#im just sad cause writing is so fucking hard but lmao what else is new or whatever

[the-kipsabian]

tbh ever since i saw a someone say that its awful to read when writers clearly arent comfortable writing smut and it show, ive been so self conscious about even trying to make anything spicier anymore

[justaboymadeofhoneyandglass]

OKAY SO IM GOING WITH BULLET POINTS BC LISTS>>>>

Having textures that made me scratch myself to get rid of the feeling— like past Raine, GIRLIE, it's not normal 😭😭 I mean she new that but she thought they were just WEIRD 😭 and the textures of food that made me gag and wanna puke, like .... YES TEXTURE IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN TASTE IN FOOD

Not being able to read social cues— I thought I was just dumb low-key 💀 like it happened but I didn't comprehend that it happened until now yk? like it would happen and I would have no clue what was wrong and not have any clue what happened

SPECIAL INTERESTS— OMG I had no clue, bc like what happened is that FOR YEARS, these were basically my only hobbies/likes(reading, writing, anime and webtoons, vampires, and sloths) AND ITS NEVER FUCKING CHANGED and I didn't realize that until my friend pointed out that I didn't like anything else and I was like :0

Having strict routines/places for stuff— this was a hard one to figure out cause it was mixed with the adhd, which made it hard to keep a routine and things in one place, but the main ones that survived were my bed routine(my blankets have to be in a specific order and I have to have the same stuffed animal, and etc

Stimming— once again I just thought I was weird, like people have told me to stop moving sm, or to stop walking like that(aka while moving/flailing my hands and arms) saying I look slow 💀

and vocal stimming too— fun fact, one of my stims is every time my doorbell rings, I say "ding dong" right after I hear it LOL, I also make lots of clicks with my tongue and stuff

empathy(like low empathy)— I had a HARD time with empathy as a child, like not super super hard, but it was hard for me to feel bad for others, like sad movies didn't phase me in the slightest(like I knew objectively they were sad but they would never make me sad), even when a family member died when I was younger, I didn't cry (still haven't) and like I just didn't understand why(it's sometimes still hard for me now but idk it's gotten better over the years)

and there's probably more I'm not remembering LMAO but yeah I was just always told I was weird for these things but I didn't suspect I was nd 😭

YESSS OMG SO SO MANY OF THESE ARE SO MEEE

[badmccideas]

hello dear followers

its me, mod cyr

this is my fic rec list! join me on this journey of going through my ao3 history and bookmarks

please remember to read the tags on each fic before reading them and not to rely on solely the summary or my comments for warnings!

With stars and moons around us, I will hold you close by awoof_o

WORDS: 4443

With his year of knowledge in space, the biggest thing he has learned was to stay away from aliens and stay on the planet he was staying at, no matter how much he missed his home planet, Earth

But of course, he could never stick with his usual routine. After months of prepare, he was going to do the one thing he told himself not to do.

Or: Tommy is human who got spacenapped by dreamteam(only mentioned once) and then ends up on a ship with sbi

Oror: Author really wanted to write about alien bird Phil and human Tommy fluff

this was what really kickstarted my interest in alien dsmp aus i didnt know what i was getting into but i really loved it so i hope you give it a chance

-

to be a wanderer, wandering by ghostbandaids

WORDS: 8009

When Tommy was hungry, he would crouch in the underbrush and waited for a rabbit to come by, shooting it with an arrow before spitting it over a small campfire.

When he was tired, he would rest against a tree or maybe climb into one for the night.

When he was lonely or scared or sad, he had no solution. Walking through the forest alone was better than being tortured by Dream, better than a pool of lava or a tall tower of dirt blocks, he reasoned. And he was only a temporary forest-man. Still, the quiet grated on his ears. An AU in which Tommy runs away from not only Dream but the entire SMP, finding a new life and peace (and maybe an orphan who needs a home). When he's forced out of hiding seven years later, he's a changed man

this is a classic for the tommy running away genre of dsmp fics, somehow, someway, tommy runs fics lead back to this one

-

but i seek it (nothing changed) by silver-sparks (Madame_Marauder)

WORDS: 1777

Spend enough time with those favored by the gods, and you'll probably stop being quite so human yourself. It's not so bad, except for when the law of the land utterly forbids use of those abilities. Still, it's not that hard to suppress.

Until your freshly resurrected brother shows up on your doorstep to cause problems.

or; in which two shapeshifters play tag.

this is just fluffy crimeboys mess around for almost 2k words, theres a podcast version available too but ive not listened to it

-

the world through your eyes (isn't so bad) by wednesdayevening

WORDS: 3085

"Shut the fuck up," He says. Tubbo giggles and Tommy tries to too, because the situation is a little bit funny, but thoughts of Phil and reminders that Tommy tried so hard to push away - reminders that Tommy was - is - Phil's flesh and blood and bones and genes take flight and soar above his head, teasing. Threatening. Tommy didn’t ever want this. When he meant something special, he didn’t mean a fucking defect. Tommy forces a smile and stares at the grass, at the fragments of grass he can’t quite see. A shard catches the sun’s rays and shines.

Phil’s eyes look back at him.

or, tommy has inherited phil's inability to see glass.

dont let the description fool you, its crack treated seriously, a very nice fic to wind down with

-

I Was Looking for Someone by Raisans_Grapeon

WORDS: (currently) 24233

He was hungry.

He wanted the pulse.

But He needed something else.

He was looking for Someone.

Or: Wilbur is a zombie trying to get home.

im normally not one for zombie fics but this one really does just get my goat, love the way wilbur is just shambling along with the others, be mindful that speech is written very phonetically so you may have to sound out the dialogue at first

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Scary Dog Privilege by ScumbagSimon

WORDS: 4964

Humans have quite the reputation. Sometimes, this works in their favor.

(aka space au. Tommy is Phil's scary dog privelege lmao)

this is another big one to get me into alien dsmp aus, there is semi graphic depictions of someones head being crushed via floor but otherwise a great read! by far one of my favorites

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Part of a Coven by Impala_Cherry_Trickster

WORDS: 13533

When a rogue vampire is discovered in their territory, Phil has to decide what to do with the young fledgling.

Aka Phil, Techno and Wilbur adopt a rogue vampire Tommy into their Coven.

this is one of my favorite vampire au fics out there which says something because thats one of my favorite dsmp fic genres, i just love the series and the authors incredible at churning out works

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Braided Realities by I_Have_An_Alibi, ScorpioNoesIt

WORDS: (currently) 147041

Tommy was just trying to get away from the vanguard of murder robots. He did not mean to fall from the sky and break most of his equipment (including his bones). And now he's been kidnapped/adopted by a beanpole, a wingman, and a pig. Help.

Phil and Ranboo are just chillin' in Techno's house when a tiny feral version of Tommy falls from the sky. Which shouldn't be possible because, according to Ranboo, Tommy died in prison. He's got weird armor, weirder weapons, he just tried to stab Phil, and- oh, okay, he blasted a hole in the wall. Lovely.

None of these people know what they're doing, and the child just brings more angst, fluff, and shenanigans than anyone thinks is possible while also kickstarting a mass emotional healing arc that no one knew they needed.

OR Dystopian resistance sci-fi Tommy falls through a portal and gets adopted by the Syndicate. (And yes it's adoption, because Phil.)

this is one of my favorite goddamn fics, i just love the worldbuilding and how everything is written, this fic kept me up until 4 am just to read it

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I write my life in a dirty cheap Notebook by Idespisemilk

WORDS: 61029

"I gotta- I lost my dad!" He whines as he struggles to get out of the soldier's grip. He has to get in the same car as them, he has to be with them!

The soldier only grunts, sitting him down beside a lady who hadn't stopped crying since she was boarded on and quickly puts his seatbelt on.

"You'll see them again kid, I swear on it. But we have to get everyone loaded up before it's too late ok?" The soldier tells him, and all Tommy can do is whine while nodding. He just wants his family.

Or Tommy is a ten year old lost in the apocalypse trying to find his family and ends up writing his days in a notebook he found in a store

this fic had me on the edge of my seat i loved reading this

-

last fic since this post is long enough

A Stepfather's Tale by orphan_account

WORDS: 21207

'Lonely Lily and the Marquis' A popular book about two young lovers, a Marquis and a Baron's daughter falling in love. Phil had read it after one of his co-workers told him about how a character was 'Literally him.'

Turns out the character is the evil stepfather of the male lead. Nice.

Or, Phil wakes up in the body of Philza Minecraft, the evil stepfather of the hero Theseus who gets brutally murdered for his crimes. Now he has to change the story and stay alive while also trying to keep his step children from dying in a universe that wants them dead, if only Theseus didn't hate him so much.

A fic inspired by A Stepmother's Märchen and How To Get My Husband On My Side.

sadly has been orphaned but its completed and by far a favorite of mine as well, i love going back and reading the last 3-ish chapters, lovely read, lovely characterizations and worldbuilding, good dad phil which is always a PLUS in my books

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part 7 - zuko x fem!reader

I think my ways are wearing me down

part 6 | masterlist | part 8

a/n: as said very astutely in my outline, "y/n just keeps taking L's"

i actually had to take breaks while writing the final scene and watching the episode LMAo i forgot how fucking sad this scene was!!

warning(s): you know what happens in this chapter. its siege of the north part 2. its so much more angst like SO MUCH ANGST. im so sorry i got so sad while writing this

wc: 4.0k

chapter title comes from brand new city by mitski!

Y/N adjusted her hold on the basket of clothes as she knocked on the door with her free hand, pushing it open after waiting a few moments.

“Prince Zuko?” she called in a whisper. They had gotten past the point of formalities, but it was a precaution she opted to take when they met like this. She spotted him sitting on his bed and he gave her a thumbs up, a sign she took to mean they were in the clear. Y/N closed the door behind her and bounded over, then set the basket on his bed.

“Alright. I brought you the book that you wanted to borrow.” She unearthed the novel from the pile of clothes with caution, taking care to not ruin the hard work that went into folding all of them. “I had to hide it so I could get in here — no one thinks anything of a servant bringing clothes around, but books are a little more suspicious. But here you go! My very own edition of ‘Keiko and the Koalaotter’.”

“Thank you!” The prince grinned as he took the book and examined the cover. “I’ve always been curious about Water Tribe culture, even more after you started teaching me about it. They don’t really tell us about it in our classes.”

“It’s not really accurate to actual Water Tribe stuff, but it is cute,” she laughed. “I remember begging my parents for a koalaotter for weeks after I finished it. They told me that there was no way to get one all the way in the Earth Kingdom, but I never listened to them.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” His eyes lit up as he ran over to the windowsill. “I got you a gift too!”

“Zuko, really? You shouldn’t have.”

“Well, I did. So don’t even think about not accepting it,” he joked. He picked something up from a vase and bounded back over, doing as good a job of hiding the flowers behind his back as his excited grin.

“What is it?” she questioned.

“They’re silver wisterias!” he exclaimed as he presented the bouquet. “They grow in the palace gardens. They’re really pretty, and so are you, and I know how much you love the gardens, so I thought you’d like it.”

She felt her cheeks heat up when she accepted the gift, twirling the stem in her fingers as she inhaled its sweet scent with a smile. “That’s really thoughtful of you, Zuko. Thank you.”

“Of course! You could wear one in your hair, pin one onto your uniform, put them in your room, whatever you want.”

As she carefully ran her fingers over the petals, she couldn’t stop the nagging question at the back of her mind from escaping.

“Why are you so nice to me?” she blurted out, causing Zuko’s brows to furrow in confusion.

“Because you’re my friend. Friends are nice to each other.”

“I know, but why are we friends?” she pushed. “You know that you could get in trouble for talking to me like this, but you still do it. Why?”

He pondered the question for a moment before he answered. “Well.. you don’t treat me like everyone else. I’m the prince, so everyone here has to do what I want and be nice to me. But you’re not like that. When it’s just the two of us, you treat me like anyone else, and I like that — I know that you always mean what you say, so when you’re nice to me I know it’s because you like me, not because you have to be. Why do you do that?” the prince asked as he turned the tables. “You know that you could get in trouble for talking to me like this, but you still do it. Why?”

She punched him playfully on the shoulder and giggled. “Someone’s gotta keep you humble.”

His cheeks flushed a bright red as he rubbed his arm shyly. “I’m really glad we’re friends. Sometimes it feels like you’re my only one in this whole nation.”

“So am I,” she beamed. “Always and forever, right?”

“Right.”

-

Y/N’s eyes snapped open and she gasped, immediately whipping her head around frantically to see if the Avatar was still there, but Katara shook her head.

“He’s gone,” Katara said miserably, confirming her suspicions. “I woke up a few minutes before you and I checked everywhere.”

“Great,” she muttered. She rubbed the back of her head and winced — she had a feeling she would be plagued by headaches for at least the next couple of days.

“So…” Katara began. “You and Zuko both recognized each other. He— he said he thought that you were dead.”

Y/N pursed her lips, wondering how to start that story, when Sokka and Yue burst into the oasis on Appa.

“What happened?” he questioned. “Where’s Zuko?”

“He took Aang,” Katara mourned. “He took him right out from under me.”

“It’s not your fault, Katara,” Y/N insisted. “It really looks like he’s improved since… since last time.”

“‘Last time’?” Sokka asked, prompting a sigh from Y/N. She looked to Yue for help, and the princess nodded supportively.

“We have… history.” She looked at her hands for a moment before continuing. “I’m not from the Northern Water Tribe. My mother is, but I was born in a small village in the Earth Kingdom. I told you that my village was invaded, Katara, but after it, my mother and I were captured for being waterbenders, and they took us to the Fire Nation to work as healers and servants in the palace.”

“I became friends with Zuko there. He was nothing like you saw today, or like anything you know from the past. He was kind, and caring, and passionate, and he made my dismal life a little bit brighter. And… we ended up falling for each other.”

“We went too far, the Fire Lord found out, and— well, he was going to kill me. My mother managed to get me out, but she stayed behind, and I haven’t seen her since that night. I haven’t seen Zuko since that night. I always held hope that I would find my way back and see them both again, but now that Zuko is like… like that?” She bit down on her lip and shook her head.

“Now I don’t know what to think. He’s completely different than anything I knew, than the boy that I fell in love with. And I can’t help but think about what happened to my mother if that is what happened to Zuko.” And I can’t help but think that it’s my fault for not being there for him.

