#i was like im 10 i have the right to have a 10 year olds interests
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Look, I don't believe in preferential treatment, it's not right.... BUT ☝️ if we're gonna have changbin saying sydney is skz's second hometown I just think maybe australia could not be charged things like 60+ dollars shipping.... or 75 dollars for a normal album at the most prominent music retailer when other places pay 15-20 for the same thing.... lol
#like sometimes i think ppl think im being dramatic but over the years ive had ppl randomly look up how much we get charged for randon stuff#and every time theyre like WHYS IT 50 BUCKS MORE FOR YOU EVEN WITH EXCHANGE RATES FACTORED#and im like... idk ?#ausflation#like there are these little anime figurines my little cousin really liked and in jp yen which is equivalent to aud roundabout#theyre from about 36 to 42 dollars and in aus theyre all like 86+ dollars ? why. maybe 10 dollars more okay but why twice over ?#why#someone play why by skz#Why#like you can go online and find better deals but its sorta a hassle#and a regular old mum who has a 15 yr old who asks for a skz album for Christmas will probably just go in store and then be like why tf#lmao#we're being finagled#but also this just reminded me of last xmas when i saw a mum in the kpop section and she was so pissed off bc '#and i quote 'none of these albums have NAMES ON THEM' and then i looked and she was right#like there were numerous groups but very few had boxes that actuslly said NCT WISH or what#it was just like random graphic art or a couple were actually just plain boxes with a symbol#like if youre a kpop head you know the symbols but if you are aunty jen and you dont know this shit? fucked time really funny
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Actually what I love most about hualian is that by the time of "if you don't know what to live for then live for me" they had already had many meetings and moments together, and while that one moment may have solidified his resolve and his purpose, it may have never actually come to that point had xie lian not caught him from the wall, had he not saved him from qi rong, had he not told qi rong off and punished him, had he not stood up for him every time someone spoke against him, had he not held him so warmly, had he not talked to him so gently, had not reassured him so genuinely, had he not protected him time and time again, yknow? Ever since they met they kept meeting by chance and it might have even felt like Xie Lian was looking out for him specifically, even if it was just a coincidence and he would have done it for anyone else. Hong-er is crazy enough to do whatever he wants on a whim, but this wasn't like a split second decision Xie Lian was already like a lifeline to him at this point, and he took his chance and asked his question to a statue in a shrine he may have never cared about had they never met. He may not have really expected an answer and was just asking with a last desperate hope to find any reason to keep going on, but he got an answer from that one and only person in the world who he would ever trust. That trust was built stronger every single time they met and it all led up to that point. If hong-er had asked that question without the pretext of their previous meetings, would he still devote his life? Maybe, but it's not easy to say yes definitely. If it had been anyone else, would they also devote their life? That's also entirely possible, but it wasn't anybody else. It's three parts fate and seven parts courage, and again, Hong-er is crazy enough to do whatever he wants on a whim, so he chose life with the rest of his courage. In short, when we say their story is so specific to them, I really do believe that it could quite literally only happen to them specifically and no one else given their situation. If Xie Lian didn't have such a strong sense of justice and love of all people, if hong-er wasn't so desperate, reactive, or strong-willed, if either of them weren't just so damn stubborn, I honestly think none of these events could play out the same way and/or be as impactful on them. It really couldn't have been just any crown prince and any beggar kid, it could really have only been them.
#rahh rahh make me go crazy#now hong-er was definitely already in 10-year-old crush territory when he fell and he is crazy. so anything could happen with that setup#this is ALL before the war too which solidifies his resolve even more because of how everyone turned on him#it all happens in stages#where little hong-er couldnt have been the soldier without the resolve to live for him#the little soldier couldn't have been the strong-willed ghost fire without the resolve of I will never forget you#the little ghost fire couldn't have been wuming without the resolve to be strong enough to obliterate everything that stands in their way#wuming couldn't have been hua cheng...maybe without the resolve of time#I think time was what allowed him to really go through his own character development and build himself up to where he wanted to be#and it was almost like a test that proved how long he was truly willing to wait for him (and he passed of course)#im love him so dearly#...hua cheng couldn't be san lang without xie lian's resolve to love his everything right back.......#tgcf#xie lian#hua cheng#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#hong er#san lang
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i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend
my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.
but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)
on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.
and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(
you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth
and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!
