#i will either have to clone myself or run very fast

[hiddenworldofmary]

so i somehow found myself at a yet another book event and got a book that inspired miyazaki to create kiki’s delivery service like WHAT i can’t believe i went so long without knowing that a book existed first so naturally it had to be mine as soon as i saw it

[jiecomic]

Chapter 5- Too many monkeys for one fox to handle

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"Pigsy's noodles..." MK spoke putting all his tiredness into his words

"Gods, what hurt you today?" Jie asked while receiving her order

" Wait! JIE?!"

" Dear... yes, that's my name! Don't need to shout it whenever you see me!"

"Ah... sorry..."

Jie now took a closer look at MK. Boy was all tired as hell, not to mention how messy he was and dirty by paint.

" Is everything ok, Monkey Boy?" Jie asked out of pure curiosity

" YEAH- I-I mean not like I'm overworked and all...I'M TOTALLY OK!!!" The laughter he made at the end was telling that he WAS NOT OKAY

" If you say so..." Jie didn't want to dig into it any further, what would she tell him anyway?!

" Sorry ma'am, but I need to go back to job! Or else pigsy is gonna kill me... BYE!" He said and run to his car

"..."

"Next time I will eat on the spot" she muttered to herself while looking into the bag "It's not my order...crumbs!"

Jie stood in the doorway of Pigsy's noodle shop completely confused as she watched MK kicking with his stuff the more chubby version of himself. Just next to him was standing some monk.

" Bad timing..." Jie turned around to run

"JIE!!!" MK came and hugged her legs whimpering like a baby

'Crumbs!'

"Jiee.... I created the clones of myself hic I didn't mean to make a mess hic hic I jus wanted to help my friends!"

"Gah! I get it, now get off of me!!!" Jie growled at MK while pulling him away from her legs

" How am I supposed to get rid of it mister Tang!" MK went to the monk

" Hm..." the monk fixed his glasses while some strange light covered him from the back " I don't know"

MK looked like he had enough

" Try doing some pressure points or-

" Or this!"

MK and Tang looked at Jie who was jumping on the clone with an energy ball in her hand. The moment in which the ball touched the clone everything was covered by a big, yellow cloud. When it was clear again the only things left were some flying hair and a pig laying on the ground. Jie was already on the chair watching the menu.

"Agh! Pigsy!" MK shouted " How did you do that?!"

"You know, some spirit kung-fu and all..." Jie answered without looking at MK

Riiiing

" Ahh... could you do that again?"

"Ha!- no" Jie said sharply " Judging by your hair there are hundreds of clones and I am one. It will be better if you will solve this alone"

" WHAT? How?!"

" You know... some pressure points and waivingfu..."

" Alright, I have to GO!" said MK rushing toward the exit

For a moment everything was quiet.

"Ahem! I don't want to be rude or anything, but can I make an order?" Jie bend over Pigsy who was just about to gain his strength

" O-one moment ma'am" said Pigsy strong enough to go prepare a meal

" Big portion with an egg please!"

Jie sat calmly and and waited for Pigsy to bring her the noodles.

" Sooo... you're a demon,huh?" Surprisingly Tang sat next to her, he had a very suspicious face which was mostly covered by a bowl of noodles

" I don't like to talk with anyone with an empty stomach"

'Either when I'm full'

"And I don't like a fox demon hanging around my almost son and picking a fight with him"

Jie sighed loudly and covered her face with one hand.

" First of all, sorry and second- I didn't fight him, it was just an illusion, boy returned unharmed"

" Here's your order miss" said Pigsy giving her a bowl of noodles

'This scent!'

Jie felt that she was drooling. She was as hungry as if she hadn't eaten for centuries!

"NOT SO FAST!" The bowl of noodles have moved into the hands of Tang

" TANG! What do you think you're doing!" Pigsy screamed at the monk while waving his wooden spoon at him

" Relax Pigsy" said Tank calmly " Can't you see that this customer of yours is a demon?!

Pigsy looked at Jie who was about to starve, he saw her as a normal maybe even beautiful women with short dark hair and a little bit too much traditional dress.

" What are you talking about?"

" About the evil fox spirit!" Out of nowhere Tang had some book in his arm and showed one exact page to his friend " Fox demons are foxes which an ability to transform into human so that they can mock people to eat their souls in order to become stronger and wiser or even IMMORTAL!" he left the book in Pigsy's hands "This woman is no other than a cold hearted demon who wants to eat our souls!!" He pointed at Jie who was even more confused than Pigsy.

"But too bad for you, I- the clever Tang!- won't fall for your little tricks!"Tang announced proudly and came closer to Jie "So how will it be? Are you going to admit your true intentions?"

For Pigsy this whole scene seemed ridiculous, Tang looked like a cop trying to make Jie admit her crimes by scaring her. The chef looked at Jie as if he was expecting her to say something in her defence.

" I... just wanted to eat noodles" she spoke with a face as if she was about to cry

Even Tang was surprised by her "good acting"

" Tang, give her the noodles before it gets cold"

With doubt Tang gave her the bowl.

" Thank you..." Jie thanked the pig demon and took a first spoon.

"..."

" It's so good" Jie who couldn't hold her emotions any longer started crying

In almost instead she ate the whole bowl.

" Wow Tang... you were right, let's hope she likes noodles more than souls" said Pigsy in sarcastic way

Tang looked at him all pissed. But in the inside he just didn't want to admit he was wrong.

" Don't worry mister Tang" suddenly Jie spoke, she was cleaning her face of the soup " I haven't eaten human soul for centuries and I don't want to harm the Monkey Boy. Well... I can't even think about it since Monkey King told me not to touch him"

" Wait... You know Monkey King?!" Asked Tang

" Hmm? The boy didn't tell you?"

" Didn't tell what?" This time the question came from Pigsy

" That I'm Monkey King's servant"

"..."

'He told them I attacked him but forgot to mention I'm on their side...'

Suddenly MK came back.

" Hey guys I'm ba-

" MK!!!" they both screamed at him

" WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT THIS FOX DEMON IS MONKEY KING'S SERVANT?!" Tang grabbed poor MK by his jacket

" Oh right!-... I forgot"

"..."

Tang sighed loudly while looking back at Jie.

" Sorry ms Jie..." he muttered

" Don't worry, I get this a lot" Jie answered as if she was really untouched by Tang' s insults " Thanks for the meal and a chat, but I'm gonna go-

" MK, who is this?"

" Ah Mei! Meet Jie!- Monkey King's servant. She's also the fox demon"

" Ah! So you are this fox lady!- COOL!- I heard you can grow tails and ears, can you turn into a cute fox too?!" Said Mei while she was just in front of the demoness face

" MEI!-stop being like this only because you want to see a cute animal!" Screamed Pigsy

For Jie it lasted a while to come back to her sense, but she finally was able to speak.

" Excuse me young girl but... are you really a human?" She asked with a little trembling voice

" Oh- Actually I'm a member of a dragon family"

' OF COURSE SHE IS!'

" How did you find out that I'm not normal?"

" Let's say... a six sense..."

This sense was a danger radar, and as soon as Mei walked in the restaurant it started ringing like crazy!

' Of course... every mortal I meet needs to have destructive powers!'

'And what the hell is wrong with her soul orb? It's so unstable and wild it can hardly stay in one place!'

' I'm NOT dealing with this today!'

" It was nice to meet you but I need to hurry and go home, See ya!" In rush Jie disappeared leaving behind only a cloud of pink dust

Mei looked for a while at the place in which just a minute ago was standing that lady "I like her!"

" She's cool right?!" MK joined her

Ahem...

MK turned his head in terror to, not so happy Pigsy,

"MK... I hope you can explain yourself..."

Gulp!

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[cerastes]

I’ve been taking my girlfriend through the DMC series recently and bc it’s come up a few times, what’s your thoughts on an Arknights spectacle fighter?

What group would it be about? Who would be playable etc.

I've thought about this myself, it's really such a permissible setting and cast for it, too.

I personally think it should encompass not one given group but rather a smattering of Operators, serving to give them depth outside their usual suspects (something I wish was done more often, and something I like about IS2 Monthly Squads).

The one's I've thought about, mainly regarding gameplay, are:

Ch'en -> One look at Ch'en and she's lab-grown to be a character action protagonist: Regular sword, Forbidden Sword, and the regular sword charges the use for the powerful Forbidden Sword specials and supers. I think she'd work pretty well as your Mario in Mario Kart, the purist, classic character action protag, good all around stats, moveset and utility, not a master of anything, very Raiden With The HF Katana MGR style.

Amiya -> On the other hand, Amiya would be a really good fit for a Dante style as opposed to a Raiden style, someone that's ultimately about unleashing some nasty combos but has ranged options (Arts blasts, Chimera, etc) as either combo extenders and finishers. Sword and quick Arts blasts would make for a nice, Luigi In Mario Kart all rounder that's a bit different from the Raiden-type. With these two, you have your "Learn to play the game, easy to learn, hard to master" characters. (Irene would be the Dante usually but from a design perspective, I can't do Amiya like this)

Blaze -> Now we can actually get into the fancier stuff. Blaze seems to me like she'd be a resource management kind of character, and the resource, of course, would be her Health. As Blaze burns her blood as fuel for her Arts that enhance her physical capabilities and let's her use fire, I imagine her base form to be about wide, slower, stronger chainsaw swipes with some basic finishers, and she's all about racking up number of hits to build her Blaze Meter rather than dealing damage in this form. Once your gauge is 75% filled or more, you can go into Blaze Mode, which changes her moveset and gives her the S2 Chainsaw Extension Module. Her attacks are much faster and she has a lot more varied combos in this form, including finishers, specials, etc, but each attack spends a certain amount of Meter and a certain amount of Health. Health lost this way remains visible in her lifebar as silver health (let's assume the normal bar is green, like in AK proper). Once you are between 20 and 25% of gauge left, you can use a special, explosive finisher a la Blaze S3 that deals a lot of damage and also put you out of Blaze Mode. If you exit Blaze Mode like this, your regain your silver health. If you just let the gauge run its course and miss your chance, you lose that health. I envision her as a more difficult, technical character. Mastery of her allows you to deliver truly savage beatdowns while also keeping your health.

Phantom -> Phantom is one that really excites me to think about, because the clone and the fast-redeploy style opens a lot of possibilities. Phantom would be a high skill character that can dish a lot of damage but you have to play a whole other ballgame with him: He'd be about being able to chain combo finishers. The longer you spend doing a regular combo without throwing in finishers, the weaker he gets as he loses S2-style stacks that comprise his main damage, but a finisher restores all stacks, so in true assassin fashion, he'd be about short bursts of damage. Now, how do you reset from there? The clone. After a finisher, you use the clone (a toggle sends the clone and lets you control it) to catch the enemy after a finisher, you do another short combo, and hit a finisher right back to Phantom. You sort of do a ping pong match with yourself with finishers, refreshing stacks and managing the attacks of two characters. Depending on the finisher used, the clone spawns in a different way: A finisher has Phantom uppercut the enemy into the sky, the Clone button right after this finisher makes the clone appear behind them midair with a spiral flurry of knives, and then you continue your air combo, clone's finisher sends Phantom back up and the both eviscerate the enemy, you're back on Phantom, you continue the air combo, and so on.

Mostima -> I think it's really damn cool when you have a non-traditional fighter as the lens of an action-focused title, such as a caster. In fact, I think magic in general is woefully underutilized when it comes to Sick Shit you can do with it. I mean, we have Gun Kata, we should also have Magic Krav Maga, if you ask me. Plus, you throw in the time powers, and you could have a real banger of a character. I like the idea of point-blank magic blasting a boss halfway across the room, doing an input, and rewinding their physical position to back to me so I can point-blank magic blast them again, or extend the combo like that, or slowing their descent after a hard knockdown to create otherwise impossible follow-ups or combos.

Specter & Laurentina -> Another concept I'd love to see is the sort of superdurable fighter that, instead of dodging, times an "endure" to the enemies attack to tank through them unscathed and get a tasty reward for it. I think Specter would be perfect for that. Specter's Taunts don't build rank or combo, but instead work as a "parry" of sorts, that lets you power through the enemy attack while styling on them. After enough successful Enduring Taunts, you build enough resources to temporarily transform into Laurentina. Specter moves a bit slow, and her attacks are strong yet simple, and don't account for too many options, but she has the Enduring Taunt, whereas Laurentina is a time-limited super mode of sorts, moving much faster, attacking harder, but losing the Enduring Taunt, instead being able to hit immensely hard, repeatedly, and very very stylishly. We know she's got moves from the Stultifera Navis PV, after all! When you run out of time, she has the option to blast out a gently brutal song that lifts the enemy and slows down their descent, and switches back to Specter, leaving a combo option on the ready.

Indra -> We need a brawler in here, of course, and I think the ability to deal Arts damage with punches would translate into some really cool visuals. The concept I'd like to see explore with Indra specifically is "short meters". Instead of building and keeping a gauge, I'd like for her gauge to fill very fast, but also deplete just as fast if not used immediately, so you are in a constant flux of normal attacks -> empowered attacks -> repeat, constantly depleting resources since they build and fade so fast, something frantic and wild. Upgrades would give her more meters, and attacks that can only be used as part of a combo if you did a specific, meter-consuming attack before. Go big, go wild. I think she'd also be perfect for counters, and a counter gives you a full meter if pulled off proper. A rhythm of hit hit hit, boss superarmors after some attacks, swipes at you, COUNTER, you have more resources, hit hit hit. Frantic.

There's definitely more (Texas, Lappland, Hellagur, Gavial, Saria, you name them!) but those are the ones I've thought about.

[corruptedforce]

"Why does you adjusting always have to mean, I have to give in? I get tired of always being the one to give in? You don't ever give in. You are my wife. I don't care what the Jedi think. I don't care what the council thinks, and I know this is shocking, but I really don't give a fuck what the Senate thinks. Did we talk about this, before we ever got involved? I guess. But, things happened really fast. I don't think things through, and I'm willing to put the fact that I'm a war General on it, that they won't kick me out. If the stupid Senate is that important, I could put a word in with Chancellor Palpatine. But, it's been a year. The time for adjusting is...past. What are you going to do if I get killed? Say 'Well, I like my Jedi bodyguard'. Sometimes, it's just easier to do more rotations and make progress here, since none is being made in Coruscant than spend, what two days together?"

He shrugged at her words. "The council will do something. There is no way that it will be nothing. They have no control over you. You don't serve the council. The Senate, I don't know what they'll do to you. They will likely do something, because something has to be done, but I don't know what. Like I said, I can run interference, with Palpatine."

He took a deep breath. "Do you know what I am subjected to, when they go out for the night? Things get heard. It's just how it is. You clearly didn't grow up in Tatooine. We just...you have to work on not bossing me around, and telling me what to do, especially what to do with myself. It takes away my rights, as a human, and I am very sensitive about that. I don't let anyone treat my Clones like that, either."

Her eyes widened in surprise at his reaction. She hadn't meant what she said to be so incendiary, but in hindsight, this had always been a sensitive subject for them. He'd never wanted to keep their relationship a secret. It had always been her pushing for it and him acquiescing to her wishes. Perhaps deep down, she'd always known that wouldn't last forever. Secrets always had a way of coming to the surface.

"Anakin... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you," she said gently, reaching for his hand again. "I'm not asking for an explanation from you either. I... I suppose I always knew deep down that we wouldn't be able to keep this a secret forever. I'm trying to adjust to the news, and I spoke in haste." She paused, looking down for a moment while she tried to collect her thoughts. How could she explain this to him when he'd always thought so differently about the whole thing? "I've spent half my life knowing I have to please as many people as possible in order to be successful, having to balance different opinions and always find a compromise. And you're the opposite of that. If you think something is right, you go after it and do it, regardless of who may disagree. That's something I love about you. I suppose I'm... afraid of what the Council will do if they find out, because quite honestly, most of them are giant stick in the muds. I don't want either of us to be punished for something that I don't think is wrong."

She glanced around the tent they were in, listening for a moment, to the hustle of conversation happening around them, outside the canvas walls. If she really thought about it, whoever was walking by had already heard snippets of their conversation anyway. Looking back at Anakin, she gave him a wry smile, "I think that's why I got nervous about your troopers overhearing us tonight too, whatever we may get up to. I'm so used to our relationship being private and secret. But in some ways, it's a relief to learn that they all know and don't care, even that they're supportive of you. Of us." She squeezed his hands and added, "I'm not trying to control you. Honestly. I'm just trying to adjust to you. Can you give me some time to do that?"

[sanstropfremir]

I’d love your thoughts on BTS and their current image and music if you have them and aren’t afraid of the mindless internet hoards.

Personally, I liked a lot of their older stuff, but haven’t liked anything since I think the Fake Love promotions 3+ years ago. They’d started losing their personality and soul before that album cycle, but it feels like the sanitization of their image and artistry really kicked into hyperdrive after that. Now most of what they do seems like a sterile money grab driven by the Hybe hive mind which is a shame.

ok alrighty (cracks knuckles) let's get into it.

now that i've fully given myself a headache watching the majority of the bts videography, here are three points i'm going to cover:

performative character and the lack thereof

interesting aesthetics and the lack thereof, and

the inevitable cracking of perfection

ready, set, let's begin.

