Japanese myth I was originally thinking of when I started making connections, and this fits just as well.

Which means Kamiki’s goal was simple: To bring Ai back to life. (Mephisto) To see her again. (Fatal)

And that’s something the songs have been hinting at all along.

This is the story.

I actually wrote all of this out and posted about it last year, long before the ending came out.

I'm seriously frustrated, okay??;;; Even when I organize my thoughts and keep explaining this, it doesn't really go anywhere. But honestly, I'd find it hard to believe too if someone else told me all this. This isn't the readers' fault—it's a problem with the authors' storytelling.

But when you piece everything together, I'm convinced. This is how the story unfolded.

The authors simply didn’t do their job properly. Because from the story alone, there's no way to figure this out. Sure, Ame-no-Uzume is one thing, but as for her husband—what kind of god he is and what powers he has—that’s never mentioned in the story, not even once!!!

Things like Kamiki’s soul being "noble," Kamiki appearing near the shrine and granting wishes, the circumstances under which Ai and Kamiki met, the drowning scene, the deaths in the mountains, and so on. Also, the fact that characters pray at the Aratate Shrine and there’s a presence that "guides" them afterward. Phrases like "lost the way" or "took the wrong path" keep appearing, and in the very early parts of the story, there are multiple references to characters going to hell (which could also be connected to the Izanami-Izanagi myth).

All these hints align with Sarutahiko, or at least elements related to him, but unless you actually look up the mythology yourself, you’d never know. And they needed to include this information in the story.

And this isn't just speculation—there's no way Kamiki isn’t connected to that god. That means this was a crucial part of understanding the story, but they just didn’t include it!!

If he really is that god, then his powers are what have been driving this entire narrative. But if you don't know what those powers are, there's no way to understand why the story unfolds the way it does!! This is critical!!! The moment you understand what that god’s abilities are—plus Ai’s power (love)—the entire meaning of the story shifts…;;

Oh, and Aqua telling his biological father, "You will ruin Ruby’s future"—I personally think this, combined with the idea that Kamiki’s soul was originally pure, is the key point. Because how exactly would he ruin Ruby’s future? If all Aqua had to do was send him to jail, then that would be the end of it. But it’s clear that’s not the case—he leaves no trace behind. This guy has the power to control the future. That's how these statements are coming through.

And when Kamiki tries to persuade Aqua, he talks as if he can see everything, saying, "You have so many things you could still do with your life." That probably means Aqua’s original fate was one where he could achieve all those things. And Kamiki himself wanted Aqua to live that way!! But when Aqua sacrifices that future, Kamiki is shocked. Because Aqua’s future disappeared, Kamiki suddenly couldn’t do anything anymore. He seemed so helpless after that, didn't he?

Also, if we’re talking about how much ill intent Kamiki had or how much he was actually controlling things, I think there’s even a chance he really didn’t do anything, but the world around him just kept spiraling into chaos. But he didn’t care—because he wanted to see Ai again. His reaction could be interpreted as: "Oh, they’re dead. I’m sorry, it’s my fault. But too bad—I want to see my wife again, so I can’t stop."

And honestly…;; That seems like a real possibility, given how he reacted to Yura’s death. Is it that he has to take lives in order to retrieve that "light"…?

Anyway.

Even if I explain all of this, can I really say this was a well-made story? I think it’ll be hard for this ending to get a good reception. But at least this explanation makes sense. And there’s no other way to interpret this, really;;

Kamiki was a good person, wasn’t he?;; He’s just gone mad now.

He is that god!!;; And Ai is a god too!!; This whole thing is just… a story about a godly couple who loved humanity, but then the husband lost his wife, went insane, got punished, and was replaced.

So really, they were the main characters all along. They were the core of the story. And even if you set that aside, the story was always revolving around Ai.

If the authors don’t want to hear this and wish to insist that Aqua was the protagonist, then Aqua’s actions throughout the plot should have actually impacted the ending. His relationships with Kana and Akane should have led to some meaningful character growth. But they didn’t. So then what was the point of him going back and forth between the two girls within the story.

A lot of things were just completely unnecessary!! That’s why I’m mad!! They wasted time with things like the beach episode and the date episode, acting like it all had meaning, but then Aqua just wavers on revenge and finally goes through with it in the craziest way possible. This ending is harmful. Are we really supposed to solve problems this way in real life??? You can’t do that!!! What kind of message is this…?

I’m sure they followed mythology. They probably handled Kamiki the way they did because his god counterpart, Sarutahiko, was said to have drowned. And they made Aqua correspond to Susanoo, the sea god, just to make that scene work. I mean, aside from that moment, when has Aqua ever been tied to the sea? His fate was literally dictated by his father’s myth.

Then why didn’t they commit to that story all the way? The plot is so all over the place!!! If Aqua was always going to die, they should have made it clear instead of leading everyone on like there was some kind of hope, including Kana (seriously, the story failed her so bad). They kept stringing the audience along too, like some kind of cruel joke. What was the point of the love triangle??

As for Ruby recovering… Realistically, that doesn’t make sense. If Aqua died, wouldn’t it take at least decades for her to heal mentally? But I did predict she’d shine again (I even posted about it at the time!!), because her fate was always to be Amaterasu emerging from the cave and bringing light back to the world. That’s how the myth goes.

No matter how hard the characters struggled, their fates always followed mythology. And Kamiki, as a god of the entertainment industry, was never going to function properly again after his wife was murdered. He spent the whole story searching for Ai (love, light). That’s just how gods work.

He's a god, yet he couldn't protect his own wife. On top of that, Sarutahiko is also a guardian deity, meaning he is deeply connected to martial prowess. If he's a god, then he has his pride. Protecting his wife should have been his top priority, but if he couldn't even do that, how could he go on and protect the entertainment industry?

In Japanese mythology, death is absolute. Even gods can't return once they're dead, right? So, unless someone brought his wife back, there was no hope for him. And knowing that there was no possibility of that happening, yet being unable to let go—that’s why songs like "Mephisto" or "Fatal" came into being. That godly couple had an incredibly deep bond.

The way I see it, Kamiki’s situation is this: he has a great personality and is incredibly kind, but he lost his mind because Ai wasn’t there. If Ai had been alive, he wouldn’t have ended up like this. The reason Ai's death was deemed his fault was that his abilities created a ripple effect, causing chaos around him, and Ai got caught in it. And that happened because Ai’s abilities were unstable, so even when they were together, they couldn’t fully heal each other. Ai once told Kamiki that she couldn’t love him. And since Ame-no-Uzume is a goddess with the power of persuasion, Kamiki took her words at face value.

Once he heard that, Kamiki was convinced. He believed he was someone who could never be loved and was left in an eternally unfulfilled state.

Considering that Ai had envisioned a happy future for the two of them together, I truly believe they could have lived that way. If Kamiki had been a god who guided pure-hearted people toward the right path, and Ai had been a goddess who realized true love, they could have lived in harmony.

But because both of them were broken—due to childhood abuse, the darkness of the entertainment industry, or whatever else—this manga exists. Everything fell apart. So, to restore order, the gods sent their highest deity, Amaterasu, as Ruby. Aqua, judging by how he’s treated, is just an afterthought. If Aqua’s life was deemed expendable, then setting up Ruby as Amaterasu meant using Aqua as a pawn to eliminate Kamiki.

Aqua’s fate was more of the gods' wrongdoing than Kamiki’s. Kamiki never wanted Aqua to die. I genuinely believe he had paternal love. He simply couldn't let go of Ai on top of anything. Meanwhile, Ai wanted to help Kamiki, so she left a message requesting, "let’s help him together with me." That makes sense when you consider the relationship between Ame-no-Uzume and Sarutahiko.

If Kamiki really had killed Ai, the story wouldn't be written this way. The way I see it, Kamiki truly loved Ai and never had any intention of harming her. That’s why the narrative unfolded like this. In his original state, Kamiki should have been guided back to the right path—after all, he was a god who was supposed to help others do just that.

But after losing Ai, he spiraled out of control, went too far, and was beyond saving. So, Ai's wish was ultimately abandoned, and he had to be punished instead.

If the author is really interested in gods (which they seem to be), then using the Amaterasu card at this point suggests that this work was meant to be ambitious. But looking at how the story ended, it feels like they failed to properly persuade the audience of what was happening.

When my friend heard I was drawing a near 200-page fan comic about this series, they were like, "Wow, you must be a huge fan!" But no… I don’t want to label myself as an avid fan of this work. Normally, I like to say nothing but good things about other people’s creations, but this story makes me depressed...

I feel like I’ve pieced together the correct interpretation, yet it’s like shouting into the void. And what’s the point?

The reason I keep rambling about this is that I can’t let go of the fact that someone who wasn’t all that bad ended up like this. It feels like people are misunderstanding the situation, and that just makes me feel sorry for that character. Because I see it. It’s just too obvious.

At the same time, it terrifies me. It terrifies me so much! What if I’m wrong, and he really is just plain trash? But based on what’s shown, this is the most logical conclusion.

It’s not even like I had any particular attachment to the character beforehand. But as I kept reading, something felt off. As in, I felt there's more to this than meets the eye. This isn't the right way to portray him. That’s what led me here.

