#i was gonna schedule this but knowing its still in my drafts makes me more anxious so im just gonna post it and try to sleep

[the-kipsabian]

tbh ever since i saw a someone say that its awful to read when writers clearly arent comfortable writing smut and it show, ive been so self conscious about even trying to make anything spicier anymore

[mariposa-writes]

Good Sleep - LaMelo Ball

Summary: hate writing these, so just read and find out.

A/N: This man is the love of my life (and his brothers).

It was hard, dating an NBA player. Not that it was Melo's fault. He tried to make things as easy as possible. He called whenever he could, making sure to at least check in on me once a day.

It wasn't like I made things any easier. I took a lot of pride in my job and it felt like a lot of the time when he was home, I was busy working.

Which is what I am currently doing. Its around midnight, when I hear the garage open, I know it's Melo. His team was supposed to get back earlier tonight, but their flight got delayed due to weather.

After a few minutes he enters our room. I moved in with him a 6 months ago, since I practically lived there full time anyways. We both also thought it would be a good way to spend more time together.

"Hey, babe." He says walking over to me and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. He heads into our bathroom, getting ready to shower. He hates how he feels after plane rides, always complaining about being dirty. "What are you working on?" He calls from the bathroom.

"Just work stuff." I respond, not having the time to explain. I have to have these reports ready by Monday. I'm a CFO for a major clothing company in the US. We are currently working on expanding to European countries.

Melo showers while I work and before I know it he's climbing into bed. "Babe," He whines, "when are you going to bed?"

"I don't know, soon." I answer, dismissively. He frowns, looking up at me from where he's laying.

"You work to hard. Your not even 22 and your the CFO for a major company. I worry you're gonna work yourself to death." Melo's always hated how hard I work. We've been dating since we were both 19.

I was getting ready to graduate college, when he was getting drafted into the NBA. Being born a genius helped me fast track my schooling and career.

I started interning with the company I currently work at when I was 17, the summer after my junior year. I started working with them when they were just a start up, but in the past four years they have rapidly grown and I've been a part of the process the whole way.

This company is like my baby and I'm the one that has to track everything to make sure we are achieving our goals. I never intended on working here this long, but I love the people I work with (the pay isn't bad either).

They promoted me to CFO when their old one left to work for a bigger company. What an idiot, they didn't have believe in the company and soon ours will be bigger than the one they are working for.

Three hours later and I'm still working, Melo's passed out. After he fell asleep I headed to the office he set up for me, not wanting to wake him.

I have a blanket wrapped around me, with my headphones in and a cup of hot chocolate sitting on the desk. Once I get this done, I'll be on Monday and present to our investors I will be on vacation for the next 9 days.

I haven't told Melo yet, wanting to surprise him since our schedules rarely line up.

I look up from my computer, when I see the hallway light turn on. I take my headphones out, knowing it's Melo. He walks into my office, frowning. "Babe, go to bed." He groans.

"Ok, just give me a few minutes."

"Nope, you always say that and then a few minutes turn into another hour or two and then you're only getting like 2 hours of sleep before you head into the office." He walks over and shuts my laptop, before pulling me out of the chair.

I whine and protest the whole way back to our bed, but he doesn't seem to care. He makes me lay down and tucks me in like I'm a little kid, before climbing in bed next to me.

Once he's in bed his, arm wraps around my waist as he pulls me closer resting his head on my stomach. "Finally, I can sleep now."

"You've been asleep this whole time." I argue.

"Yea, but now I'll get good sleep. I only get good sleep when you're with me." I smile, even though he can't see me. I continue playing with his hair, before we both drift of to sleep in each other's arms.

[starzgaze]

hope you don't mind me ranting rq--

i constantly think about your yan!Hae-In and yan!Jinwoo ideas because they're so fun to mess around with.

bc what if the readers honest to god reaction to either of then confessing to then was "i don't feel the dame way.. you wanna see this cool bug i found?"

that OR the reader is a little freak of a poet and writes romance novels with concerningly detailed cannibalism scenes and is more interested in the shadow ants than either of them.

also i'm planning on writing a fic about the cannibal poet reader, but it's going to take a while because i'm shit at writing-

LMFAOO IDC IF U FLOOD MY INBOX ITS FINEEE more people to talk to anyway because im a bit of a pussy to talk straight up to my mutuals sigh

also thanks i actually have alot in my drafts its just most of them are unfinished and i have no idea if i should let them see the light of day or not... same with w.jc , chi, and sjw sick day fic LMFAOO uhhmm anyway!!

that's actually something i lovvee experienting with lowkey especially as someone who takes a big looong time to realize 'oh they liked me" and it's been fucking months since they confessed but anyqay I actually act like that most of the time it's pretty bad anywaaay this is funny as hell with yandere jinhae who's TRYING their best to make you swoon even if they're not the best with romance but you still don't... budge... bur hey you'll show them some cool colored bug you picked off the side walk! that's hopefully not a mutated monster that escaped a dungeon.

anyway more on the first idea this probably either ends really well or horribly depending on how both jinwoo and haein receives this ooooooorrr the circumstances really on how much they both value you but since im a freak for borderline this is insanity why are you writing this type of literature let's say that if you rejected then you have one swordswoman who accidentally fucks you up psychologically (I don't see haein someone who would do it willingly or deliberately gets enjoyment from it) but with jinwoo its a bit complicated to say because each person has a different take on how jinwoo perceives romance and how he processes feelings but since its my post im going with it's probably borderline fucked up if we consider the fact the more he levels up or grows the more apathetic or inhumane he becomes! im gonna abuse the hell out of this concept

but anywya with jinwoo u're probably gonna either get straight up kidnapped OR because you're lowkey desensitized and carefree that maybe kidnapping doesn't really have any affect on you then he might just sends weird eldritch horrors depictions of death and darkness when you're about to sleep so now you need a cute bug themes night light to sleep because no way you're letting some death incarnate screw up your sleeping schedule.

also those two as an attempt to maybe sway you might get into bugs or whatever little interests like jinwoo is having small consultations with beru or has him on standby everytime he spends time with you or haein overcoming her trauma (this takes place after jeju island) and learns and starts to love bugs just for you to reciprocate her feelings then these two quiz eachother on who knows more and what not it's literally amusing to see them debates over fuckinf caterpillars when you returned with take out because they insisted hanging out with you

anyway now on the latter I LOVE LOVE grotesque depictions of love especially like with murder OR cannibalism like how probably eating eachother is like a way of showing affection and how now your love will always be inside of them (literally) or something along the lines!! it's actually so cool how it's portrayed in media i need some suggestions actually anyway in the context of jinhae and mc being a poet uhmmm I'm not sure because i suck at making poems so im not the best on how to... make this work... i hate writing poems but I'll stick witj the theme of being a romance horror writer but not what you think of like colleen hoover or whomever the fuck wrote haunting adeline (god please i hope those books gets SMITED off the face of earth because this has stained dark romance to the point i dont even wanna acknowledge dark romance as a genre).

if you're a popular horror writer who specializes on creeping out your readers but still somehow delivers a good message or screwedd up message in between the lines of ripped boddies and intestines then jinhae has probably heard of you before like definitely.

like the themes of your books or poems to other people seems to be very disgusting or only written for the shock value but maybe to jinwoo or haein they have a whooole different meaning or one of your books/poems struck them really deep they got into a bit of a rabbit hole going through your collection as an author. i can definitely see both of them becoming fans and attending meet and greets.