1.

idol music is very clearly definited by spectacle based aesthetics. and it's had that structure for its entire existence. so i gotta hand it to hybe for this one, because they managed to revolutionize being utterly fucking average. the triumph of bts is that they're just some guys and they look like just some guys. hybe found a niche in the system and then gamed that system to the tune of one of the largest musical acts in the world. they're not marketing bts as a romantic parasocial relationship, they're marketing them as your friends. and that is just as insidious to lonely kids as a run of the mill romantic fantasy. but that's not what i'm here to talk about today.

there's a pattern i find very interesting with bts mvs and that is that i don't remember anything about them. specifically, i don't remember the stuff that's happening IN the video; not the styling, not the setpieces, if i didn't know the members i doubt i would remember them either. what i DO remember, is how expensive the production is, and specific shots. i couldn't tell you what a single member was wearing, but i sure as hell remember that first upward angle shot of jungkook and the rusted park ride in spring day. or every single time they do that birdseye shot of jin in like every video. honestly as far as i'm aware jin has only ever worn a loose fitting beige longsleeve shirt.

it took bts a long time to establish any kind of consistent visual character. and the character they did establish.... i don't know if you can call a family-friendly-style clean aesthetic 'character'. they debuted as a hip hop group to little (comparative) success, and then made a switch to doing an early version of where they're currently at right now. if you've seen any of the mvs, you know that this is a pretty significant visual change. i don't think it is inherently a bad change, since the visual branding for hiphop based groups always tips over into iffy terrritory, but it is dramatic enough and early enough that it doesn't strike me as a natural evolution. concept switch ups are common, but they usually work because the members have established a bit of character for themselves, used their performance abilities and presence to fit into a niche in the group. the idol mould is perfect for showcasing the performers; that's its function. the groups that are the most fun to watch are the ones with stage presence, the ones who know how to perform, who can act all the parts they need to play. and bts? 4/7 actual performers on a good day. in my personal opinion it's 2/7.

i'm gonna expand on what i said about jimin here (this is technically the first part of this series), because it does apply to the rest of the group on the whole:

and i think here is where we see the main crux of the difference between taemin and jimin as performers: taemin has both an artistic and an idol persona. we know and understand him to do solo work that has a separate artistic meaning to just him being an idol. even though this performance was pre-move, i would still say this applies, because he's hot off press your number, where he's acting in a story based mv. jimin on the other hand just has his idol persona. he's not known for creating the same kind of storytelling that taemin is.

bts has been very insistent on the image of the group as a single unit. despite having the size of fanbase and the revenue that would make any official solo debut a massive success, none of them have done any substantial solo work. this isn't artistically a problem, and i think it's very admirable of them to be so dedicated to the image and the legacy of the group, when that can be an uncommon trait in the industry. i do however, think it starts to become an issue when we want to discuss what the artistic visions and images of groups are. shinee taemin and solo taemin have two distinct artistic representations, and taemin himself will attest to that. it's the same with all the shinee members that have solo careers, and the same with other groups. jackson, bambam, yugyeom, and jaebeom's solo work is all very different from got7. yixing's solo work is very different from exo's. even the subunits within exo all have their own character (cbx and sc). kpop groups all ostensibly are trained under the same system, so why the disparity with bts? mostly, it's their brand of "authenticity." it's impossible to perform authentically, by the nature of performance as a medium it is unnatural, and tragically, not everyone is naturally interesting, or suited to performing: that's why the performing arts even exist in the first place. it required painstaking training to be good at performing; it is a complex set of skills and those skills are not learnt by "being authentic." being an idol is not just the singing, dancing, rapping; that's only half the work. you need to be able to act to be a compelling performer. pulling your true self and emotions out on stage every night is a fast track to burnout and psychological issues, there's plenty of evidence. the only member of bts of whom i can say for some certainty has a persona and a stage presence is jhope/hoseok, a) because he's kept up a very specific brand in the solo work that he has done, and b) he has actual dance training, not just kpop dance training. the rest of them may have the kpop dance and the kpop vocal training, but what they do not have is the ability to market themselves as compelling performers on stage. taehyung is the only other member i would hesitantly give a semblance of persona and ability to, but i think he stumbled onto that mostly by accident. and if all the pieces don't each have a distinctive colour, how can the whole machine be visually interesting?

2.

bts may never have been able to establish an aesthetic brand, but what they did establish is an intellectual one. if you talk to a fan, the schtick they give is that "it's about the lyrics." as noble as having an intellectual or cerebral message is, what does that look like? how do you portray intellectual on stage, on film? what about intellectual is interesting to watch? cerebral, by it's literal nature as a descriptor, is very difficult to communicate in visual language because it is internal. to successfully communicate cerebrality and intellect in a short form medium like music videos requires a deft hand with metaphor that can elude even an experienced designer. and honestly? i don't know whether to applaud hybe's visual team for being the most successful subtle contemporary designers i've every seen, or to decry them as worst kpop designers i've ever seen. maybe both. regardless, i don't think they're able to cross the gap.

there are exactly four mvs where i actually remember the content of the mv and not the frame it sits in, and those are dna, idol, the singularity comeback trailer with taehyung, and war of hormone. and of an eight year career......that's not very many. these four mvs have at least an inkling of interesting spectacle and character, but even then, it's still a stretch. there is absolutely nothing to write home about in the styling for dna, other than it's well colour matched. I don't even know if I should include singularity because it involves none of the other members. idol is probably their most interesting mv because it actually has alternative styling and varies (at least a little bit) from the standard hybe boom crane shot-that-shows-off-how-we-can-afford-big-studio-spaces-and-locations. the company and the group would be loathe to admit it, but war of hormone is a well designed and interesting mv for the time it was made, with a well crafted gimmick and some actual showing of character from the members. it was the start of a potential that they squashed quite quickly because it wasn't picking up in the hiphop-group-saturated market of 2014. but the rest of their mvs? remarkably uninspired styling. like it's truly impressive how boring the styling is. and like i've said, that is the triumph in their aesthetics: they all look like normal dudes (if you had professional skin + makeup techs looking after them for the last 8 years).

all of this is a carefully crafted image that's tailored to hooking an audience, especially an international one. the mvs are boring in the relative scale of kpop, but they're just different enough from a western pop mv to catch attention. and once you do sink a hook, there's a direct clickfunnel of content that bills itself on these men being "authentic" and "self-producing," which is a huge draw to international fans, because people are racist and believe that the kpop industry is a factory that produces idols like clones, where none of them know how to do anything other than sing and dance and all the music is just handed to them by companies. and they have SO much content that there's no way a new fan can get to it all in a timely manner, so they'll never have to engage with any other kpop artists' work if they don't actively seek it out. but that's another essay for another time.

3.

that brings us to current day, in which at least the last five bts releases have been in the same aesthetic vein of positive, sanitized, and pristine. i said it in one of my txt responses and i will say it again here: money scrubs the humanity from the aesthetic of living. minimalism is for rich white people. hybe and bts may have pivoted their style and brand directly into the lane of mass appeal, but when you pair that with the amount of money funding them, there's a cognitive dissonance between the message and the aesthetics in which it's portrayed. some people do like the clean cut looks, and i won't say that they don't work, but as you've likely gleaned from this response, it isn't my style and if you've been around and reading my writing for longer you'll know that my tastes runs much closer to the messy and the weird, so very little about any of bts' visuals have appeal to me. i do find the contradiction of applying the appeal of radical relatability with the aesthetics of expansive (and expensive) minimalism interesting; it's an extremely fine line that hybe is walking and eventually they are going to tip over, the porcelain mask will not hold forever. maintaining the all ages aesthetic is going to be difficult now that all of them are grown ass men. with other groups of this member age and generation there's very obviously been a shift to a more adult tone, and not necessarily explicitly. got7, mx, nu'est, btob, shinee, 2pm, and groups that have older members like a.c.e and sf9 have all made slow shifts in tone that are undeniably aimed at a maturing audience: they know their core fanbases are aging with them and they (the fans) are not as interested in the 'boy' in boy group. and most of them have telltale visual styles, enough so that i can distinguish a specific group's mv. the last year and change of mx mvs have a very distinctive character; got7 too, since easily as far back as if you do. i can always tell an a.c.e mv by its impeccable fashion and formic styling, and although shinee has always had a more experimental aesthetic edge, their sound and voices are unmistakable.

honestly, i can't predict what bts is going to do in the future, but i personally don't believe they can keep up their clean aesthetic indefinitely without some fallout. part of the fun of following bands is watching them grow musically, and the last couple of years of bts haven't felt like growth. there are fans that have already started realizing it, and there's likely to be more soon.

---

the third part is here, which is a short followup about some of bts' industry influence.

[soapoperabub]

Sneaky Business - final chapter

( Draco Malfoy x Reader )

A/N: Finally, the day we’ve been waiting for. The final chapter. I’m not gonna say anymore ‘3′ ENJOYY Also, if you enjoy reading my stories, I more than welcome you to reblog and show it some love, it would mean the absolute world to me 🥺🥺

Warnings: Draco going around breaking hearts

Word Count: 2.1k

heres part 3 :)

“Crabbe. I need you to listen to me, you can’t tell Y/N. She’s going to ask everyone tomorrow. Whatever you do, don’t tell her it was me.”

Slowly taking steps backwards, still processing what he meant by his words, I walked away in a fast pace. I’ve always had my finger on him, but I still didn’t believe it entirely. I wished I was wrong. I couldn’t help but wonder if he truly meant those words he told me by the lake. Were they just white lies? Or were they just to make me believe it wasn’t him; because who would hurt someone they wouldn’t want to see crumble? But they weren’t the only questions playing my head. “Why does he loathe me this terribly?”

»»————-　　————-««

I found myself in the library, somewhere you don’t usually find a Draco. The perfect place to be by ourselves. Though it was difficult, I tried to give him a chance – to explain himself. Maybe he would suddenly change his mind overnight. Just maybe, he would realise how it feels to be in my shoes, for a change. Maybe, he would regret everything and come clean.

“Hey, are you listening?” He shot me back from my thoughts, waving a hand over my face. “Aren’t you going to continue with your plan?” He scratched the back of his head, presumably as I was staring at him while I was lost in my thoughts.  

“Yeah, before that, do you have anything you wanna tell me?” He looked confused.

“Like what?” But his expression soon faded, and now concern took over. I cocked an eyebrow, giving him a face that read ‘really?’.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Y/N.” Looking away, he started playing with his hair. “Draco.” Sternness taking over my tone, causing him to look back at me. He paused as if he was assuring himself “there’s no way she would’ve heard”, before leaning over the table closer to me, tilting his head to one side. “Is it about what I said yesterday? I meant it.”

“Did you really?” I crossed my arms, leaning back against my chair. “Your words and actions really go against each other, you know? I don’t know which one to believe.” Fazed, he sat upright on his chair.

“Y/N, you’re just being paranoid. You don’t know what you’re saying.” I furrowed my eyebrows at his stupid excuse. “Well then, let’s see if I really am paranoid or you’re just being an asshole.” I spat, before forcefully pushing my chair away and storming out the door.

I knew he was following behind me as I didn’t hear the door shut when I left the room. “Y/N, where are you going? Y/N!” Out of pure luck, I spotted Crabbe wandering around the hallway. I knew that if I had to walk any further, Draco would have already caught up to me.

“Crabbe.” Startled, he widened his eyes, glancing back and forth between me and Draco.

“Y/N, what are you doing?”

“What’s going on?” Crabbe interrupted, as I was about to harshly shut Draco up. “Crabbe, who did you hear the rumors from?” They were both taken aback by my straightforwardness.

“I-,” he opened his mouth to speak, stealing glances at Draco.

“Don’t look at him. I’m the one talking to you.” I felt a hand place itself on my shoulder but I shrugged it off. “Don’t touch me.”

“I don’t know-“

“Nothing’s stopping me from breaking into the Potions Room and shoving the Veritaserum down your throat, Crabbe.” I looked him dead in the eye, causing him to gulp. There was hesitation in his eyes. I realised I had no time to waste, turning on my heels I was about to find my way to the Potions Room when Crabbe spoke up.

“Draco,” I spun my head around, now having both Draco and Crabbe in my field of vision. Draco looking at the ceiling, running both his hands through his hair in frustration. “It was Draco.” Crabbe looked down at his feet. I looked away; I couldn’t face either of them. Every time I did, a spark of anger would light up inside of me and the very last thing I wanted was to do something I’ll eventually regret.

“Y/N, I was about to tell you-“

“Then why didn’t you?” Looking back at them, I saw Draco and his desperate-looking eyes – similar to the ones he portrayed last night. “I even gave you a chance to.”

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I knew if I did, it would’ve just hurt you more.” Slowly, Crabbe started moving away from the scene.

“You think hearing it from someone else is any better? I was going to find out eventually, wasn’t I? Or were you planning to keep me dumbfounded forever?” His eyes flickering, he looked away, as if I had finally read the part of his mind he never wanted me to. “So that’s it? You’re not gonna explain why? Or what those silly lies you told me last night really meant? Was playing with my feelings just a little hobby of yours?”

His mouth opened, giving me hope that he would finally open up and fill me in with everything – tell me that he was forced to do what he did and that he regretted it. But nothing came out. Not even an “I’m sorry” or a “Forgive me”. I couldn’t bear being in that hallway with him any longer, I finally turned back around and walked out.

 »»————-　　————-««

 It’s been almost a month now, and every time I met eyes with Draco, I would leave. There hasn’t been any more rumors since that day, I didn’t know how to feel about that. I was still bothered by everything that happened, but I tried putting it out of the picture and focused on graduating and getting the hell out of this place.

Exhausted with my mind constantly playing scenes from what happened a month ago, I decided to step out and watch the lake shimmering with the light reflected from the moon. I sighed as all my worries left my body, once again. I reopened my eyes as I remembered the days I would find myself here after tiresome days of dealing with the scurrilous attack of the society, or specifically, Draco. I’ve always wondered why hardly anyone is seen here. Is it because of the Giant Squid? I chuckled as I thought to myself, I might have even befriended the squid considering how often we see each other.

“D’you mind sharing what’s so funny? I’ve never needed a laugh this desperately my entire life.” I twisted my head around to see Draco with both his hands buried in his pockets, making his way to me. A slight smile plastered on his face. I was too busy studying him that I didn’t realise he had already stopped beside me. “Hi,” His smile tightened as he looked down at me. “It’s been a while, huh?”

I almost missed his voice, the smell of his presence. “What do you want?” I wished to believe that if I replied distantly, he would leave.

“You wouldn’t let me talk to you. The only way was to come quietly.”

“Why are you here, Draco.” It was a question but felt more of a statement. “I want to-- No, I need to explain.”

Why does this boy always seek for third chances, I thought to myself. As if second ones aren’t enough. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t stop him. I felt that if I give him the third chance, as he’s always been asking, he might redeem himself. I thought maybe that’s just how he is – a guy of third chances.

“I started those rumors because I didn’t have any other way of getting to Harry,” Oh, so this is about my brother. Of course it was. It has never been about me, it never will. But I didn’t stop him. My head was spinning and I didn’t have the energy to fight.

“I started regretting it after… after I developed feelings. I wanted to tell you. I really did. Soon, your struggles became mine, and I felt as if my emotions mirrored yours. I was going to tell you. That night before Hermione ran to you. But hearing what you had to go through because of my actions, I felt bad. And I knew you would hate me when you found out I was behind them. That was the last thing I would ever want.” He stopped for a while, probably waiting for me to reply. Or weirded out by the fact that I didn’t cut him off while he was talking. “I stopped the rumors.”

“Why?” I decided the answer he was going to give to this question would determine whether he lived up to his given third chance or he threw it away, just like how he did to his previous chances.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you stop?” I couldn’t read his eyes. Ever since the day the truth was out, I have never been able to read him – like he was a different person, like the memories we had shared suddenly evaporated with time. I don’t know what’s going in his head. And that was what scared me the most. I didn’t know him.

“Well, it didn’t faze Harry at all anyway--” I sighed, rubbing my face with both my hands, and tucked the few strands of hair that fell out of my messy bun behind my ears. I saw this coming, honestly. I’ve always known none of this was about me. “Draco, do you even realise what you’re saying?” He looked confused.

“This was never about us. You don’t like me—”

“I do. I’m positive that I do. I love you. What I said that night, I meant it, with the bottom of my heart.” I looked at him, my eyes softening as I saw his desperate eyes for the third time.

“Draco, it’s not love that you felt. It was pity, it was guilt. You felt as if you were crumbling with me because you knew you were the cause of it. Like you said, you felt bad. You wanted to tell me that night, because it was too much for you to handle on your own. The guilt was piling up until it reached the peak, and you were about to explode.”

Suddenly, I saw two of him. One was blurrier than the other. And everything around me started cloning itself, causing me to shut my eyes due to the dizziness it made me feel, then reopening them. I shrugged it off, thinking that it must be because I was tired.

He just stared at me, his eyes still unreadable. It was this silence again. The silence that occurs when he doesn’t disagree to what I say, giving me the perception that I was right on something I wished I wasn’t right on.

My head suddenly lost all thoughts, and now it was like a dark empty box. It wasn’t long until my vision took the idea of a dark empty box too, and soon all I saw was black.

“Y/N? Y/N!”

»»————-　　————-««

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a blurry vision of the ceiling to the Hospital Wing. And the first thing I felt was a ringing headache, along with sore back. It took me a while to regain my consciousness fully. Once I did, I searched the room, no one was there, except an owl, along with a rolled up piece of paper tied around its leg using a string.

“Hello?” In case someone else was there, and the letter was theirs, I spoke up, my voice a little croaky. But no reply. Untying the paper from it’s leg, I moved up my bed and leaned my back against the headboard, the owl flying out one of the windows as I move. Hesitant, I unrolled the paper and read it.

 “

Y/N,

I am deeply sorry for being ignorant and not realising how much of a pain I’ve been to you. Thank you for helping me be able to grasp onto what I’ve actually been feeling. Once again, I am genuinely sorry from the bottom of my heart. I hope one day, you’ll be able to forgive me.

