#pingxiethoughtsandprayers

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) pt. 4

it’s been a long time, my comrades. but finally i am here again! tho idk if anyone really cares but i do love to just. spit out random words about these two. so take this and enjoy some heartache~ let’s go

(previous post here)

About Pingxie and touch  

Compared to any other drama adaptation in the DMBJ series, Ultimate Note has possibly given us the biggest amount of very touching (hah) moments between Pingxie. They feel close, warm, and intimate at times (Reboot is its own story but it also separates Pingxie for almost half the drama so let’s leave that out of this). In these moments, the otherwise very scarce physicality between them is shown. More so, all of it happens so easily (compared to TLT2 for example. oh what a year of longing can do to the relationship am I right guys).  

As I finally got to episode 16 (the very bad, absolutely horrible episode that breaks my heart in so many ways and that I want to burn like it’s starting to sprout too many heads), I got an idea. I figured out what happens in that episode when it comes to Pingxie and their comfortably solved physicality. What changes, is the direction of their touch. It’s like a switch – and Xiaoge’s memory loss is what causes it to flip.

(more explanation under the cut!)

Before Xiaoge loses his memories inside the jade meteorite, we mostly see him as the one who controls when Pingxie touch each other. I like to even think that this is the way Wu Xie wants things to be: he’s fine with touch anyway, Xiaoge is the one with unspoken (or even undiscovered) lines. Considering this, there are very few occasions where Wu Xie reaches out first when it comes to touching. Most of them happen during the very first episodes where he tries to get Xiaoge to tell him why he disappeared and why he hasn’t contacted Wu Xie after coming back or that one single reassuring shoulder squeeze we see after the night of trying to survive the snakes. At least I cannot remember much else, correct me if I’m leaving out something significant. 

On the other hand, from Xiaoge’s side? There are so. Damn. Many. Times. Most of them have the sense of helping or protecting (mainly) Wu Xie but these touches are always prolonged and very meaningful (tho I guess that is also just. part of Ultimate Note’s Pingxie agenda, I see yall over there, I know what you are doing. Pls don’t stop). 

To name a few of those moments: The times Xiaoge covers Wu Xie’s mouth with his hand, him keeping Wu Xie from tripping and falling, him holding Wu Xie when he’s suffering of that fungus, him catching Wu Xie as he inevitably does fall, him sharing his blood to keep Wu Xie safe from the ticks. He is even reaching out for Wu Xie when their group is traveling through the jungle and they come upon the path with the statues that can be used as sonar weapons. He is weak himself but as soon as Wu Xie stumbles, his first instinct is to reach out. To touch. To support.

(sorry it’s very hard to get decent screenshots of this split second scene bc the whole of iron triangle moves around so much so enjoy this very worried looking zql instead. also pls don’t stare at a-ning, she doesn’t like that.)

And let’s not even talk about their night in the collapsed tent. Or him instinctively protecting Wu Xie from the jade servants. Or him twitching in the background when Wu Xie steps on the pressure plate placed in front of the Heavenly Queen Mother’s duplicate in the Palace. He expects danger and he is ready to move closer to Wu Xie to pull him aside. And then there’s him trying to figure out if it would be alright to come closer, to touch Wu Xie, when he’s in pain after discovering his uncle’s secret. There is something so fragile about Xiaoge throughout all those scenes where Wu Xie is finally hearing the truth from Chen Wenjin. He doesn’t know if he should be closer, offer his touch as support – or leave completely. Bc in the end, it’s him who has brought this pain upon Wu Xie. He knew and couldn’t share the truth, so what right does he have to try and comfort Wu Xie now?

(this post isn’t about pangzi but i am always so grateful that he exists as the link between these two idiots. while xiaoge hesitates, pangzi is there to act. for him, touch is easy, safe, comfortable. it’s his language. am overjoyed that he’s teaching that to the other two, dull as they are.)

That hesitance leads to the bandaid scene which feels like one of the most meaningful touches there is even if it’s so small and brief (and ridiculous, my god. there is this one amazing analysis post about that moment but I cannot really remember by who, am sorry). It’s Xiaoge reaching out after all the staying back. It’s Wu Xie settling into it, into this care shown to him, after pushing others away. It’s Xiaoge actually using his touch as something more than protection, a tool of keeping someone safe. He wants to take care of Wu Xie. He’s even packed those bandaids for him, the sappy fool.

(as a side note, i really question their way of just putting the bandaid on the already spilled blood like cmon, as if that’s gonna stick)

It’s a lot for someone who doesn’t usually touch people. I am so happy to see it. Wu Xie is so happy to see it. 

And then comes the damn jade meteorite. 

During episode 16, it’s almost ridiculous how much touching we get. That’s basically my fill for like,,, a month. But also it’s just. Not good. Because it’s so painful to see, as this is Wu Xie finally reaching out to Xiaoge, touching him all over, holding him close, when there’s nothing else he can do for him. 

For Wu Xie, touching means comfort – and that’s what he needs for himself in that moment. He’s basically all over Xiaoge from the moment he comes out of the meteorite to the moment we see the Iron Triangle in the hospital. Wu Xie carries Xiaoge on his back and seems distressed when Pangzi asks him to switch. He keeps hovering, hands on Xiaoge’s back. His first question to Panzi when he wakes up in the camp after passing out in the desert is to ask for Xiaoge’s whereabouts. He holds Xiaoge while they sit by the highway and then keeps reaching out to him while they sit at the back of the truck. He even rubs Xiaoge’s neck/shoulder while he’s at it – and still I ache. 

Wu Xie becomes extremely physical the moment he thinks he’s lost Xiaoge (again!). He’s witnessing the strongest person he knows being helpless and weak, being unable to fight for himself, and his first reaction is to fill all the space there is to fill with his own self. This sudden necessity of touch somehow tells a lot about them. Until this point, touching has been easy, a positive surprise to Wu Xie even; after the jade meteorite, it’s a lifeline. Something to make things feel real, to reassure Wu Xie that Xiaoge is there, is breathing, is alive. That he can heal and come back.  

After Xiaoge wakes up, all the touching continues. Wu Xie remains desperate but now also has his guilt to bear: he needs to leave Xiaoge alone to encounter the world and only meets him again when Pangzi brings Xiaoge to Wushanju.

That’s basically a stranger Wu Xie is now looking at. Xiaoge cannot remember anything which also means that all the progress that happened between them has gone down the drain. Xiaoge regards touch the same way he possibly did before – as something that is meant to be violent. He doesn’t show that bc when has Xiaoge really shown any discomfort but Wu Xie must know. 

