#i want this other reality So Bad
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I think we, as a fandom, don't talk enough about this moment. Cause what the fuck.
#good tags#theyre going in the post#cause yes#them#i want this other reality So Bad#i mean calliope was supposed to die in 11 months but#but even then#i'm a sucker for good angst#like imagine your girlfriend dies and transfer you her godhood#and you're heartbroken over it but after a time you start seeing her memories?#you see yourself as you met for the first time#the first date#until one day her memories are yours and you always had a part of her inside of you but now you feel like you're as much her as you're you#and it must be such a weird feeling to miss someone while they are still alive inside of you#anyway#i have Thoughts on these two
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Wait you guys are actually buying Disney products I thought it was a joke
(READ TAGS FOR FULL CONTEXT Sorry it’s long dies
#Honestly I’m only bothered bc I feel partially responsible (WTF EGOMANIAC OVER HERE)#I know I can’t control other people’s spending habits and my own habits are. Less than ideal !!#But when I wanted to spread my love for Wreck it Ralph I didn’t want people to get that takeaway 😔#IMPORTANT NOTE ‼️It’s okay to express your love for something through buying official things !!! That DOESN’T make you a “bad person” !!!#Still ! I think we have to let ourselves feel bothered by things and we need to be more critical of exploitative companies#Of course I chose to watch inside out 2 with my mom in theaters so I’m not immune lmao. Also using amazon / Etsy … just as a whole#But if you need help finding Disney movies without supporting them please just ask me!! PLEASE don’t use Disney+ if you can avoid it#I know we are all capable of finding our fulfillment from better places. But sometimes it’s hard#Capitalism sucks and yet that’s how we are endlessly pressured to live :(#We’re all at different points in our lives. Sometimes self care involves consumerism#Be hopeful that it someday won’t have to#Txt#again I’m sorry if this comes off as horribly egotistical to even consider being single-handedly responsible for#Social media is bad …. numbers bad…. Distorts reality and your perception of yourself…..#Or as me trying to guilt trip people in any way. Genuinely do what makes you happy but WE CAN BE HAPPIER & HEALTHIER I KNOW WE CAN#Wreck it ralph#Rant#Also sorry I have huge beef with streaming services I don’t mean to enforce that on other people but also. Sharing my opinion
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ive been watching the dog motif show... why is no one talking about this guy. isaac lahey come home from france,,,, sweet boy,,,, we miss you,,,
#teen wolf#fanart#isaac lahey#x#there is actually so much to his character that it makes me wanna gnaw my fingers off#what do you mean he dug his own grave and accepted the bite with the assurance that it would save him from his abuse#but in reality he just traded one angry man for another#and he never escapes this cycle#and there is no other ending to this story#because he gets written off the show but he doesn't even get a tragic death bc the actor wanted to keep all his options open#daniel sharman when i fucking catch you#ugh#also i think this post is very on brand for me#sorry falsettos fans another niche no-demand fandom inside a fandom was calling my name#god i love bad television#punica granatum
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testing out drawing maormer 🪸🐚🪸 and a nelvas 🧣📜🩷 i'll ramble about maormer a bit in the tags
#tes#skyrim#my art#do you like my nelvas emojis🧣📜🧣📜 get it? scarf🤗 and scroll🤗 Everything hurts sofucking bad#anyways i talked about them wif my friend quite a bit i basically 'agree' w/ everything that is written about them && their biology in -#- canon; except tes is very much all Talk and no good actual visual presentation of what it's talking about#cus all of the maormer look like garboooo likeee what am i looking @#but since this is just a first test i think i'll keep playing around with their looks later; they are most close to altmer obvi in the -#- sense of how 'mutated' they r. however maormer are more gross looking for the typical human#they do have flat faces and alldat in canon already but i want them to just have nostrils and no real nose bridge#and they have no lips😝 they also have very visible gums. && have anglerfish teeth#what would be fur on other mer is just scales on them and is placed is scattered in the same places#i was thinking of making swimming most comfortable for them so i gave them more fins#they'd have them on arms and legs and the hair on the tail for them is just a big fin🐠#as for hair i'm thinking of them having none of it at all bcos it looks sooooo ugly on them it's very unnerving to see hair on fish#either no hair at all or something with a different texture. like slimy silky thin seaweed#or the hair that m*necraft striders have LMAO#webbed fingers is cuuuute they'd have webbed armpits like they're those flying rodents🐿 lol#i'd place their gills on both the neck and their ribs#whenever they wear clothes they tie their arm and leg fins up ; i think from birth they just stay in water until they hit puberty and -#- r able to actually walk around#another cute fact is that males and females wud look literally the same almost (women are flat chested too)#fish fish fish#maybe i'll rethink some stuff. i still wanna draw fish babies#but in reality i think even the mere existence of maormer is very pointless bc they don't really matter at all do they#tes lore is soooo overstuffed that's why i don't know anything about it my time is so valuable to meLMFAOAOOO#saw a typo in this sorry i'm just chill like that
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one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!