-Draco Lucius Malfoy

                                                                         ”

I felt a tear rolling down my cheek, along with another one, and another one as my mind played clips of everything that happened last night. Soon enough, I couldn’t stop, I found myself weeping as quiet as I possibly could in case the walls weren’t soundproof. Everything I would have felt last night, if I wasn’t close to blacking out, came at me all at once. And now, I was left with only memories of us.

taglist: @softlyqoos​ @thatguppienamedbae​ @daltonacademia​ @gloryekaterina​ @thescarletknight2014​ @svturtles​ @malfoy-styles-wife

[shiny-procrastinates]

(re)Watching Magia Record S1 - part 1

Hello and welcome everyone to the first post on this watch-along commentary of the first season of Magia Record! Whether you are just now watching it for the first time, or are re-watching in preparation for the second season, or have only played the game and are curious about the anime (in which case I'd be surprised you even exist) I hope you can have some fun reading these ramblings as I try to put my thoughts into words  (actually turned more into narrating the show) throughout all 12 13 episodes.

Before we can get to it, though, I have a few warnings to give:

1 - As much as I'd love to be able to memory swipe so I can watch this fresh all over again, such an ability is sadly still beyond my grasp. In other words, this isn't my first time watching (or second, for that matter; more like the sixth… or seventh…). That being the case I can't claim that these are my first impressions and it's very likely this commentary will be somewhat biased by my previous knowledge. However, I can guarantee one thing: I will do my best to keep this spoiler-free, so you don't have to worry if this is your first time watching.

(I will, however, be assuming that you have watched the OG series and Rebellion, so beware of that).

2 - Please don't come into this expecting it to be Madoka 2

Also no, this is not a continuation of the OG, it’s an alternate universe spin-off.

This one's for first-time viewers.

Well, ok, this sounds like vague tweeting and I'm kind of whining here, but I have seen a number of peeps on the internet saying that Magia Record is bad only for their argument to boil down to "because it isn't OG Madoka!"

Yeah it isn't. I'm pretty sure there's "Side Story" written somewhere in the title too.

Leaving aside the matter of nostalgia glasses and whether the original series was that much of a masterpiece or not (it's been over five years since I last watched it, so I can't say anything either way.) it seems kind of weird to me that someone would bash a spinoff on the grounds of how close it is to the original. Because here's the thing: to me, the whole point of spinoffs is taking an already existing scenario and putting a spin on it to make something new. That's exactly what makes them fun!

MagiReco didn't need to be a Madoka clone or to try hard and beat the original. That would probably have made it bad, actually. What it did need to do was to create an interesting story using the world set up by the OG Madoka and the other spinoffs, and that, in my opinion, it did, so I hope people can give it a chance and judge it on its own merits rather than only compared to the original. I'm not saying you can't hate it, either, I myself have my own problems with it, it's just that I want to see more reasonable reasons than "it's not the OG so it's bad".

3 - As you can probably already tell from these warnings, these posts are bound to get looong, so I'd recommend setting aside a fair amount of time and getting real comfy if you're gonna read it all. I also don't mind if you just skip ahead and only read the interesting parts, I'm not the internet police.

3.5 - I don't want to use it as an excuse, but I think I should make it clear that English is not my native language, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes and awkward/stilted text. It's hard to tell by myself, so feel free to correct me if you find something.

SO, with that out of the way let’s get down to what’s really important:

Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record Episode 1

Whew, now that’s a mouthful.

You know, in my mind I always thought a “side story” was something that happened alongside a “main story”, like another POV, so I’m not sure that’s the most appropriate title, but who am I to judge?

So here we go, we’re off with some beautiful futuristic scenery already, that’s the Madoka series I know.

As the classic Sis Puella Magi plays in the background, two unseen narrators tell us the tale of the so called “magical girls” as we are shown the reality of being one, meeting our first witch for this series.

Risking your life to save a cat doesn’t seem like the smartest of things. Rather, witches eat cats? That’s mean.

No, you really, really don’t. This narration definitely seems made to make everyone who saw the original say this, particularly with how silly are the wishes these girls suggest. 

And hey, look, even this girl who supposedly had her wish granted doesn’t seem very happy.

Hang in there, this is only the first episode.

Man, this scenery really is pretty though.

After an exciting fight with a witch in the train, our girl here silently goes home to find

Whatever the heck this is.

So, our girl here seems to be having strange visions whenever she enters her room, that is very very suspiciously cut exactly in half. Protagonist, you sure have an unique sense of interior decoration.

She goes on with her day, makes two lunchboxes and… oh, it seems she’s all alone.

Is this something you should be telling your own daughter?

Long story short, Iroha’s parents are abroad right now (as is suspiciously the case with many a anime protagonist parents). I actually love the parallel this scene draws with OG Madoka: whereas Madoka’s parents seem responsible and Madoka even looks up to her mom and they’re a happy united family, Iroha comes off as being the responsible one in her family and her parents are gone from the get-go. This way, the lonely atmosphere of the previous scene also starts making sense.

So, it seems like there’s something Iroha wants to do here, and that’s why she decided to stay behind.

Perhaps. Did you wish to save a black cat?

Wow, this teacher is speaking fast. Calm down lady, we’re not here to speedrun the content, geez. Though I guess we should be happy she’s at least giving a proper class, unlike a certain other teacher…

Oh great, it's this guy.

Ok, Iroha doesn’t remember what she wished for and Kyuubei doesn’t know either, although he knows she used her wish for the sake of someone. Kyuubei theorizes that the reason she doesn’t remember might be that not remembering was part of her wish, but Iroha doesn’t think she’d wish for that. I don’t think you’d ever think to wish for something like that until you had to wish for something like that though.

She’s got a fair point. After all, wishing in this universe is basica— the heck is going on in the background there?! O-kaaay…

Iroha was having a weird think-spot mental conversation with Kyuubei there, and missed speedrun teacher’s lecture entirely. Being meguca is suffering.

We get some school motto propaganda, and now we’re on the roof. Oh? Where did all the friendship stuff from the propaganda go? Seems like Iroha’s not following the school spirit. Unless she considers the white weasel a friend, so that’s why she gave him her extra… wait, Kyuubei can EAT? I thought he was some alien machine-like being. H-Huh...

Classmate A: Tamaki-san, maji tenshi!

She’s probably just shy. According to her classmates, Iroha used to be busy doing something or the other, but no one can remember what that is.

Cute. 

But maybe don’t do that somewhere someone could easily walk in on you, Iroha.

Iroha gets a call by the girl from the combat scene from before, whose name is Kuroe. I couldn’t tell from their conversation if they’ve known each other for a while or if they just met each other for the first time in the fight before.

On the train, although she’s the one who called her over, Kuroe remains silent. Iroha, clearly uncomfortable, tries her best to make conversation. Poor Iroha, I know the feeling.

We learn from her that the number of witches around has been decreasing. She comments that being unable to get Grief Seeds is troubling, but it’s better than having witches causing trouble. Poor girl has no way to know just how much of a bad news it is running out of Grief Seeds.

What’s with pink-haired girls and lacking self-esteem? Iroha, are you sure you didn’t wish to save a black and forget that you did? You did save a white one just before.

Kuroe finally decides to talk, and she tells us this:

If you go to Kamihama, you’ll be saved. To anyone that saw the OG, the first thought that comes to mind is that they’ll be saved from their destiny of turning into witches, but it seems Kuroe doesn’t know the truth yet. She just doesn’t want to fight witches anymore. I think.

The train lights up, and…

...this is extremely unsettling considering the truth about witches and the conversation they’re having right now. There’s a lot of this, but this just hits different having watched the original.

Iroha’s not inclined to believe what Kuroe’s saying. Of course, despite not remembering her wish, she’s the type that’s happy with fighting witches if she can save someone, and Kuroe’s not being very convincing either. The whole thing is apparently a rumor spread by some girls who saw a dream that told them that.

Except that Kuroe actually had the dream too.

Like most magical girls, Kuroe made a short-sighted wish, and regrets it. She now wants to be saved, so she’s going to Kamihama.

...or she was, but before that, they’ll have to defeat the witch they let escape the other day, ‘cos she’s back for more.

I actually have so many questions about this scene. Weren’t Labyrinths pocket dimensions? How come this one’s moving in physical space? We know witches themselves move and their Labyrinth goes with that, but I thought it was more, like, the entrance to the Labyrinth moves. Then how come witches can escape if magical girls get carried with their Labyrinth when they move…? Just... just... what?

The answer to all of that is probably “magic”.

Like that, Express Witch Labyrinth crashes right into what seems to be a train station. Labyrinths don’t have brakes, confirmed.

Brutal.

Looks like it’s not only magical girls who have territorial disputes going on. Although it’s nice that they won’t have to fight two witches at the same time, this is not exactly a relief when you consider these two were already struggling with the previous one, and this one just ripped it apart like crab.

As expected, Iroha’s arrows do no damage at all. When all seems lost…

A wild singing mini Kyuubei appears! Is this a shiny?

The singing Kyuubei distracts the witch and jumps towards Iroha, who uses her pro white cat catching skills to grab it, and… something happens. Whatever this Kyuubei did, Iroha’s having some flashbacks now. Sadly, the middle of a battle isn’t the best time to be having a BSOD and, despite Kuroe’s attempts to snap her out of it, they’re sitting ducks right now, a black and a white one.

Thankfully for them, though, they’re not alone in this barrier. This mystery blue haired girl spams flying spears and makes short work of the witch Iroha’s arrows didn’t even scratch earlier. She’s clearly at a whole ‘nother level.

Also, chibi Kyuubei’s gone. Totally not suspicious. Nope. Not at all.

So, from this OP miss get-the-heck-out-of-my-territory, who didn’t even bother saying her name, we learn that not only there is no salvation in Kamihama, there are more, stronger witches, and there are currently no Kyuubei. She gives them the Grief Seeds from the two witches before, and passes on a warning to them. Not the friendliest of magical girls. Though if you consider what happens when you run out of Grief Seeds, one could understand why it’d be undesirable having too many magical girls in the same place.

With this, Iroha and Kuroe take the train back to their town and things are totally awkward again.

Welp, seems like Kuroe doesn’t want to chat anymore, so we’ll have a dream sequence instead.

Forgive my lack of words, but this scene doesn’t need them. This is just… you couldn’t ask for a better representation of what being a magical girl wishing for salvation is like. Everyone has their own reasons, but in the end, having known despair, these girls are desperately clinging to this last hope called Kamihama. It’s almost a pilgrimage.

“Let’s go to Kamihama. We’ll be saved there”

And in the midst of all that is the mysterious girl from Iroha’s dreams.

(the track here, Paradero de Memoria, is also great btw)

Now, with various wishes written all over in the background, we get Kyuubei’s spiel about magical girls. I think this is word-by-word the same from the original too.

We now get to finally know what our protagonist’s wish was.

So Iroha wished to cure her younger sister’s illness, but the sister in question is now nowhere to be found. Worse: everything related to her is gone. Even Iroha, who made a wish for her sake, didn’t remember her existence until now. Oh man, that’s no normal disappearance. What happened? Guess that’s what Iroha will have to find out now.

With that, we conclude the first episode of Magia Record(’s s1)!

This is a really strong first episode in my opinion. It decently introduces our protagonist, sets up the mysteries we will be dealing with from here on and also manages to trace connections with the original, while using the viewer’s previous knowledge to give a whole different impression to some scenes. You wouldn’t be like “hell no” at the rumor there at the start if you didn’t know the truth about magical girls, and I doubt that final scene would hit that hard either. It’s just really good at this and it’ll continue doing that from now on. I love it.

Speaking of the final scene, me having watched the original over five years ago might also be part of it but that is really my favorite scene in Madoka overall. I just really really love that scene. (Seriously, I’ve watched this scene so many times I know it by heart now. Help.)

Alas, I lied, the episode’s not over yet, we still have our classic anime first episode ending-opening to watch. So let’s listen, to Gomakashi:

This logo’s real pretty.

So yeah, pretty standard anime opening. If you pay attention, there are some references to Connect too, what with the selfcest and whatnot. Although I managed to mistake this when I first watched, this one’s actually sung by the trio TrySail rather than ClariS. That’s the VAs for Iroha, Asakura Momo; Yachiyo (the get-out-of-my-territory girl), Amamiya Sora and Natsukawa Shiina, whose character we’ve yet to meet. TrySail has a lot of cool songs, so do check them out if you haven’t already. (free ad)

This time, in fact, the episode is over! Whew, I did say this was going to be long, but not even I thought it’d be this long. By the time this is posted I should have a backlog of these, so my plan is to post one everyday until we are done. I hope you had fun reading this here rant and I’ll be looking forward to meeting you guys again tomorrow, same place, maybe same hour, so we can go on and watch episode 2 together!

(P.S.: I am considering doing a series of posts at a later date comparing the anime to the game, but we’ll see. The first few chapters are fine, but the game is stupidly long, so I feel it’d take a lot of motivation and stamina I’m not sure I have at the moment. There’s also the possibility watching the first arc again would bring back my yt copy-apocalipse grief back and that’d suck, definitely don’t wanna go through that again.)

[thewritingof-therose]

Hi! Last week, with the publishing of the 20th chapter of Hasard, I reached the 100 kudos on the fic, so to celebrate it, here’s some kind of bonus chapter where I talk a little about the conception of the story, along with comments about each chapters. 

Enjoy!

----

So… 20 chapters and 100 kudos already. To be honest, by the time I started imagining this story, I wasn’t really expecting to be able to celebrate that milestone of kudo on a single fic and even if I already celebrated the 2000 kudos in general this year, if we make a quick calcul based on the numbers of kudos and all the fics I’ve published, at the time I’m writing those words, it’s the same that if each one of my fic had only 20 kudos… So yeah, finally reaching the hundred on a single one makes me so happy \o/

Anyway, here’s some trivia and fun facts about Hasard and the first twenty chapters of the story.

First of all, some history:

I had the idea for Hasard in May 2018 as I was watching the tv show Lucifer (I am not up to date with it, please don’t try to spoil me this show ^^’) and I imagined one scene that just… shaped the entire story and it took me less than a few hours to know that I would write it. Even if I wasn’t sure how long it would be and that there had been some changes. And no, I won’t tell what scene kickstarted it all because she still has to come and it could be quite a huge spoiler. 

Following it, my brain quickly went into developing the full story and a few things changed. On the top of my head, I can say that Maiev was meant to be more on her own, almost a complete independent Hunter that would have also been resented by the other Hunters, along with a way more black and white view of the demons. She was meant to be more aggressive against all demons and really thinking that they all deserved to die, but I softened that side of her as I shifted the world building with the presence of hybrids. 

At first, the hybrids were meant to be a really rare kind and I wanted to keep that status for a few select characters because it could have brought some really good story for them. Then, as I kept working on the worldbuilding, I came to the idea that actually, hybrids were extremely common, but at the same time, the demon’s presence was still a secret from most of the world because most hybrids started centuries ago and their blood and physical attributions were weakening the more they were reproducing. So, about 80% of the world is made of hybrids of all kinds of generation (who is my way of scaling the demonic influence on their life) and the 20% left is shared with the full demons and full humans. 

Full demons are simply people who don't have a single drop of human blood in them. Usually, they are born from two other full demon parents or they just appeared like that (that’s the mytho). They are extremely powerful and good magic users, but now, they are rare. It was easier to be a full demon millenia ago when they ruled over the world and the few that are left in the current world of Hasard, survived either by hiding really well, manipulating their way to stay alive, or simply because they accepted to work with the humans and they went on. 

My best example of a full demon is Velen. 

The full humans, are the humans who either had never gotten a single drop of demon’s blood in their bloodlines, either they purged the bloodline after making sure that there had been at least 10 generations since the last time a hybrid was born (technically, every child following it would be considered as an hybrid, but the other parent would be a full human to weaken the demon’s blood which each new generation). Full humans are rarer than full demons and they tend to be bad news as almost all of them are associated with the Priesthood (who’ll get some more explanation later.)

I haven’t presented yet one of them to give an example, but one is ready to show up in the Second arc of the story. Won’t say who to not spoil the surprise x)

As for hybrids, there are two kinds. The one born from a demon and a human, and or hybrids (two hybrids will keep creating hybrids and technically, as long as one of the parents has human blood, the bloodline will stay a hybrid one). And the second one hadn’t been introduced yet. We have characters that are that kind, but it’s some worldbuilding elements that will show up later and so, I'll keep it to myself for now. Feel free to theorize though! And usually, most hybrids will simply call themselves demons instead of showing signs of weaknesses by not being a full one.

For the title of the story, it had been extremely hard for me to find one. Ever since I started preparing everything, it had a codename and it was “Modern AU” and it stayed like that until the very minute of the publishing of the first chapter. I was already going towards “Le Hasard Fait Bien Les Choses” but I was bothered because it was French, and no matter what, I couldn’t find a good English idiom that would have all the nuances of the French one. The only thing that comes close to it would be “Fate is a funny thing” and yet, I’m not entirely satisfied with it. So, after a long debate with myself and help from other people, I came to the conclusion that I had to keep the French title if I wanted to be happy with it. 

It might not help much to get people interested, and I’m considering adding “Fate is a Funny Thing” after it but I’m debating it.

I think that's already a lot, so let's move to the trivia per chapters:

A Muffled Shout In The Night

Oh boy, first chapter! I was so excited to finally start the story but I was also really stressed. I tried to give away a quick summary of how the universe was working, along with my two main characters + showing up the first supportive characters towards Maiev. Trying to present all the cast (so adding Illidari and more about Illidan) right in that chapter wouldn't have really worked so, instead, I went to show that a more "Legion-y" timeline could be expected thanks to Khadgar and Velen's presence in the chapter. 

