#anywayyyy man idk i just really liked it i have so much more to say but there are too many thoughts in my head

[claratwelve]

yeah no okay i just finished s13 and i loved it, that was some good cinema

[rodolfoparras]

Oh gosh, hi hello howdy. I’ve always quietly lurked on your blog because it makes me so fucking feral but I’m too nervous about saying anything. But!! I’m being brave, saying hello, and idk bringing a little treat too I suppose

idk what specifically got me hooked onto this idea, but it was def something you wrote that was scream worthy but but all it did was make me imagine:

Price just being this perfect soldier, perfect leader, gruff and hard around the edges because he has to be in his line of work. Sharp voice, stern face, no-nonsense and all authority. Then reader comes around. Price is all bark and bite, but oh with reader—something shakes loose in his chest.

It doesn’t come up in the field. It doesn’t come up on base either. It’s some little dinky bar where the team has holed up in after a rough mission to celebrate a safe return and lick their wounds in relative, drunken peace. And it starts with just the brush of your arm against Price’s neck. It was an accident. You reached for something over his shoulder, Ghost handing you another drink or you swatting at a laughing Soap, and it was really just the loose fabric of your sleeve against Price’s skin.

Price has spent so long being alpha alpha alpha. It’s what’s expected of a military man, what’s expected of a captain and leader. But something about the touch against the back of his neck—of you touching his neck, holding him, collaring him. It’s lucky the lights are low enough no one notices the flush spreading across his face and the music is too loud to hear that soft little whimper.

Anywayyyy love the blog hehe <3

Hello sugar cube!! I’m so glad you popped in pls know y’all are genuinely always welcome here I can understand feeling nervous but believe me I absolutely love talking to y’all! 🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Also before I say anything else I just have to say you articulate yourself in such a beautiful way I absolutely love the way you write sugar🧎🏻‍♂️

Second of all I’ve always loved the thought of price giving up control

Imagine price who’s always been forced to take charge and make decisions, always been captain or lieutenant, someone important before he’s been a mere soldier, always carrying so much responsibilities on his shoulders

When you came around he hadn’t expected to start a relationship with you it kind of just happened much like he just happened to give up control to you

Price would always be up on his feet before anyone else, preparing coffee and making sure him and his team have everything they need for their mission, but now he’s woken up by the smell of coffee and met with the sight of your smiling face holding out a cup for him .

He takes it gracefully, sipping on it contentedly, feeling himself become more and more alert as the caffeine enters his system.

He’s just about to say how he needs to prepare for the upcoming mission when you abruptly cut him off with a kiss, ever so carful not to tip the cup of warm liquid on him.

He happily accepts your kiss, a contented sigh escaping his lips and it’s your smile that finally breaks the kiss.

“I’ve already prepared everything,” you say, smile still painted on your face.

He only manages a surprised “oh” in response, brows raising high at your words before he bashfully thanks you for what you’ve done.

Once he’s done with his coffee you put his mug down on the night stand before you take his hand and pull him out of the bed, playfully tugging him over to the bathroom where you’re quick to start up a shower for him.

He mumbles something under his breath probably something along the lines of how he’s a grown man and can take care of himself and doesn’t need you to prepare showers for him but he secretly loves it

As soon as he steps foot in the shower, you’re hot on his tail, pouring shower gel into your hands, and soaping them up before burying your fingers into his hair.

A groan escapes his lips, eyes fluttering shut as he leans into the wonderful feeling.

Maybe you’re going over the mission with him or maybe you’re just humming some tune or maybe you’re trailing kisses down his neck while massaging his tense shoulders

Ether way he absolutely loves it feels like he’s in heaven because of it and of course the sweet thing gets so worked up, all hot and bothered from having someone pampering him this much, cock all hard and weeping between his thighs and there’s no way you’ll have him this tense before a mission so of course you sneak your hand between his legs and gently pumping his length

He’s clawing at your arm, head lolling back onto your shoulder as groans and whimpers escape him.

It doesn’t take much before the sweet thing is inching closer to his release, head burying into your neck and begging you to let him finish and who are you to deny him?

You quickly dry him up and help him dress before you ready yourself for the mission.

Youre checking your weapons and gear going over whatever you’ll need before taking the liberty to check his stuff and he’s all red in the face muttering curses under his breath but he absolutely loves everything you do for him and the rest of tf141 knows it as they stand there quietly chuckling in the background

Well out on the field you’re hot on his heal, your form towering over him, chest flushed to his back, hand on him to keep him in close vicinity while moving quietly

And if a bullet happens to graze him you’re lashing out at whoever wasn’t properly covering him getting all up in their face and cursing them out so much that Price has to pull you back by the waist while trying to suppress the smile tugging at his lips

And on your way back home you’re checking up on him constantly, even sitting next to him in the helicopter, thighs flush with his, arm around him, letting him lean his body onto yours, and checking every once a while on the injury he’s got

And of course when you’re back home you got him sprawled out on the bed, head buried between his legs, making him cum over and over, til there’s nothing but pathetic spurts of cum coming from him.

As he lay there, sated and fucked out, Price realizes he’s finally let someone else have control for once.

[mochinon-yah]

AJDSJKSKKS HI HELLO SORRY MOCHI I JUST SAW THIS NOW PLS EXCUSE MY HAREBRAIN

ahem

man i just got off my break like a week ago hhhhh, but i can relate to being lazy and videogaming lol fdkjskj (me with acnh and genshin coughs) but my sleep schedule is considerably better? i have to wake up early on weekdays bc of my kid brother sadly smh and i spite him for it pretty sure college students are more stressed

JkeKJF THANKIES!! tbh i kind of just kept my bday private for a smaller group of friends (that includes you btw) + my boyfriend, but yea me being 20 isn't much different from being 18 lol. you rlly don't feel different until you hit 30 coughs anyway i return the headpaps and hugs mweeheheh >:D

istg my bf is just like albedo (but make him emo), cuz like he always struck me as the kind of person who will try to out-compliment you but at the same time is genuine? if that makes sense? EHFfdkskSKJFD but yea he's a sweetheart hehehe yes its real healthy couples do exist and i feel like a unicorn

anywayyyy yea i can name a lot of times where people can't catch onto my body language and i do that as well. like a simple question is fine if someone needs to get somewhere, but if it's someone i don't like i'll make it obvious. in general, if i don't know someone very well, i'll kind of just like veer away from them while giving them a dead stare- (and they still don't get the hint or are insanely blind to social cues)

NO CUZ THATS SO REAL?? if i get into a book, then it's usually because of a fanfic or some other form of media?? kind of like the acotar series i wanted to get into but like hesitant cuz i don't know if it's spicy ;3;

andd headpaps accepted nyehehehe

LMAOOO IT'S OKAY THO, NO WORRIES VIVI!! I woke up so suddenly so idk if i can answer this ask with the right mind 😭😭 sorry if there are soem typos or whatever grammatically wrong things lol

Hdjsjsjs a break will literally activates my lazy mode, and i swear i will get so, so lazy it would probably make you wonder why am i even still ali- *cough* anyway, thank god, your sleeping schedule is much better than mine 🥹👍👍 your lil brother is such a menace but i guess helpful too lmao

And YAAA, NO PROB VIVI :3 last birthday of mine was kinda quiet because only some people remembered lol. Then again, i'm a really quiet person irl, i doubt anybody would remember it- okay, this just turns so sour??? I'm gonna stop talking abt it jdjwkiekwk

I'm part of your smaller group of friends? 🥺👉👈 awwhhhh, you're making me blush- (i'm weak to words like that wth, no guys i do have friends too irl, i'm not a loner 😭) BUT LMAO YEAH, I AGREE WITH 'you rlly don't feel different until you hit 30'. Well, i haven't hit 30 yet, but i guess the only different thing would be that you can say you're old now- /jjj

(LMAO I FELL ASLEEP WHILE ANSWERING THIS.... anyway, back to answering vivi's ask :3)

Imagining emo! bedo and you with the dynamic of emo but cute x cute and cuter is so jdnsjkska 😭 i understand why you would feel like a unicorn even in ur own relationship.... for me, i feel like the side character who just saw the main character fall in love with each other lol

BUT LIKE AAAA SO CUTE, YOU AND HIM ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER?????

*cough* anyway-

People should really be attentive to other ppl ☝️ at least they should know if they're making it uncomfy for other ppl. But err, for me personally, i don't mind people gathering close to me, buuuttt it's possibly because of my friends since all of them are a lot, lot more sociable than me hahhaahaha- honestly, they often told me to talk more with people so i can know the latest gossip and just overall have many friends, but i really can't 😭😭 friendship with me is like the slow build-up but overall genuine one, or at least that's what i think....?

