#i wanted to post this earlier. but. tired.

[vaspider]

Okay, no. Absolutely not. We are not doing this sort of absolutist shit where we put the responsibility for managing someone's mental illness 100% on their friends and family and making statements like "if you need to guess if someone loves you, they don't" on a post that's clearly aimed at people with mental illnesses.

I had to come back and dig this out of the notes because this is so important and this response made me so absolutely fucking livid. I wish I could find the post that scrolled across my dash earlier today that said something along the lines of, "y'all say 'trust my gut about people but my gut tells me that everyone secretly hates me and wants to disown me.'"

That's what this post is talking about, and here's another hard-to-swallow pill: while it's okay to ask for extra support from your friends and family, your friends and family cannot read your mind and have their own shit going on and will not know that their standard means of expressing love and care to you are not what you need right now unless you tell them so. Additionally, if your brain tells you that your friends and family hate you, and you know that your brain tells you lies because you have depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or a similar mental illness? You need to develop coping strategies that will help you not constantly put 100% of the weight of making you feel better on your friends and family, if only because you are undoubtedly not the only mentally ill person in your circle of friends.

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My wife Emet has depression, and it's real fucking bad. My brain tells me all the time that people I love are bored and irritated by my existence, and my wife's brain tells her all the time that both of her partners don't actually love her, and that we're secretly talking shit about her all the time and we'd be better off if she died. I expect support from my partners when my brain is doing bad things, because I have talked to them about my needs, clearly communicated with them, and because I will ask them when I need extra support, because I know enough to stop and say, "my brain is lying to me. My wives do not hate me. They love me. I need to tell them that I'm feeling this way so they can support me."

Sometimes they might be able to tell that I need extra care because of how I'm acting, but I can't 100% expect them to know when my brain is being terrible, because they're not psychic and my wife is also fighting her own battles against a brain that tells her that I'd be better off if she died. (That thought fucking horrifies me, it should go without saying.)

I have doubts all the time that people really love me, because my brain lies, but because I am a grown-up butch, I have put on my big-kid pants and gone to therapy and developed some coping skills that both help me to recognize when a) my brain is lying to me and b) I need to ask for extra love, care and support. Part of asking for extra love, care, and support is teaching your friends and family to recognize your signs and signals and not expecting them to fucking guess based on their own feelings, past experiences, etc., because the same way that my brain lies to me, their brains lie to them, and we all grew up with different communication styles and words meaning different things.

The shit you're saying puts the full weight of taking care of you on the people around you, flawlessly and without fail. It means that the people around you must always correctly interpret your signs and signals, never leave you in any doubt whatsoever no matter what bullshit your brain puts you through, never be tired or busy or going through their own shit, or they don't love you. That is some supremely self-centered bullshit that frankly makes someone into a toxic tar pit of a person.

So don't do that.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Hello Aubrie! Goood, I love your writing so much, and I couldn't wait to send in another request!

Could I ask for Eyeless Jack and his s/o going on a date day? How it would look like and all that? (can be sfw/nsfw)

I decided to keep it just SFW this time as I was just in a fluffy vontent mood today, but you can feel free to request date night specific spicy stuff with EJ next time if you'd like :) I hope you enjoy, I'm extra tired today so my writing may be different but I had a need for EJ fluff

Your date day actually ends up being a date night with this one, as your boyfriend is nocturnal, however, he gets up a bit earlier than normal if the two of you want to spend a "day" together. Normally waking at about 6:00 pm, Jack will get up around 4:00 on a day the two of you wish to spend together. He'll spend a little while waking up, curled up in bed with you, discussing things you want to do, getting ready to go out with you, just waiting for the sun to go down more so Jack can handle being around the light (as he can't handle visibly bright light very well, hence the nocturnal part :p).

He'll make sure you get something yummy to eat for dinner, and that's usually your first spot on your date nights. The Underworld is full of restaurants that operate 24/7, so he'll take you out to eat at whichever place you'd prefer to go to, and you'll both sit and talk for a while over food. Even with the nocturnal citizens out and about, the Underworld is a lot more quiet at night, so Jack enjoys walking through it with you, enjoying the peace of it. The two of you might window shop a bit, going into any stores that catch your eye. I think if it's warm enough you two have a tradition of getting ice cream together, because there are places that serve a mix of demon and human appropriate flavors, so you can get whichever flavor you'd prefer, and EJ can get his go-to blood ice cream so he can enjoy it as well. Following that, Jack always loves taking you for another walk, this time through the forests of the Underworld. The air is nice and fresh, and the creatures running about are usually attracted to Jack, so he always gets excited by the chance to tell you what the different animals are, and because they trust him so much you can even pet them while they sit contentedly beside him.

It's not until either the sun starts coming back up or you start to get too tired that the two of you finally begin to make your way back to the mansion together. Once you get back, Jack normally prefers to enter relaxation mode with you again. You'll take a relaxing shower together, and then put on some perfectly fluffy, soft pajamas (Jack is a connoisseur of comfortable fabrics), and curl up in bed once more. Some nights you guys might put on a show in the background, or some music, or anything you're in the mood to watch and just sit, and cuddle to the background noise. However, there are also nights like tonight, when you snuggle up and read together. It always starts with both of you reading your own preferred books in silence, but then usually one of you grows more tired faster than the other (usually you, as it's generally 5:00 am by this point), and the other person will read their own book aloud for both of you. Days like these generally end with you fast asleep in Jack's arms due to your need for sleep overcoming you, and Jack will always chuckle and set his book aside, before pulling you into his chest, and finally falling asleep himself. You usually always wake before him, unless you sleep the whole day away (sometimes Jack also just refuses to let you out of his arms on purpose but shhhh it's fine, it doesn't matter), but post date day snuggles are also mandatory in this relationship, so really, date days are like two days in one because you've gotta recoup your energy from staying up so late. Even if the two of you just spend a date day curled up inside playing board games or reading, or even just silently snuggling up, Jack doesn't mind, so long as he gets to spend as much time with you as possible, anything is fine in his opinion. He's just thankful to have you there with him.

