#bc no one can go hungry
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pov xander eye reveal speedrun (gone wrong)
#my art#guys ive been going insane this is the third drdt drawing in the past 24 hrs 😭#THIS WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE A DRDT DRAWING BYE#AT SOME POINT I WENT “oh wait this is the min color” GUYS THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SKETCH I SWEARRRRR#actually u can def tell it was a sketch bc whenever i dont reference an on-paper sketch ive already made the head looks wonky#anw to that one min lover account ty for being d1 min truther ive followed u since before u even made the daily min jeung account#drdt#drdt fanart#danganronpa despair time#min jeung#drdt min#im too hungry to add any more tags if u think there isnt much its bc i ate them. hope that helps
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I wish I had enough money to get some real food today 😔 I need to leave here and get a job that pays me at least minimum wage
#I've done the math i make less than a dollar per hour. i don't pay rent or anything so it's livable but I'm hungry#i just had probably one of the most taxing nights ever and i really just wanna order a sandwich or something#I've been getting by on mostly cereal because of my friends advice. and some snacks i take from upstairs every now and then#every now and then I'll get something when they order out so that's not too bad either i had a smoothie. won't get scurvy#at least the kids started school#I'm just going to see if i can sleep the hunger off (if i can sleep bc my mind is buzzing like crazy)#being alive kinda sucks! can i starve faster at least#negative
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i think its very interesting that most npcs within the wiz story remember the necromancers very well.... they note a trend among death wizards that allows for prejudices to form even though many of them were going through very real and heartbreaking things (i note malistaires death of his wife and his grief specifically & the loss of morganthes brother)
BUT THE SAME IS NOT SAID OF DIVINERS... most notably the villains/antagonists in arc 3 (i think of vanitus and the storm titan specifically) are all diviners or use storm magic. there's something in there about the double standard of these schools but its so interesting to think about
#val.txt#does this make sense.#like diviners introduced in the story are power hungry in a sense#but yet there isnt anything in canon that sort of. demonizes them to the same extent that it does to necromancers#i think bc storm is such a powerful school that hasnt had many quote unquote iconic diviners that have tried to end the spiral#or at least have 'tarnished' the name of diviners#that allows for the double standard to happen in a sense#i only thought about this bc i was thinking about calamity LMFAOOO#LIKE LEGIT I THINK SHE WOULD GO THROUGH A VILLAIN ARC. IN ARC 4#she sees dasein suffering because of the everything and shes like oh... the one other person who i can consider my friend#and all these people taking them for granted... making them suffer...#and shes like ok! ok. i can fix it. ^_^ dont worry#(also tries to rewrite the spiral)#but thats another story for another day..... hohoho#that last post really got me thinking....#edit: spelled vanitus' name wrong. my BAD#close enough
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DUNMESHI EP 3 WAS SOOOO BEAUTIFUL OMG THE ANIMATION WAS SO GOOD😭😭😭 LAIOS IS SO CUTE I LOVE HIM... hes so smart... one of the most likeable male anime protags ive seen in a while... 1 of the most likeable protags period tbh anyway hes good🥺
#i usually get attached to side/supporting charas more than the protags so it means a lot that 1 of my fav charas is laios rn#(and yeseo for twsb)...#their common point: hungry LHDSKHD /j#basically what this means is im going to enjoy dunmeshi a lot bc im not just tolerating the boring protag dcgddfgd#cant wait to meet other charas too KABRU WHENNNNN#most excited to meet kabru i like his design a lot#also its cool to see laios like thinking and reasoning a lot while fighting...#like a lot of shounen(which is what ive watched most of) protags r just act first think later which is fine i like those too#but i feel like its more rare to see one be a thinker™️. esp one that looks himbo coded like laios tbh#like yea hes really not a himbo as ppl said... Good#cant believe i thought laios was gonna be boring when i first saw his design yrs ago... boring generic white boy...#hes actually funny moe white boy.#HES SO ENDEARING... i can already tell he has a lot of good leadership skills/qualities too#his crazy eyed monster fanboying moments are sooo. cute... moe...#i also unfortunately find him v handsome. gh... dont look at me...#its the droopy eyes... why do all my favs have droopy eyes rn is that my type now... sigh#ALSO YEA THE ANIM THIS EP WAS SO BEAUTIFULLL I KEPT MARVELING AT THE VARIETY OF INTERESTING SHOTS#AND THE MOVEMENT AND DETAIL ANDD EVERYTHING#ALSO I HEARD HAYAMI SAORI AS FALIN OMG ITS PERECT 🥺🥺🥺#dunmeshi liveblog
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It's actually really funny how it is bc despite being an insane person with weird kinks whenever I see someone with kinks I DON'T share I'm instantly thrown off by it. Which is comedic to me bc you'd expect the freak to inherently Understand other freaks but no unfortunately that's not how it works necessarily.