((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))
but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS
(and, well. whatever this classifies as)
#whats wrong with him. seriously. he loves picking fights with literal children So Much#AND NONE OF THEM WITH WALLY ON THE MATTER OF BEING THE BIGGEST FLASH FAN. HOW DID THAT NEVER HAPPEN#about the middle page. honestly i DIDNT remember he is a Jerk in that way too until i checked his interactions with bart for this post#this man officially should not be allowed near children as a mentor.#just straight up drops ALL his insecurities on a poor kid in trying to make him feel ashamed. NO breaking the abuse cycle for this bad boy#the only thing he doesnt say is the direct 'you are a disappointment' altho the message is still the same 💀💀💀💀💀💀#AND I BET HES HELLA PROUD OF THAT. I MEAN CONSIDERING THIS FACT IG HE DOES TRY TO BE BETTER THAN HIS PARENTS. SOMEWHAT.#and omg he formulates his point like in problem based learning (leading the child to making the correct conclusion themselves)#im dying. professor to the fucking core.#and the way he feels the need to bring up flash facts in his appeal?? EO YOURE SO HOPELESS. THIS IS 100% HOW BART SAW HIM THROUGH#and god knows what he told thad promising to get him out of the speed force if he fought barry there and whether he was going to fulfill it#and do you even IMAGINE how FUCKED barry's mental condition would be growing up if thawne fulfilled his button threat#and i really REALLY wonder about the tornado twins and their relationship with 'uncle eobard' but that will be a separate post#he doesnt know any other way tho. and he might be actually mad at bart for not supporting his every action as The Flash#like. he tries to play family but the second they question he just goes WHATEVER. I DONT NEED IT. FLASH OF MY VISION RUNS ALONE#his problem is that he just wants attention. he doesnt see family/heroing for what 'its really about' or downsides that may come with them#everything is so idealized in his head. and the moment he faces reality with its complications the concept immediately gets antagonized.#and then he reconsiders and changes the conditions but fails each time never realizing the problem is his mindset and not everything else#black white at its finest yall#and man. RELATABLE.#also WHY is he standing LIKE A STATUE when appearing in front of bart????😭😭😭😭#poor museum rat has no idea what heroes in real life stand like#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the reverse flash#bart allen#the flash#dc
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE UR DARK ZACK AU!!! everything i’ve seen about it so far just has me so !!!! its so good. and would love to hear more about it :)
ooooooughhh dark!zack my darling sweetie angel love of my life
admittedly i don't have much of a plot going for them rn LOL just jingling them like keys in my brain
It's a Zack who decided he's sick of being a doormat. Being friendly and giving people the benefit of the doubt is what led to Shinra ripping away the most formative years of their lives.
For a long time, Zack tried to uphold his code of ethics, in spite of all the violence. At first he told himself it was just to protect Cloud... but over time, the more people he had to kill, the more it dawned on him that they will never be able to return to a normal life.
Once he stopped trying to make excuses, he found himself quite enjoying his new identity as a terrifying ex-SOLDIER fugitive. Things are much simpler now that he's free of moral obligations! People finally take him seriously, nobody bosses him around, he has control and it's SO addicting.
Now don't get him wrong, he's not a psycho killer, he just... happens to, um, murder people that get in his way.