I kinda hope that I succeeded to already show Maiev's obsession towards the Betrayer through her first lines.

Though I will be one hundred percent honest with you. The end of the chapter with Illidan running away, don't expect much from that interaction. I kind of always forget about it unless I'm reading back the chapter… I only needed a reason for them to stop fighting and the chapter to carry on.

But who knows, maybe I'll tie it to something one day.

Two Black Coffees And A Meeting, Please

When writing it, I always knew that Drelanim was on the other side of the call (or at least another Hunter) but as I read the moment a few times, I realized that I could have gone for a completely different way. One that would have probably surprised everyone.

But yeah, in another universe, it's Illidan who calls Maiev because he's in front of her place as they decided to meet for breakfast there. It would have been quite nice and unexpected for the story, especially that Illidan would have gotten right away the reveal that Maiev was actually the Warden as she would have complained about the wounds of the night. 

In the end, I went on with my first idea and made them meet for good in the chapter.

And, like with the first chapter… the "current problem" that he talks about to Kor'vas went nowhere… I'll more than probably get him to acknowledge some uninteresting side story for it at some point.

Memories Of A Rainy Day That Will Never Be Forgotten

For that one, one word: Ouch.

By the time I started to write this chapter, I was also preparing the Advent Calendar of 2019 and I had decided on telling Naisha's story, and I had to realize that I still had to foreshadow some elements from it to make it work. Of course, the title is fully referencing the day she died and the demon that Maiev killed right at the beginning of the chapter was similar to Naisha, putting Maiev in a stabbing mood. And it led us to another necessary addition for the Calendar's chapter: Malfurion.

(I'm also wondering how many people guessed right away that Malfurion was the one Illidan was calling…)

Brother, My Brother, Tell Me What We're Fighting For? 

Even if Malfurion had more of a cameo than anything in the Calendar's story, I felt the need to introduce him to put the bases of the twins' relationship. I always knew that he was a doctor and that he was mostly helping Illidan when he was getting in trouble, and as their backstory is different from WoW and that they are both demons, I didn't want to go on the canon path for them. 

I cannot tell much about it because we'll get fast to their backstory (Second arc) but here, Illidan and Malfurion mostly grew up in a world where it was them against the rest of the world. They were born during the glorious days when demons ruled the world and they saw it change through the millennia that followed. After everything, they would be devastated to lose the other and suddenly be the only one left. This is why they are way closer than they could ever be in canon (and also Tyrande isn't part of their backstory so it helped them keep a good relationship). Sometimes, they part ways for a few decades. Malfurion goes back to medical school somewhere and makes sure that he's up to date for it, or Illidan just moves with his clan to experience new things. But they stay in contact and always come back in proximity of one another.

The end of the chapter was my obligatory "shock reveal/cliffhangers" before a break. But well, I wanted to keep the Legion's existence in my sleeve for a little longer, but I realized that it would allow me to make them into a concrete threat as the story will progress + allowing Illidan and, mostly, the Illidari to be a little more presents into the story.

Actually, the chapter's name comes from a song from the occidental version of the first Pokemon movie. It's a line from the song that plays when the Pokemon and their clone fights, and i used it mostly for the brother's mentions and because it would totally be a thing said by one of the twins in their past…

A Flower Arrangement Made With Your Face In Mind

At that time, I wanted to make a chapter to develop a little more the supporting characters of the cast, and as I was taking back the writing of the fic after a four or five months break, I thought it would be nice. 

So, we got a little side dish of Illidari for it and that’s pretty much the only chapter (until now) where Illidan or Maiev barely appears in it. Yet, I threw some worldbuilding and foreshadowing in it and I still like it, so it isn’t really a filler.

I’ll probably do more chapters like that in the future, but I’ll see with the pacing of the story.

Willingly Accepting Your Death Isn't As Easy As I Thought

I don’t have much to say about this chapter. I still really like it and especially Maiev and Velen’s interaction. 

Along with showing that we were far from a potential romantic relationship, at least on Maiev’s side x)

A Laugh That Will Echo Through The Ages

Oh my God, that chapter! I could probably talk about it for hours but we would quickly reach the spoiler territory so I’ll see what I can tell without shooting myself in the foot.

I loved giving Khadgar some more identity and I like his relationship with Maiev. In the story, they are around 10 years apart, with Khadgar being the youngest. He’s like an honorary younger brother to every Hunter and even if Maiev won’t admit it, she’s kinda thinking the same. 

If he had been in the spotlight for this chapter, it was actually because I was thinking of writing his backstory for the Calendar of 2020 but in the end, I scrapped the idea and wrote something else. But It’ll happen at some point.

You Were In My Dream Last Night, And I Found You That Morning

A simple and nice chapter to calm down from the action heavy that was the precedent. I do throw some crumbs of foreshadowing and backstory, mostly for Maiev, but we will have to wait quite some time for the full one. Even if to be honest, before I release it fully, there will probably be some people that will stitch everything from my crumbs.

Illidan’s dreams are meant to be a plot point all through the story, and I decided to start them with this chapter. And of course, we can see that it’s the first chapter where Illidan, even if he isn’t conscious of it, starts to like Maiev more than he should have at that point.

A Red Dress And Heels To Hide The Knife In Plainsight

I loved writing that one. Showing that Maiev had more hobbies than hunting demons, along with showing how you had to act to get her to do things that she would refuse to do otherwise. Most of the time, if Sira gently asks if she wants to go do some shopping, Maiev always has something else to do. Not that she hates shopping, just that she thinks there’s better things to do. 

I could probably go more about Worgens and their existence, but it would spoil some part of the story :/ 

And honestly, I had an alternate version of this chapter where Illidan saw Maiev and Sira hurrying in the streets, followed them and he would have eavesdropped on the conversation about him. It was obviously bad because it was confirming that Maiev was at least a Hunter (which he won’t know until a while by that time) and it would have been totally an excuse for smut x)

A Warning Falling In Deaf Ears

With this chapter, I’ve been working on mixing the idea of chapters 5 (to concentrate on rest of the cast) with more of the main story. Like that, I show that there’s more than Illidan and Maiev in this universe, but at the same time, I’m still progressing their story by sharing the chapter between the two. I really liked writing Kayn like that and I think that one of my favorite things to write in this story, it’s Illidan and Malfurion interacting.

A Touch So Familiar, Yet So Strangely Threatening

I remember writing that chapter and suddenly realizing that it was going to be longer than the precedent, and i thought for a moment that I had to cut it in half, but I couldn’t find a satisfying way to do it, and it would have fucked up my outline, so I just carried on with it until I had told everything that I had to. 

With that chapter, I’m trying to show that Maiev can be really crazy when it comes to the Betrayer and his followers, but I can assure that she wouldn’t wound any of the Hunters, even if they cannot really be sure about it. And the little dialogue with the B-word made me laugh and yes, Maiev already called the Betrayer a bitch to his face. In 13 years, it would have been weird that she didn’t think of it at least once.

For the rest of the chapter, I just wanted to show that Maiev and Illidan were becoming comfortable with each other + setting up a reason for her to be worried about Illidan to show him her good side.

Screaming Under The Full Moon Won't Change Your Fate

The one thing I keep from this chapter, is that I can’t wait to dive more into Velen and Maiev's relationship.

Otherwise, yeah, if Illidan were to go into a fight only wanting to use magic, he could kill Maiev without breaking a sweat. But he likes the challenge and feels like it wouldn’t be satisfying to annihilate her with just a spell, so he’s fighting blade against blades, unless Maiev is really close to kill him.

A Fateful Call That Only You Can Be Blamed For

I have nothing much to say about it. It was one chapter that I really wanted to write and publish, because it’s the one where Illidan just let his guard down around Maiev for good, and now that he won’t try to trap her into admitting that she is the Warden, it allows him to see Maiev in another light.

That anyone can guess what it is.

Oh yeah, just that I threw some good crumbs of the fact that Illidan is a self-loathing addict in my fics and that it’s one of the reasons he falls so hard for Maiev after this chapter. But it’ll be a good talk for either another chapter, or later.

Going Separate Ways For A Night But Not The Life

Nothing to say, it was a transitional chapter to show that Illidan really believes that Maiev isn’t the Warden, and that there’s more than the fight to them.

Stab Me Once, Shame On You. Stab Me More Than Twice...

A fun little chapter. Velen is more modern than most people can believe and once again, I like writing about the interactions between Illidan and Malfurion. Of course, if you go back to read this one after chapter 20, you might see that I already knew how it was going to happen from this chapter, as the 20th got his title in this one.

I just hope that people read the story from the Advent Calendar 2020 to know what happened in the middle of it.

And From There, Fate Laughed At Them

I could talk for hours about Cordana in my AU. I just love what I’m going to do with her characters and I hope that my readers will like it too. 

But to give some crumbs, Maiev and Cordana have been best friends since high school and she’s the first long-time friend that Maiev had made in her life and thanks to Cordana, she met with Sira and the group, but most importantly Velen. Cordana is a hybrid of sixth generation, so her demonic attributes are almost non-existent, but she kept some supernatural ability from her legacy. She knew from a very young age that she wanted to hunt demons and protect people, and met with Velen early to prepare her future job. Once she discovered that Maiev had some natural abilities to hunt demons, she saw them as the future “Best Best Friend and Hunters” and convinced Maiev to give a go to the hunt. She was forced to move out in another city but she kept contact with Maiev and the rest of the group. In terms of strength, abilities and hunting score, she is right behind Maiev.

Otherwise, I will add that I had a lot of fun writing the conversation between them about Illidan and how he would be better than the Betrayer *winkwink*.

I didn’t make it clear in that chapter and it won’t be important, but Khadgar has a crush on Cordana.

Cordana meant well with the message, and even if in real life, I would condone such action, here, I needed it to move things around because yes, neither Illidan nor Maiev would make the first step if it wasn’t for Cordana.

During the fight, at the beginning of the scene, Illidan totally complimented the Warden on her abilities but don’t try to make him admit it.

Last thing: my nickname is Fate. I’m the one laughing.

Games, Games, All Is Games

I don’t really have anything to say about this chapter.

Sometimes, Cowardice Allows The Survival Of The Smartest

To be perfectly honest, I regret how I handled Cordana’s week in the story because I’ve barely done anything with her but I can explain where the problem is. I knew that I wanted Illidan to discover the warden’s identity on chapter 20, and I planned all my updates around that one fact, but when it came to the outline, I wasn’t sure what to tell between the chapter 13 and 20 to reach that point and thanks to the Calendar, I moved things around that one and I ended up having the idea of making Cordana appears (She should have come in person in the story much, much later). And as I needed chapters 18 and 19 to build up to the reveal, I ended up completely stuck and making her appearance too fast and if it wasn’t for the message, she would have been useless to the story. But I realized it too late and I couldn’t rework my outline in time.

But well, i’ll give her a better mini-arc in the second arc of the story to atone for it.

Otherwise, I hope that the feel of the countdown to the reveal starting by the end of the chapter had been caught by some people x) It’s obvious to me, but well, i’m the writer.

Step By Step, Tick Tock Said The Clock

Just a build up chapter for the 20th. Even if I really like it and that I’m preparing the ground for future plotlines but I’ll let you guess which one it could be x) 

I know I haven’t make it clear in the chapter, but Malfurion knew that Illidan was lying when he pretended that his problem was the Warden “may-be-may-be-not-a-hybrid/demon” but as he also know that his brother is a “stubborn motherfucker” he let it slid. 

And yes, somewhere in my mind, there’s an alternate universe where Maiev accepted Illidan’s invitation and that they would spend the evening at her place. Without a reveal first.

Any Last Wish?

I don’t really have something to add to this chapter. I succeeded to write it just as I wanted.

I just had a long debate with myself as to how I wanted it to end, as I had the choice between cutting it right as Illidan is saved by the Warden (maybe not revealing her identity before the next chapter, or it would have been the last line) or just as I did, by them reaching her place first. I chose the latter because I want Chapter 21 to start with a really specific scene and I thought that it was better than a cheap cliffhanger. 

The last thing I'll add, is that for the story to go well, I had to make Illidan be the first to be aware of the identity of the other, mostly because he can be the one to change his mind more easily about wanting to kill the Warden. If it had been Maiev discovering that Illidan was the Betrayer at this moment of the story, he would have died.

And now, because I'm not done yet, here’s some info about the bonus chapters that were published independently from the main story!

AC Day 8: A Morning

First calendar, in 2018, and I already knew that I was going to write Hasard. It had no name by this time, but I had written that small scene to try out a few things and see how it’ll work.

There’s a really high chance that I end up rewriting it for the main story, but I think that a few elements will change. We’ll see.

AC19 Day 24: Hasard: Naisha

Probably the worst (in terms of feels) chapter of the story yet.

Naisha is probably the character who had a story and fate the closest to canon and I wanted to keep it like that, as it allowed to shape even more the hate between the Warden and the Betrayer. Honestly, she wasn’t deserving of a death like that, especially that if the Betrayer hadn’t intervened that day by trying to kill Maiev, Naisha would have survived.

Actually, in any other universes/storylines possible, she would have survived. Unfortunately for her, she fell right into the feud and became a victim of it.

At this point of the story, Illidan isn’t even completely aware of what happened that day, and he has no idea who Naisha was. All that he knows is that he thought to have killed the Warden, only to find her, even more angry in the following week. He just knows that he had killed the wrong person, but he had no idea who. Maiev herself doesn’t know for sure that it was the Betrayer the culprit, as she couldn’t see clearly in the rain.

Of course, it’ll end up being brought up in the story :)

AC20 Day 8: Hasard: Malfurion’s Hellish Day

It should have been Khadgar's backstory actually for that Calendar. But even if I have a good idea about it, I realized that I wasn’t completely inspired and that I was missing a few details to be able to write it. So, in the end, I went desperately after another idea and thanks to Melowen, I think, she got me on the idea of writing about Malfurion.

In the end, this chapter, meant to be a funny one with Illidan and Maiev forced to be in the same place for the same job, with Malfurion, aware that it would be a catastrophe to let them discover the truth, ended up shaping the last chapters currently published.

And if you are wondering, no, Illidan wasn’t trying to trick his brother in giving him the secret identity of Maiev. He was just trying to get his brother approbation about the woman he was starting to crush on.

The line: ‘“Yeah, everyone tells me that I look like a famous actor,” Malfurion faked a chuckle, glancing at the woman.’ is a reference to my Bodyguard AU where Illidan is an actor. 

Alright, that’s all for the trivia! Thanks for reading this bonus chapter, and the main story until now, and I hope you’ll keep enjoying reading Hasard!

Rose

[much-obliged-timothy]

Whumptober #15

Devil May Cry - #15 - Possession 

I’m basically using Whumptober as an excuse to write awkwardly protective dad Vergil and I have no regrets 

*

“Watch your back,” Vergil said.

Nero didn’t even have to turn to shoot the demon running at him in the head. “Thanks, it’s my first day on the job.”

Vergil shot him a look. “You’re too cocky.”

“Me?” Nero said in disbelief. “Buddy, come with me. I think I saw a mirror back there.”

Vergil lowered the Yamato as Nero dispatched the last of the demons in the room. He ignored Nero’s taunt, and instead strode forward towards the next room.

He knew what Dante was doing. This was a mission either Dante or Nero could’ve easily handled on their own, but Dante had insisted on all three of them going, and then on him splitting off from the other two to tackle the demons infesting the building faster.

He was trying to make Vergil spend time with Nero. Bond over combat. 

But all this was achieving was making Vergil realize that his son was the worst possible combination of the twins.

It was infuriating. Even more so because he knew Nero was right.

“So what do you think this ‘anomaly’ is?” Nero asked, catching up to Vergil and falling into stride with him.

When they’d been contacted for the job, they’d been warned there was an anomaly amidst the horde swarming inside the building. Some type of mystery demon. 

“It doesn’t matter. Just stay on your guard and kill it,” Vergil said.

“Well, yea, that’s the plan. I’m still curious, though,” he said. When Vergil didn’t respond to that, he sighed. “He just had to stick me with you.”

Vergil grit his teeth but didn’t speak. How had his son, who hadn’t even been raised by either brother, become such a little clone of Dante? 

Except he wasn’t quite a clone of Dante. No, Vergil saw a very familiar anger and desperate desire in Nero. Nero wanted to be strong. He wanted to be powerful.

He wanted to be good enough.

Vergil stuck an arm out, stopping both of them. “Did you hear that?”

“There’s something in here with us,” Nero said, slipping his gun into his hand and looking around carefully. 

Wordlessly, they fell back-to-back, slowly turning in a circle as they scanned the room they were now in. Both were on high alert, looking for any sign of movement or life.

“There,” Nero hissed, pointing with his gun.

A shadow, in the corner of the room. It slithered away, disappearing into the darkness. They watched intently, cautiously backing away from the spot they’d seen it in to give themselves more chance to react if it charged at them.

And charge it did.

It lurched out of the darkness, a thin wisp of a demon, a black substance that seemed almost like smoke pouring off it. Vergil saw a flash of red amidst the dark mass of body, eyes most likely. They were fixed on him as the demon reached out thin arms.

“Vergil!” Nero cried, shoving him out of the way. Vergil shook himself and swung the Yamato at the demon. 

It was just a fraction quicker, dodging above the swing and riding the blade up to Vergil’s arm. Vergil tried to shake it off, but it clung to him and moved up to his face.

For a horrible moment, Vergil felt the demon inside him, filling his head with that awful smoke-like substance, his vision flaring as red as the creature’s eyes. He choked as the smoke filled his nose, his lungs, every bit of his body, consuming him.