[biancadoes1]

What is happening today?! I don’t understand how people who think L is with A and N is with JD read their comments and take them seriously…their best evidence that A is still around is that MAYBE Luke took pics of her in March?! Ok…I think most of us realize that she probably was around in some FWB or situationship capacity earlier in the year…maybe. Most of their sightings together were in group settings so feels super unserious to me and she ALWAYS gave the clingy, leechy vibes. Last we even saw them together was in July and that seemed to go over like a lead balloon so not sure where anyone gets the confidence to say they have evidence they are currently together.

And I can’t even entertain thoughts of Nic and Jake (I mean let’s be honest, I never have) because they’ve shown us over and over what they are to each other. And just like it’s been discussed all over your blog, I think there was a lot done on NYE to squash it once and for all…what would be the reason for Nic to post on her friends insta posts have fun tonight miss you when she could just text them if not to show us that she wasn’t there? On what looked to be an intimate, triple date dinner party. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I always want Nic and Luke to feel comfortable enough to share their relationship with us because you know they are just so happy and smitten with each other that it would be so nice to celebrate that for/with them. But then I also want that to happen so these people can shut up…

Happy Sunday!

People can see the writing on the wall and they're throwing shit at it to try and cover it up.

It's essentially covering their ears and screaming so they don't have to hear anything else.

They can try all they want but I am getting tired of these repeated asks by the same people so my block button is starting to work.

[wisteria-lodge]

Male Crying in the Harry Potter Books

(this is a clean-up of an earlier post, incorporating some of the excellent feedback & additions I got.)

Men do 32% of the crying in the Harry Potter books, even though they represent 66% of the characters (pretty much as expected).* However, I’m interested in why the crying happens, and what it says about the characters. Because for the ladies, crying is pretty neutral - they all cry, and for all sorts of reasons (tired, frustrated, stressed, emotionally overwrought...) Bellatrix, Augusta Longbottom, Ginny, Tonks… all cry. Hermione cries thirty separate times over the course of the books. There is a point where where the narrative framing judges them for crying too much (Cho) but mostly it's a non-issue.

Male crying though, is something that gets mocked (by Slytherins.) Pansy calls Neville a “fat little cry baby,” and after Rita’s article (falsely) says that Harry was crying, Draco comes in with “Want a hanky, Potter, in case you start crying in Transfiguration?” There’s also “D’you think [Hagrid]’ll cry when they cut off his hippogriff’s - ” right before Hermione slaps Draco. So making fun of guys for crying is bad right? 

Let’s get into it. 

1 : Crying because of a death

The most acceptable reason for male crying. Mostly it happens *right* at the moment of death, or possibly at the funeral/next to the grave. Severus cries over Lily's letter (the ripped one which Harry later finds) which is certainly grave-adjacent.

In Book 3, Harry cries while talking to Lupin about hearing his parents dying (although the narrative voice DOES let us know that he’s kind of embarrassed about this.)

“Harry suddenly realized that there were tears on his face mingling with the sweat. He bent his face as low as possible, wiping them off on his robes, pretending to do up his shoelace, so that Lupin wouldn’t see.” 

This attempt to hide hide tears shows up a few more times. Sirius *also* cries when talking about Lily and James' deaths... or does he?

[Harry] was pointing at Black, who shook his head slowly; the sunken eyes were suddenly overbright. "Harry...I as good as killed them," he croaked. "I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me. ... I'm to blame, I know it. ... The night they died, I'd arranged to check on Peter, make sure he was still safe, but when I arrived at his hiding place, he'd gone. Yet there was no sign of a struggle. It didn't feel right. I was scared. I set out for your parents' house straight away. And when I saw their house, destroyed, and their bodies...I realized what Peter must've done...what I'd done. ..." His voice broke. He turned away. "Enough of this," said Lupin, and there was a steely note in his voice Harry had never heard before.

@strawberrybasilsorbet analyzes this passage extremely well:

"Suddenly overbright" is a particularly memorable descriptor for me. What an unusual way to describe having tears in one's eyes! It verges on euphemistic. "His voice broke" is much more direct, but still relies on implication instead of mentioning tears outright — which, considering that the intended audience is young readers, could be seen as subtle. Like Harry in the example above, Sirius clearly considers crying something to be ashamed of: he turns away to hide his tears. And in this moment, the sentences also become short. Halting, stilted. The narrative voice evokes Sirius's feelings here instead of describing his actions in detail. It isn't until later in the scene, when Sirius and Lupin begin to take action, that we get a straightforward description: "[Sirius] approached Lupin and the struggling rat, and his wet eyes suddenly seemed to be burning in his face." But even here, it is an understated observation. We don't get a description of actual crying, or even holding back tears."

Sirius also cries in Book 4, while listening to Harry describe seeing the shades of his parents come out of Voldemort's wand.

At this point, Harry found he could not continue. He looked around at Sirius and saw that he had his face in his hands.

@strawberrybasilsorbet continues,

"[this] example is more ambiguous — Sirius might be crying, he might be trying not to cry, or he might just be overwhelmed — but either way, the scene reflects a similar approach to strong emotion. Sirius covers his face to hide his sorrow; the narrator makes a short, declarative observation that leaves a lot between the lines. These scenes suggest that masculine tears are most respected by the narrative when they are (1) in response to grief, (2) irrepressible, despite the character's attempts to obscure or prevent them. Sirius and Harry are the two characters who represent this most clearly, although Lupin's sudden steeliness in the PoA scene implies that he shares this perspective. (This is also reflected in Lupin's decision to switch from talk to action: he cuts the conversation abruptly when Sirius begins to cry, demanding that Ron hand over Scabbers immediately. He is likely trying to spare his friend the ordeal of further emotional vulnerability). The narrator's voice seems to share this instinct, giving Sirius the dignity of subtlety when describing his emotions. This contrasts strongly with characters like Peter, whose tears are described in vivid and humiliating detail. What I think is especially revealing is how...discreet?...the narrator's voice becomes when Sirius is the character who is crying.

There is this slight *fan dance* quality present, where we see Sirius before he starts crying, and then again after he has already cried. But really don't see him actually crying.

