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1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam · 4 months ago

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Need an acknowledgement after Buddie goes canon of them having had latent or explicit feelings for each other for years. This isn’t a case of “oh, we were best friends for years and then one day we woke up and were in love.” This is a case of “we’ve been best friends for years, and we’ve been falling in love with each other since the day we met. We just didn’t understand it yet.” We’ve already had Buck’s realization that he’s bisexual, but his arc was chock-full of obliviousness to his attraction to Eddie, his feelings for Eddie, whose attention he actually wants. He still doesn’t really get it, but he gets that he likes men too, at least. Eddie is a whole other ball game. From the Catholic guilt to the toxic masculinity to the childhood emotional neglect to the pressure he keeps putting on himself to perform in relationships. He’s repressed as hell, and he isn’t to “I’m gay” yet, but we see hints of him understanding that how he feels might be a little different (his pause at “follow your heart, not Christopher’s” from Carla, his two talks with Bobby, admitting to performance anxiety on dates to the whole team, his talk with Buck about Marisol being an ex-nun, his acceptance that Ana and a ready-made family was the reason for his panic attack).

We know that the two of them are bad at identifying how they really feel, or at least allowing themselves to feel it. So, it makes way more sense for the show to admit that they’ve had romantic feelings for each other for years, rather than trying to convince the audience that what we’ve been watching these past seven seasons isn’t a product of two characters’ struggles with their identity and relationships. And while I’d be satisfied with a light-hearted snark from Hen or Chim about how they’ve been seeing it for years, I’d be so much happier with a full circle moment of the boys actually fully knowing themselves, acknowledging that they were never just best friends, they just didn’t understand it yet. It would show their series-long growth, as well as being an enormous tip of the hat to the audience. Because we aren’t misinterpreting it. We’re reading the queer-coding directly from the show, yes through subtext of course, but also the literal text. There have been so many moments deserving of acknowledgement in this regard, and I would hate for Buddie to go canon without it being clarified that those moments were exactly as queer and/or romantic as we thought.

#buddie #911 #9-1-1 #911 abc #9-1-1 abc #eddie diaz #evan buckley #gay eddie diaz #bisexual evan buckley #christopher diaz #bobby nash #carla price #marisol nolastname #ana flores #hen wilson #chimney han #howie han #I just feel like it would be a shame to miss an opportunity here #you’ve written this gorgeous love story across so many seasons and you SHOULD acknowledge that #something something #you accidentally wrote the most beautiful love story of our time (and silly tv shows)#let’s play a game #would you rather #acknowledge that buddie has been romantically framed for YEARS in and outside of the show universe OR #pretend that you’ve only been writing them as romantically coded or the two abc seasons #we know they were supposed to have a BIG shift after the sniper arc #and that means there’s at least several episodes in s4 that are romantically coded for buddie (shocker)#then they tried to walk that back in s5-6 bc fox/higher ups shut buddie down but we still got an insane sequence of events in s5 #with Eddie’s therapy arc and THEN the s6 couch theory that drove everyone crazy only to disappear the moment the show switched to abc #they’ve been romantically framed for YEARS and I think they should tell us that straight up in the show

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schrijverr · 9 days ago

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Oehh with chapter 37 and Bobby's POV up, I can tell you all about how Eddie's POV colored chapter 30 and 31!

I love how much taking a character's POV can change how they view everything and how simple misunderstandings and interpretations of actions can spiral out of control unintentionally, so this was really fun to write.

Anyway, I'm putting this under the cut, because it's just me nerding out over my own fic lol

Okay, so this will be mostly focusing on the 118 and their actions and how Eddie sees them and they him, so I'm gonna start with this bit after they just found out:

“You two are married?” “2016? You two didn’t meet until last year!” “I didn’t know you were gay.” They’re all yelling at him and it’s not good for Eddie’s flayed open nerves. He’s been living with the anxiety of everyone finding out for nearly a year already and now the moment is here and he has to face it without back up. It suddenly seems incredibly daunting. Bobby seems to notice his overwhelmed eyes and makes a gesture for everyone to calm down so they can interrogate him in peace. Hen and Chimney both notice and quiet down, backing down from being in his face. Maddie, however, does no such thing.