But ngl tumblr has help me a lot to be more expressive in public and just overall making me more sociable than in the past <3 i won't thank the tumblr app itself because the one who made me this way now is literally myself and also a whole bunch of amazing people i had met here, including youu!!! <3 whether you and them help me directly by interacting or just endulging in my silly behavior, ily all ueyehhewh (just gonna tag some ppl here teehe -> @beloved-brynn, @meimeimeirin, @leftdestiny-posts, @fishanonishere, @navxry, @calxlu (you) ♡ ily all, all of u are just so amazing, idk what i even did to meet u all, literally so happy if we ever talk or interact here <3)

OKAY 🤚 THE VIBE IS GETTING A BIT MORE.... UN-SILLY, SO UHHH MOVING ON TO THE NEXT BIT-

Fanfic literally runs half of the fandom, and that fandom could be anything lmao. Well, not really half, but a significant amount! I think memes also run a significant amount of keeping the fandom alive too lol

BUT YEAH, I ENDED UP BUYING PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, RIGHT? AND NOW I'M LIKE... "hm, what in the world is this word? who is talking in this part?? what is even happening-" jkjk, my vocabs is kinda limited since i'm not a native english speaker, but i do understand most of what the book is actually explaining

AND YAAYYY MY HEADPATS ARE ACCEPTED <3

[venus-i-guess]

Shit I’ve Been Thinking About:

Istg I can never shut up about the roads. Sooooo…. I might have some more shit to yap about…. shut up I swear this is gonna be the last one…. I fuckin hope jesus f**kin christ (I swear I think about more things than roads and transportation systems guys I swear)

OK SO HONKING (No I will not stop talking about this it seems. It’s like an integral part of the fucking road system it feels like) People honk with such skill here like they don’t even have to try like back in the States people have to use their whole palm to honk at people; here people just use like their thumb or wrist or one of the drivers used his middle finger somehow idk but it was fuckin impressive.

Idk how I forgot about this but my family had to rent out a bus when we went to a city cuz we had like 16 people coming on the trip (I mean I think my dad only did that cuz it seemed his itinerary came from ChatGPT but pish posh) Anywaysss it was fuckin dope as hell especially cuz I was starting to not like the city cuz the train station was kinda stinky (literally and figuratively) I mean it was nothing that special it was like a smaller version of a yellow school bus but it was white and had some small blue light for nighttime, so it felt like a rave as soon as I got on (cuz it was pretty late at night) (at least i think I’ve never been to one) So bus hell yeah

Also the trucks I forgot to talk about the art they got on them (I kinda just forgot about it because im just used to it) but they are so much cooler than any American 18 Wheeler ever could be they’re so fun and i fuckin adore them actually. Also I love how they have the little reminders on the back that say “Please Honk” and “Use Dipper” (headlights) because trucks have huge blind spots so they need a little heads up if someone’s passing them (especially with they’re reduced speeds cuz of traffic stuff I talked about last time lol) Also the trucks are just so much taller and not as long and I love them so much. (I don’t know why I’m getting so worked up over some trucks) (I’ve just had a very emotional day by reading not one but two gut wrenching comics and watching the Ithaca Saga)

Anywayyyy I’m at my grandparents house and the streets are so narrow here (I mean granted they should be this place was built before cars existed) but people still somehow make it into a two way street like wtf?!??? Idk how Indian drivers are just built different I guess. Istg the driver asked me to fold in the side mirrors so that he could pass another car like bruv we can just back into that alley that is right there but whatever I cannot argue with this man (I will fold like a fuckin pancake if he starts sayin shit I don’t understand)

Also I know this is a very niche reference buttt some of these highways (intracity highways specifically) I’ve seen are built as if it was a last ditch effort for someone to fix a traffic solution in Mini Motorways like its kinda just slapped onto a road and a completely different road and somehow it kinda works idk. (Look up Mini Motorways if you wanna understand what I’m sayin better because idk how else to describe it)

Also my cousin wanted to add that this image sums up a lot of the driving situation here.

OK I THINK THAT SHOULD BE IT I REALLY HOPE

So I hope you all enjoyed coming to my Ted Talk on Indian Road and Railway systems from an absolute rambling idiot that hasn’t seriously lived here in about 14 years I think? (God I don’t like that number)

[e-n-t-r-o-p-i-c-f-r-o-g]

ALRIGHT FRIENDS!

I feel the need, at this point specifically, to give credit where credit is due. I understand this is a fanfic so I kinda have free reign as far as sourcing ideas goes but hey, if you wanna learn more about robots, psychoanalysis, and socialist cyberfeminism then HERE YA GO!

Okay, first off are two essays wherein the synthesis of their ideas formed the whole premise of this AU; however, up until like a week ago I had not even opened the files since university (3.5 years ago) which means I made MANY ASSUMPTIONS based off of skewed memory. Do not trust anything I’m about to say as fact, just trust in the vibes. Anywayyyy:

“Homeostasis and Soft Robotics in the Design of Feeling Machines” by Kingson Man and Antonio Damasio (basically the whole idea of giving a robot intelligence by finding ways to make it feel vulnerable through the advancement of soft robotics [like, more fleshy robot parts]—having a drive to survive and reach a state of homeostasis).

“Gendered Bodies and New Technologies: Rethinking Embodiment in a Cyber-Era” by Amanda du Preez (this is a LONG ESSAY and I have not read the whole thing, plus its hard to describe succinctly, but some ideas I had taken went something like: “The path toward an embodied techno-existence also ironically embodies the path toward self annihilation.” Replace “techno” with “godly” and then boom, you have XL’s plights ahahah. I vaguely remember that the essay also talks about a privileged man’s dream of transcendence through their own mechanical inventions and synthesis with them in this sorta 1980s feminist “womb envy” idea, while individuals who are “othered” in our current society cannot experience that transcendence through becoming a machine because they would still be prejudiced against for the bodies they occupy, or would sacrifice something integral to their identities in the process, thus destroying themselves instead of becoming the idea of an impenetrable, unearthly techno-god ahahah. To note tho: I do believe this essay is not the besttt in talking about gender beyond the gender binary. I also haven’t completed it yet, so keep that in mind, but idk I read some things that felt a little out of touch in that regard).

Now for some stuff for the last few chapters specifically:

There’s D. Haraway’s “Cyborg Manifesto” where the last line (i think?) goes:

“I’d rather be a Cyborg than a Goddess.”

I fuck with that heavy, and it also fits with the ideas above while also taking a much more empowered angle, so I put it in (and changed it to “god”).

I then looked into Jacques Lacan, specifically the Mirror Stage of child development, which is the idea that when infants learn to recognize themselves in the mirror, it creates “apperception.” Basically to recognize the image of yourself is to paradoxically turn yourself into an object at the same time. The viewing of yourself, outside of yourself. Identification and depersonalization in one fell swoop baebyyy. I thought it’d fit my idea of two XL bodies in Chap 24: The Altar.

Also, Jacques Lacan had similar ideas in regard to certain manifestations of love, and said this quote:

“I love you, but, because inexplicably I love in you something more than you—the objet petit a—I mutilate you.”

And you bet that the moment I read that I was like, I’m gonna make that slimy motherfucker BWX say that. Abso-fuckin-LUTELY!!

There’s also some developing Jungian things going on, but not super worthy of diving into. If you’ve played any of the Persona games (which are all structured based off of Carl Jung’s ideas) then you’re already up to speed.

Oh, and lastly, some Foucault references with panopticon prisons (the few watching the many) and also expanded upon later by other analyst's ideas of synopticon surveillance (the many watching the few).

OKAY I’M DONE MY RAMBLES (for now)

While I haven’t plotted much out for this and have kinda been winging it, plot wise, it really helps me to deep dive into other people’s ideas (which is maybe why im having much more fun writing fanfic than original content). My wheelhouse has always been synthesis essays, so if I treat my own narrative stories like a synthesis essay, I feel more confident in myself and what I’m trying to convey.

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE FOR NOW!!!

Chapter 24 - The Altar

I held the power of a dying sun.

I climb the altar and I claim my place as God!

Ahah...ahahahhha...AHAHAHAHH!

I think I've created a whole new genre of whump. The pain of not feeling the pain is more painful than the pain itself I mean what?

