#so i kinda wanna turn it into a video essay at some point just so i can explore it you know

[corviiids]

woke up this morning and my immediate first half-asleep thought was "could i post an academic paper on ao3"

[littleesistler]

more tickle questions beucase I’m bored 😂

Glitch's Tickle Questions | Volume 1 |

Trying my hand at the tickle question creating game 😋 Calling it "Volume 1" in case I end up making more, don't know for sure if I will yet, we'll see how this one goes. Did my best to come up with some fun questions, I hope you all like them!

Feel free to reblog this around to receive some questions from your followers, just as my followers can send some to me if they'd like 😜

🥞 If you could make one spot more/less ticklish, which would it be and why?

well I’d make my ribs less ticklish because I’m so insanely ticklish there to a violent degree. When I was a kid my dad tickled me a lot until he tickled my ribs to harshly and I kicked I’m him the jaw. So he bit his lip and bled a bit (not a lot). So my point is I don’t like to be ticklish to a violent degree. I don’t wanna hurt my poor ler 🥲

🍦 Can you tickle yourself, and if so, do you do so often?

well when I have acrylics or press on nails, I tickle my tummy and wrist every time before bed. Since I love to be tickled there. Also if I turn of all my light I can tickle myself with an electric toothbrush on my ribs and in my bellybutton since these spots are so sensitive.

my mom tickles be before bed usually but because she’s also chronically ill sometimes she’s to exhausted. So that’s when I step in 💅

🔪 Are there any ticklish spots you have that you'd prefer not to be tickled?

well I’m kinda not into feet stuff, especially when it’s with tools or motion tickles. Like fine tickle my feet but I’m not comfortable with my feet being the main focus. Like when I watch a tickle video I usally skip the feet portions 🦶😷

🍿 If you could have any superpower, what would it be and how would you use it for tickles?

well I’ve always wanted to talk any language, including animal ones. So think how funny like I give lots of teases in an ancient or just a rare or uncommon language my Lee can’t understand. So when they pull out google translate and literally have a fluster attack. Especially if they don’t know how to spell the words and say it themselves 😈

also think how funny like I’m tickling someone and I hear a fly or bird or heck their dog just tease the Lee to and I translate it heheh 😝

🍭 If you could choose one spot to be magically continuously tickled, which spot would it be and for how long?

my tummy, and here’s my essay form me as an educated zookeeper:

you know when a puppy or kitty shows you their tummy is a sing of trust. And the reason for that is most of the body is protected by bones. Like a rib cage, but the tummy doesn’t really have any bones except for like hips and spine but these bones more give structure. So my point is when you tickle or rub someone’s tummy you’re right on top of their digestive system and reproductive system. That’s why in the animal kingdom showing the tummy shows you trust them since you give them free access to hurt or damage your organs. That’s why tummy attention is one of the most vulnerable ones.

and since you are right on top of their organs tummy tickles and rubs helps with digestion and period cramps.

so my points is, if I let you tickle my tummy or someone else let’s me tickle their tummy. It’s an honor ❤️🤲

🌶 Think of a crazy wacky way you can think of to tickle/be tickled that you wish you could experience. No logical constraints. What is it?

Hunger games but with tickling instead of killing.

people get to enter and a friend can sign you up as a surprise, but consent to participate it needed

its a televised show in a secluded or closed of area

the crates from sponsors have tickle tools or restraints

food, water, hygiene and medical care is included

When someone safewords they “die” (not for real) and get disqualified

last one standing of the games is the ler of the year

🍞 Look around wherever you are while reading this. You can choose one item to come to life and tickle you. What item is it?

electric toothbrush…

🥯 If you could choose any fictional character(s) to team up with you to help tickle someone, who would you choose and why?

the dream them, like I got obsessed with the Dsmp during the pandemic, so yeah and I love the fandom’s head cannons.

Dream - more Lee then ler and will probably just hold me down and cuddle me to help me relax ☺️

Sapnap - a true switch and he’s very gentle and teasing, lots of games since he’s the youngest they play lots of games with him😉

George - more ler then lee and he’s ruthless, tickling any spot he can reach and siding in his bony figners 😈

🧇 If you could have an animal friend that loved to tickle you, what animal would it be and how would you want them do it?

a golden retriever ❤️🥹

Decent sized dog that can pin me down

has a long snout so the puppy can blow lots of raspberries and nuzzle it’s nose in my belly button and give little nibbles on my sides

a long fluffy tail that’s like a feather duster tickle tool

flappy ears so when the doggi shakes its head during nuzzling it tickles more

the playfulness so the dog will give lots of teasing

that slight smile or smirk on some individuals

and those puppy eyes

🍟 If you're feeling brave.. which friends, mutuals, and/or other tickle blogs would you want to tickle and/or be tickled by?

oh Noo hahah here we go again I guess, I love to expose myself, let’s see if my favorite blogs find me🫠

@kikibumblesqueaks

@the-shy-ler

@covenofwives

@fluffallamaful

@awkwardtickleetoo

@wishitweresummer

@eldelascosquillas-blog

@emmadoodlewrites

@kasey-writes-stuff

@mushiewrites

@missamyrisa2

@trashyswitch

@sleepysheepytea

nothing personal I just love your works and everything, so I wouldn’t mind if you guys wrecked me or I could give you a little tickle 👉👈 ummm yeah. I got so flustered when a few responded to me last time and guess what I wanna get even more exposed hahah 😍

[the-legendaryphoenix]

I honestly don't usually talk about serious stuff, but I feel I need to say it. Ive been having thoughts bottle up for the better part of a few months, and I have to put them all somewhere.

This will be somewhat disorganized, but I need to get my thoughts out there. These are also the deranged rantings of a college student that is up at 3 am due to an inability to sleep, so feel free to take all this with a grain of salt.

I talk about capitalism, socialism, power structures, future worries, AI, emotional issues, climate change etc in this essay here. If you're sensitive to those kinda things, feel free to ignore this/block me/avert your eyes. I won't mind.

Yall are not beholden to magically change the world. It's nearly impossible to. Mass societal change almost always come from grassroots movements. There's ... no other way to change society otherwise.

Take generative AI and all. Before 2023, it was just this novelty and a toy that only a few people took seriously. Fast forward a bunch of companies tinkering with it and more eyes slowly getting drawn to the tech and boom suddenly we got trade unions like SAG AFTRA having to throw the video game voice acting industry to the wolves in order to get protections for actors and writers. We didn't get that outta thin air. It was a thing that was built up over time, before suddenly exploding like this.

I'm not entirely convinced AI shit is purely a product of capitalism. AI is just another step in humanity's forever quest to optimise the fuck out of everything regardless of whether or not there's a soul left at the end of it. This would happen under capitalism or socialism. The government - no matter how many social programs they have - is not your friend. Corporations are not your friend (we're in this kind of AI mess because corporations wanna make a quick buck remember?) If it weren't to make money off the backs of artists under capitalism, AI would also be used to generate endless propaganda and distractions by socialist states in order to stop the transition to communism & remain in power. (Think something akin to 1984) Both corporations and the government are wolves in sheep's clothing at absolute best.

Im not saying socialism couldn't work or that it's worse than capitalism. I just dont think socialism would magically solve all the worlds problems at the snap of a dictator's finger. Alotta that has to do with power structures that will be talked about shortly. Also, socialism cannot exist in a democracy. If the people choose their leaders, then the leaders have to constantly farm support from those that help them get elected. And it's not really socialism if some people are getting more than others. That's just our current system but you got authroitarianism instead of democracy. And don't point to systems like those in Scandanavia. Those are capitalist countries. The amount of government safety nets does not change the fact that unless the government has complete control over the entirety of a country's economics, its not socialism.

Due to how power structures work, I don't think violence and/or revolution against the elite will solve anything. Violence would only give them a reason to pull one of their many strings to get a government or private organization to crack down on the rest of us. No one rules alone. There's always got to be others that do the work that leaders cannot physically do themselves. This means that Authoritarian leaders must always give money/favor and or turn the other cheek to the ones that help them rule, and that represenatives must be open to favoring their supporters. If that means the government/leader/whoever ignoring obvious problems, then so be it. And for revolutions, the citizens cannot complete one on their own. The millitary has to allow it. And the citizens do not exactly get to choose the next leader. The Americans won the revolution only because the British had to deal with economics and morale. Had they had unlimited money in their vault and the troops were always raring to fight, the Americans would have lost.

Anarchism would circumvent a lot of the needless power structule bullshit. But as long as humanity has desires, there will always be some method of control over a group of people. Anarchism and communism are amazing ideas on paper. I just cant see them working.

Going back to my main point, its likely that none of us will be able to change the world. At the same time, the world can change you. A lot of my views on politics, friendship, and life in general have shifted since I started studying at college. Through this, Ive come to also realize that getting all worked up about stuff is an exercise in futility. Reblogging posts doesn't change the world. Doomscrolling through reddit and tumblr hashtags doesn't magically solve all problems that you see in the world; it just makes you lie awake at 1:45 AM feeling horrible and all. Wondering if living is still worth it gets you nowhere. It just makes you feel like complete ass when the anxiety passes and you wonder why you were considering such things after seeing an image with impossible geometry/the wrong amount of fingers/inconsistent everything.

You're not given the secrets to life, the universe, and everything on a silver platter. You have to find them yourself. Even if the world/circumstances are determined to make you miserable. You still have to find what's important to you. Ironically, I did get that from somewhere else, namely Pokemon Scarlet... but I also practice Catholic Nihlism, so its also an independent thought I came up with myself. [God gave me the right to choose what meaning I derive from life so I'll do it damn it!]

To clear up worries AI, there's always going to be human soul in some form of art. Think of indie productions that literally do their own thing; regardless of what the market dictates. Think of local artists that perform in your local theater, make paintings for your local museum/gallery, and writers that just sit down one day and write down what's on their mind. In that regard, AI's a tool. Genuinely.

Ive witnessed my friend use it to brainstorm/assist in some pretty difficult narration/dialogue for their fanfic. Ive used it myself to brainstorm some of the more complicated logic for some of my programming projects. You can use it for good things actually.

It's like a hammer. You can use it to help you build a house. You can skip the hammer and use screwdrivers and also get a good house. But you wouldn't want to build a house entirely out of hammers for multiple reasons. If AI doesn't prove to be a passing fad, market forces might start working against it. Think of how many people are fed up with disney and marvel's bland formulism that still has humans behind the wheel. If they add AI to rush things to the big screen at breakneck speed, people are prolly not gonna waste their time anymore. They're probably just gunna not give studios their money. AI is extremely controversal too. The fact that alotta people aren't just rolling over and taking it is a good thing. [The deal SAG AFTRA signed sucks I get it but its kinda easy for VA's to just... strike. They can deny the use of AIs trained on their voice. That's ... something.] (There's also the whole studios pushing for NFT thing and how that was a collosal failure. Its kinda an apples to pears comparison, but I'd thought it was still relavant.)

I know Ive been kinda hard about human nature too; but cmon. Most people are great once ya hear them out. I met my 2 best friends from all of us willing to listen & work through the others' problems. Even strangers can be great. I can randomly spark up small talk with people Ive never seen before at college, and it always comes out great. Most peeps aren't chronically online! they love talkin in person!

Humans have the power to work through a lotta stuff too. Hell, even the most frog-in-a-boiling-pot thing known as climate change is being worked on. Assuming no further reductions in emissions are made, we'll end up 3 degrees warming at the end of the century. That's ... dangerous, but it's an improvement from Around the 2010's when climate change WAS apocolyptic. We were on the 4 degrees timeline, and we will not go back there unless we ACTIVELY try to. Even in the worst case, humans and nature are very stubborn. Things absolutely have been worse in earth's history. Things just happening faster that's the problem.

Though if you do wanna make an impact, local politics and conservation are your best options. You may not be able to change stuff nationally or globally, but local stuff does make a difrerence. (Also the point above about local indie artists :P local really is the best huh?)

Starting local also has the advantage of being grassroots. People respond better to changes in their local community than those from the feds. It also affects how they vote, which in turn affects who leads nations and all.

Hence, my point about grassroots, huh. full circle.

You don't have to change the world as you don't owe it anything; but if you feel like it, go for it! Form a small group! Be a force for change!

I know its a bit contradictory to originally say stuff about posting doing nothing, and then for me to turn around and do all this; but I make my own meaning :P. (Ain't nihlism awesome.) I also just mostly needed to collect my thoughts to share with my friends.

I don't have anything else to say right now, so thank ya if you read this far. Means a lot you took the time to read all this.

yeah, have a wonderful day. :3

[tappioca]

hi :) i'm a huge fan of anam cara like it's my favorite fic of all time, so first just wanna say thank you for writing it <3 i can't even verbalize how much this fic has affected my emotional state like if i hear someone *mention* leaving on a jet plane, then it is over for me ! i am thinking about that part right now and crying (not kidding) !! how did you learn to write the way you do? is it just natural talent? did you take classes or do you have a specific book genre/author you take inspiration from?

<3

hi, anon! :D kinda wish this was done through DMs ‘cause i don’t deal with compliments well especially this is anon too so this HAS to be published idk cultural stuff i think but let’s power through, babyyy!

first off, thank you for liking my silly lil’ fic! and that i am honored it’s your fave when there are a lot in the crop to choose from. 🙇🏻‍♀️ we have the muses (dua lipa’s “pretty please”, taylor swift, and that one passage in The Great Gatsby i’m tryna adopt the energy of) and ofc the entire institution of hor🆖y to thank why it exists. also special thanks to my beta reader for being so cool and keeping me grounded at many points.

lmaooo leaving on a jetplane’s a bit of a tear-jerker for me too, even before i got into RE. then i realized it oddly fit with the whole dynamic of ashleon in the fic, so if it’s any consolation—yep, i myself stare dramatically into space and imagine an ashleon music video when that song comes on.

as for writing…hmm. i suppose it’s a mishmash of everything i read. i was never privileged enough to take lessons (lessons would have turned me off, anyway); i just have a bit of an imagination, a penchant for explaining stuff, and, in anam cara’s case, i was severely horny for two sets of pixels 💀

i’d love to say i’m a voracious reader, but alas, not really 😭 i just happen to be a bit of a sponge when i read—i subconsciously note the vibes, the writing cadence, how hard a description can make me hallucinate. my writing influences include gabriel garcia marquez, luisa may alcott, andré aciman’s CMBYN, (and in the nonfiction category) standup comedy, memoirs, carrie fisher, cs lewis’ essays, a lil’ bit of david sedaris. garcia marquez would explain the hell-bent-ness on describing the environment. the rest would explain for the penchant for exposition.