oh my god a thought came to me and it's basically how would these two act in the internet if your name was beinf slandered like because your books or poems is not well perceived by all because you would occasionally write screwed up romance that you do not condone at all!! it's all for the sake of symbolism and experimentation with the material but anyway these two would have different reactions to this

for example haein seems to be the type to not be sooo like... like how do i explain this shes the type to have an anonymous account and goes to those forums to have actual discussions and tries to be civil as she can be when she tries to convert these haters why they should like you because i can't see her going as far to try to find this individual's address BUT but im just saying if ever that same hater was in the same dungeon raid as haein, there's no guarantee that haein will probably let them... die and say it was an accident.

anyway jinwoo is less interactive on the internet and is more of a lurker but he's probably the definitely the type to send ominous messages and then appear on their doorstep next morning or even minute if they're that unlucky LMFAO. another case of missing people otw!!

oh and i lowkey love the whooole idea of if you have a writer darling no matter how screwed or how fluffy their stories are the person or people who loves them will try to recreate this. yeaaah i can see this happening with jinwoo and haein and the tiny competition they have is who performed it better.

like for example if you written a poem about the elegant slashes of a sword on how it glides so easily through certain monsters, haein would try to replicate the feeling and explains to jinwoo that she obviously is better at portraying at this because she is a certified swordswoman or something along the lines and honestly jinwoo can't exactly argue against that because she's right but he won't admit it

then with paragraphs that depicts the most grueling experience of death and what not is something jinwoo is really familiar with and he's the type to copy it by doing it on random monsters he encounters in dungeons or even certain monarchs if they're that unlucky or jinwoo feels a biiit experimental LMFAO yeah okay what my brain is fried.

oh talking about darling being a horror romance writer, the moment jinwoo introduces his shadows or you find out about you become absolutely infatuated with them and the whoole idea like especially they're permanently serving death that's a pretty neat idea to you.

you start to write more and talk less to jinwoo and mooore to the shadows, it's pretty funny to see but you didn't notice the fact jinwoo is fuming in the background as he watches you get into in depth discussions with igris and bellion about their past lives and how you'll implement their experiences in a poem

yeha kay thats it my brain wugh dead bye uhm yeah talk to me more i love this sm thanks for food for thought

[torasteals]

The End Of Tora Steals Things: A GW2 Fan Comic/Novel

Hey! So with the end of Amulet Of Bolli having gone up on Dec. 23rd, 2023, it's time to talk bout something I've been putting off for awhile now.

You read the title, let's get into it: The End Of Tora Steals Things.

Amulet Of Bolli is the last story I will make for Tora Steals Things. That's it. There's no more. It's ending there as I move forward with Apocalypse Child (which launched on Dec. 21st at apocalypsechildcomic.com!).

So why is it ending?

Those of you who've watched my streams probably already knew this as I've been talking about it ending for awhile now. Hell, many of you may have figured out it was singing its swan song when I first announced Apocalypse Child, or changed the update schedule to once every two weeks, or changed it to a webnovel format... Many of you probably knew it was dying before I was willing to admit it myself.

Truthfully, I have roughly 16 or so stories left for Tora Steals Things, and I really wanted to make them all. TST means a lot to me: it taught me how to make comics and it brought me joy during some of the hardest moments of my life. I'm honestly so touched that so many people read and enjoyed it over the years. You guys made it worth it, you really did.

However, TST has long lived past its due date, and this last story proved that to me. Amulet Of Bolli Part Two took six months to write--six months where I had no time to edit past a first draft, could not build a decent buffer, and had no time to work on writing for Apoclaypse Child. Did it take less time than it would have as a comic? Yes, absolutely, but it still took far more time and energy than what it's currently worth. It exhausted me to my limit to make.

I don't know what else to say, really--I burned out on TST years ago but just kept pushing. I'm sad I couldn't complete it the way I wanted to, sure, but I can't tell you how relieved I am to finally allow myself to stop working on it.

For those last 16-ish stories, they're now available in written summaries as bonus material for the deluxe edition of the third and final e-book for Tora Steals Things. I hope that will satisfy those of you curious over where the story was gonna go, had I kept making it.

On that note, the last e-book collecting the last of the comics and prose for TST is out and available for purchase: Volume 3--Contract Complete which you can pick up here.

What's next?

As my focus moves onto Apocalypse Child, the Patreon for Tora Steals Things has been made to re-focus on that as well. I'm still keeping all the previous rewards for TST available on that Patreon. In the future, time-willing, I may collect those rewards to sell in digital bundles alongside the e-books so that those of you interested in just the Tora Steals Things sketch pages, scripts, thumbnails, and so forth, can just buy it instead of signing up for the Patreon. I'm also considering doing a live Q&A stream for the ending of TST near the end of the month. Might not do it. Depends on interest, really.

If this is something that interests you, I'll be sure to update this space or my twitter (@GriffinSBNorth) if and when anything happens.

All that said, I wanna just like, thank those of you who read my work all this time. Tora Steals Things was always a bit out there as a fan project and it means the world to me that so many of you loved my hot mess of a plant thief and all his friends.

Really, truly, thank you.

And please, feel free to ask me questions if you have any.

[magic-is-something-we-create]

2023 recap + 2024 plans

i wrote 261,200 words in 2023; 172,500 of those for Whispers, 88,700 for Goddess-Touched!

i read 16 books to completion, beta'd for an additional 2, am currently reading 3, and got partway through 5 others before having to put them down.

i maintained my streaming schedule with only a handful of emergency-related exceptions, and drew, uh, a shit ton over the course of the year!

writing goals for 2024:

fix Echoseers (full stylistic rewrite, along with some plot tweaks)

finish the first draft of Goddess-Touched (and edit it hardcore as well)

work on as-yet-unnamed book 4 of tms

fix up Whispers with the added feedback of beta readers

start querying Whispers (i'll look into self publishing down the road if i don't end up finding an agent. the way my brain functions i must cling to the hope of not having to market it myself tooth and nail for the time being)

POTENTIALLY. if my brain fixates on it. write the script for The Lost so that i actually have something to work with to make the comic happen

one of my offline friends is starting to get into writing, and im hoping to help them through some of the early rough patches and potentially co-write a thing with them!!

i completely dropped the ball on the weekly writing updates so im gonna try and get back to that on wednesday. and potentially get back into the weekly ask games!

non-writing goals for 2024:

youtube. i want to make speedpaints and worldbuilding videos and shit. ive already made the basic animation stuff to have a lil sona to do the gesturing for me and i know how to make videos i just havent done it in a While

twitch!! i want to stream a bit more often because its fun and if i let myself branch out into video games as well as art itll be easier to do that. u might see me streaming in the evenings sometime soon. (psst im not streaming this weekend as im still doing a shit ton of holiday/social stuff but the weekend of the 13th ill be back to both patreon and twitch baybee)

SPEAKING OF i want to get my shit together enough to do like. monthly short story releases for my patrons/ko-fi members. early access, that is, so if i post one in january, it'll be posted here a month or two later for all to see/read

i want to read as many books as i did in 2023, if not more! im also considering adding book reviews/thoughts to youtube or patreon/ko-fi perks

my weekend hiatuses aren't going anywhere. having time where im not actively engaging with tumblr + don't feel obligated to do Anything online has done wonders for my mental health and i highly recommend it. focus mode on my phone and leechblock on desktop has helped so so so much

and that's all i'm sharing here!! i hope 2024 is a better year for all than the last <3

[centrally-unplanned]

Comic Box 1997 End of Evangelion Issue - Archive Scan

Comic Box was a magazine in Japan launched in, from what I can gather, 1982. It was a bit of an ‘alt” magazine - it has an imprint, Comic Box Jr, which focused on doujinshi for example - and would cover anything anime-adjacent, including western films. The October 1997 release of the magazine was dedicated to the release of the End of Evangelion film, and to answering the question “what was the phenomenon called Evangelion?”. Towards that end it features fan submissions, art, comics, essays, all talking about what Eva meant to them. Some are serious, some are fully comedic, way way more than I expected are erotic, and overall it is a time capsule of how the anime community was thinking about Evangelion when EoE came out. The magazine dissolved in 1998 from what I can tell, so this was one of its last releases - you can still see its absolutely vintage website here! Complete with dashing chibi cat gif.