#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened#my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda#ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game#because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something#normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have#when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think#i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing#others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie#but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy#and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him#and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me#i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder#this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for#literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND#i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better#yapping#diary#loz#pokemon
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logically i know hacking a 3DS won't be hard and it shouldn't require much but unfortunately ever since my battery bloated i am. Paranoid
#my first 3DS (the one who had a bloated battery) is REALLY old and every time it has a problem i loose 10 years off of my life#its got a bump on the back from the bloated battery. ive opened it back up like 2 times to make sure its ok. UGHHH#the second one is fine but its my only 3DS that can properly play DS games with the bottom touchscreen#my first one registers all touchscreen inputs to the top right corner with DS games#and ive heard that hacking it can cause that problem#so im not sure i wanna hack the second one#AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF i have TERRIBLE luck with electronics!!!!#so like yeah id probably be able to know what im doing but FUCK man im not sure if i wanna risk it#at this point I'm better off asking my mom to help me do this. she's fixed my 3DS before maybe she can help with this#mossball.txt#nintendo 3ds#3ds hacking#3ds homebrew
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I just can't get over how pretty some of these page compositions are
#speculation nation#fanny reads nno#nabari no ou#like all the art is good by this point. but the majority of the pages are just functional manga panels#but then every so often it transitions into the most artsy spreads. theyre really pretty#and it does a Lot for capturing emotions. kamatani really does so well at that.#waaaaaaa ive read this whole manga before of course but getting to experience it all over again after all these years...#it just feels so special. and it's So nice to read it in physical print...#doesnt allow for as good of posting screenshots lol but for the here and now.. getting to feel and handle the pages.... wahhhh#i love this manga. i Love this manga. im on volume 6 and im so scared for when i reach volume 10 fbskfhks#i have a feeling im going to cry. again.#that volume made me cry like a fucking baby when i was just 14 years old. for a solid half hour.#no other manga has made me cry like that before hfkshfkd#and i am doing it ALL OVER AGAIN! wahoo!!!!#gleefully walking right back into heartbreak bc it's so worth it. the story is so beautiful. the art!!! the composition!!!! i LOVE it#ive long upheld that this is one of my absolute favorite manga and im so glad to experience it all over again.
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if graham thought the used to be a man thing was just joking and like 5 minutes earlier she said she used to live in the outback for 123 years, he also definitely doesnt have ANY idea how old she is does he
#oh the fun they'll have in support group trying to figure out the doctor's age#graham sitting there just staring for the first 10 minutes like 'oh IMMORTAL immortal. like immortal? like. okay. uh huh. thats. okay.'#thats gotta rewrite like at least half your idea of a person right#im not convinced he or ryan really have an idea of what regeneration means#i think yaz a little more#but not like. really#and yaz was also so taken aback meeting ace and tegan like#other companions get that 'oh youve had lots of people like me' usually kinda early on#get their little jealousy moment#but they NEVER had that#like meeting all these old companions first already must be a bit of a........like rearrangement in your brain#like 'oh but if youre me. and you did this 40 YEARS ago. then uhhhh. the doctor is older than she looks'#and then someone drops a 'yeah when i knew them they said they were 700' and youre OH. OKAY.#like you thought you were travelling with just sort of a weird fucked up guy but then it turns out it's a weird fucked up guy#who has been doing this for longer than your country exists#12 voice: im old enough to be your messiah#fgkjghjkgh#like thats your bud! dfgkjhgjk thats just your fucked up little pal who cant drive what do you mEAN TWO THOUSAND#two THOUSAND years and you still drive THIS badly???#i hope clara comes to the support group some time#she could blow at least the fam's minds a little i think#she knew the last one!#she can provide CONTEXT#between missy and 12 she can provide some GREAT context#also bill i think bill + yaz would be FUN#like hoo boy#bill can fill them in on the master too#feel like missy definitely gets wind of it 'ive been up and down your timeline' and drops by. a couple of times#trying to pass herself off as a companion#doesnt work for super long mostly bc shes just there to Cause Problems On Purpose but it does work for a Bit