Harry also has an interesting, sort of delayed reaction to Dumbledore's death:

Dumbledore had weakened himself by drinking that terrible potion for nothing. Harry crumpled the parchment in his hand, and his eyes burned with tears as behind him. Fang began to howl. He clutched the cold locket in his hand so tightly that it hurt, but he could not prevent hot tears spilling from his eyes

There’s a lot going on in this moment: Harry is tired, frustrated, disappointed, overwhelmed. But we still get that note that tears are something that ought to be hidden, and that even though Harry is trying to stop them, these happen to be irrepressible.

Crying over a death: Full Breakdown

Amos Diggory: 1 (Cedric’s death) 

Arthur Weasley: 1 (Fred’s death)

Harry Potter: 4 (Hedwig, Lily, James, Dumbledore)

Rubeus Hagrid: 4 (Dumbledore, Buckbeak, Aragog, Harry) 

Sirius Black: 2 (Lily, James)

Severus Snape: 1 (Lily)

Argus Filtch: 1 (thinks Mrs. Norris is dead) 

Xenophillius Lovegood: 1 (thinks Luna is dead) 

Fillius Flitwick: (thinks Ginny is dead) 

Ron Weasley: 1 (Dumbledore’s funeral) 

Elphias Doge: 1 (Dumbledore’s funeral

2: Crying because of pain

You’d think this one would also be acceptable. But… not really? Dudley cries when Vernon hits him (but Harry doesn’t.) Peter Pettigrew cries when he cuts off his own hand, Saw style, but it gets framed as blubbering weakness.

Our last guy crying in pain is Book 1 Neville, after he breaks his wrist during flying lessons. He also “sniffs,” while walking into the Forbidden Forest for detention, which *might* count as crying? But really, Neville cries surprisingly little. We get a lot of “looked as though he might cry” and “on the verge of tears”... but that's not actually crying. And I think that’s because… early-books Neville, yes we’re supposed to see him as a little pathetic. But definitely not as pathetic as Dudley or Pettigrew. @blorger writes:

The characters who cry for pain are crying because they're just Not Man Enough (and that's wormtail's biggest failure as a character, isn't it?). Neville, to me, is the perfect encapsulation of JKR's attitude towards crying: he is constantly on the verge of crying, especially in the first books, because we're meant to feel a sort of benign pity for him, his weakness makes him amiable, yes, but there's still strength in his character (he can stop himself from crying! see, he's brave!). Neville does Suffering well, and nothing shows one's character to jkr more than how they handle suffering.

Crying in pain: Full Breakdown

Dudley Dursley: 1 (hit by Uncle Vernon)

Neville Longbottom: 1 (broken wrist)

Peter Pettigrew: (hand cut off)

Bonus almost crying: 

Dudley Dursley: Fake crying

Neville Longbottom: “looked as though he might cry” “on the verge of tears.” 

Professor Quirrell: “looked as though he was about to cry”

3: “Childlike” crying

Sometimes the people who cry are literally little boys. No one is going to judge infant Harry for crying when Voldemort is in the house, or little Severus for crying when his parents are fighting. Interestingly, when Myrtle is talking about Draco crying in her bathroom, Harry assumes she’s talking about someone much younger: 

“There’s been a boy in here crying?” said Harry curiously. “A young boy?” 

But of course, when an adult is crying in a childlike way, it immediately becomes… pathetic. Again we have Pettigrew, who “burst into tears. It was horrible to watch: He looked like an oversized, balding baby, cowering on the floor.” In the Horcrux cave, crying Dumbledore is described “like a child dying of thirst.” Which is also meant to be pathetic, but in more of a ‘Harry has to be the adult now’ sort of way. Also, the potion seems to have made Dumbledore mentally regress back to his youth, so it’s *closer* to a literal “child crying�� moment. 

(I considered putting Dumbledore drinking the potion in the ‘pain’ section, but at least in the book I think it’s clear he’s mostly in emotional rather than physical pain.)

Where this gets messy is with the house-elves. House-elves are not children, but they are presented as childlike. They are small and in-your-face, direct even though their problem-solving tends to be very convoluted/not especially logical. I like the present-tense, no pronouns way they speak, but I can’t deny it is kind of baby-talk adjacent. And… house elves are *really* emotional. Dobby, Kreacher (and Winky) cry a LOT. If I had to guess, I would say JKR likes treating house-elves as childlike so it’s more of a surprise when it turns out that one of them was behind everything. But considering that they are slaves, it is gross - considering that one of the main real-world justifications for slavery was ‘slaves are childlike, and therefore unable to take care of themselves.'

There’s also Hagrid. With seventeen separate instances of crying, Hagrid easily cries more than any other guy in the Harry Potter books. And… well… he’s also presented as oddly childlike. He seems much more like Harry and Ron’s contemporary than a peer of the other professors - which is weird, since  if he went to school with Voldemort fifty years ago, he’s in his sixties now. But still, he’s helpless in the face of criticism, he’s comically out of his depth whenever he deals with the Ministry, he’s constantly letting things slip or drastically misjudging danger levels. The first three books all use “Hagrid gets in trouble, the gang has to bail him out” as a plot point, and in Book 4 his sideplot with Madame Maxime gets treated like a schoolboy’s first crush, with all these jokes about him wearing suits that don’t quite fit, and trying and failing to style his hair.

Childlike crying: Full breakdown

Rubeus Hagrid: 13

Dobby: 7

Kreacher: 3

Peter Pettigrew: 1

Harry Potter: 1 (infant)

Severus Snape: 1 “while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner.”  “it was unnerving to think that the crying little boy who had watched his parents shouting ” 

Albus Dumbledore: 1 "like a child dying of thirst"

4. Crying because of strong emotion

The difference here is... does the character try to suppress the crying, or not? If they do try to suppress it, then it stays respectable, on a level with grief-crying. If not well... that means that the character crying is meant to read as a little pathetic, a little femme or (lets face it)... both.

Take this example of Ron crying after he destroys the locket horcrux:

Ron was breathing heavily: His eyes were no longer red at all, but their normal blue; they were also wet. Harry stooped, pretending he had not seen, and picked up the broken Horcrux. (...) “After you left,” he said in a low voice, grateful for the fact that Ron’s face was hidden, “[Hermione] cried for a week. Probably longer, only she didn’t want me to see..."