A collective silence hung in the air for just a moment before Sokka broke it. “You had a thing with Zuko?”

Y/N let out a surprised laugh as Katara hit him on the shoulder. “Sokka, now is not the time!”

“No,” she chuckled. “No, it’s alright. It’s a lot, I know. It’s just… impossible. That the Zuko I knew turned into someone like this. I mean, you saw, Katara— he didn’t even hesitate to try and hurt me.”

Katara pulled her into a warm embrace before separating and looking her in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N, for all that you’ve been through. And I know that fighting against Zuko hurts, so if you can’t come after Aang with us then I completely understand—”

“No,” she said once more, something hardening in her eyes. “I’ll help you find Aang, it’s the least I can do. Besides, I… I have to see him again. I have to see him again to know that this is actually real, that— that this is actually who he is now.”

Katara nodded solemnly; Sokka had already started walking back to Appa with Yue. “Well, Zuko couldn’t have gotten far. We’ll find him — Aang’s gonna be fine.”

Katara looked back hopefully at Y/N and she met her eyes with a smile, though slightly strained, as she jogged to catch up with them. But as she climbed onto Appa with her fellow waterbender, the anger in his eyes was all she could see.

The boy she fought might’ve been the Fire Prince, but it was not her Zuko.

-

Cold.

That was all Zuko seemed to know as he trekked through the frozen tundra, the blizzard around him threatening to end him at any moment. No more had he despised the Water Tribes than he did in this moment, but the weight of the Avatar on his back and the promise of his honor was enough to push him onwards.

The only thing on his mind that he couldn’t shake was her.

Zuko thought she was dead, honestly and truly. Few were lucky enough to escape his father’s wrath once it was incurred upon them — Zuko himself wasn’t even an exception — and though he wanted nothing more than for her to be one of the few, he knew that she was dead. There was no other explanation.

For years, the waterbender had been a staple in his mind — a memory of a childhood love, of a better time. He thought about her when he fought against his soldiers on slow evenings on the ship, her words of encouragement and joking retorts echoing through his ears as he went through every form. He thought about her when he talked to his uncle, his attitude often mirroring hers. The morning of the Agni Kai, he almost turned to her for reassurance before remembering.

Spirits, Zuko thought about her every time he looked at the water. And even all these years after her disappearance, he was still plagued by nightmares of her fate.

He had resigned himself to mourning her. Zuko truly thought she was dead.

But there she was, in the flesh, with the Avatar and his friends. Breathing. Alive. His enemy.

How the fuck was he supposed to deal with that?

She was even more beautiful than he remembered, but it was obvious the years since her escape had weathered her. He noticed a certain emptiness in her eyes, the brightness from their childhood a distant memory. It was obvious she had grown — she carried a certain elegance that he didn’t remember, and her skill in waterbending had improved so much since the days of their sparring sessions.

It felt like he had betrayed her. The expression she wore after his first blast was like a physical weight, the guilt of broken promises heavy over his head when he struck the final blow. So familiar to their friendly fights, yet such a far cry.

But they weren’t kids anymore. She had changed, and so had he.

It had been years. Any feelings he still harbored for her didn’t matter anymore.

Zuko had a mission, and he was going to complete it no matter what.

-

The tundra was treacherous, the blizzard making it difficult to see anything at all. Y/N had taken to holding Yue’s hand, something the princess had offered when she had seen how restless her friend was, as well as gnawing on the bottom of her lip. She feared for both Zuko and Aang, and she could only hope that they would be able to find them before something happened to either of them.

“Don’t worry,” the princess reassured. “Prince Zuko can’t be getting too far in this weather.”

“I’m not worried they’ll get away in the blizzard,” Katara murmured. “I’m worried that they won’t.”

“They’re not gonna die in this blizzard,” Sokka said as he gripped the reins tighter. “If we know anything, it’s that Zuko never gives up.”

Y/N chuckled softly and nodded. “You’ve got that right.”

Yue gave her hand a squeeze and a small smile, a sentiment that Y/N returned as Sokka continued. “They’ll survive, and we’ll find them.”

It took a few more minutes of riding and searching, but eventually a bright blue light streaked through the air. Katara gasped and pointed up. “Look!” she exclaimed. “That’s gotta be Aang! Yip yip!”

Appa groaned once more and Sokka turned to follow the light — it had stopped in a small cove before glowing brilliantly then disappearing — and sure enough, Zuko and Aang were down in the snow.

“Appa!” he cheered as they landed, causing Zuko’s eyes to flick up too. Y/N met his gaze for just a moment before he broke it, throwing Aang to the side and easing into a bending stance as Katara slid off of Appa’s back.

“Here for a rematch?” Zuko challenged, the undeserved confidence he spoke with a glimpse of the past.

“Trust me, Zuko,” Katara countered as she raised her hands, “It’s not going to be much of a match.”

She blocked his fire blast then sent a current of snow at him, launching him up into the air on a frozen column before letting him fall to the ground and knocking him out. Y/N couldn’t help but wince, and as Sokka jumped down to free Aang, she slid down as well.

She ran over the pile of snow and bent it off of Zuko, then knelt down next to him and pulled off her glove. She put two fingers on his neck and confirmed what she already thought, but it was still a relief. He was alive, but he wouldn’t be for much longer if he stayed out here.

“What are you doing?” she heard Sokka yell. Y/N turned to find everyone back on Appa already, staring expectantly at her.

“We can’t leave him!” Y/N protested.

“Sure we can!” he countered. “Now come on, let’s go!”

“No,” she insisted, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead. It was ice cold. “If we leave him, he’ll die!”

“She’s right.” Aang airbended himself off of Appa and helped her pick up Zuko; Aang bringing himself and the prince back onto the bison with his element and Y/N climbing back up with a hand from Katara.

Sokka rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Yeah, this makes a lot of sense. Let’s bring the guy who’s constantly trying to kill us.”

Y/N ignored the remark and met Aang’s eyes, mouthing a silent ‘thank you’. He smiled and nodded, then grabbed the reins and took off.

As they flew through the sky, Y/N glanced down at Zuko. He looked so much more peaceful now than a few moments ago, his features relaxed rather than tense. It was strange seeing him like this after all these years; angry, scarred, changed. Nothing like the reunion she had imagined.

She bent some of the snow falling down into water and molded it over the cuts on his face, the element taking on a slight glow as she started to heal him.

“Oh, Zuko,” she murmured. “What happened in those four years?”

As if her concentration had broken, the water previously under her control lost both its shape and glow as it pooled on his face. She frowned and attempted to bend it off, but none of the usual power she felt at night was flowing through her veins.

It was at that moment that Y/N looked up and noticed her surroundings.

Everything was cloaked in a veil of red, a crimson moon their backdrop as they continued through the air. “My bending isn’t working,” Y/N muttered, earning a curious look from Katara.

And to make matters worse, Yue winced and held her head, Aang doing the same.

“Are you okay?” Sokka questioned as he reached out to comfort her.

“I feel faint,” she muttered, the effort it took not lost on Y/N.

“I feel it too.” Aang pressed his palm against the side of his head and grimaced as his gaze shifted upwards. “The Moon Spirit is in trouble.”

Y/N’s eyes widened immediately as they flicked towards Yue, the princess choosing not to meet them as she began to tell them all the story of her birth and how she owed the Moon Spirit her life. By the time she was done the Water Tribe siblings were staring at her with disbelief, but there was no time for questions as they flew into the Spirit Oasis.

The sight that awaited them shocked Y/N to her core. A Fire Nation admiral — one she recognized from all the years ago, yet unable to place a name — held a bag with one clenched fist, the other posing the unsaid threat.

“Don’t bother,” he spat in response to their fighting stances, the two words overflowing with unearned confidence. But as cocky as he may have been, it worked — he knew that they were rendered helpless when he held the possibility of a dying spirit against them.

“Zhao, don’t.” Aang dropped his staff and held his hands up in surrender, an action Y/N and the others mirrored.

Everything after that happened unbelievably quickly. After General Iroh — a man she knew as both the ruthless general that laid siege to Ba Sing Se for six hundred long days and Zuko’s surprisingly kind uncle — threatened the admiral with his own firebending, Y/N foolishly believed it to be the end once he let the fish back into the pond.

But any hopes of peace were dashed with the slice of firebending the admiral sent at Tui, plunging the world back into shades of grey just as quickly as it had returned.

“NO!”

A bloodcurdling scream rang in the air; Y/N thought whoever produced it must’ve been insane. It took her a moment to realize the strangled sound had come from her, and that Sokka’s grip on her arms was the only thing stopping her from foolishly throwing herself into the raging battle that had started.

Did the admiral not understand what he had just done? To attack any spirit was to inflict the rage of many others, to kill a spirit was to sign not only one's own death warrant, but those around him as well.

To kill the Moon Spirit meant to destroy waterbending as the world knew it. To kill the Moon Spirit meant to disrupt the balance of the world. To kill the Moon Spirit meant to kill Yue.

The admiral should’ve considered himself very lucky that her waterbending was gone. With it, Y/N knew she would’ve done something she would regret.

As soon as the flames of Iroh’s onslaught disappeared, Sokka’s grip loosened on her arms and she all but sprinted over to the pond. A choked sob fell from her lips when she saw the dead fish in the water, palpable horror in the air as the rest of the group joined her.

Not even Aang’s feat of merging with the Ocean Spirit could help — it might’ve saved the tribe from the attack on the Fire Nation, but it could do nothing for the dead spirit. Y/N watched on mournfully as Iroh placed Tui back into the pond, the mortal body of the fish laying there unmoving.

“It’s too late,” Katara lamented. “It’s dead.”

Iroh looked up and met Y/N’s eyes, recognition flashing through them for just a moment before they moved to Yue’s. The blue hues of her irises were even more striking than usual — they were the only sign of color in the world around them.

His own widened with surprise as he gestured at her. “You have been touched by the Moon Spirit. Some of its life is in you.”

Yue seemed to understand what he was saying as she raised her head, her features taking on a mask of stoicism. “Yes, you’re right. It gave me life… maybe I can give it back.”

It was as if lightning had struck Y/N, the way that fear was jolted into her heart. “No!” she cried at the same time as Sokka, a reprise of her earlier plea. “Yue, you can’t!”

“You don’t have to do that!” Sokka reached out for her hand but she wrenched it out of his grasp — nothing they could say was going to change her mind.

“It’s my duty.” The princess stated it so plainly, carving the letters on her headstone herself.

“I won’t let you!” Sokka insisted. “Your father told me to protect you.”

“Yue, your duty isn’t to die for your tribe!” Y/N cried. She couldn’t think, spirits she could barely breathe. She couldn’t go through this again. She couldn’t go through this again. “Please, there has to be another way!”

She smiled sadly at Y/N and shook her head. “This was what I was born to do.” The princess glanced at the pond then took a step forward, wrapping Y/N in the tightest hug she could muster. She pressed her lips against Y/N’s cheek in a feather light kiss before she pulled away and continued forward and placed her hands against the koi fish.

The fish began to glow, Yue closed her eyes, she collapsed into Sokka’s arms.

And that was it.

The color returned to the world, but Y/N was frozen in place. She couldn’t do anything to save her friend, the girl that she was pretty sure she loved, as she died in front of her. Her cheek was still burning from where Yue’s lips had touched, and she wanted to bottle that warmth because she knew that was the last time she would ever feel it.

The first tear to fall snapped her out of her paralysis as she fell to her knees next to Sokka, her body cradled in his arms as he mourned for a lost love. Y/N wanted to scream, she wanted to sob, she wanted to do anything to get this anger and sadness out but she could do nothing but stare, eyes wide and shimmering with unshed tears.

Her body slowly faded away, and Y/N could’ve laughed at the irony. Yue gave her life for the spirits and all they could leave them with was the fleeting memory.

The fish in Iroh’s hands began to glow and he placed it back in the water, and almost immediately it returned to its natural rhythm. The oasis took on the glow of the fish and it formed the cruelest joke of them all.

Princess Yue. She was ethereal, both her hair and white dress flowing down her back and a peaceful expression on her face. She was more beautiful than ever, and her voice echoed through the oasis as she spoke.

“I will always be with you, Y/N. Thank you for making me feel alive.” A small smile, much like the one she gave her just moments ago, played on her lips. “I love you.”

Y/N could do nothing but stare, awestruck and heartbroken, as she whispered something to Sokka and kissed him.

And then she was gone.

Her gaze was trained forward, tears spouting and falling down her cheeks, some dim part of her still hoping that it was just a cruel joke by the spirits. She couldn’t go through this again.

How could they do this to her again? How could they introduce a light into her life and make her fall in love, then wrench it away from her grasp? She felt selfish for only caring about herself. She couldn’t go through this again.

Yue was gone.

She couldn’t go through this again.

Another strangled sob fell from her lips and Katara pulled her into a hug. That simple motion seemed to open to the floodgates, and suddenly she was choking on her own tears. Katara’s arms around her were the only tether she had to the world right now, she had to focus on it or else she would lose herself to the grief.

It felt like the minutes were hours with how long it took until Y/N was finally able to walk out of the oasis, but Katara and Sokka stayed by her side the entire time. When they finally stumbled out into the real world, Y/N felt weaker than ever. The constant go go go of the siege had finally caught up to her, and she was so damn tired.

“Always and forever.”

“You’re stuck with me.”

She was losing hope in promises.

