#i want to understand them how they understand themselves and i want ro understand myself that way too

[pulchrasilva]

I dont like referring to Gethenians as "non-binary" because they're literally not, at least not in my interpretation of the word. Non-binary is a word which describes a group of genders that exist outside of our gender binary, the very word implies the existence of a binary. To me, non-binary means "I looked at the gender binary and said no thank you". But that still requires acknowledging and considering the binary in the first place.

Gethenians are "non-binary" only from our point of view. We look at our gender binary and say "they exist outside of the binary, so they're non-binary". But Gethenians don't have any concept of gender to say "no thank you" to, there is no binary to be "non" to, so why would they identify with that label? To call them "non-binary" is to force them into a social framework that just doesn't exist to them, in order to make their existence make sense to us with all our cultural baggage. Calling Gethenians "non-binary" is just as bad as calling them "men" or "women".

We may choose to call them genderless or non-binary only in comparison to ourselves, but this is not an identity they would hold. Genly shows us that to truly understand Gethenians we need to let go of gender altogether - but that doesn't just mean the binary. After all to oppose something, to be non-binary, is to maintain it - and the last thing we want is to maintain the binary being pushed on them

[eyesofshan-if]

Hi, I hope you are doing well. Could you please tell us the enneagrams of the Ros. Thanks in advance.

i think i've answered this before, but now that there are new ROs i'll include their answers, with some explanation about their character motivations!! this is more of a personal character study than anything coherent, so feel free to skip it all!! mightttt contain some spoilers for the characters' routes

hansol: two

hansol is a textbook example of an enneagram 2. the key motivation behind most of his actions is to feel wanted or needed by others. he derives meaning and purpose from life from how 'useful' or 'helpful' he is to the society he belongs to, and much of the way he views the world is in related to that. he lives to serve: his country, his family, and you.

"Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I'll make a mess Or calm waters, if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached."

yongsun: nine

enneagram type 9s are called the peacemakers, but not necessarily because they are pacifists. yongsun is one of those devoted to seeking peace, both internal and external. however, while most others would simply come to peace with the chaos and troubles of the world, they were born into a unique position that gives them the power to make the necessary changes to achieve that desired peace.

"It looks like empathy To understand all sides But I'm just trying to find myself Through someone else's eyes."

wooyoung: seven

enneagram sevens fear being deprived and need to have their desires for freedom and fresh experiences fulfilled. still, this comes with a tendency to uproot themselves far too easily and often, leaving those they care about behind. wooyoung finds it difficult to settle anywhere, wanting all the new experiences, the new friends, everything — and fears getting too attached to anything too strongly. perhaps you will be the one to change that, commander.

"It feels like sinking when I'm standing in one place So I look to the future and I book another flight When everything feels heavy, I've learned to travel light."

raon: four

out of everything, raon fears mediocrity the most — to fade into obscurity like the rest of the women in her life did. there is no space for women in the male-dominated spaces of hae, yet the contributions of females in households — the foundation of every haeian's life — often go overlooked. after seeing this happen, raon refuses to let the same happen to her as well. enneagram fours have a strong desire to forge a unique identity that has significance.

"Flashlight in hand determined to find Authenticity only poetry could even begin to try to describe Bodies fashioned out of dirt and dust For a moment we get to be glorious."

no-eul: eight

although the oldest of the ros, no-eul has the most childish and simplistic heart. they do things as they desire without consideration of of much else. eights feel the need to prove their strength, to demonstrate their importance, to dominate wherever they are — yet all this is done with the strangely vulnerable motivation of not wanting to be hurt by others.

"I was just a kid who grew up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit."

????: one

enneagram ones strive to be always be right, beyond criticism, and no one believes that more than the herald of change. it does not matter that they actively pursue a vision that only a madman would dare to dream of. to rebel against the natural order, to crush the status quo under their feet. the high leader will stop at nothing to make those softly whispered childhood dreams a reality, even if they have to declare war against the entire world to do it.

"Now hold on, let me finish No, I'm not saying perfect exists in this life But we'll only know for certain if we try."

[astroyongie]

i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

[themuse-if]

Another 20 (or so) Questions with Ro Sawyer

Interviewer: Welcome to another installment of our character interviews, where we dive deep into the lives and minds of our favorite cast members of The Muse. Today, we have the dynamic Ro Sawyer with us, the frontperson of The Rebel Rejects. Ro, thank you for joining us. Could you start by telling us what made you want to pursue music?

Ro: Hey, thanks for having me! Music has always been my way of expressing myself, you know? First I started out just playing the guitar at about 7, I had a lot of energy as a kid and my parent’s thought that music would be a good way to channel it. Then slowly as I got older and had more experiences I started writing lyrics and discovering my voice. The Rebel Rejects came together at just the right time, like fate or something. We clicked instantly, and making music with these guys is everything I've ever wanted.

Interviewer: That's awesome! How would you describe your art, both musically and personally?

Ro: Our music is raw, unapologetic, and full of energy. It's a mix of old school punk, pop punk, and alternative rock with a touch of poetry. Personally, I see myself as a storyteller. I like to paint pictures with words and melodies, creating something that isn’t just full of abstractions, something that people can actually relate to.

Interviewer: How do you want to be seen by others, both on and off the stage?

Ro: I want people to see me as authentic and fearless, both in my music and in my life. I’m brimming with confidence and I’ve never been afraid of going after what I want. I hope to inspire others to be unapologetically themselves.

Interviewer: And how do you want your art to be seen by others?

Ro: I want our music to be a form of liberation, a soundtrack for those who feel unheard or misunderstood. Our music sets out to make people feel like they can take on the world and tackle all the pleasure and pain that life throws their way.

Interviewer: What's your latest obsession, musical or otherwise?

Ro: Lately, I've been obsessed with creating logos and merch for the band. T-shirts, pins, stickers, tote bags. I’ve just been trying to really solidify our image, and good merch is a great way to do that.

Interviewer: Describe your best friend(s).

Ro: I have two of the best friends anyone could ask for, and we all balance each other out so well. They’re fun and loyal, and we share such a great passion for music, which lets us fully support each other's dreams. We share everything, from music to clothes to late-night adventures. They're my rock, and I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Interviewer: How would you describe your ideal partner?

Ro: I want whoever’s by my side to be able to understand that wild, crazy, sexy Ro Sawyer is just who I truly am, that it’s not just a façade. I need someone who can understand me and isn’t afraid of being with someone who craves the spotlight. I need someone wild enough to crowd surf at my show, someone who wants to dance in the rain. Just passion, a lust for life! I can’t be with someone who is completely vanilla, I need more.

