#i want to email her about it but even her old email address are lost in time

[punkitypunker]

[finelinefae]

rose [tattooH x innocenty/n]

synopsis: Harry's a tattoo artist who can't figure out the best way to say how in love he is with the flower shop owner next door

word count: 10.5k

content warnings: smut (first time oral f recieving, daddy kink, praise kink, virgin Y/N), brief mentions of violence

read part 1 here

this is a lot !! like a lot happens !! also everyone smiles a lot,, i can't help it they're happy

. . .

Harry had come to the conclusion that of all the things he had had to do in his twenty-six years of life - all the things he had to do and say to get where he was today - saying I love you to his girlfriend was proving to be one of the most intricate tasks he had encountered.

And it wasn't because he didn't love her. From the moment she stepped into his tattoo shop with determination and fear all intertwined into one expression right up until now, he was pretty sure his relationship with Y/N was the physical embodiment of what it meant to be loved and to love in return.

He had learnt so much about the sweet, pretty girl next door. From her little habits and small quirks that she didn't think he ever noticed.

Y/N loved wearing Harry's clothes. He had bought a new band tee from an online shop one of his friends had recommended to him. When the parcel hadn't arrived on time, he wondered if it had gotten lost in transit or they'd delivered it to the wrong address. He had emailed them once or twice to see its whereabouts only to find the Fleetwood Mac t-shirt on the body of his girlfriend asleep on his sofa when he came home from work. "But Harry, they're so soft and comfy!" She argued when he accused her the next morning. "Know that baby but I need clothes to wear." He was trying not to smile and pinch her cheeks when he caught a glimpse of her pouty lips. "But Harry-" He couldn't help but interrupt her with a quick kiss to her lips, "Can use some of my old shirts flower, y' can pick them out. C'mon sweet girl," He led her to his wardrobe and let her scramble through the box of his old shirts.

She loved being praised. Harry thought it was the cutest thing ever when he'd compliment her or tell her how good she was for him and her cheeks would turn a dusky pink colour. He'd often find himself kissing the crescent moon-shaped dimples on her cheeks whenever she'd beam up at him after he mumbled sweet praises into her ear, "M' good girl," He'd say, "Best girl, m' favourite flower."

She loved physical touch from him and him only. His favourite time of day was coming home after a busy day of working and finding his darling girl sitting up in bed, either reading or watching TV, waiting for him in his favourite soft, satin pyjamas she wears (he loved the feel of them under his hands whenever he held her). She'd make grabby hands for him as soon as she saw him walk through the door of her bedroom, wanting to touch him almost immediately. He'd kiss her a few times, run his fingers through her hair, stroke her cheek and brush his fingers over her arm. Even when they were walking through the streets of the town, Y/N would often cling to Harry - feeling anxious being around too many people. He'd comfort her with soothing touches, rubbing circles on the pulse point on her wrist to make sure she was okay.

There were so many things Harry had come to adore about his favourite girl in the entire world. From the way she'd look at him with big rounded eyes as though he hung up the moon and stars in the sky or knew the answer to everything she asked, to the way she'd melt under his touch whenever they'd do something even slightly intimate. He was so in love... He just didn't know how to tell her that.

Harry had never been in a serious relationship before so the idea of love didn't come easy to him. He had spent the majority of his life believing he was destined to be lonely, finding himself in one-night stands and never getting past the first date for lack of connection. He didn't know what romantic love looked like, felt like or even if it existed at all until he met his favourite flower. 

Moments would crop up where he could feel the first syllable spike the tip of his tongue but invisible hands wrapped themself around his neck as he tried to let the words out. Y/N would sit patiently, waiting for him to continue speaking, but he'd just end up kissing her, hoping he could communicate his words without saying them.

He wasn't quite sure what he was expecting when it came to saying those three simple words, words that carried so much weight between them. Maybe it was because he wanted the moment to be special and memorable for her, so he waited for the perfect opportunity to confess. But the anticipation was driving him a bit crazy.

It was very early Wednesday morning. Y/N was cutting up sheets of tissue paper since it was nearing winter and people would be out buying gifts soon for their loved ones. She had ordered a bunch of new seed packets and planned to make little gift sets to sell.

Harry was sitting at the workshop table in the middle of the shop. He was wearing his shorts and a black hoodie with the hood pulled over his head. He wore his worn-out, white Vans as if they were slippers, with the left shoe dangling precariously from his toes, threatening to slide off at any moment. His tired eyes tried to remain focused on counting the coins for Y/N's till since she always miscalculated and would have to go visit him for more money even though his shop was cashless which he reminded her every time as he slipped her a five-pound note from his own back pocket.

The shop was silent in the early hours of the morning as the two worked separately. Y/N enjoyed that she didn't constantly have to make conversation with her boyfriend for him to be interested. They were happy to just be in each other's company for as long as possible.

"Baby," Harry's raspy voice broke the comfortable silence between them. Y/N's head lifted naturally in response, "C'mere." He opened his arm out but his eyes were still trained on counting the coins.

Y/N smiled tiredly and walked over to him, tucking herself into his side and holding onto the arm that wrapped around her. He kissed the top of her head, "Didn't get to hold y' this morning, left me cold." He murmured against her.

"M sorry, H. It's always stressful when the season changes." She sighed, thinking about all the work she still had yet to do before autumn passed.

"S okay, just missed you is all." He hummed. Y/N turned herself so she was pressed against the worktop and looking up at him. She loved every version of Harry at all times of day but something about Harry in the morning made her swoon. He was so soft and cuddly, needy and grabby, she'd always have to pry his hands off of her in the morning so she could get to work on time.

Y/N grinned and leaned her head forward, past the hood of his sweatshirt, to kiss him. "Wanted to ask you if y’ would come on a date with me this Saturday.” He whispered, eyes still closed from kissing her.

Every eight weeks, Y/N’s shop would close for the entire weekend. Since her shop was open most days, she wanted to give herself at least some time off to look forward to. Harry knew that particular weekend was coming up because of how much she was looking forward to it so he made sure to free up his weekend too so he could take her out for the day. 

They had been on dinner dates and done a few other things here and there but there was only so much they could do in their small town. So as soon as he thought of the idea, he booked train tickets to take Y/N to the coast for the day. 

“Hmmm,” Y/N sighed, reaching into his hood to wrap her arms around his neck, his skin warm against her touch. “Where would we go?”

“S a surprise,” He whispered into her ear, his breath warm. 

“I’d love to go on a date with you Harry,” She replied, voice soft. 

“Yeah? It’ll be cold so you’ll need to wear a sweater.” He told her. 

"I only own sweaters," She rolled her eyes, pushing away from him so she could get back to work.

"Yeah, my sweaters." Harry teased.

Y/N narrowed her eyes, "Get back to counting those coins or you'll be fired."

"Yes ma'am," He couldn't stop smiling to himself as he carried on counting each penny.

. . .

The small train was busy on the way to the coast on Saturday morning but luckily they had managed to grab two seats next to each other by the window. Y/N insisted that they listened to one of the very many playlists she had curated for them both to listen to. It wasn’t long into their relationship that Harry had come to realise that music was one of Y/N’s love languages. 

He remembered when he first moved in and heard her music through the walls of her apartment as he bought his food shopping up the stairs his first night. The music played well into the night and he had planned to knock on her door and ask her to turn it down like she had done to him the day they had first met, but his ears caught onto her singing. He pressed his ear up against the door and listened as she sang to herself whilst dishes clinked together. She wasn’t the best singer he had ever heard but something about her soft voice soothed him, so he turned around and went about his night with the girl singing next door. 

Y/N pulled out her wired earbuds not long after they’d sat down and gave one of them to Harry. After Hours by The Velvet Underground started playing and Harry smiled to himself as he watched Y/N gaze out the window of the train. He reached for her hand which was covered by her fingerless gloves she had crocheted herself and intertwined their fingers together. 

The train pulled into the final station an hour later. Harry held tightly onto Y/N as people bustled to get on and off the train at the same time. The weather wasn’t perfect when they had arrived - slightly overcast and grey - but it didn’t stop Y/N from gasping at the sight of the ocean in front of her. 

“Harry look!” She pointed as the waves rolled into the shore. She looked adorable in her white hat and earmuffs, her white puffer coat made her look like a giant marshmallow. She was almost matching Harry, in his black puffer coat and green bobble hat. 

“Y/N! Slow down baby,” He called for her as he ran to catch up with her. 

They walked down the steps and onto the beach which was practically void of any people other than a few dog walkers. He was thankful he had told her to wear a thick coat since the wind was bitter and cold. Harry’s smile was so wide, that his dimples pierced each one of his cheeks as he watched her run around in her UGG boots and leggings. 

“Beautiful,” Harry whispered, hoping the words would get caught in the wind and blow straight to her so she could hear them. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen the sea,” She closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh sea air. Harry came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. 

They walked side by side with each other. Harry held Y/N’s hand inside the pocket of his coat and every once in a while, she would stop to pick up a shell which she would pass to him to put in his other coat pocket. At some point, it started to drizzle down with rain but they carried on walking and talking along the beach. 

Harry would watch as Y/N ran up to the sea to pick up bits of sea glass and try to not get caught by the water. She looked adorable as she ran up the beach looking back at him with her woolly hat and giant coat swamping her. Strands of hair stuck to her damp, rosy cheeks as rain dripped from her coat since they had been out so long. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of her as she crouched down to look at something she’d found in the sand. He made a mental note to share it on everything he possibly could so everyone in his life would know how much he loved her, even if she didn’t know just yet. 

Harry swore he was going to tell her he was in love with her right there and then but his heart fell out of his chest when he watched her trip and stumble back onto the sand. “Y/N,” He rushed over, immediately wanting to check if she was okay, only to be met with her giggling and laying back on the sand like a starfish on land. 

“Lay here with me,” She patted the spot next to her. 

The last thing Harry wanted to do was get his new black trousers wet and dirty from the sand but he would do anything and everything she asked him to do so he fell onto the sand and laid right next to her. 

His pinky finger hooked with hers as they both looked up at the sky, “Are you happy flower?” He asked.

“I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life,” She confesses and the words make Harry’s heart grow ten times the size. “I think spending time with you is when I’m the happiest Harry.”

When it reached past midday, Harry took Y/N to grab something to eat before they had to take the train home again. Their coats were dripping when they stepped inside the small cafe Harry had picked out for them. The kind owner had even offered to dry them both for them before they had to leave again. 

“Harry,” She gasped, “They do blueberry pancakes!” 

Harry smirked, not wanting to tell her that he had picked this cafe specifically because they made one of Y/N’s favourite foods, “Really? Tha’s your favourite right baby?”

She nods, “I’m gonna get that- ooo it even comes with the option of honey or syrup!” Y/N beams. 

By the time their food had arrived, they were well invested in conversation, “Was thinking of getting my ear pierced next weekend. One of my mates has free space and thought it would be fun to get a hoop or something.” Harry tells her. 

Y/N paused on chewing her pancake as she pictured her boyfriend with a hoop earring. She swallowed down her food before getting out, “That would be hot.”

Harry laughs at her bluntness, “Yeah?” He smirked, “You think so?” Y/N nodded, her cheeks tinged pink. 

Although they kissed and made out at any spare moment they could, they hadn’t really branched out from the time Harry had touched her for the first time. Y/N knew Harry was trying to be patient about it - he was a gentleman like that - but she was going crazy not having his ring-clad hands touching her skin, providing that ecstasy he had given her a glimpse of for the first time.  

“Y alright there flower?” Harry crooned, “Anything on your mind you’d care to share.”

Y/N shook her head, ridding them of her dirty thoughts, “M okay, H.” 

“Alright,” His eyes twinkled as he smiled at her, “You look beautiful by the way.”

“Thank you, Harry,” Her eyes softened, “And thank you for bringing me here today, I’ve loved being here with you.”

Harry parted his lips as if to respond, but found himself speechless, the words trapped somewhere in his throat. Y/N looked at him expectantly, her eyes silently urging him to express whatever was on his mind. With a sigh, his shoulders slumped, and he finally spoke, "I've loved being here with you too. I love every moment I get to be with you." Y/N beamed as Harry inwardly cursed himself for being unable to articulate the depth of his feelings. Yet, as he saw the radiant smile spread across Y/N's face, he couldn't help but feel a surge of warmth and contentment wash over him, knowing that his words were enough to reach her for now. 

After the train journey home, which took slightly longer than anticipated, Harry carried Y/N up to her apartment and into her bedroom where he slumped her down on her bed. Y/N hummed at the feeling of her warm, cosy sheets beneath her. “Comfy m’love?” He grinned, tugging the sleeves of his coat off so he was just in his white t-shirt and black trousers. 

“I’m so sleepy,” Y/N sighed, eyes closed whilst Harry tugged her shoes off as her feet dangled over the edge of the bed.

“Cause you’ve been running around all day huh? Could barely keep up with you half the time.” Harry briefly massages the souls of her feet after taking both her shoes off, knowing they were probably aching from running on the beach all day.

“But it was sooo much fun,” Y/N whined, her tired eyes peering down at Harry.

“Yeah, yeah, I know that lovie. Need to get y’ out of these clothes so I can put them in the wash.” He tugs on her leggings.

“Can you do it?” Y/N asks, “M too tired.”

Harry pauses, “Y’ sure baby? Don’t want y’ to be uncomfortable.” 

“M sure Harry, I trust you.” She tells him.

He smiles to himself as her words settle in the space between them. A smile curves his lips almost involuntarily, reflecting the quiet gratitude he feels towards her trust.  “Alright, lift y’ hips for me, flower.” He instructs and Y/N does as she’s told, lifting her hips so he can pull down her leggings leaving her in her pink lacey panties. 

Harry swallows as he sees the apex of her thighs. He hadn’t seen this much of her before and he could already feel himself harden in his jeans at the sight of her. “Think y’ can sit up for me flower? Jus’ so I can’t take your sweater off?” He tries to stop staring at her bare legs but he can’t seem to take his eyes away.

Y/N groans but does as she’s told, sitting up and putting her arms up so Harry can remove the sweater from her torso. Her eyes are still shut and Harry gently pulls the soft sweater over her head. 

When her eyes open, the first thing Y/N sees is Harry standing above her with his gaze fixed on her figure and she realizes this is the most he's ever seen of her yet. She had nothing but a vest and underwear to cover her body. Y/N was pretty sure he could see the curve of her breasts and the outline of her nipples through the thin, white material. 

“Harry…” she whispers, suddenly realising what was happening, how the temperature in the room had suddenly shifted.

Y/N shivered as Harry cupped her cheek and bent forward to kiss her. She leaned backwards onto the bed, resting on her elbows as Harry kept his hold on her cheek, using his other hand to place on her hip as he crawled on top of her. His hand was warm and big and his fingertips pressed into her skin sending a joint of electricity down through her body. 

They kissed and Harry groaned as Y/N uncontrollably rolled her hips into him, “Harry,” Y/N repeated, placing her hands on his chest.

“What baby?” He asks.

“I-I feel strange,” She confesses, not really knowing how to go about telling him what was on her mind.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, “What’s wrong?”

Y/N shook her head immediately, “N-no nothing’s wrong. It’s just… Remember last time? When you…” she couldn’t seem to finish her sentence, too embarrassed to describe what Harry had done when he taught her how to touch herself.

“What about it?” He wonders, patience and curiosity on his face.

“I-I want to do it again but different.” She cringed at her words, “I mean, I want to try something new. L-like I want you to show me something new I mean.” 

Harry’s features softened, “Yeah? You want me to take care of you huh?”

Y/N nodded, relieved he understood what she was hinting at without her having to admit it herself, “Yes.”

“What do you want me to do baby?” He kisses down the side of her neck, Y/N’s head rolling to the side to give him more room to explore her skin.

“I-I don’t know,” 

“Oh I think you do flower otherwise you wouldn’t be asking for something new to try would you?” He sucks on the skin of her neck and she whines at the feeling. His green eyes meet hers as he lifts his head up, “C’mon sweet girl, tell daddy what you want from him.” 

Her mouth fell open and her heart beat erratically in her chest, “I-I need you down there daddy.” 

“Yeah? You want daddy to touch you down there baby?” 

“Y-yes daddy please.”

“Still so polite.” Y/N seemed to melt as he crawled down her placid form, he could do anything to her and she wouldn't mind as long as he was touching her in some way.

She suddenly gasped when she felt him blow warm air onto her nipple beneath her vest. “Can I lift your vest baby? Can you let daddy see these cute tits?” 