And still Wu Xie’s first instinct is to touch, to take Xiaoge’s face between his hands and be impossibly gentle with him. He seems almost awkward in Xiaoge’s presence until this moment but the touch still comes so easily to him. It’s an instinct and possibly the moment Wu Xie realizes what he’s to do now; it’s his turn to reach out, to keep touching, because Xiaoge will not. He has lost all the memories he has of these people closest to him. He doesn’t know their closeness anymore, isn’t aware of what is appropriate between them. Wu Xie has to lead now, to be the one to show where their lines go. 

And so he does (and forgive me if I cannot remember everything): He reassures Xiaoge by the lake when hope feels lost by grabbing his shoulder. He holds Xiaoge’s arm to keep him from spilling more blood to fight the poisonous spiders. He touches Xiaoge very gently when they inspect his tattoo (on all occasions). He’s there when they look at the picture Xiaoge saved from the burning house. He grabs Xiaoge’s shoulder again in reassurance when they watch Pangzi mourn Yun Cai. He holds Xiaoge close, desperately, when he gets hurt in the Miloutuo cave. He offers simple touches that convey happiness and laughter and closeness and trust and loyalty. 

It’s a cycle of touching. And slowly Xiaoge reaches out too, starts being his protective self. I think it even startles Wu Xie when they’re in the training rooms of Fairy Huo and Xiaoge grabs him mid movement. Xiaoge is still there to help him, to protect him. Xiaoge is still getting used to being with these two people who he barely knows but he still has the instinct to protect them and use his touch for it. Wu Xie’s call gets answered. It just makes me utterly sad how big of a step back the memory loss is for them, and seeing Wu Xie struggle with it so much, seeing him crack himself wide open… It hurts even more. 

So, what I get out of this is: Pingxie have this two-way movement going on when it comes to touching. When all is fine, it is simple, mostly from Xiaoge’s side towards Wu Xie bc that’s where the line between them lies. When something happens, it becomes more important, more desperate; and then Wu Xie’s real colors shine through as he pushes closer to Xiaoge. The memory loss just comes to hinder this, tho it also shows how Wu Xie works as a teacher when it comes to Xiaoge and the way he can touch and be touched. 

They push and pull each other, in a sense. It keeps them moving, getting close. Touch becomes what they are – and I think we see the proof of their final progress in Reboot where they don’t even have to see the other to trust the other’s touch.

(extra pic of xiaoge bc somehow i got startled by the fondness on his face in this scene. it’s when wu xie is naming the ppl in the picture taken before the paracel island team left for their journey. also xyl pretty.)

(as a final note, gotta say that i had this post in my drafts for like a month bc i couldn’t bother taking all the screenshots. my laziness has really reached its peak. thank you anyone who read this, you’re a dear ♥ also there’s another one! coming! soon-ish)

[puppy-phum]

iron triangle thoughts (and prayers)

this is another bonus/side post for my pingxie thoughts (and prayers) -series. the rest of the series you can find here

i promised yall that i would make another one of these very soon so here i am again. usually i focus on pingxie, but for this i wanted to include pangzi too. it felt important that this would be about iron triangle as a whole.

(i have also used this scene and my own interpretation of it in my pingxie fic Binding)

The Red String of Fate

To leave episode 16 behind on a slightly more positive note, I wanted to focus on what happens after Xiaoge returns from the jade meteorite. More specifically, I wanted to focus on Iron Triangle’s trek through the desert before they collapse and get saved by Madam Dolma and her grandson. That whole scene makes me think A Lot™ and this scene is also one of the main reasons I decided to start this series. I have no idea if it was packed with as much meaning as I managed to squeeze out of it but I will live with what I’ve been offered.  

(rest of my flailing under the cut!)

We start with the fact that once we get to the desert, Xiaoge is finally able to walk without support. Before this he’s been getting a piggyback ride from both Wu Xie and Pangzi plus he has been thrown around like a ragdoll between shoulders (which makes me wonder how much fun the trio had during the filming of the scene where they are just swiping mud all over Xiaoge/XYL like he’s a wall to be painted). 

Xiaoge was still very out of it when Iron Triangle was in the jungle, and this is the first time we see him coherent again, actually looking like himself. He seems... mostly very tired but not that different than usual. However, we are left painfully aware of the fact that he is not who he used to be and that he has not spoken ever since he passed out on Wu Xie outside the meteorite. 

So, then we have Iron Triangle on the desert which we first walked through ages ago (has it really been only 16 episodes? Or 15 because we’re not in the desert on ep 1. But wow still, it feels like it happened several years ago) and instead of the whole team they had back then, they are now alone. Heihua left already, we’ve seen them celebrate and say goodbye. Sanshu has disappeared. The rest of the team is most likely dead. It’s just our trio, once again. 

The lack of people doesn’t really phase me here. I know everyone important is where they’re supposed to be. What makes me yell tho, is the rope. They didn’t have a rope before! No one used a damn rope in the desert back when they were in the sandstorm (and as a Finnish person, I absolutely have to cue Darude’s Sandstorm here so hold onto your hats folks and rave a bit). It would’ve been wise to use one bc maybe then they wouldn’t have lost each other but well, circumstances didn’t really allow that. But now here, this rope feels like a correction of those previous mistakes. They don’t want to lose each other again. When they’re tied together, it cannot happen. 

No more Wu Xie getting lost alone in the Devil’s City (and almost dying there, twice). No more of him getting lost in the desert with Xiao Hua (and almost dying again). No chances for Xiaoge to wander off in his confusion. No more Pangzi acting alone and doing things behind Wu Xie’s back. There’s a lot of symbolism here even if none of these past things can actually happen now that Iron Triangle is together. They are tied – with a string that is stronger than it used to be. If one stumbles, two are still standing. 

Another interesting thing about the rope, for me personally, is the order they’re tied to it. This is what first piqued my interest after I had stared at the rope for a second and gone “red string of fate” in my head. But I’ll get into that in a bit so first, the order. It feels very well thought out – and even more important once it changes.

When we first see Iron Triangle, they’re tied together like this: Wu Xie at the front, Pangzi in the middle, and Xiaoge at the rear. It feels like it makes sense. Wu Xie is the one they trust to know the way, he’s smart enough to figure that out. Xiaoge is at the back bc unlike the other two, he doesn’t know anything right now. He needs to be led around, so to speak, and with the rope there, they can actually do that. Pangzi even looks back towards Xiaoge to make sure he’s still able to follow and when Xiaoge stops at one point, Pangzi pulling the rope gets him moving again. So, Wu Xie and Pangzi don’t know the depth of Xiaoge’s loss quite yet (or their own loss for that matter) but they know enough to put Xiaoge to follow them so that he can still rest. 

