#i want to trust that the truth will come out and izzy will have to deal with the fallout of his abuse

[areyoudoingthis]

it's the scene with stede when they're finally on the revenge that does it for me. it's when he tries to shift the blame for what he did onto stede "you and me did this to him" because he can't accept that he did it, not stede, and he needs stede to absolve him (which he won't, not in a million years. it'd be antithetical to stede's nature to do that.) it's the contrast between "you know me better than anyone has ever known me, and I daresay the same is true for me about you", an assumption that has had the most fucked up consequences we've seen on this show so far, and stede's calm and assured "he was going to watch the world burn or die trying (and I love him and I don't care and I just want him to be fine)". it's the echo between "I'm here. I'm here. you're safe" and "I should've let the English kill you. This, whatever you've become, is a fate worse than death"

it's the way the show set up izzy and stede and their relationships with ed as narrative foils from the beginning and then said "watch what happens when each of them leads the dance." and then fed us a banquet

[sarucane]

Why was finding Stede's letter so important for Ed?

Real talk, I adore the season 2 finale and to me the rush is worth it to have a safe ending place. But this episode is so overpacked, and Ed goes through such an incredible character arc and I love it, so here goes my rant on why he burst into tears and screamed at the forest when he read Stede's letter.

Ed is all goddamn over the place in the first part of this episode, tossed about by his insecurity and baffled by what is safe and what is unsafe. He has a voiceover about how amazing being a fisherman is, then ends up regressing into childhood trauma when another father figure freaks out over dinner. Ed doesn't even choose to leave the fisherman fantasy: the fantasy gets shattered and he gets fired in a high-speed parallel of Stede trying to go home (return to a safe, simple life) and finding he doesn't belong there in S1E10. At least Ed does manage to not drown in self-hatred on the way out.

And then Ed returns to the pirate safe space, only to find that it's been invaded and taken over. And that his selfishness, the low self-esteem that distorted his view of reality and his relationship, may have had real consequences for someone he loves (another parallel with Stede, this time early season 2). Ed may have been off pretending to be a "dirty old fisherman" while Stede died.

What was safe is now unsafe. All Ed has left is himself--so he really looks at himself.

At the fact that the kraken is always there, no matter what clothes he wears or how deeply he tries to bury it. He can fight that and run from it, and end up losing everything. Or he can embrace it, and figure out what comes next. Be what he was made by his past, however dark that past was.

But Ed's past wasn't all darkness. Ed walks onto the beach and gets a letter from the past, and suddenly there is something safe again in his world. Something worth killing for.

Ed first started falling for Stede through the stories Stede built around himself, stories formed by boastful encounters with Izzy, muttered hallucinations, and trinkets decking his ship. Back then, Ed didn't believe he himself was a good person, didn't believe he could have friends. But Stede told him stories about friendship and treasure maps, and Ed took these to heart and told stories to match, and Ed found truth through the fiction.

Then Stede left, and those stories fell away for Ed. Ed embraced the story of the kraken, of Blackbeard. Instead of a story about love or survival, he wrote a story about an impossible bird, a raiding record, and a treacherous crew--and mourned a story about lost love.

But Stede kept writing stories. He poured himself into his letters, poured his heart into sustaining his connection to Ed in spite of all the obstacles.

Ed didn't believe in this story after Stede came back, even though he wanted to. He kept emotional distance from Stede, avoided risks, and bailed after two days. Because Ed didn't trust that their bond was solid, that their story was something that could survive Ed's darkness, insecurities, and damage. Didn't trust that what Stede said this time, he had truly thought about, and meant with all his heart.

Stede didn't get how insecure Ed was in all this, because Stede was just so sure of Ed, and of their love. Stede believed in his story with his whole soul, and Stede's stories have a way of creating reality--after all, the whole crew of the Revenge became "real boys." But he couldn't figure out how to communicate this to Ed, to let Ed believe it too.

And then, at a moment where his identity is fractured and re-forming, Ed finds this letter. And just like that, there's a solid ground of story beneath his feet.

Because there was, in fact, solid ground beneath his feet all along.

Ed's and Stede's relationship, like all relationships, is hard. But they formed a real bond of love in season 1, and like Mary Bonnet said, being in love is easy. Ed can trust it--like he did before, but for real this time.

Ed's figuring this out ruddy late. He and Stede didn't communicate these things to each other when they had the chance, and now the chance may have slipped away. So now, Ed yells his feelings at the world and runs off to try to find his person.

When Ed finds Stede again, he doesn't hold back anything. He doesn't hesitate to kill, and he doesn't hesitate to drop his sword when he reaches Stede. They're finally face to face, in every way. Finally balanced, and seeing each other clearly, and able to communicate.

And, for the first time since he and Stede reached each other this season--for the first time since his vision in the Gravy Basket really--Ed is utterly vulnerable.

And entirely safe.

[coyoteprince]

Some thoughts on the masculine side of my gender experience and how it ties into vulnerability

I am nonbinary, I believe some flavor of fluid, but I just read as a goth cis woman to the layperson. That's fine and good, there is a safety and privilege in being stealth even with the alternative way I dress, but there also feels like a safe with something precious I keep locked away in me.

I take comfort in referring to myself as a "woman with a man's personality" and likening myself to a kelpie or nymph: beautiful, soft, but merely a vision of a woman: in reality underneath the gossamer, a beast that fails man's words.

Occasionally, something stirs to life in me, similar but different: those feelings of masculinity. I am naturally positioned by my genes (I can grow a shitty sparse beard) and temperament to have some secondary features- but thats it.

And yet, when the pangs of longing ache, they come on suddenly and harsh and I feel trapped.

There is nothing I can truly do to feel comfortable with the swing of identity. Only shapeshifiting back and forth could satisfy me which is impossible. Yes, I could seek hormones or surgery, but I have decided for now to not for a variety of reasons. As part of that, I've always been rather... defensive and secretive about the masculine part of my identity. I have a secondary masculine name I only allow people I trust to call me, and this dumb tumblr post is the first time I'm admitting some rather personal things to the public eye.

I'm well aware today many won't respect the nature of my gender just because I am a ~nonbinary girl~ and not seeking permanent transition, but even before that the thought of being trans was too much for me.

The first time I realized I was trans I wasn't older than 15 and noticed the thoughts I was experiencing about wanting to feel like a boy. It frightened me so bad that I vowed to never give it attention again specifically because I already knew I was queer, mentally different, being abused, and "didn't need another target on my back". Haha. Hahaha

Ignoring those thoughts hasn't been too hard except when I see the ghost of my identity. Then it is overwhelming, like a wave crashing over me and threatening to sweep me into the tide. Painful and exhilarating all at once. Before I know it, it's gone again.

I read and watched The Outsiders in middleschool, as did many. I latched onto Johnny, a greaser kid with an abusive family who tried to play tough but was really just an incredibly scared, sweet runt. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I identified so hard with him but hindsight is 20/20. Despite the hamminess of Outsiders, I continue to hold a fondness.

Later, when I became comfortable with my nonbinary ID (something that was quite difficult for me) and an adult, I saw another ghost. A theme now set: soft hearted greasers. The first time I heard this I curled up and couldn't stop replaying it even though it made my chest ache.

Finally, the last ghost I've seen and what really made it all click for me was Izzy.

I was neutral of Izzy for the first season (sorry my old man fucker peers), but seeing him become disabled and starting to soften made me intrigued. Then, the drag scene and him singing: I yelped in excitement, bewilderment, and bawled like never before. It was the most intense gender euphoria I've ever felt. Izzy shot to the top of my favorite characters ever in an instant with all he grew to embody.

I guess I identify with boys clad in leather, forced to become rugged in all the wrong ways. Underneath, a natural softness terrified but desperate to show itself.

You can see this in Waite, too: A handsome, dark man who is oh so soft underneath. It's no secret that in my story over time he accepts his nonbinary identity and allows his truth to be seen framed by carnations and frill. Perhaps he is what I wish I was.

