#i was initially going to stop the post right before the dialogue

[amiharana]

just so obsessed with the idea of revali silently loving link and pining so much for him, but holding back because he's already created this facade that he despises link, because zelda and mipha already loved him first, because why would link ever choose him? so revali keeps it all inside and tries to display his bitterness at unreciprocated love as jealousy and arrogance at the imbalance of their roles, and tries desperately to fall out of love with link.

but it's as though the little hylian won't let him.

link, who practically insists on staying by revali during battle, who stares at revali with that wide blue-eyed gaze, who naps peacefully with his head in revali's lap when they're alone. and revali should be ecstatic at how close they are, but it hurts more than anything. this isn't fair to him, to be so tantalizingly close to link but to never be able to have him more than this. it's so suffocating, revali doesn't think he can stand to do this any longer, or else it might kill him.

but he continues to let link do whatever he pleases; silently tagging along after revali to the archery range, sitting beside him at mealtimes and letting him sneak more bites from revali's plate as though revali doesn't see him, even going as far as to let link sleep with him in his hammock after what revali assumed to have been a very bad nightmare. no one says a single word when revali and link arrive late to breakfast, with link clinging sleepily to revali's wing and revali looking strangely peaceful.

try as he might (he's not trying at all), revali can't say no to link (and neither does he want to), so he supposes he might as well endure this suffering a little longer.

"why do you let me do all this?" link whispers to him once, in the dead of the night, wrapped around revali in his hammock. and revali is silent for a moment, trying to come up with some sort of answer that could defend his actions. but he can't.

"i don't know," he says simply. he can't tell link the truth.

"does it bother you?"

"do you think you'd still be in my bed practically choking me to death with how tightly you're wrapped around me if it did?" revali winces at how biting his words are, but link just hums and snuggles deeper into revali's neck. he doesn't stop link.

"if it bothered you, you'd tell me, right?" the little hylian murmurs.

revali thinks about it for a moment. and he decides, no, i wouldn't. if you wished to be warm, i'd let you use my body as fuel for a campfire.

"go to sleep," he says aloud instead, softly, gently. he couldn't tell link that either, and he probably never would be able to. he wouldn't ever have the chance. "we have battles to prepare for in the morning."

revali wraps his wings snug around the blond, and link practically purrs in content, dozing off immediately into the warmth. like this, the rito almost smiles. if burning himself alive was the only way to have link, even for just a moment that couldn't always be guaranteed, then revali would just have to make sure he stayed alight; to be the bonfire keeping link warm throughout the night.

[uss-edsall]

Band of Brothers and the Holocaust

Speaking as someone who has studied the Shoah, but her focus was on what Allied soldiers did when they discovered a concentration camp? Band of Brothers' Why We Fight is the most accurate portrayal of liberating a concentration camp in any WWII media.

It has every single element of what happened, while also conveying the human experience of the tragedy.

In the following post I am going to write out the general nature of what happened when an Allied unit found a concentration camp. Interspersed will be dialogue in indents and italics direct from Band of Brothers.

The war is coming to a close. The soldiers are looking forward to going home. The mood is fairly upbeat, morale is high. There's been rumours that some bad stuff's been happening, it's known Jews and others were being persecuted, but it's not something on the mind of the average American or British enlisted soldier. Your farmboys and streetrats want to go home. They want mom's food, dad's firm hand, to play with their kid they haven't seen in three years - six if they're British.

Then...

It sure is quiet. He is right, fellas.

They find it.

A camp situated far from anywhere else. A camp in a wholly deforested area. A camp where no birds sing, no animals make noise. Ashy smoke on the horizon. Skeletal figures in striped clothes, staring at them, averting their eyes like beaten dogs. The smoke of burning buildings, dead bodies just laying about.

Major Winters! Uh, we found something. We're out on patrol and uh, we came across this. What, what, what, what? Frank, Frank, what is it? I don't know sir. I don't know.

The reaction, of course, is sheer horror. The deaths these men have seen were almost all in combat. This is not combat. They don't have a word for it. This is genocide, but they don't know that word. Genocide as a term has not been invented yet. It will be specifically to describe what they are now bearing witness to.

Look at their arms. Like cattle. Goddamn.

These soldiers don't know what to do. They've never seen anything like this before and there are no contingencies. But they are men of action. Trained to act no matter what. After the initial shock, after the initial arrival, they spring into motion. These prisoners are starving, obviously. They need food, they need water, they need medical attention. The soldiers distribute what they've got on them, try to help where they can, how little they can.

All right, boys. These people need care. Give them water and any spare rations you might have. Grab me some blankets, quick.

They find and procure more food and bring it to the camps.

Let's go, let's pick up the pace, come on! Sergeant Martin, get whatever we can fit on the deuce and a half.

Their desire to help, to save, it kills people. Refeeding syndrome - the severely malnourished, the starving, feeding them rations meant to keep a man at the top of his physical fitness going every day, the rich bread and cheese of a regular bakery, it overwhelms the stomach. Survivors on the day of liberation do not survive it - dead from the actions of their saviours. This is something Band of Brothers does not, perhaps thankfully, depict on the big screen - instead speaking of it.

Proper medical authorities arrive. They are the men who stop the haphazard nature of the liberators' actions, creating systems. They've never seen anything like this either. They're also working off the cuff - but they do know what they're doing, much better than your average kid from Brooklyn.

We need to stop giving these men food right now. They're starving. If we give them too much to eat too quickly, they'll eat themselves to death.

These medical authorities come with the establishment of proper authority in the region. And it's quickly determined there's nowhere to take these survivors who suffered so grievously. There's no place big enough, centralised enough to keep them safe from others, to keep them in one place to be properly fed and properly treated. No place, except...

We need to keep them in the camp til we can find a place for 'em. You want us to lock these people back up?! We got no choice, Nix. Otherwise they might scatter. We need to keep them centralized so we can supervise their food intake and medical treatment. So, until we find some place better...

The soldiers who have come to the rescue must force the liberated back into the camps. Back into the sight of all their horrors that they want to leave so badly. They have to, to help them get what they need.

The initial forces have to move on. The war is still continuing. They are combat troops, the spearhead of their respective frontline. They aren't guards, they aren't doctors. Their expertise lies in killing, not saving. Yet they tried to do so, to save those they could. When confronted with that, who couldn't?

Tenth Armored are gonna supervise clean-up. What about us? We head out for, uh... Thailheim, Thalheim, tomorrow.

The morale of the men has been shattered, having become first-hand witnesses to the Holocaust. So too, however, has their resolve to see this thing through been hardened, sharpened into a blade that will cut out the heart of fascism in Germany. They react with anger, enraged at the fact that German civilians insist they did not do it.

I said shut up, you Nazi fuck! You're not a Nazi? My mistake, you fat fucking prick. How about a human being? Are you one of those? Or are you gonna tell me that you never smelled the fucking stench?

Martial law is enacted. Commanders give orders to force the populations of nearby villages, towns, cities, to come out in their Sunday best. Everybody who can walk must come - come to the camp, come to see the horrors that they had ignored. Imprint the memory in their brains and know they let this happen. Then, with their own hands, pick up the bodies and bury them. This is what Nixon sees when he returns to the camp after Easy moved on - the 10th Armored enforcing it.

People of Ludswiglust were made to bury the bodies on the palace grounds of the Archduke of Mecklenburg, for example. At Ohrdruf, Colonel Hayden Sears yelled at his soldiers herding German civilians around a makeshift crematorium. "Make them look at the hooked poles for turning over the roasted bodies. Make them stand closer and look!" This is a term used by the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum as Forced Concentration. It was a policy, at first made by battlefield commanders and then moving up the ranks. No person old enough to comprehend it was allowed to live in ignorance.

Something not depicted in episode nine but is depicted in episode ten are reprisals.

Some troops reacted to the devastation with bloodlust, a vindictive need to take matters into their own hands. Historian Max Hastings wrote of a British tank commander who drove into the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp, pulled out a pistol, shot several guards and drove away. At Dachau, soldiers of the 157th Infantry Regiment machinegunned between 35-50 SS camp guards in a spontaneous reprisal. Heinrich Wicker, the commandant of Dachau, was summarily executed. An official investigation concluded, "in the light of the conditions which greeted the eyes of the first combat troops, it is not believed that justice or equity demand that the difficult and perhaps impossible task of fixing individual responsibility now be undertaken."

What if this guy’s just a soldier? What if he’s an officer with no ties to the SS? What if he’s innocent? You know what? What if he’s a fucking Nazi commandant of a fucking slave camp? Which one? Which camp? You don’t have any proof. Were you at Landsberg? You know I was. You think he’s a soldier like you and me? A fucking innocent German officer? Where the hell have you been for the past three years?

Notice that I have mentioned all these things and then gave dialogue from Band of Brothers for them? How I have barely added more detail of things that were not depicted? It's because Band of Brothers is the only series, movie, or anything else I know to depict the Holocaust and then accurately depict how the liberators of the camps reacted to them - in every single way:

Discovery. The urge, the need, to help - somehow. Distributing food and water too rich for the starved. Orders to stop and herd them back into the camps. Continuing the advance. Forced concentration. Reprisals.

Band of Brothers has it all - I've never seen anybody do it better.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

THE GERUDO POST

(aka an attempt at a critique of how gerudos were handled in BotW and before)

Oh no. TOTK being right around the corner, it might finally be time for the Gerudo Post.

(aka half of the reason why I made a Zelda sideblog in the first place)

So I want to preface all of this by saying that, as you could probably tell already, I’ve always adored the gerudos. They have fascinated my small child brain when I was 7; then the obsession made its comeback when I was 14, and now, here we are, almost 28, and I’m still thinking about the gerudos. I think they might be among my favorite fictional cultures for their potential and their understated storyline. I guess growing up in a very Arabic neighborhood, coupled with being bi-culturally latinx (?? does Brazil count?? you tell me), also always made them feel like home to me –especially when I was very young and there was not a lot of cool female representation flying around that managed to involve fiercely independent PoC women, flaws and teeth included.

This whole weird-essay-thing tries to do two things. First: analyze the place gerudos have occupied in the series, their initial problematisms and their subtextual narrative arc during the Myth Era coupled with their relationship to Ganondorf. Second: tiptoe to Breath of the Wild and poke it with a stick to see what happens –and in doing that, explain why I believe a lot of their characterization was defanged in service of smoothing their past with the hylians instead of deepening the culture on its own terms, and why I’m a little apprehensive about what that might mean for TotK even though I adore seeing the best girls at it again.

Those are the uhh terms of service??

And now, we must go back to 1998.

OCARINA OF TIME ERA

There’s so many things about the gerudos that are noteworthy and rich, and they’ve made for a complex piece of Zelda lore ever since their introduction –and when I say complex, I don’t 100% mean it as praise. The very racially charged decisions made about their inclusion have been discussed at length by the fandom, especially when it comes to orientalist and Islamophobic tropes being deployed pretty thoughtlessly in Ocarina of Time (their sigil being literally a crescent moon and star originally, the parallels are pretty obviously there).

We’re talking about a band of amazon-like, big-nosed brown women from the desert ruled by a single Scary Evil Man born once every hundred years hellbent on conquering Hyrule who they apparently worship like a god, characterized primarily as thieves, decked in jewelry and orientalist-inspired harem/belly-dancing clothing, hostile to the white good guys of Hyrule (especially men), unblessed by the Goddesses and so deprived of elongated ears (this is true for OoT –we’ll come back to that), also known as a demon tribe with their deity straight-out described as evil-looking by Navi (on my way to cancel you on twitter Navi you watch out), and secretly led by evil twin witches who can turn into a single seductress and, as two mothers, raised their Scary Evil Guy king who happens to basically be the devil.

In so few words, gerudos are the future that liberals want.

It’s worth notice, also, that Ganondorf’s characterization in this game is… kind of relentlessly uncomfortable to play through, especially before the 7 year skip. The utter assumption of depraved and evil intents from every character surrounded by dialogue that does little to hide its biases in spite of having generally very little proof to back them up –even though, in the game’s context, every character is correct to call his eyes evil and the darkness of his skin a moral judgment in on itself. The scene where Zelda demands that we believe her conclusion that the sole and only brown guy in the entire kingdom is evil and will do harm, and the game straight out refuses to progress until we concede that her dreams are prophetic and that this man must be stopped at any cost even though she has no more proof than her discomfort… hits different on replay.

I’m restating all of this not to pretend I’m making a novel and thought-provoking point, but to bounce back on a tumblr post I saw a while back (that I can’t find anymore!! I’ll link it if I find it again) –and so express what it is that gripped me with the gerudos in spite of their pretty damning depiction… and actually maybe thanks to it.

There’s a surprising amount of texture to Ocarina of Time’s worldbuilding that exists folded within the things introduced and left hanging, or in its subtext –and whether on purpose or not, I believe it is why people keep coming back to this iteration of Hyrule.

What was that about the king of Hyrule unifying a war-torn country? Why did the gerudos break the bridge connecting them to the rest of the kingdom during the 7 year timeskip while still worshiping Ganondorf, and why are the carpenters trying to rebuild it against their apparent wishes? What was that about gerudos imprisoning hylian men trying to force entry into their lands? What was that about the secret death torture chambers right next to the Royal Family’s tomb and connected to the race of people who were, apparently, born to serve them?

Nothing? Oh okay… okay… okay….

The same can be said about this strange depiction of this hostile tribe, consistently described as wicked yet suddenly friendly once you prove you deserve their respect once you... defeat them, so you now have joined them? Ocarina of Time isn’t very consistent when it comes to characterizing them as their occupation (thieves) or as a proper culture, with a king and a strange system of rulership that seem to involve at least 5 people: Ganondorf, the Twinrova, Nabooru and the unnamed random woman who decides you’re now part of the gerudos because you slashed enough of them with your sword and hookshot, which, uhh ok.