I discovered this magazine through japanese anime/manga archivist-in-residence ehoba on twitter, who provided photos and rough summaries of some of the pages. They are just camera photos of an open magazine though, not scans, and not at all complete. I hunted around for a while to find a scanned version, messaged ehoba and a few others, posted on forums like Evageeks, and drew total blanks. I couldn’t find any listings of it online, so I set the quest aside...until I was placing another order for some artbooks for import and decide to check Yahoo Auctions Japan and lo and behold, there is was! It arrived this week.

So that image above is not one pulled from the internet - I have scanned the entire Evangelion segment of Comic Box - October 1997 issue. I am a neophyte scanner & image editor, these aren’t gonna be amazing or anything, but while I hope to make a more polished version I wanted to share the drafts now. I really aspire to translate it, but of course I don’t speak Japanese, so I am going to see how far working with some people I know and brute-forcing with AI would go. If you are interested or know someone who would be, definitely reach out! 100% would crowdsource this. If someone already scanned and translated this, also let me know, I would groan heavily and curse my google skills but i’d rather it be available and know, and not waste time.

Below will be some reduced-down PNG’s of the magazine to fit Tumblr image limits with Ehoba’s notes and a few of my own attached to them. A link to the full images as a singular PDF is on the Internet Archive [Here]

A reflection of a very known thing in this magazine is that, from my perspective, End of Evangelion is definitely Asuka’s moment to shine, but it didn’t matter because the 90′s Eva fandom *loved* Rei. She was the most popular by far, and I think dethroned Sailor Mercury on the ‘best girl’ polls in magazines of the era. Nowadays if you poll audiences - as the NHK did recently - Asuka is the most popular girl, but it was a different, proto-moe-boom time.

"Evangelion was fake. A fake made by one director, or by the staff. However, it was a very real fake. God, it was so good."

Watermelon Kaji absolute goat here; so cool indeed

How much Asuka is suffering in all these images vs god-salvation Rei is, again, saying alot about the waifu wars.

"I don't think episode 25 and 26 were professional work. I understand that the ADR script and previews with layout sheets are supposed to be avant-garde, but something is wrong with it." "TV show is not an individual's job, so I wanted them to deal with the schedule limitation."

90% sure this Asuka ‘escaped’ and I saw it on the internet in the early 2000′s - maybe the author published it elsewhere in a doujin, I assume a lot of this art would have been repurposed for other mediums.

Honestly the art is incredible for this magazine sometimes, the splash pages they have are filled with Evangelion’s anime-spiritual energy.

"Unit 02 has a mouth, which means it can give a blow job." "The biggest surprise is Rei in cowgirl position. The official content does that, so hentai authors have nothing to do."

(Gainax putting hard-working hentai doujin authors out of a job, what assholes!)

"My heated up feeling toward Evangelion was quick-freezed by episode 25 and 26. EoE defrosted it, but now I feel distant from Evangelion."

How much Episode 25-26 come up here is great evidence for how divisive they were - End of Eva is absolutely seen as commentary on, and opposition to, the TV ending. I think in the west the initial reception of the original ending is overall more positive? Certainly nowadays, would be curious how it is seen in Japan today.

OCR’ing this image will literally murder me, pls I can’t

"Bullshit plot, surficial information, shallow dialogues, inconsistent direction, story with tons of plot holes, the director's masturbation, the otaku's useless attempt to enlighten other otaku..." "BUT I LOVE IT."

10/10 take

"'Sincerity' of someone I don't like just confirms that I still don't like them. Anno apparently thought that honest depiction of himself can be depiction of otaku, but that's not wrong. Anno is exceptionally creepy."

God-tier Anno portrait here. I love how many of this art showcases “settings” from End of Eva and which ones hit the audience - re-using the movie theatre seats for Shinji, that is really cool!

Evangelion - Slayers edition! The artist names are in the black box panel on the page lining, I absolutely hope to track down a few of them and see what kind of works they made.

"I think each material of Evangelion was nothing new. In the early half, however, I was moved by their techniques of arranging and remixing those materials." "Creators' strong desire for expression supported this story, but I'm not sure."

"Adam and Eve in the Eden East" "I hope they will live happily after the ending."

"The theater was like a funeral after the screening. No, I should say it was a literal funeral. Evangelion ended, it died. In terms of entertainment, Evangelion was completely and brilliantly killed."

Kaworu’s insta-inclusion into the ranks of the kid cast is always amusing to me; he is in one episode of the show after all, barely in Eva! But he is all over the art immediately. The power of design - and also being one of the first gay characters on television (as opposed to OVA’s) in Japan.

Hopefully if I can make progress on translation I can have actual thoughts to add to the scan, certainly I will post results if I get them.

I value, way too deeply to be honest, the preservation of the other side of the ‘media mix’ - how people responded to the media in question and what it meant to them. It is way more likely to be lost than the media itself or documents from the production side. May this contribution to preserving a bit of that experience be of value to those out there who would be interested in the history of Evangelion, and anime more generally.

If you think you know anyone or your followers overall would be interested in translation help, I would appreciate the broadcasting!

[poohsources]

HELLO EVERYBODY! been a while since i did one of these, i hope you're all doing well, and have a great day / night wherever you are. i'm officially back from my vacation which means i'm officially returning to this blog. yay! now you might be wondering what exactly this means, and truthfully, i'm not too sure yet either. what i do know is that i plan on being around here more regularly. also, i'm planning to finally start working on the christmas giveaway gifts ( if you're one of the winners i've messaged previously, i'll message you again in a few days to discuss details ).

another thing i'm not sure i've mentioned here yet: i got a new job last month which means i definitely don't have as much time anymore as i did previously. it's also one of the reasons i've been so absent since the start of the year because i had to get used to it, learn some new stuff, etc. my schedule changes every week so i can't even give you reliable info on when i'll be able to be here and do stuff but i promise you that'll be something i'll figure out.

anyway, as for content i've planned, i really should start going through my inbox and try to answer as many questions there as possible. things have been really piling up in there and i'm very sorry about the delay in answers. there are also a few requests (primarily for certain kinds of memes ) that i will be working on slowly but surely. in terms of memes, i have some half-finished ones sitting in my drafts so i might just post these sometime soon. additionally, there are some other things i started working on a while back ― like some psds, templates, etc. ― that i might try finishing. so just a whole bunch of new content to use.

one new thing i might try out in the future is something one of you mentioned when i made that post about putting some very time-consuming or image-heavy templates behind some kind of temporary paywall. not sure how exactly i'm gonna do this yet ( i have a few ideas and websites, like patreon, in mind already, but i first want to see all the different possibilities i have on what site and what makes it the easiest and most user friendly for both you and me ). but that is something that's probably gonna take a few weeks / months still ― we'll see.

even though i could probably go on for a while and tell you about everything that's going on in my mind regarding this blog and its future, that's gonna be all for today. because honestly ― none of it is ever set in stone and while i do have some exciting things i wanna do here, real life can always get in the way so i feel back if i make too many promises i then have to delay. but i'm gonna try my best because i care about all of you people, the rpc as a whole, this stupid little hellsite i could curse multiple times a day, and although it's not much i do wanna contribute a little something to make this a nicer place for everyone.

so yeah, take care everyone, don't forget to drink enough water and get enough sleep, and i'll talk to you again soon. 🧡

[sariaminoras]

Dragons Chapter 5 and the Slug Race

Hey, anyone who's still out there! First and foremost, apologies for the delay (it's hardly a delay, when I've been consistently uploading at embarrassingly year-long intervals, Jesus). Also, thank you, for still being here, and for being so patient and for still having faith!