Interviewer: What was your first kiss like?

Ro: Honestly my first kiss couldn’t have gone better. I had a crush on my friend Leo and we started going out in our sophomore year of high school. On our third date we went to the movies, and let’s just say our hormones were ragging and the movie quickly faded into the background. Good thing we were in the back row. *sly wink* That first peck rapidly went to third base. *cheeky grin*

Interviewer: Always so hot and heavy with you. *playful eye roll* Moving on, have you ever been in love?

Ro: Yeah... I think maybe I’ve been in love. *long thoughtful pause* Or maybe just infatuated, I’ve never felt real heartache so I’m not sure I can really say I’ve been deeply in love.

Interviewer: When was your last relationship, and why did it end?

Ro: I haven’t had another exclusive relationship since Leo. He was great and we were great together, but I’m extremely open and fluid. When I mentioned opening up our relationship, he was understanding but it wasn’t something he wanted.

Interviewer: I see does that mean you only do open or polyamorous relationships?

Ro: I think that every relationship is different. Depending on what feels right I think that I could be completely monogamous. I will say that I do really enjoy being in more open relationships though. I have a lot to give, and I'm open to giving and receiving from one or multiple partners.

Interviewer: Very interesting. What's your ideal Friday night?

Ro: Playing a gig with The Rebel Rejects, of course! There's nothing like the energy of a live show. After that, maybe going over to De’s place just to hang out, and eat some of their dad’s amazing food.

Interviewer: What's the last song you listened to?

Ro: "Rebel Girl" by Bikini Kill. It's a classic that always gets me pumped up and ready to rock.

Interviewer: How do you behave in a relationship?

Ro: I think that I'm pretty consistent in all of my relationships. I really love to build my partner up and make sure that they know exactly how I feel about them. I'm also super needy like I neeeed physical touch. *winks at the camera*

Interviewer: Do you approach those you're interested in or let them come to you?

Ro: I'm definitely more of a go-getter. If I see something I want, I go after it. Life's too short to wait around for things to happen.

Interviewer: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Ro: People who are boring...I know it sounds harsh but it's true. I'm not saying someone has to be on 100% of the time but I can't really hang with someone who is completely dull.

Interviewer: What do you notice first about a person?

Ro: I could lie and say something cute like their energy or their eyes....but truth be told it’s everything. If I notice them I give them a long once over, from head to toe. *gives the interviewer a long look up and down*

Interviewer: *hides behind notecards* Alright I have to ask the question on everyone's mind. Have you ever gotten involved with one of your band member... romantically of course?

Ro: *sly smirk* I bet you'd love to know exactly what we all get up to after practice. *runs hand through their hair* If you're asking me if we've dated each other then the answers no. If you're asking me about whether or not we've fooled around...well I don't kiss and tell. *shrugs*

Interviewer: *gives them a knowing look*

Ro: *bursts out laughing* Oh who am I kidding! Have you seen Jo and De! Have you seen me! None of us are tied down and we spend A LOT of time together, things were bound to get at least a little physical.

Interviewer: *clears throat* Alright final question, what did you dream about last night?

Ro: You know now that you mention it, Jo and De were there and they were waiting for me in a hot tub...

Interviewer: *blushing so intensely* Ok I think I know where this is going and I'm gonna stop you there. Thank you so much for coming in today Ro this interview has been very *deep sigh* enlightening.

[sugarrookiedesign]

A Date So Bad, I Made A Tumblr Post About It

I'm sorta just listing events from the date off but its not entirely in order, and I most certainly forgot a few details bc it was all so stressful and chaotic

Mostly posting this for myself and my friends to gawk at (hi! 💓)

We met on the hellsite grindr. They're conventionally attractive, a bit odd and confusing through text, but were nice and seemed chill overall. We exchanged socials prior to meeting up and they had no local friends or much online community at all despite living in the area their whole life but I chalked it up to being newly trans.

These were the red flags I shouldn't have ignored, if you're keeping track lmao

I agreed to come to their place and my boyfriend dropped me off

First off I aint judging, but their house was completely empty besides their room even tho they claimed to have roommates and werent moving/recently moved?? unrelated but justa odd vibe and potential red flag lol

They were so erratic from the moment I met them they just kept talking n talking, and were clearly not all there bc I couldn't understand alot of what they were sayin. It made conversation so hard.

We sat on the floor of their bedroom and smoked wii'd

They got very emotional about everything and would like jump up and like grab n shake me by the shoulders to emphasize the shit they were babbling 😭

Throughout the date they gave lil signs that they were a volatile person like they explained how they have had frequent fall outs w friends and family, their exs have called the cops on them on numerous occasions(explained in bits n pieces throughout the date during their semi-coherent rambles), and they had spicy reactions to me, just like, saying anything.

Thoughout the date they said the R word 3 times even after i told them it upset me, both to be funny and because they were mad at someone in their head, they made fun of muslims(amongst many others), told me "i dont go too far left, my political opinions will get me in trouble" and didnt elaborate when I tried gently asking about it.

They asked if I wanted to have sex like 4 times like out of nowhere in different ways and I had to say "Ive told you no 4 times, absolutely not, please stop" and kept pushing questions about my kinks. They also really hammered on how confusing polyamory was and made it clear that they thought it was dumb and funny that I have an asexual partnership w my fiance even though I explained it all to them prior ro meeting. :')

Like 6 times throughout our 4 hour date they made themselves so mad from talking(basically to themselves) about their traumas that they were like yelling at themselves while staring at the ground??

Surprisingly the thing that made me text my boyfriend to pick me up ASAP was they asked me to buy them food like over and over and made me explain why I didn't want to do that it was so creepy and weird and upsetting, ik it sounds dumb but just the way they were saying shit n pushing it really triggered my anxiety 😭

(obviously manipulative voice that i notice immediately): "aw you know I could really go for some icecream but ive been broke recently and i have no food in my fridge"

me, knowing whats coming, already so sick of them: "Ah I feel you I love icecream, and I've been nearly broke recently too"

"..please buy me icecream?"

"uh no im sorry not today"

"please?"

"uuuuh, what? I dont really feel like it i already bought us snacks and i dont have alot of money"

"you said *nearly broke*. Can you please?"

