#bc no one can go hungry
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pov xander eye reveal speedrun (gone wrong)
#my art#guys ive been going insane this is the third drdt drawing in the past 24 hrs 😭#THIS WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE A DRDT DRAWING BYE#AT SOME POINT I WENT “oh wait this is the min color” GUYS THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SKETCH I SWEARRRRR#actually u can def tell it was a sketch bc whenever i dont reference an on-paper sketch ive already made the head looks wonky#anw to that one min lover account ty for being d1 min truther ive followed u since before u even made the daily min jeung account#drdt#drdt fanart#danganronpa despair time#min jeung#drdt min#im too hungry to add any more tags if u think there isnt much its bc i ate them. hope that helps
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STATUS UPDATES:
➯ FICSFORGAZA [!]
I am currently dealing with a family emergency and my ma has been rushed into hospital so I’ll be offline until things calms down, and progress on wips will slow considerably. I’m really sorry guys
➯ GOING INTO 2024
2023 has been rough for me in all manner of ways but I will say it has been very fruitful with regards to my writing. I managed surpass my goal of 100k words, reaching an unfathomable 150k at present, and I’ve even managed to hit a big milestone when it comes to my following! I’m extremely grateful to all my readers, both those that have stuck with me and those who are new, and I wish I had adequate words to really express that. but going into 2024 I will likely be writing less frequently than I did this year. this is due to my own health, and a multitude of other problems that I can no longer keep on the back burner.
plenty of you have seen mentions of hospital visits and procedures on my blog, and while I’m not very comfortable oversharing about medical stuff I do want to be transparent about the fact that I will be posting fics less because of it. I’ve been in and out of semi hiatus for the better part of 4 months but I was always awful at sticking to it. next year I want to actually give myself grace, and take care of my body.
please do not fear!!! this resolution actually aligns perfectly with my writing goals for 2024. I want to focus on lengthening my word counts. I’d love to post fewer fics, but to have said fics be 25 to 50k respectively, rather than to post a lot of 1 to 15k fics. mostly I want to work on my own impatience when it comes to writing, and berate myself less for what I think I should be doing writing-wise. I will still be around on here, and I always want to talk with you guys (and read whenever the mood strikes!!), the biggest difference is I’ll have longer projects, and you’ll have to wait for them (though if I’m honest I will likely still post a shorter fic here and there lol).
I appreciate the patience a lot of you have already shown me this year, what with my random breaks and gaps between posting. you have all been so so kind and generous with your praise and I wouldn’t be here, writing and sharing, without that support. I love you all and wish you well going into the new year!!!!!
#prev tags from original post ->#if you’ve sent me an ask I’m sorry I haven’t answered yet#I am very bad at taking breaks like idk how to chill so here’s hoping this helps LMAO#how many reminders can I fit in my tags#remember to drink water and take your medication and eat when you’re hungry#remember to open your curtains and let air into your space and go outside sometimes if u can#remember to take breaks from ur screen and roll your wrists! especially if you work at a desk#stop sucking in your stomach it’s bad for you and your stomach is hot anyway why lie#remember your friends love you and keep you around bc they love you and not bc of what you do for them#nobody is mad at you and I’m happy you’re here#ok that’s all the ones off the top of my head#I’m the creature on ur shoulder whispering all this to you
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I wish I had enough money to get some real food today 😔 I need to leave here and get a job that pays me at least minimum wage
#I've done the math i make less than a dollar per hour. i don't pay rent or anything so it's livable but I'm hungry#i just had probably one of the most taxing nights ever and i really just wanna order a sandwich or something#I've been getting by on mostly cereal because of my friends advice. and some snacks i take from upstairs every now and then#every now and then I'll get something when they order out so that's not too bad either i had a smoothie. won't get scurvy#at least the kids started school#I'm just going to see if i can sleep the hunger off (if i can sleep bc my mind is buzzing like crazy)#being alive kinda sucks! can i starve faster at least#negative
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im devastated. i got a microwaveable curry from costco and. its not good. Why
