#i will have to try to get christopher to answer this question during a live at some point if he hasnt already

[lemotmo]

I cropped the question for you on this one. But ugh the answer 💗

Q. What other canon plots do you hate, if you don't mind sharing? Also you've mentioned people who haven't watched the series in its entirety not really having valid opinions. You don't really think that do you? Their opinion on the current show should be just as valid. An opinion is an opinion. Everyone is allowed to view things differently.

A. Hi anon. It's a show that has run for 7 seasons, there's been several plots I haven't loved. In terms of plots I hate though, the easy go to one is the sperm donor plot (which I'm guessing you haven't seen). It had the potential to be interesting, but they just ended up doing nothing with it. And picking Buck specifically to be the donor definitely needed context the show just didn't bother providing. Buck is way too emotionally wired to father a child and then just never care to see or hear about that child again. I also absolutely hated the couple he donated to. I hated them. I thought the whole fight club thing with Eddie was not great. Technically with the way Eddie is wired it did make sense for him to a point, and again had potential, but again, it just kind of stopped with no real resolution or point in the end. Buck's lawsuit is a widely hated storyline by many, but I kind of understood what they were going for, only because Buck can be singularly sighted at times. But I still tend to skip over it in my rewatches. I don't care for the parental redemption arcs because sometimes parents just suck, and their adult children have the right to live their lives telling people their parents sucked. Buck and Eddie's parents sucked. They sucked in different ways, but they both definitely sucked. Lastly as far as hated plots go, the entire back half of season 7(episodes 7-10) belongs in a fire pit of hell never to be seen again. I won't watch any of it ever again. I rebuke it entirely. It was abysmal.

Now, I know this is not going to be the answer you were hoping for, but anyone whose knowledge of the show consists solely of 7 episodes from one season absolutely does not have a valid opinion of the characters or the show. We would be here days if I did this character by character so for the sake of time I'm going to relegate this answer to Buck, you know the half of your ship you all care the least about, but the half the audience and the show cares the most about. You never met and don't understand the reference Buck 1.0, or Buck 2.0 for that matter. You don't know clipboard Buck, or that it's canon that Eddie is the only human alive who finds that Buck endearing. You don't know who Daniel is, or how he ties into Buck's complete lack of self worth. You don't know who Carla is or how Buck met her or who she now is to Eddie and Christopher. You don't know why Buck doesn't associate with the name Evan, and why it's actually gross that Tommy refuses to call him Buck. You don't know why Buck had to wear a protective sleeve on his leg during the pickup basketball game. You don't know the significance of 3 minutes and 17 seconds. You don't know that Buck basically spent the better part of three years without a couch. You don't know that during the tsunami while trying to protect whatever was left of Christopher's innocence he started a game of I spy so Christopher would look up instead of down at the water and the bodies floating by. You don't know who taught Buck how to cook. You don't know he tended bar and worked on a ranch at one point before going to the fire academy. You don't know that Bobby fired him. This is nowhere near everything but I'm guessing you get the point. If you don't want to watch the entire series don't. No one is going to force you. But we all know the reason you won't watch it is because learning who Buck truly is would no longer allow you the ability to mold him entirely out of your Tommy headcanons. He's not a damsel in distress. He's not weak or incapable of speaking for himself or saving himself. He doesn't need Tommy to survive day to day. You don't want his canon history, fine, but it absolutely makes your opinion of him worthless.

Phew, well I feel like this is kind of a great conclusion to the posts I have been answering all night about hated plots and why some people can't seem to accept that BT isn't endgame.

It's because of this! Once again, thank you anon OP for your almost devastating eloquence. I wish I had even half of your writing talent.

Thank you once again Nonny for dropping this in my askbox.

Remember, no hate in comments or reblogs. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of the anonymous OP’s posts, you can find all of their posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[doeeyeseddie]

"Road trips" for soft prompts if you feel inspired

👉👈😊

road trip fics are my kryptonite so it was difficult to keep this short skhdk thank you!!

[read on ao3]

Buck shows up at Eddie’s place unannounced early on the second morning since Christopher has left for camp.

At least half the time when he comes over it’s without specific plans, but this morning, it’s clear that Buck does have specific plans, he just didn’t tell Eddie about them.

Eddie is sitting aimlessly at the kitchen table, trying to convince himself to at least put away his dishes from breakfast, when Buck bursts in and (Eddie is aware of how cliched that is) immediately brightens up his so far very gray morning.

“Eddie,” he calls instead of a hello, and he hears him kicking off his shoes by the door, “it’s me! Are you dressed?”

Eddie snorts. “You think I have a habit of walking around naked when I’m home alone?”

Buck’s face is pink when he rounds the corner to the kitchen. “No, uh, I’m– I meant dressed to leave the house.”

Eddie looks down at the ratty old gym shorts he slept in. “Uh. No, why?”

“Well, then go get dressed,” Buck orders him instead of answering the question. He waves at the dishes and adds, “I’ve got this.”

“Get dressed for what?” Eddie asks

“Just put on something comfortable that you’re okay with being seen in in public.” Buck starts gathering Eddie’s dirty dishes, completely ignoring Eddie’s confusion. “I’m not answering any questions until we’re in the car.”

Ten minutes later, Eddie is dressed and ready, and Buck’s waiting in the living room for him, Eddie’s duffle bag on the couch next to him.

“When did you pack that?” he asks, and Buck gives him a sunny smile and a shrug.

“The other day.”

“Where are we going? For how long? And what about work? How long have you been planning this?”

“I knew you’d just sit around and mope while Chris is away,” Buck says, getting up and grabbing Eddie’s duffle. “Come on, I’ll tell you the rest in the car.”

It turns out that Buck has planned a whole road trip for them.

“Just a few days,” he says. “I talked to Bobby, and we both have plenty of PTO, so I figured, why not distract ourselves a little bit while Christopher is at camp?” He glances at Eddie for a moment before focusing back on the road. “We’re going hiking for a few days, one state park after another. And then we’re in San Diego for two nights, just to relax. Or at least I hope it’ll be relaxing – I got us this really nice hotel with a wellness center, but we’re gonna have to share a room.”

“That’s fine,” Eddie says, and desperately hopes it’s true. They shared Buck’s bed for weeks during the pandemic, but that was before Eddie realized that he’s very, very attracted to his best friend. “We’ve shared plenty of times.”

“Yeah, but after four nights of sharing a motel room with me, you might want your own space back.”

Eddie kind of wants to tell him he never wants space from him, but he catches himself just in time.

There are a lot of close calls like that over the next few days: thoughtless words that come too close to a confession, sleepily cuddling closer in a motel room that accidentally didn’t book them into a twin room, staring at Buck for too long when he takes his shirt off while hiking. Buck does almost all of the driving and Eddie spends too much time watching him rather than the landscape flashing by, the long stretches of road not nearly as fascinating as Buck’s face while he talks, his one-handed gestures, his smile, the way he sometimes laughs with his whole body.

“Hey, did I tell you I wanted to take you to Channel Islands National Park?” Buck asks on an especially empty road somewhere between the desert and San Diego. “It’s super inaccessible so I figured it wasn’t something we could do with Christopher anyway, but you can only get there by boat and everything’s limited so they say you should start planning like six months ahead of time. I’ve had this planned for a while, but not for that long.”

“No, you didn’t tell me,” Eddie says, and it comes out sounding just as weak as he feels.

“Oh yeah, you probably know it – they’re these islands off Santa Barbara where you’re not even allowed to bike, you have to do everything on foot. But we could’ve hiked there and camped, and then gotten a nice hotel in Santa Barbara if we wanted. They’re beautiful, apparently, but I wouldn’t want Chris to feel left out.”

“No,” Eddie agrees, something that feels a bit like laughter rising up in his chest. He can’t believe Buck is real sometimes, that there’s someone with all that love in his heart, and that he gives it to Eddie and his son so freely. “It sounds great, though.”

“Yeah, so maybe we can go next year when he’s at camp. Do you think he’ll be less mad if he’s doing something cool at the same time?”

“I don’t think he’ll be mad at us at all,” Eddie says. “If there’s nothing to do but hike–”

“There’s whale watching too, and all sorts of other animals,” Buck interrupts. “I think I could make it cool for him, too, if only there was a way for him to get around comfortably.”

“I’m sure you could.” Eddie’s mouth is dry, and he wipes his sweaty palms on the shorts he’s wearing. “Pull over.”

Buck glances at him, confused. “What?”

Eddie takes a breath. “Just– when you can do it safely, please pull over.”

Buck gives him a look that’s equal parts confused and worried. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Eddie says, even though his heart feels like it’s trying to beat right out of his chest.

“Okay.” Buck sounds like he doesn’t fully believe him, but he doesn’t ask again until he’s pulled over at a tiny rest stop that’s nothing but a parking spot and a trash can a minute later. “What’s going on?”

“Sorry, I didn’t– I didn’t mean to make you worry,” Eddie starts. He wipes his hands again. “I just– I didn’t want to say this while you were driving, but I also can’t not say it any longer–”

“Say what?” Buck asks when Eddie pauses to take a deep breath.

“Oh, god,” Eddie mutters, and then turns to face Buck, makes himself look him in the eye. “I love you. I have for a long time, and it’s been getting harder and harder not to tell you, so. I guess I’m telling you.”

Buck’s eyes widen, and he starts trying to unclip his seatbelt. The worry and confusion melt from his face and turn into something that Eddie very much hopes is happiness, and then asks, “Wait, just to be sure, you mean–?”

“I’m in love with you,” Eddie clarifies, Buck’s seatbelt finally clicks open, and he launches himself across the middle console to grab Eddie’s face with both hands.

“I’m in love with you too,” he says, and then his mouth is on Eddie’s and he doesn’t think about anything else for a few minutes.

Buck exhales a breathless laugh against his lips and pulls back just enough to talk but leaning his forehead against Eddie’s instead. “God, Eddie, what the fuck? When you said to pull over I thought– I don’t know what I thought, but it wasn’t this.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says, nudging Buck’s nose with his own. “It’s just– you love us so much, and I love you so much and I just couldn’t wait a minute longer to tell you.”

“Well, now I’m kind of glad you asked me to pull over first.” He leans in for one way too short kiss. “I would’ve crashed the car.”

“Safety first,” Eddie says, but he’s not really focused on talking anymore.

“This is good timing,” Buck keeps talking, and he only grins at the noise of protest Eddie makes when he leans back to look at him. “First of all, this way I can take you on a date in a city rather than in some remote mountain place.”

“Sounds good,” Eddie says, and he’s distracted by Buck’s immensely kissable mouth, but he still wants to know, “And secondly?”

Buck grins wider and tugs Eddie closer with a gentle hand on the back of his neck. “The fancy hotel in San Diego didn’t have any twin rooms.”

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Eddie’s afraid to tell Buck he’s in love with him

Eddie’s afraid to follow his heart because he’s scared Buck will reject him (he won’t) because he’s trying to prevent his heart from being broken.  That’s why he’s always used Christopher as a shield because he didn’t want to admit his heart was hurting.  

2x17 “Careful What You Wish For” Eddie said: “When you came back into our lives, I was so glad and afraid...”  He was afraid to let Shannon back into his and Christopher’s lives after she left them with just a note in El Paso, TX.  She broke his heart when she suggested they get a divorce.

3x8 “Malfunction” Eddie said: “You know, I was so afraid she was going to do it again.  She had already left once, broke his heart.”  His conversation with Bobby was emotional when he finally admitted Shannon broke Chris’ (really his heart) heart when he let her back into their lives but she wanted to leave again before she died.

4x13 “Suspicion” Carla said, “Just be sure that you’re following your heart, and not Christopher’s ok?”  Eddie was trying to stick it out for Chris’ sake but Carla could tell he wasn’t happy especially after he said being with Ana was easy.

4x14 “Survivors” Eddie waited too long to follow Carla’s advice and he almost lost the love of his life, Buck, when he got shot by a sniper while standing in the middle of the street.  He reached for Buck and Buck reached right back and pulled him to safety.  Eddie asked Buck, “Are you hurt?” because he was afraid Buck had been shot too.  They had a silent conversation while they were in the back of the firetruck and Buck was in a catatonic state until he received Bobby’s text that Eddie was out of surgery.

5x11 “Outside Looking In” Eddie said: “You need to move on Buck, I have” but he was LYING because he hadn’t moved on.  When he saw Buck laughing at the bar, Eddie left, went home and continued to isolate himself from everyone.

5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia” Frank asked Eddie: “What are you afraid of?” and Eddie deflected and he wouldn’t answer Frank’s question.  Instead he started talking about going to the dentist.

Eddie listened to Pauline over the radio while she explained to Hen that she couldn’t feel anything including fear.