"no"

"why not you have money"

and just kept going and was like asking how much I had in my bank account 😭

i try to ignore my phone when im w people to be respectful so the first time i texted my bf was to get rescued right after they begged me for food money and they just stared at me silently for like 15 seconds while I was texting before angrily saying "Oh so do you talk shit to your boyfriend when your grindr dates aren't going well? Is that it?"

for my safety I had to pretend like I was willing to go on a second date but I blocked her everywhere except grindr before I was even out of her driveway 😭😭

its hard to fully explain how fucking weird and bad this date was

One last small thing lmaooo when she put a youtube video on for us to watch she just straight up unblinkingly stared directly at my face to gauge my reactions to it FOR THE ENTIRE VIDEO I STG IF THAT ISNT SERIAL KILLER VIBES DUDE

Im tired, I just wanted headpats but I put myself in danger instead uuuugghhh

Part of it was absurd and almost-funny, I couldn't believe what was happening at times, but it was also mostly just super stressful. Lots of thoughts n anxiety swirling through my silly kitty brain 😖

Im not judging them for being clearly mentally unwell and I really hope they heal and get help for the stuff they're going through.. but also they were an objectively bad person who I need as far away from me as possible!

[larateared]

Then you should know you are the most beautiful I have ever seen, I am thankful you are still here to be one who could truly be themselves. I need to die, when they starve then I will die, all contact. But then I will need to die on a good note. I can’t I just fucking can’t die as a bad person. I want to be myself. A fascimile of a human being I am, copying everything could I ever anything original? I tried saying it one time i can’t i can’t Nothing I can see the future I can see so manh and I don’t know whats fuxking true why didn’t tou sabe me please save me please save me I wan ro save you I want to become jesus chrisr I want to be jesus christ I want to save everyone I need everyone happy I can’t stand any unhappiness I can’t let anyone suffer a perfect utopoa is what I must make but how can I do that even if I’m not human? I’m not human I can’t so anything a human would realize I’m not a human if they truly got to know me? All of my understanding traded for feeling sympathy, the loss of understanding my emotions destroyed and disconnected my body and mind seperate running everything I can’t control anything and understand I will forget wverything please save me please do something that makes me win and love again I will nevee get better thar is my fate I will etch it onto everything I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am under a blankrtet I am being shot and cut by broken glass you have such nice long hair hey Abigial I really love you. Hey, somnire I love you for existing for me, I son’r know what to do if I ever see them again or you or anyone whoever is reading I want to save everyone please die please die I don’t want to I want to? I can’t eveyrthing will fold in on itself and everything will contradict but at the same time if I focus on one part I can only make it out in my peiroheral and I can ignore it it bends reality and understandint geometry isn’t real I can’t look at the whole picture it doesn’t make sense. It’s all self induced anyway, it’s me. It’s always been me.

I miss you, I should’ve gotten to know everyone better. Find a plan

I love myself

I hate myself

I can see the future

I can’t understand

I understand

I don’t know what’s going to happen

The loss of understanding and everything falling apart

Please don’t break my fingers, a twitch I will never remove and it will not stop here. I must Burn Myself.

[cepheusgalaxy]

Thank you:)

I'm at the weird thing where like I don't dislike the sound of sex but it doesn't exactly appeal to me either but I do feel like it could maybe be fun? Like I know it's supposed to be 18+ but I have read some smuts cause ad silly as it sounds I wanted to know what was going on (that sounds so stupid). Like I knew what sex is obviously we did that in school (however they never actually mentioned anything about people not wanting sex or about different sexual orientations either which is already dumb enough and I'm a lesbian so it was kinda just a really awkward discussion of "when a man and a woman love each other they have sex" and even at the time 12/13 year old me went well that's silly what if u don't want to have sex, I was also already out as a lesbian at that point so I was like this means nothing to me🤣) but like I still somehow knew how sex worked for different secualities and what not(not entirely sure how cause I never googled it or was taught it but I just knew somehow? Probably TV idk) but it was more of like a How's it in a casual sense instead of like over dramatic movies having these grand affairs or schools awful SRE lessons.

Anyway that was a long way of saying I read it and it sounded alright:/ like the whole feeling good idea sounds nice but like not that big of a deal, I'd probably rather have a back message or something.

But like I don't think id be against it either or for all I know I'd somewhat enjoy it. But either way I wouldn't wanna just hook up with people you know? To me that just sounds weird,like "hi I know I just met u but wanna have sex?"I personally don't get that (no offence to anyone who does hookup obviously, if that ur style go u!) So how would I even know whether I would like sex? Wait till I'm far into a good relationship have it then go sorry that was weird dunno about doing that again? I don't like the sound of that,it would be awkward and I wouldn't wanna ruin a decent relationship. But then again I could just be a top and not have to do anything myself and just give my potential future gf a nice time? But then again judging by smut and the too much information people at college day that I don't particularly want ro hear,there's a lot more than just fingerings, and like oral that sounds yucky. Like idk but I don't think that would taste nice, so again even if I'm not anywhere on the spectrum (although the more I think about it the more I think I might be but idk) I wouldn't wanna do that.

And im really sorry if this is like wat too much information but it just confuses me and there's no one I really can talk to about it. I know it's just a label and doesn't define me or anything but I feel like it would be nice to be able to easily explain it ams that if I ever did get into a decent relationship I would be able to go into it knowing this and they wouldn't expect anything from me I wouldn't be wiling to do.

The other thing is I unfortunately feel like I don't know enough about the situation, I didn't even question it until probably the last year or so, I always assumed no one else felt sexual attraction at this age (as I said idk if I wouldn't necessarily mind certain parts of sex, occasionally it feels like it could be appealing but not really but I've also never looked at anyone and gone damn I'd like to have sex with them) but yeah I never really thought to look into it all that much and now that I have I still feel like I know nothing at all, Google had the worst explaintions and they always contradict each other. But it thought maybe someone online as a part of the spectrum themselves who seems to have a far better understanding of it than I do could help. And again thank you so much and I'm really sorry how long and awkward this ask is (feel very weird saying all this)

Oh I'm glad to be of help. Getting to your other ask in a bit btw!

[leafdebrief]

unpopular thoughts on "Anonymous" in 2023

first off, let me get something straight: i remember the "Anon" that actually seemed to just be a nebulous and transient group of likeminded people, whose minds ranged in skills that were all very well-equipped for the challenges that plagued the internet in the early 2000s. i was there for that and used the LOIC to ping sites that did nefarious shit and DDoS'd them with pwnage and were totally Legion /b/.

i'm not talking about that Anon anymore, because the one that exists in 2023 is something i'd never venture to call myself a part of for contributing anonymously in the same way everyone else might or did. the one which, in my faded old memories, didn't sit behind a few awkwardly controlled socials and rather simply existed as some unidentifiable force of good on the internet. that one does not exist anymore, and has not for a while.

