#i want to be like 'this is a traumatic event'

[dyingswanpavlova]

"Your girl" - Part 7 | The Salesman x Reader

Summary: If he's so bad, then why do you crave him so much? You crave him enough to let him be your first.

Warnings: dead dove do not eat, kidnapping, mentions of sexual abuse and other traumatic events in the past, numbness, helplessness, violence, threatening, mentions of blood, mentions of murder and rape, body issues, trauma talk, scars, stockholm syndrome, forced relationship, unhealthy relationship, depression, manipulation, mentions of sexual activities and desires, smut, oral sex, (rough) sex, penetration, unprotected sex, degradation kink, not beta-read, if I've missed any please tell me! mdni 18+!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

You didn't know what real desire feels like, until you felt it.

Until you felt him.

And you wanted him, as much as you hated him.

The moment his lips crashed against yours, it felt like nothing you had ever felt before.

Sure, you had been kissed before. Once.

The loser has to seduce the shy girl.

But that didn't count. Or even if it did, it didn't matter to you. Because nothing that happened before that kiss seemed to matter.

A part of you expected his kiss to be gentle - he had made a promise to you after all - but there was hardly any gentleness in his touch.

The first second after your lips met had been a soft, tentative caress. Gentle and careful, as if to test the waters. You lay stiffly underneath him, unsure what to really do. You almost felt awkward, but that didn't mean you wanted it to stop. Quite the opposite.

The gentleness felt...almost forced on his part. You already knew he wasn't the soft type, but for you, he tried.

Until he didn't. And eventually his mouth took control of yours.

You didn't mind.

His lips moved against yours more urgently, the tip of his tongue caressing your lower lip and trying to part your lips, demanding entry.

When you finally gave in to his silent demand, slowly and carefully, he took full advantage of that and slid his tongue in your mouth, participating in a sinful dance with your own.

You were still stiff, still shy, still...unsure. And he felt it.

He pulled back, just enough to murmur against your lips. "Open your mouth wider for me, princess."

Princess. That was new. At least you weren't Hana anymore. Or at least not in that moment.

You reluctantly obeyed and with a low groan you felt his tongue push deeper against yours, harder, more demanding.

You almost gasped in surprise, but again, you didn't mind.

It felt so...

So...

And you were still stiff. A part of you almost felt like burying yourself under a pile of non-existence for being so complicated.

But again, he didn't seem to get angry or even frustrated. Instead he slowly pulled his hand back and tipped your chin up with his fingertips.

"Stop thinking so much. Just do whatever feels right. I promise you, I'm not going to laugh or hurt you. I promised you something and I meant it." His voice was softer than you had ever heard it before and it made something inside of you break.

You wanted him. You wanted him so terribly and the thought scared you like nothing else.

God, when he was being gentle like this, you wanted him even more. It made you go near insane with desire and heartbreak, because you could never have him. Could never have this version of him.

He was the man who kidnapped you, not your lover.

The man who slapped you, not the man who kissed you.

But, shit, he kissed you. And you wanted nothing more than exactly that. Maybe even for the rest of your life.

You were always a romantic at heart.

Hopeful and yet hopeless.

"Okay." You whispered softly and nervously nibbled on your lower lip. "I...I just..."

"I know." He whispered and gently ran his thumb over your cheek. "But that's what I'm here for. I'll guide you."

The next thing you realized was how he pressed you against his wardrobe. You had no idea how you even made it across the hallway and to his bedroom, but somehow you did.

He grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head, leaving you helpless and at his mercy. But you didn't care.

In fact it made you want him all the more.

The sounds he made while his tongue delved deeper into your mouth made the dampness between your legs increase tenfold.

His hands slowly slid down your arms and over your shoulders, until he reached your waist and then he stopped. His touch was so gentle, almost careful, like he was touching a delicate bird and was afraid it might fly away.

"Turn around." He whispered against your lips. You hesitated for a second, but eventually obeyed, with a slowness that almost made him growl in frustration.

His fingers found the zipper of your dress, impatiently tugging at it, when-

He exhaled in even more frustration when he felt your hand reach for his wrist, stopping him in his attempt to skillfully and swiftly undress you.

"What?" He bit out.

You opened your mouth and closed it several times. How would you tell him? Should you? Or should you just show him?

You were almost sure he was going to be so repulsed that he'd go and find himself a second girl in no time.

The thought made something inside of you die.

"Can I just...lie on my back?" You whispered.

He frowned, but he was a clever man and he immediately caught on the fact that something wasn't like it was supposed to be. But since he was something akin a gentleman who'd only beat you, not force your clothes off you or rape you, he had never seen you naked before. And suddenly you felt incredibly insecure.

"What is this about?" He asked in a softer tone. "Are you nervous?"

"Yes." You said quietly. "But that's not the reason."

Instead of answering, he tilted his chin down and his lips met the back of your neck. The shiver that punched through your body and the sound that left your lips were both feral.

"I know." He whispered. "But I'll make you forget about it soon."

"You...You don't understand." You finally gasped out. "It's...You won't want me any longer."

That made him pause and he slowly pulled his head back. His frown got deeper and there was something else in his expression now, something like confusion and a hint of anger.

"What are you talking about?"

You fought with yourself, trying to come up with something to say, something to do, something to explain, but no.

Instead you simply released his wrist.

His frown stayed in place, but eventually he began to move again and you felt his fingertips tickle the skin of your back when he moved to pull the zipper down. Another hard shiver ran through your body and you closed your eyes. Your forehead tightly pressed against the wardrobe, you waited. Waited for him to recoil in disgust. To push you away and call out God, it was all for nothing.

But the call never came.

Instead he was silent for a long moment and you felt his gaze burn holes through your body.

"Who did this?"

He sounded calm - no, like he was desperately trying to stay calm, maybe for your sake. You couldn't yet tell if he was repulsed or if maybe he was trying to act like he wasn't.

The faint trace of the scar was subtle, but still evident, even after all these years. A cruel reminder that you would never be free of your past. Of the pain. Sometimes you felt like you were made of pain far more than of flesh and blood.

"My mother." You said very quietly, unable to open your eyes yet.

His fingertips followed the contour of the scar in a touch so soft that you barely even felt it. But you did feel it. It immediately made you shiver and gasp.

That was nothing.

The moment you felt his lips brush over the skin of your back, slowly following the same line, you inhaled sharply. Breathlessly.

There was not enough air to breathe.

Your hands were pressed against the wardrobe tightly and you felt your legs shake.

This was enough to make your mind go hazy and your head dizzy. If this already drove you insane like that, you couldn't tell if you'd even be able to have sex with him. Or if you'd slowly float off into non-existence.

This was better than life.

A soft whimper came over your lips the second his tongue flicked out to taste your skin.

"Oh God." You moaned breathlessly.

Good, you thought with the little mind you had left to think. Good. He isn't repulsed.

"Your mother." He whispered, without ever stopping his ministrations. It made you tense, but you listened in silence. "Your mother. Is she still alive?"

You kept your eyes closed and nodded.

A low hum came over his lips.

"Good."

A slow frown formed on your face, but you didn't dare to speak now. You wouldn't have done anything if it risked to stop him from what he was doing.

"And that man? Your neighbor? Is he still alive?"

You slowly shook your head.

"Too bad." He whispered against your skin. "I would have loved to take care of him.”

That made your head perk up and you looked over your shoulder, looking at him with something that was equally horrified as it was…admiring.

“What are you talking about?” You whispered softly.

He nodded. “What do you think? You’re my girl. I take care of my girl. And no one gets to hurt you. No one besides me.”

His words sent a warm shiver down your spine. You knew it wasn’t exactly healthy or…good. But it felt good. And you couldn’t help but feel that certain warmth in your body increase.

The way he spoke of you, with such possessiveness, it awakened something in you of which you never before knew you had that in you.

“But they hurt me in the past.” You whispered, as though this was a normal conversation.

“Doesn’t matter”, he whispered back, “they still hurt you. And anyone who did, will pay.”

You wanted to respond, wanted to express anything, but you didn’t have the time. He spun you around so swiftly and effortlessly that you immediately forgot what you had even been talking about. You stumbled backwards until your legs hit the bed and then he slowly pushed you back. Gently, like everything he did that night.

Gently.

Your heart skipped several beats as you stared up at him like that. Your hair was messy and your face flushed, your lips still swollen from the greedy, demanding kiss and your dress hung loosely around your shoulders. But your eyes, your eyes, they held a special kind of expression that night.

Hunger.

It was hunger.

A hunger you hadn’t ever felt before. So powerful, it was all-consuming. Your mind was occupied with him, unable to focus on anything else than his delicious smirk. The one you had grown to…

Oh God, don’t even think that.

“You look so beautiful.” He whispered in a husky voice. His hands wandered up to slowly undo his tie. The sight was enough to stir even more desire in you, forcing you to shift on the bed, your impatience growing. Your heart was aching with how handsome he was.

If only you could have him like that every night.

He slowly pulled the tie off and it fell to the ground, before he slowly moved to undo the buttons of his shirt. That was when you realized that you would either sleep with him that night or die.

Because that was how it felt.

Like you would die without him. Crumble and suffocate.

Your eyes followed the movement of his hands as he slowly shrugged his shirt off, revealing his chiseled, marble chest. The sight made your brows furrow and you did something oh-so cheeky. You bit your lip. You had to, otherwise you would have probably moaned.

“What is it, sweet girl?” He purred as he slowly moved onto the bed, hovering right above you. “Do you like what you see?”

You closed your eyes when his hot breath kissed your ear. Then you nodded and bit your lip again.

“Good.” He breathed. “Then show me something I’ll like as well.”

He hooked his fingertips under the material of your dress and attempted to pull it down, when…

He hesitated. For a moment you were almost sure you had done something terribly wrong again and you were about to get punished. You held your breath and expected him to swing his fist at you.

“Can I?”

Your eyes widened almost comically in surprise. Your mouth fell open and you nodded.

The sight of you so surprised and speechless made him laugh.

God, what a beautiful sound.

If only you could hear it every day.

If only, if only, if only.

Your heart ached again. But you quickly pushed these thoughts aside. Now wasn’t the time. You could mourn your non-existent, fantasy relationship by the time the next morning came.

That moment was for you and him.

And right then, he was there. And he was real.

And he was gentle.

He pulled the dress down torturously slow, his gaze eagerly following every inch of skin that was revealed.

You felt so naked, so exposed, so…so warm under his gaze.

You swallowed thickly and kept your focus on his eyes the whole time. It was like he suddenly was a different person.

A husband type of guy.

You closed your eyes, forcefully trying to suppress these kind of dangerous thoughts. But it was impossible. You were immediately certain.

You were in love with him.

And it didn’t matter how many water bowls he’d make you lick on the floor, how many degrading names he called you and how many marks he gave you.

You were in love with him.

Your eyes shot open and you looked at him with something akin to pain, but your confusion grew when, for probably the first time, he didn’t immediately met your gaze. His gaze was fixed on your body, firm and yet soft, like glue. He didn’t move it away, just kept it roaming up and down your body. It was enough to make you shiver.

“God.” He whispered huskily. “God, you’re perfect.”

He slowly looked up to meet your eyes again and when he did, the tiniest frown grew on his face.

“What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Am I going too fast?”

You just stared at him, unable to say anything. The way his eyes were soft, the way his voice was, the way he seemed so concerned.

And there we go again.

You felt tears well up in your eyes and you tried desperately to swallow the lump in your throat.