(i’m yapping here but if there’s one thing i’d leave you, anon it’s this: there’s a saying that goes “every writer is a reader.” some people just read, but writing’s not up that much in their alley. but every writer must be a reader. so yeah. shoutout to my mom who bought us fairy tale books when we were kids and told us “one day, you’ll learn how to read, so you can enjoy these stories on your own” her daughter’s writing porn about fictional characters now but hey it’s whatever)

oh, this went off the rails a lil’ bit. sorry. anyway, chapter 15’s is a WIP now. and thank you for these kind words, anon. sometimes i feel like deleting that thing when i’m having one of them “brain go brrr” episodes but being told that my stuff gives enjoyment to some matters a lot 🥹 thanks for this, truly. happy holidays, anon! 🫶

[23meteorstreet]

1 to 5 :)

1. how did you get into the show?

i heard about it back in like 2013 bc a yt channel I liked made references to it all the time but initially i was kinda scared to watch it bc I heard there was some offensive stuff and wasn't sure if that was my thing. then a few years later i was on a spring break trip w/ my high school and some ppl started talking about mac and dennis: manhunters for some reason?? and that made me so curious about it that I started pirating it a few days later lol

that being said... i didn't actually get into the show at that point. I got to about the first ep of season 2 and then just stopped bc even tho it was super funny I couldn't really connect with the characters and some of the satire felt a little too accurate to me. but from 2017 to like... may-ish of last year I watched a few eps here and there and made it to the beginning of season 3.

in october I was going thu a bit of an existential crisis (im mostly good now) and was looking for something funny to watch that hopefully wouldn’t suck up too much of my time (LMAOOO) and found it in my continue watching section on hulu and thought “this’ll be perfect bc i’ll probably just watch a season or so and then turn it off again”. yeah, that didn’t happen. (of course it probably helped that i’d watched i want you back earlier that year and realized i had a massive crush on charlie lol)

2. who’s your favorite character and why? (has your fav changed since you started watching the show?)

like i said in the last question it took me a while to pick a favorite but i literally caught one glimpse of charlie day’s freckles in i want you back and became obsessed with him & every character he’s ever played forever. aside from being super fucking adorable tho i genuinely think he’s the funniest character in the show. he has sooo many iconic moments and i love that he’s silly but also very capable like in charlie work :) also i really enjoy that he’s generally the “nice” one but he can also be very evil & feral at times. basically i like how complex he is lol. i just wanna wrap him in a blanket and feed him some spaghetti <3

3. what are your top 3 favorite episodes?

this is so fucking hard but here’s 3 off the top of my head:

the aluminum monster vs. fatty magoo : this is the one that made me finally get into the show! i loved that the characters were terrible to the point of absurdity. dennis putting on the dress was such an unforgettable moment & i feel like this ep is when they really found him as a character. charlie’s plot in this is also great, i love how he’ll end up in the most bizarre situation and just adapt to it (and the part where he's fantasizing about the drawing was... interesting to say the least lol). also any episode written by glenn & charlie is fucking iconic

the gang goes on family fight: this is just such a comfort ep tbh. family feud is always fun/funny and i love when the gang actually gets along. dennis’s freakout at the end was also super funny & relatable

the gang goes to hell part 2: after getting to know the characters for so many seasons, watching them almost die was strangely cathartic lol. it just felt like a love letter to the gang’s friendship, & it makes me think about how i’m so attached to these terrible fictional people. i could probably write a whole essay on this ep tbh. also the imaginary dinner scene is so funny to me, i love how much they get into it. 

also an honorable mention to charlie rules the world: charlie looks hot af in this episode (obviously) plus i love video game related eps in any show lol. It’s a fun ep to try to analyze charlie as a character, and i love that dennis just goes completely off the rails. 

4. name a song that reminds you of your favorite character

this is so hard bc all the songs on my sunny playlist are for ships/the whole gang… gonna go with leave me alone - fidlar bc of that one fancam plus i was listening to them earlier lol (ps. if anyone has any good charlie songs pls send them to me!!)

5. do you ship anything?

in no particular order: macdennis, charden, charmac, charmacden, deetress, chartemis, artemis/waitress (pretty sure i made this one up lol), charlie/scientist… i think that’s it? my fave are probably charmac, macdennis, charmacden, and deetress tho

[witikli]

(very long but very important post, sorry in advance) hi uh. i know a lot of my recent posts have been more political than usual but um cope bcus its not gonna stop!

it's more important than ever to deprogram ourselves and confront internal biases based on culturally christian & capitalistic society. duh. i see a lot of people saying this but not many giving examples or advice on how to actually go about doing so, other than just "do the research urself." so i'm trying to share some resources to maybe help people get started. if you take the time to check these out and find them helpful, i urge you to share them with your friends and family as well.

second thought and genetically modified skeptic on youtube have some fucking amazing videos deconstructing christian and capitalistic ideas that most ppl probably don't even realize are ingrained so heavily into our society and are reinforced in almost every single piece of media, like, ever. both of them cite reliable sources and include links to all of them in their video descriptions. they explain things thoroughly and make it easy to understand (also they both put really good captions on all of their videos, but do sometimes reference images on screen without explicitly describing them or providing alt text, though these usually aren't essential to the point of the video). and remember to be critical of ALL media, including the channels i've linked and other anti capitalist or anti (cultural) christianity media. the channels i've linked are both run by cishet white abled men, and they're bound to make mistakes.

so anyways, i think a lot of ppl see criticism about cultural christianity/capitalism and assume it doesn't apply to them. myself included. i am an indigenous + asian queer disabled neurodivergent person and i consider myself an anarchopunk communist. i've done hours upon hours of research about this stuff. this does not mean i am immune to propaganda and internal bias, as much as i liked to think i was for a very long time. people always ask how they can help, how they can contribute, how they can possibly make any sort of an effect when they're just one person, who probably can't afford to donate large amounts of money to the people who Can take things into their own hands. the most important thing you can do is educate yourself. which, by the way, costs nothing but your time, and is often really interesting and enlightening. this doesn't mean you have to read depressing stories about people who are less fortunate (though i encourage you to do that as well). i understand news fatigue, hopelessness, and the want to distance yourself from social media as a means of self care. educating yourself doesn't have to be draining and emotionally demanding.

this has kinda turned into an essay but i wanna end it by saying the thing that prompted this was something as simple as that post saying "when are we going to overthrow the government," with a reply saying "y'all couldn't even boycott chick-fil-a." regardless of whether or not you still eat chick-fil-a, there are countless other companies that are much worse that we don't even bat an eye at. i haven't eaten chick-fil-a since i first found out about their homophobic shit, and i thought that gave me some moral high ground to stand on, despite the fact that i still ordered clothes from companies like fucking shein. i know not everyone can afford to stop buying from unethical but more affordable and accessible companies, i can't either. but everyone can at least be aware of the affect these things have, and spread awareness about it. i can do better, and so can you.

[canaristas]

It's 2 AM but I'm rewatching Mafumafu's Hikikomori demo LIVE ga Shitai! Super Mafumafu World 2021 @Tokyo Dome.

I'm not gonna make it long because I actually still struggling to put my feelings into words, but if this turns out to be an "essay" then so be it. I mean it's past midnight. what's wrong that, right?

So, I was enjoying the vod when Mafu sung Punishment Game in minutes I-forgot-but-someone-make-a-timestamp-of-all-the-tracklist-in-the-comment-section-so-please-check-it-out, and I have to pause the video (you can literally see it in the image above). It is the third song he sung in the concert. The thing is, the lyrics of Punishment Game really speaks to me.

A little story time, growing up, I experienced some unpleasant treatments from my surrounding and peers at school. I only realize it again today that what I had to go through back then was so fucked up. I won't go into details but it went along the lines of me, oblivious of my own feelings, masquerading as that "I'm okay" kid every time someone say sht about me, slandering me that I was being a "troublemaker" at school and a girl who pretends to be sick all the time.

Truth to be told, I am actually, like seriously, sick. Both physically and mentally. It is not a serious illness, back then, I'm too scared to ask my parents to go to the hospital and have a check-up or something (maybe that's why those people slander me out of it), but I fainted, lose appetite, got severe headache and stomachache several times back then because of it. I can even brainwashed myself to be sick if I don't wanna go to school, and yes, it works, I really fell ill just by continuously saying to myself in my head that I'm sick. I'm that powerful back then.

I never really labeled any negative emotion specifically, I always named them as "I'm sad, I'm tired, I wanna sleep, I don't like this" then called it a day and never elaborate further. I'm that oblivious as a kid. The worse part is I am a people's pleaser, my circle of friends (not really actually cause I only have like 1 deskmate and 3 other "kinda close friends" back then lol) were all only talk to me at some points like when we have something to discuss or when we met, tbh not all the time too, so I never share any of my personal problems with them or even anyone, not even my family. I feel so overwhelmed back then, but had to always put my clown mask because sadly that's how people expected me to be.

Moving on to another little story time, I first knew about Mafumafu around 2016 on youtube. Vocaloid brought me to one of his video cover and then after that I learn the existence of utaite and him expeciallly. His original songs, Berserk, No Entry, and Punishment Game, if they were a person, splashed cold water to my face then fricking yelled "Ha! You understand me, huh!?" like, I was so shocked back then about how depressing and sad his songs sound like, and the most important part was that I CAN RELATE TO THEM TO SOME EXTENT LIKE HELLO!??? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING CALLED OUT!???

That's why when I come upon Mafu's music, I feel weirdly connected to the lyrics, although not like words-to-words but like it clicked something in my head that what I've been doing is wrong. I then realized that what I've been through are actually messed up because it makes me throw away my emotion and never really listen to myself. For the first time ever, I boldly say to myself "yes, I'm sad because people are so annoying to me. I don't deserve such treatments, I deserve better, I'm not perfect as a human, but if my heart says that I am hurt, then I'm hurt".

"I hate it"

"I hate me"

"I hate everyone"

Those three strong sentences woke me up from my slumber, they awoken my "Hey, it's now time for you to learn about yourself, bish" personality. I then begin to little by little throw away my oblivious-kid personality and embrace the new personality that I got, even though, sadly I am still a people's pleaser (even until today lmao). I start to name my emotion, with an elaboration of course.

"I feel sick in my stomach because that mothertrucker is a fricking assh*le for slandering me, I don't fricking deserve that. I did nothing wrong. I was just feeling overwhelmed by all the pressure I got from my family and society that literally dictate and criticize me as a kid. I fricking hate this sht, and I am not wrong for feeling so. I am human. It's normal to feel disappointed. I am wrong for thinking badly about everyone but you guys did worse because you fricking practice and voice it out and say sht about it to me personally instead of keeping it just to yourself. you are being rude. I may not be kind inside but at least I'm not openly saying sht and bullying people just to make me feel better about myself".

Quotation above is one of the sample as to how I label my feeling when that certain memories being played up in my head. It may be nothing extraordinary or worth of praise but I'm proud that I've reached that level of understanding of myself and become better at putting my feelings into words.

On another note, after I learnt that Mafumafu was bullied in his past, I cried. I feel like I can also feel his pain when he sung. I can really relate to his scream in his song, because at some points, we are similar as someone who is the victim in bullying. As someone who had been mentally abused. My experience may be trivial to what he had gone through, and I can only relate to some of the lyrics that fit my situation and not the whole lyrics of the song, but I'm still thankful. I feel like he sung his pain out for me too, he screamed for me, he speaks for me too in his music. I feel included, not alone like how I used to.

Mafumafu's songs are powerful to me personally. His song influenced me as a person. For the first time in my life, I understand that I am just a human who are not perfect, and should never aim to become perfect. I realized that I don't have to always live up to people's expectations, that I just have to set my own expectations.

Berserk, No Entry, and Punishment Game teach me how to become myself and accept my pain. I'm not exaggerating at all. For me, at least that's where I start to walk the path which has shaped me as the present me. a grown up woman who finally understand a bit better of why she had to go through such sacrilegious treatments from her surrounding peers. That is, to become the better version of my old self.

Finally, I am happy to say that the grown up clown has now reach that certain level in which she would always gives no sht to any fucked-up treatments she received in her life, and definitely see herself out off any unnecessary emotion-draining nonsense situations that isn't even worth a second of her precious time.

Thank you Mafumafu for existing and for sharing your music to the world.

You helped me become a better version of myself.

And I'm so thankful that I can't put it into words.

I may not be your number one fan, but believe me when I said that you changed my life.

Thank you.

[viastro]

despite everything, it’s still you | wen junhui

ミ★ synopsis: in which you only have eyes for your best friend, but he sees everyone else.

ミ★ genre: best friends to lovers!au, angst, some fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: mentions of vomit and drinking

ミ★ word count: 3,897

ミ★ pairings: junhui x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys ! i actually scrapped this last night when i first wrote it, but i came back to it a few hours ago and actually finished it. this isn’t one of my favorites, but i think it turned out better than i originally thought it would. so as always, please give jun lots of love !! and i hope you guys like this one <3

“Aren’t you tired?” You turn your head to see Minghao staring at you with a pitiful expression on your face. Squinting, you respond, “Of what?” 

“Of being lonely.” You scoff, turning away and going back to typing on your computer as Mingyu and Minghao lose their shit beside you on the couch. You don’t even know why you invited the two stooges to your house as you did homework, but alas. 

you were lonely.

“I should’ve never invited you guys.” You mumble as you add the last few sentences to your essay. Mingyu giggles, walking over and wrapping an arm around you as his apology. While Minghao steps over and puts his face close to yours, giving you a big smile. 

“Forgive us queen.”

“Fuck you.” 

“Damn.” Mingyu mutters, raising a hand to his heart to feign offense. The corner of your lips tilts up at Mingyu’s reaction, and Minghao claps his hands. “She forgave us.”

“Aye, now I didn’t say all that-”

Minghao and Mingyu stop you as you turn around, hands raised in your direction. You stare boredly at the two as they give you a mischievous smile. “You forgave us, you can’t take it back.” 

Letting out a sigh, you run a hand through your hair, grinning at your two friends who are now discussing who gets to choose what movie. Your ears perk up when you hear the sound of your door opening, and the three of you turn to see Jun walking in with the containers holding the fried chicken. He lets out a grin at the sight of you guys, and you quickly call him over so that you can begin devouring the food he brought. 

The four of you have been friends since your first year at University. What started as a group project in your guys’ film course, became a three year long friendship that you all hope will last until you’re all old and wrinkly. 

Jun quickly settles himself down beside you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders in greeting, and you let out a soft smile. He gives you a grin, “Did you finish your essay?” 

You nod your head, and he lets go of his hold on you to throw a thumbs up your way. You let out a laugh, and run a hand through your hair, before turning back towards the chicken. 

Your guys’ friendship all began when the four of you got paired for that group project. However, you were attracted to Jun from the moment you laid eyes on him on the first day of class. When the four of you all got closer as friends, you decided to let go of trying to go after him. Especially when you found out how popular he is among the ladies and gentlemen at uni. 

His popularity has only grown since freshman year, and he’s been with his fair share of different people. You claim to be over him, but it’s you simply just ignoring the warmth in your heart whenever he pulls you into a hug, or the pain whenever he introduces his new fling to you. 

It’s your biggest secret that you’ve been harboring, and Minghao is the only one that knows. He wasn’t even supposed to know of your feelings for Jun, but he stumbled in on you crying on the floor after Jun left on a date with this one girl a few months back. 

In your defense, you were incredibly stressed with midterms and seeing Jun go on a date with another girl that isn’t you, really set you off the edge from that stinky week in general. However, Minghao refuses to believe that you being stressed was the main cause for you crying over Jun going on a date. 

So that’s why you ignore Minghao’s gaze when Jun hands you the crispy part of the chicken you always enjoy most. You turn and give Jun a smile, and he fondly knocks his head into yours. “It’s your favorite part, right?”

Nodding your head, you place it into your mouth, and Jun grins happily. He turns back towards his food, and takes a big bite of chicken as the four eat in a relative silence. Mingyu glances over at Jun, letting out a mischievous smile. 

“How was your date?” You freeze slightly, and Minghao notices, his eyes trailing over to your rigid form. Jun chuckles, shrugging his shoulders as he wipes his hands on a napkin. Leaning back into the couch, he lets out a breath. 

“It was good. She was actually more funny than I expected.” Jun explains briefly, and Mingyu nods his head. You stay quiet as you eat, knowing that if the two end up going on a second date, you’ll have to meet her in the near future. 

“She kinda reminded me of you.” You pause, turning to see that Jun is staring at you with a fond smile on his face. You raise an eyebrow, pointing at yourself with the drumstick in hand, and Jun chuckles, nodding his head. “Yeah, you.” 

“How?” Minghao asks, and you shoot him a glance. Minghao just waves you off with his hand, and you widen your eyes with more urgency, but he chooses to ignore you. Jun thinks to himself for a moment, before chuckling. 

