#i wanna rewrite arc 1

[severevoiddragon]

Whyd I pick the two most unreliable narrators to be the PoVs of my story

[pidges-lost-robot]

The episode where Lance's Lion gets taken except they take Lance too and he has to get out and for some reason the only plan they have is having Keith in Yellows Mouth as they desperately try to catch up with them and they have to do the scene from The Runaway Bride from Doctor Who cause Lance absolutely does not trust Keith will catch him

And later Hunk yells at him cause he's known Lance a while and there's no way with the trust issues he displayed at the very beginning that he wouldn't have kept his beady eyes trained on Lance so it ended up with Lance having to track Rolo instead and they have to switch up their plan

[yuridovewing]

leafstar 🤝 graystripe great if u ignore every appearance except their first one

SO TRUE TBH... also that their sudden drops could actually be pretty interesting if they were intentional and taken seriously, but author bias fucks over both of their characters

[acaciapines]

been in a Huge owl house mood n I haven’t written in a week so it’s prompt time babey!!!

send me a number 1-1270 and I’ll write a drabble based on whatever song that happens to be in my playlist! if you want a specific character/topic feel free to send that along as well, but if nothing is specified im going Entirely off the vibes of the song

[vaugarde]

thinking abt mlp future au and man i want to put starlight and trixie together bc in concept its such a good pairing but in execution....

[bonefall]

Now we've got all six of em, can I just say that CRIPES ALMIGHTY the titles for a starless clan suck major ass! Both separately AND as a group!!

I Do Not Rewrite Arcs Until They Are Done BUT DO YOU WANNA HEAR MY WIP RENAMES SO FAR

Remember: Don't get too attached yet, the only one I can say with certainty will show up somewhere is the title of Book 4.

ARC RENAME: A Starless Clan -> A Prayer Unanswered

The original name is really good but I'm getting a vibe that the theme of the rework is going to be... when love isn't enough.

It's about how some things can't get better. It's about how all the kindness in the world couldn't get Bramblestar to turn around as a leader. It's about how Heartstar might have had good intentions, but occupation never works out in the end. It's Nightheart's relationship to his family being salvageable, not because they don't all want to fix it, but because his life has worked out best with distance from them.

So, Prayers Unanswered is both about the religious part of how RiverClan doesn't have a leader and can't get in proper touch with StarClan, but it's also about every other wish that hasn't come true.

River -> Starcrossed One of the VERY large changes I'm considering is actually massively reducing Nightheart's POV. I'm thinking of doing this, not because I dislike him, but because I think it might actually be a better story if the audience is guessing as to his intentions just as much as the other characters are. So, until he's ACTUALLY needed later, his chapters are short and sparse. So Starcrossed would be about setting up the troubles of the Clans, especially the parts of the conflicts I want to highlight more in BB. It would be setting up the rule changes for "starcrossed lovers" (lmao) but also the brewing anger that the cats have towards code changes... and StarClan, if I do decide to keep the newest revelations and work them in better, in hindsight.

Sky -> Fracture There's a phrase in my head that is so interesting to me that I need to do something with it. "Only frozen water can fracture." I want to make the RiverClan situation worse than in-canon. First of all, there's going to be identifiable groups this time which begin to scramble for power. Instead of having the cats just... forget how to do the chores they've done their whole lives, the Clan is splitting up into factions. This is why they won't be able to win against Heartstar later, when she decides to take drastic measures. They're not fighting like a Clan; they're fighting like a bunch of disorganized teams. There should also be a bunch of needless injuries, maybe even a border aggression that lead to a death, before Heartstar barges in. I also want to make this a bigger part of the story, Erins willing. Too much time was spent on the Catnip Patrol, imo, we're going to have ANOTHER big trip and I don't want this one to eat up so much time. Rowankit is also still going to die; and maybe a couple of elders around the Lake too.