Hermione is allowed more tears because she is a girl, but there does come a point where she has to hide them or else run the risk of being perceived as crying too much by the narrative (like Cho.) In terms of the boys - again, we've got moment like Sirius and Remus have, where Ron is (correctly) hiding his tears and Harry is (correctly) doing a 'I'm going to protect you from further vulnerability by kind of changing the subject / pretending that I didn't see you cry.' Also, similarly to the Sirius example, the description of Ron's crying is subtle, almost euphemistic ("wet eyes.") We are not using the word cry, or tears, or anything like that.

Look at this next excerpt, of Percy's reunion with his family, and especially at how the crying of all three characters is handled:

Mrs. Weasley burst into tears. She ran forward, pushed Fred aside, and pulled Percy into a strangling hug, while he patted her on the back, his eyes on his father. “I’m sorry, Dad,” Percy said. Mr. Weasley blinked rather rapidly, then he too hurried to hug his son. “What made you see sense, Perce?” inquired George. “It’s been coming on for a while,” said Percy, mopping his eyes under his glasses with a corner of his traveling cloak.

Molly is crying buckets, no problem. Arthur gets almost-crying or euphemistic crying. And Percy is explicitly crying, not trying to hide it, and even gets the slightly comedic imagery of trying to wipe your eyes without taking off your glasses.

And well, JKR respects Percy less than she respects Arthur. As @arkadijxpancakes puts it, "When it comes to Percy, I'm still surprised how subdued his crying in that scene is. Because, yeah, Rowling does respect him less. She also has a tendency to write him in a pretty feminine manner. It's still a stark contrast to his mother, however." Even though we catch him in a serious moment, he's still slightly ridiculous Percy.

So from this, we can see that this male heightened emotionality is meant to look a bit comedic - like when Oliver Wood cries when Gryffindor wins the Quidditch cup "to highlight that his weird priorities are funny and slightly ridiculous," ( @blorger.) We also don't see Hogwarts-age Snape actually cry, but considering his nickname is “Snivellus” (ie“crybaby,” since “sniveling” is a synonym for crying, I'm assuing he does.) Just the word "Snivellus" is clearly supposed to funny and a little pathetic.

Slughorn has an interesting instance of crying at Aragog's funeral, not out of grief for Aragog, but out of a maudlin sense of togetherness, nostalgia, and camaraderie. It *is* supposed to be funny that he's crying over a giant spider he just met. Like Percy, Slughorn is also a bit femme-coded: a flashy dresser with lilac pajamas, who loves his treats and fancy dinner parties, and is well-connected without being ambitious the way Lucius is. He also is aligned with pureblood-supremacy, but hyper avoidant of violence and confrontation... just like Draco.

Draco of course gets a BIG crying scene in Book 6. We here about him crying once from Myrtle, and then see it first hand: 

Malfoy was crying — actually crying — tears streaming down his pale face into the grimy basin.

The narrative voice takes a second to let us know that he was ACTUALLY CRYING, just to hammer in that this is something unexpected and not-normal. I think I want also to attribute Draco’s tendency to cry - and cry because he’s overwhelmed, scared, lonely - to the character’s slight femme coding. And the fact that JKR clearly sees him as a bit pathetic.

The most surprising person to land in this particular category is Dumbledore. I was surprised he cries as much as he does, at such unusual times, and with none of the "manliness" of a crying Harry, Ron, Sirius, or Arthur. He cries when he sees Snape’s doe patronus - because of love or just because he’s emotionally overwhelmed. He cries all through the Horcrux cave, primarily because of guilt. He cries twice during the King’s Cross Station vision-quest, once because of his complicated feelings about Harry while he asks for forgiveness, and once over … Grindlewald.

“They say he showed remorse in later years, alone in his cell at Nurmengard. I hope that it is true. I would like to think he did feel the horror and shame of what he had done. Perhaps that lie to Voldemort was his attempt to make amends . . . to prevent Voldemort from taking the Hallow . . .”  “. . . or maybe from breaking into your tomb?” suggested Harry, and Dumbledore dabbed his eyes.

I think Dumbledore gets all these tears because he is actually, deliberately queer coded. JKR announced that Dumbledore was gay just a few months after Book 7 was published, and I think she had that character interpretation in her head as early as Book 6. My proof of that is Dumbledore's increased emotionality - and also this interesting passage from Book 6: 

This younger Albus Dumbledore’s long hair and beard were auburn. Having reached their side of the street, he strode off along the pavement, drawing many curious glances due to the flamboyantly cut suit of plum velvet that he was wearing. “Nice suit, sir,” said Harry, before he could stop himself, but Dumbledore merely chuckled.

Now, okay. Wizards out and about in the muggle world often wear unusual colors like purple and emerald green. However. That adjective flamboyantly is only used one other time in the entire series, to describe Fudge’s hand gestures. Here, it is used to describe clothes, a purple velvet suit which is honestly more than a little bit Oscar Wilde. And “flamboyantly gay” … those are two words often heard together. 

Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I am pretty sure this is the only opinion about clothing Harry ever expresses aloud. @niche-pastiche hit the nail right on the head with the observation that "Nice suit, sir" is SO the response of a young adhd boy in the early 2000s trying not to say "thats gay." 

And so that's my say. In JKR's head, crying isn't "manly," so if you are crying, it's because you're a woman, you're a child, you're funny/pathetic, or you're ambiguously femme-coded. A noble single man tear is allowed at times of intense grief, but otherwise you have to turn your head away.

Crying because of strong emotion: Full breakdown 

Draco Malfoy: 2

Severus Snape: 1

Albus Dumbledore: 4

Horace Slughorn: 1

Arthur Weasley: 1

Percy Weasley: 1

Ron Weasley: 1

*My list of 208 Harry Potter characters comes from TV Tropes, which had the most complete breakdown. I am excluding characters from Cursed Child and the Fantastic Beasts Films. Also, please tell me if there are any instances of crying that I missed.