“Yn’s humor is really weird, you know. Remember the time she just laughed to herself about that video of a bird jumping off a building?” You snort at the memory, raising a hand to your mouth to try and hide your laugh as you remember the video. Jun turns to you with amusement painted over his features, and he points at you with his thumb, “See? She’s just giggling from the thought of it.” 

“It was funny!”

“You sadist.”

“I am not a sadist!” You exclaim, and Mingyu purses his lips. He turns his head away and takes a sip of water, while Minghao takes a bite of chicken. You squint at the two, before turning to Jun and seeing him also avoiding eye contact with you. “I’m not!” 

“Anyways…” Jun begins, and you roll your eyes. He chuckles and pats your head before continuing, “Aiya was kinda like yn, in a way. She laughed over silly things, and made good jokes, so the atmosphere was nice.” 

Your mood drops slightly, and you turn away. Mingyu changes the subject by bringing up the time he saw you painting a meme of kermit on a canvas, and you laugh at the memory. Jun turns to glance at you when he hears your laugh, and he smiles softly at you. 

Minghao bites the inside of his cheek, wondering when the two of you will finally realize that you’re a perfect match so that the pain on both sides will stop. He’s the middle ground, with him knowing that you love Jun, while also being able to tell that Jun is in love with you based on the fact that everyone he goes on dates with is so oddly similar to you. He just questions whether the two of you will be able to realize that fact.

And with that, Minghao smiles, holding up the remote to turn on the TV. “Well, let’s watch a movie.” 

Your head is laid over a sleeping Mingyu’s lap as you drunkenly listen to Aiya and Jun laugh together. You open and close your eyes slowly, staring up at the colorful lights displayed on the ceiling. You begin to wonder how many shots of soju you had, but you’re unable to come up with an answer when you hear Jun’s angelic laugh across from you. 

The music is loud and it hurts your head. You question how you were able to let the boys convince you to come to the party their friend Jungkook is throwing. However, the answer is simple. Jun gave you that smile of his and outstretched his hand towards you, telling you that he wants you to meet Aiya tonight. You wanted to decline the invite and stay home, maybe have a self care night as you knew you were going to simply have an aneurysm at the thought of Aiya and Jun. The thing is that you can’t ever say no to Jun, so that’s how you’re here now.

At a party you don’t want to be at.

With Jun and his potential new girlfriend sitting right across from you as you try to sleep on Mingyu’s lap because you couldn’t walk straight anymore. You were originally going to get another shot of soju, but Minghao threw you over his shoulder and brought you back to their group, laying you down on the already passed out Mingyu’s lap so that you can just go to sleep instead. It’s not working though, because every few seconds you hear Aiya’s giggle and Jun’s laughter. 

And you hate it.

Aiya’s a nice girl, and you think she’s incredibly beautiful. You don’t blame Jun for wanting to date her, you would’ve gone for her too if you weren’t so hung up over Jun. You’re sure that the two of you would’ve gotten along, but the pain from seeing her and Jun was too apparent that it made it hard for you to try and initiate any close friendship. You don’t think she minds though, as she’s been attached to Jun’s arm the whole time. 

Minghao glances down at you, and he finds you wordlessly staring up at the ceiling. He purses his lips, turning to look at Jun to see him having a pleasant conversation with Aiya. Not even noticing the state that you’re in, let alone care. So Minghao stands up from the couch and bends down beside you, resting a hand on your shoulder. You turn to glance at Minghao, and you see the sad smile on his face. 

“Wanna go home?” He asks you, and you nod your head. He helps you sit up from the couch, but you move too fast, and you feel the alcohol coming back up. Minghao’s eyes widen at the lack of color to your face, “Wait yn-”

You vomit over his shoes, which leads to a chorus of screams from Minghao, and Mingyu waking up to the sound of said screams. Next thing you know, you’re being carried by Jun into the bathroom, and he’s setting you down on the counter. 

“I hope Hao doesn’t hate me.” You mumble as Jun wets a paper towel from under the sink. He lets out a small chuckle, shaking his head. “Hao could never hate you.” 

He begins wiping the area around your mouth, making sure to get rid of all the traces of alcohol. You stare into his eyes as he concentrates on cleaning you up, finding them to be his most beautiful feature even through your drunken haze. Jun feels your intense stare, and he glances up into your eyes, feeling his heart rate quicken slightly. He keeps eye contact with you for a moment, and you wonder if he knows. 

does he know how much i love him? how could he not after all this time? 

Jun looks away first, coughing into his shoulder. He grabs the mouthwash from the cabinet, pouring out a bit into the cap and handing it to you with a soft smile. “Let’s gargle some mouthwash, okay?” 

After you’re sure that you no longer smell of vomit, the two of you step out of the bathroom. You’re about to walk down the stairs when you see doors leading to a balcony down the hallway, so you turn the opposite direction and head towards it. Jun raises an eyebrow, following after you. 

“Yn, where are you going?”

“Fresh air.” 

“You can get fresh air when we head to Minghao’s car. Come on, I’m taking you home.” Jun states, reaching out to grasp your wrist, but you pull your arm out of his grip. Jun’s slightly taken aback, not used to you reacting like that before. However, he blames it on you being under the influence. You open the doors to the balcony and walk up to the ledge, resting your hands on it as you stare up at the stars. 

Jun walks up beside you, turning to glance down at you as you close your eyes. He lets out a breath, seeing how the moonlight illuminates your features. You open your eyes, and Jun frowns when he sees tears fall down your cheeks. He reaches out and grasps your face with both hands, turning you towards him. “What’s wrong?”

You swat his hands away, but Jun refuses to let go. The tears continue to stream past your face, and Jun grows more concerned by the minute. “Yn?”

You close your eyes and push Jun away, and he feels a sense of shock hit him. You’ve never been so physical with Jun, and he’s confused as to why you’re pushing him away now. You glance up at the sky, and at this moment, you wonder if the stars are laughing at your fate. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“No.” You mutter, and Jun tilts his head to the side because he knows when you lie. The two of you are best friends, you know each other's mannerisms now.

“Why are you lying to me?”

“I’m not.” 

“Yn, you’re lying.” Jun states, and you look away. You stare down at the ground over the ledge, watching the sprinklers turn on and begin watering the grass. Jun bites the inside of his cheek, attempting to reach out to you, but you step away. 

“Yn. What did I do wrong-”

“I love you.” You confess, and the words die in Jun’s throat at your confession. 

“I’ve loved you for years, and it hurts to know that you’ll never love me back. It hurts so fucking bad whenever you introduce me to your new fling and I have to put on a fake smile.” You explain, and Jun stands there in silence. He watches as you hurriedly try to wipe away the tears continuing to fall from your eyes, but it’s not working. You let out the most sad smile Jun has ever seen, and he wants nothing more than to take away the pain you’re feeling. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jun asks, and you scoff, turning away and looking back up at the stars. He frowns at your reaction, and you begin to wonder if the stars could ever be brighter than the galaxy in Jun’s eyes. 

“Yn?” You turn to glance at Jun, staring into his eyes, while his trail after the tear falling from your left eye.

You decide that the stars are no rival to Jun’s galaxy. 

“How could I tell my best friend that I love him, when he’s never even noticed me.” You state, and Jun shakes his head frantically at you. You squint at him, and he reaches out to grasp your hand, but you pull away again. 

“Yn-”

“Are you going to tell me that I’m wrong? How am I wrong when all you’ve done since the beginning was introduce me to the people you go on dates with, huh? How am I wrong when you’ve never once caught onto the fact that I love you.” Your sadness slowly turns into anger at the way Jun stares at you in shock. You shake your head, trying to wipe away the tears that continue to fall past your eyes, wondering how many tears you’ve shed for the man in front of you.

Jun just can’t help but stare, feeling his own heart break within his chest at how stupid he is. How he never noticed. How he never admitted that he loved you. How he dated around to try and fill the void in his heart that can only be filled when he’s with you. How is he so stupid?

You cover your face with your hands for a moment, feeling pathetic at the fact that you can’t stop crying. You finally look back up at Jun after a second, and you shake your head at him. You take a step towards him, and point your finger directly over his heart, and look up into his eyes. 

“Despite everything, it’s still you.” You whisper, and Jun’s mouth opens and closes as he tries to think of the words to say. While you just stare into his eyes, the tears continue to fall past your own.

You question whether or not the love and sadness you see in his eyes is just a reflection of your own.

“But it’s not me for you, right?” You ask, and Jun doesn’t respond. He’s internally quaking at the fact that you love him, but you don’t know that.

So you take his silence as his answer, taking a step back, you give him a sad smile. Running a hand through your hair, you turn to walk off the balcony and back into the house. Your hand rests on the doorknob when Jun finally speaks. 

“It’s always been you.” You freeze, hand clutching the doorknob when you turn to look at Jun. The moonlight casts a glow over his skin as he stares at you, and you come to the answer that the love and sadness in his gaze isn’t just a reflection of your own.

“What?” Jun takes a few steps towards you and grasps your hand. You stare down at your connected hands, and you wonder why you pulled away in the first place.

this whole hand holding shit is nice. 

“It’s always been you, yn. I love you, and I’m so, so sorry it took this long for me to finally tell you.” Jun confesses, and now it’s your turn to just stare at him in a shocked silence. “I’m so sorry for all the tears you’ve shed, and all the pain I’ve caused because of my own stupidity.” 

You bite the inside of your cheek, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I- I was stupid. I never thought you would give me the time of day, or-”

“Have you seen yourself?!” You sputter, and Jun shrugs in reply. “You’re the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen! And when I got to know you, I saw you as the most perfect human being.” 

“I just! I didn’t know! I’m stupid yn, you know this.” Jun says with a little laugh, and you can’t help but giggle back, shaking your head at him. Jun lets go of your hand so that he can reach up and grasp your face with both of his hands, wiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. 

“So please stop crying. You shouldn’t let yourself cry over me. I’m not as great as you think considering the fact that I couldn’t even tell that the girl I’m in love with loves me back.” Jun mutters, and you let out another giggle, causing him to smile. You shake your head at him, and he leans down, resting his forehead onto yours as the two of you stare into each other’s eyes.

“I’m stupid, and I know this is so long overdue. But if you’d let me, I’d like to take you out on a date.” Jun whispers, and you let out a smile at how ridiculous this all is. Just a minute ago, you were pouring out your heart to this man under the assumption that he didn’t love you back on the balcony of Jungkook’s house. Speaking of Jungkook’s house, you pause when you remember who Jun came with. 

“What about Aiya?” You ask, and Jun purses his lips at the thought of her, and you scrunch up your nose when the action causes him to peck the tip of your nose.

“She kept seeing me take glances at you throughout the night. So when you threw up over Hao’s shoes and saw me immediately stand up, she told me to be with you. She said it was rather upsetting how I go for everyone else when it’s obvious that I only have eyes for you.” Jun mutters sheepishly, and you decide that you do like Aiya. She’s cool.

“She did not lie.”

“Nope, not one bit.” Jun agrees, and you chuckle. The two of you stare into each other’s eyes for a moment in silence, and Jun leans back so that he can get a glimpse of your whole face. He smiles fondly at the sight of the sparkles in your eyes.

“So, what do you say?” Jun asks, and you find a smile breaking out over your features as you nod your head.

“Yes Jun, I’d love to go out with you.”

“Fucking FINALLY!” You and Jun jump apart at the sudden voice, just to find Mingyu and Minghao standing by the balcony doors, with Minghao holding his shoes in a plastic bag. You mutter out a quiet apology, and Minghao raises his hand up towards you, basically saying that it’s okay. 

“How long have you been standing there?” Jun asks, his hand resting on your waist, and your heart does a a fucking windmill within your chest. 

“Long enough to know that you two stopped being stupid.” Minghao answers, and Mingyu lets out a sleepy smile. You purse your lips at Minghao’s snarkiness, but then remember that you just threw up on his shoes. 

“Anyways, can we head back to my apartment now? I just wanna eat ramen and watch Train to Busan or something.” You and Jun turn to glance at each other before turning back to your two friends. 

“Yeah sure, but you know how yn gets when we watch that movie.” Jun says as the four of you begin walking off the balcony. You pinch his side, causing him to chuckle. 

“It’s not my fault that shit hurted.” You mumble, and Mingyu grins. The four of you walk down the stairs and out of the house after bidding goodbye to Jungkook, who is currently vibing with Taehyung in a corner of the room. 

Minghao glances down at his throw up shoes in the bag, before turning back towards you and Jun, seeing the two of you walking with happy smiles on your faces. When you all finally reach the car and step inside, he lets out a sigh, and the three turn to look at him.

“I guess we have yn throwing up on my shoes to thank.” Minghao jokes, and the three burst into laughter while you profusely apologize for vomiting on Minghao’s sneakers. He pats your head, “It’s okay. You and Jun finally being together makes up for it.” 

Jun tilts his head to the side, “Really?”

To which Minghao turns in the driver's seat to glance at Jun in the backseat beside you, and he shoots him a death glare. “No, that only applies to yn. You owe me new shoes.” 

Jun rolls his eyes, cursing Minghao under his breath as he rests his head onto your shoulder, and you smile softly. You press a kiss to the top of Jun’s head before closing your eyes. Jun closes his eyes as well, a smile displayed on his features.

After a few minutes of silence into the car ride, Minghao glances up into the rearview mirror, just to find you and Jun fast asleep. With his head resting on your shoulder, and your head resting over his head, and he lets out a quiet chuckle. 

You and Jun are finally happy.

And Minghao couldn’t have wished for anything better.

[nbrook29]

101, 104 and 110 for the dialogue prompts 🖤

Hello!

101. “I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

104. “You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

The 110 one is not included here, but I also got it from someone else so it's gonna be filled later :)

* * *

Robbe hears the doorbell coming from downstairs, but he stays put, knowing his mom is in the kitchen so she’ll open the door while he adds two last sentences to his final history essay. He’s clicking ‘save’ when there’s a knock on his door, and without waiting for a response, Sander’s smiling face pops from behind it.

“I didn’t say you could come in,” Robbe grins at him cheekily, standing up from his swivel chair for the first time in hours. He immediately pulls Sander into his bedroom, looping his arms around his neck as the boy kicks the door closed behind him, licking into Robbe’s mouth in no time.

He feels a light slap on his butt as a response to his words, and then Sander disentangles himself from him to flop dramatically on the bed, a groan leaving his mouth.

“I’ve just participated in the dullest lecture known to humanity,” he complains, pouting at Robbe. “I need you to entertain me or I’mma die of boredom tonight.”

Sander’s pleading eyes make him snort, but he grabs his laptop and joins him on his bed, rearranging the pillows to make it more comfortable for them to sit straight.

“Okay, drama queen, what do you wanna watch?”

“I get to choose tonight?” Sander’s face lights up with excitement and it’s adorable how little it takes to make him look like that. When Robbe nods, amused, he gets a kiss on his shoulder as a thank you before Sander turns his attention to the screen where Robbe started the endless scrolling on Netflix.

He’s a picky viewer so eventually Robbe leaves him with his computer and goes to the kitchen to make them popcorn and grab some chips. It’s where he’s confronted by his mom who catches him midwalk back to the bedroom to gently remind him that she’s staying home tonight and not going out and that please take that into account, honey. And then she shoots him a wink and now it’s Robbe who’s going to die.

Of shame.

Beet red and mortified, Robbe enters his room and at Sander’s questioning look he tells him his mom basically requested them to keep quiet this time. Unsurprisingly, Sander is unaffected, grinning at Robbe like it’s funny.

“It’s all your fault, by the way,” Robbe accuses him, thinking back to last Friday night.