Shadow -> Snakes and Turnclaws Berryheart's hate movement has been too tame, from canon books 1 - 4 as of the time of writing. It's ridiculous that they haven't even injured anyone in the Battle Cat series. I saved Antfur from the previous arc so that she can die here. We've been seeing the Anti-Turnclaw movement rise from the first book, so now with Nightheart's boldness leading him to a place where he will be unsafe, we need to see his rusty butt in actual danger. I'm even thinking that, instead of Nightheart failing his task on purpose, Sunbeam makes him fail by stopping him from getting killed. I need to know the ending of ASC first though, because I MIGHT be having Berryheart getting her exile here. Whatever kills Antfur is either deniable enough that she's able to squeak by while Sunbeam quietly leaves (refusing to accuse her mother of anything publicly) OR it's so obvious that Heartstar casts her out on the spot. Meanwhile, we see the OTHER half of ShadowClan's conflict as RiverClan finally unites... against them, as their common enemy. Task failed successfully, Heartsy

Thunder -> The Source of the River I'm still unspeakably proud of this outline. There's so much I want to do here. She's going to come back with a DND party and I'm hoping that all of them end up in RiverClan with her; INCLUDING Nightheart. I want the fact that he accompanied Frostpaw to actually be the final straw for him. While he's away, Sunbeam is acclimating to ThunderClan and falling in love with her new home. There are parts she misses about ShadowClan, but as she's adopted by Sparkpelt, taken as a secondary apprentice by the deputy, smiled upon by Squirrelstar after she pressures Bramblestar to abdicate... this starts to feel like this is where she belongs. And that's too hard for Nightheart to ever come back to. "You come to the source of the river, and are vexed that you do not find the water that is flowing downstream" dude.... man. That's what BB's about. Change. I also really want Nightheart to choose HIS OWN NAME by the end of this series-- so at some point in this book he should finally admit "Nightheart" wasn't his choice either. (I'm thinking Deltastep. Because his journey with Frostpaw begins at the southern delta of my reworked map.)

And I haven't done them for Book 5 or Book 6 yet, especially since I might end up condensing them or chopping them up to put into the other books.

I do know I'm really love to play with the idea of a starless sky for one of the last books though, I may or may not keep Splashtail's lack of faith in StarClan (hate the Evil Atheist thing they keep doing), but the idea of a "Pitch-Black Star" absolute fucks as symbolism, ngl. Maybe something like "A Gap in the Stars" or "Constellation's Void" or "The Stolen Star"

Also also also I'm having Curlfeather come back as a Dark Forest Demon for at LEAST one scene.

I don't give a good goddamn if they don't go to the Dark Forest or not. ONE weird coincidence that could totally have been Just Good Luck but was actually Curlfeather. Let Her Drown Splashtail, she deserves it. Let her be a malevolent spirit who protects her baby. RiverClan can whine all it wants about Mothwing who ooo doesn't believe in God, Frostpaw's got a demon. Cry about it

Also I hope Frostpaw becomes leader because I'll make it go hard

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Feb 20th

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1. Hello, when you do the next itmf could you please rec some fics that shows wangxian’s relationship progressing? And I don’t mean like friends to lovers or rivals to lovers or whatever, I mean like the actual relationship. Like them both at the start being all shy and giving each other gifts and learning what the other likes and dislikes, and then slowly gaining confidence in their relationship (in the physical aspect but also in the emotional aspect)

Thank you !!!

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 762k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) it’s not focused on the relationship but it’s a good part of it and they get together in the second chapter and it’s SUCH A GREAT STORY

💖🔒love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriages)

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX not adopted by Jiangs, developing friendships, miscommunication, misunderstangings, nightmares, hurt/comfort, panic attacks, WWX’s fear of dogs, slow burn, cultivation world bureaucracy)

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2. itmf fics that people refer wwx as lan er furan but it's m/m fics. thank uuuu.

Baby, You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet by TriviasFolly (E, 132k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Omega LSZ, Mafia, Crime, Sects are Clans, Feral WWX, Feral Omegas, Nurse WWX, Dark LWJ, Dark WWX, Possessive LWJ, feminine WWX, wwx's cannon desire to be a sugar baby/trophy wife, Breeding Kink, Mpreg) Technically it's "mxy" being called Lan furen (bc wwx is hiding out as mxy) and it doesn't happen until a little later in the fic but it does show him trying to learn the furen duties and things

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3. any unrequited fics from lwj's side? not really unrequited more than works, but i just wanna see the pining.

temporarily unrequited.

not actually unrequited.

the tag search on aot doesn't really have a lot from lwj's side and even if it does, it's very minimum so i'm looking for some which are slightest bit heavy on the angst.

like lwj resigning to being his friend/enemy/stranger so he doesn't force his feels. just angst, possibly with a happy ending but also works if it isn't.

thank you so much!