His expression immediately darkened, mixed with surprise and something else. He immediately sat up, moving his hips away from yours.

“You’re not ready.” He said stiffly. “You don’t want to. Fuck, I should have known.”

He attempted to get up and, judging by his reaction, probably flee, but he stopped when he felt your hand on his wrist, holding him back.

“No”, you gasped out quickly. “No, don’t leave. Please.”

He stared at you, his expression troubled. “But you…”

“I want it.” You whispered. “I really do.”

He shook his head. “No.” He said firmly. “Listen, I won’t punish you when you say no now. I don’t want it to be like this. The thought of doing this, when you don’t really want me, it…”

“I do!” You propped yourself up onto your elbows and nodded quickly. “I do.” You whispered. “That’s not why I’m crying. I was just…”

You briefly closed your eyes, before you continued.

“I’m just complicated.”

He didn’t seem all too convinced, but the frown on his face signaled that he wouldn’t try to run off again.

“Yes.” You whispered softly. “I was just overwhelmed. But I want it. Please, don’t…Don’t go now.”

His frown deepened, but he slowly leaned back down.

“You don’t have to do this.” He said quietly. “You don’t have to endure this, to please me. Not this.”

You slowly shook your head. You couldn’t tell him the real reason.

That you were grieving the relationship you could have had with him, in another time, another universe. That you felt like you were falling in love with him…or that you already were.

You opened your mouth to come up with another excuse, but when words failed you yet again, you did something else. You tilted your head up and your lips met his. Soft and tentative, careful and gentle, but it was you who kissed him.

Bold girl.

He hesitated for a moment as if to make sure you really meant it.

It truly surprised you how much he seemed to care about your consent. So far, a small part of you had always believed he’d snap once he got impatient enough and he’d just take what he wanted, not caring if you cried or begged or pleaded.

But that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

And still you couldn’t help but ask yourself if this was solely about the promise that he made you. Because somehow, under all his insanity, there was something like an honorable man. A man who kept his promises.

But you tried your hardest to lock these thoughts out.

To lock any thoughts out.

Tonight was about you and him.

The moment you felt his tongue part your lips again, that was exactly what you thought about.

You and him.

Him.

And suddenly the whole world seemed to fade into nothingness, because all that mattered was the way his tongue felt against yours and the sound that left his lips when you wrapped your arms around him. Your hands slowly wandered up the skin of his back, up to his shoulders. You tried to touch every inch of him and memorize it in your mind, just in case you never got to feel him like that again.

You were pretty sure you were doing something wrong, because you had no idea what you were doing, but you tried to listen to his words and just do what felt right.

He finally pulled your dress off of you, leaving you almost bare, in nothing but a pair of panties. The cold air hit your skin and you felt another shiver run down your spine.

And another one when his hand ran up your stomach.

And another, even harder, one when he gently cupped your breast in his hand.

You were a shivering, stuttering mess underneath him and all you could focus on was the way his hands felt against your skin – warm and gentle, soft and yet demanding.

He moaned against your lips as he gently squeezed your breast in his hand, before he slowly moved it further up to your shoulder, then down your arm. And eventually, oh God, eventually he took your hand in his. He intertwined your fingers and pressed your hand down against the mattress with a gentleness that equaled a breath of air.

He ground his hips down against yours, a movement that made a flash of electricity shoot through your veins. He was so hard. Hard and ready to ruin you.

And God, you wanted him to.

“Are you nervous?” He breathed without even stopping to kiss you. You tried to pull your head back to speak, but he didn’t let you and that was enough to make you moan as well.

“Yes.” You whispered.

“Just relax.” He murmured softly. “Let me take care of you, my sweet, darling girl.”

He slowly withdrew from the kiss, which immediately left you craving more, but you had no time to think about it, because the next moment you felt him press gentle kisses all over your neck. Your head lolled to the side and you exhaled a soft sigh. You didn’t even stop shivering any more.

You wanted to pull him closer, you wanted to beg Please don’t stop, but your lips didn’t obey. Your nervousness was far more powerful than you initially thought.

As if on cue, he pulled his head back, looked down at you and whispered: “If I do something you don’t want, tell me, alright?”

You managed a weak nod, silently begging him to continue.

He put on a cocky smirk and went back to kissing your neck, ever so slowly making his way further down. Just when you thought he couldn’t do anything to make you feel better than that, you felt his lips brush along your bare breast and his tongue darted out and left a slow, lazy path over your hard nipple.

You had no idea you could make such sinful sounds.

“P-please.” You whimpered.

He grinned victoriously. “Please what, sweet girl? Please stop?”

“No!”

He laughed and shook his head. “Don’t worry, sweetness. Just lean back and let me do the rest. I’ll make you feel good, I promise.”

He resumed his actions and you fell back against the pillow, your eyes shut. Only then you realized how tightly you had your arms wrapped around him. One of your hands slowly wandered up and down his back again, while the other one tangled in his soft hair. You let out a soft sigh when he moved over to your other breast, doing the most wicked things with his mouth.

You were so breathless and constantly gasping for air, it left your mouth dry.

And then it got even harder to breathe.

He slowly kissed his path down your stomach, making you shiver and writhe in anticipation and agony.

“Oh God, what are you doing?” You whispered breathlessly. You wanted to call out his godforsaken name, but he didn’t have one. So instead you ran your hand through his hair again.

He hummed against your skin as he teasingly licked a slow path down your stomach.

“You’ll see, princess.” He whispered softly.

By the time he reached the edge of your panties, you were no more than a puddle. A helpless mess, desperate over everything he did.

Over him.

He took the material of your panties between his teeth and slowly tugged them down.

“Oh, God!”

You had a feeling like something inside of you was throbbing.

You had been wet before. Felt that nervous twitch, whenever the bad, wicked thoughts entered your mind.

But nothing ever came close to this.

When he slowly freed you of your underwear, you were sure you were about to faint, until-

Fucking hell.

He used his teeth the entire way and when he finally managed to pull them off, he bit down on them and you were sure you saw his tongue dart out. You lay there like a statue, your eyes wide and your cheeks flushed as you witnessed how he tasted the piece of lace that had just covered your soaking wet, most private part.

All you could do was stare, your mouth wide open, as you felt the dampness slowly turn into a pool of arousal.

He slowly pulled them out of his mouth and tossed them aside, his eyes fixed on your own eyes.

He hummed out a soft: “I knew you were delicious.”

You opened and closed your mouth several times, but all that came out was nothing.

He smirked again, but it wasn’t even close to mocking. It was more something like…

Satisfaction.

“Are you ready for me, princess?”

Another weak nod later, you felt him lean closer. The second his hot breath hit your core, you let out a needy, breathless whimper.

You had no idea what that felt like, but judging from the way simply his breath on you felt…

“Keep looking at me.” He whispered. “I want to see your eyes, when I taste you.”

And then you finally felt it. His mouth enveloped you in a way you had only ever seen in videos and you reaction came the same instant.

You tried to keep your eyes open, but they fell shut as if on cue.

And the moment you felt his tongue against you, you were done for.

He began to slowly move it, circle your clit and gently suck on the sensitive skin.

Any semblance of composure left your body and you moaned. And moaned. And moaned.

“Oh…Oh God.” You breathed out, instinctively tightening your hand in his hair.

He let out a soft moan when you did and the sound made you moan in response. The soft vibrations of his humming against your skin nearly made your eyes roll back. You wanted to look at him. But God, it was hard to even breathe.

You didn’t know how he did it. But he did things to you, things that made you feel a tightness in you, like it was all too much and also not even close to enough.

He kept running his tongue over your wet folds, again and again, going from gentle and slow to hard and quick. But the way he sucked on your skin was what made you tremble and ache from the inside.

You were close, you could tell. And you didn’t even need to imagine the most heinous things for it.

“Oh God, please, please, oh God, please!”

He didn’t make any attempts to tease you or stop. He grasped your thighs tightly and propped your legs over his shoulders, pulling you even closer. He hummed again and moved and moved and moved and-

“Oh God!”

You inhaled sharply, tensing up so painfully hard. And then you became still. The pleasure rolled over you in hot waves, as a warm, white light overshadowed everything else in your mind.

You never before came so hard in your entire life.

When you finally, slowly came back down from your high, you carefully lifted your head from the pillow, only to find him already staring up at you. He ever so slowly pulled his head back and looked up at you in awe.

And you stared down at him in fascination.

The devil took over your body, because you suddenly felt unable to wait any longer. You needed to feel him. You impatiently reached for him and pulled him back up, until you felt him pressed against you again.

His hardness achingly straining against his pants, pressed against your warm wetness.

“That was so…God, that was so…”

His lips curved up into a slow smile, but he seemed just as breathless.

Did he get even harder?

You let out a shuddery breath and crashed your lips against his again. He felt so warm on top of you, so safe, that you momentarily forgot that you were so scared of him at times.

You forgot that he kidnapped you and you forgot that he slowly broke your soul.

He also made you Hotteok and he made you cum, didn’t he?

Effortlessly.

You needed him. And you were going to die if you didn’t feel him soon.

“Are you still sure?” He breathed and leaned down to nip at your earlobe.

You nodded breathlessly and bit back another moan.

“I am.” You whispered softly.

And the next moment, you felt his hand slowly reach down. Heard his belt unbuckle and fall to the ground. The sound made something inside of you ache with even more impatience.

You used the small moment to look up at his face. His hair was a mess and his eyes were focused on your body, while he reached down and slowly pushed his pants down. When he felt you staring at him, he met your gaze and raised his brows.

“What?” He murmured.

You suddenly realized you had never seen him so…vulnerable before.

He was still confident, still in control. But something about the way he looked and spoke had softened to an extreme degree. It was like sex was something important to him.

Maybe he wouldn’t just fuck you once and then instantly get rid of your body.

Maybe he would actually keep you around.

And you couldn’t tell if that was good or bad.

You stared at him for a long moment, then you shook your head.

“Nothing.” You whispered. “I’m just…”

“Nervous?”

You nodded.

He hummed softly. Before you could look down to catch a glimpse of him in his bare form, he gently tipped up your chin and narrowed his eyes thoughtfully.

“We can still stop.”

“I don’t want to stop.” Your voice sounded more confident now. More like someone you didn’t know, but slowly grew to like.

He looked at you for a long moment, before he eventually released your chin. You slowly tilted your face down, your gaze following the sharp contour of his hard body.

He didn’t seem bothered at all by your staring. If anything, he seemed curious. Like he hadn’t been admired like that in long.

Your gaze stopped on his hardened length, thick and long enough to ravage you and throbbing. He was obviously more than eager, but he held himself back without flinching. You were almost disbelieving of such calmness.

You licked your lips as your gaze slowly glided back up to meet his eyes. The look in them hadn’t changed. Determined and ready. But still soft.

You knew at some point he would snap back into that other persona, into the cruel and scary man that he so often was.

But all you saw now was this softness.

And that was all you cared about.

It looked like he was about to ask again, to make sure again, but the look in your eyes stopped him.

You were nervous. And trembling. And even a tad bit scared.

But you were no less determined than he was.

He slowly pressed himself closer, slowly rubbing himself against you. A soft whimper came over your lips and he seemed to have to hold himself back from making any sounds.

He reached up his free hand and gently cupped your cheek. And then he slowly pressed forward.

Carefully. Gently. Inch by inch.

His eyes stayed focused on yours the entire time, checking your reaction.

The moment you felt him press against you, press inside you, you exhaled a small breath.

It was…

Painful. Mostly painful.