“You’re right, I’m so sorry I’m so good in bed you can’t contain the noise you ma-”

He doesn’t manage to finish his sentence, cut off by the popcorn Robbe throws at him.

“Who’s being a drama queen now?!”

“My mom heard us, Sander, do you understand how embarrassing that is?!”

Sander rolls his eyes and pulls at his sleeve to make him sit back on the bed, careful not to spill the bowl full of popcorn.

Once he has him where he wants him, sulky eyes on him, he frames his face with his hands and says placatingly, “This isn’t a big deal, Robbe.”

Robbe looks very unconvinced so Sander leans in to catch his frowning lips in a kiss to ease his worries.

Then he claps his hands, nodding at the screen. “Look, I chose a movie for us?”

Robbe turns around reluctantly to check it out and cocks his brow when he sees the newest horror that everybody’s been talking about.

“You really want to watch this?”

“You don’t?”

“No, I do, I love horror movies, but knowing you I thought you’re gonna choose some psychological drama.”

Sander shrugs. “I wanna see what the hype is all about.”

It’s a surprising turn of events, but Robbe is not going to question it any longer because he really wants to see that movie. They turn the lights off and get comfortable on the bed, sitting upright for the time being to avoid choking on the popcorn. But Robbe is not capable of having Sander in his bed right next to him and not having any type of body contact so he innocently swings his leg on his lap, scooching a little closer, a small smile blooming on his face when Sander doesn’t even question it, just starts drawing random patterns on his sweatpants-clad thigh.

An hour into the movie and Robbe is having so much fun because it’s just the right amount of scary combined with some weird psycho shit and frankly, that’s his all time favorite combination. He’s been feeding Sander chips for the last ten minutes, his arm absent-mindedly traveling between the bowl and his boyfriend’s mouth as he himself has been completely engrossed into the movie, eyes wide and jaw dropped, not paying much attention to his surroundings.

It’s why he doesn’t notice the slow but steady attempts of Sander’s to merge his body into Robbe’s. It’s only when he turns to him to comment on the latest jump scare he realizes half of Sander’s face is hidden in Robbe’s left sleeve, eyes wide and scared as they peek reluctantly at the screen.

“Sander?”

“Yeah?” he squeaks out.

“Are you scared?”

“No.”

That earns him a doubtful look, and Sander had to realize he’s not very convincing at the moment because his shoulders drop, the defensive look on his face replaced with resignation.

“I have a confession to make,” he takes a deep breath as if he was about to drop a bomb on Robbe. “Horror movies terrify me.”

Robbe blinks at him in confusion. “But you were the one who chose this one for us to watch.”

“I thought I got over it. I was wrong. I was so wrong.”

It’s not that funny. Really, it isn’t. But there’s something about the face Sander is making that pulls an involuntary giggle out of him.

His boyfriend’s not very happy about that.

“Shut up, you weren’t supposed to laugh!” he whines at him, accusation in his voice, and his cheeks couldn’t be redder if they tried, Robbe notices as Sander hides them in his hands. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“I’m sorry!” he pauses the movie and turns fully to him. “I’m not laughing at you, I swear. It’s actually kinda adorable,” Robbe adds in a soothing tone, trying to remedy the situation, but Sander’s not very happy about that particular comparison.

“Great, now I’m adorable, that’s so much better,” he mutters grumpily, and then he ostensibly leans away from the kiss Robbe’s about to place on his cheek in order to pacify him.

“Seriously?”

His question is met with silence as Sander keeps being stubborn, still offended.

“Play the stupid movie.”

“Are you su-”

“Yes!”

Robbe has to bite his lip to keep from laughing again, knowing it wouldn’t be well received. He’s not exactly worried about Sander being mad at him right now because he’s well aware of having a couple of tricks up his sleeve to smooth his ruffled feathers. For now, he resorts to pressing “play” and trying not to coo at Sander’s pouty face.

The movie only gets scarier and more twisted since then onwards. For Robbe, it’s top entertainment, but when he glances surreptitiously at Sander’s face it’s ghost-white, and something tells him it’s not only because of the light from the screen. And it’s not like Robbe actually enjoys seeing his boyfriend suffer.

“Are you alright?” he asks softly, hand reaching to rub his thigh in what he hopes is a comforting touch.

“Yes, I’m okay, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

Okay, still mad then.

Robbe keeps his hand where he put it and counts it as a win when Sander doesn’t swat it away.

They get to hour and 40 minutes, an hour of the movie still ahead of them when Sander reaches his breaking point.

“Fuck, I don’t care anymore, call me a wuss or whatever, but please turn it off, I’m done,” he groans, a pained expression on his face as he brings his legs in and hugs his knees, looking like a little boy and breaking Robbe’s heart a little.

He shuts the computer right away, his bedroom swamped in darkness as a result, only the moonlight creeping in through the big window making it possible for him to see Sander’s pale face. He gathers him into his arms, grateful he’s not putting up a fight and instead eagerly letting Robbe hold him.

“Do you honestly think I’m gonna call you a wuss? Especially in not, like, a teasing way?”

The shrug he gets as a response is miniscule, but it’s there.

He sighs, nosing along Sander’s hairline and pressing a kiss to his forehead which makes Sander cuddle even more into him. Robbe takes that as a sign of forgiveness for his previous unfortunate laughter.

"I kinda know you wouldn't, but... I want you to think I'm, you know, cool and stuff," comes a small voice from under Robbe's jaw.

Awwww.

"But I will always think you're cool and stuff."

"Yeah?" Sander blinks at him with his insecure eyes.

"Yeah."

He places his head back in the nook of Robbe's neck, nuzzling in like a cat.

"Okay."

"Okay."

They're silent for a few seconds before Robbe speaks again.

"Can I kiss you now?"

"Yes, I'll allow it."

Robbe snorts, fingers tangling in the brown strands as he angles Sander's head for a proper kiss and once he's done with him, his cheeks look much more human-like, blood flowing back to his face.

"Wanna watch stupid TikTok videos for a change?"

Sander nods against his chest, a smile on his lips now.

His arm tightens around Robbe's waist as he says, "I hope you're aware I'm sleeping here tonight cause there's no way in hell I'm gonna be alone in bed after this shit."

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[cjstalkingstarwarsagain]

hi! i’ve recently decided to rewatch all the star wars movies and take notes on them and then,,, share them with you. so if you’re even mildly interested in my star wars opinions, here you go :)

i’ll divide it into a couple categories so,,,

well start with rogue one!!

shit that made me giggle

"oh look, here’s lyra back from the dead. it’s a miracle."

everything K2 says and does. i love him and he’s perfect.

i love the continuous attempts by K2 to appear imperial and how he fails every time. not a single storm trooper or officer ever believes him when he starts running his mouth.

so sorry but bohdi getting his cable caught and trying to shake it loose is such an adorably human moment. makes me giggle every time.

i honestly thought this section would be longer, this movie made me laugh a bunch. 

stuff i don’t like or doesn’t make sense

why does jyn start believing in the rebellion? there’s no indication that she cared before they found her. there’s no real turning point that we can see. she just,,, suddenly is really into this shit. which is strange because the only reason she ever joined was because she was given a non-choice (either help or get put back in prison). i guess i can kinda see how her father dying could have changed her, but we see none of that on the ship after his death. we just get to the rebel council and all of a sudden she’s the poster girl for rebellion.

saw seems really stable at the beginning of the film, so why did he go seemingly crazy and paranoid? it’s probably explained in the novelization but that’s no excuse to just have a character go crazy with really no explanation or backstory.

that being said, a lot of the character development is pretty lacking. i don’t think i’d care about these characters nearly as much if i wasn’t already a star wars fan.

video game cut scene style general tarkin

bor gullet is supposed to make you lose your mind but bohdi was pretty much fine after like,,, a day

how does the death star,,,, move?? like i know it can but has that ever been explained? is it like little thrusters? like the ones you can see in real life to stabilize things in space? there’s nothing i can visually see. i’m not mad about it i just wanna know.

why does saw insist on staying behind? why doesn’t he come and help?? it would have been so easy to just leave but he insists on staying behind and just watching as death inches closer. i think it doesn’t make sense because we know *so little* about his character. give me more on him, make me understand.

since james earl jones is getting older, vader sounds older. was there??? nothing the audio or editing department could have done about that??? not super mad about this one just because darth vader is really cool and i’ll never really complain too much about darth vader screen time.

when the fuck did jyn become a motivational speaker??

my one gripe about pretty much every star wars movie is the sheer number of times people climb through huge shafts and jump around and shit and they’re always *fine*. no way they wouldn’t fall to their deaths in any normal situations.

can someone?? check the science of the hammerhead corvette?? because there’s no gravity or weight in space right?? theoretically all you gotta do is give that star destroyer a bump and it’s spinning out, right?? i know absolutely nothing about space physics but i gotta be right. maybe i’m wrong. i dunno. i’m dumb as rocks. hear that baby girl?? it’s the spare change rattling around in my skull. i got pennies where my brain is.

absolutely no fucking shot cassian survived a blaster hit AND that fall AND climbed out. my belief simply cannot be suspended that much.

DUDE I FORGOT THAT THE DEATH STAR CAN TRAVEL THROUGH HYPERSPACE HOW DOES WORK SOMEONE TELL ME!!!!!

why doesn’t vader just,,, force grab the plans. i know he sees them. why not just force stop the guy running away with them??

final note now that the movie is over. yes, it’s got a lot of issues. the plot is ehhh at times. the trailers don’t match up with the movie shots AT ALL (i wanna know what happened behind the scenes with that). the character development is lacking in many major ways (that has not stopped me from loving these characters though, but that’s the autism talking). but like i’ll say in the "stuff i liked" section, this is such a damn cool movie. i was once talking about it with an older friend of mine and he said seeing rogue one in theaters felt like watching the original trilogy in theaters back in the 70s and 80s and honestly that’s such a compliment. i love this movie, i really do.

just cool shit,,, you know the vibe

DEATH TROOPERS

krennic is probably one of my favorite imperial officers. for some reason he just really sells it for me, the evil and manipulation that borderlines in try hard. and (i mention it more later because you see it more in the "choke on your aspirations" scene) beyond that just the fact that he’s?? a guy. just a dude. at any given moment he could be described as just hanging out. but he’s trying so hard (for whatever reason, we don’t know his evil motivations) to be this big bad evil dude. and it’s just interesting to see someone *trying* to be imperial and *trying* to be evil, as opposed to a tarkin-type character who’s just naturally an asshole.

i love the rogue one main theme. don’t even talk to me. it’s so cool.

it’s cool to see more about the birth of the death star, seeing other people learn about it. sort of realizing the fear and terror that everyone must have been experiencing. especially after being a star wars fan for so long and being like, yeah it’s the death star it’s just a staple of this universe. it reminds me that "oh god this was a planet killer and this was the first time something like that had ever even been heard of".

there’s gorgeous visuals in this movie.

i like the "i’m wanted in 12 systems" guy cameo (did you know his name is cornelius? i googled it)

when the storm trooper asks for papers?? like fuck yeah show me what life is like under imperial rule. give me that shit.

chirrut is so badass i’ll never get over it

"i’m one with the force and the force is with me" i’m eating that shit UP! salivating over the meal in front of me. i really want more exploration of the guardians and jedi worship in general. like gimme that weird funky space religion.

seeing an at-st just walk around a town. i dunno i like that shit.

K2 saying sorry for hitting cassian. i’m so soft on this robot.

"clear of hostiles,,,, ONE HOSTILE"

jyn stepping in front of K2 to protect him after she (not ten minutes ago) made the comment “i’m just afraid they’ll miss you and hit me”. jyn,,, your soft side is showing,,,,

i like the cool machine blaster that baze has. it’s awesome seeing different blaster styles when originally the only variation we really saw was chewie’s cross bow style blaster.

i really wanna see more of baze and cirruit. i wanna know what happened that made baze stop believing. i wanna know how they met. i wanna see them evolve and grow together.

i like that jyn argues that 16 is too young to be a solider (she’s 21 in the movie). i like that she’s mad that she’s young and has been put in a position to protect herself and then later save the galaxy. (for context: luke and leia were 19 in a new hope. anakin is 19 in attack of the clones, ~22 when he became darth vader, and rey is 19 in force awakens. stop putting the fate of the galaxy in the hands of people who are *barely* adults)

the testing of the death star is awesome. love seeing wicked cool space weapons. when it blocks out the sun? ominous as hell fuck yeah.

it’s interesting that baze says cassian doesn’t look like a killer, that "he has the face of a friend", when one of the first things we saw him do was kill a man. i think about that a lot. does that say more about baze’s ability to read people or does it say more about who cassian is deep down, beyond what he’s done to serve the rebellion?

cassian’s relationship with death and killing is very interesting. you could argue that cassian is just as brainwashed and deep in the rebellion as anyone imperial. i really hope it’s something that gets explored in his stand alone show. he mentions he’s lost everything and has been a rebel since he was 6. gimme cassian andor backstory.

"careful not to choke on your aspirations director" is probably some of the most dramatic-anakin-skywalker shit i’ve ever seen vader do

i like seeing rebel infighting. so often it seems there’s always general consensus about what the rebellion wants, but it’s good to see that they don’t always agree on how to rebel.

i love the consistent "found family" rebel alliance shit in these movies. it makes my dick so hard.

ARTOO AND THREEPIO CAMEO FUCK ME UP THOSE ARE MY BOYS

okay i totally get that the empire is evil, i really do, but rogue one (and lots of moments in the sequels) really reminds me how fucking cool some of their shit is. like death troopers? imperial droids like K2? the base on scarif? vader’s castle on mustafar and his bacta tank?? fuck me UP.

i loved hearing the troopers doing their dumb small talk about the T-15s on the beach.

i think ben mendelssohn is perfect for the role of krennic, no notes there. he’s just like?? a guy and he’s doing everything he can to fit into this evil role and he just wants to be like this big bad imperial boy on campus. i don’t know. i don’t have the words right now to express how fuckin awesome he is. i’ll write an essay about it later.