If you wanna read a sci fi rendition of the altar scene...in a world where XL is mortal...here ya go I guess. Be warned: it's not pretty (though neither is the original canon)

[lovemars]

hm. time to psychoanalyze myself i think. cw traumadumping cw long ass post cw oversharing 😭

the srs cws are talk of sex and stuff but in a sad way not a horny way, sa, men on the internet being gross, bad coping mechanisms, etc

like. idk. i was thinking abt this last night and now im thinking abt it more and like. i feel like. the way i appear in headspace and stuff is just. completely based after. OH MY GOD SOFT BOY CAME OUT? um. sorry it just came on shuffle. ANYWAY. 😭. i feel like how i appear and everything is just based off of like our brain trying to be attractive to- well men mostly. other genders nd stuff but mostly men Specifically cis men. and like. literally none of us actively want to have cis (esp cishet) men attracted to us ❤️. but its like, i know Why like i know its cuz one of my roles is a sexual alter and our brain made us appear the way we do in headspace as part of it trying to keep us safe etcetc WHATEVER i dont care 🫶. like. i literally even- like for instance when we were dating our ex i remember trying to like. be attractive to her and make her like me/us even tho like. i was uncomfortable as fuck and like. i did the same with redacted from irl and just didnt set boundaries at all- no thats not true we definitely did set boundaries. i was just bad at enforcing them- i guess cuz i was like. idk completely lost in this mindset of like, not being able to say no and not feeling safe and feeling like it was my only purpose inguess?

and then like- i also feel like. imean i dont really get the love languages thing but if i had to pick one it would definitsly be words of affirmation and like- i feel like. okay 😭. im not a good person by. whoever the fuck uhh. pat the bunny i think? plays in the background. like for years and by for years i mean ever since 4 days after i turned 18. my thing had been like. posting on reddit . in various subreddits that like, Well the men in them are not very nice to me or to women . and like. i feel like that ties back to the words of affirmation thing cuz i was like intentionally seeking out people who would hurt me (<- which also ties into being a persecutor). and i dont do it anymore because months in the getalong shirt with nik made me feel bad abt it 😭 and then i started to realize that i like when people are nice to me actually. and then i was like Huh maybe tjats not super healthy for me probably. (it is not). well and thats the reason im banned (by nik) from reddit and sex with cis people forever.

but like. 😭 SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. writing a damn novel here. ANYWAYYYY. the whole posting images on reddit dot com -> talk to creepy men on reddit dot com -> intense self hatred and shame -> nik fronts and freaks out and deletes everything -> i feel bad -> i do it again next time i feel like making myself feel terrible on purpose for fun Spiral. like. ive spent all this time gojng down that spiral and now its like. bro i jusr want someone to be nice to me. like i spent ages convincing myself that actually i didnt care abt the shit those men were sayinh & that i liked it and now im like. i literally dont. like. i dont wabt someone ive never spoken to who didnt even say hi or ask what im ok with to say like. waves hand. stuff im not repeating just make up something genuinely disgusting and a bit terrifying and ive probably heard it. and now i dont even KNOW like. what i want i guess. idek my sexuality cuz ive never bothered to think abt what i want cuz i was too focused on what people i dont like/am scared of/etc to think abt how i felt. which in retrospect. bad and scared and. etc.

anyway. idk its just dawned on me the other night how much of who i am is wrapped up in how much i want everyone to like me all thw time and also how much i dont like myself. and like im working on it. and if working on it means thinking about drm from minecraft youtube ******* ** ** ***** so be it i guess 😭. idk man if nik can read dr*amnotnap fic and call it coping i can thirstpost abt drm in my head. idk.

ig im just. now that im able to be more normal and rational and stuff im able to see like. damn i was really bad at dealing with my emotions and tried to do that in ways that were not healthy for me or anyone else. and now all my sense of. who i am is wrapped up in that i guess. which sucks. and im working on it . SLOWLY! but im working on it

tldr: damn this guy should probably talk to a therapist abt all this shouldnt he. well thats okay at least hes hot

[kaypeace21]

i’m a survivor too, and i found that certain scenes/stuff will said just really struck me as ‘csa-survivor’-like? i felt a bit uncomfortable about headcanoning it happening to someone else, especially for a fandom as wild as this one, but your metas have really been a comfort to me because they’ve been able to pick out and explain things that i couldn’t necessarily find the words for myself.

and yeah, i would love to have a character like me that is powerful and who finds love and who gets a happy ending. the people who call the theory disgusting always kinda hit wrong with me because although csa is a difficult subject, we shouldn’t be ashamed about sharing it. they sound like they’re trying to say that it’s a bad topic to talk about and implying that it can’t happen to kids, which uhhhhh-

(i’m sure that’s not what they mean, precisely, but it’s still what they sound like, and i wish that they would stop implying that we can’t exist, especially in popular media. we do, and i’m not gonna pretend we don’t, and if they feel uncomfortable with the topic they can just use the block button. we deserve to have some well written representation just as much as anyone else. also, i really really hope that will gets a happy ending.)

anywayyyy i love your theories and i can see your post in the tag so i think you’re fine?? have a good day ❤️❤️❤️

SORRY, this ask took so long to respond to. It always warms my heart to hear other survivors speak and say they found comfort in my theory.

Yes, I think I and a lot of c*a/r*pe victims (subconscious or otherwise) were triggered by some of the symbolism/visuals in s1-3. And s3 made it hard for most of us to ignore the past imagery- since s3 wasn’t as subtle.

I get why people have reservations about the theory. But the debates to the contrary are usually just plain offensive. Or people trying to be respectful but being the opposite. There’s the obvious bad-apples . I got many anons after part 1 of my DID theory saying it “ruined/tainted byler”, and “if that happened to Will i’ll stop shipping byler” , or that it  “ruins the best gay character” ,  and to “remove the post immediately”. And this was when I was open about being a gay c*a victim. I obviously blocked them. Many survivors don’t come forward because they’re afraid people will see them as “tainted”, “ruined”, “ just their trauma”, or blame them for what happened. So yeah, it pisses me off when people say similar stuff about Will (and thus other c*a victims). Not even diving into the messed up psychology about byler/mileven shippers (knowing i was a lesbian c*a victim) but purposely spreading bs rumors about me being a p*do that was into Will/Noah-all because of the theory. -_-

Then there’s the people who try to be “respectful” but literally do the opposite.

I’ve heard numerous times it’s somehow “less offensive” to just use r*pe imagery to make monsters scary. Rather than have  the monsters have that imagery cause Will created the monsters from his memory/imagination-and st is a story of Will healing from that trauma. SORRY- I disagree. Using the worst experiences of peoples’ lives (and triggering their trauma) for no real purpose- except to make their monsters scarier to the normal/general audience who haven’t gone through it so won’t be triggered like us - is MORE OFFENSIVE to victims! NOT LESS! At least to me.

Then there’s the people who say “c*a should never be talked about (in stories).” Which I disagree with. V*ctims have already been told by ab*ser’s  and enablers of the ab*ser- to never talk about what happened to us  . So it rubs A LOT of us the wrong way when people say this.  Because (subconscious or not) you remind some of us of the people who used to hurt/silence us. People say this -simply for their convenience (like ab*sers) and cause deep down they’re uncomfortable with our existence and equate the despicable act to us the innocent v*ctim ...or just want to deny the horrible reality of the situation (like many enablers who deny the truth and hurt us because they don’t want to accept reality) . And 1) It brings us back to a time where they told us to NEVER talk about it- and makes us feel like we did something wrong when we didn’t! 2) Every psych professional says with-holding/keeping the ab*se a secret is detrimental to our mental health.

Plus, there’s a HUGE difference between sugarcoating/minimizing trauma or WORSE glamorizing, condoning, or romanticizing C*A in stories (ex: pretty little liars) VS showing how the action is wrong, causes trauma, but showing recovery and happiness is still possible for v*ctims.  if the story shows how accurately traumatizing it is (instead of minimizing/glamorizing it)- it’s incredibly rare for that character to get a happy ending. Having a story about recovering from that type of trauma and finding happiness despite such hardships would be amazing for US survivors! We rarely get stories with a happy ending-  it’s more harmful to us survivors to never see ourselves get happy endings in tv/film/books. How can some survivors (in a dark place) think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel- if it’s never shown?Also if Will has DID too- it’s good mental health rep, along with queer rep (and survivor’s rep.) All 3 groups rarely are treated well or get happy endings in media. A lot of people may feel more heard, seen, and a bit more hopeful for the future - If Will (and other characters) get a happy ending.