#maybe that's what he's been working towards this whole time. on a subconscious level....#he wanted to reach 1st class so bad. telling himself it was because he wanted to be a hero#but in reality it's because he wanted to be in control. he wanted power.#not necessarily power over people; but power over his circumstances. the power to change things and write his own destiny.#of course once he does finally get promoted he has long since realized that SOLDIER is a trap.#every other 1st before him has sacrificed their entire lives. everything they love for nothing in return. no wonder he isn't thrilled.#cloud's a whole nother can of beans and i gotta cultivate my mental fungus about him still#asks#dark!zack au#<33
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every so often I see people who believe that The Entire Octarian Army is Female Only. sometimes simultaneously inventing very weird new forms of gendered oppression to go along with it. when DJ Octavio (male octoling) is right there. He's at the head of it. He's a guy? His squad of elite attack lesbians (the takozones) does not represent the army as a whole even if they're the only octolings we see not in swim form. People's eyes simply glaze over him. It would be like if people insisted there are only female squids because all the idols are female [Craig Cuttlefish continues to exist right there]
#prince talks#the splatoon devs have talked before about wanting to have a lot of female characters in splatoon since a lot of other nintendo games#are very male protagonist focused#to the point where splatoon almost legitimately didnt get a male player character. 'there are no male squids' a hair away from reality#it makes sense that they made all the enemy octolings female as well but like. agent 8 can be male. Octavio is a guy...#anyways this has led to the funniest bad splatoon take I have ever seen#which was that octolings generally had no concept of gender#but DJ Octavio himself personally assigned everyone genders and if you were good at Machines or Army you would get assigned Girl#this also led into the single worst splatoon take I have ever seen in my entire life#which I won't say here in this post because it is just so. absolute nuclear bad take. wildest way to misinterpret a character#while claiming to love her
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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I wish I could be agender the way Murderbot is agender. Right down to the lack of biological sexual characteristics. So agender that the term agender comes with too much associated gender to accurately apply. You know what I mean?
#help the dysphoria is kicking my ass again today and everything about me looks and feels wrong#demigirl still feels like it is applicable but also i wish i was more masculine but NOT in that way only THIS way#am i uncomfortable with my curves because of internalized fatphobia? because of the association with being feminine? both?#is it my actual curves themselves or is it the very reality of having a physical body that will be gendered some way no matter what i do?#i hate it I hate all of it#Murderbot#agender#gender#gender dysphoria#body dysphoria#dysphoria#fox thoughts#'maybe if i dress more masculine that will help'#nope no thats still leaning into gender#how do i do both at once so that they cancel each other out?#i don't want to be masculine but i don't want to be female lite™ either#I don't want to be perceived as having any gender at all and its not fucking possible#fuck i don't even want to deal with pronouns 80% of the time and i don't care for my name either#why does physically existing suck so bad sometimes#☉
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i think the most cruel thing you can do with boone is completing his mission and then telling him to be resentful
While that is very cruel it is partially a conclusion Boone comes to himself. I was speaking more thing are like direct actions you do to them rather than your influence.
Like yeah it’s really fucked I’m listing to this guy who clearly needs therapy and to move on and then saying he never should causing him to harness it into bloodlust. But you don’t directly force his hands to that. It’s a technicality but then you can actually trick him into shooting an innocent person which is like super fucked since you just met the guy.
#like I know our words are powerful but the things the courier can do outside of influence is insane like#you can sell arcade like that’s more cruel than most bad resolutions you can give to the others#but Boone clearly doesn’t handle realizing the reality of his actions and taking innocent lives#so having him kill his former closest friend or even just a random neighbor is likely really damaging#especially since you can’t help him work through anything after he’s probably just gonna kill himself#like realistically outside of the hard coded ending he has for when you do this like it’s cruel in the useless trivial sense#like I’m talking things you really do to them outside of their knowledge like crazy you can just tell him you wanted to#fallout#fallout new vegas#fnv#craig boone#boone fnv#ask#0sbrain
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People on this website will be like "you can't handle the moral nuance of Madoka Magica! Not everything is black and white" and then claim everyone criticizing Homura's actions thinks she's a terrible person in the same sentence
#homura akemi#madoka magica#vent post#i put big ole disclaimers and sprinkle throughout that i dont think she's a bad person and i still get#“so you think homura's a terrible person and heres why your wrong” essays if i so much as say#homura undermining madoka and every magical girl's autonomy at the end of rebellion is a dick move#because heres the thing: you can love someone and have the best of intentions for them and still hurt them if you act without listening#homura love madoka and wants her to be happy but she spent dozens of timelines being the only one who could save madoka#and its gonna take her awhile to accept the new reality and that madoka has power and agency now#also saw someone earlier saying Madoka is deeply depressed and suicidal and that everything she says is a front and like???#did we watch the same series???#because thats certainly what homura believes but we're repeatedly shown homura being wrong about things#ex: she thinks madoka is alone but we know she has deputies#she thinks no one remembers madoka but sayaka remembers the whole story once she's a deputy#the series repeatedly shows us why madoka wants to live#i would agree that madoka has a hard time finding value in herself outside of being of service to others at the beginning of the series#i don't think thats true by the end#god forbid a gal is just genuinely altruistic#but tldr: i think homura loves madoka and wants her to thrive but she is not listening to madoka and undermining her autonomy
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Maladaptive daydreaming.
#daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#maladaptive behaviors#maladaptive coping#dissociation#immersive daydreaming#dimond speaks#yeah so adding this to my list here lol#my therapist helped me realize i dissociate a LOT and the primary way i do it is through vivid daydreams#they usually happen at work but they also pop up if i'm having a bad day or... anytime really.#i've also come to the realization that i have at least one of these a day which is not good fgsjh#my therapist says they're not inherently bad especially since they do have a positive effect on my emotions (if its a good daydream)#but it's gotten to the point that it's affecting the way i work#and they can last for a LONG time too#i haven't timed them but i do know they've been over 30 minutes at work before#this is either due to ADHD autism PTSD or a mixture of the three lmao#weeeee#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post#it's more like a 'this is my experience' type post#it just kinda comes across as somewhat vent-y#but that was because i wanted to try and immerse the reader into what its like to have these daydreams#like mine look NOTHING like this but making it more generic would help others understand it#the void is the general dissociation from reality#then you emerge in the dream#i can feel things as if i'm there- the sun the wind and sometimes even physical touch#and i'll stay there until something snaps me out#strangely i can get my work done while i'm doing this- i just wont have any memory of doing so. it's like being on autopilot#anyway. I hope this post was helpful to someone out there#if you also maladaptive daydream YOU ARE NOT ALONE! it's valid and you're not 'faking' anything. it's a genuine trauma response.
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Taiya Hando in Bakuage Sentai BoonBoomger 01x37 Two Spies
+ bonus
#boonboomger spoilers#bakuage sentai boonboomger#boonboomger#super sentai#taiya hando#bun red#userdramas#umbrella.gifs#tokuedit#please do not repost#umbrella.edits#umbrella.posts#the most important part of this episode is that we get insight into why taiya is so determined to run when he hears screams#i feel like being a witness to violence abuse even through sound can be very traumatizing and bring about a lot of feelings#for taiya he feels a guilt for not doing something before something irreversible happened but he was a child#this is why he emphasizes that he's making sure he's using the authority he has as an adult to help people bc he knows he didn't have the#power as a child and he wanted to grow up fast to be able to have this power it's devastating that children can witness the pain of other#children but can be powerless to help them and we see this with sakito as well when he was alone as a child and had friends but needed the#help of adults in reality adults can do so much to help children that cannot help themselves get out of a bad situation and taiya wants#to be the type of adult that can be relied on by everyone to help them bc he knows what can happen when no one reaches out
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after watching a playthrough of Indika, I think it rly is so interesting seeing how expansive it is - esp after watching the demo ages ago. So many things click, like a cog in a machine, and this game has truly thrown me so many surprises at every turn, including how Indika turned into a nun.
even though I never was raised religiously in my house, there is that cultural understanding of what it means to sin and to be influenced by the fear of death and disobedience. Don't have much thoughts but I loved the ending soooo much - (spoilers!!) but I love that Indika's reflection of God and the Devil are clearly parts of her that have consumed her and that you cannot get rid of the bad if you also want to be good. You need both evil and justice, hot and cold, sharp and round - things that you think can easily exist on its own, cannot be defined by as a universality.