[heeheesang]

midnight swings. ── .✦

written & smau at the bottom ! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

warnings ! crash out ? cuddling hehe :3

I ROAMED ON THE BEACH , EVERYONE WAS ASLEEP AND IT WAS A PERFECT TIME FOR ME TO YELL OUT MY FEELINGS .

it was currently midnight. i walked along the beach until i saw one drawing in the sand, " LEEHAN AND CHAER. "

oh. before i knew it, i blew up into a fit. i kicked the sand all over the place and yelled, "fuck this, fuck you!" i yelled as i kicked it continuously.

"why can't i have anything nice?! why must you always be taken away by other girls! i thought it would all be fucking over but fuck you kim donghyun for making me feel this way!!!" i yelled as i dug out sand with my hands, eventually getting tired and just sitting down.

tears fell from my eyes as i watched the waves, "why... why can't i have whatever i want... for the first time..." i cried in a soft voice as i stood back up and picked up shells, stones, anything i could find.

sitting on a nearby bench, i sighed as i brought my knees to my chest. my tears brimmed on my eyes, threatening to fall out with just a single blink. i looked down to my arms, the scars and bruises left from the time chaer pushed me into the ocean.

i winced as i touched them, feeling the same— or worse pain when it all started with jieun. i took my attention to the seas instead, salt water will cure my scars faster right?

but you can't swim, yn. oh yeah. i grunted as i looked at the shells and stones i have picked up earlier, taking one and throwing it into the sea.

"fuck you kim donghyun," i mumbled as i threw my last stone with full force. with a short sigh and a small smile, i got off the swing and made my way back into the penthouse.

opening the door, i found everyone in their pajamas with the lights on, their worried faces showing through the light. "were you the one screaming?" sungchan asked as everyone waited for an answer.

i sighed, placing my coat on the coat holder before shaking my head, "no? why?" i lied.

"we all heard a scream... and and we were scared because anton told us stories before we all slept..." shotaro replied, his hairs on his arms visibly standing up.

"eh, probably just a little girl... it's fine tho, go back to sleep. i'll keep a watch for you guys." i said as i sat down on the couch and turned on the television.

"aren't you tired? where did you even go?" chaer asked as i flashed a sarcastic smile, "none of you business. and i'm not tired so everyone can sleep." without a second thought, everyone ran up to their rooms and locked the doors behind them.

at least that's what i thought... until donghyun— leehan, sat beside me on the couch. "i know it was you. you suck at lying." he said as i rolled my eyes.

"shouldn't you be with your girlfriend?" i replied, not looking at him once.

"we're not even together... i have no idea why she posted that. i already told my mom about it—"

"shh, my show is starting." i hushed him up as i heard a small giggle. the whole time i was watching the show, i could feel his eyes on me, like he's burning me with his eyes.

before i knew it, a yawn escaped from my mouth. almost as soon as i yawned, "go to sleep pretty— yn." i shook my head as he giggled again.

as moments passed, my eyes felt heavy. i was already tossing and turning my head whenever my eyes closed. within a second, donghyun moved closer and pulled me to his lap.

"if you don't wanna sleep in your room then sleep here, with me." i whined, "i'm not sleepy~"

"i can see you trying not to sleep, angel... just close your eyes okay?" i gave in and closed my eyes. then he would feel uncomfortable with my head on his lap...

i got up to change my position and he widened his eyes. "lay down properly, you'll have cramped legs when you wake up later." i nagged as he chuckled, laying down beside me.

"is it okay if we cuddle? or are we still on bad terms?" he joked but i was too sleepy. i groaned and turned to face him, burying my face in his chest as i felt his arm wrapped around me.

a drop of tear left my eye, i missed this. before i knew it, i was long gone asleep.

⤶ back | mlist | next ⤷

⟢ accidental confessions (acc) taglist

╰┈➤ @rairaiblog @voikiraz @veerooniicaa

⟢ permanent taglist ( can be requested to be taken off ! )

╰┈➤ @hooneverse @sol3chu @yourssincerely-mimi @reikaxslvr @petralovesbonedo @enhabooks @mwahvvis @jaerisdiction @rairaiblog @jeonginontopforever

hhs' notes ── .✦ double update !! hehe :3

[karinadele]

Waiting for the Night

Idw Megatron x Reader

No warnings! Gen reader!

Follow up to my earlier megs post, i think i want to start a series/collection on the lost light crew pit stopping on earth.

We always have fics of liaisons onboard the ship, but never how they met/the crew interacting with earth. Gonna have to be multiverse cause otherwise it dont make sense!! I wanted to do holoforms to make things linear, but if i shove it into multiverse maybe they can just not?? lmao??

i think i'll do little drabbles of each bot and their adventures??

Megs is gonna be the one with the singer/songwriter

loosely stole reader converting meg's poems' idea from @infintyfandoms!!

Earth, Kilocycle 2025 (tentative lmaaoo)

Lost light lands on earth for a quick refuel and sightseeing, (and hope Rodimus doesn't get into shit)

Megatron is rather uncomfortable about this whole thing as he’s been on earth before… and the fact he caused many issues on it.

As they approach earth’s atmosphere, making contact with earth governments and space agencies.

The crew’s excited. 

While the crew only carried Shanix, the governments of different countries are more than happy to start a bidding war over it. Creating a new form of a currency and by consequence, a new stock market over it.

Megatron's plan's are simple, do what they need to do, stay out of trouble.

Of course that never plays out, one thing after another, next thing you know, Rodimus is dragging them to a human concert.

You're a singer/songwriter, and here you are, on the latest tour. Last stop before the leg ends, tired but still very excited. How can you not! Seeing fans come out to support you -some of them even tagging along every city to view you perform.

What you didn't expect to have found at your concert were Cybertronians. It's been decades that Earth has accepted them as an intergalactic species. -The first ones to come in contact with your planet.

Regardless, performing for a different alien species was definitely not part of your bucket list. But! Definitely a welcomed one!

Rodimus only managed to score a few tickets, (he could have gotten more, but venue limits was not very happy about filling in the whole stadium with nothing but bots) (bring ur favorites ig)

(I'm slotting in rod/megs/drift/i want mags but i know he'll get a headache lMAAOO)

(wish i can bring blaster/soundwave/jazz/the ones still on cybertron -aka AU that shit where they are on lost light!!)

