#i will do more later im just too tired rn...
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mellohiizz · 3 months ago
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finally managed to finish this. i forgot how fun it is to draw pretty girls, so here's some more genderbend ls designs :3 they're a little rushed, but i still like them.
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bunnyboy-juice · 1 month ago
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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silverislander · 2 months ago
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working here is making me a little bit nuts abt antibullying again <3
#i mean ive always been a little nuts abt it. but its worse rn :)#i have been saying For Years that the reason antibullying campaigns have been so toothless is bc theyve ignored root causes#you cannot fight bullying while ignoring discrimination in our larger society#its not a fucking 80s movie people dont (frequently) get bullied Just for being nerds irl. the go to examples are so outdated#i could get into specifics but i think i dont need to! its ableism its racism its classism etc etc etc#we need to be actively teaching kids from a young age that at the bare minimum? acting on discriminatory beliefs is wrong#there needs to be actual consequences and understanding of why its wrong#we need to talk abt these issues WITH specifics. talk abt exactly whats wrong and why#call out specific common jokes explain slurs talk abt current events related to these issues#and fucking get rid of the 0 tolerance bullshit ive never heard of it doing anything but punishing the victim for fighting back#and i know some people will still be missed by this programming bc of their home life or influences. you really cant win them all#but you at least need to fucking try and attack this problem from the root instead of snipping vaguely at leaves#levi.txt#and i dont want to hear SHIT abt how your precious baby is too young to learn abt discrimination bc itll make them sad#as long as there are kids their age facing it? theyre not too young to try and understand#i just. aughhhh#like. ive been there dude i got bullied for a long ass time#didnt know why at the time but looking back it was absolutely bc i was nd#and that was so long ago and its still not better. it fuckin kills me man we should be getting over this#delete later#im very tired and this is a Big Rant but idfk man!! im mad#this shit ends lives youd think wed take it more seriously
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phagodyke · 11 months ago
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okay can we have a new rule that if you're my friend and know I struggle with rsd from adhd + you're planning on hanging out with mutual friends but specifically aren't inviting me for whatever reason. Maybe Don't Tell Me About It
#id just rather not know man. even if I cant go or dont particularly want to im going to get stung by it and it rly sucks#its a TON of extra effort i have to put in to emotionally navigate that information without overreacting and making it an issue#wait actually maybe i do need to sit down with her and explain this more explicitly. bc she probably doesnt rly know abt it#even tho ive mentioned it shes rly terrible at reading ppl and i probably dont let on much abt it anyway bc im used to dealing w it#ugh. but also its rly embarrassing to talk abt and ill have to tread so carefully to make sure it doesnt get misinterpreted. hmm#but itd be worth it if she stopped so. ill give it some thought#it makes me feel so unreal sometimes bc i cant always tell if im justifiably upset or if im 'just overreacting' so i assume the latter-#most of the time to give myself space to work thru the emotion and minimise the damage i might cause if i AM just overreacting#but then sometimes later on i realise that it was justified but its too late to bring it back up and anyway ive worked through it#and idk. theres smth self disrespectful abt it all im tired of making space all the time and never taking any up myself#im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud#aaanyway#im procrastinating eating bc i cooked a nice meal but now im not in the mood to eat it 😭😭 but i gotta fuel up.....#ill find smth to watch hopefully thatll do the trick#yawns so loud bye for now#.diaries
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oops-its-a-fanwork · 8 months ago
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Just got a notification for 500 likes! Thank you for all who leave a little like, and especially thank you to those who leave tags or comments! It's nice to see people enjoying what I make :)💖 I will start scheduling some reblogs at some point, since I do not have any finished new posts. I am working on some things though! just very slowly due to other things in my life ;)
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roses-and-tears · 9 months ago
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#I have spent. 8 almost 9 hours resetting my laptop. I chose the option to keep all my files but uninstall apps. and it has been restarting#and installing for almost 9 hours. yeah I get that the process will be long. but ffs#I have been bored the past few hours so I watched the smile movie bc I got reminded of it yesterday#it was pretty bad. the couple gorey scenes towards the end were nice but some of the acting and writing was just terrible#I was also hoping the movie would’ve taken a different turn. I think it would’ve made it more.. idk. I can’t think of the right term.-#-it just would’ve made it better I think.#I’ve also eaten a lot today. more than I usually do. more than I have in months and years and im upset about that. im already bloated.#I hope I don’t work tomorrow. I have to call in in the morning to check. and I don’t mind working but rn I just kind of want to spend the#day relaxing#I’ve spent almost 9 hours on this resetting part. and 4 extra hours trying to simply repair it in restarts#I also need to clean up my room. a lot of it. and clean my pets cage. it’s ant season now and im really stressed about that#the smell of sharpie returns and I am just. overwhelmed. I have 3 days to prepare for my special week long activity and im not happy about-#-that.#I also had some feelings earlier that im stressed over too.#im being vague about that bc i just don’t want to go off about that to everyone#im tired and overwhelmed i just want my laptop to finish resetting so i can stop fretting about this. i want to sleep#im tired. of so much#to delete later
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claratwelve · 10 months ago
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yeah no okay i just finished s13 and i loved it, that was some good cinema
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get-more-bald · 10 months ago
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the thing is that I'm constantly in a fandom mood to distract myself from everything. but when I fall out of that mood I just think I'm worthless for not having a personality beyond chronically online idiot.