And then his body shuddered, and the sensation was gone.

“Vergil!” Nero gripped his shoulder, eyes wide and alarmed. “Are you okay? Where did it go?”

“Nero, no! Get back!” Vergil snapped, moving to push him away, realization dawning on him.

But he wasn’t fast enough, and the demon surged out, latching onto Nero’s face. Vergil watched as it dissipated, slipping into Nero instead.

Nero’s eyes flashed red as he stumbled back, wheezing for air. His gun clattered to the ground, and he dropped to his knees, gripping his head, his whole body giving a violent convulsion before falling still.

Vergil readied his sword, just in case. “Nero?”

Nero slowly lifted his head. Red eyes met Vergil’s.

He’d heard of demon’s who could possess humans. His own demon blood must’ve been too strong for the creature to stay in his body, but Nero had more human in him than demon.

“You’re not human.” The voice coming out of Nero’s voice was not his own. It was deep, distorted. Nero rose to his feet and took a step towards Vergil. “What are you?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Vergil said, not backing down as it took another step towards him.

The demon looked down at Nero’s body, examining it. “He is not human, either.” He fell silent for a moment, then looked up with a grin that looked twisted and wrong on Nero’s face. “He is your son.”

“I cut his arm off. Don’t think I won’t cut his head off too,” Vergil said, his voice calm despite the sudden way his stomach churned. Could this thing get into Nero’s thoughts?

It took another step towards him, that twisted grin growing. “He believes you think him weak and unworthy. He was right. You could fend me off; he could not.”

Vergil tightened his grip on his sword. How the hell was he supposed to get this thing out of Nero without killing the boy?

It suddenly swung a punch at Vergil, who deflected with the Yamato out of habit. It gripped the sword, the blade slicing through Nero’s palm.

But the grin didn’t falter. “He feels all the pain. Not me.”

“It’s just payback for irritating me earlier,” Vergil said, but made no moves to yank the blade free. He’d risk slicing Nero’s hand in half if he did.

What should he do? This thing seemed to have a firm grasp over Nero’s mind. Was it even possible to get it out of Nero’s body without killing him?

He doubted killing Nero would even kill the demon. Likely, it’d just flee the useless body and search for another. Vergil could kill it once it was out of Nero’s body, but that meant killing Nero first.

And he couldn’t bring himself to do that. It was his best, and maybe only, option. But as he looked up at Nero, he just couldn’t convince himself it was worth it.

There had to be another way. Nero could fight this thing; he wasn’t fully human. He had a chance.

“You picked the wrong host,” Vergil said, leaning back a little. “If there’s one thing my son hates, it’s being called weak. You’ll regret that one.”

The demon’s grin stretched, but then faltered. It tightened its grip on Vergil’s sword, blood pooling on the floor beneath it.

“I’m not giving this body up,” it hissed. “It’s too powerful.”

But then it shuddered and released the sword, staggering back and hitting the wall. It clenched its bloody fist and drove it into the wall hard enough that Vergil heard the bones breaking.

“You’ll quiet down, you worthless hybrid,” it snapped. 

Vergil sighed. “That’ll do it.”

Sure enough, the demon let out an angry cry as Nero’s body convulsed. It fell to the ground, and the smoke began to pour out of Nero’s body, clearly struggling to stay inside him. His eyes flashed between red and blue, his hands digging into the floor as the rest of him jerked and spasmed alarmingly.

“Fuck- you!” Nero gasped.

He cried out in pain, and the smoke was torn from his body. Vergil didn’t give it a moment to fully form, instead striking at where he’d seen the red eyes in the mass.

The smoke withered away, and a lump of dark body fell to the ground. Vergil stabbed it twice more for good measure.

“Ah, shit,” Nero said, carefully cradling his broken hand against his chest. He was gasping for breath, his face horribly pale. “What was that thing?”

“A possession demon. Humans can’t fight them off,” Vergil said, kneeling besides Nero and taking his arm, examining his hand. “Can you still fight?”

Nero yanked his hand away. “I can fight with just one hand. My father sure helped me practice that.”

Vergil managed not to wince, and settled for glaring. “Then let’s keep going. I’ll assume that was the anomaly, but we still have to clear out the hordes and meet back up with Dante. Let me splint your hand.”

“I can do it myself,” Nero said, sitting up, his face that stubborn expression that said he’d inherited more from Vergil than Vergil wanted to admit.

“Let me do it. I can do it faster,” Vergil said, matching the stubborn expression.

He didn’t give Nero a chance to argue. Instead, he searched the room for something to use as a splint, and got to work tending to Nero’s hand. His movements were precise but careful.

He stood up when he was done, and Nero got to his feet as well. Blood was already starting to stain the makeshift bandage on his hand, but he ignored it and picked up his gun. 

Vergil headed for the nearest door, but slowed as he approached it. The demon’s words rang through his head.

He put his hand on the doorknob. “It took strength to expel that thing from yourself. Well done, Nero.”

He couldn’t bear to look at Nero’s expression, and instead let himself through the door. If he had looked back, though, he would’ve seen the faintest flicker of hope in Nero’s eyes.

Nero had heard Vergil refer to him as his son to the demon. He did recognize Nero, as both his son and as a capable fighter.

It shouldn’t have mattered so much. But it did.

With a newfound determination, Nero followed his father.

[fallen420]

Rebel Spy - Chapter 13: Trust In The Force

WARNING: major rebels spoiler and ofc mandalorian spoilers

Masterlist

“Right, it’s always nothing isn’t it.”

I see his shoulders stiff as the air gets tenser. I know he can feel the frustration coming off of me. I sit here hoping that he says something, anything to make the tension go away. I want him to tell me what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. I love him and I just want to know if he’s okay.

But of course, that’s not Din. He doesn’t talk. He doesn’t tell me anything. Stars, sometimes this relationship feels entirely one-sided.

I feel the crest take off and soon we get into space. With the ship falling apart he doesn’t want to go into hyperspace sooner than we have to or even at all.

The kid falls asleep in my lap as I stare at the stars trying to ignore the tension and - for some reason- the tears that are started to form in my eyes.

I don’t think the tears are from being sad. No, I’m not sad. The tears are from frustration. Is it too much to ask for him to talk to me? I know he’s not used to sharing his feelings so I shouldn’t push him too much.

The sound of him turning around in his chair snaps me out of my thoughts. However, I don’t make eye contact.

“Cyar'ika.” I don’t look up like he wants me to. It’s mostly because I don’t want to explain the tears threatening to leave my eyes.

“What?” The question comes out broken and barely a whisper.

“Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad Din.” I turn my head to look at him, “Honestly.”

“I don’t know how to feel.”

“I know.”

I carefully lift the kid off my lap as I stand up. I sit him back in the chair making sure he’s still fast asleep. Once I’m sure he’s good I take a seat in Din’s lap snuggling myself into him. My head stays under his chin as he pulls me closer to him. I fall asleep listening to his steady heartbeat.

-

“You want me to fit inside there?” I say referring to the very tiny compartment where wires are that we need to get to, to fix the ship.

“Well, I can’t fit.”

“Din I can’t even put my head through there.” The kid’s coo draws our attention toward him. He sits in his pod playing with the stuffed Wookie I got him a few months ago. “You don’t think he could?”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

-

“No, don’t put the blue one back. Put the red one where the blue one was. And put the blue one where the red one was.” The kid just continues to look at the wires in his hand.

Din is kneeling next to me as we both try and direct him, “But be careful,” Din warns him, “They’re oppositely charged, so keep them away from each other. Make sure you hold them apart from-” And of course he puts the wires together causing sparks to fly and smoke to fill the compartment.

“That went exactly as how I expected.” Din just sighs next to me, “Are you okay?” I ask the kid and he just responds with a cough. “Okay come on let’s get you out of there.” I motion for the kid to come towards me and he crawls through the compartment and into my arms safely. “So now what?”

“There’s no way we’re making it to Corvus in this shape?”

I look around at the shaky ship that’s covered in fishing nets, “No shit.”

“I think we need to visit some friends for repairs.”

“Back to Nevarro it is then.”

-

We land the razor crest right outside of the city and Greef is there to greet us.

“Looks like someone could use some repairs,” Greef says as Din and I both have to jump off the ramp. Din being extra careful because he’s carrying the kid.

Din and Greef shake hands before Dins asks, “How’s my credit around here?”

“I think something could be arranged. I’ll get my best people on it.” He gets a few people to work on the ship before turning to look at me “Aurora good to see you again.”

I offer him a smile, “You too.”

“And you, come here, little one!” He says referring to the kid. He takes the kid out of Din’s arms and starts asking him all the questions he of course doesn’t have the answer to.

We walk through the city and the streets are full. People are everywhere each booth selling something different. There’s so much life here compared to the last time we were here.

I get pulled out of my thoughts when we stop at the cantina. The one Din almost died in, “Here we are,” Greef says.

“I’m surprised this place is still standing,” Din says.

“Wait until you see what’s inside.”

Din and I exchange a look before following Greef.

Inside is a school. There’s a droid at the front talking about the five major trade routes in the galaxy. “Not what I expected,” I tell Din. It puts a smile on my face to see a place that was once full of death now filled with the next generation.

“We’ll leave the little one here so we can talk business,” Greef says taking the kid to a desk.

“Uh, what?”

“Wait, wherever I go, he goes,” Din also protests.

“Mando please,” Greef says, “Where we’re going, you don’t wanna take a child. Trust me.”

This time Din looks at me and I just shrug my shoulders not really sure if he’ll be safe here or not. “He’ll be fine,” Greef reassures us. Greef puts him in a seat at the end in the second row. “Come on.” Greef walks out.

Din and I linger for a few moments, “Nobody knows we’re here, he’ll be fine,” I say more to myself then Din.

“Right,” Din says and we both walk out.

-

Greef shows up this map of an old imperial base. He says how there’s heavy weaponry and that the black market would love to dismantle and get their hands on. So we agree to help take out what’s left on the base so that Navarro would be completely safe.

Mythrol, one of Din’s old bounties and Greefs bookkeeper, drives us to wherever the base is located. Greef and Mythrol sit in the front while Din and I are in the backseat. Din’s hand has found its usual place on my thigh.

“The whole place is powered by a reactor. So we sneak in overload it and get the hell out of there, “ Greef says.

“Let's be fast,” Din says, “And keep the speeder running.”

We travel a little more before Mythrol stops the speeder at the front door, “Let's go.” I say as we all hop out.

I try pressing a few buttons on the panel but nothing happens, “Controls are using, they’re melted.”

After some convincing, Mythrol decides to get out of the speeder and help us out. He grabs the flange cutter per Greefs request.

While Greef and Mythrol bicker I notice Din is looking up at something. I look up to see a platform above us. And I know exactly what he's thinking.

“Are you gonna…”

“Think it’ll work?”

“It's you, Din, it’ll work.”

“Hold tight,” Is all he says before flying up to the platform. Mythrol tries to use the flange cutter again but all it does is make electricity fly everyone. I look back up at the platform when I hear blaster shots. Then there's screaming and a stormtrooper lands right at my feet. Behind us, the elevator door opens and the three of us pile in.

After a few moments, the elevator door opens and Din is standing there with three stormtroopers laying lifeless around him.

“Good job,” I say to Din as I stand at the edge of the platform looking at the lava.

“The reactor should be set in the heat shaft,” Greef says, “If we drain the cooling lines this whole base will go up in a matter of minutes.”

“Look,” Mythrol says getting our attention, “It's a mint Trexler Marauder. We can get a lot for this on the black market.”

“And it's gonna get vaporized like the rest of this base. Now, let's go,” Din says.

-

Din leads us to the command center. He goes in first and takes out the imp that's in there. The rest of us go in after. I go to the panels, looking through the cameras to find the heat shaft, “Okay I found it, let's go.” Din looks to see where it is before leading us there.

We get there successfully without being spotted. Mythrol opens the door using the code cylinder they swiped on the imp from earlier.

The door opens and we stand on a platform right above a pool of lava. We all look over the edge and Din puts a protective arm out making sure that I don’t fall over.

“That's it,” Greef says pointing to a panel which will make this place blow, “Get on the reactor controls, drain the coolant lines, we’ll watch the door,” Greef says to Mythrol.

He protests at first but Greef threatens to put him back in carbonite. He gets to the pannel and starts pressing buttons but nothing seems to be working, “Hurry up!” Greef tries to rush him. I don’t know what he does but alarms start to go off and the lava below us bubbles.

“All right, she's gonna blow,” Mythrol says getting away from the panel.

We start running down the hallways trying to get out of there as fast as possible.

“How long do we have?” I ask.

“Ten minutes at the most,” Greef answers.

We turn the corner and Din puts his hand up stopping us. In the distance, we hear stormtroopers running to fix what we did.

Din leads us down yet another hallway which brings us to two guys frantically trying to fix what we did. “Destroy it!” one of them say as we walk in. The three of us start shooting them while Mythrol hides behind us.

Din gets one and I get the other. When the shooting stops I look around to where we are exactly. Behind the glass, there are what seem to be like failed clones.

“What the…” Greef says

“I thought this was a forward operating base,” I say still staring at the disfigured body in front of us.

“I thought it was.”

“No, this is a lab. They’re doing some type of experiment, I don’t know exactly but we need to figure it out.” I ask Mythrol if he can get into the system and like always he protest but I get him to do it.

“I don’t like this,” Din says.

“Me either.”

Mythrol gets a Holocron appears at the desk the imps were trying to destroy, “Replicated the results of the subsequent trails, which also resulted in catastrophic failure. There was promising effects for an entire fortnight, but then, sadly, the body rejected the blood. I highly doubt we’ll find a donor with a higher M-count, though. I recommend that we suspend all experimentation. I fear that the volunteer will meet the same regrettable fate if we process with the transfusion. Unfortunatley, we have exhausted our initial supply of blood. The child is small, and I was only able to harvest a limited amount without killing him,” Din and I look at each other and I’m sure under that helmet hes just as shocked as I am, “If these experiments are to continue as requested, we would again require access to the donor, I will not disappoint you again, Moff Gideon.”

Hearing his name makes my body freeze up, my breathing gets shallow, and my heart thumps a mile a minute.

“This must be an old transmission. Moff Gideon is dead,” Din says.

“No, this recording’s three days old,” Mythrol confirms that Moff Gideon is alive.

I fight the tears that want to leave my eyes and I push back all the memories, “Din if he’s alive we have to get to the kid and we have to go now.” He grabs my hand as we ran out of there to get our kid.

-

“You got your eyes on it?” Din asks as I aim the gun at the tiefighter in front of us.

“Hell yeah, I do.” I press the trigger and it hits the fighter directly making it go down in flames.

After getting back to the city and grabbing the kid, we assumed Greef and Mythrol were in trouble considering they weren't back yet. So we got into the new and improved crest and headed over there. We found them in the Trexler Marauder Mythrol pointed out earlier.

“Hang on kid,” Din says but he's very distracted by the blue cookies I’m sure he stole from someone at the school.

Din pulls the lever making the ship go up after the tie fighters and the kid starts to giggle.

I shoot at the fighter but all the shots miss, “We need to get closer.” The ship somehow goes even faster. I hear the beeping meaning that the guns are locked in at the target, again I pull the trigger and the second tiefighter goes down, “One more.” The kid has his hands up cheering us on.

Din turns off the engine making the ship fall for just a moment before turning them back on again so we are right behind the last tiefighter. The tiefighter shoots at us but with Din piloting skills none of the shots hit us. We keep getting closer to the fighter and right before we collide I shoot and it goes down.

“Not too bad huh?” Din says turning around to look at me and the kid. I laugh and the kid throws up. It's blue from the cookies he hasn’t stopped eating.

“Oh stars,” I say in disgust. While Din talks to Greef on the coms I grab the end of Din cape and I try to clean the kid off as best as possible.

After saying bye to Greef Din turns back to us. I unbuckle and kid picking him, “I should get him changed.”

“Wait,” Din stands up placing his hand on my arm, “Are you okay?”

“I’m scared,” I tell him honestly my voice breaking a little, “He scares me, Din. He's not gonna stop until we’re dead.”

Din puts his helmet covered forward against mine, “I’m not gonna let that happen, cyar'ika.”

I nod my head letting a single tear fall before climbing down into the hall to get the kid changed.

-

“Alright so tell me everything you know about Jedi,” Din sits on the cot with the baby in his lap. The ship is on its path for Corvous so we should be there by tomorrow. Din and I are both getting ready for bed after a long couple of weeks.

“Like I said before I ran with a crew. By the time they picked me up they were basically family but they never treated me any different.” I pull one of Dins shirts over my head and I sit down next to him, “There were two Jedi. One master and one padawan.”

“Where are they now?”

“One um- one died so we could live and the other, he- he just went missing. Also so we could live.” Din puts his hand in mine, “I knew another. Fought with him in the rebellion. After the empire fell I lost contact with everybody. I have no idea where he is. I don’t know a lot about Jedi. But I do know they have strong connections to the force and the things they would do, the kid can do.”

-

Din and I step on the ramp looking out at the planet of Corvus. It's dark and gloomy. There's no color in sight. None of the trees have leaves on them. There's no life here.

“This place gives me the creeps,” I tell Din both of us looking around.

“Better than the ice planet.”

I scoff, “Yeah that's for sure.”

Din and I hear cooing and we both turn around to see the kid holding the little metal ball he must have stolen again.

“What did I say about that?” Din takes the ball from him, “This needs to stay in the ship,” and puts it in his utility belt.

He picks up the kid and stands next to me again, “I’ve never had dealings with a Jedi before, so you do the talking.”