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I can't believe Yona was so unpopular with the fanbase upon the game's initial release..... Like I love the idea of Sidon x Link fish yaoi too but like it was never gonna happen in canon lol. Female characters are not "getting in the way" of gay fanbase shipping like corporations hate making prominent and active female characters and they hate gay romance even more. Yona is fine, I like her, I like that she has a reasonable head on her shoulders, I like that she has a similar """feminine""" healing magic domain (portrayed as useful) to Mipha but she's a lot more..... independent and active in her personality. I think my biggest complaint is nothing about her personality and everything about the fact that metatextually her character seems tailor-made to be the Perfect Fiancee who has graceful and feminine talents BUT she's independent enough that we don't need to see too much of her before the Boys go on the ACTUAL main quest. Like it's obvious that from a narrative standpoint she's padding and it sucks that another woman got sidelined, on the other hand from what bits of her personality we DO see I think every decision she makes is sensible and she's easily one of the most level-headed and goal-oriented Zora characters. It would've been nice if she was MORE of a character, if anything, but she wasn't, and we can still all draw Link x Sidon BL without like taking it out on a fictional woman
#i dont think anyone who follows me cares about this per se but im replaying totk and its on my mind#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#totk#in general i love every zelda female character for women's rights reasons#i loved Mipha very much even though they made her main character trait being in love with Link. they did her so dirty and i love her#i loved Paya very much even though her main character trait was having a crush on Link and not believing in herself.#and then later being chief of the village and Not Relevant To This Story iirc#i loves riju even when they kind of dressed her in a weirdly sexualized and exoticized way?#which is true of ALL the gerudo but most of them are adult women#or 5 year olds in bikini tops which - hot take - i dont think is especially sexualized in its narrative framing#if you go to a beach you will probably see a 5 year old in a baby bikini top#it happens#i think the design choice is pretty orientalist and racist to dress all gerudo like that#but i dont think its sexualizing a minor just to HAVE prepubescent girls existing in demi tops#not riju tho#they do a WEIRD amount of panning over her hip bones and her washboard abs and idk it just kind of gives me an ick#and then there's also purah#complicated feelings about purah going from 100 -> 5-10? and peppy! -> 20 with a vacant doll expression#i have no idea what they were going for and i dont care#anyways ignore my tags
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series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:
#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don��t want to✨#and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate#so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou#i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh#compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol#i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help—#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig#my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa#i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control…#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you#tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao#so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol#but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though#either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane#i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date…#at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration…#…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far…#i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee
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this thing i do when i have not consume anything about a media but this guy who makes art about that media is really good and im gonna follow them. And also its probably because of the sunglas- [I AM SHOT DEAD]