THE AT-AT COMING OUT OF THE MIST?? CHRIST ON A BIKE. LAY ME TO REST. LOVE IT.

fucking love me some female fighter pilots. the women of star wars are so badass. doing justice to my return of the jedi ladies.

i think a whole lot about jyn giving K2 a blaster. the way he takes it and looks at it and holds it so gently. i think that’s the first time a human has trusted him with a blaster since his reprogramming. he seems so appreciative of that trust.

i love seeing the faces of baze and the other rebels when a few of the x-wings show up and take down an at-at. i’m so very soft for the relationship between these rebels. not to be cliche, but the *hope* that they have. it’s so moving. this movie is just so full of that quintessential rebel feeling.

hey so i’m super emotional about the death of K2 okay? because in the novelizations you learn that in the last second k2 had before a full shut down, he ran a simulation where cassian lived and even though he knew it was impossible, it made him happy. FURTHERMORE K2 is very well known and his name is often listed along side jyn’s in terms of talking about the history of the rebellion.

chirrut and baze’s deaths are so important to me. we know they’re best friends, and even though we don’t know how long they’ve been together, they love each other so deeply. chirrut being the path for baze to return to the force? touching. i so wish these dumb force husbands could have had more screen time. baze calling chirrut back?? chirrut telling him to find him in the force?? baze looking to see the man he loves one more time before he dies??reminds me of the silken quote about dying in your best friends arms because it’s all you know. anywho,,, if star wars canon has any mercy then these two lovers are force ghosts together rn. don’t care how you feel or whether you "ship" them or not. love comes in so many forms and they encompass all that love.

terribly sorry but i think about those two star destroyers colliding with the rogue one main theme playing over it every day. it’s,,,,, so,,,, ( ´∀｀)

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again BEN MENDELSSOHN??? UH YEAH

krennic watching his weapon (his beautiful, successful weapon) power up and kill him,,, the poetic justice of it all,,,,

any time anyone says "may the force be with you" i dunno maybe it’s my religious trauma but i’m head over heels for that good shit

the star destroyer coming out of hyper space as the rebels are escaping and some of the ships hit the destroyer?? one of my favorite things in the new star wars movies is directors and writers saying "oh this can totally happen" and they DO IT

jyn mentioning earlier in the film that she isn’t used to people sticking around when shit hits the fan and then dying in the arms of cassian?? because he stayed?? and for the first time she has someone??

in that same vein: cassian also says earlier in the film that he lost everything too. his connection with jyn is also important to him, just as important as it is to jyn. they need each other. i can’t remember who on this hellsite said it, but someone mentioned that they hope the stand alone cassian stuff coming out doesn’t make him this swindling playboy who fucks around a bunch. i think having him as more of like?? a mandolorian type character would be really cool. like he’s a rebel assassin: make him one. make him independent and badass and cool and DONT give him a bunch of romantic or sexual interests because then that downplays the clear love he had developing for jyn. again LOVE COMES IN FORMS BEYOND BASIC SHIPS. and there’s a lot of love in star wars.

i’ve said it a million times but vader is so cool and over and over again this movie reminded me that he’s actually so scary. i saw star wars for the first time when i was 6 and i can’t remember my initial reaction to him, but i’ve definitely (like with the death star) been desensitized to the fact that if i was in star wars, darth vader would scare the shit out of me. he’s *scary* and that’s cool. i liked seeing vader effortlessly go fucking mad on these rebels. then you understand why they were so scared in that first scene of a new hope.

no i absolutely will not get over the vader scene. i won’t. his saber turning on. his force abilities. his effortless lightsaber work. the choral music over the scene with the hectic orchestra. don’t touch me i’m emotional.

i loved seeing leia. it touches me so deeply every time.

fuck i love this movie despite all its faults.

if you’ve made it this far, thank you!! i hope you enjoyed. please remember that this is totally a safe space for all star wars opinions and you can feel free to disagree with me! i’d love to hear what some of you thought :))

[cakers-2000]

Well here’s my entry for the Konoha Simps Discord server July event! I was so excited and happy that I was able to take part in this event with all kinds of other talented and amazing writers and artists. 

I hope you all enjoy, I put a lot of time and effort into this!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word count: 2.8k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You cringed as the wooden door to the library squeaked open, creating such a loud reverberating sound that the fellow students within turned to stare in your direction. You winced at the sudden attention and attempted to sneak your way into the farthest corner. With your books clutched tightly in your hands you weaved in between the many students studying and reading at the desks tables. A few sat on laptops, the only sound filling the room being the sound of their typing fingers. Unfortunately for you many of the desks and tables had already been taken by small groups of peers and students scramming to get their last minute projects done. You mentally cursed at yourself for waking up so late. You had told yourself that you would wake up at a reasonable time to get as much work done as possible but here you were in the middle of the afternoon, rushing to get multiple essays done by tomorrow morning at the latest.

You were screwed.

Your eyes landed on a table in the corner. It had room for at least five people but there was only one person sitting there. His hair was wrapped in a ponytail while his head lay on his arms on the table surface. With no other choice but the hard floor for seating you decided that it would have to do. You’d have to hope he wouldn’t mind being bothered.

Upon further inspection you found that the man was in fact sleeping. You slowly pulled out the chair across from him, trying not to make any noise that would wake him and pulled out your laptop and books, maneuvering your many materials around his body in an attempt to accommodate both of your needs.

You hadn’t noticed him slightly stir as your attention fell fully to the work in front of you.

“Do you mind moving your stuff?”

You slightly jumped at the sound of his voice. You peeked around your laptop to find the man was now sat up, cheek resting in the palm of his hand. He still looked extremely tired and he covered his mouth as he yawned.

“Sorry… There isn’t a whole lot of room.”

He raised an eyebrow at you and let out a small sigh. “Why don’t you just sit at a different table? I didn’t give you permission to sit here.”

“Wh-” You were taken aback. He really had the audacity to accuse you of taking his space? “I’m sorry but this is a library. We’re all here to get work done, not to sleep.”

You heard a slight growl sound escape his throat. You sat in silence for a long while, eyes glaring at each other as neither of you moved or made a sound.

And he let out a sigh and stood himself up. Your eyes followed his every movement out of pure curiosity. He knelt down to grab the bag at his side and he turned his back on you, slightly slouching as he left the library.

“Geesh what was his problem?”

You tried your hardest to put your full attention back to the work at hand. Your eyes drifted to the clock in the corner of the room.

Only a few more hours until your new class began, and here you were trying to cram for all of your other classes.

You shook your head, a small sigh escaping your lips as you stared vacantly at the laptop screen in front of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The door to the classroom had already been opened, indicating that people were already inside. You quickened your pace. You didn’t want to be the only one late to class but you had gotten lost on campus trying to find the correct wing of the school.

As you slightly pushed the door open you were met with a sea full of students. At first your heart sank. You couldn’t see a single seat for you to sit in, perhaps you had the wrong classroom.

The feeling of dread slowly washed away as your eyes scanned the room and you found one in the back.

And then your heart dropped when you spotted the seat beside it.

It was that man again. With the quickness you had before gone you slunk towards the chair. You pulled it out from under the table and it let out a loud squeak as it scraped on the hard floor. You cringed as one by one their eyes turned to look at you. And the man lifted his head to stare.

A snicker escaped his throat as he spoke to you. “I should’ve figured it was you.”

“U-Uh, hi.”

You were quick to sit down and dig through your bag, trying your hardest not to make eye contact with any of your fellow students. The silence between you two was deadly. You could cut the tension with a knife. Every second that passed by felt like hours.

You almost let out an audible sigh of relief when the teacher arrived and you were able to start class. For the most part you had completely forgotten about the man beside you. You were completely engrossed in writing your notes and listening to the lecture.

That is until you received the news of the class projects. Where you would be assigned a partner. The person sitting next to you. You and the man shared a quick glance with each other. Both of your eyes holding the same shocked look. This could not be happening.

Why you?

You were given time to discuss your projects and you turned to face the man, your disappointment evident in your features. You tried to wash it away and smile, holding your hand out to him for a handshake. “I don’t think I made a great first impression earlier. So, I’m (Y/N).”

He slouched backwards in his chair as he spoke to you. “Shikamaru.”

You quickly realized he, in fact, was not going to return your gesture and slowly slunk your hand down. “So Shikamaru, what are you thinking about for a topic? We get to choose any war throughout history so we have a lot of options to-”

“How about we just do something easy? Like… World War 2. Everyone knows what happened, or at least kind of knows what happened. It’s an easy A.”

“Well actually I kinda wanted to focus on a smaller war. Like… maybe the Chinese and Japanese war? It’s kind of interesting, Japan actually took over Korea to try and get closer to China and overtake that as well.”

He glanced over at you, an almost impressed look on his face before it quickly washed away and returned to its neutral state. “If that’s what you want to do then go for it. I really don’t care.”

“Uh, sure yeah let’s do that. Is there any place that you want to meet up and work on this or something? I don’t think I have any way of contacting you either so we’ll have to-”

You could see his eyes glance over at the clock above the classroom door and he raised his hand to cut you off. “Look, he’s gonna release us in a few minutes and I’ve got a ride I need to catch.” He grabbed your notebook from underneath your hands and took the pencil from between your fingertips and scrawled out a few numbers before sliding it back to you. “Just text me or something and we’ll figure out the details later.”

“Alright, I guess that’s fine.”

True to his word the professor dismissed you shortly after your exchange and you watched Shikamaru leave out of the room, not even bothering to give you or the professor so much as a glance.

As you packed your things you couldn’t help but sigh. You really hadn’t had the best luck today. Given Shikamaru’s attitude you had no clue if he was going to put in the effort for the project at all.

That was what concerned you most of all, but unfortunately only time would tell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why did you wanna do this here?”

You glanced up at him, your eyes leaving the book in front of you to instead watch him slouch forward, head resting in his arms.

“Why not? It’s the perfect atmosphere. Quiet and relaxing like a library plus,” You grabbed for the rather large drink in front of you, taking a sip of the freshly made juice. “You can buy yourself something to eat or drink if you need it. It’s perfect.”

He didn’t seem satisfied with your response and instead slouched himself forward to stare at the notebook in front of him.

“What do you have so far?”

“Well I wrote down the five main points we want to focus on and our options for how we want to present it. “We could do a video, a presentation, some type of cardboard thing. We have lots to choose from.”

He waved a hand at you, dismissing all of the options you had just given him. “Let’s just do a presentation. It’s quick and easy.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, a slight pout on your features as you had wanted to do something more extravagant. “You seem to like taking the easy way out don’t you?”

He seemed rather offended at your question and chose not to answer you directly. Instead he stood up from his chair and started towards the exit. Before you could protest his sudden actions he held up his hand, seeming to tell you to keep quiet. “I’ll be right back.”

And with that he slipped out the door. You awaited his return, doing as much work as you could in the time being but as the time drew on and he hadn’t returned you had admittedly begun to worry.

With no option left and as much work as you could get done out of the way you left to find where the man had escaped off to.

Though you hadn’t expected to find him standing directly outside of the building. He was staring down at his phone, casually scrolling through, foot resting on the building. And a cigarette rested in his mouth. He took a drag on the cigarette, blowing out puffs of smoke and a small sigh.

“Shikamaru?”

He turned at the sound of your voice and was quick to finish off the cigarette and stomp it out with his foot. “Oh, hey, sorry I got a little distracted.”

“You’re a smoker?”

He did nothing but nod at you as he put his phone back in his pocket.

“That’s really not good for you, you know.”

“I know.”

“It could really fuck up your health in the long run, you should really quit.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“But are you even trying to quit?”

“No, I like it, I’m not stopping.”

“But you could die!”

“Okay.”

He didn’t seem to care about what you had to say. His eyes weren’t looking at you. He seemed to almost be looking through you. Why were you even trying? It had already been made obvious that he didn’t like you and you felt the same… maybe. You honestly weren’t sure how you felt about him yet.

“I’m heading out.”

“Wha- Hey! We’re not done yet!”

Honestly his attitude was starting to piss you off but he didn’t seem to care in the slightest. He strolled past you with his hands stuffed in his pockets as a small yawn escaped his lips. “I’m too tired for this.”

He did appear to be at least a little tired. “Fine, but we’re meeting here again tomorrow same time, got it?”

He waved his hand back at you, a monotone tone in his voice. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

In all honesty your hope for the project had fallen extremely low. Why did you have to get partnered with him?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And we’re done!”

You leaned yourself backwards in your chair, a look of pride covering your features as you stared at the laptop resting in between the two of you. It was slowly sliding through your almost 20 slide presentation in beautiful transitions and colors. You hadn't been too thrilled to go with the whole ‘slideshow presentation’ idea at first but you were admittedly pretty happy with the results and Shikamaru had some wonderful ideas that really made the slides pop.

“It looks nice, good job.”

You smiled at the compliment and nodded happily. “You did good too, partner.”

You didn’t know what to expect when you had originally been partnered with Shikamaru. But honestly you were pretty happy with the end result. After your little chat a few weeks ago about your opinions on smoking you had seemed to grow closer. Perhaps it was because you valued each others opinions and ability to stand for those beliefs or purely because you were being forced to spend so much time together.

Either way you were beginning to enjoy his company and you hoped he felt the same.

“Oh right, I was supposed to talk to you about something today.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?”

His hands fell behind his head in a relaxed manner. His eyes were closed but he opened one so that he could see the expression you currently held on your face.

“You know about that fireworks festival thing happening next week?”

“Yeah! I’ve been looking forward to it for months.”

“So you’re going then?”

“I’ve been thinking about it, I don’t really want to go by myself.” You grabbed for the coffee sitting in front of him and took a sip humming happily at the taste. He only smiled as he heard your hums of approval, not seeming to care much about you drinking off of his own drink.

“Problem solved then.”

“Wh-What do you mean?”

Was he going to ask what you thought? Your heart was racing faster as you awaited his response.

“I’m going, I need someone to come with me.”

“Is this like… a date?”

“No.” He was quick to shut you down, the smile on his face falling. “Just two friends hanging out.”

“Oh.” You couldn’t hide the disappointment in your voice but you quickly covered it up with a smile. “I’ll be there. Are we meeting here again?”

“You got it.”

The smile on your face only grew at the thought of the day to come. You were excited, you had grown accustomed to his presence and you didn’t want your time with him to end so abruptly.

The one thing you could be sure about was that time would be moving far slower than usual as you awaited the festival.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of children laughing and giggling all around you was the only thing you could hear. They scampered around your legs, chasing each other with toy swords and toy guns while their mothers tried their best to wrangle them in. You could hardly hear Shikamaru’s voice beside you, though you weren’t sure if that was because it was too noisy or he was barely speaking above a whisper.

“Let’s sit over there.”

“Huh?”

He didn’t repeat himself and instead grabbed for your hand. His fingers intertwined with your own and he pulled you to the right towards a small patch of grass seeming to be untouched by any crowds. A smile curled it’s way onto your lips at the sudden contact. His hand was warm, an almost inviting feeling engulfed you just at the mere touch.

You sat down on the grass. It tickled your skin and you laughed slightly at the feeling. You chatted until the fireworks started, taking the time to discuss each others interests and hobbies. Honestly you had a lot more in common with him then you thought. You weren’t sure but you kind of felt as if you were falling for him… but that couldn’t be right. You had hated him… hadn’t you?

You were interrupted mid thought as the fireworks erupted into the sky. You were entranced by the beautiful exploding colors. The loud booms shook your entire body. You could see Shikamaru out of the corner of your eye. He was staring at you, a warm smile on his features as he rested his cheek in his hand. You turned to face him, head slightly tilted in confusion but he only laughed.

“You know when we first met I hated you.”

“What!?”

You were shocked at his sudden truthfulness but it only made him laugh more. He moved himself closer to you and before you could ask him what he was doing his lips met yours for a sweet and soft kiss. You kissed him back, smiling into it.

You honestly hadn’t expected your relationship with him to go this far, especially after the rocky start you. As you sat on the ground, sharing a sweet yet passionate kiss while the fireworks erupted behind you you could say with confidence that you loved him and you were excited to see how much further your relationship would reach.

[litteidiot]

Plz headcanon request if that’s ok🥺👉🏻👈🏻 So like basically the boys are busy with somebody and then out of nowhere MC sorta just comes and sits in their lab,turns around facing them, hugs them and buried her head in their neck, and sorta just sTay tHere and the Bois become are forced to stay like this till the end of what they were doing even tho they get teAsed by whoever they were talking to. (Also MC amd Bois are In a relationship :D) thank you and please! I need that kyoot fluff🥺✨💞

Yes!!! SOMETHING FLUFFY!!! Sorry for waiting I’m kinda busy lately and I don’t have much time to write but here is your fluffy headcanon hope your like it!!!

If I fit, I sits

——————————————

Type: Fluffy headcanon

Attention! Characters are not mine credit to the Mr. Love Team!