They’re but a ragtag and negligible group when discussed next to gorons and zoras and hylians, but they also clearly have their own religion and at least a 400-hundred years old history (probably far longer than this) and hints of a written language of their own. I’m not sure the game itself knows what it wants them to be, beyond: intimidating and hot and cool, but also wicked and, because of Ganondorf and the way you barge in their forbidden fortress (heh) with the explicit intent to dismantle their king, in apparent need to be saved from themselves.

Speaking of rulership and the Spirit Temple, let’s have a quick tangent about Nabooru: I always found her characterization when meeting with Child Link pretty strange. I refuse to mention the promised reward, which feeds into everything orientalist mentioned above, but I always found her moral compass so extremely convoluted for someone coming from gerudo culture. Nabooru says that, despite being a cool thief herself, she resents Ganondorf for killing people as well as stealing from women and children. Stealing... from women. Nabooru. Why are you this pressed that he steals from women!!! This feels so out of place, that the only girl of that hostile culture that betrays her king and befriends you, is the one that upholds moral values that only a hylian could possibly hold.

Either way: the strange unquestioned contempt of the game for them as a culture, mixed with the occasional bouts of heart, friendliness and badassery, makes it hard not to consider their depiction as pretty biased in favor of the hylians finding them at once exotic, scary and exciting, and could hide a more complex reality you might only get one side of –especially when you know there were originally plans for Ganondorf’s character to be more gray and motivated than what the campy final version ended up being. To be blunt: even in the context of a game for children, and maybe because of that fact, it all reads like a reductionist and imperialist/colonialist reading of a more complex situation.

This might seem like A Lot coming from a game where the actual game writing can be this overall flimsy and simplistic due to the standards of the time (it’s rough, it's so rough). But I would have never dwelt on that thought about a little children’s game if not for the mainline entries that came soon after, because... ooo boy.

The sense you’re not getting the whole story was certainly not helped by the introduction of Wind Waker Ganondorf, and the chilling emptiness of Gerudo Desert in Twilight Princess.

AFTER THE TIMELINE SPLIT

(I’m skipping Majora’s Mask, not because I dislike them in the game or think they’re not worth talking about, but because it’s a parallel universe and they’re never even called gerudos and their reality seems extremely different from their sisters in Hyrule so I think it’s okay to call them tangential and not dive too deep in this particular depiction)

Here’s something I want to highlight about gerudos and how they were characterized before BotW came along: their absence. Not only their physical absence, the lack of any gerudo character that calls themselves gerudo, but their absence from the text itself.

It’s not that Wind Waker and Twilight Princess retroactively scratch them off existence: we can clearly see Nabooru’s stained glass art in WW as well as recognize them being mentioned in Ganondorf’s final boss soliloquy, and WELL there’s quite a lot to say about their imprint over the world of TP. They are there –or at least they... were there. But nobody ever talks about what happened.

In Wind Waker, there was the deluge. It’s assumed lots of people died then, and those who survived scattered across the Great Sea. Are they sealed under the waves? Have they drowned? Is Jolene, Linebeck’s ex-girlfriend in Phantom Hourglass, a distant relative of one of the rare survivors? It’s unclear, beyond the fact that Ganondorf is the only living gerudo we see in this entire branch of the Timeline split.

In Twilight Princess, the desert which bares their name is empty. The hylians never mention that it used to be the name of a tribe: they’re not even named when Ganondorf is introduced for the first time, reduced once again to a mere band of thieves. We learn his plans to steal the Triforce in OoT were foiled, and that he may have turned to war. Then he lost the war, and was executed in Arbiter’s Ground: a strange structure in the desert, a mixture between a temple, a prison and a coliseum. What looks like gerudo writing coexists with hylian symbols, which often look much fresher. This dungeon is the Shadow Temple of TP: a prison hosting the worst criminals the kingdom has ever known, now haunted and cursed. Besides the locations, the only character that vaguely look gerudo in the entire game besides Ganondorf is Telma, a character with pointed ears that never seems to identify as anything but a hylian. What happened? Who’s to say. Nobody ever says anything. Not even Ganondorf bothers to mention them the way he did in WW –and though the game’s story is quite focused on another exiled tribe seeking revenge and dominion over Hyrule as retribution, the parallel is never explicitly drawn. So who’s to say what happened there. Who’s to say.

And in A Link to the Past and the games forward? The only mention of other gerudo characters are Koume and Kotake, resurrecting their son in the Oracles games through their own sacrifice and failing to bring anything back but a monstrosity incapable of making conscious decisions. Granted, most games in that extremely weird Fallen Timeline predate OoT and therefore had yet to make gerudos up at all. Still: canonically, between the gap of OoT and ALLTP, whatever it may be, gerudos disappeared here as well.

I think there’s something subtle and a little heartbreaking about the fact that no matter what Ganondorf does, the gerudos always end up dying out. His yearning for Hyrule, its gentler wind and the Triforce blessing its lands always costs him the kingdom that he does have already.

Now, does he care? A lot of people would argue that he doesn’t, that he used them like pawns for his own ambition and saw them as servants more-so than sisters, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Nintendo’s official opinion, but… One very powerful thing about most of Ganondorf’s incarnations (focusing on the human ones) is that he never seems to reject his cultural heritage. They could have gone for him wearing more kingly hylian stuff given the whole underlying theme of envy and pride surrounding his character, but never once does he try to look more hylian, beyond the ear situation that seems to be tied to the Triforce of Power? Either way: he is gerudo. Several of his outfits reference his mothers, as well as general gerudo patterning and jewelry. His heritage is something he proudly displays, even hundred of years in the future when there is no one left to remember what it means but him. I think it’s a very potent piece of characterization, an arc that crosses over multiple game and says something pretty intense about this character’s fate and his inherent destructiveness over the things he touches –starting with the Triforce, all the way up to his very own body and mind. His mental breakdown by the end of Wind Waker, when the king of Hyrule himself forces him to give up on the thing he sacrificed everything for, takes a new kind of weight with the whole picture taken into account.

(not to excuse genocide or general egomania-fueled madness and violence, but one thing doesn’t mean the other isn’t also relevant)

Regardless of whether this is a tragedy for Ganondorf as their uhh complete failure of a king, honestly, it is undeniably a tragedy for the gerudos themselves: a once-in-a-lifetime joyful event turned into a never-ending nightmare from which there seems to be no escape, their legacy now condemned to fade to black, leaving nothing behind but a demon boar forever laying ruin upon the world.

One may say I’m taking on the bleakest explication for the gerudos’ absence when there could be others. It’s true! Perhaps the gerudos are just chilling off-screen, completely fine, not interested in whatever is happening in the kingdom nearby and their disaster child having yet another temper tantrum about not being the Goddesses’ favorite boy. It’s possible! But regardless, what little elements we do possess as players doesn’t seem to support this, even if it remains possible –and regardless of actual gerudo lives, gerudo culture is definitively a goner in every single timeline.

Even if they did survive... Hyrule still won its unification war.

(I won’t mention Skyward Sword as they are not really a thing there, except for a butterfly that seems to suggest the Gerudo Province was a thing before the gerudo people –I don’t know what to do with this honestly– and the whole Groose situation, which, I’m not sure what to make of either beyond the fact that he may have gotten cursed by opposing Demise? And then went on to start the gerudo tribe, which ended up being an all-women group for some reason? Maybe? It’s not confirmed? I feel like it’s more of a fun tidbit than a central piece of the gerudo puzzle, so I’ll leave it there like I would a cool rock I brought back from a walk and that I don’t know where to put in my house)

Then, Breath of the Wild happened and changed things.

BREATH OF THE WILD

(Additional short note, but: while I won’t mention Four Swords Adventure, since it’s a weird one that almost nobody has played and severely messes with the Timeline, we kind of see the beginnings of what is about to happen in Breath of the Wild in this game –gerudos coming back without much explanation, then distancing themselves from Ganondorf to become friends with hylians because he was too hungry for power and now they are nice and have good reputation because they are our friendsss)

I was actually so happy to learn gerudos were making a comeback in a mainline Zelda game, and this got me more excited about Breath of the Wild than basically anything else the game involved. And getting to explore the Desert once again, meeting this new batch of impossibly tall buff girls, getting more about their language and their culture, Riju and the rest of the little girls are adorable, the grandmas are so cool, the sand seals??? sign me the fuck up??? And above it all, hanging around Gerudo Town at night and feeling as warm and cozy as little me liked to imagine how freeing it would feel, to stay there and watch the desert behind the safety of their walls in OoT… This was great. I loved it.

It was a huge compensation for the criticism I’m about to make, but did leave me with… questions regarding how their culture was going to be handled moving forward.

I’ll start with something small yet deeply revelatory, then work my way from there.

So... gerudos’ ears are pointy now.

This is pretty significant. Lore-wise, it’s been said that the elongated ears of hylians are there so they can better hear the voices of the gods. It’s considered a sign of holiness in-universe. There's a bunch of really thoughtful analysis on tumblr over that whole Ganondorf ear situation, which is a mess but also very interesting, but the short answer is: I think the absence of pointy ears was a clear design choice to originally signify them as Less Good. Even when Ganondorf gets pointier ears, they never get as long as hylians’. Worth noting: not every non-gerudo character has pointy ears: gorons, zoras and ritos (among others) do not possess this trait, and there are even some humans that have regular rounded ears in the series –though they always seem to be of lesser relevance, if not downright peasants in Twilight Princess. Pointy ears always tended to implied a strict hierarchy in the series: basically, the more pointy, the more Protagonist you become.

(also their eyes becoming green instead of the traditional yellow/golden, which looks more wicked and demonic --and cooler also tbh)

The pointy ears imply two things. From within the game, this could be interpreted in two ways: either that gerudos… converted, for a lack of a better term, and are now considered holy through their worship of the Golden Goddesses and/or Hylia, or that their mingling with hylians through tens of thousands of years had them acquiring this trait out of sheer genetic override (though they have kept their mostly-women birth rates, their big nose, darker skin –for the most part– and red hair). Probably a healthy mixture of both. Design-wise, it signifies something quite simple to the player: they are on hylians’ side now. They are good guys. We can trust them, even if they still have a little spice in them. They aligned themselves with us and against Ganon in all of its manifestations (even if he’s but an angry ghastly pig being parasitic to everything it touches in this iteration). They are on the side of Good, definitively, and will fight evil by our side.

On that note, I think it’s worth bringing out another major change from their initial iteration, which is their overt friendship with Hyrule as a whole, and with the Royal Family in particular. Despite not allowing any voe inside their walls (we’ll come back to this), their relationship with hylians is pretty neat. They have booming trade roads, travel and meet with the rest of the cultures, and are fierce enemies with the Yiga clan, who are renowned for being huge Calamity Ganon supporters. The tables certainly have turned. I want to bring out, in particular, Urbosa’s friendship with the queen and her role as the cool aunt taking care of Zelda and protecting her from evil (to be noted: I am not familiar with Age of Calamity so if I’m mischaracterizing her in any way, please let me know). The gerudo sense of sisterhood has been extended to the royals they used to fight against. I would go on and say the cultures peacefully coexist, but I think that what we’re looking at here is a case of vassal behavior, just like we used to have from zoras (in the non-Fallen Timelines) and gorons. This is a huge departure from gerudos being openly rejecting of Hylian culture in their initial iteration, and something that is worth returning to later.

Okay. Now it’s time to mention the weird obsession BotW gerudos have with romance. I didn’t take notice of my issues with their writing until I realized how prevalent of a theme that was. Now, the reason given for gerudos to refuse entry to males (of every race) has much more to do with preventing young gerudos to make mistakes than anything else, and is actively being put into question by the younger generations –which would make sense. But the amount of NPCs that either lament their lack of match, talk about their husbands (because they marry now apparently) or are invested in romance, and a very limited understanding of romance at that (heterosexual, closed, etc), makes for much more of the population that I initially expected. There’s no mention of what’s going on with their males, if there are new males being born and either exiled or abandoned, or if Ganondorf being technically still alive have have cut them off male heirs. Either way: no more kings, only girlbosses chiefs.

To have the gerudos so interconnected with Hyrule, not only through trade but through extremely coded romance where they have to make themselves palatable to a future male partner and enforce fidelity, was… a choice. The extremely brief and skippable mention of gerudos sometimes going to Castle Town in search for boyfriends in OoT became half of their personality traits in this game. We went from a race that was fiercely independent and mocking of the unworthy men who tried to mingle with them, to… this. Now I’m not saying some of the sidequests aren’t cute, or that I didn’t like the wedding, or that the grandma near the abandoned statue of Hylia (so she was worshipped at some point) clocking us and talking about her love life wasn’t one of my favorite gerudo conversations. I’m saying that the vibes have definitively changed. For the better? I’m not sure.

I once stumbled upon an article that said that Breath of the Wild gerudos were a huge improvement compared to their original introduction, because they were no longer presented as evil and hostile thieves groveling at the boot of a single man, but as a full culture allied with the protagonist and actively involved in the story, while still getting their Cool Girl Badass moment (again can’t find it anymore, I’ll link it if I stumble upon it again). I see where this comes from, but I honestly can’t help but consider it a reading that assumes something pretty major (though through no fault of their own, as the games tend to hammer this down as hard as they can), and that being hylians as the unquestioned anchor of Good.

Which, in spite of what the games want me to believe, I… feel uncomfortable taking at face value.

To me, regarding how gerudos are being incorporated in that goodie narrative, this is kind of a case of surface-level feminism trumping over colonialist/imperialist concerns. It becomes more important to perform the aesthetics of being cool and friendly and independent than scratching at any deeper problem that would risk making people uncomfortable. This is kind of Green Skin Ganon all over again: oh wait, isn’t it a little icky to have the evil bad guy being brown while faced by the most aryan-looking ass heroes of all time? Okay, then let’s take the brown guy and make his skin green so we don’t have to feel bad anymore that the conflict has racial undertones!! Solved!! There’s nothing questionable about changing a PoC's features to make it more monstrous and less human, right?

