#i went down a bit of a rabbit hole and I've decided to believe the UK has more lax views on certain kinds of meat

[xxxbabyinatrenchcoatxxx]

I love Andrew Minyard as a criminal justice major. Just imagine the possibilities that could happen!! He'd 100% write a paper about nature vs nurture that is about himself and Neil (only if you read between the lines can you tell that tho)

Oh man!! An idea is coming into my head as I think about this!!

Okay, okay, so imagine the following.

Andrew is in his The Serial Killer's Psyche class when he learns about the more recent recent killers, including The Baltimore Butcher.

He lowkey becomes fascinated with the whole thing.

(It's the knives)

And goes down a rabbit hole looking into anything and everything regarding the Wesninski family.

He learns that Nathan was married and had a son, Nathaniel, with a member of another known mafia family from across the Atlantic, Mary.

The son would be the perfect killing machine for these two.

But then he learns that Mary and Nathaniel died tragically in an unknown form.

"The family wants to keep their privacy in these hard times." The press says.

Despite Andrew researching for days (he even went to the library once!) He can't find any record of how they died, but their death certificates have the same time stamp on them so at least he knows they died at the same time.

After finding out as much as he can about the family, he is (and he would never admit this to anyone at all ever) solely on the side of the cops in believing that Nathan Wesninski is The Baltimore Butcher despite there not being enough evidence, etc etc.

Having learned all he could, he all but forgets about the Wesninski family.

Fast forward to the next semester when Kevin tells him they are going to Arizona because he found them a new striker.

As Neil is trying to catch his breath from Andrew hitting him, Andrew is suddenly excepiencing a new phenomenon to him "familiarity"

For some reason, this flight risk reminds him of someone, but he can't quite remember who.

This is new.

Not remembering something.

Is his memory failing him for the first time ever?

He blames it on his meds and moves on

Everytime he sees Neil after he moves to Palmetto, he has the same feeling.

Ever. Single. Time.

It is increasingly aggravating and intirely too intresting.

After weeks spent trying to remember who Neil reminded him of, filing through every person he's ever encountered, and Neil's skitish behavior, he decided that Neil must be a threat.

Why else would his instincts tell him not to trust Neil?

Why didn't he react to the Moriyamas coming south that fall?

Why couldn't he fucking remember where he knew Neil from???

His shell cracked a little bit and he decided on impulse that Neil was going to Eden's with them

Andrew was practically vibrating with rage by the end of that night.

"Who are you?" Andrew asked.

"Wha- I don't understand? I'm Neil?"

"No. I know you, but I've never seen you before." Andrew watched as Neil tensed, wondering what was running through the runners head.

"We don't know each other." Neil made as if to walk away, but he didn't make it far before he had to grab the wall to stabilize himself.

"I know you." Andrew said, grabbing his shoulder.

"No, you don't." Neil shoved him.

"Do you work for the Moriyamas?"

"You think I'm a mole?" Neil scoffed, but it was more slurred with the drugs in his system.

"You're something. And I know how to properly dispose of a body." Andrew said lowly, threatingly, putting both hands on either side of Neil, caging him him.

"So do I." Neil's voice was steady, and he shoved Andrew back as far as he could before taking off.

Neil feeds Andrew half-truths the next day at Wymacks, saying that he must have seen him on the street somewhere. He honestly had no idea why Andrew recognized him.

Andrew doesn't believe that, but he believes Neil's half-truths about his family and lets him go.

Eventually, the familiar feeling is exchanged with actual recognition, and the books continue on as normal

UNTIL

Andrew gets out of Easthaven and sees Neil with his blue eyes and Aubrun hair and brused face, and Andrew freezes for only a moment.

But for that moment, it's like a Christmas tree lighting up in Andrew's head.

Neurons firing and connecting dots he didn't know went to together.

Nathaniel Wesninski stood next to his family

Nathaniel Wesninski protected his family while he was in rehab

Nathaniel Wesninski has been alone with Kevin every night for the past 4 months

Nathaniel Wesninksi was a runaway

Nathaniel Wesninski was alive

Nathaniel Wesninski

Andrew doesn't know what to do with this information yet, so he does nothing

He goes about his decided itinerary for the day

He still doesn't know what to do until "I never understood why he liked knives."

Everyone else was thinking Riko, but Andrew was thinking Nathan.

He decides then and there that he's not going to say anything until Neil tells him.

Neil's "I'm Nathaniel" hits Andrew like a gut punch.

He already knew it but now it's confirmed.

When Neil goes missing, Andrew was the first to tell coach about Nathan's release from prison.

He persuades Coach (read: stares down repeating "Baltimore") to take them to Baltimore because that's where Neil is.

Books go on as normal

Life seemingly goes back to normal after summer break.

They start the new semester with significantly fewer worries, and Neil is figuring out his newfound freedom.

Andrew is in his Advanced Psychology class when Nathan Wesninski is brought up again.

The professor - fortunately for her sake - doesn't mention Neil or Nathaniel at all but assigned them an imaginative assignment

They are to pick a serial killer and study what is known about their at home life and write a paper about what it might be like to grow up in that kind of enviroment

Andrew was going to ignore this assignment, but Neil found out and thought the whole thing was hilarious.

Neil finds out that Andrew was entirely too fascinated by the Wesninski family.

"You liked me before you even met me."

Eventually, they decided that Andrew didn't have to write the paper.

"Mr. Minyard. It is your turn to present."

Andrew and Neil walk to the front.

"This was a single person assignment, Mr. Minyard."

"I think a first-hand account is better than anything I could have come up with. Don't you think?"

"First hand?"

"Hello Andrew's classmates. I'm Nathaniel Wesninski, but please call me Neil. Fair warning. If you ever call me Nathaniel, I will kill you."

They spend the rest of the class basically ragging on Nathan the entire time

[cosmicdream222]

have you entered the void before?

I'm asking cause I've seen you post about it a bunch times with different methods to enter

Also, thank you for introducing me to the phase method! I'm using it and another method (one I created) to enter

Hey! Glad to hear the Phase has been helpful for you! Happy to answer your question, but it’s a bit more complicated than a yes/no answer and I’m feeling rambly today so you’re gonna get a whole backstory on how this blog came to be 😂

Backstory about me & this blog

I’d been in the personal development manifestation community since around 2016, and it was my life for a long time. But the kind of manifesting these people taught was basically like… wake up at 5am, work out, journal, meditate, shadow work, tarot cards, affirmations, cold showers, start a business, post no less than 10 times a day across your 5+ social media channels, and maybe if you hustle hard enough and cleared enough past life karma and Mercury isn’t retrograde, then the universe might grant your wishes... (if you don’t die of exhaustion first. 😅)

It really was a mess and realize now despite the facade of positive thinking and good vibes, the whole community really just keeps themselves identifying with lack & victim mentality so the coaches at the top profit off everyone else’s misery.

I believed in manifesting and had faith I would achieve my goals, but despite years of trying a million different things, only saw small or short-term successes and never seemed to get anywhere. I was feeling pretty burnt out and miserable, so summer 2023 I decided to stop trying so hard and just spend some time focused on myself and what I wanted. I went back to the two methods that I’ve always loved and had success with: affirmations and tapping.

I tapped every day and started making affirmation art and lockscreen wallpaper for fun. I posted the affirmations on Pinterest, which eventually lead me to finding affirmations pinned from tumblr. I think it was a screenshot from blushydior I saw at first, but her blog was deactivated by then. So I started stumbling around tumblr (around Aug-Sept 2023 at this point), where I eventually came across loa, the void, and shifting.

I was surprised because despite my extreme research into all things personal development & spiritual, I’d never heard of it. Although I’d read about quantum physics and more supernatural things, every coach/teacher had major limits. “Manifesting” only meant getting logical earth things like making 6 figures in your business through hard work and hustle so you can afford to travel and buy luxury cars & Chanel bags. Stuff like changing the past, waking up with all your desires, etc was absolutely impossible and not even talked about except “you can’t change the past”.

So having only heard about these incredible overnight life-changing manifestations from tumblr, I was skeptical and wanted more information. I basically started this blog to collect information from outside tumblr to prove it to myself and share with others. Which of course sent me down a rabbit hole of research and overconsumption and overcomplicating the void 😅

I did get kinda obsessed and throw myself into trying every shifting & void method I saw right away, which just left me frustrated with “failed” attempts. But I see now I was just repeating the same victim mentality from the old community - that everything had to be hard and a struggle, that I was a victim of circumstance and limited by a higher power. (This is also a really commonly held limiting belief in religion and society in general that affects many people.)

It took me more than a few months to realize, but I’m finally switching my default programming to that of a creator instead of a victim. Because I don’t want to be obsessed and put the void on a pedestal, I’m currently just working on my self concept that I am in control of my reality and can manifest whatever I want - with or without the void. I still do want to experience it of course, just want to make sure I’m going at it with a healthy mindset.

However!

About a week or two ago I read someone’s void success story that triggered a memory from many years ago: I realized I actually did wake up in the void and manifested something, long before I even knew what manifesting or the void was 😭 Because I’d always believed in supernatural things, I thought I had a “psychic dream” but now I know it was the void! (If anyone wants storytime I can make another post with more detail).

And since at the time, I entered without even knowing about the void’s existence, I realize we here or tumblr really do overcomplicate it. Like the video I posted where the void is described as the midway point between wake and sleep - it really is that simple!

I’ve noticed now that whenever I wake up naturally (not getting woken up by an alarm, outside noise, or cat jumping on me) I do always seem to wake up in the void. It’s the same kind of experience, and I don’t hear anything, but my first natural instinct when I wake up is to wonder where the sounds of my environment are. So I end up tuning in to my room and snapping out of the void.

I guess I just have to train myself to make my first thought an affirmation for my desires instead of just wondering where the sounds are 😅 But regardless, now I know it’s absolutely real and possible for me, I know it’s only a matter of time until I figure it out!

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 08.01

what I think happened in:

Case 08.01,

the case of "Time of the Hungry Architecture" or "There are no missing persons in Forton Service Station."

Ok, I've had twinges of suspicion in some earlier episodes, but now it's a certainty. There are some Time Shenanigans afoot! Not time travel per se, but time asynchronicity for sure.

But let us start at the beginning, with Terrance Stevens (51) who recently went through a messy divorce, lost most of his friends in the process, and rather than going down the rabbit hole of workaholism/alcoholism/etc, decided to practice some self-care. He ditched his high-stress job in finances and became a janitor (less money but also less stress), and for a bit of intellectual challenge he enrolled in a university course. Good for you, my dude!

Downside of this – I imagine there are not many opportunities to bond with co-workers at a service station, and most if not all his fellow students are bound to be half his age, so he likely didn't make any new friends to replace the old ones. This is important, because I believe that lack of connections made him extra vulnerable to the spookies.