In the grand scheme of things, these are pretty normal questions to ask when you just found out that your male coworker has been married to your other male coworker the whole time. (Also in my mind the order is Bobby, Chimney, Hen).

However, Bobby notices that Eddie is overwhelmed and Hen and Chimney back down when Bobby indicates they should. It is overshadowed by Maddie, who gets mad, but it isn't the intention of the 118 to overwhelm Eddie, they just got surprised and want to know more, when the initial surprise has passed, they realize this wasn't a productive way to get those answers and stopped and took a breath.

Thanks to Maddie's yelling (which understandable with her Doug trauma but also jikes) we get Eddie's less than stellar explanation (also understandable with his repressed overwhelmedness), which leads to this interaction:

Eddie clears his throat and quietly adds: “You don’t legally have to declare marital status to your employer, so we lied so we could work together.” “HR will throw a fit when they find out, you know there are regulations in place for that for a reason,” Hen says, as if Eddie doesn’t realize that. “I know,” Eddie says, voice small. “We’re already under the loop after the bank robbery,” Bobby adds. “There might be serious repercussions for this. You two could loose your jobs.” Miserably, Eddie again says: “I know.”

Again kind of overshadowed by Maddie blowing up, but very important to me, since both Hen and Bobby point out that what they did was stupid and could endanger their jobs, currently maybe even effecting all of them and all Eddie says is: "I know." Like he is admitting in their faces they did that on purpose. They put everything on the line on purpose and none of them in that moment know how it will effect any of them.

As I expanded upon in the addition, Bobby's decision to call the brass came from a drive to get ahead of this and give Buck and Eddie an as good a starting position in this whole thing blowing up, but naturally Eddie doesn't interpret it like this, same as Hen's choice to take a second to process all this information.

Then as we all know, Eddie goes outside has a cry, before coming inside to this:

Inside Bobby is talking to Athena, who has arrived finally as well. He seems to be giving her a rundown of what has went down, which Eddie knows, because she keeps looking over at him, her brow furrowed and lips pursed. Maddie has returned too, Chimney still by her side. She looks both angry and devastated and when Chimney spots him, he sends him a confusedly angry look, as if he can’t believe what possessed Eddie to what he did. Standing there now, Eddie also questions why he did what he did. He had the right idea at Christmas, to cut Buck lose, divorce him and give him his freedom back. He should have divorced him before he even started working there, when his parents suggested it last year in the week after Chris’s birthday. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Even now, after everything, the thought of doing that to him, to them, feels wrong. Still, something bad churns in his stomach as he sees the two of them sitting there, Hen next to them. When she sees Chimney mean mugging someone, she turns around to see who he’s looking at, spotting Eddie at the entrance. Upon seeing him, she does a little apologetic wince on Chimney’s behalf. Beside her is an empty chair and there is also a cup of coffee sitting unclaimed, likely intended for him. However, Eddie doesn’t know if he wants to go over there right now. The grasp on the emotions he has only just managed to suck up is fragile and most of the people there look like they don’t want him there. It’s the opposite of the warmth he remembers from when he first started working there. All that ease with which he integrated into the 118 has evaporated like it’s nothing.

While Maddie and Chimney by proxy are acting hostile, he is choosing to interpret Bobby explaining the situation, which is very serious, to Athena as telling her why they should oust him. He doesn't know what Bobby is even telling her, they could be talking about Buck's injury for all he knows and she is looking over, because Bobby is telling her about how Eddie made the call.

And then, Hen. I love her. Like she wasn't planning on ousting him at all, she just needed a second. She got him a coffee too and was saving him a seat. There was still someone welcoming him. It's Eddie's own grasp on his emotions and interpretation of the situation that makes him decide not to risk it, but there was an open arm. And Bobby and Athena would have backed her in that.

Instead he goes to talk to the nurse about Buck's condition and asking an update about it, before doing this:

He gives her a tight nod then turns back to the waiting room, hoping to see something else to do and steadfast ignoring the group of familiar faces that are following him with their eyes. Bobby and Athena have joined them and are probably getting updated further on why Eddie needs to be ousted, which he doesn’t want to be a part of, thank you. Luckily, he spots a vending machine. Perfect. Hopefully they have something with caffeine, since he’s had to pass on the coffee Hen got him. He is definitely not an energy drink kind of guy, but at this point, he doesn’t really care. He gets a drink that he doesn’t recognize and a chocolate bar. A chocolate bar probably isn’t going to be enough to soften the blow that papi is seriously hurt, but it’s better than nothing. To distract himself from his failure as a parent, he cracks open the drink and takes a sip, making a face when the taste hits him. At least he’ll have something to hold as he wanders around trying not to look too stupid. Having something to do with his hands will help keep them from shaking, help preserve the image of strength he definitely doesn’t feel.

