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haley770 · 9 months ago

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glue me by los campesinos! is my favorite song(by my favorite band) ever and it is so so wilmon. literally everything about this song is perfect and beautiful. the lyrics represent wilmon and young royals so much. so lets go through it, shall we?

just a little note: almost nothing about this is in any order of the show(it is in order of the lyrics), basically just what scenes/things i am reminded of by some of the lyrics because so much of it lines up with this amazing show [:

youtube

/this song begins with such an amazing line, "the clouds salivating, drooling from the sky at the thought of the trouble to wreck" it is raining. water is such a big component as a metaphor in this show to represent everyones feelings. (thank you @tvmicroscope i love your analysis') its also just such a beautiful way to describe the rain as well, the clouds salivating, oh my god (!!! WTFF thats AMAZING I LOVE IT). and then it continues, "and its high tide, as the sewers rise and the drains have become obsolete" it is flooding. both of these just make me think of how it was raining on wilhelm in the soccer/football field scene. when he was soo fucking high and confused and overwhelmed, his brain was being flooded by so many feelings and emotions. probably conflicting each other. wilhelms entire life as he knew it is falling apart, he lost his brother, his best and only friend. he blames himself. he feels guilty. he is burdened with the title of the crown prince, which is the last thing that wilhelm wants. and most importantly(to him at least) he had to reject the love of his life because the crown prince cannot be gay like that. he felt like he was drowning in all of these emotions. he couldnt handle it, "i cant do this anymore", earlier in this same episode when he yet again rejected simon. but still, he goes on and makes the most amazing(and somewhat embarassing) love confession to simon because that is what he really feels. it is the only thing he can take a chance with for him to feel anything nice. and real. (ily tvmicroscope your analysis' are so beautiful)

/and now simon turns up, "seems theres no place in this town, for something as pure as you seem" wilhelm definitely thought this when simon actually came to rescue him in the middle of the night all like "you came, oh my god you came, im so glad youre here, youre so beautiful" wilhelm was definitely shocked simon actually came, especially after all the back and forth wilhelm put him through. it just further proves how amazing(pure) simon is(for this world/town).

/another heartbreaking one "water to my waist in a shark-infested bin" again reminds me of the football field scene when it was raining. wilhelm is so overwhelmed with everything. the water. he just wants to talk to somebody, but he is surrounded by fake friends who want to use him, people who dont give a shit about him as a person. the sharks. he doesnt have anybody to turn to. so he takes the chance of calling simon.

/this time, i hear simon. "and i heard, that it hurts" it literally echoes simon's "love shouldnt be this difficult" from the season 3 trailer. or maybe even in season 1 where wilhelm completely betrays simons trust and then doesnt understand what he did wrong. its just so heartbreaking for both of them ): especially because simon still loves wilhelm but hes also angry at him. at first, wilhelm didnt want simon to be mad at him because of the drugs, and he wasnt. but now he lied, and their relationship has since changed, and simon is mad at him, rightfully so.

/this one is more direct, "two wrists, two wrist watches. tick-tick-tocking second hands slightly out of time" how many times have watches been brought up or specifically highlighted in just seasons 1 and 2? SO MANY TIMES. (haha get it) we even saw some watches in the season 3 trailer! even boris! "ive had this watch for 40 years and it still works" 40 years is honestly crazy though, what the hell. let me see that watch.

/yet another heartbreaking one, "i requested a room with a view, in the middle of a war between me and you" is literally wilhelm looking at the beautiful lake in season 2 crying because he has completely lost hope for simon and he felt soso alone )): thankfully(...)felice came to rescue him, replacing simon from season 1. parallels am i right?(we did NOT need another kiss between felice and wilhelm. one was enough. or apparently it wasnt i guess)

/and, excuse me, OH MY GODD, i can HEAR wilhelm telling simon: "ill be gloomy til they glue me in the arms of [he] who loves me, til the rats and worms are all interned at least five feet above we" he will not give up on simon until he is sure there is no hope left(which we saw in season 2 until the valentines day ball kiss, also in the previous paragraph). another scene that fits is how wilhelm asked simon to hold him ): and finally, just wille being silly (the rats and worms because rats and worms are inherently silly like come on) reminds me of their 'date' by the water in s1e5, but its also so sweet because he is saying he wants to be together with simon until death. which is really the only thing wilhelm definitely wants(as well as for august to rot in hell, or jail, either works but both would be best, but thats besides this point).

/then simon, "[he] smiled, at a joke" just in general how happy he is when theyre together. this reminds me of the lake 'date' again and how totally in love simon looked whenever he was looking at wilhelm. as well as the laugh at the end of s2e5 after wilhelm closed the curtains, im glad theyre healing and can laugh about that.

/once again, excuse me, THE FOOTBALL REFERENCES(its los campesinos' thing to have a lot of football/soccer references in their lyrics but i dont really know much about football/soccer, i just know the references are there) WITH THE WHOLE FOOTBALL METAPHOR AND HOW FOOTBALL=SOMETHING REAL(from what i remember about the tvmicroscope analysis, read it if you havent it was so amazing and it was just so nice to actually see someone take the time to go through the show and each clip and write everything down, i am not very good at spotting metaphors but i love reading about them). but we have roshs great line, "rowing isnt a sport. football is a sport." very insightful for this entire metaphor. i guess you could say when they were at rosh's football/soccer game for these lyrics, but i think thats a bit boring, sorry. i would also like to note that, because of my non-existent knowledge on football/soccer, i chose not to talk about them in detail because i really dont understand the references in the song. from what i do know and so we are on the same page, the references are "im diving into headers, put this pretty face where the boots are flying in" | "but we connected like a yeboah volley" | and "of missed panenka penalty" as well as the chant at the end of the song, but i will actually talk about that in depth because it isnt very specific. there might be more(probably) but im not 100% sure about them.

/finally, we have the entire ending, "ex-boyfriend, boyfriend, give us a song" repeating. another football reference by los camp! which also fits the young royals narrative. the repetition is used as a chant for football, a play on "give us a wave". firstly, the valentines day ball comes to mind. this scene is showing simon who he really(again football is a real sport, thank you tvmicroscope) loves at the valentines day ball, hence him chasing after and kissing wilhelm. he also previously said he couldnt fall in love with marcus, "it just feels like he likes me for real" and "i just dont understand why i cant fall in love with him" ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD. too bad he didnt take the hint back then. also(unrelated) he couldnt even spell marcus' name right. "Hej Markus" seriously simon? too bad he never sent that text. they could have potentially broken up sooner. and then at the end of the valentines ball when marcus wille is listening to his ex-boyfriend his boyfriend sing a song he wrote about HIM(despite him being unaware of this fact until the next episode). it is such a crucial moment in season 2's whole plotline(and wilhelms sanity). next, this reminds me how he literally fell in love with simon when he was singing for him when he was being welcomed to hillerska. the glance around at erik and august like "are you seeing this shit?" or "are we watching the same thing?" look because of simon is so iconic. and the smile is so sweet. his first gay panic experience. moving on, it reminds me of how they sang the same song together later in this same episode "it takes a fool to remain sane". finally, when wilhelm was PISSED because simon couldnt sing his song at the jubilee(and they broke up yet again) and he asked jan olaf about it. he really wanted to see simon perform that for him ): and for simon to be able to perform his song and be happy. at least wilhelm was able to give his wonderful speech. really i am so proud of him, nobody could have expected this from him, especially at this point. not even simon! "it was a.. um.. a moment i didnt want to share, with anyone else, so i lied about it". he has matured so much in such little time, he didnt even want to give this speech either. he shouldnt have to. his anxiety must have been through the roof and he probably threw up afterwards. and of course the infamous consequences. the only reason the queen talks with her son. at least he has simon with him now to hold him when it gets too much(no more fights season 3 please i beg i cant handle it after season 2, the ending did kind of make up for it all though). i got a little off topic but you get the point. also, i brought each of these different scenes up because the ending specifically repeated this lyric several times, like all of these different moments line up. its literally wilmons song, you cant tell me otherwise.

well, that was a lot. i have been thinking about this for WEEKS. months even. and while i typically wouldnt post something like this, i put soso much thought into writing this. like ive actually put so much thought into this its driving me insane. its literally wilmons song, in my opinion. i also just needed a reason to talk about my favorite song and band and relate it to my favorite show. please listen to the song(or anything by los camp! theyre AMAZING). thats really all i need in life, for more people to hear this masterpiece.

🩷💜 thank you💜🩷

i dont know if i will ever do anything like this again, perhaps. im not sure. i did actually enjoy writing this though. i didnt originally plan on writing anything significant but i got carried away. i was supposed to be drawing more wilmon, i want to finish it before season 3 is officially out but it is just so detailed📚. someone yell at me to finish the drawing PLEASE ! time is ticking but its so fucking DETAILED and TEDIOUS. oh my god theres only a week left WHAT THE FUCKK. anyways i loved this [: very fun!

[if there are any typos or just flat out mistakes, either no there isnt or just let me know, i probably wont fix it but i appreciate it. i also want to say i am aware i am HORRIBLE at staying on topic i just had so many things ive wanted to say]

💜

#Spotify #young royals #yr #wilmon #wilhelm young royals #simon eriksson #los campesinos #los campesinos!#Youtube

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kaesaaurelia · 1 year ago

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petrichor, ozone, and copper

For @whumptober day 14, using the prompts “water inhalation,“ “just hold on,” and the lyric prompt, “Feed me poison, fill me ‘till I drown.”

Continued from Day 1, wherein Crowley definitely did not move into the bookshop, took a nap on the couch afterwards, and when he woke up his lungs hurt and he passed out, Day 2, wherein Muriel carried him into Maggie’s record shop, because they hoped a human might understand better than they do what was wrong with him, Day 10, wherein Crowley's illness was causing strange and terrible weather, and help from Heaven was not forthcoming, and Day 13, wherein Crowley got even worse, but Muriel thought they might've worked out what had happened.

Muriel brought Crowley back to Nina's shop, which was very empty. When they put him down on one of the tables, he looked very grumpy indeed.

They didn't know if that was consistent with what they thought was happening to him, but it was consistent with Crowley, so they didn't worry about it too much. "I think it's holiness poisoning," they told the humans. Crowley made an incomprehensible but thoroughly grumpy noise. "Only I don't think it's usually this slow?"

"What do you know about holiness poisoning?" Crowley asked.

"Oh, it's all in the employee handbook!" said Muriel, perking up. "All the ways it can happen, and what it looks like, and how we mustn't do it to any demons, because it's a violation of all kinds of treaties."

"And how to fix it?" Maggie asked hopefully.

"Er. No, actually," said Muriel. There must be a way to fix it, though, because... well, because. Surely God wouldn't let this just happen to Crowley, who was very nice except for the demon thing, so if he had got holiness poisoning somehow, there must be a way to fix it.

"So they told you how to do something you aren't supposed to do?" said Nina, leaning against the counter. Nina sometimes asked questions in ways that made Muriel awfully uncomfortable, which they tried to ignore, because surely Nina didn't mean to do that. "Sounds more like they just wanted you to make sure you weren't caught."

"Oh, no, they would never want us to do something we weren't supposed to," said Muriel, appalled. "That's the first thing in the employee handbook! And the third, and several other things also. It's definitely very important to the mission statement."

"Right," said Nina, but it was a slow, drawn-out sort of way to say "Right." Muriel decided to try not to worry about it.

"Anyway!" they said brightly, "I think I know what caused it, actually, and since it would be such a terrible treaty violation, I can only assume Hell is trying to frame Heaven for it, so Heaven should be very happy to help me fix it!"

"Mmhmm," said Nina, exchanging a look with Maggie. Crowley tried to say something, but he started coughing again, so conversation was briefly impossible because of the thunder.

"Anyway! Now that I know who to talk to, I'm going to go back to the bookshop and try to get a hold of then!" This would be much easier, because reaching somebody who knew specific things about physical matter would probably be easier than waiting for someone, anyone, to answer a general prayer and redirect it to the Supreme Archangel.

"Er. Good luck with that?" said Maggie. "But isn't there anything we can do for him now?"

"Don't put any holy water on him," said Muriel, brightly.

"Seems easy enough," said Maggie.

"And don't light any candles you got recently as housewarming gifts," added Muriel, just in case, because they were reasonably sure that was what had happened. They felt stupid now, not thinking to check that the candle had come from the Supreme Archangel and not an infernal malcontent hoping to provoke a terrible war according to Hell's timeline instead of Heaven's.

"House... warming?" Maggie asked.

"It's a charming human tradition!" said Muriel, who was surprised the humans did not already know about their own traditions. "I'll be back as soon as I have a solution."

They hurried back to the bookshop, waving away several lightning bolts. That seemed awfully dangerous for the humans to deal with, they thought. Which was yet another reason there must be a way to help Crowley!

Once they were back, they started the circle up again, but this time they knew exactly who they were going to be contacting, and it wasn't the Supreme Archangel, because clearly there was something wrong today with how Heaven was directing prayers. At one point in Heaven they'd memorized the entire internal directory, and an angel in the lower rungs of the Physics & Metaphysics Division had to be easier to reach than the Supreme Archangel.

And so it was that, in very little time at all, they were speaking with Arariel. "Sorry, who are you, exactly?" Arariel asked.

"Oh, I'm Muriel!"

"Do I know you?"

"No." Muriel had just liked their name, which they thought was fun to say. They decided not to explain that, though, because it seemed a bit rude. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Oh, no, no," said Arariel, shaking their head. "It's a bit dull here now the world's all created and everything. Last thing I had anything to do must've been, oh, a hundred years ago at least, maybe more."