As Terrance later explained in his paper, his new place of employment, Forton Services, can be considered a site of brutal liminalism (TM). It's a cold and uninviting place, where there is a constant stream of people who want to be somewhere else, and where time has little to no meaning (open 24/7 and not a clock in sight).

In a place like this, reality might start to wear a little bit thin. Time and space might get a little bit warped. A little bit distorted. And not a little bit hungry.

And Terrance, lonely, sad and isolated Terrance, looked like a perfect meal.

It crept up on him over the course of few days. Without ever realising, he was being pulled somewhere else for increasingly long periods of time. (From his point of view, it seemed like there were less people around. There weren't. Terrance just didn't see most of them, because he wasn't there). It kept happening, until the fateful night, when Terrance phased out of reality for good. (For awhile).

Where did he go? Someplace almost here but not quite, where time was just a little bit out of sync with ours. Not by much. Just enough that the people and cars moving around started looking to him like a colourful blur. (Like stepping into a time-lapse picture).

Spooked by the (seeming) absence of people and strange visuals, Terrance ran right into the waiting trap elevator (defunct here, but working there). He was greeted by a too thin woman with name-tag that wasn't actually name-tag (it read You Are Here). She took him up to the (not)functioning restaurant at the top of the Pennine Tower (20m high).

There, in what seemed to be a 60s themed restaurant, he saw a crowd of people* who looked like they were AI generated (with key prompt words being thin&malnourished) sitting at the tables, not-eating and not-chatting. The chef, wearing another 'you are here' name-tag greeted him with a cheerful "You are here! Stay awhile!"

As first reaction, Terrance moved to sit at a nearby table.** (Everyone turned to watch).

As second reaction, Terrance showed admirable self-preservation instinct and tried to get the hell out of there. Sadly the door he'd entered through weren't there any more, the windows, he just noticed, were empty holes leading into black nothingness, and all the 'guests' moved to grab him, repeating after the chef: "Stay awhile!" (It was not a greeting this time. Nor was it a request).

After this, things escalated quickly. The hungry crowd closed in on Terrance and started biting him (the chef munched one of his fingers whole). Not quite ready to become dinner, Terrance punched and kicked his way free and with no hesitation jumped out the not-window.

Somewhere between the window-hole and hitting the ground, he re-entered the normal timestream, and some kind soul called in paramedics to treat his injuries. Which, for the record, were classified as fall damage by said paramedics and I find it either sus or hilarious. Sirs, these are bite-marks. How many teeth does your average building/pavement have? (To be fair, maybe the hungry crowd didn't master the teeth just yet. Maybe they need to take an anatomy course or something).

It is unclear how much time passed here while Terrance was NOT-here. It wasn't the Rip Van Winkle's 'one nap = 20 years', since he managed to submit his paper the same year it was assigned, but it was apparently long enough that he felt that someone should have reported him as missing. The fact that no-one did can have two explanations:

Very mundane if sad 'no-one cares about you enough to notice your extended absence, buddy'.

Part of the Pennine Tower's whole thing is that people who were pulled in-there are not remembered out-here, at least for as long as they remain in-there. A good hunting strategy, actually. If you were an immobile ambush predator, you wouldn't want potential pray to realize that fellow humans die here, would you.

To finish the story - Terrance immediately quit his janitor job, rationalized his experience as psychotic episode brought about by bad influence of hostile architecture, wrote a paper about it (submitted 12 July 2023 - late; failed) and, hopefully, moved on with his life.

Things of note:

*This is the second time we were introduced to a group of nameless, copy-pasted not-quite-people, prone to repeating cheerful, positive phrases. Colour me intrigued.

**I wonder what would have happened if Terrance took his place at the table. Maybe even tried some food he was offered. Was he always going to end up as the main course, or would he be assimilated, turned into one more thin, hungry guest, forever waiting for a new meal to walk in the door?

I keep going back and forth between 'the tower is a predator that creates human-facsimiles as part of its digestive system' and 'the not-people made the tower their home because they liked the brutalism vibe (or it was just a convenient spot)'.

I rather hope we'll see the Pennine Tower again. It's such a distinctive landmark. And the land is definitely marked.

There sure are a lot of mentions of hunger and food in this podcast, eh? Wonder what could it mean.

[kaije224]

So I've had some thoughts about Gegg and the elections right? This whole election arc has been a little wild in terms of everything that has been going on. But I specifically was thinking about q!Charlie and Gegg. I was thinking about q!Charlie's motivation to run as Gegg and not just as himself. At first I thought it was just for the bit because that's just Slimecicle's mo. He likes to do things for the bit and that's something I really do enjoy about him as a creator. Then I thought about it a little more... q!Charlie has done a lot of things since the beginning of the qsmp that most of the others condemn him for. The biggest of the things he's done was going after all the eggs when JuanaFlippa died and then accidentally killing Tilín. I also feel like I have to mention him being framed for blowing up the wedding as well. That wasn't his fault, but he was blamed. So in talking with my partner about the qsmp elections, I went down this rabbit hole of trying to figure out q!Charlie's motivations for running as Gegg despite q!Charlie saying that it has become harder and more painful for him to turn into Gegg and back to himself. Now this may seem like a reach, but I think the reason that q!Charlie is running as Gegg is because q!Charlie may believe that if he ran as himself then the others would use the things he's done in the past to attack his character. Which, despite them all being pretty good friends, I do think that there is a possibility any of the other candidates could have used this information to further their own agenda. It's no surprise to anyone that some people still believe that q!Charlie can't be trusted 100%. If I were anyone of them, I would probably feel the same. So I can't say that I blame them for not completely trusting q!Charlie. That being said, q!Charlie decided to run as Gegg because, if I remember correctly, not a lot of people know that q!Charlie is Gegg. And q!Quackity has been missing, so he can't tell anyone. And I don't think that q!ElQ knows this, so he couldn't say anything. Despite people not really liking Gegg that much, they don't have much of a reason not to trust the squishy, stinky little egg guy. He just comes in here and just starts saying things that most everyone agrees with. The thing about that is that we as the viewers know that Gegg is q!Charlie, so we know that the platform that Gegg is pushing for his presidency are more than likely all the same things that q!Charlie would be using if he were running as himself...but because q!Charlie isn't running as himself, he will have to be Gegg all the time if by some chance he gets elected. Which there is a pretty good chance that Gegg could win. There are people that agree with a lot of the things that Gegg is saying. Even Antoine said that he was probably going to vote Gegg, so we know that he isn't being written off. Now this is all just my theory about why q!Charlie decided to run as Gegg. This is all purely my opinion and I could be completely off base. I think it is entirely possible this could have been his motive for running as Gegg other than the fact that it would just be funny. Thanks for listening to my rant. Please be nice to me. This is my first post in the fandom.

[chemicalpink]

ଘ(´•×•)⊃━☆ a (not so brief) life update

In case you've been wondering where I've been cause by now we all know I tend to just disappear.

A few days ago I felt like oversharing a bit for anyone interested, I feel like getting to this point of sharing is due and will allow me to stop this irrational fear of the internet that I have somehow developed as it tallies to my accountability on this blog.

So hang tight! Cause this is about to be a wild ride...

I'm not regressing to the very beginning cause this isn't about to be a therapy session but I will go back to the near beginnings of this account during the pandemic.

A little before lockdown as I was asked to collaborate as a customs specialist for a pop-up store (which then I found out to be BTS') so I got into them after my job was done. A bit after going down the rabbit hole I started this blog, without very much planning into it, just merely creating a safe space for the people with whom could potentially like the same things I did.

A few months into it, as a last year International Relations student on my way to law school, and with a bit of sleep deprived courage, I applied for an internship at BH online, not expecting much since I barely knew Korean and was most definitely stuck at home in a whole different continent. But things surprisingly worked out, I didn't get paid at all but it was a great learning experience. BH became HB and I got to experience that from the inside, my day went like this: school from 7am to 5 pm and work from 9pm to 3am (sometimes more)

I obviously never got to work directly with any idols, my work was merely global and very much law related. Customs, contracts, negotiations with international enterprises. When the lockdown was done with, I was asked to move and become a permanent worker of theirs, so I did. However, it involved a lot of moving around so I wasn't exactly based anywhere and living costs are quite a thing. During this time I was also profiling myself as a diplomat, so it was in all of our best interests that I became outsourced.

Which brings us to a timeline closer to the present, the person that was in charge of contacting me for the gigs that I used to do for them suddenly quit and while I'm sure they were doing whatever was best for them, left me fending for myself during may-june. I came back home with my parents during june-july and networked for a bit– at least enough to regroup my possibilities so during august-september I was allowed to staff and collaborate (on a lower level) on some big concerts/tours.

During this time however (july-september) I was mostly reliant on my parents and coincidentally, their work slowed down by a lot. The rather small amount of money I got from working here and there was spent on my medical treatment (during july my doctor let me know that I needed to get diagnosed properly for lupus and by august my treatment costs were up by a lot) I tried picking up freelance tutoring (a pain, truly) and other small hustles that didn't require me to tire myself out too much since most of my days I spent aching all over, while also caring for my mother who had to have an emergency glaucoma surgery.

Oh and I cried and felt miserable during my birthday so.

I believe that's where we are at. I can't exactly get a job since I need to apply to an unpaid internship in order to graduate law school but I can't apply for an internship because one of my teachers just suddenly decided to fail me in their class (which means I need to pass it first) so I try to get by with small, low commitment hustles and now I'm picking up more seriously my ko-fi content. Which is why, I haven't been on here.

Those damned retrogrades hit me good ngl.

I do want to say though, I am not in a state of emergency, however, I am not living comfortably, but I'm trying my best to pick myself up and be nice to myself with the decisions I make and actions I take by the minute. While also trying to save up to go visit my 17 year old sister that has just moved away to study medicine.

I am grateful for what I have and I cherish you all that have remained close to me (even in this infinite nothingness that is the internet) and I hope you've been treating yourselves kindly during this time. If you'll have me, let's navigate the rest of the year together.

If this gains a lot of traction, I'm privating it lmao. I have no issue now talking about it since I'm no longer working there but I made those NDAs myself so I know what I'm up to.

[bearpillowmonster]

BB3

Some of the best episodes so far, I'm still not interested in every episode but definitely some fun and some finality. The music hits a little harder, I feel the tension between characters I don't really know like-ahem-hem-hem, someone from somewhere other than Bad Batch.

Then we have M count. Wait. M. It took me until episode 9 to realize but Midichlorian? No, no way. You just opened up a freaking box because I'm about to let it rip. George centered his sequel trilogy around this idea and introduced it in the prequels. I wasn't too fond of it when it was first discovered but as time went on and they showed the whills and such in the Clone Wars, I started to see a bit more clearer and was fine with whatever George put out but having the current sequel trilogy that we have today that completely negates all that and pretty much downright retcons it with its messaging that anybody could be force sensitive. And I don't just mean the trilogy either, anything Disney's put out has seemed this way and has not made a lick towards any of that. Even that I'm fine with.