Eddie said: “I’m afraid!” and Buck asked him, “What are you afraid of?” which was the same question Frank asked him earlier but he responded to Buck and said, “That I’m never going to feel normal again”.  Reminder Eddie had been missing Buck the same way he missed him during the lawsuit.

6x1 “Let the Games Begin” Eddie was happy and he kept giving Buck heart eyes throughout dinner.  Him and Buck were both finally single at the same time and Eddie looked like he was ready to tell Buck he had been waiting for him.  Their couch conversation should have alerted Buck to the fact that he already has a couch and it’s at Eddie’s house waiting for him.

6x9 “Red Flag” Eddie’s facial expression showed he wasn’t thrilled with Buck’s announcement about being ‘officially responsible for the creation of new life’.  He looked frustrated like he was going to lose Buck again.

Eddie’s been to therapy, he’s done the work, he’s happy but he could be happier if he would go after who his heart wants.  There have been so many references to Eddie’s heart over the years and it seems like right when he and Buck were both finally single again, something else (*cough* the sperm donor foolery *cough*) delayed their happiness again!  Shannon broke his heart and Eddie doesn’t want it broken again so he’s being careful but Buck loves him.  One of them will have to make the first move but who will it be?

In 6B, will Eddie finally admit Buck is who his heart wants?  Only the showrunner(s), writers and producers know the answer to that question.

[lsdunesarchive]

Past Lives album notes, by Anthony Green - Apple Music

(video credit)

When Thursday drummer Tucker Rule sent Circa Survive and Saosin vocalist Anthony Green some songs to check out during COVID lockdown, the singer wasn’t aware that he was being recruited for an emo supergroup. “When the pandemic hit, every band out there was trying to figure out how to stay alive,” Green tells Apple Music. “I was freaking out, so I was trying to stay busy. Tucker said he had a project with a couple friends and asked me to sing on it. The songs were really good, so I went for it.”

It wasn’t until after Green had recorded vocals for a few songs that Rule revealed the rest of the band’s lineup: My Chemical Romance guitarist Frank Iero, Coheed and Cambria guitarist Travis Stever and Thursday bassist Tim Payne. “I’m glad he didn’t tell me,” Green says. “I would’ve felt so much more pressure.” Below, the singer details each track on L.S. Dunes’ debut. 

2022

“It’s definitely one of the most personal songs I’ve ever written. I guess all the songs are personal, but the heaviness of that song is about wondering if I would’ve been better off dead than alive. I know a lot of people go through that—it’s not just me—but it’s a hard song for me to play because it makes me feel all the feelings I had when I wrote it. All that insecurity and all that fucking heaviness comes back. If I could not play it, I would, but the band really loves that song.” 

Antibodies

“That was one of the first songs I put vocals to for Dunes. It was at the beginning of quarantine, everyone was isolated and there was a rift between people who were like, ‘I’ll do whatever I can to try to make this thing less brutal on people with compromised immune systems and people that are more susceptible to getting bad COVID’ and people who were like, ‘I don’t give a shit, and I don’t think it’s that bad.’ So, the song comes from feeling isolated and trying to get my head around the idea that some people didn’t give a shit if someone’s grandma or father or mother was gonna die.” 

Grey Veins

“I’ve been in a lot of projects with a lot of people, and when I sat down to write this song, I was thinking a lot about whether or not I was doing too much. Sometimes I wonder, ‘Am I going to make people sick of me? Am I doing too many things?’ I kind of answered that question with this song being like, ‘Fuck, no’. I’m just going to fucking play and make as much music as I can here, and I don’t have to explain it to anybody or to live up to anybody else’s standards. I just need to do what makes me happy and to do it as fearlessly as I possibly can.” 

Like Forever

“I’ve been going through addiction stuff my entire life. As you get older and the more you work on it, you get a little time clean and then something happens, and you relapse. That’s not part of everybody’s story, but it was part of my journey—and man, it sucks. Having to explain it to somebody, having to deal with the hurt and confusion you cause other people when you relapse…maybe some people don’t want to talk to you after that. They don’t want to be in your life because they don’t want to deal with the stress of loving you. This song deals with that shame and trying to figure out how to get back on a healthy path.”

Blender

“This song is so stoney and heavy. Lyrically, it has to do with my mental health issues and being bipolar. It’s funny because the song is bipolar in and of itself because the verses are very low, and then the choruses are at the very top of my range. It’s not an accident that it goes from one extreme to the other. It very much symbolises the theme of the song, which is me wrestling and coming to grips with the nature of my mood swings, my personality and my fears.”

Past Lives

“This song was inspired by the statues of Confederate soldiers and Christopher Columbus coming down, and the idea of history writing itself rather than going down this lane of total bullshit. Being able to change the narrative in schools so that people are learning the truth about the foundation of this country and the violence at the core of it. It should be taught in school that we massacred people and decimated cultures. I have to deal with parents in my kids' school who think that it’s bad to teach kids about slavery. It’s wild that people don’t want to teach the truth about something.”

It Takes Time

“I wrote this song about Frank. He was in an accident and really fucked up his wrist and hand, and he had to get surgery during the recording of the album. We had to take a big break from sharing music because he couldn’t play guitar. I don’t think he knew if he was ever going to be able to play again. So, I was thinking about him and his relationship with his instrument. The song opens up with, ‘Hello? I’m not sure if you remember, we connected a long time ago.’ That’s him talking to his guitar and his muse. I don’t always write a song for someone else from their perspective, but I did that with this.”

Bombsquad

“This is another one that came up around politics during COVID. I was thinking about how people were lying through their teeth about stuff just to save face—just making shit up, essentially. And the ability that some people had to just detach from reality and pretend that their shithead president was actually helping. It has a lot to do with QAnon and some of the people in my life that were falling for that shit.” 

Grifter

“This is one of my favourites. I wrote this song about trying to start over. With each of these projects that I’m doing, I’m digging and I’m trying to find something. Music is a religion to me, and I think that ‘Grifter’ is questioning whether I’ve made it into a religion in a way that’s unhealthy. I centre everything around music and rely on it a lot, and it’s turned into something I worship. I’m sort of questioning whether or not that’s a healthy thing.”

Permanent Rebellion

“This is another song that’s 100 per cent about trying to drop the baggage of our old bands and trying to do something a little bit different with different people.”

Sleep Cult

“I did an interview where I talked a little bit about suicide, and then I realised that my kids were going to see that. There’re things that I’m realising my kids are going to see and hear, and I want to jump in front of it and go to them and explain myself and really let them know me, so they don’t ever see or hear anything where they’re like, ‘Oh shit, this is really heavy.’ I just want to make sure I’m creating an environment for them where they know me and they can talk to me about anything they need, so they don’t ever feel like they’re alone in this world.”

[yesterdanereviews]

Flashback (2020)

Film review #615

Director: Christopher MacBride

SYNOPSIS: Fred visits his dying Mother in hospital, and begins to get flashbacks about a girl in high school who mysteriously went missing. As he becomes obsessed with trying to find her and get answers, his past, present and future all start to blend into one, as Fred has to make a choice about his life...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Flashback is a 2020 film. The film revolves around Fred, who lives a fairly normal life with his wife, and typical office job. After visiting his Mother in hospital, Fred starts to have flashbacks about a girl named Cindy, who went missing during his high school days. As his flashbacks become more vivid, and his obsession with finding out what happened to Cindy grows, his sense of reality begins to be called into question, as his past, present, future, and their inherent possibilities begin to overlap and be called into question. Flashback is clearly taking inspiration from films such as Donnie Darko, in which the troubled lead either slowly loses his grasp on reality, or is actually getting closer to the truth, depending on how you interpret it. A complex narrative weaves its way through the story that, honestly, I thought was a complete mess. The film goes overboard with its ideas and pushes the questioning of reality to the point where nothing really matters. Trying to hinge everything around the character of Cindy doesn't really help things either. Whether Fred's experiences were all just a bad drug trip, aliens that are forcing humans to experience time linearly when they shouldn't, or just some sort of breakdown at dealing with the death of his Mother, I honestly felt the film didn't offer enough for a viewer to draw their own conclusions. Maybe it's a film that requires multiple viewings to really grasp, but it isn't compelling enough to make me feel like I would ever want to watch it again.

Fred is a fairly normal, uninteresting character: he has a wife, job and all the normal stuff, and I suppose that's why him being drawn into this bizarre situation is supposed to be more significant. However, I feel giving him a personality or something interesting about him, a personal connection etc. would have made what happens to him more interesting. Given that his past, present, and future are all blended into one, along with the various possibilities that they can take, you get the sense that nothing matters if everything is possible. You could probably make the film work around that, but again, it just doesn't. It's like if you took Everything, Everywhere, All at Once, and sucked all the fun out of it. The supporting characters are again fairly uninteresting, and only really exist as comparisons for how far Fred is or isn't connected to reality.

There are moments where the film does get it right, the ending has an emotional impact, but these aren't enough to bring the film together. The ending where Fred decides he "can't follow" Cindy and falls back to his normal linear life is an odd one that doesn't really feel justified, and makes the whole experience feels pointless. Maybe it's a message of accepting what you have in the face of all the other possibilities, but this doesn't feel earned. Overall, Flashback does it's best as a mid-sized film, but a sense of overambition and inability to engage or entertain in the face of it's overwhelming possibilities leaves it mostly dull and without consequence, and overshadowed by the films it is clearly inspired by (Donnie Darko, Matrix etc.). Maybe someone can appreciate it, and they apparently do, given that the film's scores and reviews are not completely awful, but it's definitely not for me.

[thegeekerynj]

The Year In Review - 2022 The Cranky Old Man picks his Favorites of the Year

An Occasional Attempt to Read, Discuss and Review the Wonders of Comics By: John Rafferty, cranky old man, and Fan of All Things Comics

_______________________________________________________________________

As the Sun slowly finishes its trip around my waist, the time has come to look back at some of the truly amazing offerings that arrived during 2022.

Now, as with all things, these rankings are subjective. Since they are mine, they are also correct.

Now, get off my lawn, and please enjoy!

Top 5 Comics of 2022:

Number 1:

The Human Target (DC, 12 Issue Series) - Writer: Tom King  Artist: Greg Smallwood

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

‘My name is Christopher Chance. My game is THE HUMAN TARGET. This is how it’s played.

You hire me to pretend to be you. So you can see who hates you enough to kill you. You live, I die. 

Everyone wins.’

_______________________________________________________________________

Leave it to Tom King to give us a story anchored by a character relegated to B-Stories, a noirish murder mystery, and the bumbling, lovable incarnation of the Justice League gifted to us by the maestros Keith Giffen, J.M. DeMatteis, Kevin Maguire, and Al Gordon, all wrapped up as a ‘50s style detective show, complete with booze, broads, bullets, and an angry Guy Gardner.

Oh, and Christopher Chance has 14 days to solve his own murder. 

Life is good.

===========================================================

Number 2:

Nightwing (DC, ongoing) - Writer: Tom Taylor   Pencils/Inks: Bruno Redondo   Colors: Adriano Lucas

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

‘Hey, Jon, guess what Batman keeps in his belt?

Some sensible people have pointed out he keeps his LOLLIPOPS dangerously close to the Smoke Bombs that are a similar shape and size, but he’s pretty stubborn.

Here you go. Want to see me juggle?’

_______________________________________________________________________

Yes, I know this run began in 2021, but it hit its stride in 2022… not that the first 11 issues weren’t incredible.

Mentoring Jon Kent, teaming with Wally West, ‘shipping with Barbara Gordon (in the neatest version of Batgirl since Gail Simone’s ‘Batgirl of Burnside’ run), battling Heartless and Blockbuster for the ‘heart’ of Bludhaven, Tom Taylor has given us the Dick Grayson fans have wanted for years.

The MAN Bruce Wayne and Alfred Pennyworth raised to be the best version of Richard Grayson.

Add to this the beautiful art and triptych covers of Bruno Redondo, and this becomes one of the don’t-miss series of the year.

Oh, and let’s not forget Bitewing and NiteMite (I. WANT. THIS. FUNKO. POP.)

===========================================================

Number 3:

Public Domain (Image Comics) Creator: Chip Zdarsky (So appropriate)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

‘Let’s fight for what’s ours.’

_______________________________________________________________________

This one line says everything you need to know to understand the story Chip Zdarsky is telling. It’s the story of Kirby, Ditko, Wood, Toth, Wrightson, Morrow, and going back as far as Siegel and Schuster, those masters who created characters, and unwittingly, signed away their creations for pennies.

Zdarsky’s portrayal of Sy Dallas and his family trying to wade through the decision process comes down to one question - what is the value of everything you create?

I have been hanging on every page of every issue, waiting for a final answer. 

===========================================================

Number 4:

Avengers - X-Men - Eternals: Judgement Day (Marvel SUPER-Event, 17 various issues)  - Writer: Kieron Gillen, Artists: Various

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

‘We simply have to build a GOD. Help us. Help us build our God.’