To me, it’s kind of the coward option: instead of accepting the messy reality those initial choices created (and their interesting nuances if taken at face value), let’s just… rewrite the PoC culture’s history to make it feel less uncomfortable for the white heroes. In many ways, it is an extension of what hylians have always done: scrubbing the weird and messy things about the past and shoving them deep down into the spooky well and far into the desert prison and away in alternate hellish dimensions, and then make up a very simple story where they get to feel good about themselves –except this time, it’s the fabric of the games, the literal reality, bending backward to make it happen. Which, in my opinion, makes it much worse than before. Now, there’s no conversation. The fabric of reality is changing their own history so that there is nothing to discuss anymore. Ganondorf was always evil incarnate. He never had any point. It was always 100% his own fault, his own hubris, his own fated wickedness. He was always demonic (and green, very important –having a flashback to people on twitter accusing artists restoring the TotK green skin to the original brown of wanting to make Ganondorf black, and like….. how do I put it gently…..)

And, above all else: gerudo are to distance themselves from his legacy so they can stay in the club of the Good and Just and Holy.

Because here’s the messy thing: as much as I love seeing the gerudos again in Breath of the Wild and as much I love for them to have survived the Era of Myth (??? somehow ???), this… kind of changes Ganondorf’s character arc. No longer do we have the story of a king who wanted more, either for his people, for himself or both, and led his culture to its destruction in his search for absolute Power, while remaining ironically incapable of maintaining what little he already had. This starts from him kneeling to the king of Hyrule in OoT and leads to the deluge, Arbiter’s Ground, his own mothers dying for the sake of his failed resurrection. Breath of the Wild changes this: now, the gerudo were apparently fine without him? They apparently did their own thing and became suddenly and inexplicably disconnected from his actions? I know it’s kind of implied they side with hylians at the end of OoT, but it’s honestly never really explored why they would cheer for the death of their king while never seeming to resent him before except for Nabooru –there are mentions of brainwashing for those who resist him (as well as “other groups in the desert”, tho they are never mentioned again), but it’s hardly a proper plot point for the majority of the tribe, aaaand they still die by Wind Waker in the Adult Timeline, in spite of their potential alliegance…

(again, this shift towards submitting to Hyrule actually started with Four Swords Adventure, getting crisper with each iteration)

There used to be this polite blur regarding Ganondorf’s relationship to them, how much he used them and how much he acted in their name (with arguments for both sides), and I think this messy and debatable question mark was one of the most compelling aspects of his character. Gerudos rejecting their relationship at a near-cosmic, reality-bending level, removes a huge layer of complexity to both parties… all for the benefit of making hylians come out cleaner out of this whole exchange, their moral grayness barely a whisper in the distance.

I’ll kind of go on the record and say that I suspect the addition of Demise to the canon to serve a similar purpose (at least in part): if Ganondorf becomes but the manifestation of a demonic curse, and is no longer an extremely messy character brimming with agency and drive, forcing the heavens to reckon with said agency in a way he was never meant to access, born from a complex set of circumstances from which we clearly get only a limited and biased perspective, then it becomes extremely clear that he’s a Bad in a way that isn’t worth exploring further. Even if he does have some points, he is a Bad. It’s what matters most. Not to say I even hate what this angle can bring to the table or that I want him to become Good (I don’t –I’ll talk more about why I dislike most takes on him being a helpless victim to the curse), but once again, who benefits from adding another Unquestionned Baddie to the equation to rest upon? Not him, and not the gerudos, that’s for sure.

So. Why did I, me, personally, like the gerudos in the first place?

Beyond the inherent coolness factor of their culture and the fascinating mysteries of what is merely suggested, I think… I think I loved gerudos because we were obvious outsiders. Because their rejection of Hylian culture was so sharp and extreme, their value system so different, and their writing, their religion, their relationship to power and hierarchy and worth wanted nothing to do with hylians. They didn’t need hylians, beyond them having potential resources to steal. In fact, the threat of hylians influencing their culture was such that the entry to the Fortress was forbidden to everyone (I don’t think men were ever singled out, by the way, even though they are mocked relentlessly). I think there was something inherently hopeful about this semi-matriarchy resisting the outside world, and especially its notions of what girls were meant to be –it was 1998, and every other girl character in OoT, besides Impa and Sheik that?? is another can of worms entirely, is either helpless or someone to save. For them to reject this narrow vision of femininity was, in my opinion, much more radical than what we got in BotW. Less nuanced, more problematic perhaps? But also much more powerful. Gerudo Valley is home, not to a town, but a Fortress.

Hylians were worth being resisted.

In Breath of the Wild, their refusal to let men enter their town is kind of boiled down to a fading tradition over-focused on romance, a meek little game of chase. Their entire goal seems to be finding a hylian to settle down with. Say what you will about the single man and the many girls (never explored and completely open-ended in its implications, btw), but at least it wasn’t… that. At least it opened the way for different ways for people to exist and imagine culture and civilization, outside of the heterosexual couple, the christian-infused patriarchy and its trickling down implications. What I want to say is: let my girls tell hylians they ain’t shit!! That they aren’t the end all be all of reality! This is what made gerudos so compelling in the first place! Where is that bite now? Where is that self-definition?

It’s gone, because hylians need to be Good. So we tee-hee at the creep running laps around the town, we disguise ourselves to breach their trust and infiltrate their town (though there is nuance to be had there, gender be complicated etc), we watch them pine after shitty dudes and take classes to become the perfect approachable woman and make love soups with ?? strange ingredients honestly, and we witness them get very friendly with the Royal Family they used to conspire against, dying to protect the princess against the manifestation of their ancient king reduced to a raving puddle of Bad Boar.

Hyrule, unified against him.

TEARS OF THE KINGDOM

For posterity’s sake: this post was made before the game was released. I’ll probably update my thoughts on a separate thing later on.

I don’t think gerudos allying with the hylians and burying their own legends about Ganondorf as deeply underground as they can until it blows up in their face is a bad setup at all. It’s actually pretty juicy, and there’s a ton of fascinating stuff that could happen here –even some involving gerudos taking a firm stand against him while still reconnecting with their past and the choices they made once. This is my hope with the title of the game: Tears of the Kingdoms. Let’s examine them all, account for the damage, and decide how we move forward from there with the full knowledge of where we come from.

What I am afraid of (and I already made posts about that) is the scenario where gerudos rallying against Ganondorf, which I expect will forcefully try to take back his place as their king, is used for cheap feminist points that completely fail to examine, well. Everything mentioned above. Where reality bends itself out of the way of the Goddesses, and hylians’ responsibility in any of this mess, so that everything bad is 100% Ganon’s fault and so he must be cast aside and torn away from the Cool Gerudo Girls and this is 100% justified and deserved because we are Independent Women Who Take No Shit from No Men (unless they are the king of Hyrule or any random hylian they wish to marry apparently).

I’ll say this here because it’s been burning my mouth every time I see discourse about Ganondorf and the gerudo: gerudos declared him as their king. To make a really bad comparison that I dislike: he didn’t run around to assemble girls and make a cult around himself, he was born with the cult already formed around him (and it’s not a cult, it’s just a different mode of governance –hylians also revere the Royal Family like gods, don’t they?). This heavily changes the dynamics at play. Not to remove any agency from him to do a little invasion about it, but chances are the ancestors to BotW’s gerudos fully expected him to behave in this way, at least to a degree –in OoT you see very plainly that they value physical prowess, feats of thievery, witchcraft and general violence. It’s more complicated than him being a Bad and making the poor helpless women go along with the plan uwu –even taking the brainwashing into account, AND Koume and Kotake counting as gerudos too, even if they might not be not fully innocent in shaping the culture and the man himself. If manipulation and forced servitude is the explanation given, I’ll be genuinely mad –because, once more, all the nuance and messiness would be flattened for the sake of making Ganondorf Bad and the gerudo Good (= on hylians’ side).

It bears to be said: I think feminism stances that require, not to criticize (which is fair), but to fully dehumanize and bestialize men of color to make any sense are uhhh bad, and it's worth questionning who they end up serving in the end.

The flip side of this would be to make Ganondorf a poor little meow meow that was secretly controlled by the evil Demise all along, and... I’ll be real. I really don’t think it solves our problem at all. It might even make it worse.

My problem with how gerudos have been handled thus far, being mostly connected to how they behave in relation to hylians Good, is that they’ve been systematically defanged not to threaten the status quo as much as they used to. I think it’s pretty clear why I’m not a fan of Ganondorf being a mere victim of cosmic circumstances; I have a post that goes more in depth about this, but to simplify: my man has legitimate grievances. To make him a mere puppet to Evil Incarnate would, to me, be just another attempt to erase the despotism of the Goddesses, the unjust hierarchy of the world, what hylians have historically done to the races they were in conflict with (looking at the Yiga for the most recent example…)

I’m not saying his fight is clean or even legitimate, that he isn't driven by his own sense of self-importance above anything else, or that he should win (he has no plan beyond domination and victory, that's not a future). But I think there’s something really important about having someone being willing to fully consume himself and everything around him for the simple fact that someone should resist the order of the world. Even if that makes him a heartless, cruel, and egomaniac demon-pig. Even if there’s no Hyrule left to rule. Even if his own people despise him, or are long gone and forgotten.

Is it a little heart-wrenching? Uhh yes to me yes most definitively. This is why Wind Waker Ganondorf hits so hard, and remains (I think) his favorite entry in the series so far. But… I still find this fate of eternal resistance more resonant and empowered, and far less grim, than if Hyrule’s lore absorbs his hatred and rage, gives it to another entity that would be Badder (= more opposed to hylians and the goddesses), and scrubs it off anything icky and uncomfortable, rendering it completely domesticated and non-threatening to hylian domination; rubbed of his skin color, of his complexity, of his own emotions, even made... kind of sexy now, in the same way his sisters have been made before him? I am very, very afraid of him being turned from furious and an unapologetic subject in his own legend to a "redeemed" (according to whom??) and palatable object in somebody else’s, that you now end up having to… save from himself.

Again, I want to trust that Tears of the Kingdom can walk that line and preserve everything sharp and contrasting and profound and thrilling about this fascinating setup. I don’t expect a philosophy course, this is a game for children –but it doesn’t mean Nintendo didn’t do an astounding job with similar setups in the past. Again, I’ll invoke the Wind Waker conflict, but Twilight Princess did a lot of great things as well (Zant’s speech, if you can get past the weird stretches and stumping and NNHYAAAs, is pretty fantastic) –and the subtle writing of Majora’s Mask is also proof enough this series can be complex without being impermeable.

So this is where my hope lies. Not really with BotW’s writing, which, I’m sorry to say, but I found to be below what the series has done in the past (I have no problem with the setup and how the story is explored, I think it was a great idea, but wasn’t ever sold on the actual writing the way I may have been with previous titles –it felt… very tropey to me overall, with a couple of highlights). But Nintendo has shown to know how to write compelling stories for children that know where to sprinkle its darkness and how to preserve its hope, and this is this side I’m relying on for this delicate storyline moving forward.

And now? Now… I suppose we wait and see.

(thank you for reading my impossibly long essay what the actual hell, at least I got it all out of my system, see you in part 2 for when TotK comes out I suppose aaa)

[oneverydelululemon]

SXF MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

So, like many of us in the sxf community (especially damianya fans), i never stopped thinking about ch 96 and the confession. Well, i finally decided to write down what I imagine the conversation between Anya and Damian would look like when he figures out Anya wasn't joking. This little text is exclusively a dialogue, as I wanted to see how I'm doing with writing the natural flow conversation. I might post a prequel to this, showing how I imagine Damian would figure it out and and how Anya would confirm his suspicions.

Now let's go!

The Conversation

In a janitor's closet/behind the school

Damian leads Anya to their meeting place so they can talk in private. Upon arriving, both stand frozen in place, staring at eachother in silence. Both are clearly nervous. Damian is the first one to speak.

D (wide-eyed): So....what you said at the gala....you weren't joking?

Anya only nods, looking down at her shaky hands, fidgeting. She's pale.

Damian observes her for a moment or two before sitting down on the ground and putting all the weight from his head onto his palms, which are now on his knees. Anya does not dare to move.

D: Wha-how? How is that even possible? Since when have you been able to do that?

A (shrugs): A-Anya was born with it.

Damian moves his hands around his head, his brows furrowing. Anya hears him think:

D: Born? What does she mean by born? Can people be born with powers? Do superheroes actually exist? Wait, does that mean.... No! There's no way! Right?!

D: Wh-what do you know about me then?

Anya finally turns to look at him. She sits beside him and returns her gaze to the ground, this time in thought. After a moment, she returns his gaze with a slight smirk on her face. She's still pale, sweating bullets.

A: Anya knows Sy-On Boy likes drinking milk in the morning so he can be tall. Anya also knows he has a dog and misses his big plushie. She knows he threw up after eating green peppers and that he peed in the bed when he was small-

Damian stops her from continuing, clearly embarrassed.

D: Okay, okay, I get it! Stop!

Anya stops talking. He sighs in frustration. She can hear him rambling in his head again, this time in panic. She looks back on the ground, fidgeting with her hands once again. She tries her best to shrink herself, tearing up.

A: Anya kn-knows Sy-On Boy h-hates Anya. Anya understands if he is m-mad and doesn't want to see Anya e-ever again. Anya will leave him a-alone and stop reading Sy-On Boy's mind.

Damian immediately moves his eyes from in front of him to her, his face turning red.

D: H-Hey! Th-th-that's n-not true! And besides, I can't just forget you can read my mind!

Anya starts slowly calming down, wiping tears from her eyes. She looks back at him. He gets even redder.

A (shocked): Sy-On Boy's not m-mad at m-me? Really?

She instantly hears the answer in his mind. She exhales, finally breathing normally. Upon seeing her do so, Damian does the same.

D: You should drink something. Let's go get some water and then go back to our classes. The teachers will notice if we're out for too long.

