#i wanted to say bc i feel like ppl (at least me) always go “ah yeah lera is strong thats why she’s the plague doctor” but like the other way

[loadsofcats]

Plague Doctor fandom, very important question for all of you: Can Toma lift Lera up?

[stevebabey]

You don't have to answer this I'm just gonna bitch in your inbox about the x reader post you made because I felt this in my bones.

Like you really can't go in the tag for quality stuff lately. Everything is about sex. I'm not a prude. I read occasionally stuff, but omg, not everything has to be like this. Sometimes stories begin hopeful, but they end the same way. I'm just sick of it because it's all there is. And because it's so oversaturated, "normal" fics don't stand a chance because people don't click on that anymore. So yeah, as a creator, if I wanna get attention for my work, of course, I will produce stuff that people will read.

Also what you said about minors, how are they supposed to interact with fics if everything is porn.

In general, people are sooo fixated on "spicy" content. On tiktok, all people read is smut, or they can't handle other stuff. Literally, smut destroyed their brains. How is it any different than guys having a porn addiction?

Also, the tumblr tagging and searching functions are shit. I wanna find new fics from like 2020 or 2021 (before s4 bc I miss those vibes). When you go to the popular tag thing, the earliest you get is 2022. Like tumblr needs to fix that, so content from years ago can still be found. People also need to start tagging accordingly. It's such a pain.

Again sorry for the rant.

HOHOHOHOHO NO APOLOGIES NEEDED NONNIE i love having a bitch and being on my hater shit and i think more people than you might think agree with all of this + its a whole buncha opinions under the cut u have been warned

to some degree to decrease in quality fics will be due to the lull between seasons which always happens- some of the fantastic writers move onto other obsessions for the mean time and truly, i can't fault them for that.

but yet somehow i know it's more than just that - a smut piece will get more attention and notes regardless of the quality of the fic. it's so tough to complain about cos like sigh its all free writing produced by someone so to moan and bitch about stuff getting more attention than others is like. not very nice and being hypercritical but also

not everyone wants to read smut!! and its fuckin everywhere!! wouldn't it be darling if there could simply be a tag that was smut free but noooooo every post gets tagged with as many fuckin things as possible for 'reach' which is the stupidest fucking thing i've ever heard before

and ur absolutely right, because of it fics with no smut get drowned before they get a chance to get noticed. and sorry to say it, but its very rarely that i've read a fluff piece and been like ah, that seemed like it was just thrown together like no its always crafted to some degree- but i cannot say the same for smut in the least. again, often u can mentally sub in different characters and the fic still works which to me = bad writing (if its a steve fic i shouldn't be able to slot in eddie and have it work? ok cos then its not a STEVE fic its just a porn fantasy which is like fine but GOD this is a whole nother can of worms but if u just write smut and then cycle thru joe keery characters its like half a step from writing rpf cos its obvious u just think he's a hot guy and not so much into his characters 😭 maybe im being autistic levels of protective over my lil guy but i also think im right lmao)

and ough trying to write for an audience is so hard, its a vicious cycle of: wants to produce content ppl will read and interact with -> doesn't enjoy writing it as much -> writing isn't as good as u know it could be -> if it flops for whatever reason u feel like asshole. anon babey please dear god write the ideas you want to <3 i can promise you they will be 100x better than trying to cater to an invisible audience ! ppl follow you for your writing !!! and feel free to tag me!!!! i always want to read good steve x reader fics!!! (i just can't be assed hunting them down half the time)

the minors thing is just. god its - i remember hearing the phrase 'virgins write the best smut' and it was when i was 14 and now im like god don't say that they write like porn cos they have fuck all idea what they're talking about. i read so much fanfic when i was 12 years old and what u said is so true, it just used to sneak up in stories and ruin things. its the internet tho so its impossible to truly moderate

omg ur tiktok comment so fucking true babe. when smut is prioritized over plot, u can tell and so many of the booktok rec's they have are just that. there are ways to write smut and have it still be a story. there's also ways to write pwp and still craft it and yet, u dont see that often. also what happened to being excited when two bitches hold HANDS??? AND KISS FOR THE FIRST TIME?? it's appalling the way they thirst for that content but write their captions like "and they have s3x!!! and f@&k in the bathroom hehehe" like what. its such sanitized and shit content honestly

god ur so right i hadn't even thought about hunting down old fics - and it would make such a difference if you could do that because otherwise SO much weighs on when u post it and if it shows in tags and yada yada

this is so much omg u don't have to read all that but genuinely the reason i started writing more steddie and less x reader is the difference in reception and general support. i dont feel like i'm competing against my mutuals, but more like we're here to just hoot and hollar at each other and unless u have a tight knit group of friends on here, u don't get that on x reader fics ://

[slytherinshua]

ahhh i am glad that school is going well!<3 and happy to hear that you can do what you love more nowadays (i mean your fucs are literally so magical i always love them so much, talented queen🫶🏻✨) bc it can be sooo good to get back into writing!

i am very busy with university sadly, many exams are coming up so unlike you i have been neglecting writing a bit🥲but in 2 weeks i will have a shorter break so i can write many fics again in advance (at least that is my plan hehe)

also!! random question of the day: which svt song do you think you are and why? (this is so interesting imo bc they have so many songs and im always so fascinated by hearing ppl explain why they associate themselves with a certain song hehe:))

ps.: sending hugs 🫂

i knowww me too like i've missed writing and there was a 3 week drought on this blog lol 😭 but im back to it!!! (kdksdj stop ur too nice 😭 thank u 🥹🫶)

ugh school always takes priority over writing unfortunately </3 but good luck on those exams!! and i hope the writing goes well when you get ur break <3

hmmm for the svt song... honestly i want to say smth soft but rn i rly feel like fuck my life represents me. i just feel like ive been through such a hard time in the past year/almost 2 years and only recently ive tried to make more of an effort. so kinda like the fight for my life message in that song :D so yeah that's what id say rn!! (tho some ppl have said im like pretty u and i would LIKE to say that im like falling for u of ah!love idk lol i just love those songs sm)

sending hugs backkkk <33333

[bookwyrminspiration]

also fuck the not being able to dress for the weather!!! i am lucky to have a vaguely good grasp on what to wear even without knowing the weather (which is majority bc my standard outfit for anything is short sleeved shirt, long pants, and a sweater tied around the waist in case it ever gets cold? maybe i don't have a sense i just was always prepared?) but i did have a very close friend who is also very bad at gauging the weather and 😔😔 man it sucks!!! u did have a fair instinct though a lot of ppl who work in the sun tend to wear longsleeves, but they are supremely uncomfortable

also ah yeah. coming to terms with difficult things while experiencing nature is i feel like. a common experience. will not say more about it though can always lend a listening ear privately if u need!

I've been making a bit out of not dressing right for the weather for so long that I somehow forgot. That the bit started because it was true. I'm not like idiotically terrible, I do have some sort of a system (below 35F is pants weather, below like 45F--I forget the exact number rn--I wear either long sleeves or pants, but not both), but in general I don't dress properly. I'm a shorts in winter girl </3.

Summer is usually better thought because at the core of it I like to wear less. I like shorts and crop tops and tank tops and small clothing items that show a lot of skin--both for aesthetic and sensory purposes. So summer months are well suited to that! Except for my need for socks at all times, that can get a little uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as not wearing socks. I just. Don't adjust my outfits when it gets cold as quickly as I should. I keep wearing my shorts and crop tops regardless. but it's usually only a winter problem

Which is partly why i was so exasperated with myself yesterday because it was like...i love underdressing its all I ever do and NOW i'm OVERDRESSED?? when I specifically tried to be properly dressed? like c'mon can't I have a win? I wore the longsleeve because it's colder at the top of the mountain and I was anticipating more wind, but then it was quite warm--at least until the storm hit, and then I was like oh thank god this works out for once. I got my win. But until it hit I was walking around in my bra

And yeah, there's just. Something about thinking when in nature that hits different. It wasn't necessarily that I had the realization, it was more me...giving it more space in my head? And better acknowledging it? Because it's been creeping up for a while (months if not over a year), and I've known it's been creeping, but I haven't wanted to face it. But I know it'll be better and more responsible if i do so I'm trying to do it (gradually) even though its scary. And recently I've been actually looking at it more instead of turning away, and i think yesterday just happened to be a turning point where I'm more determined to go through then wanting to turn away. Which is nice, even if it's terrifying. Anyway, that's very vague as it is personal (it's got to do with queer identity) and this is public, but I do appreciate your willingness to lend an ear--I might just take you up on that <3

[the-casbah-way]

You are yet another straight or bisexual woman brain washed by the trans cult into thinking ur a gay/bi man just because you went through trauma and don't "feel" like a woman (whatever that means). I really hope the best for you and you learn there isn't a wrong or right way to be a woman

i do have some genuine questions for u btw (u won’t answer them bc ppl who send these things never do they just spraff shit then run away) do u actually think this would achieve anything. do you think anyone has ever read anything like this and suddenly changed their entire identity and lifestyle and way of thinking because of it. i also want to know how the Trans Cult (sounds based where do i join) did this to me when i only started learning about trans issues and genuinely interacting with trans people a few years ago yet ive known i was trans basically my whole life. i would also love to know what trauma you’re referring to because i don’t even share that shit with my therapist so i’m very curious to know where the fuck you pulled that shit from. have you considered that i’m just a gay man because that’s what i am and that’s how i’ve always felt. i felt that way before i was traumatised and i still feel it now, nothing anyone has done or said or put me through has ever changed it least of all a fucking tumblr anon. come off anon and say it to my face next time ok. i am begging you to get a life and stop projecting ur issues onto random ppl on fuckin tumblr like how did you stumble upon a blog that almost exclusively posts memes and graphic thirst posts about old men and go ah yes this is a traumatised straight woman who needs me to fix them

[ttuesday]

Hi there. I've never done an ask before, and I'm not quite sure how to word this. But in my low moments all I can see is stories & fic about beautiful ppl and men drawn to women initially bc of their beauty.. and I've been finding that pretty hard to take recently. Would you be able to share something with Arthur and a [heavy] fem reader who pretty intensely struggles w/ v poor body image & low self worth due to that? E.g. can't seem to believe anything good abt herself & that she can be loved?