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clementine-png · 1 year ago
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Tag rambling ignore me
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antarcticajoy · 1 year ago
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you know what I'd love? If someone would just choose me for once
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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i'm so happy i'll cry so bad when i finally open it 😭😭
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#tag later#AAAA IM ACTUALLY SO HAPPY#IM LIKE. RLLY CHILL RN BUT IM SO SO HAPPY#i'll play nier first ofc but oh my god zack. crisis core. i'll cry so bad#im so happy im rlly so happy it's so funny i'm so chill rn but#earlier when i saw data blitz w the poster i jumped n ran to it pointing at it n#I WAS SMILING SM WHEN THEY HAD IT IN STOCK N ALL UWAHH#fun day w my friend hehe we rlly just shopped ngl 🥹#her. 'friend' ehem (read; basically bf) was low on social bat it seems but it was cool meeting them irl BUT I WAS TOO SHY TO TALK..#they're usually more extroverted tho n then#i'm sorry i accidentally peeked at my friend's messages n her friend mentioned that like. if another friend of ours (who apollo n i are#closer with) then it wld've been more chill or wtvr I CANT REMEMBER#i miss hanging out w my friends :< I MISS THEM SO MUCH FUCK#I'm so tired from walking tho help i'm sitting down rn finally#torn between really excited for ccr n stressed for the future n really happy from today n#torn too between feeling excited or. idk lonely rn thinking abt all my different kinds of relationships#that flew by too fast.. i wna spend more time w my friends :<#despite how fun it was n everything i can't shake off this certain. emptiness that i can't make sense of#BUT RN I'M DOING FINE DW#technically i'm friends too w the friend of my longtime friend bcs we met (save for me w my longtime friend ofc#like way back early this year. turns out another guy from the other school went bowling w their friends in the same mall#n OH YEAH in this same mall iirc the friend apollo n i are closer w from the guys went to a con here yesterday?#i just realized hi small weird thumb reveal it seems#i just realized if you're filo n know your malls n know a con yesterday then it's very obvious where i was today uh#WAH THAT SAID THOUGH omg i'm rambling but i'm. god i've been feeling rather empty lots lately But i know that i'm happy from today#omg oh yh bcs of all the ppl i mentioned earlier me n longtime friend n apollo joked abt like. reunion of that grp earlier this year hehe#the idea is rlly lovely.. ngl i rlly do have a level of social anxiety even w close friends yeah but that doesn't mean i'm antisocial no#i rlly want to socialize n make friends :< so the idea of it is. rlly wonderful indeed but it seems so far out of my reach#i'll fix tags later i have sm to talk abt oh my god but it's comforting knowing my friend. felt the same way i do abt that earlier hehe#I RLLY WANT A BUCKET HAT N COOL SHADES TO GO W IT HFKSJFKSJFS
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kalloway · 2 years ago
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hello, please pray for me that I don't get a DS3 NPC killed because I'm trying to NOT use a walkthru or guide for once, thank u
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gazeboarcade · 4 months ago
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:^[
#i started my new job on monday#and its rlly rlly hard#all i can think the last couple days is im not cut out for it#and that i made a mistake by agreeing to it and possibly to my degree as a whole#i haven't been able to sit down for more than 5 minutes the whole shift#which i am not dumb shouldnt be so hard but im also fat rn so that does make my feet hurt so bad its lowkey all i can feel physically#and i get asked like . 100+ questions a day (i do not even think that's exaggerating)#and its a LOT to learn all this new stuff about all these new clients and like . they have rlly high needs so its important that like#if no one else understands at least i do bc im like. their point person#and im qualified to do the job. if not more so than all my coworkers : /#but i have left each day barely even understanding everything that happened that day. It FLIES by because there is not a dull moment#and when there is so far its been actually a Problem i need to address making it dull that i am not immediately aware of#im sure itll even out in the coming days but like : ((((((( this is VERY hard for me and i feel like i cant convey that well#bc logically i should be good at it so i must just be being dramatic or smthn idk#and i feel like i cant talk to my friends lately bc idk that feels rlly hard#but its not like i rlly have the time to its just rlly sad#im up too late but im not even tired enough to sleep im just really sad and overwhelmed and i wish i could just like . explode briefly#just till its over or normal#fucking. wretched man idk like its jjust a lot : ((((((#i wish i could communicate that effectively so the bigness of it would come across#delete later
