#i wanted to do it as a thesis and my prof really liked it but it was too niche and nobody could supervise me.
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corviiids · 7 months ago
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woke up this morning and my immediate first half-asleep thought was "could i post an academic paper on ao3"
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lambentplume · 10 months ago
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my UI lit review just makes me want to make games
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living-ironically · 2 years ago
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huge w for all talkative girlies today!!
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tardis--dreams · 2 years ago
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Favorite message i got from my professor/boss/second ba examiner today: Professor [supervisor] told me you want to go to China - can you tell me more about your plans?
How am i supposed to ever recover from this
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roofermadness · 5 months ago
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this article (skip paywall link) is a fucking trip. i understand humans better and worse than before.
the thesis: some people not only don't care about politics; they don't care about facts. to a certain subset of people, "no thoughts; just vibes" is a way of life. take, for example, the opening anecdote about a woman in georgia who posted a basic fact check on a friend's facebook post that alleged that chili's and other restaurant chains are on their deathbeds. we've all seen some stupid misinformation, but what sent chills down my spine was a comment from the friend who posted the rumor (bolding mine):
“I love Monica,” he told me. “But I think Monica goes directly to sources of information.” This, he suggested, was not the right approach. “Use common sense,” he went on.
how on earth, i wondered, could this guy consider seeking out information a character flaw?!
then i saw this terrifying little nugget from a poli sci prof who studied low-info voters (defined by someone who couldn't answer two out of three very basic civics questions):
Low-information voters, he found, are more likely to embrace stereotypes of other groups, and less likely to fact-check claims made by politicians. [...] He came across a metric in psychology called the “need for cognition” scale. “A question that really caught my attention on the scale is an agree or disagree: ‘Thinking is not my idea of fun,’ ” Fording recalled. He and a colleague ran a study to see whether agreement with the statement correlated with support for Trump. It did.
(it's crucial to note, as fording does in the next paragraph, that this doesn't mean they're stupid, just that they don't get much pleasure out of learning new things. the article also cites examples of how this phenomenon can be subject-specific and position-agnostic. it also isn't limited to conservatives, as demonstrated frequently on this piss-on-the-poor website.)
but the article reminded me of the 2016 episode of this american life (the whole thing is worth a listen; it's a harbinger of what we are seeing play out eight years later) in which ira glass interviews his obama-hating uncle. ira debunks and fact-checks his uncle's stream of misinformation and plain lies, but provable facts prove uncompelling to him. this is the pithiest example:
Uncle Lenny: This guy-- he wants to have one country of North America, which is composed of Canada, the United States, and part of Mexico, if not all of Mexico. That's why the existing laws, which dictate that border trespassers shall be deported, he chooses to ignore. Ira Glass: Well, no, he actually deported 2.5 million people. More than any other president. Uncle Lenny: I don't believe that, Ira, for one minute. I don't believe that.
ira glass's conclusion, in his words: "facts do not have a fighting chance against this right-wing fable."
confirmation bias makes sense to me. not seeking out information from lack of interest makes sense to me. falling prey to misconceptions widely accepted in your community makes sense to me. what i find incomprehensible is sheer incuriosity. not only do some people lack critical thinking skills; they find thinking actively unpleasant.
so yeah. apparently some folks run on no thoughts, just vibes. not sure whether i feel more enlightened or depressed.
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kindred-spirit-93 · 14 days ago
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I KINDA CLEANED MY WINDOWS!!
its probably going to rain and render my efforts useless but idc its been bothering me for so long and today i did the bare minimum and im happy. i used wipes lol i can see dust lines but still. a win is a win
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kinda going through it. i think its a quarter life crisis lmao (or half whos to say ;)) except its very chill. like milestones and relationships arent bothering me (all in good time im in no rush) and i dont feel like im behind or missing out on anything.
im just existing and trying to make it till graduation yk? im tired
skipped another class today lol (last one no promises tho) to go to the cafeteria again. im allowing myself to compromise bc i really am not feeling great. ofc theres no one but myself to blame for that lol but this aint about her. also social anxiety can go cry in the corner >:)
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wearing my emotional support turtleneck lmao, ate a bite of yesterdays carrot cake (divine), my beloved honeybee plushie is within arms reach. im trying. and its progress
new year tomorrow so hopefully ill snap into it again and feel better after studying and ticking a few boxes. hopefully.
so many things i want to do. short term and long term. so little time and barakah these days. but we persist.
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i love my patho prof so much. my uncle taught her during at some point and she worked with another uncle of mine for some time so she knows the family well. shes so wonderful and always keen to learn and help (conflict of interest who? im joking were all very professional which surprisingly is the opposite of the norm here. but thats an essay for another time)
yesterday after class she read and went through the physicians oath (fun fact theres a muslim version! and generally modern versions lol iirc the og hippocratic one was a bit wild) with us and its beautiful. i plan on printing it out and sticking it somewhere i can see.
anyway i think its important to keep the end goal (visibly) in sight bc its easy esp for me to get caught up in the minutiae of the every day and get overwhelmed, so its a good reminder for me to renew my intention every now and again, and to appreciate how far ive come :)
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dont u hate it when ur upset or angry and then every inanimate object in existence conspires against u. like wtf are u doin. why are u unionising and why tf is it against me??? im on ur side u jerks >:'(
in ther news my baby cousin is the cutest lil man on the planet his shenanigans are always hysterical. yesterday he left all his toys to go play with the aubergines lmao. legos? nah we stacking tuna cans XD
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my dads meeting a friend today so i asked him over lunch what [friends] phd was about since his bachelors is in arabic. like what research do u do in languages, and he said the master thesis was abt the sentence structure of the nabataean language (aramaic i think) and how it resembles arabic. and if thst isnt the coolest fricking thing idk what is
i love languages so much i really wish i could learn every langauge under the sun and read every book in existence. maybe in heaven lol. anyway i asked him if he could ask him to recommend me a book and he said he will :3
the 2 books i bought last year when we went to turkiye abt the ottoman empire sitting on my shelves collecting dust: this bitch
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my hands are cold and im getting too lazy to type lol. thank u for reading this far, might post some class doodles today idk (my attention span these days is truly something scandalous)
hope ur all doing well! take care of yo selves, drink water or ill personally hunt u down, and enjoy da fireworks tonight!
"with alarm, your scholar" - kindred
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ludi-ling · 8 months ago
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Woooooow... just saw ep 9 of X'Men 97. I may not like all of their choices, but damn do they go hard and I appreciate the execution of it. The last minute was soooo much wow. Prof X mind controlling Magneto, Magneto helmeting him and about to kill him, Wolverine stabbing Magneto and Magneto un-adamantiuming Wolvie...wooooow...
I do not know what they're going to do next. I knew Rogue would go to Magneto based on her costume alone. That's the OG terrorist Rogue/villainous Rogue costume. I might not love that decision of her going to Magneto... but based on what's happened, it makes sense. And omg, her wearing Remy's trench coat? Cryyyying. The one thing I can see with Rogue going back to the X-Men is Magneto wanting to kill Deathbit because Deathbit is dangerous.
Because I still believe Remy is coming back. I cite X-Treme X-Men and everything Rogue says to bring him back. Absolute Points? Nexus Events? They don't matter. X-Men make their own miracles. I literally said this as my thesis for why Gambit is coming back and then hours later the panel appeared on my feed lol.
One more week of me screaming, crying and throwing up.
Rogue is pissed. She's had to face a trauma she hasn't had to ever face before. I can completely understand this trajectory she's walking. It makes sense for the arc that her character is going through in this universe. The bit where she handed back the trench coat though? That killed me.
Gambit will come back. It's just a matter of how and when. I can't believe people truly think he's going to stay dead. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I truly appreciate this series for taking something we all loved as kids and spinning it into an adult story. I know it's hard - literally everyone is miserable in this show - but damn, I suppose that's life. And I guess it's hard for some fans to accept the turn this show has taken when we all expected the gentle fluff of Romy in TAS. What Romy have had so far in XM97, and eventually will have, is something far more adult and something I'm far more interested in than the non-committal flirting we got in TAS.
Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of things in XM97 I don't agree with or like. But on the whole I think it's done a really good job in (let's face it) a short amount of time of achieving something smart and thought-provoking and visceral despite its flaws. I'm actually kind of excited to see what happens next. I'm ready to be disappointed again, but I'm ready to be pleasantly surprised too.
At the very least, it has got me inspired to write Romy again. A LOT of the heartache and anger and admiration I have felt watching the show I have channelled into writing The Tailor & The Seamstress, and it's been the first time I've been genuinely excited about fic in a while. So I have a lot to thank the show for, despite all the anxiety and angst it's given me.
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all2angels · 7 months ago
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Elle, bestie. Please. I’m dying. 
Haven’t stopped about teacher Mx Way (Firefly) mentoring me for my thesis. They’re being so, so supportive. So, so kind. Really want to help me and motivate me to write a good thesis and get my degree. Their methods might be slighty unusual. But they only want to make me happy. Make me relax and feel good so I can focus. Nothing wrong with that, right? (They’re so, so submissive. So, so desperate to please me and make me feel good.)
Mayday.
... heyy!! AJSJSJS this has been sitting in my inbox for so long ahhshs im sorry fr!! i wrote like a short fic abt this ask i remember but it was bad so i scrapped it 💀 anyway here's a rewrite! IT'S SHORT I'M SORRY!!
mx. way is the type of prof that jus' want the best for their students. given, some people might think that her ways are a little inappropriate, but where's the harm in doing so?
i mean, they're pretty sure that you enjoy when they go down on you! you make pretty noises that reassure them that they're doing a great job. but, just in case they'll ask multiple times if they're doing a good job of pleasuring you.
but make sure to keep your focus on your thesis and not on them, though. mx way would say, "just forget i'm even here. focus on writing, focus on feeling good."
of course, it is a slight challenge to keep your eyes off them. they're so pretty like this, below you, looking at you with their soft eyes and admiring you work 🥹
who doesn't love a professor that prioritizes their student's feelings? and rewards them once they reach such a big achievement (like finishing your paper?) by giving them a show afterwards!
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hit-song-showdown · 1 year ago
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My favorite songs of 2023
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I am putting together my favorite songs released in 2023. I started off doing a project where I listened to as many new albums as I could (and recording my findings in a spreadsheet), but that project tapered off around June when my move + school year started. But even though I wasn't able to listen to every album that came out, I still came out of 2023 with some of my favorite musical projects of all time. Also as another disclaimer: I am not a professional music writer.
I am also limiting this list to 1 song per album/project.
1. Scaring the Hoes by JPEGMafia and Danny Brown. I wish I could go back and experience again what happened to my brain when I first heard this track so I could properly convey it with text. When I first saw this project was announced, I knew it would take over my life. When I heard this track before the album was released, I knew I would have to form some kind of religion around it. The reason why I'm limiting this list to one track per album is because Scaring the Hoes has 14 tracks so I wouldn't be able to fit them all (other songs I would have given the number 1 spot include Burfict!, Shut Yo Bitch Ass Up/Muddy Waters, God Loves You, and Kingdom Hearts Key). But the title track is the perfect introduction. It's less of a single and more of a thesis statement for the entire project. The production throughout this album is incredible, but STH hits different. The rhythmic, almost menacing handclaps (fun fact: those aren't handclaps--that's the sound my asscheeks make when this song comes on) and the horn sample which I can only describe as Blood Money era Tom Waitsian, it is by far my favorite beat of 2023. Combined with Danny and JPEG's charisma and the way they bounce back and forth, this song is a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart. Also I saw them live and that experience elevated a 10/10 to a 20/10 for me.
2. Prof. Aronnax' Descent into the Vast Oceans by Ahab. I started seriously listening to German nautical funeral doom metal band, Ahab around early 2022 so this was the first new release I got to experience. Even though I loved what I heard previously, nothing could have prepared me for this. The opening track is everything I want from a doom metal song. It starts out with a frantic onslaught of screaming and inhuman growls before mellowing out into a serene instrumental before the mournful vocals kick in. It really feels like the initial shock of your body slamming into the water, then having to slowly drift among the waves as your muscles give out and you're taken deeper into the depths. That's what I like about doom metal: it's music to decay to. This track (and by extension this album) hooked me from a story-telling perspective right away, which shouldn't be a surprise as it was based on Jules Verne's Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. The story presented in this album intrigued me so much that I had to read the book for myself. Then I read it again. Then I read two different translations. Now I'm working on a visual novel adaptation. I know metrics for album rankings are subjective, so I'm willing to give an album an extra bump if it gets me to read a 19th century novel at least five times in less than two months and learn Python coding. (Other tracks I would have included: the album is at its strongest as a single listening experience, but I especially enjoyed Mobilis in Mobili and Ægri Somnia).
3. What A Man by Debby Friday. This is a track off of Nigerian-Canadian electronic musician Debby Friday's first album Good Luck and holy shit, what a debut. This is such a well-formed project I can't believe it. I was already enjoying the album throughout the first few tracks. It brought me back to listening to 2000s club music and thinking "wow I wish I got invited to parties." But then I got to What A Man and the world screeched to a halt. I think I was posting on my main blog at the time, so anyone unfortunate enough to follow me had a chance to see my incoherent screeching in real time. This track is incredible. Debby's warm and sultry voice, the spacey production, THE ELECTRIC GUITAR? The first time the guitar kicks in, that's just a teaser for what ended up being one of my favorite music moments of the year. The electric guitar feels like an oncoming storm and Debby is standing strong before it, taking on the wind and rain as her voice becomes louder and almost yearning. Then the song builds with Debby yelling to the high heavens as the guitars wail around her before fading back down into the low bass and rhythmic breathing motif found throughout the album. This track is an experience, and the music video is gorgeous too (the picture I chose for the banner is from the video itself) and the fact that it has less than 20K views hurts me. (Other tracks I would have included: I Got It, So Hard To Tell, Let U Down)
4. Bite Back by Algiers (ft. billy woods and Backxwash). Speaking of songs that build... This is the sixth track off of Algiers' album, Shook and by this point I was already feeling pretty good about the release. I was already prepared to put the opening track, Everybody Shatter on my top 20, but when Bite Back kicked in, something changed. Here's a recreation of my initial reaction: "this sounds pretty good, I like the way this intro...is that billy woods??") Just to be transparent: billy woods' involvement would have been enough to give this an automatic top slot for me, but it helps that his verse is fantastic. His flow is slower than the introductory verse, but that only makes his lyrics stand out more. From the opening lines "One hand wash the other, they both wash the face / Centrifugal force and inertia keep everything in its place / Slowly, spinning in space, speeding, lead foot on the brakes" I knew I was in for something special. One thing I really appreciate about this track is the production. billy woods has a very steady flow with an almost menacing quality to it depending on the subject matter of the lyrics, and the beat shifts during his verse to reflect that. It sounds like it could be a billy woods beat, but it doesn't sound like one of his beats was carelessly shoved into an Algiers song. It's like the beat ebbs and flows with the artists involved. The production gets gradually more intense as billy picks up more ferocity in his delivery. A detail I really like is when billy says "claws rattling, delicate as roaches' wings," the percussion on the backing track picks up an almost rattling quality, but it doesn't sound corny or too obvious. Then billy continues, the backing track picking up even more intensity until it feels like each noise is blasting at full power...and then the tension releases and settles down with Algiers frontman, Franklin James Fisher, delivering the second verse. His delivery contrasts wonderfully with billy woods' too, with his faster, almost whispered vocals allowing the track to pick up momentum again after the previous release of tension. This track knows when to breathe and it's fantastic. But it also knows when to take the air from your lungs as Fisher goes all out with the vocals in the hook and third verse, reinstating what an absolute powerhouse vocalist he is. And just when the track is at its peak ferocity, in comes Backxwash with the steel chair! If billy and Fisher were allowing the beat to gradually shift under their performances, Backxwash grabs the song by the throat and makes it do whatever she wants. Her verse then trades off into Fisher delivering the outro, operating at full power in his delivery. This song is so well-crafted and none of the artists feel out of place. (Other tracks I would have included: Everybody Shatter, A Good Man, Irreversible Damage)