-

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

ehfar: @chandies-sideblog @persica27 @anzanity @randomthingssss @escapingthoughtsandsecrets @shanksfav @shephard17895 @ilovespideyyy @carisi-sonny

atla: @marianne1806

[marc-spectorr]

well, last time i wrote here i said i was going to catch up on all the suff i’ve missed and i am still doing that and you want to know why i’m taking so long? cause your girl caught fucking covid in the meantime😫😫😭😭

so yeah the past week or so has been hell for me, i had every possible symptom ever and i spent days just sleeping, nothing else. for real, everything i did hurt in some way, so yeah it was not fun. but i’m better now, thankfully. can’t wait to be fully okay and full of energy again ugh. now that i’m a bit better my catching up will continue and so be prepared to receive asks about stuff you most likely forgot happened lolol.

also in the meantime the exam results came in and it went well, so i'm super happy and extremely grateful to you and the book club for all the good luck wishes and all the love you guys showed me, that really helped me during the exam. i’m glad to hear that work is good (for the most part) and i hope your coworkers aren't driving you too crazy lately. remember, don’t stress or worry too much, don’t overthink stuff cause in the end it will all be alright. i promise you that. also take your time to recover, breathe, drink a lot of water and nurture your body. you deserve all the love in the world, for real💞💞

also aaaAAAAAAA i wish i could see your pets, i bet they are the most wonderful little creatures ever. just as adorable as their owner ;)🤍

i could never imagine my life without my pet either, it would be too empty, dull and sad🥺😭

i am still catching up but welcome to all the new nonnies out there (santi and vermillionsails and anyone else, i’m so so happy to see you joining our book club, loads of love to you guys!🧡)

also i can’t wait to see all the things you published in the meantime (like i see you posted a couple of the celebration drabbles and i am so so excited to read them and the future ones that'll come!!)���

ilysm callieee, i hope you are having a wonderful day and are feeling a bit better. i hope to catch up soon so that i can send in all my crazy thoughts and comments that no one asked for lmao🤭🥵.

it’s good to be back, this blog became my safe spot, my little comfort area so it’s always good to come back and talk a bit💓💓

okay last quick random thing, if you don't mind callie, what is a phobia of yours? and what are your biggest pet peeves?

i want to get to know you a little more and these are the first questions that came to mind lol

okay that's it for now, loads of love my sweet callie, remember i'm always here for you💕💕💕💕

-🧸

ahhjdjdj oh no,,, hope you get well and are fully back to your amazing self soon teddy!! covid is brutal ugh but i’m so glad to hear that you’re feeling better! sending you a ton of good vibes, love, and strength ✨

AYE YAAAYYY!!!! congratulations on acing your exams honey 🥳🎉💕 you worked incredibly hard for them and i’m super happy that everything went well! at least you can finally rest and relax, and not worry about school for now :) hehe yeah work has fortunately been alright,,, it’s just tiring, you know? sometimes i wish i can take off a whole week but im saving my vacation days for a trip im planning later this year 😭 but thank you for the lovely reminder, darling! the stress and overthinking is no good at all and im really working on focusing myself for the sake of my mental health ksksks.

weeeeeee take your time catching up! there’s zero rush at all! i’m still taking it slow with writing but i’m crossing my fingers that tonight i’ll be able to work on the next prompt and post tomorrow. i know these drabbles have been sooo delayed i’m pretty sure others forgot about them lolol but i’m excited to write nonetheless. but feel free to send in as many messages as your heart desires haha!! submit one ask or spam me with fifty, it’ll make me smile either way!

okay now for your questions. hMmm… i wouldn’t necessarily call it a phobia but i am scared of heights :((( there was one time i visited this park that had a bridge and i couldn’t even walk through it without my legs shaking and my hands gripping onto my friend for dear life haha. i’m fine on planes tho which is great bc i love traveling. i guess i just have to be in an enclosed space that makes it look like im really not that high up to be okay with it LOLOL.

for pet peeves, i HATE it when im in the middle of talking and someone cuts me off 😤 like pls let me get my thought out first ksdjsjks. i also don’t appreciate it when people borrow my stuff and not return it to the exact place they found it. i go crazy when im trying to look for something and it’s not there ;-; this one mostly applies at work but i don’t like it when my coworkers assume that i’m not busy with my own responsibilities and dump theirs on me thinking i’ll be able to work on them just like that. rude. 🙂

but how about you teddy? what are your phobias and pet peeves, if any? and if you have any more questions, send them :) im pretty much an open book and would also love to get to know you!

ilysm sweetheart and it’s good to have you back! i hope you’re having a wonderful day/night ❤️

[yarrowleef]

Read Darkness Within all in one sitting last night and then passed out so here are my scattered thoughts i wrote down as i read, (afterthoughts in parenthesis)

Darkness Within Spoilers, obv

UGH GOD THE SECOND HAND EMBARRESMENT FROM SQUIRREL FAKE FLIRTING WITH ASHFUR IT HURTS

Just remembered Sandynose died and got a small boost of happiness (will Hawkwing and Plumwillow ever be allowed to talk again now? I mean probly not b/c they aren’t protags and non-protags don’t rly have friends but I can hope. Sorry, Hawkwhing and Plumwillow’s short-lived friendship in Hawkwings Journey was one of the last times I felt something)

Ghost fleas lol

Mothwing: i’m rude now. (but more importantly, Fuck Tigerheartstar for forcing his son to be around the cat that hurt him so badly, like he HAS to know how upset everyone is regarding Shadowsight and his accidentally helping the imposter, and he’s making him be the sole one to tend to him??? There is NO REASON Puddleshine couldn’t have done it. You think Puddleshine is going to try and murder someone?? )

Oh no don't make this a traveling book, and a ROOTBRISTLE traveling book this is going to be insufferable

BACON AND EGGS

Lightleap Is Good (Hey didn’t Shadowsight have another sister? lets be real we all knew Pouncekit was going to end up as the forgettable 3rd one)

Bristlefrost’s crush continues to feel unnatural to me. It’s like she’s grasping at straws romanticizing the most generic things.....wow....I love how ur just so...bare minimum competent....being polite to the loner we came all this way to ask for help like any somewhat reasonable person would....How admirable...I love the way you just *clenches fist* exhibit some basic traits of loyalty and skill that literally every warrior has (I s2g I’m this close to head canon-ing Bristle as a clueless aromantic who doesn't understand what romance is actually suppose to feel like so she just looks at feelings of low-bar admiration and assumes “oh I guess this is that “romantic attraction” everyone’s always talking about? guess I must be in love???” because both her crushes have felt out of nowhere and like. Idk fake/forced sounding like she’s just telling me that that she’s In Love Now while I continue to not actually feel it at all from her end. I know it’s just that I hate the way Erin’s write female characters in love but this head-canon makes me laugh)

Got scared because I thought they were going to villainize Spotfur for not wanting kits for a minute, but also excited at the concept of maybe exploring a female character that doesn’t want to be a mother, but it turns out she was just pulling a Sparkpelt and actually DID want the kits all along and was only hesitant because she’s sad. Shrug oh well.  (the only female character in warriors that was distinctly upset about pregnancy and motherhood was Lizardstripe and as we all know she was eeeeeevil and abusive and “overly ambitious” because why else would you not come around to being happy about motherhood?? YES I’M STILL SALTY ABOUT YELLOWFANG’S SECRET, BAD BOOK)  Whatever it’s fine so long as Spot doesn’t lose her rebel leader spirit forever and default to “soft mom” personality for the rest of her life, I gotta have hope because I actually like Bristle and Spot’s current relationship. Also I am actually very grateful they never made Bristle resentful at Spot for getting with her crush, as lots of middle grade/YA media has a very bad habit of demonizing female romantic “competition” and its super gross, so I rly do like that Bristlefrost is so protective and caring towards her instead. )

This series is trying to tell me that Rootspring is actually Big but I refuse to accept that. he has dumb scrawny bitch energy and we all know it

Sunrise: “Thunderclan may be better with a new leader” lol go off (i mean........they right tho...It’s unfortunate that the tension in this whole plot is a bit dampened by the fact that i DO in fact want bramble to die v badly. I don’t even have special hatred for him, I’m just bored of him.)

Yes Lionblaze beat the shit out of Ashfur

*HOLY SHIT THAT’S FUCKED!!!! (I wrote this in reference to the ghost summoning scene, this was all I could manage at the time, that scene was WILD and I am VIBING WITH THE HORROR OF IT ALL)

* Brashfur: Oh yeah? Could Ashfur fake THIS? *stands up with slightly better posture* Shadowsight: oh damn you got me there...... (asdfhhfhhgh im sorry that was really funny, how did that prove anything?? ONLY A ~REAL~ WARRIOR COULD STAND UP STRAIGHT WE ALL KNOW ASHFUR IS INCAPABLE OF GOOD POSTURE!)

End of the book: *LAUGHING NERVOUSLY* WHAT THE FUCK??? (I thought he was just gonna kill Squirrelflight right there holy shit can you imagine the RIOTS that would ensue in the wake of all this Squirrel/Bramble discourse I was so scared for a second.  

 But it’s fine, she just....went to super hell instead......Warriors has come so far lmao WHAT IS HAPPENING

Final Notes:

*On Mothwing, I don’t think her behavior struck me as “CHARACTER BUTCHERING” as much as it did for other people? I mean.....Warriors fans will say that literally any time a character does ANYTHING less then perfectly nice I think her actions just seemed that much harsher because we are reading from Shadowsight’s POV, and Shadowsight is taking everything 10x more personally right now (understandably so, but Mothwing isn’t inside his head) she wasn’t trying to hurt him. Also... like... Shadowsight DID get his name too early. It’s not Mothwing’s job to put his feelings above everything else, she’s not even his mentor, Puddleshine on the other hand, as his main mentor, I don’t understand what his deal is ignoring Shadowsight, that’s not how you help an apprentice but I suppose I chalk many of his mistakes up to also not being the most experienced medicine cat (he barely even had his own mentor.) Maybe he’s distant because he feels guilty and actually blames himself for not guiding Shadowsight better?? the two of them haven’t communicated about it yet so idk

 any way I give Mothwing a pass to be a little short tempered right now as a cat who has had her abilities periodically questioned all her life no matter how hard she works or how much experience she has, just because she doesn’t vibe with the spiritual cult side of the clans, I can understand why she’s a bit defensive of being questioned and frustrated watching so much hurt happen Yet Again due to reliance on StarClan visions over common sense, and I for one still stan her for slandering StarClan and refusing to accept Mistystar’s bullshit banishing like everyone else. Sometimes a character is at the end of their rope and can’t manage to be 100% nice 24/7 and that’s maybe not inherently bad writing? idk just my hot take. At a certain point we all gotta reckon with the fact that our perception of most popular supporting characters in heavily colored by fanon and we can’t always get mad at the authors for not adhering to it

*The sisters magic shit is my fav worldbuilding warriors has had in AGES, I love the way it’s described and it actually feels like it adds something to this world. I love this horror imagery with the ghosts, very excited for that. 

*still won’t be thrilled if Ashfur is working alone, because his motive doesn’t make sense right now. I mean the trying to get Squilf thing, sure, whatever, but the “I will make everyone pay for what they did to me”???? cause like?? Who??? they didn’t do anything to him?? Ashfur’s grievance was very specifically JUST Squilf. He has no other cause for revenge, he had no other beef or complaints about the clans to my knowledge? The cat that killed him is dead, and she’s like, the only other one that I could see as having “wronged” him?? I guess he also didn’t like Firestar much according to Graystripe’s Vow (and on account of how willing he was to kill him w/ Hawkfrost) but Firestar is ALSO dead. I don’t understand his angle. Will have to see last 2 books to judge i suppose.

*All in all I am interested to see where this is going!! but also the pacing as I feared is becoming a major issue. It’s better then ending the main conflict on book 3 like Vision of Shadows did, but omg. Hardly anything happened in all these pages. I realized I was over half way through and nothing about the situation had actually CHANGED or advanced at all in all that time. Similar to the past 2 books which I believe could have been combined, this plot felt like it should have been the first half of a book. Discussing whether or not to kill the imposter isn’t much of a standalone plot, it’s just the set up to a plot. Finding the sisters didn’t need to be a whole long thing, the debates about the Imposters fate didn’t need to be repeated 10 times, all those chapters illustrating that “Shadowsight is sad” were also drawn out, repetitive, and interchangeable, we probably only needed 2 or so chapters showing his struggles to get the necessary information across. It felt like a lot of padding, it was really slow and I did a lot of skimming. I am still very interested in the overarching plot and mystery behind the ghosts so that kept me reading but man this “will they won’t they kill him” plot did not justify it’s own whole book. Alas this is a persisting issue that will never be resolved while they continue to force 6 books into 1 series that doesn’t need 6 books. I’m sure the writers are doing the best they can with these unfortunate constraints but still, it’s a wonder this slow padding isn’t more of a detriment to their younger readers that the books are supposed to be marketed to.

[sastrugie]

john entwistle biography review

ok so first: I didnt really like the biography because I thought it would focus on totally different aspects. John was a musical virtuoso and that hardly ever gets mentioned in the book. But we get exact axccounts on how much money he spent on what day and in which pub he bought which champagne. like wow thanks. The other personal stuff is basic who knowledge you can read in any other Who biography. His autobiographical bits were joy and fun! Maybe the only reason to buy the book in my opinion. He writes totally different than the author...