‘This plan is pure hubris… but speaking broadly, I’m PRO HUBRIS.

But… How on EARTH do you think we are going to MAKE A GOD in a few hours?’

‘Look around you, Mr. Stark of the Avengers… WE HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED.’

Ajak of the Eternals and Tony Stark

_______________________________________________________________________

Druig of The Eternals has proclaimed the X-Men are X_Treme Deviants, and attacked them in ALL their seats of power, with help from an excommunicated Moira MacTaggart.

Sersi, Ajak, Makkari and others of the Eternals Society removed themselves from the society over ‘directional differences’. 

The Avengers, having monitored spikes in the expenditure of ‘Celestial’ energy, assume a pending attack against HUMANITY by the Eternals.

Mistakes are made. Lives are lost.

Hilarity ensues.

Kieron Gillen, of DIE fame, has undertaken the writing task for this Marvelverse-spanning enterprise, beautifully incorporating these three disparate groups, along with the Titan Starfox, Iron Fist, and human vessels… 

A story of destruction and zealotry, where blindly following a laid-out path without understanding the repercussions leads to reaction rather than thought.

Where the flawed are perfect in their understanding, principle is more important than purity, and those who stand against the unprincipled are the TRUE heroes.

And the only things that are eternal are love and shame.

===========================================================

Number 5:

Joe Hill’s Rain (Szyzgy  Press / Image Comics) Author: Joe Hill, Adapted by: David M Booher, Art: Zoe Thorogood

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

‘At least Yolanda and I had the kiss.

“OUCH!”

‘Can one kiss last a lifetime?

‘Count yourself lucky if you never have to find out.’

_______________________________________________________________________

Have you ever been in a rainstorm that felt like needles piercing your skin?

Now, picture those piercings being razor-sharp shards of ice impaling people with the misfortune of being caught in this first downfall…

Joe Hill’s apocalyptic story is beautifully and painstakingly translated to the comic page through the deft scripting of David Booker, and the hauntingly beautiful renderings of Zoe Thorogood.

The story, a mere 5-issues, is deserving of multiple reads, to fully absorb the various details in the artwork, and to thoroughly embrace the wonder and devastation of Honeysuckle Speck.

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Honorable Mentions:

, 

The Variants (Marvel Comics)  Writer: Gail Simone, Art: Phil Noto

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‘Killgrave is beyond being able to hurt anyone, Maria. I’ve seen him. I KNOW.

‘You think I’m begging you to help me, Ms. Jones-Cage. I’m not. I’m WARNING you.

_______________________________________________________________________

GAIL SIMONE!! 

JESSICA JONES!!

KILLGRAVE!!

A Multiverse of Jessicas, including a CAPTAIN F’N AMERICA!!

Well worth the read, #6 in a Top 10!

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Stray Dogs: Dog Days  (Image Comics)  Writer: Tony Fleecs  Art: Trish Forstner

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The beginnings and the fitting end for the Stray Dogs tale, showing how each of the Strays came to be in the Yard…

Fleecs and Forstner succeed once again in making this cranky old man sob!

[fuck-kirk]

Okay wait, has it ever been mentioned whether or not any of the forsworn were elves, or where they all human?

[stagemanagerssaygo]

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney’s Hyperion Theater

by Cooper Howell

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney's Hyperion Theater. #holdingtheateraccountable Im just gonna go ahead and be straight up. This is pretty scary to share. HEAVEN: Once upon a time Liesl Tommy cast me as Prince Hans in Frozen: Live at the Hyperion. And I was gooped. GOOPED. There was nothing in my prior history that gave any indication this was possible. Up until then every role I played had to do with my race. Every. Single. One. And even ones where it didn’t (Shakespeare or classical pieces mostly) I was always made aware that the novelty of me being a poc in that role that gave me the part. So much did I not expect to get this part that when I got the callback I rolled my eyes and didn’t take the actual callback seriously. I mean, there was a zero percent chance that Disney would ever let me play a Prince, especially when the dude in the movie is a ginger. But then I got it. And immediately everything I thought was possible about my career changed. My whole life I’ve never inwardly felt black. I’ve never inwardly felt white. I’ve always felt like I was Cooper, you know, on the inside. But whether it was every single white human in Utah reminding me that I was “the whitest person they ever knew/saw” (which DIDNT mean how white my skin was. It was how white I ACTED) or Mr. Johnson, my 7th grade drama teacher, telling me that he “wanted to put Velcro on the ceiling to see if I’d stick” or Mr. Smith, my high school drama teacher, saying “finally we can do black shows” as soon as I entered high school and then not casting me in roles because of the "optics" of it, or even my best friend in high school Tanner Harmon who called me "blackie", I was always reminded that I was an other. So imagine getting paid good money to put on that $10,000 costume and waltzing out to 4000 people a day to play a really amazing part. A fantastic, evil, complicated, person who sings a killer duet and then grabs the show by the throat with a vicious about-face monologue... and not once was my race ever mentioned cuz it didnt matter. What was being prized was Cooper, my talent, not my skin color that I never asked for. Heaven. Liesl MADE SURE, almost overly sure, that the poc’s in the cast felt equal. The kingdom of Arendelle, after all, is a make believe place. It can be whatever. From having Disney executives come and tell us that they were happy to have us there, to side conversations with John Lasseter, we were made to feel overly welcome playing the parts we were playing. She encouraged us to dive deeper into the script of a cartoon that I didnt really think much of until I was in it. We were encouraged to ask why. We felt seen as talent and not commodities. There were, of course, detractors. Gosh, I remember people at a party of cast members from "Mickey and the Magical Map" another show at Disneyland which features a princess and the frog number and many of those casts mates angrily claiming that “if that black girl Tiana Okoye can play Elsa than I should be able to play Princess Tiana” and then looking at me to confirm that was okay to say, not realizing that a) she’s one of my best friends, b) that I’m in the show with her also playing a role that wasn't created to be a poc, c) how racist that sounded, and d) why there's a difference there and why that wouldn't make sense. On Liesls final night I came up to her and said “I don’t know why you did it but thank you so much for casting ME in this part” to which she replied “you mean why would I cast a handsome, talented person in this role?” And I stuttered something like “well, I mean, I’m black. You know...” to which she tilted her head to her side and said “no. I don’t know why. Tell me why that matters.” And I had no answer. Seeing that I had no answer she smiled. That was the answer. There was no reason. On the spot my outlook about myself changed. Windows into what I thought was possible for me opened. -------------------------------------- HELL: And then Liesl went back to NYC and she was replaced by a man named Roger Castellano as show director. Rogers task, he told us on the first day, was to "change the show". We were not told what needed to be changed or even why, but that changes were on the horizon. You've got to understand: to a full cast of actors who had just spent more than three months dissecting a 60 page Disney script with a Tony nominated director like it was Shakespeare, we were initially emotionally/mentally/spiritually resistant to changes. But then it became clear that the spirit of collaboration was over, and the show changes were to be given without the same care, consideration, and thematic explanation of why they were being made. Everyones initial reaction was to push back, but when people who questioned their notes or their changes started getting days removed their schedule or being replaced entirely by a new actor, the Hyperion theater became a place where no one was allowed to speak out. Injustices were happening left and right and no one felt they could do anything for fear of losing their livelihood. And that's when the Frozen: Live at the Hyperion became a living hell. In my first note session with Roger he pulled me into a room with Domonique Paton, my best friend and incredible costar who played princess Anna in the show I was in. She just so happens to also be black. Almost all of Prince Hans’s scenes in the show are with her character and so most of my notes would be primarily based on those interactions with her. Earlier in the day I performed with a different (white) actress but it was the show with Domonique that I had a note session about. Imagine my surprise and dismay when, with how Liesl set up the show experience, we were told this: “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER ITS TOO… URBAN.” Urban. What else could that have meant, do you think? He could have said maybe “too contemporary” emphasizing that we were maybe too modern in our speech patterns or movements. We weren’t. He could have said “too lax” or “too loose” meaning that maybe we were being unprofessional and goofy up there because we’re really good friends. We were not. The best me and Ms. Paton could think of was a 8 count moment of improv dance that me and Domonique decided to use as a synchronized moment of unity. It happened to fall on the line “our mental synchronization can have but one explanation” and thought, with the freedom that Christopher (the original choreographer) had given us, was appropriate, especially considering everyone behind us was doing the robot. As in the 80s robot. But he didnt clarify. He just said “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER IT’S TOO… URBAN” And when asked what he meant he smiled with a little shrug and said "you can figure that out. You're smart." And thats how I became Black Hans and Domonique became Black Anna. My every moment onstage afterwards became about the optics of being a poc in that show. It was if I was suddenly made aware that I was LUCKY enough to be there and under any normal circumstances, or this new directors circumstances, me getting this part would have never happened. But the message was clear. It was especially clear when me and Domonique Paton shows together durastically decreased and made even more clear when the vast majority of the new hires were not people of color. But no one said anything. And made even MORE clear when, over the next few weeks, both Domonique and I got COPIOUS notes, ten times that of our coworkers that played the same parts. It was almost a game. In fact we did turn it into a game, seeing who would get the least amount of notes from him in a day. Our costars would even joke about it onstage with us, during the ballroom scene, and jokingly whisper "The shows been up 15 minutes. How many do you think you got today?" But no one said anything. And the notes were about all kinds of things. How we held our hand. If our inflections went up or down on a word. Which side of a couch we leaned on��� which was fine! When you're an actor, thats the gig... until we started comparing our notes with the actors that played our same parts and none of them, NONE, would get the same notes. Our notes would be outrageously longer, the note sessions sometimes lasting 10/15 minutes. Others would get the “Oh hey, try doing this or that next time, okay bye” walk-by notes. Sometimes I would sneak into the audience and watch as some of the other Han's, some of whom changed lines, changed entire intentions of scenes, some of whom adding in all types of vocalizations and cackles and dance moves and what have you, and would receive ZERO notes. But I was watching them to see what was wrong with me. What was my performance missing? What am I actually doing to feel this singled out. And then I realized that the thing that was wrong with me was that I was a different color than the 5 other white Hans's they cast. And then I started getting notes about my penis. Most of the time these “penis sessions”, as I called them, were given in private rooms without another stage manager present. It was incredibly unpleasant and unprofessional. In fairness, those Prince Hans pants are TIGHT! And yes, Mr. Howell is indeed a party in the front and a party in the back, but so were a lot of those fellas. And thats where I put my foot down. If Disney was going to provide me with a costume it is not my responsibility to fix their problem, especially when other of my (white) costars had been given a dance belt for the same thing. But they never got penis notes. Private session notes about what their penis looked like in that show. Over and over again I was told to fix it, to not make it (my dick) so apparent, and that “if my daughter were younger I wouldn’t want her to come to a show you were performing at" all the more insulting considering his daughter, a cast member in the show, was a friend of mine and the loveliest person. He started demanding that I buy a dance belt. It was “my fault”, “my responsibility” …and thats where I took my stand. And then it really became hell. Penis sessions were now done out in the open. Once, he screamed at me, in the green room in front of all of my costars during lunch, about how incredible unprofessional I was, about how he was tired of seeing my dick, and that if I didnt go buy myself one I didnt deserve to be there anymore. Followed by a huge litany of notes. That doesnt compare to some of what Domonique went through and I invite her to share them if she’s willing. During this time I went to every stage manager in the building and told them about being singling out and about my penis. They all told me to write a complaint report and it would go to some place called "HR". Which I did. Numerously. More months passed. Nothing from "HR". Multiple cast members who witnessed my note sessions encouraged me to go to the HR themselves. I didnt honestly know what an HR was. As soon as it was explained to me by my allies even what an HR was I went to the head of HR at Disneyland herself and waited outside of her door. I asked her if she got any of my HR reports and she told me that she had received no HR reports from the Hyperion. Ever. And then asked me to fill out a HR form. As we went over it, she asked me some questions, and then set up a second meeting. On the second meeting she said that in order for my report to be given credence I would need witnesses to give their testimony. The witnesses, in fact the very people that told me to go to HR in the first place, said no. They didnt want to lose their jobs. In retrospect that might be the thing that hurt the most but, whatever... anyway, I was told "“well… without testimonies we’ll do an investigation and we’ll call you when we’ve completed it.” I never received a phone call. With absolutely zero protection from the stage managers from both the sexual harassment or my obvious racial targeting I (and others) were experiencing, not to mention that HR reports were doing nothing, aka not being forwarded, I thought about quitting. And when a white stage manager made a show mistake and laughed it off to the cast by saying an entirely offensive lynching joke, I quit. I didnt matter to Disney. How I felt and what I was being put through didnt matter. I was a commodity. My departure was unceremonious. Bizarre. 100% un-magical. I hung up my costume one last time and it was given to a new Hans, one who looked very much like me oddly, and stepped out of the theater. The park was playing “every wish your heart desires will come to you” and I remember laughing at how dead that song felt. The director has since moved on but still works as a musical theater director in Southern California. This one time 4 years ago I got to feel something other than my color for the first and only time in my professional career. It lasted from about March 2016 to July 2016 and never again since. I will never forget in those early days looking at all the beautiful princesses I got to woo and thinking “wow. I’m a prince right now.” Im sure that sounds stupid. But it didn't feel stupid. And a Disney prince! Yeah, a shitty prince kinda... I mean, he's a sociopath... BUT still a Prince! Especially special was being able to look in Dominique’s eyes and I could see the same glimmer of “can you believe we get to do this right now” reflected back. We never knew it was in the cards for us. My race always has and will always be part of my career equation and a determining factor of its projection. It will always be a determining factor in how im treated, by creatives, by people, by the those in authority over me, including the government and the police. #wasitmyskin

Copied in its entirety here from Cooper Howell’s public Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10163696376095054&set=a.10151302685610054&type=3&theater

[idealuk]

It’s not just that Carla clearly got in to Eddie’s head and, subsequently, got him thinking about what *his* heart wants with her evasive advice on his relationship with Ana.