5. Billions by Caroline Polachek. As of writing this, I haven't been keeping up with other people's year end lists, but I know this album is going to make everyone else's. So I feel a bit intimidated to talk about it, but I will try. The production on this album is so good my brain can't even comprehend how it was crafted. I've seen it described as "maximalist," but that doesn't fully capture how well this album knows when to pull back and let the tracks breathe. Billions is one of the more sparse tracks compared to some of the others, but that only makes each production decision stand out more. The second time Caroline says "give me the closure," you hear a little musical sting in the background (probably some kind of synth, but at first listen I thought it was an electric guitar) which didn't show up after the first time that lyric was sung. It's that attention to detail and letting the production build on itself that makes this project incredible. And it goes without saying that Caroline is an outstanding vocalist. She sounds like a siren. It's ridiculous. (Other tracks I would have included: Welcome to My Island, I Believe, Hopedrunk Everasking)
6. The Black Seminole by Lil Yachty. Opening track off of Lil Yachty's psychedelic rock album, Let's Start Here, and what an opening track on a fantastic project. It should be clear by this point that I love songs that build, and holy shit does this song build. I first listened to this album while I was on a plane, and this track synced up with my takeoff. So while the plane was lifting off the ground and I was being pressed against my seat, Lil Yachty gave the final line before the electric guitars and the female vocalist kicked in, both wailing with equal ferocity. Top 10 music experiences of the year, but even going back to listen to that same track when I'm not on an airplane delivered the same euphoric experience. (Other tracks I would have included: Drive Me Crazy, Should I B, We Saw the Sun)
7. Xena by Skrillex and Nai Barghouti. I debated whether to put this song or Hydrate on the list, but Xena was the first track that made me fall in love with this album. With vocals by Palestinian singer, Nai Barghouti, Skrillex delivers an absolutely outstanding dubstep track. Like Billions, it's the kind of music production that makes me have to step back and fully appreciate the craft. The song is incredible at building intensity, but he also knows when to pull back to let the tension build again. And Barghouti isn't just a feature--she is the heartbeat of this song. Her voice melds with the production so well, but in a way that sounds like she's commanding it. My absolute favorite part of the song is when she starts singing in her lower register as the production turns to more naturalistic instruments. Sometimes I see electronic producers robbing their singers of their voices for the sake of cohesive production, but that isn't the case here. Nai Barghouti's voice is crisp, unique, and perfect. It's a fantastic melding of producer and vocalist that makes way more sense than it should. (Other tracks I would have included: Hydrate, Rumble, Ratata)
8. Babylon by Bus by billy woods and Kenny Segal. I already talked about billy woods, but he was a feature so this still counts. Everything I already said about billy woods' skills applies here as well, especially now that he has full control over the track. billy's flow sounds both effortless, and that he knows the perfect word to use for each line. And he uses interesting words. "Glistening waterbug on clean counter / Plague mask, gave the place a cursory glower / He ran away, I gave chase but gave up and sat on his gate for hours" I love this series of bars. He is a storyteller. And then, the beat pauses after billy's first verse, with low menacing notes, a clattering of naturalistic metallic percussion, and then the switch up??? Seriously the way the beat ramps up for SkrapKnel's verses takes the song to another level. The way the Curly Castro and PremRock pass the mic back and forth to each other is outstanding. This doesn't feel like a guest verse; this is a fully realized project. The shamelessness is even more apparent when billy takes the mic again for the final verse, but now with more ferocity in his delivery as if he's building off of the energy created by SkrapKnel. This song is masterful. "I take care of these words, Munchausen by proxy / Somehow beat the tox screen / God save the queen, but that train doesn't stop here anymore" (Other tracks I would have included: FaceTime, Year Zero, Soft Landing)
9. Drain You Empty by Cannibal Corpse. I listened to this album right around midterms and I needed it. But this was the song I kept coming back to. For one, it's fun. Obviously: it's Cannibal Corpse. But I love the way the song opens with a full minute of just blasting you before the drums, riffs, and screams really kick in. Good god the drumming on this album is so good. I absolutely love Corpsegrinder's delivery on this track. The way he shifts from bellowing growls to shrieks, the way he speeds up his delivery to match the pace of the drums, it's so good. I'm sorry I don't have a better analysis. It's fun. (Other tracks I would have included: Chaos Horrific, Overlords of Violence, Blood Blind)
10. Crossing Guard by Model/Actriz. This is a song that made me wish I went to gay clubs more. Yes, it's a killer dance song, but what draws me in is how chaotic the production is. It starts out slow and quiet, then bam! The production starts screeching at you in a glorious onslaught of noise, held together with a fantastic bassline. I love the vocalist too. He can be monotone and subtle, but he also knows how to raise his voice to match the ferocity of the production. I listened to this song countless times last year (often while crossing the street and trying not to get hit by cars), and the line "Like Germanotta, Stefani / Pull the weight from under me" will be stuck in my head forever. (Other tracks I would have included: Donkey Show, Amaranth)
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tiddiesoutwhenthetisout · 6 months ago
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tag from @babyrdie and @greekmythologylover234 .
been a lot of tag games recently huh! thanks for remembering me 🤣
9 people you want to know better
i don't know enough people on here, but i'll be tagging @amnesiaa-on-ice @akhillaous @whorewhouse @naurumii @elnbnt @peggy-sue-reads-a-book
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here are the questions to copy-paste:
three ships
first ship
last song
last tv show
currently reading
currently watching
currently eating
currently craving
my answers to them are under the cut so only those who are interested will be reading it (because i'll be yapping) lol
three ships
- patrochilles (duh; probably going to be my favorite, if i'm honest)
- kavetham (admits this semi-shamefully because the rest of the fandom is ass-- but i've left it. glad i did because the recent toxic community will never do me any good. i stressed, i die. simple. was a huge hyperfixation for a year or so though.)
- vashwood (it's been a while, but i really got obsessed with them and the show. watched 1997 once, stampede 3 times, not inclusive of the scattered episodes)
first ship
tbh no idea. it may or may not be solomon and saya from blood+ (great show great show) but i was around 7 when this happened and was just tagging along with whatever my sister had to say about things like these? i'm not a super shippy person either-- i'm not big on these things and certainly a lot less when i was younger. didn't have a lot of interest in couples prolly bc i had no idea what difference it had with friendship. just that you kiss and fuck or something. and i thought that was weird, or well, nothing much to it.
i guess you could say that the first pairing i've ever wanted to defend was zuko and katara from ATLA 🤣 nowadays i understand mai and zuko's relationship and i think it's pretty sweet, but back then i was fixated on zutara chemistry so whee🕺
last song
i haven't been playing music recently since i've been over at my partner's, but "done for" from epic the musical has been playing in my head since i woke up so there's that lol
last tv show
we were looking through netflix for an "easy" show to watch for dinner and got through 2 episodes of the exploding kittens show 🤣 played the game a lot when we got it, plus fond memories of things that happened whilst prompted us to check it out. it's an american tv show i guess, and i've never really vibed with those so it was alright, i guess. the kitties were cute.
currently reading
nothing. finished madeline miller's circe 3 days ago or so, though. my odyssey reading has been suspended for 2 weeks now but i guess it's because i'm pretty much kept up on the plot from randomly reading shit about it on the internet? i'm generally more of a "how did the story go?" person when i get into a book unless i become super obsessed with it. then, i'll dive into the nuances of text and its analysis. which hasn't been happening recently. i'll probably be balls-deep in academic text soon considering i haven't been a good student (our research adviser told us to start doing our thesis papers over the summer holiday so the process will be smoother... guess i'll be disappointing the prof who actually likes me ✊)
currently watching
nothing. finished castlevania (as well as the released season of nocturne) last month and i think that's my quota for shows for a while lol.
currently eating
fast food because the rain started pouring so hard. in time for lunch or so. it was a sign from the lord to spend and have a good time because the world might end tomorrow or something.
currently craving
the other items on the menu i didn't order- kidding lmao. a calzone for some reason, as well as a fizzy drink i usually get from a local cafe run by a nice old lady and youth on the drinks. ok, now i want her pesto sandwich.
ight i'll just eat now brb
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6-hours · 10 months ago
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Pretty much a diary entry
I just binged Nagata Kabi's stuff since I found it in the library and it felt like a thing I needed in the moment...