Secondly, the link to the chapter.

Now... a bit of a rant/vent/explanation as to why it always takes so long for me to update this story. Under the "read more/keep reading".

Okay, so... I'm not gonna lie. A whole year is the time required to release a new, original book, not a new chapter for fanfiction. It's embarrassing, and it's frustrating, and it's extremely counter-productive towards my goal. It's... non-productive, really.

I don't have an "excuse" for that. My reason is many things, but I can boil them down to roughly two aspects.

The first, and the most important is, for many months now, I just didn't want to write. In general, really, but mostly, I didn't want to write for this fandom anymore, and not for this fic anymore. I've been spending a lot of my free time doing nothing productive (arts-wise); when I'm not with friends/family, or working/studying, I'm watching a TV series, YouTubing, or playing games. Sure, it's good to lay back and not do anything mentally taxing every now and again, but this has been setting me back on the personal goal of improving my writing (and the bonus side-quest of learning to draw).

I'm not sure why this is happening. I think I'm just a little tired. IRL stuff became bigger and more complex, requiring more of my time and disposition, and maybe I'm feeling like I don't want to do anything important whenever I get a break.

I really want to change that. I've been trying to follow a fixed schedule, that will break my free time up into "leisure" and "art/writing", but I'm having trouble following it through. I "binge" activities, rather than do a little bit of everything everyday, and I know that's something that I'll need to change in my behavior if I want to accomplish everything I set out to do. What's making that difficult is that I've been prioritizing some stuff, whilst others I'm not so inclined to do.

Which brings me to the second part of my "excuse". This story, Dragons. TL;DR, it's not bringing me any joy anymore, but I'm going to go into more detail on that.

My original plan for Dragons was to make it a domestic, pregnancy-romance story, focused on the condition and its symptoms, the shenanigans surrounding the novelty of a human-vampire hybrid "breeding", and the relationships between the characters, especially Alucard and Integra's, and how they developed as the pregnancy progressed.

I thought it would be easy. I thought it would be fun, and light-hearted, and simple to accomplish. I was wrong.

I don't know why, but I was wrong. I don't know what happened, exactly, that caused the story to drift away into... this. Into this monstruous, mentally-taxing narrative I am NOT prepared to write, and that I don't think I should be tackling right now. Not with the writing and reading experience I have at the moment.

It's so much bigger and more complex that I thought it would be. I'm aware I'm to blame for not having planned everything in its minute details, so stuff constantly changed as I got new ideas I wanted incorporated. Originally, I planned for Dragons to be roughly 3 to 4 chapters long, but now I'm looking at... what, 8, 10, and I'm pulling my hair out.

Whilst I did have character interactions in my mind, I did NOT intend for it to have any drama, especially not the kind of drama that it's driving towards. It was supposed to be shallow, something small and fun, but, instead, I'm feeling compelled to write these really long, drawn-out dramatic scenes, and all these """"""cHArAcTEr mOmENts"""""" that had absolutely no business in the original draft, and that I feel really insecure doing because I don't really know how to write that.

This chapter, chapter 5, didn't even include everything that I planned on delivering, and maybe that's my fault too, for not really knowing how to pace and structure a story. It's infuriating that it's been a whole year and I update with... so little and non-rewarding... a chapter that it's, like, mid-conflict, and not properly going anywhere, kinda. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, and I feel like I'm disappointing not only the brave souls who are still around (bless you), but also myself.

Maybe this also plays some part on my lack of interest, but I'm just not super into Hellsing as I was, when I first started posting Dragons. It sucks, but it's life. I don't really like working like that, not completely into the thing, feeling like it's an obligation and not a hobby I fully enjoy, but there's not much I can do about that; I refuse to abandon ship, and I can't force myself to become "obsessed" with Hellsing again (or, can I? I don't know).

There's also the language barrier, which takes some of my time, and the fact that I want to write more... "poetically"? My writing feels too sterile and "technical", I think, and I want it to sound more like a melody and less like a speech, and I know that I'll only get there if I read and write MORE, but it's still an added layer of consumption of my time and mental effort. Writing narrative, for me, is a struggle, but, when I complain about it, like I'm doing now, I also feel like I'm bitching for no reason, and putting effort into it is the bare minimum I should be doing. Still, it would be nice if it were a little less difficult, aha.

I'm not going to do like last time and "promise I'll (try) to do better". What I CAN assure anyone, though, is that I will absolutely finish this story (I hate engaging with someone else's work, and then having the creator just drop it, but this is merely a personal feeling and I'm not trying to pass judgement on anyone, people have their reasons), and that I will, eventually, when the story allows, incorporate the silly, pregnancy shenanigans that I originally wanted. As soon as the characters calm the F down.

Whilst Dragons took this crazy turn, I, at the very least, got most of it roughly planned and bullet-pointed. I have a direction, even though I can't be sure the path won't curve and spin to get to the end. Whatever, it's there for me to write; I just need to actually sit down and do it.

So... here we are, at the end of this vent. I have no idea when the next chapter will be uploaded. Sorry for the zero guarantees, sorry for always taking so long, and THANK YOU, for anyone, who's still, somehow, around, and following this story. You are the real heroes. T__T

[idleglowingpixels]

HEY HELLO HI, I HATH RETURNETETH \(OoO)/ AND WITH AN UPDATE! (probably not one you all expect tho)

Unfortunately I have a teensy bit of bad news, but for good reason, let me explain:

TL;DR, the job I had gotten in February around XYY Chapter 1's release didn't really work out. And I only just started a new one this week, so it's been pretty hectic in my personal life lol, not gonna go into detail but sometimes it just be like that! XD

But because of that, I haven't had the chance to really give Chapter 5 a proper overview & edit, which every other currently released chapter has gotten and deserves imo, so Chapter 5's gonna be a bit delayed. :'(

At LATEST it'll be held until June 14th, but I have this Saturday off of work, so I'm gonna make sure I dedicate time to going over it and making sure it's how I want it to be. If you want to know why this particular chapter is gonna take a second, read the next few paragraphs at your own discretion.

Also, if this is your first exposure to my fic from the great beyond that is Tumblr, you can check out the first 4 chapters of XXY here!

(SPOILER ALERT) This chapter introduces some new characters, including two of the updated 2016 reboot villains, who I want to make sure I introduce properly. I have the tag "Updated 2016 reboot villains" or something like that on the fic and I PRAY that wasn't a turn-away for people! Most of them are minor characters, who are one-offs for an arc of chapters, but there's one or two that recur as antagonists.

A lot of older fans reading the fic might not recognize them, think they're OCs, or do know them but not fondly (XD), and I hope the changes I make to them will have readers a bit more hyped about them. In earlier drafts of the story, I wasn't going to use any of the 2016 characters, but it's a teen AU for the Puffs/Ruffs, I try not to make OCs if I don't have to, and all of the other baddies are older in age --I'd imagine some of them got other stuff going on 11 years after the events of the original show HAHAH!