"Hacking the World" in 2023 is not what it was in 2004 on forums with your /b/ros when we all took down the shitty companyish message boards and services that were trying to get the Free Spaces shut up or shut down, and when we all declared victory and Biggest Winrar of the Internets and were all An Hero under our Queen by 2006 (you know her; she's not trollin).

Boxxy is a human adult named Catherine Wayne. read about her sometime! she's got quite a story.

so what about now? in 2023?

hacking in 2023 is one of a few things:

using sets of tools and programming languages whose entirety of usage and knowledge is freely available to you in all shapes and forms at every learning level and with hardware widgets that do whole Hacks for you, and you can buy them at the store or download them from the grand old internet. you can even buy them from the internet, and they'll ship to your house (with one-day shipping) and you can use them to hack the internet

being a social engineer that has practiced skills like manipulation and deception and a good understanding of how to use them to get what you want from people (and get it without them knowing you're doing it)

having a good understanding of how to use the internet to find information about people and things that you can use to your advantage because that information has been made abundantly available to you by the people themselves, usually through the products they freely sign up for and use to the company's intended purpose (which is to make money off of you and your data)

being a government or a military that has a lot of money and a lot of resources and power and influence and most importantly access to cutting-edge computer technology that is simply not available to consumers in any capacity because it literally uses whole countries' worth of electrical power to crunch algorithms that would take a normal computer a thousand years to do, and it does it in a few seconds

and then there's... well, whatever anonymous is to the internet in 2023.

the pieces that make up "Anonymous", in 2023, fit into at most one of those categories well, and at least one of them not at all.

so let's look at each of those relevant four groups first.

1

the ones that fit into the group 1 are the ones that are the most dangerous, not because they are cool and dangerous benevolent Hackers but because they're the ones that just use what's accessible to the most people, and are most likely use things they simply think they understand better than they do.

they usually don't know how to cover their tracks very well, and most frequently do things that would require a good track-covering to not deliberately lead federal agents to their door. most often to be found on the dark web picking through Tor and then mailing black boxes to their home address, and most often to be found in jail for things they simply did not understand.

2

groups 2 and 3 are actual danger.

but you don't need to spend copious amounts of time concerning yourself with them because they're rare and do not ferry social media accounts that put up banners that say things that desperately try to convey the intention that they are problematic and that should be your problem, such as;

no. groups 2 and 3 are the ones that are either: - actually anonymous, because you literally do not see them, or - totally known, because they are famously dangerous

they're the ones who are actually good at what they do and are not doing it for the lulz or the glory or the clout and often not even for money or power, fundamentally, but rather for chaotic and sometimes coldly scientific omnipresence in a universe operating above the internet, not in it.

they know where i live even though i don't know they exist, and if i do know it's because they're benevolently showing me on youtube how fucking easy i am to find, and if you're reading this and going "huh?" then they can almost certainly find you in a few minutes. that is anonymity.

that leaves us with group

4

if you are group 4, what are you even doing on my tumblr? my bluesky? go get my headshot from your infinite database of human souls and use a badass picture that makes me look like i was on hella drugs when you kicked my door in for the fake police news report you can have drafted and published by journalistic 'experts' that get paid to be experts on this specific type of crime by.. an oil company presumably.

or just kill me already if that's your actual prerogative!

this planet is so fucking sick and dying and we'll all go with the damn thing if we are married to Hacking as what is going to be the sole provider of liberation from planetary doom. be anonymous, anonymously out of faces, or put your skin in the game (the stuff on your face, which melts at certain temperatures produced by magnificent spaceborne power machines we are largely shielded from by a paper thin layer of gas) (no not Low Orbit Ion Cannons with DDoS powers, the fucking sun goober).

- Jasper @ L✱D

[jujujournal]

The H's

It’s Christmas eve day. I signed up to work a few hours tonight. That will be the first part of my ‘socializing’ for the holidays. The second part will be tomorrow night - when I signed up for another short shift. New Years day has a full shift available - but it’s in a facility and I don’t know that I really want to do that. I’ve learnt that I don’t particularly like working in a facility. I prefer the autonomy and one on one of hospice and home health. This is a weird time of year for me. I long to be with family and friends but if invited I would likely say no. I don’t want the stress of carrying on conversations and dealing with everyones’ drama. The weather here is out of the teens - I know we will get another cold snap before it’s all said and done but I am grateful for the reprieve.  So glad I bought my electric fireplace, I can only imagine how cold it would have gotten in here without it. I want more but I have so much more than many others.

The morning before the arctic temps blew in I sat here absolutely horrified knowing there are people living on the streets that would have nowhere safe to get in out of the literally life threatening temperatures. My friends and coworkers offered all the platitudes and comforts of the city offering warming stations and how the salvation army is open 24/7. That’s right, they’ve never been touched by homelessness - they don’t understand that that isn’t enough. 

People with pets won’t be allowed in shelters. People not in areas of warming stations don’t have the option to hop in their car and drive there. I can pass out blankets and hot drinks and try to make myself feel as though I’ve done a small part, but it won’t change what I know - that there are men, women, and children out there without access to any of these  assistances that are being offered. So there is the contradiction of me, I want to do more to help but I don’t trust people so I can’t/won’t open my home to them. I don’t have fancy things to steal, but I have my peace and I have my pets and those are the things most precious to me. I have adult children whom I’d give anything for but they don’t live here so are not part of that decision making equation. So what do I do?  Donate to shelters? Yea, I know someone who stayed at a homeless shelter one night. He left his bag of belongings in the courtyard and the facility threw them away. They didn’t take the clothes and wash them for those who might need them, they didn’t hold them so that someone who had nothing could reclaim them, they threw them away - all while begging for donations. I can’t wrap my head around that. Drive around and pass out supplies - I do, at least as much as I can afford, which is really less than a drop in a bucket when you look at the grand scheme of things. Not to mention time constraints, if you get there ‘too late’ they can’t help. They have curfews - I get it, but that doesn’t help people who miss the cutoff. Check in is 7pm - 10pm, and you have to be out by 7am. Even if you make the cutoff and they have room for you there are still 12 hours a day you have to keep yourself safe. Homeless aren’t welcomed in most places so that means on the streets, but not too close to a home or business because then they are loitering.