On the other hand, Degare is somewhat closer to my reality. A gender all his own, effeminant masculine mannerisms, fairly feminine dress, breasts and vagina and all- though he is still often more masculine than how I present. In contrast to Waite's uneasy fear of judgement, he tries to guard his natural softness rather aggressively out of fear of being taken advantage of.

I'm sure to many reading this I sound like a transmasc "egg" that hasn't cracked yet. To others, very mentally ill. Maybe to some who are fluid, they know the wish-washy feelings.

Either way, I'm a proud freak and I've worked hard to not allow others to hold power over how I view myself anymore. These past 4 years through a cocktail of treatments (though meditation and practice have been the biggest game changers) I've diligently learned how to balance being openly loving to all and authentic- yet protecting my energy and staying sure of my identity no matter another's opinion. Misery loves company and bitter, paranoid gossips and I no longer get along.

Softness, kindness, vulnerability for others and yourself are all difficult, at times seemingly impossible things to achieve when you come from a harsh upbringing and live in a world bombarded by bad news. Change in your view and behavior is excrusiating. But I believe striving for authenticity and love is the most important thing we can do as humans in this life.

Whether I end up transitioning down the line or staying as I am, I've learned to cherish these flashes of masculine desire and be empowered by vulnerability- and I don't regret it.

[naranjapetrificada]

I've started seeing more and more people talk about how everyone is operating without the context of Izzy's actions in s1e10 and how that needs to come out if they actually want to stick the landing for this season, and I'm starting to wonder if the anxiety around that is coming from a similar place as the queerbaiting anxiety from season one?

Like the idea that we're so used to seeing the Izzys of the world get off easier than they otherwise might? I know that some people will immediately be like "he's miserable and lost a leg" but ignoring the way the show handles physical vs emotional violence (or that Izzy fucked around and found out), there's retribution and there's atonement. You can't truly atone without doing it for the right reasons, and that can't happen without truth. Kicking Ed while he was down is something Izzy did from a queerphobic* place and I can't help but think about that when I'm also thinking about Izzy's hypothetical redemption arc for this season.

Intellectually I trust the team that gave us season 1 not to fumble the bag so badly as to not bring this sort of reckoning to Izzy eventually, but my limbic system hasn't gotten the message just yet. Here's hoping it's on the horizon somewhere, not just because it seems narratively important but also because I'd really love it if Izzy stopped taking up so much space.

*I'm not interesting in having the "iS iZzY hOmOpHoBiC" argument again so take that elsewhere please

[total-drama-brainrot]

TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? 👽

Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.

I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.

Area 51:

Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.

I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.

When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.

Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.

The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.

Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.

Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)

Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.

Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.

Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?

Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.

Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.

The Jet:

Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.

Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.

Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.

"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.

Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.

"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."

Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.

"Does that mean you don't like Al?"

"I never said that."

"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"

Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.

"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.

"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."

Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.

He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?

"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."

And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?

The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.

"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"

What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!

Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.

Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.

[bookishjules]

what do you think Izzy was like post cohf but pre tftsa? bring on the angst

okay i can't promise this will be coherent, but..

the first thing that comes to mind is angry. like.. i don't think i need to contextualize this for you, but just to get us in the headspace.. she really just gave her heart away. put the emphasis on any word in that sentence and it not only makes sense but just feels heavier and heavier. she fell in love in spite of herself, in spite of her fears and insecurities, in spite of her efforts and determination. and why would that not make her feel like the biggest fucking idiot?? she knew. she knew that falling in love would only result in pain and heartbreak and that that was a life she didn't want to live. and yet she did all that anyway. she put trust in simon, trust in the universe, and of course men and the universe will do what they do.. so can she really fault anyone but her own naive self?

she externalizes that anger too, snapping at her family, being especially brutal when she comes across demons during patrol etc. and the worst part is, that that anger doesn't take the other emotions away, it doesn't eradicate the love she felt for simon, that she still very much feels for him. she thinks of him and her heart hurts and it only makes her all the more angry. i think she waffles between being glad she never truly said the words "i love you" and regretting it. because now those words are just curdling inside her, a constant reminder of what she had and lost, and it makes her sick. like no, she never gave them away, but that also means she has to harbor the truth of them in her stomach. the truth of how much she's come to need him, of how every time she feels herself breaking down because of the heaviness of reality, it's his arms she craves.

she tries to forget. tries to move on like she's always been able to, tries to deny him like she's never been able to, but it doesn't work. of course it doesn't work. she tries to go out, to kiss boys, but all it does is pull her closer to tears. and it feels a little like she's the one being disloyal. because her heart still belongs to simon. because she never actually broke up with him. he may not remember that they are still together, but it's not like he wanted to ghost her. he loved her. and if he knew her.. he still would. but physicality has always helped her forget, helped her push those strong emotions deep inside. so she trains and she goes dancing, and she even lets a couple guys take her home. but no matter how intense the physical side gets, the emotions just rear their heads even stronger.

she's changed so much since meeting simon, since falling in love with him. and suddenly she isn't satisfied by hookups and bandaids. she wants someone to listen to her, to see her. someone to protect, someone to hold her hand. someone worth fighting for. she wants simon. she worries she's ruined. she worries she'll never be satisfied if he isn't simon. how could she find that again? would she even want to?

and i say she wants someone to talk to, but she definitely is not opening up to the people who are trying to be there for her. she closes herself off until she can properly mask her emotions, but her brothers aren't fooled by her act. clary has the best success when talking to izzy. not because she can offer consolation in any way, but because she gets it. because they can comfort each other in the loss of this person who meant the most to both of them. and when starving out the emotions doesn't seem to be working, izzy decides maybe .. maybe she should try the opposite. so clary starts to tell her stories. she talks about simon the way she grew up with him, talks about his favorite subjects in school and how he cried at his dad's funeral and the day he came home from his first guitar lesson. and izzy knows it helps clary too, to have someone who will appreciate these stories as well. who will appreciate a glimpse into the world clary lost.

but of course that also makes izzy feel even less deserving of the sense of absolute loss she feels when it comes to simon. like she had this guy in her life for what.. four months? why is she reacting so strongly?? why must this love have such a chokehold on her?? but the way she opened up to simon was something so unique and new that.. it wasn't just losing him. in a way, she'd lost a piece of herself too, the piece she'd never thought she'd give away. and fuck. it had felt so good. in all the anxiety.. it had felt good to be vulnerable with simon. it had been a piece of her that she'd relented. not freely given at first, but by the end.. it was absolutely his. and he took it with him. there was no getting that piece of her back.

no matter how hard she'd tried, she ended up with a man who hurt her, just like her mother warned. but she doesn't want to be like her father, either, marrying someone he doesn't truly love, mistreating them in that apathy.. not after what she felt with simon. not now that she knows what true love and heartbreak are. so she thinks well.. i guess i'll have to live off sex alone.

but like i said before, sex doesn't work. alec says she'll find someone, jace tries to distract her, any effort her mom makes is completely brushed aside.. and eventually she finds herself hoping. it's naive. its fucking dumb. but she starts.. stalking simon. just a little. she attends his shows, and she pays attention. she talks to people who have interacted with him since edom, and she pays attention. is there a piece inside him that's broken too? could he remember me? remember us? how bad would it be to just approach him. to kiss him and remind him of the truth.

she expresses these thoughts one night, after having had a little too much to drink at one of simon's shows and going to crash at magnus and alec's place. and magnus listens. he doesn't want to give her false hope, but he also doesn't want her to sink so far into this train of thought that she ends up approaching mundane simon in such a self-destructive way. so he tells her that if they found enough proof, they could try to jog his memory.

then izzy find the poster days after the band changes their name to the mortal instruments and the rest is history..