I scrolled through the fan wiki as well as recalled a couple from my attempts at watching the reboot, found some newer baddies I liked conceptually and took a peek at some of their episodes, and found ✨ POTENTIAL ✨ XDDD (Also shout-out to Shadow Streak's videos covering every episode of the reboot, I still have yet to watch every single one, bless him :'D XD)

The newer characters all have general-to-major changes from the reboot, but their main character gimmicks remain intact. They're also completely separate from the way they're written in the reboot, practically different characters haha (Given I'd never write characters the way the reboot did lol, it had its moments but they were few & far between). (END SPOILER ALERT)

It's a pretty long chapter tho, and considering it's in Boom's POV I'm happy I could give him a big chapter length since he's one of the more difficult POVs for me to write (aka not one of the Reds LMAO they're so easy for me to write for dgvvdfvdcsc).

Big apologies for not dropping it tonight or updating sooner! I didn't think the new job would tire me out so much, and I've been doing a ton of unrelated things in the background that have kept me busy as a bee. :')

Like I said, the latest this chapter will release is next Wednesday on the 14th, but may release sooner depending on my time schedule. This will not affect updates for Chapters 6 & 7, which will still be released on the 7ths of July and August respectively.

Thanks for all of your support 🙏 See you soon, stay hydrated, and have a wonderful day or night!

[threewaysdivided]

Genuinely, this. As someone who hit major burnout last year because I also tried to double-book all my free time with chores and "adulting" while also working an under-resourced, overloaded, administratively broken job with an undermining, unsupportive boss (which thankfully is over now, but certainly played its part in contributing to the problem), not making space for rest and media is going to cook your brain.

I get the guilt thing, really, I do. A huge part of why I basically didn't touch my game console at all (or even sit down to watch TV unless a friend made me) was that I felt like I had to be maximally productive every minute of the day. It can get genuinely paralyzing, thinking about all the stuff that would be "a better use of your time" or outstanding chores/ projects. Can't sew because you really should to the ironing first, can't iron because that means setting up the board when the floors need cleaning, can't clean the floors because you need to cook and that's going to make them dirty, can't cook because you really need to water the plants first... this kind of guilt-spiral will push literally everything out, and god forbid you want to do something "unproductively fun" like game or watch TV or write your fic. It's like gas; it will expand to fill any space you let it get into.

Thing is though, decompression is important. Rest is important. Your brain needs the break.

You can't work/housework until you drop, then go to bed with a notebook and try to write fic while falling asleep. I know: I've tried it. Doing this shit completely atrophied my creative side until I ended up not being able to write anything I was happy with and spending more time being compulsively annoyed at terrible sequels to a thing I liked than thinking about my projects or the things I actually enjoyed. Don't be like me, kids!

But that's not really gonna get rid of the guilt. So here's some stuff that helped me:

It's okay if stuff doesn't always get done on time. Some of the chores need to get done eventually, but a lot of stuff can be delayed or broken down into smaller bits. Half-assed is better than no-assed. You can live with stuff not being perfect. Your laundry hamper will not summon the apocalypse. Can't clean the whole house? Fine: just take out the bins, and maybe mop the kitchen floor if it's getting gross. Can't iron? rewash the clothes that don't need it, you can wear them until then. Can't cook? It's okay to order in sometimes, or pickup go-meals from the store or have toast for dinner.

It's okay to let some stuff go for a while. I bought fabric for pants in late 2021 - I didn't sew those pants until late 2022. It's fine. Some things pick their own hour and their own season. It gets done when it gets done.

Fan-stuff is a Hobby. Don't get hung up on "output" or "engagement". This has been a big one for me too. I take ages to update my own long-fic and last year I ended up putting tonnes of pressure on myself to always be drafting, always respond to comments; being compulsively on tumblr hoping people would ask me things and then feeling like I needed to stay up 'til 2am answering them when they did. I was chasing connection because I felt miserable and ended up making that connection another thing to stress over. Not healthy. Fandom is a more collaborative hobby, but it's still a hobby - if writing or posting is stressing you out then put it down like you would any other hobby. You do not need to get a "good grade" in it.

You need to rest and take breaks for your health, so schedule it in. Make it part of whatever list system or chores roster you keep. (Also, if you have a schedule, remember to include the incidental stuff you do that your brain might be tempted to gloss over as "not work". If you're feeling this much pressure then you're probably doing a lot of routine work that you take for granted.) Here's the one I ended up sticking to my wall:

(Notice how I've got reading time actively booked in there, as well as a bunch of things that are tiny but that add up to a fair bit of time and feel good to tick off. I laminated mine so I could actually tick them off with marker and remind myself how much I'd done.)

Seriously, if you're this overbooked, block in your rest and fun time. Block in 30 minutes when you get off work where you can go "okay, I can game now, this is my game time, I don't need to do anything except game for the next 30 minutes", or some time during the week to catch a show or see a movie or read a book.

And look, you're still probably going to feel guilty about it when you first try to make change. If you've been locked into the "if you're not working on something you're wasting time" mindset, it can take a while to unlearn. That's just something you'll need to stick out until your brain gets used to the new paradigm.

You're a human being; basically an ape with higher fine motor skills and enough intelligence to give yourself anxiety. Your body needs sleep. Your brain needs to disengage. These aren't optional: they're biological requirements.

Don't punish yourself for being stressed by denying yourself the things that help you de-stress. It won't help.

And more to the point, you deserve better 💚

i literally cant remember the last time i played a video game and i've been wanting to SO BADLY LATELY but i have so little free time these days that if i don't spend the free time i have working on my fic i feel guilty bc it's still on hiatus after two months (and i keep receiving comments reminding me abt it.) HOW do u get past the guilt

[athemarina]

writeblr intro!! finally!!

hello lovely people of the tumblr writing community <3 i'm marina (she/her) and i've had this blog for about a month now but so far Life and all its Obligations prevented me from making a proper intro post - here it finally is now, for everyone who'd like to get to know me and my projects a bit!

me as a person

i'm marina but you can also call me any nick name version of that and also any and all terms of endearment (can you tell i'm a libra). i'm 27, from austria, and speak german and english (pretty well), french (badly) and know how to order bread in korean (essential skill)

my interests include: philosophy, linguistics, horses, music, musicals, the city of paris, and also formula 1. yes i know this is random what can i say

i'm a full-time student and part-time capitalism worker-bee so depending on my schedule i might disappear for a bit, but i intend to always come back here to get inspired and get some work done! which leads me to...

me as a writer

i love coming up with new ideas and projects!! getting started is so much fun!! finishing things on the other hand!! is so hard!! send help!!

my fave genres (to read and to write): fantasy, sci-fi, works and words inspired by folklore and mythology - but really i like anything with compelling characters!

random things i love in writing: vampires (one day i'll write the Great Big Austrian Vampire Novella. alas, not today), characters that haunt the narrative, guilt and grief and healing from both, characters that make all the wrong choices, couples that have fun with each other, cryptic prophecies, sibling relationships, symbolic flowers

PLEASE COME TALK TO ME ABOUT WRITING!! i would really like to become part of a community here, so always feel free to come talk to me about your wips, my wips, the blorbo that lives in your head rent-free, the latest book you've read and loved... whatever you want to share i'd love to hear <3 you can also always tag me in games and challenges, but it might take me a bit to get to it, depending on how much real life hates me atm

my children: works in (never-ending) progress

i'm gonna make proper intro posts for all these projects soon, but to give you some idea of what i get up to, here are some short descriptions! some of these wips have been with me for a couple years, others are more recent, but they all haunt my every waking moment <;3

The Price of Wishing (first draft complete): good old sci-fi dystopian flair; a society that got rid of poverty by creating so called Houses of Service - institutions that will sell out their workers to the highest bidder for anything that people are willing to pay for. but it's not quite as simple as that: politics, organised crime, and a revenge plot years in the making all intersect at Isra's House of Service, and its inhabitants must learn to navigate these worlds - or they'll go down trying.