I’m not saying that some people haven’t landed themselves in these situation but making poor life choices - but a lot of them haven’t. SO many people out there are just one paycheck away from being at risk for homelessness.They aren’t bad people, they aren’t drug addicts, they aren’t wasting money on electronics, gambling, etc. They’re working full time jobs struggling to make ends meet. Cast all the accusation you want and make all the excuses you need to for your lack of compassion: there are programs to help, they should have gone to college to get a higher paying job, etc. As far as I am concerned you are only giving yourself justification and an excuse to not care.  I see people on street corners begging, and I sometimes roll down my window and offer what I have - be in a little cash, food, jackets, blankets, bottled water, whatever - but then I’ve seen those people throw away anything that isn’t cash and drive off in their cars and head for their homes. Now that isn’t on me, that’s on them. That’s their karma. I don’t understand though how you can have a roof over your head, food for your belly, and stand on a corner stealing from those who truly need help - making people second guess helping at all because they don’t know whether the person asking for help truly needs it or is just another scam artist. I disassociate, I turn off my emotions to a large degree, I am guilty of those things, but I can’t turn off my compassion. I cannot see someone with less and think how easy it would be to take from them so I would have more. I was reading through a page in my local area that helps homeless folks, specifically a post on social media. A comment caught my eye “Look at all that debris”. This person didn’t see the struggle, didn’t see the people camping under old carpets trying to stay safe and warm, they only saw the debris. Is it horrible that their is filth and trash, of course it is. But how is it not worse that there are people that this is their best option?!?!

[gemstarstarlight]

So, after doing a tag that literally had my real name involved and seeing how feminine the results were, I actually started thinking about this question.

And I actually struggle with how to relate with my gender.

Not in the sense of, "I don't know what my gender is," but in, "I know what my gender is, and that is weakness, and I don't like it."

I think I used to love feminine things as a child. Dolls, dresses, long hair, all the things. I really enjoyed being a girl and living that way. I even wanted to be a mom someday. It wasn't just a dream given to me by my parents. I grew up with my mom having babies; I loved babies. I still do. I was looking forward to the day I could have kids of my own. A lot of the women I knew were singers, and I dreamed of being a singer myself, to be like them.

And then...things changed. The meaning of what it meant to be a girl changed.

Girls started to have crushes on boys. I watched them giggle about it and moan about crushes on boys who were, objectively, stupid. They knew it, too. But they couldn't help simping for these idiot no good boys. As someone who was romantically paired up with a friend, without my consent or requited feelings, and then relentlessly gossiped about for years in elementary school, this was baffling behavior to me. I also saw girls who wouldn't walk out of the house without makeup because then they would be ugly. I saw most of the girls I knew as deeply insecure and afraid of everyone and how they were perceived, and who centered their worth around being acceptable and presentable to everyone around them. I also saw girls who romanticized romance, swooned about their wedding day and already had Pinterest boards picked out for what everything would look like, getting excited for the day they would meet their special person.

And I couldn't understand that.

I knew that romance and love didn't always work out because my dad worked with couples and I heard the stories of fights, misunderstandings, conflicts, even the little irritations that made me wonder, "If you don't like them, why would you want to live with them?" I'd been to my fair share of embarrassing weddings. I knew my mom didn't get to have her dream wedding because my dad was the resident "it guy" at a very large church and having a small wedding was simply out of the question. I knew most high school relationships didn't work out and was flummoxed why people would get into them. And I learned to sit in my "ugliness", to ignore my pimples and my nose and my too-strong jaw and whatever else people said I could and couldn't do because it's my face, goddammit, the one God made for me, and I would not use makeup to make it look like someone else. Even if that someone else is prettier. I didn't care. I had already started having conflicts with my parents by the time I was 13. I didn't want to look pretty, I wanted to be enough as I was, for once in my life.

I'm not sure where my thinking shifted entirely, but by the time I was 16-17, feminine was associated with giggly girls who couldn't stand up for themselves and what they wanted. They weren't driven, they didn't have dreams. They just cared about boys and friends and how everyone thought of them--except how they thought of themselves.

Now, I realize now that this is normal teenage behavior, and that most people are deeply insecure about themselves. Many of those girls grew up into women that are very different now from how they were as teens.

But I couldn't watch every girl I knew, every girl on TV, become weak.

Pretty girls wait for a savior. Pretty girls wait for people to accept them. By the time I was 18, I had cut out, emotionally, every person who told me they cared about me because it would hurt more to try to emotionally depend on them. I had mentally prepared myself to leave for college and simply never come back.

I'm leaving out parts of this story, and I have already mentioned on this blog how being aroace alienates me from my culture because it is so romance/marriage oriented, but I want to fast-forward to the result of all this.

I have no problem being a girl. The problem is I had to become emotionally independent when I was 16, and nobody I knew was doing that. I found myself constantly and consistently othered among my own gender since I was very young, and often while I know what I am, I often have to think without consideration of my gender or without awareness of it, because no one I know would do the things I want to do.

The problem isn't that I am a girl. The problem is that I don't want to get married, I am an obsessive dreamer, and I put that in front of everything. The problem is until I was 19 I walled myself off from close friendships or from depending on people because they would inevitably hurt me, for reasons I could never begin to understand. The problem is that I used to wear big T-shirts and sweaters because they were cute but after being in a relationship I wear them because I no longer want to be perceived as desirable by men.

And no woman I know is doing that outside of fiction, and they are often demonized for it.

Hey cis people of tumblr, can you describe your experience with your gender? I'm madly curious

[northern-passage]

hi, i don’t mean this to be rude at all just genuinely wondering how you’re going to approach nsfw content with your nonbinary characters? i’m just curious since you’ve never revealed agab (which i totally respect that) and i’ve done the same with my own nb ROs.

i assume this is about nsfw art? i've done snippets for Clementine before, and i've always kept it vague for them (and same with Noel, since xe was gender-selectable at the time)

this is something i've thought about a lot and have talked to various people about since i've started tnp; i've always been pretty adamant about not discussing agab on the blog, and that's not going to change with this. i have a no nsfw policy almost entirely because of the way the IF community interacts with & talks about trans and nb characters, and while it has improved slightly in the last year, it's still not something i'm going to entertain. to be frank, i find people asking for agab/discussing agab in this context (anonymously on tumblr dot com), even about fictional characters, to be really weird and rude.

i don't really think it adds anything to announce a character's agab in that way, and personally for the stories i write i always want it to be something that comes up in-game between the player and the character, because it gives the character some agency and (this is entirely a personal opinion) as someone who is nb myself it makes me feel that, as an author, i am conveying to readers that this is not information you are Entitled to, not in real life and not even in fiction. you have to get to know this character, and even then, they are not required to share this very private thing with you. obviously i do understand the appeal in announcing if your characters are trans, and i understand it makes it easier for people who are looking for trans inclusive games to find them that way - this is just my personal opinion about it, and why i don't specify that kind of thing in my character descriptions or intro posts.

