#i wanted this out this past weekend
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Wrong Number 2
Someone said they liked when authors put their super-specific jobs in fics so I hope ya like Steve havin a (kinda romanticized) past job of mine.
For the first time in his life, Steve felt like the stereotypical young person who was always glued to his phone. Every time it made a noise or vibrated, his arm shot out like lightning, hoping with every fiber of his being that it was the mystery number.
It had been about five days since he'd sent that first message and he'd been worried about their conversations being stale. But that wasn't an issue. The only times their talks lulled was when they went to bed.
And even that was after texting late into the night. Steve would watch the clock go from 9 to 10 and promise to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. And then it would be midnight and what was a few minutes after that? Then he'd look up and it would be 2 in the morning.
Texting this guy had become the highlight of Steve's days. To the point where he didn't even realize Friday had come until one of his students mentioned it.
Then, purely out of habit, he asked: "Any weekend plans?"
"I've got a soccer game", Zach answered.
"My parents are having date night", Belinda said.
And normally Steve himself would be thinking about going out and finding someone for the night. But the idea hadn't come to him for once. He knew why, but he didn't fully process it until he got home to Robin, who was in the middle of cooking breakfast for dinner it seemed.
Steve was in the middle of replying to a text sent during lunch.
(12:15) I just realized you know about my off the wall job (12:17) But I have no idea what your 9 to 5 is (12:18) Your legally required to tell me if ur famous (12:18) Not bc im a clout chaser (12:19) But bc I might not have a clue who you are
[4:13] Not famous. Don't worry. I'm a teacher.
(4:15) As a former student I apologize
Robin opened the cabinet, looking for pancake mix. “Are you and that girl still texting?”
“Me and the who?”, Steve looked up from his phone.
“That girl? I assume you're finally setting up a date for this weekend?"
"She-" Steve racked his brain for a good excuse. But it was hard to do when the person who knew him the most was staring right at him.
"Whatever flaws of hers you're about to make up, I'm gonna call bullshit because your phone hasn't stopped pinging for days." She started mixing the pancake batter.
Steve looked down at the words on his screen. The one flaw of this guy was that they couldn't meet in person. But maybe it was time to close the distance just a bit.
"She's shy. Might just text a bit more before she's ready."
[4:19] No need for sorries. All my kids are great. But that's probably because I teach their favorite class.
(4:21) Oooh their favorite? (4:21) It's gotta be something like art rite? (4:22) Or are you being a smart ass cuz you teach like calculus or something?
[4:23] I teach cooking 😛
(4:23) Oh shit. (4:24) You're actually the favorite
[4:25] Toldja. Hey quick question and then possibly many more questions.
(4:26) Go ooooon
[4:27] How would you feel about spending the night playing 20 questions? Like are you free tonight?
Eddie bit his lip as he looked at Steve's words. He had picked his shifts this weekend to make sure he had plenty of time to talk to Steve. Which meant he was in fact free tonight. He replied as such and Steve said he wanted a little time to take a shower and then he'd be ready.
And because he was a little shit, Eddie took advantage of him being away from his phone.
(4:35) Since you're in the shower, I'm taking the first question. Boxers or briefs?
[4:54] Cheater. And I prefer boxer briefs. My turn?
(4:55) Go for it
Eddie was curled up on his couch, tv low and in the background as he waited for Steve's question.
[4:55] What's your name?
(4:56) THATS your first question? (4:56) Wait we've been texting for days haven't you saved my number? (4:57) What do you have me as?
Steve bit his lip, wishing he could lie to this guy, but he couldn’t. Instead he sent a screenshot of his phone.
(4:59) Misty? That’s the name of the chick?
[5:00] Yeah. But I guess I should put your actual name now, right?
It was a gamble. But this guy already knew Steve’s name. And by this point they’d been texting for nearly a week. He just wanted to know his name. He pushed back the part of himself that said he needed to know.
(5:00) It's Eddie.