ANYWAYS: here my fav facts from the book that you probably didnt know before

this is the face of a man who -when his father gave him driving lessons for his 21st birthday as a present- decided driving wasnt really his thing and he spent the money on clothes and parties instead. He never had a drivers license ever and also never desired to have one 

the hospital he was born in, was bombarded and destructed one day after his birth

as a child he was really weak and thin and had basically every disease that existed

his family was poor af

his father left the family early and held contact with his son, but soon disappeared with a new family

his stepdad, Gordon, disliked John alot and would ignore him, hated everything John did or said and he let his bad moods out on Johns mother, which caused John to be very silent and observative around the house so that there wouldnt be any trouble

he did everything to please Queenie (his mom) so that there was no fighting, according to Alison

loved drawing and playing but usually alone since he had no friends apart from their dog

he heard a trumpet solo once from a trad jazz band when he was 6 or so and decided he wanted to learn the trumpet

my fav line of the book probably: “despite his own expectations, he passed the exams to go to grammar school” like same

at school he was bullied from the older boys but soon left alone by them because he would fight back with badass comments 

he applied for the school band for the trumpet but the tallest guy in the year was chosen (he was the 2nd tallest)  which made John mad, but he discovered the french horn

soon he found a friend, mickey brown, at last and he gave him the nickname “ent”

he was so terrible in P.E that he was dismissed with other pupils to play somehwere else, they were called “the hockey misfits” and guess who was among them: Pete Townshend.

yeah as you might know they became besties because they loved music and black humour.

he found himself a gf (alison) and Pete & a school gang (like 4 ppl) and his life seemed to finally get where it should.

his worst subjects were geography and german like wow (im a german geography student lmao)

once they played in a pub and johns stepdad was there and was super angry and gave john a list with his fav pubs and told him “these are the places I never want to hear your fucking music playing”.

after walking home pete decided to switch the guitar and john wanted to become a musician more than ever

Roger found him and John kind of convinced him (it took months apparently) to get Pete into the band and then it all started

he judged the beatles because John Lennons harmonica was “out of tune” in love me do, wow ok you nerd

john started smoking with 20 and was the last one to quit his job for the band and he was against drugs at first (bc he had a “civilized” job) but then decided to give a shit, dyed his hair black, bought cigarettes, smoked dope with pete and did speed too

he wanted to step out of himself and feel good about himself and he was always a fashionnerd so he started buying and trading and selling clothes (he once was dismissed from school bc he wore the school uniform incorrectly)

with 18 or so he was still living at home, had a toy soldier collection and a pet budgie

pete and his college friends made fun of john bc he wasnt a student and still lived at home, although john could have gone to college too and he wanted to, but his stepdad again said no and he had no choice.

he was very awkward and introverted but could open up with his music 

he was really into pop art (esp pop art clothes)

was a pseudo mod bc he only liked the fancy clothes and motown music

with the who he found a purpose in his life and finally could be different than ordinary ppl

hated when people touched his hair, he literally hated it

would fuss much about his hair in general

once after a concert they were starving and the room service was alreday home so they had to look on used plates and food wagons and John found a shrimp and said: “who wants to dine with me tonight?” (idk that really made me laugh)

keith moon was john entwistles soulmate and they were the cutest, most iconic and funniest duo ever end of discussion

his amps would soon be called little manhatten bc he had so many bc he wanted to be loud

he actually went to sing at church once when he was like 24 and the band made fun of him then he stopped

in the late 60s he bought a house with alison in a normal neighbourhood and went walking the dogs on sundays and stuff

but he was a party animal and always the last to go

he was really sensitive and cried often according to Alison but only in front of certain people

he would totally step out of his way to please people

when they played at the monterey pop festival they didnt bring their own amps along and john was furious bc he said the american amps are shit and kit was like “no” and john didnt talk to him for the whole festival until their perfomance was over and they had sounded like shit to tell kit “I TOLD YOU SO” thats how extra he was

when he got money he would spend it bc he was so used to being poor that he thought it wouldnt last long and he had to enjoy it NOW

he was always calm and everyone respected him and kit told a story where he entered the room and roger was at keiths throat and and pete was screaming something and john was sitting in the corner cleaning his nails. thats who energy

liked to dance at parties

his fav drink was rémy cognac with 40% and he would drink like 1 bottle alone everyday in his later years...wow dude

he was also gentlemanTM and once paid taxis for girls from london to brighton after a party

once at a wedding the free drinks were out and John just gave the barkeeper his creditcard and said he will pay for all the drinks of the night for everyone (it wasnt his wedding)

Roger once said: “John made smartass comments that deserved a punch in the face” sounds like him yes

he didnt really care about money and always wanted to pay and never told anyone how much things had cost and brought gifts for everyone

soon that ended in a shopping addiction tho and he bought ridiculous things for ridiculous amounts of money

when the who was inactive he sank into depression :(

held the band together during who by numbers & who are you

wrote and played all the quadrophenia horn parts himself

never lost his passion for art and always drawed alot, said Alison

cried when Christopher was born aww

once he saw their manager in an art museum and how he wanted to buy a painting but couldnt afford it, so John bought it secretly and shipped it to said managers home as a gift

We all know John was a huge collector. His most treasured collection was .. wait for it: teapots.

he tried to save Keith from being arrested once and ended up being arrested too lol

wanted to write a scifi concept album but desorted the idea and gave some songs to the who (905) or Pete

was a good cook apparently

When he gave a hug HE was the one who decided when to let go sdfghjk

hated confrontation and would hire other people to tell someone bad news

he spent so much money on dumb shit like wtf

but didnt really care either

probably the master in picking up and seducing girls

he let his stepdad live in the quarwood mansion when he wasnt there but Gordon was still an asshole wtf

the contact to his real dad was really sporadic

when the who ended, it hit him really hard and he didnt know what to do besides partying and buying stuff/hording stuff

was very insecure and selfconscious in the 80s according to Maxene :(

he actually took pete breaking up the who really personal and was sad 24/7

was that kind of guy that said bad stuff about the who but when you said bad stuff he would try to kill you on spot

with cocaine he felt really confident and still like the 60s/70s rockstar he once was but he didnt understand that these times were over and he needed to move on

sometimes went into random pubs with friends and made jam sessions for the guests

he still was generous and loving until he died and tried to play with other bands but it was not the same

he really liked Kenney and hung out with him more than with his wife at some point lmao

was a total giver and people who worked at quarwood would steal money from him but when someone pointed that out he got angry with that person for even suggesting that

was a real softieee (and a huge nerd)

all his friends said that he was shy at first but once you got to know him he would come totally out of himself, was very funny, loved to tell stories, was very very loyal and would try evertyhing to make you laugh aww

all in all a glorious story with a sad ending and he did destroy himself completely, but lets remember that Pete Townshend described old John still as "wonderful, mature and elegant” so lets cling on to that :)

[zrllosyn-art]

As per request by pumpkin, its Adult human mantis!! a super rough sketch but it gets the concept across.

I also went off and did a ton of worldbuilidng so theres that under the cut.

So first of all THE HIGHER BEINGS. I was thinking originally this world was occupied by non-human monsters, who had a fuckton of magic and were the origin of higher beings.

Ex) dia originally looked way more monster and dragon

and then alot of them got into a big ol war, until one of them becomes the victor. THis guy, who i am not sure about their design yet. But theyre humanoid, and also has a masked face.

(based off of old angels quite a bit, and its super obvious so the design is just a concept for now)

After the ‘Victor’ comes out on top as the clear winner of the goddamn war, they basically go “YOU FUCKED UP A PERFECTLY GOOD WORLD IS WHAT YOU DID. LOOK AT IT. ITS A BURNT ROCK NOW”. And more or less manhandles the rest of them into recreating life on the planet. And also makes all the beings on the planet humanoid, as a treat.

(”because i won goddamnit at least let me have this”)

And thats how you get the start of higher beings? Theyre all humanoid and the masks were used to anchor souls into these new bodies, and give them access to magic/mana?

The masks eventually become obsolete, and become a medium for magic as souls and flesh become intermingled and anchored to eachother.

ALSO THE FATE SISTERS. This part is subject to change depending on how the three of us (me, pumpkin, nd KC) change up the fate sisters’ dynamics.

(third one yet to be designed but theres three of them)

Originally the three of them did NOT get along?? They were born around the same time but they were also born into a war environment and just. Were constantly at each other’s throats.

And then the ‘Victor’ comes by and goes, hey u three work together to make ppl for me please thanks. And just. Kinda lumps em together and makes em work. Which, they dislike.

Theyre not allowed to actively fight each other and also have to make a single group of ppl (not one group for each of them) so they just, kinda compete in giving favor to the strongest and just. kinda showing off to each other like my favorite is stronger than ur favorite.

That leads to a pretty combat oriented culture for the mantis-group. Eventually the ‘victor’ drops in to see what they were doing, found the three sisters being a TERRIBLE influence, and just. NOPE IM ASSIGNING YOU THREE TO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

And just, kind of, takes the three of em away. Which leads to myths about the mantis’ higher beings leaving for ‘a better place’ and whatnot. The legend changes as time goes on, like the three sisters merged into one higher being that ‘ascended’ or that there were 4 sisters that ascended (the previous merged version becoming a 4th sister). The most recent version of there being 4 sisters that together created a ‘heaven’ and ascended, leaving behind the thrones and altar that will serve as a road to lead their people to this ‘heaven’.

Myths go all over the place as it gets older.

Meanwhile the 3 sisters get assigned to being the fates, which is basically paperwork hell. They just, sit and record stuff and make sure theres no weird inconsistencies and prevent the start of another wide scale war like before.

Its boring as FUCK but it also makes them all work together and slowly they get along. Theyre old and know each other for too long. They still fight sometimes though. Siblings.

Meanwhile new higher beings appear often. Theyre either made because of heavy belief, or they exist in the first place and gain belief. It goes kinda visa versa. The Pale King is a newer one. The radiance and the void is both pretty fuckin old, theyre from when the war was going on im p sure.

The void is older than all of them i think? and cannot really be communicated with. Maybe caused a ton of chaos and is too strong to be left alone, so had the radiance assigned to them as a seal. It clearly didnt work.

ALSO MANTIS VILLAGE.

was figuring out more cultural stuff and this was touched on by the fate sisters, but was thinking about masks and their cultural importance to them. As seen in the Mantis sketch theres 3 stages of masks?

The first one is the one your parents or guardian makes for you as a child. Its rounded and distinct shape indicates to everyone else that you are a child, and is meant to be protected. Someone else is responsible for your actions, and you cannot fight the kid. This is a babey.

In the first stage mask kids are taught? reading and writing, basic exercise nd stuff. Things to help them develop mentally and physically. Fighting is technically not allowed, but the kids fight amongst themselves anyways.

At the 2nd stage you’re deemed old and maybe mature enough to learn combat. At this stage no one is allowed to actually fight u seriously other than your peers, but sparing and combat is allowed. You make your weapon then, and the 2nd mask is usually self made following a template.

Weapons are made out of chunks of pale ore (found in a specific place). You kind of just, break it off and then chip and sharpen it. Weapons are made by the wielder and changes over time with them. Weapons tend to maintain their original shape, so they tend to maintain a pretty organic shape. Theres alot less ‘forging’ involved in the process.

(mantis has two, and theyre both pretty rough at the edges. Carvings and such are added as you age as you like, usually to signify and important event)

The third mask indicates adulthood. Each person dons their 3rd mask at different times, whenever they personally feel ready. Usually someone else, a mentor figure or some equivalent, tells the wearer when they feel the to-be adult is ready for a 3rd mask, but the choice is ultimately up to the wearer.

The 3rd mask has no template and is completely up to the wearer, and is usually decorated by loved ones. The symbols on the mask are typically pale and hard to see, and usually have some sort of deeper meaning to the wearer and whoever carved it.

Once the 3rd mask is donned, the wearer is considered an adult, and is permitted to wear armor. This means that in all combat (other than mutually agreed upon instances) there will be no holding back. Armor indicates people can come at you with full strength during spars, because the armor will give you the leeway you need to survive. If that makes sense.

IN MANTIS’ CASE.

Mantis probably only dons the 3rd mask when they leave or is close to leaving Hallownest. Their mask was carved by themselves, although there are a few large nicks in it from when they sparred with Cyrill and Ruby. Theyre left on there on purpose.

(Not that cyrill or ruby know that its on purpose, or the significance of it being left there. Theyre both just waiting for mantis to bring it up again, as a way to guilt them both into doing something)

Putting on armor is a pretty ceremonial thing probably, but probably done by Mantis in private. A short small ceremony. Its probably a little sad, cause its supposed to be a big ol ceremony but they have to do it alone. lmao.

Mantis is pretty traditional, despite not really buying into their culture’s religion. They still kind of, like the traditions themselves, and so keeps following them. Out of respect for those that raised them and also just. As traditions, rather than their religious aspects. 

Probs heavily dislikes a lot of the religious aspects of their culture probably.

[corancoranthemagicalman]

Hannibal - Ep1 - Reaction

Okay, so this is starting because of @quartermastercandlestickmaker​ and @todorokisrose​ [yes, y’all both gettin’ tagged in the annoouncement and this one. I need to be clear on who is causing my suffering.]

I’m here in this hole now. This dark pit.

This is not a live-blogging of my watch, but I am writing this live. So, writing live posting later. If that makes sense. I’ll have one post per episode and after I’ll compile them all into a master list.

Spoilers ahead.

What a grand opening my dudes. Thrilling music. He’s got that “he fucked up” face going on. WAIT NO HE’S SHERLOCKING THE SHIT. OH COOL. NO WONDER I SAW SOOME FANART OF THEM BEING BFFS. Oh, I like this. Weird effects flex but I dig it.Ooooooooooo I was not expecting that voice. IS THIS WHERE THE “THIS IS MY DESIGN” SHIT CAME FROM WHAT THE FUCK Have I known this more than I thought.

Also low-key bitch *looks* like a psychopath no wonder what is gonna happen happens. Oh rip Mrs. Marlow ;;~;; that was a hard change bro.

I don’t wanna think about ---

BITCH THIS *IS* WHERE THE THIS IS MY DESIGN SHIT CAME FROM OH M Y G O D

Also Laurence Fishbourne god bless I love him.

It’s difficult for me to be social too, fam. LAURANCE WHY DID YOU FIX HIS GLASSES THAT WAS SO WE IR D???? Also bro same I love you, Will Graham, you funky little sociopath.

“Every girl is a candy bar” mhm okay thanks for that. Will and this sociable thing is really fucking me bro minus the serial killer obsession/profession/vibe.

Laurence Fishbourne is an amazing actor but I’m also digging the dude playing Will (srry names are my weakness so his name is Will.)

Oooooo booi. I recognize Katz from fanart she’s a popular one right. But we’re going upstairs.

I’m so worried about opening the door

Oh

Oh

Oh no

He knew

This bitch been knew

Holy shit

I like the whole thing with eye contact. I’ve seen the gif where it’s mentioned but I like how it’s subtle and not overly emphasized so far. Oh we’re flashing back again. Poor Elise. It’s a super interesting story technique using him as the killer. Also damn bitch “you unstable” you’re such a nosy bitch how were you interrupted when you were asked not to enter

Now everyone is here

Antlers promote healing mhm okay

I wanna hug him but I also don’t want to make him uncomfortable with contact. IS HE STOPPING FOR A DOG OH ,Y HO GOD. I’D DIE FOR THIS MAN. I’D DIE FOR THIS MAN. HE STOPPED FOR A DOG. HEWENT BACK FOR THE DOG OMGH THIS MAN THIS MAN IS,,,,, he adopted a fucking stray dog. This man is lovely. I love this man. This -- HE DOES IT TO MULTIPLE DOOGS OH MY GOD I WANNA MARRY HIM ANDHAVE WINSTON AND EVERYBODY AND OMOG HE’S SUCH A LOVELY STRANGE CREATURE.