Why am I getting stressed about this? It’s because they didn’t explain things properly. This isn’t a case of deliberately making things ambiguous—it’s just that they left out crucial information. If they had genuinely intended to make it confusing, I wouldn’t be this frustrated.

And on top of that, this isn’t something that should be left vague. The issues in this story are way too serious, tied to real-world crimes.

Why are they doing this? Seriously!! A person was stabbed! A child was abused! Shouldn’t they at least clarify what actually happened?! Why is this something only the authors get to know and keep to themselves?

I don’t think Kamiki did it.

And if Ai’s death wasn’t his doing, then what the heck is this story even about? Why does Aqua want to kill his father when his mother literally asked for him to be saved?! Did he just throw that request away like yesterday’s soup?!

But then again, am I the only one who thinks this way?

The only explanation I could come up with was that Kamiki is Sarutahiko. That’s the only thing that makes sense.

Everything keeps circling back to that. And aside from that, there’s no other way to explain all the weird things happening in this story. So this has to be it.

To summarize, I truly believe in my interpretation of the characters, which is why I draw them this way.

And I don't think I'm so bad at it... There really hasn’t been another work that made me confused on this aspect all this much.

I feel like the reason for all this confusion is not because the manga was deliberately made to be confusing, but because it failed to include the necessary explanations.

If this was just about character interpretation, I wouldn't have thought this much. However, from my perspective, the boyfriend of Ai—whatever that character is—directly influences what this work is ultimately trying to say, and the interpretation of the story's plot itself could change depending on how we view this character.

Whether he’s a good guy, a bad guy, or a strange one (he seems to be all of it), he is a key figure in driving the plot forward. But he wasn’t properly explained.

If we pull in mythology, most of it can be explained, and I think that’s a valid way to view it. But, as I mentioned before, this isn’t something readers should have to look up separately—the work itself should have made this clearer. Is it really acceptable for a story to function properly only if you need to look up mythology to understand what’s happening?

Even if you don’t know the mythology, you can still follow the story, but I had no idea what was going on, and the unfolding events in the final arc of the story made my head hurt every week. Didn’t you feel that way too?

But, if we bring in mythology, everything can be explained. And from there, the conclusions mentioned earlier make sense, aligning with the characters’ emotional lines. That’s the way it should be viewed for it to make sense.

That’s why I think this is the correct interpretation.

[alwerakoo]

Baby Blue (Chapter 8)

Rise of the TMNT Leonardo/Yuichi Usagi Chapter 8 of a longer fic THIS IS PART OF A SERIES - might be confusing to read without context

AO3

---

In the end, Leo turned to April for help, practically begging her to entertain Splinter for one evening.

Which, really, was a big thing to ask of her.

“I don't hate your dad,” she told him (a bit entertained by his theatrics), which might've been true.

But they were also never close or even particularly friendly, which Leo always appreciated. There were many things he was willing to forgive in order to keep her as a friend, and being fond of his father was not one of them.

Raph, surprisingly, had proven just as easy to bribe. Seemed like a quiet evening without his little brother to worry about made up for Usagi's presence in The Lair, and Leo should’ve probably felt at least a bit offended.

Usagi and Raph didn't seem like the type of people who would form any kind of deep friendship anytime soon, but his brother clearly has a soft spot for him, and that almost made up for the rather insulting implications.

“Keep the doors open,” Raph said, clearly half-joking. Then he frowned and added, a little more seriously: “Actually, keep them closed. Raph doesn't wanna see any of that.”

So, in the end, Usagi enters their home without any resistance, but to the loud chorus of Leo's beating hearts.

And Leo would never admit it out loud, under any circumstances – but Donnie was right.

Usagi seems completely unbothered by the walk through the sewers, expressing an appropriate level of appreciation towards the graffiti Mikey left there, and an almost excessive amount of excitement about the rats running around the corners.

He finds them 'cute', and Leo is starting to see a pattern.

The Lair itself seems to make an equally great impression on him, but it all pales in comparison to the pure bliss on his face the moment Leo slips a controller into his hands.

Usagi, as Leo quickly has the opportunity to find out, has only a relative understanding of video games, but approaches each one with the equal level of enthusiasm. And an equal lack of talent.

After showing his usual great aim and quick reflexes don't translate into the virtual world, Leo, somewhat in desperation, lets him stick with Sims.

It's the only game in which Usagi is able to keep his characters alive. Which basically means that he's also playing it wrong, but Leo has no intention of taking away his fun for much longer.

His room is warm, lit by the fairy lights hung near the ceiling and the TV they moved to his bedroom for this one evening. Leo lies on his stomach, sprawled on his beanbag, stubbornly trying to look as casual as possible.

Which is hard, because he can't remember the last time he was so aware of his own body. The way Usagi glances at him out of the corner of his eye, like he knows that Leo is perfectly aware of how closely he's watching him and just doesn't care – definitely isn't helping.

“So...” Usagi says, a bit suddenly, not taking his eyes off the screen. “How are you?”

Leo blinks.

He shifts slightly, resting his chin on his folded arms.

“What?”

“I’m asking how are you,” Usagi repeats, in an equally dry tone.

He grips the controller a little tighter; enough so that his thumb bends at a distinctly awkward angle. Leo should stop looking at his hands.

“We’ve been talking for an hour,” he notes.

“So what?”

For a moment, Leo looks at him carefully, narrowing his eyes a little.

“I'm good,” he says slowly. And then, because he quickly gets the impression that this is where the conversation is headed: “And how about you?”

“I had a shitty day yesterday,” Usagi says without hesitation.

Leo bursts out laughing, lifting his chin so he doesn’t bite his tongue. He covers his mouth with a hand, a bit embarrassed by his own reaction. But not enough to actually stop himself, nor his tail, waging against the leathery seat.

Usagi looks at him, and there's no trace of resentment on his face. Just curiosity, like he wants in on the joke, too.

“You know you can just tell me that,” Leo says. “We don't have to go through all that small talk.”

A hint of amusement shows on Usagi's face, but his shoulders slump a little, like he didn't really know that.

“I'm nervous,” he says. “I'm sticking to the script.”

Leo giggles, rolling over so he's lying on his back, his hands clasped over his stomach.

“Since when do you have a script?” It's one of the things he appreciates most about Usagi. The way he can always turn a situation into something so ridiculous that Leo completely forgets about the knot in his stomach. “And since when are you nervous about anything? Stop being nervous.”

Usagi tilts his head a little, his gaze softening.

“Stop making me nervous, then.”

He's still smiling, but his face is casually sincere, without a trace of the usual overconfidence that pushes every flirtation behind the line of a potential joke.

Leo's fingers tighten, and when he swallows, he feels his own pulse in his throat.

“Okay,” he says, a little dry. “Why did you have a bad day?”

If Usagi is disappointed in any way, he doesn't show it.

“Mikey and Donnie had a fight.”

Leo's shoulders slump a little; his earlier, sudden embarrassment quickly dimming under the surge of pure, nosy curiosity.

“Really?” He pauses for a moment, thinking. “Is that why Mikey texted me: 'if you see him, tell him to fuck off'?”

“You were there for that?” He asks.

Usagi grimaces slightly, like he's disappointed, but not at all surprised.

“Probably. Honestly, they're all kind of fighting right now.”

Usagi shifts in place, turning on his beanbag to face Leo. But he doesn't stop the game, leaving his charges to their own fate for a moment.

“Because Mr. Barry told him,” Usagi rests his hands on his hips, lowering his voice in his best Draxum imitation, “'Stop gallivanting around all night'. And Mikey was like: 'Don't tell me what to do'. And Barry went all 'I am your father', and all that.”

Leo rests his cheek on his hand, frowning. He's known Mikey long enough to recognize all the soft spots that make him snarl. This sounds a whole lot like all of them, at once.

''Yeah, Mr. Barry said he's gonna leave Spot at a shelter if I don't bathe him more often.” Usagi throws up his arms in a gesture of pure indignation. “He's an animal! They all kind of smell!''

Leo wonders if it was Draxum's way of getting Usagi away from his family more often. Probably not. But maybe.

“Right.”

“Well, anyway, Donnie said: 'Father's right, but he shouldn't call it that, because that's kind of cringe', and Barry was like: 'What's cringe?', and then Mikey told them to fuck off.”

Slowly, Leo nods.

He's not sure how much his friend is paraphrasing. Knowing his family, probably not much.

“For the most part.” Usagi shrugs. “But I think that whole...” He falls silent for a moment, studying Leo, as if trying to spot an early reaction in his face. “Shredder situation, he kind of... You know.”

“I thought Draxum doesn't really care what they do,” he points out.

Leo, aware of just how suffocatingly protective he himself has become since then, grimaces.

“Sounds like a nightmare.”

Usagi frowns, something oddly defensive in his tone.

“I don't know. It's nice to have someone who cares about you like that.”

Leo opens his mouth, but then hesitates, analyzing his friend's words a little more carefully.

There's something sharp and determined in them, like a drowning man clinging to a lifeline. Like someone who doesn't take anything for granted.

“I know,” he says, as if trying to ease the tension in his friend's muscles with just his words. His voice pitches a little with a quiet trill. “But you have to let him breathe, sometimes. Mikey's not made of glass.”