Ah anon I’m so honoured to be your first ask ;-; also I’m sorry this took so long, I wanted to get it as perfect as possible <3

More Than You’ll Ever Know

Word Count: ~2,000

Warnings: smut, SO talks negatively about her body

Arthur knew something was wrong. Usually whenever you feel down or insecure, you tell him and Arthur always tries to help you see how beautiful you are. But this time, you didn’t confide in him. You didn’t mention how you felt or why you slowly became more reclusive.

Arthur tried to get you to open up, asking how your day was and if Micah or Bill said anything that made you upset. Every time, you’d give him a simple yes or no answer and move on. Arthur was aware it was going to be a tough conversation but he was scared that you’d do something extreme if you didn’t open up soon.

He saw you sitting by the outskirts of camp, deep in thought. Cautiously, Arthur approached you.

“Darlin’ can we talk?” he asked, gesturing to his tent. It was better to talk there, at least that gave ye some privacy.

You were convinced you knew what this conversation was going to be about. It was inevitable. Arthur had finally built up his self esteem and now he knows he deserves someone better than you.

You didn’t try to put off the conversation or tell him you’re busy and can’t talk right now. You simply nodded your head and followed him to your shared tent.

You sat down on the bed and watched Arthur close the flaps of the tent, silence filling the air. As Arthur sat down beside you, you kept your head low and unintentionally missed his worried expression. He took a deep breath and slowly began to talk.

“I… I don’t mean to put you on the spot but I know somethings wrong. You’ve been distant for nearly two weeks now and it’s scarin’ me” he didn’t want to get too emotional so he tried to keep it concise. The last thing Arthur wanted was for you to feel like now you had to carry his worries around with you too.

You stayed quiet. You didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Your heart pounded in your chest, perhaps because now you knew Arthur could tell you were distant or maybe because you were having the conversation you constantly dreaded.

“Did I do something?” he questioned “Cause if I did, you just need to tell me so I can make it right”. Arthur’s brain went wild, thinking of how he may have accidentally upset you or made you feel unwanted.

Finally, you looked up at him. You didn’t want Arthur to think he was the problem. “What? No, no you haven’t done anything wrong” you tried to assure him.

“Are you sure? Darlin’ we haven’t been intimate in a while and you barely cuddle me at night, if I’ve done something to make you feel uncomfortable then I didn’t mean it” his mind flicked through all your interactions in the past two weeks, trying to remember his potential fuck up.

“Arthur, no” you instinctively brought your hand up to his cheek “you haven’t messed up, I just… how can I cuddle you back when my body looks like this? Look at me, why would you want to be intimate? I’m not attractive, my body goes out where it’s supposed to go in, I have more rolls than a bakery, m-“ you accidentally interrupt yourself, the words getting caught in your throat as tears flowed down your face.

You didn’t think you’d get so emotional but there you were, completely overwhelmed by the feeling of hate and disgust you had for your own body. Arthur shuffled closer to you, pulling you into him. “Darlin don’t think like that,” he said softly “let it all out, you let those tears flow, it’s ok”.

Arthur gave you time to cry before speaking again. “I wish you could see how I see you,” he sighed, resting his cheek on top of your head “just for a few seconds, that’s all you’d need to see how gorgeous you are. You could see how beautiful your smile is and your eyes shine in the sunlight, oh and how you can light up any room”. You sniffed, wiping another tear away.

“Darling?” He said quietly.

“Yeah?” You replied, feeling yourself calm down thanks to Arthur’s warm embrace.

“I know I could sit here and tell you all the things I love about you but I’d rather show you how much I love you…” he waited for your reaction and to see if you’d be ok with that.

You wanted to say yes but you were scared. Arthur had seen your body before but you felt embarrassed by it. How could you know if he’d like what he’d see this time? Arthur could see the struggle in your eyes. “Hey, if you don’t want to then that’s ok, I just want you to feel good” he whispered, kissing your temple.

Arthur always made you feel special but there was still that doubt in your mind. “I want to but I’m nervous, what if…“ you trailed off, knowing that if you continued you’d start to cry again.

“How’s about I help you get comfortable and if you don’t want me keep going or touch any part of ya then I won’t, I promise” he kept his voice soft and gentle as Arthur carefully helped you lie down on your bed.

Arthur hovered over you, propping himself up with his elbow as his other hand trailed down your waist and by your hips. He watched your face “Is this alright?”. You couldn’t deny that you were nervous.

Scenario after scenario played in your head, each one worst than the last. It was a struggle. You trusted Arthur so much. He had always been there for you, made you feel loved and confident but on the other hand, you know your body. You know all it’s flaws and that some parts aren’t pretty to look at. Sometimes you wondered how Arthur took interest in you in the first place, he seemed so out of your league.

“Hey,” Arthur snapped you out of your spiralling thoughts, placing a kiss on your cheek “focus on me, alright?”. His hand moved from the side of your hips over to your belt buckle. “I’m gonna go nice and slow, and like I said if you want me to stop at anytime you just say so” Arthur fumbled with your belt and the buttons of your pants for a few seconds before finally opening them.

First he removed your boots before you lifted your hips up as Arthur moved in the bed to pull down your pants. He let your gun belt fall off the bed and on to the floor and soon, your pants were disregarded to the floor too.

His eyes were drawn to your thighs. “Damn, you’re perfect” he muttered, both of his hands trailing up to your thighs. Looking up at you with a raised eyebrow, he added “And I ain’t just saying that to make you feel better”.

Feeling Arthur’s big hands kneed your thighs was nice. You wanted to melt into his touch, to shut your eyes and enjoy yourself but there was still a small part of you that continued to whisper worries and taunts to you.

His hands went to your shirt next. “You all good?” He asked, referring to him removing your shirt next. “I’m good” you smiled. Each time Arthur caressed you as he delicately peeled your shirt away from your body, you felt loved and that nagging voice faded.

It was as if Arthur could tell when you began to get self-conscious, giving you simplistic yet sweet kisses as a distraction. Before you knew it, you were bare beneath him. As Arthur began unbuttoning his own shirt, you looked down at your body. Your eyes flicked from your torso to Arthur, half naked and focusing on opening his belt.

He looked amazing, toned in all the right areas and big in all the perfect places. Looking back down at your own body, you could feel that knot of worry in your stomach flare up.

“You know what I love about your body?” Arthur knew you were starting to feel insecure again. He made sure to keep a subtle eye on you, watching out for any and all signs of anxiety and worry. He settled next to you before answering.

“I love your lips, how soft your skin is, I love all the little scars you have from different shootouts,” his lips inched closer to yours with every positive thing he listed “I love your curves, your legs, your waist, your eyes… and there’s another part I love a lot”.

“What’s the other part?” You questioned and in response, Arthur’s hand snaked up the inside of your thigh until he reached your heat.

You moaned as he teased your sensitive clit, rubbing slow circles as he kissed you again and again. Arthur was always great with his hands, knowing exactly how much pressure you like. His fingers made their way to your entrance and he began to finger you.

A sigh escaped your lips as Arthur kissed below your ear and down your neck. “That’s it,” he encouraged you to moan and sigh as much as you wanted “you’re so pretty like this, so beautiful”.

Arthur wished he could spend more time with his fingers inside of you but his body became restless, desperately needing you. Muttering words of praise, Arthur removed his fingers and lined himself up with you.

When Arthur entered you, he couldn’t help but loudly moan. “It’s been a while” he mumbled, his cheeks turning a faint rosy red colour. He stayed as close as possible to you, his thrusts long and steady.

When he wasn’t kissing you, Arthur told you how beautiful you looked. His eyes gazed into yours and in that moment, you felt truly loved. Your bodies moved as one, your hips met his every thrust and you kept your arms around him, keeping him close to you.

His hand massaged one of your breasts, teasing the nipple before making it’s way back down to your clit.

You closed your eyes, your high quickly approaching. “Look at me,” Arthur said breathlessly “I want you to look at me when you come”. Hesitantly, you open your eyes again, watching Arthur’s flushed face as he pushed deeper into you. Within seconds, you had reached your high. You moaned his name over and over again, tightening around him as you came.