“I got you,” I saw with a smile.

“Let's head into town. See if we can pick up a lead.”

-

After walking for a little while we make it to the town. There are stone walls all around it with guards in imp uniforms at the top. The guards have masks that I’ve never seen before. A man in armor asks us what our business is here and Din lies by saying that we’ve been tracking for a few days and that we're looking for a layover. He agrees to open the gate letting us into. The kid is in the bag that's around Din's shoulder this way he stays hidden.

Inside the town, it's just as lifeless. People are around there's just no life in them. Even five years after the empire fell they still find a way to make people miserable.

We walk through the town and neither of us really know what we're looking for. Din tries asking a vendor but they just walk away. We see a man in the alleyway with two children, “You there,” Din says getting the man's attention, “We need some information. We’re looking for someone.”

The man tells the children to leave and then walks up to us, “Please do not speak to them or any of us.” He's scared. It's obvious that everybody in this town is scared.

“Look,” I say softly hoping I can gain some trust since Din is a little intimidating, “We just need to know-” but I get rudely interrupted by two guards saying that the magistrate wants to see us. Giving us really no choice we follow them to wherever this magistrate is.

They lead us to another gate, Outside the gate people are strung up, “Help us,” One of them say as we walk by. The chains electrocute him and he screams out in pain. I wince angry at the fact that I can’t help them at the moment.

The gate opens and inside is the only place on this planet that has green. The trees have leaves on them. There's a bridge over a pond which is also the first water I’ve seen on the planet.

The magistrate asks us to haunt down a Jedi that is after her in exchange for a pure beskar spear. Obviously needing to find Ahsoka Din and I agree.

-

“These are the coordinates, keep your eyes open. We must be close.” We’ve been walking for a while now and so far there are no signs of life. Din hears something in the distance so he places the kid on a rock to be safe.

Looking around we decide that it's a false alarm of course that's before someone jumps out of the tree attacking Din.

Din pushes me out of the way. Once I get my senses back I realize that the flash of white I saw were lightsabers and that this must be Ahsoka Tano. Luckily lightsabers can’t cut through beskar. Din is a great fighter probably the best I’ve ever met but he's no match for a Jedi especially one with lightsabers. There's no point in me trying to join the fight considering a lightsaber could cut through me with ease. So I do the seconded best thing I’m good at. I talk.

“Ahsoka Tano!” I get her attention. She looks at me both her white lightsabers still up, “Bo Katan sent us. I’m Aurora and we need your help.”

She looks down at the kid still sitting on the rock next to me, “I hope it's about him.”

-

Ahsoka and the kid are sitting by a lantern. She requested that she speaks to the kid alone for a moment. So Din and I are away but not too far. I sit down on a rock while he paces back and forth.

“Would you stop pacing, you're making me nervous.”

He stops and looks at me, “You’re not?”

“Trust in the force Din.”

“That means nothing to me.”

I chuckle, “He’ll be fine.”

After a few moments, she picks up the lantern and the kid and walks over to us. She sets the lantern down and hands the kids to me and he sits peacefully in my lap. She sits down on the other rock. They both look at each and she nods while the baby makes what sounds like grunts.

“Is he speaking?” Din asks, “Do you understand him?”

She puts her hands under her robes thinking about her answer, “In a way. Grogu and I can feel each other's thoughts.”

“Grogu?” Din and I say at the same time. The kid coos immediately looking up at Din then at me.

“Yes,” Ahsoka says, "That's his name.”

Din takes a small step closer, “Grogu,” he repeats. He coos again looking at Din. It brings a smile to my face to finally know his name. To see him and Din connect even more.

“He was raised at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Many masters trained him over the years. At the end of the Clone Wars when the Empire rose to power, he was hidden,” Din sits down as he listens, “Someone took him from the Temple. Then his memory becomes...dark. He seemed lost. Alone.” I can feel his slowly falling asleep in my lap, “I’ve only known one other being like this. A wise Jedi master named Yoda.” The name gets Grogu to look up at Ahsoka. They seem to communicate in their own way before his head drops back down again. “Can he still wield the Force?”

“Yes he can,” I answer, “We’ve seen it.”

“To wield the force it takes a great deal of training and discipline.”

“Our task was to bring him to a Jedi,” Din says.

She pauses for a moment, “The Jedi Order fell a long time ago.”

“So did the empire, yet it still hunts him.”

“He needs your help Ahsoka,” I say hoping we can convince her.

There's another long pause before she sighs,” Let him sleep. I’ll test him in the morning.”

-

With it being dark and both of us too tired to walk to the ship we decided to camp. Din made us a fire. Grogu sleeps on the rock as Din and I lay on the floor, my head on his beskar covered chest.

Din and I are relaxed until of course, we hear a branch breaking in the distance. Both of us stumble to our feet grabbing our blasters. It's silent for a moment and all you can hear in the crackle of the fire burning.

Out of the darkness is a small animal. The closer it gets to us the more obvious it is that it's a loth-cat.

I put my blaster down. I bend down near the cat, I put my hand out and it slowly walks to me smelling it. I start to pet him and he purrs at that, “I haven’t seen a loth-cat since well I was on Lothal.”

“You were on Lothal?” Din puts his blaster away sitting back down.

“Yeah, my Jedi friend was from there. You could almost say Lothal is where the rebellion started.”

“We’re not keeping it we have enough pets.”

“You’re so lame.” He laughs at me before laying back down. I join him as we both try to get some rest.

-

In the morning Ahsoka tried getting Grogu to move a rock but when he wouldn’t she asks Din to do it. After he wouldn’t lift the rock he took the metal ball he stuck in his utility belt. The kid pulls the ball to him instantly.

Din and I both walk over to him telling him that he did a good job. I smile at the fact that he was able to do it and at Din’s excitement.

“That's right I knew you could do it,” Din grabs the ball from him.

“He's formed a strong attachment to you,” Ahsoka says, “Both of you. I cannot train him.”

“What?” Din says standing up, “You’ve seen what he can do.”

“His attachment to you two makes him vulnerable to his fears.” I pick Grogu up, “His anger.”

“All the more reason to train him.”

“No,” she steps closer, “I’ve seen what such feelings can do to fully trained Jedi Knight. To the best of us. I will not start this child down that path. Better to let his abilities fade.” She starts to walk away, “I’ve delayed too long. I must get back to the village.”

“The Magistrate sent us to kill you.” This gets her to stop and face us again, “I didn't agree to anything.” Normally I’d be trying to help Din but I don’t want to leave the kid, “We’ll help you with your problem if you see to it that Grogu is properly trained.”

-

Din and I are able to help her get the imps out of this town and free the people who were imprisoned.

We stand outside the gate walls, “I believe this was your payment,” Ahsoka says, holding the beskar spear.

“No. I can’t accept. I didn’t finish the job.”

“No, but this belongs with a Mandalorian.”

“Just take it,” I say and Din grabs the spear from her.

“Wheres your little friend?” She asks.

“He's back at the ship,” I answer her.

“Wait here we’ll go get him.”

-

“Do we have to?” I ask as we approach the ship.

“Yes.”

“But why? She said herself training him was dangerous.” Din presses his vambrace dropping the ramp.

“Because we were tasked-”

“Fuck that. What do you want to do Din?” As usual, he doesn’t answer me he just walks into the hull of the ship.

When I walk in Din has Grogu on his lap as he sits on the edge of the cot leaning against the wall. I lay my head on Din's shoulder trying not to pretend this isn’t breaking my heart.

-

Din carries him as we start to walk out of the ship, "You're like a father to him,” Ahsoka is outside of the ship, “You his mother.” Din and I walk farther down the ramp, “I cannot train him.” I feel a weight get lifted at the idea that I don’t have to do goodbye just yet.

“You made a promise. We held up our end.”

She walks up to us and gently holds Grogu’s hand, “There is one possibility. Go to the planet Tython there you will find the ancient ruins of a temple that has a strong connection to the force. Place Grogu on the seeing stone at the top of the mountain.”

“Then what?” I ask.

“Then Grogu may choose his path. If he reaches out through the Force, there’s a chance a Jedi may sense his presence and come searching for him. Then again, there aren’t many Jedi left.”

“Thank you,” Din says.

“May the force be with you.”

-

taglist: @tortles​

[pro-fangirls-unsocial-life]

The Duty of a Captain - Part Two

A/N: Hello Everyone! So this is the first fic that I have written like this. Posting chapters once I’m finished with them. I usually try and write the whole thing and then post each chapter on a schedule, but I was just so excited to tell Doc’s story that I thought I’d try this! If you want to be tagged whenever I post a new chapter of Doc’s story, please message me and let me know! Oh! Ad the italics are Docs thoughts (sorry if thats not clear, Im still a learner lol).

Length: ~2600 words (damn I did not mean to make it that long. I thought maybe 1000 lol)

Warnings: mentions of death, blood, abuse, pong krell, angst

Previous

It had taken more time than usual to get all of the field equipment back to the Jedi cruiser Tolerance. With so many men being lost, there were not as many hands to get the usual post battle procedures done and General Krell was not happy with the delay.

 Doc had been called back to the cruiser before the rest of his men down on the surface to deliver the mission report to the Jedi council alongside the Besalisk Jedi. He had finished the troop requisitions and mission report hours ago and had begun helping the others load up equipment when he got the transmission.

 Now, as he held onto the handle of the gunship that had been sent to pick him up, he held his breath. He had never spoken to the Jedi council before, but he had heard stories. He remembered hearing his captain talking about how intimidating it was. How even from across the galaxy, they could feel the slightest thing. How the combined power of all of those Jedi masters was a force to be reckoned with. At least, that is what the general had told his former captain.

He was afraid to face that much power. If the other Jedi were anything like his general, he wanted the meeting with them to go by as fast as possible.

 He imagined what they might be like. He envisioned powerful warriors, all huge and intimidating like his general. With merciless eyes and a scowl that sent fear through the bodies of anyone who dared to look upon it. He imagined their lightsabers never being too far away from their hands, ready to be ignited and run through something or someone at a moment’s notice.

 Doc was pulled from his thoughts when the voice of the pilot came through his comms and he felt the ship being maneuvered into the main hanger. “We’re here sir.” The doors opened as the ship was set down, revealing Krell waiting in the hanger with his arms crossed behind his back.

 “Thanks for the lift Short-stuff,” Doc said as he stepped out onto the metal floor of the hanger.

 “Anytime sir.” The doors to the ship closed behind Doc as he began walking away, his hands reaching up to take off his helmet. “Oh, and sir?”

 Doc briefly stopped and looked up toward the cockpit, his hands halting on the sides of his head as the man stared back at him.

 “Good luck.”

 Doc finished pulling off his helmet, a small smile gracing his features as he gave the pilot a quick nod.

 “CT-5770, start moving! I have a mission report to give and will not be blamed for you making me late.”

 Doc spun around, quickly making his way to follow the general out of the hanger. “Yes, sir. My apologies, sir.”

 Krell dismissively waved his hand, not bothering to look behind him at Doc as he spoke. “Am I correct in assuming that you are ill equipped for this situation?”

 Doc furrowed his brow, thinking through what he had already done. He had already turned in the mission report, and the casualty and damage reports. What more could he do to be prepared? “Excuse me, sir,” he asked, confusion lightly lacing his voice.

 “Feeble minded clones,” Krell muttered under his breath. He stopped and spun around, looming over the captain. “You have never given a mission report to any Jedi before? Correct?”

 Doc swallowed and stood straighter, coming to attention. “Yes, sir. That is correct, but all troops are trained on Kamino to be knowledgeable about—”

 “Enough. I do not care about the laboratory that bred you or what you claim to know. Since you have never done it, let me give you some rules that I expect you to follow exactly. Is that understood?”

 “Of course, sir.”

 “Good.” Krell turned back around and kept walking toward the bridge. “You are to stand behind me at all times unless told otherwise. Understood?”

 “Yes, sir.”

 “You will remain silent and will only speak when spoken to directly by myself or the council.”

 “Yes, sir.”

 “When you are asked a question, you stick to the description of the battle that I give. The council does not have time to listen to your view of the smaller picture. Is that clear?”

 Doc hesitated for a moment. “Why would the battle descriptions be different?”

 The door to the bridge whooshed open and Krell walked up to the command table. “Do I make myself clear CT-5770,” Krell snapped over his shoulder.

 “Yes, sir,” Doc said, the hesitation still apparent in his voice.

 Krell threw a cold look over his shoulder as he stepped back, waiting for the transmission to begin. “Good.”

 Doc felt a shiver run down his back as he came to attention behind Krell. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, afraid that the Jedi council would be able to sense his fear of them. Or worse, that Krell would be able to sense his unease about his presence alone.

 “Incoming transmission from Coruscant, sir.”

 “Put it through.”

 Nine blue figures suddenly appeared on the table and Doc’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise before he catches himself and returns to a neutral face.

 They don’t look anything like Doc had imagined them. All of them are wearing soft looking robes with their hands resting gently in front of them. Their lightsabers are tucked away, either out on a hip, or hidden within the fabrics they wear, far away from the hands that might wield them.

 They do not dress like warriors, not wearing any armor. Those that do only wear basic arm and leg guards.

 None of them look particularly threatening, especially considering that one is not even as tall as Doc’s knee.

 They all share the peaceful demeanor and kind eyes that one would find in the company of an old friend.

 “This can’t be right,” he thinks to himself. “This has to be some kind of trick to get me to slip up. Jedi aren’t kind.”

 Krell does a small bow. “Shall we wait for the other three members of the council to arrive, Master Yoda?”

 Doc once again has to keep himself from making a face when the small creature directly across from Krell speaks.

 “Masters Shaak Ti, Kenobi, and Billaba, busy they are with other matters. Hear your report without them, we will.”

 “That’s Grand Master Yoda? The head of the Jedi Council? The Jedi who leveled nearly one thousand battle droids by himself?”

 “Very well,” Krell said. “The mission was a success. The planet Castell is now under Republic control and a treaty has been drafted for the mining resources that the planet possesses. They have also agreed to a Republic base being built there should we desire it.”

 The Jedi to the left of Master Yoda shifts. “Yes, however this battle did take longer than expected. This has set our timeline for the entire system back.”

 “I am aware, Master Windu.”

 “And, many casualties your battalion has suffered,” Yoda said gravely.

 “Yes,” Krell considered. “There were some… unforeseen circumstances that could not be avoided.”

 “Liar.”

 “Hmm. A new captain you have gained I see,” Yoda said as he gestured to Doc.

 Doc stiffened, the fear he had before returning to him.

 “Yes,” Krell said. “The previous captain was killed on this campaign.”

 “Hmm.” Yoda brought his hand up to his chin as he looked over Doc. “Step forward Captain.”

 Doc swallowed and stepped forward, his body never leaving attention as he stared directly in front of him.

 All the eyes of the council were on him. He could feel them looking over him, taking in everything that they could see of his fear filled body.

 “What is your name trooper?”

 “My designation is CT-5770, sir,” he replied stiffly, not turning his eyes away from directly in front of him to look at the Jedi who had addressed him.

 “Your name son,” came a different voice. It was soft and gentle, like the person it came from actually cared.

 Doc faltered slightly, turning toward the voice to face the Kel-Dor Jedi. “It’s- It’s uhh, Doc, sir,” he said cautiously before turning back to attention.

 “Please, at ease be Captain.”

 Doc looked back at Krell and was met with a neutral face, giving him no indication to stay at attention. Looking back at Yoda, he awkwardly shuffled into a stiff parade rest.

 “Captain Doc,”

 Doc’s eyebrows shot up at the sound of his name being said by someone other than his brothers before he quickly forced them back down, hoping that none of the Jedi noticed. All of them did.

 “Agree with Master Krell’s description of the battle, do you?”

 “No.”

 “Yes, sir,” he said without hesitation, his fear of disobeying Krell’s rules pulsing in the back of his mind.

 The council hesitated for a moment, all of the members on it exchanging quick glances before looking back at Doc.

 “I sense much fear in you Captain,” the Kel-Dor Jedi said lightly.

 Doc sucked in a breath, trying to quiet his mind.

 The Kel-Dor leans forward, pointing at Doc. “You mustn’t be afraid to tell us information that we may not be pleased to hear.”

 “Yes,” Yoda says. “Tell us the truth you must, so that better prepared we can be for future battles.”

 Doc swallows, looking between the three Jedi who look at him with questioning faces.

 “I do not fear telling you the truth Master Jedi,” he lies as he looks at each member of the council.

 “So then Captain, tell us,” Windu says. “Do you agree with Master Krell’s description of the battle?”

 Doc hesitates for a moment, looking back at Krell and seeing hard eyes staring back at him. He takes a deep breath, turning his attention back toward Master Windu.

 “Well… I…” He quickly looks down, before bringing his head back up high.

 The members of the council lean forward, urging him to finish his thought.

 “I do think that there were ways we could have avoided so many casualties had we tried… different strategies.”

 The Jedi all look at each other, nodding. “Then discuss that with your general, you will,” Yoda says.

 He looks at Krell, whose expression Doc cannot see. “A discussion with your new captain, you will have. Then reassess the information you give in reports, you will. A discussion with you, I will have at a later date. Talk about what you and your captain agreed on, we will.”

 Krell’s voice cuts through the tight tension that has taken over the bridge as the deck officers take turns staring at the meeting. “Yes, master.”

 “Very good.” Master Windu looks around at all of the Jedi, who give him a soft nod. “Your next assignment will be transmitted to you within a few days. In that time, you are to travel to Kamino to pick up your new troopers.”

 “Understood.”

 Windu nodded at Krell and then Doc. “May the Force be with you.”