You bit your lip to suppress the hiss of pain which still found its way past your mouth. He hesitated to move forward, but eventually continued.

“Does it hurt a lot?” He whispered.

It was more of a pressure, feeling as tight as a coiled spring, ready to snap.

“Yes.” You whispered. “But I don’t want you to stop.”

He clenched his jaw and slowly pushed forward. It was like he was two people at once. One wanted to be careful and gentle and not hurt you, while the other one seemed all too eager to thrust forward and ravage you like a beast in heat.

But he held himself back.

You were sure it was just for tonight.

But he did it. For you.

And you needed him even more, because of that.

A sharp pain shot through your body and you released a soft sound, a mixture of a moan and a sob. But a few seconds later the pain finally dissolved. And then you felt something else.

“God, you’re so tight.”

He slowly began to move again, going slow and careful at first. You felt more and more of him, until you finally felt all of him.

Your nails dug into the skin of his back and you inhaled sharply when he thrust into you harder than before.

Something was off, you could tell. He clenched his jaw tightly and stared down at you with furrowed brows.

And suddenly it hit you.

He was holding himself back for your sake, you knew that.

But you had no idea how hard it was for him to hold himself back.

He had promised you a sweet, gentle, loving first time and that was what he wanted to give you. But what you saw behind his eyes was something akin to pain. He wanted to go harder. He was desperate to.

He was obviously desperate to do many things.

“You can go harder.” You whispered, almost reassuringly.

He shook his head.

“It’s alright.” You whispered again. “The pain passed.”

“That’s not the problem.” He whispered as he rolled his hips against you deliciously, forcing a moan over your lips.

“Then what is?” You breathed out.

“If I go harder now, then I can’t stop. I won’t.” He whispered and gently cupped your cheek in his hand again.

Almost involuntarily, you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, before you met his gaze again. Now you were filled with even more determination.

“Yes, you can.” You whispered, sounding almost firm. “Go harder. Just a little.”

He seemed unsure, but eventually he did. He moved harder against you, more urgently, but not quite rough yet. Still, his eyes fell shut and a moan fell from his lips.

A particular hard thrust as well as his reaction caused you to moan in return and close your eyes as well.

His head fell forward and he buried his face in his your neck. His harsh breaths made you shiver and sigh.

“I made a promise to you. And I’ll keep it.”

That made you gently tangle your hand in his hair again and pull back, just enough to look at him.

There was something in your eyes that made him pause.

“What?” He murmured breathlessly.

You looked up at him with wide eyes and whispered: “I want you to fuck me.”

His brows furrowed. “I am-“

“No.” You breathed out. “I want you to fuck me the way you want.”

He stared down at you for a long moment.

“But I might hurt you.”

You bit your lip and shook your head, gently cupping his face in your palms.

“I said, fuck me.”

And immediately something in his expression changed. A part of the lunatic who had murdered a man came back. It was scary, really.

But you weren’t scared.

You were fascinated.

And oh, you were aroused.

He started moving harder against you, thrusting deeper into you and then he released a low growl.

“Are you giving me orders”, he breathed, “or are you begging me?”

You gasped for air when he thrust into you even harder. The ache between your legs got worse, the need deeper. And his pace more and more punishing.

“Begging.” You gasped out. “I’m begging you.”

“Then beg me.” He hissed. As if to emphasize his point, he began to move even faster against you.

“Please.” You moaned out.

“Please what?”

“Please fuck me.” You whispered breathlessly. You felt your face flush so hard, it was almost painful, but for the first time in your life you didn’t care. You said the word, because you wanted to say it. And you let him fuck you, because you damn well wanted to.

And suddenly the spell was broken.

“Fuck. Oh God. Please. Fuck me.”

The harder he moved, the more intense that feeling inside of you became.

You never came before from the feeling inside of you, only ever by stimulating your clit.

This was new, it was intense, it was insane, it was-

“Who are you?” He hissed out in a voice that was near furious.

“Your girl.” You gasped out without hesitation. “I’m your girl.”

“Good girl.” He leaned his head down and gave you a long kiss, his tongue pressing into your mouth aggressively while he began to pound even harder into you.

Before you could protest (as if you would have) he pinned your wrists down against the mattress. You were completely at his mercy, you belonged to him and you were in love with him.

You were fucked.

“Who are you?” He bit down on your lip hard enough to draw blood.

You let out a pained moan and pressed your hips up against his.

He moaned into your mouth. “Good girl.”

Then he grabbed your thigh and yanked your leg over his waist, pressing himself even deeper into you. His movements were bordering on aggressive and your moans became louder and more and more breathless. Just like his own.

That was what had been missing back when he pressed into you so gently and carefully.

And you realized you never wanted to miss it again.

“Who are you?” He breathed out again.

“Your girl.” You gasped out.

He hummed and leaned down to bite down on your neck, only to soothe the bite with his tongue a moment later. “That’s right. My cumslut. My good girl. My whore. My princess.”

Each and every word that left his lips made you feel more and more wicked, more desperate to feel him deeper and harder, which you did.

He moved against you with a fervor that bordered on painful and you loved every second of it.

It was painful. But you suddenly realized what you never knew before.

There was a good kind of pain. It existed.

“Are you close, princess?” He breathed before he bit down on your earlobe, causing you to release a soft whine.

You tried to speak, but all that came out was moan, after moan, after moan. So you simply nodded.

He growled in response and pressed your wrists down even harder.

“I’m going to make a mess of you, princess.” He hissed. With a few quick, rough thrusts more, you felt your eyes roll back and your back arch off of the bed and against him.

If what you felt earlier had been an orgasm, you needed a new word for this.

The feeling was so hard and intense, it was almost unpleasant by how fucking good it was.

You wanted to cry and scream out his name, but all you could do instead was dig your nails into his skin, hard enough to scratch down to his blood.

He growled again and started moving so furiously that you felt like you were being torn apart, until you finally felt him twitch and throb inside you. The sounds he made were good enough to almost make you cum again and you watched with half-lidded eyes as he rode out his release, giving a few deep thrusts into you and releasing deep inside you.

Your body was still twitching and writhing underneath him. He kept his eyes closed and rested his forehead against yours. When he tried to pull back, you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Wait.” You whispered breathlessly. “Not yet. Just…Can we just stay like that? Just for a moment?”

He slowly opened his eyes and met your gaze and to your great surprise…They were still soft. Even more so than before.

“Of course.” He whispered and buried his face in your neck. He slowly lowered himself back down on you, just enough so he wouldn’t crush you.

You were both breathing heavily and your hands were warm and damp with sweat.

“Was that alright for a first time?” He suddenly whispered.

And you did something that you hadn’t done in a while and you had been sure you wouldn’t ever again.

You smiled.

“Yes.” You whispered. “It was perfect.”

He pulled his head back and raised a brow. “Not too rough?”

You shook your head.

He hummed as he observed your smile for a moment.

“I held myself back.” He murmured. “I can’t be gentle next time.”

You looked at him with a soft expression and nodded.

“I know. I remember your words.”

He reached out a hand and gently touched your cheek.

“You should know one thing, darling.” He suddenly whispered.

Your eyes widened and you listened intently. Still, a part of you expected a low, painful blow.

But you couldn’t tell if it ever came.

His words left you torn.

“I’ll never let you go."

___________________________________________

Tag list: @mitsuki-dreamfree @kpopsmutty69 @heroine-chique @vkeyy @mizuwki @blu-brrys @z0mbi345 @yourpointbreak @ayieayee @freddyzeppsworld @lola11111111 @indifitel6661 @salesmanlover08 @laurenbenoit70 @lalalaa2210 @lila-marshal @auspicious-lilana @0-aubrie0 @lovelyaegyo @theredvelvetbitch @violentbluess @muriels-lover @dorayakissu @eviebuggg @muchwita @ririgy @strxlemon @obsessedwthdilfs @kiwilov3 @misty-q @whitefeathers @ennvfv @heartzxx @yourpointbreak @hell0kittt @salesmanlover08 @pascalislove @nina357 @ing9449myu @vamplivivi @tvbais @ilovenana00 @misswannadiesworld @glads-stuff @chunkzdeluluwife @estreiiuh @lokis-lovely-muse @zaimeskuna @lalalaa2210 @i-might-be-vanny @cupidzslvt @k1rapark3r @vyladsgirl @jayyourbabe @yeaiamme2 @babyscilence @abcde-12345dorito @madzpm @o9sessions @dilfismz @idenack @sunburngal @prettysatoru @newtscreatures347269 @4j4ax @yru3xme @rafecamsgirlll @recordofragnarokfan2

If I forgot anyone, please let me know and I'll fix it!

[hms-no-fun]

i'll barge in on this post as someone whose youtube career was at least partially made by being on that stream. i'd been watching for a couple days i think when May Leitz DM'd me to see if i wanted to be on. they needed lots of people to fill in at all hours of the day, and there was no plan for how to do that ahead of time because 24 hour streams were still a relatively new thing whose rules were being made in real time. so i got brought into the "tooth gang," a term whose origin i don't remember beyond us chanting "tooth gang rise up." this crowd of usually transfem commentators was a who's-who of 2019-era video essayists, most of whom are still in obscurity but got a huge boost at the time. it was, without doubt, a gargantuan clusterfuck, owing in part to the fact that there was no real process for vetting guests and several people had free invite permissions who really should not have-- and yet, it was precisely these we-haven't-figured-out-livestream-marathons-yet blunders which allowed the DK64 nightmare stream to become such a subcultural flashpoint. you didn't have to be a Name Brand Breadtuber (apologies to all the name brands who resent falling under this umbrella, i know you didn't ask for it) to get on the stream, you didn't even have to be friends with one of the Name Brands-- some in the tooth gang were actively seeking out obscure/niche youtubers and other trans figures to fill in dead air, to give more people a shot at exposure, because it was SUCH a big stream and they needed lots of bodies. i have no doubt this was incredibly annoying for the organizers of the stream, and something they all learned a lot of valuable lessons from-- but for that week, in that moment, the chaos enabled a community to self-recognize on an immense platform, eventually rubbing reputational shoulders with the likes of AOC.

i think what was so exciting about it was being suddenly inundated with the amount of trans people that existed in this community. every one of us that got on the stream was celebrated in some form, because the whole thing was just this swell of FUCK YOU WE'RE ALIVE energy. what was also amazing was the voracious crowdfund support. obviously the stream itself was raising money for the mermaids fund, but every guest was invited to plug any crowdfunding stuff they had. i remember one disabled trans person was suddenly able to afford a really good electric wheelchair after months of getting no donations. i had a gofundme for laser hair removal that met its goal in just a few minutes when i was invited to share it-- and after that, may was like "raise the goal, you need the money and people are giving it." so i did and they did, and on top of laser that kept the bills paid for a couple extra months. there was just this overwhelming sense that everyone was here because they loved trans people and wanted to support us against the growing tide of anti-trans sentiment, and the generosity on display was just amazing.

and then the way the guest list cascaded near the end, as it just got more and more high profile. suddenly you had people from the original DK64 dev team, you had Geralt's voice actor, you had AOC, and definitely a bunch of others i don't remember. it felt like being caught in a hurricane, like we were a bunch of nerdy enthusiasts who got swept up in this fun little thing we liked only to watch as the storm wall expanded around us until suddenly dozens of weird socially awkward often traumatized trans people who'd never really been recognized before were just barely off-stage for an event that made national news. obviously nobody talking about AOC's involvement was talking about any of the rest of us in specific, but it didn't matter. we were part of something that really felt like it mattered at the time. it felt like a substantial victory against popular transphobia, which was perhaps an over-estimation of that stream's material importance but whatever. it meant something, and that matters.