It's the fact that their undoing- well-

Except they're not using George or George's story, they're making it their own. If they would've just kept it one way or the other, I would've been fine with it but you're introducing a pretty vital piece of lore so far in that it's not even funny. I've known for a long time now that they were trying to find a host body for Palpatine to use, it's no coincidence they had the cloning guy in the Mandalorian, they've been setting this up. And it makes sense to have Grogu be this big contender because he can use the force. Ironic that the thing he needs is the very thing he sought to destroy and also a bit of a plot hole if he was looking this early into it in the timeline. But still, they could've played it off as "they have no idea what makes a compatible host" or even try to force the force into someone so that it can be used as a husk.

It makes SENSE for midichlorians to be used here, it makes sense for them to be the deciding factor but don't try to spoon feed me both ways

I don't know if Ahsoka did this too since I haven't seen it yet, I know they have Sabine being a user but I was alright with that at face value, I don't know how they introduce it. You don't get it, I had to bring myself back. True, I wasn't happy with the outcome of the sequel trilogy but we had the Mandalorian. Things started going down again with Kenobi and Bob's Feet but still, I kept on. They were releasing so much that I fell behind around Mando S3, Andor, BB2, Visions 2, Tales of the Jedi, all put on hold. I finally more or less caught up except for Ahsoka and now this just makes me want to crawl back into that rabbit hole because while I was there, I realized that Star Wars wasn't what I wanted anymore and I didn't care much until I saw people saying that I missed some of the best so far so I jumped back in. This makes me feel the same way again, like the skywalker saga should truly be done. Move on way past or way back, none of that Rey reforging the Jedi, no more in betweens other than Mando. Just reboot it, don't retread and give me remakes or a retelling, do the old republic or something like the Acolyte is promising (which I'm still worried about mind you).

I wanted George's story to be revived so bad and I was so close to believing that we were getting it when we saw Boba Fett shoot Bib Fortuna and kick him out of the chair. That he was going to be in Darth Maul's place and take over the Underworld and I was here for it. Or having Maul and Crimson Dawn show up at the end of Solo. Or having Luke start to build the new Jedi order. All for squat. And this is Dave Filoni who was involved with those series, who's supposedly the new mastermind behind all of this. Even if you scrap all that away, I was fine with it, as long as they had a plan but it seems they keep flipping it down the road.

But was bringing Asajj back worth it? There was really no reason for her to be there other than to make me mad anyway, even going as far as bringing her back from the dead apparently from her book (which I haven't read yet but plan to) so that just further proves my point. "All will be revealed" my butt, how about "somehow Asajj returned" Screw you, stop holding back if you're going to introduce it.

...I wrote this part and then they announced Tales of the Empire. I can't win. It keeps sucking me back. Time for the finale, so spoilers.

I wasn't impressed with the lead up to this finale, nothing seemed connected. I mean, yeah, they go and they save Omega. Ok? And? It's not like that's something new, it felt like it needed to be definitive for the characters, it dragged them off their refuge island, they can't live a normal life. We don't see them in Rebels. So we ask what happens to them? They imposed with Rampart that maybe Crosshair doesn't have everyone's interests in mind. They imposed with Asajj that maybe Omega can use the force and even put her in marketing. They didn't impose, but the fans speculated that Tech could be the Shadow since they put so much attention on him. But it's also the last episode, you're shifting all the weight and not allowing it to breathe, even if they had used all those to great advantages then it was still the end, it doesn't seem like there's a point.

What I wanted this ending to be when I really thought about it was actually really simple. A battle between clone troopers and storm troopers but it'd explain so much. The clones would lose, it's be their last "Clone War", unless they decided to intermingle with the stormtroopers. It'd explain the transition, why there's so few in Rebels call back to the action setpieces of the original 2003 series, be a reverse order 66! That's my headcanon. But I knew going in that it wasn't going to be that. They might free the clones though.

I like the idea of Omega using all the skills she's learned from each other members of the party to get out, Echo even says "That's exactly what I'd do." but I don't know, when the zillo first appeared, they should've had him make it a distraction and then call back to it. The part where the kid says he hates heights after seeing a ladder is stupid because they planned this whole mission around climbing, she described it to him, they had already done it in the shaft and only at the ladder does he falter.

Emory's redemption should've been compilative, having her drop hints to show them how to leave the facility and maybe even manage to get one wounded that way, to which she transfers quarters until Echo arrives. They have a case of the Knights of Ren with the shadows, cool designs, seem to be teasing for something greater and we get no real context in the end. Introducing Project Necromancer then having Rampard ask about it before you cut is like asking who Rey is in TFA and never telling you except Necromancer is dissolved now so what was the point? What is project Necromancer, what is Crimson Dawn, what is- . It doesn't matter. Stop giving codenames, you had it with Hux and Pell but come on.

If you're going to leave plot threads open, we need to know how this series contributes to the bigger picture but since you called this the final season, I would like to this as much and would rather the plot lines stay contained and resolved. We are still very much in the Disney sequel era despite everyone thinking it ended after TROS and the new room took over, they're doing the same stuff.

Echo leaving to join Rex was a cool idea but I really wish it was him and not Gregor in Rebels. But it seems like he just hangs with the Clone Force every other time anyway so I don't really know why they did this. Ok, include Rex, but that's all you had to do. Then to go off and make him depart again at the end really doesn't say anything. Ok, he's going to return in the future?

"Well, I think you're right that, in a sense, this really is an end of an era," Baker says. "Because the clones in the Bad Batch was the final element of The Clone Wars that George Lucas had his fingerprints on. This was his idea, to initially start and give them a little arc and give it a try." This too is false and I like you Dee Bradley but I knew from the moment you said this that it was wrong. First off, you made it so that the characters live (which I don't mind but don't say this and contradict that!) And even excluding the Bad Batch, if only there were something else like GEORGE'S EFFING TREATMENTS!! This is like when Kathleen Kennedy said that there's no source material to adapt for a sequel series. Like take a look around and read the room. There's a ton of stuff that I'm sure George gave up that had to do with Star Wars. Officially released? Maybe not so much but you can't go and ruin all of that too. This is unless Dee Bradley believed that none of that would ever see the light of day but why would he know that if he believes this is the last time he'll play the clones? Does he believe that? Because the ending says otherwise unless it's all live action from here forth. And even if that...then where the f- did the midichloarians come from?

[automatismoateo]

Losing a friend to the Drunken Glory Movement via /r/atheism

Losing a friend to the Drunken Glory Movement A former buddy of mine, I mean, we're talking practically old friends, decided to take a spiritual U-turn that had me scratching my head like I'd just been hit by a whirling dervish. This guy? Well, he'd always been about as religious as a cat is about jumping into a bathtub, but out of the blue, he drops me a message that's like, "Guess what? I've found the Holy Spirit, and it's a one-way ticket to 'No Conversationsville' with you." Apparently, he'd joined a group of folks who were leading him down this newfound faith highway. Now here's the kicker: he was as serious as a heart attack, I mean "I've discovered the secret recipe for the universe" kind of serious. He genuinely believed he was on the righteous path, even though, in my humble opinion, his beliefs were more off-kilter than a kangaroo trying to master a unicycle. He was so devoted to this newfound faith that he felt talking to me would be a sin against the big guy upstairs, Jesus Christ, whom he now treated like his ride-or-die buddy. Yeah, our friendship was hanging by a thread because it didn't align with JC's divine interests, according to my pal. But hold on, it gets even wackier. He starts spouting this crazy story about his "God moment." Picture this: he's in a nightclub, surrounded by people turning into human cocktails, and he decides to be the sober one. The irony, right? The dude ends up acting more intoxicated than a bunch of frat boys who just cleaned out a liquor store. Why? Because he believed he was "drunk on the Holy Spirit." That's right, folks, apparently, God made him the life of the party in a nightclub. As much as I wanted to serve him a slice of reality, I knew arguing with someone who thinks they're "high as a kite on Jesus" wasn't going to lead anywhere. I'd probably end up on the express train to Loonyville. What makes this whole story even nuttier is that this guy used to be the party king, hitting up clubs and raves like it was his part-time job. But after watching some Vice video about getting "intoxicated by God," he went all-in. From then on, every time I asked about his faith and his connection with the man upstairs, he'd reply with stuff like, "I'm higher than a giraffe's backpack on Jesus." It's a bit of a downer losing a friend to a group with beliefs that are odder than a duck on a unicycle. But hey, it's a reminder that you can never quite predict how far someone might tumble down the rabbit hole of irrationality. Perhaps there's a "Crazy Train" station waiting for him on the other side of this spiritual journey. All aboard, I guess! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zj7OJjMcnM&t=29s - the video (Drunk on God) Submitted November 07, 2023 at 01:28PM by Flaky-Ad-1671 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/jtrWnai)

[mitamicah]

Okay, here I am adding my story (apolegies if I am making this all by myself)

Reading this I too felt very emotional because I share this experience with bison. (This will probably be long so I'll hide if under a line and here's a silly Jere for a palette cleanser just in case XD)

For around a year I 've felt pretty lost; I had been under constant stress for months for writing my thesis and then applying for jobs. To top this off I had to find a new appartment, juggle with having recently come out as nonbinary and all the doubts I had about my competence as a newly educated psychologist. This all ended in me having a breakdown that forced me on sickleave.

I had told nobody about this however, no friends nor family and all I had to scare away the nights of existential dread was a fandom to a show that were soon ending (that I didn't really felt like I mattered to either given that I had made one or two fanart and never did anything but reblog things), a fandom for a show that ended two years ago, two shows on hiatus, and then my own webcomic project that nobody knew about (because I was too scared to really go anywhere with it since I had even worse luck getting people to care about me and my art when it comes to OCs than fanart at this time).

In the most dire of situations I went to snacking to distract myself and so food didn't taste that interesting anymore either. I felt pretty much cut off for my friends who were out finding jobs and starting new, excisting lives elsewhere. I also felt cut off from my family who still constantly wanted to know if I'd found the right job yet. It was exhausting.

In short I felt like the embodiment of Menestynyt yskilö without the drinking.

Then eurovision started showing signs of coming back from its slumber. I decided to give it a go for the third year in a row by putting on the then-finalists playlist on (it was before Germany and Sweden I remember) and dance around in my living room to see which one I felt drawn to intuitively. Funny enough it was not käärijä: my intuitive favourites was (I believe more or less in this order) Joker Out, Alessandra and Alika. I felt a bit confused about Cha Cha Cha at first yet I was intruiged enough to watch the National Final and that was when he got me good - the confidence and the dance won me over. I started watching way too many reaction videos of people watching the performance and so fell down the youtube rabbit hole of the preparties with käärijä and Bojan bonding.