Eddie. The guy he'd been talking to was named Eddie. Eddie with the long curly hair and the chunky rings who threw axes for a living. He was a far cry from the soft girls he usually dated. Or the preppy guys he usually dated.
(5:02) Favorite bug?
The question threw Steve for a moment but he decided to humor him.
[5:04] Bees 🐝I like how fuzzy they are. And I like honey. [5:05] What rings do you have?
A couple minutes later, Eddie replied with an image. It was taken from above and showed his hands lying flat on a coffee table. Steve zoomed to make out the details of each ring. He was also able to see a watch and a couple of wristbands on him.
[5:08] How did you take that picture? With your mouth? 🦭
(5:09) Did you did you just compare me to a seal???
[5:09] What other animal catches things in their mouths?
'I can be an animal with my mouth'. Thankfully, Eddie's fingers weren't as fast as his brain and he didn't send that to Steve. Eddie had in fact put his phone in his mouth the take the picture, having a real 'no thoughts, head empty moment' when Steve asked about his rings.
Steve was letting his own mind wander as he gazed at the picture. Eddie's hands were...his hands were...well they were-
(5:10) Favorite youtuber?
The adoration of Eddie's hands were interrupted by Eddie himself as their question and answers continued. The picture continued as well. Steve sent pics of his favorite pair of shoes, his hair products, and of his neck when Eddie said he didn't believe he had all these moles.
Eddie had sent pictures of one arm, covered in tats, his acoustic guitar, and a super worn copy of Peter Pan.
The hour was growing late and both of them were feeling more bold but at the same time hesitant because it felt like they were close to crossing a line.
Needing an outside opinion, Eddie consulted with The Council (the discord server with his band mates) about whether or not he should shoot his shot. Gareth told him to go for it, what harm could it do? Grant said to do it because it could potentially be the funniest catfishing story. Jeff agreed that he should, if only because their guitarist getting murdered would be a great back story.
With their unanimous approval, Eddie decided to start actively flirting with Steve.
(8:37) Soooooo ya like jazz?
[8:38] I do actually. I really love the piano.
Okay, that one was just practice. Be smooth. Be suave. None of that was in Eddie's wheelhouse but thankfully nothing he said turned Steve away. He always seemed just as eager to reply back.
(9:10) What's your oldest piece of clothing?
Eddie was thinking of his own oldest article a t-shirt that had started out overgrown on his tiny eight year old body but he'd grown into and kept over the years. It was super faded but filled with the memory of the first time he spent more than a couple of days with his uncle.
[9:12] I'd show you, but I'm wearing them right now.
Steve had closed his bedroom door before sending the text. There wasn't anything scandalous but it seemed like it could very quickly veer into that territory. All Eddie had to do was ask. If he wanted to see them, Steve would show it.
'I would like to see it.'
(9:12) I would like to see it
Eddie knew it could be anything. Maybe a holey sock. Or maybe he also had a super faded t-shirt with deep sewn-in memories as well. Maybe he was wearing a class ring?
[9:14] image.jpeg
Eddie was treated (and goddamn what a treat it was) to Steve Harrington's bottom half, barely covered in shorts with a school's logo on them. Thick thighs covered in hair. And a bulge that was there. It was very there. Eddie couldn't overstate how there it was.
He palmed his own crotch before remembering he was looking at a guy's junk and about to jerk off to it in his living room. And he had yet to answer. What was the most respectful way to say 'humina humina humina-wolf whistle-awooga'?
(9:16) Are you trying to kill me Steve?
[9:17] Do you like it?
'Awooga.'
(9:18) ❤️🔥 🔥 🥵
Eddie tried to think of any other way to tell Steve how hot he made him but it felt like typing words just wasn't enough.
(9:19) Can I do something insane? (9:20) And feel free to ignore me if it's too much
Steve was lying in his bed, phone of his charger now. Nothing Eddie could do would be too much. He could knock on his door and he would let him in.
[9:21] Go ahead
A second after he sent that, Steve's phone started to ring. It was Eddie. He stared for about five seconds before picking up.