It’s not just that he soon thereafter gets shot in front of Buck, that near-death situations tend to simplify matters of the heart, or that Eddie reached for Buck with what little strength he could force himself to rally as he bled out on the street.

It’s not just that we could see that Eddie acknowledged that Buck’s entire world stopped in that moment.

It’s not just that Eddie, who regained consciousness after massive blood loss enough to observe how Buck, having obviously, in his mind, gone in to Fight Mode when the shock broke, to ask if Buck was hurt upon seeing blood (his own) on Buck fell back in to unconsciousness only after Buck (let’s not even start on how we all just recently realized that Eddie says his name as he’s coming to), himself, told him that he is (read: only physically) fine, or that the writing, acting/directing, and filming/editing each treated all of this like a ‘you-die=I-die moment’.

It’s not just that Buck had to utilize aspects of his SEAL training, some thing that he emotionally sealed (no pun intended) off because his body rejects the instinct to compartmentalize by turning emotions off (so, really, he’s not in Fight Mode, like Eddie thinks, he’s in Desperate-Hero Mode) to do such a rescue, and to perform it while crawling under a firetruck, the very kind of vehicle that he still feels safe enough to ride in nearly every day in defiance of having almost losing life and limb to when we, the audience, last saw him (partially) under one after a mere solitary deep, and steadying, breath of preparation by honing in on his intention to keep Eddie breathing, his heart beating/yearning, and his brain churning out thoughts that have a predilection of visibly awe-striking the slightly-younger blond-haired man.

(I debated putting the rest under a cut for a long time, because, to me - bias, I know - it is that important of a read, but it is that long)

It’s not just that, while I’m on the topic, Eddie chose to hold Buck’s hand instead of going in to Medic Mode when he did finally get to Buck pinned under that truck at the end of Season Two/Eddie’s Freshman Season instead of trying to help get the truck off of Buck’s leg.

It’s not just that the desperation in Buck’s voice as he was pleading with Eddie to stay with him was so straight out of fan fiction that we finally got him canonically calling Eddie “Eds” for the first time during which.

It’s not just that I definitely can’t be alone in being 100% sure of exactly how Buck would answer Mehta’s question of if he was okay before Mehta was even done asking it, or even that Buck waited to respond until after Mehta had walked away, because concrete confirmation of the extent of how distraught Eddie’s shooting made Buck we would soon see would be granted to only that man himself and his son.

It’s not just that Buck was still visibly shaking after having changed out of his clothes splattered in Eddie’s blood, and had done his best to clean it off of his skin, he automatically assumed that Taylor was there for the story of it [did some one, A.K.A. Kristen Reidel (episode writer), subtextually say “Trust issues does not bode well for the relationship”?], or that assumption made him instantly dismissive of her despite the newfound friendship they recently had been building towards after Taylor had been just some cut-throat woman who blatantly used Buck for sex a few years earlier, and, nevertheless, that it was a given to all that he would be the one to tell Christopher of how his only still-living parent might be fatally wounded.

It’s not just that Christopher thought that it was only logical to deduce that, because it was the same doctors who saved Buck who were trying to save his father, his father would be okay, that Buck finally broke like never before, despite every thing that he’s already previously been through, only when Bobby texted him that Eddie actually would be okay/survive, or that Eddie was the only one who Buck admitted the breakdown to other than its witness.

It’s not just that, in hindsight, it would have been completely out of character for each member of this three-person chosen family unit if Buck didn’t collapse in to vulnerability upon facing Christopher’s pure earnestness, for Christopher to not console Buck through said vulnerability, or that Eddie wouldn’t have been the only person who Buck would confess the breakdown to only for Eddie to assure Buck that it didn’t matter - that all that mattered was Buck being there for Christopher like he had been - and for Eddie to not at Buck with sadness and dismay upon hearing that Buck still underestimates the critical importance that he’s earned in Eddie and Christopher’s lives.

It’s also not just that this is TV, and that skepticism of the depth of Eddie and Ana’s relationship had already been placed in scripted dialogue spoken before this episode, combined with the Eddie waking up in front of Ana not being shown to the audience, Eddie waking up right as Buck and Taylor kissed appeared to be what stopped Buck from chasing Taylor when she ran away right after, that Buck actually, on instinct, ran to Eddie instead of chasing after Taylor (Ana’s call to Buck could be paralleled to how Eddie’s first words in the V.A. hospital were “I need to call my wife” if even a provincial shipper wanted to do so), this being what the audience was actually privy to, that Eddie waited until he saw Buck, not his current girlfriend, Ana, to call Christopher, that Buck verbalized how he decidedly chose to not chase after Taylor, that this is the episode in which Buck and Taylor finally get together (continually setting them up for failure much?), and the fact that even the camera angles chosen throughout their blocks of the episode focused their relationship over their respective current female love interests all actually theoretically mean some thing from a good-serialized-storytelling standpoint.

It’s not just that Megan so believably portrayed Taylor as simply friend-zoning Buck up until the finale instead of a careful woman guarding her heart.

It’s not just that Eddie’s protectiveness over Buck around Taylor has resoundingly come off as jealousy throughout multiple seasons within the fandom.

It’s not just the direct and heavy-handed parallels to Bobby and Athena’s relationship throughout the episode, all that implies, or the fact that Bathena actually paralleled Buddie more than the other way around (grocery-story argument, meet outside-of-A.A.-meeting argument, you’re welcome and kudos to @itisa-profoundbond-sarandom for beating me at getting a post addressing this parallel published first with this GIFSet as this meta post has been steadily growing in my Drafts for a long while). We’re all waiting for an other bet scene, Tim, we’re all waiting for an other bet scene.

It’s not just that Eddie getting shot would have been a prime set up to examine the position of Ana as the terrified-and-relieved lover if they wanted us to take said relationship seriously and they, instead, framed Buck in that position.

It’s not just that Gabrielle, per social media posts, had alluded to her not returning next season (even Eddie and Ana’s break up might’ve been off-screen🙄 Gabrielle has now, unfortunately, been listed in Season Five so on-screen break-up it is), that Eddie only has ever kissed Ana on screen the exact same way that he kissed his tía and abuela, and that it’s the only (1) actual kiss that we’ve seen Eddie and Ana exchange.

It’s not just that Carla could’ve gone with any wrong colour for Ana’s eyes to test Eddie with and, yet, she chose blue (did Carla know even back then exactly which eyes to juxtapose Ana’s to in order to elicit an admission of an whether-Pavlovian-by-self-imposed-compulsory-heterosexuality-or-otherwise attraction?). I used to think that I was clowning myself for trying to read in to that with this line of thinking. Now, with Carla also putting emphasis on ‘your�� in “your heart,” I’m not so sure.

It’s not just the “Yes, there’s a lot to be said for getting back on the horse, but there’s also some value in learning that you don’t like horses” coming right out of the horse’s mouth. Eddie’s reaction is surely worth the re-watch. I’m definitely 👀 with you whom believe that Eddie’s been portrayed as merely a repressed gay more and more these days.

It’s not just that they had Ryan, playing Eddie, make that face as a response to Ana saying “I know that there hasn’t been any one else since he lost his mother” when viewers had already looked on as some one else has, in fact, consistently stepped in as an other parental figure to Christopher even while Shannon was still alive, and it’s not just ephemeral, because, again, Eddie had the legal paperwork drawn up that would dispute that erroneous notion that Ana posited in that moment by that time.

It’s not just that, to really put a point on that absolute dissidence, Eddie and Ana’s ‘meet-cute-turned-ugly-turned-cute-again’ episode ended with an adorable Buddiepher+Carla family moment that highlighted how Buck is better for both Christopher and Eddie by showing that he assisted in finding a way for Christopher to experience some thing that is typically reserved for only the able-bodied population in a safe, yet still thrilling, way while they shared heart!eyes for the nth time.

It’s not just all of the heart!eyes that, seemingly, have been glanced by either of them (both reciprocated and non-reciprocated/unseen by the other) so naturally since Eddie was first hired at the 118.

It’s not just that Buck canonically hated Eddie at first sight simply for being “a beautiful man” to then be only putty in the palm of one of Eddie’s precariously-skilled-with-a-grenade hands by the the end of Eddie’s first episode.

It’s not just that very first sight was scored with “Whatta’ Man” by Salt-N-Pepa Feat. En Vogue (I’m doubling down on my dare to Tim, or any fan fiction writer, to allow Buck to soberly sing “Don’t Let Go” directly to Eddie at karaoke when every one had previously thought that he was drunk) or that this first sight was framed from Buck’s POV.

It’s not just that so many of the show’s song selections point to Buck, Eddie, and Christopher being destined to become a family. From the one that I just cited, to “We Could Be Heroes” being strung over a montage in which Buck sees Christopher for the first time and we, the audience, observe as his facial expression journeys through ‘Aww! That’s so sweet!’ to ‘Oh, shit, I’m already in so deep!’ in literally under one second flat as he first sees Christopher in person and he watches Christopher hug his father (I’ll be the nth one to ask ‘Why did Buck have to drive Eddie to Christopher’s school?,’ especially seeing as Eddie would soon thereafter be hesitant about letting Shannon, Christopher’s mother, back in to his life to protect him, and considering the icy way in which Eddie was introduced to Buck), to “Come And Get Your Love” playing at Buck’s ‘Welcome Back’ party while Bobby, of BobbyKnows™ infamy, pushes Eddie to be the first one of the many there that night to give Buck a hug (and we all know what that hug looked like 👀), to “This Is The Day” playing as we see Buck really stepping/running in to the role of arguably (truly not, though, because, again, Eddie literally will, at that climatic moment (+1), soon after have filed the necessary legally-binding paperwork to disprove that it’s arguable) Dad #2 to Christopher at the pier and that the scene that led in to this was Chim and Maddie wondering if they were the only other adults they knew whom weren’t parents only to then have it dawn on them that Buck is also not a parent at the same time being book-ended by the Season Finale with Abby saying that Buck had “stopped waiting for her a long time ago” as the show directly cuts to Buck proclaiming the role of ‘Concerned Parent’ when discussing Christopher going away to Summer camp when we know that Eddie had already changed his will to say that Buck would get custody of Christopher should any thing happen to him (little did Chim and Maddie know that events of that season would prove them hypothetically, or actually, wrong on both fronts and, again, it’s all about how you wisely do televised storytelling, people), to “Photograph” playing over Eddie bringing Christopher back to Buck’s whilst Buck feels like he’s failed them and that he can’t be trusted with their safety (that all three instinctively understand that each of their respective safeties is mutually dependent is for us to delve on in a separate revelatory meta post for an other day), to “Bloom” mellowing soothingly in the background of Carla’s invisible string story Eddie and Christoper and Buck responding to his therapist’s greeting with “Hey, uh, Dr. Copeland, I’m–I’m doing good, … uh, I’ve actually been–been thinking a lot about what you said in our last session, and … How I hide my true feelings from others. … I’m starting to think you might be right” (1. which the show has mysteriously not yet really address and 2. * for a note below), to “Where Do We Go?” setting the tone for Buck and Taylor’s “double date” with Albert and Veronica with the lyrics, “I wanna’ know there will be some one else for you,” being what is predominantly featured, to “Solsbury Hill” bringing together a montage which included Christopher interrupting, and getting in the middle of (I’m not the only one it bugs that she didn’t defer to Eddie before letting him join), a date night between Eddie and Ana at the end of an episode which had displayed Buck and Eddie casually bantering parenting styles, to, finally, “Skyscraper” (à la ‘the sky’s the limit’) being strung over the montage that closed out the show’s latest season finale, the episode in which Eddie, for him, at long last, all of the sudden to Buck and the audience, revealed the most important particular of his will to make Buck see that he’s not “expendable,” and the song sharing our audible attention with Captain Bobby Nash delivering the signature monologue, this one quoting the words of Carl Sagan, “Extinction is the rule - survival is the exception” and our sage Captain adding “When your life--when the world--feels like a never-ending emergency, some times, just making it through the day can be a struggle ... we collect scars, physical and psychological reminders of what we’ve been through, of who, and what, we’ve lost, but maybe those scars can do more than memorialize our past traumas, maybe they’re also a testament to the fact that we’re still here, we are exceptional, we are survivors ... and we move forward”. I don’t know about any one else, but, to me, seeing it typed out like this is really striking as some thing that wants to be taken a as a declarative statement, like the writers are trying to convey that they are aware that there’s a conventional nature to TV storytelling--to living, but the only way to survive is evolution, and that they’re writing the type of show that will evolve out of certain conventional norms (more of them because they already have done that with so many).