#I JUST WANT FLAVOR. PLEASE. THE LACK OF SPICES IN MY LIFE RN-#i didnt see that the label said 'mango'#and its unexpectedly peppery#two flavors i Do Not Like!#which is deeply unfortunate bc i can taste how good it is Under those two prevailing flavors!#i wasted rice on this....#i thought i was about to have a decadent as fuck breakfast...#now im just sad! i miss having access to so many different places for the occasional takeout...#no thai... no indian... no chinese... no korean... no japanese... no mexican...#im Suffering out here. i can go get subway or mediocre burgers. thats pretty much it#cmonnnn american cuisine tends to be so fucking bland.... i want Flavor... where is the Flavor....#my taste buds are crying. they're sobbing. they are Wailing#absolutely unprompted#ive started to daydream about all my favorite restaurants ive been to#brazilian barbeque... shabu shabu... my beloved chinese takeout location... korean bbq... roadside tamale stand...#farmers market bao vendor... french bakery... the place with Banger pad see ew... the sushi restaurant with awesome bento & veggie rolls...#the boba store with delicious dragonfruit bowls... mall mongolian bbq... hibachi.... tea houses... many many more...#MAN IM MAKING MYSELF SO HUNGRY#nothing in this house or in this town will satisfy me#one of my great loves in life has been taken away! Flavor! delicious food! Where Is She!
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i think its very interesting that most npcs within the wiz story remember the necromancers very well.... they note a trend among death wizards that allows for prejudices to form even though many of them were going through very real and heartbreaking things (i note malistaires death of his wife and his grief specifically & the loss of morganthes brother)
BUT THE SAME IS NOT SAID OF DIVINERS... most notably the villains/antagonists in arc 3 (i think of vanitus and the storm titan specifically) are all diviners or use storm magic. there's something in there about the double standard of these schools but its so interesting to think about
#val.txt#does this make sense.#like diviners introduced in the story are power hungry in a sense#but yet there isnt anything in canon that sort of. demonizes them to the same extent that it does to necromancers#i think bc storm is such a powerful school that hasnt had many quote unquote iconic diviners that have tried to end the spiral#or at least have 'tarnished' the name of diviners#that allows for the double standard to happen in a sense#i only thought about this bc i was thinking about calamity LMFAOOO#LIKE LEGIT I THINK SHE WOULD GO THROUGH A VILLAIN ARC. IN ARC 4#she sees dasein suffering because of the everything and shes like oh... the one other person who i can consider my friend#and all these people taking them for granted... making them suffer...#and shes like ok! ok. i can fix it. ^_^ dont worry#(also tries to rewrite the spiral)#but thats another story for another day..... hohoho#that last post really got me thinking....#edit: spelled vanitus' name wrong. my BAD#close enough
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DUNMESHI EP 3 WAS SOOOO BEAUTIFUL OMG THE ANIMATION WAS SO GOOD😭😭😭 LAIOS IS SO CUTE I LOVE HIM... hes so smart... one of the most likeable male anime protags ive seen in a while... 1 of the most likeable protags period tbh anyway hes good🥺
#i usually get attached to side/supporting charas more than the protags so it means a lot that 1 of my fav charas is laios rn#(and yeseo for twsb)...#their common point: hungry LHDSKHD /j#basically what this means is im going to enjoy dunmeshi a lot bc im not just tolerating the boring protag dcgddfgd#cant wait to meet other charas too KABRU WHENNNNN#most excited to meet kabru i like his design a lot#also its cool to see laios like thinking and reasoning a lot while fighting...#like a lot of shounen(which is what ive watched most of) protags r just act first think later which is fine i like those too#but i feel like its more rare to see one be a thinker™️. esp one that looks himbo coded like laios tbh#like yea hes really not a himbo as ppl said... Good#cant believe i thought laios was gonna be boring when i first saw his design yrs ago... boring generic white boy...#hes actually funny moe white boy.#HES SO ENDEARING... i can already tell he has a lot of good leadership skills/qualities too#his crazy eyed monster fanboying moments are sooo. cute... moe...#i also unfortunately find him v handsome. gh... dont look at me...#its the droopy eyes... why do all my favs have droopy eyes rn is that my type now... sigh#ALSO YEA THE ANIM THIS EP WAS SO BEAUTIFULLL I KEPT MARVELING AT THE VARIETY OF INTERESTING SHOTS#AND THE MOVEMENT AND DETAIL ANDD EVERYTHING#ALSO I HEARD HAYAMI SAORI AS FALIN OMG ITS PERECT ��🥺🥺#dunmeshi liveblog
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It's actually really funny how it is bc despite being an insane person with weird kinks whenever I see someone with kinks I DON'T share I'm instantly thrown off by it. Which is comedic to me bc you'd expect the freak to inherently Understand other freaks but no unfortunately that's not how it works necessarily.