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coridallasmultipass · 4 months ago
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#WELPP I Cant find my blog backup and its definitely not letting me click the button i give up lmao#i got more pressing issues rn fucking alarm going off for low battery i had to fucking crawl into the crawlspace behind my aquariums...#...to get to it while i have a still injured back lmao so fucking frustrating nothing is going right for me today#i wake up to the sound of a dying cat (its our tenant that neglects them) but they drove off with it before i could go outside and inspect#i have to reschedule a medical appointment because the only 2 roads out of my town are fucked and i wont make it tomorrow#so thats another week of suffering the teeth aligners and not getting to ask the doctor if its supposed to be this painful all the time#i still have a lot of trouble eating man and now i gotta extend it another week! my jaw is so fucking bad ugh#like i have spent literal years of my life waiting not being able to do anything bc treatment is delayed or just not available#especially in my small ass fucking town there are no specialists here and i cant even get into physical therapy lmao#im having to deal w no car access for weeks now which means even if a pt place magically calls me then i still dont get to go because no ca#im gonna barely make it with one pill to spare bc i cant pick up my prescriptions either bc the walk is too far for my back#im already going without the easy to eat foods i want bc i was in too much pain to go when my mom visited#fucking hate all ths shit man im so fucking tired of living like this no one should have to suffer like this im so fucking miserable ugh#delete later / /#vent#personal#Cori.exe#Post.exe
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keyotos · 1 year ago
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he does it so well
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summary ⎯ hot things they do.
includes ⎯ dan heng, gepard, blade, sampo, & jing yuan.
tana's words ⎯ struggling with writing requests rn so i wrote something short to clear writer's block. im sorry guys i'll get to them soon i promise 😭
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dan heng
⎯ waits for you before turning the page on a book. he notices that you are reading along with him and waits for you to signal that you're ready before carrying on.
⎯ private > public. he will brush your hand in public but he will be all over you in private. instead of only brushing your hand, dan heng will be brushing up on you. more touchy in private than in public.
⎯ pushes the hair out of your face when it's getting in your way. but he does it in a more sensual way. his fingers graze your lips as he agonizingly drags his hand through your hair.
⎯ long day? melts into your body at night. runs his hands up and down your arms as a way to relieve stress?? leans his head into your neck and sighs so dreamily??? like hello?? lips grazing your neck???
⎯ hot morning voice. raspy and rough. also kind of scratchy. when he tells you, "five more minutes," how could you say no to THAT voice? he knows of this effect and makes sure to use it to his full advantage
⎯ very observant. knows everything you like; knows your routines; knows you. he's the first to compliment you if you got a haircut or new outfit/nails/whatever. it always make you blush bc how is he always the first one to figure these things out?!?@#$%
⎯ gets jealous a little too easily. doesn't do anything verbal about it. opts for being a little more touchy than usual. he thinks it's embarrassing and he wants to hide his face into his pillow when you tease him about it.
⎯ lip biter. not when y'all are kissing, but when he tries to hide his smile or his laugh he bites his lip. you find it so cute and you just want to grab him and just connect your lips with his.