“Mhm,” She hummed, her body vibrating with excitement and nerves. Harry’s fingertips brushed the skin of her tummy as he pulled her vest up to reveal her breasts. 

“Fuck baby,” Harry groaned. “You’re so beautiful.” 

“Your shirt too!” Y/N insisted, feeling a little insecure as Harry was still in his white shirt.

Harry was quick to pull off his shirt to reveal his tattooed torso that Y/N had traced and slept on almost every night since they had met. Her hands were immediately on his warm skin as he kissed down the swell of her breasts. Y/N gasped as Harry gently pressed a kiss to her left nipple, sliding his other hand up to cup her other one, “See that? Y’ were made for daddy.” He said as her breast fit perfectly in his hand. 

“Daddy I need you,” Y/N whispered.

“Such a greedy girl.” He tuts, “Trying to worship you ‘n you’re just begging me to make you cum.” 

“N-no-” Y/N wanted to argue but Harry quickly kissed her lips before moving down her body. 

“Look at these pretty panties. Can already see you’re all soaked through them.” Y/N could practically hear the smile on his face. “Can I see baby?” 

“Y-Yes, daddy.” She swallowed back her nerves, even though Harry had already seen her down there, it was her first time experiencing someone be so up close. Y/N felt his fingers hook around the waistband of her panties until they were halfway down her thighs and waited for him to react.

“Fuck me,” Harry hisses. “Won’t ever get over the sight of this pretty pussy. Always manage to live up to y’ nickname, don’t y’ flower?” 

Y/N’s cheeks heat but before she has time to protest Harry leans forward and presses a kiss to her throbbing pussy. She snaps her thighs shut tightly and gasps, “W-what-“

“Shhh flower,” Harry kisses her knee and then gently hooks both her legs over either of his shoulders so she can’t close her thighs to hide away from him, “Daddy’s gonna take the ache away okay? Know you’ve been feeling all needy for daddy. Gonna do something that’ll help and put you right to sleep m’kay?”

Y/N swallows harshly and fists the fabric of the blanket beneath her. Her heart was racing and her belly was swirling with need and desire as she waited for Harry to do something.

He kissed the inside of her thighs, “You trust me?” He asked, waiting for her approval, “Because I’ll stop as soon as you say so, promise y’ that.” 

“Yes, daddy.” She said because she did trust him, wholeheartedly, “I trust you.”

“That’s m’ girl.” Y/N waited until she felt his warm breath blow over her pussy. His mouth pressed another kiss to her before she felt his tongue swipe across her slit. Y/N gasped at the unfamiliarity of it as he flicked his tongue softly over her to get her accustomed to it. His eyes looked up to see Y/N’s reaction at the first touch of his mouth. He smirked to himself as her breasts heaved cutely and her cheeks were flushed pink. 

“Harry,” she whimpered.

“S not my name flower.” He murmured against her. 

She tried to close her thighs but Harry’s head lay buried between them, licking and stroking his tongue against her. He wrapped both his tattooed hands around her thighs to keep them open, pressing his fingertips into her plushy skin. “Daddy,” she whined.

He licks up her wet cunt once more until he finds her clit. Y/N jolts at the sudden attention to her sensitive bundle of nerves. His lips pucker against her tiny, pink clit glistening with arousal, a whimper eliciting from Y/N’s lip. He moves his tongue in circles around it before gently sucking on the small bud.

Y/N’s a writhing, whimpering mess beneath him as he licks and sucks on her clit, her wetness coating his chin. She bucks her hips against his mouth and quickly removes one hand from the bed to weave into his hair. Harry groans as she tugs on his curls, his cock leaking precum in his trousers, the vibrations going straight to Y/N’s clit. 

“Daddy, f-feels so good,” She mewls, continuing to tug on his hair. Harry ruts his hips against the mattress, in hopes he could get some relief as he continues his assault on her pussy. 

“Y' so fucking sexy Y/N.” He grumbled, unable to stop his attention from her weeping, little cunt.

Her thighs began to tremble as she felt the coil tighten in her belly. Harry’s hand removed itself from her thigh and slid up the bed to reach for her hand that wasn’t already in his hair. He intertwined their fingers as if comforting her without saying anything. 

He paused his assault on her clit, Y/N whimpering at the sudden loss. Instead, he flattened his tongue against her once more before dipping his tongue into her hole a little as if testing the waters to see whether she’d like it. Y/N’s back arched and Harry’s hand left hers to place itself flat against her tummy to hold her still, the cool metal of his rings made her shiver as they touched her skin. His tongue delved in and out of her, using his other hand to rub circles on her clit with his thumb.

Y/N’s mouth fell open, her head fell back and her legs turned to jelly. “Y close angel girl?” Harry murmured, peeking up at her to see her blissfully zoned out from his touch. 

“Feels s’ good daddy, s-so so so good,” She babbled her head lolling from side to side. 

“Wanna cum baby? Wanna make a mess on daddy?” He urged her, feeling her core clench. 

She jerkily nodded, “Mhmmm,” She hummed. 

“Lemme have it, baby, daddy worked so hard, lemme taste y’ cum.” He hastened his movements on her clit and continued to lick and suck at her pussy, “Cum f’ me baby.” He coaxed. "Can't wait to feel y' round my cock someday, practically begging to feel y' tight, little hole. 'm gonna be the first and only one to fill y' up, isn't that right? Gonna let daddy stretch you out and fill y' up. You're all mine, 'm favourite flower."

His filthy words set Y/N alight. She felt the coil snap as pleasure rushed through her entire body and filled all of her senses. Harry groaned, continuing to press himself up against the bed until he felt his own orgasm building too, his lips staying on Y/N as she came. He lapped up her juices, riding her through her orgasm and tasting all she had to offer for the first time. “That’s my girl baby, so good.” He cooed. 

Harry’s eyes rolled back as his cock released inside of his boxers, his head falling to the side and resting on the inside of her thigh as he breathed heavily, “Fuck,” He groaned, eyes rolling to the ceiling. 

The room was quiet other than the sounds of them trying to catch their breath. Harry kissed the inside of Y/N’s thigh and worked his way up her body, placing soft, spongy kisses on her bare skin until he was face-to-face with her. 

Harry grinned lazily, his eyes tired as he brushed the hair off her face. His heart stuttered; he felt himself losing his breath all over again despite having just come down from the high of his release as he looked down at his girlfriend. Her cheeks were flushed and her skin was glowing from the afterglow, tendrils of baby hairs framed her face and her eyes were hazy and soft as she looked into his own. 

“Thank you daddy,” She whispered to him. 

Harry pressed a kiss to her lips. Her legs hooked around his waist as he circled his arms around her to pull her in tighter, “You okay? Was that good? Not too much?” He wanted to make sure she was okay before anything else. He’d hate himself if he did something she didn’t like or didn’t want to do. 

“M okay,” She smiled, her voice tired. He kissed her once more knowing she could probably taste herself on his lips. “It felt good.” 

“Y’ made me cum,” He admits, feeling the discomfort of his own release in his boxers. 

“I did?” Y/N’s eyes widened, her lips parting in surprise. 

“Yeah, flower. That was so fucking sexy.” Y/N whined and tried to hide herself behind her hands. Harry chuckled at her reaction, grabbing her wrists to move her hand away and kissing her forehead before lifting himself from her. “Let’s get y’cleaned up.” 

Harry walked over to Y/N’s dresser to grab himself some clean boxers from the drawer he had curated from the nights he had spent with her. He also grabbed her some clean underwear and one of his shirts to wear to bed. 

In the bathroom, he got himself cleaned up and grabbed a cloth dampening it under the running water in the sink for his love who was waiting for him in bed. Harry paused at the door when he entered her room after he was met with a sight he longed to treasure in his mind forever. Y/N was lying completely bare on her bed. Her eyes were shut, her chest moving up and down and her hair was sprawled out around her. He didn’t know how he got so lucky with her, she was a living angel.

“C’mere flower,” He murmured, spreading her legs apart slightly and trying not to react to the sticky, glistening mess between her thighs. He placed the dampened cloth against her and calmed her down as she jolted beneath his touch from how sensitive she was. 

Once they were all cleaned up, Harry climbed under the blankets with Y/N half asleep against his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and ran a finger up and down the length of her spine beneath her shirt.  "Sleep now, flower," he whispered his voice a gentle caress in the quiet of the night. The warmth of his presence soothed Y/N to fall asleep. 

In the hazy blur of her consciousness, she murmured, words slipping from her lips without thought. "Love you," she breathed, the three words escaping her lips as effortlessly as a sigh, yet she remained unaware of what they meant. 

Harry stilled, his breath catching in his throat, “W-what?” But Y/N didn’t reply, instead, soft snores left her lips as she fell asleep beside him. 

. . .

It was the Friday after Harry had taken Y/N to the beach. Fridays were always busy at the tattoo shop so Harry was working away until the late hours of the evening. Y/N sat on a chair, her legs swinging backwards and forward as she played a game on Harry's phone. The sound of the tattoo gun hummed in the air whilst a bossa nova played over the Bluetooth speaker. Harry was still working despite the fact it was nearly time for Y/N to go to bed (She had a strict regime before bed which gave her exactly eight hours of sleep each night). He had promised her this would be his last customer as she waltzed into his tattoo shop, ready to go to his apartment together.

Harry hadn't mentioned to Y/N what she had unknowingly said in her sleep. When they woke up the next morning, he gently broached the subject, asking, "Hey, do you remember anything you said last night while you were asleep?"

Y/N, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes, just shrugged in response. "Not really," she mumbled, her voice heavy with drowsiness. "Did I say something strange?"

"No, not at all," Harry assured her, though inwardly, he couldn't shake off the weight of her words. "Just thought you might've had a dream or something." But even as he spoke, he couldn't shake off the lingering memory of her whispered confession, playing over and over in his mind like a sweet melody. 

"Y' holding up okay there m'love?" Harry checked in, working on the final few finishing touches of the tattoo he had been working on.

"Mhm," She smiled but Harry could tell she was getting sleepy from the way he'd caught her eyes fluttering shut when he glanced over at her.

"Can go sleep on the couch out front if you're feeling sleepy." He offered, wanting to make sure his girl was okay before he finished off the tattoo for his customer. He knew first-hand how grouchy she got when she didn't get her sleep.

"M okay here Harry," She insisted, thinking she was lying to him well enough over how tired she was. "Can I watch?" She strained her neck to get a better look at what Harry was doing.

"Course flower, c'mere," Harry pushed his chair forward to give Y/N space to stand behind him so she could watch over his shoulder. He pushed down on the peddle and continued the tattoo as Y/N watched over him.

"Does it hurt?" She wondered, watching the needle press ink into the customer's skin.

"Jus' a little sting but when you've had so many it's not so bad," Harry replied.

Y/N watched in fascination. She was not only impressed by the design Harry had drawn out and tattooed to the customer so effortlessly but also how brave people must be to have such a permanent mark on their skin. She tilted her head to the side, "I want one," She mumbled.

Harry paused, "What?"

"Nothing," She replied, quickly.

Harry had heard what she said but decided he'd bring it up when there wasn't another person in the room, knowing how shy she got around people she didn't know.

After completing the tattoo, he wrapped it up and chatted with the customer for a little bit. Meanwhile, Y/N browsed through his tattoo design sketchbook with a furrowed brow. Once the conversation was done, he shut the door behind the customer and turned the sign to 'closed.'

He walked over to his seemingly overthinking flower and kissed the top of her head, "Wha's wrong m'love?" He smiled softly, wrapping both arms around her and pulling her into his chest.

"Jus' looking H," She tilted her head back to look up at him, kissing his chin in the process.

"Didn't know we were telling fibs tonight flower," He teased, spinning her around in his embrace.

"M not lying," She hid her face in his chest because he always knew when she was lying and she was most definitely lying.

"Can you look up f'me baby just f' a sec," He murmured and looked down to see the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen, round and sparkling under the blue lights of his shop. "Woah," He whispered to himself.

"What's wrong?" A crease appeared in between her brows.

"Nothin' just...you're so pretty," She whined, nuzzling her face into his neck to hide her very red face. Even though it was hard to tell under the blue lights, he knew she was blushing. "Hey, no, can I have a kiss please?" He cupped the back of her head and pulled her away from the comfortable spot in his neck.

Y/N stood on her toes to kiss him, tasting the tinge of eucalyptus lip balm she had given him when he had complained of having sore lips from kissing her too much in the colder weather. "So y' want a tattoo?" He murmured against her lips.

Y/N pulled away, "I-I was just thinking but-"

"You're not sure?" She nods. "Don't have to get a tattoo today m'love, especially if you're not sure." Harry comforted her, seeing the uncertainty on her face. He kissed the crease between her eyebrows but her eyes were fixed on a tattoo on his upper arm.

"Where'd you get that?" She asked, her fingers skimming over the small design. It was a fine line drawing of a pair of angel wings with a flower in the centre between each wing. Harry had designed it not long after meeting Y/N and had only tattooed the design onto himself a few days ago.

"Jus' a little something I drew 's all." He shrugged, "Reminded me of you."

Y/N's lips parted like she couldn't believe what he had just said, "For me?"

He nods, "Wanted to have you somewhere on me at all times."

Y/N goes quiet and Harry gives her the time to think as he packs away his things to head upstairs. By the time he's finished, Y/N's tugging on his sleeve and looking up at him with rounded eyes, "I think I'd like a tattoo, Harry."

Harry bit back a smile, "You do?"

"Mhm," She nodded, seeming sure of herself, "But I want you to do it."

"Wouldn't let anyone else do it anyways flower." He pulled out the kit he had just put away, not feeling annoyed in the slightest because he loved this girl and would set up his equipment all over again even if she decided she no longer wanted the tattoo anymore.

Y/N shimmied up onto the chair and glanced over at him, "What are you wanting on you baby?" He asked.

"I want the same one as you please Harry," She says, referring to the tattoo of the angel wings.

He smiles, "Wanna match with me, sweet girl?" He kisses her lips quickly.

Y/N nods, beaming up at him, "Yes please."

"So polite," He taps her cheek before going to his worktop and drawing out a stencil with a careful hand.  Y/N sat in the chair with her feet hovering above the ground. She was fiddling with her fingers in her lap as she glanced around at the designs she had admired many times before when she'd sit and wait for Harry whilst he worked.

"M'kay lovie, where'd you want it?" Harry asked.

"Oh," She pursed her lips, "I didn't think that far."

"Didn't think that far?" Harry chortled, "How about on your arm?” He squeezed her arm softly above the crease of her elbow, "Won't hurt too bad if we do it here."

"Okay Harry," She nodded, trusting him implicitly. Harry wanted to smother her in kisses with the way she was looking at him like she would do anything he said without even questioning it.

Harry prepped everything, making sure he had all he needed to start the tattoo. He went a little slower than he normally would, wanting to give her enough time to make sure she was certain about getting the tattoo. He mixed up the ink and switched on the tattoo gun as Y/N lay back against the leather chair.

"Y' okay flower?" Harry checked again, expecting to get the same answer he had already gotten only for her to chew on her lip and scrunch up the fabric of the skirt she was wearing.

"M a little nervous," She admitted, blushing.

"Hey it's okay to be nervous," He cooed, dropping the equipment and rolling over to her on his chair. He leaned against the seat she was lying in so his face was up close to hers, he brushed a few strands of hair from her face and the feeling of his hands calmed the nerves Y/N was feeling. "It'll hurt a little bit. Some people say it feels like a little like a tiny scratch but you get used to the feeling."

"But what if you start and then I don't want it anymore because it hurts?" She realises she should have asked these questions before they had gotten this far.

"Tha's why you need to be sure you want it sweet girl. Don't wanna see you in pain either but it's a small tattoo so won't take long and it's on your arm which means it hurts a little bit less." Harry explained.

"Okay," She nodded, "B-but can you distract me a little? It'll help if you distract me."

Harry smiled, kissing her lips, "Can distract you any way you want, baby. Here," He removed the dog tag necklace he wore all the time without failure and handed it to her, "Can fiddle with this while I draw on you."

Y/N felt her shoulders relax a little as she felt the cool metal in her hands, "Okay Harry." His lips pressed against her forehead, "Okay Y/N." He grinned.

Harry pulled on some gloves and got the tattoo gun running. Y/N went stiff as the humming sound filled the room but she reminded herself of Harry's words and continued to play with his necklace. "Okay, ready baby?" He gave her one last kiss for comfort and then, when she nodded her head, the needle made contact with her skin.