And even though st has many themes- like say homophobia. To try and hand-wave all the disturbing  r*pe imagery away  as ‘Will is just gay so the monsters are like that”. IS SOOOOOO offensive. Trigger warning for examples. I’m sorry what part of Max saying when Billy had c*nsensual s*x it’s “good screams” but when possessed by the mf he causes Heather to do “bad screams” read as gay???! Having the possessed ch*ke/dr*g people before throwing them in trunks (like it’s implied Lonnie did to Will -since Jonathan checked Lonnie’s trunk for Will in s1)?Tying their arms and legs up/ g*ging  them and  getting on top of them and saying “stay VERY still it’ll all be over soon”-before a monster shoves it’s tentacle into someone’s mouth and inserts a goo - just gay??? Similar to the sentient vine/shadow monster forcing itself down Will’s throat. Let alone Will saying things like “he made me do it”, “i felt it everywhere”, or being tied to a bed and screaming “help! stop! it hurts! let me go!” While Jonathan is the only one who’s visibly triggered by this and has to literally turn away and hug someone . Or barb, billy, and El spiting up a white liquid from their mouth (similar to will spitting up a slug and lying to his mother about it ).El/billy touching a suspicious looking slime with their hand and looking at the substance confused . El drawing Papa with 3 legs (the middle one being shorter) ,  trying to undress in front of the boys , and Benny saying “I think she’s been ab*sed or something”.The theme of ab*sive dads- brenner , Lonnie, and Neil . Even when the demogorgan (called in d&d the “deep father”/ in the show “a man without a face”) attacked Barb it’s chopped up with scenes of Nancy having c*nsensual sex (the monsters are doing the opposite symbolically). There’s way more examples but NO- to try and hand wave /equate ALL OF THIS to just “gay imagery” or an “a*ds metaphor” is WAY more problematic. And just offensive (specifically to gay people) than just admitting what it may actually represent. R*pe imagery and gay imagery is NOT THE SAME THING!

Also ST has never been a kid show- maybe rewatch the show and see the rating of tv-14 . Goodness sake- s1 has a st*ged su*icde, k*dnappings, m*rder, discussions of physics, h*mophobia, and s*x (with stancy in s1 & jancy in s2-s3). S2/3 discuss at their finalies recovering from tra*ma . S2 had gra*ic de*ths,  a man causing a women br*in damage/ and faking her m*scarriage, and a gang of vigalantes k*lling criminals. s3 had critiques on capitalism /media/s*xism, many d*eaths, and questionable imagery like the prior seasons. The Duffers constantly reference  movies & events from the 80s (capitalizing on 80s nostalgia /subverting 80s motifs that middle age people  from that time remember)! Those people were their intended age demographic . Most 80s centric refs go over most kids’ heads (heck a lot went over my head too since I wasn’t alive in the 80s XD).The Duffers even said in the book “worlds turned upsidedown”  “it’s not a kid’s show despite having kids”. And maybe it’s a coincidence but when Lucas in s3 hands Will the “devil’s baby” firework (a hint about Lonnie) he says “18 and over only.” Which idk is a weird/random af line unless it’s foreshadowing that the show will get darker about various themes- and maybe even change ratings.

I get people wishing nothing bad ever happened to Will or Jonathan. And being apprehensive and not trusting the Duffers to do such a story justice (cause it’s difficult to do). But personally i trust them to do so tastefully with tact and not be exp*itative, (overly gr*fic) or offensive to v*ctims. You can disagree and think the show is about something else (or not trust the Duffers)- but it’d be great if people could stop using these other messed up talking points. While trying to appear ‘(fake) woke’ and like they care for victims- cause we see through it that you really don’t.

Have a lovely day anon ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Update- I just really agreed with and appreciate the tags in this reblog

[auroracalisto]

embarrassing moments

Requested by @petrichor-ds​: BROOOOOOO i didn’t know you wrote for the x men . . . could i please request smth w erik?? smth with mutual pining ~~~ maybe reader is an awkward mutant who’s insecure and can’t talk to erik ....... bro the erik thirst has been REAL recently

pairing: erik x reader

word count: 830 words

warnings: self-doubt, like major LMAO

author’s notes: i left this open ended becauseeeeeee i felt like it was a pretty good ending for this.  also, she’s able to talk more than you requested BUT it’s more like, she can’t not talk and talk all at once.  all that leaves her is just shit alkdsjfaldfjkdaskfj lmaooo anywayyyy YES i do write for x-men!  hardly anyone ever requests it and my last x-men one shot completely bombed, so i don’t really write for it.  like seriously i think it got 3 notes.  but anywayyy i seriously want to write for peter now so thank you for boosting my love for the mutant bois i appreciate it.  ALSO idk where this one shot really was going,,,, but it’s here and it’s here to stay, so

Your mutation was pretty simple.  You could manipulate plants.  

It wasn’t like Charles; he had the ability to read minds.  It wasn’t like Raven’s, either, who had the ability to literally look like anyone in the world.  Hell, you didn’t have anything as close to Erik’s; metal bending.  Metal manipulation.  

Well, let’s be honest, maybe you liked Erik’s ability to do anything he pleased.  His confidence was admirable and the fact that he took pride in his abilities had you wondering why you couldn’t be more like him.  Or rather, maybe you just wanted him.  

You sat your book down and slapped your cheeks as you tried to focus.  You had been on the same page for the past thirty minutes, and you were still as unfocused as you had been when you started.  

Raven looked over at you and rose an eyebrow.  “That sounded like it hurt,” she said, parting her lips to say something else as another voice rose above her own.  

“Raven, Charles and I need your help,” Erik said from the doorway.  

Your blush darkened your already red cheeks, and you looked towards him.  He must have taken notice of the handprints on your cheeks, but he said nothing.  

Raven sighed softly and she stood up, closing her own book.  “Come with me, [Your name].  I don’t want to be alone with two boring guys,” she said, taking ahold of your hand.  She knew about your crush on Erik; she was doing this on purpose.  

You shook your head, but she didn’t let you back out.  She pulled you to your feet and she followed after where Erik had ran off.  But the entire time, you felt your anxiety form and bundle into who knows what.  

You sat right beside of Raven as Charles and Erik talked to her about God knows what.  You truly had zoned out, your mind running a mile a minute as you thought about how embarrassing it would have been if Erik had walked in on you slapping your face.  

Charles looked at you and he raised an eyebrow.  You couldn’t tell if he had read your mind, but the look he gave you made you wonder if you looked as nervous as you felt.  

“[Your name]—“ Erik began, but was quickly cut off as you stood up.  

“I forgot I have to go and help Peter with something,” you quickly said, giving him a hurried smile.  “I’ll see you later.”

And with that, you had ran out of the room.  You couldn’t last another minute without something else embarrassing happen.  

Instead of going off to find Peter, you made your way out to the courtyard.  You plopped down beside of a tree and rested your head against the trunk as you silently cursed to yourself.  

“Was Peter turned into a tree?  Is this what you have to help him with?”

Your eyes shot open as you heard Erik’s voice.  You looked over your shoulder at the man.  “What—no, I just—I didn’t know why I was there, so I just left, and it’s not really my business what you guys do anyway, so I just felt really uncomfortable and I just—I’m sorry, I know I’m rambling—”

“—calm down,” Erik softly said, moving to sit down beside of you.  

Your eyes widened as you watched him.  

“You truly are something else,” he chuckled softly.  “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

You swallowed thickly, expectantly waiting for him to continue.  

“There’s a mission I have to go on.  I’d like you to be my partner for it.  I could use your skills—“

You couldn’t help the scoff that escaped you.  “I... I wouldn’t be much help.  You should take Raven.”

He rose an eyebrow.  “I don’t want to take Raven,” he chuckled softly.  “I need your help, [Your name].”

You looked down at your hands for a moment, a blush creeping onto your cheeks.  

“Erik, I just—I don’t think that’s a good idea—“

“—why?”

You looked at him, not expecting to have to give a reason.  But you did so, anyway.  “I’ll just embarrass you and myself.  I won’t be any help, at all.  I’ll just be a blabbering idiot who literally can’t get anything right unless it comes to plants.  All I do is mess things up on missions and I don’t want to make anyone upset, least of all you.  I’ll just... and there I go, again, embarrassing myself,” you inwardly groaned, running a hand through your hair.  “I just..”

He smiled softly at you.  “Why are you embarrassing yourself?”

“You didn’t just hear me ramble about anything and everything?”

“I did,” he chuckled softly and leaned up against the tree trunk beside of you.  “But I like to listen to you talk.” 

You froze up for a moment, your eyes meeting with his.  

“You must be joking...”

“Now why would I joke when I like you, [Your name]?”

[tsukishumai]

(feel free to keep this to yourself or delete or whatever ik it's long so if you don't want it to take space on ur blog I get it!!! ❤️❤️❤️)

Ok im the anon from last night and im gonna try to fit my somewhat clear (still mostly jumble) thoughts into one ask! Maybe 2 if i absolutely cannot fit but anyways i went to bed last night thinking “damn idk who i want reader to be with” but uh based on the tiny notes i took when i reread it there is a clear favorite O.O

Anyways im not sure if Bo just doesn’t know that he likes reader or what??? Why is he LITERALLY BRINGING ANOTHER GIRL HOME to presumably sleep with and then act all >:( when reader leaves w kuroo??? Absolutely not !