Yet despite my growing interest in the green man, I didn't join the kääryleet on tumblr before after Eurovision. I honestly feared that I'd be the only one caring since the few times I've tried to gush about other bands and musicians I like I am lucky if I get over 5 notes.

So colour me surprised when my käärija/Lord of the Lost sketches got the biggest amount of notes I've ever recieved!!! Through checking out all the amazing blogs that reblogged that piece of artwork I was thrushed into the fandom.

This. This was what I needed.

I needed this amazing community of people. This wonderful group that seems more real than any other fandom I've ever been in. Like bison, I smile everytime I recognise your url or your icon because I feel connected to you. You are my friends now. I know your artstyle and your way of typing. And you are all so dang likeable and genuine and pure.

You are talented as heck.

You are funny.

You are kind.

You are like a big found family at a time where I didn't feel like I had or deserved one. Because who'd love a mentally broke, unemployed loser that didn't love themselves enough to open up about their feelings or to care for their wellbeing?

Well...

You did.

You loved who I was and what I had to bring. Everytime I felt like stumbling you guys would reach out and make sure I was okay. Everytime I felt like maybe I wasn't good enough you'd be there to tell me the little voice inside me was wrong.

Through our connected role model Jere you showed me that beauty is found in the kindness of others not in how you look or how talented you think you are.

Through connecting to you I've been feeling my body image change - for the first time in over a decade I can look at myself nude or with very little clothes of and not feel like dying. Because of you I feel okay with posting selfies that are not perfect and share vulnerable things about myself. Because I know you won't judge. I have come to understand that the kääryleet is just as pure a collection of people as the man we are gushing over (and making trend too many times for his sheenanigans on instagram).

I am so sorry that this is long and venty and probably makes no sense. I just want to thank you all.

Thank you bison for letting me talk on your post.

Thank you Jay for all the wonderful tags.

Thank you Natálie and Lucie for the laughs and the promises of meeting in Berlin.

Thank you Eryka for the giggles (us ace kääryleet must stick together xD)

Thank you to everybody I haven't mentioned but are still a kääryle through and through.

Micah is making no sense now, so Micah will stop babbling xD

A love letter to this fandom

I feel mushy as well today hahaha

Like, I have never felt this much at home in a fandom. Genuinely, checking what yall say in the tag are my best moments of the day. I had been feeling a bit blue for the last year. There was a separation between me and some of my previous irl friendship groups, as we just grew up as different people over the decade. So I was feeling quite lonely.

Then before I know it, I start recognizing urls and profile pics on tumblr. I had so many genuine laughs while looking at my phone since march because yall are so fucking funny. You are so talented, I have never been exposed to so much gorgeous art on a daily basis. And it's uplifting art? I never feel like I'm not talented enough, I just want to get better so one day I'll be able to draw like that. Never felt like that in my entire life.

So many of you now genuinely feel like friends. I just feel so full of love when I think about all of you and sometimes it's a bit overwhelming. My dms and notes are full of people that I want nothing more than get them in a bone crushing hug

I've learned so much about other cultures here because you're always enthusiastic about sharing stuff from where you're from. Learning about languages I didn't know getting to tell people about my own language, getting to hear people talk in accents I had never heard before

We share music and videos and art and nice words and selfies and joy and support

I'm so glad we all found each other. I'm so glad Jere came into our lives at the right moment so we got to meet each other.

Thank you everyone, there are only so many ways to tell you how much I love you.

No matter if we're mutuals and talks in dms or if you're just liking my posts from time to time. I love you so, so much

[anotherbeastarsblog]

What do you think each characters favorite food is?

Probably didn't get everyone but y'know. If I missed anyone you wanna hear my thoughts on send an ask and I'll edit them in.

Also please remember I have little to no justification for any of this and some are based on other headcanons I have so feel free to disagree, and I'd love to hear your thoughts too!

Legoshi's favorite food is ass If you asked him he'd probably say peanut butter or antshakes or those egg sandwiches but Legoshi's actual favorite food is almost definitely grandpa's hot pot. It was a huge deal that his family could actually share it so it's a little bittersweet now but it's still like, a primal memory for him.

Jack likes peanut butter. He's a dog, and also a basic bitch.

Collot's favorite food is also ass definitely something English, but I don't think I can pick just one because he can't either. He's only been to Europe once or twice but his family brought all their recipes with them.

I couldn't tell you exactly what Durham's is either except that it's some snack he found at an import shop once and has only ever seen like 3 times in his life and he can't read Malay so he doesn't even know how to look it up online.

Miguno really likes American-style food, and I headcanon him as being super wealthy, so he probably knows some specific bistro in the outskirts of Paris that makes the BEST cheeseburger like you can't even imagine. He's 100% wrong about this but he'll swear by it.

Voss likes spicy stuff. His favorite food evolves as he gains more tolerance, he always liked hot stuff as a kid but as a teenager he's had more freedom to get and try like internet-challenge level spicy things. By the time he graduates he's casually monching on dried ghost peppers.

I think Haru's favorite food is listed on a character sheet somewhere but I don't remember it. In my head, she's a rabbit so she likes carrot greens. NOT the orange part, that's a stereotype.

Louis has his favorite food listed as celery and that's not entirely wrong but his real favorites are the things he wasn't allowed to have growing up; deep-fried festival food, salty fast food, junk food in general. His tummy's a little sensitive so it's probably good he never gets to have it, but that forbidden fruit angle makes it all taste so much better.

Pina will insist his favorite is something fancy, and he'll tailor his answer to whoever he's talking to, but in reality he loves cheap street food. He's always secretly super happy when a date ends up at some shithole ramen stand.

Bill's is a brand of energy/protein bars he's eaten like, every single day since he first started going to the gym. He likes food as like, a general concept, but doesn't have a very discerning pallet and doesn't appreciate most dishes. All the raman we see him eat in the series is out of convenience over preferance.

Aoba would probably like onigiri or udon. I think he's more into traditionally Japanese stuff than anything but shares Bill's problem of not actually knowing or caring that much about food. Probably made intricate bento boxes as a kid.

Kibi's is antshakes.

Tao's is real basic butter noodles. He was the youngest in a biiiig family and always felt like a burden so he tried to fend for himself as much as possible, it was the first and simplest thing he learned to cook so he ended up eating it a lot.

Juno canonically has a sweet tooth, so most any cake or candy. Can't say why but my first thought was also ceasar salad, she's not big on salads in general but it feels healthy and her dog side loves anything creamy and/or cheesy.

Kai's is his mom's curry, especially the leftovers because she would make huge amounts of it that'd feed the family for a week. He and his brothers would eventually figure out she did it to stretch their food budget when money was tight, so it also signalled when his family would start getting overcompensatingly nice and helpful and have a lot of quiet bonding time.

Dom subsists almost exclusively on syrupy 7 dollar coffees. If you really insist that that doesn't count as a favorite food he also eats a lot of flavored cricket snacks. Unlike Bill or Aoba he does actually care about food and flavors he just forgets to eat actual meals so often he hasn't formed many opinions.

Riz likes honey and baking so his favorites are all combinations of that. Something as simple as a fresh baked bun with some honey drizzled on it can mean so much, honey pancakes when he wants a quick pick-me-up, honey cakes for friends and events, etc.

Ibuki's favorite food was venison, I think that's canon, and I'm not gonna do any other shishigumi guy on this list but I think it's important to mention.

Melon's favorite food, if you can call it that, is miracle berry tablets. I don't think he discovered them til after he was in jail but he was gifted some once and he still didn't really taste but things didn't taste different which was mind-blowing enough.

Yahya's favorite is carrots, natch.

Gouhin I think literally only eats bamboo, he'd go fucking insane for meat though if he ever let himself try it.

Gosha, you think I'm gonna say the hot pot for the reasons above, but no his favorite is actually the traditional Rexmas meal, the soup and pie and volcano salad. Same reasons, though, it was one of the big family meals he could have with Toki and any other non-komodo friends, the holidays pulled him from his depression a bit and helps him socialize.

[theweepingminion]

Today, I decided to make peace with my past. I know it won't last long, I know I'll wake up tomorrow hating on my life and tormented by the pains and mistakes I've made in the past. It's been 3 years and I'm not getting any closer to healing or moving on or at least going forward. I've been falling behind for 3 years long and at some point I thought that maybe what happened was a flex and I lost my difference and wasted my potential if I had any. I passed all the stages of grief that the next day my world went to hell, I moved on and actually thought it was for the best. The 2nd day I felt different in my own body that I dreaded waking up in the morning cause it felt different, I went out and talked to people about it, it made no difference. The 3rd day I woke up with hope that it didn't happen and it was such a bad dream and it was the end of it, only I woke up to the beginning. After a week I decided I'll change where I am and moved out to leave these memories behind, only to find that I packed them with me. After month I found a brand new start, one that triggered me to live a better life, I found a great escape and it helped. 3 months after my world went to hell I dreaded the way my friends talked about how their world collapsed, I made fun of them and wondered how they haven't moved on yet. I thanked god (even though I still blamed him for what happened) that I settled. I kept on living day by day like nothing happened believing that it was never what I wanted and I was happy then ,still blaming god, but forgot what I blamed him for. A year after I lost my life, I felt sad all of the sudden and stated it was because my life fell apart and I have to accept it while blaming god because I have no hand in this. On the first anniversary I remembered everything that happened and didn't feel pain and thought that it wasn't that bad after all. 2 years after losing myself I realized it was all an act and I was never over it. On the second anniversary I forget the date and lived through the day forgetting what happened back 2 years ago. 3 years after I went down the rabbit hole, I stayed there. 3 years after I went down the rabbit hole, I'm still here. 3 years later and those sad friends I used to pity are happier than I'll ever be and I'm the one who needs pity at the moment. 3 years later I made peace with god, I'm blaming myself for ruining myself. 3 years later I can't sleep at night without replaying the memories of the blackest day in my life, I cry myself to sleep everyday and I wake up in the morning with determination to forget and move on and at night repeat the cycle again. Today I decided I'm going forward without looking back and I'm wondering if this'll ever happen. That maybe the sadness is what was keeping me going those past 3 years. Today I decided to restore my potential and I'm a bit taken back by deciding this at night, wondering if I'll wake up tomorrow with my pillow wet and the only difference I'll make by this decision is exchanging my night with my day. Today I decided I'll bury it , by it I mean something I almost died reaching but never did. I miss you with everything in me. I miss the me I would've been if I reached out and grabbed you. It would've been different and better I know, at least better than what it is now, and I refuse to believe otherwise. Today I'll bury my long lost dream, I hope that someday, maybe someday I'll meet you, but if not I loved you and dreamed of you for the first 15 years of my life. I hope you know you were the best dream of them all and I would've been happy if we were meant to be. I'll have to dream another dream so I'm sorry for you and my heart who's been carrying all this pain. I'll make it out without you. I'll try to be happy. Wish me luck.