She gasped as the tiny needle pricked at her skin. It wasn't as painful as she thought it was going to be but it wasn't comfortable either. She tried to relax but her muscles were all tensed up.

Harry tried to comfort her as best as she could. Whispering words of encouragement, "So good baby, y' so brave." He'd say and tell her it would be over in a moment even though a moment felt like an eternity in her mind.

"Is it over yet?" She was starting to feel the discomfort and was already waiting for it to finish.

"Almost angel," He cooed and finished up the final lines of the drawing. "There we go, all finished."

Y/N let out a long breath she didn't know she was holding and immediately her eyes flickered down to the tattoo Harry had drawn on her. She was in awe of how beautiful and intricate the design was and how quickly Harry had managed to draw it so perfectly. It was a perfect size on her arm, the angel wings matched exactly the same as the ones Harry had done on himself. She almost squealed with how happy she was with her first ever tattoo and how it was a permanent reminder of her sweet and loving boyfriend.

Harry grinned as he watched her face light up when she saw the tattoo, "'Y like it?" He asked, preparing the cream and wrap to put on it before she did something that would get it infected - they both knew she would do that if he wasn't careful.

"I love it, Harry!" She grinned, her smile lighting up the whole room.

Harry laughed at her happiness, "You're welcome baby." He applied the cream and wrapped it up before she could move anywhere. Instead of leaping out of the chair, she wrapped her arms around Harry and pressed her lips to his. He hummed, "Best tip I've ever gotten." He murmured.

"I kinda want another one," She couldn't stop looking down at her tattoo and taking in how pretty it was.

"Woah, slow down there flower, think you should wait a while until the next one." He repressed a smile. "But I'll happily draw up another one f'you."

"Okay Harry," She said, not really paying much attention to him.

"Alright c'mon, le's go upstairs. Wanna kiss you in bed if tha's okay." He quickly put all of his equipment away as Y/N gawked at her tattoo.

"I think I'd love that more than the tattoo," She sighed. Harry decided not to pull her up on the fact she was probably telling another fib. 

. . .

"Y/N is that a tattoo!" One of her friends, Shakira, spoke out.

It had been two weeks since Y/N had gotten her first tattoo and she still wasn't over how pretty it was. Every morning she'd wake up and look at her arm and tell Harry how good of a job he did.

"No wonder you're a tattoo artist Harry!" She'd say, to which he'd just smile and sit patiently as she rambled about how much she loved her tattoo and how she wanted him to draw her another one.

"Oh yes!" Y/N rolled up the sleeve of her pyjama shirt so her friends could get a better look, "Harry did it. Isn't it pretty?" She sighed, thinking of her boyfriend who she hadn't seen since this morning.

Y/N had planned a slumber party at her place a few weeks ago since she hadn't seen her two friends, Shakira and Layla, in forever. She'd known them since high school and were the only two friends she really had other than Harry who was also her best friend. 

Harry had promised he'd stay away and give her some much needed girly time. Although Y/N didn't like the idea of being away from Harry, she knew it was needed. He had some things he needed to do anyway and she wanted to give him space to do that too.

"Do you think he could do one for me?" Layla asked, her arm already littered with small tattoos.

"I can ask him for you if you'd like," Y/N offered, receiving a nod from Layla.

"What's it like being in a relationship?" Shakira asked, "I mean Harry seems the complete opposite of you, I'd never have pictured you together."

Y/N smiles, thinking back to their first interaction and how intimidated she was by him. Now she couldn't get enough of him, wanting to be with him and touch him whenever she could. "I know but Harry's... I don't know, he's not like how people assume. He's kind, caring and lovable. We have a lot more in common than most people think and even the things we don't have in common, Harry always listens to the things I have to say even when he doesn't completely understand."

"Awwww!" Y/N blushed when she realised she had been rambling too much again.

"You're so cute Y/N," Layla grinned. "And we're so happy for you. Harry seems like a great guy."

"He is," Y/N agreed, shyly.

"Have you said I love you yet?" Shakira smirked.

Y/N's smile faltered, "N-not yet..." She looked away from their gazes, "But I think I'm just waiting for the right time. Harry always has these moments where I think he's going to say it but he never does and part of me thinks he's still questioning it." Y/N admits.

Layla offers her a sympathetic gaze, "I'm sure he's just waiting for the perfect moment to tell you Y/N. Saying I love you can be a pretty big deal for some people."

"I know," Y/N nods in agreement, "And I'll wait for him, however long it takes."

Y/N spent the remainder of the evening gossiping and watching movies with her two best friends. Now and then, she would look down at her phone just in case Harry had sent her anything but nothing appeared other than a blank screen. She couldn't help but feel a little bit deflated that he hadn't checked in on her like he usually would but she quickly pushed the feeling away. Harry had other things he was doing, she'd see him later.

"Thank you for having us Y/N! It was so good to see you, we need to do it again sometime," Y/N stood at the door to say goodbye to her friends. It was nearing midnight and she wondered if Harry was in his apartment waiting for her.

"Thank you for coming! I missed you guys," Y/N chirped, she really did miss having her girlfriends around. She was so busy with work and spending time with Harry, that she rarely had time outside of those things. But after today, she was going to make it a priority to see her friends again.

"See you later Y/N!" Her friends waved as they walked down the steps from her apartment. Y/N smiled and waved until they were out of sight. She planned on calling Harry to check in on him and see if he was alright but a crash from his apartment halted her steps.

She paused, stilling herself so she could hear a little better. Another thud came from his apartment followed by a string of curses and something that sounded like a clutter of things falling on the floor.

"Harry?" Y/N called through the door but received no response. "Harry, are you okay? It's me, it's Y/N."

"Y/N," Harry's voice murmured through the door. Y/N relaxed a little at the sound of his voice but she was still worried about him. It wasn't normal for him to keep his distance from her like this.

"Harry, are you okay?" She rested her hand on the doorknob, preparing to open it so she could see him with her own eyes.

"I-I'm fine baby. Go t' sleep m'love. I'll be there in a little while," Y/N frowned when she heard him wheezing a little as he breathed between words. He spoke much too slowly compared to his usual drawl as though it was too much work for him to speak.

"Harry please, jus' wanna see you." She tries again, hoping he'll open the door.

"Promise I'll be there t' give you your kisses baby but I jus' need... a moment," Y/N's face fell.

"H-Harry you're scaring me," She said, quietly.

Harry was on the other side of the door, clutching onto his side. He was already hurting but hearing his angel begging to come in was killing him. He couldn't leave her out there. She looked the perfect remedy to his currently aching body when he looked through the peephole of his door and saw her already in her pyjamas, looking all snuggly and cute.

"Not tryin' t' scare you, dove. Please I'll be out in a minute." He hoped she would listen like she normally would. He needed enough time to clean up as best as he could so he could return to her- looking like the Harry she knew- but she wasn't having it, reminding him of just how stubborn she could be when she wanted to. 

"Harry, I-I'm gonna open the d-door. I have to see if you're okay," She spoke, clearly and carefully.

Harry looked down as the doorknob twisted. He wanted to twist the key and lock it to keep her out but he lost control of his own mind as he stepped back and allowed her to push the front door open.

He stood under the dim light of his living room. He had been meaning to get the lightbulb fixed but he'd been spending too much time at Y/N's apartment to remember.

Her eyes went from his feet all the way up to meet his face. Her lips parted and her eyes started to water, his heart ached at the sight. "No baby," He stepped forward, pulling her into him and holding her to his chest even though it ached to do so.

"H-Harry," She whispered, her voice cracking, "What happened?"

She pulled back and cupped one of his cheeks in her small hand. Harry's eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, he could have sworn every ounce of pain lifted from her touch alone. "Was out with a friend, you know, the one who deals," He explained, referring to Mike who Y/N had met. He didn't want to hide from her and she already knew he smoked weed regularly so it was no surprise to her when he told her he'd been smoking, "We pulled over so he could drop something off but I guess the customer got a little aggressive. He was probably on something but he was refusing to pay I think Mike said. I was in the car and all I saw was this guy trying to swing at him. I ran out to help him and we managed to get away before he had the chance to do anything worse but he obviously managed to get a good few hits in before."

Harry hadn’t remembered the last time he had gotten into a fight other than when he was a teenager just after his parents got divorced. He had managed to get a few punches in, making his knuckles all red and cut up, but he'd also been the victim of a few hits too. He had a black eye, a busted lip and a pounding headache from the impact of the punch he had received.

"Harry," Y/N choked on a sob, "Y-you could have been seriously h-hurt,"

"I know baby, I know." He cradled her head in his arms as she wrapped her arms around him, not squeezing too tight because she knew he was in pain. "But 'm here now."

Her eyes were red-rimmed as she looked at him, "You were helping Mike?" She asked.

"'s all I was doing baby, promise." He hated how worried she looked so he was willing to do anything to comfort her until she knew he was okay.

She pulled away, "W-where are you hurting?" She looks down as if checking him for any more bruising. He could see her visibly starting to panic, her hands shaking and her chest moving up and down rapidly.

"Hey, c'mere, c'mon now." He picked her up and brought her over to the couch, "M okay sweet girl, nothing to worry about anymore. Calm down f' me, please. Hate seeing you in a panic." He uttered to her, rocking her back and forth with her face buried in his neck. 

"You're all b-bruised," She whimpered, "Y-you must be in so much pain."

"Not anymore my love. Hmmm, my flower is here, takin' all m' pain away aren't you dove?" He kissed her shoulder.

"C-can I help you?" She whispered, eyes blotchy and red from crying a little.

"Wanna patch up m' bruises love?" She nods as if there was nothing else she'd rather do than be there for him. "Alright, le's go to the bathroom and y' can help me." He carried her to the bathroom and placed her on the counter near the sink. He grabbed a first aid kit from the cabinet under the sink and handed it to her. "Didn't know m' girlfriend was a little nurse." He smirked, a blush covering her cheeks.

Harry stood between her legs with his hands on the counter on either side of her. He watched her as she cleaned the cuts and treated the bruise covering his eye. He smiled when the tip of her tongue stuck out between her lips, "Be careful, I'll bite that tongue." He teased.

Y/N squeaked hiding her tongue away, but quickly composed herself, "You're not getting anywhere near my tongue mister." She sasses and Harry grins so wide, his cheeks hurt.

"No? You don't think I deserve a kiss baby? M in so much pain." He hides his face in her neck and presses spongy kisses on her soft skin.

Y/N giggles at the ticklish sensation, trying to push him away, "No, you can't, not until I patch you up and you stop getting into fights."

"Actin' like I get into fights every other weekend baby," He smirks, "Only f' you."

Her mouth opens and closes as she tries to figure out what to say in such a flustered state from his words. He takes the opportunity to kiss her, their lips pressing together under the low light of the bathroom. He hadn't seen her since this morning and had been missing her all day but knew she needed some time with her girlfriends without him smothering her. It didn't stop him from glancing at his phone now and then to see if she'd called him, just like she had done.

The small time they spent away from each other during the day made him all the more desperate to kiss her. He cradled both her cheeks in his hand, brushing his thumb over her cheekbones. She wrapped her arms around his neck and played with the baby strands of hair on the nape of his neck. "Missed you," She murmured when their lips parted.

"Missed y' too flower." He hummed, "Don't know what's wrong w' me to want you this bad." His hands travelled down her arms, his fingers brushing over her tattoo as he slid past it before he intertwined their fingers together. “Think m just a teeny bit in love with y’ to be honest.” He confessed. 

And suddenly they were both existing outside of their own bodies.

"W-what?" Y/N's eyes glazed over.

“Oh shit.” Harry cusses, squeezing his eyes shut, his face scrunching in frustration, “Wasn’t meant to be this way flower.” 

“Y-you love me?” Her bottom lip quivered, her brain not quite believing what she was hearing. 

Harry's heart was racing as he looked her in the eyes, "I love you." The words left his mouth and had never felt so right or so freeing. He couldn't understand why now of all moments was the time to finally say it but a piece of himself felt whole and all the pain from his body had left as he told her the three words that had been trapped in his throat for so long.

Y/N's mind whirred as she processed Harry's words. The air seemed to thicken around them, and for a moment, time hung suspended. She searched his eyes for any sign of hesitation, but all she found was sincerity and vulnerability. "You do?" She whimpered.

"Oh no flower, don't cry. Hate seeing tears in those pretty eyes," He began to wipe them away as soon as they fell from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," She blubbered, "I never imagined... I never imagined someone could feel this way about me," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Never thought I'd be in love either but here we are," He chuckled, "Love you so much, m'favourite flower." He rubbed their noses together.

Y/N's pouty lips sprouted into a beautiful smile, "I love you too Harry, more than anyone in the whole world."

"Y’ already told me that once before." He smiled, a mixture of adoration and a touch of amusement dancing in his eyes. 

“I did?” She frowned. 

“Mhm,” Harry nodded, “Before you fell asleep, you mumbled it and told me you loved me and when you woke up y’ didn’t remember.” 

“Really?” She couldn’t help but feel embarrassed knowing she admitted something so big in her sleep.

“Honestly,” Harry told her, “Think y’ were probably dreaming or something.”

“Is this a dream? Feels like it,” Y/N whispers. 

“S most certainly not a dream m’love.” Harry kissed her quickly, “Gonna love you forever I think.” 

She leant forward, running her fingers through his hair as his head fell back. He hummed at the feeling, biting on his lip to stop himself from smiling so much before burying his face in the crook of her neck - in the place he loved so much. "Promise." He whispered, lips ghosting her skin.

Their fingers traced lazy patterns on each other's skin, a silent communication between them. The room was filled with the hushed whispers of their love, as if time had slowed down so they could savour the sweetness of this very moment.

Y/N yawned which made the corner of Harry's lips turn upwards, "Y' done fixing me up now? Wanna go t' bed love?" She nodded, wrapping herself around him. He reminded himself to clean away the first aid kit in the morning, his priority was getting his girl some much-needed sleep.

She curled into him when they lay in his small bed, her head resting on his chest right where her heart was. She played with his hair and he ran a hand up and down her bare back underneath her pyjama shirt, "I love you," She murmured into the quiet.

He hoped she could hear his heart beat a little faster at her words, "I love you s' much, flower. With everything in me, gonna be mine forever y'are." He mumbled the words into her ear. 

Harry cupped the side of her face as her tired, glossy eyes looked at him with so much love and adoration, that he didn’t know what to do with it all. In the dimly lit room, they leaned in close, their breath mingling as their lips met in a gentle, passionate kiss. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer, while hers tangled in his hair. They explored each other's mouths, lost in the heat of the moment, their bodies pressed together. Each kiss was filled with longing and desire, igniting a fire between them that burned brighter with every touch.

“I’ve never loved anyone before,” Y/N whispered to him. 

“Really?” Harry smiled. 

“You’re my first love.” Y/N has to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling so wildly but Harry tugs her lip with his thumb and suddenly her smile is so wide her cheeks turn pink.

“You’re my first and only love.” He murmured. 

She liked that and she loved him. 

This was exactly where they were both meant to be —with the person who had become not only their first love but their forever love too. 

A flower tattooed to his heart.

[beautification-tales]

The Author

A meta caption story

The cool air of the evening creeps in through the open window, gently rustling the curtains and sending a shiver down Ophelia's spine. She sighs, leaning back against the pillows as she stares at the ceiling, lost in thought. It's been a long day; a day filled with routine, frustration, and a whole lot of nothing in between. The silence of the house is almost deafening, save for the occasional creak from the old floorboards and the soft murmur of her husband's voice...

But it's not the sound of his voice that catches her attention. It's the rhythmic slapping noise coming from his home office, just a few steps away. At first, she's not quite sure what it is, but then it hits her: he's masturbating. The realization sends a wave of conflicting emotions crashing through her. Part of her feels violated, like an intruder has violated their sacred space; another part of her feels a pang of jealousy, wondering why he can't find release with her. Yet another part of her feels a strange sense of arousal, her body responding to the sounds even as her mind protests.

She creeps up to the office a little, not wanting to make too much noise, her heart pounding in her chest. Through the crack under the door, she sees her husband's naked form hunched over his desk, his hand moving furiously. He can’t take his eyes off his laptop as if hypnotized he increases his speed. “Ungh fuck! I want her.” He groans as his face contorts. “Who does he want?” Ophelia thinks to herself. She feels a mixture of anger and arousal course through her veins.