[faejilly]

so I wanted to riff off of @alexanderlightweight's response to the Alec/Bow/Quiver/summoning meta post by @ralfstrashcan that I reblogged recently, but also I didn't want it to get lost in an increasingly long reblog chain, so I'm gonna quote and start over here:

100%

my headcanon is that it's alec's shadowhunter ability like clary's rune ability and apparently the herondale ghost talking ability(??)

if we really want to take it a step further. we can even talk about how izzy has specially made weapons that have to be super tricky to use which means weapons ability

but that's just my brain. which made that one scene where alec goes back to the institute make no sense, to retrieve his bow because literally every other time he doesn't need to (they just wanted to give clace the training moment and set up the whole hodge thing)

1: I also think Alec's 'have to go get a bow' is just an excuse, but he's using it to a) get away from Jace behaving incomprehensibly & Clary being So Very Clary, AND b) to cover their tracks now that he's realized just HOW comprehensively his siblings are going to go off the rails in the next day or so. (And on a narrative level I really like the scene with Hodge so I'm glad it exists. 😅)

2: I headcanon that part of the reason Alec (& to a lesser extent but still noticeably so, Izzy) can get away with pushing so many Clave/Nephilim boundaries without actually getting deruned despite their parents being on Thin Fucking Ice™️ with well, everyone, is that they have inherited both Family Traits and that's valuable enough (especially after all the losses during and after the Uprising) that the Clave really really doesn't want to get rid of them.

(Similarly, there's some hope that Jace and/or his expected children might show signs of the Wayland traits coming to life again as they've died out otherwise. Obviously that goes a bit sideways once they finally pick up on How Very Herondale he is, but luckily he's Herondale so that's still a benefit.)

Truebloods: very literally truth-tellers. Variations on their skills include the ability to recognize lies, off the charts charisma when they are invoking what they believe to be the truth, and an ability to make the most awkward truths palatable to audiences that normally wouldn't want to engage with them. They were traditionally the guardians of the Soul Sword whenever it left the City of Bones, but that honor faded away over the years as the Council with the Consul/Inquisitor as heads centralized power in their own hands.

Izzy can be seen doing this during her trial, because even when her personal behavior has included digs & microaggressions against Downworlders, she believes that they as a people can and should do better and her speech clearly works in-universe because of that resonance of truth.

(She even occasionally manages the sincere/heart-felt clunky dialogue that works despite being clunky that Alec's so good at, and poor Jace doesn't, despite his best attempts, because for all he's a Lightwood in every other way that matters, he's not actually part Trueblood.)

Maryse has several hints of Alec's same blunt (inexplicably successful) sincerity once she lets herself stop hiding behind Politics & Expectations. When she's upset with Izzy about spending time with the Seelie in s1, she has a line that always felt very self-recriminating to me; (I'm paraphrasing here since I'm too lazy to pull up the script or episode): 'never trust a people who can't lie, they'll find more imaginative ways to stab you in the back'. She knows this about the Seelie because it's what she's always done.

(Alec's shock at his parents being in the Circle can't be because it's against their politics as they've never really tried to behave better. Perhaps it's because it never occurred to him that they could lie that well. Especially his mother, since he has a much better relationship with her than Robert.)

This means that Maryse buying into Valentine's rhetoric was invaluable to him, because she could back him up and help make sure people would fall for it, because she was a Trueblood. Equally, when she turns, that is part of why the Clave lets them back in. Her vow to now toe the party line is completely believable, because she promised on her children... who are also Truebloods.

This also means that their bloodline is one that would not always be popular since they can call out power when it's behaving badly; thus the apparent decline of Trueblood standing in the way that the show refuses to ever really acknowledge it in the present day timeline, and instead talks about Lightwood honor.

(But countered in the way The Clave doesn't move directly against Alec Lightwood, HotI, despite gay and living with a Downworlder, despite how much clear disdain he has for so many of them and their policies. They aren't willing to risk what a Trueblood could do if pushed into active rebellion.)

Lightwoods have a much more palatable martial gift. Their affinity for the adamas in their weapons means they can bond with them, sometimes strongly enough to summon them, manipulate them in the field, adapt them and rune them and enhance them in ways most Shadowhunters can't. (We never see anyone doing anything resembling Alec runing his arrows in s1 after all. What if most of them can't?)

As shown by Izzy in s3 as Weapon's Master, in Alec's ability to beat his parabatai (the supposed best fighter of a generation) when they're sparring with weapons even if he loses once they get to hand-to-hand, Izzy's unique skill with a whip, Alec fighting with everything he gets his hands on, from seraph blades to his signature bow to actual arrows for stabbing. (As seen in everything in ralf's original meta post and delightful fic.)

There's even something in the fact that Izzy was interested in joining the Iron Sisters (which while prestigious also involves even more sacrifice from a people who have to sacrifice a lot already and are thus vital enough that they let Cleophas join despite her past because they needed her) and yet Izzy stayed active duty -- and presumably eventually marriageable.

(I frequently wonder if part of why she chose to make herself as unpalatable as possible for a traditional/political match was a lingering bit of awareness that that was what The Clave most wanted from her, regardless of who she wanted to be.)

ALSO! There has to be a reason that Robert Lightwood was valuable enough to keep even when they got rid of Maryse, a reason the show reiterates Lightwood honor over and over again, a reason he & Maryse got to be co-Heads of an Institute (even if the general fanon that they were more constrained than most Proper Heads does fit what little we see), and we never actually see Robert fighting or sparring, but we are repeatedly told that his children are the best of the best.

But it's seldom mentioned as a compliment, is it? More like an expectation. They're Lightwoods, they have to be the best with their weapons, or what is the point of them? It's just another weight added to Alec's so-called crown, another expectation Izzy has to both flaunt and fight against every day so she can have at least a little bit of herself left to hold onto.

(The one thing Jace is good at, the one bit of the monster his father built that helps; he's as good with a blade as a Lightwood. It's the only thing that gives him hope for redemption, the only thing that gives him enough conviction to ask Alec to be his parabatai and protect his soul from himself.)

[im-out-of-it]

I love when Simon tells jace that he treats Alec like a lap dog. because it’s honestly the truth. Jace expects Alec to drop everything and help him. he doesn’t care about Alec and Izzy who have been his family and friends for years. it’s all clary clary clary. Jace doesn’t even think about how this affects Alec or cares that his family is in trouble for all the unapproved missions on behalf of clary.

no wonder Alec doesn’t trust her. she comes out of nowhere, demanding this and that as if she owns the place. running missions that could get everyone killed. doesn’t understand that the mortal cup literally affects everyone, not just her.

Jace literally throws Alec to the side all for a girl he met five seconds ago because “they’re meant to be together”. Alec deserved so much better than what jace gave him. Jace really expected Alec to not have any feelings and do whatever he wanted him to do. it’s probable proof when he says “Alec will be here.”

they should’ve let that greater demon have jace lmao

[uselessheretic]

ugh the structure of ep 4 is also interesting though because it isn't izzy the show is setting us up to question, it's ed. episode 4 is ed's first true introduction to the show where we as the audience get our first chance to form an opinion on him. we're getting contrasting sides of him throughout the episode as we see him playing dress up with stede, being revered by the crew, and lambasted by izzy for his negligence. blackbeard is an enigma. he spends the entire episode playing everyone on the ship, having people do absurd things like count backwards or stare at dicks in the clouds where it isn't until the end that it all comes together into a coherent truth. not the grand reveal of his original plan, but the quieter, more subdued conversation as ed reveals to izzy that the exclusive peek of the "true" ed he was showing stede was an act as he plots his murder.

throughout the season we slowly unwind the layers surrounding ed, searching for his core character and who the true edward teach is, but we never receive an answer. we're just stuck with a fistful of ribbons reflecting the many faces of ed back to us. similar to stede who has a skewed perspective of his family, the narrative challenges ed multiple times on what the truth is. we learn again and again that edward lies, manipulates, obscures, and avoids. we aren't supposed to trust everything he says without question. even in moments of vulnerability like the bath tub scene, where he's as bare and exposed as possible with little to gain from lying, we still learn episodes later that what he says isn't always the full truth. "i hadn't killed anyone since" except for the boat full of people he lit on fire and murdered.

and even then when presented with conflicting information, we can't say whether he's lying or not. did he lie to stede because he wants him to like him more? or is this something he had actually forgotten? when ed's memory has convenient holes where he doesn't have to be reminded of things like forcing fang to kill his dog, is this because his own violence is too horrifying for ed to face so he blocks it out? or is it that this is all so routine and mundane that he doesn't care enough to remember?

we're meant to be question ed. his character isn't so simple that we can figure out exactly who he is by one or two quick chats for character development. we have to piece together what information we do have, and examine the missing parts for what their absence means. we're not searching for the "true" ed hidden beneath the surface. we're spinning the details of what's available and constructing a picture from there.

