#i was one issue that they couldnt handle....
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so, my aunt and uncle are sending me back to texas for reasons i dont want to delve into (its incredibly, incredibly minor but still VERY triggering to me) and im super like. fucked up about it. lol.
#whimper whimper#i had a lot of plans here but.#i was one issue that they couldnt handle....#and it really sucks#i keep saying it but literally like#i am a neglected shelter dog that nobody fucking wants but is too guilty to give back to the shelter#nobody wants to take care of me so they keep fucking me over#i was literally job searching and looking for ways to make myself useful#but bc of (triggering but still INCREDIBLY minor reason) i am no longer welcome here#so im being sent back to my abusive mother#bc i guess she was right and i deserve it#(one of those was verbatim said by both my aunt and uncle)#(but i have a feeling the other one was said behind my back..)#im very like.#suicidal about it. and its awesome
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something people dont talk about is that losing a pet can be genuinely traumatic
#like ive been through some shit#there's stuff that i cry about if i try to talk about it#i havent told many people about this stuff like very few people#my parents and super close friends and thats pretty much it#but like. shit losing a cat is so fucking hard#mum suggested that MAYBE theres a SLIGHT possibility that dad's house has mould#and i started sobbing IMMEDIATELY because i used to live in a house with mould and that caused my first cat to have a kidney failure and she#died#and i currently have two cats#now my first cat was pretty old when we lived there#and she mightve had health issues when we got her#and she was like. an adult cat.#but my current cats?#one of them is like 3 and the other is 1. theyre basically kittens.#pablo im pretty sure IS a kitten#and if they were to die because our house has mould i would be so devestated#like i was already devestated about midnight but if that happened again i couldnt handle it#we didn't get another cat for like a year because dad just couldn't process the fact that she was gone#it's so scary losing a cat and i dont know what i would do if i found out that one of them got sick because of our house#i dunno it's just. really traumatizing sometimes.
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining#i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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Every so often I'm tempted to eat gluten again so I can 1. get tested for coeliacs and 2. eat that delicious looking food at the farmers market
#two birds with one stone#im too scared to though#i often think like oh what if i was wrong and im just making my diet unnecessarily restrictive#but my lifelong GI issues resolved when i stopped eating gluten so i really doubt its a coincidence#thing is ive been glutened a few times and never noticed any symptoms so i also dont think its coeliac#so maybe i could handle it in really reduced quantities#just eat it when i go out for meals and there's nothing on the menu i can have#idk#i feel like i should do this abroad though#go to italy gorge myself on their food and then go to the doctors when i get back#i would really like to know for sure but also what if i AM right and then am struck with the tummy ache to end all tummy aches#i went gluten free because my GI pain got so bad i couldnt sleep properly anymore so im not really interested in a repeat of that experience#nattering#food
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Does anyone else see pregnancy/birth as profoundly existential and deeply horrifying or is that just me?
#not a pro/anti- natalist by any means but i do have my own issues with existential dread + this flesh prision#also i hate the doctor/hospital with a deeply seeded fear and discomfort that ive never been able to shake#i am lucky to have so many women in my life who are mothers and im exposed to all kinds of opinions#i love kids so much that it breaks my heart like i couldnt forgive myself for hurting a child#especially my own that i brought into the world to know my hand caused them pain would shatter my earth#like i dont know if i could handle the physical act of pregnancy let alone the emotional responsibilities of raising one
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When someone else is exhibiting autistic traits but they don't agree with yours and you don't want to be judgemental or come off as ableist by telling them to stop stimming or whatever even though its driving you up the fucking wall.