Ludwig grunts again “Ungh, it feels… so good!” He shakes violently as he orgasms. Ophelia watches him wipe down his computer and the stain he shot upon his desk. Ludwig coughed as he slid out the back door to his private bathroom. Ophelia could hear the quiet hum of his shower head turning on. Ophelia quickly rushed into the room to look at what kind of porn her husband was enjoying.

Ophelia was shocked to only find a few windows of blogs open as well as an email from “The Mistress”. Ophelia took note of the names of the blogs and the email address of the “The Mistress”. Ophelia ran back to her bed and started looking up these items on her cell phone. Ludwig had stopped having sex with her very early in the marriage. At first Ophelia did not mind as she wasn’t a very sexual person. However, when it became more obvious that Ludwig had sought after other avenues to feed his desires, her jealousy was sparked.

“What kind of stories are on these blogs that could make Ludwig feel pleasure like that?” She thought to herself as she read a story from one blog. The story was short and was about a flat chested woman who got plastic surgery and became a porn star. She checked on another blog and it had a similar story of nerdy girl drinking a serum and becoming a femme fatale. The story had a graphic sex scene as the girl fucked her former crush. Ophelia felt herself become wet at the tale. She went to another blog.

Ophelia felt a cold sweat as the story had a plain, mousy wife. She was not confident and was terrible in bed. She became afraid she would lose her husband and found a succubus that bestowed her with supernatural power and beauty as well. The story sounded eerily familiar especially as the wife’s name was… Ophelia. She kept reading stories on this blog as they had a familiar and predictable formula. Yet, the ending was so graphic and passionate that every word became addictive. Ophelia felt herself become wetter after every tale. It was then Ludwig creeped into their bed. “You’re still up sweetie?” Ludwig asked. “Couldn’t sleep.” Ophelia said softly.

She turned off her smart phone and went to sleep. Yet the stories haunted her dreams. She dreamed of drinking a serum, taking a steroid or making a deal and transforming. Her nerdy demeanor would vanish as her breasts would blossom and she would find Ludwig. They would fuck like animals as passion would overwhelm them.

Ophelia jolted up from bed as the alarm clock rang. Ludwig was already downstairs as she heard his footsteps making coffee and breakfast. She lifted her covers and gasped. She was soaked. She realized that the stories… awoken something in her.

She quickly cleaned up and went downstairs to talk to her husband. “Hey baby! Looking good today!” She said as she gave him a tight hug. Ludwig lifted an eyebrow and looked at her puzzled. “Ok! what appliance do I need to buy this time?” He joked. She smiled and giggled as she sat down at the table.

“Can’t I flirt with my husband? I rarely do it and maybe you need more of it.” Ophelia grabbed at her husband’s thigh rubbing it. “Maybe we can do something fun before you go to work today.” She leaned in closer. Ludwig felt a chill run down his spine as he looked into her eyes. Her pupils were dilated. He could see the lust in them. It was a side of her he hadn't seen in years.

Ludwig stood up unaffected by his wife’s advances. “Sorry, sweetie but I have an important meeting so I have to be early today. Maybe next time.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and left for work.

During the day Ophelia couldn’t focus at work as she thought about Ludwig masturbating to emails from “The Mistress”. Later that night Ophelia once again made some obvious advances to Ludwig as he made excuses of having more emails to get to. Ophelia felt a rage in her build as she was rejected once again.

It was exacerbated as Ophelia heard her husband moan from his office again. Ophelia rushed and watched through the crack again as Ludwig grunted as he stroked his cock. “Yes my Mistress… I’m … I’m… worthy!” Ludwig erupted violently as his body shook as if every one of his muscles contracted. Ophelia felt herself become wet as her jealousy and arousal reached new heights.

“Why would he rather fuck his hand over blogs and emails than with his horny wife?” She thought to herself. Ludwig performed the same ritual of cleaning his mess and taking a shower. Ophelia ran into the office to read the personal email. The latest one said. “Ludwig your stories are exquisite. I think you may be worthy after all. Come meet me and I’ll make your dreams come true.”

Ophelia ran back to bed as she learned two things. The blog with her favorite stories were authored by her husband. Ludwig was aroused by the praise from this mysterious “Mistress” that he planned on meeting to probably be intimate with.

Ophelia felt the tears fall down her face. Ludwig entered the bed as she pretended to be asleep. It was in that moment she resolved to fight for what was hers. The mistress may be some amazing vixen with beauty that far surpasses her own but Ophelia was going to go down swinging.

The next morning she stayed in bed as her husband left for work. She then jumped out of bed and went to Ludwig’s office. She found the address of the mistress and drove there. The retail store was large and had a nail salon attached to it. “Welcome to the emporium” a gorgeous employee said to Ophelia as she entered. “If you need anything do not hesitate to ask.” Ophelia slowly walked up to the employee. “Umm yes….I’m here to talk to the Mistress.” The woman’s smile vanished as she had a serious look. The woman then looked down at Ophelia’s long brown skirt and brown flats. She then smiled at Ophelia. “Of course you are! This way please!”

The woman lead Ophelia past the store into the nail salon. The technicians and clients were all gorgeous with makeup upon their faces. All were wearing tight dresses with bright colorful high heels. Ophelia tried not to stare but could hear what sounded like moans from the clients as nails were put on their fingers. “Mmmm I’m a bad bitch yes!” One of them said as Ophelia looked back the employee brought her back to focus. “This Way Miss?”

The woman pushed a door open to reveal a lavishly decorated hallway. “Mrs! Ophelia Bloom.” Ophelia told the employee. On the wall was an intercom as the employee pressed it she said. “Mistress. A Mrs Ophelia Bloom is here to see you.” There was a pause before a mechanical feminine voice answered.

"Very well. Send her in." The employee pushed another door at the end of the hall revealing a large opulent office. Inside sat a beautiful blonde-haired woman in her early thirties. She was wearing a tight black dress that hugged her curves in all the right places. Her makeup was flawless, and her hair was styled perfectly. She had a commanding presence that filled the room. Ophelia felt a mixture of intimidation and attraction as she walked towards her.

“Ah Ophelia… I heard so much about you. Ludwig really does describe you well. So he sent you? For the package I prepared?” The Mistress smiled warmly as she motioned for Ophelia to take a seat on the plush couch. Ophelia sat down, feeling a mixture of nervousness and anger course through her veins.

Ophelia thought that Ludwig was planning to fuck this woman but it seemed she had something prepared for him. Something he wanted desperately. “Yes Mistress! He wanted me to get it for him. He didn’t want to wait and he is busy in meetings today.” Ophelia looked at the Mistress with a mixture of anger and determination. The Mistress smiled and stood up, walking over to a large desk and opening a drawer. She pulled out a small box and handed it to Ophelia.

“Now it can only be used once so make sure you’re both sure about this.” The mistress put her hands on her hips with a serious stare said. “ Absolutely no refunds and there are no reversals. Everything is permanent.” Ophelia opened the box and saw a vial with a cork stopper on top. “What is in this?” she asked.

The mistress raised an eyebrow and looked at Ophelia. “It is a potent mixture of “mauvaise femme” it has about a 5 minute delay though before taking hold. Ludwig asked for fast acting but this stronger batch…needs patience but it’s worth it. I’m sure you both will be happy with results. Now if you’ll excuse me Ophelia. I have quite a few scheduled appointments today. I just had to squeeze you in because I’m a big fan of your husband’s stories. I can’t wait to see them improve.” She smiled with a sly grin.

Ophelia rushed home. She left the box on the dining room table as she paced her home. She wondered why her husband wanted that gift from the Mistress. Ludwig’s stories played in her mind as she stayed deep in thought. “Is it real? Did Ludwig want her to transform into a bad bitch? To know how to dress sexy and be sexy?” Ophelia was still in disbelief but it all pointed to the same thing. Ludwig wanted her to transform. Ophelia felt that same excitement she felt reading her husband’s stories and she knew she could “make it a reality” for him.

It felt like an eternity but Ludwig finally came home. “Oh hey sweetie. I had a long day.” He said as he took off his suit jacket. Ophelia couldn't help but feel nervous. She was sitting at the dining table with the box in front of her. “We need to talk Ludwig…right now.” She said, her voice shaking slightly. Ludwig looked at her with a confused expression, not quite understanding what she meant. “Umm ok… what’s wrong?” He asked as he sat down.

“I met the Mistress today. I know all about your blog and your fantasies.” Ludwig’s face went completely white at his wife’s admission. “I mean it all makes sense now. You have a certain kink that you wanted to live out and now you can baby.” Ophelia put the box on the table. “I got it from the mistress today.” She paused, waiting for his reaction. Ludwig was frozen in disbelief. His heart raced as he tried to process what was happening.

Ludwig grabbed the box and opened it. “Where is it Ophelia! Where is the fucking serum???” He yelled, his eyes wild with desperation. Ophelia looked at him. “I drank it when you opened the door. I thought this is what you wanted.” Ludwig slammed his hand on the table. “You stupid bitch! The power! The beauty, it was mine! I earned it! It was my stories that got her attention. It was supposed to be mine. I was going to be free from this mundane life, living in luxury and you drank it? You have no passion… no imagination. Your frigid plain body must have killed the serum’s potency. It was supposed to be an instant transformation.”

“It has a 5 minute delay.” Ophelia whispered to Ludwig. Her heart was pounding in her chest as the serum pumped into her bloodstream. “Wait… what?Ludwig asked confused. “She said… it has a fff..five minute delay.” Ophelia felt strange as she placed both arms on the table. Ludwig looked in horror as Ophelia’s plain fingernails grew into red pointed nails. “No…” Ludwig nearly cried as he collapsed back into his chair.

“Mmm you’re right. I was a frigid plain girl.” The sounds of bones cracking and shifting filled the room as Ophelia’s body began to change. “Oooh but from now on I’m going to be a bad bitch.” The thin arms and legs of Ophelia gained muscle tone as she began to moan. Ludwig’s cock hardened in his pants as his stories were coming alive before his eyes.

“Ungh, I’m going to make you stroke to me daily as I fuck alpha males in front of you. I’m going to seduce company CEO’s and drain their bank accounts and their balls! How’s that for imagination!? I’m going to make you watch every fucking second as I have lunch dates with the Mistress. Ungh fuck !” The sounds of cracking stopped as Ophelia’s hair brightened turning from boring brown into golden blonde.

Ludwig hypnotized as the transformation progressed grabbed his cock. “You couldn’t help yourself huh? Mmm you see my hair change color? It’s just like one of your stories! I feel so fucking wet. My arms and legs. So strong and powerful!” Ophelia ripped her shirts sleeves off and tore open her long skirt.

Ludwig unzipped his pants as he panted like an animal. Ophelia’s breasts were next as they doubled in size. Ophelia’s skin become tan and flawless. “The fucking power, Ludwig! I feel it. I can get anything I want. Fuck anyone I want!” Her cheekbones raised up as her lips got fuller and covered in red lipstick. Ophelia stood up and turned around. “I can feel it my ass is growing!”

Her back muscles strengthened and filled out as her butt lifted up making a perfect peach. Her abdomen toned and became flat as her hips got wider and her waist slimmer.

Ludwig grunted as he came watching his plain, frigid wife become a truly powerful vixen.

“Hmmm you enjoyed that didn’t you? Didn’t you my pet?”

“Yes … I … never came so hard…ever.”

“Hmmm I guess you have a new story to write.”

[tammyjackson50-blog]

FIVE YEARS AGO || P.5

Summary: What happens when you find your way back to a good friend from the past through a song he wrote five years ago?

<- Last part - next part ->

Eddies p.o.v

I was playing on my guitar and trying to learn a new song to play. It's much more quiet than what I usually play. Yeah, it's not really my type of music, but I really like it: Billie Bossa Nova by Billie Eilish. don't ask, it's a good fucking song.

"SHIT" I just can't focus, and it's so freaking annoying.

I guess that my mind is not here right now. No, not only right now. This past month,I've… ugh....I lost one of my favorite rings, and now I can't stay focused on my guitar.

I think that I can say that this is not my best month. I just can't seem to get my mind off of her. I can't believe that she kept that song, I can't even believe I saw her. I held her hand in mine.... at first I thought that she didn't recognize me, but.. she did, she really did.

Despite the fact that everything seemed to happen in a split second, I was able to look at her eyes…her beautiful, beautiful eyes. ugh I wish I had more time to look into those shiny eyes, I wish that I had more time to talk to her, even if it's just for a minute, just to hear her voice, to see her damn gorgeous face.

someone's calling Eddie

He got out of bed so quickly that he nearly dropped his guitar on the floor, which is completely out of character for Eddie, who values his guitar more than he values himself.

" Hello? what did she said? " He didn't even give the other person an opportunity to say anything " just like that? without Hey, how are you? Are you all right? Maybe I got hurt on the way- "

" Michelle, can you please come over?"

- Michelle came over to eddie,she was laying on his bed, tired, she might be a little older than Eddie, but she acts like some mom with five kids.

" Can you RELAX, kid? You're making me dizzy, please sit down."

He was walking back and forth in his room, not sure of what to do next.

"I'm sorry, but I dunno what to do, I can't just write back and say, Hey, yeah, Y/n, it's me Eddie, let's meet and catch up." He sat down and she said, " Yes, you definitely can do it, and I can show you how." She picked up her phone and texted Eddie. " Easy as that." She sent him Y/ns email address to him. " yeah, I believe I could have figured it out on my own " " so? you just gonna make me tell you everything she's saying or.. you are going to talk her ?

he smiled, not really sure what to answer

" no thank you young man, you want to to talk to her, no , actully , you NEED to talk her, not me "

shit man... I guess she is right.....

GIF by ellie-joel <-

Y/n's p.o.v

" Have you heard about the movie that is going to be at a drive-in this week? Bohemian rhapsody is such a good movie, I'm glad that they are showing it again " you and Kat are hanging out again - (of couse) but this time you are at her house .

" yeah, I'm going with Ross and his mom, she loves Queen " I looked at her pretending to be hurt " ouch, my heart ". " oh I'm sorry bae, do you want to join us ? " what a cutie " no no, you have a date with your boyfriend and his mother, I'm not supposed to there with you ". " I know what you can do, why don't you text um, Michelle.. right?and get Eddie's number, then invite him out to the movie, you've been to a drive-in before only once, right? don't miss it "

yeah, I don't think so bestie " uh uh, I don't even have the guts to ask Michelle about him in general. "

" But you've got this great opportunity to meet him, and I don't think it'll be too awkward because you'll both be focused on the movie, oh and he likes old songs like you right? that's perf- "

" Kat, let's- sigh let's relax okay? did you considered the possibility that he might not even want to talk to me at all? she sigh

" and why do you think so? Y/n I think you are overthinking it, seriously, he's a human being like you, and let's just say he doesn't want to talk to you for some strange reason, then you're going to know that you tried to contact him. "

I guess she's right.... I mean, I don't have a lot to lose anyways, right?

" you are probbly right Kat " " so does that mean that you're going to invite him to watch the movie? " she asked happily " no... but it means that I agree with you." she rolled her eyes for the hundredth time in this conversation and leaned back in her bed.

" oh my god Y/n, you are so annoying! " you laughed.

Few hours later

It was getting dark outside,you were in the living room, laying comfortably on the sofa, the TV was on but you weren't paying attention to what was on the screen because you were watching Tiktok videos on your phone.

( Imagine something like that )

GIF by rosycheeksmadeofgalaxies <-

Everything was pretty normal, you thought that if you were on Tiktok, it wil help you to distract yourself from thoughts about Eddie.

Maybe it really isn't that serious? Maybe it'll even be nicer than you think, of course. It doesn't mean you will go back to being good friends like you used to be,even though you really want to. we'll just meet, chat and-

huh? I got a new messege from an unknown number?

.....

I don't like it

shit

[leaving-anorexia-behind]

26/08/24

So much has changed so quickly and I'm getting whiplash once again from the constant changing of decisions. Being offered to return for 3 months from when I get back from an EDU to make sure I went to a suitable placement seems like a lifetime ago. My home-team and funders refused to fund me any further time here as here were the ones who wanted to evict me in the first place. In fairness, I don't blame them.

It was the clinical lead and most of the support workers who wanted me to stay. Only, it wasn't to be.

On Tuesday I spoke with care coordinator. If go to an EDU without an address, then I'll be stuck in there for months and months while they try to find another placement, which would probably end up being similar to the house-share anyway. It's because the placement I fell in love with want me to go to an intermediate placement first which is fair enough but there aren't many (if any) that are suitable. So, she asked me to go the house-share, despite even acknowledging herself the situation wasn't ideal. She promised the community ED team would visit daily and the house-share had agreed to stay female only while I'm there and only admit low risk residents.