The cycle of feeling bad, then feeling good, then feeling bad, etc etc just reminds me that personal suffering doesn't have a narrative arc. You suffer, you overcome, and honestly the "overcome" part might not even be permanent. In the pit of suffering you can't tell if it'll ever get better and that makes it so much worse... Like what if this time, being sad is permanent.
This isn't the first time I got sad, and if my past experience is anything to judge by, I'll probably get over this sadness too. Then forget about it and go be sad about something or other again!!! It's a cycle!!!! It never stops!!!!
Anhedonia really sucks. But this time, it made me think, "If I'm going to do stuff and not enjoy it, I might as well do something that's good for me even if I don't enjoy doing it." It was that thought that pushed me to drop some covid weight, and do physical activity (which I'd never done purposefully in my entire life until right now!!!). (Like if I'm going to be sad at least I can try to be physically healthy I guess)
And I have a lot of time that I have trouble filling, so I take my time to do stuff that I'd always thought was annoying or a waste of time. Sometimes I walk 20 mins to the grocery store to get a single jug of milk. I take my time to actually clean the bathroom or kitchen. I don't resent maintenance chores as much as I used to. It's something that should be done, and I have time to do it, and the time isn't coming out of something I'd rather be doing. I haven't overcome that hurdle when it comes to cooking though... Thankfully my spouse is happy to handle food.
I'm working on a personal project that's supposed to be "as big as it needs to be, take as long as it will end up taking". I've always had a hard time with something like that because I guess external validation is very tied to my enjoyment of drawing. If I don't get some kind of feedback the enjoyment has to derive purely from my own belief in the project... This is something that basically drove me to utter sadness in thesis year college because I had shut down socially. When I wasn't talking to people, every missed point of contact played out in my head as a scenario where other people directly rejected me. (So and so didn't talk to me when I walked by them in the hall! They must have so little interest in me they don't even want to talk to me! Completely forget the fact that I said absolutely nothing to them!!!)
Anyway! I really took some time to dissect what parts about this project is
Something I wish I could be capable of doing
Something I kept thinking about doing
What are the hard parts about it that I thought I wasn't good enough for
What kind of work I need to put in to make the hard parts possible
I've managed to dismantle some illusions I have about "good artists" and how "good work" actually comes about. I also put aside the thoughts of "this isn't good enough for the kind of scope you want". (The prof in college that said "Do your research! People can tell when you haven't done your research!" really paralyzed me. I had no idea how much research is "enough", especially when it came to something I didn't obsess over, and if it's not "enough" I'll be scrutinized to the ends of the earth. Why put myself through that scrutiny? Why bother doing anything, ever? You can't be criticized for doing something badly if you never do it at all. Take that,!!!!)
The point of doing this project is, I think, to prove to myself that I did it. And at the end of it maybe do another one. Then at the end of all these projects, I can say to myself, look at the body of work you produced! It might not be good, it might not be liked by other people, heck maybe no one else other than you ever saw or knew it existed. But! I put all the thoughts in my head into a physical form. It gets to exist more than it used to.
14 notes · View notes
nilikhangdiwa · 12 days ago
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2024 Fic Wrap Up!
it's that time of the year again! the 2022 one can be found here and the 2023 one can be found here!
this year's stats... it's only MOSTLY a3 instead of completely entirely a3!! woah amazing!! that's on me getting into persona this year
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1.
when tomorrow comes knocking at our door
sakyoguy, canon compliant
mmm... old man yaoi... even better, DOMESTIC old man yaoi... this one was a secret santa present for vini who requested old man yaoi! nomadic bartender came out a little bit before so you can see that i was mentally ill and crazy. btw if you haven't read nomadic bartender, HIGHLY RECOMMEND. it's one of my favorite a3 events ever ever ever!!!!!
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2.
seasons change but people don't
samlil, post-good end
i. think this was a comm. i don't know. all the samlil i ever write is for quill whether explicitly or otherwise. this follows the end of the good ending where they both are able to leave the casino and live together out in the real world... oughhhfhsjkh i feel so majorly ILL about samlil all the time even when i'm not talking about them!!
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3.
run for roses
lone wolves week 2024
this was my entry for this year's lone wolves week! i was only able to get 2 chapters in because i was really busy with junior thesis around this time and i had to finish writing something else for an exchange (see number 5). nevertheless, it was super fun!
on chapter 1... the first one was because the chikage gekka ssr backstage made me SICK. like. if you haven't read it. please do. i'll like the translation here. it drives me SO MAD. like the ring is so important to chikage and losing it would make him spiral SO BAD. also after i posted this my friend was like AHA I FUCKING KNEW IT SOMEONE WAS GONNA WRITE ABOUT THE RING like OKAYYY JUST BECAUSE I'M PREDICTABLE OKAY!!!
chapter 2... i like little catholic boy hisoka. that's the entire thing basically. i have no words i just think they're really really neat. :((
also i got really obsessed with run for roses by nmixx, hence the title. it's just such a banger okay!
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4.
banri settsu's no-good, very-awful first day of school
banri & kazunari, humor
okay this was super silly and self-indulgent for the FUNNIEST reason. basically, my friend is going to (university) to study animation. our mutual friend graduated from that same university and course. we were like IT'D BE SOOO FUNNY IF (mutual friend) ENDED UP BEING YOUR TEACHER and that's how this was born.
what's funnier is that the friend in question? yeah, their sister was one of my thesis advisers. i walked into class and went "................. oomf, is your sister's name (redacted) by any chance....................... dawg i think she's my prof." so, that was a time! (i got an A. thanks oomf's sister)
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5.
(all i want is) Your Grace
madomasu, fantasy au, meet cutes, 5+1
this was written for a little server exchange! i was spinning it around which is why i wasn't able to finish run for roses lmao.
actually, i ended up worldbuilding a lot for this fantasy world, although most of it doesn't end up in the fic itself. the way magic works in the fantasy universe is kind of how language itself works... conveying a meaning and conveying power to make it do stuff. so different people do magic differently! like tsuzuru has script but citron does it moreso via music, etc.
in this one, citron was originally from inverno (winter kingdom) but ran away to live in vesna with itaru. i have azuma as the queen of inverno if i'm not mistaken? and then... i think azami as the future king of haust? with sakyo as his guard? or something... ermm.
then sakuya is the current king of vesna after his parents died and left him the throne at a young age... with chikage being his most trusted adviser and close confidant... and also basically being in charge tbh. he does a lot of things for selfish reasons (whatever's good for him) but he's also grown to care for sakuya so he sometimes does things for him... but he'll never admit it... august was the king's guard and then chikage was the knight's commander... something something very trusted. i'm sick. i love this au.
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6.
Verdant
chikaita, tojomachi, harugaoka quartet
this just in: the harugaoka quartet liker likes the tojo backstage. so i read the backstage and it's SICK. it's TWISTED. it's ILL. they were not just schoolmates. they were LONELY. but they were LONELY TOGETHER.
here's a scuffed tl of the play part in case you're interested because it genuinely makes me so insane. names carrying meanings and wishes for your children... this is JUST LIKE GEKKAGUMI. ANYWAY.
god they're so in love. this made me SICK. i'm SICK.
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7.
Tritanopia
bansaku, royalty au, soulmate au
this was a little exchange with raina! i wrote her this, she wrote me kazuchika in exchange. hehe. :3 i love royalty aus and i love soulmate aus (this will be apparent).
i like soulmate aus but i also like thinking about how they would work/be regulated if they were considered to be a part of daily life. normal occurrence. everyone has a soulmate it came free with your living in this universe.
this one is the "when you first meet your soulmate then you see color" au. which is fun to think about because like if you've never seen color how do you conceptualize it. when you see color for the first time everything is just different...
i don't know, i just like thinking about soulmate aus. there's something about it. also something something the whole soulmate thing is how banri doesn't get his ass killed. but yknow.
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8.
Ambrosia
chikamerl, chikatsuzu, kniroun week, kg adjacent
did i. okay yes i did. i did ramble about chikamerl in the 2023 wrap up so i will spare you all the horror of it. i just missed them. qkg compliant. technically a sequel to the previous chikamerl fic.
i. don't know what to say that doesn't involve just me going through the entire qkg lore so just. take it. my beloved mentally ill anime boys.
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9.