[ladyluscinia]

I've mentioned before that I go digging up some of the reactions to Izzy's character arc (especially from the people who hate it lol) to ponder and I'm still doing that, mainly because looking at how people apply lenses I cannot for the life of me understand is fascinating.

Anyway, still deciding if I've got more interesting thoughts to post later, but I do want to share a weird observation from immediately post-2x04 and 2x05 with the class:

So we've all seen "reliable narrator" debates that range from exploring possible meanings of a vague or emotionally loaded statement to just "my headcanon wasn't debunked because he could be lying obvs 🙄". Izzy enjoyers & Izzy haters clashed over this kind of stuff all hiatus - like to the point people were treated as deluded by a problematic blorbo crush if they thought he was honestly representing a conversation he had off screen as his basis for believing Edward intended to kill Stede. If you believed anything out of Izzy's mouth was informed by reality it was inherently suspect.

Which gave me fucking whiplash when - as far as I could tell - the first gut reactions to Stede's flattery suggesting Edward was praising Izzy to the high heavens were "I can't believe the writers fell so far into Izzy fandom that now they want us to believe this too"

Say WHAT

The people who questioned every single thing have apparently been taking the bitter truth so hard they have now switched to fully missing blatant unreliable narrator lines. It's amazing. We saw Stede talking to Edward - Izzy was not coming up (😘 Edward's avoidance) 🤣 and we know Stede was not exactly inquiring after him in S1. It could not be more heavily suggested that Stede is just saying nice, flattering things based on guessing Izzy and Edward have a long history and wanting Izzy to help him pirate better (the actual thing he and Edward just talked about).

I will give credit to at least one person who I saw sticking to their "Izzy was useless" guns in the immediate reaction, but iirc they proceeded to get excited about how Stede was luring Izzy into trust as some kind of ulterior motive (not pirate training, as Izzy sucks) that will surely be revealed soon, so a baffling and strange take but in a different way lol

I think they've successfully turned back around to "we're not supposed to take this literally" over the weekend, but it's truly a new world that they didn't all start there.

[adzeisval]

Regret

Ed regrets fighting with Izzy. Also on AO3.

Ed decided he was going to stay with Izzy until Hall or Hornigold came down to get him. He knew he should be on deck, he should be helping the rest of the crew repair the damage that the storm did but he did not want to leave Izzy’s side. 

Izzy was unconscious and Ed didn’t know whether it was from the wound on his head or just exhaustion from almost dying. 

Too close. It had been far too close. Ed knew it was only dumb luck that he had gotten to Izzy in time, that he had reached out and grabbed Izzy just before he had to come up for air. It was stubbornness that kept him trying to get Iz to breathe and Izzy had come back to life. 

Izzy had been awake off and on and then they had both fallen asleep and Ed didn’t know if Izzy would wake up again or if it had been too soon for him to sleep. He didn’t know if Izzy was aware of anything that was going on or if he was too far gone. He didn’t want Izzy to be alone in case he was aware of what was going on. 

Izzy was breathing normally and his pulse felt strong but Ed didn’t know what else to look out for and Izzy did look a little pale and he was terrified that Izzy was going to go before he had time to talk to him. 

Ed regretted so much of the conversation a few nights ago. He needed to talk to Izzy and let him know how much Ed cared about him. Izzy just had to be alright. 

It was a few hours into the morning routine when Hall finally came down to see where Ed was. 

“Teach…” 

“I know, I’m just worried about him, don’t want him to be alone.” 

Hall sighed and came to examine Izzy, “This little fucker has more lives than a cat.” 

“He’ll be alright?” 

“I think so. His breathing sounds good, everything else is steady. Doesn’t look like he’s about to die,” Hall said. 

Ed sighed in relief but still didn’t want to leave. 

“You two been fighting? Hands requested separate duties was odd.” 

“Fuck. Snapped at him the other night when I was drunk. Friends were calling him my dog and…it was fucking stupid.” 

“I’m going to tell you a few things Teach, and if you breathe a word of any of it I’ll fucking gut you,” Hall said. 

“Right,” Ed said, a bit confused. 

“You’re shaping up to be a good pirate Teach, Captain material. You’re smart and ruthless and people like you. Pirates as a whole are out for their own interests which isn’t always a bad thing. But what every good Captain needs is a Mate who’ll follow any order and do any number of dirty deeds for ‘em.” 

“Right…” 

“Hands has that loyalty and he has it for you and you’d be a fucking idiot no to foster that connection,” Hall said. 

“He’s more than that to me,” Ed said quietly. 

“Just do what it takes to mend this, like I said you’re on the fast track to being a Captain Teach,” Hall said. 

“Thank you,” Ed said, “First Mate Hall?” 

“Yes?” 

“Does it bother you if people call you a dog? Like Hornigold's guard dog?”  

“No. There’s enough truth in it. Now get the fuck up to work Teach.” 

Ed sighed. 

“Remember, I like you Teach, but if Hornigold ordered me to shoot you in the head I wouldn’t flinch.” 

“Yes sir,” Ed said and left Hall and Izzy. He was still upset and more than a little confused about the things that Hall said. But some of it rang true. Izzy was loyal, Izzy was a stable presence and a good pirate. They worked well together. Ed had spent most of his time thus far as a pirate just trying to get by but the thought of being a Captain was intriguing. He’d had a brief taste of it now and then but he always thought he was a bit lacking. 

Maybe with Izzy he wasn’t.

It was just that Izzy was different from his other friends, but that didn’t have to be a bad thing. He could have fun with Jack and Annie and Mary and many others but he could trust Izzy. He felt a different sort of friendship with Izzy that he wasn’t quite sure what it was but he knew it was important. He knew that if Izzy died before Ed could speak to him again Ed didn’t know what he would do. 

He tried very hard to concentrate on the duties at hand but Izzy was always on his mind. 

“Teach! Get your mangy mutt ass down here!” Hall yelled and Ed nearly fell from the ropes as he got down. 

“Sir?” 

“Hands is awake, you’ve got a little time, don’t say I never did anything for you, fuck off,” Hall said. 

Izzy was sitting up in the bunk when Ed got below and he didn’t even think before he threw himself at Izzy and wrapped him in a tight hug. 

“Don’t do that to me ever again,” Ed said, “Almost lost you Iz.” 

“Kinda hard thing to do as a pirate,” Izzy said and hugged Ed tightly. 

“I’m sorry Iz…” 

“It’s alright Eddie.”

“I was being stupid, drunk,’ Ed said. 

“You jumped into a storm to save me, I know Eddie,” Izzy said.

“I’m just glad you’re alright, you weren’t breathing…I couldn’t keep you awake…” 

“I’m here Ed. Made it out of it again,” Izzy said. 

“Hall said you’ve got more lives than a cat,” Ed said. 

Izzy gave a little snort, “Maybe I do. Don’t want to think of how many lives I’ve used up.”

“I probably have to go back to work before Hall skins me, but can I get you anything?”

“I’m alright Ed,” Izzy said. 

“Good,” Ed said. He went back to work and when that was done for the day he brought down food for Izzy and was glad to see him eat everything on his plate. 

“I’ll sleep above tonight,” Ed said. 

“Thanks Ed,” Izzy said.