Reluctantly I agreed to go.

My care coordinator spoke about capacity and how she believes I have more than what here feel I have. I wondered if that meant I'm not unwell and therefore didn't need to go to an EDU.

The following day, I briefly updated the clinical lead that I would be leaving soon to go to the house-share. She was not happy about it, but despite emails about their concerns to my home-team, it was all set to happen and soon. Near the end she asked me to do the squat test, only my legs shook as I desperately tried to prove I could do it. I felt so ashamed.

I then saw my GP, who gave me more of a reality check than I had bargained for. My ecg had come back with tachycardia, my blood pressure all over the place and my muscles were wasting. The nurse who had taken it upon himself to come in asked her to write a letter stating her concerns, so she did. Although, first she said that even though I'm medically stable now, I soon won't be and would need an emergency medical admission.

Friday, my care coordinator emailed to confirm I'm to move to the house-share the following Tuesday (tomorrow). So I informed the clinical lead who wanted me to stay here until my admission. Luckily, my GP called and I was able to sort a letter to say I am cows milk intolerant and need to use my own laundry things due to eczema and sensitive skin.

Yesterday, my old key worker from the previous house did a one off shift and I was so grateful as it meant I was able to say goodbye. Plus, I'd written a goodbye letter and got her a box of chocolates. She was saying this is the worst she's ever seen me and I have no capacity whatsoever as I don't see myself the same way everyone does. I tried to say I was ok but she wasn't buying it, not at all. It's partly because on my previous admission, they were able to coax me to eat and help me get back on track, only this time she said "we've lost you". That broke my heart. I only wanted to be able to manage my ED.

We agreed here was definitely not the right place for me, but wherever I go next to get the help for my mental health AND my ED. I said I'd do my best but sadly that was very hard to come by. It's even harder to find the right therapist. We spoke about EDUs and I was surprised when she said she would have had me admitted weeks ago when she saw me, now she wants me to go in asap, as she doesn't feel I'll last anywhere near a week without needing to go into general for a medical admission at the house-share. I tried to say I'd be ok, but she wasn't buying it.

Part 2 coming tomorrow when I've moved into my new home! I wonder how long I'll be there for.

[sirenjose]

Missing Player-ID: 157716441

Hidden Story/Epilogue - Part 2

Main Story: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Hidden Story: Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Plot Analysis: Part 1 Part 2

Puzzle Solver Analysis

Look again at the board. Touching different parts of the board gives you clues.

With the board, you poke/circle all the places the girl has been to.

Then look at the back of the map for the correspond letter. Which spells out “email me”.

Say this to ***** for more dialogue.

Detective mentions he looked at the places he’s visited before on the map and found the message left by the girl, and asks if he’s supposed to message her. *****: “Interesting, so why not try it?” Detective: “I don’t know her email address.” ***** suggets he check for a mailbox on other platforms.

You can find girl’s Weibo watermark on Taobao (the place that sold the dice).

“Cat’s claw”. You can find her email here: aoki_liu@163.com. @163 is the suffix for the netease mailbox.

You get this message after sending that email a message.

“Strangers, thank you for your help. At the end of the game, she escaped with them. I guess they gave her a sense of security. After they all disapepared, I found her. She had lost everything, but she could still talk. It was a relief for her to talk about it. Try to recover the last game at midnight, and I’ll judge whether you’re worthy.”

Go back to the game now.

To restore the last game at midnight, you need to find the girl’s account.

There’s only 1 game in the record.

Just play from 11-12 in the evening.

You get a letter after. Align question marks on different pages. Align the 16 squares of the key with the 16 squares on the page. The word it’s pointing to is “broken”

There are question marks on pages 12, 32, 36, and 48. Putting the words together spells out: “Broken childhood”.

Detective asks ***** if the girl left these words on purpose. *****: “It’s my little surprise for you.  But more important is the story behind it.” Detective: “What does ‘broken childhoon’ mean?” *****: “It’s literal. It’s the inner world beneath the exterior, the past that you don’t want to look back on. I’ve got some old stories about her here.” Detective: “Can you share it with me?” *****: “Souls wandering on the edge of different personalities, even unconsciously, will send out distress signals. Find the plea left by her. If you want to understand her, start by reading the message from the girl.” ***** then mentions using something to change Xs to Ys on the back of a map. Use on thing to change the X at the back of the map to Y.”

Get the PTSD/CAPS paper, and line up the straight lines on the papers with the X looking marks of the other page to form Ys. Reading the words next to the dots on the paper gives: “Hollow Out Frame Number >= 30”.

So knock out numbers greater or equal to 30.

There will be corresponding letters on the page behind the PTSD table after doing this. Spells out: “don’t beat me”.

Detective: “Did she stay?” *****: “It seems you are suitable for listening to this story.”

“September 9th 1992 The man I've never met always gives me a glimpse of fantasy when I'm vulnerable. What does he look like, do I look like him? My mother might have kept a picture of him, but it was so long ago that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t dig into my memory to find out what he looked like. Was he a gentle man? I still remember my mother describing their story to me with great emotion, but I can’t remember exactly what she told me. Although I had never met him, I could feel the happiness in her words - if one had seen the story of the man and could not remember what was said, one could clearly perceive the happiness. Such a person must be gentle. If I could meet him, what should I tell him? I should tell him what happened to my mother ...... and tell him that she was wronged in his absence. I feel for her. As for me ...... I’d rather not let him have too many worries. He’s a hero to his country and a hero to my mother. He’s already too tired. And… I’ve found a way to reconcile with myself in the dark basement(?). They gave me companionship and encouragement in my most desperate moments, and allowed me to persevere without him. Do I hate the devil? Of course! After making him disappear completely, they all advised me to leave the hatred behind and just run away, as far away as possible. They all said that if I kept the hatred, the person I hated would not really leave me. But it's not easy! The excruciating pain, the festering wounds, the black bruises ...... they know too! They've been through it with me! No more, thankfully, no more: a new world, new friends, no more wounds, no more shouts, no more nightmares. If my mother had known, she would have been pleased that I had met a good man. He would have given my mother what she lost – a happy family. And my child would not have to see their father only in memories as they does now. When they think of their father, they must be filled with happiness and pride. I'm sure they are. But I'm really curious what their father was like.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There seems to be a photo, but the face is obliterated.

“Poster for the Patient Support Group(?): We are a voluntary, academic, non-profit social organization formed and registered by medical professionals and caring citizens in the city. As the city's first mutual aid society for patients with mental illness, ‘We Walk’ and its predecessors have a history of more than 27 years, and through the continuous exchange of information and the sharing of an excellent mutual aid platform... ‘We Walk’ has grown to become a platform for patients to exchange information and share their experiences.”

(*Unsure of translation here?) She’s gone…finally…finally… Out the door to the turn left, turn left… turn left It’s the direction of the subway station… The car… car… should be gone. There’s blood all over, blood all over, blood all over! It’s hard, hard, hard to remove… It’s not as bad as his clothes… and hat. All of them are brownish yellow brownish yellow Even if you rub it, you can’t see it. It must’ve been intentional, intentional, intentional Don’t come back, don’t come back, don’t come back Disappear forever, She should have disappeared with him long ago.

It doesn’t look very complete. Is a word missing here?

[kcscribbler]

Hello, dear Author!

For the love of all creative!) Thank God you are available here. Resently I've found you took down your beautiful account on FF.net, though thankfully we can request a resque!

Allow me please to express my feelings a little) Your account, alive and active for so many years, became a source of re-creation and warmth, very human warmth. You are a brilliant author, very inspiring. And your stories are so good now, in my opinion your talent went through overwhelming growth! However you feel about those early fics :-), they are - somehow - a part of my poor little heart (sentimental? yeah, but they just don't deserve to be lost and forgotten). I am very greatful you left your long time fans with a chance to have your old works. 15+ years, thank you so much! *hugggg you! if I may* So, please, send me a copy of your delited stories of ACD-Holmes (and Sherlock, if they are not on AO3) , including the one you took down fist, the elaborated version of Holmes and Watson meeting and moving in together. It was written in the form of a diary (sorry, I have forgotten it's title, though remember much of a story itself xD). And the sequel, even though it was unfinished. And the stories you've written in collaboration with Protector of Grey Fortress. )))

And that story about Watson going to war, when he left hidden messages for a friend crazy with worry - I remember that fic appearing, me reading apdates and waiting for the next chapter. ;) Ahh, memories. Though you said you don't want to go there again and you don't really like those stories anymore, but they are very sweet and charming and so kind. Hope I did not overload you with my wayward emotions, but you don't write to one of your favourite writers every day) And I wanted you to have that "review" here so you'd know how nice is this thing you are doing.

Thank you again. And I am so glad to have an opportunity to come for new tales. ) Those you are writing for Loki... my gods. You are GOOD.

Aaaah, this is such a sweet ask!

Thank you so much for sharing all of that with me, it really made my day!

I haven't connected with PGF in years but will always look back on that era fondly. I left all collab stories up on my FF account, by the way, so you should be good there - I believe most of our collabs were actually posted on hers.

For the rest, feel free to send me a DM with an email address or a way to share links with you (or another ask, which I'll answer privately) and we'll work something out. :)

Thank you again for the lovely message!

[wanderingandfound]

I loved the broken Earth trilogy if you end up reading it I hope you do too:)

Hi Anon,

I don't know if you follow me or not. You sent this ask on November 24th, 2018. I got the date from searching for the email that notified me of this ask. This was the only post I reblogged on that day. Maybe you never followed me, and was just passing across my blog one evening. Maybe you followed me then, but don't any longer. Maybe you don't even use Tumblr now. Or maybe you're still here.

You were so right. I love this trilogy.

Looking at my overdue emails it looks like I read the first book in the summer of 2020, right after I started my job at the library I checked it out from. I read the second one shortly thereafter, I think I tried to keep in time with Mark Oshiro's chapter-by-chapter blogging of the second book, but I probably didn't do a great job of that.

And then I took a break. They are excellent books, but 2020 was a year. I lost my great aunt and my yiayia right before the US shutdown for the pandemic. My grandfather fell off his chair and punctured a lung in December and then got COVID in the hospital and died. Other stuff was happening, and I stopped reading things that I cared about because I wasn't in the proper headspace to give them the attention I wanted to, and I didn't have the emotional fortitude to deal with something with as many heavy elements this series has, now that I'm emotionally invested.

Last year(?) I read Jemisin's Great Cities duology and man was that utterly fantastic. I love her writing. But also? I don't know how you pegged me so well with the Broken Earth rec but it feels like this trilogy was made to give me everything I want out of a book.

I've been sad for like, a month now. But while my sadness is hitting pretty deep the reasons I'm sad are fairly shallow, and all constrained to myself. I brought the last book on my trip because a) I thought having time to read when I have intentionally set aside most of my problems to be dealth with by future me would help, and b) I kinda hoped I would get so sad about this book that it would push out my current sadness. The first one worked. The second one didn't. For all these books deal with heavy subject matter and are packed with atrocities, they aren't dark books. And the matter-of-fact, head-on way the narrator addresses the atrocities didn't trip up my tears much for this last book, but it came close. Unfortunately the reading experience was a little marred by me reading this last book through the filter of my current sadness, but my perception of the book didn't suffer for it (unlike the second book I read on my vacation).

I brought four books on my vacation. This was the fourth one I read. I started it Thursday while waiting for my intercity bus, but I read the last 75% of it on Monday while traveling home on an intercity bus and two planes. I didn't liveblog my experience because these books are so captivating I have nothing to say. I read some of it sitting beneath a tree in an old cemetery waiting for my friend to pick me up because I spent too long exploring the new part of the cemetery that I wouldn't be able to walk back to the place I was staying in time.

Thank you so much for this recommendation. There's a lot of books under my To Read: tag and I don't read the majority of them. But you were right. I love this trilogy. Thank you. <3

[aural4444]

Hey, I found this by chance, and I'm the one who wrote that YouTube comment

I understand why it bothered you and also that you have assumed so many things about me, I just wanted to explain a little better why I believe this.

First, I am someone who was in a group of toxic people who they had several suicide attempts (I already cut ties with them), and more than once they threatened me with suicide and that their death would be my fault, and I can tell you that it is an incredible horrible experience, and that even doesn't mean that I haven't lost someone whether to suicide or illness or accident nor is it the first time I have seen a scam.

Death and suicide shouldn´t be used to manipulate someone, no matter the circumstances.

Second, if I am able to talk about this and question it, it is because I don´t know Shay, I am not their friend or acquaintance, and their death or suicide isn´t mine, and for me it is important to know a person before mourning them, because what you are mourning isn´t the deceased, but a fantasy in your head, and that is the worst thing you can do to a dead person who has only left their memory in this world.

I have read the entire document, and it is basically full of holes that they expect you to believe because "it would be too disrespectful to question its veracity."

In my opinion it is 10 times worse to let yourself be fooled by these things, because it means that you have started to mourn a stranger on the internet who doesn't even exist and make you feel bad for nothing, and in the case that they exist, maybe they aren't even dead because it is an identity false, and if in the worst case there really was a death, we only have this document as the reason for the death and we don't know if they are using it for their perverse motives.

To begin with, it is suspicious that @snakeswithhands is an account created in January 2024 solely to post this document and then delete the tweet.

Neither the author of the document gives her identity or Shay's identity, and I am not asking that they give their address or credit card, but things that prove that they aren't a false identity created a couple of months ago.

Just giving Shay's accounts or Shay's old tweets or that Shay's old online friends verify Shay existence is enough for me, but they don't say anything and just assume that you believe their "we respect privacy" and don't question anything.

All the images that appear can be edited or photoshopped or even created by a single person and two accounts (Including the email images), hence asking for more evidence to verify their existence.

For a doc that starts "This isn't Viv's fault," oddly all of Shay's messages are about "I've given a lot of money to Viv," "Why is Viv allowing this?", "I've been used by Viv," and they barely mention the harassment and cyberbullying that was supposedly the reason for their suicide, and they also don't give the accounts of those who harassed Shay, only Viv's account is available in the entire document, how convenient, right?

The only thing I agree with this document and with you is that the fandom is toxic and there are many who are willing to harass or scam just to get attention, and until they give me proof, I fear this is a scam with very bad taste.

But I know you're a hater (I've seen your other post) and that despite how much you hate Viv, you're not going to stop watching HB and HH or investigating everything she does to criticize and hate her, and this post isn´t going to be of any use.

I just wanted to tell you not to easily believe everything that appears on the internet, and that I'm fine with you believing that I'm a bad person for questioning a toxic fandom that would do anything to throw hate at someone they don't know personally.

And please, leave the fandom if you really hate it, it's not healthy to see something you hate, and surround yourself with people who also hate it, and you can't stop talking about it, it just makes you bitter and toxic (Besides, what are you technically promoting and giving money to Viv, which contradicts what you say).

I hope you have a good day.

So hey long time no see, just popping in to say that this video by Official_TVC is bullshit.

So summary + thoughts:

Video starts off with defintions on different types of stalking & they say Vivienne has experienced all this kind of stalking. Then goes on to say its 2 individuals doing this stalking and they we the viewer doesn't need to know them, Official_TVC has done a lot of research on them and we should should trust Official & their word without evidence because apparently they retweeted something on twitter & it was a tumblr post thats supposedly exposed Vivienne's siblings, personal things ect. All this is hearsay by you, it shouldn't make the average viewer trust your word. Yes I've seen things but that was from posts I've seen.

Aside -honestly Official should be questioning the anon asks we get on here, some of the asks contain some questionable info like how do you get that info. People get asks on here containing info, people don't go out & hunt all Vivienne's private life, we receive stuff thats how things come to light, OTHER PEOPLE SEND US STUFF.

All the background of the video is helluva boss/hazbin scenes coupled with music from respective shows. No evidence, not even heavily censored evidence to protect Vivienne, just Official_TVC talking & basically saying "trust me bro I did research, believe me". This is heinous accusations, individuals you are talking about & you give nothing. It could be lies for all people know, I don't even believe & I've seen the things you're referring to.

Continued, the stalkers, the 1st one is a "troll" according to Official_TVC & the second is supposedly so bad they were quote " has been 15 ft from vivziepop", no backing on that 15ft statement, Official_TVC just states this. All this stalking, entire pages made is because of a ship. Leaking show stuff (aside again, is GIVEN TO US VIA ANONYMOUS ASKS).