"Hey."
"Hey."
If possible, Steve melted more into his bed. Eddie's voice...he didn't know what he expected but it wasn't that. He said one word and Steve wanted to wrap himself in it.
"That was pretty naughty of you, sending me that pic. I could show up to your school."
"You'd be a few years too late. These are my oldest shorts, remember?"
"Tiniest shorts maybe."
Steve laughed and Eddie was on cloud nine. He was so lost in bliss, he miscalculated and fell off the couch.
"What was that?"
"I uh, I fell. Off my couch."
"Did you fall hard?"
Eddie beamed as he got up and turned off the tv. Now that he had his voice, all he wanted to hear was the man on the other line.
"Oh super hard."
Steve let out a sound from the back of his throat and he wondered if Eddie had heard it. It was honestly amazing how the smallest things got him going. Or maybe he was just that into Eddie.
"You still there Steve?"
....."Yeah. I'm still here."
Part 4
Tag Team (closed)
@anne-bennett-cosplayer @estrellami-1 @newtstabber @omletlove @ifyoudonlysurrender @rehfan @morganski-19 @corvidcantina @dragonmama76 @just-ladyme @tinyplanet95 @goodolefashionedloverboi @idoquitelikebread @kittydeadbones @manda-panda-monium @rhapsodyinalto @paintsplatteredandimperfect @keylime-green @ihavekidneys @samsoble @honorarybrit81 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @aizawa-emma @deleataecount @thesuninyaface @fromapayphone @justmeinadaze @hbyrde36 @queenie-ofthe-void @resident-gay-bitch @bestwifehaver @dangdirtydemons @ellietheasexylibrarian @perseus-notjackson @pyrohonk @holysteddie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @mrsjellymunson @geekymagicalpotato @notaqueenakhaleesi @phantomcat94 @ladylokilaufeyson5 @dude-as-in-i-love-u @micheledawn1975 @magpiemuseum @novelnovella @marklee-blackmore @stevesbipanic @martinskis-lydias @beckkthewreck @gay-little-bitch @everywherenothere @emma-elsa-0000 @rlpersephone3259 @songbird-garden @trucoop @omgshesinsane @fantrash @7-starboi @soulminyg @larawrmonster @blackpanzy @offical-potato @aellafreya @mightbeasleep @lorelei724 @moomkin77
If you were tagged but it didn't show up in your notifications, lemme know and I'll do that thing where I tag you in a reblog instead. I know tumblr can't be trusted to function XD
#apo writes#stranger things#steddie#i wanted this out this past weekend#but had other things#anyway i used to work as a culinary instructor#it was for summer camps and after school programs#but my dream was to do it full time at a nice school#ohh the dreams we have in our youth
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A little promo with my little obsession on the side...........
Reminder all items are shipped from Poland - for details on shipping times check out FAQ or send me a private message!