Also im sorry but the “shes like my sister!” comment absolutely killed me, i remember when that happened to me and i made a BEELINE for the bathroom right afterwards to cry about it lol but speaking of crying!!! Idk how reader kept it together when she was helping Bokuto dress up because seeing someone i like put so much effort into a date with another person would have destroyed me….and then when he spun around and was li e “how do i look?” ABSOLUTELY NOT it would have been OVER for EVERYONE.

AND ALSO the whole assigning colors to people part is so lovely and jehfbrwuifekj im a huge color/number person when it comes to emotions and people because I feel like everyone has their own unique color for them? Sometimes numbers but for me it’s only when i really know the person but anyways this is as much as i can say without going over the limit so in conclusion, i LOVE your series and i’m so excited for future updates and you seem like a really cool person so i’ll hopefully be back in your ask box soon!! Kissies and hugs kjednfkwjef pls have a spooky october!!!

🧡💚🧡💚

Love Galore

i'm not gonna lie i've been keeping this in my inbox FOR DAYSSS BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T STOP RE-READING IT AND I W ANNA KEEP IT FOREVER T-T but i don't want you to think i ignored this sweet message BECAUSE FUCK!

it honestly still BLOWS my mind whenever i get asks like this, because honestly it makes my heart fucking SIIINGGGGG hearing your thoughts about Love Galore!! AND YOU TOOK NOTES I'M ACTUALLY CRYING LMAO I LITERALLY LOVE YOU fsadas but anyway i just have to know, who are you rooting for? lol

HONESTLY Bo is just as confused like he's kinda self-centered you know! not in a bad way, like he's nice and caring to his friends but ultimately everything he does everything for his OWN self interest, and someitmes when ur so tunnel-visioned like that, it's difficult to understand the feelings of those around u!!! cause in a way he only cares about his own? it's kinda contradictory LOL

AND BESTIE IM SO SORRY THAT HAPPENED TO YOUFFSDA being sister-zoned is absolutely not a curse i would wish upon my worst enemies smh and i have NOOO idea how y/n did i could fucking NEVERRR i'd just tell him like 'go watch a youtube video or something' like SHE DONE HELPED SHIP HER MAN OFF!! UR CRAZY!! but at least she got to spend time with kuroo lmao

im so happy u like that part bc i feel the same way i love associate people with colors ij ust feel like color plays such a big part in our life and i love assigning colors hahah but anywayyyy

THANK YOU SO MUCH from the absolute bottom of my heart for reading and letting me know your thoughts on Love Galore it honestly means a lot to me and i hope i see you in my inbox more ofteenn!!

[clumsyclifford]

u know what. i will give u all the lore u want. i’m 18, will be 19 decently soon so we are close to the same age. also the other band was r5. i have sent u asks about them and tde in the past. i followed you for atl content and got whiplash when u started posting about the first band i ever loved. i was like 10 when their first album dropped i have been around for entirely too long. i had a wattpad account and wrote r5 fanfic from the tender age of like 11-13. i discovered 5sos i don’t even remember how but i think the funniest part about it is that i never really got into their music?? i got into them as people by watching like interviews and compilations. and i mean at this point that was a While ago. SPEAKING OF FANFIC i did that like ao3 year in review thing like a month ago??? and you were my top author of the year so far. i read a lot of fic on ao3. your fics are very lovely and some of my favs. moving on. will not lie my music taste is kinda embarrassing and has barely changed since i was like 14 lmfao. been listening to a lot of waterparks lately. have been since their album dropped in may. i essentially go through phases of listening to solely one artist. or one playlist i made. most recently my taste has consisted of a lot of all time low, waterparks, paramore + hayley’s solo music (it really had to grow on me BUT now that it has it is very good), also been on a nostalgic r5 kick as well. hot take it has been quite difficult for me to get into tde’s music and i don’t really know why. some songs i absolutely adore (omg plz don’t come around is my fav by them. also scared of heights, feel you now, welcome to the end of your life are top songs too) but others i’m just. i have never liked preacher man and it’s the first song they released after they rebranded in like 2017. i love to see them finally free to do what they love music-wise but some of it is just. hard to listen to. i’m supposed to see them live in november (like 4 days before my birthday, kinda cool) and it’s the second time the show has been rescheduled so hopefully it happens. i’ve seen them live before but not since they rebranded. they’re dropping an album in october that i will have like a month to learn so it better be a fucking banger. now i’m just rambling about tde because i love ross and rocky with my entire being. rydel is annoying these days tho. also she named her baby fucking SUPER what kind of name is that why would you do that to a child. anyways. you ever need useless random r5 lore, i’m the person to ask. it’s the effect of being around to like a band for like 8 years. in conclusion my music taste? terrible. a cluster fuck. i will listen to luke’s solo album next time i’m focusing on a task because i like listening to new music when i’m concentrating on something. there’s some other bella lore for the day. - other bella

OH ALSO yeah idk. i’m currently on mobile. when i looked at your blog on mobile the first time last night it was blue. but now it’s pink. i have yet to see it on desktop but when i do i am sure it will be equally as pretty. - other bella again

hell YES some other bella lore. let's dig in

oooooh how soon? whens your birthday? 👀👀👀

ahhh yes i do remember the r5 asks !!!! that was a fun little era of clumsyclifford content huh. dont worry i wrote 1d fic on wattpad from ages 11-13 as well sooo same hat. that is super funny tho actually that you never bothered to listen to their music u really were staying loyal to r5 good for you

ao3 year in review???????????? say more?????? what is this?????????? thats very flattering regardless omg im going to ask you what your favorites are because im a leo just kidding its because i crave validation and im curious what ones you read/have read. also thank you for reading my fics lol

oh yeah theres a new parx album!! i dont listen actively to them but i really like all the parx music i know. im scared to get really into them because im genuinely afraid to fall in love with awsten knight. like im not joking thats the reason. i have to listen to more of their music tho cos i really enjoy what i know so...if you have recs...👀 i'm listening

mm thats a good lineup of music to listen to!! paramore is another band i never got super into, i meant to and then i listened to all of riot and then i learned that hayley williams is like pretty christian and that a few paramore songs are more christian than i anticipated and now i'm like. on the fence about it all. but i wanna listen to after laughter i just havent gotten around to it yet. and i did like riot. i like paramore. i like dead horse by hayley, i didnt like the other single she released, and i didnt listen to her solo music because i didnt like the first single so im not sure if i would actually like it? i am accepting vibe checks in that category though i dont really know what kinda music it is. actually now that im thinking about it doesnt she have two albums now???? i feel like the answer is yes. anyway. moving on

that is very fair the thing abt the tde stuff is that it's all so interesting and so different from every other tde song like they really just do something unique in each song which i think is awesome but also makes it hard to like every song bc it's not like one universal vibe you kinda have to decide for each song if you're enjoying it or not. i do LOVEEEE tde though, im very jealous that you're seeing them perform. although i dont know why im not, just looked it up and theyre gonna be in new york on november 24th which is a sunday so i miiiight.....be able to go.......maybe...........their website says the 25th which is a monday so maybe i was under the impression the show was on a monday?? but the ticket site says sunday. 👀 we will just...have to see......what we see.............