at this point, though, with the plans i have for the game and the sexual content i want to include, it's obvious that it's not exactly realistic of me to keep it vague. it's going to eventually come up in game, in the intimate scenes i have planned for everyone. i didn't expect that i would ever even be writing those kinds of scenes, which is also part of why i set that boundary about my nb characters to begin with (this game wasnt even 18+ at the start). but i've got more comfortable with that now, and it's something i'm actually looking forward to.

i've debated a lot about this, especially after i released the siren's call demo and posted art of Rome on that blog and immediately had people in my inbox misgendering them and calling them a man - it really frustrated me in particular that just giving the slightest bit of facial hair made people act like that... they aren't perfectly androgynous, and suddenly people felt comfortable disregarding their identity and straight up misgendering them.

however, i don't think the answer to that is to just remove all sex characteristics from my nb characters... that's silly and isn't actually addressing the problem (i'd argue it's making it worse) plus there's already a prevalent misconception when it comes to nb people and How they are expected to look and dress, with most people assuming certain things that directly harm the more vulnerable members of our community. nb people can look any way they want, and they're still nb. it's ridiculous to expect androgyny, and it's ridiculous to expect nb people to be "vague." but i also think it's ridiculous to expect Anyone to disclose personal, private information about themself, no matter how they present... and with Clementine and Noel being fictional characters, they can't really "decide" what they want for themselves.

sorry this has turned into a bit of a tangent, but basically my thoughts on all of this now is... it's Complicated. lmfao. i know a lot of people especially liked how i've handled Clementine up to this point, and i understand if people are disappointed with this potential change. i've also had a lot of people that have really liked my snippets and depictions of Merry - whereas with Clem i was always vague, i've been far more explicit with Merry.

i think, particularly with Merry, she has shared with the player that she is trans & potentially has already had an intimate encounter with the hunter. Lea, too, is very close with the hunter and they are both intimately familiar with each other, whether they like it or not. obviously we know Clem and Noel are trans as well, but the difference is that they have not disclosed certain things with the hunter like Lea and Merry have, if that makes sense. this is also why i preferred to keep things vague with those two specifically - again, i like giving that bit of agency to the characters, and we have a long way to go in-game before Clem or Noel are close enough to the hunter to want to share that information.

for the record i do think it's weird to treat it like some Big Deal that *gasp* Clem and Noel have genitalia! it's not something that needs an announcement. but i hope this at least explains my thinking & why i've done things the way i have up to this point, and why i've changed my mind slightly.

my plan now, with the nsfw art aspect, is that i may post an occasional tasteful nude of some of my characters on patreon. and that's it. it's not going to change how i do anything else, and this doesn't change anything about either Noel or Clem.

[goldenashes-if]

If we’re still on an angst spree, what about the romanced!RO accidentally slipping out “I wish I never met you” during an argument? And then seeing the devastated look on MC’s face :)

Sekh': their words are full of venom as they say it, poisoned by hurt and frustration. Immediately after, time seems to freeze. Slowly, MC's espression cracks. All the spite seems to leave them at once, replaced by devastation.

Sekh' realizes they didn't mean it - how could they? You've been one of the only positive things happening in their otherwise pitifully empty life. They try to backtrack but tears have already started to fall from MC's eyes.

"Darling, it's not-"

"I'll see myself out, then," MC states, their voice dangerously close to breaking. "I wouldn't want to impose my presence on you any longer."

And with that they shift and fly away.

Cherena: Cherena is almost never completely lucid when they argue with someone. They get so clouded by their own distress and by the fact that it's MC they're fighting with - the people they are attached to the most - that it makes them slip.

"I wish I never met you."

It's the coldness in their gaze, the resentment that stagnate in their throat that makes it ten times worse. Cherena's chest heaves with irregular breaths, their pupils dilatate and as they see devastation take hold of MC tears gather up in their own eyes.

It's not true. It's not true it's not true

MC's face shifts to an emotion to another. "I see." They answer at last, their voice dangerously empty.

"No, no-" Cherena begs.

MC stops them with a raised hand. "It's alright. I understand."

Zaphia: As soon as the words are out of their mouth, Zaphia wants to take them back, to swallow them deep down where MC won't have to ever hear them. They can't. What they can do, is watch as their love's face crumples.

Hopelessness fills it - because it's Zaphia. Who chose them time and time again, who stood by them, who forgave them time after time. Zaphia can't mean that.

MC takes a step back, choking on a low whine. Zaphia is breathing unevenly, frozen on the spot and reaching out with a hand after a beat.

"It's not true, I promise."

But MC's mind is flooded by dread and pain and they take another step back and then another. Then MC hugs themselves and silently cries.

[gamingperipety]

Hi! Is there a difference between a really strong friendship and aromantic love? I tried to find information on the Internet, but I didn't come across anything specific and well-explaining. I am a little bit confused, but I want to understand. So can you provide please any reliable sites or explanation?

Hello! This got a bit long so more under the cut.

Aromance is a whole spectrum, just like asexuality so the answers do depend on that and where everyone falls in the whole range of that spectrum.

There are aromatic people who don't feel romantic love at all and would not want to be in a relationship.

There are aromatic people who feel little romatic feelings towards someone and they slowly start building from there.

There are aros who need to bond emotionally with someone first in order to be able to form a romantic connection to said person.

There are aros who don't feel any sort of love.

There are also aros who love very deeply in a platonic senses. For some of them friendship can be the same and for others it can be different.

It honestly really depends on how everyone feels it with themselves. There's no hard rules that define what aro is as long as it is not the default "I feel the whole love spectrum" thing.

I don't look much on the internet for this sort of thing (except for back when I was discovering about my own sexuality and all, as I myself fall into the aro spectrum, and so does my mother who is happily married to my heterosexual alloromantic father).

So tldr; for some aros a really strong friendship can be the same as a relationship, while for other it can be much more different (where one can be deeper and/or different in nature than the other, or a good friendship is all it ever is for them and nothing more).

For me personally, I can feel romantic love if I strongly bond with someone. I've never, however, been in love with anyone my entire life. But I can feel the romance in books and games or movies with certain characters that I create a connection with.

Everyone keeps telling me that I haven't found the right person yet, but I know that isn't exactly the case and I doubt I'll ever feel the same type of romantic love most feel towards their partners because my brain isn't wired like that, but I know I can love deeply dispite my love being 'different'.