Birds of a Feather
itaru & sakuya, kniroun week, role study
the concept for this was "sakuya doing role study for mordred" but it turned out a little more chara study... ermm. it just features itaru rambling about kniroun lore while sakuya does his best!
if i may be honest this is probably my least favorite kniroun week entry because dawg i could have done so much better. i could have COOKED HARDER. but it's fine! it's perfectly lovely as is <3
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10.
Cineris
merlmord, tsuzusaku, kniroun week, playverse
i'm not normally a tzsk shipper but merlmord drives me MAD. there's just something about them.
it was super fun writing in merlin's pov because he's such a little shit. he's putting on the nice guy act but he wants to tear murder kill destroy. merlin writing so mentally ill that you would have thought i already finished p5r by this point "what does that mean" don't worry about it.
and mordred too has that... there's this balance between the guy who genuinely just wants to do good and the guy who wants to prove himself. which, of course, are not mutually exclusive, but especially younger,,, mordred is so lawful neutral, you know?
i like them. very much. also there's more made up kniroun lore in this one. i love made up kniroun lore.
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11.
When the Sky Falls
runull, tsuzumizu, kniroun week, kniroun origins, playverse
err. runull loredump here. i don't know what to say aside from just talking about why runull makes me crazy for the 27438975483rd time.
this one's in second person because it's supposed to kind of mirror the second person visual novel style of kniroun origins, and "you" don't have a name because you typically just input your own name when you're playing the game.
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12.
A Normal Day on Knights of Round Chobitter
chikaita, kniroun week, cbt oomfs to lovers
what if chikaita were mutuals on knirountwt. that's it that's the entire fic. this one was just silly and cute and itaru finding comfort and happiness in loving something and sharing that love with the world is something that can be so deeply personal thank you.
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13.
beautiful (just not today)
juza-centric, body dysmorphia, it's not transfem juza but it's not NOT transfem juza, also body horror
i'm gonna be real, i wrote this up in like an hour on a whim. this is based on the makg au which is based on that one dollhouse set featuring azuma and muku on the cg.
the fic says no context but i'm here to provide some context as a treat! the important context is that there's a gallery with wax statues, each with a nameplate on it alnd protected by a glass case. the statues are of the mankai members (and other side charas like godza, sakoda, mizuno, etc). the characters in the dollhouse event have been turned into porcelain dolls (azuma, hisoka, yuki, banri, and itaru), and the goal is for the other still-human characters to become dolls too. to be pretty and loved. so some characters (including juza) have been partially turned porcelain (dollified) in some body horror shit. the parts that have been turned porcelain on a person also become porcelain on the wax statue. doll meter.
juza has. complicated feelings about this whole thing. because it's juza. i wrote this based off rui's interpretation of juza (since she's the one writing juza in this au). but he... kind of wants to become a doll? tbh? like.... to be pretty... loved by the little miss of the dollhouse who turned them into dolls... etc.
in the rp, juza is the first other character outside of the dollhouse set who fully becomes a doll. fun! fun. makg ily. i will fix the minigame mechanics soon.
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14.
Keep Up
bantai, canon compliant, fire up! mantou fist, character study
this was a comm for my friend lyric which featured the funniest message ever: "but i am very different from banri so i could never really figure it out. i thought u would be the person to turn to for it!" LIKE. OKAY. ABAC I GUESS (ASSIGNED BANRI AT COMMISSION).
while i was outlining this fic in my head i was actually mumbling to myself about what happens as i was walking to uni campus. so random people walked by me hearing mumble shit like "and then banri goes god fucking damn it nanao taichi you fucking idiot" because he IS.
there's a deleted scene from this one where taichi actually gets a fever from overwork and banri looks after him while also calling him stupid and not understanding how you could possibly work so hard that you physically get sick. me too, oomf. banri gets complimented for working hard and literally cannot wrap his head around how to respond to it so he just goes nah and deflects. u just like me fr. maybe this is why lyric commed me.
also, i was writing this around the time the haikyuu movie came out, so i got to watch it! kenhina as my chara study for bantai (unironic).
also with regard to one of the lines in the fic, i also posted this on my priv: (the typo is supposed to be what taichi *heard)
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15.
oomf gets killed by juban (not clickbait) (a little bit clickbait)
crackfic
another one for the callout fics series! there's not much context to this, only that i wish for melody and bellie to one day be juban together in an rp. that would be so funny.
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16.
The Case of the Triple Oddity
citron & taichi, fluff
this one was a cute little thing i wrote for the annual pride exchange! there's not much to say about it and neither are they particularly fruity in this, but it's just a cute little thing. all in a gay's work!
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17.
Nanao Taichi's 6-Step Plan to Figuring Out Which Crush is Real (So You Can Confess and Get the Romance of Your Dreams)
taitenyuki, taichi & muku, getting together
this one was a comm from someone who requested silly taichi flirting and taitenyuki! it was my first time writing taiten or taiyuki (although i do love taiyuki and should write more taiyuki). i asked some of my friends for silly movie-esque ways of flirting and got the stuff you see in the fic.
meet-cutes was so funny given that they already know each other and literally live together. i think that taichi deserves a lot of love and a lot of kissies!
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18.
some things just make sense
sakushu, post-canon
... so you can guess when i started playing p5r.
anyway, can i interest you all in the sakushu agenda? i just think there's something about them yknow. something so. so! okay. i don't remember how i got started on this. probably when i was on vc with quill playing p5r.
in my head they used to live in the same small town. sakuya's got relatives there so he was there for a while. they got together and cared each other very much. they were each other's first... a lot of things. they ended up breaking things off when sakuya had to leave because they weren't. like. long distance wasn't good for them. but they still care each other.
i think after this fic they hang out a lot. reconnect. they both are in tokyo for the long haul... they can try again. right person, wrong time, but now it could be the right time. idk. i like sakushu.
also i hadn't finished playing p5r when i posted this, i think i was literally only like up to like. 3rd palace? or so? so i was very worried about writing akiren and that's why he has like 4 lines LMAO but i was very mentally ill about akiren since the moment i laid my eyes on his stupid catboy face <3
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19.
The Spring to Your Smile
taisaku, fluff
this one was a comm for raina who requested cute sakutai fluff!
i've been to a handful of arcades in japan, so i used what i knew to write it. i actually really like taisaku, so it's kind of a shame that i don't write it enough! this is actually my first taisaku fic... that's crayz...
there's something about them yknow. so lovely. shaped. i wish them a very happiness. taichi will spoil sakuya so much.
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20.
love me, love me, love me
akiren-centric, canon-compliant (kind of)
the fuck you mean this is only fic 20 out of 30. did i really write that many in the last 3 months of the year. christ. okay anyway.
so i finished p5r in august and er. basically went crazy. now my head is full of p5r. (i also finished p4g in 2024, though i haven't written any p4 fics. the p1 manga as well!)
the idea for this one came to me in a burst of inspiration in the middle of me rambling about one of the 749832742 aus i have come up with to ruin akiren's life. guess my favorite p5r character. i dare you.
this fic is for a specific interpretation of ren's parents. i don't actually have one solid hc for how i think his parents are like, so i just do whatever fits the vibe. there's something here about how his parents are like... highschool sweethearts who had a kid they weren't ready for... so they got married but it strained their relationship with each other and with the child. yknow?
also, yeah. the title is literally aishite x3. so, yknow. thematic.
i also made it a point in the end note that arsene isn't in joker's mask because OURGH there's something about what that means symbolically that makes me unwell.
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21.
baptize (don't worry about tomorrow)
shuakeshu (kind of??), drinking, alcoholism
so i'm like. half a psych major. and basically i was trying to come up with what a lot of the persona game mechanics mean in terms of psych concepts. so like, for example, tv dungeons are manifestations of psyches where the id is repressed too much, while palaces are manifestations of psyches where the id is not controlled and allowed to just run wild, that kind of thing.
i explain this in the end notes of the fic, but basically i think there's two routes for call of chaos if it hypothetically just allows your instinct to do whatever: thanatos (anger, destruction) or eros (horny).
also really funny because like i think a few weeks later someone posted an akeshu fic where akechi uses call of chaos on himself and then gets horny or something? i was like welp. that's freud for ya!
anyway i was talking to quill about how call of chaos works. because the initial thought was actually "i sure hope akechi doesn't get permanent brain damage from fucking up his brain chemicals so much." and then quill points out, that's kind of addiction bait. and then i was like HMMM. INTERESTING.
so in this fic it manifests in alcoholism because alcohol tends to reduce inhibitions the same way call of chaos does (although it's a depressant. LISTEN DON'T QUOTE ME ON THIS I'M NOT A MED STUDENT.) also because i love giving random charas drinking problems. and smoking problems. yippee!
anyway the funniest part is that i was writing this in the middle of my industrial/organizational psych class. lmao
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22.