#luly talks#i am way more open to shit when explained to me tho#like usually I'm outright Neutral about this like ok sure.#but there's things that outright are so confusing to me they turn me off#like i saw some mommy rp blog and she was just... acting like a mother#and it's like. super sweet of course! but... not turning me on? at all??#like i don't get why you'd want a 2 in 1 deal for a mother and a gf can't you just get the two things per separate?#and this is coming from a man with severe mommy issues too! I'm a man who lost 3 mother figures (maybe 4 even. prob more)#yet i just don't get it? like. i don't know.#like i dont get it when it's so Genuine ykwim? like sexy mommy daddy age gap shit i do get. i love older people carnally.#but when it is a real intention to have this person fulfill the gap your parents left (I'd have said hole goddamn it that'd have been funnie#r) it's like. do. do you know how hard this can backfire? like i feel it's only more harmful. like idk#like i am no one to say it i am as explicitly stated a certified freak but i really think some people should stop fucking and take an hour#off to go to therapy. just a thought.#like i have my psychological issues mirror into my kinks too I've thought of this deeply (not the cannibalism that's simply me being hungry#although i did make a huge post about hunger but i DIGRESS) but i feel it's different#maybe it's bc im autistic and aro Who Knows maybe this is about intricate social and romantic rituals i just dont get in general
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#ok new development: soon as i left the house. got hungry. was soooo ready to eat when i got home. got home. can’t eat.#hil.txt#like appetite completely gone. cannot bring myself to eat anything#like sorry for venting so much but i will literally go insane i’m so baffled#bc i can always make myself do something. but this time ??? NOTHING#if i come out of this with an ED on top of the EDS I’m going to turn into the wolverine#it genuinely feels like i just ate like it disappeared that thoroughly. it’s BEEN ALMOST 12 HOURS SINCE I ATE ANYTHING AND IT WAS A SMALL#BOWL OF RICE MILK AND SOME DRIED FRUIT LIKE HELLO#disordered eating mention#or smtn i guess like. 🧍♀️I actually don’t understand this one this time it’s freaking me out a lil. if i’m honest .#update: put myself in timeout and sat in the kitchen until i ate something. which i finally just did. peace and love
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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on the one hand i want to try for a second wind to stay up and get really into something but on the other hand im sleepy and im pretty sure my husband went to bed without me so i honestly might as well
#back in godot learning thingssssssss#trying to do anything i can to distract myself from the abysmal lack of work ive been able to find lately LOL#genuinely ive had 1 commission in the last 2 weeks like its so joever im so hungry#not to be like “the economy” but man i used to be doing upwards of 20 coms a week when i was really nuts#making a couple grand a month etc#but shits gone so to pieces between ai and the cost of living crisis that like i get no work anymore at all ever#the bone deep resistance i have to having to get another shitty day job is insane tho after what the last one did to me#idk but ive been losing a ton of sleep over it lately and ive been having nightmares every night again#so i guess i really gotta solve that sooner rather than later. esp bc we cant buy groceries indefinitely like this#ive cut back to eating cereal in the morning and then something for dinner after having a really good streak of eating 3 hardy meals a day#which sucks but what can you do#gotta stop being a big fat failure if i want to eat like a. not failure. a succeeder#ig theres the ego of it too bc coms have been my fulltime job for years so like the dead dropoff lately is so#what if it ends tomorrow right. what if it ends next week. what if it doesnt end until next year#what if it never ends and im just unemployed sitting on my ass pretending i still have a career doing what i love#which is already what it feels like bc ive been scrounging for pennies to put food on the table for months now#like idk man. its joever let it go let it die. but that means getting a shit fucking job somewhere and god i do not want to LOL#i wont have the energy to do anything anymore and im such a brittle person this time of year anyway#whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#im gunna try to sleep bye o/
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i would do anything for a hard cider rn except going to the store and buying one or using a delivery app or asking a friend. anything......