Leo worries about Mikey, of course. It's hard not to, when every piece of him seems to be begging for sympathy – like a magnet for trouble.

But he keeps those feelings close, closer than his love. Perhaps it's one of the many abilities that came to him much easier than to their older brothers.

He's harsh with him, sometimes. But there's a palpable sense of fairness in that. In recognizing his brother can, and won't hesitate to hit right back.

If Mikey's made of glass – he's already all broken and sharp edges, something to cut your skin on.

They're two sides of the same coin, and Leo isn't going to pretend they're not, even if he won't talk about it.

Usagi presses his lips together, running his fingers over the controller. He looks like he wants to disagree, but he's not sure how.

“Maybe,” he says finally, and they leave it at that.

For a long moment, Leo just stares at the TV screen, feeling his earlier embarrassment slowly drain away.

“You're playing,” he says, mostly to break the silence, “like you've never seen a console before.”

“Leatherhead had an Xbox. We used to play at his place when we were little,” Usagi replies. “And, well, my brother had one, too. But I couldn't really use it.”

Leo frowns.

This time he sits up, shifting his weight to his hand and hip, tilting his head slightly. Usagi doesn't meet his gaze, but that could simply be a matter of his sudden involvement in the game. His friend's creations don't seem to be doing as well on their own as one might assume.

“What?” Leo says, feeling a bit like he'd just jumped out of the rain and straight into the gutter. “Why?”

Usagi's face hardens a bit, like he just realized there's a stone in his shoe.

“You know,” he says. “Every time we see each other, I feel like I only talk about my family.”

“In my defense, you said we could,” Leo forces a smile, taking that as a clear answer.

It's a 'not now'.

“But we can talk about something else.” Usagi glances to the side, finally returning his gaze.

His ears fall over his shoulder, moving the fur on his cheek at an odd angle.

Leo has the sudden urge to straighten it.

“Like what?” He asks instead, leaning forward and clasping his hands behind his drawn-up knees.

“Like why have we known each other for a year, but this is the first time I've ever been to your house?”

Leo blinks, confused.

Usagi smiles a bit, the way he always does when he manages to throw him off.

“I've never been to your house, either,” Leo says, not convincingly.

“Yeah, because my family sucks,” Usagi replies without hesitation.

Leo presses his lips together.

It was hard to disagree with such a convincing argument, now that he had the chance to meet at least one of its members. He wouldn't argue about it before that either, out of pure solidarity.

Right. Solidarity.

“Well, I mean,” Leo says, carefully feeling each word in his mouth, “mine kind of does, too.”

Usagi turns to him. There's a peculiar expression on his face, something equal parts understanding and curiosity.

“Donnie,” Usagi says, lowering his voice, like they're sharing a secret. “Really hates your dad.”

“Like your dad?”

“Like my dad.” Leo nods. “He's a deadbeat.”

He doesn't even realize how easily the words come out of his mouth now until he says them. It feels dangerous.

“So you've mentioned.”

“Is there a story behind that?” Usagi tilts his head slightly, all casual. “Or do you talk about your family only after marriage?”

Leo lets out an involuntary laugh.

“That's an idea. A father-in-law like that would scare away many people,” he says, mainly to avoid thinking about the deeper meaning of the joke.

And also because he is not sure how to answer the question.

There is a story behind it. There isn't one. There's so much of it that trying to cover it all in one conversation feels doomed from the start.

“You know Donnie can be a little...”

“Protective over you?” Usagi teases.

Leo wasn't going to use those words exactly, and it leaves him a bit flustered with embarrassment.

“I guess,” he mumbles. “It's a lot of different reasons.”

“Mhm.” Usagi sounds like he wants him to continue, but didn't expect him to.

“Splinter- Dad wasn't really...” Leo pauses for a moment, searching for the right words. It's like chewing on glass. “Present. When we were little.”

Usagi's face takes on a strange expression, like he's not surprised, but something makes him feel like he should be, if only out of common decency.

It feels weird to say something like this to anyone – to roll over, exposing the softest parts of him. Especially with someone who he so desperately, achingly, wants to impress.

But it's different.

Usagi makes his heart (just one) jump inside his chest, makes the air stick to his throat, makes his stomach swirl with something dizzying.

But he's also a friend.

And a damn good one at that.

He'd rather they leave the forced decency behind.

“Don't look at me like that,” he says. “You already knew that.”

Usagi's face falls into something more honest, almost apologetic.

“Well, I mean, yeah,” he says with a sigh. Then, more carefully: “You know, when I met you, you and Raphael reminded me of those people who are raised as their parent's sibling.”

Leo's face almost aches with how wide open his eyes are.

“The hell?” He says, laughing, because he doesn't really know what else he should say.

“For the record, I know it's not possible, he's younger than he looks,” Usagi says, like that was the most concerning part of his statement. “You too, but in a different way.” He leans in a little, finger pointed at his face. “He has old eyes.”

Leo quiets.

He sits on it for a moment, but there's nothing to argue against, really. Usagi's right.

He sucks on his teeth, feeling a familiar, old fire spark to life. It's second-hand anger, frustration for the sake of feeling anything.

Sometimes being angry at his father feels like being angry at the sun in the winter, for not rising fast enough, for disappearing too soon. Like he needs something to blame for why he can't bring himself to get out of bed in the morning.

“Don't ever say that to him,” he warns. “It's- He doesn't like talking about that. But I know. He took care of me a lot when we were kids.”

“That's nice,” Usagi says, and he sounds like he means it.

He doesn't seem to pick up on the bitterness in Leo's voice.

“Splinter-”

And before he has a chance to respond – he stills.

He can see Usagi straighten next to him, his ears shifting with a new sound.

Raph hasn't bothered them at all this evening, but Leo can hear him now – his familiar footsteps down the hall.

They're not talking loudly, not louder than usual anyway (which doesn't really mean much all things considered), but he knows he sound from his room carries; running under the door and echoing down the tunnels.

He should quiet, because Raph will be upset if he hears this.

That thought pulls on him like a last string.

He's set off now – white-hot anger filling his throat, like it'll burn him alive if he doesn't spit it out.

“I fucking hate him.”

The footsteps still.

Usagi turns back to him, his eyes wide and bright with confusion.

“Hey,” he whispers, like he thinks maybe Leo doesn't know.

He's already giving him too much credit.

“I barely even know him,” Leo says, voice a little louder than before. “I hate when he shows up like 'hey, remember me?' and everyone is acting like we're supposed to play happy family.”

Usagi looks at the door to his bedroom and back to Leo, with the facial expression of someone watching a friend shoot himself in the foot.

“Are you-”

Leo doesn't let him finish.

“Sometimes I wish he'd just stop trying.” Leo's fingers tighten, and he bites where it hurts. “It's better when he's not even here.”

He hears Raph down the hall. He hears him hesitate, stumble, before he turns back, footsteps quieting down as he goes.

Leo's shoulders loosen.

Then tighten again, as soon as Usagi leans over to grab his arms, firm and just a bit harsh.

“What the fuck was that?”

He still sounds a bit hushed, but it doesn’t stop him from almost shaking Leo in place.

“What?” Leo bristles, still an open bear trap.

“You know your brother heard all that, right?”

“Yeah.” He moves his arms, shaking him off. “So what?”

“So what?” Usagi repeats, earnestly confused. His eyes are wide and so pretty it hurts. “You just said-”

“It's none of your business, okay?”

He regrets the words before he finishes. He regrets them before they even leave his mouth.

It's venom and misdirected bitterness, and there's such genuine hurt on his friend's face. Like this is something unexpected, like he just woke up to find out the floor next to his bed wasn't there anymore.

Then his face straightens, upset and full of hurt pride.

“You wanna repeat that?”

Leo doesn't.

His shoulders slump. Keeping up with everyone's low, low expectations of him is one thing. Genuine disappointment is another.

“No,” he says, like a plea. “No, I'm- I'm sorry.” The words pass through his mouth like they want to choke him. “I'm just angry.”

Sometimes, he feels like he's rarely anything but.

There must be something particularly guilt-stricken and pathetic painted onto his face, because Usagi's gaze softens.

“That was mean,” he says anyway.

“I know.”

“Then why'd you do it?”

It's a good question. Not one Leo knows how to answer, tho.

“He- Raph's just so...” He starts anyway. “It's like he keeps wanting to defend him. Our father, I mean. I hate when he does that. I don't know, maybe he just doesn't care.”

He knows it's not true.

And Usagi looks at him like he does, too.

“Leo,” he says. “Raph cares about you more than you know.”

“I'm sorry,” he repeats.

“It's fine. I don't-” Usagi stops for a moment, lingering. “I just feel like I'm missing something.”

Leo smiles, faintly.

“I'm as lost as you are.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Usagi asks.

“No,” Leo says, so quickly it's an instinct. “No, I want you to stay. Can you stay?”

He sounds pathetic.

“Yeah,” his friend says. “Of course.”

***

He can't call the rest of the evening 'awkward', but it's stilted, filled with unspoken things, and when Usagi gathers his things to leave, he hesitates for a moment.

Leo can feel him watching when he takes out his sword, tracing the outline of the portal in the air.