I also like to think that the reason why Pingxie aren’t tied together here is bc if they were, Wu Xie wouldn’t be able to focus. It’s easier to have Pangzi next to him at the moment rather than Xiaoge. Wu Xie would lose it again if it was the other way and for now, he has to keep it together. It’s all on him now. He needs to get them out of here. He needs to be the one to lead.

Then the order changes and it feels like their thinking changes too. 

We go from Xiaoge being the last to him being at the front, leading them, while Pangzi takes the last place and Wu Xie falls in the middle. And here is where I started thinking, why does this happen? They haven’t just flipped the order, they have deliberately re-tied the rope. Some type of communication must have happened and they must have chosen to change into this. There is a reason. And the only reason I came up with was: Normalcy. (Anyone out there who is now yelling that maybe the directors just forgot which order they were in and decided not to care about their mistake after the shots were taken: Shush. I have considered that and decided to ignore it.) 

The first order, compared to the second one, feels wrong somehow or at least strange. To me personally, it doesn’t feel like the order Iron Triangle would usually take. Xiaoge is often the first one: he knows places, can fight, deactivates traps, and senses any danger. It is his usual place to be at the front (tho we can wonder if it’s the place the other two would allow him to keep as they never see him as that type of tool but it’s logical). 

For Wu Xie and Pangzi’s order then, it’s almost whatever. But then again, it’s safest for Wu Xie to be in the middle. Pangzi can take a lot more than Wu Xie can – or at least Pangzi believes that. He and Xiaoge always do their utmost best to protect Wu Xie. And in this moment, it also feels like that is the only place Wu Xie agrees to be in so that he can see Xiaoge. So that he knows that Xiaoge is still there, with him, guiding them. Alive and real.  

Even in a special situation, Iron Triangle settles into something they consider normal. Xiaoge leads them like he’s always done, even when he’s lost his mind. Wu Xie follows bc there’s nothing else he can do. And Pangzi is at the back bc there needs to be something for Wu Xie to fall in. Bc someone needs to watch over these two fools. Bc Pangzi would never let the other two to go on without him. 

It really is a red string of fate, that rope. It is not actually red like I first remembered that it was, instead being somewhere close to yellow maybe? But it still makes me lose it. This scene just shows perfectly how strongly Iron Triangle is tied together. Nothing can break their bond, not even one of them losing himself. They will always know their way as long as they remain connected, no matter where they are heading. And something about this whole scene tells me that if they had died in this desert, right here, there would’ve been no regrets bc they had everything that really mattered. 

Aka these are all of my reasons why Iron Triangle are soulmates, thanks for coming to my ted talk and thanks for Ultimate Note for showing us this, I will retreat to cry now.

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) pt. 3

hello friends and pals and random peepers! it’s been a while again, mostly bc i’ve ended up binging way too many other dramas instead of rewatching ultimate note. but now i’ve watched three more episodes and finally got to one of the scenes that actually made me start this whole damn thing! so please enjoy (or suffer, your pick)!

and ah, as a side note: am very grateful that they have removed the chinese subs from the episodes! expect a ton of new edits from me in the future ^^ 

Xiaoge and the meaning of food

This is a random tiny detail I’ve paid attention to bc of some personal stuff am not going to talk about. It’s just very interesting to watch Xiaoge doing normal, mundane things when he’s been so strictly honed into being something infinitely more. You don’t always come to think about the great Zhang Qiling and his relationship with something as natural as eating.

(placing under cut once again bc this got longer than expected!)

I am especially paying attention to two scenes in this (with a third one on the side as an extra): the moment in episode 9 where Xiaoge finds the extra food Wu Xie left for him, and then the scene in episode 11 where they have survived the night with the snake invasion. As an extra, I also consider the beginning scene of episode 11 where Xiaoge returns and Wu Xie very petulantly offers him the asked food. On all occasions there are some heavy meanings placed on food (and sharing it?), and as someone who always wonders about Xiaoge’s relationship with his own body, I came up with a couple of interesting thoughts.

First of all, I think the whole fandom knows and agrees on Xiaoge being very… dissociative when it comes to his own body. He has been brought up via pain and fighting, he has learned to trust in his own blood as a weapon, has become overly aware of his body’s every function bc he always has to know his condition, and while doing that, he has forgotten how his body feels. He has forgotten how it feels to want to be touched or his boundaries being respected, and bc of this, he has learned to treat his own body as an instrument for survival instead of something to be taken care of or valued.

And here, in walks Wu Xie. Young and naive and very, very physically affectionate Wu Xie (and Pangzi, let’s not forget our resident cuddler). You can see it in TLT1 and 2 when Wu Xie just keeps getting close to ppl and giving shoulder pats to everyone and having no issues with any of that. We see it in Ultimate Note when Wu Xie lets ppl to just cuddle him in his sleep (I keep saying he’s everyone’s chosen body pillow for a reason). The same thing continues in Reboot where we get possibly the cuddliest Wu Xie to date. But that’s not really the point here. The point is – Xiaoge doesn’t have boundaries. No one has ever allowed him to have those. For him, physical touch is mostly violent. No one really treats him as a friend and then we have Wu Xie.

But this post is not about physical touch bc at this point, that is pretty much established. Pingxie are very comfortable with touching each other (for as long as censorship is fine with it too) tho they don’t touch as often or as excessively as Wu Xie and Pangzi for example. For them it’s small bc Wu Xie knows that Xiaoge has never been allowed his boundaries (and especially in Ultimate Note he comes very aware of this after we learn about Ah Kun) and he doesn’t want to force Xiaoge into anything as long as he doesn’t know what he wants. So, physical touch aside, what else are we left with? Xiaoge taking care of himself. And more specifically: eating (bc Xiaoge’s blood obsession is another topic, and I guess we all are aware of his (and Wu Xie’s) issues with that and Xiaoge getting hurt in general).

So, in episode 9 we see this brief moment after Xiaoge has chased after the mud man (his acquaintance, Chen Wenjin) and Wu Xie and the others have inevitably moved on without him, where Xiaoge returns alone to their previous camp. He discovers his backpack and Wu Xie’s note which says: “Xiaoge, we’re off to look for Sanshu. The rainforest is dangerous. Be careful.”. Before reading the note, he’s gone through the supplies left for him. Chen Wenjin points out that there is extra food, and Xiaoge tells her instantly that Wu Xie left it for him. It is implied that it’s an occurring theme in their relationship: Wu Xie leaving Xiaoge some extra food.