They'd gone a lot longer without anyone bothering them, so that didn't sound that bad, really. "What was it about then?"

"Some Principality wanted us to end support for fire. I knew the idea was mad from the start, but there was so little going on I read all fifty pages, just in case they had some good points."

"Did they?" Muriel asked. It seemed an odd request to them; fire was so nice and cozy.

"Nah," said Arariel. " But I'm sure whatever you need won't be that weird. So! What do you need?"

"The cure for holiness poisoning." Arariel frowned at them, so they clarified. "In demons. Well, one demon."

Arariel nodded slowly, and Muriel waited for them to explain the cure. But instead they said, "Sorry, you know we don't like demons, yeah?"

"Oh, no, obviously," said Muriel. "But this one is nice! Also his symptoms are pretty dangerous for the humans. I'm on Earth," they clarified, "so there's a lot of them! Anyway, what should we do to fix all of that?"

"Erm. Well. Have you tried holy water? Once the demon is gone for good there won't be any more dangerous symptoms," Arariel said.

"But that would kill him!" said Muriel.

"Right," said Arariel. There was a long silence, and then they said, again, "You know we don't like demons, right? Because they're evil?"

"This one isn't, though. I mean he is, but he's not really," Muriel said. "And he's really suffering. I don't think God would let that happen, do you?"

Arariel frowned. They did not seem angry so much as fearful, though Muriel could not tell why they were afraid. "Well. Look, I don't know what to tell you."

"But it's a terrible treaty violation," said Muriel. "Hell's clearly set this up so that it would look like we provoked a war, but we didn't, and then we'll have --"

"I really don't think the leadership would mind if there was a war," said Arariel.

Some leadership would, Muriel knew. "Look," they said, "if you can't help me I really do need to be put in contact with the Supreme Archangel --"

"The Supreme Archangel?" Arariel repeated this with incredulity, as if Muriel had asked to speak to God. "He'd smite me. He'd smite you, too. Very smitey one, I hear."

"I've met him and he's very nice," said Muriel. "He gave me a cup of tea."

"Don't know what that is."

"It's nice to look at!"

"Well. Er. Great for you. Look, anyway --"

"The reason I'm asking about the cure for holiness poisoning," said Muriel, determined to keep what little foothold they had, "is because the demon who's got it is the Supreme Archangel's... er... er..." They were not quite sure how to describe the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley. "Well, Crowley's sort of his demon, do you understand?"

Arariel looked very dismayed. "Oh. Oh no. Yeah, we've all heard of Crowley."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, never mind," said Arariel. "I don't know what can be done for him, though, so --"

"If you don't help me I'm going to tell the Supreme Archangel," said Muriel, impulsively.

They felt a bit bad about it later, but it did seem to help things along, in that Arariel went from dismayed to terrified in short order, and said "Right! Yes! I'll -- we'll -- we'll work something out, yeah. It wasn't by holy water, I would imagine, because I think he's immune, and anyway if he wasn't he'd be dead. What was the method of exposure?"

They thought about Crowley's tiny lung knives, and the candle they'd been gifted from, supposedly, the Supreme Archangel. "I think inhalation?"

"Of some sort of incense, or --"

"No, I don't think so -- let me just check something," said Muriel. They hurried back to the desk, where they found the candle, and they sniffed it carefully. Yes, that thing that had made them feel at home was definitely holiness. They rummaged around in Aziraphale's desk drawer until they found a little letter opener shaped like a sword, which they used to cut the candle open.

In the center was a hard white thing buried in wax, but melting that away with a quick miracle, the thing looked like a knucklebone.

They hurried back to the circle and held out their hand for Arariel to see. "This was in a candle. It's very holy."

"Aah, a human saint's relic," said Arariel. "Very holy indeed. Well. And the demon's still... alive, and reasonably intact?"

"He's coughing a lot and he's lost all his strength," said Muriel.

"Well. You'll want to ease the holiness out of him... somehow. Let me run some tests. I'll get back to you," said Arariel.

"I'm sorry to put you to all this trouble, only it's very important," said Muriel. "He's a very nice demon."

"I don't know about that," said Arariel, doubtfully. "On the other hand, at least you're not proposing to edit a fundamental chemical reaction out of the universe entirely, so. Small favors."

The longer Crowley stayed out of the bookshop, the better he felt. He was still feeling awful, but the blood rain had turned into regular rain, which was good because that would probably keep it from clotting up in the gutters, and his temperature had gone down enough that he was safe for humans to touch. It still hurt to breathe, though, and to move, and it was all deeply infuriating because all he wanted to do was sleep and the only place with a bed was the place he couldn't go into. But between the two of them Nina had got someone to lend her a cot and Maggie had got blankets from somewhere and he was dozing uncomfortably in the record shop's storage area, which wasn't really a room of its own but it was at least slightly hidden from human view.

Muriel came by late in the evening to explain what they'd found out, which was that Crowley could be cured by the simple expediency of inhaling holy water.

"What," said Crowley.

"Because you're immune, you see," said Muriel. "That's what Arariel said, anyway. I didn't know a demon could be immune to holy water," they added, "but that's very handy, isn't it?"

"Ah." Crowley did not exactly have regrets about escaping his execution by switching places with Aziraphale, but also, it did mean Muriel's information was a bit useless. "So the problem with that iss I'm... not... completely immune? I mean, I'm definitely immune enough that you don't need to go telling Heaven I'm not."

"Oh," said Muriel, nodding as if that made sense. "Well. Could you -- er. What if you just breathed in holy steam?"

"That would hurt a lot," Crowley said. His voice no longer sounded like his own, but on the plus side, he wasn't coughing as much anymore, because it was hard for a throat to itch when it was in this much pain.

"It would, but it would dissolve all the little spiky holy particles in your lungs, hopefully," said Muriel.

"Holy... particles?" Maggie asked, dubiously.

"Yes! Arariel told me about them," said Muriel.

"And you believe thissss Arariel?" Crowley asked.

"I did tell them that if you died I was going to tell the Supreme Archangel," said Muriel, "and they seemed to want to avoid that."

"Hmph," said Crowley, not thinking much of this threat. But then again, he was in enough agony, and how much worse could inhaling holy steam be? And as little as Aziraphale must think of him, Crowley couldn't imagine he wouldn't be at least a little upset if Crowley died. So he supposed he might as well try it, because either he'd die and it would be over, or he wouldn't die and he could make everyone else at least half as unhappy as he was about it the whole time.

It took until the next day to obtain both the holy water and a humidifier, since nobody was keen on making Crowley put his face in a boiling pot of holy water. When he was finally able to try this supposed cure, the storm around Whickber Street became a mist to rival the bad old days of pea-soup fog, and all he could recall of the day was a searing pain and Muriel trying to be encouraging at him while he felt like his throat was being eaten up by acid.

But eventually, finally, when he faced away from the steam, the pain was significantly lessened, and Muriel suggested he rest for a few hours, and by the end of the day the only traces of the brief but strange local weather disturbance were the mingled scents of petrichor, ozone, and copper, and a handful of thinkpieces in the papers about the unexpected consequences of climate change, and Crowley was still wobbly and exhausted and achey, but he could breathe without pain.

#whumptober2023 #no.14 #water inhalation #just hold on #lyric #good omens #fic #respiratory distress cw #anthony j crowley #muriel good omens #maggie good omens #nina good omens

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earlgreytea68 · 2 years ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/andoutofharm/717858183790673920/souryogurt64-x?source=share

I just saw this gifset earlier today, and was thinking about the different, complimentary ways Pete and Patrick view their music. Pete is an excellent business man, and is good at picking the songs that will eventually become singles, and gain lots of attention on the radio. Patrick, however, tends to focus on the less traditionally radio-friendly tracks on the album, that we fans end up writing essays about later. And in the end, they're both right: You need the anthems to bring new fans in and get airplay, but you need the b-sides and more experimental tracks to keep people listening and interested, which is why I think is a big reason why FOB have lasted as long as they have!

YES. And also! In the end, they're both right in that they need both. Like, I think Patrick likes the songs where he completely indulges his own whims, like What a Time to Be Alive, but I also think he likes the challenge of writing the hit song that he knows Pete is looking for. And I think Pete likes finding that hit song and strategizing about it, but I also think he enjoys when Patrick turns up with utterly bonkers songs and he has to see the world a new way. If they each only worked to please themselves, they'd actually get bored. Having to think about someone who wants something the opposite of you makes you have to be really deliberate in what you're doing instead of just unthinking and automatic.

It's like when Pete says that what Fall Out Boy really needs is the push-and-pull of him and Patrick where their opposing desires balance each other out without one dominating the other. Yes, that's what Fall Out Boy needs, as you point out, it has enlivened their career and built their fanbase, but I think it's what both Pete and Patrick need for their creative process. You can hear it when Pete talks about it, that he wouldn't want to do it with anyone else, he needs Patrick with Patrick's particular and unique skill set that both is and isn't exactly like Pete all at the same time.

You know what? I went and transcribed these quotes from the Joel Madden interview so we can have them:

"[Patrick's] strengths are my weaknesses, that's totally true. But he only cares about certain things. Like, he really only cares about the music and the melody, and I really only care about, like, the visuals and the lyrics. And so they're at a constant -- They're constantly conflicting with each other. And so when we get it right, we get it really right. And when we get it wrong, I'm like, 'Yeah, it was a little -- one of us kind of outweighed the other one.' . . . We've never created without each other for Fall Out Boy. We've created without each other on, like, other stuff. There's lots of time when I'm, like, writing with somebody, and I'm like, 'Ah, we just don't think the same way.' . . . And it feels weird. . . . I know that I have, like -- Like, I must have eaten too many lead paint chips when I was little or something, because I, like, describe things a little weird, and he picks up on it and, like, he always gets what I'm putting down, and sometimes the producer or something is like, 'What are you talking about?' and I'm like, 'It's like if these two movies were combined--'" (and then Pete gets interrupted so we don't get the rest of that statement which was surely going to be about Patrick translating him for the producer so we can all just imagine it together)

And here's some more from later!

"The roles are so probably, like, not traditional and not -- that it's, like, odd when it's with anybody except Patrick most of the time. At least, songwriting. Because it's, like -- I feel like I could, like -- I have, like, a totally dope idea in my head and I, like, I don't know how to paint, or something. [JM: You need somebody to paint it for you.] Yeah. But I, like, know exactly . . . So it's, like, really, you know, a blessing -- It's, like -- It's like one in a million, like, serendipity or something, like, like, that you ran into somebody when you were, like, you know, I'm 20, he's 17, or I'm 21 and he's 17, whatever, it's kind of crazy."

Then Joel Madden asks a question that implies actually it wasn't that lucky to meet Patrick, whoever he'd met that young would have formed around him artistically and vice versa and they would have ended up at the same place, which, frankly, is an idea I reject lololol and I think Pete does, too (he says he never thought of it that way, but maybe there's a possibility hahahahaha I think he's being polite)

Then Pete moves into: "Now it's so fast. Now, when we're in the studio, like, we don't really -- Like, we can do it so quick with each other that, like, we -- It's like a shared language that is just -- It's the closest thing non-twins would have."

AND THEN COMES JOEL MADDEN'S MOST VALUABLE CONTRIBUTION TO THE INTERVIEW, BECAUSE HERE HE SAYS, "Yeah, it's like soulmates," and Pete goes, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." <3

Also, please enjoy this best bit:

Joel Madden: Are you guys best friends?

Pete (smiling hugely): Definitely.

Joel Madden: Cool. That's nice.

Pete: Yeah. It's also, like, one of those weird ones where, like, sometimes we can just be hanging out -- like, we can hang out and we don't have to be talking, I don't know, like, you know the kind of thing, like, where we don't actually have to have, like, a conversation or do anything.

There, those are the best bits, after that the interview goes off the rails a bit lololol

#peterick #fall out boy #fob #bandom

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marypsue · 11 months ago

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@amethystunarmed asked: 2) any bits you want of "look for something left in the world" (I could not narrow it down)

[from this meme]

look for something left in this world

The title of this fic comes from Billy Idol's 'White Wedding', which has always made me think of The Lost Boys. You may think this is because of Billy Idol being the blueprint for all the bleach-blond punk vampires (two) who would come after him, or because of the repeated 'little sister' in the lyric. And you would not be entirely wrong.

But you would also be missing the crucial piece that when I was seventeen-ish years old I watched the video for Lou Gramm's 'Lost in the Shadows', imprinted hard on the background dancer in the white dress, and then when I first encountered 'White Wedding' (through a karaoke video game where the music video played while you sang along and had to hit notes for points), drew not only the first two associations but also linked up the white wedding dress to the white dress from the 'Lost in the Shadows' video. I've never been able to hear 'White Wedding' without thinking about TLB since.

(I did also hunt down and obtain a full-length white tiered circle skirt because of those videos and also misremembering what Star's outfits looked like, a quest which took me most of a summer. Yes, I have always been Like This.)

Chapter One

One of my favourite things about writing inhuman characters is imagining what it must be like to experience the world from inside their physical reality. What it must feel like to be inside their skin. Also, thinking about what details to include in a description of a sensory experience, whichever sense that ends up being, is a really good way to flesh out a setting and also make sure that you're not relying on clichés or leaving your characters as talking heads in space. And also can help build atmosphere!