Now, we all understand why he does that, since it's his POV so he kindly explains it to us, but from the perspective of the others, Eddie also disappeared for a bit (not showing them that he cried, just like when he disappeared to the bathroom) and rejected Hen's offer to join them, which, again, would have been backed by Bobby and Athena.

I don't know about you guys, but if I got someone a drink and saved them a chair and then they decided to get a drink of their own and stand off to the side while they drank it, I would take it as a sign they didn't want to talk to me and to leave them alone. Eddie has already walked off to take a moment for himself and Bobby held Hen back when she wanted to follow him, asked her to respect that. They're doing that again.

But not only that, he went to ask for an update on Buck's condition and then fucked off to the side while ignoring everyone. He has just been established as the person who gets to decide and know about Buck's medical care right now (much to the frustration of Maddie) and the first thing they see him do after coming back from that is asking for an update and then not share that information. They don't know why he did that, they can at this point assume he doesn't want to share that information with them.

And then arrives Chris, who naturally has a breakdown at the news that his papi is in danger and surgery and Chris might never see him again. As he cries, we get this... stellar take from Eddie:

Of course, Chris should drink, be hydrated. Eddie is a medic, he should have thought of that. Guess it’s just another thing he’s failing at tonight, he thinks as he gives her a grateful nod, struggling to swallow the sour taste of inadequacy. Chris is still crying and Eddie still feels like a horrible parent. Everyone else can also see how he’s a horrible parent. A bitter part of him thinks that the 118 will at least understand why he trapped Buck and why Buck felt the need to help, Eddie is clearly terrible at this.

With so many things happening and going on, it's natural that Eddie isn't on top of his game and thinking of everything (and even then he is still doing great), so that's not what anyone thinks at all, it's what Eddie thinks of himself projected onto everyone else.

Also if someone has given me don't talk to me vibes, this wouldn't be the moment I'd insert myself in the situation. Chris is upset and the 118 is close sure, but they're not yet regular bbqs knowing all the kids well kind of close as of then. Chris is a person they don't know on that level and he is upset, a lot of them being parents, know a near stranger coming up isn't the move, as is unsolicited child care advice.

Besides, Carla is there, she is literally hired to help with Chris, overwhelming the poor kid with more people when Eddie already has back up is counterproductive. Something that would only seem proven correct when Eddie takes him out of the situation of the busy waiting room. Eddie isn't entirely alone and Chris clearly isn't in a state for a lot of people right now.

Then he comes back and joins Carla again. She doesn't know the 118 at all, so she didn't join them, just stayed where she had been so Eddie could find her which he does.

The two of them chat, another 'I don't want to talk to any of you guys right now' sign from Eddie or an 'no more people around Chris' sign. Either way, he isn't inviting the 118 with any of his behavior. And while we know why, they don't! His body language is very different from his thoughts, even if he doesn't intend it like that.

And then the doctor comes to tell them the diagnosis, which goes like this:

As she explains how they’ve installed a bunch of bolts and screws into his leg, managing to salvage the bone and expecting that he will walk. The others also gather around to hear. The relief upon hearing the news that Buck is going to be fine connects them for a moment, dissipating the uncomfortable air that had been haunting the waiting room the whole night. Until the doctor finishes: “Mr. Buckley is in his own room. He shouldn’t get a lot of visitors yet, but I’m sure he’ll be happy to find his husband and son there when he wakes up.” Immediately the atmosphere changes again and Eddie is glad Chris is sleeping through all this, sufficiently knocked out. Because he feels the others turning to look at him as guilt claws at the insides of his chest again. Trying to dispel it, he says: “She just said that because of the paperwork, I’m sure he wants to have you there when he wakes up too. You can all visit, it’s not like I will limit it.”

Someone comes with news and they go to Eddie, who doesn't come and get the others, they have to come to them. It could be seen as another repeat of: 'I am the person who gets the news and I am not going over to share.'