it was on that stream i pitched my politics of the mcelroy brothers video, and everyone who heard the pitch was like "oh that's a great idea, i'd watch that video." so when the stream was over i put all my energy into making it, and it is still the highest-viewed essay on my entire channel. that stream and the environment that emerged because of it changed the trajectory of a lot of people's lives, including my own. the base of support i built at that moment in 2019 remains the bulk of my income today, six years later. i met people on that stream who are still good friends. i've got a lot of fun memories; i'll never forget jumping into a chat one night (the call channels weren't limited until waaaay late in the week) between hbomb, stef sterling and others because someone had mentioned homestuck, and me being the relentless pill i am i jumped in to be like OKAY BUT HOMESTUCK IS GOOD ACTUALLY and sterling immediately was like "and that's my cue to leave!" i think it's safe to say i did not convince anyone on that call that homestuck is good actually, and i doubt that the intervening years have done much to move the needle on that front, but i got a kick out of it nevertheless. once it was over i got a bunch of folks to record their thoughts on what the stream meant for them, and put it all together in an episode of my podcast Trans Questioning. that's a good listen if you want some more contemporary accounts of the event.

so yeah. at the time of the stream i'd been on HRT for less than a year and i'd been out only slightly longer than that. i'd freshly graduated college and released a sort of art film essay about transitioning that i was really proud of but didn't exactly know how to continue on from. the DK64 nightmare stream hit my life at a perfectly miraculous moment. the sudden increased audience for my youtube and podcast meant i didn't have to get a day job straight out of college. being annoying about homestuck at hbomb got me on my first episode of the perfectly generic podcast, a show i'd eventually go on to be a recurring host of. jump forward a year and change to June 2020, when i decided to get the absolute fuck out of Oklahoma and move to Seattle. to do that, i had to raise something like $4000 through streams and begposts. even taking into account the more generous donation atmosphere of the time, i don't think i would have been able to do that if not for the exposure i got from being part of the tooth gang. on the backend, that stream was a catastrophe whose mistakes were rightly aggressively corrected in future iterations. there will never be another stream like it, and probably shouldn't be, at least not quite so purely unmoderated. attempts were made by some to replicate that environment, but without the "big" names anchoring it they just weren't the same and came with diminishing returns. its importance was the result of, in essence, a humorously tolerated hijacking by the trans community. it was a brilliant, strange, stressful moment, one that i hope someday another generation of trans creators will have their own version of.

hi what was it like to be a part of hbomberguy's mermaid donkey kong 64 stream?

for myself, just watching the stream was a milestone in how i view my own relation to gender and im curious how did it feel like to see so many amazing voices speak of their stories and experiences in your position at the time.

I don't want to speculate but ever since you came out i was wandering if you knew at the time

my abiding memory of it was that it precipitated me and my then partner saying "I love you" to each other for the first time, which is a happy memory. Other than that I don't honestly recall much.

[eshithepetty]

So. It's been said before that Mob has this compulsive thing where he looks at his hand when he's thinking about his powers. But I've wanted for a While now to compile exactly when and how much he does this, so!! Here's exactly a post for that ^^

Starting with the very 1st episode of Season 1, here he looks at his hand while Reigen's spiel about him not using his powers to use against others plays in his head. At this point in the story, we don't really understand the full gravity of these words, and what they mean to Mob - really, they sound more like the obvious usual advice that a psychic mentor would give. But from Mob's percentage rising (tho most people won't know what the percentage means at this point in the story), as well as him generally sitting on this advice, we can tell that a nerve has been struck.

Then comes season 1 episode 3. This is technically the same exact shot, but I still decided to include it both because it's still technically a different instance, and also, because of the new information we learn in this episode, we can look at this shot with a different context. Namely, that we now know what Mob's percentage means, and that his powers are connected to his emotions, which is why he stifles both in fear of hurting people as Reigen warned him of. It turns from impersonal advice to a Very personal and real concern. Though the biggest reason for why he fears his powers is still unknown at this point... (though we are made aware of the other reason - fear of social ostracization).

Ough... here comes season 1 episode 5. The shot of him looking at his hand, the one that makes it abundantly clear exactly what he is imagining and thinking back to when he does this. He's remembering the literal blood on his hands... fuck me.

Then are these shots from the same episode. The hands are covered by a towel, so this one is less obvious, but by his sight line and the conversation that he just had with Ritsu - about the incident, and what he did to him - it's obvious that's where his eyes are set. And now compared to episode 3, we know exactly why he hates and fears his powers so much. Why he thinks these hands are dangerous...

Season 1 episode 10, another repeat shot - this time from the psychically induced flashback he suffers at the hands of Muto. I still think the 100% rejection scene is so underrated - imagine being forced to relive the most traumatic event of your life, especially considering he usually avoids thinking about it.. god, the way he just screams and sobs is so upsetting.. though I do wonder what exactly Muto saw when Mob reversed the illusion on him.

This one's from season 1 episode 11, and it's a lot more innocuous than the rest - he's just checking that his psychic powers indeed don't work in this cursed room. But it's still him looking at his hand and thinking about his powers, so I decided to include it. (though I will say, there is a fanfic opportunity somewhere in here about combining the fact that, apparently, there exist curses that can surpress psychic powers, and Mob's desire to do just that... maybe one day I will get to it)

Now we jump to season 2! Episode 3. God, this is still one of the most intriguing scenes of this show to me... here, along with the fear of potentially having to hurt his clients, Mob is thinking a lot of things - among them, for the first time considering not only that he can hurt innocent people with these hands, but also innocent spirits. And the fact that he had been exorcising spirits, essentially killing these beings that are as close to him as living humans are, for years... I just love this episode. And as one commenter on Youtube pointed out, in season 2 episode 1, he made a promise to himself to consider his feelings more - and his feelings are innately tied to his powers. Thus, opening his eyes to his feelings also made him open his mind to the ethics of how he is using his powers, and whether following Reigen along on all these jobs without thought is truly what he should be doing. This is a big part of why I fully support him deciding to not work for Reigen post-finale - he needs to figure out how he feels about his powers without using them as tools to get profit (well. Not so much profit for him, and there's certainly value he gained from this job besides that - such as being able to at least use and express his powers somewhat, along with the relationship he gained with Reigen - but point still stands. It's healthy for him to be able to think these things through without that). Plus, I personally like to imagine he grows more sympathetic to spirits as he grows up and isn't anymore too keen on him destroying them being his job. But ramble aside...

Here comes mogami arc! Season 2 episode 5. As the subtitles say, in contrast to all other times he's been agonising over being too powerful, here, he's regretful over not being strong enough (plus, I like how Mogami has basically redefined what strength means for Mob in this fabricated world. Where in the real one, strength for Mob means sticking it to your morals and being able to resolve things peacefully, here it's... kinda the opposite..). Also, what's interesting here is that he still looks to his hand here, despite having all his memories of his powers and the incident erased from his mind. I guess it's just that deep-seated...

Same episode. This one is kind of debatable, but he certainly looks like he's rising his hand to look at it. Thus, I'm including it. Plus, it has thematic relevance to the incident. As he is saying here, in this world, he truly hasn't done anything malicious or dangerous that could warrant people treating him as the enemy, yet here they are. I could imagine, that, somewhere in the back of his mind, he is feeling like he's forgetting something...

Season 2 episode 10. Here he just woke up and immediately whooped ass with his powers. Also more innocuous, he's just confused, but still looking at his hand, so. Here it remains.

Season 2 episode 12 - this one's also kind of a oddball, since for once, he's not really thinking about his powers, but rather Serizawa's, and what they reveal about the man's feelings- but I thought it was close enough at him looking at his hand. Besides, I think it's sweet that this is one of the first times he uses his powers to empathise, to connect with someone (we see him do so again while trying to take in Toichiro's powers, as well as in the Alien arc, notably), so I'm including it for its thematic relevance.

Now onto season 3 episode 1! There's a really good post explaining this one (as well as the ghost family scene instance) here, but to summarise, here, Mob is thinking back to his powers and instances of him hurting people - making mistakes - and how he never learns. Never changes. Not enough... just like with the 100% sadness scene, it's just so sad that he thinks this one instance of his powers getting the best of him has ruined him for life. That he can't afford to make mistakes... buddy, you're 14 years old. A child. Making mistakes is part of growing up, part of being human :( But I'm guesing he doesn't always see himself as fully human does he ...

And then. Season 3 episode 10. Ough... This is just all his worst fears becoming reality. He's hurt Hanazawa, again. He's hurting his loved ones, again. He's monstrous and dangerous, again... All these years of repression have just led him back to square one and below - to bloodied hands once more. But this was inevitable. He couldn't have continued looking at those hands and fearing them.. he needed to face himself. Look that trauma in the eyes. And say: that's not all I am. I did that, those hands are mine, I am capable of hurting, but it's not all I am. I am capable of changing.... and he does!! Reverting once doesn't erase all the good he has achieved and all the growth he has experienced. But fact remains, that before you heal the wound you heal the wound, you need to clean it first. And it will hurt... but he gets there. He gets there.

So to finish on a lighter note! The ending of season 3!! This one makes me so happy, because, as opposed to all these other scenes where he's looking to his hand with turmoil and anguish in his heart, here, it's the opposite! He's smiling!! He's confident!! He's becoming surer of himself every day!!! He no longer sees his powers as a curse!!!! It's a promise, that eventually, he manages to deal with all the trauma and achieve a happy ending. It's just his hand, and his hands can hold instead of harm. It's just so sweet. I love him and his character development so, so much.... <3

In conclusion: he looks at his hand a total of 14 times - 12, if we exclude repeat shots. And I just think it's fascinating, how we can follow his development throughout these instances. So I hope that this was interesting for you to read as well, and that you all have good days out there <3 Toodles :)

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

It sounds kind of mean but I lowk want Sky to go through something at least a little bit traumatic and mind changing so he gets a little more depth to his character. Like yeah I know he was throw off a cliff or something along those lines as a baby but he def doesn't remember that shit, and if he does it's probably not a lot. I want something terrible to happen to him that gives him some new perspectives to the world and how people think. I want to see how he copes with a life changing event that leaves his life more difficult. I want to see how Wren helps him through his worst moments and how he grows. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love his fun and whimsy, and they don't need to take that away at all, I love his silliness!! But I want to see how he handles thing that seem like too much, I want to watch him struggle and climb his way back on top.

.

[livmightlive]

2 Adventure AU (cont.

REFURBISHING AND polishing my 2 adventures AU 

If you don’t want to read my last post, (which is fair bc it was mostly rambling), the gist of it is that the LU crew goes on two adventures. The first one occurs while most of the chain is quite young and then years after that adventure ends they all come back together again grown. This applies to everybody BUT Warriors. 

For the first adventure most the heroes are really young. Time has just finished the events of Majora’s Mask. Wind has just finished Wind Waker. Four, he’s not even Four yet, just went thru Minish Cap. These three are all around age 11-12.

Hyrule is 13, having been living by himself for a year now after completing the events of Zelda 1. Legend is 16 and has only been home for few months after the events of Link’s Awakening. 

Sky and Twilight are both 17, having just finished their respective journeys.

WILD, I owe this completely to the suggestion of @durudurururu, is 16 and has recently been knighted and is starting his fight against the calamity. He has not been through the events of BotW yet. 

And Warriors. . . Warriors is a 23 year old, recently appointed captain, who is in the early stages of the war of eras. He has so far not met Mask or Tune yet in his war. 