I wanted it to be a little unclear, at the beginning, whether Sam's at the comic book shop to see Edgar and Alan, or to kill them. The way I saw his stringing them along at the beginning was as him trying to test them out, to see how much they actually knew about vampires. See whether they'd actually be any help to him and his family. After all, telling the wrong people that you're a vampire can be hazardous to your health.

“Would you ftop fhat?”

I think it's hilarious when fangs give vampires a speech impediment, and does not happen nearly often enough.

“The fearless vampire killers,” he mutters, to their passed-out probably-parents, under his breath.

I still haven't seen The Fearless Vampire Killers, or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are In My Neck, but it continues to have the best title of any vampire movie I've ever heard of.

... Sam’s gonna get grief for not having made his first kill yet and what does he get up to all day while everyone else is sleeping and how disappointed his mother is that he hasn’t tried to help make Max and his boys feel like part of their family.

I tried very hard to capture the sitcom energy of Max and Lucy and the way it's juxtaposed against the (can I call it Gothic? I think it's borderline Gothic) horror of the vampire plot. What if your boring, annoying stepdad was an evil master vampire but it didn't make him any less boring or annoying.

Like they’re the bloodsucking Brady Bunch or something. Cheaper By The – wait, no, no. Creepier By The Dozen. Married…With Hellhounds. Fang-ily Ties. All In The –

It was so much fun coming up with these puns and I would have kept going except that I ran out of good ideas.

Michael. With that stupid earring that doesn’t suit him glinting in the glittering lights. A feather and a couple beads in his hair, tucked behind his ear. Somebody’s painted something new on the sleeve of his no longer quite so dorkily pristine leather jacket, covering up the skid mark from the night he still won’t tell Sam where he and the boys had gone.

There's a lot going on in this bit and I am absolutely salivating to unpack it.

Firstly, I've talked at some length about the costuming in this movie and the heavy lifting it's doing for character and theme. The boys are unified, visually, by a DIY-punk magpie sensibility - they're all glittering with patches and pins and bits of mismatched jewellery and junk, even though each of their individual looks are quite distinctive. In contrast, Michael's canon looks are all quite simple and plain, with the earring serving as the main real visual link between him and the boys. I gave his costume a little redesign, a few embellishments, trying to imagine how he might pick up more of the boys' magpie style while developing his own distinctive look that builds naturally on what we already see him wearing, to signal visually that he's truly become part of their group now. And because it was fun and I like costume design.

Second, there's the way Mike's interacting - or not - with Sam. He's not just giving Sam the cold shoulder, he doesn't seem to be aware of Sam at all. In canon, the relationship between the two brothers ends up leading to defeating the vampires and salvaging Mike's humanity. Here, it's too late for that, and that relationship seems to be completely severed. The ultimate nail in that coffin (hah) seems to be the fact that Mike was responsible for Sam getting turned, an inversion on how in canon Sam was at least partially responsible for Mike getting turned back. Is that cause, or effect? Yes.

(And also, third, that relationship seems to be completely severed. But if you're paying close attention, there's also that bit about the night he still won’t tell Sam where he and the boys had gone. This could probably be read in a few ways, but the one I had in mind was that there were still things Mike wanted to protect Sam from or didn't want Sam knowing he'd done, that he still cares about what Sam thinks of him even if he doesn't care enough to actually not eat people about it. Which also then calls into question: does he actually not notice Sam at all, or is he deliberately not calling attention to Sam? Just how much of the brother Sam's been mourning is actually still left?)

I had a lot of fun with metaphorical language trickery with describing the beach and the ocean in this last scene. Star, the girl who caught Michael's eye on the boardwalk and lured him to the vampires, setting all of this off and ultimately getting Sam half-turned, is "marching [Sam] towards" the "flat, infinite darkness" of the ocean. Sam's "having trouble keeping his footing in the shifting sand, already starting to lean toward Star" as he argues his case that they should just give up and kill already, what's the point trying to resist.

But then, once Star pushes him into the water, shocking him out of his misery spiral, "[a]ll Sam has to do to get his head back above water is sit up". Star's "got her feet just in the edge of the surf where it laps relentlessly and eternally against the sand, eroding the shoreline away little by little". Sam "can keep sitting here, cold and wet, with the surf slapping into him over and over and over again, and keep on hating Star for getting them into this mess until the sun comes up" - he can keep hating and blaming Star, and let the darkness that keeps battering at him erode them both away little by little. Or he can make a small effort, which is not actually as hard as it feels in the moment, and save himself.

And Star goes to help Sam up out of the water that she pushed him into in the first place, "the glittering hem of her skirt dragging in the lapping water as she reaches out a hand to Sam." Star's responsible for Sam ending up in the water, and for Sam ending up half a vampire. But she's in the same position, and she's also trying to help him back out, even willing to risk her own humanity (and her own dry clothes) to do so.

And if they don't work together, they're both going to be lost. It's a metaphor, Hazel Grace. (Do the Kids These Days still get that joke. Better question, do I care.)

Sam tries to wring the water out of his heavy, sodden vest as they crunch back up the beach toward the boardwalk. When he tries to extract the soggy remains of Vampires Everywhere!, though, the pages come apart in clumps in his hands.

Which, then, makes this foreshadowing.

(Which is pretty damn impressive, given that, at the time I wrote this, I genuinely thought this first chapter was going to be a standalone oneshot. This may be a pattern.)

Star interrupts him by slinging an arm across his shoulders, the same motion Sam had seen David do to Michael earlier ...

Also, there's this little parallel. I'm not sure I can explain what I was going for here, or why I went back and added that second clause (because I did go back and add it after the sentence was written). She just needed to be in there.

And then I bookended it with describing the scents of the beach and the Boardwalk! Yeah that was on purpose. I don't remember if that was on purpose so it was totally on purpose.

Chapter Two

This is another great example of the precept that 'the story starts later than you think' and also 'you can just write the bits you're interested in writing'. There is so much leadup to the moment when this chapter starts and I had zero interest in writing any of it and so none of it's there. You all saw the movie. You read the first chapter. You knew where this was going. The fun part is the part where things start happening that you, the reader, don't expect, so that's where we're starting.

...I may have to try applying this precept in the middles of some other projects when I start getting bored and they start feeling like a slog. Especially original ones.

I love how deeply, deeply boring and normal Max is. I love his whole spiel in the movie about how Sam's just upset that someone's trying to replace his dad. I especially love applying that to contexts where it's absolutely inappropriate. Max is the only person in the world who would send his stepson to bed without dinner or ground him from the TV for the weekend because he didn't kill some random stranger and drink their blood, and it's fantastic. I love it when the horrors are uncomfortably normal. There is something about this juxtaposition that I cannot accurately explain, I just gotta write it and show you.

Sam meets Edgar’s eye, the one that isn’t pressed against the hardwood floor, wide and frightened under a flop of sweat-drenched hair, and does his best not to breathe.

Come with me, we're about to go on a bit of a journey.

In general, I think Takes that are like 'it's unrealistic that the Boys all got killed, they should have wiped the floor with the human characters!' are disingenuous and really more about the person writing them having a power fantasy of being unafraid and unashamed and also able to murder and eat anybody who tries to get in their way, and get away with it. Which I can't actually fault anybody for. But I do get annoyed when people don't seem to recognise that, and insist that they're just speaking from an objective standpoint and objectively the vampires should have won. It just feels mean-spirited to me, and I have reasons:

a) Even though there is a lot of very heavy symbolism and metaphor and coding taking place here, at the end of the day, the things that act as symbols are, as that one post about Dracula said, themselves first and symbols of other things second. And the Boys very much are vampires who kill and eat people pretty indiscriminately and will continue to do so. I'm not pressed about them getting made dead by people who do not want their friends and family (and even total strangers) to be food. There are arguments to be made about the whole X-Men 'oppressed class with superpowers allegory bad' thing, but in this case they're not even trying to argue that the vampires are oppressed. I think it is okay to kill vampires who are trying to kill you, no matter how many layers of metaphor and symbolism they are also operating on.

b) The movie's pretty good about establishing its own rules and then playing by them. 'why couldn't David hang onto Sam in the caves' listen, if you were dead asleep in your own warm little bed in your own cozy little house and then at 3am out of nowhere you were abruptly woken up from that dead sleep by your little brother screaming bloody murder right in your ear because he's being stabbed to death by some random fucking stranger you've never seen before in your life who just barged on into your house like he lives there and you have to take in this whole situation and react appropriately in a handful of seconds despite it being 3am and also you literally just woke up, and oh, also, by the way, if you go outside you're going to spontaneously combust? Would you be at your best?

'the Boys hunt in a pack why would they split up to get picked off one by one at the Emerson house' the Boys hunt in a pack, they're good at this, the humans only managed to take one of their number out when they were all together, they extremely efficiently split the humans up at the Emerson house and are clearly trying to pick them off one by one! It doesn't work, of course, but it's a reasonably intelligent strategy! Also the Boys are ambush predators as we see from every attack in the movie, and each of them starts their attack at the house by popping up out of an unexpected place! It's once they're in the open and engaging directly that things start going south! I don't feel my suspension of disbelief was ever broken by the vampires' competency level varying wildly for plot reasons.

c) I don't feel like it's any fun at all if you operate on the precept that there's simply no way for a 'weaker' opponent to ever win over a 'stronger' one. There are different kinds of strengths and different kinds of weaknesses, and the movie was pretty good about showing how the humans exploited the latter. And what a miserable little world it would be if people who aren't special or superhuman never even have a chance of succeeding - or even surviving.

And finally d) it's never going to be realistic, because vampires aren't real. (Well, human-shaped ones, anyway.)

Anyway. All this to say that, in general, it kind of annoys me when fics are like 'and then the vampires effortlessly demolished any and all resistance the humans put up'. But. Listen. It was important here.

“Let him go, David,” Max says, like he’s talking to Thorn.

There are a couple times throughout this chapter that I describe the way Max interacts with David as comparable to the way he interacts with Thorn. I hope this helps lend some credibility to the bit at the end of the chapter where David turns on Max. If all you've ever been to someone is an attack dog...

“You’re going to feed him his friends?” Mike’s voice, of all people, pipes up out of nowhere.

It was a lot of fun trying to work out where the new lines would be for Full Vampire Michael Emerson, what it would take to make him take Sam's side. I always figured there'd be a version of his loyalty to and love for his brother still in him, but what form it would take and what he'd see as beyond the pale in terms of Max's behaviour toward Sam, when he doesn't see anything wrong anymore with being a vampire or eating people, was a fun knot to untangle.

He can’t actually tell whether Max is impressed or disappointed when he says, “Sam?”

A little of both, I figured - Max's whole Deal says to me, loudly, that he's the kind of man who'd be deeply disappointed in sons who didn't stand up for themselves and stand by their principles and show that they've got good, strong backbones - but also doesn't think that should mean they should stand up to him.

“David,” Max says, looking over Sam’s shoulder, and Sam braces himself to get his nose rubbed in Edgar’s bleeding body again, like a puppy who’s messed on the carpet. But Michael, behind Max, is staring over Sam’s shoulder, too. And instead of a leather-gloved grip on the back of his neck, Sam just hears a voice from behind him. David’s hateful sarcastic drawl. “No, I think I’d like to see him face these ‘consequences’, too. Max.”

The way I pictured the development of this chapter was that nobody was willing to openly rebel against Max (with good reason, the dog comparisons and 'grounding' weren't just for show) until Michael attacked him, nobody was willing to be the one to risk their neck openly defying him, but also? Nobody was willing to stick their neck out for him, either. And also that it kind of had to be one of the new kids on the block who made the first move, because they hadn't tried it and been harshly put in their place yet, and because David would cheerfully murder anyone who so much as suggested it but he would do things for Michael that he wouldn't do for anyone else, and Michael has that loyalty driving him to protect his family. Sam's the spark in the powder keg and him resisting here sets the whole thing off.

And the foot-long, sharpened piece of lumber jammed right through him that made the hole.

I think this is the second time I've non-fatally staked a vampiric main character for Plot and also Drama. Maybe the third. What can I say? It's just fun to impale (imaginary) people.

“Of course I’m not going to kill you, Sam,” Max says, like he’s hurt that Sam would even think it. “I did promise your mother.”

Yes that is actually the only reason why not.

“No, no – with an, a penetrating wound, it’s best to leave the object inside, so they don’t bleed out,” Sam’s mom babbles at Star, who nods her head once. “If the wounded person’s human, yes.”

I try not to say anything too dangerously misleading/suspension-of-disbelief-breaking in my fic. That said. I am not a medical professional. Also I hope none of you are taking medical advice from fanfiction.

Sam wonders, vaguely, where David and Dwayne went. Whether they’re up there somewhere, joining in the vampire fight, and if so, on whose side. Or if maybe they’ve just found a quiet spot out of the way to hole up and wait to see who comes out on top.

(Fun fact: it's that last thing.)

When he can think straight again, his mouth is full of somebody else’s blood.

I really hope I faked at least one of you out for a second thinking that Sam had actually bitten Edgar.

...the night Sam and his mom and even his dog were forced to drink vampire blood...

This is my theory of what a hellhound is in TLB-verse. Nobody correct me if any of the supplemental materials say otherwise.

Like, for example, the vampire who used to be Sam’s brother. Mike’s gripping the doorframe above his head with both hands.

...

The thing clinging to that doorframe for his unlife isn’t Sam’s brother anymore.

...

...Mike’s committing suicide by head vampire just because Max literally tore Sam a new one. And this is the worst possible timing for Sam to discover that there might be more of his brother left in the monster wearing Michael’s face than he’d realised.