Coming Up Aces
akiren-centric, post-canon, 5+1
this is actually. basically the first fic i had in mind after finished p5r. because i'd been reading p5 fics and akiren's life fuckin SUCKSSSSS after canon. which is perfectly reasonable to assume and i think is probably true.
but also. he's my baby. so i wanted to give him some nice things. hence, this fic. just... something about how much he's grown and changed as a person in the year that p5r takes place. all the things he's learned from all the people he's met.
it's something like, he's changed so much and all his stats are at 5 now. but he's always been just. justice, as a central theme to p5. yk.
this is also written with like. very, very background shuake. like, i think it's most evident if you read the erudite section. because the essay he writes and submits is... basically about akechi. there's so much background shit in my head about this fic but it all tastes like akechi. is akechi dead in this one? err, who knows? i don't know.
actually, that part was my favorite to write, drawing from some stuff i learned in my own jpn lit class. the heike monogatari is like an account of the genpei war. minamoto no yoshitsune (same yoshitsune as in the game, yeah) was one of the great heroes who fought against the taira clan alongside his brother, yoritomo. but as the story goes, yoritomo was the reason yoshitsune died - betrayal.
yoshitsune is a tragic hero in japanese literature. maybe THE tragic hero ever. and so we get these kinds of notions of japanense heroism:
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aside from that, there's something in there about how akiren recites more in class because he's looking for someone to debate with like he did with akechi or even makoto sometimes, but no one really engages him the same way unless its like the teachers doing presentation discussions and shit. also, sato mentions that the class is doing sengoku period next. which is a funny reference that is also akechi-coded because haha akechi mitsuhide.
in my head like. the history and literature classes are connected, and typically study the same period at around the same time. so both just finished heian/kamakura, and are moving onto muromachi period.
i love all the stupid cringefail npcs i've created for this fic. i have so, so, so much to say about it. akiren's got a mini confidant with both hiroki and sato. also, katsumi and ennis from harugaoka quartet get namedropped, and itsuko in part 5 is named after my extended uraomote universe homare, who is kondo's wife.
also, fun fact. i... submitted the lit review for my thesis late because i was writing this instead. anyway.
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23.
feels like summer when i'm with you
ichijyushi, beach
this one was for the hypmic gotcha for gaza on twt! crazy... me writing hypmic fic in 2024 was not on my bingo list, but hey! it was fun, actually... i kinda missed it. ichiro isn't a character i write often, but he comes relatively easily to me.
i like him a lot. buster bros still number one! not much to say about it, but i like ichijyushi and jyushi's cringefail crush on ichiro.
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24.
midsummer love (now and forever)
fling poly, beach
"is this fucking fic titled after summer time love by kazunari miyoshi" yes. also i didn't realize i got two beach fics in a row, but hey! this was also for the hypmic gotcha for gaza. they specifically requested a beach fic, so i was like dawg, i GOT YOU. ramuda pov my beloved, i haven't written you in so long...
fling posse makes me really happy, so i'm glad to have been able to write them again! there's something about them that makes me... yeah. :3
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25.
the woes of being a plus one
tsuzuomi, halloween
this actually isn't the next fic i uploaded, it was actually the shusumi one, but i'll get into that later because i split it into 2 chapters. this one was for lav for a halloween server exchange!
i... learned that writing tsuzuru is kind of ass. i'm kind of ass LMAO. i don't have much practice writing tsuzuru not in conjunction with harugumi, so writing tsuzuomi was a bit of a challenge... but i had fun, and they're cute!
i asked my friends what would be a funny couples costume, lav said sun and moon, and i was like bet? bet.
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26.
Monsters of Veludo
azashifu, monsters of verity au, enemies to . something
this one was written for the mankai charity zine! oh BOY i have words about this au. this was one of the aus i pitched, along with devil's gambit and fmab... silly. anyway.
most of the background au stuff of this au is in the little accompaniment pdf of the mancha zine, so actually, you should read that! but generally, the premise is more or less that acts of violence create monsters - like, literal shadow creature stuff. in the series, there’s 3 types of monsters, based on how horrific your violence was, but in the fic, i only included the coolest one: the sunai (what shiffy is).
theres like a future scene in my head where like after azami kills someone for the first time, intentional or otherwise - and this is after he and shifuto start to become friends - shifuto sees him and knows something is different and. "oh, azami... what have you done...?"
hmm i have a spinoff au of this that's not othe same universe because that one is manknai compliant and features itaru, tsumugi, juza, and homare as monster abominations (and sakyo.) kiketsu au my beloved... i'm happy to talk about that one too tho!
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27.
ideals of the blank future and beyond
shusumi, risky game, actors au
yeah so this happened. sumire is so gekkagumi. she's so forgetting who you are and living as someone else. she's so struggling to move on and move past what happened. she's so it should have been you why did you leave me here. you can't hate her enough to hurt because you'll never hate her as much as she hates herself.
and so i wrote sumire risky game.
this started because, as i usually do, i was assigning charas of my most recent interest (p5r) to a3 plays. and then shusumi mentioned, and then i was like, ohhh, it'd be so fucked up if risky game.
the other cast are akechi as ledley because it'd be so funny and i wanted to make him say the little chicks line, haru as eda because thematically appropriate, ryuji as oliver because... i mean yeah. and then makoto and nicolette (dominic) because i just think it's so funny to make her play a little spoiled rich boy.
in this au, it's basically all of the phantom thieves in a theater troupe. they're putting on risky game right now, and it follows the plot of the risky game event story, etc etc. there's just something about it. they made wadakuma play catherine in the esute risge stage and i was like oh my fucking god.
it's mentioned in the fic that kasumi was a gymnast and sumire is an actor. basically like. kasumi and sumire's career paths diverged when they were younger, sumire goes into acting a la yumi p4 and kasumi continues with gymnastics. the year kasumi dies, sumire "lives as her" (though not literally, since no persona au). so she goes back to like gymnastics and all that to try and keep kasumis memory alive, but yk she kinda ass at it. she's super out of practice and she has no love for it aside from a misguided sense of keeping her sister's spirit alive. theres a line in the grave scene where sumire says shes been keeping up acting the past 2 years. that includes the year she was acting as kasumi.
i don't have any experience writing play scripts, so i just kind of copied oomf's from the times he's asked me to check his.
i will not start rambling about risky game and norman, but just know that it's SO FUCKED UP. god. it's so fucked up. they make me so upset.
other stuff gets mentioned in the end notes of the fic! so if you're curious, you can check that out. i have other thoughts spinning around my mind (such as yusuann clockwork heartbeat, shuann stray devil blues, shuake scarlet mirror, etc... also several people have suggested shukita nocturnality and like. i see it.)
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28.
assexual attorney
crackfic
yeah i have no words for this. ryu just hates being associated with banri at all ever, and then this was born. i love my friends, SWEAR.
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29.
burning red
shuakeshu, soulmate au, post-canon, canon compliant
i didn't realize that this is actually my second color-based soulmate au fic. i'm typically a soulmark, names sort of girlie. anyway. this fic was for a persona winter exchange that i joined.
actually, it was supposed to be a different fic. i have that other fic plotted out, but i wasn't able to finish it because it's quite. long. and dramatic. and plot heavy. but it's vampires + soulmates + royalty. something about akechi being a vampire prince being betrothed to akiren the human prince and then... they're soulmates...? but vampires don't have soulmates.................. wow that's so weird. anyway, i'll post that fic one day.
until then, burning red! the title is from red by taylor swift (sorry) but like i think it's very. yeah. losing him was blue like i've never known... missing him was dark gray all alone... forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met...
umm. the colors are fading because akiren genuinely believes that akechi's dead. but they won't ever go away for real while akechi is still alive. soulmates tied not only to cosmic power but also persona perception. cognition. very p5.
the part about robin hood using samarecarm to heal akechi and save him after shido's palace is also ... yeah. quill's hc is that's how it happened and i was like omg real. so true.
i'm gonna be honest, i'm personally of the belief that akechi should stay dead at the end of p5r (thematically), but also i will not complain because i love making akechi alive.