——————————————

Victor

Working under his company for years and dating you for three months now, Victor thought nothing can surprise him when it comes to you

Mr. CEO that’s where you are wrong

Victor was having a video conference in his home office and you didn’t want to disturb him, you were in one of the rooms in his mansion

That damn place can fit two football team

You are doing whatever on your phone to pass time as you waited for him, but soon you got bored

WHAT TAKES HIM SO LONG YOU WANNA SNUGGLE

Caring about nothing you walk into his office, Victor’s eyes widened for a quick second when he sees you in the camera

Like nothing happened you slowly walk over him and plopped yourself down on his lap

During the conference

You slowly swung your arms around his neck and then placing yout head in the croock of his neck, fitting so well, like that place was only made for your head

And you stay like this

For 2 hours straight

Victor is internally screaming because he can’t move

#SoftCEO is suddenly used around the LFG building the next day

Kiro

Where Kiro goes, his Miss Chips goes too whitout exceptions

The crew get used to you being around him during shootings or song recording (even abroad) they now see you as a member in Team Kiro

It was a chilly weather and you were cold, all you needed is Kiro’s iconic bearhug under a soft blanket

But Kiro was on a table read for his new movie, he told you to wait for him in his dressing room

But. You. Are. Cold.

MC. Needs. Warm. Hug.

You stood up and went to find Kiro, and after a while you found him in one of the rooms

The crew looked up to see who is that and then returned to the script when they realized it’s just you

“Miss Chips, what are you doing here?” He asked in surprise seeing you

You said nothing, just sat on his lap and snuggled close to him. “I’m cold.” You murmured, so only he could hear it

Ma’am say no more

He hugged you close to him, and you sighed feeling his warmth. And you two stayed like that. You on his lap, and Kiro hugging you tight

His warmth was so good in this weather, you end up falling asleep on him

After the table read he noticed you fell asleep. He doesn’t had a heart to disturb your dream so he stayed there untill you woke up

He took a picture and posted it on moments (but of course made sure your face is not showing)

THE KIRO FANDOM LOVES IT

Gavin

Like usual, you were bringing lunch for Gavin to the police station

Birdcop only eats instant noodle, someone has to feed him

You went to his office finding him deep in his work. It was kinda crowded there, so it was also a little bit noisy

“Gavin!” You called out his name, but he didn’t even look up. He was deep into some files you could see his brows furrow under his bangs as he concentrated

To get his attention, you walked to his desk, put the food container on the table and took a seat

Oh, yeah. Took a seat on his lap

Poor birdie he is red like a tomato

“MC-” He tried to compose himself while the whole precinct was staring at you two, chuckling at how their always serious captain is now red af

S.O.S Birdcop is overheating

“I brought you lunch.” You said in a happy tone, pointing at the box full of yummy food

MC get off of him he is dying

Lucien

Nothing gets this man off guard

Like for real, Lulu is cool as a cucumber

So you needed a plan. You were curious how he reacts if you caught him off guard

Lucien was taking a class at Loveland Uni and you decided to go to his lecture

As you were listening, you noticed almost the whole class was girls. You couldn’t help it you felt a little bit jealous

He is your genious scientist, get your own!!

And then a lightbulb lit up. With a loud noise you stood up from your desk and like it’s the most natural thing you sat down on his lap, your eyes sending daggers at the girls

Shook

Not only Lucien looked at you in surprise but the whole class. You could even see a light shade of blush creep up on his cheeks

He quickly recovered and now his face was calm as always. “Ah, emotions and the element of surprise. I invited Miss Mc today to demostrate the element of surprise. I know she will act but I didn’t know when so it caught me...how can I say? Oh. Off guard.”

“Surprise is an emotion that can either make you feel good or it can make you feel bad. Surprise activates the bilateral inferior frontal gyrus and the bilateral hippocampus. The hippocampus is strongly associated with memory, and the element of surprise is, by nature, associated with experiencing something that you do not remember or do not expect.”

“I would like to ask all of you to make and essay and a research about emotions and how the brain reacts to it and which part is responsible for that. I give you 45 minutes.” He said and the class fell silent as they began to write

During that, Lucien leaned to close to your ear and whispered

“My little butterfly, are you jealous? You know I have eyes only for you.”

Now it was your turn to blush

This class is now a famous rumor in the university

It was so good writing all this fluff, my heart needed this.

You can find more at the Collections section

[lozzypoz321]

Word count: 3.8k!

A/N: this is one of my favourite things I’ve ever written and I’m super proud of it, also the biggest word count I’ve ever done, hope you enjoy and pretty please leave feedback!! <3

Warnings: brief mentions of underage sex, calling of child services, brief mentions of an anxiety attack

Avengers college AU

-

Bucky: Guys I’m really desperate

Bruce: what?

Steve: wdym?

Bucky: does anyone have the first period free tomorrow? Can’t afford a babysitter for Riley :/

Tony: nah can’t, I’ve got a busy schedule

Clint: economics man

Bruce: science m8

Nat: same as Clint I’m afraid Jamesy

Clint: wbu Steve?

Steve: library club and I can’t skip

Bucky: >: I

Bucky: I think I may be having a midlife crisis.

Tony: okay 1. You’re 20 and 2. You shouldn’t have gone an’ knocked up a woman at 17

Nat: Tony!

Bucky: You’re acting like you didn’t get some at 17 Tony

Bruce: he has a fair point.

Nat: and anyway Riley’s too pure for your insults Tony

Bucky: uwu

Tony: you have officially turned into every teenage girl Barnes

Nat: anywayyyyyyy, Thor how’re you coping with your brother’s “phase”

Tony: I am starting to think Loki’s goth phase isn’t just a phase Natalie, I caught him walking around in a skull T-shirt with chains this morning

Clint: oh daym

Steve: what are you going to do?

Thor: I am going to show that I respect him by buying him some flowers!

Clint: What abt a chain tho?

Nat: wait, does anyone wanna go to laser tag at some point?

Tony: oooh yes!

Bruce: yeah I’m down! :)

Steve: I’ve got time yeah thanks

Bucky: I never back down from a laser tag game

Nat: great! I’ll book it with Tony’s card

Tony: wait what?

Bucky: oh shit, I’ve gotta go, Riley’s just run away somewhere brb

Clint: oh damn.

Bucky shoved his phone hastily into his pocket and looked around, desperation filling his eyes as they searched for any sign of his daughter. The bushes swayed with the evening breeze and very few people strolled around campus, either going on a walk, meeting up early with friends or getting food. The young adult heavily sighed out of relief when he caught sight of Riley, excitedly chatting to a man, who James quickly identified him as one of his other friends, Sam.

Braking out into a light jog, he made his way across campus to the pair while also trying to avoid bumping into the other students that were now staring at him, in college he was basically known as the fuck boy. Not that he was, the only reason behind it was that he had a daughter at 17 and everyone apart from his friends never saw past that.

“What’re you doing here munchkin?” He asked the small girl who was now shyly smiling at her father. Sam chuckled at the duo and turning his attention away from Riley, “wasn’t her fault dude, just telling me how she’s going to chemistry class tomorrow, can’t wait to see that” he said with a sly smirk on his face.

Bucky mentally sighed, yes it was going to be very tough tomorrow. Not only was she very restless, but she also was very talkative and wouldn’t put a filter on around people older than her, which most of the time could be very offensive. “Yeah! I promised him I’ll be good!”

“Oh really? Well I kinda hoped you’d have something to say to Professor Demon”

“Sam,” he groaned and ran a hand through his hair “his names Damon, if he caught you sayin’ that then we’d get suspended so quickly dude” Riley giggled and looked up at her dad innocently “and then we’d go poor because you suck at getting jobs”

“He sucks at everything” Sam mumbled, earning a glare from the other man. “We better go get some food now, there’s literally nothing in the fridge except a can of tuna, some ketchup and packets of sour sauce from takeout awhile ago”

“Oof man”

The walk to the diner that he had decided on going to after he couldn’t be bothered going grocery shopping was a long one. Riley insisted on stopping for every dog they saw, to ask to stroke it. “Ri’ baby, we can’t keep stopping, we gotta get back to the dorm before it’s your bedtime”

The pout she sent him instantly melted his heart before he realised she knew exactly what she was doing and he readjusted his grip on her hand so she didn’t end up running away again like she did earlier.

-

“Ri’ what do you want?” He asked the child once the waitress had come over asking for their orders. She gave a nonchalant shrug and turned her attention back to the video that was playing on Bucky’s phone that he had given her for the wait. “M’kay so, can we get a,” he took a pause to take a quick glance at the kid’s menu on the table “chicken nuggets and chips please with… chocolate milkshake?”

Riley nodded and the waitress, who from the name tag on her apron, was named Elizabeth, began to write down both his and her order but halfway through gave a quick glance up to Bucky, but when he caught her cheeks flooded red that made his daughter snort.

“Is that all sir?”

“Riley shut up” he quietly told the girl as Elizabeth walked away with her head down. “She was flirting with you dad” she laughed making him jokingly nudge her across the table “Oi, and anyway she’s not my type munchkin”

“Well don’t be too loud, the creeps staring at you dad”

He didn’t mean to, but without thinking his head whipped round to instantly make eye contact with the woman who was biting her lip, her eyes now as big as plates. His cheeks heated furiously as he immediately turned back around to face his adorable giggling daughter. “You better like those chicken nuggets munchkin cause I’ve got to go through this to get them”

“I will dad, I like chickens”

-

“Riley, come on you gotta get some sleep” he groaned once she’d slid onto the sofa where he was writing his assignment last minute for the fifth time that night.

“But dad,” She whined and pulled on the sleeve of the college logo sweater he had pulled on without even thinking about it once they’d got home as he had only just realised he had a paper to write, “I’m not tired and I don’t want to be alone”

His eyes softened at the pleading look on her face that would get him to do anything she wanted him to “m’kay baby, how about we go into into the bedroom and you try to get some sleep while I finish this up”

She nodded enthusiastically and he picked up the study books and paper in one hand and Riley in the other, deep eye bags could be found on his face from the lack of sleep that he had spent pulling all-nighters working on college work and began to make his way into the small room that had a single bed pressed up against the wall with a mattress next to it, an abundance of blankets on both.

He set the small girl onto the single bed and lowered himself down into the smaller one, using the bed frame to press his back against and using a hardback book underneath the paper to rest on.

“Why do people stare at you?” Bucky only just heard Riley mumble as her eyes struggled to keep open. He stopped writing but kept his hand in the same place while grinder his teeth, wondering what to say. “Cause baby… people don’t really think that I should have you this young,” he struggled to find the words as he felt his daughter roll onto her back to listen “but they don’t understand that I love you a lot, don’t I munchkin?”

Riley giggled behind him and uttered a small yes. “At least they haven’t tried to take me away again”

The young man's breath hitched in the back of his throat at the memory flashed through his mind. They’d been watching a movie with Steve after their classes and a knock had sounded on the door.Apparently, Child services had been called by one of the students and they tried to take her away but he wouldn’t let them, they had threatened to take him to court because the living settings were not meant for a child but 17-year-old Steve had calmly spoken to them outside the room while James had been on the edge of a panic attack inside.

“Yeah, scared me Ri’” his horse voice answered back making her eyebrows scrunch in confusion “I’m not going anywhere dad. Well, unless I die but y’know”

He sent her a bitch face look over his shoulder which made her uncontrollably giggle. Bucky chuckled and set his attention back to the essay while absent mindedly talking to her about random things.

“Is Loki gonna be at the laser tag place?” She asked and added on excitedly “oooh can I come dad?!”

“Sure doll, let me tell the guys”

Buck: we got plus ones on this laser tag thing?

Bruce: whyyyy??

Thor: oooh if that is the case I would very much like to take my brother!

Nat: oh are you bringing Riley then?

Buck: yup

Steve: I don’t see why not

Tony: I’m off to speak to this really hot girl

Clint: what that spice girl?

Buck: do you mean pepper?

Clint: ah yes!

He chuckled at the screen and chucked his phone to the side while looking up to his daughter on the bed above him, going to tell her they approved before stopping and smiling to himself as he caught sight of her peaceful, sleeping form.

Without waking her up, he got off the mattress and tucked in the blankets, quietly laughing as he retrieved the earbuds she had borrowed in the diner from her pocket. “Night munchkin”

-

Bucky groaned as the ringing of his phone awoke him, the technology next to his ear from when he had fallen asleep sat up. “Wha’?”

It was so early in the morning that he didn’t even have the energy to think of a proper sentence, never mind say one.

Steve: hey guys make sure your ready, it starts an hour after school

Clint: Steve. School. Finishes. At. 6. Pm. What. Tf. Do. You. Mean. It. Starts. In. An. hour. After.

Nat: we thought you could do with a late start

Tony: fuck you Romanoff

Clint: ten bucks says she’s smirking rn

Buck: ughhh

Bruce: I feel exactly the same way

Buck: no you don’t. I spent up until 6 am doing that English essay I forgot about

Tony: oof

Bucky: I will physically be running on caffeine this morning so be ready

He took a look around the messy room before deciding he would clean it another day and raised himself onto his feet before making sure Riley was still on the single bed asleep. He made his way to the tiny kitchen that held a mini-fridge, microwave, kettle and an oven with two counters on one side to make himself a cup of coffee that he was depending on if he had to spend an hour of his day running around in sweaty gear and a fake gun while making sure his daughter didn’t run away to get some sort of snack.

“Fuck” he mumbled as the loud whirring of the kettle started, sure to wake Riley up. “I’m tired” he heard a voice groan behind him, making the man whirl around, instantly making eye contact with his daughter. Sighing out of relief and returning back to the drink he was previously making. “So am I doll, yet you can’t have coffee”

He made her go get dressed and brush her teeth while he had a mental breakdown over what he was going to do about the paper he didn’t manage to finish before he fell asleep last night.

“Dad,” Bucky looked up to find Riley once again dressed in a pair of Joggers and a baggy T-shirt that she’d dragged out of the very few clean clothes in her draw “someone’s messaging your laptop”

She struggled to hold up the open device that showed multiple emails from one of his professors questioning his performance in class for the recent weeks. He inwardly cursed and took the laptop from her to begin emailing her back, choosing to ignore the insults she had thrown at him and his daughter in the middle of it.

“She is so full of-“ he stopped halfway through the sentence, noticing that Riley was sat next to him, quietly playing a YouTube video on his phone. “Whatcha watching Ri’?” He asked, his attention still focusing on trying to be professional in the email back. “c- c-“ she struggled to pronounce the word so she passed it to him.

“Commentary channels?” The man asked with a laugh, thinking about how most parents wouldn’t even let their 4 child near a video like that but yet again he wasn’t like most parents. He was 20 and had to do this alone.

“Oh yeah”

“Come on munchkin, we gotta get to first period before we’re late” he told her and grabbed his backpack to quickly shove his college things in before glancing at the digital clock on his phone and scooping Riley up so they could get there quicker.

Halfway through the panicked running across campus, the small girl decided she needed a nap and fell asleep against his shoulder, making Natalia laugh as they passed.

As soon as he arrived in the classroom he knew it was a bad idea when 11 pair of eyes fell to his, heavily panting and holding an asleep 4-year-old.

“Sir he’s late” a girl, younger than him moaned to the teacher who was now shrugging his shoulders “I don’t care”

“But professor, why’d he bring the baby?”

Bucky had enough of everyone staring at him, he readjusted the bag on his back before making his way to the back of the class, sitting in an empty seat in between Sam and Tony and placed Riley on his lap.

“That’s a good question Jaimee, Barnes?”

“Couldn’t find anyone to look after her professor” he mumbled in response, making sure to be loud enough to hear. “No babysitter?”

“Can’t afford it sir”

He didn’t once make eye contact with anyone in the room, instead putting his attention on the books that he was bringing out of his bag. “You alright man?” Tony whispered across the desk and flicked a pen at him, “Oi” Bucky hissed as the metal came in contact with the side of his head making Sam laugh loudly at him.

“Dad,” a mumble was heard quietly, making the older man look at his daughter, eyes that were previously closed were now looking up at his wide with pleading “I’m hungry”

If he was anywhere else in the world he would have sworn loudly, but right now he was in a class with 10 other students and his daughter. “Okay baby, but you're gonna have to wait for a while, we’re in my class but I’ll get you something after okay?”