I honestly hate having to explain my romantic attraction because it's so weird and and I don't know how to express myself in a way that will make others really understand what it feels like.

I want to be loved, I want to be in a relationship and be held and kissed as well as give all that back to my hypothetical partner, but I've never felt like anyone I've ever met would be someone I'd allow to do that.

What really was a wake up call for me was when a good friend of mine, who had been in love with me for years, confessed to me and I told them I couldn't be with them because x, y, z. And I, completely oblivious to the way he was feeling said "but we can still be friends, right?"

And he looked and me and said, "I can't just shove this all down and pretend these feelings don't exist and pretend I don't love you. You can't ask that of me. It isn't fair."

But I didn't understand that. Yet he was absolutely right. It wasn't fair, because I didn't feel the way he felt and I couldn't comprehend how much it was hurting him.

When I say this I speak for myself and this is absolutely not the case for all or most aros.

As for when it comes to relationships, there are aros who are absolutely repoulsed by the idea and there are aros who would want to have a partner of sorts.

I think on youtube you can find a few good videos about aro people and their specific take on being on the spectrum.

If you are worried about the ROs, I can guarantee that people who are not in the aro spectrum most likely won't see the difference between relationship unless it is told by narration or the characters themselves, but I'm sure aros would know.

Honestly, that's why I was very reluctant at first to share that information and a part of me regrets doing it, but representation matters. But also, I feel so alone in this and I hate the idea of my characters getting alienated because they're a bit different, so I'd rather keep it to myself, and only those who can understand see it and appreciate it for what it is.

That is to say, I don't blame you or anyone else, for that matter, for wanting to look more into it or those who are a bit sceptic if a relationship with someone like this would be worth it. It's just that I personally prefer the shadows, and this was a bit too in the spotlight for me and my characters and I don't know how to feel about it.

This was a lot and I apologise, but I hope it answered your question to some degree.

Thank you so much ♡

[idrellegames]

Hey there! I come bearing a question, and I'll be honest. I don't know if you've answered it in the past, and Tumblr is a pain in the ass when it comes to trying to look backwards to see if something has been asked before.

So here goes: With how widely the lifespans of the different races vary, how common is it for the longer lived races like elves and dwarves, to actually be romantically involved with the more 'fickle' races? I can see it swing both ways honestly depending on the person of course, but I'm primarily curious whether it's something people in general don't care about, or if the longer lived races are more reserved due to the inherent differences in life span? I'd imagine a dwarf who can easily be expected to reach well past 200, being apprehensive about being involved with a human that won't even reach half of that.

Obviously that's very much a person by person situation when it comes down to it, but what's the general view on that? Like do the dwarves and elfs in general tend to stick with one of their own, if only to avoid the inevitable heartbreak of out-living their partner, or are they all "share the love" heartbreak be damned? Granted that obviously won't influence player romances, but I'm curious about what it looks like for the average person in the setting of your game.

Reading your FAQ too, I noticed that conversations with RO's will involve compatibility in terms of romance and sexuality etc. so I won't beat around the bush. Can an allosexual MC, still get in a viable relationship with our favorite savant? I'm personally the type of person who isn't overly concerned about sex in a relationship, so although I enjoy and like sex quite a lot, I'm also more than willing to put it aside if I really connected with someone who's asexual. If there's a genuine connection between me and them, then sex isn't all that important to me in determining the longevity of a relationship. So I guess my second question boils down to whether or not we'll be able to address it that way, so that our character can still be allosexual while also being fine with a potential relationship without sex. You don't have to spill the tea so to speak, as for how that conversation goes in the game though. I just don't want to get my hopes up for a romance with her, if I'll end up heartbroken because her asexuality is written as to her only wanting to be with other ace people 😩

Sorry if that last bit was a bit of a ramble, it's kinda a subject close to my heart, since people somehow often find it hard to understand how I can both love sex a lot, but simultaneously also be completely fine without it if the person I'm with is worth it. So I guess I'm a little self-conscious about it, which tends to lead to rambling. Especially since I don't really know if there's a label for how I feel about it, since it hasn't really been something I've looked into in the past x3

So now I'll just quietly shut up, before I embarrass myself further than I already have 😖

Hi! Thanks so much for your ask. 💕 Hopefully I can clear up a few things!

Different Lifespans

The majority of people in long-term relationships in this world tend to find themselves in relationships with other members of the same species. But, like most things, it does depend on culture, location, and the individual person. Cross-species relationships are more common in urban areas and large cities, as are mixed family units. The general understanding in most Rhesainian cultures is that some folks may have more than one "life partner" and it's not something to bat an eye at.

Ace/Allo Relationships

I don't want to spoil anything, but this will be a topic of conversation on most romance paths. Allosexual MCs who want to romance acespec characters (Alexia and Ren) will have a chance to talk about what they want their relationship to look like. The same is true for asexual MCs who want to romance allosexual characters (and, on a related topic, monogamous MCs who want to romance polyamorous characters and vice versa). Romantic and sexual compatibility is a theme for all romanceable characters. Some characters are fine with pretty much anything, others are not. If it doesn't line up between the MC/LI, there will be a conversation to be had, compromises to be made, and things to work out.

Hope that makes sense!

[kalorphic]

I already love Cody and nothing that emotionally withdrawn bastard does will stop me.

On an unrelated note, how would the ROs react if the MC gave them flowers and when asked why, they say it was for no particular reason/that the flowers reminded them of them?

Oh wow hi! Just want to say that I love your IF, the whole concept...is just wow (also Dimitri? Dimitri <3).

Cody is a tough nut to crack, but deep romance Cody is *chefs kiss* (if I do say so myself). They're a rat bastard, but it's hard not to love them.

As for your very cute ask, under the cut!

How would the ROs react if the MC gave them flowers and when asked why, they say it was for no particular reason/that the flowers reminded them of them?

Crushing stage:

K: Spontaneously combusts. K is not sure how anyone could be that cute, but they are in love. IN LOVE I tell you. Would dutifully wander off to find you some flowers, would probably enlist the help of someone who knows flower language so they could give you all sorts of flowers that tell you their feelings without actually having to tell you. Bonus if MC knows flower language as well, and just doesn’t tell K.

A: A is a smitten kitten and thinks you are the sweetest human being on Earth, seriously why aren’t you guys in a relationship already? Why does anyone want to take over the world and change it to suit their own desires, when you exist (uh careful A, Noah might agree)?? Would also get you flowers in return, probably understands flower language themselves, so be prepared to receive a flower every day for the rest of your lives.