We're watching in real time as Sam reconsiders everything he thought he knew about vampires (at least, vampire!Michael), and the way he refers to Michael in his head, the back-and-forth between calling him 'Mike' and 'that thing that looks like Michael but isn't' is supposed to draw attention to that.

“I think you could use some time to cool off. Have a good hard think about your choices,” he says. “Shall we say a week in the coffin?”

I was idly considering ways that you could effectively, non-lethally, physically discipline immortal vampires, and this struck me like a lightning bolt. I'm still particularly proud of it.

Between one blink and the next, Max’s face is back to his human mask, an expression of mild surprise crossing it. Sam will never make the mistake again of thinking this makes him any less dangerous.

Okay, so I also compare the way Max treats Mike and Sam to the way dogs get treated. That's just a running thread.

“I’m not gonna just leave Mike like this! He’s my brother!” Star’s quiet voice is grim. “Not any more.”

Sam's starting to see more of Michael left in the vampire, but Star isn't. She's been living with vampires longer, and probably has more experience of how human they can be towards the people they like - and then, how inhuman they can still be, at the same time. I'm not making an ultimate call on whether one or the other of them are right. But if Sam had listened to Star here, if they'd stayed on the same page and in each other's corners, it'd all have ended very differently.

“Lucy, darling,” he says, sounding disappointed, and turns to face – Sam’s mom, standing behind him, breathing hard, tears glistening on her cheeks along with the weirdly glittery blood that had clearly sprayed her when the stake went in. “And here I thought you really knew the way to a man’s heart.” Sam’s mom just stares back, her jaw set, her eyes ferocious. “It’s a little more to the left,” Max says, giving the stake in his hand a toss before raising it –

I think Lucy Emerson deserves the chance to stab Max, at least once. Is it in-character? Well, I think the reveal in the next chapter justifies it in this case. Also I thought of this stupid joke and was so pleased with myself that I absolutely had to put it in.

His heart is hammering, Sam realises, with a terrifying lurch of hope. Not crawling. Not sluggishly pulsing along like it’d rather he just gave up so it could quit. He can feel the blood rushing into his face when he tries and fails to cough up the dust that’s coating the inside of his lungs with every breath. Can hear his own heartbeat thudding in his eardrums.

I love imagining and then describing sensory experiences that no one is ever going to have. Turning human again after having been partially a vampire for long enough to start to get used to it deserved a little loving dwelling-upon.

When Mike glances over toward Star, she breaks her stillness and his gaze, turning and hurrying up the staircase.

[Katy Perry voice] In another life/I would be your girl...

“Everybody alive in here?” Grandpa calls out, scanning the living room. Mike snorts a half-laugh as he heaves a fencepost off their mom’s legs.

:3 :3 :3

I can never remember if the line is "I never could stand" or "I never could stomach". (Spoiler alert: it's the second one.)

Chapter Three

I had this one planned from about halfway through Chapter Two. I considered going back and sprinkling more foreshadowing for what would be the big twist in Chapter Three, and then I decided against it because I thought it would pull focus from the important bit of Chapter Two, which was Sam's idea of His Family versus Vampires getting troubled and those lines blurring, and also I didn't know where or how to put it in.

Their cover story does mean the Frogs end up having to take a full course of rabies vaccine. Which uses some big, big needles. Sam’s not entirely sure what the tiny twist of smile that flickers across his mom’s face when she finds out is all about. And she doesn’t tell him.

Rabies vaccine isn't fun, but then, neither is getting impaled by a comic book geek with a Rambo headband and a bad attitude. Somebody could've really gotten hurt.

Thankfully he doesn’t still have a huge, gaping hole punched right through his middle, but it definitely didn’t heal enough while he still had supernaturally fast healing for him to just pretend like nothing happened.

I'll be honest, I was just going to heal Sam up like nothing happened, and pretend it was fine because he was still half-vampire when it happened. But then somebody in the comments mentioned being excited to see how it would affect him, and I remembered how much I appreciate it when a serious injury lingers to affect a character throughout the narrative, and went for it.

Also, there's not enough love in fiction for people who have fucked-up lower guts and the associated agonies thereof. And sometimes misery just loves company.

...Nanook, who Sam’s hoping is as back to ordinary now as he is...

Look. I know I never specify in this fic. But dogs have a lot fewer qualms about killing things than humans. Nanook is definitely hellhounded for unlife. Sorry, Sam. At least now your dog's immortal?

Something about the way Mike looks at the curtain leading back toward the waiting room makes Sam add, “Mike? Don’t eat our grandpa. Mom’ll kill you.” “Wasn’t gonna,” Mike says, but just a little too lightly. “Liar.”

This whole passage - and especially this quoted bit - just worked. I could see and hear this bit as though it were the actors doing it on film so clearly in my mind's eye. I'm particularly proud of it.

The idea of Head Vampire Lucy Emerson lives in my mind rent-free. I love it so much. Especially the idea of her as this mild-mannered, sweet, friendly lady, willing to extend a helping hand, a few dollars or a hot meal or a room for the night, to anyone who needs it - and when somebody drifts into Santa Carla, lured by the warm nights, transient population, and the rumours that it's run by two little old ladies, and starts making trouble, here she turns up to give them a Very Disapproving Look and a Good Talking-To - with five grinning teenage toughs stepping out of the shadows at her back.

Lucy abhors violence. She's grateful to have plenty of people who're more than happy to do it for her.

Anyway. Tangent.

Sam can’t quite tell what his grandpa’s thinking, whether that hard stare is supposed to be a warning – or an encouragement. “That’s what you’d do if you wanted everything with fangs to know you plan on taking his place.”

Grandpa knows how to play vampire politics. He's been doing it for years.

Okay, so the rest of his family are vampires. But they’re still his family.

This is very much not the tune Sam was singing at the beginning of this fic, and very much the central problem of this fic. It feels like a happy ending! It's an extraordinarily sinister and melancholy one! It's awful and I love it. Am I making sense anymore? Oh, who cares.

She gathers Laddie up in one last long big hug, before they leave. And doesn’t turn back when he calls after her, sounding lost.

I understand why people tend to write Laddie out of post-canon fic. I also am going to deliberately make use of this expectation. Eventually. Someday.

Lucy Emerson, Head Vampire is just such a compelling concept to me, and the idea of her actually trying to mom the Boys is an endless font of potential hilarity. One of these days I'm going to cave and write some Bloodsucking Brady Bunch slice-of-life indulgence. Just as soon as I figure out a scaffolding of scenes to hang it on.

Star volunteers to haul loads of garbage to the dump, apparently just to avoid the vampires. David volunteers to go with her, apparently just to see her squirm.

This is 100% a big part of why Star left Santa Carla.

"... Grandpa’s an old man. He’s not going to live forever.”

I do hope everybody kept this exchange in mind post-timeskip, when Sam and the Frogs are talking about how a sudden death with no cause given in Santa Carla means vampire attack.

“Do you have family waiting for you?” Sam’s mom asks, and Star’s face twists. “Somewhere.” She doesn’t elaborate. And she doesn’t actually say she’s going back to them. But Sam’s mom still stops trying to persuade her to stay.

Not sure how clear it is that I've tried to shift Lucy' overriding motivation, in absence of human morality, to family, and that she considers Star a part of hers. She's letting Star go here because she thinks Star is going back to a mother who misses her. There's a reason that, after the timeskip, Sam's reluctant to tell his mom and Michael that he knows approximately where Star is and that she'll likely be visiting him soon.

“Sam…listen. Just because someone’s family, doesn’t mean they’re good. Or good for you. Even if they love you. Sometimes especially if they love you.”

I love that the movie never tells you anything about where the vampire characters come from, what their history is, what their stories are. I love that it leaves that all so open-ended. I love that it lets you draw your own conclusions. I don't want to know too much about Star (or Laddie, or David, or Dwayne, or Paul, or Marko, or Max...) and I don't want to tell you too much that'll close off possibilities for them, either.

But also. I'm always most interested in families that are complicated and manage to fuck you up completely without malice, with genuine love, and with the best of intentions.

...she looks every bit as strangely young-old as she did that night on the beach when she pushed Sam into the surf.

Calling back to Star trying to save Sam from what he wants while she's warning him about his mom and brother? Hmm, I wonder what that could possibly be about.

Mike’s jeans are blown out at the knees. He’s added a threadbare flannel under the leather jacket, which is now sporting an elaborate painting of the Arizona desert taking up the entire centre back panel. His hair curls just an inch or two longer under his jaw. But otherwise, he hasn’t changed.

cough cough

Also, as mentioned above: the embellishments signify that Michael's actually one of the Boys now. Increasing the number and elaborateness of his embellishments post-timeskip was very much on purpose.

The morbid thought crosses Sam’s mind to wonder whether it’s what they would have buried Michael in, if he’d ever gotten a funeral.

Sam's having real trouble reconciling 'everybody in my family is vampires which means they're still around and okay and we won and we got a happy ending' and 'everybody in my family is vampires which means we lost and I lost them'.

I love that we have collectively decided, to the point of it becoming secondary canon (from what I've heard, twice?) that the Widow Johnson is a vampire. I just think that this should not preclude her from also being an eccentric old lady. (Her first name here is an anagram of 'Carmilla', a rather weak alias that I believe the titular vampire uses in le Fanu's novel. I still haven't read it. I really need to.)

Sam’s mom looks at him like he’s just asked her why it’s okay to throw used paper towels in the garbage, but not priceless jewels. “My boys don’t live in Luna Bay or Sunnydale or Woodsboro.”

A little more evidence for 'Lucy's primary motivation in the absence of human morality is family', a little more conflict for Sam, and also, I had fun namedropping fictional California cities of horror.

“There’s no age where you become magically immune to vampire attacks,” Edgar says.

I love writing dialogue for the Frog brothers.

“There are at least four bloodsuckers in that room there right now,” Edgar says, flatly, as an answer.

I haven't decided who the fourth vampire at the post-funeral reception is (or if Edgar and Alan are just wrong, which also happens frequently). I'd love to hear any theories or ideas if you've got them, though.

Also, I do think it makes a lot of sense if it was somehow Grandpa who clued the Frogs in about the undead underworld in Santa Carla. But mostly that's here because I realised I hadn't explained at all how Grandpa would have known to show up at exactly the right moment with a truckful of stakes.

“Yeah. We did. And he told us it was his last wish to be staked before he got tucked in for his dirt nap. Didn’t want to wake back up with a set of fang dentures.”

I love writing dialogue for the Frog brothers.

I had a lot of fun combining hippie chic with 90s Laura Ashley country-home trends for Lucy's extreme home makeover. Was I just basing this off of what I remember from a very fashionable friend's parents' house from my youth? Mmmmmaybe. Also, I think if she did get fully vampired, she might get over killing people, but Lucy would still seriously miss the sun.

“I’m nearly finished with school,” Sam reminds them both. The weight of the liquid in the glass he’s holding shifts unpredictably in his grasp. He doesn’t look at it. “One more semester.”

I loooooooove writing scenes where there's an unspoken thing that nobody is going to acknowledge, including the narration. And in this case, I didn't want it to be clear whether that unspoken thing was Sam's fears about what his mom and his brother might be capable of, or whether that unspoken thing was what they all knew was in Sam's wineglass.

Sam also definitely keeps reminding them of how little time he's got left in school in place of reminding them that he doesn't want to be a vampire, even though he's deliberately trying not to sound like he's accusing them of something he doesn't want to believe they're capable of. And even if he does understand that trying to tell his mom he wants to let himself get old and die as a human is never going to go over well, for him to say 'not yet, wait a little longer' and for her to respect that means that she still cares about him more than what she wants, which in turn means that she's still somebody he can recognise as his mother. Same way as Mike attacking Max for Sam proved that he still cared. This is a test for Lucy as much as it is a leap of faith for Sam, and if she doesn't pass it, he might just find himself capable of what it takes to become human again.

“You’re the one who literally had a boyfriend last year.” “Yeah, and that was way less weird than whatever’s going on between you two.”

Listen, I just think that you cannot meaningfully collapse the tension between Michael and David down into a conventional, exclusively-monogamous romantic relationship, and that you lose something important and interesting if you try. Not least because there are three other guys and a girl involved in their whole situationship.

I've talked about this in a couple of comments, and I think I finally figured out how to put it into words without having to tell a whole story to do so: the ultimate question of this story is whether Sam can trust his family, or himself. He can't have both.

In the end, Sam chooses his family, which I think he would have done from the moment he opened the window for Michael in canon. I didn't want to make an ultimate call on whether that was the 'right' choice. And I also didn't want to have to make a final call on whether Lucy would pass the test and prove she was still enough the mother Sam loved and trusted. So this story ends where it does, with a lot of questions and possibilities up in the air.

Just like the movie. :D

#chatter #this is mary's fic tag #the lost boys #all of my references are at least a decade old and only getting older

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sevengraces · 1 year ago

Text

someday I'm gonna be somebody people want

You, ch2, Title Card

AO3 Link

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Tim slowly stiffened as he came back into himself. He was curled up in Jasons lap, with his head shoved under the older mans’ chin and his face buried in his neck. His hands were gripping the back of Jasons’ jacket like he belonged there and there were half dried tears all over the both of them. Jason had his arm wrapped around him and his other hand was running though his hair. Casually, he pressed a kiss onto the top of Tims’ hair, still speaking softly throughout it all.