 One by one, the blue images of the Jedi faded out until only Yoda remained. “Much fear there is in you young one,” he said as he pointed at Doc. “Know not what it is you fear, but learn to control it, you must. Yes.”

 Doc looks at the ground before looking back at Yoda, nodding his head. “I will try sir.”

 “You will. Of that, certain I am.” He gives one final smile to Doc, and then his image disappears.

 Doc steps back from the table and instantly spins around toward his general, frantically trying to apologize. “Sir, I am so sorry. I didn’t know that they would—”

 Doc yelps as a huge arm hits him hard across the face, sending him tumbling backwards onto the ground. His helmet clatters as it hits the ground and is sent flying across the floor.

 He can feel his left eye pulsing as blood rushes to the area that was hit. He looks up to see his general towering over him with rage filling his eyes and a snarl covering his face.

 “Sir, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to—”

 “You will stand at attention when you speak to me clone!” Krell’s voice booms out across the silent bridge.

 Every pair of eyes stares at him in fear, while breath is held in anticipation.

 Doc begins pushing himself off of the floor, sucking in a sharp breath. “Yes, sir,” he says meekly.

 He comes back to attention, looking up at the furious Jedi, before Krell’s left arm comes up to backhand Doc once again, sending him to the floor.

 “How dare you embarrass me in front of the council!”

 Doc begins standing up once again, trying to come to attention. “I’m sorry sir! I didn’t mean to—”

 He feels Krell’s fist on his face again before he can fully get up and is sent to the floor once again.

 “Consider this a warning clone,” Krell says, his voice a menacing growl. “You will learn your place. Understood?”

 Doc brings his hand to his lip as he slowly gets up. He pulls it away to see blood on his glove before pulling his hand down to come to attention. He looks up at Krell defiantly, his left eye already beginning to swell and obstruct his vision. “Yes, sir.”

 Krell looks around at the troopers on the bridge that have been staring at them with wide eyes. “Understood?”

 As quick as lightning, they all snap to attention before saying in unison, “Sir, yes sir!”

 With that, Krell turned and began storming out of the bridge, stopping just before he got to the door. He turned around walking back up to Doc and getting in his space. “I still expect those reports to be filled out on time, Captain.”

 “Of course, sir,” Doc says, keeping his voice level.

 He watches Krell leave before looking around at the shocked and terrified faces of his brothers. He sighs, bringing his hand back up to his bleeding lip. “It’s alright,” he says softly, trying to comfort them. “Everyone just try to get back to your work so that this day might end a bit better than it began.”

 He looks around, seeing all of the fear on his brothers faces as they silently turn back to their duties. None of them are much older than him. Maybe three of the men he can see are the same age as him, but the rest are all younger.

 He sighs, trying not to think about how terrified they must be. He needs to be strong for them like his brothers were for him when he first began the never-ending nightmare of serving in the 904th.

 “Lieutenant,” he says.

 “Yes, sir?”

 “I am going to go to the med bay. Could you have someone go to the captain’s quarters and bring the data pad here? I am going to work on the bridge once I am done.”

 “Of course, sir.”

 Doc gives a small smile. “Thank you.” He lowers his voice. “Have someone notify me once the General has returned to his quarters for the night cycle. Once it has been cleared with me, begin phase one of the geode protocol. Can you do that?”

 The lieutenant pulls back, his eyes lighting up slightly at the mention of the secret order. “Of course, sir.”

 Doc puts his hand on the trooper’s shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “Thank you.” He began to walk out of the bridge, stopping to turn back toward the lieutenant. “Comm me if anything is needed. Got it?”

 “Yes, sir.”

 With that, Doc began his walk toward the medbay, his lip dripping blood onto his plain white armor the entire time.

[zerochanges]

2020 Favorite Video Games

I don’t know if I am an outlier or if this is the same for everyone else but I really did not play a lot of games this year. 2020 was a very harsh year for all of us, especially for me for some personal reasons. So to get to the chase, I am just gonna say it left me not doing much in what little free time I did have, and I didn’t play much either. Usually I try to keep my lists for ‘favorite of the year’ to only titles released that year but since I played so little this year, screw it. I am gonna include any game I played this year regardless of release date.

Collection of SaGa

By far a flawed rerelease. It’s bare bones: there are no advance features you would usually expect out of these kinds of emulated rereleases like save states, fast forward, or rewind, and there was no real effort made to touch up almost 30 year old localizations that had to meet Nintendo of America’s then harsh standards. This really is just 3 roms slapped into a nice looking interface with an option to increase the game speed (which by the way you better use, the characters walk very slow in these old games). 

I am bit harsh here, but only because I thought the Romancing SaGa remasters and the upcoming SaGa Frontier remaster all looked like they got a great budget and a lot of love while this is just another Collection of Mana situation (moreso specifically talking about Seiken Densetsu 1/Final Fantasy Adventure/Adventures of Mana part of that collection). I would have loved to see Square Enix do a bit more for these older games. Or at least include the remakes. Seiken Densetsu 1 had two great remakes, both unused in Collection of Mana, and all three of these original SaGa titles have remakes that have never seen the light of day outside of Japan. How great would it have been to get the Wonderswan remake of SaGa 1, as well as the Nintendo DS remakes of Saga 2 and SaGa 3? 

But my gripes aside, these games are still fun as they ever were. Replaying SaGa 1 specifically during the holiday season really helped calm me down and made me feel at ease. It’s easy to forget but even in their Gameboy roots there are a lot of funky and weird experimental choices being made in these games. They aren’t your run-of-the-mil dragon quest (or considering the gameboy, maybe pokemon would be more apt) clones. 

Raging Loop

Perhaps my favorite game of the year, Raging Loop is one of the best visual novels I have ever played hands down. The level of creativity and splitting story paths that went into it is simply mind blowing. The basic premise is both a wonderful throwback to the old days of Chunsoft sound novels while still modern and somewhat reminiscent of both Higurashi and Danganronpa. Essentially you play as Haruaki, a poor slub that got lost in the mountains with no clue where to go until you stumble upon an old rural village with a strange history and even stranger superstitions. Before you know it there has been a murder and the Feast is now afoot.

The less said about Raging Loop the better, although I do want to say a lot about it one day if I ever can write a proper review of it. This is a gripping game that will take hold of you once you get into it though and never let go. I actually 100%-ed this and I very rarely do that. I got every ending, every bonus hidden ending, played the entire game twice to hear all the hidden details it purposely hides on your first play through, played all the bonus epilogue chapters, unlocked all the hidden voice actor interviews, collected all the art work, etc, etc. I was just obsessed with this game, it’s that damn good! And the main character is maybe the best troll in all of video games, god bless Haruaki. 

Root Double

From Takumi Nakazawa, long time contributor to Kotaro Uchikoshi’s work comes a game any fan of Zero Escape or Uchikoshi in general will probably enjoy. Root Double, like its name suggests is a visual novel with two different routes, hence Root Double. The first route stars Watase Kasasagi, the leader of an elite rescue team in the midst of their greatest crisis yet that could lead to nuclear devastation as they try to evacuate a nuclear research facility that has gone awry. 

The other route stars Natsuhiko Tenkawa, an everyday high schooler whose peaceful life is thrown into turmoil when he stumbles upon a terrorist plot to destroy the nuclear facility in the city and his attempts to stop them. Together the two separate plots weave into one and creates a really crazy ride. Part Chernobyl, part science fiction, any fan of the genre will easily enjoy it. And hey it’s kind of relevant to include on this list too since it just got a Switch port this year (I played it on steam though).  

Snack World

I was shocked upon starting Snack World as it is instantly incredibly charming, witty, and downright hilarious at times yet I heard almost zero people talk about it. EVER. This game is Dragon Quest levels of quirky though, and the localization is incredible. The game has such an oddball sense of humor that works really well with its presentation right down to the anime opening video that sings about the most bizarre things. Instead of the usual pump up song about the cool adventure ahead we get stuff like wanting to go out to a restaurant and eat pork chops. 

The self aware/fourth wall breaking humor is just enough to be really funny, but doesn't overstay its welcome and always makes it work right in the context of the dialogue. And finally, just everything; with the menus, the name of side quests and missions, and the character dialogue -- are all just so witty and full of quirky humor. This is one hell of a charming and funny game and addictive to boot.

Trials of Mana

Trials of Mana has gone from one of those legendary unlocalized games, to one of the first major breakthroughs in fan translation, to finally getting an official English release complete with a fully 3D remake. In a lot of ways from a western perspective this game has had an incredible journey. As for this remake itself, I really found myself having tons of fun with it. I loved the graphics, and the voice acting while a bit on the cheaper side almost kind of adds to the charm since both the graphics and acting really give it an old PS2 vibe. I know that is probably just more me being weird but yeah, I had to say it. 

I really hope Square Enix sticks to this style of remake more often, instead of just doing Final Fantasy VII Remakes that break the bank and involve extensive tweaking to both plot and game play. I’ll take smaller budget projects that play more like the original game any day personally. I wouldn’t mind if they also deliver a brand new Mana game all together in this engine either. 

Utawarerumono Trilogy

This year saw the release of the first entry in the series, Utawarerumono: Prelude to the Fallen--and thus finally after three years since the sequels Utawarerumono: Mask of Deception and Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth came out in 2017 the trilogy is now complete in English. I ended up binging through Prelude to the Fallen very fast shortly after it came out and immediately jumped on to the sequels. Perhaps the best part of 2020 was that I finally played all three of these fantastic games, and did so back-to-back-to-back. Playing the first Utawarerumono was an experience I will never forget, it was like visiting old friends again that I haven’t seen in ages, by and large thanks to the fact that I saw the anime adaption of the game when I was much younger, nearly a decade ago. Back then I would have never of dreamed that I would get to play the actual game and get the real experience. 

And it only got better from here, as all three games are such wonderful experiences from start to finish. The stories are all so deep, and by the time you get to the third entry, Mask of Truth, it’s crazy to see how they all connected over so many years and weaved together into a plot much bigger than they ever were. What carries it beyond all that though has to be the fun and addicting strategy role playing game aspect, which while a bit on the easy side, is still so much fun and helps make the game feel better paced since you get to play the conquests your characters go on and not just read about all the battles they fight. Beyond that the games are packed full of awesome characters, and I know I’ll never forget the amazing leads in all of them. Hakuowlo, Haku, and Oshtor will all go down as some of the greats to me. 

Ys: Memories of Celceta

Ys: Memories of Celceta is a full 3D remake of Ys IV, a rather infamous game in Falcom’s Ys series. Not to get bogged down too much into the history of Falcom but by this point they were facing a lot of hardship and had to outsource this entry to other developers, and thus passed it on to two particular developers they had a business relationship with, creating two unique versions of Ys IV. Tonkin House who had worked on Super Famicom port of Ys III with Falcom ended up creating their own YS IV entry, Mask of the Sun for the very same system, where Hudson soft who had produced the much beloved Ys Books I & II remakes for the Turbografix (PC Engine) CD add-on created their own Ys IV entry Dawn of Ys for that console. Both games followed guidelines and ideas outlined from Falcom themselves but both radically diverged from each other and turned into completely different games. 

Falcom finally putting an end to this debate on which version of Ys IV you should play have gone and created their own definitive Ys IV in 2012 for the Playstation Vita. I played the 2020 remastered version of this remake on my PS4. I even bought this on the Vita when it first came out but I am horrible and only horde games, never play them. So it was a lot of fun to finally play this. 

Memories of Celceta is probably one of the best starting points for anyone looking to get into Ys, especially if you only want to stay with the 3D titles as out of all the 3D entries this explains the most about the world and series protagonist Adol Christian. Beyond that it’s just another fantastic entry in a wonderful series that has a few good twists hidden behind it, especially for long time fans of the series. 

Random Video Game Console Stuff

Xbox Has Blue Dragon: I actually got an Xbox One this year for free from my brother. Because of that I started to play Blue Dragon again and there’s a lot I would love to say about this game. I don’t know if I am fully committed to replaying it all the way through however but I find myself putting in a couple hours every few days and enjoying myself again. Does anyone else remember Blue Dragon? I feel like it really missed its audience and had it come out nowadays and probably for the Switch it would have really resonated with the Dragon Quest fandom a lot more instead of being thrown out to die on Xbox and constantly compared to Final Fantasy VII and the like which it had nothing at all similar with. 

The Turbografx 16 Mini: This was probably one of the best mini consoles that have come out and I feel like thanks to the whole 2020 pandemic thing it was largely forgotten about. That’s a shame, it has a wonderful variety of great games, especially if you count the Japanese ones (god I wish I could play the Japanese version of Snatcher included), and a wonderful interface with fantastic music. One of these days I would really like to be able to play around with the console more seriously than I have already. 

Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon Never Existed: So Nintendo localized the first ever Fire Emblem game on Nintendo Switch which is awesome to see them touching Famicom games again--I haven’t seen Nintendo of America rerelease old Famicom titles since Mysterious Murasame Castle on the 3DS, but their trailer hilariously made it seem like this is the first time ever they released Fire Emblem when in fact they had already localized the remake Shadow Dragon on the Nintendo DS nearly 10 or 11 years ago. I and many other fans I talked to all found this really hilarious, probably solely because of how much they kept repeating the fact that this is the first time you will ever be able to experience Marth’s story.

All that aside though I have to say the collector edition for this newly localized Famicom game is probably the most gorgeous retro reproduction I have seen in a long time, and I really spent many many hours just staring at the all clear glass mock cartridge. I have found myself really obsessing over retro reproductions during 2020, and obtained quite a few this year. I really hope this trend continues to go on in 2021 as recreating classic console packaging and cartridges is a lot of fun. 

[c0mmander-rex]

The long and the short of it….

OR

Rex's musings over the life of a clone

I didn't really consider how different we were from others until I spent some time among the natives of Khalclax-I. It was a rather obscure planet, farther out on the outer rims than most. Not necessarily strategically import, I suppose that's why it escaped the worst of the war. 

I had a flight crew of three and about half a dozen troopers; we had been tasked with safely delivering a deligate to her homeworld and with forces stretched so damn thing, when General Skywalker received the request while we were in the middle of a grind elsewhere I thought he might crack a tooth the way he ground his jaw.

Not having the manpower to spare for a proper escort, we decided to send a small, fast moving ship with a crew of my best to get the job done. I took personal responsibility for it. Myself and a few of my ARCs would suffice.

We'd made it almost to the honorable lady's planet before the Seps took notice of us. A quick drop off and a hasty exit had them chasing us like hungry massifs. A good time it was - not certain if they thought we still had the delegate or if General Skywalker was with us, but either way they were persistent.

We led them on a fine chase, backtracking through nebulae, hiding amidst asteroid fields, perhaps more entertaining than it should have been. They did get a lucky shot off and damaged our engines, so we set down on Khalclax-1 to wait for extraction. 

Unfortunately, half a dozen clones doesn't warrant haste in the scheme of the GAR, so we would have to hunker down and wait until a carrier could break away from conflict, which turned out to be eighteen cycles.

The natives were friendly, peaceable people. They lived humbly, but didn't suffer from their meager lifestyle. They strongly valued their connection to the dirt under their feet and what it could provide them.

Artax, a high ranking male, was very eager to get to know us and show us their talents.He led many hunts to feed his kinsmen, a grand time - it made the wait a rather pleasant one. 

I was most fascinated by their ability to train feral creatures to hunt with them. He favored a magnificent bird, called a "Connaraptor" in basic, who would drop out of the sky like a fighter and pulverize its prey mid air. Artax warned me against making eye contact and never to approach her. 

"She's wild, sir. I've worked hard for years - she doesn't belong to me. Its more like a partnership."

I asked that if she was so feral, why did she return to him after the hunt and not just fly away on her great wings?

Artax explained that his people represented an alpha animal on the planet. When they captured these predatory beasts, they trained them to understand that the humanoid was the one to provide them with food. Obey the humanoid and be fed and kept alive. A wise handler keeps his hunter dependant on him. Feed him, but not enough to sate his hunger. Give him rest but not enough that his mind turns to other tasks. Hungry and sleep deprived, the creature can only think of what the handler has to give, and so returns to him again again. A foolish handler is too lavish with his charge, and then the beast is sated and can think of other things, like seeking his freedom.

I was intrigued. It was a fascinating dynamic, but I also saw a great truth in his relationship with his bird. Handler - hunter. Or GAR - Clone.

The reality was a little shocking when I recognized it. But really… 

The galaxy at large would be terrified of us if they knew what were capable of. On the holonet they just see men in plastic armor. Men like them. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. We were engineered with all the prowess and grace of a mature Nexu. From the time we were conscious we were trained to hunt, track, trap, kill, and destroy. Our every waking moment was devoted to perfecting these skills. We were living weapons, profoundly athletic, running off of piss and testerone. Realistically, the brutal potential of the clone army was a point of pride for the Kaminoans. The cloaners had taken genetic superiority, combined it with the cold and calculating efficiency of mandalorian war culture and delivered it packaged and programmed to the Republic.

Yes we were trained to obey orders, 13 years of conditioning is not easily changed, I know that for a fact, but there is more. We are kept at a fighting weight around 175 - 185 lbs. The idea is that this weight range reflects a balance point that our bodies can fuel and perform at its peak efficiency. Our diets are even planned out for a specific caloric intake to support different intensities of operation. We are given enough to function. Fed sparingly to "preserve our efficiency" and rested for 5 - 6 hours for "ideal operation". In reality it is not so comfortable. The result of this program is millions of Connaraptors. Hungry. Exhausted. We fling ourselves in to battle for the joy of the challenge,  the bloodrush of the fight. To feel alive and free, doing what we did best. Then after everything, we crawl back to our masters, starving and exhausted, because that is where we find care and comfort, reward given for a job well done. 