They carry on to say essentially all this hate talk on Viv on YT is cos she's popular, they got nothing of meaning to say on Viv cos they hate her so much they can't talk about her positively. They then mention a person has a never ending stream that just feeds misinformation other YouTubers & quote "on the precipice of wanting to strangle a woman (Viv) who made the crime of making demons gay". Wtf does that mean, who has this never ending stream of feeding misinformation to other YouTube, who & wtf are you talking about.

Anyway, goes on to compare spindlehorse workplace allegations to Amazon (yes ironic) & how Amazon treats its workers really bad... do I need to say more. Goes on to say everyone ragged on Viv because hazbin hotel is on Amazon, Amazon is bad & quote by Official_TVC is cos "everyone looks for an excuse to hate". Ok now I'm giving evidence on why people ragged on Viv for prime since you give jackshit.

Amazon/prime is currently being boycotted, its on the bds list why people were saying to pirate hazbin. Not some bullshit reason Official gave on it being mindless hate. Here is a video explaining why people are boycotting Amazon:

Vivienne also like this post from a fan, do I need to spell out how fucking disgusting this tweet is and the fact that she liked it.

Official carrys on to say stalker 1 did 3 things, doxxed Vivienne, & in their words if you go to said person's page Official states "im pretty sure they know where vivziepop lives". That is speculation, thats your opinion cos no evidence is provided or can be for that matter cos this is what YOU think. Dropping as Official says "nuggets" of info on Viv's siblings University, their work (this info was from a sibling's linked in page, public info). Can I say aside, I know her sibling's names. Why, not from stalking but from them leaving comments on Viv's speeddraws and Viv publicly naming them on her PUBLIC socials. And if you know someone's name you can easily find out what uni they went to, if you know my name & search me up you know what uni I go to its in the public on their linked in, social posts ect.

They go on to talk about how terrible leaking Viv's shows are, which idgaf. Amazon is a zionist corporation I'm pirating anything of Vivienne. Even invincible which I love, pirated it. Fans should too (since I see a lot of fans with free palastine in bio but still pay for prime). Anyway thats on them.

TW: talks of sexual harassment. So Official doesn't want to give more info on this individual which I respect & understand. However they say stalker 1 is sexually harrassing this person, sending content of a sexual nature all because the victim in this situation didn't agree with stalker 1 on the stalker's sentiments on hazbin hotel. I understand protecting the victim but my soul you're literally protecting the perpetrator. Expose them, you keep staying stalker 1 & 2 CALL THEM OUT. Protect the victims but expose the perpetrators.

They go on to stalker 2, who know stalker 1. Stalker 2 supposedly went to the hazbin premiere. They were there to keep an eye on vivziepop Official quotes. No evidence of this quote or info just them relaying it. Again this is all your words against what. Yeah that is concerning it really is but substantiate this evidence & quotes. This is the 1st time I'm hearing about this so I would like to know more on this & this heinous person. But you don't give any evidence. Official says " these people need to be stopped", how can they be stopped. You give no names, no info or evidence, its wishful thinking you saying this. I'm harping on and on on about Official gives no evidence but its so flipping frustrating hearing them spout all this WITH NOTHING to back their words.

TW again: Mentions of suicide and Shay a fan bullied by the fandom who then took their own life. Know a lot of people are still saddened by what led to Shay's passing why I mention this.

Official says stalker 1 is using the death of Shay to entice fruther harrassed on Vivienne. Its "apparently now", huskerdust fans went after Shay with heinous harassment & Shay subsequently ended their life, may they rest in peace. Official claims stalker 1 says Vivziepop is directly responsible for Shay's death. Shay's death was worded as "apparently" but stalker 1 using Shay's death to pin it on Vivziepop is stated as a fact. How disgusting can you be someone died & its apparently so to you but your word of mouth should be considered fact, fuck off. Official then goes on to say... sighs quote "we do not hold politicians accountable when they massacre people of other countries... bloodlines don't exist but we don't blame the politicians pushing the buttons".

Ok wtf, yes we do we blame Biden & other politicians & presidents for pushing the figurative & literally buttons on massacring Palestinians & other minorities, WE DO so wtf are you talking about. I honestly hate Official at this point because wtf are they saying. I don't blame vivziepop on Shay's death, even though when there was attempts to reach Vivienne on what was happening to Shay, maybe the channels they used like email didn't get the message across unfortunately. What I absolutely hate is when fans, like official now use Shay's death as a pawn in relation to people hating on Viv. No one that I've see & I'm saying it now I know who these stalker 1 & 2 are not even they were as disgusting as Official & fans to use Shay's death as to further hate on Vivienne. What Official_TVC is saying is bullshit.

And I disregard everything Official_TVC says after they hearted this comment, fuck you Official_TVC for hearting this vile comment.

I link a screenshot of the outreach to Vivienne via email on Shay aswell as the document on Shay's.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSfCoyn81fp83pycx5eyS4oxryRpFnVnHdEeyEyouigrKSWAZ5iEgTjt7Q63n68S_PcZK7_klB-9dH1/pub

In all this video is a load of nothing, bullshit actually & just vile on the parts of Shay. They ended of once again reiterating they won't give proof because people just want names & evidence for the tea/gossip & they want to protect Vivienne, shoo shoo. Again trust me bro, I did the research so trust me.

I want to reiterate I condone no actions if provided true on stalker 1 or 2. But from what I've seen of them is all out of context, lies spread by the fandom & things just made up down the grapevine. I don't do this for likes, clout or other bullshit the fandom says. Wouldn't be of me on my nature and the work that I do. Come with substantial evidence, then we discuss & make conclusions but for now

...

I hate Vivienne and this fandom, bye all.

[queenofthursday6599-blog]

So my older sister has decided to do that thing where you google your own name to see what information about yourself is on the internet up for grabs by information brokers and guess what?

As far as the internet is concerned I don't actually exist as anything beyond being one of my sister's aliases.

Though my sister technically has two entries on this website.

The one under our merged identity (her first name, my middle name, my last name which is also her maiden name), which is also seemingly merged with a random 3rd women who neither of us know. Which also has my birthday listed, but has no known relatives or associates listed (because that person doesn't exist).

Then another under her current name, which changed when she got married. Which fails to list her birthday or phone number, but does have her connected to various other people. Like her husband's family are all listed as relatives, but our mom is just listed as someone she might know.

Though we think there's still some influence of the random 3rd women who's part of the other entry, because she's also listed as knowing or being related to a bunch of people that neither of us know.

Current theory is that the weird jankey amalgam of 3 different women identity profile is actually supposed to be me.

I think me and her (original) online identities got merged when Google bought Youtube.

At e point before the merger, I had let her use my yahoo to sign up for a Youtube account, after she lost the password to her previous account. Even though I already had an account using that same yahoo (which I knew was weird and broken to be able to do that in the first place).

After the merger our two separate Youtube accounts got merged because they were using the same email address. Specifically my account got cannibalized by her account more or less, because I wasn't able to access my original Youtube account at all after that, and attempting to use my log in sent me to the account she'd made using my yahoo as the email.

Which was then furthered by the fact that we would use eachother's emails for stuff pretty frequently.

Like if we wanted a free trial for a streaming service because there was a show on there we wanted to watch, if my sister didn't have a random email that could be used (she has so many email addresses nowadays, I don't know how she keeps track of them) we'll just use mine.

Or using each other's email addresses as recovery emails.

Where this random 3rd women comes in I'm not sure, but it's her email address that's currently listed on this dossier, which would explain why I don't get spam emails at all.

There are various stuff like my old facebook account that I've been locked out of since the early 2010s and the third person could have just stolen.

So the 3rd woman could be an attempted identity thief who got screwed over by the internet thinking I am but already someone else's false identity.

[carolinemillerbooks]

New Post has been published on Books by Caroline Miller

New Post has been published on https://www.booksbycarolinemiller.com/musings/perchance-to-dream-17/

Perchance To Dream #17

When an email with an attachment popped up on my computer screen,  I snapped to attention. The message was from a New York book agent.  I’d queried the woman about my memoir Getting Lost to Find Home two years ago. Having heard nothing, I’d written her off.  Yet, the  email’s subject line read, “contract attached.”  Like a dog gazing up at a picnic table, I salivated. Was this agent making me an off I couldn’t refuse? My index finger hovered above the attachment while my mind raced. Should I scrap my plans to self-publish? Was that wise? And was my attorney available to read the contract? After a moment’s pause, I dialed a set of numbers, but they weren’t my lawyer’s.  The computer guy answered. I asked him if the attachment was a scam.   He didn’t keep me in suspense.  “Open that puppy, and I’ll spend hours cleaning up the mess. The address has been hacked.”  Sadder and wiser, I deleted the email before my computer guy could hang up. In the “good old days,” when the mail arrived by stagecoach, the cost of sending a letter was exorbitant and the inability to hack into someone’s communication was nonexistent.  The system may have been inconvenient but the mail was seldom tampered with unless the carriage was hauling gold. Further back in history, cuneiform tablets offered an additional benefit. Given the time it took to stamp a nasty message into the wet clay, a person could repent and make a pot instead.   But back to my point. Convinced no agent wanted my book, my thoughts returned to the question of how to promote it. With or without an agent, all writers face the same challenge. Genius doesn’t get noticed unless there’s chatter. And, there’s no chatter unless the author dances naked in Times Square.  And, maybe not even then. The usual route to fame is to plead for book reviews, readings, television appearances, and guest shots on podcasts or YouTube.  An alternative might be to hire trained squirrels to dance the can-can around the book’s cover on TikTok. Famous or known only to their mothers, writers climb the same rocky slope.  Though my memoir isn’t set to publish until November, my begging has begun. Like confetti, I’m offering advance reader copies (ARCs) to anyone in the writing world. A word to neophytes.  Never send an arc without receiving permission. Otherwise, your book will end up unread in a landfill.  On the other hand, if you get the nod and the reviewer likes your work, don’t be shy.  Flaunt it! That’s what I’m doing here. New York Times best-selling crime writer Rebecca Morris agreed to read my book and, though she is busy writing her own, she’s penned a full review.  That makes her more than a generous person.  It makes her a saint. Below are her remarks which I share with a grateful heart. Review for Getting Lost to Find Home By Rebecca Morris After Elizabeth Gilbert published Eat, Pray, Love (2007), and Cheryl Strayed wrote Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail (2012) hundreds, maybe thousands of women wrote memoirs about finding themselves. They went to Antarctica, the Alaskan wild, and around the world to do it, the more remote the better. A book that should be shelved with the best of them is Getting Lost to Find Home, by Caroline Miller. It is more poignant because it takes place in the 1960s English Midlands, with its post-war hardships, and Africa, where British rule is waning.  Miller, just out of college, is pursuing a British fiancé who finds numerous ways to stall marriage. While she waits, she teaches students in Englands (unable to understand their dialects) and in segregated Rhodesia, where her students catch insects in the air and eat them. At each teaching post, there is either no heat or too much heat.  Her experiences with her students, fellow teachers, and members of the many tribes she meets are told with a companionable self-deprecation.  Miller grew up to be the first Hispanic woman elected to office in Portland, Oregon, a strong advocate for citizen involvement in government and health care, and a prolific author and playwright.  The better-known memoirs stop in middle age. Elizabeth Gilbert and Cheryl Strayed became best-selling authors and their books were filmed. The poignancy of Getting Lost to Find Home is the coming-of-age story is told in the present tense by the author, now an elderly woman. Never married and with no children, she is the odd resident in her retirement center. She feels more like a stranger in a strange land than she ever did traveling. But, oh, the stories she can tell!

[lesbiancouplescounseling]

Tips For Romantic Relationship

I know firsthand how easy it can be to fall into a deep and harmful relationship rut.

Between work, family, and all of life’s many obligations, it’s easy to put ‘intentional connection with our partner’ on the bottom of our priority list.

I also know that avoiding opportunities to connect regularly with your partner can lead to resentment and estrangement in your partnership.

I decided to make a list of ten ways to warm up your relationship and rekindle the connection that may have gotten lost in the day-to-day routines of your life. And the best part is they are easy and effective!

So, take five minutes and find out how you can instantly connect with your partner and bring back the warmth, joy, and happiness you both crave and deserve!

Ten Quick Tips to Warm Up Your Relationship

Tip #1: Remind Yourself: She’s Friend, NOT Foe!

It’s easy to feel like you and your partner are on opposite teams, or worse, that she’s the enemy. Especially if you’re feeling disconnected, resentful, or lonely.

And that’s NOT helpful! It just keeps things icy and distant between the two of you.

Make it a point today to shift into a more positive headspace by reminding yourself that your partner is Friend NOT Foe. You can quickly do that by answering these questions:

Read more…

Tip #2: Hug Each Other 10 Times Today

I want you and your partner to hug one another at least 10 times today (or tomorrow if you’re reading this late in the day).

Then, pay attention to how you feel at the end of the day.

Here are several great reasons that 10 hugs will help you, your partner, and your relationship…

Read more…

Tip #3: Don’t say I Love You!

What?… I’m suggesting not to say I love you! to your partner?

I understand that might sound crazy, or at least counter-intuitive, but hear me out.

Here’s the thing…

Many of us say I love you! in the same way, we say See you soon, or Pass the salt.

The phrase becomes so mundane or robotic that it loses the depth of emotional meaning. Right?

Read more…

Tip #4: Address Her Biggest Complaint About You

If you’re like 99% of the smart lesbians I work with, you know what your partner’s top 3 or 4 complaints are about you – and, deep down, you’ll probably agree that they’re legitimate complaints.

We won’t wander into the weeds of why you haven’t already addressed her biggest complaints, in this email.

But trust me…if you want your relationship to thrive and for your partner to be loving and attentive…it’s time for you to change a thing or two.

So today, I want you to make a decision and do at least one thing that addresses her biggest complaint about you. Just one thing.

Read more…

Tip #5: Do Something Novel This Evening

Why? you ask…

Because science has proven that novelty…taking a risk or trying something new…can trigger the release of dopamine – and, as you know, dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps you feel pleasure.

When you and your partner feel pleasure together, it’s a magical thing!

Take a minute to think about your established routines and familiar joint activities.

Are your routines predictable, a bit boring, or oppressive?

Starting today, take on the challenge to avoid lapsing into the same old thing, and instead…try something new or different.

Read more…

Tip #6: Speak Your Truth All Day

I invite you to make a commitment to speak your truth all day long.

Now, I’m not just talking about not telling lies (either big or small). That’s part of it, but the other part is to make sure you speak up about things that are bothering you or that feel very vulnerable to share.

This is hard for so many of my lesbian clients.

As women, we’ve been socialized to be people-pleasers, to get along, keep the peace, and avoid conflict.

Well, let me assure you…that pattern ends up costing us and our relationship dearly!

Read more…

Tip #7: Make BE CURIOUS Your Mantra

The other vital element for good communication and continued growth is to listen up from a place of genuine curiosity.

So today, I encourage you to make Be Curious your mantra.

Remind yourself to be curious about your own thoughts and feelings and to be equally curious about your partner: her thoughts, feelings, and desires.

Adopting a practice of genuine curiosity will help you be a great listener and therefore, an engaged partner.

Read more…

Tip #8: Compliment Your Partner!

Stop focusing for a minute on the things that are wrong and that frustrate you about your partner. Focusing on the problem doesn’t necessarily solve it.

How long has it been since you told your partner what she’s doing right?

Or looked her in the eye and said: I’m so grateful for you and for___________! (sharing heartfelt gratitude for what she’s said or done for you)?

When’s the last time you complimented her for how she looks, how she’s showing up, or what she’s been pouring herself into to create a better life?

If you haven’t done that today, it’s been too long.

Read more…

Tip #9: Dance!

You read that right. I want you and your partner to dance together. Today!

Because there’s magic that happens when you two dance:

Celebrate

Reconnect

Get your heart rate up

Have fun

Laugh a little

Rev up your attraction

Remember when…

Move your bodies

Bring on some novelty

De-stress

Read more…

Tip #10: Date Night

Here’s the simple truth…

If you don’t nurture your relationship by dedicating time to focus on each other and have fun together, it will wither.

Date nights (or dates at any time of the day) are what will nourish your relationship week to week.

You wouldn’t plant a lovely garden and then deprive it of water and sun, would you?

Well, growing a happy, connected, thriving relationship takes its own type of water, sunshine, and good soil – and that includes… Date Night.