From what I know of Asian cultures in general, sharing food, eating together, and making sure that your loved ones have eaten is a big thing. It’s not even limited to proper meals, continuing to simple things like snacks and drinks too. But then we put in the aspect of survival and food being a slowly dwindling resource. Here, Wu Xie has deliberately decided that Xiaoge needs this food more than he himself does. He has, in some sense, decided to go hungry in favor of Xiaoge. It’s like him saying, “Here, take this from mine. Because I know you get hungry too. Because I know you are human in that way too even if you tell me you’re fine.”

In relation to this, I wanted to bring in the “extra” scene I chose, the scene we see in the beginning of episode 11 (which is also probably all of our favorite silly Pingxie scene, right? At least I get a stupid smile on my face every time). In that, Wu Xie is following suspicious footprints to one of the tents. He is expecting a fight (Boy has a damn shovel! He’s ready to whoop ass!) and rushes in – only to find (a very muddy) Xiaoge looking for what other than food. Apparently, his stock has run dry. His only words to a furious Wu Xie are, “Food.” I don’t even blame Wu Xie for instantly melting at that, it’s so sincere.

I think about this scene a lot (for other things than Wu Xie’s adorable crumbled face as he shakes his tiny fists in fury). I wonder, how often does Xiaoge ask for food like this? Bc I somehow can’t believe that it’s often, knowing who he is. Maybe it’s a distraction technique against Wu Xie bc he knows that Wu Xie is worried about him, and what better way to make Wu Xie think about other things than to look miserable while attempting to get food? It’s working perfectly imo. Tho Wu Xie is still asking about things and Xiaoge refuses to answer bc well, he can’t stop Wu Xie from asking. But it’s somehow so funny to me that Xiaoge’s go to tactic for making amends is allowing Wu Xie to take care of him in this very simple and mundane way.

Then finally to the scene I based all of this around. This is a scene at the end-ish of episode 11 where the day has come again after their hellish night of fighting against snakes. Pingxie have crawled out of their shared and collapsed tent to see the mostly destroyed camp. They are eating porridge. Or Wu Xie is eating it bc here’s the deal: Xiaoge isn’t eating at all.

I dunno why on my first watch of Ultimate Note, this was the scene that totally broke me. I didn’t cry before this bc everything managed to be so light with all the humor but then I saw them sitting here and it just opened up a faucet. The moment Panzi asks if Xiaoge is alright (boy was poisoned during the night and Pangzi didn’t even know if Wu Xie succeeded at getting the serum to him, gosh the stress) and Xiaoge doesn’t really answer and then Wu Xie reaches out to squeeze his shoulder like he’s making sure – yeah. That was a lot to take in. Bc then Wu Xie says, “Have some porridge.” And Xiaoge nods and proceeds not to touch his plate.

What I gathered from my thoughts – once I was done sobbing that time and now, after watching this again – is that I’m not sure how often Xiaoge has forgotten to eat. He is going through stuff basically every day. He goes to places where eating isn’t always an option or even a possibility. He has learned to survive, yes, and he knows that food is a necessity for that but how often has he convinced himself that he doesn’t need that either? How often has he just not eaten, especially if there are others around? I must say that I think it’s quite often.

Because, think about it: even here, with his friends, after one hell of a night, he sits with a plate in his hands and doesn’t even touch the porridge on it. He acknowledges that he has food at all only after Wu Xie has told him to eat. Wu Xie looks so worried while saying that (and his shoulder squeeze before this seems like he’s noticing how skinny Xiaoge is). And I don’t really know how to put this into words but I just feel like Xiaoge needs guiding with his eating habits? He has eaten whatever or nothing at all for so long that it just. Isn’t a habit anymore. Food feels foreign to him. Enjoying food feels even more foreign. Regarding food as something he, too, needs, instead of allowing others to take it as they are more human than he is – that’s something he needs to learn again. And I dunno how it’s going but Wu Xie and Pangzi are doing their utmost best.

So, yeah. Food is a weird thing. I dunno how any of this really came out but my point is: Xiaoge has disconnected from his own body in so many ways and so deeply that even these basic human things sometimes feel foreign to him. And only in relation to Wu Xie (and Pangzi), he’s finally recognizing that. That is probably also why they work so well, why Wu Xie becomes so important to him. Why Wu Xie, as someone who tries to bring out Xiaoge’s humanity, works so well bc he’s so thorough in showing that. His attempts at convincing Xiaoge of him being human don’t stop at him trying to show that Xiaoge is a good man but go deeper, into these very basic, instinctual things like touch and rest and eating which Xiaoge has also forgotten bc he’s not been allowed to be.

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) pt. 1

i’m trying to make a series of my random thoughts on ultimate note pingxie (i might go to other versions too but who knows when). idk if this fandom really needs my two cents but here yall go either way. at least i get my screams out of my chest. (apologizing if my english breaks bc of my feels, this really isn’t my first language) 

The Jacket Scene 

This is about the scene where Xiaoge, Pangzi and Panzi discover Wu Laosi’s body with Wu Xie’s coat covering it and what happens before, during and after that scene. I had some thoughts on how this one moment connects the things that happened in the previous episodes, and what Pingxie seems like after this very small but significant ordeal. (placing under cut bc this is long. with some pics!)

The thing is, with this whole drama, that we’ve rarely seen the worried side of Xiaoge before this. We have seen him coming in and sweeping Wu Xie off of his feet and rescuing him from whatever situation the boy has put himself into but we rarely see his worry. And throughout Ultimate Note, we finally see a lot of that. (this post by @jockvillagersonly​ already talks about the snake egg scene and all the worry so I guess I don’t have to get into detail here.) But, ever since the beginning of this, ever since Xiaoge once again sweeps Wu Xie right off of his feet (figuratively) in Golmud Sanatorium, he shows a lot of concern towards Wu Xie. Though he gets it out in varying ways but. Let’s not blame him for that, shall we? 

First of all, he doesn’t want to rope Wu Xie into coming with them on this journey; he very blatantly wishes Wu Xie to turn back and leave. It sounds a bit rude and Wu Xie reads very wrongly into it. It’s just that Xiaoge doesn’t want Wu Xie to get hurt on yet another journey. He just wants Wu Xie to be safe and where does that lead him? Into worrying.