In the memory of losing you

Saturday, 13rd of july, 2019 at 10:03 PM ♥️

[handonhaven]

So a few things popped into my head, and will most likely stay there for a while.

1. This whole long hair thing with Landon. I refuse to believe they went through all that trouble just for a ten second scene. I believe they did all of that because we're gonna get a flashback episode so we can find out what happened to Landon and how malivore ended up possessing him. And I think this because I like to thing that episodes Aria wasn't in at the beginning of the season/or episodes he was in only a scene or two that's when he was filming the flashback episode. Because sometimes they do film episodes out of order for whatever reason. And I will go on believing this until October when I'm either proven wrong or hopefully proven right.

2. When this thought popped into my head I got mad and sad all at the same time. Because this is now the second time they've separated Handon from each other for months at a time. NOT once but twice they did that. First with Hope jumping into malivore and everyone forgetting her. So the whole summer and a couple months into the new school year they were away from each other. Then again when Landon ended up in malivore. So they were separated again for another two, two half months maybe. I refuse to believe it's any long than that. Since seasons 2&3 are one school year. My reasons for thinking that is because the season 2 final(3x04) was Handons 1 year anniversary and they started dating about half way through the first school in season 1. But anyways I don't I'll ever be able to forgive the writers for doing that to them. Just like I don't think I'll ever forgive them for giving us a whole season without the real Landon.

3. So I have this theory. So you know how there's been this pattern the last two season finals with either Hope getting separated from Landon or Landon getting separated from Hope. Well I think if they keep up with that pattern then the real season 3 final will be Handon getting separated from everyone else. I'm not sure how or why it'll happen but I think it might. But I like to think that when they get malivore out of Landon, Handon leaves to follow some type of leave. Or maybe Clarke does what he tends to always do and he screws them over and they somehow end up in the prison world or trapped in a alternate reality(I think that could be fun to see).

4. What is up with people trying to say that Landon is dead just because malivore is possessing his body. That's not how possession works, the person doesn't just die because someone takes over their body. That's never happened in the history of posseson in the TVDU(or any other show I've seen). And if Landon was really "dead" then what would be the point of those Handon flashbacks during that inspirion scene? I mean come out is peoples dislike and misplaced hatred for Landon run that deep and they'll try to come up with anything just to kill him off? You know what let me not good down that rabbit hole.

5. Okay I don't mind maliLandon being a thing for now. But I just don't want it to last very long. Because I want to real Landon back. And for him to finally be out of pain(again I don't think I'll forgive the writers for putting him through that). I know malivore will be more active in season four but just let it be in a different body not Landons. After this season I want him to be done going through trauma for a long while(and Hope) like just give him half a season with nothing bad happening to him or even a whole season with nothing bad happening to him. I know the chances of that happening are very slim but I can dream can't I.

6. So I saw this theory and I'm not sure how they came up with that or even if they were kidding. But they think that Ethan might be one of Malivore kids. I don't think that's the case, I truly believe that Ethan is just human. I feel like he couldn't be one of malivore's kids because he can be compelled and because his mom was never erased from peoples mind. And Landon can't even before he activated his powers back in season 1. And honestly I just want Ethan to be the one human teenager on the show. I know this show is about supernaturals but that's doesn't mean every character we met should be or has to be supernatural. But maybe that's me. Any thoughts on this theory?

7. You know I wouldn't be agaisnt seeing more of malivore's kids. We know for a fact that Landon is the youngest and last kid malivore had(at least we know that as a fact as of right now. They might change their minds about that). And Clarke is the oldest out of all his childrens. But what about the others kids malivore had. Are any of them still alive and if they are where are they? Are they all like Clarke personality wise or are some of them like Landon? I don't know I feel like that could be fun and nice storyline to do at some point if they ever decide to.

8. I feel like triad might be making a come back for next season. Because this season triad was mention a quite a few times. So maybe they'll come back into play next season. Like maybe MG finds out about another facility from his mom or something.

Wow that got longer than I meant too lol. Came here to talk about 3 things and ended up talking about eight. Lol my mind just got the better of me and I just needed to keep going.

I’ve thought the same thing. If they really pinned his hair back for all those months just for that one brief scene, I’m gonna laugh. Because why on earth would they go to all that effort for a small detail like that? It’s not like they’ve been consistent or realistic about other little things like that, so it had to have been for flashbacks. And my thoughts exactly. I had also wondered if that’s why he wasn’t in 3x14 or 3x15, because apparently, some contracts require the actors to have episodes off (which was why he wasn’t in 2x14 I guess). So if he had been filming flashbacks earlier on, maybe that’s why they were required to give him time off during 3x14/3x15? But it would make sense if he had filmed back during like 3x07 or something when his hair was long. That’s really what I’m hoping. And yeah, if we don’t get it in October, I’m gonna cry.

Ugh, yep. I realized that as well, they separate them every season. The writers are cruel. Yeah, literally, it’s like every summer/into the new school year! And yes, I’m not sure exactly how long with Landon though, but it would’ve had to have been at least a couple months? But the whole timeline for season 3 has made no sense. I had thought season 1 started in like February or something, since the twins’ birthday is in March (1x06), so I figured Handon got together like middle/end of March (1x08). Then Hope would’ve jumped into Malivore around April/May, then we got a new school year throughout season 2. But then 3x04 is when it gets confusing, because I figured that was probably around April, since 2x15 would’ve been mid-March because it was the twins’ birthday again. But then with 3x05, they had the “3 weeks later” and then in 3x06, it seemed like a new school year was suddenly starting? And not long after, they were dressing for colder weather in coats and stuff, so what happened to the summer? They should’ve just said “3 months later” in 3x05, that would’ve made sense. So I have no idea what time of year it is in the show now. Some people thought it was spring again because of some posters at the high school? So who knows how long Landon was actually gone, I’m confused... sorry to go off on a tangent about the timeline haha. But anyway, they’ve still been separating Handon every season for way too long, and it’s terrible. I don’t think I can forgive them either, and same thing with Landon! I still can’t believe we went almost an entire season without him! I’ll never be over it.

Ooh, interesting... okay, I would actually love that haha. If they’re gonna be separated again, let it be together. I’ll take it! But yeah, it could happen. Maybe something will go wrong or they’ll get screwed over, but they’d be together this time around. But I feel like them ending up in a prison world again would be so repetitive, but I wouldn’t even be surprised haha. I think it would be fun to see too though. I had actually thought that might happen in 3x04 when they both were in the prison world, but that did not last long. But who knows, it’d be nice to see something different though, but I’m not sure what other alternate reality they could end up in. But I’m sure the writers could come up with something. Even if it was like a chambre de chasse or something where they had to be put in one of those for whatever reason, that would also be nice because they could get a break and be together that way. I think as long as they’re together and not separated from each other again, I’ll be happy (I think haha). And if they could finally have a break on top of that and be able to recover after everything, that would be ideal.

And I have no idea. Exactly, have they not seen the rest of TVDU? That didn’t happen, and I don’t think I’ve seen that happen in other shows either. So true, we saw Landon’s memories in that scene, that came from Landon so he can’t be gone. Yeah, those people are just so desperate for him to be gone, they’ll try to come up with anything to give themselves hope. They thought he was dead for good after he was stabbed by the golden arrow too. And after they spent an entire season showing how much Hope loves Landon, idk how anyone could possibly think they’re just gonna get rid of him.

I’m a bit torn when it comes to Malilandon. Because on the one hand, I feel it needs to last a significant amount of time. They’ve been building up to it since season 1, this is the main villain of the show finally achieving his goal (part of it anyway), so it’s a huge deal. And I feel they shouldn’t rush through it, plus Aria does such an amazing job, I want to see more of him playing that. But on the other hand, I need Landon back now. I want him out of pain too because I cannot believe all that the writers have put him through. I just want him to be okay again. And one of the issues as well is that he has been possessed for a long time, at least a few weeks now, maybe even a month or so, but they didn’t show it when I feel they should have. But I feel like they could make up for that by showing flashbacks of what Malivore has been up to all this time, and that way we would see more Malilandon, but they could get Malivore out of Landon sooner without it feeling too rushed and like we hadn’t seen as much of Malilandon maybe? Idk, them keeping Landon’s time in the prison world and Malilandon a secret made for some good plot twists, but I’m not sure it was worth it tbh. Because now there could be problems with us not seeing as much of that as we should. I would’ve preferred them letting the audience know what was going on with Landon and showing it throughout the season, while still keeping the other characters in the dark. But yes, if Malivore is still a big part of season 4, he had better not be in Landon anymore. I can’t imagine he will be though. And I completely agree, they better leave Landon alone after this. He and Hope shouldn’t have to go through anymore trauma at all, but at the very least, they need a break. True though, unfortunately, I don’t think they’ll let them have a whole season without something bad happening either.

I can’t see Ethan being one of Malivore’s kids. I think, besides Landon obviously, most of Malivore’s children would be pretty old. And they’ve implied throughout the whole show that Landon is the one child of his that was actually born, which took a very long time for him to achieve. I just can’t imagine he would’ve done that twice around the same time since Ethan and Landon are probably around the same age? At least within a couple years of each other? Plus you’re right about the compulsion thing too, that’s a big giveaway. And also, I think his mom would’ve mentioned something about it, like how Seylah knew, if that had happened. But she wasn’t at all aware of anything supernatural before. So if that ended up being true, that would be extremely weird I think, and would feel very forced and out of nowhere. And I’d like for Ethan to stay a human too. True, I feel like they could bring more humans into the show without everyone being supernatural, so it might be a nice change to have a human as one of the mains.

I’ve thought about that too, and I don’t think I’d mind seeing other children of Malivore either, as long as it was done well, of course. Because yeah, what happened to the rest of them? It’d be very interesting to see if there are others who are still around and if they also hate Malivore and want him gone, or if there are some who would side with him. That could make for some good new characters or villains. And if there were some who were good like Landon, I’d like to see Landon interact with them and maybe have some sort of sibling relationship with them too. So I agree, there’s definitely potential for some cool storylines.

Yeah that could be true. They really just kinda dropped triad after season 1. Where did they all go? They’re still out there somewhere so you’d think they’d go back to that at some point. And yes, something could happen with MG and his mom. And also, is he not curious what happened to his mom and the rest of triad? You’d think they’d try to find out what’s going on with them after what happened when they’ve supposedly disappeared. So yeah, I’d say there’s a chance they’ll bring triad back at some point.

Haha, I feel that though. There’s just too much that goes on in this show, it’s easy to go on about it.