Arthur’s climax was close behind yours. His thrusts lost their rhythm as he neared his finish. He held you as if he was scared you vanish under his grip. Arthur groaned as he came, his hold on you tightening as his seed filled you up.

After a moment’s silence, Arthur said through baited breaths “Do you wanna cuddle for a few minutes? Before we deal with the mess?”.

“Yeah, I’d like that” you agreed, feeling a wave of tiredness come over you. Arthur kept his arms wrapped around you as he shuffled into a comfortable position in the bed. You rested your head on his chest, one of your arms thrown loosely around him.

“Next time you feel like this, will you talk to me?” Arthur asked “Please don’t shut me out”. You sighed. That was a question that had a complicated answer.

“I’ll try but it’s really hard to talk about it” you explained. Arthur took in your answer and nodded “I get that, I just want to help in whatever way I can”.

A fond smile spread across you face “And you do help me, more than you’ll ever know”.

“And I love you more than you’ll ever know,” Arthur said as he rubbed your back “you make me feel complete, y’know that?”.

Your heart fluttered at the words. You knew this wasn’t going to be the last time you hated your body or felt like Arthur deserves someone better but in that moment as Arthur cuddled you, everything felt perfect.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4

I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all

But yeah couldn’t resist some <3

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.

Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.

Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?

Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.

Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy

Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.

Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today

and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings

so just checking in you know

Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.

Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall

Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.

Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of

today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title

I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol

I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.

Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.

Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm

damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol

Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.

Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.

Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow

something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.

It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)

Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.

Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.

Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART

LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK

GET ON MY LEVEL

WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK

BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE

SO INTERESTING HMMM

Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.

Wang Pangzi: UH HUH

A FAMILY MEMBER

THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS

TOLKIEN COULD NEVER

Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.

Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST

“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD

ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW

YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH

Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat

Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)

Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT

Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.

Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped

or at least I was there for moral support maybe?

Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.

Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”

Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT

Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware

It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand

it’s a ‘Gram thing

Also it means I’m a great person

Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.

Hei Yangjing: nah

Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite

it’s not a thing, blocking

Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.

Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.

Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.

Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope

First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two

Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird

(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)

Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.

Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.

Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.

Xie Yuchen: I see.

Hei Yangjing: do you tho

Main Chat

Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D

Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES

FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING

Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)

Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.

WU XIE

WU XIE WHY

Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.

Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US

LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT

UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING

WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU

WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.

Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM

ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS

Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.

Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!

Wang Pangzi: I SEE

WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT

LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP

IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT

Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.

Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/

ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3

Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.

Wu Xie: ???????

Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3

Wu Xie: I—

Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?

[kiisaes]

ah, i meant bakudeku just as bakugou and deku in that exactly bakudeku moment, so, i know that your art is of them but they feel a little different from how the canon characters feel to me so... hm, idk. obviously it is all personal interpretations, and i totally agree that that‘s like the point :D or one of them lol? it‘s at least super fun, and i think it‘s cool that people branch out like they do as well, watching the same source material but taking away different things from it and idealizing it in different ways for how they‘d want things to be. saying bakudeku really didn‘t make sense in that moment; that refers to the ship. sorry for the confusion!

(also just to clarify, i‘m rly sorry cause i feel like that‘s weird now too (me going i‘m reconsidering and then going no i‘m good, that doesn‘t rly make sense), what i meant with that is that looking at your art it‘s so clear that they‘re in love so when i look at it i‘m like ah no i see it!, which is kinda dumb ig cause it is ship art like duh. anyway. god that rly doesn‘t make sense at all, cause i just thought yeah i see it in that moment bc i recognize them in the art but then they‘re also in love and that‘s true. but i just said that i don‘t see them as i see the canon characters. i‘m really sorry, i‘ll think it through next time before starting conversations to make sure i don‘t just find out actually i contradict exactly what i said before in the middle of it, i‘m so sorry and so glad the anon feature is a thing lmao. sorry for dumping this messiness in your ask box! and more canon kirishima & bakugou content that i could watch and interpret my ideal kiribaku into would be great hehe, i‘m happy to hear you like an idea of them together too :D and i keep looking at the mangas whenever i‘m in my local bookshop but i feel like it would just be so much money lol, so i haven‘t bought any yet. but yeah, the art style is definitely super super cool :D (not that it would be any less so if i didn‘t agree, tis all obvs also subjective))

again, sorry for the length and sorry for the absolute mess, and thank you for sharing your art :,)🤍

ohh ok! so basically what i'm hearing is that u like bkdk but in the context of mostly fan art (with all of its fan interpretations), not in the actual series? bc if so that's understandable too — fan content will always dramatize a relationship more than what's present in canon and might make it seem more appealing LOL

haha i have no problem with ppl not liking bkdk as a ship or choosing not to ship it for any particular reason, so no worries! i know lots of bkdks can get pretty territorial over their ship tho, so for ur best interest, i'd recommend not going up to random bkdk artists and talking about krbk out of nowhere ^^' i've met a staggering amount of bkdks who don't like krbk at all (the same way i've met lots of krbks who hate bkdk) so probably best to make sure the bkdk is ok with other ships including bkg and deku. it's smart to play it safe — this fandom is already barely keeping it together with ship discourses and i wouldn't want u caught in the crossfire ( ；´Д｀)

despite the severe amount of bkdk i draw, i am a multishipper, so i don't particularly take much offense to these anon asks. as long as u don't come in slandering what i like then u're good lol. i have few notps so it'd always be nice to see more interactions between characters in the manga :') canon krbk has been pretty dry for ... maybe around 2 years now? oh god. which sucks, but hopefully they'll get some stuff soon !!! rooting for u and ur fellow krbks !!!

and u can read the manga online! i used to use bokunoheromanga.com, but it seems to have trouble with showing older chapter pages — or maybe it's just me. now i just use VIZ for every new update but there are definitely sites dedicated to posting the mha manga chapters whenever they come out! (i only buy certain volumes if they have specific arcs or scenes i like lol)

[realcube]

waking up the hq boys at midnight to get ice-cream hcs🍦

characters: tsukishima, tanaka, nishinoya, ushijima, sugawara,  oikawa,  kageyama 

note: yes, this was very much inspired by that one tiktok sound where the girl wakes up her bf to get ice-cream- 

also, i use midnight as like..the middle of the night- not actaully 12AM lol

tw// fluff, sangwoo- 

Tsukishima Kei

you did not need to wake him up at 1AM to get ice-cream

man was already up, having just came off his phone and laying like this 😐 in bed as he either waited for himself to fall asleep or was thinking about an awkward interaction he had earlier that day 

anyway, as soon as you turned to him like ‘tsukki, do you wanna come with me to get ice-cream?’

he was suddenly 😴 fast asleep, fake snores and all

you were stubborn though, so you hopped out of bed up to go get ice-cream by yourself if he was just going to ignore you 

although, once you threw your coat on, tsukishima decided to start questioning your unusual behaviour, ‘why do you want ice-cream? it’s night; can’t you just sleep like a normal person and have ice-cream in the morning?’ 

honestly, tsukishima probably finds your nightly antics more endearing and cute rather than annoying 

he’d never admit it though- 

if you talk to him after midnight, on the outside he always looks displeased but really, he loves talking to you period

whether it is at 5PM or 1AM

you shrugged, without an explanation for your craving, ‘i don’t need to reason my midnight urges to you.’

with that, you turned on your heels to head out the door with the full intention of going to get ice-cream - this wasn’t a game 

tsukishima groaned as he finally deduced that you were being dead serious and not just doing this to irritate him

‘ugh, wait.’ he scoffed, forcing himself out of bed to follow you, ‘we have ice-cream downstairs, dumb-ass. don’t bother going out.’ 

you didn’t spare him a glance, continuing to venture to the front door, ‘yeah, but we don’t have strawberry.’ 

tsukishima glared at you, realising that persuasion would not work in this situation so he’d have to resort to brute force and trickery

‘ah, alright.’ he let out a sigh of defeat, ‘at least give us a hug before you go then.’

you paid no mind to how he referred to himself as plural, which is something he only does when he is lying or guilty as he is talking on behalf of his two faces 

also, you should’ve realised something was up when he actually asked for a hug instead of just expecting you to give him one

obliging, you wrapped him in a hug; allowing him to scoop you up into his arms, throw you over his shoulder and carry you to the kitchen

‘let me go, you whore!’  you squealed, lightly slapping his back as if that’d make him let you go 

tsukishima snickered at how childish you were being, ‘you can’t go out in the middle of the night to get ice-cream. you’ll die.’ 

‘i won’t die!’

‘you definitely will.’

anyway, he ends up making you both a bowl of ice-cream and eating it with you at the kitchen table while watching Spirited Away

and despite the fact he had some too, he’ll tease you about this for..the rest of your life 

like sometimes he’ll just wake you up in the middle of the night (during holidays ofc - he respects your sleep schedule) and whisper in your ear, ‘(y/n), do you wanna come get ice-cream with me?’