He hands Anya a handkerchief to blow her nose with. It has his initials on it. She gladly takes the handkerchief before turning her nose into a little trumpet with it. Both seem nore relaxed now. While Anya's blowing her nose, Damian looks away again, a curious expression on his face.

D: Hey, um...does anybody else know about your powers?

A (done using the handkerchief): No. Only Sy-On Boy.

Damian looks at her again, surprised.

D: Only I know about this? Not even Becky? Or even your parents?

Anya nods. Damian hesitates for a moment, brows furrowing once again, before asking:

D: Why did you tell me of all people? How can you trust me with this secret?

Anya looks at him before turning her gaze in front of her. She was silent for a few moments, deep in thought. Then she finally spoke in a low tone.

A: Anya knows what it's like to be sad and alone, and she doesn't want Sy-On Boy to be sad and alone too. Anya thought he would not hate her anymore if she stopped lying to him.

She stops for a moment before meeting Damian's gaze, looking at him with the most genuine gentle smile spread across her face, blushing ever so slightly.

A: Anya really wants to be friends with Sy-On Boy. She wants him to be happy.

She pauses before asking, her face slightly changing into an expression of cencern.

A: Are we friends now, Sy-On Boy?

Damian stares at her for a bit, mesmerized. He answers almost in a whisper:

D: Yeah. I think we are.

His voice becomes louder as he stands up, dusts off his uniform and fixes up his hair.

D: Come on, let's go drink something. There should be a water fountain nearby. We should be careful not to get noticed.

Anya stands up as well, observing Damian.

A: Thank you, Sy-On Boy. You're a good person!

She smiles from ear to ear, beaming. Damian's face goes red again. He averts his eyes from her, turning his back to her. She can hear him say in his head:

D: You can call me by my actual name, you know, I have it for a reason...

He calls out to her.

D: L-lets go, already! We're gonna get Bolts for skipping classes because of you!

He starts walking, expanding the distance between the two of them.

D: Come on, Forger, hurry up! Move those stubby legs of yours before I change my mind about befriending you!

Anya catches up to him gasps.

A: Anya doesn't have stubby legs! Damian should get his eyes checked!

D (blushing slightly from hearing her say his name): ME?! LOOK WHO'S TALKING! I BET YOU COPY NOTES FOR YOUR CLASSES FROM OTHERS! YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE BOARD THAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

A: WELL DAMIAN SQUINTS HIS EYES LIKE A GRANDPA EVERYTIME HE READS!

D: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT- oh yeah right. DAMMIT I HAVE TO GET USED TO THIS!

D: I'M. NOT. OLD!!! AND I DON'T DO THAT! THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH LIGHT AND DUST IN THE CLASSROOM!

A: heh.

D: AAAAARGHH SHUT UP!!!

They continued arguing until a professor heard them. Thankfully they didn't get a Bolt, but they were let off with a warning and a suggestion to get glasses.

FRIENDSHIP WITH DAMIAN: 100+

That's it! Thank you for reading! Feel free to let me know what you think!

Byeee <3

[pepsiiwho]

ROMANCE REAL!

I'm a heinous, devious multi-shipper and I always have been and always will be but for now I won't get into sleep's harem. Right now I'm just gonna word vomit about my two biggest Hypnos ships and what im thinking of writing for them with the information we have currently with the new teaser.

If you don't like Zagnos, Arenos or Hypnos getting some well deserved loving (in which case, you can fuck off now) then skip this one. If you'd like to avoid spoilers for my next possible wip (not that this is nearly coherent enough to explain anything I'll write) run away. Now.

Okay. Anyway. Hi true believers.

So, the dynamics of both ships are different to me fundementally but on the outside they look incredibly similar (I have a type). the basics being that Zagreus and Hypnos is more a will they/ won't they childhood friend romance with a twist of like "you stole my whole family and I resent you for that" and "you're the one person in this literal hell hole I can't just fix and it's driving me crazy". Initially Zagreus was like, the one constant nice, polite and understanding person Hypnos had in his corner. Because of like 3 lines of dialogue in the first game (of which I shan't even speak!) I fell out of love with the ship just because of how jarring and heart breaking it was. But I have love for them and have worked in tandem with cano, for once in my life, and can fix it all.

This was a long way to say, Zagnos exs. They dated and it was great. Very puppy love but after a point Hypnos got comfortable enough that he felt discontent with the fact his boyfriend was more beloved in his family then he was. They clash over it, Hypnos gets upset that zagreus gets THREE sets of families, HYP'S INCLUDED, while Hypnos can barely manage one on a good day and Zagreus just does NOT get it. Eventually they break up because they're just too different. Hypnos bows out, in his self-deprecating way, and they're done. Considering the second game, I think this happens shortly before Mel is born/ or conceived. One of the two because news/birth is a whirlwind that takes all of Zag's attention so they have a lot of unfinished business.

Obviously the titans attack only like a year or so after Mel is born and then everything goes to shit and my scene of the escape happens. At this point, Zagreus is still very in love with Hypnos— he never really stopped oops— but their time has run out and it's too late. He goes into the fray. Womp womp. We're caught up.

Arenos, on the other hand, was always an escape from the mess of the house and the family drama happening there. Hypnos the forgotten and unloved son paired up with Ares the forgotten and unloved son. They are very different yet have a shared loneliness no one else really gets? It helps Ares has his weird fixation on the chatonic gods and their entire lineage. So they meet at the post game dinner and Ares is instantly smitten and wants to wisk Hypnos away. This is, surprisingly, the significantly more affectionate and fluffier ship in my mind. He wants to adore his god and obsess over him as Hypnos deserves. Ares is a lover boy to me and Someone who's been deprived of such love his whole life needs someone who's too enthusiastic about his mere existence. Anyway, when the titans attack and Hypnos gets out with Mel, he loses contact with Olympus because they go off the grid and he's too weak to reach ares in his dreams or anything. Until Mel begins communication with her kin up top, Ares assumes Hypnos is dead. He is not normal about it. WOO!

Which brings us to now. The scene I have in mind is post game or like later in the game? In this idea Zagreus has been freed and olympians can come and go from the crossroads without alerting the enemy faction.

The concept for both ships is the same: X goes to crossroads and finds Hypnos sleeping, unwoken for (long period of time here) and unreachable. Im imagining the scene from Snow White. X walks up, ruminates on Hypnos and their past together and then kisses him before crumpling on his sleeping form, overcome with grief.

Naturally, the grief is different. Zagreus for lost love. For another thing lost to him through this conflict but due to his own negligence, not the Titan's whims. He chose to ostracize his love, he chose to ignore him when they were all of 30ft away from each other at any given time. His Hypnos, his sleep, who protected his little sister and (perhaps) helped guide his family to safety/defeat the titans whatever. The fates were as cruel as ever.

Ares, in my mind, would find Hypnos earlier. Before the titans are defeated fully. Seeing his lord sleep, his beloved, his heart and dreams left comatose and out of his reach enrages him. He has a new resolve coming out of the meeting, unable to do anything but wish for the utter decimation of any and all against him and the head of whoever put his love in this position.

The crossroad I'm at though (ha) is If true loves kiss can prevail... I love happy fluff good ends but tragedy is so lovely... Id love to hear other's thoughts as well. Feel free to send asks to continue the convo or reply ... or tags of course... sigh... they're so important. Also more Hypnos ships soon.. first on the block: Apollo and Hermes!

[youcouldmakealife]

Fic snippet, Fiona&Holden(/James); from the series that never was

So one of my favourite things is when characters twist out of my grasp and announce themselves to be something different than I initially thought they were. I absolutely love it. The moments I'm aware that I am not in control of the story are some of the very best ones as a writer, because I don't know what's coming, and that's exciting.

But it's also annoying as hell. Because everything I've written that comes next? Yeah, it's not canon anymore. Of all my series, Cards on the Table had the most material already written before I started to post the series, some of it occurring significantly later in the narrative, because Holden came easy, but James was proving recalcitrant, so I wrote a lot of scenes, mostly dialogue (dialogue almost always comes first for me), trying to get my finger on his pulse.

And not a bit of it is canon anymore, even though it's still the same Holden, and mostly the same James (I think the biggest pivot point was when I realized that at his core, James isn't driven by anger, as I originally thought. It looks like that on the surface, especially at the beginning of the series, but it's not anger, it's irritability from being constantly fucking overstimulated and exhausted. He's Fed Up. And okay, yes, angry, but that is a Holden Chase specific trigger he's responding to, not his general state of being.)

ANYWAY.

This scene was jossed a long time ago, but I held onto it, because some scenes you're just fond of. And I'm sharing it for the same reason.

I meant to post this after the 'Fiona knows' reveal but it completely slipped my brain until now.

This is completely AU, thanks to James pulling a Bryce on me, but in another universe, just slightly different, Fiona still makes sure her knowing is a mic drop moment.

(Context for the scene, he has told her he's been fucking a teammate, because he's the same as he was from the start, and so is his brain-to-mouth filter, but he hasn't identified who)

(Forgive me, this preamble is longer than the fic snippet)

“How long did we go out, exactly?” Holden asks.

Fiona’s quiet. “Uh,” she says. “Let me see, it was right before prom—“

Holden winces. She forgives, but she does not forget.

“Six months?” Fiona says. “Give or take?”

“Okay,” Holden says. Still his longest relationship, then. He’s got time.

“Share with the class?” Fiona says.

“Can’t,” Holden says.

“Oh, it’s mystery man,” Fiona says flatly.

“Sorry,” Holden says. He really would tell her if he could.

“Minnesotan Mystery Man,” Fiona says.

“Yeah, I—“ Holden says. “Wait, what?”

“Captain of the Whalers Mystery Man,” Fiona says.

They actually only have one Minnesotan, as far as Holden’s aware, so she made her point the first time, but he does appreciate the commitment to the bit.

“How’d you know?” Holden says.

“Babe,” Fiona says. “You are not a subtle person.”

“I think I’m very subtle,” Holden says, but he can’t even finish the sentence without laughing at himself.

“And you stopped complaining about Erickson right around the time you started fucking a teammate,” Fiona says.

“I still complain about him,” Holden protests. “Have you known this whole time?”

“Pretty much,” Fiona says.

“Well,” Holden says. “Fuck.”

[finderseeker]

Here’s that thing I spontaneously started writing for some reason. I go where my whims and capricious focus take me. I got sick of editing and rereading so I’m just posting it. This is set in the DDAU. It’s not long after things got worked out between the two sets of Dingsasters. Maybe a couple months. Windy is struggling.

Edit: changed it so the signed dialogue is no longer in italics sincee it’s the primary language.

————

“You know, in my world, you are a bartender as well.”

Grillby eyed the human man sitting as his bar. He was flushed, a sure sign that he was officially buzzed. Grillby knew this instantly, despite the man never having drank here before. After all, Gaster— his Gaster— was the same way: his face flushed when he drank. Of course this man was the same; The two were the same person, after all.

That was what Gaster— Wingdings— said, anyway. And, truth be told, Grillby could see it. This human had the same mannerisms, the same gestures, the same posture, the same expressions, the same name signs. If that alone weren’t enough, there was another monster with a human counterpart: Asteri. He hadn’t know the woman well, really, before all this. If he had stopped to think, perhaps he might have recalled seeing her as a little girl with her parents, half a century ago, but the family didn’t visit Snowdin often, and visited his restaurant even less. Besides, shapeshifters were easy to mistake.

The main reason he could use her and her human counterpart as evidence that this whole “alternate universe” business was real was that he had re-met her, now as an adult studying dog language in Snowdin, right around the same time that his best friend of over 400 years nervously introduced him to a human he was sheltering, who had the same name. Not only the same name, but the same voice, the same hair, the same style of dress, the same mannerisms, and the same alcohol preferences. The reasonable conclusion was that it was simply a particularly strange coincidence, but no, things with Gaster were never that simple these days. Of course it was something absurd like an alternate universe. The skeleton had always been a little too trusting— even of humans, even after everything— so Grillby initially took the story with a grain of salt. But as time went on, and Gaster spent more time with her, apparently details that reinforced the factuality of it came to light.

Not that Grillby saw either of them often. That was simply the nature of his friendship with Gaster, after so many years: long stretches of silence, occasional visits that picked up as if no time had passed, and, every once in a while, periods of frequent and excited contact. Those tended to happen during high stress situations, intense lows, or major breakthroughs. He would have assumed that sheltering a human would have been a large enough event to merit frequent contact, but no, nothing much came of it. And he, like always, never pushed. So when the next time the two visited, months later, and they held hands, well… that was Gaster’s business. But he believed his friend’s explanation about different universes, and just like when they asked him the first time, he agreed to keep an eye out for another human.

Except he didn’t see one. Not until nearly a year after his initial introduction to the human Asteri, when Gaster introduced a lanky, disheveled human man. Grillby had heard the announcement, of course, just like everyone else: that there were two humans living in the underground, and they were not to be harmed. He hadn’t thought much of it at the time besides being relieved Gaster would no longer need to hide the woman he obviously had feelings for, that she had apparently found her friend, and that both of them were so peaceful in comparison to the last time a human had fallen, decades ago.

Meeting this second human, all things considered, Grillby should not have been surprised when his oldest friend introduced him as his own alternate self. Despite this, he immediately felt an odd sort of defensiveness well up on Gaster’s behalf. Grillby and the human man had stared at each other for a few moments, both processing this meeting. Then, something had clicked for the human, and the precise way he lit up with that dumb idiot grin was so familiar, so immediately recognizable, Grillby barely needed any more evidence to be convinced.

Oh, sure, he had about a million questions about the whole situation between the four of them— two Asteris, and two Gasters, all of whom had now met each other, apparently— but they would tell him what they needed to, when they felt ready. He didn’t ask questions. This many years of bartending and people-watching had given him both the ability to read people and the patience to mind his own business and wait for an explanation. People loved to talk, and there were far more ways to say something than with words. He was the silent companion, always there to listen but never to pry. A keeper of secrets, and a staunch minder of his own business.