It’s not just that Eddie spun out during the time that he couldn’t talk to Buck when had known him for only about a year or that the only reason why Buck sued the department was to get back to Eddie and the rest of the team.

It’s not just that Eddie’s thing with Buck has always been eye contact and confident words of affirmation, but had to keep looking away during the will conversation, or the telling trebidatious breath before “but you’re wrong”. The breathiness from either of them in that scene could drive any one insane (*remember how breathily Buck talked about hiding his true feelings👀 ... or how about when he breathily asked Eddie about his date with Ana when he’d been watching Christopher?👀).

While I’m on the topic of on-screen sexual chemistry, it’s not just that these two could take a full-year course on personal space, and still fail (except during shootings and the highest of momentous discussions), or that we all know about the belt theory cited in Simply Irresistible, and Buck and Eddie can’t stop proving it (potentially) right when they’re around each other.

Staying on topic, ... fuck it, I’m just going to cut and paste some thing from an old meta below:

LOOK!!! LOOK AT IT! … That is definitely eyes on ass!, there is NO EXPLANATION for the expression that rolls down Chimney’s face other than that of a friend seeing some one doing some thing that they know would embarrass the person, but they, themselves, think that it’s cute, and don’t want them catching on that they saw the thing, and, in the middle, is a man who is certain that his ass is being checked out, and IS HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!!! THIS IS THE ENTIRE MERE 24 FRAMES* (1 SECOND!) FROM THIS CAMERA ANGLE (when they could have just stayed on Bobby’s/Peter’s full-body grin!)!!! WHY DID IT MAKE IT TO AIR IF NOT TO SERVE A NECESSARY PURPOSE?!!!!!!!!!!

It’s not just that what flipped the script from them being faux-gut-feeling enemies to trusted friends was saving one Charlie from an explosive device in one of his legs (again, Eddie did not have to make Buck think about their dicks together in that scene, but he did), that rescuing an other Charlie’s mother from her comeuppance of being an abusive parent via Münchhausen syndrome by proxy avalanched in to the revelation that Eddie has wanted Buck to see himself as a potential parent to Christopher for the passed year, nor is it that the Charlie in between who needed to be rescued due to steroid use (read: unnatural growth by force) needed rescuing in the same episode in which Taylor was first introduced as a love interest for Buck (👀 x 3 and, again, Eddie has acted jealous and protective/possessive over Buck every single time that she’s around).

It’s not just that Eddie had always been written as waving the mere concept of Abby off until he actually met the woman and then he gave her the Taylor-Kelly-but-serious treatment in reaction to how he handle Buck and the situation after he saw how she effected Buck.

It’s not just that Buck’s favourite guys with the last name Diaz, potentially his future family if all of this means any thing, were used as an anchor for him in an episode in which he faces his romantic past.

It’s not just that Peter portrayed Bobby as confounded, yet oddly expectant, by how Buck and Eddie were acting after seeing Abby, mixed with how contentiously their handling the rescue of her fiancé and random innocent bystander, Georgia, could have been received as very biting and darkly intense, but, for many of us, it was just downright hilarious. I felt like Bobby wanted to scream “We’re still here (in regards to the status of Buck and Eddie’s relationship)?!” and “Of course we’re still here!” at the same time. Little did he know that Eddie had already done the thing that would eventually make Buck stop acting the way that was exasperating Bobby at the time.

It’s not just that “Buck invites Eddie” was listed off in a listing of couples/family members (really strictly couples save for one listing).

It’s not just that, again, copying and pasting from an earlier meta post of mine for reiteration sake, Buck never actually hit on Marjan, he was just genuinely awkwardly in awe of her being “Firefox” (that is how both Oliver and Natacha played their interactions), but a canonically gay male character, T.K., did think that Buck was hitting on him because they shared a similar (though less kinetic) dynamic to the one that Buck has with Eddie.

It’s not just that, again, continuing from above, … or the fact that, despite them trying to make it look like Eddie was hitting on her (whilst smiling as he talked about Buck), at the end of the day, he just wanted a new friend, and a follow back for his man, or that we’re getting an other crossover, and that there is no way that the 126 is going an other round with out commenting on their relationship, especially when we got this much during the last one.

It’s not just that truly in-sync couples tend to meld their idiosyncrasies, and Eddie has recently accumulated a collection of random marginally-known factoids, just like Buck.

It’s not just that I could rehash any of this and it all would probably ring even more true now than it did then. Any of my meta would.

It’s not just that, while I do wish that what I’m about to say is taken in genuine kindness given the words I’m about to use, @jackles-coded’s galaxy-brained meta posts are so minute-detail-oriented that they could come across as sheer madness if they weren’t 100% true.

It’s not just that, like @jackles-coded and others have pointed out, Christopher’s wardrobe and decor has been consistently prehistorically themed when ever Ana is near whilst being space/futuristically themed when Buck is around, or that the full Sagan quote is “Because it is clear from the fossil record that almost every species that has ever existed is extinct; extinction is the rule - survival is the exception”. Who thinks that Kristen already knew that before writing that episode?☝️🏻

It’s not just that we have confirmation that this show cares so much about the details that they brought back Captain Gerrard for a mini ‘Josh Begins’ story arc and have done similar things with other rarely reoccurring characters (they even took the time to canonically explain the double hiring of Julian Works by having Mervin be Mateo’s cousin).

It’s not just that Taylor was back in an episode called “Breaking Point” or that Ana was brought back in an episode entitled “Jinx”.

It’s not just that there was no question as to who was on the phone calling Eddie after Christopher had snuck off or why they were calling

It’s not just that Buck has been alluded to as queer multiple times just by his sister alone, let alone multiple other characters who have also participated in this, and it’s never been corrected/denied (and, again, allow me to remind you that he outright flirted with Connor right in front of Connor’s boyfriend, Paul, while Connor had a tape worm coming out of his ass, and this was in Season One, before Maddie was around to tease him and before Eddie joined the team to make doe eyes at and help raise a kid with).

It’s not just that it was a gay man who taught Buck what love is in the episode in which he was searching for its meaning or that, following the man’s imminent death (which was shortly after his husband’s, going together, like they always wanted), we witnessed one of Eddie’s first comforting gestures towards Buck when we had been used to seeing Bobby in that role.👀👀👀

It’s not just that hearing the story of this queer couple is how Buck started to see that he no longer wanted casual sex (what Taylor had begun offering him in that episode👀👀).

It’s not just that, when Bobby tried to teach Buck about love in Season One, he had to tell him to step in to the “trap” with Abby and Patricia to have a real relationship with Abby, so he was primed to naturally do so when Eddie and Christopher came to L.A. (and he did just that👀), or that Carla Price played/plays the same role in both dynamics (proving my point).

It’s not just that I don’t even need to really bring up the tsunami, the grocery store, the kitchen, the well, the treasure hunt, or every thing about those scenes in particular detail, because they’re so self-explanatory as to where we’re likely headed.

... It is all of it!

( @kitkatpancakestack​ asked to be tagged in this a long time ago )

[thatfoolsophie]

tacroy appreciation hours and CHRESTOMANCI SPOILERS do yourself a favor and don’t read this if you haven’t read ‘lives of christopher chant’ but i’m remembering that scene where he’s discovered and christopher at once realizes 1. who tacroy really is 2. what he’s gotten wrapped up in, and 3. how hard tacroy was trying to get him out of it and so he’s just sitting there breathless as tacroy is questioned sure that everything is about to come apart but Tacroy’s eyes slid over Christopher over and over again, without a trace of recognition. And every time Tacroy’s answer should have incriminated Christopher, Tacroy lied, and followed the lie up with a smokescreen of other confessions to take people’s minds off the question. Christopher’s face went stiff from keeping the vague look on it. He stared at Tacroy’s bitter face and felt worse and worse. At least twice, he nearly jumped up and confessed. But that seemed such a waste of Tacroy’s trouble. like forget christopher, I could hardly breathe during that scene!!! the character dynamics at play make me absolutely INSANE bc in one stroke christopher’s admiring view of tacroy is upended and replaced with... complete bewilderment. tacroy is dangerous, but christopher was doing the same thing as him, but christopher didn’t know, but tacroy had been trying to warn him off and tacroy let him die and tacroy carried his body back and tacroy tricked him and tacroy looked out for him and tacroy refuses to acknowledge him and tacroy is saving him with his disdainful indifference and christopher doesn’t know WHY and then! and then!!!! DIRECTLY afterwards you get the scene where miss bell and mama come to try to win him back over and christopher goes silent and vague like tacroy, and lies like tacroy, and realizes The only person he knew who had not tried to use him was Tacroy. And Tacroy was a criminal and a double-crosser. And so am I! Christopher thought. Now he had finally admitted this to himself, he found he could not bear to go back to the Midnight Drawing Room to listen to people asking Tacroy questions.

[focsle]

How did you go about discovering your past lives? Do you have any pointers for people who want to find out more about their own past lives?

I don't feel comfortable giving specific pointers on how to do it as I don't feel it's my place and wouldn't want to be responsible for being seen as a source for guidance on anyone doing any kind of soul work. But I'll say some things below the cut about how one can start to go about it!

If you don't know how to already, l'd say learn how to enter a meditative state and--most importantly--learn how to protect and ground yourself before, during, and after doing work in that state. And also how to emotionally/physically/psychically take care of yourself before and after said work. I'd say make sure you feel like you're personally in a good place before doing it, because it can have a strong impact. I use Christopher Penczak's techniques for all of this just because he was something of a household name growing up so I trust him. But research & read about it to find what works best for you and practice it (like just doing meditations and stuff) before jumping into past life business.

It's helpful to go into past lives with a specific thing you want to understand more about yourself and/or specific pieces of information you think relate to you rather than just looking for any past lives you may have had, since that can be too broad!

You can find a regression hypnotherapist to help you do this. Hypnosis feels functionally the same as meditation for me--you don't like...lose consciousness or bark like a dog or anything. In both states you're always in control of the situation and can always back out if you don't want to engage with something. Going to someone who did past life hypnosis was what I did first to establish a reference point for myself for the life I wanted to explore that I could come back to. The person I went to wasn't doing anything I couldn't do myself, but I found it helpful to have a facilitator who understood the work to ask me questions that could guide me through the information I was getting in a more targeted way. I think once you learn to protect & ground yourself, if you had a trusted friend who also understood the importance of those things they could probably also serve as a facilitator.

There are also some people who can just 'tell' someone about their past lives without hypnosis/meditation, but I personally don't trust it that much. No one can access you better than yourself, I think. No doubt there are individuals who have that skill, but I didn't want to waste time and money trying to find someone legitimate who works in that way in the hopes that they'd say something I connected with when I could just cut to the chase. After I did a session with a facilitator to learn about this specific life and had a baseline of information about him, I've been exploring the rest on my own. Which I also find helpful because I can spend more time on some things or delve more deeply into what may have felt too personal to do with a facilitator.

How someone receives information about past lives is also unique depending on how their personal intuition works. For me, it's the same way I experience dreams. The strongest vehicle for info for me is feelings--both emotional and the full spectrum of physical sensation. That's followed by intuition of situations, in that I don't ask 'what is my name' and have someone walk up to me and answer it. Instead it's like if you're at work, at any given moment you know what your name is, you know what you look like, you know what your job is and why you're there that day, you know the names of your coworkers and how you feel about them, you know if you're hungry or tired etc. It's info that's inherently there (though it's not always super clear every time). Third is visuals, but those are definitely not the strongest and mostly supplement the first two.

Good luck finding something that works & take care of yourself while doing it!

[on-maars]

Another Place

Literally I haven’t been able to stop screaming since ep2 came out and I needed to write something

Read on AO3

Bobby is halfway through the third part of The Outsider when he hears a sharp noise followed by a curse coming from the fire station's kitchen. He sits up straight on his chair and even though the voice comes as a whisper, the door to his office is still ajar and Bobby can recognize some Spanish he learned back when he was in high-school.