Read more…

Have fun playing with these 10 ways to warm up your relationship. You can thank me later!

In the meantime, if these tips aren’t enough to get you and your partner back to feeling connected and fulfilled, don’t hesitate to reach out to us for some help. We know how to help you heal and create a thriving relationship once and for all.

[reinemichele]

Okay SO, obviously, they were in the groveling phase when I last reblogged this— trying to balance how much info I put about where I live on here, but for my mom's boss to have driven down here at 7:30am, she would've had to been awake at 4-5 in the morning, read the email, freak tf out, rearrange her entire schedule for the day, tell her own bosses about the Lost Valuable Employee Crisis, formulate a Get Valuable Employee Back plan, shower/eat breakfast, and then drive nearly 2 hours to be down here to grovel . Which, my mom ignored her texts and calls, so all of that effort and stress was for nothing <3

But the groveling phase didn't last long, so soon they were driving all the way down here to go into the places my mom gets referrals from & be like "😔🙏🏻 Unfortunately, [my mom] isn't working with us anymore, but we wanted to let you know you can still count on us for hospice service."

And it really <3 really <3 made them very angry <3 when each time, the employees at said places would be like "Um, okay. I was only using you guys because [my mom] was working there. I'm going to switch to where ever she goes next." <3333

After THAT, they tried talking shit about my mom to these people, saying that she "never worked" and "didn't care" about them or their patients. Which is really really funny, because this kind of behavior is EXACTLY why I went out of my way to include in her resignation letter that

She spent 3 years working 24/7, nights and weekends and holidays

SPECIFICALLY because no one else would answer the phone, or the triage after-hours/weekends nurses would straight up Refuse to drive down to provide care

All of that overtime work was never compensated for

When she tried to address these issues, she was rebuffed or ignored, with phone calls and texts and emails pointedly left on read

And obviously this was never compensated monetarily or even acknowledged in praise or appreciation, but that's clearly not the point; the point is the lack of compassion or care in a company dedicated to hospice. It's appalling, and not at all what anyone who's either terminally ill or loves someone who is, should experience during these painful moments.

And it's not like including this in the letter has any bearing on anything, it's basically anecdotal hearsay. But I wanted it written out explicitly— in as diplomatic a way as possible— that they're all selfish pieces of shit, and when they have to file bankruptcy before the inevitable collapse of the company, they'll have their greed and inhumanity to thank for it.

Anyway, they were able to recover all the files on my mom's old work phone; I knew they'd be able to, and that some of the files like photos/contacts were stored in the company's cloud anyway, but I wanted to make it a bit more of a pain in the ass for them to do 🥰 (and obviously I backed up/exported the contacts & any texts my mom deemed useful, first)

So, an employee there who Didn't like my mom; we'll call her RE because there's another person who might be relevant whose name also starts with R, was given my mom's old phone, and is basically in charge of answering all calls that are for my mom and hounding the people, asking what they wanted with her and why they want her, specifically. "What's so good about [my mom]??? Why are you trying to find her after she left [company]???"

It's . Literally sooo juvenile and pathetic and transparent. The unadulterated resentment, and jealousy my aunts have directed towards my mom since they were in middle school. And it's sad, as in pathetic (again), because the answer is so simple and, in my eyes, easy to execute.

You just have to be kind and compassionate and treat people like they're a Person. I'm not saying sacrifice your mental health for an emotionally taxing job, or going above and beyond. But you can't talk to people like they're a Number, you know? A little bit goes a long way, especially considering the kind of shame and fear people feel about the topic of hospice. Offering some kind of personal anecdote (IE mentioning that my mom had her own mom on hospice) helps people feel more comfortable and like they're not being judged. You don't want to be on the phone with someone who's explaining a DNR with the kind of detached cheerfulness of a target employee.

And on the side of referral sources (nursing homes, doctor offices, hospitals, etc), they all refuse to use anyone besides my mom because they Know she'll stop at nothing to make sure someone's needs are met. No matter the circumstance, distance, time of day, behavioral issues/family members from hell, etc, my mom ensures that people are comfortable, reassured, have what they need, and any issues that crop up are resolved. I wish this was the standard for healthcare, but it's unfortunately not, and people know that they can rely on my mom to take care of their patients.

So it's not even necessarily that my mom's reputation is "air tight" or that people have her back, it's that her strength of character is undeniable. You can claim she "doesn't work" or whatever, but you'll just get hit with examples of her sitting with families for 5+ hours until the funeral home got there, or delivering supplies at 2 in the morning, or giving people equipment/mobility aids for free, etc etc. I understand that profit-driven assholes can't understand this, but people who actually give a shit about their patients pay attention to which people have a sincere heart.

I don't want to put too much detail out there bc this company has a history of vindictively going after employees who quit & went somewhere else (even tho non-competes are NOT LEGAL HERE 🗣️🗣️🗣️) like suing & harassing them at work . But I just had a great time helping my mom write her ❌📃

[natalieironside]

You should read The Last Girl Scout

Did you know that I, award-winning speculative fiction author Natalie H. Ironside, have written like a real book that you can buy and hold physically in your hands?  Exciting!

The Last Girl Scout is a dystopian adventure story about queer hillbillies going on a big adventure in the irradiated ruins of Old America.  If you liked Fallout or S.T.A.L.K.E.R. or all things American Gothic then I got five bucks says you’ll like this.  Plus it’s got lesbians in it &and they are in love & they even hold hands.

The past lies like a nightmare over the world. Two hundred years after the War when atomic fire rained from the skies and burned the world to cinders, human civilization has had time to rebuild within the burned-out husk of Old America.  But the old terrors of the past still persist, and while some work to build a better world, others still dream of reclaiming the glory of the Old World. In southern Appalachia, political commissar Magnolia Blackadder is sent on a mission into the irradiated Exclusion Zone of Old DC, where an evil that humanity thought it had vanquished centuries ago is waking up and rebuilding its strength.  Along the way, she meets a strange woman with terrible secrets and an unspeakable past, and as they forge a bond and brave the terrors of the wasteland together, she learns that some demons are not so easily exorcised, and that some stones are better left unturned. In this her debut novel, award-winning author Natalie Ironside delivers a new vision of the post-apocalypse, a tale of adventure, terror, love, and that most basic and most powerful of all human desires:  Freedom. 

“But Natalie,” you say, “of course I want to support queer fiction and read this post-apocalyptic wasteland adventure transbian romance story, but how can I become a part of this true and amazing way?”  Well, I’ll tell you!

Buy on Amazon

Buy on Gumroad

Cashapp five bucks to $NatalieIronside and include an email address and preferred ebook file type

Subscribe to my Patreon for a download link (and that’s only $2; call that a bargain.  You’ll also get access to all sorts of other shit including my worldbuilding notes and the Christmas special)

Or message me an email address and your X number and I’ll send you an ebook for free; I call that Big Bill’s five-finger discount

***

If you wanna know what other people have said about this amazing and very good hit new novel, fantasy author Dan Shepherd penned this lovely review:

And here’s an interview where I sat down with Fellow Worker Bundnik from the IWW’s Upstate New York GMB to talk about my very cool book in particular and leftist speculative fiction in general:

https://upstatenyiww.wordpress.com/2021/02/21/interview-of-fw-natalie-ironside-regarding-her-recent-novel/

Come check it out!  & I hate to be that asshole who begs for reblogs but my blog got deleted recently and I lost all my followers the which is how I primarily promote my work the which is like 1/3 of our household income I need for such extravagances as “food” and “rent so if u could reblog this post that would be very cool and sexy of you

(Amazing and good cover art by fw @soul-hammer​, sneak preview of the lesbians by @neladoesart​)

[frogtanii]

your palms were sweaty as you adjusted your slacks, making sure the pleats were where they should be with not a wrinkle in sight. you wanted to look professional and put together, at least on the outside, because you knew you were actually about .2 seconds away from falling apart.

your palms were sweaty as you adjusted your slacks, making sure the pleats were where they should be with not a wrinkle in sight. you wanted to look professional and put together, at least on the outside, because you knew you were actually about .2 seconds away from falling apart.

a quick glance to the boys at your sides notified you that they weren’t faring much better. atsumu kept fidgeting with his cufflinks, sakusa was so stiff you could knock him over with your pinky, kenma looked like he was about to pass out, bokuto was debating on squeezing under the table in front of you, kuroo was tapping a pattern on his pants (akeelah and the bee style), and akaashi kept reciting ominous poems under his breath.

the only people in the room who looked even remotely fine were osamu, oikawa, sugawara, daichi, and, surprisingly, yachi. osamu was munching on some peanuts that he pulled from... somewhere, while oikawa and sugawara were holding their own conversation by the window. daichi seemed to be minding his own business but you could never really get a proper read on him anyway.

well, you supposed yachi was okay because she knew what to expect. i mean, you were meeting her boss.

after you and kenma had posted your “exposing the hype(r) house” youtube video, an email had come to the both of you, inviting you to visit the “big boss” along with the rest of the crew.

you weren’t necessarily afraid of losing your job; the hype(r) house was already being dissolved and you were (finally!!!) getting to move in with makki and mattsun until you found your own place. you were genuinely excited to put the drama and literal hell behind you and begin to live your life again but...

that didn’t mean meeting the Man™ wasn’t terrifying. it was like being called into the principal’s office, complete with the existential dread and occasional bouts of gassiness.

the door opening made you flinch as you quickly moved out of the way to let the newcomers enter. while they walked past you, you couldn’t contain the shock that overtook your face, your jaw practically on the floor.

the man was massive.

built like a brick wall, the man who you assumed to be the “big boss,” had a chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, and massive fucking pecs, his white button up barely closing around them.

beside him stood a tall, lanky man who was dressed suspiciously un-office-like with a red buzz cut and wild eyes that seemed to cut into you as he took his place at the table.

the final man seemed a bit awkward in comparison to the other two, but he was trying to seem unaffected, his purple bowlcut, despite being rather juvenile, fitting perfectly with his slim but toned build and bright complexion.

yachi hurried to greet them, giving all three a blinding smile before motioning for everyone else to take a seat. you ended up between the redhead and atsumu, the former being way too entertained by just your general being. his eyes rarely, if ever, left your face sending shivers down your spine. the remaining members all hesitantly took their seats and “big boss” began.

“it is an honor to meet you all. i am ushijima wakatoshi but you can call me ushijima or wakatoshi or ushiwaka or toshijima or just ushi or just jima or just waka or just toshi.” for a moment you thought he was joking but his face never moved, not even with the awkward silence that followed. redhead seemed rather amused by the whole display and bowl cut looked like he was on the verge of spontaneously combusting.

it took an uncomfortably long moment for ushijima to proceed but he did as though nothing had happened. “these are my associates, satori—” redhead gave you a mischievous grin “—and tsutomu.”

“goshiki,” bowl cut interrupted, his voice wavering but his eyes gleaming with righteous indignation as though he was challenging wakatoshi to say something in defiance. instead, ushijima just gave him a nod and he visibly deflated back into his seat.

“goshiki is the social media manager for imla and satori is... satori,” big boss continued, not a hint of emotion on his face. the rest of the table perked up at his comment but atsumu was the only one who apparently had the balls to say anything.

“so yer the one who wrote that shitty among us tweet?” goshiki flushed horribly and sunk further into his plush leather chair, his body language showing he must’ve already gotten an earful about it. “thought it was a good idea,” he muttered while averting his eyes, completely ignoring satori’s cackle from across the wood.

ushijima put up a (massive???) hand to calm the both of them and it instantly worked. satori quieted down though he never lost the mirth in his expression and goshiki straightened up, a new wave of determination crossing his features.

you sat up as well, feeling the shift of energy in the room but you were startled to realize the boss had decided to focus his energy on you, his deep baritone voice calling your full name. “i am extremely sorry. we have failed you as a management team and as men. i have failed you.”

he sounded remarkably remorseful, his brown irises conveying heavy emotion and guilt. you had no idea what to say but he wasn’t done.

“although i do not have full control of the decisions that have been made here, i should have fought harder for what i believed was right and for that, i will forever be sorry.” you shifted uncomfortably under his weighty gaze, not that he noticed because his attention was swiftly taken by kenma at the opposite end of the room.

“who is in charge then? aren’t you like the ceo or whatever?” he asked. ushijima took a moment before nodding very slowly, his attention clearly on something in his head.

thankfully, satori rapidly took over the thread of conversation before the room could fall in tense silence yet again. “there’s a board of old, stuffy guys who basically kicked miracle boy wakatoshi to the curb and make all their decisions without him.”

...miracle boy? what did he have to do to earn that kind of nickname? you shook your head and tuned back in, just as the ceo spoke up once again.

“because i have not succeeded in doing my job properly, i have something to give to you,” ushijima deadpanned, sliding a thick envelope towards you. you carefully grabbed it and opened it up to reveal a thick, thick, wad of cash.

a gasp caught in your throat, words not coming to you as you thumbed through the money. there had to be at least $60k in there, your eyes filling with tears while you took in his generosity. “thank you,” you whispered, not trusting your voice to speak any louder.

wakatoshi nodded at you before addressing the rest of the table about something but you weren’t even listening.

you were so overwhelmed. for the longest time, you’d hated whoever management was for ignoring your pleas for help and trying to placate you with nice dresses and fancy dinners so meeting ushijima was quite the welcomed surprise.

despite everything that occurred, you could tell he felt horrible for letting things slide even though it was technically out of his hands and you couldn’t even articulate how much that meant to you.

the fact that he had gone out of his way to pay you extra, assumingly without the permission of the board, was heartwarming, confusing, shocking, and staggering all at once.

i mean, you could probably describe the past few months as exactly that. so much had happened, so much had changed, and while you could do without some of the life adjustments (the nightmares, spare trauma, and fear of public bathrooms to start), you felt blessed with new friends and the experiences that helped shape you to the person you were now.

the boys didn’t hate you anymore (well, not all of them at least and none were actively antagonizing you), you were seeing dr yamada again, you were getting to move in with your two best friends, you were just given enough money to expand your channel drastically, and you were finally feeling good. better than good.

meiko was behind you and though you missed the person she once was, you were so glad she was out of your life in a way where she couldn’t harm you or the boys any longer.

a grin spread across your face, your cheeks nearly burning from the intensity of it. things were definitely looking up.

a soft call of your name jolted you from your thoughts, your eyes landing on all the boys already standing as they got ready to leave the room. you could sense their worry and you shot them a genuine, reassuring smile before standing yourself.

you waved goodbye to the three men at the table, thanking ushijima profusely for his kindness but he shook you off, insisting that he had just been doing what he should’ve done a long time ago.

what a nice guy.

as you followed the boys out of the building, you took a moment to observe them together with fondness written all over your expression. they were laughing and joking around, the happiest and most carefree you had ever seen any of them. bokuto was begging yachi to get them ice cream, the rest of them piling on until she gave in with a playful roll of her eyes, giggling at the cheer that went up from the group.

atsumu seemed to notice you lagging behind, falling back to join you. “ya okay angel?” he asked, eyes focused on your feet as he slowed down to match your pace.

you didn’t answer for a while, instead focusing on the sun warming your cheeks, the cool breeze messing up your hair, and the sounds of pure joy swirling above you.

“i’m absolutely perfect.” you replied and you actually meant it. “race you to the van?” you sent him an impish grin before taking off, his yells of indignation making you laugh freely as the rest of the boys joined in, right on your heels.

this is it, you thought. no matter what, i’ll have this moment and i’ll be okay.

you’d been through hell and back and you’d survived. you’d been cursed at, choked out, hospitalized, and been beaten at mario kart more times than you could count and you had still made it through. you were resilient and strong and you’d never given up, despite how badly you’d wanted to, multiple times over.

things weren’t perfect, they rarely are, but you knew that if you could make it through all that, you could get through practically anything, especially with the boys by your side.

yeah. i’ll be just fine.

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

bonus!!

“told you it sounded stupid as hell.”

“gah, stop talking about it!!”

“you sounded sooooo old ‘shiki, what are you, 92?”

“AAAAAAAAAA!!!”

“satori...”

“what’s up miracle boy?”

“...what is ‘sus’?”