[flkmoresluvr]

Closure ( Axl & Steven one shot)

summary: Axl decides to call Steven up to make amends.

disclaimer: this is kinda terrible, I got the idea at like 3 in the morning. It’s not proofread or grammatically corrected so enjoy!!

+

Axl stared down at the box of polaroids that he managed to scrape up from the tour bus floor, his stomach in knots as his eyes trace the face of Steven. His arms were draped over Slash’s neck and Axl can see himself laying against Izzy in the background. His mind wandered about the time when this was taken, he flips the back for answers.

1987 written in black sharpie.

He holds onto the polaroid, his other hand running through his hair as he lets out a long sigh. 1987, although it was only a little under 6 years ago, felt like a lifetime ago. And a tiny part, oh who was he kidding, it was a big part of him that felt sorry for how he treated Steven. How he reacted, how he could’ve helped him instead of giving him the boot.

Maybe he could reach out to Steven, let him know there is no hard feelings between the two.

Then again, he knows that Steven has hard feelings for him. How could you not have hard feelings for someone who kicked you out of your band with no chances of redemption?

But Axl wanted to know how Steven felt, how he was doing and nothing was going to change his mind.

He searched and searched for his number or even an address. Only succeeding after aggravating Slash til he caved in, telling Axl that this wouldn’t end well for none of them and that this could ruin the tiny bit of friendship that he still had with Steven.

“Trust me, it will go well.” Axl assured Slash, then disappearing off to the kitchen and dialing Steven’s number.

ring . . .

ring . . .

ring . . .

“Hello?” Steven’s voice comes through clean, it was softer than he last heard and Axl’s heart is racing. Fuck. He didn’t think this far ahead.

“Is this another prank caller? I swear—”

“No, no. It’s just me.” Axl says. The line goes silent, he can still hear Steven’s breathing. “I know . . . I know this is unexpected and you probably don’t want to hear from me.”

Steven laughs. “Damn right. What do you want?” His voice is now firm.

“I’m not sure. I mean . . . I was just wondering how you’ve been doing.” He mumbles, his voice now low.

“You were just wondering how I’ve been doing? Really?” Steven repeats, almost in disbelief. “Uh, let’s see. Four of my bandmates fucked me over for shit they were doing too.”

“Look, Steven, I—”

“Goodbye, Axl.”

“Wait, Steven, just hear me out.” Axl pauses, shifting slightly so now that his back is against the wall. “I feel . . . I feel bad for how things went down. I know you won’t believe me but I’m trying here.”

Steven almost laughs until hearing the desperation in the redhead's voice and suddenly there’s this weird feeling in his chest. Almost as if he felt sorry for Axl, which was so rare for anyone to ever feel bad for him. But if you were close to him, knew his way of life, you knew that he did have good intentions with his actions.

“Uh . . . ” Steven begins saying, his fingers running through his blonde strands and gripping gently. “You’re lucky I’m in such a good mood today.”

“Thanks, Steven. Really. I expected you to hang up as soon as you heard my voice, Slash told me not to call you.” He admits, twirling the phone cord with his fingers. “But you know me . . . ”

“Well, I’m kinda glad you did call me. I’ve been wanting closure for a long time, Axl, but that died along with the numerous phone calls I left. Ya remember?” Steven asks, his voice dripping with malign.

And Axl stays silent for a moment or two. Unsure of what to say because he was speaking the truth.

Not even a week after Steven was kicked out, he called repeatedly. Blowing the phone up to the point that they had to go through a number change. Axl wasn’t even clear on why they avoided his calls, maybe it was the guilt that he didn’t want to deal with or the fact that he wasn’t ready to face the pleas from Steven.

“But I get it, Axl. Truly, I do,” Steven begins speaking into the phone again after it falls silent between the two. “I guess Izzy leaving put things into perspective for you.”

“Yeah, it did . . . I thought I was making the right decision, Steven.”

“Coulda gone about it better, gave me more time.” The blonde says, a hint of sadness to his tone. “I need an answer, Axl. Why are you doing this?”

“Because I fucked up, I know that now.” Axl admits, his voice shaky and he can feel the tears welling in his eyes. “I tried to keep the asshole agenda up but really . . . really it’s all bothering me.”

Steven nods his head even though the other can’t see. “You’re finally admitting your faults. That’s one step to becoming a better person.”

Axl smiles slightly at his words. “I’m trying. That’s why I reached back out to you. To tell you that I should’ve handled things better.”

“It makes me happy to hear that, Axl, but I can’t accept your apology.”

His smile drops, his bones feel like they're crushing, a lump forming in his throat. He was foolish to think that Steven could forgive him, considering how much of an asshole he was but he was genuinely trying to make amends.

The phone becomes shaky in his hand and Steven notices that Axl isn’t speaking. He knows that he is hurt by him not accepting his apology.

“Axl . . . ” Steven’s voice is gentle but firm. “This is the first time we’ve spoken in years, you can’t expect me to forgive you just like that.”

The redhead nods his head. “I know but, I thought . . . I don’t know. I’m just glad I got this off my chest, you know?” He tries to steady his voice.

“Yeah. I have this question, it’s itching the back of my brain.” The blonde says into the phone, pausing for a second to let his words sink. “Are you doing therapy? Or did you just have a change of heart yourself?”

Axl swallows, his hand raising up to rub his temple. “I did. I mean, yeah. Not recently but over the past couple of months, yes.” Stammering his words, he shook his head. “Are you doing anything right now?”

“Am I doing anything right now? Hmm.” Steven glances around the walls of his house. “Nope. Sitting around like I’ve always been. Is this where you invite me out for drinks?”

“No . . . no, not unless you want to. Just heard lots of sounds on your end.” He lies partially, earning a laugh from the blonde.

“Drinks, huh? Can you handle that?”

“I should be asking you that.” Axl says.

“Don’t.” Steven warns him. Then the line goes silent, other than the sounds of someone rummaging through something and he speaks again. “I’m down for drinks. You’re paying right? I mean, since you’re changing your ways.”

“Yeah, of course, I can pay.” Axl nods, his grip on the phone loosening slightly. “So . . . I’ll see you in about an hour?”

“Great. See ya.”

[cityandking]

3, 7, 12, 19, 27 for the first two ships that come to mind!

thanks tabby! I'll do the girls and dairef // development questions for couples

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh...I adore them...”

BRAN/SABINE — it was absolutely sabine getting into a fight. doesn't matter which au; bran saw sabine get into it with a guy at least half a foot taller than her and was like. oh. I want her to come home with me. huh. (I have no idea what swayed sabine but I'd imagine it involved bran being at least a little bit of a cocky sonuvabitch) DAI/ZAREF — some moment of watching zaref with izzy and seeing him like, 80% more chill than normal. the trust was there already, and the admiration, but there was that small and strange period of time in selto where everything was quiet and they could all settle in and daichi saw him without all his armor (metaphorically and also literally) and was like. oh. oh. (word of DM says for zaref it was shortly after they arrived in wiztopia, after they had their talk about zaref hiding the truth of the void from them but daichi being willing to trust him and trust that they'd have each other's backs)

7. Do they (or would they) pursue the other character’s affection, and if so, how? Do they tell the other character how they feel? Try to earn their admiration? Woo them with romantic gestures? Flirt with them, skillfully or otherwise?

BRAN/SABINE — yeah, absolutely. bran loves flirting and putting on a show and grand gestures, and she also likes being liked, which means a lot of wooing. it starts out kind of teasing and fun—bran likes sabine's exasperation and likes it even more when she's honestly surprised or pleased about something—but the longer it goes on, the more it's clear that this isn't just a temporary thing, the more heartfelt and intimate it becomes (I don't think there's actually much feelings talk, but actions speak louder and all that) DAI/ZAREF — there's pretty much no pursuing going on there, tbh. daichi really doesn't flirt, isn't one for grand gestures, and doesn't feel the need to earn anyone's admiration. he's a pretty straightforward person and not interested in chasing after people or imposing himself on anyone (unless he's having a gods talk with ozy I guess), so he was truly willing to let things lie. even their first kiss wasn't really a planned thing, it was just. sometimes you give a boy back months of memories and they're all colored by your admiration and affection and trust in him and then you kiss about it a little, maybe. (they did have a proper talk about it, though. dai is big on talking things out; he needs to know how things lie.) (if there's any kind of pursuing happening, it's dai trying to get zaref to talk to him about his past. which has gone sooooo well so far (jk))

12. How much independence do they prefer in a relationship—do they want to share their lives as much as possible with their partner, or do they prefer to mostly do their own thing and let their partner do their own thing?