mmezzy.bigcartel.com
#klance#halloween au#im projecting on the internet my own impostor syndrome#i feel that im awful and should be learning how to draw instead of writing shitty fics#and when i want to write a post and share a little doodle or smth - 'sorry' is right between the lines and its so frustrating#like???? nobody probably cares#im either here or im not#and if i need to finish that little abomination of a fic then so be it you'd think people wouldnt mind too much#and would still want to listen to my captions and see whatever silly doodle however silly it is as long as its true#..............but what if its all redundant#what if i cant draw after i had to flip my entire routine upside down#and will forever chase a thrill of feeling like a prolific artist and it will be always out of reach now#what if people scroll past my art and feel nothing now#what if world is filled with people who kinda hate klance but stay out of reflex and not bc its their deeply routed source of comfort#what if i reached an artistic plateau and will never be good enough#what if this is the limit of my 'talent'#what if i will forever love the projects i want to share but will always hate the execution of it wanting to fix it fix it fix it learn mor#i keep reading the little notes i get on orders#some screenshots i saved#i find good words and opinions and love letters to art as a whole#and i feel insufficient#subpar#i drew a comic about it to an old poem and still havent finished it#there is a point of trying your best when it stops feeling like a challenge and feels like a failure#its the moment where you keep going of course#and yet#there are emotions im sure nobody shares on social media bc we just try to get through them#but who else will take it better than tumblr tags#either way if im less around its because im dealing with creational self-hatred and artistic ambitions#but on the other hand arent all artists like that? i ran out of tag space btw have an awesome weekend
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Sub!bucky is so needy for you after you denied his orgasm a few days (he is so whiny 😩🥵)
And at night he’s having a wet dream of you and he doesn’t know that’s part of you evil plan… while he grinds his clothed dick at your palm you whisper some sexy things in his ears. When he cums he wakes up and you made his look like he was not your good boy 🥵🥵🥵🥵
I've actually been thinking about something similar recently! I just really love subby men eugh 🤤
I like to think you could make it a little more intense though because I prefer to imagine that you've been making him edge for a few days. You don't let him edge inside you, you both know he'd struggle too much. Instead, you lube up your hand and stroke him for hours, letting him fuck your fist until he's dribbled so much precum over you, your hand is unbearably slick and then you kiss his forehead before you tuck his aching cock back into his underwear.
No matter how much he whines and begs and pleads to be allowed to cum, you don't give in. He's not just being denied his orgasm, he's being worked towards it until he's right on the edge and then you give him absolutely nothing. Repeatedly. It's torture but fuck, he gets off on knowing his dick is yours. He doesn't cum without your permission. You completely own him.
He breaks after the sixth night of being relentlessly edged. You'd stroked his cock nice and slowly for hours that day, swirling your tongue over his tip and reminding him that he's the best boy. He was practically shaking by the time you both made it to bed.
His little whine of "Oh fuck, please." was the first thing you remember hearing when you woke up, quickly followed by "O-oh, oh yes."
At first you thought he must be touching himself; giving in to his own slutty thoughts when he thought you wouldn't find out.
As your sleepy brain slowly wakes up, you realise he's grinding against you, rubbing his throbbing cock against your bare ass, gripping your hips like there's no tomorrow. "Gonna cum. F-fuck, gonna cum." He's frantic, his head tucked in against your neck, his breath hot and erratic against your skin.
You can't have that. Absolutely not. You shuffle away from him, determined not to let him have what he needs and the second the contact between your bodies is broken, you hear him whine pathetically.
"Did you really think that would work out for you?" You tease quietly, turning to face him but that's when you realise his eyes are still closed. His brow is furrowed, very clearly still asleep.
You can't help but pity him. He's so desperate to cum, he's grinding against you in his sleep. He's done his very best to do as he's told but his body can't take it. He's been the best boy for you all week. The least you could do is grant him a little relief.
"You're such a good boy, Bucky." You whisper, pressing him gently onto his back, grasping his cock and letting the tip glide between your slick folds. Nothing feels better than this. You've missed it more than you thought you would this week.
"Such a pretty little slut." You line his tip up with your entrance and ever so slowly lower yourself down. "You're a mindless little fuck toy for me when you're like this. So horny, you can hardly even think straight. You've been like a needy fucking puppy for me all week. You just let your dick think for you, isn't that right? You know I could tell when you were zoning out and daydreaming about fucking me? You're so cute."
As you start to really fuck yourself on him, Bucky seems to moan himself awake.
"Please." He begs, and it sounds so pretty when he says it. "Please, I'm so close. I'm gonna cum. I can't cum inside you. There's gonna be so much."
"Oh sweetheart, that's what I want. I want you to fill me. Stuff my cunt full of cum. I thought I told you how badly I want a baby."