“Hey, you know,” Usagi says, his fingers running over the straps of his bag. “You know you can talk to me, right? About... Anything.” He finishes, a bit lamely.

Leo looks back at him.

He's giving Leo so much credit, like he wants to believe this is something unnatural, out of character. Like this is one bad day, one hiccup along the way. Like he wants to believe deep down, inherently, Leo is a kind person.

(Leo wants to be kind. He wishes he could.)

“I know,” he says. “Thanks.”

Usagi doesn't look convinced.

“I really think we should... Talk about this?” He says, like what he's really asking is: 'Is this right? Is this a thing people say?'.

“I'm-” He's a lot of things. And 'ready for that' isn't one of them. “Okay. But not- Not today.”

“... Okay.”

Usagi lingers, for just a moment, before he finally steps closer, wrapping his arms around Leo. It's hesitant at first, like he's giving him space to pull away.

Leo squeezes him like he's trying to hold onto fog, arms tight around his friend's shoulders.

Usagi sighs, face buried in the dip of Leo's shoulder. His neck is soft and warm, and Leo traces the back of it with his fingers before he has the mind to stop himself, feeling down his quick pulse.

He feels Usagi swallow.

“Right,” his friend says before pulling away. “Good luck.”

***

The Lair feels quiet.

He considers himself for a moment; considers just sinking back into his room until everything around him passes by itself.

He doesn't.

He finds Raph in the kitchen, busying himself with something that looks vaguely unimportant.

“Hey,” he says.

He wishes he could see his face, but Raph has his back turned to him. But he answers, which feels like half the success.

“Hey.”

He sounds flat, a little dry.

Leo waits, the clock on the wall ticking away.

“Are you not gonna say anything?” He finally breaks the silence himself.

Maybe he should've taken that chance. Should've taken the out his brother gave him, acting like nothing happened. Brush it under the rug.

They've been doing it for so long, sometimes he feels like they're standing on a ticking bomb, ready to spill over at any moment.

Raph sighs.

He turns and there's something deeply sad on his face, like there's so much frustration pressing onto it he's almost crying.

“Why are you doing that thing again?”

“Doing what?” Leo says, doing it again.

He's hurt and sad and childishly angry, and he doesn't know how to hold all of it inside.

“You're trying to start a fight.” Raph says, plain and simple. “You knew I could hear what you said about Dad.”

His tail shifts behind him, like he wants to strangle Leo with it.

Leo flexes his fingers, his claws digging into his palms.

“I can voice out my thoughts in my own room,” he says, which is right on the line between honest and cruel.

Raph growls, quiet and low, like he wanted to only hum but didn't quite manage to.

“Doesn't mean you should go around airing our dirty laundry to strangers.”

It's mean and unexpected, and there's a flash of real annoyance that passes through Leo.

“Usagi is my friend.”

Yours, too, he wants to add, but doesn't.

Raph's face does a complicated, regretful thing, like he wants to explain himself but can't quite manage it right now.

“You know what I meant,” he settles on.

“I didn't say anything I wouldn't otherwise,” Leo says. Then: “You know I hate him.”

Raph slams his hand on the counter, and it catches Leo off guard so much that he takes a step back.

“Can you stop doing that?!”

He doesn't remember he last time Raph yelled at him.

(He doesn't remember he last time his dad spoke to him like this.)

There is real bitterness and anger behind Raph's words, and Leo already feels each of them sting. He bit into more than he could, and he can feel his jaw start to ache.

Raph raises a hand, putting down more fingers as he speaks.

“You hate him, but you won't move out. You hate him, but you're trying harder when he's in the room during training. You hate him, but you can barely look him in the eye.” He looks back at Leo. He's not yelling anymore, and it doesn't help. “You want him to like you so bad.”

And that makes you pathetic. And that makes you stupid. And that makes you a fool.

Leo can hear all of it loop in his mind, even if Raph doesn't say any of it out loud.

There must be something showing on his face now, because Raph's eyes smooth over, and his shoulders drop a little. There is real gentleness on his face, like the carefulness of picking up broken glass after you already smashed the bowl.

“It's fine, of course you do, he's our dad, Leo.” He says his name like he used to when Leo was a lot younger. “But I'm sick of you pretending it's anything other than that.”

With that, Leo realizes that his eyes are wet. He feels awful, and it's not what he wanted at all.

He likes pointless arguing, he likes hitting where he knows it'll hurt, he likes to feel blood in his mouth.

He likes a double-edged knife – to feel a bitter sting of that push and pull.

This is different. He knows that all of this will hurt Raph more than it will ever hurt him.

And worst of all – is that he's right.

He loves his father more than he hates him, and he's never ready to let go of the only home he's ever known, and he's a coward who'd rather cut his hand on a shattered mirror than ever look himself in the eye.

He opens his mouth, looking for anything to say:

“I don't-”

And with something like the last snap of anger, the last crackle of a dying fire, Raph spits:

“You don't hate him like I do.”

Leo falls silent.

Raph's mouth draws into a thin line, like he's also surprised, like it was a thought that he's been running away from for so long, that he barely realized when it finally caught up.

Raph looks back at him. And when he does, Leo can see every line years of disappointment, anger and bitterness left on his face. His eyes look old.

“Okay,” Leo says, nearly a whisper.

With that, he turns, walking out of the room.

***

He spends the day in Donnie's room, curled up on the small cot his brother set up in his workshop, watching him work. Sleep doesn't catch him, and all he can do is stare up into the ceiling and think.

And think, and think, and think.

[rubberduckyrye]

I’m sorry, genuinely a little confused… how is not liking Kokichi ableist to Gonta? I don’t see the connection but again I’m just genuinely not understanding.

It's not that hating Kokichi is ableist to Gonta on its own. Like if you hate him because he's a jerk, annoying, whatever, then that's fine. You can hate him. That's not the problem.

The problem is when people hate Kokichi and blame him for Chapter 4.

Kokichi is no innocent baby in Chapter 4. I get that. He's got his own sins to carry. That's fine.

However, he did not trick Gonta. THAT is the ableist part. He did not mislead Gonta into believing that killing Miu would untrap everyone from the Virtual World, he did not trick him into believing that people dying in the virtual world would just log out and be fine like in any old video game. He did not trick Gonta into believing in any way shape or form that killing Miu was something other than Killing Her. Gonta was in full awareness of what his actions would do to Miu and chose to do them anyway. Gonta killed Miu. He knew what he was doing. Kokichi did not trick Gonta into Killing Miu.

You can say that maybe he manipulated Gonta into seeing the Flashback Light, you can say that Kokichi convinced Gonta that Mass Mercy Killing the class was their only salvation, whatever. However, the crutch of most Kokichi haters arguments is that Kokichi tricked Gonta into Killing Miu, which is the ableist part. Because it takes away Gonta's agency, it reduces him to a naive little monkey who can't think for himself, it says that Autistic Coded characters like Gonta Cannot Think For Themselves and maybe Make Decisions that aren't Savory.

THAT is why most Kokichi hate is ableist in nature--because a lot of it comes from people who call themselves Gonta Fans who insist Gonta is a poor innocent baby boy who Did Nothing Wrong and it's Kokichi who is the big bad evil man who TRICKED poor innocent baby Gonta into killing Miu because if The Evil Bastard(tm) didn't TRICK him then Gonta would have NEVER thought to kill Miu on his OWN. He's too stupid and dumb to come up with such a COMPLICATED murder plot so CLEARLY he's just too baby and sweet. Also if u ship Gonta with any of his classmates it gives me the Ick he doesn't know what sex is. (That last one is just another flavor of ableism towards Gonta that I often see paired with the Kokichi hate and it makes me so salty.)

So that's the connection.

[epickiya722]

I do not know if it was you, or another blogger that made a character analysis of Gojo that made me like the character and discover more about him through the manga.

While I never read the manga before or watched the anime, I had been exposed to it by my friends and some BNHA bloggers. Back then, I found Gojo to be overhyped (discount Kakashi) while liking the animation(?) style, bit still no interest.

BNHA and its Endeavour Redemption arc in the doing was tiring me to the point that I stopped reading it and manga altogether. For mayne six months or so, until now, at least. I randomly found your blog last week , and it got me a new hyper fixation 😃. You got me to start reading JJK (Megan cos playing also helps).

I bought Number 0 and Number 1 of the mangas. Only to remember midway in Number 0 that Walmart Kakashi will be snapped in two like a Kit Kat🥲. I saw that leak in one of the BNHA blogs, and I didn't mind it back then since I wasn't in the fandom, but Lord, now it sucks.

Anyways, all this long rant to say that I like reading your posts.

Gojo, rest in pain, I guess?

Probably was someone else, I don't write much analysis posts about Gojo. I think once or twice I did, I can't recall. Probably reblogged one though you saw!

I don't know, they're really just two different characters to me. Also... I was never really an active reader or watcher of Naruto like that (just very familiar) so when I first saw Gojo, Kakashi didn't register to me at all.

Like, I did not get similar vibes at all. And it actually annoys me that people will be like "He copied Kakashi's flow"! Kakashi ain't the only white haired, face covering character out there with magical eyes, y'all stop. 😆

Even funnier when, by this point, Gojo has probably been unmasked more than he has been wearing something on his face and switches up what he puts on his face. Kakashi been wearing the same mask for...? Also, didn't it take years for Kakashi's whole face to be shown or something? Took like seven episodes for Gojo to show that face.