You and your band perform away. (I prefer band?? Could be solo artist too?? omg what if each band member gets their own little arc with a bot lmaaooo)

The bots spend their time sipping highgrade and enjoy the performance.

Megatron especially latched onto the lyrics.

Rodimus fucks with the drums and beat

Drift is vibing along, probably fucks with the lyrics as haikus and melody (can we get him a japan arc)

Ultra Magnus want's to die, but eventually warms up to it after a couple drinks and primus he is dancing away. (alternatively if its an outdoor venue and you want spicy, mf totally strips his armor lMAAOO)

Soundwave is 100% recording without consent

Blaster is actually enjoying and dancing away

While it's not like Cybertronians never had music or performances back on Cybertron, they were totally different from Earth's version. Top it off with millions of years of war, it basically was foreign. Besides, listening to songs for the first time live without prior knowledge is difficult. But not for Megatron. Something about the flow of the lyrics and melody drew him in.

It felt like a poem. A piece of writing animated into life, becoming an artform. One that's being presented in front of his very own optics.

Performance arts. As he was told. And now he understood why.

(insert his rambling and thoughts about xyz songs, i have not decided what songs/if i write my own shit lmaaoo someone analyze music with me from their perspective!!)

After the performance, you and your band are catching a break in the backrooms. (Can go several routes, either obsessive!megs rescans your tour bus and takes the form ((i seriously cant see it)) or through ~intergalactic~ powers with the governments or whoever, managed to secure vvip slots and manages to meet you)

You two hit it off. (Romantic or platonic i did not decide!!)

Spending the time Megatron has on earth discussing music, lyrics writing, songwriting, and poetry. You explain that Earth music is a very similar to poetry, Often starts off as that, incorporated into a melody. Or vice versa.

You also explain that Earth has several languages, and you often pull elements from them to combine them into a song.

Hearing this, Megatron was excited. Over the sort time, he's warmed up to you and wanted to share his writings with you, but being more on the reserved side, he didn't want to open himself up like that yet. (Yet you did lmao??) But hearing that you enjoy languages and analyzing works from all different places made him finally sheepishly share some of his writings. (Alternatively crack reader version, you scurry like a fucking raccoon and steal his works, i know i would)

You find his writing absolutely beautiful. Originally having him translate his works from Cybertronian into English, as time restrain never allowed you to learn the language.

You don't tell him, but you're already planning to convert his works into music. (Romantic divergence you write it just for him, platonic you perform it for everyone. Give him royalties!! Shanix is a proper currency now!! You start playing the Shanix market with profit from his share, saving it for next time he comes back.) (honestly even romantic route can be performed live, just when LL comes back again)

Ideally you keep in touch with him even when he's departed Earth and back on LL adventures. (If you want angst, we can make it not lmaoaoo)

You already spend plenty of time studying language and songs of the world, but paid extra attention to Cybertronian after this encounter. Wanting to understand the meeting behind his poems. As Cybertronian, is a complex language, a different system that's extremely versatile and open ended when it comes to context.

Spending time translating, and re-writing his thoughts into English, you eventually dedicate a song (or album if you won the right type of adhd ig)

Years later, the LL returns back (we ignore the fact LL timeline is a mess and has multiple alternate dimensions) and either from him keeping in touch with you, or because he hunted your band down with the ~world wide web~ you two reunite and you perform the song.

Album version would have the whole band performing, but special for this concert, you adjusted the set list to a ballad with only an either guitar/keyboard synth/piano version.

Megatron found the performance to be haunting. Even though he's in the farthest rows, vision isn't an issue for Cybertronians. A simple zoom and he can see everything up close. The way your lips tremble with each vibrato, the way you have your eyes closed as you keep on beat with your hands, even the way your voice nearly cracks and how you're choking back tears in the verses. Raw emotion. Emotion he never knew how to portray during his time as a Decepticon leader. Yet wanted to so badly since the days of a miner. He's finally found peace in his spark of what he meant.

Every verse and chorus was created with his writing. A powerful display of passion strung together from his words. One that his very spark flares to the beat of.

[sugawhaaa]

heyy girly!! saw your post and maybe thought you could do this with any member you like but maybe try like prince!member with Gardner!reader and one night the prince wants to sneak out to see the village and the reader does show the village and in the end reader takes him to this big pond that's covered in trees and you can continue the rest, smut, fluff whatever you like. Have a nice day or night! also can I be 🐝anon?..if there's someone with it that's alright!

YEONJUN X READER

🌷Red Tulip🌷

Warnings//genre:: friends to lovers, fluff, suggestive towards the end

Pairing:: prince!Yeonjun x fem!gardener!Reader

A/N:: Istg why do I feel like all my fanfic are so short these days 😭 it is what it is ig. Hope yall like it though and I hope its what you wanted 🐝

Txt masterlist:: 🌷

🎧::

Yeonjun sits by his window cill looking out into the village that he would soon rule over. He was grateful and blessed to rule such a peaceful land inhabited by such dear people, he will fight to protect them in the future. However, after spending so many days within the walls of this castle Yeonjun felt, lonesome. Like he was missing something and he could just barely reach it, it was grazing on his finger tips.

As his gaze falls from the stars and back down to the quietness of night among the village he notices movement, how rare. It was rather close to the castle as well. Perhaps it could be his dear Y/N? Yeonjun knew of this woman who lived in the village who had a radiant beauty that lured him in like a moth to a lamp. Despite Yeonjuns undeniable and uncontrollable feelings he could not show Y/N his interest for through words numerous reasons.

However now, in the dead of night, if he showed interest would anyone notice? Though it felt like a fever dream Yeonjun saw an opportunity and reached for it. He snuck out of the castle and rushed over to where Y/N lived, a little cottage surrounded by flowers and a flow of water. He went around back where Y/N spends most of her time, swinging in the love swing or gardening. To his surprise, he spotted Y/N. She gasps and turns to him.

"Prince, why are you up at this hour?" You rush over to him and he chuckles, shaking his head.

"I could ask you the same thing," he smiles sincerely as he sees that sweet innocence on your face. "I couldn't sleep and as I watched the stars out my window I couldn't help but hear a little somebody out and about as well," Yeonjun's eyes are bright despite the cold darkness surrounding the two of you.