#luly talks#i am way more open to shit when explained to me tho#like usually I'm outright Neutral about this like ok sure.#but there's things that outright are so confusing to me they turn me off#like i saw some mommy rp blog and she was just... acting like a mother#and it's like. super sweet of course! but... not turning me on? at all??#like i don't get why you'd want a 2 in 1 deal for a mother and a gf can't you just get the two things per separate?#and this is coming from a man with severe mommy issues too! I'm a man who lost 3 mother figures (maybe 4 even. prob more)#yet i just don't get it? like. i don't know.#like i dont get it when it's so Genuine ykwim? like sexy mommy daddy age gap shit i do get. i love older people carnally.#but when it is a real intention to have this person fulfill the gap your parents left (I'd have said hole goddamn it that'd have been funnie#r) it's like. do. do you know how hard this can backfire? like i feel it's only more harmful. like idk#like i am no one to say it i am as explicitly stated a certified freak but i really think some people should stop fucking and take an hour#off to go to therapy. just a thought.#like i have my psychological issues mirror into my kinks too I've thought of this deeply (not the cannibalism that's simply me being hungry#although i did make a huge post about hunger but i DIGRESS) but i feel it's different#maybe it's bc im autistic and aro Who Knows maybe this is about intricate social and romantic rituals i just dont get in general
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🤧🐀🌧️🌊
#need to clear my head;#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn#trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come#nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired#i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u#also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my#eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm#bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna#be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk#idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not#sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow#nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just#dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol#im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired#i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do#anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can
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on the one hand i want to try for a second wind to stay up and get really into something but on the other hand im sleepy and im pretty sure my husband went to bed without me so i honestly might as well
#back in godot learning thingssssssss#trying to do anything i can to distract myself from the abysmal lack of work ive been able to find lately LOL#genuinely ive had 1 commission in the last 2 weeks like its so joever im so hungry#not to be like “the economy” but man i used to be doing upwards of 20 coms a week when i was really nuts#making a couple grand a month etc#but shits gone so to pieces between ai and the cost of living crisis that like i get no work anymore at all ever#the bone deep resistance i have to having to get another shitty day job is insane tho after what the last one did to me#idk but ive been losing a ton of sleep over it lately and ive been having nightmares every night again#so i guess i really gotta solve that sooner rather than later. esp bc we cant buy groceries indefinitely like this#ive cut back to eating cereal in the morning and then something for dinner after having a really good streak of eating 3 hardy meals a day#which sucks but what can you do#gotta stop being a big fat failure if i want to eat like a. not failure. a succeeder#ig theres the ego of it too bc coms have been my fulltime job for years so like the dead dropoff lately is so#what if it ends tomorrow right. what if it ends next week. what if it doesnt end until next year#what if it never ends and im just unemployed sitting on my ass pretending i still have a career doing what i love#which is already what it feels like bc ive been scrounging for pennies to put food on the table for months now#like idk man. its joever let it go let it die. but that means getting a shit fucking job somewhere and god i do not want to LOL#i wont have the energy to do anything anymore and im such a brittle person this time of year anyway#whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#im gunna try to sleep bye o/
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i would do anything for a hard cider rn except going to the store and buying one or using a delivery app or asking a friend. anything......