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30.
Sentimental Value
tsuzumizu, itaru & tsuzuru
this one's for the a3 holiday exchange! it's tsuzumizu but actually, mizuno isn't there. i wanted to write something about tsuzuru looking for a christmas gift for mizuno, but with a spin on the whole, "just write him a play!" because... y'know, i feel like he would. of course. think of that. that's his default, actually. and what better person to ask than mr. gift giving himself, itaru chigasaki?
i actually wrote this while i was on vacation lmao. on my shitty ahh phone. the screen is glitching so it gets hard to write fics on there, but. yeah! and it's up~ also, gratuitous annoying itaru. i love annoying itaru.
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bonus!
20:01
akechi-centric
wrote this the night before my birthday as a personal birthday gift to myself. "akechi trying to kill himself?" yes. listen. mr. "i didn't plan to live past 18" OKAY. OKAY. did he actually want to die (in this fic)? personally, i think not. but it's up to interp. i dunno man. he just possesses me.
also i hope you guys like the akiren characterization, because i love to passively characterize ren in akechi-centric fics.
akechi is stupid !!! it's only the question of is he just naturally a dumbass or is he willfully being ignorant? he always thinks ren can see right through him, which he can, but the core that he thinks ren sees is always like. some kind of curled up sad crying pathetic thing. when thats not what ren sees. this is a constant in my fics its always akechi being like oh he thinks im pathetic. oh hes gonna try to kill me. like NO BITCH GET A GRIP!!!
need this guy to get some therapy.
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bonus!
with(out) this
juban
i got really mad at this one juban fic i kept seeing that really irked me from the description alone so i was like bro i bet i could write a better one and i don't even LIKE juban. so yeah.
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THAT WAS 2024! grah. that's so many. hope to write more in the coming year! let's see... my tenma zine fic will make an appearance in the 2025 wrap up, as well as probably... more shuake fics. fuck this baka life.
3 notes · View notes
electromignion · 2 years ago
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Bridgewater fanart again! (Jeremy Bradshaw in his office)
This is my biggest biggest fanart I’ve ever done so far and let me just say that I’m super proud of it!! There are a lot of details once again 👀 (kudos if you can see the references!)
This is a fanart totally dedicated to @thelaurenshippen , thank you so much for your support on my fanarts, it truly means the world to me, and it isn’t much but it is my way to thank you, as you said that you had a new headcanon as you reblogged my Jeremy sleeping fanart “also: new headcanon I now have vipin started TAing for Jeremy when he was still in undergrad so Jeremy also has one photo of the two of them at Vipin's graduation in his office” so I had to do this: Jeremy’s office where there is a picture of the two at Vipin’s graduation!
Once again as the details are detailing and the headcanon is headcanoning, I’m putting some further explanation after the read more! (And also I’ll tell the refs if you don’t want to search for too long 😭)
It took me 19 hours (I’m slow don’t judge me too much and this is not counting the frame on Jeremy’s desk 😭) so let me just say that a LOT of thoughts went through that little (big?) piece.
First of all as you saw, there is Vipin’s graduation pic on Jeremy’s desk, so here’s a further explanation of it under the post of the art itself (in case you want to see it in a bigger way too)
Then, for the phone’s screen, I did a fake conversation between Vipin and Jeremy which I think totally happened at some point. And here is the real screenshot of it because I don’t think you can see well what is written on the fanart unfortunately. (I also put a little reference to the album “Feelings and Such” by Louden Swain in it which is what Jeremy is supposed to listen to, I gotta say the main reason is because it’s my fave album and group but I would totally see Jeremy listening to that kind of music from time to time, I see him listening to “There’s the Rub” from that album)
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Then comes his computer: it is truly the logo of the Bridgewater State University, the sticker from the real merch of the Bridgewater podcast, and the ace flag (because Jeremy Bradshaw being on the ace spec soothes my soul)! It’s my headcanon about Jeremy’s computer, it’s the third time I’ve drawn his pc, and the stickers stay the same no matter what and it’ll stay this way jsksksk
There is little basket of stim toys on his desk too and that’s totally my headcanon: I see Jeremy as a really caring professor, and to me he would have it in his office for the stressed out students coming to see him so they can feel better, or at least his students know he has some to lend! (And I’m nd, I would love to have a professor like that 😭) (thanks for a moot on Twitter for the slinky idea!!)
For the sticky notes on the desk: the one on the papers states “read before 03/24” which is the date the last episode of S2 aired, the pink one “proofread Lauren’s thesis defense date 08/06” Lauren is a direct nod to Lauren Shippen, and the date corresponds to the first airing date of the two first eps of S1 of Bridgewater.
The sticky note it “printer password BSU1976JyBw PS: Vipin I do have a limited amount of copies!” because I thought that printers in the uni might have password deferring from each profs (at least it was like this in my French highschool — as a reminder, I’m from France so it’s really me trying to find stuff on the internet), so BSU = Bridgewater State University, 1976 being Jeremy’s birth year (at least I tried to calculate it and it was 1976? Hopefully I’m right 😭✋ as the show aired in 2021 I tried to assume that 2021 was also the date in the podcast and as Jeremy is 45 during S1 welp), and JyBw is just the first and last letter of his first and last name. Comes my headcanon: at some point Jeremy couldn’t print anything because Vipin had printed too many stuff, hence the little reminder because Jeremy doesn’t want to beg to have more copies 😭
The research paper Jeremy has to read before 03/24 has been written by a certain “J.Novak”! (Totally a Supernatural reference) And when it comes to SPN refs, it’s much more subtle, but I did the same soles for Jeremy’s shoes as Castiel in the episode The End of spn (because the shoes are quite famous for being also identical to the one Dean wears so it was funny and on a funfact Jeremy’s legs and feet posture is bc I saw Misha sit like this so I thought it was fun (I also sit like that so it made me happy))
Behind Jeremy there’s an undone Rubik’s Cube, because I totally see it as Jeremy’s very own stim toy but the catch is that he doesn’t know how to solve it 😭 (thanks another moot for the idea @stillwinchester ily!!).
There’s also a mug, because our man needs to stay concentrated (tea? coffee? Your thoughts, to me Jeremy is more of a tea guy), this is a reference to the X-Files! Big Blue is txf’s Nessie, and the mug is a literal copy of the “real” merch mug you can see in “Quagmire” (3x22 of the X-Files)
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For the posters on the walls, the one behind the bookshelves was the main art of an exhibition which occurred “Supernatural America: The Paranormal in American Art” and I’m persuaded that Jeremy would have gone to see that! And he would have loved to keep something from it! (But he ended up having to put his shelf in front of it because he had to put his books somewhere and maybe it creeped out his colleagues and students, here’s a picture of the original painting)
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Agatha Wojciechowsky (American, born Germany, 1896–1986), and Spirits. Untitled, 1963. Watercolor and crayon on paper. 11 3/4 × 8 7/8 in. Courtesy the collection of Steven Day, New York, NY. Photo: Steven Day
And for the one near his desk, it is an old poster from the American Folk Art Museum, and to me Jeremy would totally be a museum guy, it’s very “academic” after all, plus he would be interested into it as it’s more around people and self taught people and so on, as he is very interested into anthropology, it goes well with the whole vibe.
