#i was having a really shitty day today
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#cw personal#cw abuse mention#(vague mention)#i was having a really shitty day today#nothing bad happened so i think it was a late trauma response from a few days ago?? i was physically shaking but i'm ok now#i napped it off + the concert really lifted my spirit up 🥲#riding the concert wave with everyone always gives me some kind of high LOL#gonna try to be productive now#ily louis ily fitf ily mooties ily my followers and ily scampo (my kitty) 🥰🥰🥰🥰#i also love whoever reads this and cares ty 😌
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Everything is very horrible today in an autistic meltdown kinda way so either I'll pop off and draw a lot or lay face down in bed doing nothing for several hours we'll just have to see
#the worst thing is its not just any one thing#its a build up of terrible terrible terrible#and when i do fibally get set off it seems like its over smthn really fuckinf stupid#RAGHHH#i will explain actually cause most of it woild piss anyone off#my whole family is off of school/work today except me#my siblings went to the movies#i had to go to work and work was fuxking SLAMMED#so i had a pretty shitty day already work wise#then i learn like an hour before i leave that i have to pick up my siblings#in the rain#in the dark#and also two othee peoplw are gonna be there so my car will be litetally full#and its in the busiest part of town#AND i have to pick up dinner beforehand#so that combined with evweything elae aboit today was already upsettint#and then the coworker i dont fucking like started fuckung around with smthn#not doing his aork#which is why i dont like him cause he never gets anything done#so that was sort of the last straw ig#anyway my manaher was bejng really nice befoee i left cause i was obviously upsey#but i was like ' listen i am literally about to have a meltdown so i have to go i cant do this rn '#i feel bad about it#but whats worse briefly inconviencing my manager or having a whole fucking meltdown in frojt of everyone#muppets ref ha#anyway#i just wish my parents respected me#even a little bit#cause they sure fucking dont#not me nor my time haha!
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Not ultrakill related for once- I finally finished an oil painting I've been working on for a while! (Reference was this image of the Pillars of Creation.) 12 hours of oil painting is way too many hours of oil painting for my adhd ass why do I keep doing this to myself
(the weirdly dark part by the stars is just wet paint... I'm too impatient to wait for it to dry before posting it x.x)
progress pics under the cut bc I like looking at them
each photo was taken after a 2-hour painting session
#my art#i have had a really really really deeply terrible awful shitty day today but at least i can feel a little good about this thing#oil painting#pillars of creation#space art#im pretty proud of this honestly. realism/directly copying references isnt something i usually enjoy but this was pretty fun#if youre wondering where im finding the time for so much art. its called being unemployed (pained laughter)
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it's -25C right now (negative) so i booked the new dog pool for rory (positive) but it turns out it shares a space with a yucky dog daycare so it was horribly loud and smelled awful (negative) and the pool had just been cleaned (positive) so the water was frigid (negative) but rory swam somewhat enthusiastically (positive) and burned some energy (positive) even though some of that was through straight up stress from the environment (negative) but she delighted everyone there (positive) including me with her model citizen behaviour (positive) and i bought her some really fun snacks from the bougie pet store next door (positive) so i think we net positived out about it.
#dogblr#about aurora#ive been having a bit of a day so my mixed emotions about it made me cry on the way home#but writing it out its not that bad#i hate putting rory in shitty situations (cold water stinky loud environment) esp right now because shes sooooo sensitive in her adolescence#(made infinitely worse by lack of proper exercise - winter)#but she pulled through so fucking well today#it was such a cool glimpse of her maturity peeking through#shes currently demolishing a beef rib (she corn cobs the meat off and doesnt really eat the bone) and seems quite relaxed#so i dont think this will have lasting effects#i wont go back to that pool until they change the setup#there are nicer dog pools in the city#i wish we didnt have so much bluegreen algae because i would love to take her swimming outdoors#i will try to get out with her earlier in the year because i fully missed the safe swimming window last year#i think she may grow up to enjoy swimming#reblogs are off because this isnt a post i need shared
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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another doodle i did because i need to get used to drawing mabel (ifff you're wondering what the pink in her hair and eyes are about maybe you should check out my redesign! :>)
#gravity falls#gf#gf fanart#gravity falls fanart#gf mabel#gravity falls mabel#mabel pines#mabel gravity falls#mabel pines gravity falls#i know its like really#really shitty#but it was a fairly quick scribble so#i just like posting every day if i can and i doooont think i have today?#connor draws
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P:WotR Portraits: Wenduag & Daeran
I did the one for Wenduag back when I was testing her legs, but today I got the idea to recreate Daeran's portrait image. I think it turned out really well, even if the colors aren't quite right and the pose is a bit awkward.