Forget Me (Not) (first draft about half-way done): wouldn't it be great to purge some of the mistakes we made from memory, not just our own but that of everyone? in a world in which the Chip implanted in everyone's neck records everything seen and experienced, this - collective forgetting - is the price celebrity contestants get to compete for in a reality tv show. each contestant has something they need the world to forget, but who can convince the viewers the most? the central theme of this story is grief, and when to hold on, and when to let go.

Attempts at Life (still in the outline stage): finn day and her brother felix know how their lives will play out: they were born in the lowest class society has to offer, and there they will stay. which is an unusual position for people like them to be in: both their souls were reborn for the fifth (and last) time; for them to have been assigned to this shitty life, they must have done something heinous in their previous one. finn is resigned to accept this punishment for a crime she can't even remember, but that's before the government offers her a position - she finds out things that change her view of society and herself forever, and she'll have to decide which one to save.

Untitled Fantasy (literally only thought of this last week): something something a necromancer brings back the hero of the ancient world to stop Something Bad from happening. only problem is - the hero does not remember ever being a hero. or anything at all, really. the rest of the world remembers, though. i'd love for this story to include some traditional austrian folklore elements! those are fun

so that's it! last but not least: if you've read this far, thank you so much omg you're my personal hero. i'm following a bunch of people already since i've been lurking for a couple weeks, but i'm always looking for new writers to get to know and support so pls interact with this post or shoot me a message and i'll check you out and follow you! and if you have any questions, or answers, or just wanna talk i'm very excited to get to know you all <3

[honeymintki]

.

[hobisstar]

You Are Coming To SmackDown One Way Or Another- Roman Reigns X Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

kaikamahine nani means beautiful in Hawaiian.

a/n: This may be a two part series! This one being the main part then the next part being the smut.

_________________________________________________

Pissed? No that’s not what Roman felt at the moment. He was livid at the moment. His girlfriend Y/N was being drafted to RAW!

Paul tried to negotiate with Adam and Sonya but, they wanted to give Y/N a push on her own! Roman didn’t like that at all.

He felt that they are trying to take his girl away from him just because they think she can do better without him. He is aware of what she can do hell she won the SmackDown and RAW Women’s before they started dating!

He wanted her to be by his side only! Not on raw where he wasn’t at he hated every thought of it

Y/N though, didn’t see this as a problem! She saw it as another brand to go back to and remind people that nothing has changed. I mean nothing was wrong with being drafted to a different brand…right?

“Roman, If you are worried I’ll get hurt or whatever it is I won’t! I’ll be fine On RAW. We will still be together and in the same company.” She said trying to make it better.

“Y/N, we won’t see each-other ever. We will travel with different people, be in different cities, countries, and states without each-other, we will have a different schedule. Everything is wrong with that! I don’t like- no. i don’t trust you on a different brand. I need you everywhere with me. People are gonna think I don’t own you anymore-“

“ Woah now. You don’t own me, we’ve been over this before. We are dating IN A RELATIONSHIP You aren’t a pet owner and I’m not a pet. There is nothing wrong with being in a different brand. You don’t trust me? No you just don’t like the fact that I can do more without you by my side all the time! You think I’ll make a mockery of your little Bloodline huh?”

Roman sighed and sat down. “ Its not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust the idiots around you! They will make you slack off at your task. You won’t focus-“

Y/N cut him off again and he sighed with irritation. “Roman just cut the crap, you don’t think I can do anything without you. You trust me because you don’t believe in me just say it Roman gosh stop betting around the bush!”

He stood up and grabbed his belt. “ You aren’t going to RAW and that’s final. If I had to force them to change Jimmy and Jey back here don’t pretend I can’t do it for you either.”

He said and as if it was on cue Paul walked in and felt the tense air. Paul looked at me then sighed.

“I’m sorry my tribal chief but they said she has to stay on RAW. I tried to beg them my tribal chief but nothing worked.”

He said trying not to get yelled at by Roman again for the 12th time today.

Y/N got up and walked out ignoring Roman and Paul shouting her name.

She was heated she doesn’t understand what’s the problem with being away! It’s not like she was gonna cheat, mock his Bloodline, make him look weak, etc etc. Of course she went to Naomi she just needed to talk.

She saw Naomi next to Jimmy and Jey chatting. She sat next to Naomi and it got silent.

“ Dont tell me you guys heard about him being pissed about me being drafted to RAW as well?” She said and they looked at each other then nodded. She sighed and put her head down.

“ Uce is just looking out for you ,Y/N. I know he may come off as obsessed or possessive but he feels like you aren’t protected and that’s his job. He wants to protect you from any harm and protect you with his love. He feels he can’t do that when you are so far.” Jey said looking at her.

“We all know Roman would never take any opportunity from you, EVER. He feels like this is just you being stolen from him. After all you both been through he just wants you to himself not on a different roaster. He means well sis” Naomi said patting her back.

“ Big Uce wants the best for you even if it’s like this..” Jimmy chipped in.

Y/N nodded and looked at them, understanding them.

“ It’s just that he’s gonna have to accept this. They aren’t changing this I won’t allow him to take this away from me.” She stood up and went to her lockerroom- well Their lockerroom.

She walked in and was expecting to see both Paul and Roman but, instead she saw her new ring gear which was red.

As she picked it up she saw a note fall out of it. “I’m sorry Babygirl for my actions. I just really don’t want you to leave. I love, adore and need you by side. I need you to function and if you aren’t there I feel so lost. Please forgive me, Love Tribal Chief” She read out loud.

Y/N scoffed and put it down. She looked at her gear and saw a little flower, looking closely and saw it was a Lotus Flower, her favourite flower. Slowly she heard the door open and turned around seeing Roman.

He stood there holding a big bouquet of them. “ These are for you, Kaikamahine Nani~” He sighed and put them on the table.

“I know earlier what I said was just not needed.. but I was scared I was going to loose you and I couldn’t stand the feeling of it. It sucked really it did..” Roman looked down then at her.

“ Roman I understand but that doesn’t give you the right to make it seem like you own me and you are the reason I’m here. I love you and you know I will always love you. Nothing can take me from you and I know you are aware of that but just please Roman please, remember that.” Y/N walked to Roman and smiled pulling him to a hug. “I accept your apology. I’ve got 2 more weeks with you until we officially switch now let’s make the most of it.” She looks up and sees him smirking.

“ I think I know a couple of ways to make the most of it each and everyday~” He said picking her up and carrying her to the shower.

Oh boy.

——————————————————————————

immmmm back with another Little action! This will be a two part series so, the next part will be the smut. I wanted to do something different.

Also slight warning, I know that I will always get hate and good interaction on my stories but, the negative kinda knocks at me brain. You see I don’t do grammar checks as much and neither is my grammar great to began with. I never asked for the negative so please do not, I repeat do not send me something especially when you hide under anonymous and don’t have the balls to actually go to me to say the shit on your actual profile.

TAG LIST: @omg-im-such-a-masochist @broken-lunatic @brodieleesclothesline @writinglionqueen @kouturez @itjazzbicch @jazzy-tzw

[kinki-cami]

This post is supposed to be buried deep why tf are people finding it??????