Where are we now. In a dream state? OH SHIT WE ARE THAT’S A BODY AND A HEARTBEAT IN MY EAR WHAT THE FUCK ahhhh fun nightmares I love it. Oh shit the towels. Bro. There are quite a few visuals happening.

“USE THE LADIES ROOM” dafsjhg

Stop yelling at him ;;~;;

Woah  this is a lot to unpack in this scene you can see Will like slipping omg. It’ss almost unsettling him not having eye contact but like I know the reason for it and therefore it’s just impressive acting and not like unsettling of the actor to do that if that makes sense? I really am impressed by that level of commitment to not have a “look at the camera” to keep showing how he won’t look at other people.

Ooo this is one of the lady psych talkers which is like on the Graham side while the blonde one is for Hannibal, right even tho Hannibal is a brain doc. ALANA that’s her name and that might be how you spell it. She doesn’t want him out there but Laurence needs  her to be his back  up. (Oh, his name is Jack.) JACK DONT MAKE PROMISES WILL CAN AND WILL GET CLOSE.

WHAT THE FUCK  IS THIS SHOW WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE SHADWS AND THE ANTLERS PIERCING HER OH MY GOD WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS SHOW I THOUGHT THE VISUALS I HAD SEEN IN FAN ART WAS JUST LIKE FANON  IMPOSED OMOG “SOMETHING WRONG WITH  THE MEAT��� O G M OOG HE’S EATING THEM FUCK

Is this

Is this my bitch

MY BITCH MADS OH MY GOD.

I love him. He’s so unconventionally handsome. He looks like he’d kill and eat me but I’d thank him for it, yanno? Oops.

No nonsense MM handing this crying man some tissues I love it. “I hate being this neurotic” omg the mood also Hannibal’s glance to the tissue is fucking amazing??? V Subtle Acting /cries in beauty

Franklyn, the lion isn’t in the room boy (just discovered I might wanna put subtitles on but they’re not working so rip)

Frankie boy got so scared by that comment thanks, Dr. Lector.

Mhm no secretary that’s,,, suspicious,,,, “sad to see her go” mhm okay sure Jan

Oh this bitch does draw oh my god john hopkins internship and all. Laurence is impressed and Mads is “mhm are you gonna try something” sdajkfgh A LAYMAN DAMN aww he’s like “oomg you’re so amazing dr. mr. sir”

OH THEY’RE IN THE SAME ROOM HERE WE GO BBY

FUCKKK IT BEGINS

SORRY HE’S GIVING THE WHOLE DOWNLOW

“Associations come quickly-” “so do forts”

QEFJWahgrsdfdkq WHAT THE FUCK

THIS IS LITERAL THE FIRST DAMN CONVERSATION HE HAS WITH HIM. I KNEW THE CONVERSATION ABOUT EYE CONTACT WAS ONE OF THEIR FIRST, BUT THIS IS THE LITERAL FIRST WITH THE ADDED BONUS OF HE ACTUALLY MAKES E Y E C O N T A C T OOMGGG??!?!?!?!

Oh ;;~;; “YOU WONT LIKE ME WHEN I’M PSYCHOANAYLYZED” im this is very flirtatious als jack you’re like br  o

So he’s the King of Empathy. He’s,,, helping Will see his own face,,, mhm,,,,, what does that say about you, Dr. Lector?

He’s mocking where he was apologetic is this maybe noT

FJAGUDIS

SHIT THOSE ARE LUNGS

OH

“HE HAS A DAUGHTER SAME AGE” O H B O  Y THAT’S UH DADDY HAS SOME ISSUES WITH BABY LEAVING HOME

Also this is a copy cat dklafjsghjfd OH DAMN THAT SNAP BACK ABOUT DR. LECTOR FFUCKK MAN.

Also,, I  can see why this show,, caused issues,,, a man should not look handsome while eating fucking lungs.

More visions I cannot even

What does this

What the hell is this

Dr. Lector showing up at his house o h .

IS HE FEEDING HIM FUCKING LUNGS BITCH OH MY GD ON A FIRST DATE???

“God forbid we become friendly”

“I don’t find you that interesting”

This smells,,, like a ship,,, mhm,,,,

Breath will damn breath slow and use the words omg

Mhm ookay “we’re just alike” in the first bit…

Uncle Jack sees him as a fine china tea cup. That’s hilarious.

“How do you see me?” says Will.

“The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by,” replies Hannibal WHILE WILL IS KEEPING EYE CONTACT.

OH MY GOD. MHM. KAY. IM OKAY. THIS IS OKAY.

So is there a reason -- “plain but pretty” hannibal gives a look -- is there a reason no official officer is accompanying them like????? They’re both not??? FBI????

Damn hannibal spilling shit everywhere.

HE’S USING A TISSUE TO PICK UP THE PHONE

TO CALL HIS DAUGHTER

MHMMMM?????????

Wait no he’s calling someone else

Who is this

OH HE’S CALLING GARRETT. OH. wait is he helping other cannibals get away. What the fuck. You can’t do that, Hannibal. Is there a fuckking cannibal union yall get together and trrade recipes.

OH NO GARRETT MURDERED HIS WIFE AND KID DIDNT HE OH NO

OH PLEASE NO

Wait we’re back to reality

This back and forth is trippy

Oh

H  N

OH  NO

FUCK YU HANNIBAL AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING CANNIBAL CLAN THIS PR WOMAN :(((((((((

I do love how this built up to Hannibal being the cannibal but it was Hobbs. NFIEGSIBFD

HOBBS NO

FUCK HIM UP WILL

(also I guess Will technically is FBI that probably helps lmao)

Oh no

O h n o

Dont whisper at him to see bitch

Oh no

Will

Will it’s

Oh no

>:((((((((((((((((((( hannibal Imma fuck you up

Will honey let someone clean your glasses. Does she survive? I hope the girl survives. The Traitor Cannibal Bitch is going with them. Mhm.

Alana tryin’ to protect him. (Does she like him? I got bad news, babe, he’s gonna fall in love with a man-eater.)

shE SURVIVED??? AND HANNIBAL IS THERE WITH HER???? OMOG??? DOES HE FEEL BAD YET YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU READ THE CANNIBAL WRONG AND HE NEARLY MURDERED HIS FAMILY wait is this chick who everyone calls their daughter oomg??? Is this her????

WHAT WAS THIS SHOW OMG WHAT WAS THIS SHOW

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hello again ☺️Yes, that would have been really cool! I already read two of your recomnendations and i love them so thank you again for sharing! I can understand you being unsure of your writing but i bet there are people who will love it. Judging from how you answer your asks and how much you love John i have no doubt that i would love it. But if you dont wanna post it anywhere i would completely understand too. (1)

Im glad i came around to like Root cause otherwise it would have been hard to watch season 4 & 5 cause she appears a lot. I think part of it is cause i watched it witch my family and my dad loves her so i started to like her more too (you know who you love sth cause someone else loves it?) and then eventually i liked her to. Shaw i loved from day one and i loved her sibling energy with John. The John and Shaw dynamic was one of my favorites. I love their teasing and their chaotic energy (2)

As for Shoot i think its kinda cool that the writers just went with it cause of the chemistry and i like Shoot a lot. John and Harold would be amazing too (i mean whats better than one queer couple? Two queer couples!) And there are some parallels between the ships so there was room for both of them. Eventhough Harold and Grace is cute too. And i feel John has chemistry with almost everyone (not always romantic chemistry but also platonic chemistry if thats a Thing 😂) and (3)

in Addition to rinch i also really liked John with Zoe. The only one he had zero chemistry with was the theraphist imo. That ship was just weird. I wish they would have used that time for more Rinch scenes instead. -- yes someone who agrees about the happy end! I dont understand people who wish for a sad end. Like John is my fave character ever and i just want him to be happy with his newfound odd family and maybe someday adopt a cute baby with Harold or become an uncle or idk just be happy (4)

But in my Imagination he didnt die and someday he and Harold retired and started their quieter Happy life with Bear. --- yeah poi Reddit loves the later seasons and hates the first and i noticed they can get a bit mean with people who dont agree (thats why i only read and never write anything). Also said you could skip most of S1 which is just sad cause its a great season 😔 i will accept that i lost validity (is this even a Word?) for liking Root 😂 also yea 4x20 is the ep with the carter hallucinations so check it out. But a warning: Root appears :D sorry this ask got so long, but i just love talking to you and i always look forward to your replies :)

Hi !! Happy to see you're back :)

Glad you liked my recs ! I think there's quite an amount of fics with suicidal John out there actually. Not that surprising since it's canon.

I appreciate your support ! In the long run idk if it's healthy for me. Like a few months ago I fell back into ace attorney and I read a lot of fics about Miles being suicidal and it affected me negatively. Sometimes I purposefully seek out suicide fics. And it may not be the most healthy thing to do. So I'm not sure about that fic. Bc I do wanna write it, but idk if it'd be healthy, as catharsis, or unhealthy, as rumination. I mean I've been writing that body horror fic with some projection of my body issues and it's fine. But yeah I'm pretty sure that if I ever finish it I think I'll post it – after all I posted a fic in which John jumped off a bridge a long while ago before I got suicidal (foreshadowing my own life here lmao). I also wanna try to work on my other wips

Yeah I see, that's understandable. Ngl Root makes me not motivated to get to these seasons during my rewatch (which technically wouldn't be a rewatch). It's wild how I feel nothing for Shaw (she do be kinda hot tho,,,, muscles,,,,,) but I think it's mostly bc I wasn't that interested in her back then and it's been so long since I watched the show I don't remember shit about her. She'd be able to grow on me I think. Yeah I've seen a lot of posts about that "mayhem twins" dynamic around here it does sound cool. Also it's refreshing to have a male/female relationship that isn't turned into a forced romance. But I'll always have a soft spot for S1 and its four core characters.

It's nice if they have chemistry, I didn't feel like they did. Yeah I'm still disappointed that they didn't go for Rinch too. I mean come on their chemistry is so painfully obvious ! I dislike the word queer but mood pls just give me canon Rinch I'm fucking begging hhhhhhh. I'm quite sure the notion of chemistry works with non romantic relationships as well. John is definitely good with people. He looks scary and brooding but he's just a good man who wants to help people ! I love him so much and same he's my fav character of all time !! Also I love seeing him interact with kids he's so good with them. But I also love when he's being an absolute badass. Damn I always forget about Grace gkjdfkjfd I don't have anything against her though, Harold and her are cute together. (Not much into the grace/harold/john OT3 tho, I've seen it around after return 0 but :/ not my thing. But hey good for people who like it.)

I liked John and Zoe too. Even if he had chemistry with Iris it's so cringe, didn't think poi would fall as low as portraying such a relationship between a therapist and a patient. Guess that shows the decrease in quality in the later seasons. Sad they did that shit when as you said they could have showed more Rinch. Like come ooon Rinch is just. Right fucking here. Just make it canon you cowards.

Yeah fuck sad endings (John didn't die obviously) I want my men to be happy and in love and live a good life together with their dog is that too much to ask. Like sometimes I read fics with MCD bc why not but most of the time I just want happiness. Fluffy domestic Rinch is so good ! Gives me so much life. I have a soft spot for married Rinch as well. Also while we're at it let me rec this domestic fluff fic:

Yeah not surprised. And you're right don't waste your time arguing on reddit lol it's not worth it. It baffles me when people say S1 is boring like ??? Where ?? There's literally soooo many eps I love in this season !! 📣📣📣number crunch is the best ep📣📣📣 Glad they stay over on reddit with their last seasons and their shit opinions about S1 smh. Like imagine being a fan of a show and disregarding the season that created the basis of the show and developed characters and relationships. Big brain time uh

I'm quite sure validity is an actual word, and that's how it be if you like root :/ I don't make the rules :/ you're the half valid anon now 😂

Oh well I shall endure root if it's a good ep ^^

It's cool !! I love your long asks !! I hope I didn't get lost in my own reply lmao

[lateasalways]

(Damn, I had to make a new post because something weird happened to the cut when I edited, it went into the ask itself and isn’t working and I can’t fix it lmao, sorry!) 

Anon asked:

it would be interesting to me if you made a post about the elton books you have read. like how they differ and your opinion on them. ive only read Me but im interested in finding some other reads

Hi!  I’m sorry this took so long, I’ve suddenly been CRAZY busy with work now that there’s proper concerts happening again (and yay for that), but Anon, you have no idea how much I would like to answer that question and I’ve been thinking about it all week lmao, I think it’s super interesting to look at the differences between them. So of course I went amok and wrote way too long so just bare with me.

I’ve read 5 books in full and I’ve listed them in the order in which I read them.

1. Me by Elton John. You’ve all read that so I don’t have to explain it. It was the first one I read and my fav thing about it is how funny it is, and of course it’s very personal and therefore more emotional than some of the others. I absolutely love it and I honestly haven’t read a book that has engaged me so much in yeeeeaars, I would recommend that book to anyone, not only Elton fans.

2. Captain Fantastic by Tom Doyle. This book focuses on the 70s (but also includes his childhood/youth). I thought it was a great supplement  to Me, because many of the same stories are in there, but since the time span is shorter, it’s more detailed, and we get to hear other people’s versions of the events. What I particularly found interesting is the part about Elton breaking through in America. He’s always described it as sheer luck and being at the right place at the right time himself, and I’m sure that’s his experience of it, but that’s not what happened. I find that extremely fascinating. Here we get to hear from his first American label who basically got Empty Sky for free because it had been rejected by many others. Before they got the chance to release it Elton John came out which is obviously a step up production wise and they dropped everything and started pushing that album instead. Everyone at the label thought it was so great they really went all in with the promotion and managed to create a hype even though he was a complete unknown and that’s how he got the Troubadour gig. This book in several ways I think show that Elton is too humble when it comes to his talent, like you don’t get to headline over established and popular artists before the most important people in the industry as an unknown by sheer luck. It happened because the album was so great, the label were convinced he was going to be a star and they went for it. I really liked the book in general. Even though there is no shocking new info there, it shines a different light on several stories from Me which I find very interesting.