"Well I couldn't get any work done today because I was so tired. But now that it's the middle of the night I feel more energized than ever," You chuckle softly as you tend to the array of flowers resting below your peach tree. "I haven't tended to my flowers all day so I thought I should give them some attention," You explain before rising to your feet, your night dress hanging down by your ankles. "Would you like to pick some flowers with me? There are some herbs by the pond if you're interested in those," You offer and you can see Yeonjun blush softly.

"Why not?" He chuckles before following you over to the love swing where the flower baskets sit. You hand one to Yeonjun before taking one for yourself. You make your way back over to the flowers you were tending to earlier. You help Yeonjun collect up some for his room, make it a bit more colorful him, before leading him down the path to the little pond. It was hidden behind some willow trees that reach the ground so it was unknown to most of the people, including Yeonjun. "Wow what a beautiful place," He chuckles in awe as he watches the still pond reflect the moon.

"Would you like to take some herbs home with you?" You offer but he shakes his head.

"It's alright, I wouldn't want to take any flavour from your dishes," He chuckles and though he refused he still helps you collect the herbs. You set the baskets by a nearby bench before sitting down on it. Yeonjun, who had been crouched down water the frogs swim around the pond, notices your shift in demeanor. "Is everything alright dear Y/N?" He asks as he softly walks up to you before sitting beside you.

"I worry about you Yeonjun," You explain and he looks at you surprised before smiling.

"Why would you worry? I am protected well and our country has never been safer," He explains and you nod, but you don't feel comforted yet.

"I worry about us...I suppose that better describes how I feel," You look down at your hands clasped in your lap. Yeonjun turns to you, surprise written on his face. "I'm sure you feel it to. The chemistry between us when we're around each other, the race in your heart, and that look in your eyes," You look up into his eyes, that purity and curiosity gleaming throughout them. Yeonjun looks down, sighing softly, too afraid to admit the truth. "And that flower you gave me was no coincidence was it?" You comment and you see the blush travel up his neck, tinting his ears. "A red tulip, the flower used to quietly confess love. You gave that to me as a confession because you knew I would understand your confession without you having to say it right?"

"I knew you would bring that up," He sighs before turning to you.

"Of course, how could I just ignore it?" You chuckle and he takes a deep breath.

"I wanted to tell you but I wasn't sure how. I wanted to make it meaningful and since you love flowers so much I thought that was the most fitting way," Yeonjun explains shyly, still avoiding eye contact. "I...I realized I probably don't have much time left to live like this, live as freely as I do but I needed to tell you, express my love before it's too late," He explains, his eyes darting down to your slightly parted lips. "I don't mean to rush you Y/N but..." He brings a hand to the side of your face, tucking back stray hair behind your ear. His hand then rests at your cheek, gently rubbing your tender skin with his quivering thumb.

He leans in slowly, allowing you plenty of time to pull away or back down, but it's not awkwardly slow, he was simply building the tension and allowing you a moment to consider his offer. You lean in closer, bringing your hand to the back of his head, gently intertwining your fingers in his hair. Finally your lips meet, the warmth and plumpness filling your senses with a newfound relief. His lips were soft but held a certain amount of hunger, eagerness, desire. He gently pulls you closer by your hip, your bodies nearly overlapping as the kiss shifts from tender and patient to eager and hungriful.

Yeonjun then pulls back, the cold hitting your lips once again at the separation. "I'm sorry," He looks down.

"For what?" You look at him worriedly.

"I love you too much," He chuckles softly, stroking back your hair. "I can't control myself around you, I act like a fool," He laughs to himself with a shake of his head but you lift his chin to look at you.

"If you're a fool I must be a complete moron," You laugh softly before kissing him, this time with more hunger and desperation. Your hands start roaming over each others bodies, his hand tangled in your hair and pulling you close, your hands tugging at the back of his neck, drawing him closer as your other hand rests at his chest. "So does this mean I have a boyfriend now?" You giggle between kisses, your breaths coming in short.

"If I can have a girlfriend," He chuckles as he begins to lean back, pulling you on top of him. The position the two of you were in looked rather misleading but perhaps that was the path this was taking. "You're so beautiful Y/N, you look like an angel," He comments as the moon lingers behind you, cascading your body in a faint glow. He strokes your cheek softly before kissing you one last time.

Part 2???

[layraket]

late but yeah.... it is still 14 i swear....

gay rabits yes sirr

[nekrosmos]

You know how speaking in a language that isn't your native one is really mentally draining ? Nikolai who has just been flying around all day, switching between several of the 8 languages he speaks, until he ends his day laying in bed, trying to listen to John talk about his op, but his brain just refuses to acknowledge anything. He mumbles an apology that might just be half in russian at this point, fingers rubbing at his temples as he's trying to fight off a migraine.

It's rare to see Nik struggle to keep up with a conversation. The man is smart, too smart, really. This worries John, who decides to order them greasy food and throw a Russian movie he knows Nik enjoys on his laptop for them to watch in bed. He can struggle to keep up with the subtitles tonight while he's busy letting his hand massage the back of Nik's head, fingers gently stroking his jet black hair while he feels his man relax in his arms.

[twisting-in-wonderland]

Bye bye Sebek, :]

(he didn’t stand a chance, poor guy :[  )

[daily-polyshow]

today may be the last day of the strike, but please don’t stop talking about palestine. from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🍉

[theultimateultimateweapon]

A bunch of friends out for a weekend trip! I think they all deserve weekend outfits

Edit: I'm turning off reblogs because of Tumblrs new AI partnership.

[franollie]

ive reached the point where the term batfam is like a dog whistle to me

[trojanteapot]

a serious piece, and a nonsensical doodle.

The second one is a reference to this video.

[emry-stars-art]

I’m wondering (and not sure if this has been talked about yet in a post I simply missed) about how Abram copes with Andrew’s physical affections (or lack thereof) in your lovely royal AU. With the history behind ‘pretty’ that you described for Abram in that last post, I feel like there is so much potential of him expecting to be touched, even before they are courting (but especially during/after), and wondering why Andrew doesn’t—especially once it’s established that he thinks of Abram as ‘pretty’. They are of different station so it would be so easy for Andrew to act entitled to Abram’s body like so many before, especially with Abram in a position where he’s basically serving him in some way. I wonder if it makes him relieved (due to professionalism/personal comfort at the very beginning) or anxious (due to having no ability to tell what is coming for him/later due to doubting if he is really wanted that way if Andrew doesn’t act the same as his point of reference) or a little bit of both for different reasons.