It’s Eddie then, who always tends to resort to Spanish when he wants to curse or complain about something to himself.

Bobby puts down his book on his desk, stands up and opens his office door a bit wider so he can take a few steps inside the kitchen. The room is plunged into darkness but Bobby can still catch sight of Eddie’s silhouette, standing in front of a box of herbal tea, his eyebrows furrowed, as if he’s currently facing the most complicated dilemma of his entire life.

“Can’t sleep?” Bobby asks and makes Eddie jump with surprise, letting go of the mug he was holding in his right hand. And Bobby might be over 40 but his reflexes are still good and he managed to catch it before it breaks on the floor.

“Shit Bobby, you scared the hell out of me. Thought I was the only one awake.” Eddie says but his voice seems sad, almost dejected.

“Nightmares?” Bobby asks. After all, Eddie’s been through a lot for the past few months, it would only makes sense for his sleep to still be haunted by the memories of the shooting.

“More like insomnia.” Eddie corrects him, his eyes still down. “There’s just stuff I can’t get out of my head, you know.”

“Stuff about the shooting?” Bobby says calmly, but that’s enough for Eddie’s face to wince in pain.

“Among other things.”

“Why don’t you go sit down on the couch and let me take care of it?” He offers. Eddie’s hand stops in mid air and his shoulders eventually slumped as his heads nods, retreating back from the kitchen with a heavy step.

Bobby fills the kettle with water and turns it on before opening the box of herbal tea still on the counter. It’s an old box, supposed to help you sleep, one of those things he brought from home a few years ago when he realized it wasn’t much use back there. He places the tea bag in the mug, opens the drawer to grab a spoon and half a sugar cube. His movements are robotic, like he’s done that a thousand times in the past. And he did, back when his nights were filled with nightmares.

He lets out a sigh and leans against the fridge, looking at Eddie out of the corner of the eye. He’s seated on the armchair, his eyes fixed on the ground, the same haunted look Bobby saw him with a few times already during this past few weeks.

The light turns off on the kettle, and Bobby pours the water in the mug, before making his way towards the ‘living room’ area where he places the tray on the coffee table.

“Wanna talk about it?” Bobby asks as he takes on the seat on the couch.

“It’s just-” Eddie starts but marks a pause, like he’s not sure how to say the next few words. “Just stuff I- I try very hard not to think about. Or just bury- bury somewhere in my brain but-”

“It keeps coming back?” Bobby offers and smiles when Eddie just nods quietly as he takes a sip of his herbal tea. “Does it have anything to do with your panic attacks?”

Eddie’s mouth turns up at the edges but he presses his lips together in a straight line just as fast.

“How do you know about them?” Eddie asks, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“I have my ways.” Bobby answers with a hint of amusement.

“Let me guess.” Eddie starts. “Buck?” And even though the words come out as a question, Bobby knows there’s no real need to answer. He still nods though, and smiles when Eddie rolls his eyes with a fond expression. “They were because of Ana.”

“The panic attacks?” Bobby asks, his eyebrows raised in confusion. “Were?” He adds. “You don’t have them anymore?”

“No.” Eddie shakes his head. “We broke up.” He adds. “I was trying to make it work for Christopher’s sake. Thought he loved her. And he liked her okay but turns out he was only going along with it because he thought she made me happy.” Eddie tells him, a sad laugh escaping his lips.

“And she didn’t?” Bobby encourages him. “Make you happy, that is.”

Eddie opens his mouth like he wants to say something but stops himself from doing so the next second. There’s a small silence after that. Eddie’s eyes are staring into space, his forehead wrinkled in concern, like he’s hopping that if he thinks about it long enough, an answer is going to magically appear in front of him.

“It was nice.” He starts and Bobby raises his eyebrows, unimpressed. “It just wasn’t working.” Eddie adds. “Couldn’t have worked.” He precises. “Not when I-” He marks a pause again, and closes his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his index. “I guess my heart just wasn’t in it.”

Bobby says nothing for a while. He just smiles. Because he knows where Eddie drives at. It’s been a long time coming, after all. All the looks, the soft glances, the sweet gestures. All the signs were there, and they were clear. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that what these two shared went beyond friendship.

“Have you talked to Buck about it, Eddie?�� Bobby asks, his voice gentle.

Eddie flushes, and looks away. Because Bobby’s not only asking him if he talked to Buck about his break-up with Ana. No, in fact he’s asking a lot more than just that. And Eddie knows it. He’s just not sure he’s ready to go there.

“I... I did.” Eddie says, and closes his eyes again. “I mean I- I told him about Ana but I think he knows that… That it’s not only about the break up.” He adds. “It’s never been only about the break up, Bobby.” He admits. “It’s never been only about Ana.”

“I know.” Bobby smiles.

“He broke up with Taylor.” Eddie blurts out and Bobby’s not one to gossip about other people’s relationship because, ultimately, that’s their business and he’d hate to interfere with any of that. But as he sits there on that couch, watching Eddie, there’s only one thing that comes to his mind.

Freaking finally.

“So the ball’s in your court now, isn’t it?” Bobby asks.

“I guess it is, yeah.” Eddie answers, darting his eyes towards him before looking away just as fast. “And you know I was- I was waiting for the right time but…”

Bobby’s mouth turns up at the edges once again.

“I’m just so freaking tired of waiting, Cap.” Eddie finally says, and one of these rare soft smiles only reserved to Buck breaks in on his face. “I- I want this. Us.”

“I think everyone’s tired of waiting, Eddie.” Bobby remarks with a hint of amusement in his voice. “Tell him.” He adds. “After all we both know how he’s gonna react.”

“It’s- it’s gonna be good, right?” Eddie asks, his voice uncertain, a part of him still doubting. Bobby rolls his eyes and lets out a small laugh.

“Eddie, it’s Buck.” He reminds him. “He’s gonna be like a kid on Christmas morning.” He adds. “That boy loves you two to the moon and back.”

And, as if summoned, Buck chooses this moment to appear on top of the stairs, his eyes sleepy and his hair disheveled making his blond curls go in every direction. Bobby watches him as he shuffles towards them, and doesn’t miss the way his eyes light up when they fall on Eddie.

“Hey Eds.” He says, his voice soft, taking a seat on the arm of the chair Eddie's seated on. “You okay? I woke up and you- well you weren’t on your bunk.”

Bobby gives Eddie a knowing look and stands up, retreating back in his office once again, only this time he makes sure to lock the door behind him. He can still hear the muffled words coming from the living-room but nothing he can actually make sense of.

He lets his back rest on the backrest of his chair and goes back to his reading. It’s almost five in the morning now, and Bobby doesn’t see the appeal of trying to get a few hours sleep, especially now that they’ve been unbothered by any calls for a bit more than two hours. It’s certainly not going to last forever.

He finds himself so engrossed in his reading that the next thing he knows, a bit more than half an hour has passed and the kitchen is now dead quiet. The first sunbeams light up the fire station and Bobby decides that now is as good a time as any to start on breakfast.

Only, what he sees when he goes back inside the kitchen makes him stop in his tracks and smiles. Because there they are passed out on the couch, their legs intertwined and Eddie’s head pressed on the other’s chest while Buck has wrapped his left arm around Eddie’s waist while his right hand is buried in his black hair.

“Oh god.” He can hear Hen say from the top of the stairs. “Is this really happening?” She asks and Bobby only chuckles while shaking his head in disbelief.

“I guess it is.” He says.

“Holy shit.” This time, it’s Chimney’s turn to curse. “I’m calling Maddie.” He adds.

“Chim, it’s 5am.” Hen remarks.

“Oh trust me if I wait any longer I think she’ll punch me.”

“I’m taking a picture for the group-chat.” Ravi intervenes behind Chimney and Bobby only watches them from the kitchen with an amused smile.

“Guys come on, let them sleep for a while okay? They deserve it.”

“We’re not sleeping.” Buck’s voice comes from behind the couch. Bobby can’t see him but he can only picture the exasperated expression on his face.

“Not anymore.” Eddie adds.

Bobby rolls his eyes and turns his back on them to face the oven while chaos suddenly erupts in the fire station.

With a sigh and an amused smile, he starts on breakfast.

[youzicha]

frost, bonfire, quilt

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?

Buy bitcoin. Try to get a high paying FAANG job. Generally care more about money I guess.

bonfire - describe your dream house.

There’s that quote “I do not have a dream job. I do not dream of labor.” Honestly I kindof feel that although some houses look very nice, if you spend much time thinking about them you are shallow and should find a more interesting ambition. My actual dream would be to be in a situation where I didn’t have to think about houses...

sungodsevenoclock​’s answer to this question noted that people’s dream homes are influenced by their childhood environments. In fact, while I was traveling this summer I had a look at the place where I grew up as a kid: a city block of terraced houses and low-rise apartment buildings surrounding a pedestrian environment with patios and shared green spaces. And I was all “oh wow, this is really nice, an ideal environment to raise children in”.    

I genuinely think it feels extremely nice and cozy. It’s very Christopher Alexander-ish: a mixture of passages at different scales; transitions from shared pathways to private patios; things fitting together unevenly (gyō); living plants shaping the passages and blocking sightlines; pitched roofs.  

This all just makes me more sour on the concept of houses, and about being physically embodied at all. Like, these are not even my opinions, arrived at through conscious deliberation, it’s something I was imprinted on like a duck.

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?

We usually make a big pot of green tea in the morning to drink during the day, so that’s the most by volume, but I also like black tea with lots of milk and sugar. And of course bubble tea (my favorite chain is Kung Fu Tea). 

[homerforsure]

Whumptober No. 6 Bruises / Touch Starved / Hunger Whumptober No. 30 major character death / left for dead / ghosts

Me: I can’t believe I have to post this absolutely incomprehensible piece of writing. 

Me: You don’t... have to?

Me: No, I’m gonna. 

Buck has an exceptional number of pillows on his bed. There are six, before he knocks a few to the floor every night, and he burrows into them like a nest, curling up with one against his chest, two pressed against his back, one between his legs. His sheets are a ridiculously priced, cool, crisp cotton that welcomes him in, surrounding him. The blankets he uses aren’t weighted, but they’re heavy and thick and he keeps his air conditioning turned up so he doesn’t have to give up the feeling of nestling into them in the heat of summer. Along with the white noise machine on his night stand, all of it is chosen to trick him into sleep. To keep back the feeling that night time in his own apartment is the loneliest part of Buck’s day. 

It wasn’t perfect, pre-covid. It’s been a long time since Buck had someone share his space, share his bed, someone he could reach out and touch whenever he wanted. But his life outside of home was full. He didn’t lack for closeness; in some ways he had more than he’d ever dreamed. So while he had lonely moments, they weren’t a constant ache in his chest. 

These months though. These months hurt. Facetime isn’t a substitute for curling up on Maddie’s couch with whatever silly-labeled wine she’d liked best that week. It’s definitely not a substitute for Eddie’s couch and losing to Christopher over and over again at Mario Kart. The last time they talked, Eddie had reached over and ruffled Christopher’s hair and Buck felt it. First as a tingle up the back of his scalp and then as a bruise to his heart. Eddie’s touches, so constant and so casual, became essential somewhere along the way and Buck feels himself reaching out for them even when he knows it’s not allowed.

“Six feet, gentlemen,” Bobby says gently when their orbits swing toward each other and Eddie makes a dramatic show of raising his hands and taking a giant step backward. Bobby just shakes his head and reminds them it’s the price they all agreed to pay for not wearing masks in the firehouse. 

Buck starts dreading the end of a call when taking off his heavy turnout coat leaves him feeling cold and exposed. He folds into himself, claiming a chair, putting in earbuds and crossing his arms tight over his chest, pulling his knees up even though he knows better than to put his shoes on the furniture.

It’s a similar position to the one he lies in at night, clinging to the pillows, trying to draw comfort out of the smooth fabric. In those moments, his loneliness is so loud it might as well be a beacon sent out into the universe, a burning shout of need. 

And that shout is heard. 

***

“Have you guys heard of exploding head syndrome?” Buck asks one morning when the calls are slow and the crew is all lingering in a lazy way rather than rushing off to take care of their other duties. 

“What, the band?” Chimney asks.

“I think it was an album,” Bobby says.

“No,” Buck sighs. “It’s a sleep thing. It’s this loud noise that you hear when you’re falling asleep like a massively loud explosion. Only it’s just happening in your head.”

“Is your brain actually exploding? Like an aneurism?”

“No. It’s just the noise.” 

Just the loudest noise Buck had ever heard. It woke him up with a feeling of abject terror. It was an explosion that didn’t echo. It just rang, clear and true through his eardrums like the end of the world. Even as he struggled out of his sheets, searching for the source so he could run from it, part of him knew it wasn’t a sound that left any physical evidence. What could it even be? A sound like that? An old fashioned safe dropping from two stories up? A car crash without the crunch? Just a high speed collision of two immovable objects, all of the equal and opposite reaction of their momentum forced to escape as sound. 