3. Sir Elton by Philip Norman. This book is about his life up until 1991 and it’s really long and super detailed, like some impressive work went into this one. (I listened to the audio book on scribd as they had a 30-day free trial because of corona, I don’t know if that’s still an offer but if it is I really recommend it.) It’s  a bit weird because on one side the author managed to detail and capture Elton’s personality SO well (he’s said so himself too) and the way he writes makes some of the stories so vivid it almost felt like watching a movie. I actually found myself getting as emotional as I did reading Me at several points, like I literally shed tears here and there. But then on the other side, there are several things that bothers me a lot about this book. First of all it seems like Norman for some reason think Stanley was a great father and is trying to convince us that Elton is wrong about everything he’s said about him. Like, why? He’s clearly talked a lot with his 2nd wife Edna and her perspective is obviously very different from Elton’s. But some of his points are just really weird like f.x. he says that Elton says his dad didn’t care about him but this is wrong because he actually had a framed photo of him in his room when he was in the RAF. Like….????? How does that prove anything? As long as Elton didn’t know about it, it means fuck all! You don’t get a gold star because you keep a framed photo of your only son wtf? Another example: One Christmas after the divorce Elton didn’t get a present or a card or anything. But this was because they had very little money and their new son was ill. Well that’s sad, but Elton didn’t know that? You could at least have called and explained it or just sent a card to let him know you were thinking of him too? The whole problem is that he didn’t SHOW that he loved him or was proud of him, he can have as many framed photos he likes but that doesn’t matter when you never show any kind of affection. Another example cause I’m on a roll: Edna says Elton in fact enjoyed his visits to them (which he himself has said he hated) she says he used to sit alone and play with their typewriter. That sounds sad AF??? Why are you trying to convince me this is great parenting? I know it was a different time but fuck! One thing I do believe though is that Sheila probably helped along the narrative that Stanley was awful, I think it’s very likely that she has exaggerated or even made up stories about him, but that’s not Elton’s fault. Another downside with the book (imo) is that Norman is apparently the world’s biggest fan of Dick James and there’s just sooo much boring stuff about Dick James there, I’m sorry but when he starts talking about Dick James I recommend you fast forward. The whole point is to set up the court case between him and Elton that happened in the 80s (in which he clearly thinks Dick was in the right) but I’m just not interested in that at all. If you are though, this is the book for you lol. Then there’s the things the author got wrong. First of all, he didn’t know about Elton’s drug use which is quite essential. Although you can easily read between the lines of what the interviewees are saying, so it’s not that distracting. Second, he seems to believe that Elton is actually bisexual which he obviously isn’t (and before I get accused of bi-erasure, he has said so himself time and time again that he’s never been interested in women and his coming out as bi in 76 was a “chicken out”) and it really bothered me cause it reads a bit homophobic to me as he seems to believe Sheila when she said that he “wouldn’t have been gay if it weren’t for show business.” So I’m a bit conflicted about this book. It has more negatives than the others but the good parts are SO SO GOOD. I would be very interested in hearing other people’s opinions about it.

4. Elton John by David Buckley. Another one I listened to on Scribd. This is a quite new one so certain things have come to light which makes it more accurate. It’s another book that didn’t have  a lot of groundbreaking new information, but he’s for some reason the only one who’s talked to Gary Osbourne and he has a lot of interesting things to tell. I think Gary deserves more credit and he was very close to Elton in a very interesting part of his career/life so it’s worth reading for that. This book is also about his whole life but way shorter than Sir Elton so obviously not as detailed, but there’s some fun stuff and new anecdotes in there.

5. Elton, my Elton by Gary Clarke. Gary was Elton’s on/off boyfriend between 1982 and 83 (ish) and obviously knows him in a way these other authors don’t. I was a bit unsure about reading this as I think it’s a bit tasteless to expose someone to that extent (and he goes into some seriously intimate details), but otoh I felt like it was kind of the missing puzzle piece so I bought it in the end (on ebay) and I can’t really say if it actually answered the questions I had or just gave me more. I thought Elton was weird before reading this and it certainly didn’t make me think he’s any less weird. It starts kind of cute, it almost reads like one of those self-insert popstar fanfics at first (not that I’ve ever purposely read any of that but you know, it’s hard to be on tumblr without stumbling upon that stuff now and again) but then it gets really dark. Which is because Elton apparently was clean when they first met but then after some time he started spiraling, so it’s just… it actually made me a bit nauseous tbh and it’s so frustrating too, I genuinely yelled ��Elton, no!” out loud at one point lmao. But I have already talked at length about this book, particularly what I found disturbing about it and you can find that post here. If you’re interested in reading this book though, you should be warned there’s some rapey content, (though to be clear, that has nothing to do with Elton) and dubious consent.

So anon, since you’re looking for some further reading, these are all good and interesting books I think. It’s a bit hard to say which one I liked best because obviously, for every book I read there’s less new info. But then all of the books have stories I hadn’t heard before so they’re all worth reading if you’re crazy obsessive like me and wants to know absolutely everything lol. I really enjoyed reading all of them (well enjoy isn’t the right word for Gary’s book but yk.) so I guess you should just consider what sounds more interesting to you and go for that :) If you take away the negatives I think Sir Elton is probably the one I enjoyed the most, while Elton, my Elton is the most revealing. Elton John is more complete while Captain Fantastic is really good if you’re more interested in the 70s and his breakthrough.

Thank you so much for the ask! I hope you found what you were looking for and enjoy some further reading! To anyone else who might be reading this: if you have thoughts on any of these books or things you want to discuss, please, my inbox is open! :D

[kae-karo]

knlalla’s fics of 2018

hello dears! now that the year’s coming to a close, i wanted to round up a quick post of all my fics from this year, please enjoy! i’ve highlighted my personal faves/the ones i’m most proud of :’) it’s been a wild year, so thanks so much to everyone for all your kind support!

one-shots

<2k

Phancakes (x) 1k (g) - the bois being domestic on pancake day (look okay we don’t have pancake day in america i have to live vicariously through dnp), insp by this tweet and the iconic vid no tw! just domestic fluff

did you make me a video for valentine’s day? (x) 1k (g) - Dan has a tradition, every year on Valentine's day he asks Phil the same question... no tw, minor angst

my talents include... (x) 1k (g) - Dan's whiny because Phil won't pay him any attention, so he sends out a passive-aggressive tweet. shoutout to @daliensgrandads​ on tumblr for bugging me to write this (instead of my current wip whoops) no tw, unless whiny!dan counts

Days like this (Security) (x) 800 (g) - Some days just aren’t good ones. tw depression

Balance (x) 1k (t) - Phil wants to post the bunk bed insta story, but Dan just wants to sleep. no tw

i missed you (x) 1k (g) - basically their history as told by dan no tw

the way you look tonight (x) 1k (g) - dan has a vid to edit. phil has other ideas. you have to listen to the way you look tonight by frank sinatra (youtube, spotify) whilst listening to this okay no tw

Chan (x) 1k (g) - insp by the anon that sent "demon hc: phil just chuckling fondly at dan thirsting over chan, while chan searches the bus and they’re both stood outside in pyjamas on the canadian border. idk, it’s just the kinda fond, secure bde that phil exudes these days" no tw

morning coffee (x) 1k (t) - inspired by the lovely anon who sent me "I dreamed Dan posted an insta story of Phil drinking coffee in bed and he was laying on his shoulder and I kept trying to show people how cute it was but no one cared, and when I woke up I remembered that you would care, and I realized it was a dream and now I’m a tad disappointed in my subconscious for trolling me." no tw

doing nothing often leads to the very best of something (x) 2k (g) - based on this (x) and a lil imagine i wrote (x) and expanded on so thanks to the lovely anon who originally sent "that pic phil posted of dan for his bday i think where dan is making a funny face and theres a nearly empty wine bottle in the background hhhhh that makes my demon heart drop" and to the lovely anon who asked for more! no tw

The House at Pooh Corner (x) 1k (g) - insp by the anon that sent "Full demon mode: Im just finishing up the Undertale series for the first time and all I can think about as Dan and Phil talk back in forth in their different character voices is how #blessed any future child of theirs is. Just imagine them snuggled up with a kid on each of their laps, reading Winnie the Pooh and doing voices for all the characters. RIP my heart." and the anon that sent "I've been having a really bad day. And something that I find really cute is imagining what Dan and Phil would be like as parents. (noting that you don't have to have kids ever to be a fulfilled human, just that people being good parents warms my heart). Hypothetically, what do you think it'd be like? I bet Dan would surprise himself by being a good dad. b/c he'd want his kid to feel free to be themselves and we all know he can be very protective when he needs to be." no tw, parent!phan

waffles (x) 2k (g) - phil goes to the 24hr diner with the hopes of seeing his favorite waiter (insp by me seeing a cute waitress at a diner. unfortunately none of the rest actually happened to me lmao) no tw, meet cute

it’s not living if it’s not with you (x) 800 (g) - dan and phil in bed at phil's parents' home, briefly reminiscing no tw

>2k

if we stopped shipping phan (x) 8k (g) - what would happen if the entire phandom just...stopped shipping phan? insp by this post about not shipping phan for a month cause they'd freak out. Happy Valentine's day, @phantasizeit​! no tw, friends to lovers

sleepover in the moon room (x) 6k (g) - It's a tradition they've had for years (Note: this was written with the intent that it can be read completely platonically or non-platonically, whichever you prefer. It's not written to imply one way or another.) a platonic fic sorta lmao

printer error (x) 16k (m) - Dan's a fanfic writer who's desperate to meet the AmazingPhil, but one printing mishap could bring him closer to his idol than he ever anticipated. no tw, strangers to lovers with a bit of fic commentary

everyone knows that (x) 5.5k (g) - They fight more often than they don’t, but that’s just how relationships are. Everyone knows that. Phil bakes when he’s worried, especially when he's worried about Dan. And Phil bakes quite a lot. Dan hates that he's the cause of Phil's nervous baking, that Phil's always so stressed because of him, but Dan has a hard time feeling too bad when the outcome is a plate of warm cookies. no tw just some angst

The Seven Deadly Insta Stories (x) 7k (e) - A collection of seven short fics based on the seven deadly sins, as told in the form of insta stories dnp didn’t post. as a prompt from @phanfichallenge to post a fic every day this week, have my tour fic twist on the seven deadly sins!! no tw, tour fic(s)

i’d do anything to not be alone (x) 16k (t) - I don’t know why I bother waking up. It’s one of those nonessential activities, like eating or drinking or breathing. But I do it, because if I don’t, then nobody would water the plants. Phil left and Dan doesn't know why. But he has to take care of the plants, because Phil would be so disappointed if he came back and his plants had died. no tw, just lots of sadness n a bit of angst but it does, as always, end happily i promise

dark purple sky (darkness comes out to play) (x) 4k (e) - It’s not that he hates parties, it’s just that- well, no, he hates parties. And costumes. And showing up to parties in costumes, and showing up to parties decidedly not wearing costumes, and all the mumbled judgements that come along with doing so. And he hates sweets - really, the only things he does like about Halloween are the autumnal vibes and the cool weather, and experiencing those certainly did not require his friends dragging him out to some abandoned castle grounds for a half-assed late-night party. Or the one where Dan gets a blowjob from a complete stranger in the middle of the forest on Halloween. no tw really, strangers to lovers?, mostly just pwp

Properly (x) 10k (e) - Dan's been trying to take advantage of the all-hours pool for a late night swim, but some guy always shows up before him. no tw just pwp and some strangers to lovers

chaptered

Demons and Diners (x) 65k (m) - A broke Dan, on the run from his previous life, finds temporary shelter in an abandoned diner...for the night? tw depression, some blood mentions, but happy ending as always!

What day is it? (x) 32k (t) - It's the first day of the semester, and it's already gone to shit: Dan's late to his first class, finds out his mortal enemy, Phil Lester, is the TA, and gets rejected by the girl of his dreams, but at least tomorrow's a new day...right? Aka the one where Dan and Phil are stuck reliving the same day over and over and can't figure out why. no tw except some major angst, uni au, enemies to lovers

Axiom (x) 31k (t) - Axiom: a proposition that is not actually proved or demonstrated, but is considered to be self-evident and universally accepted. Dan's out for the umpteenth time at the bar for its weekly speed-dating night (not that they'd actually call it that). tw depression and a really cliche plot twist whoops but a happy ending, always

one second (x) 41k (e) - When you spend your life getting glimpses of a myriad of possible futures every time you get a little emotional, you tend to lose sight of reality, of the present; a bad day turns into a bad week because all you see are the worst-case futures. You get a little excited about something, things start to go your way, but then all you can see are the realities where things are even better. Life tends not to measure up. Or the one where Dan meets Phil on a plane, and maybe reality starts to become better than even Dan could predict. no tw really, strangers to lovers

slow-closing doors (x) 44k (t) - SECRETS, DRAMA, BETRAYAL (okay no betrayal dw). Phil's agreed to be an RA for his floor this year at uni, and he's determined to be the best RA ever - after all, this is these students' first year, he wants them to have the best year ever. Loosely inspired by Freeze Tag by Caroline B Cooney. tw minor violence nothing graphic just a lil scary, uni au strangers to lovers

Peter Phan (x) 37k (m) - Phil's woken in the middle of the night by a mysterious guy at his window who's intent on dragging him off on an adventure, and for some inexplicable reason, he agrees. Dan's stuck - quite literally - in his own head, and he's desperate for anyone to help him escape. Maybe, if he's lucky, that person could be Phil. He hopes it is. tw depression and suicide attempt, implied/referenced non-con, lots of angst, but definitely a happy ending, strangers to lovers

angel boy (x) 22k+ (e) - for the anon that sent "Oh fuck, now I need a smutty fanfic with twink!Dan taking it from behind with his angel wing tattoo (or real ones for that matter... actually, yes please, real ones. And Phil has a kink for being a bit rough with them... maybe Phil's a demon... fuuuck, someone write this for me?)" Aka the one where angel!Dan goes into a demon club looking for a bit of entertainment. no tw, my attempt at pwp turned into porn with a plot lmao

Sea Glass (x) 58k (t) - Phil arrives on the Isle of Man to house-sit at his family's cabin while it's repaired and sold. Except the cabin's in far worse shape than expected, and Phil's got to find somewhere else to stay no tw really but like i updated this a few times this year so i’m counting it

Exile (x) 172k (e) - Exile's a fucking bitch. Dan finds himself kicked out of town and searching for literally anywhere out of the rain - somehow, he must have just enough luck, as he stumbles upon a seemingly abandoned house in the middle of the forest. Except it isn't abandoned, and the resident isn't exactly...normal...