#asks answered <3#anon#becca writes spice#sub!bucky#subby!bucky#this ask is from ages ago#it fit what I wanted to talk about almost perfectly#I'm up at 4.30am tomorrow#and I've got that same excited feeling I used to get as a kid the night before a holiday 😂#I feel like I've slept all weekend#but I got my lashes done!!#things at work went so well this week#I've been planning this past week since November#and it literally couldn't have went better#I ordered WAY more stuff than I thought we'd need and we literally ran out within 3 days#I can't believe how well it went#so I'm probably gonna talk about it forever and I'm not sorry#tw: somnophilia#tw: somno
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GOOD MORNING HAPPY FRIDAY TO YOU ALL!!!! ITS THE END OF THE WEEK WE PUSHED THROUGH ILY ALL 💞💞💞
#nina rambles~✦#I haven’t done one of these in a bit#BUT#updates#on my writing and stuff#requests are closed in the meantime#my inbox is open to your thoughts but full on requests are a Nono#I have over 30 asks that I’m going to sift through tonight and weed out the requests from the non requests#and over the weekend I’ll be writing a bunch of requests#I really want to clear my inbox of any and all things#because I want to do a follower event#I’ve had one in my drafts since fucking January#and I’m well past the milestone it was meant for#but yeah the next time my requests will be open again is for that follower event#and I’m excited!!!#I’ve been busy these past two weeks but this weekend seems clear enough to write for a while#teehee#okay#enough rambling#back to work I go#adios
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Bump in the Night & Nevertober & Sleeptober Day 31: One Last Chance to Escape & Trick or Treat & Dark Signs
PHEW! Got these in, albeit late hahaha. But you can see why it took a while, bc I animated! Turned out really good, I think.
And with that, I’ve finished my art challenges for October. Thank you Hiwi for Nevertober, @thepromptfoundry for Bump in the Night, and @whitejawz for Sleeptober! Such a fun experience working with these prompts. They all challenged me creatively and made me create things I am really proud of. I created 57 pieces in all, which is insane!! Although I’m probably gonna stick to one art a day next year, bc keeping track of all three was a little much sometimes 😂. Hoped you all liked them, and I hope you stick around to see more of my stuff!!
See you next March for mARTch 2025 by bweird!!
#6#Sleeptober#Sleeptober 2024#Sleep Token#Bump in the Night#Bump in the Night 2024#Nevertober24#Nevermore#Nevermore Webtoon#Webtoon#Shiloh#Shiloh Webtoon#The Institute for Symbol Children#Finally done#The Shane and the Annabel look a little eh but whatever#Annabel I did bc you never know what you’re gonna get with her#Does she wanna trick or treat you?? You never know unless she wants you to#And then this is my OC Trinny Valeron for the Sleeptober#Dark Signs very much encapsulates their backstory so that’s what this is#Magenta Trinny is present day and blue is past#And in my story peoples’ blood is black but on this background that didn’t stand out so I just did red#But uh yeah!! Hope you all enjoy#See you next when I redraw Vi for this upcoming weekend!!!
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knowing i should take a step back from tumblr for my own wellbeing vs. being emotionally attached to this app and the people on it
#tumblr would be tumblr without me—as would the self ship community. it’s silly for me to feel so invested this Thing that is just that:#a Thing. it can’t give me the love or care or satisfaction with life that i’m looking for. i’ve been hiding on here—escaping reality.#because it’s fun to live in an imaginary world where i’m everything i want to be. where i’m the main character.#but in doing so i’ve been neglecting the ugly parts of my real life; the pain and hurt and harsh realities.#over the past couple months it has become apparent to me that i tend to put too much trust and effort into people#who have neither the capacity nor the desire to reciprocate.#so i just look like a fool in the end. (this isn’t about anyone here—just a pattern of behavior in general.)#at the end of the day#having thousands of followers on tumblr has no impact on my real life. if anything it makes me feel more isolated than ever.#because it’s yet another arena where i feel like i have to carve out my own space; i’ve never been good at taking up space.#anyway i suppose i’ll take the weekend away and see how i feel. i’ve had a lot of shit happening irl that has been so horribly difficult.#so maybe getting through all of that will help me feel more comfortable on my own blog again.#if you read this all i’m so sorry. i’ll prob regret posting my heartfelt thoughts in the future but at this very moment i don’t care.#self preservation be damned.#please support ficsforgaza; i’ll still be helping aleks over there because it’s one of the few places where i feel useful.#okay i’m done now. i’ll see you later. i wish you all so much love and nothing but the best.#tw personal
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man that joins your breast cancer club and then asks you to check if he has any testicular tumors.