I think the funniest way this would go is that Wars along with Sky, Twilight, Wild, and Legend are pulled together in quick succession and are told somehow by the goddess that there’s a great threat that requires many of her heroes to vanquish. 

Wars thinks this will be fine. He isn’t shocked that this is happening, his own era is going through something similar, and working with some teens isn’t bad. He’s already used to leading young knights back home. 

Shit hits the fan immediately 😭

Warriors tries to take charge, assuming a leadership position quickly. Sky and Wild are quick to follow him, already quite used to following captains back home, but Legend and Twilight… 

Legend, freshly traumatized, has decided that he already hates Warriors and does his best to refute everything he says and generally makes things 100 times more difficult. Legend often tries to do his own thing which pisses of Wars to no end. Wild and Legend develop SEVERE beef right away after Legend’s declaration that “knights ain’t shit.” Sky tried to play mediator until Legend declares that “Hylia is a stank-ass ho” as to which Sky is like: >:(

Wars hopes that Twilight will be reasonable. He tries to tell Twilight to do something he doesn’t want to do one day and his response is to spit in the ground, “not the city slicker telling me what to do.” And struts away. 

Wars prays, PRAYS., for the day this adventure is over. His teenage comrades get into more fights with each other than they do with the black blooded monsters they should be. Their hygiene is almost dangerously bad. They REEK. Wars prays for the day he doesn’t get awoken by a petty argument. Three times this week dinner has been interrupted by a PHYSICAL altercation between from two to ALL of the boys.

When Sky says the goddess told him more heroes will be joining them, Wars prays that they will be older and wiser. When he’s met with a gang of child soldiers he decides that Hylia must be dead and gone because this has to be the work of demise. 

Two of them are non verbal. The masked one makes some attempt to sign, but the young, skittish teenager makes absolutely 0 effort to even try or even indicate that he’s listening to Wars. Wars is convinced that both of are feral. Were they raised in the woods?? In a cave? 

One is a self proclaimed pirate. Wars is ashamed in the others that the person who tries hardest to actually listen to him is the 12 year old actual criminal who starts struggling with alcohol withdrawal a week into the journey. 

Baby Four is basically the version of himself at the beginning of the 4 sword manga. A huge ego as he’s a budding knight. He listens to Wars less than Legend does. 

Miraculously they manage to survive, not even the journey but each other. Things got a little easier. 

Legend takes responsibility for Hyrule after the chain discovers he’s not in fact non-verbal BUT Hylian is not his native language. He speaks Calatian and Legend the resident polyglot takes to teaching him Hylian. 

Wars is shocked when Wild and Twilight become buddies. He has no clue when that happened. Wild is unsettlingly quiet and too well behaved at the best of times while Wars has to bribe Twilight to bathe sometimes. 

Four looks up to Sky after he learns that he’s a god slayer and starts listening to him in proxy of Wars. 

Wars finds himself with two shadows, Time and Wind.

Their mission comes to a close and Wars finds that he’s dearly going to miss all of his little brothers despite the stress they put him through. He’s prematurely greying now. 

He returns to his own war, reunited with Time and Wind, each a smidge older. After two more years, the war is over and Wars once more says goodbye. The day after the war is declared over, Wars is pulled back by the goddess into a journey across time once again. Apparently there’s some unfinished business from last time.

Wars is SO stressed. He’s not at all ready to go back to being the single father/Fiona Gallagher to 8 traumatized children again. He barely, BARELY, survived last time.

Somehow what he finds is much worse 😭

All of Wars’ journey including the one he went on with the chain, occurred over 3 years for him. He’s now 25. So why… WHY is everyone else so much older????

Baby Mask and the Minish hero are so much older. Time must be pushing 40 and Four is easily 5 years older than Wars.

Twilight, Sky, and Legend are all in their mid to late 20s. Twilight is courting a nice young woman, Legend is engaged, and Sky is MARRIED. With kids. 

Wild, what happened to that guy???, is nothing like the quiet, unsettling, lad he was before. He’s in his early 20s and well. More Wild than ever. He also doesn’t remember or barely recalls anybody.

Hyrule, shy, skittish, feral, Hyrule is also now in his early 20s and is almost outgoing. He speaks clearly and magic unlike anything Wars has ever felt before seems to come from his very being. 

Wind is finally of legal drinking age and is shockingly similar to before except now he claims to be able to see dead people. 

The first thing everyone does is treat Warriors to a drink while he processes.

[maxdibert]

Yah so how the fuck did Remus manage to "forgive" Sirius? And why does everyone in the fandom always take The Prank as an opportunity to make Wolfstar angst... Like...no?

I'm sick of seeing posts that are like "Sirius going back to his house and having a breakdown" "Remus not talking to Sirius to Sirius sends him a letter about how sad and depressed he is because none of their friends are talking to him". Oh my gosh. ENOUGH OF THAT 😮‍💨

Oh no, the consequences to my own fucking actions--- No SHIT, Remus doesn't want to speak with you. WHY WOULD HE??? And people just completely shove Severus into the corner as if he wasn't also going through something. This fandom man...

Honestly, I’ve never been interested in Wolfstar, and not because I dislike the characters but because it doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, if I had to choose a pairing for Sirius among his friends, for me, it would clearly be James, because Sirius was literally obsessed with him. He wasn’t just his best friend; Sirius’ entire life revolved around James, and even 12 years after his death, he couldn’t move on, to the point of projecting James onto Harry and getting upset when he realized they were two different people. Look, Molly Weasley gives me the creeps, but she was absolutely right when she called him out, saying that sometimes it seemed like he wasn’t seeing Harry but James—because that’s exactly what was happening.

But beyond that, Sirius shows absolutely zero interest in Remus or at least zero empathy. It’s clear that if there was any glue holding the group together, it was James. James had more sense than the two ringleaders combined, or at least more common sense to know where the limits were. He was also the one who took care of Remus when he had nowhere to go after finishing school. My theory is basically that Sirius hung out with Remus and Peter because James tolerated them, and because having a werewolf friend gave him an excuse to act recklessly. If we look at SWM, Sirius remarks that he wishes it were a full moon because he’s bored. He couldn’t care less that for Remus it’s a traumatic moment each month, because for Sirius, it means going out, living dangerously, and messing around with his friends. What’s a trauma for Remus is an opportunity for fun for Sirius. He doesn’t consider what it represents for his friend; he doesn’t show that his reason for becoming an animagus is to provide moral support. Instead, he’s WISHING for the moment his supposed friend dreads most because, for him, it’s an exciting event. That’s not appreciating someone—it’s seeing them as a means to an end, a tool. That’s pure utilitarianism, not friendship.

Now, let’s move on to the facts. In “The Prank,” Sirius doesn’t care about the consequences. He thinks it’s funny and is totally thoughtless because that’s just who he is—someone who was never taught about morals or ethics and who basically chose a different “side” than his family’s just to spite them. He’s a rebellious and chaotic spirit who despises snobbery, and that’s about it. There’s no deeper philosophy, no deconstruction. Deep down, he behaves like any other Black, believing he has the right to control others—whether it’s ending someone’s life if they’re “stupid enough to fall for the trap” (Severus, in this case), which he justifies by saying they deserved it, or using others for his malicious ends (Remus). It���s James who has a modicum of conscience and who thinks about the consequences, stopping Severus because James was taught values and understands that certain lines shouldn’t be crossed. But also, I think James genuinely cared about Remus and probably understood what it might mean for him to end someone’s life.

Then there’s the post-Hogwarts relationship. Remus is always portrayed as being very close to the group when canonically, Peter was the one who was always trailing James and Sirius like a cheerleader. Ultimately, they chose Peter over Remus to be the Secret Keeper. This happened because CANONICALLY, Remus had distanced himself from the group, and CANONICALLY, it was Sirius who suggested Peter because he didn’t trust Remus—thinking he might have joined the dark side. This wasn’t something that came from Lily or James; it came from Sirius. Sirius was the one who considered that Remus might have betrayed them. Is that really what a true friend would think? How can people even consider there’s chemistry or a sexual subtext between them when canonically, Sirius repeatedly demonstrates that he doesn’t care about Remus at all? He only starts paying attention to him years later, after escaping Azkaban and realizing his best friend is dead, and his personal cheerleader turned out to be a traitor who ruined his life. Then, when only the two of them are left standing, Sirius starts giving him attention—but only because he’s the last one left. That’s it. Even Rowling herself described Remus ages ago as “the third wheel in a two-person relationship,” referring to Sirius and James. Seriously.

And let’s not forget that Remus never doubted that Sirius could be a traitor either—he always believed him guilty. It’s funny when they’re portrayed as missing each other, but missing each other from what? Remus thought Sirius was scum the whole time! And how could he not? He’d seen Sirius be cruel, even sadistic, and show zero remorse. It’s no wonder it fit for him to think Sirius had lost his mind.

As for how Remus handled all this, it’s no mystery: Remus is very similar to Severus in terms of his position. He was a vulnerable kid clinging to any lifeline to keep a low profile and feel safe. Sirius and James provided that safety—they made him feel protected and accepted. He never raised his voice or questioned their decisions because the mere thought of being rejected terrified him. Even as an adult, he keeps justifying their crap because he’s clearly incapable of going against those who gave him a place when he needed it. Remus is also a terribly cowardly man—he doesn’t have the guts to confront things. He has a super avoidant personality, which is crystal clear when he leaves a 13-years-younger pregnant woman because he can’t handle the pressure. A 17-year-old kid has to make him come back—is there anything more pathetic than that? At 38? Sirius clearly hurt him, but Remus knew that confronting Sirius meant confronting James, and if James had to choose between the two, he would always choose Sirius. So it wasn’t in Remus’ interest to speak up or express how he really felt because the idea of losing the protection that came with being their friend was far worse than feeling like crap over what Sirius did. That’s it, plain and simple.

Honestly, it’s such a shame and a total waste that everything gets reduced to couples and absurd adolescent dramas when the dynamics among those four “friends” are fascinating because they’re built on pure power relations and are deeply dysfunctional. But instead of exploring that, which I find genuinely interesting, it all gets thrown away, their personalities are rewritten, and it’s all turned into cheap teen soap operas. But whatever.

[lillaydee]

Matchmade Part 13

Millionaire! Joel Miller / Reader

Having experienced traumatic, life altering events, a freshly divorced Joel worked to repay his debt to the person he owed his life to.

@peelieblue @feenoire @vickie5446 @liciafonseca @drewharrisonwriter

WARNINGS:

Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Lives (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Character Death, Fluff, Angst, Eventual Smut.

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 12

---

“Come on, come on…” you grumbled. The stupid tin can refused to start. And of course, today, of all days, it decided to make the worst rattling sound it had ever made.

You’d been in the driveway for five whole minutes, trying, and failing, to start your car to move out – to let Joel live his life without you burdening him. You were resolute. But as your formerly reliable car became more and more stubborn and simply refused to start, you were starting to falter.

Was this a sign that you shouldn’t leave? Did you want to leave? No, you really didn’t. But you heard him. He said what he said. You had never depended on anyone since your parents passed away, not if you could help it. So, you could do that now, too.

But this fucking tin can was not cooperating. Come on, start!!!

A knock on your door prompted a squeal and a jump out of you.

A bed headed Joel was bent over by your car, looking at you through the window, an amused smile on his face.

Busted.

You opened the door. He leaned on the roof of your car, eyes on you, before taking a deep breath and sitting down on his driveway, barefoot, turning your legs out towards him.