[dtrhwithalex]

BOOK | Grisha Trilogy (Leigh Bardugo)

Shadow and Bone (2012), Siege and Storm (2013), Ruin and Rising (2014)

I came to this world through the Netflix adaptation SHADOW AND BONE which came out earlier this year, and after, to my huge surprise, falling in love with these stories, I decided I would have to give these books a go as well. I've been aware of the Grishaverse for quite some time now but probably especially since SIX OF CROWS came out in 2016 and tumblr went completely batshit for one (1) Kaz Brekker. I am always kind of wary when it comes to entertainment that tumblr goes nuts for, especially when it is YA fiction, because I do not quite trust the general consensus (I was sorely disappointed by Donna Tartt's THE SECRET HISTORY which I found tremendously boring). So actually, I've been actively avoiding reading this book series until now. But then the Netflix adaptation happened and well—you can blame (or thank) Ben Barnes, because he is pretty much at fault for this alone. Anyway, enough preamble.

I've just recently finished reading the last book of the trilogy and I have to say, I have to my surprise really enjoyed these books! I've also read the short stories THE WITCH OF DUVA after the first book, and THE TAILOR and THE TOO-CLEVER FOX after the second, and will be reading LITTLE KNIFE and THE DEMON IN THE WOOD before I move on to the Crows duology. I am reading the short stories according to publication year and not specific date, so they might not be completely in release order.

Reading SHADOW AND BONE I was very much always thinking back and comparing to the plot of the show since that was my original basis for the story. I am not too fond of first person narratives as I prefer things to be written in third person, but I've found that it did not bother me all that much in these books. What I realised though, was that I liked the show a bit more than the book, because it goes beyond Alina's story and the information a reader gets through her focalisation. We get to see Mal's story instead of only hearing of some of it when he and Alina are finally reunited once she leaves the Little Palace, which to me also made the character a whole lot more likable and interesting than in the books. I've also found that I really enjoyed the integration of the Crows in the show because it made the time leading up to and including the Winter Fete that much more interesting. Generally, I really liked most of the changes they made to the story for the adaptation—Alina scheming to get on the skiff, the Darkling's claw ring instead of the knife, that Alina seems to ride the entire way to Os Alta with the Darkling, the explicit consent given at the Winter Fete, erasing the scar, the fact that Alina and Mal don't kiss during the search of the stag. I would have loved to see some of the early scenes like in the book though, especially Alina and Mal on the way to Kribirsk and nearly getting run over by the Grisha carriages. I am also not entirely sure what I want to think about the change of Morozova's collar. I thought it was super dope that it was actually mended into her collarbone, but I am uncertain about her being able to completely melt it into her body and have it disappear like that. But generally, I really liked this first book. I think it does a pretty good job of establishing the world through Alina's eyes and gearing up the plot of the three novels.

SIEGE AND STORM then, of course, gave me my first look into the Grishaverse that was not completely informed by the adaptation. I was super surprised how quick it became clear to them that the Darkling had survived the events in the Fold and for him to catch up with them. I loved the sequences on the Volkvolny with Sturmhond though. And although I was aware that there was a character called Nikolai in this universe, it took me forever to catch on that he was Sturmhond, and when that reveal came I was very much happily blown away. I am super excited to see that character translated to screen (when, not if, the show finally gets renewed for a second season). I really enjoyed the hunt for Rusalye, the introduction of Tamar and Tolya, and for the role Genya gets to play in that sequence. Also, when first getting into this universe, my immediate first thought was, why don't they just fly over the Fold. Do airborne crafts not exist in this world (yet)? No balloons or something like it? And then of course Sturmhond delivered which definitely helped solidify how much I like his character. I am an incredibly visual person, so I think my favourite bits of this book are all somehow related to how much I would like to see them brought to screen (it's either that, or just how much I want to see Ben and Jessie be brilliant in scenes together). The bond between Alina and the Darkling I really enjoyed a lot and also absolutely the scene in the chapel at the end with him believing that she has finally chosen his side, only for her to then try and kill him with their combined powers and merzost. An absolutely extraordinary scene and if Netflix does not renew this show and I never get to see Ben and Jessie fucking nail this scene, I might just riot.

I had to take a bit of a break in-between books two and three because of uni responsibilities, but I finally got around to reading RUIN AND RISING and finished it two days ago. I am very unsure if I liked the ending or not, but more on that later. I was very glad when they finally got out of the White Cathedral and back to the world above ground, because as cool as this undergound world is, the Apparat creeps me out and so does religious culty stuff. I loved the plotting and scheming though and the fact that Alina can control shadows to some extent. Very cool. Prince Nikolai to the rescue once more was also fantastic and the existence of the Spinning Wheel fascinates me to no end. That I definitely want to see translated on screen. Make me a beautiful observatory to fall in love with, Netflix, make me one! Loved the return of Baghra as well, and generally all of her moments at the Spinning Wheel. The Darkling's attack too was right up my alley, and nichevo'ya!Nikolai? Fucking dope, I love it. This novel especially makes for some great visuals that I can't wait to see on the show. Just gimme, all of it. I liked that the Firebird was not the third amplifier, and I find the idea of Mal being the amplifier instead quite intriguing. What I am not so sure about is the actual ending. I once again really loved the bond scenes between Alina and the Darkling, and I now absolutely see why some fans are upset about him giving up his real name so quickly in the show. I do wonder how that is going to play out eventually. I did like the Darkling's ending—his desperation at Alina losing her power, his plea to her that there will be no grave, and him asking for her to speak his name one last time. And I loved that, as horrible of a person he was, as much gruesome things he did, Alina still understood what drove him and still felt a certain kinship to that, and ultimately did also mourn him in a way. There is this echoing of that line from the show—"we could have had this, all of it"—if only he'd asked, and I absolutely love that. Their dynamic is just incredibly intriguing. The thing I am not sure about is Alina losing her power. Mal coming back to life, yeah okay maybe. The power of the Sun Summoner splitting and finding root in every otkazat'sya in the vicinity, that was amazing. But Alina completely losing her power? I don't know. I am not sure what I want to think about that. I see where it comes from but I don't think I like it.

Overall, I have to say, I really enjoyed this trilogy. I don't think I've read a YA series since the HP one which I grew up with. I am honestly very positively surprised by this fact. I am very excited to read on, especially since summer break has now officially started for me and I actually have the time to read. I know I mentioned some of the short stories in the beginning, but I think I will talk about those separately once I've read them all.

For now all that I can say is, damn you, Ben Barnes, for being this attractive as a bad guy, you alone are to blame that I am falling down this particular rabbit hole. Thanks so much.

[just-like-playing-tag]

A Letter from Norman reactions

Tonight I was feeling like reorganizing the notes I took after reading the novel for the first time. Just some random personal reactions I had after reading it; if anything catches your attention and you'd like to know more about a particular event from the novel, please feel free to ask and I'll be happy to help!!!

Under the cut because it's l o n g. That is, if Tumblr allows me to add a "read more", which has never happened before, but I'll keep hoping in it.

• Disclaimer: I'm suing anyone who ever said that the novel is all about NorEmma. I've literally put off reading it because I didn't want to get into something overly romantic while there's??? Nearly nothing about it that is romantic??????? Just a slight mention in that last chapter and that's it???????? Why are y'all like this

Prologue

• I need you all to know that the important letter™ through which Norman informed Emma about his plan starts with him describing the weather. I just think it's a relevant information.

• Ok I'm at freaking page 1 of “A letter from Norman” and. NORMAN IT'S A FREAKING LETTER TO EMMA NOT A SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY THERE'S LITERALLY NO REASON TO BE THIS POETIC

Maybe, I would get it if it was directed to Ray, but to Emma?????

Chapter 1

• Emma in 2038: Let's befriend ghosts

Emma in 2047: let's befriend demons

Seems like a logic consecution to me

• Ok but why has nobody ever mentioned the extremely precious Emma / Gilda moments in the novel???? My heart was completely melting that was the most adorable thing I've ever read??????

• The way Norman is constantly in awe of Ray is so adorable... Baby is so sweet I swear, he deserves the world

Chapter 2

• OK BUT THE SWEET EXCHANGE between Ray and Isabella before him and Emma go out at night?????? Ray is so pure is swear... He's a precious baby who didn't deserve all the shit he went through.

Reporting it in case anyone's curious; for context, Norman is sick, and Emma wants to go out look for a flower that she's read is going to help him feel better. Emma and Ray are convinced that Norman is going to die because babies are just that dramatic, and easily impressionable as well. They're seven here.

“ «Ray, I'm counting on you!»

Isabella pressed an hand on the boy's shoulder, who turned his face to her and diligently nodded, before continuing: «Differently from Emma, I don't think the flower is going to help Norman heal».

«What do you mean?»

«However, it's better than having to sit back and watch without doing anything. I too, like her, want him to heal as soon as possible.»

«Sure, I understand...» ”

NOW that hits so hard. You have to understand, this is after Ray had made the deal with Isabella. He had already started to plan the escape. In this occasion, he was on a very thin line: alone at night with Emma, outside the House, a child who knew the truth. Isabella knew those were the right conditions for him to attempt an escape, so she decided to test his loyalty; one misstep, and their deal - which was fundamental for the escape Ray was planning - would have ended.

But at the same time, Ray needed to go. Because, just like Emma, he just couldn't stand to lose Norman. And to see these three children caring so deeply about each other even at such a young age makes me honestly bawl. This is quite certainly my favorite thing from this series. And Ray deserves the world.

• Ray was so determined to save his two friends, he even considered for a moment, in the woods, to tell Emma the truth about the orphanage. I find it very nice how the novel hinted of all these times Ray almost revealed the truth, it really puts emphasis on how he was trying to find the best moment for the escape- but it also hints to how desperate he was to share this grievous burden he was forced to carry for the longest time.

• “ Ray, you must keep on living, Norman whispered to himself like a prayer. ”

I'm... I'M 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Doesn't help the fact that this bit was literally at the end of pages of Norman praising Ray and how brave he had been for so long.

• “ Nobody in the House would have wanted for Ray to pay with his life to amend the silence of all those years. ”

I love this bit. Nobody between the children ever hated Ray for speechlessly assisting to dozens of his siblings being lead to death, because they all immediately understood how much he was suffering, how powerless he must had felt, and also, even though it only led to him being even more hurt, how deeply he loved them all. It's really nice to realize that no children ever hated Ray- no one besides from himself. His siblings love him unconditionally, and that's precisely what he deserves 🤧🤧💕💕💕

• Norman: *adventures in a detailed description of Ray's features and gestures for no other apparent reason than the fact that he finds him pretty*

Chapter 3

• Ok I know people use to see Ray and Susan's interactions under the light of Ray having a crush on her but honestly? I think they make the cutest brotp. I never knew how much I needed Ray-having-an-older-sister content untill now.