So, what gives us this jacket scene in the end is that even if Xiaoge holds very tightly onto his feelings and doesn’t talk about them or, god forbid, show them (especially to Wu Xie if they’re related to him), other ppl are still very much aware (e.g. Hei Xiazi, A-Ning and Pangzi). Example: When A-Ning talks with Wu Xie about him joining this expedition, she states that she doesn’t care about Wu Xie’s life but Xiaoge does (which,,, Wu Xie looks flabbergasted. Poor soul). She sees what Wu Xie, unfortunately and infuriatingly, does not. He understands Xiaoge’s silent and somehow reluctant care. 

All of this then means that when Wu Xie’s team goes missing as they explore the shipwreck (or they just can’t contact ppl with their radios anymore bc of reasons), Xiaoge is absolutely losing his shit. He is already doing this before that (cue the scene with Hei Xiazi a lot earlier, in the pic above) but this is his last straw. He flees the camp to go look for Wu Xie, all his deals be damned. He might look cool and composed while doing this but his eyes are very telling. He is losing his fucking mind and no normal guy stands in his way (Wu Laosi being the one in his way is somehow so ironic in the light of what’s about to happen).

Then Pangzi and Panzi walk in, taking Xiaoge with them. And I find it so very amazing that Pangzi is able to see right through Xiaoge. But this knowledge is comfortable, caring. Pangzi might speak about Xiaoge’s worry in a teasing way but it’s how he goes at these things. And with Pangzi, Xiaoge can show his worry (even if he’s being emo about it and sucks it in like the cool guy he is bc… idk my dudes, maybe for the same reason he doesn’t even look at Wu Xie when he gives him that compass in the desert, boy has problems ok). He’s safe with Pangzi who doesn’t force Xiaoge into admitting his feelings but shows him how ridiculous he’s being bc of course they can worry about Wu Xie. They’re all worried about Wu Xie.

Then, after all the wandering in Devil’s City, they finally get to the shipwreck and there’s a camp but! Surprise! It’s full of corpses. Killed by corpse bugs. And then we see Wu Laosi (A-Ning’s right-hand man? I think?) wearing Wu Xie’s jacket. Xiaoge spots the jacket like a blood hound, drawn to it in an instant. And we as viewers know that it’s not Wu Xie laying there, that he’s long gone and having a not-so-fun adventure through the Devil’s City with A-Ning, but our guys do not. Xiaoge does not. We can see how his face freezes as he notices the body and then goes to look at it. He doesn’t even touch it, he just stares. Pangzi has to pull the jacket off of the body bc Xiaoge is too shocked to move.

And maybe he does know that it’s not Wu Xie (like he lets Pangzi think later bc he’s Cool and Collected) bc he’s just so accustomed to that body but. For a second he really does believe. And if we think about him earlier, when he was saving Wu Xie from the desert, his first words for Wu Xie who regains his consciousness were, “Sorry, I was late.” Bc he wasn’t there early enough to prevent Wu Xie from collapsing and being in pain. He wasn’t there early enough to keep Wu Xie from harm. And at this moment here, Xiaoge comes to remember that perhaps, comes to think about how he might actually be late one day. He thinks about it so intensely and it makes him so frustrated that he just furiously slices that stray corpse bug into half with his sword (even if it has no point when Pangzi and Panzi already have their knives out and ready to go). He’s just so mad about the thought of someone or something harming Wu Xie and him not being there to prevent it that Xiaoge, our Poker Face, has a temper tantrum. What a day this has been for him. Might consider other emotions after a couple more years, it’s becoming exhausting and I feel him on that. 

But then this just leads us to the overwhelming protectiveness we see during their journey in the jungle before they get to the Heavenly Queen Mother’s Palace (and Xiaoge goes to the jade meteorite and forgets everything but let’s stay in this happy-ish place still). We see him attending to every tiny movement of Wu Xie. He’s there to steady Wu Xie when he stumbles, he’s there to keep branches off of his face, helps him to cut down damn vines. There’s that egg removal scene with overwhelming fear. There’s the snake repelling mud and them sleeping in that tent. There’s Xiaoge catching Wu Xie from mid air more than once. He just... pours over, in a sense. Suddenly, he’s come to face the mortality of this boy he travels with and he’s painfully aware that he is the reason why Wu Xie is there in the first place. Wu Xie even states it himself when he’s yelling at Pangzi about lying to him when he said he was going to Beijing. Wu Xie says he’s the only one who’s in Devil’s City and on this journey just for his own accord (and at this moment, Xiaoge knows it also means he’s the reason bc Wu Xie has promised him things). 

It’s a horrible thing to know for Xiaoge. And I think this jacket scene just brings out all of that, reminds Xiaoge of why he didn’t want Wu Xie here in the first place but had to accept his involvement still. Reminds him of what he can still try to prevent as he was given this chance. Wu Xie really becomes his first priority here, and it shows up even starker in the way he puts Wu Xie’s survival over his own mission while working with Chen Wenjin. He outright refuses to do things before Wu Xie is safe. He somehow accepts, silently determined as he is, that there’s no other option for him anymore. He’s stuck with Wu Xie as strongly as Wu Xie has stated that he’s stuck with him. And sometimes I just wonder how many times Xiaoge must’ve seen nightmares of Wu Xie dying, especially after the scare this one simple jacket gave him. How many times he blamed himself for those. How many more times he wanted to apologize for being late (bc maybe one day he would have to tell that to Wu Xie’s corpse).   

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) pt. 2

my rewatch is going better than expected and the jungle scenes are offering a lot to think about so here we are again

Pingxie and the art of learning

These thoughts were brought on by a couple of very brief scenes we have in episode 8. Both show a flicker of how Wu Xie has, after all the whining and fear and temper tantrums, learned to show rather than demand from Xiaoge what he wants from him. Aka what he can do to make Xiaoge understand that he wishes to know where he’s going and he has ppl caring for him. 

Also have to mention that this same topic has been already discussed by @jockvillagersonly in their amazing post that really latches onto the second scene I’m studying here. Read it! It’s wonderful and very insightful and manages to capture all this with so much more flavor. Also, I feel like I’m merely offering some examples of the ideas introduced in that post here, so it adds to these things significantly.  

(placing under a cut again bc I ramble a lot. and there are pictures!)