“You were going to leave without telling me?”

You looked at your own feet, nodding slightly.

“Why?”

“I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it if you were watching me do it.”

“So, you don’t really want to leave?”

You shook your head.

“Then why do it?”

You shrugged. “For the reasons I told you about.”

“I told you; I’m not confused. I’m being serious. I want you here, I need you here.”

You kept your head down, refusing to look at him. You knew for a fact your resolve would disappear if you looked at him.

“Why all this sudden worry that I’m confused? Was this because of what Tanya said?”

You shook your head.

“Then? What is it?”

“I heard you talking to Tommy, about you making a promise to Allie.” Tears began to pool in your eyes, the hurt you felt when you heard it, but had refused to admit beginning to surface. You fell for him, and to hear he was just obligated to Allie cut you like a knife.

He laughed softly. “This was when we got back from visiting Tanya?”

You nodded.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

You shrugged.

He got up and held out his hand for you. “Come on, I need to show you something.”

You took his hand and followed him back inside. He made you sit on the couch and went into his room to get something. He came back out with his iPad, clicked on a few things and gave it to you.

It was the recording from the front door camera in his living room. You could only see the front door, but you could hear him and Tommy talk. And you heard the rest of the conversation, the one you missed after you decided you’d heard enough.

Your face turned red. Did he almost say…?

You stopped the recording and placed the iPad on the coffee table. He sat next to you, trying hard not to smile.

“I promised Allie I would look for you, and make sure you were okay. That was it. I’ll be honest, I considered that done when I saw you were working, you were functioning. You were okay, and if you had gotten into trouble or something, I would’ve helped you. That’s why I gave you my card. I intended to keep an eye on you. That was all. But then, Sarah wouldn’t stop talking about you. And I just… found myself wanting to spend more time with you. And after that conference, I just didn’t want to say goodbye. Trust me, if I was just fulfilling a promise, I wouldn’t have asked you to move in here. I would’ve just asked Tess to handle things or something, as snobbish as that may have sounded. But with you, it wasn’t enough. I wanted to have an excuse to see you more than at drop-offs and pick-ups.”

You found yourself getting hotter and hotter at his confession.

“And then, I heard you talking to Jimmy, and I thought, shit, what if you had a boyfriend? And I found myself so jealous, so sad at that thought, I mean, my ex was actively cheating on me, and I didn’t feel anything. You know I caught her in bed and didn’t even react? I just recorded her for the lawyers. And there I was, jealous of a guy I’ve never met on the off chance that he was your boyfriend. The thought of you bringing him home made me want to scream.”

He looked at his hands, as if embarrassed to acknowledge this.

“I actually didn’t think I could be more smitten by you, but then, you cooked for us. I was done. On my knees right there and then. Don’t you know the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? You play dirty, lady.”

You laughed out loud, hiding your face in his chest. He pulled your face up, nuzzling his nose against yours.

“So, yes, I intended to keep an eye on you to fulfil a promise. But I fell for you. You caught me off guard, and now I can’t stop thinking about you. Please stay.”

You smiled, suddenly feeling stupid at your dramatic self-doubts and insecurities. You nodded. He gave you such a dazzling smile you felt yourself swoon. You tilted you head to kiss him, missing the feel of his lips and breath on you since Tanya was arrested.

Of course this was exactly the time your tummy wanted the world to know you were hungry.

He laughed a little and gave you a quick peck on the lips. Come on, he said, I’ll make you breakfast.

He pulled you up with him and perched you on a stool. You gave him an ‘are you sure you wanna cook’ look, and he laughed, saying hey, he’s not that bad. He toasted some bread and began to make scrambled eggs. You took some berries from the fridge and began snacking on them, feeding some to him as he made the eggs for you.

Your realized then that no man had ever made you breakfast before. And the sight of him in his sweatpants making eggs for you just made you… feel things. So you went to him, and wrapped your arms around his waist, shoving your face into his neck and gave him small kisses there, thanking him over and over, your hands wandering underneath his shirt to caress his stomach.

You felt his body stiffen. His hands, busy scrambling the eggs a few seconds ago had gone completely still, his breathing changed, strained, and he whispered your name in a warning tone. You ignored him, and began blowing on his ears, your hand travelling lower and lower…

Without warning, he suddenly turned and lifted you onto the kitchen island, his lips on yours, his body slotted between your legs. His hands went under your shirt, roaming your back before unhooking your bra. “Oops,” he said. “That came off.” You laughed into his mouth and pulled back, your hands disappearing into your shirt and came back out with the bra in your hand. He kissed you again, his hand getting naughtier, his thumb swiping your nipples, earning him a moan from you at the sensation. He lifted you up from the kitchen island with a growl, his hand quickly turning the stove off and carried you to his room.

He got on top of you, kissing you breathless, before nipping and biting your earlobes, your jaw, you neck, you collarbone, and settling on your nipples over your shirt, leaving you squirming like an octopus on dry land.

“Joel,” you moaned. “Please don’t tease me.”

He lifted your shirt, staring at your chest appreciatively, and took one pert nipple into his warm mouth, his tongue swirling around it, sucking on it, teasing it to the point that you were a quivering mess under him. When he thought he had tortured you long enough, he let that nipple go, only to repeat the excursion to the other one.

You had to pull his shirt off to get him to stop, although that may have been the hardest thing you had ever done. You went on to take your own shirt off after, and he resumed his attack on your breasts, licking and kissing, biting and nibbling, causing your movements to stall, and you ended up moaning his name with your shirt stuck on your head.

He stopped long enough to help you out of it, kissing the living daylights out of you as soon as your head was free, before leaving your lips again to travel lower and lower until he was faced with your jeans, his eyes looking at you for permission. You nodded, a desperate ‘please’ escaping your mouth. He hooked his fingers into the waistband and pulled the jeans and your panties off at one go, his eyes looking dark and feral at the sight presented to him, and he ducked his head down, his mouth immediately latching on you.

Your head emptied. No thoughts came to you. Your body was convulsing from his tongue, his fingers, his eyes locked on yours before closing as if your pussy was the best meal he had ever had, and you have seen him eat a lot of meals. Your throat ceased to work, no sounds came out of you, just heavy, stuttered breaths that sometimes gave in to draw more oxygen into your lungs, but never enough. Your hands clutched his sheets, your head and upper body practically levitating off the bed, your eyes closed so tight you were seeing dots of white. He dug deeper, a moan falling from his mouth, prompting your own to escape, his broad tongue circling, swiping, licking, his fingers caressing, prodding, scissoring, until your convulsions stopped, your body stiff, a long, silent cry escaped from your mouth, your ears ringing, your fingers fisting the sheets, tears flowing from the corners of your eyes, falling onto his pillow.

You were numb. Your body won’t stop shivering. He cooed at you, kissing his way back up to your lips, hands caressing your sides as you come down from your high. You could feel how hard he was, his erection pressing on your thigh under his sweatpants. You shoved his pants down, and he quickly got rid of them, as you pushed him onto his back.

Fuck me. He was so hard it had to hurt. And… there was no way in hell that was going to fit into you. You might as well be a virgin again, it had been so long and no one, no one had ever been this… gifted. It was as if he could read your mind. He reached into his nightstand and produced a foil packet, tearing it with his teeth before giving the rubber to you. You put it on him, watching his breath stutter just from you putting it on, before you stared at his dick as if it was going to eat you alive.

“Okay, we have a problem. That is not going to fit. And I’ve just realized I haven’t had sex in so long I have no idea how I can go about this without hurting myself, or you for that matter.”

He laughed and pulled you back down to him before rolling you back. “It’s okay,” he murmured between kisses, “I’ll go slow. And we have time. We can relearn – get used to each other, learn what we like and don’t like, okay?”

You nodded, and he kissed you again, before asking you if you were ready. You pulled him down for another kiss as an answer. He didn’t stop kissing you, as he slowly breached your entrance.

Oh.

He pulled back a little, and pushed back in, a little further.

Oh…

Again.

Oh, my.

One more time. Longer, deeper.

Oh, my God.

He stilled. Kissing you all over your face, your neck, his hands tightly around you, holding you above the bed a little, bodies joined together, your legs wrapped around his legs, your own arms clutching onto his back.

And then he moved.

Oh.

Long, slow strokes, his lips all over you.

Oh, my.

More long strokes, nice and slow, whispers of how beautiful you were in your ears.

Oh, my God.

Deeper, faster strokes, reaching places you didn’t know exist. Whispers that turned desperate, telling you how good you felt.

Oh fuck.

He hit something. Something you were sure was not there before today.

Fuck, oh fuck.

Come on, baby, come on.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

All you felt was him. He’s all over you. Around you, above you, underneath you, inside you.

Oh my God, oh my God.

His strokes got faster, his clutch on you tighter, his breathing in your ears heavier.

Oh, oh, oh my God, oh my God, fuck, fuck, fuck, Joel, Joel, Joel…

He kept hitting that something. Something that now swelled up, more and more as he kept stroking it, harder and faster.

Joel, Joel, oh my God, fuck Joel, oh fuck, Joel, Joel, Joel!!! JOEL!!!

Your body tensed, you could feel yourself lock him in place, shaking, shivering, convulsing, he had to hold you so tightly to stop you from pushing him out.

There you go, there’s my girl, oh God, Addie… baby…

Three more strokes and he was gone, his body weight on you, stiffening, grunting, whimpering, calling your name over and over again, until he stilled and collapsed on you, your arms still clutching each other, your breaths mingled, your sweaty bodies slick against each other, neither of you speaking, until you both fell into a sweet slumber, still joined in blissed stupor.

**********

Joel woke up first, it hadn’t even been an hour since the two of you fell asleep. He gave you soft kisses, making you squirm a little in his arms before falling back asleep. He extracted himself from the bed carefully, his content, happy smile never leaving his face as he cleaned himself up a bit and put his sweatpants back on and went into the kitchen for a glass of water.

He took a glass, filled it with cold water and drank it all in one go.

“Hey old man.”

Joel almost dropped the glass in shock. He turned around. Allie was perched up on the kitchen counter, a serious look on her face.

“Allie, hey kiddo.”

Her serious look didn’t go away. Her arms steadfastly crossed over her chest.

“So, I asked you to look for my sister and make sure she’s alright, and you sleep with her?”

Joel’s insides went cold. “Look, kiddo, I didn’t…”

She laughed out loud. “I’m just fucking with you, old man.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Language,” he chastised.

“Oh, chill old man, I’m dead. My ledger is closed.”

Joel huffed a laugh. He sat next to her, who was now swinging her legs happily.

“How is she?”

“She’s okay, I think. She’s hanging in there. She misses you, kiddo.”

“I miss her too.”

“Allie, I realized I’ve never thanked you directly…”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on,” she said. “I had to save you. I had ulterior motives.”

Joel laughed softly, “Still, thank you anyway.”

She shrugged nonchalantly, “All in a day,” she said, before her face got all serious again, this time with a little yearning on it.

“Hey old man, will you take care of her for me? It was the one thing I really wanted to do. And I couldn’t. You know, before our parents died, she was all set to be someone. She would’ve aced her college programmes, bright future, all that, you know? And after… she just gave it all up for me. And I just couldn’t keep my big mouth shut and died on her. After everything she sacrificed for me.”

She held her head down, looking so forlorn, it sliced his heart into pieces.

“Hey, it’s not your fault, kiddo. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t get yourself killed, Tanya did. Don’t blame yourself for this, okay?”

She just looked at him with tears in her eyes.