#this is about my dad singing 3 random lines of one song over and over and over again for hours in no particular order#and letting his alarm blast on his phone for 10 minutes + until i ask him to manually turn it off please#goat talk#also in high school i avoided a lot of other autistics because there was this one kid with severe temper issues and no volume control#and he was probably a good guy but i just couldnt sit next to him because i couldnt handle the volume#and his admitted tone deafness in music (bro please tune your guitar im begging you)#vent#rant
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i dont want to be insane at other people on the internet & be a jttw purist but i absolutely am and literally am 🤏🤏🤏🤏thiiiiiis close to Erm Actually..!!🤓👆ing every single jttwrelated post i find in hastag dbz sorrted most recent
#LISTENNN listen okayim not going to stoppp people from making silly crossovers. Its cute im glad youre enjoying it (through gritted teeth)#the issue with DBZvsJTTW is that ok. db is inspired from jttwyes. undeniable. its satirical and sort of reference-y its obviously not supp#osed to be a faithful adaptation whatsoever.And later db is completely separated from it wholly. Which is why it pisses me off so bad when#i see ppl trying to force later characters into their jtt/w AU and this guy absolutelyyyy does NOT correspond to. this other guy#YOU ARE PUTTING TRIANGLES IN SQUARE HOLESS!! ! like i guess Okay i understand where this headcanon is coming from based off of#OTHER adaptaions of jtt/w but your understanding of the original work is like the end result of a game of Telephone dude. You couldnt#be more wrong...#this is 100% vagueing im so sorry. I have seen this happen like three times over the last few months. i can no longer be quiet .#oh boy i hope this doesnt show up in db or jtt/w tags .#Anyway at this point db and jtt/w i consider as completely different works. Like you cannot tell me gokuu and SWK share any traits anymore#and the roles characters play in jtt/w are much more metaphorical than db... it's hard to assign one character to another without making#huge implications of what happens to xyz character in your au#so in conclusion i present my own opinions on a db jtt/w au: the furthest i can mentally handle is dressing up db characters in cute#costumes. anything beyond this will make me overthink and look like that humorous pepe silvia/its always sunny jpeg
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guess who's finally done with this project
#update: fixed the audio. yay#watashimesmerizer#yes it DOES look like shit how could you tell#i had to finish editing this on my computer because my tablet couldnt handle this project. which is bullshit if you ask me#watashime slug#ワタシメスラッグ#総史#レオ#soshi#leo#flashing#i had higher amibitions for this im gonna be honest. but its a passion project it doesnt have to be perfect ❤#ryohei was supposed to show up. ryohei is/was watashime slugs producer. ryohei from megamasso. i even had an outfit for him#i animated leo and soshi seperately so of course there's timing issues.#soshi and leo should be BEHIND the bars and not IN FRONT#i could point out a lot of mistakes in this video lol#maybe one day when i suck less at editing i'll remake this. and add ryohei this time#and im too embarrassed to post this on youtube 😭#oh#tommysillyrambles#gacha bread
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can't tell if i'm like... starting to dislike these girls because im pmsing and that's pretty typical for me to suddenly not like certain people, or if it's genuinely because they've been giving me weird fucking vibes and did smth i think was shitty :/
#they left one dude in the club blackout drunk bc he said he didnt want to leave yet#and his phone died and he slept in the street. woke up with no memory of what happened#and a bachelorette party at the club had ripped his shirt off in shreds apparently#and its like. yeah ik those girls that left him aren't responsible for him that's not their job but like. he couldnt b responsible for hims#--himself in that state#we're in a foreign country and he was visibly fucking blackout wasted#and they left him there by himself#and then in the morning when it was like oh fuck we dont know where jake is? they were insistent that we didnt tell the profs and would#instead wait FOUR HOURS for him to contact us (WTF) before going to the spanish police Ourselves#like what the fuck do you think WE can accomplish??#whatever it turned out okay (or as ok as it could be) bc he managed to buy a charger and picked up when i tried calling again within that 1#hour that we discovered he never made it to his hotel that night#so like. it was fine we didnt need to get the professors or cops involved and nobody had to get sent back home to the US#but like. the fact that they STILL are treating it like no big deal is really giving me rancid vibes#he could have been robbed or assaulted or kidnapped or killed. and what would we have done#like. idk. it seems like theyre just trying to sweep it under the rug bc it was THEM who saw him last#it was THEM who abandoned him while he was in no state to be on his own#and it's especially jarring bc some of those girls i'd considered to be really great people that i really liked!!#and then for one of them especially to be LAUGHING when jake was telling her in person what had happened#like zero concern whatsoever#and its so offputting like... genuinely was this no issue in your eyes.#and it's scary bc it really is a double standard bc if this was a girl then everyone would have been flipping the fuck out#the profs and cops would be called ASAP even if it meant that people got sent home early from the study abroad. bc safety is more important#but bc 'hes a grown man he can handle himself' nobody was in any sort of rush to try and make sure he was okay#its just. i dont feel like i can trust half of them anymore when that was how they reacted to the situation#and when one girl today got lowkey pissed at me for being like yeah that was scary how jake was left all alone and slept in the streets#she was like 'well its not our problem. hes the one who didnt want to leave so its his own fault. he should be able to handle himself'#WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. WHAT THE FUCK.