Once his heart rate had slowed, he googled. He wasn’t initially sure what to google. “Ridiculously loud noise woke me up” seemed at once too vague and too specific but sure enough. Exploding Head Syndrome. It was what happened. Obviously. But Buck remained too full of adrenaline to sleep. As he sat up in bed, he couldn’t shake the urge to look around. Under the bed, in the closet, behind the shower curtain. He didn’t feel alone. 

“I’m just glad it’s happening in your head instead of mine,” Chim laughs. “Maybe try putting some earmuffs on before you go to sleep tonight.” ***

The sound doesn’t reappear. Buck is relieved, but sleeping doesn’t get any easier. He tries to soothe himself with obscenely long hot baths, by ordering a hoodie that’s more fluff than fabric, by running a foam roller across his muscles, trying to pry them into relaxation. It’s so much work and it does so little. Buck’s entire body is screaming out at all times for a hug or a massage or even just a really fucking good haircut. It takes longer and longer to fall asleep and the little sleep he does get isn’t restful. It’s like whatever meager comfort he manages to give himself during the day is leached away in the night. 

He doesn’t even notice the bruises at first. It’s an easy enough thing to miss. Their job is heavy physical labor and Buck barrels through a scene like a one man stampede. Bruises are as common as the smell of smoke in his hair. The ones Eddie points out on his arm though are different. 

Buck’s carrying a kitten at the time. The fire they’ve been fighting is beaten back to smolders. Buck shucked off his coat, wet and dripping from the hose and too cold for the shaking animal, and grabbed a blanket from the ambulance to wrap her up and cradle her against his chest. He’s rubbing his face against her damp fur, feeling the softness like a concentrated shot of endorphins when Eddie asks, “What the hell happened to you?”

“What are you talking about?” Buck asks and Eddie’s hands are pushing up the sleeves of his shirt, rolling them up to his shoulders while Buck’s trying to hold onto the cat.

“You don’t feel that?”

“Feel what?” He’s maybe a little ruder than he means to be but the sleep deprivation makes him cranky and the touch deprivation means that Eddie’s gently probing fingers feel like a dream on his skin. The care in the brush of his hands makes Buck’s knees weak. 

“Your arms are bruised to hell,” Eddie says. “Are you- Did someone grab you or something?”

“I swear to god, Eddie. I don’t feel anything.” Except grumpy and exhausted and longing. 

“Jesus, it goes all the way up your shoulders. It looks like-” He stops, pulling Buck’s collar aside and tracing a small spot that Buck can’t see even if he turns his head. “They look like fingerprints, Buck. Are you seeing someone?” 

“What!”

“These are handprints. And they’re dark. Do you really not-”

Buck wrenches himself from Eddie’s grasp so he can turn around and look at him because if Eddie’s really accusing him of putting everyone at risk by trying to date someone right now… But Eddie’s face is nothing but concerned. Which makes Buck scared. 

“Is it really that bad?” he asks, clutching the cat to his chest. 

Eddie rubs a hand up Buck’s back (it feels so good, hot like Buck’s t-shirt isn’t even between them and is it just because it’s been so long or just because it’s Eddie?) without looking around to see if Bobby’s watching and that’s really all the confirmation Buck needs. It’s bad. 

***

After that, Buck starts to feel them. He wakes up and he can’t breathe. He wakes up and he can’t move. He wakes up on the floor. He spends every moment that he’s asleep fighting to wake up. Buck can only remember fragments and pieces of the torment but he knows that it feels like drowning. Like being held down. Like being grabbed and pulled and smothered. He thinks he remembers long dark hair. 

Google is useless. Sleep apnea. Sleep paralysis. Sleep terrors. Even sleepwalking. None of them can account for the worst of it. For the physical signs of whatever is happening to him while he sleeps.

Bruises bloom blue on the pale skin of his hips. Purple on his ribs. Green on the back of his neck. The ones that Eddie saw first on his arm fade to yellow.  A long scratch runs down the side of his face. Dark circles under his eyes grow darker every day. 

“What’s happening to me?” he asks his reflection.

All he wants is to be able to ask that question with someone’s arms around him. He wants anyone to hold him tight and shush his fears and tell him that it’ll be okay. 

It’s easier than he thought to hide it. Buck just chooses his shower times strategically and opts for a long sleeve uniform, complaining that he ruined his short sleeves ones by grabbing bleach instead of detergent while he was half asleep. 

He’s always half asleep these days.

At least in the bunk rooms, he gets some semblance of rest. Whatever presence he feels in his own bedroom doesn’t cross this threshold and Buck sleeps deeply, almost missing the scream of the alarm. 

“It’s getting worse isn’t it?” Eddie asks, cornering Buck in the locker room. Buck can’t help but nod and Eddie steps closer as if to touch him. 

Buck flinches away and Eddie pulls up short as though hitting an invisible wall. 

He breathes Buck’s name on a pained exhale and says, “You have to get some help. Whatever it is…”

“I don’t know what it is!’ Buck answers. “It’s living in my house and it- it- God. Maybe I need an exorcism.”

“Maybe you should come home with me,” Eddie suggests and Buck recoils again. 

The firehouse seems safe but there’s no guarantee that Buck won’t be followed anywhere else. He’s desperate to be safe--desperate for Eddie to make him safe--but not at the expense of anyone else. Not when he doesn’t know what he’s facing. 

“Okay,” Eddie says. “But call me in the morning.” 

***

The burned girl screams louder when she sees Buck than she did while they were putting out the inferno of her car. 

“Stay away from me!” She shrieks. “Stay awaystayawaystayaway.”

“Miss, we’re going to need you to calm down,” Hen says to her. “Buck, you wanna move aside? Like preferably somewhere she can’t see you?”

Buck does because the patient’s well-being is more important than anything, but his skin feels like ice. He wants to demand to know what else she sees when she looks at him. Wants to know how she knows. For half a second, he imagines following her to the hospital and waiting for her outside the glass doors.  

They aren’t far from her house (52% of accidents happen within five miles of home) and the girl’s father arrives on the scene before they finish prepping her to be transported. And he sees Buck. 

He freezes when he does, but at least he doesn’t scream. He ignores Buck completely, instead going to the ambulance where his daughter is still crying and trying to soothe her. Hen offers to let him ride in the ambulance, but he says that he’ll take his car. 

“You’re in a lot of trouble,” he says, returning to Buck as the ambulance pulls away. “What you summoned… That’s not a normal ghost.”

“I didn’t summon anything! It just happened.” Buck’s voice is high-pitched and he just barely stops himself from grabbing onto the man’s arm, but the man doesn’t seem afraid of Buck the way his daughter was. “What is it? How do I make it go away?”

The man shrugs, “She came in through an open door. Which door depends on the person. But she’ll do everything in her power to keep it pried open. All you can do is try to close it again.”

It is… the least helpful advice Buck’s ever been given in his entire life. But the man’s daughter is on her way to the hospital and he needs to follow her. He vanishes. 

***

They’re about to have four days off. Buck’s bracing himself to meet the woman in his dreams. To look around in that dreamspace for open doors and slam them shut again. He can do it. He has to. 

***

The next night Buck wakes up and he can’t move. He’s paralyzed on the bed. He’s paralyzed on the bed and someone’s standing at the top of his stairs. 

She’s not… right. Buck can’t quite see in the dark and he can’t lift his head but the woman on his stairs isn’t solid in the way a human should be. The outline of her is strong, but it’s like she’s a shell wrapped around a cavernous emptiness. She’s across the room but she’s already pulling at him. 

Buck tries to thrash but his arms are pinned as if her hands are already on his wrists. He needs to reach the lamp. If he can just turn on the light.

“Get away from me,” he pleads and the part of her face where lips should be turns up, revealing pointed teeth that stand in front of a void.

“You called me,” she says. The words don’t come from her mouth and Buck doesn’t hear them with his ears. It’s wrong wrong wrong. He throws himself hard to the left and he rolls, flying further than he expected to, suddenly free, and crashes hard into the table, knocking the lamp to the floor. It shatters, bulb and all and pain scrapes across Buck’s shoulders.

“Poor boy,” the ghost mocks. “Poor lonely boy. Just wants someone to touch him. Just wants someone to stay with him. I heard you.”

“No,” Buck says and he tries to scramble, but his feet can’t find purchase on the floor. “I didn’t want you.”

He doesn’t deny the call. Can’t deny it when his heart is reaching out in the same pleading, desperate way now. Please. Anyone.

In the time it takes to blink she’s in front of him. She’s so close. She shouldn’t be able to get that close without standing on him but she’s there. Her voice whispers in his mind, “You should choose your words more carefully.”

And then her hands are around his throat.

The pressure is insistent and her motive is unmistakable. She’s going to kill him. She’s going to squeeze the life out of him. He’s going to die here and Eddie’s going to find his body because Eddie’s going to come rushing over as soon as Buck doesn’t call him in the morning and what if this thing is still here waiting for him. 

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

Buck’s mind yells for him like his lungs did when Eddie was buried except now it’s Buck who’s too far away, who’s trapped somewhere deep and dark with no hope of escape. 

He tries to breathe and his breath whistles. It’s like the first time someone handed him a styrofoam cup of coffee and he tried to drink through the plastic stir stick. Black stars twinkle in the room and tears build in his eyes. 

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. 

There’s a shift as she adjusts her grip and it’s enough for the stars to clear. Buck throws himself forward, shaking his head like he isn’t a ragdoll trapped in the jaws of a rottweiler, like he has a hope of breaking free and then he does. The ghost is thrown off balance and Buck jumps, scrambling back over his bed for the stairs. He can’t even think about defeating her, finding out the secrets of where she came from, closing whatever fucking door he left open. All Buck wants to do is live. 

A force behind him swells like a wave to lift Buck off his feet and slams him into the bathroom door. He expects to slide off of it and onto the floor, but he’s held in place hard, his head turned and his cheek pressed to the wood, toes just brushing the ground. 

“You begged me to come,” the ghost hisses. “I’m here for you, lonely boy. Don’t fight so hard.”

A hand skims up his back, nearly gentle, but leaving a numbness in its path and Buck shudders in disgust. He jerks against the door, but his arms are wrenched behind him and he screams. He realizes it’s the first time he has.

“I didn’t call you! I don’t want you here! Get out.”

“I came because you needed me.” A long finger trails down his cheek and Buck whimpers. She’s taller than him now. Was she always? “I could feel you from so far away. An aching ball of need. I’m here for you now.” 

“I don’t need you,” Buck growls and the room flashes like lightning. He hopes to fall, almost expects to fall, where he can scramble again but instead, Buck is hurled away from the door completely. He has time to see that he’s above the stairs, throw his hands out uselessly and then he’s frozen. 

Buck hovers there in the air above the stairs, dangling in the grip of the ghost, like a cat grabbed by his scruff. Kicking wildly, he grabs for the invisible hand that’s holding him, yelling “No, no, no, no.”

“Need me now?” the ghost asks. 

Smothering the terrified part of him that nearly answers yes, Buck forces himself to stop twisting and just hang there. He doesn’t want to fall. He doesn’t want to die. But what he needs isn’t going to come from the ghost. 

“No,” he answers. 

And he can’t explain how he knows what her face looks like when it’s screwed up in fury, but he does. It’s vicious and vindictive and Buck’s not surprised at all when he’s flicked away from her and down the flight of stairs. 

He seems to hit each one as he falls, something that should be impossible with the speed that he’s traveling and the force with which he bounces off of them, but the ghost is obviously responsible. Air leaves his lungs as his ribs crack against the stairs. His elbows and knees scrape. His head bangs the rail. Buck’s long, long legs seem to tangle as he falls, cartwheeling him down and he lands in a heap at the bottom. 

As he tries to figure out if he can still move, the door flies open. 

Warmth rushes in. Buck hadn’t even realized how cold it had gotten since he first woke up, but the room seems to thaw around him. It’s like sunlight. 

It’s Eddie. 

“Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Evan. Buck. I’ve got you, Buck. I’ve got you.” 

Tenderly, he scoops Buck off the floor, unsnarling the mess of his limbs and feeling all over for the damage he can’t see. “I’ve got you. Open your eyes. Come on.” 

The ghost stands at the top of the stairs and then she’s at the bottom. Buck clambers backward again, digging his heels into the floor to push himself upright in front of Eddie, to try and hide him from view. Eddie doesn’t seem to see the ghost. All of his attention is still on Buck, stroking his hair, promising over and over that he’s there, that he has Buck. 

All of the ghost’s attention is on Buck too. “You need me,” she says. “You called for me.” She sounds different now. Bitter. Like Buck wasted her precious time. 