Tanaka Ryūnosuke

IORFHIEBGEGBO THIS MAN

ik most ppl would think he’d just go with you without a second thought or that he’d be the one asking you to go out for ice-cream but- no- 

well, yes; he wants to 

but when you wake him at 1AM 

(which he doesn’t mind btw bc  sometimes he accidentally wakes you up at like 3AM bc he’s ragin’ on Battlefield oop-)

and you’re all like ‘ryū, wanna go get ice-cream?’ *puppy eyes*

he’s like ‘sure!- but i ain’t got money so- no ❤’ 

then he goes back to sleep 

however, if you say that you’ll pay..he’s already standing with your bags by the door

so you’re definitely gonna have to fork up some cash for that good quality pistachio gelato for him if you want his presence 😌

but tbh, if you said that you were just gonna pay for yourself, he’d come anyway-

Nishinoya Yū

y’all go out at midnight for ice-cream at least once a week-

and it literally began bc you were watching ASMRs and Mukbangs together at 1AM during a sleepover 

and one person was having some lemon gelato and it looked 👌✨ immaculate

in that moment, you both looked at each other and neither of you had to utter a single word for you both to know that there was a mutual goal in mind; to get ice-cream, ASAP

so yeah ig you didn’t have to wake him up but you did need to awake the desire for ice-cream inside him

needless to say, y’all ran to the nearest ice-cream place 

and you made a race out of it 

(you won, ofc)

AND YOU BOTH SHARED A CUP OF GELATO AND IT WAS SO CUTE ! q(≧▽≦q)

and y’know the trope where you have food on the corner of your lip/chin etc and the person kisses you to get rid of it? 

yeah he tried to do that with the trope in mind but he deadass LICKED you IWFBVBBFRI

he was like ‘omg (y/n), lemme get that for you’ 😋👅

honestly, ig it depends if you are into that kinda stuff but ik some ppl would leave fast af ( ﾟдﾟ)つ Bye

Ushijima Wakatoshi

sorry i might have a bit of favouritism going on but i feel like ushijima would be a bigger bitch about it than tsukishima (at first)

but it’s like- solely bc you woke him up y’know?

‘ushijima, wanna go get ice-cream?’

he’s just laying there with his bed-head like :/

silently livid bc you messed up his potential 9 hours of sleep

‘no.’

pester all you want but that is the best you’re getting out of him that night

HOWEVER, the following afternoon (after practise ofc), he took you out for ice-cream 😊

and unlike some would believe (by ‘some’, i mean myself 2 secs ago.) i don’t think he’d be all ‘ice-cream is horrible for your health, (y/n)’ or ‘i can’t believe you’re eating that filth. your body is a temple.’

but that rather he’d just happily eat gelato with you; everything in moderation ig :)

OH AND HE’D PURPOSELLY BUY A DIFFERENT FLAVOUR FROM YOU SO HE COULD BE LIKE

‘(y/n), do you want a bite of mine?’ and give you a spoonful to try like the romance king he is  

Oikawa Tōru

you wouldn’t wake him up bc mf needs his beauty sleep

plus, it was during a sleepover at your house so ofc you didn’t want to wake up your guest 

but he’s a light sleeper so when you’re shuffling through your stuff at 1AM, sneaking around the house to find a jacket (trying to be as quiet as possible so you don’t wake him up); his eyes are open and he’s speculating that sangwoo is near

until he turns around to notice that you’re not laying next to him and he is in fact being spooned by a large pillow (probably a sangwoo body pillow smh)

after that, he hops to his feet and storms through the house in search of you so he can yell at you for ruining his sleep grr

however, once he finds you and realises that you look ready to head out, he feels inclined to firstly ask, ‘where are you going? you know it’s 2AM, right?’ 

you replied by explaining your plan to sneak out for ice-cream and he just stared at you, absolutely bewildered for a few moments

he stood like a statue with that stupid expression on his face for ages so you asked him if he was alright, to which he responded, ‘that’s such a stupid idea.’

‘so, you’re not coming with?’

‘of course i am.’

so you both ended up sitting with your ice-cream cones, in your pyjamas, on a park bench somewhere, admiring the moonlit sky along with the stars adorning it

oh, and that was actually the first time he said ‘i love you.’

Sugawara Kōshi

if feel like suga would be exactly like the guy in the sound/video: confused, tired and extremely reluctant but ofc inevitably he ends up standing outside of a dessert place, hand-in-hand with you

he’d wake up, weary from fatigue and he barely has the strength to argue with you during the day - so how exactly was he supposed to do it in the middle of the night? 

thus, he lugged himself out of bed and threw on a coat but as soon as the cold winter air bit at his nose, he was flooded with the energy and will-power to try convince you stay in with him

(It’s his parental senses) 

‘you’ll catch a cold, darling!’ (yes, he does call you that.) ‘and it’s night too, there’s probably a bunch of creeps out and around!’

at that point, it was just a battle of will

bc you both had each other’s wishes at heart

you wanted him to have peace of mind and he wanted you to have ice-cream

(and he was kinda craving some himself tbh)

so you both decided to stay in, tucking into the half-eaten tubs of Ben & Jerry’s in the fridge 

and after that, neither of you got any sleep bc you both stayed up watching movies and cuddling 🥺

Kageyama Tobio

he was wide awake at 2AM, laying beside you on the bed, practising sets 

so ofc the time wasn’t an issue

but kageyama wasn’t big on sweet treats so when you suggested that y’all should go out for ice-cream, you were shocked - to say the least - when he simply replied 

‘sure’

like why would he oppose? he was already awake. plus, he was kinda craving something sweet tbh

also, he could tell it’d make you happy and he’s whipped tbh

so you took advantage of this indifferency by immediately jolting up and dragging him to your favourite dessert place

the whole time, he acted as usual - it was as if he was just on a regular walk to school

when you got there, you both shared a sundae and he paid; what a king (❤´艸｀❤)

(it was bc you had forgotten your wallet/purse at home- but still a kind gesture 💕)

you both just sat in a booth, pecking away at the sundae while talking about anything and everything that came to mind as the low, distant R&B music from the shop’s speakers played in the background

 ‘it is flat. have you ever been on a plane before, (y/n)? did you see a single curve? no.’

you rolled your eyes, finding it physically painful how stupid kagyeama could be sometimes, ‘it’s science, kags. the earth is round! the curves are just very subtle.’

‘no.’

‘YOU CAN’T SAY NO! IT’S SCIENCE!’ 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

i was listening to old drama cds as one does and i'm wondering how i managed to forget that once upon a time rin and haru competed over who can undress faster and i just... i can't imagine shipping a better ship lmao (i also truly cannot comprehend takes on how haru isn't competitive...) it's stuff like this that helps me survive the pain i will be in until spring because of the ending of the movie

I swear each time I say something about stuff they did in canon, someone always goes "no way" and I'm like "yes way look look" lmao. Bc you really won't guess with the two which of that is canon and which is fanfiction and it's always hilarious to me. You can really go, "ah no, it's wasn't in a coffeeshop au I've read, when he ordered his smiles, it was that drama cd" lmao. So yeah, they feed us so well <3

HARU ISN't COMPETITIVE?!! LOOOOOOOOOL oi sometimes I feel like some ppl in the fandom don't know them at all from what I see xD no, okay, you maybe haven't seen their dumbass games, when Haru's ass is on fire each time, but isn't it in the whole anime? And what about the driving bit? lol

My fav is also the lack of care about any public idiocity when they're in this mode and poor guys around them with their "omg not in the store, you two!" and "omg close your eyes, nagisa, we shouldn't see this" and "oh god not again" lmaaaao

Also medal and winning was never Haru's goal, but it's in fact oh so hella doesn't mean he doesn't love winning lmao. I also can't stop laughing about the fact that Albert was disrespectful to the water and now Haru just wants to run him over really badly lmao. Ppl should know by now that he has this thing, when it's not truly about the winning, it's about proving his point xD

With Rin its different, bc he enjoys the process, just not caring and happily jumping into his arms when he lost, bc he just loves the feeling during the competition with him, but when it comes to others, like when he wants to kick someone's ass or prove his point, its already another thing haha. He also has way too much stubborn peacock energy, like his hubby. "Didn't you say that you're the best in the water?" *gets very agressive to prove his territory* lol pls like Haru... he's not as simple as some think, he has his own.. things.. Rin knows hehe.

P.S. and true, at least we have lots of stuff to keep us alive until april :)

[palmett-hoes]

per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)

oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts

---

okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation

h o w e v e r  i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition

- - -

similarly, i’ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. he’s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesn’t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd

- - -

so now let’s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type. 

like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesn’t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. that’s... insane, honestly.

neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:

“Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood”

(phenomenal post) and that’s neil to a t. tell me this isn’t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive

neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he can’t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then there’s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away

what’s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrew’s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.

but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didn’t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically “i really need to move on, but not just yet.” for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and he’s like “i’ll cut and run in a month or two” then he doesn’t “i’ll be gone by halloween” wrong again “i’ll leave by the raven’s game” nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he can’t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didn’t make a plan, he didn’t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didn’t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HE’D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just like “ah shit, that was fast. oh well guess i’ll die” and that’s time blindness, babey!