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titans had one of my favorite characterizations of bruce. they also had my favorite 'what would happen if bruce Did kill the joker after jason died' ive ever seen
#especially because in s1 it brought up that classic 'ohh if he killed the joker then hed just go on a murder frenzy and go craaazy' thing#through dicks fear dream or whatever it was trigon did#but then in s3 we find out the truth#that bruce could be pushed to kill the joker but doing so would destroy him#he lost his son and he killed the joker and he quit batman and he spiralled#literally tried to kill himself because he couldnt handle the pain anymore#like??? the way that titans is one of the only things ive ever seen where bruces mental health issues are like#treated like actual mental health issues!!#he has so many flaws in that show but he also cares so much and doesnt know how to express it#keeping people at an arms length is second nature to him but at the end of that arm is an iron grip#i could talk about titans bruce forever
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I couldnt read warrior cats as a kid cuz the idea of my cat running away to join a feral cat colony made me sad
#the cat in the first book running away at the beginning made me cry#i couldnt finish it#finding out a bunch of cats die in those books made me feel less guilty about not being able to finish the first book#human characters dying is sad but i can handle that#but if the character even LOOKS like a cat i cant do it#i couldnt watch hocus pocus as a kid either cuz the character that got turned into a cat ''dies'' at the end#and i couldnt handle it#it was bad enough watching him get hit by a car earlier in the movie#i can handle it ok now#still not a fan tho#its bad enough i gotta deal with animals dying in real life#hocus pocus may not make me cry anymore but i still struggle to enjoy watching it cuz i still remember how it felt to watch it as a kid#i was able to actually enjoy the second one cuz there were no negative childhood emotions attached to it#just like how i prefer the live action beauty and the beast cuz i did NOT like the cartoon version as a kid#like i dont have any negative feelings towards them NOW but rewatching them still pulls up those old feelings#and kind of sours the experience for me a bit#newer versions tend to be different enough that i can separate myself from those remembered emotions so im not#reliving them#i didnt like the cartoon version of snow white either but that was more a sensory processing issue than just me not liking it#snow whites voice made me ANGRY#i hated how high pitched her voice was it made me want to punch the tv
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"Sidenote: I'm now picturing a situation where Jace edges himself before the wedding because he's far too horny to do nothing. When he stops for the last time, he just lays there for a while trying to make sure he doesn't accidentally cum. But then he gets out of bed to change into sleep-clothes and while he's doing this, his shirt grazes his cock and then next thing he knows he's collapsing on the floor and cumming so hard he can't even get up for a while. Maybe after this he panics and goes to you? Or even calls a servant to fetch you and you find him on the floor, still unable to get up? Just a thought lads..."
OMG PLEASE -- i feel like the second option would be even more intense! literally how do you come up with these things you're a genius
Alright lads gather round time to further the sub!Jace agenda and especially the sensitive!Jace agenda! I love sensitive!Jace so so much I can't explain why it just works so well?
Anyway, NSFW subby and very sensitive Jace below the cut! It starts out angsty but I promise it ends well!!!
So for context on this blog we subscribe to the agenda that Jace comes very very easily and quickly but also he gets SO sensitive afterwards? Like he can't handle any stimulation on his cock at all after he cums it does not feel good whatsoever it is just way too sensitive. He also tends to feel a pretty big dip in adrenaline after he cums and it leaves him feeling so unsettled and just generally bad about himself? He'll often just end up hugging a pillow and crying for a little while.