⎯ nerd. hot sexy nerd. he'll tell you about animals and mitosis and python and he's just so intelligent. helps you with problem solving things (probably puzzles idk) and he stands/leans over you with his breath dancing on the back of your neck.
⎯ jawline kisser. if he wants something from you he gives chaste kisses to your jawline. he does that when he's bored too ig. very big on jaw kisses and secretly loves when you flush because of them.
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gepard
⎯ blushes when you compliment him. he looks so adorable you just wanna pinch his cheeks and smother him. he gets even more embarrassed
⎯ big domestic guy. ntm on casual stuff or situationships. if he wants you, he'll let you know (even if he's blushing his way through it).
⎯ he is not shy. in the beginning he might be a little shy, but later on the relationship he'll get bolder. chaste kisses on the lips becomes long make-out sessions on his bed after a rather tiring day on the front lines. and if he hasn't seen you in a while... i will let you guys interpret.
⎯ leans down to listen to you. he's literally gigantic and when he LEANS DOWN just to hear what you say... and it's so innocent too but the way you look up at him doesn't make it so innocent anymore...
⎯ pins you to the wall on accident. may or may not be inspired by teenage dream. anyway, he does a lot of hot things on accident and doesn't even realize it. so you are trying not to explode while gepard is enjoying his merry day while caging you underneath him.
⎯ acts like a knight since u always make jokes that he's your "knight in shining armor." so dedicated that he kisses your knuckles out of nowhere and it makes you want to FAINT. like you could be reading and (out of nowhere) he takes your hand away from your book and kisses ur knuckles. AND HE HOLDS EYE CONTACT WHILE DOING IT.
⎯ flirty without knowing it. says something cute and flirty but doesn't realize it until you say something. and he says it so calmly too; like drops it into a convo
⎯ runs a hand through your hair before you two sleep. he just wants to keep you close and he just wants to feel you because he never gets to come home often.
⎯ ROLLS UP. HIS SLEEVES. TO HIS FOREARMS. he does this when he's particularly stressed. like come here i can show you a way to destress (i'm so sorry).
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blade
⎯ he's only shirtless when YOU are around. he trusts you enough to show all of himself around you. you are reliable and trustworthy enough to be able to know the entirety of him: his body, his mind, his past, etc.
⎯ intensely loyal to you. like if he had to choose between the world and you he would obviously choose you. would do anything for you, would buy anything for you, would steal anything for you: you guys get the gist.
⎯ he's so loving only towards you. silver wolf and kafka like to tease him for it (especially silver wolf... bc how can he play a game with you and not her). he does little things for you, like picking lint off of your outfit or pulling your hair back when you're eating something. or pulling your hair back when you're doing something...
⎯ LOVES when you wear his clothing. his shirt his jacket ANYTHING. whatever it is, he will be going crazy for it. has a thing for when you wear his shirts; you just look so good and you're wearing something that's HIS. not anyone else's; HIS SHIRT.
⎯ has a little possessive streak. it's not a weird and overprotective possessive thing tho. more so, "no silver wolf you are not going to force them to play games with you." maybe it's more overprotective than possessive, but secretly he wants you all to himself and he does NOT want to share.
⎯ speaking of being overprotective, he is also just regular protective. he walks on the side near the road so you don't have to. he grabs your arm to pull you away from something dangerous. he shields you so he'll get hit before you. yk, cute stuff like that. your safety is his priority, no matter what.
⎯ he is the type to be like, "who did this to you??" and he WILL be hunting that person down. but not without urgently caring for you first.
⎯ his touch is so filled with emotion, genuineness, earnestness, and sincere. i hc that blade doesn't have much relationship experience and he isn't very wordy, so when he hugs you or touches you, all of his emotions are poured into his hands/fingers/etc. all of what he feels for you (which is very much) is shown in his physical touch.
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sampo
⎯ MANSPREADS. i said it. HE IS A MANSPREADER. elbows resting on top of his knees as he says something super coy or flirty towards you, and sometimes you even have to PHYSICALLY avert your eyes away.
⎯ a tease. if you lean in for a kiss, he'll lean backwards. if he's missing you, his fingertips will dance along the bare skin of your sides, and then he'll pull away to make you want him as much as he wants you. he is so INFURIATING.