#i am the sweatiest i've ever been in my entire life and my roommate got in the shower 10 seconds before i got to the bathroom door#the thought of getting the car atm repulses me and the thought of paying someone to go into 7/11 to pick up one angry orchard can is absurd#why can't one just appear in my fridge already chilled if i think about it hard enough :( like what gives :(#sorry i am very tired and very hungry but mostly tired and i don't want to do homework i want to be tipsy for 40 minutes and then Sleep#well i wanted to drink the cider with dinner but i've already microwaved it twice and doing so any more would start to make it go weird#you know how it is with green beans#might go to the store after i've showered but at that point i'll be in my pjs and i have issues surrounding wearing pjs outside bc i'm the#most normal and well adjusted girl in the entire world. just btw.#can someone drop 1 off i will pay you back 🙏#save me my psionic warriors. my psionic warriors save me......#i am once again apologizing this has gone on long enough#a post
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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞
#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can#barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty#I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such#bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry#he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles#I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN#GIRL MY PUBBY#if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now#he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL#screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects#im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault#I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away#they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know
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Ate my lunch at 10.30 am bc I have no self control whatsoever
#if theres no one at the office then thats a problem for me bc then i start eating everything#like i need someone here to exist so i can stop myself#I'll be hungry again in two hours so I'll go and buy something#right before i watch the trop ep#text
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4 more vitamins/ 60 more slides
#my hand hurts#so does my back#and im hungry#i only have bananas and 1 last biscuit 😔#gonna have to go grocery shopping again tomorrow#maybe i can buy some eggs and milk tomorrow so i can make a proper cake#or i can just buy a cake that will be easier#idk maybe I'll bake some cookies again later. theyre quick and easy#we'll see#i might order some sweet pancakes tonight if i order dinner from the crepe place#which i probably will cause im not really in the mood for cooking (making pasta or couscous)#although id like to eat sth with pesto 🤔 i think i might have some orzo (ozro? i always forget which is the correct one) i could make that#bc i already ate pasta 2 days this week#and ozro is a pasta too but it's different#anyway I'll see#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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I will not stop talking about my meds. I got home yesterday with the intent to clean my guinea pig's cage and I actually did it. I washed and cut my hair after that and didn't feel like I wasted my evening. I need to make phone calls today and the dread of not knowing how long it's gonna take isn't hanging over me bc frankly it feels like time has slowed down. I'm actually cooking breakfast with what handful of groceries I have left and then I'm gonna buy more and actually plan a few meals. Life could be a dream
#i am at what i am led to believe is a normal person baseline. and i have coped for so long to achieve while not there.#i think i could learn a new language in the span of a month with how i've been feeling lately#literally the only downside so far is that i've been thirsty as hell but that's probably good for my POTS so??#have also been noticing when i'm hungry and have actually been eating more; i'm getting breakfast every day!!#i was doing that before but i've actually been keeping it up for a week or 2 now!!#gonna try to start adding in some exercise to help my joints; got a 3 pound weight at work bc It Was Right There#and wanna try doing planks again; saw a tip from someone's dentist about flossing that was like#pick one day of the week to do it and try to do it on that day every time; then pick a 2nd day to do it#and i think i wanna go that route; might open comms bc i feel like i can physically keep up with them now#we're gonna have to fucking SMITE me at this point to get me to stop#shai speaks
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#SORRY im mad about my stupid college again#WHY do they require so many internhip hours??????#no wait i KNOW why. bc the chef who runs the program is EVIL AND STUPID#he literally thinks he as a chef is gods gift to this earth. he thinks CHEFS are gods gift to this earth but only if they agree with him.#however. gods gift to this earth do NOT deserve breaks. ('chefs dont get breaks' is a direct quote)#he thinks all chefs should work like dogs and SUFFER. and the industry should never change#and he loves the power of being the program head. (and most students' advisor)#and he can say im preparing you to be the best!!!!! and get away with it#and he doesnt respect pastry chefs. and guess what i am hahahah#like i know the culinary industry is toxic and most chefs are jerks. but bakeries are very different from restaurants#so i thought i could handle some jerky chefs during school and get my degree and go work in a bakery#(i can handle some jerky chefs)#the problem was that a jerky chef ran the program as if you were already working in the worst restaurant environment imaginable#and he only taught like everyone wanted to be world renown chefs of 5 star parisian restaurants that take 4 years to get a reservation#(which is crazy that he thinks hes qualified to get other people to that level but ok.)#and thats great for people who want that! but some people (me) just want a cute little bakery!#also ! its advertised as a 2 year associates program#which. is true that you'll only get an associates degree out of it#but 2 years is including summer semesters. sorry i don't think thats how that works. i think thats 3 years#2 years for people who decide to do extra and take summer semesters.#and i think the only realistic way to complete the internship hours is to take an off semester and only do the internship#so you're not doing it at the same time as classes#but that adds a minimum of 1 semester and maximum 2#or if you cram the spring and fall semesters to have summer off and do the internship during summer#summer semesters are shorter. so youd have less weeks to complete the same amount of hours#it is simply not a 2 year program for the average person!!!!!!#i was IN COLLEGE FOR 2 YEARS!!!!!! AND I ONLY TOOK 1 (ONE) PASTRY CLASS!!!!!! I SHOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!#and what do you MEAN you expect me to be in college for 3 years and only get an associates degree out of it. no thank you#its almost like...... an associates degree requires 2 years of schooling........ and theres too much happening in this program.......#bc the man in charge of it is power hungry and wants to control people and thinks chefs need to be beat into shape.......