Because of all of the above, he never really masturbated. Of course he went through puberty and obviously there were times when he definitely horny and couldnt ignore it so he would jerk off then but he always ended up crying himself to sleep afterwards. He also accidentally discovers edging through this. He'll jerk off until he's about to cum and then stop because he doesnt want the overstimulation and comedown drop after he cums. So he often will just edge himself a few times and then stop, not even wanting to cum in the end.
But edging like this is also a pretty big risk. He cums easily normally and so after being edged a few times? Even the smallest stimulation can set him off. He'll have a massive orgasm then and for hours afterwards he'll be shaky and unsteady, feeling so so bad and he's so sensitive that he can't even put underclothes on.
This plan works until he's betrothed to you. You two have great chemistry from day one and Jace loses his train of thought whenever he looks at you.
He's just so easy so fluster? He'll blush bright red and stutter and lose all English capabilities. Make no mistake, he likes it. He really really likes it. You make him feel so nice and so safe and he knows you'll be as gentle as he needs you to be when youre eventually married.
However, before you get married there's a few weeks of you two being betrothed but not yet married. You spend time together and get to know each other but obviously you are expected to wait until marriage to do literally anything.
All of this causes some issues for poor Jace because for the first time he is so horny that he just can't calm down? He keeps on trying to distract himself but the problem was that he just couldn't stop thinking about you.
So one night he realises he won't be able to sleep if he doesn't at least touch himself so he edges himself a few times. It feels good, of course it does, but he knows he can't cum like this or he'll be feeling horrible because of how desperate he is.
The plan goes fine at first, he edges himself multiple times and by the end he's literally panting out your name despite you not even being in the room. When he stops, he lays there for a while to try and calm down and then gets up to get dressed. When he picks up his shirt it grazes over his cock and he's done for. He cums so hard that he falls down, keeling over. It's so intense and by the time it's over he's just curled up in a foetal position on the floor, shaking.
He tries to get up, and he just can't. Realising how weak he is makes him feel even worse about himself and it's just one spiral after another. He had been laying there for almost 10 minutes when a servant comes in. Obviously the poor servant is very shocked and worried. They try to come closer to help him up but he yells at them to stay back, and then they ask if they should call the maesters. Jace turns that down too, and without thinking he asks the servant to go fetch you.
You're extremely confused when a panicked servant knocks on your door and tells you to run to Jace's quarters. You go of course, and you're so worried when you get there to find Jace curled up on his floor, seemingly naked with a shirt hanging loosely and unbuttoned on his shoulders.
When you call his name, he looks up at you and there are tear stains running down his cheeks. He tries to sit up and seem alright but you don't give him the chance. Without thinking you just sit down next to him and gently pull him into your lap. He goes so easily, curling up in your lap with his head on your shoulder.
You realise he doesn't have underwear on and that there appears to be dried cum on his thighs and stomach. You don't address it because he's clearly upset and overwhelmed and you're worried if you mention it then he might get self-conscious and tell you to leave.
So instead you just sit there for a bit, letting him calm down while you rub his back. After a little while he starts mumbling something and it takes you a moment to realise he's mumbling 'sorry'.
"None of that now," you tell him gently, giving him a little squeeze, "If I didnt want to be here I'd leave. Okay? You have nothing to be sorry about, just focus on calming down for me."
The added 'for me' at the end seems to cause something to shift in him? He nods and starts to take slow deep breaths, clearly putting effort into feeling better. You praise him for it and continue to rub his back.
When he starts to squirm a little bit in your lap you finally ask him if he wants to tell you what happened. Asking this prompts him to blush bright red and hid his his face in your neck. You give him a few moments and then he finally speaks.
"Touched myself," is the first thing you hear, which is an immediate relief to you because it means whatever happened Jace did to himself and no one else was in there hurting him.
You nod and wait for him to continue. It takes nearly 15 minutes to get the actual full story out of him because he keeps on mumbling and not wanting to speak about it directly and his poor little brain is still a little scrambled. But eventually you manage to understand that he was jerking off and he topped before he came a few times, and then he accidentally came after that and it knocked the wind right out of hm.