#artists on tumblr#digital art#illustration#pixel aesthetic#fight club#fight club 1999#marla singer#genderbend#marlo singer#this is like the most rendering I've ever did#he was my specimen for skin shading practice#at some point I was so pissed cause I accidentally made the featured two femminine so he looked like a bearded woman#anywayss#really proud of it tbh#wanted to also incorporate some pixels in the rendering cause I like them a lot#I think it goes well for the hair and the fur#happy I got past the ugly phase#may doodle some more this weekend#idk I gotta lay out a whole ass book and also do sketches for the cover#I wanna hibernate so badly#also I'll add a specific tag to my art so if one wants to see all the stuff they don't have to scroll all the way through reblogs#<#martyryo#it's this one hehe
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☀️
#y’all know when it’s a Doing Things Day?#well today I slept in way less than I wanted to and then decided I can’t take a nap to try to reset my sleep schedule#so I went and did some sight singing of choral pieces with friends (lamentations of Jeremiah/o vos omnes and Armistice 1918 took. me. out.)#as in they went so well (helped that half the people had done them before)#and then picked up two things from buy nothing#returned my friend’s wrench set#convinced another sister to come to weekend warrior with me#got some shoes I needed and two nice shirts at the thrift store#got art supplies I needed at dollar tree and ran into a deacon from my church there and had a nice chat#went grocery shopping#ran into an old friend who lives in another state in the grocery store??#called my boyfriend for a while while washing dishes#touched up a painting#read my first Terry Pratchett book (Equal Rites - it was amusing and enjoyable but not super special to me)#(I know there’s so much more! just dipping my toes in)#made dinner and prepped some extra things for future meals#spent hours going through little things I’d saved and pasting them into a journal#now going to read and annotate Life Together before bed#is this what it’s like when you get up and stay awake????#is this what y’all do?
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Sunshine in the Rain by Carnati0n_bl00m
“Wait, you don’t have a name? What about your parents, didn’t they give you one?”
The man simply raised his eyebrow, a small grin revealing pointed teeth.
“I do not truly have parents.”
“ What!? That’s insane!” Mickey had never been so - so -
Scandalized!
WOW OKAY!! This kinda gotta away from me cuz I wanted to TRY doing two (technically 3) scenes. THIS FIC, MAN!! It's got Mikey angst and hurt/comfort! It's got Bishop being an absolute bastard, and I wanna punt him to the moon and back!! It's got Mikey & Leatherhead becoming Besties!!! I read it right after watching the Rise Movie and OHHHH boy, it is GOOD!!!!
Concepts for Bishop and Leatherhead! Did not draw Bishop much at all, lol. Will probably use the ref for future stuff, though! Also, I took forever finishing these cuz LH's design started becoming Bleh to me, but I had to commit cuz I was most of the way through the naming scene. Will likely tweak the design later!