• For real though!! What hits you really hard is to find out, even though he would had never ever showed it, how desperate he was to have somebody care about him, and to be loved. He literally grieves for losing someone that looks after him and is there to check on him in his lowest days- we know it's the thing Isabella never gave him. Man, this boy didn't deserve all the shit that happened to him. Tpn may have become an old known story for me, but Ray's sufferings in his early age will never stop tearing my heart apart.

• Ok, I wasn't ready for all this angst on Ray's part. I mean, I obviously know GF were hard times for him, but I didn't expect for him to take over the pov. Sis, how wrong I was. Now I'm crying.

• Coming to the realization that Ray's initial plan actually was to bring everyone in the escape, but he clearly had to give up on it after having realized it would have been impossible to save them 🥺🥺🥺

(I mean it was not impossible. He believed it was. But it wasn't.)

• Ok but. The last part of the Ner chapter. I really don't want to spoil it for anyone because it really was a beautiful chapter but I really need to say: Emma and Norman. The way it wasn't just Ray always being there for them, protecting them from afar; no matter their blissful ignorance, they have always been there for him too. They never abandoned that lonely boy, and they made it so that he could have a last reason not to give up. A single, dim light of hope in that pitch black, devastating world he was born in. I may or may not be crying my eyes out.

(Btw I had written this before the Ray special chapter came out, and it's kinda funny to look back at it now)

• The thing with the Ner chapter is: you enter in it after reading two chapters of normal, wholesome children's stories. There's a dark undertune in it, but it's very subtle and it doesn't interfere with the happy, cheerful atmosphere of these children facing adventures together with each other. But then the Ner chapter strikes, and the Ray pov arrives, and it's like being beaten with a bat in the stomach several times. Deep down, you had always known it; but you suddenly realize that all these children are going to die. And, even worse, there's one child who knows. There's one child who has to assist to everything powerlessly. There's one child, one freaking-nine-years-old who knows that all his siblings are going to die, and there's nothing he can do. That a single mistake could ruin the chances of making just two of his siblings survive, which is everything he's hanging to right now. One child who only needs to be loved. Well that... That hits hard.

Me expressing my thoughts: girl this form is shit you can't write something that is understandable to save your life can you

• Also can we please appreciate Norman taking so long to get out of the forest as it's a recurrent characterizzation of his character to be desperately willing to live just *French chef kiss*

• I really like how the novel underlined how Norman's choice of sacrificing himself corresponded to a betrayal toward his friends (when you think about it, Emma definitely felt betrayed). It's almost like in his last moments Norman chose to switch roles with Ray, taking on his shoulders the burden of being both the traitor and the sacrifice.

Chapter 4

• Norman: * “ He instinctively closed his eyes and abandoned himself to the sweet memory of that time he understood how deeply loved he was. ” *

Somewhere, Ray: Can't relate

• Emma: Norman, what you want to do when you grow up?

Norman: It's a secret.

Me:

• “ Ray woke up before everyone, as usual. ”

A remarkable detail. You'd think Ray, as a good depressed person as he is, would sleep more than the average. The truth is: he doesn't sleep at all.

• Norman: There's... Another person I like

Me:

• OK NOW WHY did none tell me about the nine (9) lines of Norman / Don interacting it was worth reading the novel solely for that.

• WHY DID NONE TELL ME ABOUT DON ALMOST STRANGLING NORMAN AND MAKING HIM LITERALLY PASS AWAY IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH READING THE NOVEL SOLELY FOR THAT

• Reading about Conny being there hurts a lot but reading about Sadie and Hao brings up a totally different kind of pain. Also who the hell is Cindy?

• Norman: Oh yes, Emma and Ray, my most dear friends, my closest siblings, the reason I wake up in the morning, my only reason to live, the ones I'd entrust my life with,

Also Norman: Dunnot in the last thirteen hours and six minutes they have been acting pretty sus, I'm kinda sure they're betraying me somehow ://

• “ «I agree, but it feels like you've fallen down a rabbit hole. You're restless, you constantly look off...» said the raven haired boy, distorting his mouth in an hardly intelligible grimace and giving his friend a meaningful look.

«Norman, about that mysterious girl...»

«No, you're mistaken! I...»

Norman, filled with frustration, raised up his voice, starting to lose the coolness that was usually characteristic of him.

«But I haven't said anything yet!»

That being said Ray, with slightly mocking doing, turned on his feet and went away, leaving Norman like that. ”

I LOVE THIS BIT SO INEXPLICABLY MUCH I'm always *so* in for Oreo finishing each other sentences / reading each other's thoughts. Here, Norman answered Ray's question before he could even expose it, because he already knew what it would have been. Equally, Ray knew what Norman was going to say even though he cut his answer halfway through.

I love how much on the same page they are, they really... Totally and fully understand each other even without words, and I find it so sweet. Seriously, their dynamic is so wholesome

• Norman's last birthday gift: the thing that matters the most to him: his family's happiness

Emma's reward: the thing that matters the most to her: her family's happiness

Some things hit harder than others.

• I don't know like. When you read the novel after the series has ended, everything hurts so much more, because you know these are all memories Emma has lost forever.

• So you made colorful clothing by "coloring old clothes"? Have fun realizing y'all have celebrated Norman's birthday wearing your dead siblings' clothes

Bonus this epic note I randomly took I completely forgot the context of:

• Isabella is a bitch. I don't give a fuck about your dramatic past woman, leave that boy alone

(When the protect Ray mood hits™)

[dabis-devil]

Nothing Breaks Like a Heart. დ

-; ♡.° [ A/N: ] ୭̥ Okay so this idea just popped into my head and I couldn't not write it. This is my first fic and I really hope it doesn't blow over, let's hope for the best, loves! If Dabi ain't Touya, I'm gonna be a real fool, huh?

-; ♡.° [ Warnings: ] ୭̥ Gn!reader, Swearing, Suggestive content, sO mUcH aNgsT

-; ♡.° [ Summary: ] ୭̥ Everybody knows the infamous villian Dabi, his name spreads fear across the streets of Japan. Many would hate to admit it, but he wasn't always cold and alienated. It all bubbles down to one girl, who left his heart in shambles.

-; ♡.° [ Tag list: ] ୭̥ birthday girl! @queensynderella (👾 here)

━━━━°⌜ 失恋 ⌟°━━━━

It was a brisk Friday night, cool air hitting Touya's pale skin. Bandages clothed his forearms, which seemed to be more burnt every time the redhead came to see y/n. These burns inflicted by his quirk hadn't yet damaged his skin to the point of no repair, but it most definitely wasn't perfect. His large hands fumbled with the clasp of the gate to his home, Touya found himself sneaking out to see y/n more often than not. Enji claimed he was hitting the rebellious stage of his adolescence, little did he know that this would become his son's day to day life.

Against his better judgement, Touya was nineteen and still living at home. He had no where else to go, and he had siblings to rescue from their nightmare of a father. He desperately wanted to take shouto from the unfair wrath of their old man, but he was unable to do so. Instead, he would sweep his brother up into a tight hug whenever he mustered the chance. That poor kid, getting tossed around and neglected. His heart went out to young Shouto.

Touya’s figure was clothed in a baggy black tank top with black jeans and a dark zip up hoodie paired with a pair of black boots (you can @ me on this, he was edgy before dabi became dabi). He had his signature nose studs and additional ear piercings at his time too. He was working on getting a job of his own, something to get him money and fast. After that he would move out, hopefully taking his siblings with him.

As of now, y/n is the only rabbit hole he has. The only escape from his everyday terrors. That's why he was walking alone on the streets around twelve a.m., counting down the very minutes until he could reach their address. The lit cigarette hanging from his lip left a trail of smoke in its midst, that could barely be seen even with the midnight glow. His steps were shallow and speedy, hellbent on getting over to y/n’s place. Seeing that beautiful face every night is what brought him joy, and made carrying on each morning that much easier.

━━━━°⌜ 失恋 ⌟°━━━━

Y/n was sprawled across their bed, carefree and unalert. Like most teens, they wouldn't go to sleep early. They had training tomorrow with the rest of class 4-A, but couldn't sleep. Not with the thoughts pooled in their head, that they sat to contemplate and overthink. Y/n grew distant to their dear boyfriend, Touya, and the guilt weighed a ton. Though the weight of what news you planned to share with him tonight is a million times heavier.

Y/n’s (e/c) eyes we're glued to their phone screen, set on a picture they had taken with Touya a few short weeks ago. A single tear rolled down their rosy cheeks. ' This is gonna break him. ' they thought. Y/n was pulled away from their thoughts when the glass window beside the desk gently rattled, a certain troubled redhead struggling to crawl through their window sill. Y/n frantically wiped their face before he got the opportunity to see a pinch of sadness in their expression- at least a pinch they didn't want him to notice. “ hey baby. . ” they smiled half heartedly, slipping from their cozy bedframe.

“ hey, princess, ” He smiled geekily. As Touya dusted off his jacket from the greenery and gunk that plagued the material, they pressed their plush lips to his. Truth be told they clung to him for a bit too long that night. In all fairness, this would be the last kiss they got from him.

As much as it pained y/n to do this, Touya Todoroki was bad for them.

━━━━°⌜ 失恋 ⌟°━━━━

A little while later, the night had taken y/n. Touya laid with his arms tightly wrapped around their frame, their head atop his clothed chest. He had been falling in and out of sleep as the television played a series- one of their favorites. Y/n on the other hand, couldn't get a wink of rest. Instead, their eyes burned with the sensation to hold back tears. Finally, one spilled over their eyelid. They scrambled to wipe the droplet of moisture away before it soaked through his shirt, not only failing but drawing extra attention to theirself. Touya’s turquoise eyes fluttered open, immediately drawn to y/n. He sat up, in turn pulling them up with him. The fingers of his right hand ended up under their chin, magnetizing his gaze to their own. “ doll, what's wrong? ” he cooed, eyebrows knitted at y/n’s profound sadness.

Y/n did everything in their power to keep their eyes peeled, the only working strategy was simply squeezing them shut. Y/n could no longer hold back the water works, the fluid boiled over and rolled down their pained face. Y/n didn't need eyes to see Touya’s small frown, they could feel it. “ T-Touya. . . ” their breath hitched in the back of their throat. “ we need to talk. ” Y/n’s voice was shakey, and this whole scene was quite frankly uncomfortable considering how out of touch Touya is with his emotions.

Y/n felt Touya stiffen underneath them, and opened their eyes to catch him staring. Turquoise eyes half lidded as usual. He is obviously concerned, one masculine hand rubbing circles into y/n’s back. He kept quiet, giving them the time they need to spit out their burden. “ I. . I can't do this anymore. I can't watch you kill yourself. ”

In more ways than one, Touya had proven destructive. Not only that, but he didn't care. The redheads loving embrace faded, instead it just seemed like a stranger was holding them close. Y/n didn't want to imagine how this made him feel, even worse about how he would pretend to feel. “ I- what? Whad’ya mean? ” Touya scrunched his nose in confusion. “ my quirk? ” the male asked. Sadly he missed the point, and this wouldn't be as simple as they hoped. Maybe he didn't want to accept the truth so soon.