**

I always been a fan of Megan's music and then when I found out she was into anime I was like "YYYYYEEEEEAAAAH". She cosplayed as Miruko one Halloween and it made my year. I am a former believer that Miruko would vibe to her music.

Just seeing other Black women being unapologetic fans of anime (or anything) does wonders for me and I hate it when people act as if it's such a foreign idea to understand. Honey, we can have interests, too, like everyone else. It's normal.

**

I always try to be careful about spoilers for anything I'm into. Like, I can talk about a chapter that happened two years ago, but I'll still mark as a spoiler because I know some people don't read Mangas or even if they do haven't caught up to that specific part.

That actually what set me off when Usher cosplayed as Gojo because he literally put "rest in peace, Gojo" or something along those lines and the amount of people who weren't even aware of 236... like bro, come on.

I knew it just had to be a marketing tactic because I know damn well Usher ain't seen JJK a day in his life and how convenient it is he comes out with that cosplay around the time when "Daddy's Home" becomes a fairly popular song used in Gojo's edits. I can't go watching one video on YouTube without hearing that song play when Gojo pops up. And even if he has... WHY WOULD YOU TAG IT LIKE THAT?!

Oh, but Megan definitely doesn't know any of the characters she be cosplaying, alright... okay... 🙄

I'm just going off on a whole tangent here, I apologize for that. I've been sick for like three days and just woke up from a nap. 😅

**

Also, thank you! Glad you enjoy my posts!! Anytime anyone says they like reading my posts, I still get shocked. They're really are just random thoughts I been having and really I'm still learning grasping the characters and story myself. And this is just for any. I don't even for them to get read, let alone for anyone to actually agree with me. I guess because, at the end of the day, I really just needed to throw a thought out there before I lose it or keep rethinking about it over and over.

[nedstarkfortnite]

Mikey reads ASOIAF: Jon IV AGOT

Short summary: Samwell Tarly arrives at Castle Black and is immediately made a target by Alliser Thorne. Jon puts a stop to it and gains a new friend in the process. 

This might be a short one since not all that much happens in it. 

Not to bring up lousy authors like JK Rowling, but I think it’s interesting to see how she and Martin differ when it comes to describing fat people. Both start off with a more negative and mean description that puts the focus on unsightly attributes like having “many chins” and looking like a “stuffed sausage”, however Rowling continues to do this and does it to an extreme; Every single description of Dudley is mean, and it is there for us to laugh at him. They’re also ridiculously asserted over and over throughout the scenes he’s in, to the point of it being repetitive and kind of weird to read. Their character begins and ends in their fatness, we are rarely treated to a personality not inherently tied to it. (At least that’s how I feel about it, but there are some good Youtube videos discussing her treatment of overweight characters you can search for if you want to see what I mean). 

However Martin is very aware of how he describes characters and why, and he first introduces us to Sam through a surprised and kind of immature Jon who isn’t sure what to make of him at first. Jon doesn’t remain static, however, and despite reacting to Sam’s appearance he clearly possesses a general human decency and intervenes when Sam is beat up during training. He recognizes that this is cruelty for the sake of being cruel, and even though he may not yet like Sam he still holds true to his morals. Very sweet to see. I also find Jon’s later descriptions of Sam noticeably different from the first ones, in that they still acknowledge that Sam is fat but do not ogle at him like he’s some grotesque creature. Does that make sense? That’s at least how I feel. He begins to focus more on Sam the person and human being, listening to his story and clearly feeling empathy for him. Jon concluding that the Watch is indeed a place for misfits but also accepting this as a trait that holds no inherent positive or negative value is very mature of him. I’m proud of the lad.

“”This will be uglier than a whore’s ass,” Pyp muttered, and it was. (In reference to Sam’s first duel)” 

LOL

“What sort of man would proclaim himself a coward?” and later

“The world was full of cravens who pretended to be heroes; it took a queer sort of courage to admit to cowardice as Samwell Tarly had.”

Jon has grown so much since his first chapters, and we’re only on chapter 4 (unless I miscounted, then ignore me). I said it before but I will say it again; this realization can be difficult even for grown adults to reach, and he is only 14 years old and full of hormones and a black and white way of thinking due to his immature brain structure. I respect Jon so hard for being this emotionally intelligent and receptive to things that challenge the previous norms. 

Also interesting how he ties this back to Tyrion’s quote about how most would deny a hard truth than face it. Jon truly listens, doesn’t he? Based king.

“Samwell Tarly sniffled. "I don't like high places."

It was too much. Jon frowned, incredulous. "Are you afraid of everything?" he asked. "I don't understand. If you are truly so craven, why are you here? Why would a coward want to join the Night's Watch?"

Samwell Tarly looked at him for a long moment, and his round face seemed to cave in on itself. He sat down on the frost-covered ground and began to cry, huge choking sobs that made his whole body shake. Jon Snow could only stand and watch. Like the snowfall on the barrowlands, it seemed the tears would never end. It was Ghost who knew what to do. Silent as shadow, the pale direwolf moved closer and began to lick the warm tears off Samwell Tarly's face. The fat boy cried out, startled... and somehow, in a heart-beat, his sobs turned to laughter.

Jon Snow laughed with him. Afterward, they sat on the frozen ground, huddled in their cloaks with Ghost between them.”

🥹🥹🥹🥹 Bless them, this is so sweet.

Anyway they share their personal stories, and Sam tells Jon about his father Randyll Tarly who threatened to kill him unless he joined the Night’s Watch. There’s an interesting little description here:

“Sam told the tale in a calm, dead voice, as if it were something that had happened to someone else, not to him. And strangely, Jon thought, he did not weep, not even once.”

Poor guy. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure it’s a common coping mechanism to suppress emotions and dissociate from traumatic events as though they did not happen to you. Like and subscribe if you would give Sam a hug.

Jon convinces people to treat Sam with common decency and helps him get integrated into the social circles. My respect for Jon shoots through the roof.

“Fat and awkward and frightened he might be, but Samwell Tarly was no fool. One night he visited Jon in his hell. “I don’t know what you did,” he said, “but I know you did it.” He looked away shyly. “I’ve never had a friend before.”

“We’re not friends,” Jon said. He put a hand on Sam’s broad shoulder. “We’re brothers.””

Am I just a wimp or did anyone else tear up a bit at this part? 

One of the most based Jon chapters. He’s a sigma chad

[stargirlie25]

Ok scrolling through acotar tiktok KILLS ME. Its not the og tiktok with cool edits of ships that you prefer its just pure toxic hate.

Like me, you might have noticed there are few and few Gwynriel/elucien content then Elriel content. I don´t believe it is because they dont ship these ships anymore i think its because they are tired.

When i was neutral (about a year ago) on the ships wars, i would CONSTANTLY see Elriels being so confident about their ship and how acosf pointed to an elriel endgame. I had not read acosf by then and when i did+ the bc i didn´t hate elriel i just started to love Gwynriel.

Sometimes sarah likes to put positive factors on a ship, like something beautiful without there having to be a whole theory. Because sarah does not expect her readers to be theorists. She wants them to laugh,cry,giggle,scream. etc. So when she was writing the BC which according to elriels are not important she probably wanted us to look at Gwyn and Azriel and consider her obvious wording and differences between elriel and gwynriel. According to elriels the BC isnt important and does nothing to contribute into plots,but also it introduces Gwyns lightsinger powers? Whatever that is not even my point right now. My point is, at first glance at the BC everybody should be more positive towards Gwynriel. SJM put out a free bonus chapter. Why should something heavy like a characters powers be in there? Its supposed to be a light hearted thing. Im just tired of Elriels saying we are delusional or our ship is a crackship.

I never hated Elriel before. All the anti elriel stuff i have mentioned is everything i was already aware of before ´´hating´´ elain and az together. I was still neutral even with all those negavtives.

Its the fandom that made me turn around and choose Gwynriel. I noticed Gwynriel and Elucien content was much more surrounding pro content for their ship and cute headcanons,cannons,edits,fanarts etc. It rarely EVER mentioned anti Elriel information. Except the elriel content then and now, all revolves around Gwynriel and Elucien. Instead of promoting their ship, they have to tear down our ships and say we are crazy.

It was like: Elriel vs Gwynriel and it said that gwynriel was fanon and elriel was canon. Thats´ just false but i understand i cant change that which i dont mind but why scream about it to my face? I saw people bullying Gwyn and saying she was faking her trauma,lured in hyberns men or was evil for the sake to uplift elriel/elain. I saw people bully emerie too calling her a crippled fake illyrian and how it was stupid for emerie to win the blood rite against her cousin. Or how somehow emerie was a b*tch and does not deserve to be a valkyrie+ nesta and gwyn. I saw people make edits to uplift Elain and hate Gwyn. I witnessed people dismissing Luciens trauma and comparing him to his father. I saw people say he faked the bond to protect tamlin or what not. I saw people make up theories for Clotho saying she was odd because she said she was going to give Gwyn the necklace but probably didnt....