#i am the sweatiest i've ever been in my entire life and my roommate got in the shower 10 seconds before i got to the bathroom door#the thought of getting the car atm repulses me and the thought of paying someone to go into 7/11 to pick up one angry orchard can is absurd#why can't one just appear in my fridge already chilled if i think about it hard enough :( like what gives :(#sorry i am very tired and very hungry but mostly tired and i don't want to do homework i want to be tipsy for 40 minutes and then Sleep#well i wanted to drink the cider with dinner but i've already microwaved it twice and doing so any more would start to make it go weird#you know how it is with green beans#might go to the store after i've showered but at that point i'll be in my pjs and i have issues surrounding wearing pjs outside bc i'm the#most normal and well adjusted girl in the entire world. just btw.#can someone drop 1 off i will pay you back 🙏#save me my psionic warriors. my psionic warriors save me......#i am once again apologizing this has gone on long enough#a post
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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞
#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can#barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty#I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such#bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry#he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles#I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN#GIRL MY PUBBY#if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now#he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL#screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects#im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault#I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away#they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know
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Ate my lunch at 10.30 am bc I have no self control whatsoever
#if theres no one at the office then thats a problem for me bc then i start eating everything#like i need someone here to exist so i can stop myself#I'll be hungry again in two hours so I'll go and buy something#right before i watch the trop ep#text
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4 more vitamins/ 60 more slides
#my hand hurts#so does my back#and im hungry#i only have bananas and 1 last biscuit 😔#gonna have to go grocery shopping again tomorrow#maybe i can buy some eggs and milk tomorrow so i can make a proper cake#or i can just buy a cake that will be easier#idk maybe I'll bake some cookies again later. theyre quick and easy#we'll see#i might order some sweet pancakes tonight if i order dinner from the crepe place#which i probably will cause im not really in the mood for cooking (making pasta or couscous)#although id like to eat sth with pesto 🤔 i think i might have some orzo (ozro? i always forget which is the correct one) i could make that#bc i already ate pasta 2 days this week#and ozro is a pasta too but it's different#anyway I'll see#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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(currently overwhelmed bc of having to entertain mum while i needed to get ready for bed so I’m just. Hopefully going to fall asleep. And thinking of all that I have to do this weekend. And hoping to hell I don’t get sick from my family. I know for sure dad won’t be wearing a mask while he drives (three others are joining in his car) and he’s a pall bearer too so he has other duties indoors and it is SO BAD right now and I can’t afford to get sick again. I’ll probably have no short term disability left to take if I do. If I don’t even have the energy I won’t be able to go to my shows even if I can somehow afford them. I won’t be able to see my friend there. I won’t be able to get more tattoos (for Completeness I need at least one more to make a dozen this year)
And fuck. I’m even like. A bit worried about trying to get donuts so I can give my sister a birthday donut or few (bc she likes them, we weren’t able to do any donut days this summer, and they’re reasonably affordable)
…also I might have to drive when 爸爸 is off on his pall bearer duties. In the Bad City. With several people that will talk. And that I almost definitely can’t loop. Say. Ashnikko’s Worms ad nauseam (for them) like I did last time I drove that city. The aunt who could drive is recovering and probably shouldn’t tbh. The other aunt doesn’t navigate there. And as long as all my passengers shut up ish (a few don’t speak English which is fine except I need to be able to drive so I need the cars occupants on my terms in stressful environments especially) and get real cool real quick about me taking the long way (I miss exits and turns and shit) I mean. It’s possible. It’s ridiculously stressful (even just thinking about it) and. I’m trying to reduce stress wherever possible bc FUCK I don’t ever want to have Those stress dreams where I’m dying because of it again. I want to want to live. I want to live.