-or-

Nobody ever deals well with loneliness, but certain people are probably worse at it and certain people probably deal with it more often. Tim is of course both of these people.

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Hello, this is complete and I might just post it all at once, we shall see lol. First DC post at all tbh, and I've read exactly one comic in my life and am not likely to read more so if you are a canon type of reader then you might not wanna be here. All character and such choices come from the first Red Robin comic and fanfiction, that is it. The fic title is from Noah Kahan "Come Over" and the chapter title is from Dodie "All My Daughters" - I picked the songs and lyrics for the titles from a playlist I made abt Tim Drake and these were the best fits for the fic lol, lemme know if you want more Tim Drake song recs cause I've got a shit ton.

(also if you're here for my series in progress I'm sorry- I promise it'll happen just maybe not for awhile, it hasn't been my special interest in a hot minute so this is what you're getting rn lol)

CW's/TW's:

panic attacks negative self talk/low self esteem swearing vomit mentions of canon typical violence suicidal thoughts --- that should be all but as always let me know if I missed something

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Chapter 1- I'll grow the bones myself then, on my own again

Tim has pretty much always known, in the way that clever children tend to know things, that there is possibly something wrong with how his parents raised him. Objectively an eleven year old shouldn’t know to lie about who is and isn’t home to avoid trouble, but being alone suited him. It was convenient and necessary and normal and understandable and utterly, utterly miserable. But growing up a lonely child suited him in the same way that grief suited Batman, terrible but necessary.

Batman has only gotten better at grief and Tim thinks, as an emancipated minor in the silence of his blank apartment with big windows and echoey walls, that perhaps he has perfected the art of the lonely child.

Regardless of how suited he is to isolation, he knows he grows maudlin the longer it lasts. It’s a poor excuse for his weak will, but as he stands in his sparkling penthouse kitchen silently making his third cup of coffee this morning he considers.

Tim braces his elbows on the solid marble countertop with his eyes closed to the harsh fluorescent lights and the echoes of his mothers’ sharp nails in his arm and he considers picking up the phone. He could call someone- anyone at all, in an effort to avoid this sinking sensation he’s fled from since he was nine years old with nothing but everything he’d ever needed and a camera to keep him sated. Someone might even answer, depending on who he called.

It is ten in the morning on an entirely unremarkable Saturday. The sun is resting comfortably in the sky, his phone is fully charged, he knows where everyone he has ever cared about is, and he could call anyone.

Tim opens his eyes and stretches out an arm across the countertop towards his phone, hesitating slightly before making contact but pushing through nonetheless. He flicks it on and ignores every single notification with the heavy awareness that not a single one of them is from anyone who actually wants to talk to him, he taps through the apps before reaching the dial screen and he places the phone face up on the countertop and breathes.

He stands straight from where he had been bent over, carrying his coffee with him through the rest of the kitchen. He doesn’t open the fridge, there’s nothing in there anyways. Tim takes even steps until he reaches the far window of the living room where he leans against it and slides down slowly.

Once he’s rested against the floor with his fresh coffee cradled in his hands he leans his head against the cool glass and considers his options.

He could call Cass, she’d probably answer him. Mostly because he never calls unless there’s a world ending disaster, but she would answer him. After the hurried reassurance that “No Cass, nothings wrong- I just wanted to talk” she would probably let him ramble on about whatever he could come up with for awhile before she pointed out in that simple, honest way of hers that they didn’t talk like this and she knows he didn’t call just to make small talk. She would stare at his face through the screen and wait for his explanation, she would stare and wait for him to lie. Once he did, because he always did- what else could he even do? She would watch his body tense, she would follow the lines of anxiety like a roadmap, until every petty insecurity was written plain as sin on his face. And then she would accept the lie like it didn’t hurt, like she didn’t know. They would talk and maybe even have an okay time, then something would happen in Hong Kong and she’d have to go or WE would explode in some new way and he would have to go. Either way the call would end and Tim would be alone again in his pristine, lifeless apartment except this time someone else would know how badly he wanted to claw off his skin in the hopes of finding whatever was deeply wrong with him.

Tim laughed like a rusty hinge and took a sip of coffee. To no fault of her own, Cass couldn’t help him- he ignored the fact that the only solid feeling he’d had in days was that nothing and no one could help him.

There was always someone a little less discerning, like Dick. The man could flay him alive, but it would be entirely unintentional and oblivious on his part. He could call Dick and he might answer. Of course it was a Saturday morning so he was probably either asleep or with Damian, and Tim didn’t want to wake him up or deal with the building tension as he waited for Dick to hang up because the demon brat needed something at that exact minute. There was the chance he was hanging out by himself at his own apartment in Bludhaven, but even Tim could only intrude on the older mans’ personal space and time so often. No, Tim knew with a bone deep certainty that he could not handle this call going to voicemail or being cut short because Tim was the easiest burden to leave behind.

He carefully placed his coffee mug on the floor next to him and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, watching the spots burst into being and fade out slowly.

For obvious reasons he wasn’t going to call Damian. For all that he was eleven years old and impossible to deal with, Tim didn’t want to be the type of person who needed a teenager to regulate his emotions for him. The boy knew how that felt first hand- and even if he’d walked into Robin with his eyes open to the consequences, he’d been pushed out with his eyes a little wider and his chest a little hollower for more reasons than most wanted to believe. No matter how snot nosed the demon brat was, that kid had spent too long playing at being an adult and he deserved better than that from Tim, at least. Tim doggedly ignored the fact that he himself had only been a little older than Damian is now when he’d yanked on the mantle with two hands and the determination of a desperate child, he also ignored the fact that Damian would skin him alive for thinking such thoughts even tangentially to thoughts of the boy himself.

The seventeen year old grabbed blindly for his coffee and took a long drink. He had a feeling he knew exactly where this thought exercise was going, but Tim had never been one to give up. Not when he really should, not when it would’ve been easier for everyone involved, and not when it was pointless. He had been good at the suspension of disbelief long before he’d joined the crusade, and he was loathe to break a bad habit.

If not Cass, Dick, or Damian to call- there was always Jason. Tim choked back a snort and stared at the empty wall next to the front door, yes there was always Jason. It was maybe a little unfair to think so poorly of the older boy, but it was too easy for Tim to think highly of him and he had fallen from those heights a few times more often than he’d care to admit. It wasn’t that Jason wasn’t kind or even that he was unwilling to talk to Tim these days, it was more-so that he’d never stopped trying to impress the older man and peeling back his flesh to show Jason the slimy, unlikable parts and then ask to be coddled was a level of desperate that he shuddered to think of reaching. Of course Jason had never been one to coddle Tim in general, which was a generous way of putting it. But despite it all, Jason was a good person and lately seemed if not interested in Tim then vaguely affectionate towards the concept of him- he would probably answer on principle. But how was Tim to even start that conversation? “Hi Jason, I know we literally only talk when we’re working or when Dick gets it in his head that all of us being Robin at some point means something, but I was wondering if you would talk with me about something that wasn’t either mutually traumatizing or how much you hate me. Why? So that I can pretend that someone would choose to be around me, that’s all.” Yeah probably not the best idea he’s had to date.

Tim chewed his lips and pretended that his breathing wasn’t getting heavier the shorter his list of options got. He barreled forward with his mug between his feet and his head between his knees.

Alfred had never once refused a call, with the only recompense being the subtle implications that he really ought to join them for dinner more often. Tim could call Alfred and the man would answer. He would answer and reserve judgement, even more- he would be perfectly willing to bring Tim up to speed on everything he’d missed since the two had last spoken. He would fill him in like it was nothing and with no disapproval to be heard. Alfred was really his best option but nonetheless the boy refused to move towards his phone, still face up and turned on across the room. Alfred had never turned down any overtures of companionship, at least not since Tim had been allowed into the circle as Robin, but he’d also never really reached out to him of his own volition. Tim had always told himself it was the older mans sense of propriety, but what if it was that same sense of propriety that kept him on the line? Tim was lonely, sure, but he didn’t want to take advantage of the fact that Alfred had been attached to the Wayne name for longer than even Bruce had been alive and Tim had latched onto the family like a burr or a mold. The boy wasn’t sure he could handle being placated either, he’d met plenty of people employed under his parents and if today was the day Tim noticed how similar their vacant indulgence was to Alfreds’ steadfast professionalism he would probably break in irreparable ways.

He forcibly calmed his breathing and glared at the mug between his ankles. He ignored how that feeling from earlier had strengthened and barricaded itself in his chest and was making it hard to focus on his heartbeats.

There was Stephanie, one of his oldest and long-lasting companions. He could call her but she was pretty likely to be busy and thus not answer or be rightfully angry and thus not answer. He would have no way of knowing except that he knew which one was most likely if only based on historical precedence. He had been a bad boyfriend but a better friend- that of course didn’t mean much, it wasn’t a particularly hard bar to clear after all. Even disregarding all of their history, Tim hadn’t really spoken to Steph since blowing into town with ninjas on his heels and animosity between them a mile wide. They still hadn’t really sat down and talked about everything from her death, the gang war, and his radio silence during his search for Bruce. It felt wrong to call her up like none of that had happened and she still wanted him around as anything other than a competent yet obnoxious coworker.

The thought of Steph ached like a bruise and that pain only compounded the marching drumbeat in his chest that called out in gleeful tones "Not wanted, not wanted" and so Tim snuffed it like the wick of a bomb and moved onward once more.

Babs was always available, somehow. She made a point to keep a line open for any capes in the Gotham area no matter how frosty the personal relationship had gotten. But that was for professional things, and Tim didn’t know if he could deal with reaching out to her for comfort only for her to remind him exactly how they’d left things. He’d had a case related theory- Bruce wasn’t dead. Dick had disagreed, Barbara had disagreed, everyone had disagreed. Tim had pushed and Dick had taken it both personally and poorly, that moved things from a professional dispute between allies to a personal spat between the nosy neighbor and her long time closest companion. There was no version of reality where Babs chose Tim over Dick, honestly there probably wasn’t a version of reality where anyone chose Tim over anyone they even vaguely liked- let alone loved. It would be absurd to expect her to push past how he’d hurt Dick, even though he’d been right, and it was impossible for Tim to push past how she’d left him to fend for himself out of spite despite the fact that he should’ve expected it and known better.

Tim was trying hard not to catastrophize, he knew that was what it was actually called when he came up with one thousand plans with ten backup versions each, but it was so tempting to script his conversations so that nothing could go wrong. It was nearly fool proof and most of the time it felt like it was almost worth the consequence of looking in the mirror and having his gaze drawn to how his mothers eyes and bone structure fit comfortably on his face. There was always the chance that someone would see his railroading for what it was, but Young JustUs and Steph had been the only people to do so in any meaningful way.

There was nothing stopping him from call Kon, Bart, or Cassie. Well, that was almost true- Kon would answer but he had better things to do than hold his hand through the consequences of his self-imposed isolation. The super was just barely on good terms with Clark and testing the waters of a brotherly relationship with Jon- he had actual, real problems to deal with that didn’t have anything to do with the sort of best friend that had gone insane when he died and tried to clone him back to life. Bart was in a similar boat in that he definitely shouldn’t have to help someone who was somehow less emotionally adjusted than him handle reality. The speedster was beginning to settle back into this time period, and seemed to be believing in the permanence of it in a way he hadn’t before he’d died. Tim didn’t need to shake that up just because he was coping poorly with his own decisions. Cassie was an entirely different situation that Tim was in no way equipped to handle with competency. How do you ask your ex-girlfried/bestfriend/group life partner to tell you she still cares about you when your last proper conversation was her telling you how insane you’d gone and you telling her that you didn’t need her anymore- you don’t, that’s how.

Even though Young JustUs had been prepared to be together until the heat death of the universe, Tim should’ve known better than to hang his hopes on something as flimsy as that. People simply didn’t stay with Tim, which was something he’d learned at the age of ten when his parents had skipped every holiday that year (and his birthday) without comment or apology, he just knew that ten year old would be embarrassed at how far he’d fallen just because some people had been nice to him for a little while. He should’ve known better then and he did know better now.

Bruce was alive and in the correct time so he should be an option, but even Tim wasn’t that delusional. The man was still settling into the modern day and his new family dynamics that had changed without him. True, he was Batman again and Damian was his Robin- but the demon brat still deferred to Dick more often than not and Dick was a little too smug about such preferential treatment to discourage it in any meaningful way. Not that Dick was particularly good at discouraging the boy of any behaviors even when he didn’t enjoy the results but, water and bridges and such. Bruce was chafing under his performative authority and thus going on some sort of family building kick as a consequence. He would definitely answer, but Tim wasn’t sure he could withstand any sort of relationship they built getting thrown to the side once this little tantrum ended. This call would mean too much to Tim and be nothing more than bragging rights or blackmail for Bruce, there was a reason he was the bottom of the list.

Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne was sitting on the floor of his perfect apartment with his head between his knees and a recently emptied coffee mug next to him when he realized, with a sharp exhale like a punch to the gut, that it didn’t matter.

He shot up from his perch, kicking the mug across the room to shatter against the wall, and he laughed. He laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe. He laughed so hard he choked and shook and began to sob. Here he was, freaking out in his stupid apartment in ways he hadn’t since the first time his parents left him home alone for more than a week, and for what reason? He had known this little spectacle wouldn’t mean anything but tears in the end, what was his fascination with self-torture that he’d needed to break it down on a person by person basis like it wasn’t a foregone conclusion as of four years ago when he’d wedged his way into this doomed mission with nothing but empty hands and spite. His sobbing picked up volume and his breathing got sharper.