[reference pics and alternate crop of Daeran's portrait under the cut]
#ts4#the sims 4#ts4 fantasy#sims 4 fantasy#fandom sims#p:wotr#pwotr#pathfinder wrath of the righteous#wenduag#wenduag pwotr#pwotr wenduag#daeran arendae#daeran pwotr#pwotr daeran#wenduag's pose is much better bc I didn't make it lmao.#I need to give wenduag different (short) hair though.#and unfortunately I wasn't able to make hers be underground without either building some kind of cave room or going to the hidden lot.#which takes a lot of effort or several cheats so I just didn't bother. Especially since even then it doesn't match what I had in mind.#I am really happy with how Daeran's turned out though. The ''set'' turned out better than I expected and relight made the lighting better.#I made his pose too. It's not very good but it's decent enough for a quick screenshot.#these aren't edited at all aside from cropping and running my usual smoothing and sharpening actions.#but I still like how they turned out.#I'm typing this at 2am but the post is gonna go up at 2am.#hopefully I actually get to play pathfinder tomorrow/later today...#I did have a TON of fun just hanging out with my dnd group tonight though so I'm not mad at all. We all needed a break lmao.#a bunch of shitty days/weeks all around.#(izzy scout if you see this... 💖💖💖💖💖💖)
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This is very silly but last year I posted a birthday wishlist here so I figured I'd do the same this year- my birthday is gonna be here in a little over a week (on the 14th) and BOY HAS THIS MORNING SUCKED so I figured id go ahead and post this lmao
I tried to keep everything reasonable (though I do have a game that's a more unreasonably priced imo) it's mostly art supplies and silly stuff, but regardless idk I'm bad with stuff like this so idk what to say to not sound weird l m a o
#i woke up today and found out someone got my card info and spent nearly all of my money#the bank is able to help me but its still stupid stressful since ive never had anything like this happen before#so i was like yeah im gonna post the stupid wishlist since even people looking at it would make me happy#nice thing on a shitty day#also i have markers on there and theyre really nice if anyone needs an alcohol marker rec lmao#okay im gonna stop rambling i just am out of sorts#mint rambles
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You've nearly survived December! Congrats!!!!! 🥂
#the heron heareth#really just. not having a good day today#the enthusiasm has been sapped out of me but ill feel better by the first im sure#and i get to spend new years with erin again. later. so#worth the shitty month i had#ill get drunk with my butch and watch some bad movies and ill calm down
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#another one of those days#i don't know how to do this#depression#is really really bad today#i did have three kinda good days soo i guess it's time to feel shitty again huh#i'm not going to hurt myself#it won't change anything or help at all it only would make things worse#but how the fuck am i supposed to live like this?#i don't know what to do#i miss therapy but i have no finds to go back#the meds i'm on don't seem to do shit#nothing i try helps#and it feels like a personal failure#i have gotten help and lots of it#so why do i keep falling into this pit over and over again?#i should have learned how to help myself by now
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#don't mind me i'm complaining about nonsense again#also sorry today is a chatty day i need to battle the loneliness any way possible#having an uneven jaw is so annoying#especially when speaking and eating requires a different mouthshape to singing#every time after a couple of hours of singing it feels like my jaw is going to dislocate from eating cuz it keeps popping#it's so stupid#mind you i probably have a shitty singing technique because i sing with an underbite but don't really have an underbite in general#but that is the only way i can get like actually correct notes and none of my music teachers said anything about it so it stayed#and this popping thing only happens on one side because said annoying uneven jaw#levynn tries to think
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this is the worst day no exaggerating
#i am definitely exaggerating#but the fact remains i am in a very shitty mood#i gotta go to the dentist today which sucks alone but paying almost 2k for the services sucks even more#plus im missing an end of semester gathering for the GIS TAs#plus even when i think about cancelling the appointment and going to that instead i dont want to out of spite because like#idk i think it makes me angry that theyd even do it without me and not reschedule as if im even that important which im not#but also i am because i know the most and work the hardest i hope they all are miserable and wish i was there just kidding im normal#also another like 20+ day long period just ended for me so my moods abysmal and also i have to write a final by the end of today#tl;dr i really wish i werent here right now#thots et al
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I didn't intend to go back and finish this one so soon since I don't really remember what emotions I was trying to process when I first got the idea. But I'm working on like five different things at once right now and I was getting frustrated with all of them so I decided to finish this just to prove that I can still draw.
#my art#art#digital art#original art#self portrait#vent art#I started drawing this some time last month so I really don't remember what I was going through that week#I have an idea but I can't tap into the same emotions so I feel oddly disconnected this piece#because even though I had a shitty day today making this pretty appropriate to post
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...😭
#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
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hi tumblr 😓
#sabs posts!#had a really busy day today :<#and i'll probably have one tmrw too#thank u for all the asks 🤍#i'll get to them when i feel up to it#my stomach hurts and i'm in kind of a shitty mood so i don't think rn is the best time for me to reply#but i read them all !! 🤞 u guys r very sweet#anyways i'm gonna go back to wallowing in misery /hj#bye bye tumblr 🤍
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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