The first scene I wanted to note here is the very brief moment right after the group has discovered the tick bugs on the tree and have escaped from them, seeking shelter under another, bug-free tree. We see how Xiaoge rises and starts leaving. Wu Xie (as is typical to him bc he has this weird radar to Xiaoge’s every movement) is instantly alert. He shouts after Xiaoge, demanding him to tell where he is going, and Xiaoge, after a bit of thinking, answers.

It’s not the answer I am focusing on here. I don’t think Wu Xie is that much interested in it either, just accepting that Xiaoge is going to look for some herbs (which he burns in the fire later on to… I have no idea what for? Can someone please elaborate if they know? Is the smoke some type of bug repellant or???). It’s just the act of asking itself I find interesting. Wu Xie sounds a bit chiding, like he’s softly scolding Xiaoge of storming off by himself again, reminding him of the things he’s supposed to do in a situation like this. 

And what is he supposed to do then? He’s supposed to tell someone. He’s supposed to make Wu Xie aware of his whereabouts bc Wu Xie cares about him and will worry otherwise. He’s supposed to speak before he leaves. They’ve talked about that – heck, they’ve even argued about that. And Wu Xie has probably accepted by now that Xiaoge will not explain to him his disappearance behind the Bronze Gate a year prior but he will not have Xiaoge walking out on him again. He will remind Xiaoge that someone cares if he disappears.

Yes yes, I am absolutely 100% referencing that amazing Pingxie line over here. It’s their promise. It’s Wu Xie’s promise to Xiaoge to show him that he isn’t alone in this world. That someone will notice him coming and going in it. And maybe this brief, very mundane question in this scene is Wu Xie’s way of trying to show the meaning of that promise to Xiaoge. To show him that he can’t just walk away. That he is supposed to say something bc no one can read his mind. (Which… well. I dunno if that lesson really goes through when we think about Xiaoge insisting that he told about Chen Wenjin to Wu Xie through one intense stare but. They are trying, I suppose. Baby steps, right?)

The other interesting scene I chose here (the scene which we already see in that post I mentioned at the beginning of this post) happens also in relation to Wu Xie and Xiaoge slowly learning how to communicate among themselves – but also in relation to how they understand each other in these situations where they clash. It’s wonderful to notice how Ultimate Note has given us this type of small, simple progress in their relationship. But also (like that post said), they take that huge step back when Xiaoge loses his memory and they need to learn again (but let’s not dwell on that tragedy quite yet, my heart is weak).  

So, in this scene Wu Xie wakes up and finds Xiaoge’s bedding empty beside him, instantly worrying for the other (which. Boy really has issues. I get it why after Sand Sea it is difficult for him to believe that Xiaoge is really back and won’t just disappear again bc wow he’s seen a lot of disappearing). Pangzi wakes up to Wu Xie’s panic, but thankfully they don’t have to search Xiaoge from far as Wu Xie soon notices Xiaoge walking among the trees close by. (As a side note, I gotta say that I really love this scene. Xiaoge seems almost whimsical when he just explores the forest by himself, walking between the branches.) 

Pangzi then says that Xiaoge’s sudden disappearances and habit of not telling anyone where he’s going tends to make them worry. Wu Xie answers that, “He’s such a person. He lives in his own world. He doesn’t find the need to make things clear.” 

This instantly tells how greatly he understands Xiaoge and his place in this world – but it doesn’t lessen their worry. Wu Xie has accepted that this is just how Xiaoge is, that he usually drifts away bc the world presents itself differently to him than it does to other people, but he and Pangzi can still worry. They can still wish for Xiaoge to connect a bit more with this world bc he’s important to them. Wu Xie might even hope that one day, Xiaoge will learn that there is always someone expecting him back from his journeys, that it is important that he tells where he goes and for how long so that people don’t panic bc of him.  

It’s a long journey, teaching something like that to a person like Xiaoge. But Wu Xie is willing and he seems to be learning that it isn’t Xiaoge’s fault that he is like this. That even after all this time with Pangzi and Wu Xie, it is hard for him to understand these simple things. That it’s strange to him after spending so much time alone (none of us even know how much time that actually is). That Xiaoge has never considered before that someone might miss him, and that is why Wu Xie takes it slow, shows it to him in small ways. He keeps reminding Xiaoge with these tiny things, makes him feel human. Treats him like a human. And Xiaoge is slowly learning bc he wants to be human, for himself and for Wu Xie. So that he can be a person. And so that he won’t hurt Wu Xie like he’s witnessed his disappearances doing (even if Wu Xie’s pain still baffles him bc why, why would anyone ever feel so strongly about him?).

(bonus pic of Wu Xie bc Zeng Shunxi looks so cute here)

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) bonus 2/2

continuation for this post where i try to make sense of all the visuals offered to us in the amazing bazaar photoshoot. had to divide the bonus part of this series into two bc of the amount of photos and my own tendency to write novels (even while excluding the video clips). hopefully these can offer you all at least something (more than just an eyeroll at my pretentious poetry). 

side note: the photos from the digital magazine (the ones without a watermark) belong to @/thosch3i who i very much want to thank you for all the updates and translations ♥

The Bazaar Photoshoot – Future Dream

As stated in the first part of this “analysis”, the theme of this photoshoot was the Pingxie ten years reunion. I already managed to get through the “ideal reality” photos, so now it’s time to delve into the “future dream” in the remaining ones. These seem to offer a deeper look into Pingxie’s actual relationship during the reunion and how their past and future meet in that moment. 

(placing under cut bc this gets long with all the photos!) 

These photos really challenged me to think outside the box. Bc the obvious answer would’ve just been me screaming “Pingxie married!” on top of my lungs but that’s not really something I’m aiming at quite yet. So I decided to call this pile of photos “the (future) dream” instead, which I think suits it quite well. Just let me try to explain why. 

Beginning with these two teaser photos where we first see their matching rings and then their matching necklaces. A lot of eternal promises and unbreakable bonds and soulmate symbolism here (my left brain: but Pingxie married!!! me: shush, not now). I feel like these photos in general show many of those themes, try to catch their bond and the deepest essence of their relationship. This is some type of core, them in their purest form, far outside of actual reality now.

The black and white colors make these photos feel even more like they’re part of a dream or a fantasy or a memory almost. Maybe it is about the things they now have and the things they have lost. Maybe it’s black and white bc things have changed but they still want the same things; they still have their bond and things still make sense. (Maybe I sob about this bc I’m just so weak and Pingxie soulmates, it’s confirmed now!)