Nothing about today had seemed especially different, except that the human Gaster had wandered in all on his own a while ago, hesitant but trying not to seem uneasy. (Trying to hide it was futile though; Grillby had known his counterpart for centuries and could read his body language like a book.) But he said nothing as was his custom, simply nodded in greeting and acknowledgement, and let the man sit where he liked and order if he wished.

It had been nearly a 40 minutes by now, with naught a word but to order something Grillby wasn’t familiar with, then brandy as a reluctant compromise, and two refills. Only now, nursing that second refill, had the man finally lifted his head and signed anything beyond that.

“You know, in my world, you are a bartender as well.”

Grillby eyed him. That was certainly one way to start a conversation. It was indeed tempting to take the bait and tug the line, but he had many years of patience. He waited silently, as always.

The man sighed inaudibly and studied Grillby with a sort of look he had seen before. Asteri— the human one— always treated him with an odd sort of familiarity when she visited (which was more often than he expected, frankly), as if she already knew him. Sometimes he caught her looking at him with what he had long since learned to recognize in patrons as nostalgia. Bittersweetness. Except hers was a little different in a way he could never put a finger on. She never said anything though, and as a bartender he never asked. Now it made a little more sense: he had a counterpart too, and the two humans knew him.

That look was different on this face, though. Where Asteri looked a little sad, but mostly fond, this human version of Gaster looked far more stricken.

“You are quiet there, too.”

Human Gaster smiled a little, but it slipped almost immediately.

“Not quite this quiet, though.”

He swirled his drink around and stared at it for a moment before taking another sip.

“You used to be quite reactive, when we first met.” He chuckled, just once. “You are still learning to keep your expression neutral when customers say outrageous things. You were getting much better at it.” A bright, genuine smile split the gloom he was projecting, for a moment. “You opened your own restaurant, much like this one! It was just taking off… when Asteri and I fell.”

The smile was gone just as quickly, replaced by an even more despondent expression.

“I was supposed to visit. We moved away, after university. I had to cancel my trip…” He sighed. “No. I did not need to. You were coming to visit us the following month, and so I reasoned…”

The human blinked watery eyes and laid against his arm on the bar, hands falling still.

“I wonder what you thought,” he signed after a few moments, small like a whisper, and a few tears rolled onto his arm. “When we disappeared.” He blinked slowly, looking somewhere that wasn’t here. “I wish I could tell you I am safe. That I am sorry. I wish…” His eyes watered anew and his jaw quivered. “…I could tell you that I miss you.”

He rolled his head so his face was pressed into his sleeve, and sniffled softly.

Grillby stared at him, genuinely surprised for the first time in a while.

Oh.

This man— they called him “Windy” —was undeniably Gaster, but Grillby had only acknowledged that fact on its own. But it didn’t exist in a vacuum. This wasn’t just “now there’s a human Gaster too.” This was also “Gaster thrown into a strange new place,” “Gaster grieving something enormous,” and right now, most of all, “Gaster without his best friend.”

He knew how his Gaster— Wingdings— was. He knew how bad things were when they were young, how much he needed support. After so many years, he knew it wasn’t self-absorbed or presumptuous to say that Wingdings needed him. It was mutual. Of course it was. No longer needing to constantly be around each other didn’t change the fact that once upon a time, they only had each other. It didn’t change how integral they were to each other’s lives, even to each other’s development as people.

So what if Wingdings just disappeared?

What if the last time he visited really was the last time?

What would he do if his best friend and only anchor throughout the centuries were suddenly gone? No explanation, no clues, nothing.

Sparks, he’d be devastated. Heartbroken would be an understatement.

And if it had happened back then, when they were both still settling into who they were? Grillby wouldn’t even be the same person. Wingdings just another monster erased after the war, but the only one he’d been side-by-side with through it all; the reason he hadn’t allowed himself to succumb to the numbness that came with killing; the person who had kept him kind, kept him compassionate. The only friend he’d allowed himself to have in a world where caring had always, inevitably gotten him hurt.

He would have been utterly inconsolable.

But Wingdings, Wingdings was far more tender-hearted. He took every loss so hard, every time, even after more than four centuries. Grillby couldn’t imagine Wingdings would ever be alright if anything happened to him. Not now, not back then. No partner could ever fill the space they took up in each other’s lives. No happiness could replace each other’s friendship. It wasn’t a romantic thing; They had just known each other longer than anyone else.

Grillby blinked, mentally shaking himself out of his thoughts, and glanced around his restaurant. It was sparser than usual, being a weeknight. His attention turned back to the human in front of him. He may not know Windy, but he knew Gaster. He may have a policy of silence, but he always made an exception for his friend.

He scooped a glass of ice and nudged Windy’s arm with it. Windy lifted his head just enough to look up with bleary, red eyes. The ice in the glass was half melted when he reluctantly took it.

“If Gaster disappeared, I’d be pissed," Grillby signed flatly as the glass was taken. Windy wilted again. Grillby's expression didn't change, but a crimson shimmer of worry and guilt flickered through his flames. "Wouldn't think bad of him though."

Windy searched his face, probably struggling to read it, as most people did. Fire elementals didn’t tend to have a lot of facial expressions; it had more to do with brightness, intensity, and color. Most monsters didn’t know that. A human from a world without monsters certainly wouldn’t. Indeed, Windy didn’t seem to find whatever he was searching for, and his eyes fell once more as he sipped his ice water.

“I’m sorry for unloading this on you.”

His signs ran together and stayed close to his body, like he was muttering.

“This must be so uncomfortable for you. I- I apologize for being so selfish. I should not have come and said all this.”

He made to get up, shoving his hand in his pocket to fish for his wallet. Grillby reached out to grasp his shoulder, stopping him. He looked up. Grillby paused, not entirely sure what he had intended by this gesture. Seeing Windy sad like this was like seeing Wingdings from long, long ago. It made his heart ache.

“Not selfish,” he said. Another moment of hesitation, then, “It’s good you came. Stay.”

Windy’s jaw trembled again, and once more Grillby was struck by how uncannily similar his expressions were to Wingdings’, somehow, despite having skin and muscle. Windy hesitated, torn. “I should get home…”

It was a weak protest, and Grillby knew Gaster well enough to know when he needed to be pushed and when he needed to be left to it.

“Sober up first.” A reasonable excuse.

Windy hesitated once again, but then nodded and got back on his barstool.

He took another sip of ice water.

Grillby wiped out a cup.

It must be strange, he thought, to meet someone who you know, but who doesn’t know you. If he were in Windy’s position…

He set the cup aside and eyed the other man once more. “How do I look?”

Windy looked up, confused.

Grillby nodded toward him with his head. “Human.”

“A-Ah! Well…” The other man cracked a smile. Success. “You are shorter, but otherwise have the same build. You have pale skin, and freckles. You keep your hair long, except in summer. It is usually tied in a high ponytail. It is wavy, and—” He chuckled softly— “fiery orange.”

A sliver of violet wove its way up through Grillby’s flames, and he crackled pleasantly. After a moment of consideration, he leaned forward closer and dimmed, just a little, pointing to his face. Windy squinted in the heat, but after a second his eyes widened and he grinned.

“Freckles! I did not realize you could—” He caught himself and waved his hands sheepishly. “Ah! That is to say, I know so little still, I find that my reasoning frequently returns to the principles of my own universe. I was not aware that a being made of fire could… could have freckles.” His smile split his face despite himself.

There was a flicker of violet in Grillby’s flames. “What else?”

Windy lit up even more. “We are the same age, but while I am often mistaken as being older, you have a “baby face.”” He giggled a little. “You cannot grow facial hair save for patches of stubble, either, and we have had more than one silly argument about it. In university, you would come home and complain about how many customers asked if you were old enough to be tending a bar to begin with.”

Grillby raised nonexistent eyebrows. “We lived together?”

“Yes, for a few years. You see, the living arrangements on campus…”

⁂

By the time Windy left, it was late. He was smiling though, and that made Grillby feel better. By then, Grillby had learned many things about his human counterpart and the world this other Gaster had once lived in. He learned that human Grillby liked the cold weather too, preferring snow over sun; that his name there was a nickname (his real name was Gilbert); and that there was no war they’d ever had to fight, only academic and social struggles. It sounded like a much nicer past.

Grillby had told him to come back soon— they needed to settle on a different way to sign his name, after all, so it wasn’t the same as Wingdings’. Windy eagerly agreed; both of them being “Dr. Gaster” to everyone at work was difficult enough.

“You can pick me a new one,” Grillby had offered as well. “If you want.” He shrugged. “Don’t have to.”

It seemed that Windy liked the idea. He had launched into over-explaining himself immediately upon agreeing though, as if Grillby would be offended by it when he was the one who brought it up. He held a hand up to stop him. “I already know.”

He was Grillby, but wasn’t Windy’s Grillby. It was as simple as that. That fact wouldn’t change. They knew different versions of each other who had lived very different lives. At the heart of it all, though, they were the same, and that was what mattered. There was nothing he could do about this other Grillby, no replacing him, just like Windy could never replace Wingdings. They didn’t have the same history. They weren’t each other’s oldest and dearest companions. No. But they could still be friends. It was a start.

[rebornologist]

Gosh, do you know how much your works are valued??? I hope you do since for some, especially me, these works have been the only thing fueling my ten year long love for khr~ Anyways is it OK to request for college and romantic headcanons of Giotto?

♡♡ hiii dear! Thank you so much for your kind words. If you don't mind, I've just compiled all of my Giotto HC reqs instead of making multiple posts, since there is a (variable) amount of overlap between them.

♡ Giotto in College & in Love ✧

༚✧⁺˳₊˚‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ ⁺˳₊ ♡ ₊˳⁺ ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿˚₊˳⁺✧༚

Giotto was not particularly outspoken in class settings, but he was a fine student and fairly active and keen to engage with the local community. He went in undeclared and eventually settled into political science because it was simply what interested him, in addition to a lot of philosophy and some studio art electives. He’s a good writer, and can whip up a crazy effective grant proposal. He enjoys creating things with his hands, such as pottery, forging simple metal jewelry (namely rings), and painting. As he got caught up with work more, he got less and less time for those creative hobbies.

He participated in a lot of direct action groups on campus and ran for some position in the legislative branch of the associated student government. He had a group of close friends that included G and Cozart, and the group would be found floating around, sitting on grass in the quad or in the student community building’s meeting rooms, discussing various things that may or may not be related to student gov.

Giotto is a pretty hopeless romantic, in the way that.. he has a tendency to see the world through rose-tinted glasses, firmly believing in the good of humanity. While he romanticizes the grind, his partner would likely be the one that reminds him to take a step back and rest. He’s surrounded by people with big hopes and dreams, as he should, but it can be a little too inspiring. He’ll lose a lot of sleep because he spends time thinking about the good and the bad and the ugly and the beautiful.

His partner is always there to listen to him ramble about his hopes and dreams, but they’re also there to ground him, remind him to pay attention to them, to get ready for bed, snuggle up, meditate, literally anything to take his mind off of what his next move is. Sometimes, the next move should just be.. nothing, for now.

They remind him that they want to go into the ceramics studio next week, and he pauses. His breath is held still in his chest as the constantly turning gears slow almost to a stop, and he takes a moment to process before he exhales audibly, with a soft smile “...it’s been a while, huh?”

Initially, he was very formal in the way that he pursued his s/o-to-be. They started as colleagues or friends, and something about them just.. caught his eye. For being such a well-spoken man, he cannot put to words what exactly made him feel so strongly about them, but he feels it very viscerally. He opens doors for them, bringing them tea and coffee, gifting them a little painting or a handmade mug, before finally mustering the courage to ask them out to dinner with a whole ass bouquet of flowers.

I don’t see him as anything but a friends-to-lovers type of man. Even on a first date, the dialogue and banter flow as usual, and there is a natural chemistry on top of their preexisting friendship. He tries his best to pace himself in terms of what is considered a “natural” progression of the relationship, but it’s almost as if he knows that he’s all-in with his partner from the get-go. His loyalty and devotion is unmatched.

One time, as a joke, his partner referred to him as their husband. He malfunctioned right then and there. If he had a tail, it would have been wagging. He laughs it off in front of his friends, as if that was a regular occurrence. Afterwards, on the way home, he hits them with the “Do you really think of me like that?” silence… 30 seconds later, he speaks up again as he is driving, “Hypothetically, when do you think is a good time to get married?” It’s adorable. It does become a regular occurrence after that.

I have written a bit on this before, so ngl.. idk what other bases.. to cover

He’s confident, but he doesn’t have a huge ego. The times where he feels most egotistical, actually, is when his partner is so painfully attracted to him. He’ll catch them gawking at his hands as he adjusts his watch and jewelry, and a playful smile dances across his features, golden eyes twinkling with mirth.

“Like what you see, dear?” He fans his fingers out, displaying the rings on his finger, before flipping his palm upward and gesturing salaciously for his love to come closer.

Is really sweet and enjoys teasing and worshiping every inch of his lover, just so that he can take note of every reaction. He’ll notice every little gasp, every flinch, twitch, whimper, etc. He loves a vocal partner.

Sex is something that he enjoys taking his time with, so if there’s something that you want to leverage to pull him away from his work, that might be it. He tries really hard to stick to his scheduled activities, but he doesn’t mind getting distracted by his s/o for longer than planned. At some point, he starts to account for that when he plans for the day or the week.

It’s really funny when he hits them up with the, “hey babe… my sweet.. angel, darling… I know that we have our date tomorrow afternoon, but.. I have a meeting that evening..” his s/o knows exactly what’s coming, “are you available to.. start earlier so that we can have more time together?” UM YES.

Is not particularly kinky himself, but super open minded to trying out anything that his partner may be into. He loves to please, so he’ll definitely at least be open to hearing about any fantasies they would want to fulfill. Some things are off the table, he’s not a huge fan of play that revolves around non-consent because he’s kind of.. a softie through and through, but he dabbles in praise, gentle degradation, being a pleasure dom, etc.