ANYWAY

RIGHT im so excited for their album i was mistakenly thinking it was coming out the same night as luke's but it was just the new single which i really liked on a first listen but have to listen to again cos ive only heard it the one time. but i hope it fucks. they announced that the album is called girlfriend which personally i think is really fun so i have high hopes

SHE NAMED HER CHILD FUCKIN WHAT NOW???????????????

wait eight years thats a long time but also thats roughly how long ive been around 1d wtf........insane. madness. and in fairness probably roughly how long ive been around 5sos but i took a hiatus from both of those bands during high school so im not sure how much i can count all of those years. ive been around all time low for six years though, that's pretty good. anywayyyy i hope you like luke's album but no pressure man listen whenever you feel like it. LOVE YOU

[cxgvs]

hello its me

hmm idk why i wanna write something here tho yknow i think tumblr d worded to my same gen tumblr moots ...

anyway

maybe one day when i die, my friends & family will find my blog and just /know/ you know but lmao theyre probably just gonna find my yn fics hahaha

anywayyyy back to the real reason why i wanna write here...

i find it scary im having these kind of thoughts lately i dont know if its because of my job? (maybee? its actually the only reason i see rn?) bc honestly... im doing fine in all other things..

friends? theyre okay.. we talk and meet up if this lockdown permits (yup 2021 and still in lockdown)

family? we're good as well.. im happy theyre healthy and well (hope it continues like that for a long time)

me? well.... i guess the problem starts there lol idk i keep having these thoughts bout wanting not to wake up from sleep yk lmao and it actually stems from not wanting to go to work with the role that i currently have ....

maybe im being ungrateful rn but i really feel like its not healthy for me to be in this role.. its too pressuring, gives me anxiety.. and i know im only a month in but do you really have to be in a situation longer for you to say that its toxic for you? toxic for your mental health?

honeslty idk i feel kinda bad that im prioritizing my mental health over earning like putting myself first is something so bad lol i feel so guilty about feeling this way

and i feel that im unfair bc my family is working so hard in different countries, working their asses off, literally one have to caught the virus (theyre ok now tho) but still work

and im here,,, being a fucking baby,, whining about how THIS is the worst situation that i am in lmao

but they just dont get it,,, maybe i was mentally unstable right before all this happened (my job) and now its triggering these thoughts out of me and seriously i have never wanted to feel this way, i swear.. i didnt want to feel so broken,, so weak,,, i dont want to constantly ask for help,,, show signs that im emotionally & mentally drowning,,,, its just so hard to be living this way..

i didnt even realize that I'll go to such extent of wishing i dont wake up from my sleep

but at the same time, im fucking terrified this "life" will last longer you know?

you know how in books/universe beliefs that what you want to happen will be jinxed if you keep thinking about it lmao

im so so terrified about it like,, what if i really wanna die but end up living 100 more years lol

like bitch i dont wanna live so long if im this unhappy.. i dont want this life if im just constantly insecure about everything, how im literally fucking depressed and unhealthy..

and im so fucking sick hearing about "you can change this for yourself" "live life/change your life for you" "youre the driver of this life" bullshit like BRO DO YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT

Like ok man i KNOW i can change my life but at this fucking moment???? i cant???? and its difficult to just wake up one day and feel inspired and be full of energy in a mental state like this???

yall r so fucking stupid if you also think depression is being so skinny, eating less, looking stressed and fuck bc depression is also the opposite.. like honestly?? i dont fucking look depressed but look at me now tho?? haha

im overweight, i dont look sleep deprived, i still eat, and i still sleep.. im here but sometimes im not here you know?

whats worse is that depression here is being so downplayed like its just "drama"& not a real fucking disease,, i have relatives who would think - they've been thru worse and that YOU feeling sad and depressed for them is just whines and worthless drama and that youre just overreacting like you dont have a fucking right to feel that way just because theyve been thru "worst" lmao ok bitch do you want a fucking "not depressed" award

well fuck im sorry my generation have to deal with your fucking trauma bc you let it out on us just because we're younger and you dont have any idea that the shit youre putting us thru is actually YOUR trauma???? like fuck

sigh

im just so tired of this unhappiness.. i miss my old self,, the better me,,, i miss my passions,, the things that make me happy,,, bc right now, i can only do so much and still feel this way..

i can paint and sing all day but it wont bring me back the same energy, the same joy it brought to me before - and i miss that...

why do i have to be this way? i just wanna be happy..

[kacchanislife]

Hi, may I have a fluffy sfw scenario with Shouji crushing on someone who has a spider quirk, like a Goliath bird eater tarantula. Like with the eyes and teeth and urticating hairs? Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. Thank you so much and have a nice day or evening!

Well hello there! Tbh spiders scare me, but I couldn’t pass this up. Like I was JUST thinking about what if a character had a moth quirk (and I’m even more terrified of moths), so like, HEY, perfect timing!

Requested?: yes of course

Warnings: some self decrepitation, but nothing bad/serious

Pairing: Shouji Mezo x Goliath birdeater tarantula quirk!Reader

Shouji Mezo is a minimalist of a man, he enjoys simple things and that extends to more than just how he decorates his home. He wanted someone simple who didn’t mind his multiple arms or the fact he likes to hide his face. Or even that he excels in spying because let’s be honest here, it can be a little paranoia-inducing to have a significant other who can literally spy on you whenever they wanted with you none the wiser.

Of course, Shouji wouldn’t do that to anyone, but he could understand that fear. So he always thought he’d fall in love with someone simple. Maybe even someone without a quirk who didn’t mind his. Or just anyone who didn’t mind his quirk for that matter. Unfortunately that was a little hard, people were always a little intimidated by his arms and his penchance for stealth. Shouji is more than intimidating in his quirk after all. He’s tall, muscular, and a pro-Hero. Or training to be one anyway.

So when he met you, his whole world seemed to shift. You from a different hero school and someone he met during the licensing exam. You were beautiful and so extraordinary and so opposite of what he thought he wanted. You were no where near simple. You had more arms than he did, giving you a total of 8. You had more eyes than he could ever have, two larger ones that were surrounded by 3 smaller ones.

You looked plain at first glance, but the coloring was arguably the best part of your quirk beside the extra limbs, eyes, the venom you doubt produced through your bite, and well, probably just you in general. Your brown coloring did wonders to blend you into much of the arena’s background and Shouji had nearly been taken out by your hiding form.

You had simply winked at him after and fled, you weren’t about to get out from him as much as he wasn’t about to get out from you. Besides, he had others with him as they headed for one of the buildings. You didn’t blend in well with steel buildings after all. From that moment you had piqued his interest.

When he saw you made it through the first round he was excited. Sure you weren’t from the same school, but you were both trying to be heroes and he could respect that. It was also you who had approached him to talk. A wide smile split your face as you waved with one of your many arms.

“Hello,” you chirped happily. “I saw you during the first part of the exam, almost got you there too. I just wanted to say I think you’re super and that it’s really nice to see someone with multiple arms too!”

He blinked a bit in surprise, a blush forming across his hidden face as he took more of you in. Your arms mostly seemed to move in unison, but maybe that was just habit, as he could see they moved independent from your ‘main’ arms too. Your various eyes also wandered from the main two dominating your face. And the smile you showed him confirmed his suspicion that you had fangs and were probably venemous.

“Thank you,” Shouji finally found his voice moments before everyone was to enter the next stage. “It is very refreshing to see another hero-in-training with multiple arms too.”

You laughed again and nodded, “Tell me about it! Was it hard designing your coustume too? I had to think about a way so all my arms could be free, but also so that it wasn’t super showy. I don’t want to be that kind of hero. Not that there’s anything wrong with it! It’s just, not who I am. Plus, I don’t think people want a sexualised tarantula as a hero. I don’t even think they want a spider in general as a hero.”

The last part was more mumbled, but Shouji caught it all the same. He was quite adept at hearing after all. Before he got the chance to reply you were bounding back to your own classmates that made it through the first part. He was sad to see you go, he had a lot he wanted to discuss with you, and if he was being honest, he just wanted to stare at you longer.

Thankfully it didn’t take long before he got his wish, after the license exam he was able to gather the courage to talk to you. You were excited just as you were the first time and happily exchanged numbers with him. The next few months saw a lot of you two texting, calling, talking in general, and even seeing each other when your schedules allowed it.

Each time Shouji fell for you more and more. You were earnest, sweet, down-to-earth, and generally a great person to be around. Sure the two of you got a lot of stares when you went on dates in public, but you never seemed bothered it and so he never let it bother him either. He had eyes only for you and it was especially fun for the two of you to train together. After all, how else was he suppose to know how it was to go against someone with a similar advantage as him?

Needless to say Shouji is head over heels for you. Sure you weren’t simple. You quirk wasn’t simple, the life you wanted wasn’t simple, but he loved you nonetheless. You didn’t mind his quirk, you didn’t mind his greater ability for stealth, and you looked at him with nothing but love back. You’re just the right person to prove to Shouji that life can be more than just one descriptor such as simple. And he wouldn’t have you any other way.

I have no idea if this is good or not? Like, idk, this is my first time writing a reader with a really noticeable quirk and stuff like that. Anywayyyy, tell me how it is! I love feedback and interaction!!!