---

let’s move on to nicky. 

now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because he’s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i don’t think that’s all of it. like if you really look at nicky’s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.

so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd

so, adhd:

very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries like “appropriate” times and topics of conversation

i would say you see hints of this with nicky. he’s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. he’s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but he’s an elite-level athlete. he’s also decidedly very chatty, and doesn’t seem to really pay attention to what he’s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. he’s a little all over the place. he’s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype

also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see he’s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. don’t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail

so now, asd:

in all honesty, most of nicky’s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when he’s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and he’s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesn’t understand them. 

the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. he’s touchy in a way they don’t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like they’re joking when they’re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that he’s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? it’s clear that they don’t really understand him and he doesn’t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; they’re each receiving different signals than they believe they’re sending out

only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. he’s interested in their lives and stories, but it’s very clear that he can’t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.

actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions. ‘how do you want me to react to this potential situation?’ ‘what are specific things that make you most comfortable?’ ‘please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?’ and i’m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers

and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. it’s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people he’s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and i’m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i can’t imagine it’s something he grew up doing. there’s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why he’s a lil imperfect about it

---

now last but not least, aaron

this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit

much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think he’s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type

in all honesty, aaron’s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that he’s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. he’s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to what’s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if he’s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesn’t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, he’s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so it’s not totally apathy, he’s just,,, tuned out most of the time

and, yea, that sounds like adhd. it’s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesn’t fit with how adhd “should” look or how someone “should” act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd

addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid who’s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they don’t actually know what they’re doing, and then they’re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we don’t know too many details about aaron’s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldn’t this fit? it’s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at eden’s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)

(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) pt. 3

hello friends and pals and random peepers! it’s been a while again, mostly bc i’ve ended up binging way too many other dramas instead of rewatching ultimate note. but now i’ve watched three more episodes and finally got to one of the scenes that actually made me start this whole damn thing! so please enjoy (or suffer, your pick)!

and ah, as a side note: am very grateful that they have removed the chinese subs from the episodes! expect a ton of new edits from me in the future ^^ 

Xiaoge and the meaning of food

This is a random tiny detail I’ve paid attention to bc of some personal stuff am not going to talk about. It’s just very interesting to watch Xiaoge doing normal, mundane things when he’s been so strictly honed into being something infinitely more. You don’t always come to think about the great Zhang Qiling and his relationship with something as natural as eating.

(placing under cut once again bc this got longer than expected!)

I am especially paying attention to two scenes in this (with a third one on the side as an extra): the moment in episode 9 where Xiaoge finds the extra food Wu Xie left for him, and then the scene in episode 11 where they have survived the night with the snake invasion. As an extra, I also consider the beginning scene of episode 11 where Xiaoge returns and Wu Xie very petulantly offers him the asked food. On all occasions there are some heavy meanings placed on food (and sharing it?), and as someone who always wonders about Xiaoge’s relationship with his own body, I came up with a couple of interesting thoughts.

First of all, I think the whole fandom knows and agrees on Xiaoge being very… dissociative when it comes to his own body. He has been brought up via pain and fighting, he has learned to trust in his own blood as a weapon, has become overly aware of his body’s every function bc he always has to know his condition, and while doing that, he has forgotten how his body feels. He has forgotten how it feels to want to be touched or his boundaries being respected, and bc of this, he has learned to treat his own body as an instrument for survival instead of something to be taken care of or valued.

And here, in walks Wu Xie. Young and naive and very, very physically affectionate Wu Xie (and Pangzi, let’s not forget our resident cuddler). You can see it in TLT1 and 2 when Wu Xie just keeps getting close to ppl and giving shoulder pats to everyone and having no issues with any of that. We see it in Ultimate Note when Wu Xie lets ppl to just cuddle him in his sleep (I keep saying he’s everyone’s chosen body pillow for a reason). The same thing continues in Reboot where we get possibly the cuddliest Wu Xie to date. But that’s not really the point here. The point is – Xiaoge doesn’t have boundaries. No one has ever allowed him to have those. For him, physical touch is mostly violent. No one really treats him as a friend and then we have Wu Xie.

But this post is not about physical touch bc at this point, that is pretty much established. Pingxie are very comfortable with touching each other (for as long as censorship is fine with it too) tho they don’t touch as often or as excessively as Wu Xie and Pangzi for example. For them it’s small bc Wu Xie knows that Xiaoge has never been allowed his boundaries (and especially in Ultimate Note he comes very aware of this after we learn about Ah Kun) and he doesn’t want to force Xiaoge into anything as long as he doesn’t know what he wants. So, physical touch aside, what else are we left with? Xiaoge taking care of himself. And more specifically: eating (bc Xiaoge’s blood obsession is another topic, and I guess we all are aware of his (and Wu Xie’s) issues with that and Xiaoge getting hurt in general).

So, in episode 9 we see this brief moment after Xiaoge has chased after the mud man (his acquaintance, Chen Wenjin) and Wu Xie and the others have inevitably moved on without him, where Xiaoge returns alone to their previous camp. He discovers his backpack and Wu Xie’s note which says: “Xiaoge, we’re off to look for Sanshu. The rainforest is dangerous. Be careful.”. Before reading the note, he’s gone through the supplies left for him. Chen Wenjin points out that there is extra food, and Xiaoge tells her instantly that Wu Xie left it for him. It is implied that it’s an occurring theme in their relationship: Wu Xie leaving Xiaoge some extra food.

From what I know of Asian cultures in general, sharing food, eating together, and making sure that your loved ones have eaten is a big thing. It’s not even limited to proper meals, continuing to simple things like snacks and drinks too. But then we put in the aspect of survival and food being a slowly dwindling resource. Here, Wu Xie has deliberately decided that Xiaoge needs this food more than he himself does. He has, in some sense, decided to go hungry in favor of Xiaoge. It’s like him saying, “Here, take this from mine. Because I know you get hungry too. Because I know you are human in that way too even if you tell me you’re fine.”

In relation to this, I wanted to bring in the “extra” scene I chose, the scene we see in the beginning of episode 11 (which is also probably all of our favorite silly Pingxie scene, right? At least I get a stupid smile on my face every time). In that, Wu Xie is following suspicious footprints to one of the tents. He is expecting a fight (Boy has a damn shovel! He’s ready to whoop ass!) and rushes in – only to find (a very muddy) Xiaoge looking for what other than food. Apparently, his stock has run dry. His only words to a furious Wu Xie are, “Food.” I don’t even blame Wu Xie for instantly melting at that, it’s so sincere.

I think about this scene a lot (for other things than Wu Xie’s adorable crumbled face as he shakes his tiny fists in fury). I wonder, how often does Xiaoge ask for food like this? Bc I somehow can’t believe that it’s often, knowing who he is. Maybe it’s a distraction technique against Wu Xie bc he knows that Wu Xie is worried about him, and what better way to make Wu Xie think about other things than to look miserable while attempting to get food? It’s working perfectly imo. Tho Wu Xie is still asking about things and Xiaoge refuses to answer bc well, he can’t stop Wu Xie from asking. But it’s somehow so funny to me that Xiaoge’s go to tactic for making amends is allowing Wu Xie to take care of him in this very simple and mundane way.

Then finally to the scene I based all of this around. This is a scene at the end-ish of episode 11 where the day has come again after their hellish night of fighting against snakes. Pingxie have crawled out of their shared and collapsed tent to see the mostly destroyed camp. They are eating porridge. Or Wu Xie is eating it bc here’s the deal: Xiaoge isn’t eating at all.

I dunno why on my first watch of Ultimate Note, this was the scene that totally broke me. I didn’t cry before this bc everything managed to be so light with all the humor but then I saw them sitting here and it just opened up a faucet. The moment Panzi asks if Xiaoge is alright (boy was poisoned during the night and Pangzi didn’t even know if Wu Xie succeeded at getting the serum to him, gosh the stress) and Xiaoge doesn’t really answer and then Wu Xie reaches out to squeeze his shoulder like he’s making sure – yeah. That was a lot to take in. Bc then Wu Xie says, “Have some porridge.” And Xiaoge nods and proceeds not to touch his plate.

What I gathered from my thoughts – once I was done sobbing that time and now, after watching this again – is that I’m not sure how often Xiaoge has forgotten to eat. He is going through stuff basically every day. He goes to places where eating isn’t always an option or even a possibility. He has learned to survive, yes, and he knows that food is a necessity for that but how often has he convinced himself that he doesn’t need that either? How often has he just not eaten, especially if there are others around? I must say that I think it’s quite often.

Because, think about it: even here, with his friends, after one hell of a night, he sits with a plate in his hands and doesn’t even touch the porridge on it. He acknowledges that he has food at all only after Wu Xie has told him to eat. Wu Xie looks so worried while saying that (and his shoulder squeeze before this seems like he’s noticing how skinny Xiaoge is). And I don’t really know how to put this into words but I just feel like Xiaoge needs guiding with his eating habits? He has eaten whatever or nothing at all for so long that it just. Isn’t a habit anymore. Food feels foreign to him. Enjoying food feels even more foreign. Regarding food as something he, too, needs, instead of allowing others to take it as they are more human than he is – that’s something he needs to learn again. And I dunno how it’s going but Wu Xie and Pangzi are doing their utmost best.