That was my last straw. So yes naturally i did in fact shift to the Gwynriel/elucien side. It was easier. Instead of the bullies i saw cute videos of ´´Azriel and Gwyn singing´´ or ´´Elain and lucien picking flowers´´ it was all just so lighthearted and beautiful.

Although i think the fandom for G/A and E/L decreased because they are tired. Because i was tired too. I did not even want to enter acotar tiktok because i knew we would all be bashed for it. Dont get me wrong i find myself sometimes leaving comments on Elriel videos. Not the ones with a cute edit or fanart the ones the share false information or something i disagree with. I only hope for a civil talk and next thing i know, there is a whole gang of elriels trying to push their narrative on me without listening.

Honestly the ship wars have always existed but before Elucien was the calmer side. Although sadly they got roped into the mess of the G/A vs, A/E wars. WIthout a doubt on every single Elucien video, elriels never miss a step. It would be a cute video like a fanart of them and they will start being like ´´ElAinS So UNComFOrtabLE aROUnd hiM´ like you guys ask us why we ship elucien when mentioning this but its like you dont even want an answer you just want to disagree. We tell you and you flat out ignore it.

As much as i love Gwynriel/Elucien i cant help but miss the days were reading ACOTAR was for all the characters. When it was just to see my favorites like Nesta. When i just desperately wanted to get to the iconic epic scenes.

I know if e/riel was confirmed, Elriels would firstly shove it in Eluciens and gwynriels faces and then maybe celebrate the characters.

I know Gwynriels/eluciens would too and i honestly want to see none of that. Yes i do believe we are getting Gwynriel/Elucien but i would not want to make people feel bad for their ship. They by all means can still love elriel. So many people like feylin,nesris,Aelin x chaol,aelin x dorain, and obviously aelin x sam (my endgame if rowan never existed) dramoine,klaroline,stelena,stiles x malia, Jelly,Bellarke,clexa,Rory x those 4 other guys etc etc.

Main point, Can we all just do better? Yes i am talking about elriels for my sake and lots of others peoples sakes but to everyone PLEASE.

I know that wont work though even if i say it because im only one human hahah

What im going to say is we should tag all our posts to our preferred ship and probably always put anti to the ship we dont like. That way everything is divided and less toxic. Also i will be tagging nothing to do with ship wars because i want everyone to see haha but please be nice!

This is just my experience btw im sure Elriels have has their fair treatment of toxic Gwynriels/Eluciens

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

Jane of Lantern Hill chapters 3 and 4

Standard Jane warning for emotional abuse; new warning for genre-typical child servant abuse.

Two evening events in a row means that I am quite behind. We're doing these two chapters together because they're both about Jody.

The very first thing I noticed, and one that's purely craft-related, is that this appears to be the book in which LMM experiments with ellipses. Blue Castle was all about em dashes, Jane is all about ellipses. I haven't fully been able to pin down what she wants the effect to be. A pause, clearly, but why an ellipsis? I've never seen them used in the middle of sentences like this, to offset clauses or separate ideas. Did she get bored of em dashes? Did her publishers give her bonuses based on the number of characters she used? Was she playing a game with herself to keep the drafting process interesting? I feel like I'm reading this book through the medium of texts sent by my grandmother (who is much nicer than Jane's, thankfully.)

Second minor detail: Jane has RPG character or anime protagonist eyes, apparently. I know she probably intended them to be light, warm brown, but every marigold I've ever seen has looked like this:

This is an eye color that I give my characters in video games when I want them to look like aliens. And "marigold" as a color is a shade of yellow, not brown. So I'm not sure why that's the descriptor LMM reached for, but it is now my firm headcanon that Jane has yellow-orange anime eyes.

Anyway, on to the actual contents of the chapters. Between the rich girl befriending the poor girl and the whole imaginary garden sequence, I am getting such Frances Hodgson Burnett vibes, you have no idea. I don't know if LMM also read her books, or if they were just working similar themes, or if I just imprinted on FHB as a child and see traces of her everywhere.

So Jody is an orphan, kept on at the boarding house out of "charity", a word which in this context means "a servant you don't have to pay or treat well." She goes to school "every day there was no extra rush" which probably means she's not very well educated, which will make it even harder for her to find better circumstances when she grows up.

And she's clearly set up as a deliberate mirror for Jane. Here they are, two girls who on the surface couldn't be more different, who immediately recognize each other as kin because actually, under the surface, their lives are very similar. This is where we diverge sharply from the Sara Crewe/Samantha-from-American-Girls model. Jane doesn't just befriend Jody because she's kind-hearted and sees someone in trouble, she befriends Jody because here is another person who understands what it's like to live in fear of other people. Jane's material circumstances are much better than Jody's, but her emotional ones are just about as bleak.

That thread gets reinforced in chapter 4, when Mary and Frank are talking about Jane's mother. Jane's mother has every material thing she could possibly want -- and a great many that she doesn't want -- but she's not actually happy. She's just as trapped as Jody is, fully reliant on the good will of someone else to keep her home and fully aware that if she upsets that person too much she could be turned out with nowhere to go. And, like Jody, she doesn't seem to have the resources to just leave anyway and make a go of it. Jody is trapped because she's 11, and Mrs. Stuart is trapped because she's never had to make do on her own, and the one time she tried to leave it ended poorly and she's now too scared to try again.

Jane, meanwhile, is also trapped due to her age, and it seems that at each new turn she encounters a new bar in her cage she'd never considered before. "It had never occurred to her that she was not at liberty to give away her own doll" is such a good sentence. LMM is so good at simultaneously conveying Jane's youth -- she is learning these things for the first time -- and also showing the absurdity of the situation. No, says the narrative. Grandmother is not doing these things for Jane's own good. She will not understand when she is older. She is being a cruel and petty tyrant, and that's all she's ever been.

[oswildin]

What were your initial expectations for:

Infinity War

Endgame

Loki (both seasons)

Well, I did not expect Loki to die within the first 5 minutes that’s for sure. Ha ha ha ha… ha… ha… ah…

Anyway…

I don’t think I had any expectations. I think I just knew it was going to be rough. I did expect Loki to be more involved, maybe even staying by Thor’s side but then being lost in the snap. I did expect the original 6 to remain, cause it was their story. Their goodbye. I do personally think it would’ve been much better to fully close the chapter on their characters in Endgame and leave it with a clear choice of who was next to be in the Avengers. That’s something I think they’re still struggling with trying to decide. Like… who are the ‘new Avengers’? I couldn’t really tell you. And I think that’s where it’s gotten a bit muddy with all these new characters, yet it isn’t clear who is important to the overall story (obviously they’re all important but I mean like, who are our ‘main 6’?)

I watched a really interesting video essay yesterday actually about Endgame. I think I actually agree with a lot of the points they made, I highly recommend watching it.

Endgame to me felt like it could’ve been so much more. Infinity War was so tense, literally felt like life or death, and Endgame sort of felt… the weaker of the two? Again I don’t think I had many expectations, just that I knew of course they would find a way to undo what Thanos had done and that Tony would be the one to make the sacrifice.

I also don’t really understand why when they brought everyone back Thor couldn’t have said like ‘could you also like think about Loki & Heimdall and return them?’ Like they died by Thanos’ hand too… But anyway—

I think they were solid films, Infinity War was the better of the two. Endgame could’ve done so much more with the characters and explore the fact it was Civil War that ultimately caused the snap. It was a domino effect, Steve and Tony split, the team split and that left them weak. (I’m sorry, I’ve always been a Team Iron Man). That was the narrative the writers kept pushing yet it didn’t feel like it held much weight in Endgame?

As for the Loki series, I kinda expected it to be more about Loki jumping through time and causing chaos tbh - which apparently was one of the original pitches for it. I wish it had been more of a standalone thing and not so integral to the MCU, but also I am glad in a way that it is because it solidifies Loki’s importance in the timeline.

For season 2, it went a completely different way to what I expected. I expected the TVA to be fighting this so-called multiversal war that was such a big drive for why HWR was in the citadel at the end of time in the first place… Even Episode 1 of S2 felt like that was the direction it was heading but then it just… never happened? They made it sound like it would be an immediate issue but uh… Clearly not? Again, I think they changed the story from what it was supposed to be. I mean, that’s how it felt anyway.

“War is coming!” Says Loki. “I have to warn them!”

“Haha, no it’s not.” Says the writers who abandoned that plot. “Don’t worry about it.”

(Yes I’m aware that time moves differently in the TVA/at the end of time, blah blah blah, but from what we’d seen of Kang it felt like it was gonna be happening like… pronto. And then I expected it to lead into the Kang stuff for the main timeline with Loki at the helm, going down to build a team form different timelines and warn them of Kang in future projects but y’know, they went a different direction ig.)

[ablizmal]

I JUST FIGURED IT OUT. the parallels and juxtaposition between the pairs of light+misa vs L+juliette.

something i see heavily in both light and misa —one of the only things they have in common, you could say— is that they both adhere to societal expectations. like… to an excessive extent. you know? they both cling onto it for a semblance of normalcy, to capture that feeling of “i belong, i belong, i belong.”

it’s their crutch. in a life full of alienation (for light, not finding meaning in anything, for misa, the immense loneliness and lack of a social life), at the very least they can have this. although they experience alienation, at least they’re not experiencing total isolation— or worse, ostracization, being disapproved of by others.