She nodded and rested her hair back against his chest, making him smile slightly as he went back to taking notes of the class. “I’ve got skittles,” Sam held out the family-sized packet of sugary sweets making Riley do grabby hands towards it. Without asking Sam gave her it, earning a goofy smile from the girl. “Thank you dude but she’s literally gonna get the biggest sugar rush possible now”

“Aha, can’t wait to see that”

-

By halfway through the period Riley was already rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, on the spot next to Bucky’s chair, his hand holding hers to make sure she didn’t run up to the front and distract everyone. “Dad, are you going to work tonight?”

“Yeah munchkin, not for long though, you can stay with Stevie. How about that?”

“Yeah, m’kay”

Suddenly the professor spoke up, directing his attention to Bucky “Barnes, the symbol Sb stands for stibium or stibnite. What is the modern name of this element?”

“That doesn’t sound like English dad” Riley loudly whispered to him, making the class laugh, “and what do you think the answer is?”

The girl pondered for a second and looked at her dad with seriousness drawn upon her features “...tell me,”

-

“Laser in the house!” Clint exclaimed in excitement once everyone had found their way to the front of campus where they’d agreed to meet.

“I like lasers,” Riley gushed while smiling brightly making most of the young adults chuckle, Loki however, did not. “Why did you have to bring me?” The man grumbled, sending a death glare towards his brother.

“Why are you dressed like that?”

“Riley no-“

“Did you go through childhood trauma to endure this?”

“Ri’ you can’t ask-“

“Why is there a child?” Loki asked as if he had only just noticed she was there. “She is Barnes’ daughter brother” Thor said and gently patted her head, making her scowl.

“You have a daughter?”

“I’ve had her for 4 years dude”

“Oh”

Steve grabbed his phone from his pocket and glanced at the time “guys we’ve gotta be there in half an hour we better get goin’”

“Alright Rogers, you really do like to keep track of time don’t you?” Tony asked and rolled his eyes making Nat nudge him in the ribs. “Tony, I’m not that old”

“You're 21, everyone else is 20 punk” Bucky teased him but stopped when he sent him a death glare. “Erm, I’m not 20.” The young girl pointed out while everyone else started making their way to the entertainment place. “Smart girl Ri’”

“Wait, do we need to decide the teams?” Bruce asked everyone once Bucky and Riley had caught up with the rest. “Ooooh,” Clint exclaimed with wide eyes “dibs on Natasha! She’s got good aim.”

“I’m gonna stick with you. Power team” Bucky whispered down to the stupidly smiling girl as she nodded furiously. By the time everyone had chosen their teammates and managed to agree, the group had arrived. “This’ll be great” Bruce sighed once they’d caught sight of the room of light-up vests with attached laser guns.

“Rules,” a middle-aged man who looked like he’d given up on life, walked into the room with a clipboard in hand “No Running, No Physical Contact, Hold Laser with Both Hands, No Climbing, Players must be careful when manoeuvring around interior arena walls, Please let us know if any of your guests suffer from the following: Asthma, epilepsy or suffer from seizures caused by fog or strobe lights.”

Everyone was quiet for a second before Steve quietly spoke up with a blush “I have asthma, sir.”

The worker took a pause and pondered for a moment, as though this had never happened in his whole 68 years of working there, “just… don’t start a fire alright?”

They all nodded in agreement, just happy that he’d been let in, and began to enter the massive room where the game was about to take place. “Right, so, let’s not rugby tackle people like you did last time,” Steve said and mostly directed it to Thor who smiled sheepishly “cause- err, there’s a kid, yeah, Riley, that’s it”

Bucky chuckled and picked up the fake laser gun as the lights began to darken, “let’s get this party started”

As soon as the words left his mouth, chaos ensured, young adults setting off running to find a place to set-up camp. As he wanted to be fast, Bucky quickly picked up Riley and began to run towards a pillar so he could hide behind it, so he’s able to get a good view of people.

“How does it work?” Riley whispered from the spot of her back pressed against his chest so she could also see and indicated towards the gun. “Gotta put your finger on the trigger” he instructed and took ahold of her index finger and brought it over to the weapon, placing the rest of her hand on the handle while her other one held the underneath of the top part, trying not to drop it.

The whole room was silent for a good 5 minutes before Bucky decided to make a move, taking hold of the collar of her jacket to gently pull her up with him. Not holding Riley’s hand as she would have ended up dropping the laser gun if she didn’t have two hands on it.

The two of them scouted out the place trying to be quiet so they didn’t get caught. Suddenly, making them jump, a loud zapping sounded in the distance, indicating that someone had found an enemy. He began to run away from the sound, after making sure his daughter was following and attempting to find somewhere to hide again but this time he didn’t find a deserted place.

“Aha!” Nat yelled and jumped out from behind a pillar while aiming the laser at Bucky’s chest. His panicked yelling and screaming filled the air as he made a run for it, completely forgetting about his teammate left behind and the rule “no running”. Suddenly, before he could brace himself his body went flying, his foot getting stuck on a stray shoe that belonged to Thor. At the same time Steve had jumped out, meaning to get the man in the chest, but instead Bucky had landed on him, using him to muffle the landing, earning an “ow man...” in return.

Bucky wanted to move, he really did, but he just couldn’t. He was in a trance, his and Steve’s baby blue eyes made eye contact, without knowing what he was doing, Steve’s body involuntarily leant up: closer to the younger man. His lips never looked more inviting, but all of a sudden a yell broke out in the room.

“Dad! Help! Nat nearly got me!”

The father scrambled up off the floor, his mind going a million miles an hour about what just happened and why it was wrong. He was his best friend. He should only see him as a friend.

Without meaning to, he ran away from him, not bothering to even spare Steve a second glance in search of his daughter, who was now cowered in one of the room's corners, trying not to get shot. Bucky chuckled slightly at the tactic and crossed the room, luckily not being noticed by Tony and Nat who were having a shoot off at each other from their opposite ends in the room.

“Nat nearly got you Ri’?”

“M’ yeah and you weren’t there.”

Guilt coursed through the mans veins as he remembered that he’d left her, but before his mind could go wondering to the events after it, he stopped himself, “sorry munchkin”

“Is’ okay, just don’t do it again dad”

He silently laughed at the sincerity in her voice and grabbed her hand to lead her away from the battle scene so they could get somebody else in the laser tag game. In quiet discussions they settled on Bruce, the one who was most likely to not be paying attention, and if he was it would still be easy to take aim without him seeing.

“Come on Ri, we got this.”

-

@donutloverxo @xolovegrace @rooskaya-yelena @deephideoutmilkshake @kidney9-9 @marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @rae-is-typing @stargazingfangirl18 @canadianhufflepuffavenger @herecomesthewriterwitch @every-marveler-ever

[loneswaggingranger]

Does it matter?

By @loneswagger for @pixiethefirecat7

This is for the @friendly-neighborhood-exchange!

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Bruce Banner, May Parker

Summary: 

When Peter reached forward and called his name, Tony honest-to-god flinched away from him. 

His fingers twitched. “Captain Rogers did this, didn’t he?”

Hard brown eyes snapped shut. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Peter said, kneeling softly beside the hero’s battered form. “It does.” -

The one where Tony Stark lives with a metal arm, Steve Rogers never became old, and Peter Parker baffles at how incredibly fine they make everything seem. Or, the one where Peter Parker becomes Tony's designated spokesperson. Seriously, what would they do without him? (Nothing, apparently.)

Story under the cut! Hope you like it~

Does it hurt?

*

He once found Tony shirtless and utterly wasted in the lab, drowning in a sea of one too many shattered decanters, knuckles gone white from wringing that outdated burner phone for who knows how long. Crimson dribbled from calloused palms across scarred flesh, to ripped jeans over to  shimmering glass shards littered upon sullied floors. 

When Peter reached forward and called his name, Tony honest-to-god flinched. 

His fingers twitched. “Captain Rogers did this, didn’t he?”

Hard brown eyes snapped shut. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Peter said, kneeling softly beside the hero’s battered form. “It does.”

*

When Peter came home, he expected many things. He expected his dingy little apartment with the wafting smells of May’s burnt bread, imagined snuggling on the couch with her, and watching cheesy soap operas all through the night. He expected those weekly sessions with just him and Mr. Stark in the lab, planning, tinkering and innovating without a care in the world, positively shining whenever Mr. Stark whistled and said, “You got brains, kid.”

He should have known, expectations rarely matched up with reality.

Said notion found him in front of his lunch one day, mumbling, “Nothing makes sense anymore.”

 “Oh?” A tilted look of concern.

“I just- I never expected this, y’know?” Peter twirled a fork aimlessly between his fingers, eyes trained so hard on his meal he thought it might start sizzling soon. Or evaporate into dust. Whichever seemed possible at this rate. “It’s not bad, I mean, you have a great family and an actual kid now- which is totally cool, by the way! And May - May has Happy now, so the apartment's not that empty anymore, a-and she smiles a whole lot more these days. Which is good, I guess. The Accords isn’t even a legit thing anymore, the Avengers come together to sing Kumbaya every other weekend,” His fingers tightened round the fork. “Everything’s all good, yeah?”

There probably would have been a reply, if it wasn't for the tell-tale thump of approaching footsteps Peter never dreamed of growing familiar with.

“Afternoon, Captain Doritos,” Mr. Stark’s drawl felt appeasing at best, challenging at worst.

Captain Rogers threw a half-glance his way, nodding curtly. He went for the fridge in two large strides, swiping out a carton of milk and downing its contents in one vigorous go.

“Ugh, you’re gross, Cap, I’m getting the hell out of here,” Mr. Stark rose from his seat, lightly tousling Peter’s hair as he went. “Finish your grub and hang in the lab with me later, yeah?” His eyes seemed to soften. “It‘ll be just like old times.”

 Old times. Right.

“Also-” Mr. Stark slapped the good Captain’s shoulder, smirking wildly at the vexed ‘Oi!’ that elicited. “If we’re watching anything remotely Disney tonight, I’m going back to Pep’s for the weekend.” 

“For that alone, we’re watching Moana, Frozen and Mulan!” Captain Rogers hollered after the retreating metal middle finger shot high in the air, shaking his head once it fully disappeared down the hallway. A bemused look. “What’s wrong with Disney?”

Peter scoffed, grin plastered expertly on his face.

Another thing that didn’t make sense, this song and dance. This parade of concealed emotions, this system of tactical meet-and-retreat, this exhibition of faux jaunt put up for one another. The shake in Captain’s tone, the tremor in Mr. Stark’s arm - almost indiscernible and yet there it was. Always there, each time Peter looked.

Captain’s carton of milk slid into the bin by his feet. “So how was your week, son?”

Peter chewed on his noodles thoughtfully. “Tiring, I guess. Lots of homework. Also-” He made a face. “Son? Seriously? How nineteen-thirties can you get, Cap?”

Captain rolled his eyes, mock indignance in his stance. “Great. I have to deal with two Tony Starks in the team now, don’t I?”

“Exactly,” Peter smirked, drawing out the last syllable slightly.

*

He remembered piecing uncharacteristically silent calls with his own incessant chatter, so that the harsh breaths pulsating on the other end would finally, finally smoothen out. He remembered resting a hand over Tony’s arrhythmically flouncing heart, coaxing him for a meal, a drink or to just breathe. He remembered whispering to him in a voice so soft yet so firm, “Mr. Stark? Mr. St-Tony? Tony, it’s me. It’s Peter. No one else is here, okay? You’re safe now. You’re safe.”

He remembered the world of hurt his hero went through.

*

It wasn’t like Peter never asked. 

He tried asking during the quiet moments, when he and Mr. Stark were the only ones up at ass ‘o clock, when Mr. Stark strolled into the kitchen for customary morning tea (Pepper said weekends were coffee-free days). He tried asking during the loud ones too, when Mr. Stark was drunk on whatever alcohol he was having, when all the Avengers were in the room, because surely Mr. Stark wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to brag about a good story in front of everyone, right? Wrong. That particular fiasco ended with more than a couple uncomfortable looks, a pale-faced Mr. Stark storming out of said room and a flustered Peter trailing after him with his dozen apologies.

It got to the point where Mr. Stark had to sit Peter down, look him in the eye and say, “That’s it.” His finger, the metal one, dug deep into Peter’s collared shirt. “Stop it, kid. Me and Rogers, whatever happened between the two of us, it’s got nothing to do with you. And we’re fine now. We’re fixed. We watch Star Wars and Harry Potter every other Sunday, for god’s sake. There’s no better that we can get.” The other hand pressed on his arm shakily, a sort of pleading in the motion. “You don’t have to do anything for us anymore. Alright?”

Peter stopped asking after that.

Instead, he made observations. His eyes tracked each subtle gesture of wistful longing between the two, sometimes bordering on spontaneous animosity. Day and night, he made summaries, graphs, charts and fifty-one five-page essays for ten days in a row, writing and writing like he was running out of time.

He conducted interviews too.

Colonel Rhodes shook his head so adamantly when Peter pulled him aside for one of his trademark inquiry sessions, refusing to divulge anything more than a clipped but not unkind, "There’s definitely problems this team hasn't come to terms with yet, but it doesn’t fall on your shoulders to solve them, Peter." Dr. Banner had been much more forthcoming, nodding along to Peter’s mini monologue of observations. He even pitched in some of his own discoveries as to how the two skirted around each other when there was or wasn’t an audience, albeit with a mild warning that some things aren’t meant to be pushed too hard.

Even Bucky once appeared in front of Peter’s room, bouquet of purple hydrangeas and mug of hot chocolate in tow after one particularly brutal sparring session which had ended with one man’s ruptured blood vessel and another’s broken nose. He spent an hour trying to convey that, that was just their way of resolving conflict, their way of getting things out of their system. There wasn’t much that could be done about it. There wasn’t much they could do about it.

Or so they said.

But how many sleepless dawns after patrol had Peter spent - huddled under blankets in front of a glaring screen, scouring his way through Friday’s systems, keying in every code, every digit he thought would lead him to the right answer. Something, anything that he could work with.

Two months, twenty days and twelve hours later, he found it. The answer. Or at least, a part of it.

 It wasn’t pretty.

He knew. He knew, he knew, he knew that The Winter Soldier wasn’t Bucky, that the man in the video was just Hydra’s brainwashed lackey, that the Bucky he was familiar with would never consent to do anything remotely similar to what he had seen him do. He knew this, and yet some nights still found him jolting awake in a sea of his own sweat; May’s gasps echoing Maria Stark’s dying wheeze, Howard and Tony Stark’s pleas morphing into one, cold unflinching gaze haunting all the moments he fell quiescent. 

In the moments that he was restless, however, Peter resumed his search. He ploughed through the frights and horrors and sleepless dawns even more frenetically than he first did, because if he didn’t get to the bottom of this, no one else would. Because he knew there was more than just ‘The Winter Soldier murdered Mr. Stark’s parents’; there was always more.

Because what use was a team, if all its splintered souls did nothing to embrace their blemishes?

*

“Hey, Pete.”

 “Hm?”

“Wanna’ skip out on the theater gig tonight?” Alloyed fingers drummed idly on the lab table. “We could stay in here for a bit, work on those web-shooter combinations. Could order some tacos. Or pizza. Your choice.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “Thought it was supposed to be tradition.”

“Yeah, I’m getting kinda’ sick of Rogers' princess movie obsession,” His eyes drifted upwards, thumbs twiddling. “You could go, though. If you want.”

Peter pulled back without missing a beat, eyes widening in comical fashion. “No, are you crazy? Lab night with pizza? When do I ever turn that down, Mr. Stark?”