[survivormanhattanbeach]

Episode 3: “She hates girls”- Dani

I AM PISSED. I AM SO MAD AT BRANDAN RIGHT NOW. WHAT THE HECK. I WAS TOTALLY TRANSPARENT WITH HIM. HONESTLY??? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUtT FLIPPING WITH HIM AND JULIAN IFFFFF THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED ME. AND JULIAN?? I TOLD HIM I HEARD HIS NAME, I TOLD HIM. WHY IS HE ATTACKING ME FOR BEING HONEST??? I'm so glad I have Lucy and Andreas but Brandan better waTCH OUT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST WITH HIM. WHAT THE HECK i'm sorry, i'm just so MAD right now

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO all my alliance members are on different tribes, I am so sad. ALso I'm with Brandan. -___________- I don't know who else is even on my tribe. I like Kevin and the others are all okay but UGH WHY BRANDAN WHEN I AM SO IRRITATED WITH HIM STILL?? bring me back lucy and andreas :( 

Okay so yay for a tribe swap but uhm it's kinda homophobic that not only am I not on a tribe with Dani or Ryan, but that I can't even speak to them now!! I'm still drinking with Dani on Saturday though so suck it hosts. This tribe is alright, like I said not my favorite set up but I don't feel completely screwed. I'm with Joey which is good because he's loyal to me, but people are going to assume we're working together since he picked me, also he isn't good at talking to new people so idk if that's gonna end up bad for us lolol. But yay for being on a tribe with Sarah! Idk she's iconic and I'd like to work with her. I talked to Andreas for a bit and he was nice, I'd hope we could work together. I started talking to Junior again before the swap so I don't feel completely off on him. Billy is the only one I've barely talked to, but he was on Sarah's old tribe so I think they're gonna stick together??? I just hope that we can win some challenges so that I don't have to worry.

when trace and johnny give you lemons.... (ie- brandan) you make lemonade. I am currently kissing brandan's ASS right now. i told him that if he and julian asked me to flip i would have and all kinds of other lies just because i don't need any drama with him on this tribe going forward, I NEED numbers so whatever i'm going to be his new best friend and pretend to forget about tribal but I'm still PISSED. 

This tribe swap is fucking disgusting. Why do i have to be on a tribe with junior. Im just glad jake is here and maybe him, billy and i can work together and grab someone else to work with us if we go to tribal 

Okay so last night I was on call with Joey and he was like "someone told me you wanted to vote me out round 1" and I was like yeah it's true but you didn't have to say it. And big surprise it was Keaton that told him this. So now it's a new day and lo and behold I'm on a tribe with Keaton's snake ass and as much as I don't trust him I have to play nice because the boy knows WAY too much about my game and my personal life for me to risk crossing him so basically I just go from one migraine to another bouncing between my exes. If I get swap fucked I will be showing up in Johnny's PMs with virtual pitchforks. xoxo Madison

https://youtu.be/5oLRQqS00UU

VL Confessional Cause you tried to play both sides You got caught up in your lies And now you're runnin' You're runnin' out of time Try again, cause the game is over https://imgflip.com/gif/2vicz3

Wtf! Why did we switch tribes right as I felt so good????? Now I’m in a tribe where I feel like I can’t connect to anyone except dan and sometimes Tom. I made an alliance with Tom, Madison, and Dan. I’m trying to ensure our safety Incase we do go to tribal. Keaton came to me and said he wants to target Madison and honestly I’m really down for that. So I think I can use this as an advantage. I can either tell Madison Keaton is after him and we get him. Or I can team up with Keaton and Lucy and get one other person to flip and we get Madison. Tbh only down for Madison because she doesn’t seem to like me at all. I’ve also heard she hates girls. Which is a little obvious :p. I hate that. GIRLS GOTTA PROTECT GIRLS. But nooooo she loves attention. Ok ranting done.

VL CONFESSIONAL I feel like Jake is my #1, but Dani is visiting him today(lucky girl.) I feel like I would do a disservice to a majority of straight men in this game if I didn’t hum the intro to “Ether” at least once. Also, fuck Jay-Z.

Heya, time for a little update! As of now, I am getting a little frustrated with my tribe (love Jake though). But before I get carried away, let's see how well we do in the immunity challenge. I am not sold on the song choice, but I appreciate that a few people give active input. I'll do my part as best as I can and hope that it'll be enough for at least 2nd place... Should we lose, I'll try to get a solid group with Jake and Junior, and add a player, who one of the other three wanna vote for. At this point, none of Joey, Sarah or Billy play a major role for my future plans in this game. Billy could become a close ally as he seems to be very underrated in this game. Sarah could become a close ally because she's a cool cat. Joey idk about. We're not bonding that well rn. 

I have no faith in my tribe at all I somehow feel like this video is about to be 3 minutes of just me and a cameo of mark and his adorable kids x_x Time to make my cousins make some videos with me so I have a lot to edit in because I SURE can’t rap in time with this song 

Okay Isaac is sending weird clips of himself from challenges I’m not sure if that will cut it but I’ll take whatever I can edit together at this point DJSJS

Me seeing the other videos and prepping to go to tribal... also a picture of Tom booty poppin should be on the dvd cover

VL CONFESSIONAL THANK YOU JUDGESSSSSSSSSS! YOU GUYS ROCK! JESS LET ME BUY YOU A BUNCH OF TIM HORTONS. Alyssa, fried chicken at Red Rooster on me when I visit😃?

I know I haven’t been around much. But I hate this swap. I hate this tribe. I know NO ONE who I feel will be willing to keep me safe with them. So I actually have to work hard to talk to people. Music videos are not my forte. But I have to contribute because if we lose then I’ll be someone on the chopping block for sure. And I can’t have that. I’m just hopping we can slam challenges and then we can make it to the next swap. But I hope Sarah and Jake stay close with me. I really like them both. Jake is really cool to talk to and he’s not bad to look at either. Sarah is my soul sister. Then there’s Joey, who has this plan to get rid of Andreas and honestly I’m kinda ok with it. Anyone but me is how I’m feeling. I just gonna find somewhere to sink my teeth into this game and take a bite. I don’t want to be a background day player with no story line and shitty gameplay.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=zfISjcq23KU

Okay so I think I'm gonna go for Billy this round. I didn't want to lose because I think I have good connections with everyone on our tribe, but someone's gotta go. Billy makes me worried now because he said in our tribe chat that Tom told him we lost, so bitch you cross tribaling??? Andreas and Junior both told me they like me and each other so I think they're trying to form a group of 3 there? Sarah also said she liked me and Billy and I like Sarah but it might be hard trying to get her to vote Billy out. Joey originally said he wanted Andreas out and that he likes Billy, but Billy told me and Junior that Joey was spreading Andreas name, so I let Joey know that Billy's doing that, and I think Joey trusts him less now. We'll see what happens. I just don't my name going around like last time. I just need another tribe swap ASAP.

So now were going to tribal bc johnny announced the results wrong. Johnny is a pissy player and cant stand when other hosts mess up but wants us to understand when he does..hm TEA Anyways ill see what i can do to make sure I do not go home. I think i have junior, and jake and billy but we shall see

Literally fuck off. HOW IS IT FAIR THAT THE HOSTS fucked up and they wont give us an extension??? INTERESTING????????? Why does one tribe get over a day and we get less than 12 hours..lol ok what ever maybe get your fucking shit together before fucking over ppls games 

Well look at it, we lost again. Great! Just great! And people seem to be thrilled to go to Tribal Council! They're so excited that they throw the challenges! So me being a straight shooter, I immediately target Billy, who has slacked the most on this new tribe and would be a fair call (on paper). But it's only natural that people have their own agenda and I am being targeted by Joey and Billy at least. Sure, Joey might still be up in the air, but either way, I NEED to believe in Jake and Junior here to vote for for Billy, or I am toast. And if Billy doesn't step up next round, so are Jake and Junior. I have nothing against Billy, but this season we don't really get along too well. We had a fun chat today, but it felt like it was too little to late for me in this season. Let's see what happens in this mess of a round :D Love Johnny though, I don't blame him. I really wanna stay and fight for all the people on my tribe to stay in this game!

Ok, so as per usual in premerge, my fate rests within other peoples hands. That's just how I play and that's totally okay with me. The scenarios I can see are: 4-2 Billy/Me (which is what's being sold to me sort of with Billy and Sarah voting for me) 4-2 Me/Billy (if Jake sticks to Joey and they decide to ride the tide and vote out Billy over Junior if they lose another TC) 5-1 Me/Billy (if they all wanna be safe lmao, but Junior seems really sincere, so I doubt this happens!) I can't scramble too hard at this vote, because I really feel that Jake wants to keep me around and me reaching out to others will make me appear like a bigger name to write down. I 50:50 Hate/Love each tribe I'm on and I hate that I am such a sulky old man in this season, but that's just a new facette of good old me.

https://youtu.be/i6ZY0hrvDaM

I am SO glad that we won! the judges were HARSH, huh? But it's okay, we still won! I really hope that andreas is going to be okay tonight, I'm just a little worried but I think maybe Billy will be the one to go?? Maybe. 

I fucking wrote out a long ass confessional and then it refreshed and I wanna die, so here are the highlights: I love how Johnny has progressed enough in life to recruit 5 iconic female judges in the name of feminism, but has not progressed enough to perform basic arithmetic I want the f5 to be original Robinsons and I trust them as follows: Mark > Dani = Ryan > Junior I want a f3 with Mark and Junior because Dani is a big social threat and I would always vote for a woman over a man because fuck men, and it’s like the laws of feminism I’m really happy I haven’t had to go to tribal yet, let’s keep it moving and NO DOUBLE OR TRIPLE TRIBALS PLSSSS

It looks like this is a wrap y’all. Unless sarah actually pulled some miracle out of her ass and convinced them all to vote Andreas then it’s time to blow my flame out. I’ve been on the outs ever since I was picked last. So I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise. 

[tayegi]

Lu new rules is always worth the wait. I love it when the OC stood up to him. And Jungkook being whatever he’s trying to do is leaving us in suspense. But last the scene is perfect. I can picture that scene as if I was watching a drama. Especially when she say “it’ll be easy getting over you” and turn around VERY slowly. Gosh I just want to cry cause it’s beautifully written. JK probably scare that he’s not good enough for her?JEON JUNGKOOK you get on my nerves but I still love him.

jjiritjjiritgirl said:ohmygod the new chapter for new rules is so good ohmygod like i had to pause a lot when oc was calling jungkook out for being a coward. i wasnt the one going off but DAMN that felt good.

luxinfired said:OH SHIT I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE NR UPDATE KXJABGZGQGHS Girl your writing is the best thing in the world! I love OC, she showed us her vulnerable side but then she goes and confronts Jungkook like that! That last scene was amazing, you tell them girl! Also I loved the conversation with Yoongi, I'm glad she was able to empathize with him immediately. I really want Yerin and him to find their own happiness, they deserve it~ Thank you for this wonderful piece of writing 💜

Anonymous said:jungkook a whole ass idiot

Anonymous said:Hi Lu!! U probably ddnt receive my ask from last time as well so Im writing this again! Well I just want to tell you that NR.11 WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND I'M SO SATISFIED WITH IT AND I CRIED! at first I expected OC to just yell at JK for his reaction when she confessed, thn have him tell her his story BUT SHIT SEEM SO DEEP HOLY SHIT! I feel so bad for oc and for the fact that she felt the need to say sorry? Thats kinda fucked up but I believe that's bc she was pretty shocked by his reaction[1–❄️🐰

Anonymous said:Also maybe I'm not the only one hatin' on JK, but damn boi better have a GOOD excuse to why the fuck is he being a pain in the ass, I mean.. I don't wanna judge him for his choices, but thats exactly what I wanna do BYE/ but like im pretty sure that he's been acting like a jerk to 'help OC get rid of her cancerous feelings' cuz I dnt think that he sees HER as a prob-in fact, he actually rly likes her- but he just cnt seem to accept her feelings that's so absurd.. [2—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:Like he was so happy to see her when he was with his team but once he remembered that he was supposed to ignore her he acted like he ddnt want to see her. And I really dnt know which part was he so embarrassed about when she came in calling him out in his own frat; was it bc she exposed his whipped ass in front of his we-dnt-do-feelings™ buddies? Or was it bc of sth else AMMA FUCKING SNAP! [3—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:And I really think that when OC told him that it's gonna be so easy to get over him now that he showed his true colors, like, I really think that it was a slap to his face. Cuz deep down, I dnt think he wants her to get over him and I know that shit will go down from here when the entire frat is mocking OC's speech, JM will know abt it, MJ might hear from him too AND HOPEFULLY SHE CAN KICK THE BULLSHIT OUT OF JK ONCE MORE! gosh Lu thank u so much for this amazing fic💕 u make my days😭[4/4]—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:holy mother of god wOW emphasis on the OW NR11 !!! Lu my god, idk how you've gotten me to love getting stabbed in the heart like this but !!! :,( thank you so much for updating and incorporating toxic masculinity and gaslighting into this chapter, they're such important issues and i just wish OC didn't have to deal with their effects. idk how long you're planning on making NR, all i hope for is that someone will treat OC right by the end *side-eyes JK, whispers "get it together, fool"*

Anonymous said:Thank you so much for yet another amazing chapter of NR!! I love how you write with so much detail about the thoughts of the OC when jk rejects her. For me, it heightens the emotions of the story so much and i love that I can feel what the OC feels - the initial embarrassment, the sadness, the anger. I also loved how the OC confronted JK and didn’t just dismiss her own emotions, acknowledging that they’re just as valid as JKs. Thank!!! You!!! :)

Anonymous said:hi lu! just wanted to day i love nr and that i appreciate the messages that you put in your writing. especially with the latest chapter, i relate so much to what nr yoongi is going through, and seeing that was a wonderful reminder that im not alone in this situation and that when you reach out, people will support you. again, thank you so much for writing and sharing these stories with us and i hope that you yourself have an amazing group of people who support and love you 💚💜

Anonymous said:I feel like waste it on me fits as bg music to the situation JK and OC are in after her confession in NR lol.. but anyways, just finished reading the latest chapter and wow. So many emotions. I'm so glad OC finally confronted JK, i love her fiery personality! Your writing really has me immersed in my own little bubble as I put myself in OC's shoes. Looking forward to the rest when the time comes, i'm curious to find out JK's backstory. Great work, Lu! 💕

Anonymous said:Ahh I just finished the update and its so heart wrenching. The emotions were so raw and realistic. And as hard as it was to read the pain the OC had to go through, I'm excited that either way things are moving in a new direction. She can't keep suppressing her feelings forever. Admitting feelings can be so difficult but afterwards its so freeing knowing that you're not holding anything back and being honest with yourself. I'm looking forward to the growth this will bring all of the characters.