(that last sentence would be such an eye opening sentence for someone to analyze if english isn’t their first language… /positive)

getting back on topic, light is a VERY repressed person. in the fucking cherry cola universe (aka death note including my s/i), he’s gay but is so deep in the closet he’s not even AWARE he’s in a closet, it’s all he’s ever known.

besides this (or maybe alongside it???), he’s flamboyant. he really, really is, but in canon, we don’t get to see this as much, which i interpret being due to light adhering to everyone’s expectations of him. idk if this specific facet of toxic gender roles is also prevalent in japan, but i can see light, at a certain age (somewhere from 10-12 years old), noticing adults discomfort at his theatrics and stopping immediately. (he’s kind of a daddy’s boy tbh…)

misa, too, is repressed. you KNOW she would love stuff like horror movies, gothic bands, screamo, metal, and the likes, but she doesn’t. the only interests she has that we’re aware of in canon is the occult and fashion. this is for sure due to the writer of death note’s inherent misogyny in every female character he writes, but if you employ some ingenuity (like me (⟡⸝⸝U_U) *ੈ ‧₊˚ .), you can view misa’s lack of characterization as a foreboding sign that misa isn’t okay.

misa doesn’t have any friends. we know this.

her modeling coworkers aside, the only friend we hear misa talk about is her occult friend, and she never mentions her again past the video tape arc. (yeah, that’s what i’ll call misa’s introduction chapters. why not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

this coupled with her parents being murdered… misa is desperate for any sort of approval from others. i mean think about it— outside of her modeling career, she doesn’t interact with anyone! she has a room full of personal items (plushes, posters, furniture, etc), which can be completely normal, but for the sake of my headcanons, has accumulated so much from her spending loads of time by herself, in her house, alone. this is the main setting she’s in. of COURSE she’s gonna get bored with the minimalism of it and add her own personal touches!

one of the few forms of self expression she allows herself to have is her fashion, but there’s a well known subculture for that fashion in japan (harajuku, but i’m pretty sure misa’s is gothic harajuku specifically). so, to sum it up— misa has a group of people who understand her fashion sense, therefore she belongs somewhere.

(note: i am NOT insinuating that misa only wears gothic fashion to fit in somewhere. that’s a stupid af take and it just doesn’t fit misa’s vibes to be perfectly honest. what i am saying, however, is that misa freely expresses her unconventional fashion sense because she knows there are others like her. that’s all. (this is likely one of the only unconventional groups of people she’s knowledgeable about.))

i’d even say that misa is highly intelligent, given how she gathered credible evidence that higuchi is the new kira in the yotsuba arc, but she intentionally hides it. why, you ask?

because she knows she’ll be undermined by men, and she seeks approval over anything, she’s substituting it for human connection, so she just… tucks it away. (fuck, maybe she believes that her intellect will be undermined by everyone as a result of the murderer of her parents never being convicted despite her testimonies…)

there’s also a Whole Other Instance (slash personal interpretation) i could bring up here, but i’ll just make that its own post, because this one is already WAY longer than i ever thought it was gonna be.

and we’re only halfway there, boys…

touching upon the thesis of this now pseudo-essay, L and juliette are unconventional. and they don’t care lol.

it’s well known that L doesn’t give a particular shit about how he comes across to others. like the dude’s rich, he could buy whatever clothes he wants, but he chooses to wear his usual clothes because of sensory issues he wants to. his hair is messy and he doesn’t need to comb it because of how short it is, he sits in that gargoyle pose, and he doesn’t hold back on using his deferential vocabulary when the situation permits it.

before the kira case, he would solve cases from a dark room. sounds fine enough… until you hear that there is no furniture in this room and his PC setup is on the floor. 😭

L also is either unaware of social cues or doesn’t care about them, or doesn’t care enough to learn about them, leading to scenes such as:

or him dropping loaded comments like they aren’t as massive as they are.

he admits with no hesitance that he can be childish when it comes to competition. childish… he’s using an insulting word for what it is at its core— a word to describe certain attributes. (he is quite literally ignoring what the conventional intent of the word is.)

likewise, even around the taskforce, he persists in his typical demeanor, what with his stare that bores into your soul, or slunking around in public, hunched over, his appearance coming off as ghoulish with his pale skin and shadowed eyes. (i’m not saying this as a negative, btw, i love his haunting aura,,, 💗∀💗)

and juliette?? juliette embraces the unconventional with every fiber of her being. as long as she’s alive, she will always endorse the unconventional so long as it’s harmless (because what’s wrong with it if it’s not hurting anyone?). they hate the word “normal” being used for non-universal experiences. having a certain blood pressure is normal. there is no such thing as a “normal” hairstyle, that comes down to personal preference.

she LOATHES the enforcement of conformity. it pisses them off to the point that they go out of their way to be even MORE unconventional, as a way of telling closeminded’s, “fuck OFF, there is nothing wrong with us, with people like me, and if you do have a problem with me, then you can kiss my heels, cause they’re landing in your face anyways!”

when it won’t come with bullshit consequences (like being treated unfairly at their job for being open about her genderqueerness :/), she doesn’t bite their tongue. they speak their mind if they hear someone spewing the most terrible of things, whether covertly or not, which is what makes juliette the only person to come to heads with light time and time again. (let’s face it, light is the type of person to get away with saying microagressions, and since he believes he’s right, he drops them way too often. and no one SAYS anything about it because “no no, light does mean it like ~that!~ he’s so RESPECTFUL and KIND :(((((((((((”)

she isn’t afraid to express her joy and wonder, even at the smallest of things. they know they can be ridiculed and judged for it, but they also recognize the importance of small joys, and that significance outweighs ANY judgement that may be hurled her way.

that’s kind of juliette’s whole thing, actually. if anyone judges her for her unconventionality, she says “so? what are you gonna do about it? gonna go into my brain and rewrite everything about me? huh?” jdksjdksjdkajxjs, she can get VERY snarky about this, but they are proving a point, which is “BITCH, who asked?”

light: …you sure do have a unique laugh, juliette.¹

juliette: well, Boy Genius,² what’s a normal laugh then? huh? what is the typical pattern emerging from instinct which creates the phenomenon known as a laugh? present me with evidence. write me about all your findings, since you’re apparently so knowledgeable about this topic. (mockingly tilts head) it shouldn’t be so hard!~ (❀ ˶ ⁍̴̛ ◡ ⁍̴̛˶)

1) just one of light’s MANY casual insults that he can justify away due to plausible deniability.

2) yes, like jimmy neutron. (FUN FACT, i just found out by creating this exchange (and subsequently checking to see if juliette making this reference is possible in ~2003, given the manga’s timeline) that the jimmy neutron series first aired in 2002. i would’ve sworn from vibes alone that it started in 2007, but eh, “the more you know,” amiright??)

(how the fuck do i even get back on topic after that tonal shift)

to summarize,

light and misa are both people who care heavily about what other people think of them. they conform to what’s expected of them, even if that means closing themselves off from potential happiness.

whereas L and juliette are so authentic. okay, well, maybe L isn’t authentic around prime suspect, light yagami, but!! in all the time he’s known light, he still continued to eat sweets and only sweets, y’know?? if it won’t hinder him solving the kira case, L shows up as himself, odd quirks and all (🥰).

L and juliette have discovered the secrets of the universe, that secret being “i am cringe, but i am free.” (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

but it’s not so cut and dry as that, as they have varying degrees… no, different ways that this presents itself.

misa is more likely to be swayed if in the right environment (like how she had a friend who engaged in the occult).

L doesn’t care what others think about him. he is SO uncaring, in fact, that he doesn’t feel the need to explain his behavior.

but light and juliette… they’re in leagues of their own.

light has NO identity beyond what others expect of him. this is one of the reason why he’s depressed at the beginning of the series. he’s become everything everyone’s ever wanted— for his family, he’s the perfect son and brother. for his classmates, he’s the perfect student, the perfect friend, is TOTAL boyfriend material (apparently???¿? i can’t see it lmao).

yet it’s meaningless. everything that’s supposed to be fun, like spending time with friends, going out, karaoke, hobbies, playing games, sports, academics, dating… it’s meaningless to light. it’s too predictable, he’s too smart for it, really… so it’s not his fault. it’s not his fault it’s not entertaining to him! it just so happens that he’s better, and more intelligent, than everyone else.

to cope with his alienation, he shoves himself onto a pedestal, eventually diminishing and forgetting the whole point of such human activities. he spits in the face of humanity.

he’s above it all.

but juliette embraces human life. she loves the humans, and sees the inherent worth in the human experience! she condones recreational activities such as singing, dancing, playing, relaxing. they believe that our connections with others is what makes life worth it, even if it’s connections so complex and distant that you can’t even witness them (think of produce at your local supermarket. they wouldn’t be there if the farmers who grew them didn’t exist).

juliette supports self expression above all else, whether that’s through emotions, music, writing, art… any creative means, really! it’s also why she’s so vehement about presenting the way you want through fashion, or socially, through words (heyo, genderqueer nation (⌐ᗜᴗᗜ)).

i mean, this song is one of juliette’s anthems:

these beliefs run deep in their bones. she wouldn’t be the same person without them.

in this way, light is the antithesis to juliette. light is the one who lies about himself to others the most. juliette sticks true to themself as much as she can and HATES conformity SO much that she actively spites people who wish to enforce it.

which is why they are at each other’s throats (mostly) through words.

if misa is more easily swayed, then light stands firm in his need to be acceptable to others.

if L is quiet, but content, with his eccentricities, then juliette is loud and open about hers.