So, yeah. Food is a weird thing. I dunno how any of this really came out but my point is: Xiaoge has disconnected from his own body in so many ways and so deeply that even these basic human things sometimes feel foreign to him. And only in relation to Wu Xie (and Pangzi), he’s finally recognizing that. That is probably also why they work so well, why Wu Xie becomes so important to him. Why Wu Xie, as someone who tries to bring out Xiaoge’s humanity, works so well bc he’s so thorough in showing that. His attempts at convincing Xiaoge of him being human don’t stop at him trying to show that Xiaoge is a good man but go deeper, into these very basic, instinctual things like touch and rest and eating which Xiaoge has also forgotten bc he’s not been allowed to be.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[lvllns]

ah tysm!! I really appreciate it :) basically how did you know that reed was YOUR name?? I feel like I think about me as… me. rather than in relation to my name. ppl say it and I kind of go ‘oh shit yeah you mean me’. but I do want one that I feel good about? tho I don’t even know where to start in terms of finding the right one? like does it click? is there an ‘oh fuck yeah’ moment? where does one even begin with this that isn’t just another version of me researching oc names 🙃 any pointers are appreciated thank you

i have a feeling this is going to get long so preemptively sticking it under a readmore!

so, i don’t really hate my legal name. it’s whatever. it’s just a name and even though i might change it in the future, it’s fine for now. however, i didn’t want to go by it online so i shortened it up to caiti which was also fine for quite a bit! when i realized i was nb (looking back at all the names i’ve gone by online like lmao u weren’t slick bud) i decided to just keep using caiti bc: a) i didn’t want to change it after using it for so long, b) i was still holding onto this weird “no i’m not a woman but also i can’t let people KNOW THAT” thing that lasted for a bit.

then i started to get more comfortable with my gender. i figured out i lean more masc. i started kind of. setting caiti to one side bc that was slowly a name that didn’t fit me anymore. it was Too Gendered now. i knew i wanted to change my name bc fuck it, it’s online! who gives a shit, reinvent yourself every 3 months if you want, everything is fluid anyway.

ANYWAY, every oc of mine has a name that i absolutely considered using for at least half a day. i almost used kincaid. i thought about eli. sparrow. arden. beckett. but there was always like this “eh that’s just not me. it doesn’t fit.” so i never did. i thought about changing my name for months, i’m not gonna lie. it took ages.

hilariously, i was in the middle of making a new sidestep. i plopped the name reed down and immediately went “actually. that’s mine.” it clicked. i think i made the post about changing my name like 2 minutes later.

i really. really didn’t expect it to fit so well? like. i wasn’t sure if it would ever really feel like Me, mostly bc it was just online, but omg. let me tell you. hearing someone say my name?? hearing someone call me reed??? immediate burst of serotonin and dopamine and everything else just. yeah. yeah that’s Me.

all of this to say, that’s what it was like for me. i went through countless possibilities in my head before saying anything out loud and that’s something you could do too! or just pick a name! use it for a little bit. see how it feels beneath your fingers and in your mouth. if it stings the back of your tongue, try another. try again. go by two names. three if you want. take a name from a piece of media you like. scour name sites. there are no rules to this. things will change and shift, and what felt good 6 months ago might not now. and that’s totally fine!

the key is to do what makes you happy and comfortable, easier said than done in some situations, but just know that this is about you. and my ask box and dms are always open.

[lord-of-the-queers]

The Fellowship reacts to ur top surgery

((This is 100% self indulgent. im dysphoric and in need of validation ok leave me be))

At least in my experience, showing off ur chest after surgery is a trans thing. Trans femmes, trans mascs, androgynous non-binary ppl, agender ppl, doesn’t matter. Makes sense too, when at least in the US u pay thousands for that designer chest. So here’s my take on how the fellowship would react. CW for top surgery and the things that come with it. Also for those who are pre op and dealing w dysphoria it could b emotional.

Gandalf would give u advice beforehand, telling u what to ask ur surgeon, walking u through the procedure and what to expect in recovery. Upon seeing ur chest post op for the first time he’d prob say something like “ah yes, fine work indeed. Be sure to thank your surgeon for me.”

Aragorn, man of few words, will simply high five u n say “nice”

Legolas would 100% be the “OOH IT LOOKS SO GOOD” kind of friend, u know? Prob would ask lots of questions abt the procedure and healing process.

I 100% believe and support the headcanon that dwarves are super chill abt gender. They do not give a fuck and i love it. So gimli being himself would prob react like an overly proud dad. like “YEEESSS!!!” (U know, like the one part at the end of FOTR) and attempt to raise u up on his shoulders. Depending on what race u see urself as In Middle Earth, he’d have varying degrees of success.

Merry: *lifts shirt* hey me too! Teet yeet buddies ((I love trans merry so much I’m physically shaking. Trans Meriadoc rights))

Pippin, upon hearing abt loss of sensation after surgery, would start repeatedly poking ur chest (with consent) saying “well can you feel this? what about this?” He’ll also bring up how he’s heard of ppls n!p grafts falling off after surgery and will ask u if ur worried abt that, and what u would do if they did fall off. U can’t tell if he’s being serious. Also bc I’m a believer in genderfluid/genderqueer pippin, i feel like he’d def make t!tty exchange program jokes.

Ik a lot of ppl headcanon him as being a little transphobic but I’ve always headcanoned Boromir as the person who takes time to learn but once he does is aggressively affirming and pro trans rights. Or like the ally who’s the embodiment of the “he a little confused but he got the spirit” meme. So like he doesn’t get it but he recognizes it makes u happy and is happy for u bc of that. Also he will 100% go up to bat for u. He may not always say the right things but he’ll show up when it matters. I think he’d be curious abt the process and want to ask u abt it, but would b nervous to say the wrong things.

Sam is the person who asks abt ur recovery, checking in to make sure ur feeling ok, and is ur after surgery support. He’ll help u for the first couple weeks after, make sure ur taking ur meds when u need to and u have everything u need to make recovery as quick and easy as possible. He also learned as much abt it before hand as possible, even asking ur surgeon more questions than u did. Upon seeing ur chest for the first time, he’ll make comments abt how it’s healing very well, and ask if u have been doing everything the doctors said.

I feel like Frodo would say something v intuitive. “I’m not sure if this is an alright thing to say, but this looks right on you. I’m not sure how to explain it. It just seems better for you. Like a weight is gone. You look happier, is what i mean.”

Bonus:

The Fellowship as a whole, but specifically the Rich Boy Squad (Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Legolas and Boromir) see to it that everything is covered, so u don’t have to worry abt the cost

U express concerns abt post op depression/regret and some of the members of the fellowship (u decide who) help u write letters to remind urself why u did it in the first place.

U go swimming for the first time post op w the Fellowship and it’s one of the best and most affirming experiences ever.

I don’t know why. I can’t explain. But I’ve decided gimli is good with textiles. He makes u a very large and very soft blanket

To be continued. Also feel free to add to this!!

[palbabor-writes]

dude uh so like dabi but as a father... like he would never but like no one day he gets left with this kid and he's not gonna abandon it bc he cant idk i just want to see dabi as a parental unit trying not to be a bad parent

lol, ppl ask me asks and i respond with a feature freaking film worth of words.  (//▽//) warnings: adult language, angst, mild spoilers for current manga chapters: 290 - 291

words: 3915 

notes: I answered this a little differently. It’s more of a longing for what could have been, rather than a kid of his own sort of thing. But, Dabi does his best damn it. Also, yeah, yeah, it’s another Greek title. I cannot be STOPPED. but i prolly should be. Not beta edited, so all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

Pónos 

ponos /ˈpoʊˌnɒs/ or ponus /ˈpoʊnəs/ noun  Ancient Greek: Πόνος Pónos  the personification of hardship and toil

There’s a loud clattering noise that’s echoing along the polished floors and walls of the Meta Liberation Army’s base. 

Dabi hates these long hallways. They remind him of some kinda tomb, with all that reverberation and all those gleaming surfaces. They’re perfect for elongating and stretching voices and sounds. 

So whatever the fuck that racket is, it’s not like he’s going to be able to avoid it. He’d need to turn around to do that and he’s not about to fucking turn heel and retrace his steps. Besides, it would take him twice as long to go the other way. Nah, this path is easier, despite the looming annoyance of the commotion.

 He rounds a corner and catches sight of a young woman. 

She’s struggling with something as she reaches into her shoulder bag, and her back twists awkwardly as she leans both forward and sideways. Dabi can’t get a good look at her from here. But, he reasons, he also doesn’t care enough to bother with a second, closer, glance. Nope, all he’s gotta do is slip past her and he can be on his way. 

“Reo-- Reo! Please keep still. I need to get to my phone…” The woman’s voice sounds strained and that odd pattering noise that he’s been hearing since he stepped toward this hallway hasn’t stopped either. If anything, it’s worse. Is it her quirk? Is there somebody behind her? Does she have one of those remote talking devices? Like that the ones that the Doc gave to the League before all this fucking cult bullshit started. What-

Dabi’s thoughts wander to a screeching halt as a boy bumps into his shins. He blinks at the sensation and stutters to a stop, his eyes glinting at the small form. The kid, who looks about four or five, stumbles backwards and cranes his head, looking up at this new discovery he’s run into. 

The boy studies him and, for a brief moment, Dabi worries that his face might spook the kid bad enough to send him into a sobbing and crying fit. Dabi’s not exactly the easiest thing to look at now. But, the kid seems ok with gawping at him, his violet eyes goggled and wondering. 