In some distant way Tim was aware that he was having a panic attack. A pretty bad one, if the crying and shaking had anything to say about it. But in that same distant way he didn’t really care. He was watching himself choke on his tears so hard that he had to curl over and vomit on the hardwood floors and he couldn’t bring himself to feel any type of way about it. What did it matter if he choked to death on his vomit in this perfect, sterile penthouse all by himself? Wasn’t it a little poetic, in a morbid sort of way?

If it wasn’t for the fact that Janet Drake had no physical choice, she would’ve skipped his birth just like his father had- she probably would’ve avoided his birth happening all together if they’d had their way. They’d left him alone as soon as they could get away with it, and he’d wasted away his years waiting for them to come back and acknowledge that they had a son. Wouldn’t it be ironic if he died choking on the physical manifestation of his loneliness in an apartment that reminded him too much of his childhood home to ever be comfortable?

Tim- not Drake or Wayne, just Tim-Nobodies-Son, spread out on his freezing floors and tried to breathe through the suddenly overwhelming urge to see if a second fall from a window would do the job. He tried to beat back the echoing voice that seemed to emanate from the middle of his chest, that had graduated from “not wanted” to “never wanted”, because he could see the next escalation coming from a mile away and he knew there was nobody there to stop it but him- like always. And ever so slowly his tears dried, tacky and embarrassing, and his shame returned to him like his coffee had just a moment ago.

He sighed loud and long, “What am I even doing? I’m lucky dad is dead- at least he doesn’t get to see exactly how right he was.”

As the boy kneaded the tension from his forehead he noticed a clicking sound that, in hindsight, had been echoing around his walls for quite awhile.

And then Jason Todd, in all his murderous glory, was standing in his doorway with lock picks in hand and an unreadable expression on his face.

#fanfic #tim drake #dc universe #batman #red robin #Jason Todd #mentioned batfamily #hurt/comfort #grace is writing

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kankrivantas69420lmao · 1 year ago

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Hello everybody here's Annie to tell you (ramble to you) ab the ballad of jane doe!!!

first off, I've heard some people say that it should be "Jane Doe's Lament" and "The Ballad of Monique Gibeau", since a ballad tells a story, and to lament is to feel pain, agony, etc, but i think that is WRONG. Bc as Karnak states, the entire point of the show is to give them the chance to express what they wish they were, not what they were perceived as. a ballad tells a story. Jane wanted a story. Noel wanted tragedy. I think the titles fit them very well. Anyways, let me tell u ab some lyric choices that I luv sm bc this entire musical is a lyrical work of art. Ok first first!!! Lots of people get confused by the beginning of the song, but I think it makes sense if you've seen or read Legoland, because penny was unhappy with life, she had a realistic point of view, she always knew she would die one day, she is just lamenting (ba-dum tsss) the fact that she can't remember who she is. Another thing I like is that in fall fair suite when she does her screaming thing they're all spinning around and she's repeating the same notes bc its like she's swirling around them, but in her song it just represents falling straight down. Another thing is the next bit where she references Saint Peter, who is the guy who judges souls and decides if they were good or bad or wtv. I like this part bc the way she says it so desperately is that she doesn't care if she was a horrible person, she just longs to know who she is. "And from the ground, beneath my feet" this line is more evidence that penny was still dying after the rest of the choir was already dead, disproving the theory that penny was dead before everyone else. One of my favorites bc it has so many ways it could be interpreted, "a choir never complete." There are a few things I think it means. 1. She lost her head, this can be either metaphorical (referring to the "head voice" which is a way one can sing) or literal (since one of penny's body parts is missing, they can never reunite the entire choir.) 2. Penny was the only soprano. It's clear that Ocean's actor has a wide vocal range when you hear her sing in the background of other songs, but whenever she sings as Ocean, she mostly stays in alto range, meaning penny would have been the only soprano in the choir, and the choir isn't complete without their soprano. 3. Since it's implied that penny joined the choir at the last minute, she never got to perform with them, they were never complete. This is my favorite bc it shows up multiple times!!!! "An old forgotten tune, a song that no one knows, forgot how it goes" any time she references a song, the song she's talking about is penny. In Legoland, penny has a quote something along the lines of "Im just one song in a big symphony." (I can't remember the full quote right now.) She's saying that penny is forever forgotten. "Why be left with no family and no friends?" In this part in the musical, the choir covers their faces. None of them know who Jane is. "Time eats all his children in the end." This is a reference to Kronos, who is sometimes associated with time, and is known for eating his children. It's also a reference to earlier in the musical when she talks about lions eating their children. "A melody floats through the air, when silence falls, does no one care?" Going back to what I said earlier, the melody is penny. When penny dies, silence falls. The melody stops. But there's no one to care. "Another sad forgotten tune, another song that no one knows, so that's how it goes!" I like to think that she's talking about Jane now. Jane is the other song, but they know how that song goes already!! So, that's how it goes. "No one to sing, no one to sigh" here, she's saying that when people hear a Jane Doe body was discovered, people are obviously sad, but nobody can say "Hey, that's somebody i know." "Isn't there anyone to tell me who I am?" Penny is Christian, so she was probably expecting to go to heaven and see her relatives who could identify her. "Just a sorry speculation" bc Jane's entire existence is a speculation. Nobody knows who she is.

Thank you :]

#The ballad of jane doe #Ride the cyclone musical #Emily Rohm #Jane doe #Jane doe rtc #I love jane doe guys #If you had to guess who would you say my fav character is #It's jane #Rtc musical

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autisticempathydaemon · 1 year ago

Note

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

High Enough by K Flay, because it's quite wordy and kinda fast, so when I don't stumble over words or get them wrong, it feels so good. Also, I just really enjoy listening to it.

What is your Enneagram type?

I just did the test because I had no idea. Apparently I'm a 5.

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

Yes and no. I love hearing people talking about things they're passionate about, but I have ADHD so it needs to hold my interest for an extended period of time, which isn't always easy. I quite like Jenny Nicholson's, except for the Star Wars ones.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

I don't actually remember anything about them, only my mum telling me as an adult that they were twins, one boy and one girl.

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Curled up, listening to Adam being his sadistic, chaos gremlin self.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

Growing up, I read a book with a character named Starr and kind of wanted to change my name to that. These days, I can't say I love my name, but can't think of anything else I'd change it to.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

Maybe Regulus's, especially the newest one (the thought of having somebody in my head and never having any space to myself kinda terrifies me, but I also like the idea, because hell yes, he could absolutely kick those intrusive thoughts to the curb. Also, the parts where he starts revealing his true feelings about stuff via the random "demonic" voice just does something to me).

Although the Adam storyline, especially Sadistic Vampire Kidnaps You (both for the sleep aid factor, and just general I really enjoy listening to it) will probably always be my absolute favourite.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Sam. I think he's got so much love from Redacted fans that I'm almost burnt out from it. Also Milo, David and Vincent a little bit, for the same reason. I still listen to and enjoy their audios, but they'll never be my first choice to listen to, and it's very unlikely I'd relisten to them.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

Idk, I don't rewatch or reread things enough to learn the words to them. Maybe Buffy, because I was hardcore obsessed with it when I was younger, but nowhere near knowing all the words level.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

My first thought was Hux, although I would totally date him, if we were in a universe where he was, y'know, real, and not dating Damian.

Maybe I should've said Asher. As much as I adore him, I don't really think about him in a romantic context.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

Since I'm pretty much always alone, I have nobody to connect the dots on that. Maybe I should ask my cat, hahaha.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

I don't drive, and don't live within walking distance from one. If I did, it'd probably be something sweet, and a drink, preferably something frozen and/or bright blue

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

My going to work musical playlist that I've compiled is all killer, no filler if that's what you meant.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Boyfriend asmr, and I mean traditional asmr, rather than the audio roleplays. I've been very single for a long time, to the point I don't even know if I could actually date, if (by some miracle) some weirdo did find me attractive.

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

I'm literally crying while typing this, and can't think of anything else. Sorry for the trauma dump, if I didn't want to know your answer so badly, I'd just delete and forget about it. 💙

This one took me a second- I was really staring down the Redactedness brackets- but when I saw it, it dawned on me so clearly and so resplendently. Ollie would be so wonderfully perfect for you.

Little things first- I think y’all would have a good time together, because it seems like y’all would like each other and the same things. Like, I can absolutely see Ollie having had a Buffy phase at some point. (He had a crush on either Sarah Michelle Gellar, David Borneanaz, or both. Probably both.) He’d love the same video essays you do and would be more than okay with pausing it or speeding it up if the attention span isn’t spanning.

Big things second- I think Ollie would be so good for you? Your being a Five and what you said about Regulus makes me think the sweet, unempowered type is just what you need. No magic, no tragic backstory, no possibility of having your mind read or wiped- just a darling man who loves you, your cats, and Star Trek.

Song:

You know I wanna be your light/ In darkness, how you find me just in time/ To tell me what I needed to hear/ So if you don't know what you need/ You can leave it all to me/ I don't want you worried 'bout a thing/ I know you'd do the same for me

I love Ollie and the domestic, little ways he shows his love and support- he’s just a wholesome dude, and he’s a sleeper favorite of mine for that reason. This song fits in my head because it reminds me of his sweetness and how far he’s come and matured and how dependable and loving he’d be as a boyfriend and life partner for you.

Runner-Ups:

Aaron was a pretty close runner-up, because I loved the idea of pairing you with someone unempowered and stable. (Ollie, I liked more because of his energy and lighthearted nature; also Aaron also strikes me as a Five, and I don’t typically do same Type pairs.) Huxley, I also love because of his steady, sweet but jovial nature, but I really got stuck on someone unempowered for you by this point.

Note: I’m so sorry I made you cry and you like literally didn’t trauma dump at all you are so fine and good honey

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #busybee matches #redacted

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emilyblame · 2 years ago

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‘Intellectual Property’ thoughts

i already wrote something about this album, but after listening to it on repeat for a week, i have some more things to say.

before i go straight into the track by track, i wanna say that i really love the album. and i wasn’t expecting to. i listened to it on Friday with zero expectations and was pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying it, especially the deep cuts. and the more i listened to it, the more i loved it. and even after a week i keep finding things hidden in the songs, effects, little details that make me love each of them more.

Favorite song: still Closer. sorry.

St*rfucker

the first time I heard this song i hated the autotune in it, but the more i listened to it, the less i cared about it. there is so much going on production-wise, it now distracts me from the autotune. i mean, this bass track is insane, i really love it. i know Awsten said he referenced Fuzzy a lot in this track, but i think there’s a difference between referencing and using the same concept. i like that he took the concept of ‘demons driving a limo to his window’ and shifted it into him becoming a ‘demon’ and driving his love interest crazy by grabbing ‘the wheel’ (ie: control) of the relationship and taking it whenever he wants it to go.

speaking of the lyrics… i know he’s probably talking about some relationship with a girl, but i can’t help but wonder if the line ‘i signed somebody’s NDA’ is about Elijah maybe. because they seemed to be really close friends (like, they hung out all the time) and then all of a sudden they didn’t speak anymore and neither of them said anything about it. that was super weird. also the lines ‘LA’s such a fucking weird place’ and ‘you can’t hide my face but save me for a rainy day’ make me think of the song they wrote together, Rainy Days In LA. but i could be completely wrong… most likely.

and i already talked about this, but i really like the abrupt ending and how that plays into Real Super Dark.

Real Super Dark

the music in this track is insane. the vocals are good too, i just hate the way Awsten scream sounds. i’ve said this before, but to me, he sounds like an enraged poodle when he’s screaming and i find it both comical and annoying. the lyrics have some cringe-worthy moments much in the same way Numb did, what with the Coldplay and the scummy-dummy-whatever-the-fuck-he’s-saying lines. here we have the Otto ‘serial-killing’ him line that unnecessarily drags along the entire song (although, i have to admit the line ‘Otto, I’m sorry, stop’ reminds me of the “Louisiana Hotel” video and i find that somewhat endearing.) but the rest of the lyrics are okay. oh, and i really love the da-da-das too.

i mean, what i really love about this song, and why i think it’s so fucking good even though i hate Awsten’s scream, is that it feels like what the lyrics are about. does that make sense? I mean, he says ‘i wake up and i’m up and i’m down’ and the song is literally a rollercoaster: it goes heavy with the guitars and the screaming and then it has the very soft da-da-das and he goes from screaming to falsetto and vice versa. it sounds exactly like being angry one moment, then being okay at the next, then angry again, then like you don’t give a fuck anymore. and i don’t know how Awsten achieved that, or if he was intentionally trying to, but he got it and he got it right.

Funeral Grey

musically this song is so summery and perfect. it’s great to jump and dance too, and even sing along too if you can pretend to not understand the lyrics. like, the vocal melody just feels so nice to sing along to, but if you pay attention to the lyrics, it makes you go yikes :/ boi why.

and i know Awsten’s fragile ego gets butthurt whenever we criticise his lyrics, but it’s really his fault we’re so demanding with them. we got two albums packed with perfectly crafted lyrics (‘Double Dare’ and ‘Entertainment’) only for him to get ‘dumber’ with time, it just doesn’t make sense. and it’s kinda disappointing. i know this song is supposed to be lighthearted and fun, but lyrics just fall flat.

(i legit spent ten minutes just trying to come up with an example of how he already made lighthearted and fun lyrics but honestly? every Parx song is so packed with emotion, i couldn’t come up with one.)

you know how this song feels? like Fruit Roll Ups. music? insane. lyrics? burn them to the ground until there’s nothing left.