Sometimes I see myself as a walking corpse, and I think about my own death every time I look into the mirror. And honestly - I'm glad I can see a game clearly represent that rotting panic and urge to prove that you are not this bad person, the moments where you just have unending conversations with the worst parts of yourself and somehow everything has made you worse. I fucking LOVE that. We all have devils and gods inside of us, for better or for worse.
it is absolutely devastating when the journey comes to an end with our companion, who we decided to take a bet on, and everything goes to fucking shit. reality is often humbling and disappointing - with Ilya unable to "talk to God" and his arm will never come back. But man, did I love how the perspective of the game shifted from third person (omniscent, out of boundaries of the human realm) to first person (in reality, no longer above humanity) in the ending. It is deeply unsettling how different everything is after Indika manages to escape from her imprisonment, and how it is the devil that helps her escape. You can't tell what Indika is thinking anymore, not when now you can only see through her eyes. Even in the mirrors, when Indika stares at herself in the mirror of the pawnshop - it is the face of the Devil until the very last moment. Then you see how she's permanently changed, no longer wearing her nun habit, all her original thoughts on her journey initially coming to a hush.
it was a very bizarre but also such a cool game, I'm so glad i got to witness this journey! I would highly recommend it if you want to see some very cool displays on faith and doubt - the game gets very philosophical, unsurprisingly, but I also enjoy the Devil's voice. It's very well written and also I really enjoyed that convo between Indika and the Devil where their silhouettes were essentially merging in and out with each other in a pool of red. Probably one of my favs if u ignore the ones with Ilya haha. There's definitely more I could talk abt, but all in all, I do love how full circle this game comes. Very satisfying even if the game takes things in a crazy spin, and im sure a lot of ppl aren't used to that.
#indika#my thoughts#tldr if u want religious guilt and reality - this is such a good game to explore / dip ur toes into#its not that big of a game (only a few hours?) and the whole world feels so fresh to me#i didn't have any way to properly talk abt indika's past but i rly liked the romance (up until cute boy got fucked up and it got Rly Bad)#i kept wondering and spectating on how she got there and when it was revealed i was like ....ohhhhhh. yeah thats fucked#in general i just love the writing its so well knit#the banter between ilya and indika is soooo good!!! it switches back into so many moods and i love the tension and how they foil each other#game#avidarecs
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When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.
Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.
He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.
They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.
Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.
Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.
Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.
It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.
It's an ear.
It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-
Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.
"Hey!"
Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.
"Kaveh, hey!"
The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.
His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.
Quicksand.
Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.
His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-
Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.
"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.
Kaveh is sinking.
Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.
Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.
"Do you believe in karma?"
The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-
Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.
Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.
He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.
He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.
He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.
He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.
Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.
Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.
"Kaveh? What are you doing?"
This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."
Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.
"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.
"Do you believe in karma?"
#genshin impact#haikaveh#al haitham#kaveh#kavehtham#these two have had me chewing concrete lately god#3.6 got me frothing at the mouth#something about al haitham trying to save kaveh from himself and his own guilt complex and self-sabotage wheeee my heart#and he's normally so self-assured but he fucked it up spectacularly the first go around- good job baby-#and now it's years later he's trying again but it's something he's barely chipping away at not to mention Kaveh not wanting his help lol#and so some of Al Haitham's nightmare is objective fact and some of it is his own subjective pov#Kaveh loses his arms and ears bc al haitham is frustrated that he won't hear him out or reach out for help#and he keeps his eyes up and eventually blinds himself bc al haitham thinks of him as too idealistic and blind to reality#and kaveh does all this to himself bc when you ask al haitham about his troubles he talks about people who cause trouble for themselves#kaveh pondering the concept of karma in relation to his bad luck and misery and guilt about his father's death in the quicksand *fans self*#al haitham starting to get just a little nervous that maybe he really he can't do anything about this#or that one day it'll be too little late ough. love when I can whump character by whumping the other.#two for one special buy one get one two birds stoned at once type of deal#i have a Vision about them and their stupid dumbass relationship dynamic that I need to yell about later but for now: this#written while listening to A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers which hilariously was introduced to me as a pla Emmet song#'but here was a man mourning tomorrow; he tried to finally drown in his sorrow'#'oh he could not break surface tension; he looked in the wrong place for redemption'#'don't look at me with those eyes; I tried to unheave the ties; turn back the tide that drew him in'#'but he couldn't be saved'#'a sadness runs through him'#extremely kaveh and haikaveh song for me ough#my fics#gore#body horror#I mean it's pretty unrealistic but still just in case
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