℗ poker face

i’ll be just fine

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - AND THATS A WRAP FOLKS 🥳 wowowow did the ending give me trouble but that’s ok SISJSK the endings will be coming shortly but they might not be daily just cs they may take more time, who knows lmfao i’ll let y’all know :3 AAAA ANYWAYS ILY I HOPE U GUYS LIKED KITH KITH don’t forget to feed me <3

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[dallonsmiles]

Concerning Brendon Urie’s “Cancellation”

Hey ya’ll, so I typed this post up many many months ago, over a year probably, right after the most recent “cancellation” situation with Brendon in Aug 2020, and am finally ready to share it. I was afraid to post it initially for fear of backlash, but I’m more mature and grown up now and don’t give a flying fuck what anyone has to say. This is a serious, dangerous situation and it needs to see the light of day. People need to know what happened with all of this, and WHY Panic! At the Disco is practically no longer a thing.

(MASSIVE trigger warning for abuse of minors, sexual abuse of minors, grooming, stalking & catfishing behavior, and mentions of blood & self-harm.) 

Hey y’all. Been a minute. 

Just wondering if we’re ever going to collectively discuss as a fanbase how Sarah Orzechowski is quite literally responsible for the current cancellation of Brendon Urie and his career. 

(This might be a little all over the place but I really just want to get as much of the points and facts down as possible. From what I know first hand and what I’ve been told by extremely credible sources close to PATD, past and present.)

I know there isn’t much of a Panic! fanbase left... and that’s sad, but we really do need to talk about this and make sure it is known. So many times people tweeted about it but tweets get lost, thanks in part to Sarah’s group of fans she uses to turn drama around so it’s in her favor, or just to confuse fans by giving out false narratives.

I really think it’s beyond imperative we talk about Sarah Orzechowski. I will not be calling her by her married name as she has very clearly proven by her actions that her vows meant nothing.

1.) Did you know that Sarah is responsible for Chelsey, aka the PATD stalker still existing and continuing her sickening, abusive actions against fellow fans and former bandmates of Brendon’s?

Sarah went out of her way to befriend her husband’s stalker and extremely convincing catfish literally less than a month after Sarah was informed of what was going on. 

Remember? How I informed Sarah via tweets and then email of the PAGES and pages of personal, private home addresses, phone numbers, social security numbers, etc from every single member of Brendon’s extended family that she could find online? I sure as fuck remember it, and the posts from back then when I found out and FREAKED out, along with other fans who came to me and got the story and posted about it in probably much clearer words than I had lol as I had been genuinely freaking the fuck out over what I’d been shown by this girl.. this girl who at the time had the most popular Panic! blog “ipanickedatthedisco” (which is a good term to use in your searches for the old posts I speak of) due to the fact that she regularly shared PRIVATE personal family photos of Brendon and sometimes Ryan, which we all now know she had hacked and stolen from the private facebook and instagram accounts of Brendon’s family members and friends. Her hacking of Brendon’s former best friend Shane Valdez’s Facebook is how she initially got in contact with Ryan Ross, fooling him into believing Shane was giving him Brendon’s real phone number, when of course it was hers. Technically it was actually an imessage email address named “beatboxB,” not a number. 

Oh yeah, not sure if anyone remembers this but Chelsey was catfishing Ryan Ross as Brendon Urie. Making him believe for something like at least 9 months that he had been rekindling his friendship with Brendon and that they were EVEN going to work on new music together. When Ryan found out, the day after I alerted Sarah and then Shane Morris to Chelsey’s crimes, he famously posted cryptic, bloody photos of probable self-harm to his finger on instagram and scared the shit out of his fans and personal friends. All of this can be seen/read on the very well-documented Pathetic! At the Disco post dedicated to this. Trigger warning for blood and very clear emotional abuse/distress.

2.) Remember when I informed Sarah that there were multiple underage fans who had been catfished by Chelsey as Brendon on her infamous fake Facebook and Instagram accounts, who reported being asked by her for nude photos via text & messenger?

Underage, high-school fans. Who then sent those nude photos to this adult woman because they truly believed they were talking to Brendon Urie, and had been in a real romantic relationship with him that Chelsey had fostered in these literal children. 

3.) Remember when Shane Morris had to come to the rescue because Fucking Sarah refused to do anything about Chelsey? I emailed her completely in a panic about everything and we talked in multiple replies and she did not want to take it seriously at all. I explained how Chelsey could be charged for internet crimes in regards to the soliciting of nude photos from minors, as I’d already talked to a lawyer friend about it. It was serious. But Sarah wanted to pretend like Chelsey was a non-threat, and specifically called her “just kind of annoying to us. Nothing serious.”

FUCKING. REALLY?? SO YOU’RE ALL THAT MATTERS, IS THAT RIGHT SARAH? THOSE FANS AND FRIENDS OF BRENDON’S WHO WERE ABUSED AND MISTREATED AND NOW HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT EXPERIENCE FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES... DON’T MATTER ONE SINGULAR FUCK, DO THEY, GIRL? RYAN ROSS AND THE ABUSE HE SUFFERED AT HER HANDS MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. THE FACT THAT BRENDON’S OWN MOTHER AND SIBLINGS WERE CATFISHED BY CHELSEY DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER TO SARAH EITHER. lmao what the flying fuck y’all. I’m sorry for the caps but I’m just completely blown away, as I always have been. It’s like sitting on this MOUNTAIN of just jaw-dropping information I can’t seem to properly get out to people so it’s not JUST ME and my closest PATD fan friends (and those literal friends of Brendon I mentioned) who know about it.

Please understand and know that if you are a fan of Sarah in any way. She. Does. Not. Fucking. Care, about you or your wellbeing. She is happy to enable and encourage a very dangerous psychopath with Monomania, the condition Mark David Chapman has. You know, the super obsessed fan who murdered John Lennon? Brendon’s stalker has that condition. This is not a diagnosis I came up with or guessed at, it was told to me by multiple people much more involved with the band and this situation than I’ve ever been.

4.) Sarah did all of this while knowing just how horrible and dangerous Chelsey was and is. She very deliberately turned around, after the viral outrage and horror of her crimes and existence as a stalker/catfish coming out, after being warned by me and multiple others of how serious this situation was and Shane Morris HIMSELF (Shane is the former manager and a good friend of Ryan Ross) having to come in and take things into his own hands (and just lol ....my god, seriously Sarah?) on behalf of the harm Chelsey inflicted on Ryan, not Brendon, which was truly extreme and unbelievably fucking unforgivable... and yet Sarah straight up befriended Chelsey. Not just forgave her and told everyone ELSE to forgive her too. Despite ALL of that, she purposefully befriended this dangerous, catfishing stalker.

The horrific things Chelsey did to that man she claims to love (Ryan) should tell you all you need to know about how fucking dangerous she actually is to Brendon, who she claims to love more than anything or anyone in the world. 

But literally... Brendon’s own wife did NOT CARE about the dangers and the potential harm this known stalker carries for her husband, and she cared even less about those fans and friends and former bandmate of her husband who were so seriously mentally abused and terrorised by Chelsey. You don’t just forget about something like that. That’s a lifelong wound that comes with massive embarrassment and shame for getting fooled so well by someone pretending to be your friend, or idol. That also creates LIFELONG TRUST ISSUES, amongst so much else.

5.) Part of Sarah befriending Chelsey meant attempting to force the ENTIRE fanbase to also forgive her, and make it go away. Let Chelsey just “be a fan” with the rest of us. (I feel like I’m taking CRAZY PILLS!! WHAT THE FUCK??)

Do you guys remember that? She literally posted to her instagram once (maybe even twice, in fairly quickly deleted posts) trying to get everyone to “leave Chelsey alone” because she had “simply made a mistake and since learned her lesson” (😭😭😭😭 Sarah you are literally so stupid it hurts... or maybe it was all intentional and calculated idk) and that we all “need to forgive her.” She then straight up followed the stalker’s ‘Brendon Urie Vines’ instagram account and recommended that everyone ELSE do the same. That is absolutely fucking insane.

Based on that we can assume Sarah is also responsible for Brendon watching the BUV vine compilation video from her youtube channel which saw Brendon praising “whoever made this” in a published video interview, feeding the monster inside her exactly what it wanted most.

So... why is it just ‘okay’ that Sarah did this? Why is it okay that people seemingly don’t care and therefore continue to worship or idolize her in some way? 

This is what triggered my post, because I still see these young fan accounts posting all lovey dovey over Sarah sometimes, and it just makes my stomach twist. If they knew what she’s done, would they still feel that way?

She would never have the kind of adoration she does if not for being married to who she is, and it is very clear she thrives off the power that comes from being with a famous person who many many people want to be with and are jealous of her for. That is blatantly obvious and always has been, by the way she uses her power to abuse Brendon with fangirls she insists upon him interacting with, and the way she keeps a “special” little group of fans close to do her bidding in exchange for the abuses of power she acts out with them. Extremely preferential treatment like being invited as a VIP to multiple Panic! concerts where they get to meet and hug Sarah and hang out with her for the show, meeting the band along the way of course. (If you’ve been around as long as me then you probably know the girls I’m talking about... but I’m going to omit their names to avoid their vitriol.)

And we know very well just how hard Sarah tried to marry another band guy first, becoming engaged to Jeremy of Paramore at only 18-19yo and sleeping around with multiple other band guys after her engagement broke off before setting her sights on Brendon.. who was a perfect, gullible target at that time. Young and single and prime for missing the red flags that came with Sarah thanks to having Zack around constantly for years already. And I think we all understand the Zack problem and all the red flags Brendon missed with him by now, so I won’t go into that.

But Sarah fucking Orzechowski, knowing every bit of what I’ve just typed here, happily befriended and brought that stalker into her inner circle, close to the one person she is most crazy over. Into Sarah’s infamous little “VIP fan” groupchat, that we all found out about in 2018. Along with the ones you would absolutely expect, mentioned vaguely above, because sadly there’s just no way specific fans get as close and as much privilege from the band & Zack as they do without something shady going on. You know, the ones who somehow get photos nobody has seen before and share them before the people who SHOULD be posting them do. The ones who go on the attack on Sarah’s behalf whenever someone is rightfully criticizing her. They’re pretty easy to spot... at least, in the days before Brendon/PATD’s cancellation. Things are very different now. 

I know it well because Sarah really tried to make me one of those girls in the beginning. Dunno if anyone remembers the Paul Walker tweets, the insanely callous, shitty things she tweeted the day he died. Well she came to me in an email just as things were blowing up online and everyone was getting (again, rightfully) pissed off at Sarah. She came complaining and crying to me and making it VERY obvious she wanted me to speak out in her defense, so I DID. 🤦🏼‍♀️ ugh.

It really seems as if she’s a master manipulator who has ulterior motives when it comes to Brendon. She can absolutely be held responsible for the current downturn (and possibly the end of?) his career, as that downturn comes as a direct result of the sexual abuse allegations made against him, from fans who were indeed sexually harassed/abused via text using hacked personal photos of Brendon (including, according to the victims, his own nudes) and apparently either clips of his actual voice, or by mimicking his voice herself to further “prove” herself as Brendon, but this was all done by Chelsey rather than Brendon... and unfortunately, the vast majority of the public does not know anything about Brendon Urie’s infamous stalker/catfish so the vast majority of the public believes those allegations against him.

5.) Without Sarah’s approval, encouragement, and blessing to continue, as she had refused to punish Chelsey in any way shape or form for what she’d done, instead rewarding her with exactly what she wanted.... had Sarah not done that, Chelsey would NOT have come right back and thrived with her “Brendon Urie Vines” youtube and instagram accounts, which she made money off of by the way, and she would not have gone immediately back to catfishing people online as Brendon. Honestly I’m sure she just never stopped, as opposed to “going back” to doing it.

Chelsey is so intense and scary that she apparently figured out when Brendon was changing his cell number in recent years - possibly thanks to Sarah in some way, as it’s not likely she would have known otherwise.. although she has been proven capable of WAY more than anyone ever thought - and she somehow MANAGED TO ACQUIRE BRENDON’S OLD NUMBER IMMEDIATELY UPON HIM CHANGING IT. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Yeah, you read that right. I didn’t even know that piece of info until a personal friend of his (who was also catfished and someone you all know) let me in on it last fall. That’s just.. wow. That means that ANYONE who didn’t know he had changed his number, or anyone who mistakenly texted his old number, would be met with a response “from Brendon” aka her, and would then continue to believe this was him they were talking to. That’s how she was able to fool so many family members and old friends, as well as literal industry people and Ryan Ross.

You guys... the levels to this are so endless and so fucking terrifying. I feel like nobody ever hears everything, the whole story. I post about bits and pieces when I’m informed of new details that I’m just FREAKED THE FUCK OUT BY... but it’s on twitter or instagram where people don’t really see it.

Anyway...

If there’s anyone still around who helped me out with her the first time, or any of the consecutive times, like the amazing fan(s) who made that Ryan Ross blog, detailing all of her abuses of him.. or one of the other blogs who really came out in support and helped get the word out about her, PLEASE hit me up and reblog this. Or feel free to make your own posts, of course. I’m actually never on tumblr anymore and don’t plan for that to change so you’d have to hmu on twitter or ig. I’m not “back” nor do I plan to continue this or answer Q’s or replies to it, I’ve had to fucking be at the center of this for too long already and I just don’t need that in my severe chronic illness life... I’m just leaving this here because there needs to be a place where people can read about this in one place, one post, instead of multiple threads of tweets that are near impossible to find. 

This thing with Sarah should not just be swept under the rug, considering the number of lives negatively affected by her actions. Just because Sarah says her life wasn’t negatively affected, even though that is DEFINITELY not the case anymore, doesn’t fucking mean harm was not caused. Jesus Christ. And you fucking KNEW about that harm! I TOLD YOU. You just didn’t fucking care! There is NO EXCUSE you can ever claim and what you’ve done is absolutely unforgivable, you cruel witch. 

Anyway. I’m tired of randomly seeing posts from fans who clearly love Brendon and care about his wellbeing but are fawning over how cute or how great Sarah is, clearly utterly unaware of the true acts of harm and willful endangerment (that’s the term for it) she has very eagerly and on her own recognisance committed against her husband and his fans, family, and friends.

People absolutely deserve to know about these egregious and borderline criminal abuses of power committed by Sarah “Urie.”

Disclaimer: I don’t necessarily consider myself a Panic! fan anymore and have extraordinarily conflicting feelings when it comes to Brendon at this point in time. This post is about Sarah’s abuses in regards to fans and the man she spoke vows to never harm and only protect, and should not be taken as a defense of Brendon. I will absolutely defend Brendon on the SA allegations that I know without any shadow of doubt came from Chelsey, because there is factual evidence I can cite on the validity of that. But as for the rest of why he was “cancelled,” I could not and would never defend any of the harmful, ignorant words he’s said in the past on stage and in interviews. What I will say is that I do believe Brendon’s shitty vocabulary in those times is a strong reflection of Zack Hall’s vocabulary and personality at all times, and because Brendon was unfortunately placed in a false protective relationship with Zack at a young age, before he had finished growing up, his adulthood was formed under the tutelage of a very toxic masculine, edgey/shady big brother type, who we have all observed Brendon loves to impress or make proud. So unfortunately, at least from my psychological understanding and analytical point of view, this all kinda goes back to Zack. Even the Sarah thing, like I said, could be a result of Zack dulling Brendon’s red flag sensors. 

But anyway. I could be wrong, maybe Brendon’s just a dick. But I will wait to have that proven to me before I completely give up hope. Brendon is a good person in my personal experience, from the 4 times I’ve met him and the 13 times I’ve seen him on stage. He has been nothing but warm, kind and genuinely caring to me on a personal level as well as with every friend I have who’s ever met him, so it will take some convincing with some true *intention to harm* before I condemn him. Personally. ✌️

And I also just want to add that I’m not at ALL involved in the PATD fanbase anymore, nor do I really ever get on tumblr anymore except to look for Gallavich gifs lol. The ONLY reason I care enough to make this post is because I have seen firsthand how many people have been hurt by Chelsey and by extension of Sarah’s encouragement of her. There is NO WAY she would have been allowed/able to continue her reign of terror on fans and personal friends of Brendon Urie to the extent of Brendon HIMSELF getting cancelled because of things she did, if not for the VERY public support of his stalker from his own wife Sarah. Period. 

Sarah, I hope you see this post. I hope it scares you to know that we’ve got your number and we see right through your creepy fake smile and “kaleidoscope eyes.” Trickster eyes. I hope you seek out intensive psychotherapy for this incredibly huge character flaw and even more importantly that BRENDON does so, and that he finally gets some perspective on you and how much harm you have caused people, including him and the fans, friends and family he loves so much.

Being a humanitarian and an activist means not putting up with ANYONE’S abuses of power. It doesn’t matter who you think you are. You’re not off the hook.