Reese: Eats the flowers. Reese doesn’t know what they’ve done to earn this little show of affection, but they’re going to remember it for the rest of their lives. You could be old and grey, married with kids, and they’ll still look back on this moment with fondness. Would be the RO most likely to dry and press the flowers (is that the correct terminology?) so they could stick them in a scrapbook or something to keep forever (they’re sentimental if you couldn’t tell).

Luisa: Understands flower language (probably the one K went to for help) and will tease you mercilessly if it means something romantic (bonus points if MC looks her dead in the eyes and says, ‘I know’, congratulations! you’ve flustered Luisa!). Will probably give you a quick kiss on the cheek, and then wander off to find a glass to put them in. Will take pride of place on her nightstand.

Cody: Cody is allergic to pollen, so if the flowers have a high-pollen count, they’re going to be an absolute mess. This is not appreciated because you would probably know this. However, if you’ve gone out of your way to get them flowers with low pollen count, they’ll probably make some comment about how much of a sap you are, and how they don’t like flowers. But you’ll notice the blush blooming over their cheeks, right up to their ears as they turn away, and later, if you happen to see the flowers in a glass of water in Cody’s room…no you didn’t.

Noah: If they knew you were okay with it, Noah would probably bear hug you to almost death (I’m not joking, Noah (all versions...buff women? Yes please) is built like Dexter Soy’s version of Jason Todd...but taller) in their excitement. They’d then proceed to find out what your favourite flower is and have about 300,000 of them sent to your room in your hotel apartment you’re staying in in Vegas with the others (the agents are highly concerned, Cody is pissed, or probably dying cause pollen, and Noah is very pleased because you’ve turned up at their home asking for a place to stay because there’s too many flowers in your room to sleep).

[interact-if]

The A/PI Heritage Month interviews are coming to a close soon! For Day 8, we have lovely Aster! :chinhands:

Aster, author of Nevermoore

A/PI Heritage Month Featured Author

They say that curiosity killed the cat, but it won’t be satisfaction that’ll be bringing you back. Again. And again. And again.

The simple act of visiting your parents turns into something much more than what you were expecting when your car suddenly breaks down in the middle of nowhere, and you find yourself right beside a small town that’s engulfed by the trees.

Some of the residents you met right away were welcoming enough, happy to try and lend a helping hand when they can. But their smiles seemed more apologetic than happy, and their eyes looked at you with regret.

You never really did understand why that was…

Until you died.

So now, you are an unwilling participant in an endless cycle of death and resurrection. And the more you learn about the bloodstained history of the town and the past of its people, the more you'll get tangled up in a web of secrets that threatens to keep you there forever.

So welcome, newcomer… to Nevermoore.

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: First of all, introduce us to your project! What is it about?

Nevermoore is planned to be is a supernatural story wrapped in a little horror bow about a cursed town that’s both lost to the trees and lost to the ages. Relatively normal lives can still happen there...well, as normal as it gets when not only is aging put to a pause, but dying isn’t even a permanent thing. And the duration of the stay, as far as the town is concerned, is forever.

And unsurprisingly, these effects of the town are barely half of the secrets and mysteries that it holds...But the question is, does the latest new resident that ‘accidentally’ stumbled across it (spoiler alert that’s you) really wants to know what they are?

...Perhaps some things are just better left forgotten.

Q2: If it’s not too spoilery, what are you most excited about your project?

Oh, there’s so many scenes and reveals I want to get to already that it’s hard to choose! But if I had to be specific, the one I’m most excited in writing out is Sterling’s (an RO) backstory! I don’t mean to play favorites or anything, but I like to think that their backstory as having the most Hollywood movie levels of drama and intrigue.

Sterling was honestly the first character I made for this story, even before the MC, so I can’t help myself in having some fun with this!

Q3: What inspired the current project you’re working on?

Believe it or not, Nevermoore’s first iteration was supposed to be a very specific, very self-indulgent AU fanfic of this piece of media I was into back in like, 2014? The drafts of that had remained in my Google Drive, unchanged and unworked on, that is until about two years ago when I discovered the wide, diverse world of interactive fiction.

Inspired to create a story to share with others, I ended up reviving those old documents. The plot and the characters had to be massively overhauled to make it more my own of course, and some inspiration was also been taken from shows like Stranger Things and Dark for their eerie and secretive small-town aesthetics.

Q4: Do you pull from your own identity for inspiration? How has that been reflected in your work?

...Admittedly, not so much. It was an embarrassingly lack of foresight on my part (as a first generation Filipino-Canadian), because it somehow never occurred to me that I can, in fact, add characters who are like me into my own writing. Well, lesson learned. Good news is that I already have some side characters planned who’ll be Filipinothat will show up later on in Nevermoore’s demo, as well as have a Filipino RO in a future wip. The latter of which I am very excited about!

With that being said, I will share that MCs parents in the story are actually loosely based on my own parents who were Filipino immigrants! I won’t elaborate on what parts, but I’m planning on integrating some more of their personalities in the upcoming patch. I really want dedicate those characters to them, since they’ve already sacrificed so much to bring me and my sibling here in Canada to have a better life! :)

Q5: What’s been your experience so far? With writing, with the if community...

There’s no doubt in my mind that getting involved with the IF community has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, despite being incredibly internet shy at first. I’m glad to have meet so many amazing IF writers and readers, and I definitely wouldn’t have gotten as far as I did with my projects if it weren’t for our constant support, help, and hype for each other.

This community has been so wonderful and welcoming, and I can’t wait to see it grow even more!

Q6: Do you have any future projects in the works?

At least three so far, actually! Nothing is fully established yet, just some concepts and vibes. But the genres are high-fantasy, postapocalyptic-ish, and sci-fi.

The first is about a character who’s an aspiring writer (heh) that suddenly finds themselves ‘isekaied’ into the fantasy world of the still-incomplete book they were working on. The second is about an immortal from the dawn of humanity trying to live through the endof humanity ft. zombies(?). And the third is about a volunteer of a cryosleep experiment gone wrong and ends up waking up 1000 years in the future instead. It seems here that my brain won’t let me rest and is telling me to try my hand in as many genres I can haha!

Q7: Finally, what piece of advice would you give to fellow authors?

This is advice that I still have to work on following myself but: Don’t stress too much on your first drafts, it’s called that for a reason! Focus on getting the basic ideas/dialogues/etc down and don’t be afraid to write ‘badly’, since there’s always time for you to polish it into something you’re happy with later on!

Otherwise, you’ll only get into this cycle of editing the same sections over and over, and that can burn you out before you even have the chance to work on the parts you’re actually excited for!