⎯ if he flusters you and you blush n try to cover your face with something (literally anything), he'll grab whatever you're holding so he could see your face. to him, you look the prettiest when you're smiley and flustered, such as in those situations.
⎯ if you're going on a long tangent about something, he'll kiss you on your lips randomly. he doesn't mind your rambling, he thinks it's adorable, which is why he does it. it always leaves you with your jaw dropped before you could continue what you were saying.
⎯ the type to lock himself in a closet with you but on accident. you guys don't know how you two even got into that situation, but sampo is with you, so he couldn't be happier. big quality time guy.
⎯ brings you little trinkets or gifts based on his "business" adventures. whenever he sees something, he gets it for you. his mind is usually racing about you anyway, so he can't help himself when he develops a spending problem because of you
⎯ sings with you to songs. you could be singing in the shower and then you hear this agitating, grating voice. he's a terrible singer, but he'll do anything as long as you're there with him, so he sings with you anyway.
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jing yuan
⎯ wakes up and the first thing he does is admire you. he studies every single one of your facial features, acting as if he's never seen them before when he wakes up to your face every day. he finds beauty all around you: in your sleeping face, on the bridge of your nose, the pout of your lips when you're asleep. he just loves all of you.
⎯ a flirt and PROUD. he's bold with his quips. not afraid of initiating affection in public but he prefers private which i think is much sexier.
⎯ neck kisser. heavy on neck kisses (especially in the morning). practically an entire body kisser tbh. he can't get enough of you, and in a world where loneliness strives (immortality), he's grateful that he has you for the time being.
⎯ grabs your chin and tilts your head up if he wants you. he doesn't do it forcefully, more like a gentle smush. he locks eyes with you and omfg it makes your heart beat sm. like why are you looking at me LIKE THAT. so sensually or whateva....
⎯ urges you to come closer to him so he can whisper something in your ear. when do you come closer to him, he pulls you by the waist and gets super close to your ear. like lips brushing your ear. and he blows a raspberry in it. so stupid but too lovable.
⎯ lies down in your lap if you two are lounging together. since he's so busy, he doesn't get to lounge around often, so he likes to be as close to you as possible.
⎯ if he wants to kiss you, you will know. not because he'll tell you. but because of the specific LOOK he gives you. his eyes are narrowed under the spell of seduction, focusing only on your lips. his mouth is slightly parted like he is ready to kiss you, and the way he tilts his head down...
⎯ patient for you. will wait for you even when he is dying to feel you once again. he has to deal with yanqing so he holds a lot of patience. but he won't rush you with anything, lets you move at your own pace, and gives you help if needed. overall sweet guy.
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i hope this motivates me into finishing my requests
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yrieso · 2 years ago
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tonight i am thinking about how it really pisses me off when i tell people my dads deaf and a lot of people's immediate response is "im sorry" like bitch i said he's deaf not DEAD why do you feel the need to say im sorry. like really, why do you think you should apologize for that? huh?
#it's just. hmmm urg. it's infuriating!!!!#next time someone says that im gonna say ''and im sorry yours is brunette. you see hoe stupid that sounds? that's how stop YOU sound rn''#like idk it might be different if he went deaf later in life but my dad went deaf when he was 4 months old so it's not like#i've had the experience of having a hearing dad and suddenly i don't??? it's literally been my whole life AND his whole life too#im too tired to really articulated my thoughts on this but i feel like i shouldn't really have to explain#why it's so stupid and frustrating to me when you tell me you're sorry my dad is deaf right after learning that#my dad being deaf has had almost 0 negative impact on my life and it's actually given me a lot of cool things#like i wouldn't have learned sign language if he were hearing!! do u know how cool it is to#know a whole other LANGUAGE with your parents and how good it feels to flex that you know more than#your siblings bc they only know the basics of asl#because it feels SO GOOD to flex that#i get to watch tv with my dad at loud volumes that my friends dont get in their house#i learned to read earlier because i was always used to reading captions on the tv and im a quick reader too#when YOU flick the lights on and off your dad would be annoyed. MINE knows im trying to get his attention and he can't hear me#if i don't want to see what he's saying i just take my glasses off. problem solved.#idk i have a lot of thoughts about this but i've ranted and rambled enough in the tags#yriesodottumblrdotcom
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