He’s a little more interested in group play than you’d expect, because he’s fairly romantically monogamous, but if a partner asked to bring other people into a sexual scenario, he’d be like, “oh.. oh, yeah.. are you thinking of [redacted]?” IDUNNO Y/N ARE YOU?!?!

✧ a/n: rb with who u think redacted is

[sonknuxadow]

okay big wall of some of my shadow generations thoughts . spoiler warning obviously

i will start by just saying that this game is soo good like in general. ive said before that i was initially very skeptical of this whole thing but very quickly changed my mind upon seeing the first trailer and im SO glad that it did turn out to be good. this feels like one of the first times in a really long time that theyve put actual care into shadows involvement in a story instead of just throwing him in something for five seconds because they know hes popular. the game IS a bit short but i was expecting that and its somewhat reasonable considering its technically only half the game. but what we did get was great. we are so back .

i love the gameplay i talked earlier about how i like that they put more effort into making shadow play differently from sonic by incorporating his chaos powers into his gameplay, but the doom powers are really cool also and were such a fun addition. ive always wished they would do more with shadow being part black arms but didnt expect it to ever come up again so everything about this is kinda surreal to me

i love love love the optional dialogue i went out of my way to make sure i didnt miss any of it and theres so many cute ones and i have to stop myself from mentioning specific ones on this post because if i do ill be going on forever

also the music was good Obviously thats a given with sonic games. but special shoutouts to the menu music i thought it was a cute detail that sonics side had a remix of it doesnt matter while shadows was a remix of throw it all away. and that all hail shadow remix for the final boss goes sooo hard i was honestly expecting them to use i am all of me but this is cool too

as far as criticisms and nitpicks go. uhhhhh . this isnt that big a deal but i do find it the tiniest bit disappointing that they didnt really leave anything a surprise in terms of the gameplay, if im remembering right they showed pretty much everything in the trailers except for the final boss but im sure everyone knew who that was going to be it was jut the specific form he took that was the surprise. but like i said its not that big a deal especially considering they didnt show much of the story in the trailers so it balances out in a way . also i didnt know what the best place to put this in would be but i just wanted to say i got so excited when i got to the final stage because radical highway is one of my favorite sonic levels . peace and love on planet earth

i also think chaos island was a weird choice for a stage because all the others are from games shadow is a main character in but he isnt in frontiers at all? maybe they didnt wanna repeat games and were running out of ideas so they just threw a frontiers stage in since it wouldnt have any representation otherwise. i dont know.

there is only one real "this sucks" thing for me and its rouge's voice acting. its soo terrible ive never liked her current voice but she sounded particularly bad here to the point where it was distracting..... when it comes to other voice actors who are one of my less liked voices for their character im at least able to say that theyre doing a good job or have improved a lot over the years even if theyre not my first pick. but i swear to god rouge has gotten worse

anyway . good game . the ending made me tear up a little. thumbs up emoji . will probably play sonics side at some point too but idk if ill do it today

[choices-binglebonkus]

Every 2022 Choices Release – Rated on a scale of 1-10

Several people have said that 2022 has been the best year for Choices since 2018. And…as sad as that is, it’s pretty true. Like 2020, 2022’s releases had high highs and low lows. As I’ve said once before, the good books were awesome and the bad ones were really, really, REALLY bad. This post is going to be covering every 2022 book release and rating them on a scale of 1-10 because I haven’t done that on this blog and felt like spicing things up. It’s the new year, bitches!

 Quick disclaimer: to qualify for this list, a book must have been initially released to wide audiences (non-VIPs) in 2022, because we don’t do that VIP shit here. So, for example, Wake the Dead was released on December 29, 2021, so it doesn’t qualify for this list even though it ended in 2022. With that out of the way, let’s dive right in.

Ms. Match: January 28, 2022 – April 29, 2022

Ms. Match’s story itself was not terrible, but the general skeleton of the plot is super overdone. I am sick to death of the plots centered around rising to the top of the competition and blowing everyone else away, and that’s pretty much exactly what Ms. Match does. The idea behind it is cute, though: we join a matchmaking company and compete in matchmaking contests and challenges to determine who the next CEO will be. My biggest complaint is that the love interest is…not great. The Rival Matchmaker is far from the worst love interest, but my god, they’re so cocky, full of themselves, and overall annoying as hell, not to mention totally uninteresting. Quite frankly? The cutest couple in the book, as unexpected as it was for me, was Veronica and our character’s dad. 4/10, not a terrible book, but it was a chore to play through at times.

Surrender book 1: February 11, 2022 – June 10, 2022

There are a lot of bad books in Choices, but Surrender is definitely one of the worst. We play as a vulnerable divorce-seeking woman whose spouse has cheated on her, which got her into BDSM. As soon as I saw that that was going to be the plot, it was all over. It was not a great look for the BDSM community, which is already stigmatized enough as is. But it gets worse. Our love interest is Reagan Thorne, our billionaire lawyer who’s also into BDSM and agrees to dom for the MC and teach her about BDSM even though she’s a client, which already introduces an imbalance of power. Barring the shitty plot, terrible love interest, and horrible misrepresentations of BDSM, the dialogue is all sorts of fucked in the book. Reagan utters some of the cringiest lines in the entire app and calls us such embarrassingly bad nicknames like…ugh, little lamb. 1/10, horrible book, horrible story, horrible love interest, horrible everything. Some of the outfits were cute. That’s it.

Crimes of Passion book 1: April 6, 2022 – July 20, 2022

Crimes of Passion is one of the best books we’ve seen in a while. Sort of like Most Wanted, it has us teaming up with a love interest (in this case, Trystan Thorne) to investigate and stop a string of murders tied to a serial killer. Unlike Most Wanted, however, the murders in this book are much, MUCH grislier and more visceral, and are tied to a cult as we come to find out. The plot was very gripping and every clue we uncovered was exhilarating. I cared about pretty much all of our friends/coworkers: Mafalda, Ruby, Luke, and Trystan. I wasn’t totally sold on Trystan as a love interest, though, and I’m still not. 9/10, really good story, crazy fucking shit, love it. One point off for Trystan because I’m not really into the whole cocky/flirty and stubborn partner pairing, and I think we should’ve been able to romance Ruby and Luke.

Untameable book 1: April 15, 2022 – August 5, 2022

We return from college to help out on the family ranch which has been barely kept afloat by our controlling misogynist of a brother. We spend the whole book sneaking around with Kit Jackson, our bland-ass cowboy/cowgirl love interest because we don’t want to upset our brother. The ranch is on the brink of failure and we also have to deal with that too, but we’ve already had this same plot a whole bunch in other books, so it’s not super noteworthy. That’s it, that’s the book. 1.5/10, no interesting characters, plot is uninspired, dialogue is SUPER cringey, and goddamn it, stop reusing cowboy shit, PB! You’re never going to make it happen!

The Princess Swap: May 13, 2022 - September 2, 2022

The premise of this story is that our character studies abroad for a semester in the kingdom of Monterre, where she accidentally stumbles upon another girl, the princess, who looks just like her. Spoiler alert: they’re twin sisters and don’t know it until much later in the book. The two switch places The Prince and the Pauper style: the princess takes on the role of college student and sorority girl while our character takes on the role of princess. Both grapple with challenges unique to each other’s lives and navigate them as best they can. Yes, the story was cheesy as hell, but you know what? It was a really pleasant read. I liked Devin all right, but only as a friend for the princess, and I didn’t care for Clarke at all. Otherwise, The Princess Swap was a lighthearted, feel-good book. 6.5/10, by no means is this book amazing, but I’m a sucker for princess stories, and like I said, the book was pretty light and enjoyable.

The Cursed Heart book 1: June 8, 2022 – September 14, 2022

Let me preface this by saying that I did not like Kieran at all. They were ugly, creepy, and possessive, and yes, I’m aware they eventually change for the better, but they really left a bad taste in my mouth. The plot was centered around us being claimed by Kieran and eventually trying to find their missing heart pieces to cure them of their beastly form and general hollowness. That being said, I love the rest of the book. The outfits, backgrounds, character designs, and music are all gorgeous. No joke, The Cursed Heart, in my opinion, is the most aesthetically beautiful book in the app. Not to mention, we meet Leaf, who is absolutely precious. 5.5/10, the rating would be MUCH higher, but Kieran really takes away from the book since the plot is centered entirely around them.

The Nanny Affair book 3: June 24, 2022 – November 4, 2022

The only good things about this book were Carter, the twins, and the fact that this was the last book in this wretched series. We deal with Sam’s former wife coming back from the dead and contend with forced, trashy interpersonal conflict with her while we plan our wedding. Sam and the MC’s relationship continues to be toxic as hell, unpleasant to watch, and impossible to root for. Even worse, Jenny and Aditya start their own affair because Sam and the MC have enabled them, and unsurprisingly, we’re forced to continue enabling them. I can’t even do the horrid quality of this book justice so I’m not even going to try. 0/10, yes I know it’s a 1-10 rating list but fuck it, this book is just that bad. As I said, the only redeeming qualities of the book are Carter and the twins, but not even they can get this book any points. Speaking from experience, falling into a hole is more fulfilling than engaging with this content. This book and series as a whole are so transcendently bad that if they were an actual real-life book, it would be a Worstseller, and I’m so happy this two-year-long nightmare is finally over.

Immortal Desires book 1: July 6, 2022 – October 12, 2022

Immortal Desires is kind of a weird one for me. On one hand, the beginning to early middle is so slow and such a huge chore to play through, but on the other hand, the rest of the book plus Gabe and Cas are so awesome. The premise of a vampire serial killer and cult is honestly kinda metal as fuck, but Gabe and Cas are where the book REALLY shines. They’re each other’s perfect foils and I love interacting with them and seeing them interact with each other. Plus, my parrot loves M!Gabe. And, full disclosure, Gabe and Cas were the only love interests I actively wanted to pursue since Tom Sato from It Lives Beneath. 8.5/10, the story’s pacing was kind of fucked but Gabe and Cas are priceless.

Slow Burn: August 19, 2022 – November 25, 2022

Not much to say about this one. Generic and repetitive contest/competition plot, bland MC, uncompelling Big Bad. I didn’t care about Julian/Julia, and Everett/Yvette had absolutely ZERO chill and always got on my nerves. 3/10, super boring and uninspired, Chef Flynt Stop Losing Your Fucking Temper Challenge 2022.

Murder at Homecoming: September 14, 2022 – December 21, 2022

This one really got my attention when it was announced: our character investigates a murder at homecoming, but I bet you couldn’t guess that from the title. Our character is sort of a busybody and they’re absolutely not perfect in any way, but I truly do think they’re the best MC we’ve gotten in a very, very, VERY long time. Also, they’re named after Valentine from The Two Gentlemen of Verona, and I am a shameless sucker for Shakespeare. I also like all the love interests, and I love the non-binary rep we got. The love story between Gabbie Navarro and Joanna Morgan was incredibly tragic and really made me stop and think for a while. But unfortunately, as is the case with most modern Choices books, the ending was very…lackluster, to say the least. 8/10, I love a good murder mystery and the high school setting actually made it considerably more interesting. The ending was a letdown, though.

Laws of Attraction book 2: September 30, 2022 – present

I was originally very worried about this book, because the cliffhanger at the end of book one made it seem like it was going to be an us vs. Martin book. In a way, it is, but Pixelberry really threw us a curveball when we, Aislinn, and Gabe left McGraw-Byrne and formed our own firm. We spend the book uncovering a conservatorship conspiracy which runs all the way up to the mayoral candidate of New York City. I’ve always loved the MC, and they only get better in this book. My only complaint is Joaquin. As someone who has repeatedly hooked up with him in diamond scenes, he is creepy as hell to people who aren’t interested in him. Otherwise, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the book so far, and though it still has one chapter to go, my rating isn’t going to change unless they REALLY fuck it up somehow. 9/10, likable cast of characters, interesting plot and mystery, badass MC, Sorcha fucking Flannery.

The Phantom Agent: October 19, 2022 – present

Not much to say about this one either. The Phantom Agent is basically an amalgamation of Most Wanted and Crimes of Passion. Agent Gray is an incredibly dull love interest and I can’t stand their dynamic with the MC because it’s that super boring cocky/flirty and stubborn partner pairing again. I also can’t stand the MC either because they’re so goddamn annoying. I find myself very bored and unimpressed as I progress through the book and at this point, nothing can save it for me. 3/10, everything is boring. That is all.

Surrender book 2: December 28, 2022 – present

I hate that we have to have TWO Surrender books on this list, but this one unfortunately barely meets the date cutoff. Solely based on the two chapters I’ve read so far, this book is shaping up to be just as awful as the first. 1.5/10, all the same reasons as the first book, but that extra half a point is because I think this book has the potential to improve on the original material. Because let’s be honest here, I don’t really think they could make the book worse.

[fleshing-out-fodlan]

Crimson Flower Lysithea Story

I think the Three Houses writing is really held back by 1. the lack of impact non lord characters have on the story post time skip and 2. the lack of in depth unique development for characters on different routes. I understand why this was done from a game play perspective (perma death and also giving every single character 3-4 unique story lines is a lot of work and just unrealistic) but from a story telling perspective it definitely isn't ideal. So I wanted to take a swing at giving a non lord a unique story on a route that isn't their own a way that makes sense from the perspective of the developers.