“You’ll take care of her?”

“For as long as I live, I swear,” he said.

“Thanks old man, I appreciate it.”

“Joel?”

He looked behind him to find you walking towards the kitchen. He hopped off the island, realizing that Allie was no longer there, and walked towards you, his brown eyes near black at the sight of you, wearing nothing but his shirt. He gathered you in his arms, kissing the top of your head, before finding your lips again.

“Who were you talking to?”

“Had a visitor. From beyond.”

Your eyes widened, pulling back from him a bit. “Allie was here?”

He nodded. “Had to make another promise to her, one that I intend to keep,” he said, smiling so widely his dimple showed. And he bent down once more and kept kissing you, pulling his shirt off you, before carrying you back to bed.

After, you found that having cold toast and cold, rubbery, overcooked scrambled eggs for lunch was not too bad. Not when you’re this happy.

You also found out, later that night, that eating beans and sausages from the can for dinner wasn’t too bad either. Not when you were eating it in bed with the man of your dreams who had just told you that he was, without a single shred of a doubt, head over heels in love with you.

A sentiment you very quickly and happily reciprocated.

The two of you definitely took advantage of the empty house that weekend.

When he finally got dressed and got your stuff from the trunk of your car, he never took it back to the guesthouse, and you didn’t protest.

**********

He had asked you to marry him about six months after you moved in to the main house. He and Sarah went to baking class together to learn to bake cookies and had baked alphabet cookies spelling out ‘WiLL YOU MArRy ME’ and ‘WiLL YOU Be My MOM’ for you, which had you crying so hard you couldn’t answer for a good ten minutes.

You had a funeral for Allie about a week before the wedding. Sarah surprised everyone by playing ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ on a Ukulele, something she learnt during her weekends with her Papa and Nana, Jimmy and Tommy singing off-key at the top of their lungs, earning them angry glares from the five-year-old. It was a good day.

The wedding was a simple ceremony in the backyard, attended only by close family and friends. When he asked you what you wanted for a wedding gift, you asked him to add your name to his car, since your tin can had never started up again since that day you tried to leave.

He then showed you the registration for the car, which was already in your name, it had been so since he bought it. He was just too nervous to let you know. You asked for a new laptop instead, for your next plan.

When you, in return, asked him what he would like for a wedding gift, he asked that you let him spoil you for the honeymoon. No protesting about the cost, nothing. Took you a while, but you agreed in the end.

And that was how you ended up sprawled naked on a plush bed in a fancy apartment on the canals of Venice.

**********

You and Allie were lounging at the beach. There was a couple kissing some way aways from you.

“Hey Oldie, why aren’t you dating anyone?”

You shrugged.

“Don’t need anyone. Only you. And, as far as I know, no one’s died from being single.”

Allie scoffed. “What would you do when I finish school and leave the house huh? Who’s gonna take care of you?”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. But most probably I’ll hound you in college. And I can take care of myself, thank you very much!”

Allie looked at her fingers, picking at her nail.

“We can’t afford college, Oldie, I know you work hard and put money aside for me, but maybe I shouldn’t go. You should use the money for something else. For yourself, for once.”

You stiffened at that. You shot up from your lying position to face her.

“You, little miss, are going to college. Don’t you worry about the cost. Leave that up to me. I’m going to make sure you’re going to college and be a success, and live the good life I could never give you, if it’s the last thing I do, you got that?”

Allie nodded. Her eyes began to water.

“And I will make sure you end up happy, living your dreams in a nice house where you don’t have to worry about money or extra fees, doing what you love, with a good, kind, handsome man to love you, worship you, take care of you, and give you a family of your own, if it’s the last thing I do.”

You laughed. “Sure, that’ll happen,” you said.

She hugged you, and you savoured her small body on yours, your baby sister, your best friend, your reason to keep living, your life.

If you had known what was about to happen the next day, you wouldn’t have stopped hugging her.

You woke up with a startle.

“Hey Oldie. Whoa… cover up lady… sheesh…” Allie placed her hand before her eyes, and you quickly covered your exposed breasts with the sheets. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, right beside you.

You stared at her, unable to believe she was really there.

“Congratulations Oldie. It was a beautiful wedding.”

“You were there? Why didn’t you come say hi then?”

“When could I have? The moment you two were alone you got busy! I was never gonna see that! Fuck, I had to hang around by the canal for two whole days before I could get you alone! Sheesh. Spend all this money to honeymoon in Venice, but let’s stay in bed, don’t see Venice or anything!”

You laughed, your face red thinking about your super handsy husband every time he thought someone wasn’t looking.  

“And thank you, for the headstone. The funeral. I loved it. It was awesome. Tell Jimmy and Cece their baby is like, super cute! And Sarah learnt to play the Ukelele just for that song? Damn, Oldie, your new daughter’s adorable. Tell her peppermint oil helps with the blisters.”

You couldn’t respond. Your sight was blurring. You angrily brushed the tears away, you needed to see her clearly, the face of the teenager you raised and missed with every beat of your heart.

“I won’t be able to come visit again after today. I should move on; I promised mom and dad.”

Your tears kept falling in a steady stream down your face. The thought of never seeing her again broke your heart.

“Hey, no tears. I’m okay. I’m happy. You have a new life now. Go live it. Be all you want to be.”

“Thanks little miss. And thank you, for saving Joel when you did. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have him through all of this.”

“Hey, I told you. I was gonna make sure you end up happy, with a good, kind, handsome man to love you, worship you, take care of you if it’s the last thing I do, remember? I keep my promises.”

You stared at her. All this time? She’s been setting you and Joel up from the beyond?

“What? You played matchmaker while you were in a coma?”

“Hey, it worked, right? I chose the right man, didn’t I? I’m happy to see you so happy, Oldie. You deserve this. You deserve him, and him, you. He’s a good guy.”

You blushed uncontrollably, you couldn’t even bring yourself to get annoyed at her, she was right. He was a great guy, and you were so lucky to have him in your life.

She gave you a teary smile, obviously happy for you, but something else was on her mind. After a long silence, she spoke again.

“I’m sorry I left.”

You shook your head, “No, Allie, don’t be. This is how things were supposed to be.”

“Gonna miss you Oldie. Love you more than life itself.”

“Love you Little Miss. I’m gonna miss you. Say hi to mom and dad, okay? Tell them I miss them?”

You heard the beep from the front door, signalling Joel’s return. You felt an airy brush to your cheek, and when you looked, Allie was no longer there.

Joel walked into the room, immediately placing the breakfast he had bought on the table when he saw you sobbing on the bed, getting on the bed with you, lifting you up onto his lap and smothering you with kisses and a big bear hug. What’s wrong baby?

You told him that Allie wont be visiting anymore, and the two of you cried together, only to laugh uncontrollably when you told him her cunning matchmaking plans.

“Well, thank you Allie. Not only for saving my life, but for introducing me to the love of my life.”

The two of you hardly left the apartment throughout the first three days of your honeymoon, staying naked in bed, only leaving to buy food for energy for more… important activities.

But you did eventually leave and saw Venice, did all the cheesy touristy things too. Going on Gondola rides, shopping at ridiculously expensive boutiques where you tried to drag him out but was met with a ‘you promised’ look, eating the best meals ever in tiny little hole in the wall restaurants where the tourists didn’t go, spending hours walking around hand in hand with your new husband, the man your sister set you up with, from beyond.

**********

Joel, Sarah, Anita, Jake, Tommy, Maria, Tess, Julie, Jimmy and Cece came crowding you after the ceremony. You could still hear their cheers and whooping when your name was called, Sarah’s “Yeah Mom!” ringing in your ears as you accepted the leather folder from the Dean.

It had been eight years, almost to the day, since you first met Joel. Six years of marriage, and seven gruelling years of school for your bachelors and master’s degrees in Children’s Education. You were seriously contemplating pursuing your PhD, but you decided to wait a year or two, while other, unplanned, but happy things run its course.

Sarah was a teenager now, but still requests French Toast at least a few times a week, and still clung onto you like she did when she was little every single night, still smuggled Apple with her wherever she went.

Joel still brought your packed lunch to work every day, these days in a lunch pack that Sarah was too ashamed to bring to school since she’s a big girl now. Tess sent you a video of him chastising some big burly men for some financial screw up, his face red from anger, the vein in his neck popping up, sending them away, before pulling the unicorn lunch box from the corner of his big manly table and taking out the pink unicorn Tupperware container you had placed in there containing his lunch, the sight of the contents and the notes from you and Sarah making his anger magically go away. You still smile every time you watch that video. Your big bear of a man. So serious in business, but so soft and cuddly when it came to his wife and BabyGirl.

You still worked at the daycare. Well, you sort of co-owned it, now, with Julie. Turned out, having a rich husband was not so bad after all. And having a business partner whose live-in girlfriend possessed an MBA wasn’t too shabby either. The daycare had now expanded into a preschool, and there were talks of expanding it into a franchise, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

You no longer live in the guesthouse, obviously. It was now your office, where you spend your time studying and doing your work when you were busy in school. Well, it was supposed to be your office, but Joel and Sarah usually ended up there with you whenever you were working, Sarah on her headphones listening to something while doing homework, and Joel just sitting somewhere near you, where he could still reach for you when he needed to, which was literally every second, reading something or watching something on his iPad.

Tanya and Liz were both in the same women’s prison, it seemed. They had both written letters to you and Joel, seeking forgiveness for their roles in your lives. Liz was supposed to be released in about seven years, but that went to pot when she attacked a guard upon finding out that Joel had remarried. And Tanya, well, let’s just say she will never see the outside of prison in her natural life ever again.  

Neither you nor Joel saw Allie again after those last times. She remained in your memories, though, and the three of you celebrated her birthday every year. Every now and again, you would dream of her, usually during big moments in your lives. Last night, you dreamt of her smiling at you from an island, telling you she was proud of you for being one step closer to fulfilling your dreams.

Joel and Sarah reached you before everyone did. Sarah hugged your middle tight, telling you she loved you, and that she was so proud of you. You took off your cap and placed it on her head, and she happily went off to take pictures. Joel peppered your face with kisses before settling on your lips, murmuring “congratulations baby, I’m so proud of you,” before deepening the kiss, silencing the commotion that was around you. Sarah came back and hugged you again, and you never thought you would be this happy, your found daughter hugging your belly, you husband’s hand on it, your child nestled inside, a daughter, to be named Ellie.

A name chosen after the special little lady who matchmade you and Joel, quite literally, from heaven.   

---

[sgtbradfords]

Hi, lovely! Could you write something with Tim being worried about Lucy because of Seth, and saying something to her along the lines of "He's going to get you killed, Lucy."?

Lucy's hand trembles as she pulls her dirty undershirt out of her locker, quickly shoving it into her bag. "You don't think I don't know that?"

“Obviously you don't, otherwise he wouldn't still be pulling stupid stunts like the death wish he had today!”

She thinks about slamming the door of her locker closed and even fleetingly considers storming off. But instead of giving in to what she wants, Lucy takes a deep breath in through her nose and counts to five. She knows that what Seth did today was stupid and since he’s her rookie, she was partially responsible for his actions. But that knowledge doesn’t make things any easier. 

Lucy twists her body to look at Tim for the first time since he stormed into the women's locker room. 

Though his shoulders are taut, and his facial expressions are hardened, it's the tone of the truth that slips past his lips that gives him away. He's scared, but his unadulterated fear was different from her own, which still chilled her to her bones. 