[bamiiib]

my first and last | nct dream

genre: fluff, students!nct dream

pairing: none, really? 

warnings: lots of uwu moments

a/n: not really nct dream x reader, this is mainly based off of their ‘my first and last’ music video because i love it so much, it’s so cute, and yeah! hope you enjoy! (ps. this is pretty long so sit back and eat a snacc) (pps. as i was writing this i had noticed how its a bit tooo long, so i will seperate this into two parts! enjoy and stick around for part two!) -bambi 

alright... let’s gET IT

btw this is more in the point of view of the dreamies rather than yours so yee 

the dreamies were always known to be this lil mischievous group ever since elementary 

literally, nothing could separate these kids, like, they stuck to each other like glue!

students found them funny, and some found them cute

teachers on the other hand, weren’t big fans of the dreamies

these kids... they liked to pull pranks on the teachers

sometimes students too, but teachers were their favorite victims

needless to say, they’ve been in detention COUNTLESS of times in their middle school days, and honestly they didn’t care and would find a way to get out

anywayyyy

it’s now highschool. the dreamies are sophomores now

oh boi here we go with the puberty and lil crushes now

awww :( UWU—

you were a new teacher who just got transferred to neo high

you taught freshman and sophomore english

with that though, you remember one of the teachers(mr. moon aka taeil, remember that kids) said that the “initiation” for new teachers would be that they would be on detention duty for a full semester

at first, you didn’t care, and you didn’t think it’d be that hard

it was until mr. moon told you to watch out for a certain lil group who clearly made the detention classroom their home last year

they called themselves the “dreamies”

when he told you that though, you just laughed it off 

boi was that a big mistake

skipping into a few weeks of school, you walked into the detention classroom, as it had been empty for a while

everything seemed calm, so you didn’t really seem to worry much and usually spent the time in detention drinking coffee and grading papers 

no biggie, right?

it was until six boys barged into the doors, laughing their lil booties off as they sat on their chairs

ooh boi is this going to be a longgg hour

thankfully, detention happened after school, so you were already planning on what to do once you finished “babysitting” these kids

towards the dreamies now

they stumbled into the classroom, all laughing as they walked towards their chairs as if they were assigned to them

“man, you should’ve seen the look on mr. nakamoto’s face when the slime just exploded!” —mark

“dang, that isn’t gonna come off easy when he takes a shower!” —haechan says with a wide, proud grin

at this moment, a lil light bulb just went off in your head and you immediately snickered

so these were the notorious ‘dreamies’ you thought

for a bunch of little “demons” as mr. moon likes to describe them, they looked like a bunch of innocent children

nonetheless, that didn’t stop you from clearing your throat, arms crossed as you walked towards the chalkboard

“boys, welcome to detention. based on the conversation you were having, i don’t really need an explanation as to why you’re here so just sit down and stay silent until the end.” you instructed like mr. moon told you

once you said what you needed to say, you sat back down on your desk without a sparing glance at the boys

little did you know, that as they turned their head to look up at you speak, it was at that moment when literally time stopped for all six of them

their eyes practically POPPED wide open

their hearts were all doing big ‘ol BOOM BOOMS and hearts were jumping out of their eyes like those old cartoons do

they all turned to look at each other, still with them wide eyes, kind of like they’re just saying “b r o”

so like the little lovestruck ducks they are, they listened to you and remained silent 

you continued to work, but from the corner of your eye, you can see all six of them staring at you as if you were the last piece of candy in a candy shop

a sigh escaped your lips, brushing it off as you reached for your mug, taking a sip of it and when you looked down, you saw a little lipstick mark staining the white glass 

placing it down, the boys were basically just watching your every move

their eyes followed the mug, and some even moved their heads in rhythm to the cup

the lil phone that are placed in every classroom rung right next to your desk, making the dreamies all flinch as you turned to grab it, placing it against your ear as you then curled your lips

“yes, mr. nakamoto?”

“can you really not take off that slime?”

“can’t you just ask mr. moon to help you?!”

“oh... he is? alright, alright, i’ll be there in a bit.” you rolled your eyes, hanging up and looked at the boys who were quick to change their stares at you to somewhere else

as you sighed, you got up and began walking towards the door

“i’ll be back in a bit. don’t do anything bad, in the meantime you can grab some cleaning supplies and clean the classroom up a bit.” you instructed with a stern voice, pointing to the brooms, mops, and dusters that stood in the corner of the class, and walked away

remember when i said that the dreamies were quick to move their stares from you to somewhere else?

yeah, well, almost all of them

haechan kept his eyes glued onto you, watching you as you walked away from the classroom

he turned his head and leaned his chair back just so he can get a good look at you once more before you go away and then

‘SLAM’

“ow.” —haechan as he falls on his chair, wincing as the rest of the dreamies looked at each other

they all huddled up in a quick second, jisung wrapping his arm around chenle as jeno looked at mark with wide eyes

mark looked at haechan as he quickly got up, dusting himself off and joined the huddle

“alright bois... what are we going to do?” - mark

“well idk about y’all but i really like her.’ -chenle

“you’re right... I CALL DIBS!” -haechan

“no wait! maybe i wanna call dibs on her too!” -jeno

“back off, she likes her bois mature, and there’s only one guy who fits that description, me!” -renjun

“that’s not fair, what if i want her attention too? :((” -jisung

it was when it hit the boys, they slowly turned their heads towards the desk you sat on and saw the little white mug that rested on the corner

already they saw the pink lipstick mark you left 

and like wild animals, they cHARGED towards it, jumping on top of the other, jisung fell while chenle got pushed to the side

then it was left with the ‘00 line to fend for themselves

it all happened like a blur, and next thing that the dreamies saw was your mug flying in the air towards their own desks and shattering onto the floor

“way to go jeno!” -renjun

“don’t look at me! it’s all haechan’s fault!” -jeno

“my fault?!” -haechan

bois start arguing while mark looks over at the direction where the mug fell

“now wait a second guys!” -mark as he walks towards the desks, seeing some pieces of the mug that landed onto chenle’s desk 

on chenle’s desk they saw a lil sports magazine

“really chenle? you try basketball once, suddenly you think you’re in the NBA!” -haechan

“leave me alone, i like reading them!” -chenle

“you guys are absolute idiots, look at the page where the glass landed on!” -mark

“sports cars?” -jeno

“this is it guys! this is how we’ll impress her!” -mark

“buying her a sports car will impress Ms. Y/L/N?” -haechan

cue mark hitting haechan’s head

“no you dingus! we’ll impress her with our own cars!” -mark

“how the heck are we going to get sports cars? we’re still kids, we don’t know how to drive, and most of our parents would rather die than buy us a sports car!” -jisung

mark face palms

sighhhhh

“we’re the dreamies, we’re known for being little geniuses! we’ll make our own cars. once we make them, we’ll take them to the top of the school roof, and like proper gentleman... we’ll race and the first one to make it to Ms. Y/L/N’s car will win and have her heart!” -mark

“and you all call me the idiot.” -haechan

oh boy is this going to be a mess

TO BE CONTINUED!

[lylabnt]

hello hello i’m moose (she/her) comin at u from cst. i’m 20, a piece of shit, and idk what i’m doing with my life !! just tryna have a good time without having to worry abt school but that bitch is coming. anywayyyy this is lyla, i’ll have some info about her under the cut !! i want to plot w everyone so pls.....HMU or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to you !! u can also catch her pinterest board HERE if u wanna check it out !! it’s got some semi-nsfw content as well as a lil blood and knives !!

there are mentions of miscarriage, abortion, alcohol & drug addiction, abuse, sexual assault, violence, drug use, overdose, death, and sex work. it’s a lot i’m so sorry y’all. if i missed something pls let me know !! i’ll also put lil warnings before i mention them just to be safe. 

「 ELLE FANNING 」—  have you heard from 「 LYLA BENNETT 」 lately? the 「 NINETEEN 」 year old has been living in greystone for 「 TWO YEARS 」, and 「 SHE’S 」 known as 「 THE AMARANTH 」. i heard that they identify as 「 BISEXUAL 」 and 「 CISGENDERED 」. if you ask anyone around town, they’d say 「 LYLA 」 reminds them of 「ALL GLITTER EVERYTHING, MENTAL BREAKDOWN HAIRCUTS AT 3AM & HELLO KITTY BAND-AIDS ON SCRAPED KNEES 」. they live in 「 BELLA RIDGE APARTMENTS 」, currently 「 DOESN’T ATTEND SCHOOL 」, and 「 works FULL-TIME 」 at 「 MASQUERADE 」. a fact about them that not many people know is 「 SHE CHANGED HER NAME TO AID IN HER ESCAPE FROM HER FAMILY 」.

okay so!!! my baby lyla is kind of a sad story but man is she a fighteR

she was born elizabeth hopkins in a small town in georgia. lil lizzie always tried her best to be a happy go lucky kid but she the hand she was dealt wasn’t all that great. she grew up on the shitty side of a trailer park with a mother that didn’t want her and quite frankly it was a miracle she was even born, let alone as perfectly healthy as she was

tw: alcoholism & drug addiction & miscarriage & abortion !! her mother was a drug addict & an alcoholic. her daughter definitely wasn’t her first (or her last) pregnancy, but she was the only one that didn’t end in fetal death or termination.