Crimson Flower Lysithea is probably the most obvious place to start, she was also experimented on by TSWITD so there's so much potential for where her story could go. In Crimson Flower, you are working with TWSITD, something that will stir up strong emotions in Lysithea, even if she knows the plan is for the alliance to be temporary. I think this can tie into Lysithea's need to rush everything. We all know Lysithea's life span is shortened, so maybe she's afraid she won't live to see TWISTD destroyed. TWISTD is what destroyed her family and if they're still so powerful when she dies, she has no way to ensure her family is safe from their torment. So, she comes up with all these plans to prematurely bring them down. We get a cutscene at some point of her talking to Hubert, saying she has to have a meeting with Edelgard and Hubert refusing to let her through because he believes it will be a waste of Edelgard's time so he instead tells Lysithea to just tell him whatever she wants to tell Edelgard and he'll pass the message along if it's worthy of her time. Lysithea tells Hubert her plans but he quickly shuts them down, pointing out some flaw that will hurt their team's chances at succeeding. Lysithea gets frustraed and starts hurling her immature insults at Hubert (I'm imagining similar vibes to her Ignatz support here) but Hubert hardly reacts, finding her more amusing than offensive, causing her to get angrier and just storm off. I imagine this cut scene happening after chapter 14 (so right before the battle where you meet Cordelia). After this, you get the explore dialogue for chapter 15. Lysithea's original dialogue here isn't that important in terms of character development (it doesn't really tell us anything new about her character, generally just that she wants to protect her family which is also established by the stuff I'm adding anyways). So, her explore dialogue will now involve her mumbling to herself about Hubert being an idiot and how she knows what she's doing. Then, she notices you listening and gets annoyed, commenting on how eavesdropping is a childish activity.

Then, we have the "Seige at Arianrhod" battle. If Lysithea and Linhardt are both on the field you'll be given an optional quest (kind of like in Remire where you have a quest to save all the villagers but can still win the battle if you fail that quest). The quest is to have Lysithea be the first on to attack Cornelia. If you don't do this quest, nothing else will happen in Lysithea's story. If you do this, it will trigger a mid battle cut scene showing Lysithea attacking Cornelia but Cornelia is much stronger than she initially thought. After putting up a good fight, Lysithea gets severely injured. Edelgard steps in and stops Cornelia from landing a fatal blow and calls Linhardt over and he then teleports away with Lysithea. You then go back to normal battling mode but you can no longer use Lysithea or Linhardt. There will be two options for what happens after the battle.

Option A. Linahrdt and Lysithea did not reach their A support: In this timeline, Linhardt is not able to save Lysithea. In a cutscene where the battle is being discussed, Edelgard asks Linhardt about Lysithea's status and he says that she died. In the midst of the mourning Edelgard makes a comment about how Lysithea didn't seem like herself, how she's usually so well calculated but in this moment seemed to be driven purely by her emotions. The camera zooms in on Hubert's face, showing one of his more contemplative profiles, as Edelgard announces that they can't dwell on the past and must get back to working hard to secure the future Lysithea was fighting for in honor of her memory. All the characters disperse except Byleth and Hubert. Byleth makes a remark about how Hubert seems like he's thinking about something and Hubert makes a comment about how Lysithea had mentioned a desire to take down TWISTD as soon as possible but that he had stopped her from talking to Edelgard. You're then given two dialogue options. You can either say he should've let her talk to Edelgard which will cause you two to lose support points and Hubert will say something about how Lysithea's actions today proved she was not worthy of Lady Edelgard's time. The second dialogue option is remarking on how Lysithea had so much potential. Hubert will respond to this by somberly agreeing and then the cut scene will end.

Option B. Linhardt and Lysithea did reach their A support: In this timeline, you will see a cut scene between Linhardt and Lysithea before seeing one with Edelgard and the Black Eagles recapping the battle. This scene takes place just after Linhardt finished healing her and Lysithea makes a comment about being so exhausted she's about to pass out. Linhardt then says something about how he's going to pass out too after seeing all the blood. Lysithea simple respond with a "..." and Linhardt realizes something is wrong. He makes a comment about how Lysithea's actions were stupid and how she was unnecessarily risking her life and asks what she was thinking (but he does it in his Linhardt way where he's not saying it angrily just very matter-of-factly). Lysithea talks about how she wants to see TWISTD destroyed in her lifetime to make sure they can't torment her family anymore. Linhardt makes a comment about how powerful groups can never be overthrown quickly (maybe he could make some reference to a similar event in Fodlan history but I'm not knowledgeable enough about the history to think of an example off the top of my head) and also says that her dying early to accomplish this goal would be counterproductive. She asks what he means and he explains how she's one of the best mages on the side and how Cornelia was only one person. Even if she succeeded in taking down Cornelia, there'd still be the rest of TWISTD and the black eagles would be at a major disadvantage without Lysithea. He says she may not live to see the end of TIWSTD, it's possible none of them will, but if she focuses on taking multiple, smaller steps, she can make a greater difference than if she just tries to make one giant, risky leap.

After this, you can now unlock the Lysithea Byleth A support. This support will stay pretty similar, I like how it discusses her feeling a need to rush things due to her shortened life span. The main change would be that now she would mention what had happened in the last battle and discuss it and how it ties into the her desire to rush things and how she's starting to make peace with the fact that she may not be able to accomplish everything she wants.

This is where I imagine Crimson Flower Lysithea's arc ending. There are only six post time skip Crimson Flower chapters I believe, so I didn't want to add too many new cut scenes, especially considering that Lysithea is a side character who isn't even native to this route. I wanted the story I wrote to be one that could realistically be added into the game while maintaining good pacing, so I left out some scenes I would've liked that narratively just didn't fit in as well. If anyone has any head cannons for their version of Crimson Flower Lysithea, whether that be a written out story or just small head cannons you like to imagine, I'd love to hear them either in a reblog or an ask!

[zannolin]

F G & L for the fanfic ask :D

o/ 'ello

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

this again!! fortunately i have plenty of dialogue i can talk about. this scene from meet me in the middle (of the parking lot) is a personal fav:

“We aren’t doing anything,” she says, nudging the skateboard towards him with one dirty sneaker. “You’re gonna get all your nervous energy out, and I’m going to watch to make sure you don’t break my board.” “Okay first of all, I’m not nervous—” “You literally can’t sit still. You were pacing a hole through the linoleum, like, two minutes ago. I was there.” “—and second,” Mike continues, ignoring the fact that Max is very much right, “it looks like someone already broke your stupid skateboard.” He glances very pointedly at the duct tape wrapped around the deck. Max flushes and curses herself for it. She puts her fists on her hips, juts out her chin. “My stupid stepbrother ran over it on purpose, okay? Now shut up and get on the skateboard.”

i feel like i managed to write it just like i wanted AND i can hear both of them saying these lines in my head, especially the "it looks like someone already broke your stupid skateboard" line. don't ask me why but it just works for me. i captured the hostile 13 y/o vibes i feel like. i have a perpetual tiny madwheeler in my brain and they are just saying words all the time and sometimes i stop and write them down. you know?

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

it varies! usually i write them start to finish after making a rough outline, but if i get stuck i've been known to go backwards, or simply skip whatever i'm stuck on and go to the next scene. i wrote 5k of good luck, babe! before i wrote most of close encounters, and then glb itself was an actual disaster because i was working from about six separate versions of the outline and constructing every scene after that initial 5k in a totally separate document, completely out of order, and then moving them to the main doc for editing after i finished. it was a TIME okay. and when i was writing objects in motion i completely skipped the first wheel scene for a while because i kept getting stuck on the damn thing. bane of my existence honestly. i prefer to write them in order because i get really mixed up mentally if i don't and start worrying about the details not lining up or something, but sometimes you just Gotta skip y'know.

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

god only knows. every time i open a wip to work on it, i will reread the entire thing and edit it as i go. i will also do a proofreading run once before posting and once after posting, so at least two times, and anywhere up to like, idk 20 depending on how long it takes me to write something. i do not have a normal revision process—much of it happens in my head and in the outlining phase—so my creative writing teachers hate me as you can imagine.

ask game!

[ratcandy]

Very hard to specify fandoms but.. lemme try. A wonderful selection of numbers for you to pick and chose and sift through at your leisure… if you don’t feel like answering any don’t make yourself / wanna answer a question for another fandom, not the one mentioned, ummm go for it.

Cotl - 1, 9, 10, 21

hk - 3, 8, 12

And a few I just wanna hear your take on but I don’t know what fandom to attach 🥺- 7, 13, 16, 18, 24, 25

GO !!!RAMBLE AND VENT!!

clover I'm grabbing you by the shoulders this is the WORST!!!! THing u could've done to me (extremely positive overwhelmingly positive). the things I should be doing are looking over my shoulder in horror at this ask.

but good lort I sure did spend my time answering all that insted aof my homework and it felt so good. Fuck yeas.

ok. let's go extremely long post ahead

__ COTL __

1. the character everyone gets wrong

Well as I said in another post, COTL's canon characterization is extremely vague, so the fanon characterization is kinda all over the place and hard to pin down! So it's hard for me to say "everyone gets [x] character wrong" because everyone has a different interpretation of That Guy.

I think I should just say everyone gets EVERY character wrong except ME, because I'm the smartest person ever and always right. So there /j

actually one (1) criticism I have is that not nearly enough people are portraying Shamura as having almost complete memory loss and I think that's a shame. because there's so much more potential in that. there's so much more agony present there, from all sides involved. there is no just punishment. there is no way for them to ask for forgiveness OR apologize, or make up for it, or even know they did anything wrong.

cmon . cmon. stop making them remember. you cowards.

9. worst part of canon

Ooo! Easy answer!

Narinder/The Bishops just immediately being chill with being in the cult!

like what! Why?? The extent we get for any amount of backlash from them is Heket's offense towards being gifted mushrooms and Shamura showing up as a dissenter, the latter of which is especially confusing because. They're literally the only one it would MAKE SENSE FOR for them to not have any issue being in the cult!!!!! They can't remember anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are they the one that dissents!!!!

Why are they all chill. Why do they just immediately obey and get to worshipping or other chores around the cult. Why do they act like every other follower save for three or four extra lines of dialogue.

Even if Narinder has more dialogue in which he expresses some amount of distaste at first, he still just ... Does all the cult work.

I wish I wish more than anything that the Bishops at least had special mind reading dialogue. Like, SOZO gets that!! AND Sozo doesn't do any work around the cult when he initially shows up!!! He runs around and eats mushrooms!!!! So why don't the Bishops get a similar treatment!!

You're showing me you're CAPABLE, DEVS!!! COME ON!!

10. worst part of fanon

Not as easy answer for reason stated before!!!!!!!

Though I guess maybe the intense fixation on Narilamb as opposed to anything else. I just...... can we . Can we get other things in the ao3 tag.. maybe... Pleas...

Not that I even dislike the concept of narilamb I j.............. it's everywhere. can we . can i have something different. something that's maybe also not ships either pleas....

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

Uhhhhhhhhh ppphgfmb. Had to think on this for a while, but honestly, I do not like Narinder's eldritch form SDHGKSHDG

I dunno man I'm a massive sucker for face opening up in a gross yucky way but there's something about how Narinder's face opens that's jus. Not. Appealing to me

I think if I configure it enough in my brain I can make it work for me......... but as it stands. I do not like it. I think it looks somehow... wonky? I like all the other Bishop's eldritch designs a lot! And ESPECIALLY the purged versions! But Narinder's... just... I dunno. Feels off somehow

__ HK __

Already answered 3!

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Feels like I'm being baited into an answer with this one shDGKLJSDHGKLH EVERYONE KNOWS MY STANCE ON ZOTE I don't need to be any louder about it. He's not a bad character you all (referring to general hk fandom) just don't like it when a fictional guy is mean. because ur cowards./j

He's also not a vessel nor is he the same species as elderbug and saying "he's just some guy" is a COPOUT ANSWER, because he can be just some guy while also being a nosk. Sorry what was I saying

Everyone is wrong about Zote in general except for me is what I'm saying.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

OK CMON YOU'RE 100% BAITING ME WITH THIS ONE.... COME ON.....

I don't need to explain anything. Zote is the only character in the game actually. I don't need to defend myself on this it should be obvious.

__ MISC __

Already answered 7!

13. worst blorboficiation

looks at the ahit fandom for a second LOOKS AWAY AGAIN REALLY FAST i can't go back there. I can't do that again. iam side-glancing the folder on my desktop for the old AHIT rant and breathing through my nose about it.

In a more general sense something i've seen across multiple fandoms is aggressive sand-papering of characters and I cannot stand it. And I'm assuming that's what blorbofication in this instance is referring to. Like, taking a guy who sucks, or just has very prominent flaws, and . Getting rid of them.

W. Why. You're taking away everything interesting about them. Looks at the object show fandom for a split second before looking away .. solemnly.......

I haven't seen that as much in the cotl fandom. Like I'VE SEEN IT but not AS Much as other fandoms. I'm saying that because this morning I saw a post characterize literal actual god of Chaos Leshy as a soft sweet uwu boy and I .......................... felt something within me shrivel. for a second.

buT I KNOW THAT'S NOT the general consensus of his character so whatever

also i'm. Hmrnm. Man. It really sucks being a fan of a lesser appreciated character, because more often than not, what little content there IS of that character is........................ not. that guy Like, it's that guy on paper. He looks like that guy and has that guy's name. But everything else is just.......

In the nicest way I can say it, it is an OC dressed up as that guy.

and when there is very very little content of that guy to begin with, it's Very Disheartening for me when what little content there is portrays a version of him that is not. Him. That's just not the same guy

Blorbo'd him to the point of being barely recognizable. WHICH IS VALID AND FAIR, I get it, I understand doing that, but for me it's. I cling to (even vaguely) canon characterization too much unfortunately.

I'm not saying any specific character for this becuase 1) it's happened more than once hdgkJH and 2) I really don't want to seem like I'm targeting any one person's interpretation specifically, because again, lesser appreciated character curse.

ok that kinda went all over the place. I hope that answer makes sense

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I already answered this for cotl specifically, but in general, often the way ships are treated in fandom jus doesn't do it for me

And. It's probably the tragedy liker in me talking. Wherein I only get super into a romantic pairing if I can imagine 1 million horrors being involved.

That or if it's funny,..........