Also important to note here is the doctor saying that Buck shouldn't get a lot of visitors yet, but he'd probably be happy to see Eddie and Chris.

The atmosphere does change, but Eddie is the one that fills in why that would be. As mostly medical professionals in some capacity, they all know not a lot of visitors isn't great and yeah, the doctor also does press home once more this new knowledge that no matter how close any of them are, Chris and Eddie have the most right to sit with Buck during this time. That is an adjustment and taking a second at the reminder is not too out there as a primary reaction.

Of course what Eddie says is the wrong thing to say for Maddie, who then overshadows any other reactions that might have been and consolidates what Eddie already thinks of what is happening as being the correct interpretation of the events.

When she leaves and Chimney follows, it is because she thinks Eddie getting to be there is shitty, but that isn't necessarily the case for all the others. Bobby and Athena go with this:

With them gone, Eddie turns to Bobby and Athena, his eyes probably more begging than he would usually allow himself. But before he can even ask, Bobby is already shaking his head. “I have to appear before the LAFD brass tomorrow, explain what happened today. I wanted to make sure he came out the other end okay, but I need some sleep before that.” The reminder of what Buck and Eddie have done – what Eddie has done – weighs heavily on him and he can’t even begin to think of what a mess it will become. The shame of Bobby having to do that because of him grips him by the throat, so he just nods wordlessly. “We’ll come by later,” Athena promises, seeing his expression. She gives him a hug and Bobby claps him on the back and then they’re also gone.

Bobby's words feel like him being a failure to Eddie, but Bobby is operating on the one track mind of needing to argue their case the best he can to help them, because in a situation where he has felt so helpless and guilty as this one, it's the one thing he can do to help Buck, so he is focused on that, because Buck is his son, while Eddie is his friend.

And it's not as if they're planning to stay away. Athena tells him they'll come by later. This is the first interaction they've had since everyone found out, if she had been told how much they all hate Eddie now, she probably wouldn't have been kind to him, but Eddie doesn't even consider that.

With that, Hen leaves with this:

Now it’s just him, Carla and Hen. Hen apologetically says: “I need to go home to Denny and Karen, make sure they’re okay. Be with family. You know how these things get to you.” And Eddie does know, he knows it very well, which is exactly why he wants her, wants everyone, to stay here with him. But he knows he can’t ask that of them. So he just says: “Yeah, I do. Go home, it’s okay.” “Thanks,” she says with a small smile. “Wish Buck the best from me, tell him I’ll come when I can, yeah?”

All Hen knows is that 1) Eddie has been giving off major don't talk to me vibes, 2) Buck isn't allowed many visitors and, I cannot overstate how important this detail is, 3) she has just been in an explosion that was on television.

Like her wife probably saw that, if not live then later, maybe Denny too. Naturally Hen probably texted or called her to let her know she was okay, but that is not a casual shake it off thing. Wanting to go home and shower and kiss her wife and hold her son is very normal after being threatened by a terrorist, especially when she thinks that Eddie wants to be with Buck and not everyone is advised be there by the doctors.

However, despite that, she still explains herself and Eddie is the one that says it's okay. Like we know he is lying and maybe Hen could pick up on that, but it's also an emotional and tiring day, she could write it off as everything putting Eddie off his normal behavior or not notice due to exhaustion. Plus, she has plans to come by and it is not her fault she never gets to due to the department.

Then with her gone, we get this line from Carla:

“Nah, if I see my friend being crushed by a firetruck on the news, I’m here,” she says. “I was supposed to have Chris until tomorrow morning anyway. And I have a free day, so you’re in luck. I can stay as long as you need me to.”

Believe me, I love Carla and her response here is colored by what Eddie told her, so also colored his POV of the whole situation, which she doesn't have any reason to doubt. However, with this line, she confirms that Eddie's view of the situation is correct, that they are bad people for leaving Buck's side right now.

And that's how you get two hostile people and three people trying to be understanding and respectful of Eddie's body language turning into Eddie thinking everyone hates him. Like that is so fascinating to me! :D

No one had ill intentions (except for maybe Maddie, who was having a trauma response TM and Chimney who picked her side bc he is whipped), but a misunderstanding about what the body language was giving up turned it into a conflict and more hurt than necessary.

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