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#i have to say this somewhere or im gonna go crazy#so at a preschool. you HAVE to have one adult sitting at every table when kids are eating. and you also need a person in the hall#for kids getting their lunchboxes and going to the bathroom and shit ok. are you with me here. this makes sense#so today. my 2 coworkers had already taken the chairs bc i got caught up in the hall but i was so fucking hungry that i just ate standing u#which was fine. like i could just put my lunch down if someone needed my help and i Did that ok it was fine. no one was left alone#but later at SNACKTIME. it took me forever to get these 2 kids in the room and seated ready to eat & by the time i got in some kids were#already finished and ready to go to the playroom. so i was like ok i guess I'm not eating for the latter half of the day because they cant#be left alone. and my 2 coworkers at this point were sitting with the snackers and they looked fine so i looked after the Players#intermittently glancing to the snack tables to make sure everyone was fine mind you#So what happened here was.#There was a 20 second interval between the time i glanced up to see 2 adults at the snack table. And the time i glanced up to see#a completely unsupervised snack table. one kid STANDING UP ON THE TABLE blowing raspberries and pointing at the other kids#could not have been more than 20 or 30 seconds that i wasn't looking and NO ONE TOLD ME they were leaving the room#if i had been WARNED that they were leaving i would have prioritized the snackers and sat with them so no one choked and no one fucking#stood on the table#but they both just left for whatever reason without saying anything#and when i brought it up after school they were just like. well marty you were eating too much during lunch#next time you should eat before coming in to work so you can give the kids your full attention#??????? i already skipped a meal today for that exact reason?? how is it my fault that i don't want to starve?#am i actually in the wrong here because it's driving me FUCKING nuts. that was NOT a safe situation and it obviously can NOT happen again#but the issue was a lapse in communication not me wanting to eat food so i don't actually die#and those were two different times of day so they're not even relevant#obviously there are bigger issues in the world than this but i feel like throwing up over it. this was not my fault#I'm sorry that you guys can survive off of like 1 spoonful of granola and a single acai berry for the entire day but im not built like that
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#Spotify#music for when you’re driving to ace hardware to buy mousetraps so you can kick out that mouse like Nick Cave says#and when you get there you give him your best friend’s phone number bc you unfortunately have it memorized and he goes to ace hardware all#the time for work#and the guy on the register squints at you and confirms the very male name on the screen#and you resist the urge to squeak out an excuse and just confirm#and then you stop by aldi on the way back and buy two tubs of Greek yogurt and two bottles of synergy kombucha#bc even though you brew your own and actually have way more than you could possibly handle rn bc it’s so hot in your house#you are a sucker for limited edition flavors and it will cause you to spend $8 on kombucha#so you buy pomelo lemonade and cherry coconut lemongrass#which is the summer flavor named unity or something#and you usually get one every year#but you still feel ridiculous walking out of aldi with two tubs of yogurt and two bottles of kombucha and nothing else even though no one#you know sees you even though west ********* is crawling with acquaintances#and then you get back in your car and you’re proud of the rare burst of executive function which allowed you to finally put the new battery#in your car keys even though you stole the battery from target like two months ago you just couldn’t figure out how to open the damn thing#and the convenience is novel and you think wow maybe I should injure my ribcage more often if it’s forcing me to take care of all these#tiny tasks like buying mousetraps and replacing your key battery and cooking figs in honey et cetera#and you drive down the hill and see low clouds snagging in the blue ridge mountains and feel alright for a moment#and go to the scratch and dent where you buy butter and a couple 33¢ seltzers and a diet ginger ale as a lil treat#and when you get back home you drop it on the gravel road and the ginger ale begins to leak out so you put your mouth to it even though the#thought of what nonsense is on the outside of the can from the manufacturing and shipping process lingers#and by the time you get to the kitchen and pour it over ice in a mason jar it’s fairly flat from the burst of bubbles when you poured it#awkwardly with one hand#and you drink what remains on the porch where it’s a post-rain subdued sky sort of dusk#and you think about how much it’s gonna hurt to leave and how you have no other option because of how entwined you’ve become with someone#who is the entire city and the entire vast forest and possibly the entire ecological region#and then you’re still hungry so you eat some meal prepped overnight oats that were for tomorrow morning. the end#journal
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