“I don’t need you,” he says and he reaches behind him to grab Eddie’s hand. “I already have everything I need.” 

Lights flicker and that impossibly loud sound bangs in Buck’s ears again. He gets one last look at the ghost’s vicious, violent visage and then she’s gone. 

And then Buck wakes up.

[outrunningthedark]

After 5x01 how sure are we that we are getting EddieAna break up no later than 5x03? I was wondering your thoughts. I feel like its definitely the only direction now going forward.

I have to say I'm feeling pretty good about our prediction! During the hiatus, we were “jokingly” predicting that Ana would stick around no more than three weeks simply because the third episode of the past two seasons has given us Buckley-Diaz content, right? Eddie breaking up with his girlfriend would be a perfect segue into following his heart back to Christopher and Buck. And then...the premiere arrived. Eddie has been with his girlfriend for several months, not several weeks, and he has yet to meet any of her family? IMO, asking Eddie to attend the christening is a test on Ana's part. If he agrees to go - and bring his son along! - that gives Ana hope that Eddie just needs more time. We can tell from her behavior with Eddie in the suit store (convincing him to buy a new suit when they were only supposed to be there for Christopher, suggesting he should use a tie to complete the look) that she has visions in her head of what she wants their future to look like - two polished, successful adults raising a boy that is impossible not to love. She, much like Eddie, seems to be trying to create her idea of the "perfect family", one her own would approve of. So, Eddie tells Ana that he and Christopher would be happy to attend (Eddie, my guy, I think if you actually asked your son how he felt you might be surprised by his answer...), but he never considered the fallout, how it would look from an outside POV. Being your gf's plus-one to a family gathering is ALWAYS going to raise eyebrows, especially if Eddie is the first one she's brought around in quite some time.  Eddie started dating Ana because he felt it was time to heal from the emotional scars Shannon left behind. After awhile, he convinced himself it was the right decision because their dynamic is much easier to deal with compared to how incompatible Eddie and his wife were on every level except physically. More importantly, Christopher appears to get along great with her, and we all know Eddie prioritizes what he thinks Christopher needs over what either of them want.  Eddie doesn’t want a future with Ana. Even if he was contemplating it before the season four finale, we know by the premiere that the shooting didn’t bring them any closer together. Four months removed from nearly losing his life and he becomes confused and slightly agitated when his coworkers question how serious things are getting with the woman who sat at his bedside in the hospital and would have (most likely) been part of the recovery process? What? Oh, but it’s not just Eddie second-guessing himself. Ana doesn’t know where she fits, if she fits. Logically speaking, there was no real reason for her to specify that she’s just a friend when the male employee mistakenly referred to her as Christopher’s mom (and therefore Eddie’s wife). But if you look at the situation from her perspective, whatever’s happened between them since the shooting has made her feel like she doesn’t have the right to claim a permanent place in Eddie and Christopher’s lives. Ana still doesn’t feel like she belongs with them. The post-panic attack scene, for me, was the biggest indicator that things are coming to a head very soon. It’s one thing for Eddie to pretend like there’s no stress in his life and everything’s just peachy, but Ana offered up no words of support.  “It’s been great, right?” *camera cuts to Ana*  *silence* Ana doesn’t want to answer that because if she says yes she knows she’s lying to herself, and if she suggests otherwise she can no longer hide from the truth.  Going back to my original point about the christening being a test of Eddie’s commitment, remember that we’ve gone back a week in the timeline, and Eddie specifically says it’s happening “next Sunday”. This is purely a guess, but I think whatever Eddie goes through during the helicopter rescue and blackout is going to drive a bigger wedge between them (I’m trying to figure out what she could be doing in next week’s episode and all I’ve come up with is attempting to have a conversation, but it’s not a good time) and then as the christening gets closer they realize it’s best not to give her family the wrong impression. Now, where it could get REALLY interesting (and tbh, I want this on my screen!), is if the breakup is mutual, rather than Eddie letting Ana down gently. I still want Eddie following his heart, admitting out loud that their relationship was never built to last, but...   IMAGINE Ana telling Eddie she figured that out a long time ago. IMAGINE Ana saying she hoped things would have worked out between them, but it’s obvious she isn’t what he’s looking for.  IMAGINE Eddie being surprised that she called him out, but also realizing he can’t play pretend for much longer.  We just saw that the directors actually do know how to use her as more than a prop when it benefits the plot. She didn’t need to say much to make us feel her hesitance and discomfort. If Ana’s gonna bow out on a good note (and lbr, that’s the only way this was ever gonna go given her personality), end it in a way that closes one door and opens another.  (okay, bye! i’m done)

[whateverthedragonswant]

Reasons/signs why buddie is likely to go canon

Hey, Nonnie! Oooo, great question, okay I've got to think about this.

I would say the main reason why Buddie is likely to go canon is because both Buck's and Eddie's stories are so intertwined, it only makes sense for them to get together. Not just as family but also romantically. They are literally the answer to what they're each looking for in a partner. Nothing else makes sense though the show has had quite a few opportunities to veer off of this course for a while now but they haven't taken them, and instead seemed to have double downed on it, getting us closer and closer to Buddie canonization.

As for signs, hmm...

Well, other than seeing Eddie pining for Buck and how much we're getting closer to that portion of the story where it will be confirmed in some way, they've given us more than a few. But I'll pick the main ones:

1) Eddie and Ana breakup - a previous nonnie mentioned how Ana is essentially the perfect woman for Eddie and I agree, she's good on paper (in season 5 at the least), which we saw being shown in that firehouse scene in 5x02. There is literally no reason for these two not to stay together (except for it not being what Eddie wants and their severe lack of chemistry/love). Christopher loves her and from what he said, he obviously expects that a marriage is in the future. She would be a good support for Eddie, she's empathetic and she's always reaching out to him and Christopher physically. She also would be a great partner, not just with Christopher, but also in certain situations like we see in the firehouse scene. She immediately took charge of the situation when it appeared Eddie wasn't going to when it came to Ravi and sort of made it a little easier until the wife mention. And then she rolls with it when Eddie asks Ravi to give her a tour so he can make his escape. She's perfect on paper. So for them to show us this, this late in the game, only to turn around and discard it soon after because it's what's triggering Eddie's panic attacks due to it not being what he wants...to me, that's a huge sign we're heading to a Buddie canonization. Especially, when Ana has been paralleled and contrasted with Buck several times during the short time of her relationship with Eddie. Especially since Buck has to be the one to tell Eddie to let Ana go and not hurt her if she's not what he wants. Especially when for a second there, it became The Buckley Diaz family vs The Flores Diaz family and we know who won out in that round in Eddie's eyes and which one he felt more at ease with.

2) The parallels - I know we always talk about these but I believe this is one of the most telling signs that we're heading to canon Buddie. Buck has been paralleled to Chim, Hen, Bobby, Athena, Karen, and of course Maddie. Eddie, the same. Not to mention, Buck and Eddie have been continuously paralleled and contrasted to the romantic partners in their lives, both past and present. With all of this foundation being built, with all of these direct parallels and contrasts, there's no way Buddie isn't going canon. They've been weaving this story way too intricately for it to be loosened or unraveled or to start weaving something new for one of the guys or both now.

3) The other relationships around Buddie - time and time again, Buddie has been linked/paralleled/connected to the other canon relationships in the show: Bathena, Henren, and Madney. Not to mention that they've done this within the context of romance, such as the 3x13 scene where Eddie asks Buck if he wants to come over. Which Buck declines and then they go about having Hen confirm she and Karen have a date night, then Bobby has one with Athena, and then Chim wants to spend the night with Maddie, so Buck ends up alone. And they've also done it a few times in framing:

You have Bathena and Henren on one side, and Madney on the other, with Buddie in between. Not only are they trying to throw strong hints at us but there's literally no reason for them to keep doing this if they didn't plan to make Buddie romantic at some point and endgame (especially when paralleled with Bathena and Henren). If they wanted to only display the deep partnership and friendship, the only relationship they should be paralleling/keep getting connected to is Chim and Hen's partnership/friendship.

4) The stand-ins - each time there seems to be some sort of separation between the two, physically or emotionally or both, they've opted to use stand-ins for both characters. The biggest examples are Lena for Eddie during the lawsuit arc (standing in for Buck), Marjan and TK in the crossover (standing in for both Buck and Eddie respectively) Ana (besides being who Eddie felt he needed to move on with, she's a stand-in for Buck in 4x14), and Taylor (standing in for Eddie in 4x14). The fact that they use stand-ins, to me, is a very big clue. These two have come to rely on each other that much that the story/writers need to provide them with stand-ins, usually in the form of women (and TK, a confirmed gay character who mistakenly thinks Buck is hitting on him at the end of the crossover). They also use smaller characters in the story to be stand-ins for Buck and Eddie as well, in certain situations (not all of them women) and aren't necessarily provided for the other character to interact with, i.e. Corey the gunman in 4x08 was a stand-in for Buck (so was Mr. Nowels), Brian the fake firefighter in 4x06 was a stand-in for Eddie, the guy Eddie beat up over the parking space in 3x05 was a stand-in for Buck, etc. To me, that's a very big tell.

5) 5x01 relationship link - they purposely showed us that there is something missing in each relationship for each guy, even though they have these seemingly perfect partners for these points in these guys' lives and where they're currently at. And it revolved around the physical. For Buck and Taylor, it was sex on the surface but had more to do with the emotional, since we saw Taylor was determined to find the answers about what happened that day than focus on Buck. For Eddie and Ana, we get a hint that their relationship has progressed physically by a comment and reaction, then we see Eddie having a panic attack, but underneath it all, he was triggered by the store clerk mistaking Ana as Christopher's mother, and there is a lot more since Dr. Salazar intimates that Eddie is repressing the anxiety aka something emotional. Not only is that a sort of vague parallel between both relationships, but it's also showing us that there is definitely something missing from both of these dynamics for both guys. (which is why it doesn't surprise me in the least that Eddie is able to talk candidly with Buck in 5x02 and vice versa)

6) Eddie and Buck only seem to be able to be truly vulnerable with one another - this to me, is just a given at this point. Not that we haven't seen Buck be vulnerable with Bobby or even Maddie (I would say Maddie and Eddie are the two people who know Buck the best out of everyone and who Buck can truly be vulnerable with, while Bobby and Buck provide that same dynamic for Eddie), but there's definitely an exclusive window into Buck that Eddie has, with and without Buck's invitation. Eddie sees Buck for who he is and vice versa. To have this unique part of their emotional relationship exist, and then it's contrasted to all of the romantic partner in their lives who can never seem to have that access, is another big sign to me. They could have kept it strictly as two friends, two partners, who just get each other, and that's that. And then eventually a romantic partner would come along for one guy or both who would after a time (and possibly approval from the other, depending how cliche and trope-y they would have wanted to get) gotten that access as well. But they didn't. They've made this vulnerability pretty much exclusive with the exception of Maddie and FireDad.

7) Show making Buckley Diaz family official through legal guardian reveal - if there was ever a big neon sign flashing (without showing us Eddie's feelings) that pointed the way to Buddie, this is it. Is it possible that two friends, two partners, two brothers, could have also had this development without any future romantic implications? Sure. But that's not how it went down. If it did, we would have had the reveal a lot sooner or happening when Eddie first woke up or happening at another time when Eddie is in danger or wounded again (like this alleged hostage situation coming up). But instead they chose this very specific timing and context of when Eddie chose to reveal this information to Buck. Because it absolutely is not about their friendship or Eddie's concern of what will happen to Chris should he not be around anymore. He doesn't even know about the crane climb (at least that we saw). But he chose to reveal it right then because Buck had said it would have been better for Chris if he had been shot. Not to mention they showed us Eddie's reaction to this line:

Eddie needed Buck to know that he matters to Christopher, to him. That he isn't expendable. And Christopher 99.9% of the time is synonymous with Eddie. And Eddie uses the mention of Christopher as a shield. The legal guardian reveal was all about Eddie, and Buck. And the show purposely chose to put it in this context and within this dynamic and timing when they didn't have to, in order to keep the lines clear. Instead, they double-downed on the Buckley Diaz family and how it would lead us into the next season, and how it would affect these two specifically, whether that be the dynamic at work or outside of it or both.

There are many other signs but these are the top 7 off of the top of my head. Buddie's going canon. There's no two ways about it. And while the relationship may not happen instantly, a conversation (and realization) is definitely due to happen this season. Eddie's feelings are all but glaringly obvious enough that they're written in Sharpie on his forehead and I don't see how Buck can remain oblivious to this fact much longer (or to his own feelings), whether that's him seeing it himself or someone else pointing it out to him.

I hope I was able to answer your question thoroughly, Nonnie! Thank you for the ask! Hope you have a wonderful rest of your weekend!!! <3