Also gotta mention here – bc I will allow myself this one moment of gushing – that Pingxie in black and white, ZSX and XYL in these suits (both suits), is sinful. Absolutely sinful. But also stunning. And so soft. And well, what else could be more symbolic than making Wu Xie wear white and Xiaoge wear black? Tho I think that together, they have always been turning a bit gray. (And how many times did I read that as “gay”? Which,,, still true but. Not the point here.)

At this point am also fighting against my urge to talk about the video clip that dropped with the weibo update on the 1st of March and all the hand action we got in that. Bc I just loved how they played with each other’s hands and the snow and kept looking at their hands together in that clip. It felt like an inaudible love confession. And maybe these photos are just that; a voiceless, wordless way to say “I love you”. Neither of them is good with words anyway and the love is so loud am going deaf. I hope they’re happy. 

But if we forget that video, I want to pay attention to the poses in these photos. They are sitting or lying down together, Wu Xie’s head on Xiaoge’s shoulder, Xiaoge’s face almost buried in Wu Xie’s hair or at least turned his way. It feels domestic. There is nothing but them. There is nothing else to care about in this world than them being together and this closeness they share after all the time without it. It’s what they want; this very intense focus on each other (and if that doesn’t scream love to you then I don’t know what to say). It’s a little bit like the ideal reality I talked about in the previous post but even more intense and somehow so much more open which makes me think about this as a “dream” or at least a fantasy of sorts. 

Then in the two photos above, we again have Wu Xie looking at the camera while Xiaoge is focusing on him. It feels almost like Xiaoge is a prop here, all the focus placed on Wu Xie who is, unlike in that intense photo in the previous post, smiling. Slightly, but still. He looks soft, content, happy. He’s okay to be the center of all this attention bc he knows that it will take it away from Xiaoge (and omg I know yall whine now that such a thing is impossible with XYL’s beauty but just humor me for a bit). He’s so relaxed bc he knows that Xiaoge is content right next to him. (He might also be a bit smug bc he has a man like that but can anyone blame him?) 

I have to note then that, after gushing about their outfits and how good they look in them, there also seems to be a deeper meaning to these suits. Because I don’t think it’s an accident (or a thirst trap) that in these whole-body pictures where they lie in the snow, we see their chests and they’re bare-footed. It feels like this is them being bare in general, open. Their chests show bc their hearts are open, feet are bare bc they are vulnerable (and when you google symbolism for being bare-footed, Wikipedia hits you with childhood and innocence so yes, they are innocent here, pure, like they wish to be). This is them being true and honest with each other, offering all those parts of themselves to the other to look at which they never previously had the courage to show. 

At least that’s true in this dream, in this future they hope will become reality one day. In this future that, for now, ignores all the difficulties and obstacles between them (bc they have a lot of stuff to sort out and then Reboot happens and. Yeah well, the future never goes as you planned anyway).

Sitting and shoes on now, we then have Wu Xie offering this almost angry look to the viewer. He might be sitting slightly behind Xiaoge and lower than him but he’s the one who seems powerful here. Xiaoge looks almost childish (which might be just XYL’s personality showing through lol) and is focused on his own hands, the ground, and his shoes/legs. It feels like this is Wu Xie being the one aware for once, being the one who carries their worries, the one who sits there protecting Xiaoge so that Xiaoge can finally focus on something else. So that Xiaoge can be free and a little careless. That he can focus on himself and what he wants after giving so many years away for Wu Xie and his (at this moment non-existent or at least tainted) innocence. This is their dream; or at least Wu Xie’s dream bc somehow this whole photoshoot seems to focus on him instead of Xiaoge (like I stated before, he seems like a prop sometimes haha). 

In contrast to that thought and the previous photos, this one actually puts Xiaoge on display tho. He’s at the front, in the middle of the photo, and if you don’t get distracted by Wu Xie’s eyes (hard, I know), then you most likely focus on Xiaoge and get stuck there. It feels intentional, like Wu Xie’s strong protective instinct is somehow left a bit hidden? Behind Xiaoge? Who is usually seen as the protector? Which is interesting imo bc at this point Wu Xie has learned to be very brutal, and in Ultimate Note (and before that), we see him being very fierce when it comes to him protecting those he loves. So this setting between them feels a bit like a dream too, a dream where Wu Xie has been able to pull away a little bc Xiaoge is alright while facing the world again. Xiaoge is not as vulnerable as someone who doesn’t know who he is and who to trust. He has found his place to be.

Then the two photos that confused me the most bc at first they felt like they didn't fit at all? They just felt... weird, even if they look absolutely stunning. Here we have Wu Xie and Xiaoge dressed in their second pair of suits (if these can be called suits?) with Xiaoge in this long cape thing and his arms half bare. Wu Xie’s outfit seems almost too simple compared to everything else he’s worn, and they are both now facing towards the same direction while previously they were either looking at each other, away from each other or, in Wu Xie’s case, the viewer. 

Maybe these pictures were why I finally came to think about these as “the future” instead of just some type of “dream”.

Because in these pictures it feels like they are actually looking towards the future. Especially in this last photo they are both facing the light, side by side, in these clothes that feel almost like they’re… I don’t even know. Purified? Divine? Heavenly? Please excuse my lack of words but this just feels like that, like some kind of final peace where even their clothes are somehow on a higher level. It’s a dream-like future where they both can stand strong and be together forever, finally. (Also makes me think about how we see their rings in these pictures, like a sign of the bond they have formed and the bond they want to form (my left brain again: Pingxie married!!!! and this time am tired of arguing against that).) 

And if we add the other photo up there, where they are slightly turned towards each other, sharing a look almost, it feels like they have decided to go. Like this is a mutual choice of walking forward, some kind of turning point like the last photo was in the previous post. They are going and the future is at their reach and it’s going to be amazing (or at least I believe so, once again, bc they deserve their happy ending).

What are we then left with? With a future that includes them being at peace, being content with each other and the surrounding world. A future that is, probably, more from Wu Xie’s point of view than Xiaoge’s but still so utterly loving for the both of them (bc what else would Wu Xie want than happiness for Xiaoge?). And then if we connect this to the other photos in the first part, this feels almost like that ideal reality coming to life in their future, that closeness and joy and basking in the other’s presence stretched to cover an eternity. It’s so soft and gentle and sweet. Just like Pingxie are always. And I’m not even surprised that their future includes all of this bc what else could they wish for than the final relief of being together?