BRAN/SABINE — I think they're both good at doing their own thing and coming back together after. bran definitely travels a lot, whether or not sabine comes with. not that either of them would mind sharing things, they're just both pretty independent as people, and I think sometimes they need their space. DAI/ZAREF — dai actively enjoys sharing stuff with zaref and is kind of constantly interested in making space for him. that said, I think they're both pretty content to go off and do their own things, then come back together later—they're both pretty private.

19. Are they okay with public displays of affection? Do they like them?

BRAN/SABINE — bran is pro PDA. that's her wife! everyone should know it! check out her favorite person who she loves!! (I think she probably tones it down a little, especially if sabine isn't into it, but generally speaking yeah, bran will be affectionate anywhere.) DAI/ZAREF — daichi doesn't particularly enjoy public displays of affection. the affection is fine, he just doesn't like the attention. plus the first time he and zaref kissed in public it started a domino effect that led to a horrible blowup fight with his best friend, which was never resolved, so. he's a little PDA shy. (I have no idea what zaref's feelings on PDA are but I'd imagine he's a little less picky about it than daichi, given their past discussions.)

27. They have to apologize to their partner. Is this difficult for them? How do they approach it?

BRAN/SABINE — bran's really good at apologizing, actually. part of her life experience has been fostering good communication skills (can't be captain if you don't know how to work with people!) so she's quite adept at talking about stuff after a fight or misstep. she might need some time to process first, but she'll make sure a conversation happens. DAI/ZAREF — haha wow. this is so relevant. yeah. great. I mean on the one hand, he's good at it; daichi has an enormous responsibility complex and is very good at owning up to things he's done and apologizing for them. he doesn't like to let stuff linger. on the other hand, sometimes you explode yourself right in front of your boyfriend, try to sway him to join your demon army by telling him he'd do well as a soulless soldier of the abyss, and then try to kill him when he turns down your offer, so. maybe sorry doesn't exactly cover that? and you aren't sure how you're going to fix that or make up for any of it? because he's really mad at you (and rightfully so in your opinion)? but you still have to try? (he's gonna go with the straightforward and honest approach and then, uh. see how that goes.)

[threadsun]

THE 🧸 TEDDY BEAR 🧸 IS HERE TO INFODUMP THE DoL PCs!!! I have four main ones for different playstyles/romancing our four favourite beans; in order of most to least likely to make friends with Izzy we have Zoe, Max, Faith and Natalie. I also cheat the stats around because I am a weenie and don't want them to get hurt outside of my control lmao call that CNC

Zoe is my transfem black-and-purple-aesthetic babygirl and local Whitney slut. She's kind of a reactive bully, Whitney's a bad influence on her, but she has a soft spot for the fellow orphans and will generally redirect her 'boyfriend's ire away from them where she can. While they started dating with him at high dom, over time and Drama I figured he'd soften up a little (touch-starved, affection-deprived bully finds love, gets clingy). They have tattoos of each other's names, they have matching collars (Whitney's is spiky), and they absolutely fuck nasty on Leighton's desk while he takes photos. You'd think Whitney's forcefem kink would be wasted on a gf who's already transfem, but she plays along and wears a lil chastity cage and everything. She'd be the most likely to be friends with Izzy, both being cheer-outfit transfems who are too busy flirting to study properly. T4T makeouts ensue, Whitney can watch idc lmao

Max is a big fuckin boy, just a beefy big wolfman badboy with a heart of gold. Real German Shepherd energy. He works really hard at the docks and comes home late, so his grades aren't the best, but he's no delinquent. He shows up to every class, just kinda… daydreams through them. He's very protective of Robin and takes on their debt after saving them at the docks (with the help of his coworkers), becoming their personal guard dog. He also sticks up for Robin when they come out as genderfluid (NB!Robin from the crossdressing scenes gives me so much joy!) Would probably make friends with Izzy since she's nice, but he's very much Robin-sexual so they'd just be broskis.

Faith is my poor innocent baby who did no wrong and has the most, uh, non-mechanics-compliant story shiz. She and Sydney were all sweet and cute lil hetero-romantic celibate temple initiates holding hands and being innocent… until she had her halo broken and her wings blackened in the very temple she thought she'd be safe in. Sydney and Sirris took her home, and none of them ever went back to the temple again gdi LET ME RESCUE SYDNEY FROM THAT PLACE! They both end up disillusioned by the whole scenario and fall to corruption and demonhood pretty easily (demon!Sydney my beloved), but they're happy now and fucking in the change room as we speak. Faith probably wouldn't have been very good friends with Izzy before she fell, but afterwards? As long as Sydney's involved, the more the merrier! She's got three holes.

Finally, Natalie, poor dear Natalie… She's my Kylarmance. She used to be a really popular kid, a bit of a delinquent thanks to having a short temper about being harassed and groped all the time. But it was nice to have a friend who seemed genuinely interested in talking to her, even if people thought he was a creep. Sure, he had a shrine to her in his locker, but that was… kinda sweet? He hadn't hurt her or touched her or called her horrible things like most guys she knew. He was endearing, and such a talented artist, and she cuddled up to that owl plushie he gave her every night. So when Whitney threatened to lie about her if she wouldn't fuck him, she rejected him. She'd be able to tell Kylar it was a lie, right? That she didn't sleep around, she was waiting for Kyl- for the right person, you know? Well… a mild kidnapping later, he proved that she was telling the truth by taking her virginity himself, and slowly molding her into his ideal goth gf. They're totally 'married' now, trust me! And sure, she's become a total social outcast and basically never speaks to anyone else, she'd never really have the opportunity to make friends with Izzy, but she's HAPPY now. She has KYLAR. That's all she's ever needed.

(sorry this wound up so long I fuckin love this game I am kissing you on the mouth aaaAAAA 🧸💋🌞)

SHAKING HANDS WITH YOU SO HARD OVER PLAYING WITH CHEATS!!!!! Look, sometimes you get stuck in an infinite assault loop and you really just gotta teleport yourself home 😔 Also sometimes you wanna lose your handholding virginity to literally anyone other than someone's pet dog who you taught to shake paws.

Whitney would absolutely love to watch Zoe and Izzy go at it and he's valid!! These ladies deserve some hot t4t action >:3c

Max sounds sooooo sweet and Izzy would adore him, she'd just be so happy someone else cares about Robin too!!

You're so valid on non-mechanics-compliant stuff, I ignore the actual game canon all the time for the sake of what I think would be more realistic (and fun) for Izzy!! Including getting Sydney away from the goddamn temple!!! Gotta save that boy!!! And then Faith, Izzy, and Sydney can have a threesome about it :3c

God Natalie is soooooo valid and relatable, Kylar is simply so !!!!! How can you not love him? Especially once he kidnaps you and you develop stockholm syndrome 🥰

I'm so happy to hear about all of them, they all sound super fun!!!! Mwah mwah I am kissing you on the mouth too!!!!

[dragonmuse]

Ohhhh today’s “more to the story” was so moving. I always love Lucius and Jim, but this one really hit at the core of them in the mainverse.

Do they ever acknowledge their role as protectors? To each other, to the family, to the spirit of the revenge? I could see them having a tequila-fueled moment of truth.

(excellent question! This takes place in the after party of Eddy and Stede's wedding. )

“I can’t feel my nose,” Lucius pressed his finger into the tip of it. 

“Natural side effect,” Jim grinned. 