To be fair reblogging it isnt helping but still

Also i know what hdg is supposed to represent: kink, disability, yadda yadda (not trying to be rude just saying etc in the manner of how im trying verbally sound while saying this) and yknow im disabled too not to an extreme but yknow t1d (fuckin sucks ass) then adhd autism which also fuckin sucks but the worst part is infatilization just like "oh you cant do that here lemme do it for you" when yes the fuck i can then they get pissed whn i do it myself, or saying "you know how to do it, everyone does" and then doing it completely wrong and them getting upset. And also with the kink part being "yeah this is cnc thing (with emphasis on the nc)" like yeah i fuckin know but thats not what im tryna get at

Pretty much all the foundation stories (that ive read)/ and a lot of the short stories, especially read on here written by people more knowledgeable about the source are about people who, sometimes drafted sometimes volunteered get florted regardless of if they want it or not and pretty much just, yknow give them some or more of a lobotomy (not that much as they are still usually pretty smart just enough to get a lot of specific thoughts removed) and one of the phrases i hear constantly on hdg tags is "they are inevitable" often (i assume) implying that probably everyone will be domesticated and the thing with that is, assuming that getting drafted to join the terran resistance is inevitable as well, considering that will guarentee you getting domesticated i just like couldnt? Yknow what i mean, its implyed in the extra chapters of the original that a lot of the affini are pretty similar in their goals of any terran in the war will be domesticated, and like im sorry but literally 1 i fuckin couldnt like if it was possible i wouldnt mind being friends with one but every story inevitably ends with the mc being domesticated whether they wanted it or not and pretty much removed of any and all personal choice, which dont get me wrong, with a schedule i could thrive, maybe but i would hate the loss of self expression and 2 fuck i lost my train of thought typing things Fuck. Oh wait. And if they story starts with some independent being pretty good at independance it pretty much comes down to the affini wanting that person as their floret bad enough that they force it upon them which. Like. I wouldnt mind being kidnapped, but only if i was in a place where i hated it and had no escape like usually its with xenodrugs but its also with biorythyms just like "yeahhh if you wanna be an independent but i want you to not be, too fuckin bad you will be my floret" and its just like yeah but i wanna just be able to exist without the harrassment and programming that, whether someone says "ah thats not programming" no if you give someone something to do then make them feel good, you are training that response meaning that pretty much any/everything with xenodrugs that make you happy is just programming and i realize now im just rambling bc i forgot what i was fucking gonna say and am struggling to remember

What im trying to say is if i WERE to live in hdg i would pretty much have to isolate myself so hard that i wouldnt get any interference from either side of the war because one is very much "yeah either way yoy WILL eventually get domesticated" and the other side is just "fuck you" and like i really could just be on my own and if i wasnt harrassed COULD probably just be pretty good on my own for at least a year

But yeah i know this all goes against the whole thing of hdg but like i couldnt fathom having zero control over my life. Which is what i currently have, so if i were to it would pretty much just be worse to my current actual situation where instead of just being isolated, i would be isolated (with only exceptions allowed BY the affini... which literally doesnt change my current situation), drugged to feel good about the situation and then have my personality suppressed which is literally like my creativity is literally my entire personality so having all my decisions made for me would pretty much already kill me so whats the point

Also id like to note that while writing the inital post i was suppressing suicidal thoughts so yknow wasnt thinking straight either anyway going to make this even harder to find and i havent fully researched hdg due to being too depressed to even really get out of my bes the past few days besides like on Saturdays to hopefully go out

Yknow im split again on whether or not i would want the affini to exist

Because honestly, truely, if i could literally just have basically star trek with pretty much infinite ethical food, slay but also if it was just like me and my like 8 neighbors (making 10 total people) i wouldnt mind, like just nature and chilling

Cause lets be honest, if you were sad in any way shape or form, even if its simply "i want to go take a 5 hour walk in a real forest" the affini would probably just be like "oh petal dont be sad" and inject you with (i can never remember the class names but i know what they do so) what is essential dopamine/serotonin, and youre pretty much removed of any individuality which. Suuucks. Especially for someone like myself who pretty much never had an opportunity to fully express myself.

Now dont get me wrong i LOVE identity death BUT i wouldnt wanna be erased, instead id rather just be trapped into a paradise of my own making in my mind. Like. I can look at whats happening to my body, buuutttt for the most part i just get to experience things i wanted to but never had the opportunity to, hell, {in the ben sharpiro talks about banning luigi from ssbu meme voice} lets say, hyypothetically, luigi grabs you- kidding! No lets say this scenario did happen, if the affini in charge of me pretty much told my replacement if any trauma was effecting that paradise to tell them and theyd deal with it, that would be even better bc i think i do have trauma considering every fictional character I've ever made that i would use another character that represented me to talk to, ""my"" ""friends"" (the fictional characters) always resent ""me"" (the character that represents me) in some way always using an annoyed tone

So yknow if i were to just exist as essentially a repressed thing in the back of my mind but i have my own little world i get to interact with back there while physical me is completely otherwise braindead from the affini, then i wouldnt mind, but yeah as it stands, uhh yeah i dont like 24/7 bdsm relationships, i want there to be a seperation between sexual me and normal me, especially since there already is a massive divide in that form, only really noticeable in private vs public and edged vs finished

And otherwise if i was in the hdg world and didnt have that option, you know the moment i was left alone after being captured by an affini and they didnt say that theyd do that, id be dead on the floor, probably crying as i die bc i wouldnt know a very good way to die, bc presumably humanity would have found a cure to diabetes by then, i mean considering it might happen by 2026 uhh i could also just inject myself with a lethal amount of insulin and go peacefully although probably panicked, otherwise, assuming theres no non oxygen, non carbon dioxide gas on the ship, yeah i would probably die a pretty painful yet pretty fast death, crying the whole way there bc fuck if i have to chose to basically watch myself lose myself, death, or trapped in my own mind but i dont know i am i would take option 3... unless thats unavailable, then i would take option 2

Now would they try to keep me alive? Yeah probably but then again you cant really recover a stab to the heart, neck, and lungs, or a hanging, or insulin with about 20 minutes of wait time so yknow

Idfk why im talking about this im depressed as FUCK right now but I'm also being real about if i was in that situation because... yeahhhhh but yeah uhh this is definitely a combo of saying "hey heres my solution!" And "fuck i have horrible thoughts i dont want in my head right now i dont know how to get them out without fucking doing something l Iike fucking finding sone way to cut myself, drink alcohol, or literally have enough fucking energy to get up, which i dont have that energy right now sooo yeah uhh fucking no ones going to read this haha its WAYYYYY too late so like 95% of people who follow me arent online and like , lets be real who the fuck is going to like a post about "oh if i was given the chance to remove all ambitions i had in life to just live in pleasure or do that but its all fake OR kill myself, i would kill myself" like. Thats fucked up. And also now that i think about it its like that comic about the time traveler who goes to the future and is given a choice to continue on her journey or experience eternal pleasure as you hallucinate the things you love and are constantly injected with dopamine and she never leaves and it shows basically everyone doing the same thing sooo uhhh yeah good luck finding THIS post sherlock, i doubt even BATMAN could find this post

[nobodysdaydreams]

Mysterious Benedict Society Liveblog Season 2 Episode 1 A Perilous Journey

Well boys and girls. Here I am again procrastinating (or taking a well deserved break- I suppose it's a matter of interpretation) to hopefully watch a clinically insane man try to hit some children with a golf cart. Yes, I know 2 episodes came out today, but with my schedule being what it is, we're gonna have to do these one at a time and skip the recaps. Alrighty let's go!

4:00- so far so good. Loving the kids in their new homes. Where is my girl Constance though?

5:00- Why the heck does he have a big banner of himself on the side of the building? What happened to being in disgrace and in exile? Now the man is appearing on the news. I thought the point was that they stopped the whisper from making people think he fixed the emergency, now he takes credit anyway? How? Why? What? At this point he's just messing with them.