I imagine Andrew to be both a very tactile person and not necessarily so because he is so very aware of boundaries and only crosses them with invitation or purpose. I wonder how that translates here and how his touch plays into how Abram perceives him (and honestly there’s the whole part too where it’s something they have in common, trampled boundaries and bad associations and bone-deep understanding of such) or if they would ever have a conversation about that where Abram wonders about the curtesy of distance and space he is being given.

I’m like two seconds from passing out bc it’s pretty late here so idk how much sense this ask really makes but I’m having thoughts. I love your AU and your work and hope you have a wonderful day <3

YOU GUYS ALWAYS FIND THE MOST INTRIGUING THINGS TO EXPLORE I LOVE YOU (and your comments/etc, apostrophe-philosophy, are always a joy to read hehe)

(First: find the royal au writing masterpost here 💕)

I’ve been working on/thinking about this ask long enough that I’ve straight up forgotten if this was a thought I had when writing that first post (here) or if you brought it fully to my attention but we can safely assume it’s the latter so thank youuuuu for that truly. I love exploring Abram’s slow inch (and Andrew’s, but he’s had more time to get adjusted) towards finding a healthy relationship with touch 🥲 and oh my GOD don’t let me forget to tell all of you about Abram and gloves

I wrote a scene/lil collection of scenes about Andrew clearing things up here too because I’ve been wanting to explore Abram’s POV for a while 👀 there are references to canon abuse, so take care. As always, sparknotes version and additions below

I LOVE your points about Andrew, I totally agree that once it’s established and he’s allowed, he’s very much a tactile person, he just needs to get there first 💕

We all know for obvious reasons that it never once crosses the prince’s mind for Abram to be anything more than a professional bodyguard, even if he does find him attractive. He’s very good at courtesy and polite distance. How I imagine this goes down in the timeline is this:

1) Nathaniel shows up at Palmetto and he’s never allowed close to important people. Certainly never allowed close enough to touch. Totally safe there. It doesn’t take him long to understand Day really won’t take advantage of him since he never did in Evermore either, so that’s safe. There’s not much else to worry about for that long stretch of time.

2) Nathaniel/Abram becomes the prince’s guard. There’s probably a little anxiety just because there’s plenty of opportunities for the prince to try something, but as time goes on and Andrew keeps the previously mentioned distance, even acting apathetic (as he does), Abram starts to assume that the prince is straight/doesn’t care. It wasn’t as if every single person in Evermore was trying to get at him. Just the ones that wanted to. Obviously, the prince doesn’t want to. It gets to the point that Abram feels comfortable and doesn’t try to constantly watch his own back when he’s on duty.

Then the prince, perhaps feeling a little bold or hopeful or just wanting to say something so he doesn’t keep feeling like he’ll explode, makes a single comment on Abram’s “pretty face”. Even something that could be brushed off as friendly jest, if he really wanted. But Abram completely freezes up. Andrew, of course, notices. He doesn’t try to ask about it then, but he definitely notices. But he assumes that Abram took it as the genuine compliment it was, and that Abram is entirely uninterested or even wary of those advances. So he makes no more comments, he leaves the entire concept as far away as he can get it.

Now that Abram knows the prince finds him pretty, he’s just waiting for Andrew to be the same as everyone else. He didn’t even directly answer to the nobles in Evermore and they were still so bold - but he’s Andrew’s servant in the most direct way, and Andrew is a prince. Surely the prince is even more entitled to him than they were. (When he realizes this is what’s happening, Andrew tells Abram in no unclear terms exactly what is and isn’t expected of him. It takes longer than that for Abram to shake the anxiety he grew up with, but at least after that he can start repeating the prince’s words to himself when he needs to.)

3) that’s cleared up well enough, but then (much, much later) the prince wants to court him. At first Abram can’t think much beyond “there’s no way this is real” but then the more he thinks about it, the more nervous he gets again. He doesn’t know Palmetto courting traditions, what if he’s expected to do something he isn’t ready for. What if now that he’s accepted the courtship he can’t tell Andrew no anymore. It wouldn’t be fair of him to, he thinks, he shouldn’t have agreed so quickly.

But there’s a time they’re out doing whatever courtship things (maybe another horse ride for funsies idk), Abram’s getting nervous about it again, and when Andrew asks for a kiss or to hold his hand, Abram doesn’t answer. He’s also a little confused when Andrew doesn’t just do it anyway, because he hadn’t said no, but Andrew is watching him in the way that usually means Abram is acting too much like he’s at Evermore again. He tells Abram, “Nothing’s changed. You can say no.” And Abram does immediately - not because he doesn’t want whatever he was offered but because he scared himself. Andrew’s still watching him. “Don’t forget that again,” he says. Abram takes a shaky breath. “Yes, prince.”

But as soon as Abram’s past that anxiety for the second and probably final time? Andrew is still as tactile a person as before and gods know Abram is touch starved to hell and back, he’ll take any kind words or touches he can possibly get and he craves them. Specifically from the prince. Who loves to give them.

I’d love to come back and make a fluff post specifically about that point in the timeline if we can collectively come up with enough ideas for said fluff 🥰 for now thanks again for the ask, swear to GOD we’re gonna get these idiots a happy ending, but I’m having way too much fun in the meantime 😂

[the-crow-binary]

Going on the "castlevania" tag is soulbreaking and honestly tiring, but the "akumajou dracula" tag? Guys. Guys it's so healing. It's so cool. I feel free, finally. Away from the untagged/badly tagged NFCV shit. Every game fans in here need to use this tag. It's a breath of fresh air. Y'all have no idea how great scrolling through CV content without being interrupted by a fanart of Lenore is before you try it. You'll go on the akumajou dracula tag and the most popular post of the moment will actually be smth from the game. Holy shit. Absolutely divine.