"Could you please not?" There's a burning sensation behind her eyes as her throat constricts with a harsh swallow. She's not going to cry, not here, not now, but she doesn't have it in her to cover the tremble of her voice. "I don't need a lecture from you right now."

She just wants this day to be over. More than that, she just wants to go home. 

Tim's next words were uttered into existence with a voice that was much quieter, softer, than before. 

"Lucy."

“What." The word comes out harsher than she intended it to, but right now, she doesn't give a shit. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" 

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have.” 

Tim takes a step forward. “Are you okay?”

"Not really." Lucy rasps. She wasn't okay, not in the least. 

The sigh Tim releases is immense as he drops the bag on his shoulder to the ground. "Come here." 

Lucy only thinks about it for a moment before she takes one step forward to find comfort in his open arms. She wraps her arms over his shoulders and around his back, closing her eyes. She can’t help but think that it’s a little pathetic how quickly she melts into his warmth as she takes a deep breath in, inhaling the same scent that the shirt she wears to bed every night once held. 

"I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry." His breath is warm against the nape of her neck as he whispers. “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“You’re already doing it.” For the first time in what felt like hours, Lucy finds herself relaxing. "Grey said we would finish handling it in the morning, I just wish Seth's career didn't have to end this way."

"There was no other choice to make. You did everything you could, but the kid was a walking liability. It was only a matter of time before he got you, himself, or a civilian, killed." 

Lucy pulls away at the thought. She doesn't have to tell him just how close her former boot had come to achieving two out of the three today. 

"Look, I know things have been a bit chaotic recently,” She says as Tim takes a step back to retrieve his bag that had been abandoned. “But we still haven't had that conversation you promised me a few weeks ago."

Tim raises his brow with a curious grin. "No, no, we haven't. What did you have in mind?" 

"There’s a new pet-friendly restaurant with outdoor seating a couple of blocks from here. I was thinking that maybe you could go grab Kojo, and we could finally have that talk." 

The door of the locker room swings open, but neither of them pays the person any mind. 

"Are you sure?" 

Without hesitation, Lucy nods. Was she still shaken up over the events that had transpired today? Yes. But she knows she can be traumatized with a glass of wine in her hand, a plate of food on the table in front of her, and her favorite canine sleeping at her feet. 

“Ask me that again, and you’ll be the one buying me a glass of wine.” She teases with a grin. The threat is empty and they both know it. In all actuality, Lucy appreciates the concern. 

Tim rolls his eyes, though his smile ultimately betrays him. "Text me the address."

Lucy hums in acknowledgement as he walks away. The better portion of her day may have been shit, but at least her evening was looking up.

AO3 Link Here!

[themoodyestj]

i wonder if you can even understand what love is like. is like that story Jensen shared about how he feels making breakfast for his children. have you ever felt like that? love is getting up and letting your partner sleep in for a little bit. or doing silly stuff together like playing with rubber bands or jumping on a trampoline. going to sleep in another room when you come home really late and your partner is already asleep, because you don't want to bother them, that's love! when you love someone, you support their dreams and aspirations, you let them be an individual and do their own thing. to let your partner go and be willing to take care of things and wait for them to come back because you trust that they will, that's a true demostration of love. to have somebody to come back to, when you call a person your home, that's love.

God, it's been a while since I had one of those. No, I'm not going to share about my personal life. I'm not that stupid. But rest assured, my life is really good. And yes, I know exactly what it looks like. And that's precisely why I know I would never put down a loved one in public. I would never say publicly anything that's less than complimentary about someone I love, because inside jokes are *inside* jokes, and because there's something called respect. I know that if a loved one had a traumatic event, I would board the first plane to where they were and I would make sure they were ok, kids in tow or not. While talking about my partner's job, I would sing praises to the high heavens. One, because I'm not insecure of my own power, two, because I know my partner's success is my success. I would raise my kids privately and not post pictures of them that they could see later and regret they were there. I would not put my kids in danger by exposing them, I would not make drunken lives with some very sensitive topics or expose myself to ridicule because I know my image is my family's image. And I know exactly what is like to hold the fort for someone, and to have the fort held for me. And I'm not a millionaire celebrity, I don't have it as easy. It comes with patience, love, compassion, and self-sacrifice, and making choices sometimes taking others into account and not me. I know what all of that is like, and more. The things you said were beautiful, Anon, but they were all Jensen's. I'm not Jensen critical. I'm Danneel critical. I don't criticize their marriage, I criticize her in their marriage. You need to start being able to split the two.

[nsharks]

I'm actually really excited to see this story take a more twisted path. I think I prefer it that way honestly. Sometimes I read apocalypse stories and feel like they are fluffed up or even lack that gore factor/traumatic events that 100 percent would happen in our already fucked society. I think it's refreshing to read a more realistic take on things.

yeah I always wanted to capture hopelessness... I mean, this is not a story where they will always be winning. they will get held back, torn down... I've hinted at it a few times that now Blue's world has grown to something that not even Ghost can fully protect her from. that is why the ending will be 'happy' sure, but the effects of their experiences will not simply go away.

[irispink-lad]

I'm sure some people have already talked about Caitlyn and Jinx's last scene together?

A girl who lived in poverty bc of the messed up system people like Caitlyn made. And due to a series of unfortunate events of cheating and bribery, become mad with grief.

And yes not all of Jinx's crimes can be justified because of her traumatizing past. Like Caitlyn said "No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes" Now you've probably know that she used to word 'our' in there. And we already know in this act she has switched sides. And she's committing to it by associating with a Zaunite specifically a Zaunite that killed her mother.

And a domino effect starts to happen. She's grieving over the lost of her mother and can't really reach out. Her farther, just as heartbroken as her of the lose to the love of his life and starts to drink heavily. Jayce while yes is there for her, but is too caught up on Vik almost dying Vi was the next best thing of support other then her farther and starts to ask a lot for her. But when she doesn't get to kill Jinx like she wanted, she does a double back-flip and tells Vi she is just like those animals in Zaun.

So yes the fact she associated with Jinx is character development. But the way she said, all that anguish yet tiredness she has, she's hesitant to give her this second chance. On her guard that if Jinx did take it, she would go mad again and kill another loved of her. She doesn't want to. But she has to, for Vi.

Which is what ties the two together, the only reason Caitlyn is even talking to Jinx is because of Vi. Because of Vi's albeit a bit delusional idea that Jinx can change. And I personally think that's when Jinx truly realizes how much her sister means to Caitlyn. She knows she killed Caitlyn's mom which is why she asked Cait to pull the trigger in the first place.

Do you ever wondered that Jinx knew Vi would come for her? That she was already planning her death the moment she knew Vi still saw something in her? So maybe that's we she says her apologies to Cait, someone she also hates, but is too caught up in Isha's death to even care. Like Cait, she's so tired of all the chaos she has in her life.

Funny how Caitlyn and Jinx have a few things in common huh?

[narfin-frood]

Just realized something: Wander probably doesn't know his own name/backstory

During the episode where they were protecting some kids from Dominator, Wander seemed genuinely curious to hear what the oldest had to say since she claimed she knew the hero's "true backstory". He almost acted like it was possible for this random teenager to know his several thousand-year old history and seemed more curious than cautious for what it'd contain.

Seeing how traumatic his backstory was through his PTSD in the crystal room, it's entirely possible he repressed it completely! Especially knowing how young he was when it happened.

If Craig doesn't know Wander's backstory either then this feels like a possible explanation; what are your thoughts?

i didn't personally get the impression that he was excited to hear what she thought because he himself didn't know, i just think he wanted to hear a theory that didn't involve too much violence. he says near the end that setting their stories straight wasn't ever part of his plan, and he just wanted them to have some semblance of hope, no matter how inaccurate it was.

i think keeping his backstory vague is mainly a writing choice, since 1) it's easier to deal with than an expansive lore-drop in a largely lighthearted cartoon and 2) it keeps wander a lil mysterious, which is a really fun part of his character imho.

that said, i don't think it's impossible or even unlikely that wander himself is repressing some large chunks of his memory. maybe he's even been around for too long to even attempt remembering what happened way back When beyond fuzzy shapes and general feelings. since we'll never know what exactly happened to make him the way he is, or if there even is one specific event, it's up to whoever's writing the fanfic!

[sugarikiz]

( ℳ ) ickie’s 300 follower appreciation post !

wow. honestly just wow. my 2025 goal was to reach 300 by the end of it, but one more time, ive been caught off guard. I cannot begin to talk about how much I appreciate this; without all of you wonderful moots and readers of my work, im sure I wouldn’t be here writing this today. from one little fic based off a night time fiction I had in my head, turning it into a (although cringy) debut, i had no idea that it would turn into something so close to my heart. from the cringy first few fics to having so many people tell me they love my work is insane, and I wouldnt want it any other way. once again, thank you all so so much, and i love you all! mwah !! 💋

honourable mentions

@puma-riki — GAHHH LILY I LITERALLY LOVE U SM ur litch so gf material (if you were a boy I’d be in love fr) besides my awkward rizz, i honestly appreciate ur support so much, and i hope we continue to be friends for a long time 💞 (and that you survive the rest of high school; im dying and im in the seventh grade ㅠㅠ)

@bywonyo — AI MY PRINCESS & 6th follower of my itty bitty blog !! you’re so pretty like I can’t even 😞🎀 i love your works sm and let’s continue to be weird and struggle with blr being annoying together bcs thats just who we are 🙏

@irasvr — ira my hindi speaking beloved !! you’re honestly so sweet like- ilysmm 💓 i loved your work for my first event like PLEASE WE NEED MORE <33 overall ur such a sweetheart and let’s be besties forever and ever (and share more traumatic school stories 😼)

@heeaara — hello my fellow caie survivor lol >< ur writing debut was 4+4 (ATEEE) and i just need to tell you you’re so sweet 💞 let’s be moots forever and always?

@hannamoon143 — HANNA MY LOVEEE your works? jaw-dropping. you? even more jaw-dropping! you’re sm fun and I hope you feel better soon ^^

@flufflights — LILY YOU’RE SO CUTEEE I CAN’T EVEN 💓 your writing is amazing so let’s maybe do a writing collab in the future?

+ so many more, so sorry if i didn’t get to you !!

[theactualsunshinechild]

I think Aventio and Screwtio shippers shouldn't fight. After all, Ratio has two hands!

That's right. Two hands.

One for his chalk.

One for his codex.

Both of which he's holding in an embarrassed death grip as they chat away with each other about him.

[introspectivememories]

sorry but do you ever think about the fact that the bernard we have today is a direct amalgamation of everything that happened in his past and i know that sound like such an obvious statement to say but it actually kills me to know that you can draw a direct line from who he is today all the way back to that sixteen year old boy who watched his best friend bleed out. like it is the defining moment in his life. it fundamentally shaped who he is and the person he's become. he is the bernard we know and love not despite the grieves shooting but because of it. because the gangs all got together and shot up his school. because tim walked out of that room with nothing but a baseball bat. because his darla got shot. because he watched her gasp and cry as she died. because he watched the blood coagulate around the wound. because he sat there and held her hand as her life drained out of her. because he walked into school that day with a joke he knew would make her laugh and her nose would scrunch up and she'd snort a little and tim would roll his eyes at him and call him ridiculous and instead he walked out with a bloody white shirt, blood under his fingernails, and two friends less. because, even now, almost half a decade out from the shooting, he thinks that if he closes his eyes, he will always be that stupid, scared little sixteen year old, holding the cooling body of dead best friend.

[drakkonyan]

The future never forgets the events that shaped it The past awaits for better times to come