"Always like this," he says to you afterwards, "can't, can't be normal about it. Always sensitive after, too sensitive."
That gives you the full picture and then you understand. In response you just give him a little squeeze and thank him for calling you to help him.
Eventually he manages to gather the strength required to be able to stand and walk to the bed with your help. You fetch him a damp warm cloth to clean himself with but the moment he tries he just immediately starts crying again. He pulls his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees.
You eventually convince him to move his legs down and let you do it instead. The poor thing whines and pants as you gently clean him and you feel so so so bad for him. You also feel bad because you're touching him somewhere you know he wanted to wait until marriage for but you don't have much of a choice because he can't do it himself and you know he needs it.
Once he's cleaned up, you pull the blanket over him and run a hand through his hair. You tell him to wait there and you'll be right back.
You return with some food and water you fetched from the kitchen and also a book from your own quarters. The smile he gives you come back into the room is enough to make you want to marry him right then and there.
He eats the food you give him and drinks all the water you give him and when you offer to read to him to help him calm down he starts crying again. But this time it's happy tears because he realises his future wife is absolutely perfect for him.
Slight sidenote to end off: The very first sexual thing you do with Jace is before your marriage and it's a soft handjob while he hides against your shoulder. He's seated next to you in the bed with his leg closest to you picked up and across your lap so you can have easy access. He hides in your neck and shoulder and whines and whimpers as you stroke him. When he cums he cries and thanks you over and over.
He even takes your hand and licks all the cum off it because of course he must his future wife clean up. Once you clean him up properly he begs to return the favour and that's how he ends up between your thighs eating you out. It very quickly becomes his favourite method of stopping the intense comedown. Absolutely no room for sadness when he's literally eating pussy. Not allowed to be sad there, absolutely not.
#sub!jacaerys#sub!jace#jacaerys strong#jace velaryon#jace targaryen#jacaerys targaryen#jacaerys smut#jacaerys x reader#prince jacaerys#jacaerys velaryon#hotd jacaerys#house of the dragon#house of the dragon fanfiction#hotd#house of the dragon imagine
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Little idea I had..
During the dungeon journey the happened across a random wild spell that turns everyone into a hybrid
All except for izutsumi and the reader (cuz they a kobold)
Thinking how the party reacts to the everyday things the reader goes through
Oh this is a delightfully hilarious idea,i approve of it. Perhaps it was a trap laid in the dungeon by thistle or perhaps another adventurer did it, either way the outcomes are funny.
Laios - You have never seen laios so genuinely excited, He cheered and laughed happily at this new transformation. This is everything he could have ever dreamed of. His transformation made him a dog hybrid so he was perhaps the most similar to You as a kobold. You teach him about properly brushing your fur and how to sit with a tail. Though over all laios couldnt be happier, he finally gets to be more than just a tall man and can be a cool hybrid.
Marcille - She was transformed into a Rabbit hybrid, Her long elf ears now even longer floppy rabbit ears. She was far from excited to say the least, Frantically trying to find a spell that could possible fix this, Though she did have to admit the magic was impressively strong. Her bunny legs were a challenge for her to get used to, she could use them for walking sure but they were more suited for hopping. Her tail wasnt as large so she didnt have as many issue sitting as laios did at first. But you still helped teach her how to handle her instincts and not run away at the slightest of loud noises.
Chilchuck - While you had expected him to become some sort of mouse or rat hybrid, however when it turned out he had become a Racoon hybrid was fitting all things considered. The dark fur pattern around his eyes giving him almost a thieves mask, which you couldnt help but chuckle at how ironic it was. you also taught chilchuck about sitting with a tail now but other than that his transformation went the easiest out of anyones. You did happen to note that chilchuck became incredibly prone to washing his hands before and after eating, an instinct that wasnt actually the worst one to follow.