Brainwashed

this song is perfect. music is incredible, vocals are amazing. the lyrics are good. again, a very dancy, jump-along-to song. yes.

also, finally we get a good riff, like, FINALLY. we all know they both can shred, why the fuck is he constantly holding back on riffs and solos is beyond me. the bass track: crazy. and i love it when he sings fast, so… this song is a 10/10 for me, there’s nothing that could make it better, it’s perfect.

(i hate the way he pronunces ‘syndrome’ but it’s still perfect.)

2 Best Friends

we~eeell… i talked about this one already. it sounds like an unfinished demo. and i say ‘unfinished’ because we’ve heard Awsten’s demos; they can sound like they were recorded on a potato, alright, but never unfinished.

the lyrics are… meh, but they get the point across. i really enjoy the juxtaposition of how happy the song sounds with the lyrics ‘it didn’t work and i feel like shit / wake up tomorrow and try again’. that moment feels like a shrug emoji, and i kinda love it, honestly. also, i really like the little synth/piano melody that plays at the end of the chorus; it’s refreshing.

but, yeah, generally this is the weakest song in the album. then again, if we compare it with ‘Greatest Hits’, it’s not even that much of a low point. i feel like LIKE IT is more of a disappointment within ‘Greatest Hits’ than 2 Best Friends is for ‘Intellectual Property’. and i really like LIKE IT.

End Of The Water (Feel)

i love this song. it’s really good. i absolutely adore the line ‘why can’t we act like you and i are alive at the same time’. like, yes, why are human beings so complicated. then again, it shouldn’t be complicated. so if it feels like a lot of work it’s probably not meant to be.

philosophical tangents aside, this is a good song. i can see it becoming a fan favorite (speaking of, i should probably do a poll soon.) i really like how funky it sounds. i kinda keep imagining what it would sound like if Ross Lynch sang it.

Self-Sabotage

i absolutely loved this song from day one. the lyrics are brutally honest and genuine. i love seeing Awsten not putting himself as the victim for once. not to overlook on the fact that he’s a fucking dick, i don’t care how much your heart got broken, it doesn’t justify you being horrible to someone else. it’s not a valid defence mechanism, you’re just an asshole.

back to the music: love it. impossible not to jump to the chorus every single time, it’s so catchy. also, i never thought i’d say this, but i kinda love how breathy Awsten’s voice is in this one.

i also really like the line ‘i want this to work so bad / but i want what i can’t have’.

Ritual

boy this song is… a lot. in a good way. i like that it’s only three verses that repeat, and all of them are fucking gems. but my favorite part is the build up to the bridge + the bridge + the outro: it sounds insane. lights off, headphones on. there’s so much going on. i love the strings and the panning is insane. did Zakk Cervini produce this one too? cheers, bro, it’s incredible.

one thing i wish he did is hold a scream right after ‘shut the fuck up’ during the outro. but i understand that’s not what Awsten does and honestly, with his screaming it wouldn’t be that good. but with a good screamer… ooohhhh boy.

Fuck About It

another one i liked from the first listen. i talked about this before: i like bear’s voice but i hate bear’s verse. it does not fit well with the rest of the song. it is cringy as fuck and also it says things Awsten would neverrrr. but whatever, the song sounds good. i really like bear’s high harmonies on the second chorus.

one thing i never understood was why people went crazy over the last ‘baby’, though. like… it’s not that impressive, or sexy, or anything. i would be more impressed if he would’ve belted it, Royal stylez.

Closer

this song is… an infinite/10. it’s so fucking perfect, i’m so glad they’re playing it on the in-store acoustic shows. it deserves all the fucking love it can get. my favorite thing is the subtle strings in it. i love how vulnerable the lyrics are. and i know Awsten is gonna be all like ‘yOU oNLy LikE mE wHEn i’M hurTInG’ which is not fucking true. we like you better when you’re honest, not when you’re trying to be clever.

this song is honest and it’s vulnerable, and it feels like he’s finally being able to bare his soul and heart even though it hurts and it makes him feel like shit. it kinda makes me think of Crybaby, the way it feels.

it’s so good. i especially love how soft the last chorus is; here’s another good example of Awsten’s voice becoming breathy, but i think this time is because he’s singing too soft to hit that note and so his voice gives out. but it makes for a cool effect. it makes me want to hug him and telling him it’s all gonna be okay.

A Night Out On Earth

what a fucking good album closer. i mean. stars all around. yes. the music is amazing, the lyrics are so good, there’s a couple lines here that are just a slap on the face (in a good way.)

all of Waterparks’ closing tracks are amazing. well— See You In The Future has some cringy lyrics (most of it, honestly.) but the rest of the closing tracks are awesome, so it’s really not surprising that this one is also stellar.

i fucking love the lines: ‘i turn pain into rent and sing along’, ‘life gave me lemons now i bleed lemonade’, ‘now i just wanna fall asleep in my own’, and ‘was i loved or was i right?’

but generally all the lyrics are good. i like this song a lot. the guitar riff/solo over the last chorus/outro… yes. also, that Fish feature. babies <3 i love Fish he’s such a cool guy. I like how that plays with the line ‘i ain’t jumping out the window’ because it reinforces its meaning: that he’s come so far and he’s not done yet.

so, i said this at the very beginning but overall: the album is good. and it sounds good as it is. i loved ‘FANDOM’ but it was a little messy, i re-ordered it in a way that it tells the story of him falling in love and then the relationship going sour (kinda like what he did with ‘Intellectual Property’.) and i also had to re-order ‘Greatest Hits’ so that it tells the story of Awsten slowly losing his mind (is the only way i listen to the album now, otherwise it gets boring to me.)

what i love about ‘Intellectual Property’ is that every song in it feels deliberate. as if he sat down to write a good album; an album that told a story instead of just info-dumping us his problems in the form of songs. Awsten learned the ‘less is more’ lesson.

i really hope they get their top 10. they deserve it. even if not for this album alone, but for ‘Double Dare’ and ‘Entertainment’. for Parx history. for Awsten not selling out and making a pop-punk record. thank. god. he didn’t. that would’ve been extremely disappointing.

anyway, i am rambling. i’m gonna finish this up by saying: this is a fucking good record. and if you don’t like it right now it’s totally fine, it’s completely valid. but give a moment. let it breathe. come back to it. you still hate it? give it more time. let it breathe again. come back to it, come back to it a thousand times, it’s worth it.

#waterparks #i don’t know what it is about Awsten but i just love him #he’s like the little brother you can’t stand because he’s constantly over excited and annoying #but you can’t help it. he’s your baby brother. you have to protect him #i feel like that’s why Otto and Geoff stick around

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queenofbaws · 1 year ago

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Well good morning darling! Please consider this ask a a down deposit for whenever the next six-sentence weekend may be. For i come bearing lyrics that while the chorus fits the Hackett family to a fucking T, literally none of the rest of the lyrics do so you get them as a prompt and not a recommendation lol.

'I figured

"Oh, hey, maybe just ignore it, it'll go away

Keep it in the family for today"

Everybody knows

Everybody knows somebody with something to hide'

All you had to do was keep an ear open; in towns like theirs, small towns, close ones, ones where everyone knew everyone else's business, you heard plenty of it out in the open, so deeply rooted and so well known that people didn't bother covering their mouths as they spoke on it. It came in snippets, half-heard in grocery aisles or out back of the bar, said in the same matter-of-fact tones the weather was discussed in: "...cancer, you know, like his father had..." "...whole damn family's got it, that, oh whatsitcalled, with the thyroid..." "...once they start bleeding they just don't stop, and I heard it's all on account of that mother of theirs..."

You never heard them talk about the Hacketts that way, though - if you listened close, you realized no, they never had anything to say about the Hacketts that they couldn't say with a full chest and straight to their faces.

Mostly because no one could figure out just what it was, the thing that was wrong inside of them, whether it was borne in the blood, bone, or brain. Anyone who was anyone in North Kill had grown up at the knee of someone - a grandparent or great-uncle - who'd filled their heads with talk of Septimus Hackett's wicked temper or Francis Hackett's legendary brutality, the former cheating his workers out of their livelihoods while the latter simply shackled his children to boozing and bootlegging, how both were always smart enough to keep a son, nephew, cousin, kin planted firmly among the law to ensure nothing ever came of it.

But Jed and his had never done anything wrong, so far as anyone in town could tell, so...whatever was wrong in their line, whatever sickness they passed down from one to another, well...it probably skipped a generation or two.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

#love-fireflysong #six sentence weekend #queenie writes supermassive #the quarry #the hacketts #heheheuheUHEUHEUHehehe you KNOW there's nothing i like more than a hackett prompt.....#except maybe a hackett prompt that comes with a music rec!!!! hehehe

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dass-ist-egal · 1 year ago

Text

I wish life would be easier.

I am doing now things I should have probably done years ago.

It’s all so weird.

I feel dry and somewhat numb.

But the numbness makes me look down, as if I couldn’t keep my head up.

Life continues to hit me and I keep on standing up time and time again.

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive, the lyrics of that song aren’t wrong honestly.

I... feel like a waste, idk.

One day things will be better, and when they are I’ll probably focus on my day to day life.

My ex told me I deserve someone who has a lot of patience.

That she was afraid of talking to me because she had become a bitter and angrier person.

I wonder if she’s afraid of hurting me.

I would be there for her if she wanted to hug me, heal me, and I would hold her hand as she worked on her issues.

I wish we could help one another but we just can’t.

I’m afraid of growing old, I want a significant other and age might soon become a problem.

I’m losing the advantages I once had.

People think I’m 5-6 years younger than I actually am, every time they ask about age that’s how wrong they are.

The girl I liked likes somebody else and kept on talking to me about him even though I had told her that I liked her.

She didn’t mean to hurt me I’m sure, but I felt disheartened, like I’m not capable of doing much.

Like my value just goes down.

She babies me so much, and made me feel warm.

I hadn’t felt that way since my ex left me, but this new girl won’t save me and I worry that she might become bored and just move on.

At least somebody else followed me on instagram recently.

I don’t know that she didn’t do it because I wasn’t worth it or anything, but I never dared to ask.

We had hanged out a couple of times and sometimes she seems nice enough.

She defended me once and that made me feel happy.

What I will say is that her following me on instagram works for me as a way of being acknowledged. Like I’m not being hidden from others or something.

I keep on getting up and that’s not changing.

I will not give up, and will continue to walk towards my goals, one step at a time.

Thanks for reading.

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haylorology · 2 years ago

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Lol, I was referring to when they performed together in '08.

"Def Leppard filmed their appearance on CMT Crossroads with Taylor Swift in Nashville, TN on this day in 2008.

The taping happened at The Acuff Theatre in Nashville, TN with 11 songs performed before a sell out crowd."

http://www.deflepparduk.com/taylor-swift-cmt-crossroads-taping-13-years.html

"Elliott: There’s no doubt there’s a subliminal tip of the hat to that country direction just from a melodic point of view. It’s like the Eagles — the “Are they country, are they rock?” kind of thing. We don’t sound like the Eagles, don’t get me wrong — we’re not just using the standard third or fifth straight harmonies that most rock bands do. We were always encouraged by Mutt to go a little bit different.

And that was all heard by Taylor’s mom [Andrea Swift], who was the original fan of the band in the family — but Taylor was listening to us in her mom’s womb. She was born to us in 1989, and probably had “Hysteria,” [1983’s] “Pyromania,” and “Adrenalize” on rotation as a child. It all just sunk in, even though she’s a country girl who’s gone pop. The reason we did that show with her was she announced in an interview the only band she’d ever consider doing it [CMT Crossroads] with is us.

Alison Krauss is the same. Alison Krauss is a huge fan. Listen to Union Station — obviously not a bit like us, but she recognizes there’s something in the way our vocals are that links to what she does.

We’re all fans of other types of music. We don’t sound like Tom Waits, but I love him to death. We’re all fans of things we don’t do. In fact, it’s a relief. I don’t think Taylor or Alison are sitting around all day listening to country music, because that’s what they do for a living. Just like I don’t sit around listening to bands that sound like Def Leppard. We listen to alternative stuff."

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/joe-elliott-def-leppard-and-taylor-swift-have-a-lot-in-common

CMT Crossover special: "“The whole thing came together because somebody walked into our dressing room…he goes, ‘It’s Taylor Swift, she’s doing this interview, and she said there was only band that she would ever do a Crossroads with, and it was Def Leppard,'” Elliott recalls.

“We went, ‘Wow, OK, get in touch with her….’ Lo and behold, couple of months go by and, all of a sudden, we’re doing this show.”

Elliott says he and Def Leppard turned up for rehearsals knowing all the lyrics and chords to Taylor’s songs, and she did the same. But the only difficulty, as Elliott remembers, came when they talked about performing one particular song: his band’s #2 1987 smash “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”

“Me and Taylor sat down, and she says, ‘I can’t sing that line,’ ’cause it was a bit too risqué,” Elliott reveals. “So we’d swap things around.”

Video of the performance shows Taylor refraining from singing lines like “I’m hot, sticky sweet/From my head to my feet” and “You got the peaches/I got the cream.”