#.this tumblr user is having a certified category 7 insanity#I should never have watchh that old first media i consume. Strangling my 10 years old self WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME#Even if that fandom is the first introduction to gay people young me have seen and normalize gay people so much for me#Fandom did lots for me tbh its good for my 10 yrs old self. Despite that fandom havibg a bad rap#It actually didnt do what people accuse it of doing at all it did not do it to me at least#I was young and all i care about was how stupodly funny it was and holy god good animatics#I LITERALLY DONT CARE ABOUT THAT BAD PART i literally dont even know it exists until later on in my second relaspe#But like i only consume it on youtube when i first interacted with it i dont have social media at that time#And due to it i have been pointed in a VERY good direction#Thank god i didnt become brainwashed by a random evil channel as a kid on unfiltered youtube#And was instead too busy watching gay dudes kissing#Thank GOD for that fandom it did a lot of good for me. BUT IT NOW FUCKED ME OVER SO BADD ALSSOOOOO#I dont know if i ever will admitwhat it is except to a few close people#But i will forever curse out the main guy FOR INFLICTING ME WITH INSANITY WITH SUNGLASSES FIGUREEEE FUCKK YOUUUUUUU#And the dude hes shipped wwith DAWGGG FUCK YOUU TOOO FOR AFFECTIBG ME WITH YOU DISEASE TOO#Except the second guy? You gotta be really specific to get the dude right. And its rare to find a character similar to him that i actually-#-like! Its a whole weird thing with a second dude. I have conflicting feelings about him#But basically the first dude impact on me is much more obvious (see: sunglasses) but yeah the second guy did numbers on me too#TL;DR: WHATEVER! IM GOING INSANE! ^_^
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if anyone has any experience downloading ts3 for free and is willing to walk an idiot (me) through a process I don't understand, I would love a DM ♡
#a few years ago i purchased a complete download collection for $10 with step by step instructions that worked PERFECTLY#until i fucked up a save once and had to uninstall and reinstall my game#and only AFTER deleting everything did i realize most of the stuff pack links no longer worked :(#ts3#sims 3#the sims 3#you have to be patient tho bc i will genuinely need help each step of the way. i can unzip stuff but files overwhelm me#i was SO SO lucky bc my og instruction sheet had each step with image examples and it was so helpful#ive seen things w fitgirls repack but i can't figure out wtf im supposed to do with it#because her files once unzipped look NOTHING like what my old sims 3 files did haha so i am totally lost#OR if anyone has maybe just uploaded the stuff pack items as packages that would be great too (bc they don't usually have gameplay right?)#either way i only know how to install sims packs when the folders come with the ''EPXXSetup'' installer where you put in the key lol#which...i assume means that i could purchase the dvds and then install that way? but that sort of defeats the purpose#idk i would love help ♡
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compiled a list of every solo blog ive had not including sideblogs and only the ones that arent active currently and that i have the emails to. no multis included.............. 122
#do not look at me#anyone wanna guess what itll be when multis r added#150 at least right#possibly even over 200#ive been on this site for years i have been thru the trenches#sooo many reused emails and one or two urls listed twice bc i did not update the doc when i turned old ones into archives#anyway this makes me feel insane#i wanna be all 'after this revamp no revamping for a while!!!' which like. yeah obviously thats the point#but before the current kurt revamp id had that blog over a year like in recent years i have not revamped much#im not super surpised tho bc i remember time periods where i had ab 10 active solo blogs........... who was she
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Dresses that are nice but they're only made to fit you if you're 5'5 T____T
#tried on THE CUTEST dress in a medium but the waist was too high up and the skirt wasnt long enough#tried a large then and the waist was too big and the skirt STILL wasnt long enough!!#its the kind of style of dress that's supposed to cover like half your knees. and it didnt. blah#always the cutest dresses that are like long flowy and psychedelic that i like are like that#i did get a nice little green velvet victorian/swingin sixties jacket oh it was SUCH a success tho#i always have good luck with tops but dresses. ugh#i can only wear MINI dresses. bc a mini skirt is supposed to be short on you no matter what#medium-length dresses i have the worst luck with. im not even that tall im 5'7.#tales from diana#there's something weird about the black jeans from old navy#i bought two pairs of jeans at old navy in march of last year. the flare jeans are a size 4 and fit amazing#theyre like stretchy but not cheap and extremely comfy. theyre a typical denim blue#then i also got a straight-leg pair of black jeans. the black jean material is just not right anymore. it's extremely stiff#i know old navy mustve changed their sizes bc i have pants from them that are 5-10 years old (since i stopped growing)#and theyre all different sizes. like. i have old navy pants that are a snug 12 or a loose 4. but it was at least consistent at the time#i was trying on black flare jeans and i had to get an 8. i went in wearing THE SAME jeans i bought back in march#same CUT and everything. and even tho im tall the pants are still longer than what im used to#(im also used to my jeans being somewhat short on me) (so i dont mind it) (its more like they just cover the top of my foot)#the waist. bc i got two sizes up (old navy doesnt do odd number sizes for some reason). it like goes WAY up my waist#tho i dont mind that. im glad we're living in a high-waisted bootcut era. GRATEFUL#but still yeah.