Senshi - At first you were all confused on what senshi had transformed into. The fur was smooth almost velvety, and his hands had grown slightly bigger, and you noticed the mustache portion of his beard had grown. Eventually Laios realized that senshi must have become a mole hybrid which upon reflection made sense. Truthfully not much about senshi had changed, However he had noted that he now had an insatiable craving for things like Treasure bugs, mimics, and living armor again. This you werent sure if you would attribute it to his new mole hybrid existence or just how he is normally. Either way you helped him get used to his fur/hair which was incredibly soft.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi x reader#laios#chilchuck#marcile#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#chilchuck tims#senshi of izganda
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knuck if you buck
rafe cameron x poc!kook fem
summary: rafe tries to stop his gf from mollywhoppin her opp
a/n: for my girlies with ✨rage✨ issues 🤍
you would think rafe found the female version of himself with his girlfriend. she was spoiled, hard headed, and with a temper as short as a blade of grass.
she was younger than him by year, money driven, and couldnt stand when people talked about her behind her back. which didn't take long for rafe to learn.
they'd only been together for a couple of months when she got wind that one of rafe's friends called her a possible gold digger. needless to say she caught the guy off guard at one of the parties and caught him off guard with a bottle of casamigos to the head. she didnt wait to start swinging on him afterwards, her rings and bracelets started to become from her hits. it took rafe, kelce and topper all together to get her off him.
and as soon as she was off him, her anger landed at rafe, "let your fuckin frat bro friends know that if they wanna call me a gold digger again they better say that shit with their whole chest."
-
rafe wasnt intimitated by her at all, if anything her anger made him feel some sort of way. but still, he knew that they couldnt both be wild cards. so he did what he could to keep her peaceful.
unfortunately most of the kook kids were too entitled for their own good. especially the other kook girls who had issues with her because she had her own money and was never afraid to flaunt it, plus she wasnt much into the whole kook v. pogue bullshit.
this led to her getting into it with some girl topper started seeing during the fall. come summer though, she'd warned rafe she shouldnt be left alone in the same room with the girl or else she wouldnt be held responsible for handling business.
he did his best to keep the two far away from each other but topper being topper wanted to talk to rafe privately at some kook event which led to her being left alone with topper's girlfriend who wasted no time talking her bullshit.
getting beside her and taunting, "i dont understand how rafe would wanna be with a girl who associates with pogues. its a bit weird." she rolled her eyes her words leaving her mouth seamlessly, "what's really weird is the way your eyebrows look like they're trying to take over your face. you should also invest in some mints or something halatosis is never cute but i guess topper is always too drunk to notice your bunk breath, whore."
she felt the drink hit her new blouse and as topper's girlfriend started laughing it was cutoff by bejewled fist connecting with her jaw. rafe only had a moment to react as he heard people begin to cheer on the fight, well the sad attempt at a fight. his girlfriend was smacking and punching topper's girlfriend with a force. he knew she'd waited for the day but he didnt need this right now.
all he could do was sigh and say a quick, "fuck" as he pulled her off topper's girl whose face looked a crime scene. now he wondered if this was how his friends had felt all those times in the past. once they were in his truck he cut the silence, "i know she had it coming but people are going to start seeing you like a pyschopath." she rolled her eyes, "i hope they do so they know not to fuck with me. you know how I am rafe, you dont have to be with me-" with a quickness he cut her off "hey! no! i didnt fucking say that either!"
he looked over at her, her hands and rings bloodied, her eyes somewhat sad but looking at him with that puppy gaze, "i love you and your crazy ass way, you know that. but sadly we gotta interact with these people. so try and be good please." she rolled her eyes, but with a sigh nodded, "okay i promise." then she gave him a little kiss as he kept driving, "now take me to your place so you can clean me up. thoroughly." rafe chuckled shaking his head, "yeah baby, i got it. daddy's gonna fix you up real good."
author tags: @xxbimbobunnyxx
#ruthie slander#fuck ruthie me and all my homies hate ruthie fr#rafe cameron#rafe x reader#rafe x y/n#didnt even wanna call her by her name 🤷🏽♀️😌
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This morning I am thinking about Gilbert and one (of his many) issues when it comes to love/relationships. This is all likely stating the obvious, but it's been on my mind as I think about him in canon and in aus.