#tmnt#rottmnt#tmnt mikey#tmnt leatherhead#tmnt leo#tmnt raph#tmnt donnie#tmnt bishop#my art#fic fanart#my art show up in the search tags challenge#mind the tags and content warnings before you read the fic it's kinda intense!!#phew seriously this took forever to finish#and by forever I mean I literally started drawing it at the beginning of March#there's also the fact that I Just attended a con this past weekend and was busy with that#I think I gotta start reading more fluff and shit cuz wow I think I'm getting burnt out on the angst#also GAH I WANTED TO DRAW ALL THE HUGS#but I wanted to get this OUT so maybe I will doodle that later#however I do have a prior engagement with a 2k3 Mikey fic that I'm also drawing angsty fanart for#I should probably stick to just doodling single panel scenes but Goddammit making comics is FUN!!#anyways let's see if this shows up in the tags lol#if it doesn't I'm about to knock loudly at tumblr support's doors again
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im trying to go as long as possible without making a sideblog so ALL of you suffer EVERY PART of my mind thoughts
#sideblogs are probably very helpful but i dont want one#besides ive had a problem in the past where i get an alt and all of a sudden my main is too intimidating to post in#and im doneeee trying to separate my art posts by how good/finished i think they are#or my fandom posts because i switch to a new interest and i dont wanna mix the two#or text posts by how funny or uninteresting they read#seri rambles#its getting so bad i need a weekend when i can get pass out drunk and get to not worry about assignments and due dates
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it's hackathon week next week and there are so many things i need to do (passport renewal, accommodation stuff, dental appointments, packing for flight, chores, etc), so i apologize if i'm kind of inactive or off in this blog or discord!!
#rin rambles#cw vent#tw vent#i'm ngl i'm starting to stress out haha#eating is such a pain sometimes i wish they invent a pill you can just take and it'll give you all the exact nutrients you need ugh#i keep forgetting to have dinner for the past 4 days n haven't had the energy to wash my hair for 3 days now#but it's fine we good we're chugging on#i'll hopefully have some time to breathe on the weekend since monday is a ph#but my god i'm dreading the hackathon sm haha#mostly bc i have never talked to the people assigned into the team with me AND everyone is in US timezone#so i have to stay up late from night to morning to collab with them#and i really don't like that haha but what can you do when it's work :))))#and then there's the new landlady's shenanigans...... i dont want to think about it.............#lets try not to get your paranoia make you break down again meirin#anyway#that got venty real fast i better put a warning#sorry for the negativity lately i'm just so tired#venty............. venti......... hey guys what do you call it when venti vents- /smacked#there now that wasnt all negative hahah
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
#taylor.txt#im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything#i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation#and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school#like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling#like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk#it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah#tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh#when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students#noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh
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Just had a wild dream. I was at RTX and went to the DnDads event, but it wasn’t a live show, they showed a whole Dungeons and Daddies animated movie. I just watched Across the Spiderverse last night, which has bled into my brain forever, so it had all that good trippy dimension stuff and the teens were superheroes (sorta. Normal slipped into a dimension where they were superheroes and was trying to fix it but doing a bad job) and of course it had the gorgeous animation style of Spiderverse. Anyways. All this to say, I might need to make a superhero AU now
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#noodly#it was such a cool movie in my dream#I wasn’t even mad about not getting to see the guys#I need to draw the manga pages then hopefully I can indulge in this tomorrow#I’m gonna need to pick out superpowers for the teens#I’m sure I’ll manage with costumes#I was a comics fan a few years ago#sometimes I see some of your avatars and usernames and I worry you know me from my past life#it’s early and I’m excited about this so I’m rambling#but you’ll see more from me on this!#mark my words!#oh#I will be at the real RTX too tho#in case anyone wants to be my best friend for a weekend and do the escape room with me#I’m a solid mid-tier at escape rooms
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My incomparable friend Deirdre T. (aka @sourtimesmachine on here) has posted an article about The Winchesters that perfectly encapsulates how and why the show is a masterpiece, what its depths highlight about Dean’s story in-narrative and out-of-narrative, and how what is ostensibly an exploration of the past is actually commentary on Supernatural and a path for the future.