#vent#shattered fragments#food mention#funeral content bc it’s more than just a mention it’s more of a theme#and I’m like (bc it’s a full day’s trip) when will we eat#and he’s like pack granola bars we can eat in the morning (and mentioned nothing about later)#and it’s uhh#if I am potentially DRIVING and we want to not die. fuck#I’ll have fo be packing juice and granola bars and a whole nonperishable picnic 😭#like on one hand#were Chinese. as if we would ever be let to go hungry on a day that usually has a feast associated with it#on the other I’m bad enough about scheduling time to eat when it’s not other people who rely on me#but#FUCK#it’s fine#never trust your feelings after 9pm#I’m going to bed.#also I should be wearing slippers instead of bare feet around the house given how much I cricket my feet together#and how the tattoo where I cricket is fresh#but also. ugh.#I’ll try. it’s easier when it’s colder
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I will not stop talking about my meds. I got home yesterday with the intent to clean my guinea pig's cage and I actually did it. I washed and cut my hair after that and didn't feel like I wasted my evening. I need to make phone calls today and the dread of not knowing how long it's gonna take isn't hanging over me bc frankly it feels like time has slowed down. I'm actually cooking breakfast with what handful of groceries I have left and then I'm gonna buy more and actually plan a few meals. Life could be a dream
#i am at what i am led to believe is a normal person baseline. and i have coped for so long to achieve while not there.#i think i could learn a new language in the span of a month with how i've been feeling lately#literally the only downside so far is that i've been thirsty as hell but that's probably good for my POTS so??#have also been noticing when i'm hungry and have actually been eating more; i'm getting breakfast every day!!#i was doing that before but i've actually been keeping it up for a week or 2 now!!#gonna try to start adding in some exercise to help my joints; got a 3 pound weight at work bc It Was Right There#and wanna try doing planks again; saw a tip from someone's dentist about flossing that was like#pick one day of the week to do it and try to do it on that day every time; then pick a 2nd day to do it#and i think i wanna go that route; might open comms bc i feel like i can physically keep up with them now#we're gonna have to fucking SMITE me at this point to get me to stop#shai speaks
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#SORRY im mad about my stupid college again#WHY do they require so many internhip hours??????#no wait i KNOW why. bc the chef who runs the program is EVIL AND STUPID#he literally thinks he as a chef is gods gift to this earth. he thinks CHEFS are gods gift to this earth but only if they agree with him.#however. gods gift to this earth do NOT deserve breaks. ('chefs dont get breaks' is a direct quote)#he thinks all chefs should work like dogs and SUFFER. and the industry should never change#and he loves the power of being the program head. (and most students' advisor)#and he can say im preparing you to be the best!!!!! and get away with it#and he doesnt respect pastry chefs. and guess what i am hahahah#like i know the culinary industry is toxic and most chefs are jerks. but bakeries are very different from restaurants#so i thought i could handle some jerky chefs during school and get my degree and go work in a bakery#(i can handle some jerky chefs)#the problem was that a jerky chef ran the program as if you were already working in the worst restaurant environment imaginable#and he only taught like everyone wanted to be world renown chefs of 5 star parisian restaurants that take 4 years to get a reservation#(which is crazy that he thinks hes qualified to get other people to that level but ok.)#and thats great for people who want that! but some people (me) just want a cute little bakery!#also ! its advertised as a 2 year associates program#which. is true that you'll only get an associates degree out of it#but 2 years is including summer semesters. sorry i don't think thats how that works. i think thats 3 years#2 years for people who decide to do extra and take summer semesters.#and i think the only realistic way to complete the internship hours is to take an off semester and only do the internship#so you're not doing it at the same time as classes#but that adds a minimum of 1 semester and maximum 2#or if you cram the spring and fall semesters to have summer off and do the internship during summer#summer semesters are shorter. so youd have less weeks to complete the same amount of hours#it is simply not a 2 year program for the average person!!!!!!#i was IN COLLEGE FOR 2 YEARS!!!!!! AND I ONLY TOOK 1 (ONE) PASTRY CLASS!!!!!! I SHOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!#and what do you MEAN you expect me to be in college for 3 years and only get an associates degree out of it. no thank you#its almost like...... an associates degree requires 2 years of schooling........ and theres too much happening in this program.......#bc the man in charge of it is power hungry and wants to control people and thinks chefs need to be beat into shape.......
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