[bluedalahorse]

today’s early morning sargust poll

This may be preemptive since I still have the final chapters of Heart and Homeland to work on (and a grad school deadline the 28th on top of that) but I’m thinking about the next fanfics I want to write/co-author for Young Royals fandom. I have a few ideas rattling around in my brain, all of them quite enticing to me. Of course, the characters I am best at writing and enjoy writing most are Sara and August, and I’m particularly interested in exploring their romantic relationship. I’ve got both Tragic Endings in mind and Fix It Endings for them in mind, and I’d like to try both out. I am also aware that they are not widely beloved, and I fully understand why. Nonetheless, the heart must write what it yearns to write.

I tend to write for myself first and then hope my fics resonate with someone out there so that I can make connections, so your answers won’t necessarily determine what I write next. More what I’m trying to gauge here is if any aspects of my existing ideas are resonating with people, and how I’d pitch/summarize my work to attract readers in the first place.

Also, I’m motivated by good, old-fashioned scientific curiosity. So:

If I’m feeling silly, I may do a less serious version of the poll later.

Note: I’m also asking folks to kindly refrain from explaining to me why sargust is an unpopular ship in the tags and comments of this post. I’m 100% aware why they’re unpopular—it’s because August fully embraces his capacity to be a shitbag far more than we want him to and Sara fell in love with him anyway, and that ended up hurting Simon and Wilhelm. I know that for many of you, fic that includes August at all (and sometimes Sara as well) is a dealbreaker. That’s okay to have that dealbreaker! However, in this post, I’m trying to carve out some discussion space for the more sargust-curious among us, and for the people who find them deeply compelling. I know some of you exist, and I’m interested in hearing what you have to say.

Thank you for your understanding and your consideration. I hope everyone has a restful and/or exciting weekend!

[quortknee]

I am curious to know, what do you like the most of the WH40k universe and what do you like the least?

(note: i got too excited and rambled on for a while, sorry about the really long answer lol)

HI ANON, I’ve just recently gotten into warhammer proper— the black library more specifically. I’ve only read eisenhorn (excluding magos because I wanted to read ravenor beforehand), and the first three horus heresy books so far. I know about some other key story beats just because I am online™ and I cannot avoid the older, more well-known lore. I have never played the tabletop game nor any of the video games (yet). SO it’s a bit challenging to answer this properly.

that said,

off the bat if i could answer this OUT of universe, my favourite thing would be Dan Abnett just as a writer because that guy rules. my least favourite would be how games workshop is seemingly allergic to good business decisions regarding the reprinting of their older books and that they have done nothing to stop scalpers going hog wild lol. ALSO how mcneill writes women and "exposition" (aka tell and re-tell the reader important info so they KNOW it is important rather than treating the reader as a thinking being who can understand subtext and remember the most basic of things from previous chapters/povs/books)

jokes aside, here’s some answers to your question from my current perspective (this is so hard so im gonna share a couple rather than just one each, as i couldn’t pick. most of my gripes with 40k are out of universe minus one woman thing which ill mention below):

I very much enjoy the structure of the inquisition and how many moving parts and types of people an inquisitor employs while on the job. creates a really compelling and vibrant group dynamic within a noir-ish subgenre (i guess? i couldnt figure out how exactly to word that). although i am incredibly biased as the eisenhorn series has coloured my view on the inquisition quite ardently on its own so who knows!!

speaking of Eisenhorn and his crew; glossia is a really cool secret code concept and i personally love it, but that could also just be the romantic in me enjoying the beautiful idea of using personal relationships and poetry off hand with no written cipher to encode your speech

I love how chaos and faith are written as Things; how all of humanity is a hair’s width away from being corrupted, as it is simply the human condition to surrender to faith and “our” base values when threatened or otherwise. It’s really beautiful and tragic

speaking of tragedy; the creation and existence of each of the primarchs and their legions of astartes is just absolutely brilliant. The Emperor creating astartes after the thunder warriors (i think?) to give his soldiers more humanity overall and THAT being the thing that is his downfall (or ascension depending on how you look at it ig) is so beautifully tragic.

Fav characters so far have been literally every main/supporting character in Eisenhorn as well as Loken and Tarvitz from HH. I also think Magnus is really interesting as a primarch so far. Poor guy though lol. I am aware of his uh... big oopsie

Hereticus is still my favourite book I’ve read so far within the black library. (SPOILER: Fischig staying true to himself and his faith and doing all he can to save his friend but not knowing he just contributed to the very thing he hates most (chaos) through Osma, resulting in Medea having to kill him after hailing him to their location to give him a chance to apologize and rejoin the band (against Eisenhorn’s will). And THEN as a last stand while Aemos dies, he and Eisenhorn work together to turn Fischig’s freshly murdered corpse into a perfect daemonhost to imprison Cherubael as a weapon/tool for Eisenhorn to use in the coming battle… END SPOILER) I am still not over it and I don’t think I ever will be. That book is fucking nuts. Abnett did not have to go that hard but I am grateful for it regardless

i hate the remembrancer Petronella Vivar with a burning passion, she is the worst written character in the series period (so far?)

characters I would beat over the head with a steel pipe: Osma, Heldane, Erebus, Eidolon, Lucius, and Petronella. The other characters in this list I can still appreciate as villains. Petronella though... I could probably list some others too but those are the ones who came to mind right away

Other than Petronella idk what I would say regarding what I like the least as of now. I love the other remembrancers (minus the way Karsky was written in false gods, but again this is a McNeill issue), so its literally just her I can't stand. I blame McNeill for this though, with his glaring inability to write a compelling woman whatsoever

also orks are silly i like them

i hope this is satisfactory to you, anon!! please excuse any errors, i answered this first thing in the morning and got way too excited about it lmao. ty for the ask : D

[mekatrio]

Have you watched this?

https://youtu.be/AF8KGdV92ag?si=ccE042UR1LbURuZV

no i have not... but i did just for you anon. usually i avoid will stetson vids cuz his translyrics often piss me off LOL. im aware the translyrics from this vid are written by breadbox rather than him, but his remind blue vid w translyrics by breadbox also pissed me off so....

also u didnt ask for my opinions but i love to blabber so im putting down my opinions 😋 it also ended up long af woops so sticking it under a read more

first off, wow will stetson has rly improved his vocals. ive listened to a few of his recent covers and hes way better nowadays than in this one. the high notes are kinda kicking his ass here, but thats fair. LTM is not an easy song to sing.

that aside this concept is very interesting.. since the lyrics are by breadbox, its very illuminating to see how he interprets the manga and ayano's character in general. which is important to me bc i am aware that he's like the only? kagepro youtuber out there i think.. or at least the most popular. meaning his content and interpretations have shaped recent english-speaking public opinion of kgpr's narrative whether for better or worse. and i care abt that kind of shit

OK ENOUGH NITPICKING THE CREATORS LOL um my thoughts on this entire video: most of it is very standard bread and butter ayano interpretation (sacrificing herself for her everyone etc etc), but its pretty interesting to me that they chose to expand on route m konoha's and ayano's relationship, which was something that was very, very barely touched on in the manga. like konoha gets fucking possessed and ayano doesnt say a word abt that like LOL this manga is.... yeah. its interesting that they wrote their relationship as konoha worrying about ayano, but ayano feeling like he is unable to relate to her. i dont necessarily agree or disagree with that interpretation cuz its something i hvnt really thought about, but i find that to be an interesting interpretive choice.

also the second verse + chorus is pretty confusing bc the verse references konoha and ayano, but then the chorus jumps back to ayano from two years ago cuz the chorus is "Girl, 16" (ayano is 18 in the present day of route m). tho i guess the manga never really specifies how long konoha and ayano had known each other??? so maybe they met when ayano was 16??? god this vid is making me very confused abt the manga LOLLL

i will say tho that the last chorus was very confusing to me. bc it showed LTM ayano, i was under the impression that it was about a route 1 ayano? but i was confused, cuz the lyrics were "Girl, 18", and no route 1 ayano ever makes it to 18 (also when i say route 1 ayano i just mean any ayano whose part of the yuukei quartet + jumps off the roof etc etc). but after a few rewatchs, im pretty sure the last chorus is about yakitsu. i really wish they didnt use a pic of LTM ayano then, theres plenty of good pics of yakitsu from the last chapter of the manga they couldve used instead.

i get why they would believe that LTM ayano is yakitsu tho. thats cuz this is something that still isnt fully agreed on among fans, cuz even after 10 fucking years no one actually understands what LTM's mv is about LMAO. personally i think white dress ayano = yakitsu. and i think the ayano in LTM is just.... ayano from that route, not from route m. why she disappears tho.. um... hm......

but yeah interesting video, gave me much to think about... a bit too much to think about. cuz now im thinking about LTM and how that like.... makes no sense....... kinda..