#the black jean fabric is just so stiff it's harder to squeeze yourself into even if it fits in the other color denim. u needa size up.#i went shopping w my friend (and kaily) (and our mom) (and then we went out to lunch after) bc i wanted to get her some pants#she's like 5'2 and all the pants were too long on her i felt bad. i bought her some sweaters and shoes#the sweaters were clearance only $6 i was like oh i have no problem getting those for u#still i felt bad bc they didnt have petite sizes in that store. like when she asked they were like 'no only if someone returns'#some other time we'll go to marshall's or tjmaxx >:F
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Its the middle of the night and instead of sleeping I keep thinking about Aviae and Anders's dynamic ougaggga
#dragon age#oc: aviae surana#like. they have ~10 year age gap give or take#i think little four year old aviae saw anders and just decided she was going to follow him around#because she refuses to cooperate with literally anyone else anders gets stuck with babysitting duties#(he acts like he hates it at first but he really doesnt. although he doesnt appreciate the extra attention from everyone else. makes it#harder to plan escapes yk)#sometimes i worry im overindulging in these two being so family like. then i remember that i can do what i want and avi is my oc so#anyways. anders teaching her to read and write because shes FOUR and so so little and doesnt know how to do hardly anything#and as she gets older aviae decides to specialize in spirit healing because of anders#(he acts wounded when shes better at it than he is but in honesty hes just so proud of her)#they have a very sibling dynamic and it makes me sick to think about. in a good way though#i think as aviae got older she started trying to help anders with his escapes#she probably assisted at least a little bit with the escape after karl. even if it was just distracting someone lmao#anyways. they are so very special. to me#worldstate: mage rights#i may be cringe but i am free. idc <3#i think the idea of anders and surana/amell beinh close before awakening is neat idk#aviae and anders dynamic is funny becuase like. the tiny little elven mage who you watched grow up is now your boss and is also the you kno#hero of fucking fereldan. crazy#my ocs
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okay bts was cringe but also i was depressed and like 11
#i always knew id grow up to find it really really cringe#i dont think people do that#always told myself i know its embarrassing but im going to enjoy while i still can#i was like im 10 i have the right to have a 10 year olds interests#is this weird??#sorry just saw a mistagged bts fanart and like omg i recognize them😐
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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Thinking about how so much of my younger sister and cousins' lives are going to revolve around all of us that came before them, but in a positive way.
#my sister goes to the same middle school that I did#my younger cousin went a few years after me#my other younger cousin is going at the same time my sister is#my OTHER younger cousin will likely go to the same school when she's old enough#my sister is going to hear stories of us from when she was a baby told by the same people that witnessed us do it#my sister might hear some of the poems I wrote when I was 12#she has the same person for a computer science class that taught me English#and next semester she'll actually take that class with her#she'll have the SAME person that taught me almost 10 years before her#just today she told me 'i saw Mrs.P in the hall ›:3'#'she says you're still her favourite'#to think im still one of her favourites so many years later#she'll hear the same rumors as i did#have the same assignments as I did#be frustrated at some of the dumb rules like I did#maybe it's because of the difference between us that makes it matter so much to me#i was in 6th grade when she was 2 years old#it's like im in school all over again#but now im the older sibling that shows up for the concerts#and the lunches right before you leave to go to the dentist#and now im the one that *she's* going to tell other people about#it's the same school#but now the roles have been flipped#TWICE#i have a cousin going there too!#im the older sibling AND the older cousin#i have a completely new role to play now#and im going to do my best at playing it#bluey's rambling#abluehappyface
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