her father was her mother’s drug dealer and was entirely absent, more of a sperm donor than anything else. she likely has a ton of other siblings running around that she doesn’t know about tbh.

anyway. she learned pretty quickly as a kid how to take care of herself and how harsh the world was. she got herself up and got to school on her own, cooked her own meals, washed her own clothes, did everything on her own while her mother went on week long benders and disappeared for days at a time.

tw: abuse & sexual assault & violence !! her mom was also quite abusive and this only got worse as she grew older. it wasn’t rare for any of her mother’s various and seemingly random boyfriends to look her way and obviously she hated it. she didn’t like them flirting with her and saying suggestive things to her. she just wanted to be left alone and kept out of her mother’s life. but skeevy boyfriends and jealous mother’s don’t mix and lizzie’s mom would accuse her of flirting back or trying to steal her man or whatever it was that particular day and she’d go to bed that night with a black eye or a busted lip. she was sixteen when her mother’s current boyfriend took something that didn’t belong to him. it was the first and the last time she let a man lay their hands on her without her consent. the next time he tried, she stabbed him through the hand, went on the run, and never looked back.

she left everything behind except the clothes on her back and what little money she had saved up, went to her best friend’s place, and the two took off in his pickup truck without a word to anyone. she never told him (or anyone else) for that matter what happened, but the two had been planning their escape for years, waiting for the right moment to take the leap.

they both changed their names, leaving their old identities and their pasts behind them. elizabeth hopkins didn’t exist anymore. she was lyla bennett and her companion, elliott o’connell. they traveled until they ran out of gas, taking whatever shitty jobs they could find in whatever city they ended up, staying in motels or sleeping in the truck when they needed cash. they both did things they weren’t proud of and relied on the kindness of strangers to get them by. their nomadic lifestyle was not glamorous. they would go for days without eating, a week without a shower, doing anything they could just to scrape by. 

tw: cocaine use & heroin use & overdose & death !! it wasn’t long before they found themselves in bad company. wolves dressed as sheep bet a club heard their story offered them a place to stay as long as they liked. the offer was eventually accepted and after months on the move they finally had a real bed to sleep in and real food to eat. but soon enough sleeping turned into parties that lasted all night and breakfast turned into a couple of snorted lines or a shot of heroin. a few months later lyla awoke after a party to find her best friend and life companion cold and lifeless next to her, a little too much of a deadly cocktail doing him in

before she even had time to let it sink it, she was out the door with all of the money she could gather, never to be seen or heard from again.

she eventually found herself greystone, a little over a year after she kissed the trailer park goodbye. she stayed in a motel until she could get herself on her feet, picking up odd jobs here and there until she got a job working as a dancer at masquerade at the age of 17 (although every piece of i.d. she owned said otherwise) with the stage name honey.

tw: sex work !! now at 19 years old, she finally has a real place to herself. and her roommate, but at least it’s a place she can finally call home. she’s a sex worker on the side as well, just to bring in extra cash to help her make rent and have food on the table.

okaY i think that’s it for her bg ?? it’s....a lot im sorrY but i will talk a bit abt her personality now bc.....i gotta.

she is v soft-spoken and honestly a lil mysterious ?? like....she’s a quiet girl n rarely speaks unless spoken to basically. and even then she doesn’t talk much

her label is the amaranth which basically means she is someone who isn’t very easily forgotten. she’s got this v magnetic way about her and she can be quite charming when she wants to be

she is soft, don’t get me wrong. she’s sensitive and sometimes she just needs to cry but don’t mistake her kindness and her generosity for weakness. she’s been used and taken advantage of too many times. she’s been thru too much to left people walk all over her now. she’s capable of pretty terrible things if that’s what she has to do to survive. don’t think she won’t snap just because she’s soft. 

she’s quite dreamy. always in her head & never really seems to be paying attention. she’s always somewhere else in her mind where things r quiet and everything is peaceful and perfect.

clumsy af but also graceful ?? she was so luckily given free ballet lessons as a child which she used as an excuse to get away from home so when she’s dancing she’s a graceful bih and she’s rly always wanted to be a ballet dancer but just in real life ?? catch her trippin over herself and scraping her knees on the daily. always has random bruises she cant remember getting

very girly. wears a lot of pink all the time & loves anything sparkly or glittery or fluffy or anything girly and cute basically. 

tw: cocaine addiction !! she also has many addictions. cigarettes & nicotine being one, candy & sweets being another, and cocaine being the last. also disney movies tbh

she never rly got the chance to be a kid so she;s like....kind of catching up on that now while she feels free & safe

idk waht else to say this is trash and i rambled the whole time im sorRY but plot with me pls i luv u all already 

my wanted connections are honestly open ?? idK i’m bad at thinking stuff up so y’all let me know if any ideas jump out at u or let’s brainstorm something dope ok lets d O IT

[lilolilyrae]

I'm like. So dead. Right now

How is a human being even able to be this emotionally exhausted

Warning: this is just depressed me whining about nothing much

Alright here goes, half an hour later now that I've gained enough brain capacity to do something other than cry, scream into a pillow or click next video on Jenna Marbles

Today was fucked up

I mean first I just had a list of idk normalish errands to run, not too much for a day, but you know, already more than it should be when I'm supposed to be on fucking vacation

Then I checked my mail and I had gotten a mail saying I have only a few days to hand in the Erasmus whatever paperwork? And? I thought I hadn't even received the files I needed for that? Only apparently I had, they just didn't show up as a new mail bc it was a reply or whatever and the new outlook design hates me

So I had to go through that and was like kmn

And then a stroke of genius told me that if outlook had eaten that, who knew what else I hadn't seen

So I checked and,

Urgs

It's apparently, to-fucking-day, the deadline to accept the offer of accommodation for my semester abroad. An offer that I hadnt even realized I'd received yet, and first I thought I actually hadn't received it at all because I couldn't find the mail...

Anyway after asking the ppls and them telling me no I should have the mail (without like offering to re-send it anyway) I finally found it somewhere in the depth of fucking outlook. Then looking at it though I realised a) I hadn't gotten the accommodation I applied for (which had been the only one I had been able to apply for. And therefore obvs the only one I rly looked for information on before now) and b) for this weird, new, 20-min-away-from-uni-by train (I mean not too bad but if you expect to be right next door- kinda bad) & more expensive accommodation also had its own, not uni internal website for which I should have gotten a login link. And that mail with the link I REaLLy hadn't gotten! Ugh

At that point I was like ready to cry.

On that note, I still have a cold (since being exposed to aircon too much at comiccon) so I'm already exhausted, and I'm on my period and my stomach hurts so I'm even more ko, and I'm at my parents' place which just in itself brings me closer to my breaking point, espesh cause I can't look forward to being alone again any time soon until I'm actually leaving for my semester abroad and aaaaaaaah ok so actually maybe I was already /close/ to crying either way, but like.

Anyway.

I didn't and still don't know whether I could've rejected the offer and applied again while still being guaranteed accommodation. Asked, didn't get an answer. So I checked on the other possible accommodations on google maps, safe for the one I had actually applied for which was apparently fully booked, and found out that a) some of the other accommodations are even further away and re-applying wasn't worth the risk and b) mine is actually quite close to the gay part of town, so, like, at least that's a win

Now I just have to figure out /how to actually apply for this shitshow that I don't have login details for until midnight/.

To be continued

...Okay had to have dinner with my parents and let go of my lifeline of a phone for that. Stuff like that is why I don't ever want to live with them again. Like, sure, you guys are ok, but for longer than a vacation I can't stand actually /living/ with you because I need my personal space and living by my own rules and aaa okay anyways back to the plot of earlier today

I wrote some mails but didn't get any reply

Then I called a number next to one of the email addresses and he was like who are you pls spell your name etc and I was like I just sent an email, you can check there (not to be rude but english ppl tend to not be able to spell my lastname except for copy pasting it) but he was like we got no email and I was like internally wtffff that's the phone number from next to the mail address but okkkk and externally I was like oh alright fine I'll spell my name. Took ages till he had all my data, then he tried sending me a mail with my password and stuff, I didn't get anything, spelled my email address for him again, actually reading it from Outlook this time bc I was afraid I had been too stupid to know my own email address... But no it just didn't work.

So the guy told me the website and told me to just click reset password and that worked immediately and I was like dude why didn't you tell me to do that immediately like man everything we did till then was like unnecessary.

Anywayyyy he then told me Oh and btw the deadline is not today but next week anyway for the stuff here, if you have been told another deadline by the uni you just need to tell them you're taking this accommodation, you don't need to pay anything yet

So

So much stress for basically nothing

Oh and I still need to do the Erasmus stuff