Y/n’s shakey palm met the side of his face, sweeping along his sharp jaw. “ you get high all the time, you don't trust me, you've been so distant these last few weeks. . And when I try to check on you, I get shut down. ” a steady stream of tears now rolled down their cheek. “ I've been thinking about it for a while, Touya. . ” y/n’s choked up sobs filled the room, his silence wavering in their mind. Touya was trying to make sense of the situation, or come up with false feelings. It stung to know that he felt his emotions are invalid. “ I'm so sorry, I just. . I can't baby. ”

Touya was a sitting statue on your bed, his turquoise orbs glued to the sheets. The things you two have done. . The memories. . The plans for the future. . All swirling down the drain. “ I can stop. ” his voice distantly aching with sorrow. his head swiveled towards y/n, giving them all the attention he could. The poor boy was loosing it, just at the possibility of losing the one person that mattered most to him. His anchor

“ I've already tried to get you help. You wouldn't take it. ” y/n frowned softly. “ I can't believe that again. . ” though the last thing they wanted right now was to separate themselves from Touya in his time of need, it was far too much to bare. After all, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

Y/n slowly wiggled out of the redhead's embrace, instead sitting across from him and holding one bandaged hand within their own. Y/n was begging for him to say something, to say anything. Instead, they would gaze at a shell of what used to be Touya.

“ y/n, please- ” the scarred teen pleaded. His expression was something in a sea of despair, yet he couldn't quite express that. He couldn't cry. All he could do was sit across from y/n and hope they could forgive him, hope that he could fix his issues. His chest was heavy, each rise and fall more tense than the last. “ I'm sorry. . Let me fix this. Please. . ? ” frantic words jumbled, something that made y/n pull him into their arms, and rest his head in the crook of their neck. Droplets of clear water fell down their face, seeing him like this was unbearable. It had to be done.

Fingers combed through the boys spiky red hair, his rapid breathing slowed to a calm. Y/n pressed a soft kiss to his temple. “ I love you, but I can't do this anymore. ” their soft whispers were almost tranquil to Touya, despite the underlining meaning. This voice he cherished each night, he just had to hear it a bit more before he made his exit. “ don't forget that, okay? If you're better in the future, maybe we could try this again. ” they reassured, petting his silky locks.

Touya pulled away, head still hung. “ This is. . This is what you want? ” He looked upwards, turquoise orbs burning into y/n’s, hoping for the answer he expected to be wrong.

“ yeah, ” y/n answered under their breath, breaking the precious concentration on his beautiful eyes.

Touya rose from the bed, reaching for his leather jacket and pulling on his boots. Shortly after, heading for the window. The silence was more than just that, it was the lack of an idea on what to do here. Y/n decided to stand up as well, arms crossed over their chest. “ I- uh- ” he cleared his throat, tugging open the window. “ I'll see you around then. ” he managed to catch a last glimpse of the love of his life, before feeding his slim body out of the window. Tears fell from y/n’s face to the floor beneath them. As much as their fragile heart hurt right now, things would get better. It had to.

━━━━°⌜ 失恋 ⌟°━━━━

The second Touya’s boots hit the leaves beneath him, one foot sprung in front of the other. He found himself running away from y/n’s home, almost as if his life depended on it. He could barely walk, his head was spinning, chest was tight, and his dressed wounds began to ache. Yet his feet carried him away. He didn't want to go home, the thought of going back with no escape made his skin crawl. The moon above lit the teens path as he aimlessly ran.

The time escaped him, as he wound up on the bad side of town. Rumored to be crooks and thieves around every street corner, and worse beyond that. Fresh out of breath, Touya placed his hands on a wall to catch himself, knees buckling underneath the weight. He slid down the brick wall in the dimmed alleyway, scooping his knees up to his chest. He was alone, a bit scared, and heartbroken. His eyes fell shut, and his head rolled onto his knees. Before he knew it, Touya had passed out, with one thing on his mind: y/n.

[yaz-the-spaz]

I'm sure you've noticed me stalking your blog these past two days lol and I have another question if you dont mind. In my last ask you said you had some theories about zayn leaving ot4vszayn etc and I was wondering if you would expand upon them? If you dont want to write it all out, you can point me towards certain tags or other blogs if you want. I've been looking through your tags and have found a lot but I wanted to know if there is something that might be more like a timeline of sorts? Thx!!

hey there! here i finally am, so sorry to have kept you waiting but i hope this reply finds you well! :) 

now onto your questions…

so as far as a timelines @bakagamieru has some really good masterposts (x, x) that i would recommend checking out that really break things down play-by-play and i think most of which was compiled as it was happening so it’s a super great (and super detailed) documentation of all the shit that was going down during that period and all the narrative inconsistencies and stunts and back and forth, etc. they’re quite long though and, like i said, very detailed so i would recommend making sure you have plenty of time on your hands before you get sucked down a masterpost and link rabbit hole lol

and for more thoughts/theories of mine i would say check my zayn vs. ot4 tags (x, x - sorry there’s multiple iterations of this, apparently sometimes i had put a period after vs and sometimes i didn’t and now i have two tags smh at my own damn irritating inconsistency)

now onto the meat of your question, which is my current theories on zayn leaving/the zayn vs. ot4 narrative which i’m gonna put as a read more cause i’m not in the mood for ppl coming for me if they disagree, so read at your own risk folks…

so over the years there’s four main theories that i’ve personally gone back and forth over, which i’m gonna summarize quickly and try and explain as succinctly as i can my thoughts on each one and my opinion on the likelihood of it holding credence

disclaimer before i get into the explanations - a large part of my reasoning has to do with the caveat of there possibly being any kind of real tension or bad blood between zayn and louis in particular or any of the other boys. not saying that it was necessarily actually the case, just that it was a potential factor that went into my rationale and personal mental debate over the whole situation

he was coerced in some shape or form to leave and instead of fighting it, went along with it (maybe b/c he was already unhappy) - if there ever was actually any real animosity between him and louis (or harry/niall), this could explain why louis (or the others) might have hypothetically been mad at him b/c he might have felt that zayn could’ve/didn’t fight hard enough or went along with it too easily. but all that aside, even if there was no tension between him and louis/the boys, this option makes a lot of sense because given all he talked about going through in the band (depression, the e.d., too much pressure, not having control or being able to do what he wanted, the intense and rampant closeting putting a strain on his relationship, etc.) it’s not hard to see how he might’ve felt this was the best and only option

he was coerced into leaving, tried to fight it but couldn’t (and possibly even knew for a while that it was coming) - this wouldn’t explain why louis (or the others) might have hypothetically been mad at him but instead does put more credence into the fact that that was completely contrived and pushed by mgmt, and is also just as likely as #1 to me for pretty much the same reasons, not to mention it explains some shady things that happened in the months leading up to it re him not being there for certain promo obligations and appearances, etc.

he was coerced into leaving and had absolutely no choice about it and no way to fight it (i.e. didn’t necessarily want to leave but still knew for a while that it was coming) - pretty much same reasoning as above for this one, the only difference being that in this scenario he wouldn’t have wanted to leave at all which given all he went through i just don’t know if i believe that was wholly the case (more on this below) 

he chose to leave completely on his own - although it would explain any lingering animosity, this to me is the least likely in large part because i just have a hard time believing he would have chosen all on his own to just up and leave in the middle of a tour, not to mention been allowed to (esp given that they would’ve all known they had the hiatus coming up not long after and were about to go the countries where zayn specifically probably have had the biggest following/fan support - the middle east and north africa). but even if he hypothetically really did choose it all on its own it’s hard for me to believe that he would have even been able to leave like that unless there was some element of complacency from their mgmt that allowed it to happen and then you have to wonder why would they just let 1/5 of their biggest money maker walk away with no law suits, no drama, no nothing. it stinks of a larger plan at play which is what brings me back to the theories above. 

those are the main theories that i’ve gone back and forth on and i’ve never really been able to settle on just one, but to me given all that he expressed after leaving the most likely are the first two. i think all of the boys were pretty much done with how they were being treated, but zayn especially so, and it’s very easy for me to see how, when the opportunity arose he might have accepted because he felt it was the best way to save himself (as in his mental and physical health) and possibly also his relationship, though whether that acceptance was with a little (theory #1) or lot (theory #2) of initial opposition on his part, who’s to say. however, i definitely believe that, regardless of the details, there was some element of seeding and/or coercion from tptb, esp when considered in context with the shadiness of certain things, like him not being at certain events that he should’ve legally been obligated to be at in the months leading up to his leaving if no one but him knew he was planning on leaving. or him crying at the last concert that he performed at. those do not seem to be like the actions of a man who wanted to leave completely of his own accord and without any degree of finessing by mgmt to orchestrate it. when you’re a mega popstar in the biggest band in the world you don’t just not show up to something. that’s the type of situation where people will literally come to your house and drag you out of bed because you’re costing them a shit ton of money (like millions of dollars worth of money) by not being there. there’s tons of stories of rock stars where managers or someone from their team would literally go bang down a missing band member’s door, shove them in the shower to sober them up or help them whatever they needed to do, and drag their ass on stage to perform or to a press event or whatever. so you can bet that nothing less, if not the same, would be done for a missing member of a multi-billion-dollar-making band if need be. 

so yeah zayn just not showing up for promo events and performances in the months leading up to his leaving? not believable to me at all. the only conceivable reason for him not to have been there is if mgmt didn’t want him there and the only reason (at least that i can think of) for why you wouldn’t 1/5 of your biggest money-maker to be somewhere he should have been legally obligated to be (and that might’ve cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars for him not to be) is if he wasn’t legally obligated to be there because you were already in the process of phasing him out. ergo it was very likely planned. months in advance. and if it was planned months in advance with the help and orchestration of mgmt then that story of him just deciding to up and leave is complete bs and makes it even more likely to me that there was a level of coercion (because again if 1/5 of your biggest money maker suddenly says to you ‘i wanna leave’ you’re gonna do everything in your power to make him stay so you can keep making money, not help phase him out. unless of course you want him out, which they clearly did.)

one last thing i wanna add is a link to a post i had saved that i feel adds a bit of further credence to all this, it’s nothing concrete but it’s something that helped solidify some things for me when i was a giant ball of confusion over what to believe

anyway, i know that i rambled on forever and this definitely did not end up being as succinct or brief as i had hoped (though lbr when is anything i do ever), but i hope this at least sort of answered your questions and made some amount of sense/was not too incoherent and didn’t completely bore you to death lol