I think some of the things he does regarding love can be cute - how pouty he is with mc, how he acts dramatic until he receives some kisses, etc - and then other times he's certainly, intentionally, testing mc to see how she'll react. Other times, some of his insecurities with it show so much.
He pushes and prods mc with odd tests of love, which are clearly not healthy (well, some minor ones are more healthy i suppose), and I see this as being linked to Obsidian, his childhood, and more importantly his Father.
There are certain things he can't stand her doing, such as trying to protect him physically - he gets legitimately upset when she does so and gets angry, since it makes him recall his mother and brother, and since this to him means losing more happiness at the expense of the 'monster' he is. He gets frustrated that she doesn't understand that throwing herself in the way of bodily harm without consideration towards herself would, in the long run, cause them both more grief than if she would let him handle it because He Can. He doesnt need needless sacrifice, that's how he lost a lot of himself already.
Anyway
We see him push for some sort of proof of love a lot, and after the traumatics of his childhood, I feel like we assume this is just due to losing others and the way it happened, but I think it's also linked a lot towards his father, a man he grew up seeing how others would do anything to gain his favor in order to perhaps get mercy from him in the future.
He's likely seen people do things they would otherwise never do, with their money, families, or their own bodies, to hope to not meet an awful end. He himself had a 'better' end of it if he cooperated to a degree (leading their army at a high rank, but in turn this allowed him to implement civilian rules and similar even if bloodshed still happened), but staying in that enviroment for so long, and then following his fathers footsteps to a degree (just in a different direction?), I would imagine this is why he has so many issues trusting others around him.
He sees himself as awful, he has dine awful things, but when roderic, walter, or others seem to sing praises of him, he likely just automatically believes (to an extent) that they're doing this to appease the monster in him rather than the achievements he's done.
And well, granted I think he understands to a point that yes, they ARE thankful he fixed xyz issue or implemented xyz rule, but he's just fixing the mess his father made now that he's FINALLY able to. He doesn't need the praise, he's annoyed he couldnt do this sooner.
So when he finally has mc, and he is shown proof that she is terrified of him in multiple ways, and his jealousy comes out unhealthily and at times cruelly, he does consider that many of her actions of love may be to also appease the monster in him, rather than Gil. Rather than actual love. He wants to avoid subservience, he wants some sort of equal ground.
So he tests her. He playfully does it, he rudely does it, he sometimes lets up on the testing. Because he wants to make sure the love is for Gil, not to avoid harm from the Emperor.
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Armored Lady Monday
Meet Tezcaliuhqui! (Tez for short) my world of warcraft character, i was able to dodge wow for the longest time, mostly bcus in my head this wasnt a "sequel" to warcraft 3 one of my favorite games growing up, until someone told me around 2017-2018 that it was, in fact, continuing the lore, so i went and watched a bunch of cinematics instead of actually playing it hahaha
and i just couldnt handle it anymore with the addition of dragon character players, the scaley in reached for my wallet and made a dracthyr against my better judgement, dont be fooled by how i drew her, they are not that beefy in game for anybody that follows me that happens to play warcraft by the way!!! i literally just started, is there a button im missing to hide helmets and or dye gear? or is that just not a thing in warcraft, is it right there and im just blind? cus rn the actual armor i have looks like that but its red with gold haha, or i fyou can lead me to an armor that looks like that i would be very greatful
in case you are curious! her name is the mix of Tezcatlipoca, the aztec god of the night sky, the material things and rebirth with the nickname of "smoking mirror" which was their weapon of choice and Itztlacoliuhqui the god of snow, winter and death, the gods of ancient people here are a bit of an issue since a lot of the info has been lost to the colonization, and depending on the wikipedia of different indigenous tribes, these gods will have slightly different domains and details, so generally these 2 have a lot of different domains, but the 2 main ones i was looking for when i was trying to name my character was night and snow
as for how you even pronounce her name give it a try here
tez - like in TESt ca - like in CAlifornia li - like in LEAve uh - like in Unique qui - like in KEEp
#armored lady monday#world of warcraft#warcraft#dracthyr#i have gotten 2 whispers asking if i was a bot with her name#it was interesting#oc#dragon#tezcaliuhqui
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