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) bonus 1/2

tbh i was very unsure if i should be doing any analysis on these pictures when am not that well aware of what happens here (i’ve never read the novels) but these pics just really deserve it. after this, i will try to return to the regular blabbering posts at some point but i hope you enjoy these in the mean time. part 2 you can find here.  

side note: the photos from the digital magazine (the ones without any watermark) belong to @/thosch3i who has been doing amazing work at keeping us all updated and translating things ♥ 

The Bazaar Photoshoot – Ideal Reality

As ppl probably know by now, the theme of this photoshoot was the Pingxie reunion that happens after the ten years Xiaoge has spent behind the Bronze Gate. I don’t have an impression of the original scene in the novels but ZSX and XYL very lovingly provided us with the most important dialogue in the video clips we got (which I will not be analyzing here bc this would become even longer than it already is), so I have at least some type of overall view through that. 

At first tho, I’m going to divide the photos into two categories which I will be labeling as “the (ideal) reality” and “the (future) dream”. In this first part I will be focusing on “the reality”. 

(more under the cut bc the pics obviously make this kinda long)

This part I called “reality” happens in the pictures with colors, where Pingxie are dressed in their more casual clothes (tho idk, who goes on a mountain in a suit? def neither of them, I bet, but it’s a photoshoot so let’s forget that). In these photos the whole reunion itself happens, concrete and very much real, easy for us to imagine. (One of the first teaser pictures we got was of this moment and it really felt like their reunion even without any context.)

They are facing each other in these photos to properly give off the feeling of them walking towards each other, meeting halfway, and finally colliding after all those years. (This also happens in the video clips so I think it really is their purpose here, to make them physically meet.) 

Wu Xie is grasping Xiaoge’s shoulder like he’s trying to make sure that Xiaoge is real. Like he’s trying to make himself believe that Xiaoge is actually there, right before his eyes, alive and healthy and for him to touch. (And I very much think that he is trying to do just that, trying to make himself believe, bc this moment is so unreal after all those years spent alone. I wonder how many times he saw mirages during the past years only to wake up and realize it was just a dream.)

In these photos where they face each other, it feels like they are looking at each other but then also kinda not? It’s like they’re looking through each other almost, seeing something more before them than just a person. Maybe it’s the future they see, or the past. Maybe it’s those both at the same time. (Maybe this is just me reading too much into them when they’re only being awkward and maybe I should stop. Maybe.) 

Then there’s also that permanent smile on Wu Xie’s face that I adore. It’s like in this reality there’s nothing that could make him happier than seeing Xiaoge again. Wu Xie seems so utterly delighted to be here (which, obviously, understandable. He’s waited a decade). His smile and eyes are so soft here. There is adoration in his look bc he’s been finally reunited with the person that matters the most to him. And Xiaoge meets him with this stoic look, this blank face we very often see but his eyes are locked to Wu Xie too. He’s glad to be there, glad to be back. (And I’ve heard that in the novels Xiaoge returns from the Bronze Gate without any serious trauma etc. but is that really realistic? I don’t think so. So only in this “ideal” reunion, neither of them carries the weight they actually do and can meet like this, happy and easy.)

Also, as a quick note, I need to mention the glasses in the photo below. It’s a cool little detail. It feels almost like a nod towards the fact that Wu Xie wishes he could change himself. That he could still appear the same in front of Xiaoge, be as innocent, be that “tianzhen wu xie” he used to be. Are the glasses his innocence then or him without it? I don’t know. 

Then let’s move to the lying-in-the-snow photos. Those seem to emphasize that, in fact, this truly is an ideal reality, a moment that’s almost idyllic to Pingxie. There is that feeling of basking in the other’s presence, the joy of closeness, the unhurried moment of pure bliss. They haven’t seen each other in ten years, Wu Xie has gone through hell, Xiaoge has been lost in darkness, and they both know the sacrifice they’ve made for the other. They are finally here after all that. They obviously want to enjoy their moment together, and I feel like these photos show how they wish for this moment to last. This moment that is still carefree and just filled with joy. Bc on that mountain, in the middle of the snow, they are not part of the cruel world quite yet. They’re away from reality even if this still is real. This is their little bubble, untouched by the life outside of this snowy scene.

After that, I gotta mention here that these are my personal favorites out of all of the photos we got. Especially the picture above where Wu Xie is smiling. He looks so content and happy in it that my heart just melts (and after knowing what happens in Sand Sea, he really does deserve happiness). 

I find it kind of symbolic in these photos how Wu Xie is the one with his eyes closed, basking in the moment, while Xiaoge is looking into the distance. It’s like Xiaoge is already being pulled away a bit, even in this ideal reality of theirs. He’s always away, not completely there. Even he himself doesn’t know who he is, like XYL said in their interview for the magazine. He would be the one to move first, if they had to.

But then again, in the picture below where Wu Xie has his eyes open, Xiaoge is turned towards him. His focus is solely towards Wu Xie while Wu Xie looks into the camera with eyes that could be almost seen as angry. And all of this feels like some type of new resolve, like things really have changed.

With this, it’s interesting to note that the photo above is, besides being the only one where someone is looking at the camera, also the only one where the snow isn’t falling. This makes it feel like some type of turning point, the crashing of reality. It’s like they have reached what they were looking for and now this is where we will move forward. This is where they have become something new. This is where and how they meet the world again. 

And how does that happen? With the new roles they have taken in each other’s lives. Wu Xie has come to protect Xiaoge, wishing to keep him safe from all those ppl that try to use him when he’s vulnerable. Wu Xie’s look in this feels almost like a warning to those ppl. And then there’s Xiaoge, finally in touch with his humanity despite of being so far away from it for a decade. He’s accepted that he can be someone that feels, who needs ppl beside him. He’s curled on his side here, looking very soft, almost fragile – and that’s what he can be now, with Wu Xie. (And we really gotta thank XYL for giving all of this humanity to Xiaoge bc now he feels real, and I always break when I think about the affection and understanding he has towards his character, it’s truly amazing). This is the photo where things have changed and we return closer to the “true” reality. 

So, in the end, this “ideal reality” consists of the actual reunion scene – which feels like the realest or most realistic part of the photoshoot – and then these other moments that follow, these brief happiness indulged dreams that probably only appear in their minds. (These feel a bit like those extra sappy scenes you get in romance dramas where a short moment suddenly turns into a pastel pink hued musical number, just saying.) This is Pingxie’s romanticized reality. It’s what they wish could happen – and maybe it does in some ways, tho I doubt they really go rolling around in snow like that. But I still wish they both can truly smile and be happy and forget about the world for a bit. The reality is harsh – let them dream a little. 

(more about those dreams in the next part!)