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https://pirtledesign.com/portfolio/american-folk-art-museum/
For the blackboard, the titles are basically what he is teaching in his lecture in S1 EP01 so to me it would be his way to see more what he has to work on for his students (and I think he fidgets his chalks in his lecture because in the same ep as he speaks you can truly hear a lot of chalk sounds which weren’t due to him writing so I understood it that way?), and there’s a little magnet with a “buy cat food!” because headcanon to me but Jeremy owns a cat (a black cat you can see him on his lockscreen on my drawing of Jeremy sleeping) but as he spends a lot of the time at the BSU, I think he would put reminders just in case 😭 (and there’s a little flower drawing made by Vipin! to me he would doodle little stuff from time to time with little smileys to brighten up Jeremy’s day a little)
Then in the bookshelves you can see a little purple owl! It’s to me, an amethyst carved one, as Jeremy had had his esoteric era when he was younger (it was said in S2 that he tried to be Wiccan) he must still have some stone knowledge and as amethyst is supposed to have soothing and good vibes properties, he might have taken this although he doesn’t believe in it anymore, and of course he picked it because it was an owl because it’s better now to laugh about the owl situation 😭
Lastly: all the books are real books! It took me some time but all of these exist, it’s mainly anthropology book, faculty/uni book, research stuff, and there are two books about the Bridgewater triangle! I tried to keep it around Jeremy’s field of course so it’s the occult, witchcraft, the Salem trials, UFOs, beliefs and all!
Thank you so much if you’ve read this far and I’m very grateful for all your support, it truly means the world to me and Bridgewater is very very close and dear to my heart, lots of love to you all! And thanks for bearing with me through my ideas and headcanons 💜🫶
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meezer · 2 months ago
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the fact that I respect and love T to an insane degree really keeps me accountable vis a vis my thesis. I don't want to disappoint her so I do my best every time to meet the deadlines and give it my all. if I were working with a prof I resented (like my mean gay prof. for example.) my subconscious might turn "not working on thesis" as an act of rebellion against them and I might feel incentivized to do it by a) my laziness and b) my never-resolved teenage drive to fight against authority, now become an integral part of my personality
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whoiskt · 4 months ago
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Grad School Q4 - Week 1
All my classes are on Mondays and Wednesdays, so maybe I'll bring this back for Friday summaries.
Here's a Lloyd sketch that might become part of my business card. Working on that right now among many things!
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I wasn't really ready to go back to school but rarely in my life have I ever felt that after summer break. This quarter is all required classes, which isn't the most fun but I'll get by okay. Plus, all the classes are pretty much back to back, which gives me such flashbacks to high school, since I'm just in the one building all day.
Anyways, I'm currently kind of nervous because to complete my MFA by the end of summer 2025, I need to go up for review this quarter. But it's required that I have taken 45 credit hours of 700 level courses. Unfortunately, 10 of my 45 credit hours are 500 level courses, so I am technically not eligible. But, since the thesis class is only taught once a year in the winter quarter, missing this milestone would mean pushing my graduation to 2026, which I cannot do, not spiritually and definitely not financially. So, I am asking for an exception to be made, and that is TBD. Because I have a lot riding on this, so I am really very nervous for the answer. We shall see.
I guess worst comes to worst I can switch to an MA. Let's be real... I am not professor material, anyways.
But to get to my week in review: My first class is a writing class. I got excited because I imagined I could do a Lloyd Void spin-off as my main project for this class, one that is geocentric in the sense it would follow my character Earth as a slice of life comedy before the events of LV. However, for this class we were sorted into short groups, and they prefered my sailors and music idea (the one I have been writing as a movie) and I might choose that. I am stuck with the ending, and maybe working that out in the class (since the class is only writing a measly 20 pages) is a fine use of my time as well.
My second class is a studio, and I am making LLOYD VOID KEY ART for the PITCH! This honestly is the most scary thing, because I have to make 9 whole completed illustrations in 10 weeks, and I think my current record for completed illustrations in 10 weeks is something like 4, with some VERY lazy bgs, which I am not allowed here, so wish me luck.
Finally, my last class is something something coloring? Honestly not fully sure but day 1 we had A LOT of hw already due for class 2. (we also had to color a page of a comic but I am not showing that here)
The artist is Lois van Baarle. THIS IS NOT MY ARTWORK I JUST COLORED IT:
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Unexpectedly my prof said, "This is very well-done, perhaps even once of the best versions of this I've ever seen." I was shook. I have been studying color all year, trying to get better, but I never expected such a compliment.
I want to get better at reflective lighting still but I have definitely been feeling more confident in palette choices, at least.
Anyways, that's all for now, definitely more artwork to show you next week, bye!
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ajourneyinbioinformatics · 4 months ago
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The journey of getting back my academic spark
I'm currently working on my Master's thesis in Bioinformatics and completely lost my spark. What do I mean by that? Over the last year, I have found my place. My nice in the science community but more importantly the nice I want to work in for the rest of my life. I'm only 24, or already 24 depending on the perspective, but I am so certain that I, in fact, found MY place. Until it was taken away from me, leaving me bitter, alone, and empty.
disclaimer: English is not my first language. I'm really sorry for any spelling and grammatical mistakes. Please don't be too harsh on that.
I've been working on my thesis for about a year now. After I finished all classes in February I even decided to carry on a project I'd started during a class in my free time. Just continuing to work for a prof (unpaid and unofficial) because I loved it so much and still saw so many cool things within this project. Also since February, I've worked really intensely on my Thesis including weekly meetings with my supervisor. No break since the summer of 2023. And I loved it. I loved it so much. Most days I woke up, turned on my notebook during the first morning coffee and started working. Small breaks for daily life stuff and working till early morning. Sleep and wake up early to continue working. No weekends. No holidays. Working genuinely brought me joy. It was like my own little safe space. When I tried to hunt down bugs in my code nothing else mattered. And the moments when hours or even days of troubleshooting finally paid off are indescribable. This is MY thing. I thought about these projects while showering, walking the dogs, and sitting on the train. Nothing else mattered. I call that my spark. Both Profs I've worked closer with always said they admired the joy I bring to work. And both independently brought up the possibility of doing a PhD. I previously never thought that would be an option for me. Like yes, I love my work but I'm not good enough. Or am I? I dared to dream about it. Maybe only maybe this could be something for me. I was even more motivated. Motivated by promises of being allowed to do what I love so much and even get paid for it. Promises of being good enough. Constantly getting praised for my work. My supervisor was even telling me that he was concerned that I worked too much. That I never seem to be proud of my work. That it's never good enough for me. Other Master students in the department told me how my profs praised me in front of them too. This was the point where I started to hate it. I stopped believing them whenever they told me my work was good. But I continued to do my best. Not believing their feedback. Just doing the absolute most because I genuinely started to think I could actually get a PhD position. If I just get better maybe I would be good enough for a position there. Still getting so much joy from my work. I did everything for the possibility of being allowed to continue it. Well jokes on me. Now the students that started with me are finishing their thesis. Sending out applications for PhD positions. And I? Well I sit here feeling nothing but disgust when I think about work. Every time I try to start the same words echo through my head. 'I would love to let you sign a contract right now but I just hired 4 other students', 'I would immediately offer you a position but my contract doesn't allow it', 'There is no founding left', 'I don't know why I didn't think about you for this position'. Yeah me neither. But I guess there was no point cause I was already doing the work for free. Now I'm sitting here, nowhere near finishing my Thesis. He wants to add more to it. Make it worth publishing. I get that. But I feel like my time is running out. I get more empty promises. 'I will write you a letter of recommendation and send it next week.' That was over a month ago. 'I will talk to a pi and schedule a meeting. You would fit perfectly in that team.' He never mentioned it again. I think I still love my work. But I'm disgusted by it. I know that every email I send, and every result I present, will get praised endlessly. It makes me sick. They have to lie to me. If I were that good I wouldn't be the only one left behind. Always an afterthought.
I honestly don’t think they have any ill intent. Especially my thesis supervisor. I really could not wish for anyone better than him! He’s super understanding and supportive. He’s the one concerned for me. I think he just forgets about some promises. He doesn’t deserve to have a student who doesn’t feel joy for their work anymore.
It starts to really affect my mental health. I don't feel joy anymore. I am just really empty. And I want to change that. I have to change that. I will try to document my journey here. Even if nobody reads that. Maybe one day a student stumbles across these words and feels seen. And maybe, just maybe, they will be able to read a story of overcoming these struggles and get to a happy end. To my happy end. And maybe that can give someone hope. Take away the feeling of being alone with these struggles. Also maybe I can hold myself accountable with this. I have to work through this down to post about my progress. I have not lost hope yet. I can get my spark back. I have to get my spark back. I will feel this joy again when working. I am not giving up yet
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