There was wedding detritus all around them and they were both still partially in their best people suits. Lucius’ tie was undone, Jim’s gone entirely and their shirt unbuttoned deep enough to show off a sliver of black fabric beneath. There was a bottle of tequila that was distressingly low between them. Someone had changed out the music for something sweeter and lower. John and Frenchie were doing a slow waltz around the floor, Frenchie smiling up at him with all the love in the world. 

Oluwande and Roach were picking at the last of the cake, in deep conversation. Buttons had gathered a crowd of other straggler guests around them and was regaling them with a story that involved a lot of sudden hand gestures. Pete kept jumping in with even wilder gestures, apparently trying to add details that Button had misplaced.  The Swede was also dancing like a reed in the corner of the floor all on his own, a beatific smile on his face. 

The beautiful couple had gone an hour ago, leaving the wreck behind. An actual cleaning crew was coming in tomorrow, so just for tonight, Lucius didn’t have to even pretend to worry about tidying and Jim wasn’t bustling around fixing up odds and ends. So they had washed up here, sitting on the stage, surveying their territory with Jim’s favorite tequila and nary a shot glass to be found. 

“I get why you like it,” Lucius took another swig, grimaced, licked salt off his hand and then sucked at the last possible ghost of lime juice out of a much abused slice. Jim took it from him, did the same without any change in facial expression. “It’s like putting your brain into a very nice blender.” 

“One of those thermo ones that also make risotto,” Jim agreed. 

“Late night infomercials?” 

“You know it.” 

“I like risotto,” Lucius nodded. “Izzy makes a great one.” 

“He cooks?” 

“He’s like a little domestic goddess as long as you don’t look directly at him,” Lucius laughed. “It’s amazing. Cooks, cleans, does the laundry, but if you even mention it too hard, he freezes up and grumbles forever about it.” 

“Huh,” Jim slowly collapsed backwards, landing over Lucius’ legs. “You’re comfortable.” 

“That’s why I don’t work out. To keep myself pillow soft.” 

“Good idea,” they yawned, hair spilling over his thighs. “It went good.” 

“The wedding? Yeah,” he agreed, leaning back on his hands. “I never want to do it again,  but it came off. Thanks for the help with the set up.” 

“Yeah, no problem. We’re a team,” they said quietly as if they were testing the waters. 

Lucius blinked, then grinned down at them. “Hell yeah we are.” 

“Don’t get excited,” but they were smiling a little too.  

“I’ll get as excited as I want, thanks muchly.” 

Jim went quiet for a while and Lucius was a little hypnotized by all the lights. He hadn’t gotten this drunk two nights in a row in a long time and he had a feeling he was going to regret it at some point. Right now it just felt marvelously swimmy. 

“I don’t do that,” Jim said abruptly. 

“Do what?” Lucius zoned back in. 

“I don’t work with someone else.”

“Uh, I mean you and Oluwande are like a power couple,” he pointed out. “I love Pete, but if he tried to throw a knife at me, it’d be game over.” 

“That’s different,” they frowned, “not what I meant.” 

“Okay. What’d you mean then?” 

“I don’t...share the perimeter.” 

“Huh,” Lucius sat up a little straighter. It took a second to sink in, but he thought he understood. “Yeah. I never have either. Never had anyone I could trust to do it. But I do. Trust you.” 

“Me too,” they said solemnly. “Don’t fuck it up.” 

“Right back at you.” 

They made eye contact. It was a rare thing with Jim, and Lucius took it to heart. They gazed up at him, trusting him with their throat, with their safety, with their life in some ways. He hoped he was clear in offering that right back. 

Fuck he was drunk. 

“Pound it out,” Jim held up a fist and Lucius laughed, tapping it with his own. 

“Amazing. Sealed with a fist kiss, just what I always wanted.” 

There were still flowers everywhere. By the time he staggered home, Lucius had managed to stick a black rose into his own hair and one in Jim’s button hole. They waved goodbye to each other and staggered in oppisote directions home.

“It was gorgeous, babe,” Pete said from under his arm, only mostly holding him up. Sober after last night’s escapades, Pete seemed very solid at the moment. Lucius popped a kiss on the top of his head. 

“Thanks. I’d say it was because they were so in love, but fuck ‘em. I did a great job.” 

“You did,” Pete laughed. “What were you and Jim talking about?” 

“Oh,” Lucius grinned, “mostly about tequila. Then I was mostly just talking at them. You know how they are.” 

“Yeah, you just got a little mushy saying goodbye.”

“Weddings make me sentimental,” Lucius nodded. “They remind me of our special day.” 

“So they’ve made you sentimental since October?” Pete teased. “Ancient nostalgia.” 

“Almost six months. Hey! We should do something for our anniversary.” 

“What do you want to do?” Pete asked, clearly humoring him. 

“Dunno.  Just saying. Something.” 

“I’ll brainstorm.” 

“You have a great brain. It’s very sexy. Storm away.” 

“Will do, babe, will do.” 

Lucius and Jim didn’t ever really talk about it again. They certainly didn’t tell anyone else. Just a handful of words, but they had been encoded with information. With understanding. 

Stede was Lucius’ best friend if he were made to rank such things. But his closest friend was Jim after that, unspoken, but true.

[spr1g4t1t0]

Uhm... Just went through my emails and found a deleted fic...

Noah stared blankly at Owen "What? You're throwing a party?? And inviting our whole tutor group??"<br />

"Yeah!! My parents are out of town"<br />

"You didn't think this through, everyone is going to get in fights"<br />

"Noah, just trust me they won't."<br />

"Well if you say so"<br />

Time skip<br />

I've been waiting for this all day, despite not wanting to go. I think it could be an opportunity to see Cody. Wait what? Why am I so excited to see Cody? I know Cody likes girls and it's not like I like Cody like that right? Right, Noah?? I spent half an hour wondering that before walking to Owens, despite it being dark, Owens' house was two minutes away so I'll be fine, I was sure of it.</p><p>I got to the party and it was so bright, with all the lights and decorations Owen had set up. I went and found Owen and told him he was there and said hello to a few people, huh some of the people weren't even in our tutor, the party must've just caught on. I decided to go sit down and read, he went nowhere without a book.</p><p>I sat reading peacefully for about half an hour before I felt something on the back of my neck, it was someone's breath, I slowly craned my neck to face them and it was Cody, his face was inches apart from Cody's.</p><p>Cody's Pov:</p><p>Im stood behind noah well stood leaning over him, I've had a crush on him for like a year but I've not come out yet and I don't think I plan on it for a while, I mean people think I like Gwen so I had to roll with it "oh yeah I like Gwen" "mm yeah I'd love to date Gwen" and all the shit like that. But it's never been her, it's always been him. Maybe if I wasn't so scared this could be funny, but it's not. Noah turns to look at me and our faces are now inches apart. Shit.<br />

"Oh hi Noah!-"<br />

"Cody!?"<br />

Shit. I'm blushing and so is he, I jump up from being that close to him and ask if he wants a drink, he says no and I just sit next to him. What do I say? What do I do?<br />

I just get my phone out and start doing random stuff to distract myself until I see Noah getting up, where's she going? Not that I am forcing him to stay but it would be nice even if it would just be us sitting in silence again. Oh well. Ohhh, he's going over to everyone else wait why's everyone sitting on the floor??<br />

"CODY!"<br />

"HUH???"<br />

"WE'VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR AGES COME HERE"<br />

"OH OK"<br />

I go and sit in the circle with everyone, they're playing truth or dare. Shit. I'm so bad at that game, especially since whenever I've played before I was seen as the 'easy target'</p><p>Noah's pov:<br />

We're all playing truth or dare and Cody finally comes and sits with us, I'm not paying too much attention until I hear my name<br />

"Uh, Noah?? Hello??? Truth or dare????"<br />

Shit. shit. shit. I'm not great at dares but what would I be asked I mean a bunch of 17-year-olds that have had alcohol probably isn't the best mix for this game. Fuck it there's no chance I'm doing a dare.<br />