5:40- oh my gosh he's throwing our girl under the bus, RIP Garrison I hope you come back but this might be it for you. Does this mean Curtain stole her invention and just yeeted her off the boat when SQ's back was turned? We're not even 10 minutes in and I have so many questions.

6:30- Um... what... Is he hypnotizing people with his mind? Does he have psychic powers now? YES BEAT HIM UP CONSTANCE!!! ah dang it. She'll get him eventually.

8:00- Curtain is on the loose, I'd be hung up on the injustice too. Not that scavenger hunting and woodworking doesn't have its place but there is like. A dangerous man at large. He's not exactly hiding. What's stopping you?

9:00- "Are you even invited to speak?" "I'm an esteemed scientist." "It's not an open mic" sljfkdsjfdf- If that isn't me at every academic conference. "Who is mocking me"- oh no poor benedict. PFFFT "Not even a high level conference" I love #2.

10:15- Uh oh they got them. Um... No sure why considering Curtain seems to have gotten away with it and no one on the team besides Benedict is trying to stop Curtain, and people think he's crazy. Why invest resources into kidnapping them?

10:33- AWE MILLIGAN! Kate, come on. He's trying. it's been years, but that wasn't his fault. YES YOU SHOULD GET YOUR OWN BUCKET MILLIGAN. It would be adorable.

12:00- Oh my gosh are we doing the Sticky abandoning his friends plotline AGAIN. We did this. Come on the show does so much right please don't rewind his character development he deserves more.

13:00- Awe Constance being so happy to see Reynie. And yes thank you- did you really never discuss Constance destroying that machine with her mind? You had a year. I get there were other things to figure out but still.

15:00- Ready or not here comes the plot!

16:00- "all our efforts" = yelling into landline phones in different languages. Seriously I have a draft about this, but they have the tech for brain sweeping and mind control, why is everyone (even Curtain) using land lines? If he wants to be famous and powerful, the man could have just made an iphone.

17:25- "maybe down a well. Maybe into a propeller." Geez, Constance has already accepted this. OR AT LEAST FIND THE WELL, yikes.

19:26- Yes back to Curtain's shenanigans. Oh my gosh I love how he planned little snacks for them, just to flex his meal prep skills. And the fact that he knew they would hit that part of the car and made a compartment to open like that- the level of detail this man has gone into for his silly little schemes is quite impressive.

20:20- could be a benefactor, oh boy he is in denial

21:00- There is no system. Yeah, basically my house.

21:30 (about)- Mail delivery, "Just a random example" oh my gosh are Sticky and Reynie about to have it out? Was sticky not getting his letters? So... they're actually ok then and there is no conflict here?

22:30- "not dad roommate". Oh the parallels between Constance and Curtain's lack of vulnerability are coming and I love them. If they give him psychic powers too, it's all really gonna come together. Oh no Milligan, poor guy he's trying so hard. Perhaps he could bond with Kate by providing the backstory of what happened to his wife/Kate's mom (when he remembers it).

26:00- Mr. Benedict would never ask us to desecrate a book- well he literally just did that to put a book inside a book unless he used a fake book.

28:30- Oh hello creepy women staring at the children in a car with no expression. You're unsettling.

29:00- Rhonda and Milligan and Ms. Perumal really should have known better than to leave them alone like that.

29:50- "who knows what danger they could be in" good point Reynie. At this very moment, Curtain might be force feeding them another round of snacks to try to impress his brother with his superior culinary skills.

30:40- Alright! sneaking on the ship. Love the call back to when Constance did that last time.

31:00 - I'm sorry what. What. Why. What. I just want the camera to zoom out and show a employee like "oh my boss is being weird again"... AH YES THERE HE IS!

32:00- At least they gave us a nice breakfast. I KNEW IT. This man may hate you, but he hates you not knowing how good he is at meal prep more, so you know you're gonna eat good. Ah there he is happy as a clam driving his little cart. Yes #2 kill him. Okay Curtain sounds a bit out of it. Is he feeling the effects of Garrison's invention too? He seems less uptight but more unhinged since we last saw him. Which I love.

33:20- this isn't like Reynie. It's just like Kate. Yep, they know their kids. Now go get them!

And that's episode 1 of season 2. I'll post episode 2 later when I get the chance but overall a great start. Still need to know where Martina is. Still need to know where SQ is. STILL NEED JUSTICE FOR MY GIRL GARRISON UNLESS SHE'S BEEN PULLING THE STRINGS THE WHOLE TIME. And also seriously, can we have Benedict met SQ already? Alright, that's it for now.

[quickspinner]

WIP Report 5/30/22

It’s been a while since I did an update on what I’m working on so even though this makes me cringe a little because it’s not super great news, here we go. 😂

Overall, the news is not so great, everything is moving slow. I haven’t been doing WIP Wednesdays and SSS as much because if I do you guys will literally be reading the chapters as their written, only choppy and out of order. I’m just not making enough big chunks of progress to have something to share every week. I’m still recovering from the issue I had in January (long story short, I had a pulmonary embolism that damaged my lungs, and while I should fully recover, it takes time to regenerate lungs and rebuild stamina, so even now months later I get tired out really easily, and the string of colds the kids have brought home haven’t really helped). Add to that summer vacation for the children and my daughter’s ongoing GI issues and all its related doctor’s appointments, I’m just short on time and both physical and emotional energy. I know, I don’t actually have to tell you all this and no one can get mad at me for real life coming first, but I like to keep you guys posted, especially when things slow down as drastically as they have of late.

Anyway, as summertime is beginning it means another set of schedule adjustments for my family, and it remains to be seen whether that will mean more time, less, or about the same. 

Indelible - This is still my first priority, and I feel like the end is in sight! At the same time, it’s grown hugely from my original concept so I could very well be wrong about that. I honestly thought it was mostly done when I started posting it but my original draft is probably only a quarter of what ended up being the final story. I hope that, after the chapter I’m currently working on, the next few bits will skip along a bit faster, but I have to look at what’s already written and see what adjustments need to be made based on how the story’s changed so far. But, we’re deep into this thing now and I’m gonna see it through one way or another.

Guard My Heart will be next up on the list because I seriously owe Mal big time for taking so long on it; I should know by now I can’t handle more than one big ongoing story at a time, so I should’ve waited to start Indelible until this one is finished (but again, I thought it was mostly done at the time, I didn’t realize I’d still be posting a year later 😅). I do have a pretty good chunk of the next chapter written, and the one after that, so I hope once I buckle down on it I can make it happen.

The Magic of You is also hanging out there taunting me, but I’m kind of letting it sit for now because I feel like I stopped it at a good place at the time, so I’m not as worried about it. I could have ended the story there and been fine, so the only reason it’s continuing is I still have ideas for it. I don’t mind if it sits for a bit.

Live With It part 2 can’t seem to make up its mind what it wants to be, and it should be so simple to finish, so I expect that one day I will get a random weekend burst of inspiration/motivation to finish it off, and who knows when it will happen. I expect to spend a lot of time in the car this summer so there should be plenty of thinky time.

Beautiful Dreams...sigh. Someday. I don’t know how it always ends up on the bottom of the list because I really love this story and want to finish it, and whenever I go read some of what I have for it I’m like *augh I love this I need to work on it some more* but we’ll get there eventually. This is the one story I would be truly heartbroken not to finish. 

So those are the major things I’m working on right now, and I usually don’t let myself get this far in the weeds on published works so I’ve really cut down on my one shots, prompt fics, sprint fics, and everything else in an attempt to dig myself out of this whole. I’m trying to ease up on that a bit; I think it’ll do me and my readers both good to break up these long efforts with some light hearted quick things. But, that’s where things stand for the moment. If you’re curious about a particular work that I didn’t mention here go ahead and drop me an ask!