Nearly every monster on this show takes its victims to another place— hidden lairs, pocket dimensions, buried spaces inside their own minds. Escape, every time, means the same thing: transformative catharsis centered around truth and the breaking of traumatic cycles. Telling your parent you believe in yourself, letting go of your father’s plan even if making your own is scarier, telling your childhood self that you’re going to fight for them and give them back their choices, confessing your guiltiest secrets and allowing your friends to accept and love you as a whole, giving up false peace for real love. Characters are offered ways to forget, to live free of their guilt, pain, and trauma, but this is never the answer. This isn’t real. They learn instead to let themselves examine the bad, embrace that it is part of them, and use it to inform and strengthen their ability to fight for the good as a more complete and centered person. It is fundamentally a story about healing, being told to us by someone whose own story ended with profound pain. Whose story ended in a trap, never escaping the cycle, never getting to speak or fully embrace his own truth or choice. Never getting to live. Rather than avoiding the narrative burden of Dean’s death and all the circumstances, both in story and out, that led us to it, The Winchesters is breaking it down. It is examining each theme that was regressed by the finale and pointedly reaffirming it. It’s telling us that what happened to Dean was wrong, that there is something to be done about it. It’s, maybe, trying to help us heal too.
I cannot recommend this full article highly enough. Unsurprisingly, Deirdre beautifully summarized a bird's eye view of much of my thoughts on this show. I feel like I want to print out pamphlets of this and hand it out in public!!!! But sharing it on this blog will have to be enough.
No matter what the events of the season one finale hold tomorrow, this show could not have been louder or clearer. Dean Winchester spoke to us for 12 episodes by comprehensively deconstructing every aspect of his ending, condemning it repeatedly and consistently, and showing us that he's doing his best to break free of it. And, through him, the real-world team behind this show conveyed the same in kind.
The Winchesters could not have been more validating and (in my opinion) thrilling at every turn. By design, there is SO MUCH in it to examine and talk about, all within the context of it being Dean's story. It's unbelievably dense in clever ways I don't think any of us could have expected.
(And it must be said that I did not watch this show every week expecting to see Chuck Won propaganda, and yet, EVERY WEEK...)
Anyway. Please read this article.
And if you've avoided watching this show, consider this your sign that you absolutely should watch it.
#spnwin meta#the winchesters meta#THE QUEEN HAS ARRIVED!! Not the Akrida queen I'm talking about DEE#I wanted to write a piece like this over this past weekend and just couldn’t#and THE SATISFACTION OF READING THIS.... and of course her writing just blows it out of the water because she's brilliant#I feel like I could bench press a truck I'm so thrilled by this piece#I still want to write things of course but I have peace in my soul seeing this laid out <3
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it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food
#it's not a good idea bc the wages are GARBAGE compared to retail#Macca's base rate for my age is less than half my sunday rate#and they don't get much beyond the base rate#whereas retail we have an incredible base rate AND more weekdays past 6pm and weekends (sat is the same as mon-fri 6pm#and sunday is significantly more)#and like yeah im not getting many shifts but if i were to ask for more I still wouldn't be able to work more than 4 hour shifts til july#bc my retail corporation is surprisingly ethical and extends the age limits by a lot#whereas my friend has a 7.5 half hour shift tomorrow AFTER school. on a week night 😁#which is actually horrifying and should nawwt be legal. thats school 9-3 (+20 min) then work 4-11:30 btw#like i should just wait til my birthday in july n ask for more shifts in retail but i want to try fast food#even though the pay is incredibly ridiculously bad (<10 AUD) (yes our adult minimum wage is a good ~23 but under 21 is a percentage of that#like the pay is so bad so i would earn the same or more doing wayy less hours than retail#but i kinda want to get the fast food experience bc it'll be more difficult to get hired as i age#bc i want to save up 20k for top surgery but at the rate im going it'll be difficult to have even thay#let alone savings after top surgery or money to get a car before#and as school gets more difficult it'll be harder to work more#so maybe i should just grind for a few months or til the end of the year then go back to retail exclusively?#and enjoy higher pay and some longer shifts?#but idkkk it's just such a dilemma bc i want more shifts than I'll get at retail but fast food pays so little#but i also really want the experience and to just try it out#im gonna. idk im gonna sit on it for a bit bc i want to get my legal name change sorted before i apply to any second jobs and that will#take a while#so i shall consider. draw up a timetable. write a pros and cons list#yes that sounds like a solid plan#whoop typo but im on mobile i meant 'wayy less hours IN retail'
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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