Anonymous said:I just caught up to new rules and wow as someone who experienced a heartbreak that I never want to go through again THAT SHIT HURTED I felt the emotions of the o/c yelling at jungkook out of frustration and anger highkey wish I could’ve confronted the person that I had a relationship with in that manner yk to get it out of the system I think that way the healing is a faster process because you aren’t having an internal dialogue of what you could’ve said etc wow thank you for writing new rules! x

Anonymous said:I love the new NR chapter! It definitely hit home when you described how the OC felt after she got rejected. I love the end in this chapter. I love the OC's confrontation. I wish I could be a woman on a mission like her too. Yoongi's character got me namshooketh btw. I love how you added the lgbtq aspect into this fic. Everything about it is so realistic. And I love the gaslighting part in her confrontation so much! This is such a beautifully written fanfic. 😭❤

bekzzz said:You know what I really appreciate about New Rules. Mijoo and the Readers friendship. I love how they stuck together after everything. I also love how the reader is trying to reclaim her self esteem. I think calling Jungkook out was amazing for her. Also, maybe for him it will help him figure out his own feelings. Love is okay, being romantic is okay. It doesn't diminish masculinity or make someone weak. Thanks for this amazing update! Till next time.

Anonymous said:holy moly, new rules was eventful. i felt so much secondhand embarrassment when she was *rejected* by jk, and really hated nr jk for how he reacted... and then when oc, yerin and mijoo were together, and she felt like she needed to be the strong one. i really fucking felt that. it felt like a punch to the gut. but oc’s comments to jk really got me, and i have so much respect for her, yet pity her at the same time... as well as jk. thank you for the amazing update!! 😘 ly babe

Anonymous said:Dear god my heart was pounding all throughout that chapter lmao. How the heck you gotta get me so involved my body freaks out whenever you update New Rules? For real tho I feel for Yoongi- I know what it's like to have people be ready to ridicule and drop you for something you can't change about yourself, so that got me real good. I do hope that JK and MC are able to work themselves out they are by far one of the most interesting pairings I've read about thus far (praying for a happy ending)

Anonymous said:HOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS! Girl, you threw me for a loop. JK's reaction was pretty close to what I thought it would be, albeit more hostile which makes me so fucking curious like BABY WHO HURT YOU?!?!?! Yoongi turning Yerin down because he's gay just wow. I had zero inclination until the second he said it and the whole conversation was just gorgeous. And that final stomp into the frat house and speech were just glorious. Thank you my love

Anonymous said:first of all i want to thank you for the new chapter, it was such a surprise since you was so busy these past months so thank you for taking some time to write. now about the new chapter... my heart was beating so fucking fast the whole time, it’s amazing how well you’re able to express the feelings of the characters and make us all (well at least me) fell connected to the story. i’ve said this before, but the most amazing thing about nr (beside the plot & characters) is how relatable it is

Anonymous said:🎃(1) OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO CUTE AND AT SOME POINTS I AM not making any sense so be prepared 😥 💜💜 I hope I don't bore you /// Ok, here we go. ( /// means another scene or change of subject and --- means same scene but next line. Also I'll use the 🎃 emoji for Halloween's sake 😊) Damn that's gonna be so long 😥 oh well. /// Akakakakak first of all, great start! It lights up the heavy mood. And tbh who wouldn't get distracted from a half naked jk. 😏 ///

Anonymous said:🎃(2)Akskfhlskfajfkf I'm smiling. My heart is clenched tho. (I'm reading the kiss scene in the beginning) /// Why do I feel him saying I like you too won't be the way our oc means. My heart is confused. --- Fuck. --- Fuuuck... ///Ok, there's no way he would look at her with disgust. Come on giiirl. Don't fall for the lies our brain tells us. ---Ok, scratch that last. WHAT THE FUCK JEON JUNGKOOK. 😬 ----I wanna hug the oc and tell her that he is afraid and stupid for acting that way.

Anonymous said:🎃(3) That she is more than what she thinks. And like wtf he might be a star athlete and a stund but wtf about not being good enough?! Askfkddskkas. fuuck. //// You are not supposed to be fucking anything. Let it ouuut. They love you and it will help.--- Ok I get the point with it not being about you. (Ahahahahaha I'm on a roller coaster, sawrryyy) ---- Oh yaaaasss, I liiive for angry oc! You go guurl! ---- Well, if he is gay that would explain a lot. --

Anonymous said:🎃(4) ---"Trust me when I say that it would be entirely impossible with me" bruh. He is gay. --- Oh shit, he is gay...... 😶 ---- Now I'm sad. Ahahah and now I wanna hug him too . And I love the oc for being a good friend and I love that he reminds me of one of my closest friends being a tsundere.😢 /// Way to go yoongles, woop woop!! that sonofabiish. 🌚🌚---Wow when yoongi relaxed I realised I was holding my breath. Wtf ahahaha

Anonymous said:🎃(5) /// Aish. I'm getting angry at jk and angry at the oc for taking his bullshit and not being angry ahahah. ----- WHAT THE FUCK JEON KUNGKOOK WHY YOU BEING SO "TOUGH" AND "MANLY" YOU FUCKIN FUCKER 👿 (about him smiling at first and then being fake macho) ----- My eyes grew when you wrote she headed to jk frathouse 👀 --- I'm crossing my fingers for a buttkicking session, sth like mijoo did to the oc. Maybe a power point presentation of why he likes her too. Ahahah ---

Anonymous said:Ooo girl I am FIRED UP. You write so well that I can always fell the emotions OC feels. I was sad and hurt, shocked, and really mad. JK is such an asshole for making OC feel like her feelings weren't valid. He really does need to grow up. Good on OC for realizing that. And I don't know why he's putting up such a front when he's been such a good person thus far but BITCH IT BEST BE A GOOD REASON. So I'm assuming yerin has got the bad ending? Bc she doesn't know about yoongi being gay n shes hurt?

Anonymous said:(1/3🧟‍♂️) New Rules is probably my favorite non-published work that I’ve ever read and I really just want to thank you for being willing to share your writing with us! So, I feel like a lot went down in this chapter. I saw another anon say they thought Jk’s issues stemmed from a previous relationship. The girl probably made him feel like relationships in general are toxic, and as a result he’s completely unwilling to put himself in that kind of vulnerable position again? (1/3)

Anonymous said:(2/3🧟‍♂️) Similar to how the oc is feeling about being rejected, like she was stupid to let herself feel something for him, that’s why I think her barging in and calling him out in front of his friends got to him. (2/3)

Anonymous said:(3/3🧟‍♂️) All in all though, this chapter was really well written (like they all are lol) and I just wanted to take a moment to let you know how much I appreciate all the work you put into your writings bc they’ve really inspired me to educate myself on feminism and just a lot of things in general I’d never thought about before. Thanks again, Lu! I hope you have a wonderful week 💜💜 (3/3)

Anonymous said:wow lu, thank you for the newest nr update! my thoughts on my first reading: jungkook's reaction was shocking for the emotional side of me, not the logical side. I still feel for oc tho. yoongi being gay? didnt expect that & now I feel bad for assuming his sexuality, glad he talked to OC abt it bc it must have been hard to hold that secret. oc calling out jungkook? shes much braver than me, & I agree, jk's actions seem off. will reread & send reactions after, again thank you for writing/sharing!

There is literally nothing i love more than reading your thoughts and reactions!!! i have no idea how my writing will affect others, so to hear this is the most rewarding thing ever. thank you so much my lovely, passionate readers. You mean the world to me!!!

[dewprisms]

ok so, it’s been a day, i think i’m ready to collect my thoughts on KH3

where to begin....the plot I guess?

So what....even happened. like, Xehanort seems to have done a change on why he’s doing all this, but i’ve seen examples that it’s not far-fetched but idk it just seems like poor writing if “i love darkness” xehanort was really trying to bring back the light...there’s stuff that never got explained with so many characters too so i’ll just

sora: him hiding his pain was always implied but a lot of people really are too dumb to realize that and called him OoC in this game, like Coded and DDD were leading up to all this. I joked that he died but then it turns out he really did fucking die. and then he died again to bring back kairi. and now he’s in shibuya??? do i gotta play twewy now cause i dont care about that game

riku: why did they not let him interact with kairi. why. their relationship got shafted hard. its like, are they even really friends anyway? or just with sora? the soriku in this game was strong af despite being the one where sokai was made canon

kairi: GOD WHERE DO I BEGIN Kairi I’m so fucking sorry Nomura did all this shit to you. Hype you up with keyblade training. helping with the final battle. then what happened? needing rescue, everyone getting hurt because you need saving. getting your ass beat by xion (at least in my game, jfc she died faster than donald ever did), getting kidnapped immediately after, again. then GETTING KILLED BY XEHANORT SO SORA CAN HAVE HIS MAN PAIN then having Sora die so he could bring Kairi back so she can cry about being lonely. why the FUCK isn’t she the one looking for him, why are they having Riku do it? why does nomura fucking hate her. she deserves better than this. i’ll never be over this even if Kairi gets redeemed in every subsequent game. they fucked up real bad with her and I’m so fucking pissed off.

roxas: my boy. where is the convo about him and ven. we just saw them notice each other but no words exchanged. this is the guy who’s been having an identity crisis since he was born. and nothing at all? come on.

xion: my girl her new outfit is so gosh darn  f r e s h like damn son. but, why is she back? why was she with the orgxiii? how did they even get her when she was inside sora’s heart???

lea: i still dont like him. he kidnapped kairi and hurt her friends and he makes kairi call him axel, the name he had when he did all that, so he could project his faded memories of xion onto her. he was abusive to xion and roxas, i knew they were gonna reunite because they’re friends but he NEEDS to apologize for what he did to them, the constant lying, attacking xion because she ran away from her abusive situation because he didn’t want to be lonely, and the writers turned his threat into a heartwarming scene? no fuck that. everyone forgave him for everything far too easily.

isa: APOLOGIZE TO ROXAS AND XION TOO YOU FUCK. especially xion. now he’s suddenly friends with them? fuck that. he needs to make up for how he treated them.

x: it would’ve been great if they had brought her up in days, it just comes so out of left field that isa and lea were trying to find and save some girl who’s name they dont even know. why the fuck is Skuld even in the present, cause that’s likely who she is. more forced ties to the money hungry gacha game i can’t bear myself to leave.

ven: my son, i have nothing bad to say about him

terra: my son, i’m surprised the guardian = terra’s heartless theory was true, and like damn, he got messed up so bad his heart, body AND soul/mind got split? but, where was his interactions with riku. he did bequeath his keyblade to him. but nothing is said between them, they don’t even interact outside of a small race in the ending.

aqua: why do people say they wrote her bad? i mean yeah she just immediately gave up against the heartless swarm instead of fighting it but she was trapped in the realm of darkness and taken over by the darkness for 10 years like just a few hours before hand.....she still got off pretty good in the end.

namine: i swear i was worried they forgot about her, she helped LW find terranort which brought terra back, and she came back. that ending? she and xion are def dating.

replica riku: replinami is fucking canon i dont care what you say. im still sad, he could’ve had the replica body anyway, it was implied there were many more, and even could’ve just made more. roxas and ven, and kairi/namine/xion can exist despite being identical, why can’t he and riku?

demyx: what the hell even happened to him? he dropped off the replica body and ansem the wise then disappeared from the rest of the game. we legit have no clue what happened to him. all we know is that he got benched from the nort 13, then xemnas confirmed he was also a keykid in the age of fairytales, but even khux hasn’t revealed that yet, larxene just got revealed like 2 months ago. i feel like him being revealed as a keykid should have jossed the theory of him being the master of masters but people still going at it. then again....(far below)

luxord: also a keykid even though he looks too old (prob the beard), his characterization seems to be in line with days, how he resigned to his fate that he was just gonna serve the org til the end because he had nothing left. also what the hell was that “wild card” he gave to sora, it never got brought up again.

marluxia: he also forgot his past like them all too, only remembering when sora beat him. i’m guessing he’ll never find strelitzia, she was in the final world too so she’s def dead. although namine was there too.....

larxene: god i love this absolute bitch. saying “ugh xemnas” to his face is such bad bitch energy. all of her scenes were so good. she only went along because of marluxia though....and yet neither of them remembered their past as keykids but stuck together anyway. they’re canon hush.

ienzo: what a good boy. he’s really trying hard to atone.

vexen: i’ll admit i didn’t trust him, but he was sincere in wanting to repent.

aeleus/dilan: lmao the former got like 1 line and the latter got like 1 grunt and nothing else. they were just kinda there. weird considering what Xaldin was like in 2/days.

ansem sod: uh.....what was with the attempted redemption in his defeat, literally nothing ever implied he was wanting to quit because he suddenly always knew they would fail

xemnas: same as ansem, literally nothing implied he was sad over being lonely because nobody actually liked him or his authority

young xehanort: imagined getting burned by freakin woody of all people. also what was his deal. he’s like the only one who didn’t get some kind of sad or redeeming cutscene. and he was the one who implied sora would die if he abused the power of waking outta nowhere. idk, something about him seemed off compared to like. every other nort.

donald and goofy: donald straight up decimated Terranort in the first/failure timeline, like dude literally died from zettaflare

Mickey: I wish he had died instead of Kairi :/ just because she was already being treated like shit

Eraqus: He apologized to Aqua and Ven but not Terra :/ at least he’s with his boyfriend in the afterlife

Xehanort: All the fights were easy as shit and the finale was anticlimatic. I actually like him less because of the fucking Kairi bullshit. Also his new VA just doesn’t work. He suddenly has an accent, his voice is nowhere near as deep and he lacks emotion in most of his lines. And people thought Terra and Aqua’s voices were emotionless? At least Xehaqus is canon ig

braig/xigbar/luxu’s getting his own post

[icharchivist]

perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/