An honest grin slid across Mr. Stark’s features. “Never.”

“That’s right.” Peter closed his eyes, leaning into the touch rifling through his unkempt locks. “Never.”

*

It didn’t make sense.

Did you know?

I didn’t know it was him.

Don’t bullshit me, Rogers!

Yes.

Peter watched, and still, nothing made sense.

He’s my friend.

So was I.

It. didn’t. make. sense.

*

Blinding white tore across the starless city sky in sharp erratic bursts, heated claws threatening to eliminate all in its path with each stroke of rampant rage. Ice-cold rivulets knocked mercilessly against bare skin, freezing the seconds ticking by as raddled sneakers thrummed upon asphalt, each reverberating cadence in perfect harmony with the furious anthem of unvoiced justice pumping through his veins.

Said anthem soared ever the more when the Captain’s door flung open, pounding hard at the seemingly bewildered face meeting his view.

"Peter? What's wrong?" The golden boy scanned him up and down, concern thick in his tone. "Why aren't you in your suit? Did something happ-"

Peter threw the answer up in his face, letting the phone explain everything as he panted over bent knees. The stark silence that ensued spoke for itself.

"Stevie, what's- oh." Him. No, Bucky. "Peter. You're- why don't we all come inside, yeah? Rain's pouring out here." The voice, so tender, not like. Not like him. Not. Him."I'll put the kettle on."

Which was how Peter ended up in one of Bucky's oversized shirts, settled opposite two war veterans, hands cupped round a mug of hot chocolate and eyes cast in a blatant show of quiet outrage.

"Explain," The anthem burned strong in him.

"Son-"

"Don't call me son."

"-this was all on me, alright?" Dejected tone, blonde head bowed over clasped hands.

Good.

“I- we disagreed on the Accords because-”

“I don’t care about that, Captain,” Peter set the mug down, flexing his fingers mechanically. “The Accords was rigged to begin with. Whatever that came after, shouldn’t be put on anyone but Ross, that I get.” He pressed a finger to the cracked screen of his phone. “No Captain, I’m talking about this.”

Captain Rogers stared at him with eyes so blue, but like the sick man in the video pointed out, there was a hint of green in that blue. A flaw.

“I’m sorry, Peter,” The captain leaned back into his seat, where Bucky’s prosthetic arm (that Tony Stark built for him) was stretched rigidly upon. “I thought that by not telling him, I was sparing him from the sorrow. But really, I was just sparing myself. I- I never meant for him to get hurt. And I’m sure, neither did he.”

Oddly, that last sentence was what pushed Peter over the edge.

 “Neither did he?” His jaw clenched. “Neither did- are you seriously saying that right now? Of course he didn’t mean to hurt you! If he had any control over the situation, any control of the information that you withheld from him, he would not have done that.”

 “I know, Peter.”

 “Do you?” He hissed. “Do you really? Do you know the pain of losing your parents, of not knowing what the hell happened to them except that ‘They died in an accident’? Do you know the want, the pure want, to kill the piece of shit that took their lives, that walked free as you mourned their deaths? That ripped them from you, before you even got to know them?” His fists shook in tandem with the throbbing crescendo of his anthem. “Do you know, how Mr. Stark fought for you behind the scenes? How he wrote and rewrote proposals to alter The Accords, only to be rejected by Ross time and time again? How he hired lawyers and sometimes personally went to vouch for the others in the Raft? How he lost sleep at night, how he drank himself into oblivion, whimpering your name, begging me each time not to tell Mrs. Pepper or Rhodes, because apparently, it didn’t matter?”

 Captain Rogers stiffened in his seat.

“Do you know?”

 “No, son.”

 “I’m not your son.”

 Bucky remained a stock still statue by the Captain’s side.

 Peter sighed, shoulders sagging. Deep breath, calm down. “Sorry.” The lingering pulse of anguish pushed to the back of his mind. “That was uncalled for. Sorry. ”

 “Don’t be.” Bucky replied with haste.

 Peter made another haphazard gesture towards their object of discussion. “Did you guys ever try talking to him about this?”

 “I wrote him a letter.”

 “Yeah, and sent him a burner phone, I know.” Peter snapped, tone sharp. “Scintillating ultimatum you gave him, by the way. He broke it in his fists after two whole months of drinking and staring.”

 “Sorry.”

“Don’t say that to me, Cap,” His fingers tapped the mug handle almost frantically. “Say that to Tony. He needs to hear it.”

 “It’s only two years for you, Peter, but it’s been seven for us. He might’ve- he might not want to hear about this anymore. We’re fine like this.”

 “Bullshit. Don’t think I haven’t notice the way you both act with each other. You guys really need to solve this shit,” Peter mulled over his words, before adding, “By solve, I mean talk about it. Not punch the living daylights out of each other.”

 Captain Rogers shrugged hopelessly. “We don’t talk about things like this. It’ll just escalate, and then we’d be throwing fists all over again. Might as well get that done without scarring our hearts more than it already has been.”

 “Are you serious?” Muted wrath threatened to positively devour the mug in his hands. “Dude, we could have lost Tony in that war. He could have snapped his fingers, and that would have been the last we saw of him. Would you have lived with this then? Not talking about this, because neither of you can stop feeding your very physical ego for one goddamn second? Because neither of you were brave enough to listen?”

 Again, the stark silence spoke for itself.

 “You need to talk about this.”

 “Look, son-”

 “Damn it, Cap!” Peter roared, fists banging against the table. “Call me son one more time!” The mad beast reared its horrendous head, yanking his vocal chords to unrivalled heights, fuelled by the heated flames that grew larger and fiercer with each thunderous beat. It fed off the tension, the visceral need to rip, maw and absolutely pulverise anything and everything that it could find.

 Reddened eyes, full of tears unshed, reflected one another transparently.

 He couldn’t take this anymore.

 “Honestly,” He stood, mug left untouched, voice barely over a whisper. “With all due respect, Captain Rogers. You’re a fucking dick.”

 Peter left, door slam behind him, along with Captain’s echoed ‘Wait!’ and Bucky’s muted ‘Kid’s got a point, Steve.’

*

Peter thought that if he found the answer, everything would make sense. Or, at the very least, he would feel better about things not making sense.

 Clearly, he had been wrong.

 The first night he stopped searching, his phone rang like the house was on fire.

 Mr. Stark had been the first to call. Followed by Colonel Rhodes, then Bucky, then Captain Rogers, then Dr. Banner, and then subsequently the rest of what his team was supposed to consist of.

 He refused to answer. He didn’t care if his phone burst from being called 24/7. He didn’t care.

 Instead, he spent the rest of his time doing what he did best - he looked out for the little guy. He threw himself in front of cars inches away from crashing into one another, saved kittens from trees, taught children how to look both ways before crossing the street, spent time with that tired old man sitting alone on the park bench every week.

And when he wasn’t doing this, he was with May. May and Happy, sometimes, but mostly May.

 He did his homework, with May. He had breakfast, lunch and essentially all his meals, with May. He watched those cheesy soap operas he missed, with May. He did all the things he longed to do, mourning the years that he lost, with May.

 “Are you okay, baby?”

 Maybe it was her firm arms cradling his head, maybe it was her tentative whisper, but there was something about hearing May calling him baby that made a lump form in his throat.

 “I don’t know.”

 May hummed. “Do you want to talk to Tony about it?”

 “No,” Peter sniffed. “Not for now.”

 “Okay, baby,” May rubbed the back of his neck in a way that only she knew how. “That’s okay.”

 He stopped going for movies and lab nights on the weekends.

 *

bucko (4:03 a.m.) : Hey punk, stevie and tony talked it out for a while. wasn’t pretty but, it was necessary, I think. you’re a legend, kid

 coolestdoctorr(4:23 a.m.): I heard what you did. We all needed that to happen eventually. Thank you for being the bravest of us, for acknowledging our flaws and for bringing our team together as best as you can. Take as much rest as you need, and if you need someone to talk to, I’m happy to listen. Stay safe, and we love you.

 warmachineROX (4:29 a.m.): you did great, Peter. I’m sorry i said you couldn’t do this; those boys really needed a nudge. Thanks for doing what you did. Take care, kid.

 so-you-got-detention (4:28 p.m.): Peter, I don’t think there’s anything I can say except I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have talked with him about this 7 years ago. I spent a couple long hours with Tony earlier this weekend. That hardly made up for anything, but we’ll work it out. Things aren’t perfect, we’ll get it better. We have you to thank for that. I know you’re angry with me, which you have every right to be, but know that if you ever need help, just call me. I’ll be there.

 he’s stark, tony stark (5:01 p.m.): b at ur place in 5 mins[sunglasses emoji]

 *

“Hey, Mr. Stark.”

“Hey, kid.”

“Steve mad at me?”

“Definitely not.”

“...You mad at me?”

A pause. “Not really, no,” Mr. Stark rubbed the side of his chin, tilting his head towards Peter. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Peter felt his lips shiver against his teeth, sheen of moist clouding his vision, head bowed low and voice crackling, “It does.”

Arms, one alloyed and the other so very real, quietly rolled themselves round his trembling frame, guiding his head towards the steady rise and fall of his hero’s chest, flesh thumb rubbing slow circles over his back, whispers of soft nothings soothing his hair and eventually, a light peck on the forehead.

They stayed like that for a while, beside Peter’s unmade bed, melancholic warmth emanating like cool salve on an open wound. It was comforting, that lack of sound, that silence that spoke the thousand words they couldn’t.

And then, the patented smirk. “You did good, kid,” His tone, so fond. “Friday probably thinks otherwise, though. She’s a little pissed, I think. Kudos for that, by the way. Real sneaky.”

Purely on a whim, Peter snorted, “Love you too, Tony.”

For a moment, it looked as though Tony might just melt into an emotional puddle of goo. Thankfully, he didn’t; Peter wouldn’t know what to do if he did. Instead, he sucked in a deep breath, squeezed Peter closer to his heart, and in a voice smaller than Peter had ever heard, muttered,“Lab night this Sunday?”

Peter, in all his glorious mess of tears and snot, broke into a wobbly laugh.

*

Always.

[carrackian]

‘Toxic’ Anime Fandoms (But I’m just angry)

Ok so this is gonna be a long stupid ramble because I (An idiot) found some articles online about toxic anime fandoms... and by god does it piss me off. SO in this essay I’m gonna incoherently scream about why these articles I found are just lacking in explanation, and then I point at the glaring flaws. Not to mention I’m using multiple articles, but they all like to use similar arguments.  Warning, I’m gonna paraphrase because these articles are long winded about literally nothing.

The Naruto fanbase is toxic because people compare everything to Naruto, and people get upset when you don’t put it in your best anime list!! Honey... HONEY, that’s how all fandoms are. Naruto was likely people’s first introduction to anime, and people are defensive over their nostalgia, I mean like you saw the uprising with the new Ben 10 and Teen Titans Go, other than the fact that they’re BAD, but people were upset and still are (which is yet again understandable)  Seriously, if I made a list that said ‘Best Things Ever’ and I didn’t include something that they liked, then I understand why someone would be upset, and maybe comment something. It’s the day in age where if you have an opinion someone will probably be upset with you.

The Deathnote fanbase is toxic because people like to say it’s good and act offended if you haven’t watched it! Well I mean... Yeah? That’s how fans of a show can act, it’s just exaggerated. I mean seriously, if someone told me they haven’t ever played Undertale, or heard anything about Homestuck- I’m gonna wonder about what part of the internet you’ve been on because I played Undertale for the first time in like 2019 thanks to how much my friends praised it, and I only got into Homestuck in very late 2020 because one of my friends went on a three hour rant about homestuck and I needed the context for so much stuff. Hell, I only have any knowledge on Deathnote because my friend took their old Deathnote Manga and gave it to me for my birthday- which was a touching gift since they really love Deathnote. 

The Hunter X Hunter fanbase is toxic because it doesn’t get attention from weebs, and the fans sometimes get angry. Seriously? That’s what we’re mad about? This is literally so fucking petty my god- next ffs.

The Jojo fanbase is toxic because ‘is that a jojo reference memes’ and because fans want you to watch Jojo. Fucking- AGAIN!? jesus christ. You wanna know how I got into Jojo? My tooth was pulled, and it was the first time I ever got any teeth pulled, so I was high as hell and spitting out blood occasionally. I didn’t want to walk home that day (for obvious reasons) and so I stayed late so I could get a ride from my friends parents. So when another mutual acquaintance came up, and he was playing the Jojo game on an emulator. This got into the three of them telling me about Jojo, but only super vague pieces of it. High off my ass I got home, binge watched like two seasons of it, and forgot everything that happened after the first episode. So I managed to get through the first season (again) before I got caught up in other things (ahem, pokemon) Not to mention that its normal to want to share something you like with other people. Back when I read books regularly I used to keep a list of books to recommend to my friends.

The Demon Slayer fandom is bad cuz too many spoilers :(  Okay? This... This doesn’t a toxic fandom make. Yeah it’s shitty, but like full fucking on- that’s not toxic?

The Dragon Ball fanbase is toxic because people think Goku is the strongest and argue about it, and it’s dying, but like I’m also proof that DBZ fans aren’t bad! Okay? And? Like I full on mean that. I’m a Dragon Ball fan and let me tell you- I’ve literally never seen a single fucking person actually say anything like that unironically- or during a power leveling video that’s an actual discussion about power scaling. Not to mention that for the most part people watch shows for the actual show? Like the plot, characters, storyline- ya know, the actual fucking show?

The Attack on Titan fanbase is toxic because fans sent death threats to the author for ending the manga. Jesus fucking christ- okay, yeah that’s toxic! So... where’s the catch? They also wrote their own endings to the manga. I swear to GOD- WHAT THE FUCK. Fanfiction has existed forever you ignoramus, bleach-snorting, styrofoam eating IDIOT. Seriously, I literally fucking rewrote the entirety of Naruto (Multiple Times over) are you gonna say that I’m Toxic? How about the multiple other hundreds of people who have literally rewritten entire works of fiction.

Now, what do I consider toxic fanbases? The top three are: Undertale, Homestuck and Steven Universe. The Undertale fandom managed to be so bad that people were actually kinda scared of it. Not to mention that it is a good game, people just went a bit too far. If you killed anyone people would send death threats, Markiplier (a really cool youtuber) had people yell at him for giving Sans a southern accent, and I mean the fact that it’s so big made it worse. The Homestuck fandom had many bad moments where some fans caused harm to others, damaged products, the girl who nearly killed herself trying to dye her skin for a cosplay, AND LITERALLY CHANGED THE CONVENTION FIELD. The Steven Universe fandom nearly killed a fan because she drew a fat character thin, they turned on the fucking creators for saying this was bad, multiple racist, sexist and homophobic things just existing while people pretend to be fake woke.

And this has been- I literally knew all of the bad fandom stuff because I lived through it. Problem is, I lived through the popularity of every single anime on this list while actively in more internet spaces, and I don’t fucking see it. Seriously, when I think of toxic anime fanbases I think about anime like Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, where a bunch of 30 year olds get horny over a child and then say that they’re fine because she’s ACSHUALLY 2,000 years old! I mean fuck, my favorite meme is literally the- “Men be like “You’re not a real anime fan if you don’t watch ‘Is it wrong to piss on my bunny sister’s feet?’“ Like- fucking exactly. Both these fucking articles have ‘I think that when someone is a little mean or says something kinda annoying they’re TOXIC!’ Like bitch no, when I think toxic I think of the gaslighting fanbases that end up with multiple people with mental disorders or someone dead- which let me tell you, is a surprisingly large amount of fandoms? 

Anyways so I’m done, mainly because it’s like super fucking late and I’m so tired