By the way, you may be aware that Mutt Lange, who co-wrote and produced that Def Leppard hit, went on to marry Shania Twain and produce all her hits — and Twain was a big influence on Swift. So there’s your connection."

https://www.977theriver.com/2018/12/26/joe-elliott-recalls-the-time-taylor-swift-refused-to-sing-risque-lyrics-of-classic-def-leppard-song-with-him/

Fun facts-

Robert Allen (?tour manager - member of 13 management)

"...Def Leppard’s drummer is Rick Allen (yes, the awesome drummer with one arm). Rick Allen’s brother is...Taylor Swift’s manager, Robert Allen." https://twitter.com/NathanCHubbard/status/1334160073250115584?s=20&t=AWELwc_yFemVWmgcwDJoeA

"Taylor was on tour with Tim McGraw and Faith Hill whose tour manager was Rick Allen’s brother."

https://mikeladano.com/2022/08/01/re-review-taylor-swift-def-leppard-cmt-crossroads-2009-dvd/

Tour Credits: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm4758198/

Wow, TS will be R&RHoF eligible in '31

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/def-leppard-joe-elliott-taylor-swift-cmt-crossroads-772567/

Wow anon I… think I love you 🤔😂 I had no idea that even happened and Taylor saying she can’t say certain lines is so interesting and kinda funny lol. But also not bc she can’t say them bc ppl be sickos 🙄.

Keep sending me these anonnnnn 😍😍😍

#also who is u #I’m serious anon u are a mf genius bc I don’t even remember what I ate yesterday lmao #i love you #ask #anon

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drewandareview · 10 months ago

Text

The Rainbow Connection (1979)

Originally published February 1st, 2012

Why are there so many songs about rainbows

I actually haven’t heard many songs about rainbows. I know this was written in 1976, so maybe there were a bunch of rainbow songs then? I know “Over the Rainbow.” I’m pretty sure that scared most people away from writing songs about rainbows, but not you, Kermit.

and what’s on the other side?

The other side? I…I mean…rainbows are light, and light isn’t exactly stationary. There aren’t technically sides to a rainbow. But maybe you’re implying your sense of wonder and curiosity by asking that question.

Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide. So we’ve been told and some choose to believe it. I know they’re wrong, wait and see. Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Illusion literally has “deceive” in its definition. So if a rainbow is an illusion, then it must have something to hide. And vision is another one of those words like sweet: Ridiculously subjective. Can you see the rainbow? Are you anticipating the rainbow? Is the rainbow in your mind?

But I guess I can assume that so far, you like rainbows. You believe there is some special allure to rainbows with wonderful, unanswerable questions attached to it. Magic, if you will. Others believe that rainbows are just lame and don’t see the magic in them. You want to connect these non-believers to the rainbow the same way lovers, dreamers, and you are: Through sheer belief in its magical splendor. Okay. So far, so good.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered when wished on the morning star? Somebody thought of that and someone believed it. Look what it’s done so far. What’s so amazing that keeps us star gazing and what do we think we might see? Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Um…I get that first part. We took a star, which is just an ordinary scientific phenomenon, and added something special and magical to it. But then you ask what it is that makes you so connected to these magical things in nature. The first time you wanted to find a connection, you were implying you wanted to connect non-believers to this magic. Now you’re implying you want to understand the magic. You want to understand what it is that makes you find these things so beautiful. But—but doesn’t that take away from the magic of it all? Magic also has the word “deceive” in its definition. Understanding magic defeats the purpose of it.

But to be fair, you haven’t actually used the word magic or anything.

All of us under its spell. We know that it’s probably magic.

WHAT THE FUCK, KERMIT? This line single-handedly fucked up the entire meaning of your song. In the first stanza, you were talking about how some people didn’t believe in this “wondrous wonder” you were talking about. And now you’re saying everybody is under its spell. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. And you just used the word magic. Which DOESN’T MAKE SENSE because if you’re trying to understand magic, you are literally trying to destroy what is dear to you. It is the sense of wonder that makes something magical. If you try finding a rainbow connection, that means you are singing about destroying what fills everybody with fascination and curiosity.  

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices? I’ve heard them calling my name. Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors. The voice might be one and the same.

You lost me. I tried looking up what young sailors could possibly mean and all I found is an interpretation of these lyrics being about worshipping Lucifer. I’m assuming half-asleep and voices refer to the dreams dancing in your head, but who the fuck are the young sailors? What voice are you listening to that’s calling young sailors? And rainbow…rainbow connection…oh…Kermit, is this song is an elaborate metaphor about you being a homosexual?

I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it. It’s something that I’m supposed to be. Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Well, Kermit is either trying to destroy the magic in this world or confessing his preference for males. Thanks for that, Kermit. This is probably why they stopped making songs about rainbows.

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mclennonlgbt · 2 years ago

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How did Paul react to John's rejection with songs?

Whether or not traditional Beatles scholars like it, John and Paul didn’t lose their bond in 1968. Their emotions were still hot, albeit more complex, and they reacted to each other. And since they were musicians, the best way was to write songs. John reacting to Paul's behavior with songs is a known case (see: I'm so tired, Jealous guy, Instant Karma ect.). However, little is said about the fact that Paul also responded with music to John's behavior. Today I wanted to focus on how McCartney reacted to Lennon's rejection (not always romantic) because that seems particularly interesting to me.

JUNK

It had been perfectly described by Better than looking at the mirror HERE. Let's look at the 1968 Lennon/McCartney timeline: Mid-February - The Beatles arrive in India. 26th March - Paul leaves. 12th April - John leaves. After that, he's absolutely mentally devastated and overuses drugs. Certainly, there are a lot of reasons for that, the most important being John's mental disorders which are not treated properly. But also, his relationship with Paul seems to be a significant factor. Something wrong happened between them in India. There are quite a few theories. The most popular is Lennon declaring his romantic and/or sexual affection to Paul and Paul rejecting him (and in a way, John himself suggested erotic tension between them). I think it's possible and I name the second thing: Paul leaving India so early. John was in a terrible mental state, he even wanted to kill himself. And most likely McCartney didn't support him, which left Lennon heartbroken and dissapointed (perfectly valid). However, we are also uncertain whether John made it clear to Paul that he needed help. Probably not, because he believed he and Paul were telepathically connected and knew all about each other.

May 11th to May 16th - John and Paul are in New York to promote the Beatles new company, Apple. There are a lot of audio and video footage of them: they gave the interview to US press on 13th May, they appear on Tonight Show, on Apple press conference, and gave the radio interview to Mitchelle Krause which was later aired on the program „Newsfront” (all 4 meetings happened on May 14th). IMO the negative tension between Lennon and McCartney in palpable. John in frustrated and annoyed and Paul seems evasive and like knowing he somehow fucked up. What's more, on the radio interview John seems to be giving a hint about "forbidden love" for which the public is not ready, and we can hear Paul feeling uncomfortable about it. During their stay McCartney meets Linda Eastman, a photographer he talked a year earlier with. On the final day, he invites Linda to go with him and John to the airport. She does it and takes a few photos of them. John later (in 1970) expressed he felt very uncomfortable with Linda's presence.

May 19th - depressed John consumes LSD, has a bad trip and gets together with Yoko (who helps him to "rebuild his ego"): they spend their first night in John's house and record their first avantgarde album. 3 days later they make their 1st public appearance as a couple. 30th is the 1st day of White Album sessions. And it this gap between 16th and 30th May Paul completed "Junk" (which can be heard on Esher demos). As Paul said about the lyrics: "Sounds like one lover saying “bye, bye” and the other plaintively asking “why, why”, even as the junk in the yard demands an explanation for the urge to acquire something – or somebody – new". It's easy to see that Macca was putting his current emotions into a song. With John commiting to a new lover - who he valued so high that they appear publicly, despite having a wife - Paul might feel like a discarded "Junk" and expressed it. I'm not saying it was the only reason for his low frame of mind at the time but clearly one of the most important.

GOODBYE (here's the official version)

The track, written by Paul and performed by Mary Hopkin, was released at March 28th, 1969. As we can read on Wikipedia, "[the song] was written in a great hurry to capitalise on Hopkin's popularity". It means that Paul wrote in probably in March 1969. And you know what also happened in March 1969? Lennon and McCartney's weddings. Paul and Linda got married at March 12th and John and Yoko at March 20th. If someone read Paul's feeling towards John as purely platonic, they would think that Macca started a new family and it had nothing to do with Lennon. But that's not my opinion. And it's not a coincidence that John decided to got married right after Paul (he organised wedding in a hurry). Both men ended the month with a thought: "We have new life partners now". I'm not implying John and Paul were physical lovers (I don't exclude that option tho) but there certainly was some romantic tension and a hope to push their relationship further, at least from John's side, and I suppose partially from Paul's (sometimes I think differently, let's leave that lol). But it didn't happen. So McCartney is writing a farewell song. "Goodbye, my love, goodbye". I linked a demo of this tune, performed by Paul, and it's interesting to hear him singing: "Far away my lover sings a lonely song and calls me to his side".

DEAR FRIEND and LITTLE LAMB DRAGONFLY

In December 1970 John gave an interview to „Rolling Stone” journalist Jan Wenner; the interview later appeared as the book "Lennon Remembers". John spoke in an unpleasant, even brutal way. It’s worth noting that he was then under the influence of Arthur Janov's primal scream therapy. Janov was a homophobe and John took over his language, insulting with homophobic terms e.g. Mick Jagger and Brian Epstein. What’s more, John harshly criticizes Paul and the Beatles (calling them a „myth”). He says that Paul’s first solo album is „rubbish” and claims that McCartney during Beatle years was a conformist and cared only about the commercial side of songs. Lennon’s complaints are also about Paul being controlling and egoistic.

We can imagine how hurt Paul felt after reading this interview. He was judged very severely: his flaws were exaggerated, and his contribution to the development of the Beatles (e.g. interesting John in the avant-garde or the use of tape loops on "Tomorrow Never Knows") was not even mentioned. It must have been terrible wound and massive rejection of his talent and creativity.

Paul, as usual, poured his emotions into songs. In response to John's poisonous comments, he wrote „Dear Friend”. It’s likely he also wrote "Little Lamb Dragonfly" at the same time (late 1970). Interestingly, Paul decides not to attack Lennon.

In „Dear Friend”, he tries to approach him with understanding. As John's closest friend for many years, Paul knows his insecurities perfectly. He asks: „Are you afraid, or is it true?”. The most interesting line is: „Dear friend, throw the wine, I’m in love with a friend of mine”. It is very puzzling and unclear. Why does Paul use the word "friend" two more times? Maybe he assures John that he is still in love with him? Or maybe there are two friends – John („Dear friend, throw the wine”) and Linda („I’m in love with a friend of mine”)? If the latter interpretation is true, Paul is delicately trying to reassure John that he genuinely loves Linda and his family, so he’s not going to abandon them for John, but they can still be friends. Maybe this is: "We are both happily married and we can maintain platonic relationship”?

IMO "Little Lamb Dragonfly" has darker lyrics and expresses disappointment. „I have no answer to you, little lamb, I can help you out, but I cannot help you in”. Paul sees John as trapped by his negative emotions. As long as he doesn't want to change his attitude, no one else will help him. However, Paul admits that he loves John: „My heart is breaking for you, little lamb”; „Since you’ve gone, I never know, I go on, but I miss you so”. What’s more, McCartney still hopes he and his best friend can reconnect: „You and I still have a way to go”. But for that to happen, both sides have to want it!

„Dear Friend” was released on „Wild Life” album in December 1971. Probably the song influenced John's feelings. Later that month, Paul, Linda, John and Yoko met and agreed that they would no longer argue in public. "Little Lamb Dragonfly" appeared on "Red Rose Speedway" album in April 1973. And that time, John and Paul had a good relationship again.

CALL ME BACK AGAIN

It’s a well-known fact that during „Lost weekend” (John and Yoko’s separation, which covered 18 months between 1973 and 1975) John and Paul re-developed their friendship. They had a jam session in March 1974. Lennon even seriously considered writing songs again with his former partner. Paul also missed his best friend. When John, May Pang, Paul and Linda met in New York in 1975, Macca revealed they are going to New Orleans to record. „We’d like to meet us there”, he told Lennon. John, of course, wanted to go there. He was very excited and wrote the song "Howling at the Moon". Unfortunately, before John and Paul could reconnect, Yoko called and told her husband he could go home now.

It’s obvious that „Call me back again” – a song which appeared on 1975 Wings „Venus and Mars” album – is about that situation. Paul recalls growing up together with John. "Well when I, when I was just a little baby boy / Every night I would call, your number brought me joy" - quite an obvious reference to the teenage years, when John and Paul spent every free moment with each other and loved to talk to each other.

But this song is not nostalgic nor joyful. It expresses desperation and pain.

"I called your house, every night since then / But I ain't never, no no never heard you calling me" - probably a reference to the fact that Yoko was controlling John's contacts with his friends and whenever Paul, Mick Jagger or some other acquaintance tried to contact John by phone, she lied that her husband couldn't come over now. And then, of course, she didn't say anything to him.

"Come on and call me / Ooh boo boo boo babe" - Paul missed John so much! At some concerts, Paul would quietly pronounce his name during the song.

Interestingly, "Call me back again" contains a mellotron that sounds like flutes. Maybe Paul is referring to „Strawberry Fields Forever” intro here???

I know I have only touched on the topic a bit here. I’m aware I have very briefly described the Lennon-McCartney dynamics. Treat this post as a stimulus to your own research! <3

#mclennon #analysis #speculation #essay #the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #lennon mccartney #romantic friendship #friendship #kinship #queerplatonic relationship #queer love #love is love #mary hopkin #wings #yoko ono #linda eastman #all these songs are amazing tbh

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