“Reo-” the boy’s mother repeats, replacing her phone and scanning the hallway for her rogue offspring. “I--Uh, there you are! I’m sorry...Oh, you’re one of those new generals. I’m afraid I don’t remember your name. Ooh, oh my gosh, now that you’re here, would you mind watching him for a moment? I’ve gotta run something back to Skeptic…”

That woman is saying something but Dabi’s too involved in his strange standoff with the boy. Neither he, nor the kid, seem to have the wherewithal to pull their gazes away. No, they both just watch each other, the former maintaining his aloof scowl and the latter is putting on an amazing show of raw fascination. 

“So, just don’t let him get up to too much trouble and I’ll be right back. Won’t be more than a minute.”  

Huh?

Dabi whips his head up, suddenly realizing what’s being asked of him. Like fuck he’s gonna watch this kid. Wait...where did she go?

He twists and turns, his cerulean eyes flashing up and down the sterile hallway, but there’s no sign of her. What the hell? How can someone dematerialize that quickly? He didn’t even say yes, for fucks sake. What a negligent, irresponsible parent she is, to just leave her kid like this with a complete stranger. Pfft, stranger feels a bit weak, honestly. Nah, Dabi’s a walking, talking freakshow. Nothing about him looks safe or dependable. There’s a pull on his dark pants and he automatically shakes his leg against the sensation, agitated. What now? 

Ah.

Junior is blinking up at him, those chubby hands wrinkling the rough fabric between his tiny digits. “Hi,” he beams, his pearly baby teeth straight and gleaming, “I’m Reo!”

“Yeah,” Dabi scoffs, knocking the kid’s hands away. “I heard. Where did your, er, mom go?”

“What’s your name?” Reo prattles, following Dabi as he skulks a little ways down the hallway, his brow furrowed and shoulders tense. Now what is he going to do? He could leave, tell the kid to stay put and go about his business. He doesn’t have time for this, after all.

“Hey!” Reo calls and Dabi turns at the slightly frantic note in the child’s voice, his eyes sharp. 

“Whadda’ want kid? I’m trying to find your mom.” 

“I said my name is Reo-”

“And I said I heard you. Tch, you’re so loud there’s no way half of the building didn’t hear you,” Dabi snaps, looming over the little boy, his mouth pressing into a deep frown. 

“I told you my name, so..so now you gotta tell me yours,” Reo scolds, those violet eyes shining. Dabi can see that the kid’s tiny frustration is rising at the thought of some adult being so rude as to not answer his newly engrained social niceties. 

“Hmph,” Dabi snorts, a low laugh puffing out of his lips. “The name’s Dabi.”

Reo digests that, his nose wrinkling as he mouths the unfamiliar name to himself, like he’s wanting to get it just right when he speaks it aloud. It’s kinda cute, Dabi muses. You know, in a stupid sort of way.

“D- Dadi?” Reo mimics, stumbling over that all important ‘b’ in Dabi’s name.

“What? No. It’s DABI. It’s got a ‘B’ in it. Like, uh, b as in, uh, bear. You know what a bear is, yeah?”

“A bear?” Reo asks, biting his lip at the strange change of topic. “What about a bear?”

“You got my name wrong, kid. It’s Dabi, not DaDi. My name has a ‘b’ not a ‘d.’ Try again,” Dabi groans, sinking to his haunches and praying that this kids mom will rematerialize any goddamn second. 

“Dadi,” Reo mimics, still fumbling. 

“Ugh,” Dabi sucks his teeth and begins to stand again. 

“Hey! Pick me up?” Reo requests, his arms lifting, stocky fingers clenching and unclenching into his palms, opening and closing in a repetition of a familiar demand. 

“Pick you up?” Dabi repeats, incredulous. What the fuck is wrong with today? The only thing that could make this worse is someone seeing this odd performance.

“I’m not gonna pick you up,” Dabi growls, his lips pursing at the kid. “You’re just fine where you are. Besides, don’t kids like you need to practice walking? How old are you anyway?”

“Five,” Reo chirrups, puffing his chest out, like he’s expecting a rainfall of praise to fall on him now that he’s verbally acknowledged that he is indeed, a big boy.

“That’s too bad, kid. If you’re five, you’re definitely old enough to walk under your own power,” Dabi snorts, bemused by Reo’s chipper attitude. Doesn't that get tiring? All that smiling and pacing that he’s doing? Dabi’s never had much experience with little kids, well, other than his own contact with his younger siblings, but they were never this...chatty.

“Awe,” Reo whines, his head falling, little chin bumping as it hits his collarbone dejectedly. Dabi shakes his head at the dramatic reaction. Sulking is better than crying, he reasons, turning his head to look for the boy’s mother again. She said it would only take a minute? The fuck was she?

“Hey, kid. Where were you and your mom before you came here?”

There’s a strange, static-like quiet that follows Dabi’s question. That’s weird. He would have figured that his new query would have broken the boy out in another rash of talkative excitement. So for him to be…

Wait. 

Dabi turns back and his eyes scan the newly barren hallway for the boy. The fuck? Where did he go? His gaze is still whisking frantically when he spots the heel of Reo’s shoe disappearing beyond the next corner. Fucking wonderful.

He paces after the boy, his long legs pulling him quickly along. Again, he wonders why he gives two shits. It’s not his kid, not his responsibility. Yet there’s some nagging pressure that keeps beating at the back of his mind. It’s likely some pieces of a fragmented lesson that had been taught to him long ago. Back when he wasn’t like this. Long before he’d made the decision that sent him on this mindless trajectory, lingering in the obsession of his pent up rage and hurt.  

You’re the eldest. 

Take care of your sister. 

Easy, he’s still a baby. That’s right, hold him like that. You’re such a good brother. 

You’re the one who he can go to when he needs help.

Thank you, Touya. You did so, so well! I’m sorry I had to leave for a bit, but thank you for watching him. 

It’s a big job, and one that you’ll always have, so, can you do it?

You’re their big brother. They look up to you.

Look! She’s happy to see you, Touya!

Dabi snarls at those little flashes of memory, his teeth gritting. No one needs him. Fuck, he’d be more likely to kill them than help them now. Or, at least that’s what he keeps telling himself. Drilling it in, over and over, until he can repeat that vitriol like it’s some kinda twisted prayer. He’s not that boy anymore and he can never, ever go back. He’s made sure of that. 

“Hey! Hey kid! Get back here! You little shit!” 

A loud, male voice is booming up ahead and Dabi jogs the last few steps, his head already uplifted and searching as he rounds the corner. There’s a tall, unfamiliar man in the next hallway and he’s looking away, watching as Reo sprints from him. 

“Fuck, man. Why you gotta yell at him?” Dabi scolds, his cerulean eyes glaring. The man whirls around and Dabi notes the source of his ire. There’s a large stain, bleeding against his crisp white button up and an upturned mug is clutched in a tight fist. Kid must have bumped into him and knocked his coffee out. Well, that fucking sucks, but it’s no reason to freak out at the little guy. He’s five for fuck’s sake. Not like he did it on purpose. 

“He burned me! He ran around that corner and smack into me! Control your kid, you ass! I know you’re one of those hoity toity new generals but you gotta--”

“He’s not my kid,” Dabi snaps, already shoving past the blustering idiot. If he hurries, he can snatch the boy up before he gets too much farther. 

“You sure are running after him like he is!” 

The taunt chases him as Dabi stalks away and it makes him grind his teeth again. Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, he repeats, all he’s gotta do is get the kid and wait for the mom. Besides, he’s in too deep now. He can’t just abandon him. Fuck, with his luck, he’d run into the mom before he ran into Reo again.

The next hallway leads to one of the many common rooms. 

Dabi, realizing this, begins to jog again, suddenly desperate to catch Reo before he wanders into even more members of this crazy cult. Or worse, he gulps, a member of the League. He’d never live it down if the kid bumped into Compress or Shigaraki. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

As he skids along the next turn, Dabi catches sight of the kid. He’s wavering beside the double doors of the common room and he looks distinctly lost, his dark head turning every few seconds, those violet eyes of his wide. 

“Oi! Reo! Stop running,” Dabi calls, already lowering himself to a kneeling position, his long, mangled arms outstretched. He’s hoping he’s painting some kinda welcoming picture with this gesture and not just creating a terrifying pantomime of comfort.

Reo looks back and he lets out a little squeal of recognition and delight. Excited he is finally going to be picked up. His shoes tap loudly against the tiles as he dashes into Dabi’s oddly warm embrace. 

Once he’s got a good grip on the boy, Dabi rises to his feet, keeping the kid’s body securely against his. At first, Reo protests the tight hold, his back bowing and squirming, but Dabi stills him with a long, hard, stare.

“Don’t do that,” Dabi chastises, wincing against the pull on his marred skin. 

“Oh! Does it hurt?” Reo asks, carefully bringing his swinging feet to a standstill, noting the grimace of pain on Dabi’s scarred face.

“Yeah,” Dabi confirms, shifting Reo to his hip so he can free up his other arm to adjust a pinching staple. “My skin ain’t exactly healthy. Now, let’s get you back to your mom before she finds out that you fuc-- I mean...that you dashed off like that. Give people a heads up next time, huh? Making me run all over the compound after--”

“Oh! Who’s that you’re holding?”

“Gosh, he looks just like you! With that dark hair and those bright eyes of his. Is that your son?”

Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

Dabi tosses a glare over his shoulder, but the two women keep walking toward him, cooing at Reo’s pleased little face. One of them reaches up and ruffles the boy's hair and Dabi instinctively takes a step back, a snarl lifting his lips over his white teeth.

“He’s not my kid,” Dabi corrects, for what feels like the umpteenth time today. It’s only the second, but twice is two times too many. 

These women are being ridiculous. They don’t look that much alike. He’s just got dark hair, that’s all. If they knew what color Dabi’s hair really was they wouldn’t even make that connection. With his true coloring, Reo would be another kid and Dabi would be some fucking freak who’s left holding him. He’s not this kid's anything, least of all his protector. 

It’s not his job to look after this half pint, nor is it his job to care about him. Even if he reminds him of some sliver of what was, what could have been. No, Dabi is just some schmuck who somehow stumbled into this absurdity. It would be easy to unwind those trusting arms and lower this kid back to the ground, he’s not sure why he’s still holding him. He should...he should put him down...He... 

For some reason, that last thought makes his heart squeeze, pressing an irregular beat against his breast. He shakes his head at the sensation, burying whatever bubble of emotion that is trying to rise back down, pressing it deep, smothering and covering until he feels normal again. 

“He’s right! I’m not. Because he’s Dadi!” Reo confirms, simultaneously standing up for his new, haphazard, caretaker and throwing him under an oncoming proverbial bus in the same breath. Goddamn it all.

“That’s so sweet! Your son is beyond adorable!”

“He’s not…” Dabi begins, but bites his tongue. What good is it doing him anyway? These flunkies of the Meta Liberation are just fawning over Reo anyway. He’s honestly stunned they’re still talking to him at all. 

As they’re tickling and petting at the boy, a sudden thought springs into his mind. Actually, this might not be too bad. If he can get one of them to take the kid, he can fucking slink away, his responsibility finished, job done. 

“Oi, one of you can take him. He’s waiting for his mom. She said something about meeting with that Skeptic dic-- guy.”

“You want us to watch your son?” One of the girl’s questions, her head tilting at his demand. “Wouldn’t you rather wait for her yourself? You don’t know us and, well, not that we’d do anything bad...but that feels strange. Besides, you’re doing a great job! Look how happy he is. The two of you are so cute!”

Amazing. 

Apparently, Dabi, despite his hardened and rough persona, one that he has cultivated and built up for years, mind you, could now add, “cute,” to that resume of terror that he is building. 

Sighing, Dabi tries a more direct approach. “You seem to like him a lot, so just keep an eye on him until his mom comes back. It’s not hard. He likes being held, so just, er, hold him.”

Reo, sensing that he’s about to be deposited out of Dabi’s warm grasp, begins to wiggle again, his hands clinging to Dabi’s skin. He’s trying to be gentle, remembering Dabi’s earlier warning, his small digits tapping rather than digging, but he’s still scrabbling against the pull.

The woman clicks her tongue and smiles, tucking some of her long hair behind her ear. “Your son is so precious! He must really love you. Look, Han, isn’t this kid is the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen!” Her friend chuckles and agrees and the cheerful sound makes Dabi seethe. 

“Like I told you, he ain’t my kid. Now knock the wax outta your ears and take him,” Dabi snarls, still pushing Reo outward, hoping beyond hope that this calamity will just fucking end. 

“Dadi,” Reo pouts, his nose wrinkling as he burrows his face into Dabi’s arm, his skin hot against Dabi’s purple flesh.

“If he’s not your kid,” the woman named Han says, propping a fist on her hip, “why does he keep calling you daddy?”

“He’s not calling me that,” Dabi grumbles, his eyes lingering on Reo’s distressed slump. “The kid can’t say my name, which is Dabi. For some fucking reason the “b” is alluding him.”

“Fucking?” Reo questions, his brilliant purple eyes lifting, searching Dabi’s deep blue gaze. When he doesn’t get an answer, he repeats the word, lingering on those harsh syllables a little longer than he needs to. God, Dabi thinks, pulling Reo back to him, trying to muffle the boys bewildered tests of his new word. This is beyond ridiculous.

“Uh-oh,” another, male, voice resounds. Dabi scowls at the newcomer, watching as he steps beside the women, his eyes widened in mock concern. “That your kiddo?” He asks, his brow arching at Dabi’s now openly hostile form. 

“Fuc-- Again? I gotta answer this again?” Dabi snaps, shifting Reo back to his hip, just above his belt. “No. No, he is not mine.”

“Sure about that?” the man quizzes. “He’s sure got your hair and, uh, your vulgarity down.” 

“He’s that woman’s...Look, his mother went to go see that Skeptic bastard. So, you wanna help me out here? Any of you idiots want to do something useful? Hmm? Go into that big meeting room, the one past the common area and get her. I bet that’s where she went. When you see her...tell her, her kid is going wild. Stop...stop looking at me like that or I’ll torch you where you fuc-- where you stand.”

Instead of being cowed by his threat, the Meta Liberation Assholes just laugh, the three of them leaning against each other as they heave with their amusement. And Reo? Well, he’s seemingly amused by all the ruckus, giggling and murmuring little nothings into Dabi’s skin, nuzzling into Dabi’s inhuman warmth. Dabi feels that strange tugging at his heart again and in his anger and distant horror, he spews more rage onto the trash that’s daring to chortle so openly in front of him.

“Goddamn it, I’ll make each of you pay for this you...you stupid--”

“Dabi?”

Can a hole open up under him? That would be absolutely perfect and he’d be so, so grateful. He cranes his neck and catches sight of the last person he wanted to see. Fucking, Twice. His costume is making those white eyes of his comically wide and his hands lift to clap at his face, always dramatic and overblown to the last.

“Who is that sweet little boy? The hell are you doing with that child?!?”

“He’s--”

“It’s his son!” The ‘Han’ woman calls, still clutching her sides, her eyes wet from her mirth.

“No,” Dabi groans, his head dropping lamely. He wants nothing more than to fry each and everyone of these fucking pieces of shit. The desire is so strong he can feel the creeping of heat that’s rising in his palms and tickling up his piercings, scalding his skin against the metal. No, he scolds himself, he can’t do that. Not with Reo in his arms. He’s gotta be careful. He can’t hurt the kid. It’s not his fucking fault he’s been trapped in the care of a monster like him. 

Dabi gasps at his sudden, protective instincts. The fuck? This kid is nothing to him. Nothing. He doesn’t remind him of anyone. No, he’s nothing like his little brothers, all questions and sweet, brief hugs. He’s not...he’s not…

Reo’s hum of agitation breaks Dabi from his swirling emotions. The boy tries to lift his legs away from Dabi’s hips, his arms wrapping around Dabi’s neck, suddenly unsure and starting to whimper. 

“It’s too hot,” he complains, his voice small and soft in Dabi’s ear.

“I know,” Dabi concedes, taking another deep breath, trying to still that rushing rage that is lingering in the back of his mind. “Sorry kid, it should stop in a minute.”

“Ok,” Reo nods, his black hair mingling with Dabi’s spiky tendrils. 

Twice has stepped forward and he’s standing beside Dabi, his head cocked, looking from the shivering boy to Dabi’s haggard expression. “He does look a lot like you,” Twice ponders, his fingers tracing his chin meditatively. There’s something about Twice that Reo is bothered by and his face falls into the hollow of Dabi’s neck and shoulder, straining his body against Dabi, away from the black and red suited man that’s beside Dabi’s elbow.  

“Fuc-- Piss off, Twice,” Dabi growls, his blue eyes narrowing and hardening as he pats comfortingly at Reo’s back, twisting from Twice’s curious stare. “You’re freaking the kid out. Hey! Hey, don’t you assholes have some bootlicking to do?” Dabi snaps, his eyes lifting to the gaggle of MLA members, who are still giggling and whispering across from him. And, just as those words leave his lips, Reo’s mother, finally, finally returns. 

“Oh thank you!” She coos, raising her arms to Reo and peeling him away from Dabi. To Dabi’s shock, Reo still shakes his head, his arms retightening around Dabi’s tense neck.

“Oooh, he’s taken a liking to you I see!” 

“You gotta let me go, kid,” Dabi whispers into Reo’s ear, unlacing his little arms. Reo whines and pouts as Dabi presses him back to his mother, a sigh of relief shuddering from his mismatched lips. Thank fucking God. Now he can have this woman tell all of those shits that he’s not this boy’s father...wait...what the fuck? Oh...oh, now they all leave.

The MLA lackeys are drifting away, walking in a tight bunch as they re-enter the common area, soft grins still lingering on Dabi. And Twice? Twice is snickering openly and making his way down an adjacent hallway, no doubt off to tell Toga what he’s seen.

“Thanks again. Looks like you did a great job,” Reo’s mother repeats, shifting her son to a better position, trying to quiet his frantic scrabbling, his small arms still reaching, struggling for Dabi.

“Dadi!” Reo cries, a few tears falling from his soft face as he’s walked away. In another heartbeat, they’re both gone and all Dabi has left of that strange little kid is the lingering sting and warmth of his embrace on his burned skin.

Notes: Dabi is a grump. Or is he? o(TヘTo)

Tags: @spicy-skull, @xwildskullx, @evesmores