BUT like. the HK fandom specifically had this a lot. Lots of these bugs always being shipped together. And I politely nod my head about it but it's... I don't . A lot of it I just don't get

It feels like a lot of the pairings in the HK fandom are popular due to aesthetic rather than the potential of it, and that's............... I don't get that. For instance (bear with me) any ship with Grimm outside of with Brumm doesn't click for me. Brumm clicks because Duh, Tragedy potential, but the rest...?

I mean, yeah, sure, equally as likely tragedy potential, maybe, but I don't see that explored as much. I see Grimm paired with anyone and 9 times out of 10 it's because ohh look at how pretty they are together wow

and I can respect that for the prettyness because I won't deny the artists of that fandom do make him a pretty Guy, but it's like. I don't get it past that.

I dunno, maybe it's just me having fallen hard out of shipping over the past few years. Was super into it when I was like, 15 and younger, maybe, but then I jus sorta lost interest

ok except for leshycat in cotl. because it's funny. sorry

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…

SOZO sorry. sorry I'm normal

I feel like one of the only people who is looking at Sozo and recoiling in horror because of the potential of him and it HURTS it HURTS ME why is NOBODY ELSE LOOKING AT HIM

and I KNOW OTHER PEOPLE ARE I've got people following me now that are showing me that <3 Hi <3 if you've read this far <3 BUT IT'S NOT .. ENOUGH FOR ME

combing through art and fanfics and gritting my teeth and feeling like screaming because GUYS.................. GUYS HE'S... OAOUGHHEHHGHA

i need to write it myself or no one will. i need to write the horrors myself or i'll just have to suffer with it in my head. i need to write. i need to write it. no one else is going to. i need to fucking.c ogr him

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

shipping in general in all fandoms . idk if you needed me to tell you that though

but also literally any morally grey character for any purpose. you get huge splits in fandoms on either "that guy is HORRIBLE and deserves DEATH!!!" or "this guy has done nothing wrong in their entire life" and I want to put my head thru a wall. towards both sides

please please please please can we just. can we ... can we like characters for their flaws <3 and acknowledge them <3 without emphasizing them beyond reason <3 not in spite of them <3 p

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

idk how common this is but I know I saw it enough in the cotl tag to make me horrendously uncomfortable when i first started looking through fandom stuff .

hey so why were so many people mad you couldn't breed the bishops in the mating tent. or narinder with aym and baal. hey why were people mad about that. hey. hey why were people genuinely trying to argue that the bishops weren't actually siblings because they weren't blood related. hey. hey. hey. hey. hey.

again I don't know how actually common these complaints are especially since I blocked quite a few of the common offenders I saw in the tag (because good lird. guys.) but . again. I saw it enough to make me 😦☹🙁

also can everyone in the hk fandom shut up about silksong "taking too long" pleeeeeease it'll be out when it's out i'm tired of people whining about it taking forever. can u people lay off the devs for like two minutes. pleas

[teaandcrowns]

Live Action: Thoughts and Etc. Episode 1

Whenever some new AtLA surge happens, whether animation renaissance or new series, I rise again from the grave and this time is no different.

This isn't anything formal, but I wanted to collect my thoughts as I go through rewatching episodes. I'm still not done with an initial watching of the new live action, but I've started rewatching the first couple of episodes anyway to note down what I liked about what the new series is doing and also where I think the narrative could have been stronger.

I don't mean this as a critique of the show on any other level other than on a narrative level—I'm not a film or visual studies person; my forte is in storytelling.

I also didn't want my reactions to just be seeming criticism, because there is a lot that I really like about the show (especially as I get deeper in episodes), so just consider this an initial reaction & thoughts on what could have been improved upon. So far, the first two episodes have been the weakest to me, which is really unfortunate because I worry a lot of people won't get beyond them. I know my opinion and thoughts don't matter because a) I'm not part of any kind of decision-making group that could actively affect this and b) it's already done with and out and it's not going to be changed, but we all love meta and thoughts around here, right? Right.

The format of these I'm imagining as follows: I'll go over what I liked or loved first, because there's more and more as episodes go on, and you should always, always start with what you appreciate and enjoyed about a work first before going into what might be improved upon. Next, I'll go into where I felt the narrative could have been improved upon, just from what I know with my Literature™ and in-progress MFA™ eyeballs. Finally, if applicable, what I personally didn't care for that doesn't actually impact the narrative one way or another. This final section will be potentially be under a cut if the post is too long. Everything will be noted as I do my second watch of the series, and will be in chronological order. I don't know that I'll have time to do proper paragraphs, so I hope a list format will be acceptable to anyone who's made it this far and remains interested in my thoughts.

Of course, this will contain spoilers for each episode, and all posts will be tagged "atla la ep#" and "atla la ep# spoilers" (where the # in each tag will be the corresponding episode number) so folks can blacklist as needed.

Now, on to the main event—

What I liked:

-The settings are lush and gorgeous! Holy moly! -The costumes are phenomenal so far. Absolutely fantastic. -Even if some of the actors are a little stiff, I am loving all of them. -Loved the airbenders fighting back. No notes. -The dialogue between Iroh and Aang in the brig is actually perfectly nuanced. I really like it. -REALLY love Aang pilfering Zuko's Avatar journal -Also love Katara being the one to extinguish Zuko's final fire blast with her waterbending. Setting up that good rivalry between them in s1. -I like the expansion of the SWT village and Katara being in the old FN ship in lieu of the otter penguin sledding scene -Love Zuko being an artist. I like to think it's a nice, early nod to learning under Piandao

What Could be Improved Narratively:

-Stop the Sozin scene right after he burns the earthbender -When Gyatso has Aang in the room with Yangchen's statue, the exchange should have stopped with: "You have always been special." "I never asked to be special." "But you are," and the writing should have allowed Aang to put together that he is the Avatar without explicitly saying "Aang, you are the Avatar." If they took that line out and let the silence hang and then taken out all explicit statements of "You are the Avatar," so they would have been talking around actually saying it, it would have improved the scene. -Remove Aang's little monologue with Appa before the fly off except for maybe hugging Appa and saying, "I'm scared" -Show Aang and Appa getting caught in the storm. There's a very small missing piece of that scene. -Could pare down the exposition in Zuko & Iroh's argument about following the light to not explicitly say "and take my rightful place as heir," as Iroh saying "it may be time to consider the throne isn't everything," and Zuko replying, "Maybe it wasn't to you" does that work. BUT I actually don't think this is as clunky as other dialogue-exposition parts. -Either excise Aang's flashbacks to saving himself with the Avatar state before he wakes or remove it from earlier in the episode; we don't need it twice. -the WT kids running outside of the village to play is awkward. Why wouldn't they play inside the walls? If it's so Appa wouldn't land inside the village, this is easily solved by having Aang airbend over the walls when searching for Appa. -I know Kanna's monologue about the FN attacking is an homage to the original, but it feels hamhanded. I would excise it. Remove everything she says in this scene in the tribe meeting except, "The last time a comet was seen was 100 years ago." -Honestly, excise most of Kanna's dialogue. It's all hamhanded exposition; we're seeing the "hand of the author(s)" here. When Zuko's ship arrives all she has to say is, "They're looking for him." Let the reveal be Katara saying it to Sokka when he's going to give Aang up. -Replace the repeated scenes with Gyatso when Aang discovers his skeleton with other memories. We don't need a rehash of something in the same episode.

What I Personally Did Not Care For:

-I want bigger fire from the firebenders. It's a comet that powers them up ffs. -Katara needs to express a great desire to learn waterbending in this episode somewhere -Sokka and Katara being caught in a current should have been from Katara's angry paddling to echo her angry waterbending from the original -I also wouldn't reveal Kya's death in flashback flashes so early -When Zuko sees Aang for the first time it's a perfectly missed opportunity for "You're just a kid!" "Yeah, well you're just a teenager!" -Unsure why Katara said, "The thing about losing everything is that's when you find out how strong you are" instead of something like, "I can't imagine how this must feel. But you don't have to be alone. We're here with you."

[bettsfic]

Your advice is always so helpful! I'm in the process of trying to organize my own WIPs based on your tips from your newsletter. Now that I've successfully convinced myself to finally abandon some work, I want to follow your advice of holding onto writing for later reference in case you ever find a new use for it. Out of curiosity, do you format that type of writing in any particular way or just have one large document of it?

that's something i'm working on. right now i keep separate trash documents for each fic, and for specific sentences and paragraphs i've gotten rid of but still like, i highlight them in yellow. and if i think "hm hold on i've written that sentence before" i just keep searching my drive until i find it. otherwise, most of time i only end up writing the flavor of what i'm taking from my abandoned works and rewriting it completely.

here's an example. this dialogue is from an older draft of Acquittal, which i just posted but wrote before Digging for Orchids in 2020.

the original exchange, which didn't make the cut for either fic:

“What if I want something you can’t give me?” Xie Lian asks. “There is nothing I can’t give you.” “You would really give me anything?” “Anything.” “What if I wanted to cut off your pinky finger?” He holds up his pinky. “It’s yours.” Xie Lian hooks his own pinky into it. “Where is the line, San Lang?” “With you, I have no lines.” “You would let me kill you?” “My life is yours to take.” “You’re just saying that. You’re not serious.” “I have never been more serious about anything. Let me prove it to you. Cut off my pinky.” “I’m not going to do that.” “Then do something else.” “Like what?” “Something you think you’re not allowed to do.”

even though i like this bit of dialogue, i rewrote it multiple times and it became this:

“Last night,” Xie Lian says, “you said I could do what I wanted to you. Did you mean that? I can do what I like to you?” “Anything.” San Lang squeezes his hand. “Even hurt you?” The dim lamp light seems to glint off his wide smile. “I am yours to hurt.” “San Lang,” Xie Lian says, taken aback. “You can’t say things like that.” “Would gege like me to stop?” Yes, he tries to say. That would be the right thing to do, to stop…whatever is happening before it goes too far. “No,” he admits. San Lang leans a little closer. “What else would gege like to do to me?”

in 2020, i lifted the original exchange wholesale for an early draft of Digging for Orchids, thinking i was never going to post Aquittal. but after multiple revisions, it turned into this:

“My husband’s pleasure is all that matters to me,” Hua Cheng said. “I would do anything he asked.” “Anything? No limits?” “None.” “I’m being serious right now.” “As am I.” “You would really do anything.” “Anything, at any time, for any reason.”

both exchanges started from the same dialogue in my trash doc, but the initial exchange never made it to either. and even then, that came from an original story i wrote in 2017:

Two months into their arrangement, during the snuggle portion of the evening, Cody asked, “Would you cut off my pinky if I asked you to?” “Sure,” Todd said. “But I’m not driving you to the hospital."

this makes me sound like i have some kind of fetish for cutting off fingers, but really it's just an image to connect to my ongoing exploration of codependency and boundary issues.

i'm not sure if this is helpful at all, but hopefully it made sense. in the next issue of my newsletter i'm hoping to write about keeping a disorganization notebook, which is different than an abandoned WIP trash doc, but might have some helpful principles in terms of how to organize the unorganizable.

[sharkneto]

Any tips on writing longer chapters but making each scene count and not be pointless filler?

The thing with chapters is they are as long as they need to be.

I never go into them with the thought "oh this will be 5k words". I know my chapter will probably be around 5-7k, but that's just because I know myself now and that's usually how many words it takes for me to get through a scene/moment. But not always! Sometimes it's done in 3k. Sometimes it takes 15k (which I usually then break into a Part 1 and Part 2, but they're initially written together as one long chapter before I split it). Coming in with a word count estimate is also almost always pointless - you are never going to be right on how many words you're going to need so it's a waste of time to try and hold yourself to one (excepting a drabble or if you're writing for an event with a specific word count).

If you're finding yourself just writing things to try and make your chapter longer, take a step back and look at what you've got and why you're trying to add more. If it's just for the sake because you want a higher word count, stop. Word count doesn't matter, more words isn't always better. Short chapters are fine. They're fun and punchy.

If you're adding more words because it feels like something is missing, look at the structure of what you've got going on. A story follows the structure that's a rise to climax and then fall to resolution. Chapters are a bit the same way with space for cliffhangers (end on climax, no resolution until the next chapter(s)). The point of splitting material into chapters is to give scenes breathing room and readers rest stops along the way through a long story. They're also great for pacing readers, building or releasing tension, depending on how you're splitting them. With that, each chapter should have a reason for existing on its own. I like to have one main or two related things happening, supported in the beginning with an "intro" to bridge the previous chapter to get into the action and a "conclusion" to bridge it to the next (assuming you didn't end the previous on a cliffhanger and aren't jumping right into action and aren't ending this one on a cliffhanger). Chapters shouldn't stand alone from the rest of the book, they can and should lean on things set up in previous chapters, but having the same rough structure is how I think about them and helps me figure out where a problem is if I have one.

So, you're writing words to fill something - where to look for the something? Are you missing context and need some exposition to better set something up? Are you missing dialogue to bridge an idea? Are you missing a beat that's a throwaway here but is foreshadowing a future chapter? Are you missing transitions so the main action feels abrupt?

The same thing goes for the other direction, trimming back when you have too much. Do you have too much exposition so it's dragging? Do you have extra dialogue that you like but doesn't serve any purpose? Are you cramming too many details in when a couple would cover the same point you're trying to get across? Are you repeating yourself?

Sometimes you just have to cut bits, even if you love them, because they just don't work for your pacing and are detracting from the main point of the chapter/story (remind me to post the deleted scene from the last JT chapter - I adored it but it fucked the pacing as I was streamlining the chapter). Keep the deleted bit in a folder somewhere - you'll always have it to go back and enjoy and more often than not it will be reslot itself back in with new context later in the story or in a different fic.

A lot of these are also just general pacing/writing advice, for overall stories and not just chapters, but see my earlier point about thinking of chapters a little bit like stories themselves (but not stand-alone!)

TLDR: Chapters are as long as they need to be. If you've told the scene you want to tell in that one and have set up the next chapter, don't worry about it if it feels short. If you haven't, figure out exactly what bit you're missing and fill it in, rather than padding for the sake of padding.