This realization was sobering, if not entirely depressing. Many brothers had likened our existence to enslavement. Most just shrugged it off, content with the idea that this was our purpose and questioning the status quo only disrupted the reward. But it was what Artax had said… she is wild…

That lay within all of us. The rules and regulations and training were our leashes and harnesses, which allowed the GAR to make use of us. I thought about my own existence. With Anakin.. and Ahsoka. Later, as I observed the General, I realized that he must have come to the same conclusion as I. He had been a slave as a boy. He knew what it was to work your fingers to the bone and then go to your bed hungry and beaten down. I suspect that was why the 501st had become the most capable legion in the GAR. We were known for getting results. That and our amazing feats of strength and skill. The secret was… he was a poor handler. He indulged us, ovefed us, gave us more R&R than the Kaminoans ever would have allowed. Man for man we were the heaviest troopers on average. Many of us operated at well over 200lbs. The extra nutrition allowed us to swell in size, and his prowess allowed him to argue for more versatile armor (because we were becoming fat bastards all around, we needed armour that our bulk would fit, thus Phase II had much more forgiveness than the phase one). Now, his well fed men were able to focus on other things, like strategy, and it was a large group of Lads were able to offer up novel solutions while in the middle of the shitstorm. This really set us apart from the rest of the GAR. And Torrent especially had become known as "The fist". 

How long would it be, though, until Skywalker's raptors began hunting their own food? How long would it be…. before I chose to fly? 

[dipplie]

Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion. 

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

just once, just fucking once I would like to have a reasonably productive long weekend instead of spending most of it too stuck in decision paralysis to actually do much of anything until I reach a point where I feel like I could very well break down crying because I’m too overwhelmed with everything I need to do but I still don’t actually do most of it because the decision paralysis is a huge part of what makes me so fucking overwhelmed in the first place

like. right now probably the most urgent thing is a semi-complicated Etsy commission that the buyer would ideally receive by Dec. 10, which probably means sending it Dec. 7 at the absolute latest. so I should be working on that, right? but it’s going to take a while so it’s a time commitment, especially because it seems kind of pointless to get out a lot of messy supplies to only work on it for a few minutes. and I need to order parts for a different order--well, at least that’s quick. I also really need to reapply thermal paste to my CPU as soon as I can because I think the fan’s getting louder and that can’t be good for anything in there, and theoretically it won’t be that hard, but realistically I’m sure it’s going to take a while and I have to look up a little info on how to do it, first--and it involves my PC being out of commission while I’m working on it, so that’s not something I can do halfway. and while my PC’s open I really need to replace my dead hard drive, which wouldn’t be that hard except I want to install the new one alongside the old one so I can try to clone the dead one onto the new one, which will definitely take time on both the hardware and software sides of things, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later because, again, there’s a lot of stuff I can’t do until I get that done. and I need to send the recent invoices for Hazy’s dental appointment to pet insurance to see if they’ll pay anything, and that should be quick, but nothing ever stays simple. and, shit, I should really do some actual work this weekend because I didn’t get enough done before...and I still need to decide what to do about the vision therapy thing now that it’s clear the best they can do for me is a payment plan for like 36 expensive appointments, ugh. and ah shit I signed up for Yuletide and I’ve done almost nothing, and that’s due...Dec. 17? fuck, that reminds me, I gotta go get a new notebook from my room because I just finished this one, I mean that’s quick and easy but it also means I now have two notebooks that mostly aren’t typed up, which is bad because I can’t do anything with the contents until they’re typed up and of course they’re not backed up (unless I put them in my fireproof safe, and then I’d never get them typed), and typing those is going to take forever, and yeah I’ve been meaning to make it easier on myself by just doing like 15 minutes a day but I haven’t done that at all and they really need to get typed--and, well, I could just do a 15-minute stint, sure, but that seems silly when there’s so much that needs to be done--and, ugh, I’ve sorta been ignoring my email for the last three days and I need to go through that because otherwise I’m guaranteed to miss something I won’t want to miss, but that takes time and it’s going to mean opening up more tabs when there are already too many tabs open (there are always too many tabs open) and I need to deal with those too, and a good share of the emails are probably about Black Friday sales that I’ll probably want to do but that means more tabs and more decisions and shit there’s all that stuff in my Etsy cart that I should really buy sooner rather than later because sometimes Etsy stuff disappears or sells out and then I’ll be sad and frustrated with myself and also some of the things I want to buy are for gifts, which reminds me that I have almost no Christmas gifts yet for anybody, and my birthday is soon so I should probably make some kind of list myself but actually why am I focusing on that at all when the Georgia runoff elections that determine Senate control are in barely more than a month and I need to be writing letters/postcards to voters since I don’t want to phonebank and time zones actually make it really impractical anyway? I was going to do that in a reasonable way this time too, just a few letters a day like I meant to before, use up a lot of these stamps and stuff I still have--and ah fuck it’s been a while since I’ve called my own legislators about anything, I need to do that, that’s theoretically quick because voicemails cut me off at two minutes, although to be able to do that I also have to do at least a little research so I know what’s the most important thing to call about and what to say so that’s more tabs and more time, and I still haven’t fucking reposted the tiny little Endgame fix-it fic I wrote at the end of August, let alone finished anything since then

and I would, on some level, like to work on one of the many, many writing projects that is theoretically close to being done, or one of the recent ones I started because I foolishly and incorrectly thought it was something I could bang out quickly

and on some level I would also like to work on more stuff for Etsy that could be pre-made so it’s not another stress point when I get orders, especially because several things are holiday-specific and some wouldn’t even take that long, but I’d still be choosing to do those instead of more urgent things

and none of that even begins to touch other stuff, like my room that continues to be a disaster and I need to sort through my shit so I know whether I can relist my most popular Etsy item (if I even want to, which I don’t right now because stress), not to mention all the stuff I need to clear out by listing on eBay, and I could do at least one part of that (flatten the boxes I’ve saved for shipping) without committing to a week-long project but even that part would take a solid chunk of time that I should be spending on something more urgent

and we can’t even put up the fucking tree until I move some of my shit away from the spot where the tree goes, which is tough because a lot of it is from work or otherwise theoretically temporary stuff that doesn’t have an actual home, so that’s going to take a while, and then putting up the tree is also going to take a while, and my room is already a disaster so I’d need to clean in there to make room, which would take forever, and for that matter my areas of the living room are generally a disaster too, as always

and while I’m thinking about stuff I brought from work, let’s go back to how I need to do some work stuff because I’m lucky enough to have a decent job with good insurance that can be done from home and I’m still just like...kiiiiiiinda endangering that by not being a functional adult in general? which is at least partly because my brain is a dumpster fire that doesn’t seem to be improving (which is something else to worry about) but regardless of the cause I still have to do something about it? oh yes and speaking of the good insurance I’m kinda endangering by being a fuckup, haha sure hope this knot under my jaw doesn’t turn out to be...you know, the type of bad thing that a knot under the jaw could turn out to be! which is another very good reason I need to stop being a fuckup so I’m not maybe endangering the job that would pay for that, along with all my other medical issues! and also the entirety of our rent because my mom’s really high-risk and the only available jobs she’s qualified for aren’t safe for her to do!

and my knee hurts! and my elbow hurts! and my neck fucking hurts, my head and neck always hurt and I think I’ve been sleeping even worse than usual lately, partly because neck pain and partly just my body fucking hates me, it’s always a problem and I don’t know what to do about it anymore

and now it’s after 8:30 pm and obviously I’ve done none of this, and I’m still tired, and my head and neck still hurt, and there are still so many things I need to do but I can’t choose because the time-consuming things are the urgent ones but I don’t have the time or energy for them and choosing a specific thing (an urgent time-consuming thing, or a less urgent but much quicker thing) means actively choosing not to do one of the other things, and it’s all important, and I can’t fucking choose, and I’m pretty much at a point where I can continue running ever more painful and crazy-making circles in my brain trying to make myself decide something or I can say “fuck it” and do something that would be fun but not urgent or important at all, which I shouldn’t do, so for fuck’s sake I should just pick even one productive thing to do and then maybe let myself do something fun and then get to bed at a good time for fucking once but I still can’t fucking choose and I want to either cry, scream, or possibly hurt myself, and none of this is healthy or productive

and I think possibly my therapist is getting impatient with me for not making much progress and not really having specific goals for our sessions aside from “I hate that my brain is Like This and I want it to not be Like This and no I haven’t done most of the things you’ve suggested and no I don’t have a good reason why, I just want the meds to work so everything won’t be so fucking hard and yes I know that wouldn’t be something you could control even if it was in your wheelhouse, which it isn’t, but I get overwhelmed so fast and I know I need to do better and be better but I don’t know how”

and I wrote this instead of actually doing anything, apparently, because there was at least some chance that dumping it all out would make me feel better or help me see more clearly what I actually need to do, but I think I actually made myself feel worse by articulating just how overwhelmed I am, mostly by things that objectively aren’t actually that difficult or important.

and I still can’t fucking choose.

[prongsisabadger]

TWP Chapter 25

The last few days before a large-scale attack were always the shortest. Everyone on board was busy with last minute preparations and tension was always running high. It was hard not to get anxious with the amount of nervousness going around, especially for a force sensitive. It was times like these that I envied the calm my masters were capable of. We were all having fitful, restless nights, I knew it, but even then, Master Kenobi seemed always composed, put together and ready for anything. To be able to hold everyone together by simply being there, solid, reassuring. I admired Master Kenobi for it, because, right then, it seemed like the only thing keeping the 212th in one piece was his composure.

Not that the entire battalion was running around like headless chickens, they were professional, trained soldiers; but the anticipation before a battle brought to light a lot of their coping mechanisms for their anxiety, and some were very obvious about it. Most of them checked the integrity of their armour multiple times a day, others polished their blasters so much they looked like they were freshly manufactured; some called the person they had been seeing while off duty just in case, and others exercised religiously before sleep so that they could actually rest every night. Master Kenobi told me he meditated three times a day, when he woke up, right after lunch and before sleep. I figured that was the secret to his success. As for me, I meditated as well, but I also made sure to call the Pack and Master Plo every night before lights off.

Master Plo had known me long enough to realize I was getting attached to the people around me, he warned me about the possible consequences of that, but he never chastised me for it. Losing them -and some of them I would lose- would be one of the most if not the most painful experience of my life. I knew that, I told him, but shying away from connections for fear of what might happen seemed cowardly to me. He understood, but made it very clear that I would be the only one to blame for the repercussions of my actions. Still, even after he had made his opinion on the matter clear, he continued to listen to my worries and answer my questions. He was patient like that. Master Plo was what every Jedi Master should be, and I was incredibly lucky to have him. He was a father figure, true, but I wouldn't go as far as to compare him to A'Koba. Master Plo was family, a teacher, a guide, and I was as attached to him as I was to the clones, to Ahsoka, and to Master Kenobi.

I had a lot to lose.

…

When I was still in the Jedi Temple, training to be a Padawan, I learned to manage my anxiety by forcing myself to be present in the moment. To do each action with awareness and purpose, to focus my mind on what I was doing and why, and to perform all of it as carefully and meticulously as possible. That habit had followed me onto the battlefield.

I woke the day of the invasion to the sound of my alarm, blinking the sleep from my eyes and rubbing them a little before sitting on my bunk bed. I took a deep breath in and sighed out any trepidation I might have had for the day. I washed my face and brushed my teeth in the refresher before re-braiding the longer strands of hair on the back of my head that hadn't been cut when I became a Padawan. My pale face was a stark contrast against my short black hair, which made it look almost sickly in the fluorescent light of the refresher, but I knew the shadows underneath my eyes were no trick of the light.

I walked back into my quarters and took a moment to look at my new robes. I had been forced to get new ones after Master Kenobi had pointed out how worn out my previous ones had been. Jedi always needed to look their best, it was good for morale, he said. This new set had three layers: the bottom one was the very same deep maroon Master Plo wore, the middle layer was the sandy color of Tusken traditional wear, and the last one was cream, like Master Kenobi's. They were all tied together by my gray utility belt. Next to them there was the armour the 212th had given me, almost new, with only few scratches here and there. I knew more would be added by the end of the mission.

I started dressing myself, putting on my pants first and then the first layer of linen. I dedicated such time and care to each of them it almost felt reverent. I wanted to honor the meaning behind the decision I'd made when choosing each of them. Where I'd come from, where I'd been, where I was. I wanted everything about my outer appearance to reflect who I was on the inside. Yes, I was a Jedi. I was Plo Koon's and Obi-Wan Kenobi's Padawan. I was a member of both the 104th and 212th battalions. But I was also Tusken. I would always be.

I made sure to put Ahsoka's bracelet and the utility belt on properly before getting started on the armor. First went the breast plate, then the shoulder pads, the rerebraces, the elbow pads and vambraces. Next came the boots. I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time in years was satisfied with what I saw. Yes, that was me. When I was done psyching myself up, I took my gloves and tucked them into my belt before leaving for the mess hall. I would need a good cup of koff for this one.

The mess hall was crowded with clones breaking fast before their morning shift and, if possible, even rowdier than ever. It was normal for troops -I had come to realize- to try and hide their anxiety by being louder than usual. The more lighthearted ones would joke around and try to raise others' spirits, while the more reserved ones kept silent for the most part, only snapping at others when they became too much for them to handle.

Either way, tensions were high, very high. Everyone wanted to get to Felucia and just get the battle started already. If there was anything worse than the silence after a battle, then that was the silence before. The Force moved sluggishly around people about to run into battle, almost sticky with anxiety and fear, weighing on everything and everyone, constricting the chest and overstimulating the mind while freezing the body in place. At least when one was fighting and moving around and desperate to stay alive, things seemed to flow freely.

I took the tray that was given to me and a cup of koff before heading towards one of the empty tables. I didn't mind eating alone, in fact, I had become used to it. Sometimes T.H. or Waxer or Boil, or even Master Kenobi would join me, but for the most part, our schedules didn't really match up, so eating on my own was not a big deal to me. At least in the 212th. I finished my breakfast quickly and after returning the tray I headed for the bridge.

I watched troopers march by on the corridors, moving supplies and gear, putting teams together, going over the plan one last time before the assault. Their faces might have been the same, but they could not have been more different. To force sensitives, being in a star destroyer filled to the brim with clones felt like walking the streets of Coruscant, every life form was unique. And each reacted differently to the tension of a fast approaching battle. They made sure to try their hardest to differentiate themselves from the next clone as well. You could tell a lot by a trooper's armour, hair and tattoos. They were so wildly different, and interacting with them blew my mind every time.

The doors to the bridge slid open with a smooth, quiet swish. The room was alive with chatter from the crew as well as the commanding officers on deck. Cody and Master Kenobi stood amongst plans and holomaps of Felucia, and were discussing something about the southern and northern hemispheres. But they were not alone, Master Skywalker and Captain Rex were there as well -or their holograms were- listening in on what the other two were saying.

"Good morning, gentlemen." I greeted as I came within range of the holotransmiter.

"Ah, Kriari, good to see at least Obi-Wan's Padawan isn't hopeless." Said Master Skywalker. "Ahsoka could learn a thing or two from you."

I chuckled.

"I doubt it, Master. I grew up with her, if she didn't learn to be on time back then, I don't think she ever will."

As if on cue, Ahsoka came into shot a few seconds later, panting like she had run all the way from her quarters to the bridge. She apologized profusely, only to have her master sass her and Obi-Wan shake his head in exasperation. Cody and Rex said nothing, but I knew they found the whole thing amusing. Or at least Rex did, Cody felt kind of tired of the whole thing already.

"Well, now that we have everyone, I think we can start briefing everyone on the plan. Cody?" Said Master Kenobi as he motioned Commander Cody forward.

"We will split our effort into two. We will approach from the southern hemisphere where we have no reports of anti-aircraft weaponry. Once we secure the landing site, we will send out two patrols into the jungle to try and establish a perimeter. One will go east, and the other west." He explained as he pointed at the holomap of Felucia. "Once we are able to secure a big enough perimeter, we should be able to hold it until the occupation fleet arrives."

I stroked at my chin softly as I watched the holo map turn. There were two big Separatist outposts marked, and I didn't want to imagine the amount of droids each could house.

"I think we should be careful going into this one. Getting through the blockade will be hard enough. Even if we don't lose any gunships trying to get through, we might not have enough troops to take that many droids." I said. "I get why we are avoiding the north, but wouldn't it be wiser to send a patrol there to make sure the enemy won't box us in?"

Obi-Wan looked at me and smirked, he seemed satisfied with something I'd said.

"We thought about that, Commander," answered Cody. "We know something is up north, and we can count on them attacking, but we don't know if there is anything to the east or west. You can expect something you know is there, but never something you don't."

I nodded in understanding. Surprises in the battlefield were never pleasant, it was wise to make sure there weren't any.

"I'm guessing Kriari and I are taking the patrols, then." Smiled Ahsoka. "Don't worry, masters, we'll make sure no tinnie gets past us. Right, Kriari?"

I smirked at her and nodded. Not one.

"Well, since we're all settled and briefed on the plan, we should get going." Said Master Skywalker. "Try not to land too far from the landing site, Master. Wouldn't want me and the boys to have to rescue you."

"Careful now, Master Skywalker. Wouldn't want to have to swallow those words of yours now, would you?" I shot back before Obi-Wan could answer.

I thought it had been funny, Master Kenobi and Cody definitely had thought so as well, but Master Skywalker stayed cold, indifferent to my words; for a moment, I thought he hadn't heard me.

"We'll see about that."