"Uhh, truth I guess?" OH GOD, WHY'D I SAY IT LIKE THAT??? That came out as more of a question than anything but oh well he'd said it. Everyone smirked as if it was one big telepathic decision. Shit, what does that mean?? What am I about to be asked?<br />

Izzy was the first to blurt out the one question that seemed to be a simultaneous effort "NOAH WHO'S YOUR CRUSH??" fuck. I mean it's not like he has one right? But then again there's Cody. No no no. Not Cody I can't like Cody what the fuck??? I can't lie to them its truth or- "EARTH TO NOAH ANSWER THE QUESTION"<br />

"I'm thinking???"<br />

"About what?"<br />

"If it's worth telling you??"<br />

"We're all drunk trust me, no one's gonna remember just do it!"<br />

"Oh okay. Fine. Uhh, I like Cody. At least I think I do. I'm not sure though"<br />

Cody immediately blushes, fuck I forgot he's not drunk. He's like the only one who wasn't. He's also right next to me. That's actually what I find funny though because he came and sat with me right after hanging around me. Huh didn't know we were friends. Well we aren't but I think he wants to be!</p><p>Cody's Pov:</p><p>I purposely sat with Noah and we were playing truth or dare, this was fine until he got asked a question 'Who is your crush?" He immediately went pale and quiet but answered. He said my name. NOAH STERECRA JUST SAID MY NAME IN RESPONSE TO WHO HIS CRUSH IS. Calm yourself Cody he said he thinks so not for sure. Besides you're meant to like Gwen. And shit now I'm blushing. "Cody truth or dare?" Fuck it's my turn?? How long hadn't I been paying attention? "Uh dare" FUCK they're going to give me a dare either involving Noah or Gwen and I'm praying it's not the latter. No wait. Everyone thinks I'm straight so I should be hoping it's the latter. But I don't want to ugh I don't know.<br />

"Cody we dare you to go kiss your crush, your *real* one" HUH?? WHAT DO THEY MEAN BY REAL ONE?? HOW DO THEY KNOW?? WHA- oh they have my diary that explains it WAIT THEY HAVE MY DIARY "Cody if you want your little diary back, complete the dare" Oh fuck Welp<br />

"Like can it just be on the cheek or like do I have to go full force with it???"<br />

"It's up to you idiot now just get on with it??"<br />

Right, there's no going back, especially at the expense of my diary! Noah's sat next to me- well I'm sat next to him too I just lean over and give him a peck on the cheek and we both immediately start blushing. Well, that was one way to confess.</p><p>Noah's pov:</p><p>WHAT DID CODY JUST KISS ME?? Ok calm yourself, Noah, stop blushing and just get on with your life. Well then everyone goes back to playing the game until Izzy has a 'better idea' I highly doubt it's better knowing Izzy but sure I'll play it if I can be around Cody a little bit more. Izzy jumps up and goes to get an empty beer bottle. Why does she need- oh. We're probably going to play something stupid like Seven Minutes in Heaven because drunk Izzy has zero chills. Wait is she drunk? She has like no chill normally. Oh well. Everyone spins the bottle one by one, well it takes a little longer than just spinning it because well they are playing 7 minutes in heaven. "NOAH! your turn!" Izzy waggles her eyebrows. Yup, she's drunk. Well, I have to do this so I spin the bottle and it lands on Cody. Well fuck. We just get shoved into the bathroom and then barricaded in by a chair. Well, that's one way to ensure there are no escapees. Wait. This game isn't necessarily sexual right?? They don't actually make you do anything. Great!</p><p>Cody's pov:</p><p>I just sit on the floor with my back resting on the door.<br />

"Soo.. Cody hi"<br />

"Hi... Noah"<br />

Shit why is this so awkward?<br />

"Uh, so you know how we both pretty much confessed earlier?"<br />

"I guess so yeah??"<br />

"Well do you.." he mumbled the rest<br />

"Exqueese me, I didn't quite get that!"<br />

Noah just repeats what he said but a little louder. OH! he just asked me out. Should I say yes? I mean everyone already knows we like each other so why not. "YEAH"<br />

"Great!"<br />

"So like we don't have to do anything weird right??"<br />

"No, they can't make us do anything."<br />

"Great! Not that I don't like you because I do but I don't wanna-"<br />

"Cody I know what you meant"<br />

Noah was sitting on the floor, next to me. Well damn. I put my arm around his shoulder and he leans into me. Great!<br />

"*This party is shit, wish we could dip*"<br />

"Agreed, especially just *go anywhere but here*"<br />

"I wish everyone was sober"<br />

"So we wouldn't have to be stuck here?"<br />

"Yup"<br />

Noah's pov:</p><p>Great Cody's agreed to not do anything weird so now we're just sitting on the floor hugging. I look over at him and realise it's probably been more than 7 minutes. Well if they've got so drunk they've forgotten they'll just have to survive in there, not a difficult task but it would make stuff a little awkward, either that or it would make it better. Weighing out the pros and cons is fun.<br />

"Can I kiss you?" did Cody just ask that??<br />

"Yeah sur-" I'm caught off guard by Cody kissing me on the lips, it wasn't very long and it wasn't making out, but he kissed me. I look back over at him and he's grinning goofily, still blushing though. We both just laugh, I don't think Cody's ever seen this side of me. Normally I'm trying to keep up the facade that I'm not bothered by anything and am super serious and stoic but I guess Cody is one of the few that just let me relax and be silly!</p><p>Cody's pov:</p><p>Noah's laughing with me? I didn't think he knew how to laugh. Wait that's mean. Oh well.<br />

"Hey Noah I think they forgot about us"<br />

"Probably"<br />

"I think Izzy has brownies so they probably got so zooted whilst waiting that they forgot"<br />

"Either that or they just forgot because they were drunk, I don't think everyone would've had brownies"<br />

"Fair point" We just start giggling at the idea of everyone being high. God I'm hungry, I haven't really eaten and now I'm stuck in here, my stomach rumbles. Fuuuck. "Are you hungry??"<br />

"Yeah" I'm looking down and playing with my thumbs now, maybe that'll take my mind off of being so hungry. Noah passes me a granola bar?<br />

"Huh?"<br />

"Well you're hungry and I have those so-"<br />

"Thanks" I smile at him, in a way that my tooth gap is showing<br />

"You're very cute you know that right?" I can't tell if he's being serious, right now he's talking with such a flat tone you can't tell anything<br />

"Wait for real"<br />

"Yeah you idiot" he flicked my forehead<br />

"Hey!"</p><p>Noah's pov:</p><p>"I was hoping to have another drink but now we're eating granola bars"<br />

"*Please don't drink more beer*" Cody seems concerned not sure why, maybe his parents were alcoholics<br />

"Oh ok, I mean I've only had one so I'm not drunk. Not even tipsy"<br />

"Great job"<br />

"*we could crawl out the window now?, kinda hoping you'll follow me out*"<br />

"To be fair that's a good idea"<br />

"I hate drunk people so right now, *I don't like anyone around*"<br />

"Fair point"<br />

"What if I kick the door down?"<br />

"That's a terrible idea you'd have to pay for a new one??"<br />

"Wow *17 but you act 25 now*"<br />

"Stand up"<br />

"Sure.." Cody looks at me confused<br />

"*See knees weak but you talk pretty proud. Wow.*"<br />

"You've got ripped jeans," he says in response<br />

"Ok and??"<br />

"Weird fashion sense"<br />

"I also have a cup that I just downed is that weird fashion?"<br />

"*Well out there is definitely not my crowd*"<br />

"That's true I hate our tutor group"<br />

"They get so drunk so easily like what???"<br />

I got up and banged on the door "*THIS IS REAL SWEET BUT I WISH YOU WERE SOBER*"<br />

no response. I just sit back next to Cody.<br />

"Welp Cody looks like we're going to be stuck here for a while"

"I guess so"

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING, who let me write bro 🙏🦐 also I habe a feeling this was written when I was sleep deprived but liek....