When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending) I'm not sure if this is what they want but When the Words Stop Coming has LWJ reject WWX at first, then when he comes back, WWX rejects LWJ (kindly, but there's still a lot of angst). Happy ending tho

For a Good Time, Call by ScarlettStorm (E, 170k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Pining, Porn, like in the writing and also as a plot point, onlyfans au, repressed LWJ, sex worker WWX, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Background ChengQing, background NieLan, background XuanLi, Nonbinary NHS)

you've ruined my life (by not being mine) by cicer (E, 132k, WangXian, Modern AU, Developing Relationship, Idiots in Love, Awkward Flirting, teenage romance, Shameless WWX) are both good modern AUs from LWJ’s perspective where he PINES for a good portion of the story until they work things out!

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4. hi!! thanks for everything u do here!!! for the next itmf: canon divergence fics where wangxian get together early (eg, during the cloud recesses lectures, before/during the war or anytime before wwx's death) but wwx still dies (and gets resurrected) like in canon. arranged marriage, a/b/o, mpreg, all/any settings are fine!!

🧡 Like Rabbits by Setari (T, 41k, Kid fic, Canon rewrite, Mpreg, Miscarriage scare, Crack treated seriously, Hopeful ending)

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5. thank you for all your hard work! any modern setting fic recs where wwx has a modern setting equivalent of the golden core transfer for jc? can be an organ donation, can be him being a scapegoat for smth jc did, can also be a golden core transfer still as long as it's in a modern cultivation setting, etc. thank you in advance :)

🧡🔒 Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 160k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war, WIP) I am absolutely feral about this one and cannot recommend it enough!

💙 the soft animal of your body by sysrae (T, 15k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, modern culitvation, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Animal Transformation, Shapeshifting, Sort Of, Getting Together, Confessions)

❤️ All Old Things are New Again by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (M, 52k, wangxian, modern, reincarnation, sugar daddy, kink negotiation, gentle dom LWJ)

💙 this river runs to you by sundiscus (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending)

❤️ the best of you by sysrae (E, 41k, WangXian, XuanLi, Modern AU, College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, slightly undernegotiated kink, but in a very soft and consensual way, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JFM and Madam Yu's A+ parenting, Dysfunctional Family, Mental Health Issues therapy is good actually, the most tender of railings, Reference to animal attacks/animal cruelty, descriptions of past violence)

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6. Hi thanks for all the work that you guys do !! I was just in the mood for fics where the juniors get to meet YLLZ!wwx !! I saw a fanart on twitter and since then I’ve had a massive craving for this :) thanks so much again !!

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

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7. hi! do you guys have any fics to rec where jiang cheng is the one who finds a-yuan and raises him? i don’t mind if lwj is there tbh but i really wanted to read a-yuan growing up in lotus pier. thank u! no jiang cheng/lan wangji shipping please! i’ll take them as friends, co-parents even qpps but no romantic relationship between them if possible @thwispsings

The Accidental Baby Acquisition Club by nerdzeword (T, 26k, jiang cheng & lan wangji, wangxian, Found Family, as in they find kids, and then they're family, JC and LWJ as reluctant best friends, coparenting with your brother in law, a surplus of bunnies, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Autistic Character, Nonbinary Character, Fluff)

none lives forever, brother, and nothing lasts for long by eena (M, 38k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LSZ raised at Lotus Pier, JC found him first, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation)

So Reluctant To Part by quietellen (Sociofemme) (G, 49k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, accidental resurrection, JC raises LSZ, Golden Core Reveal, Grief/Mourning, Injury, Recovery, WQ Lives, JYL Lives, NMJ Lives, XY Dies, JGY doesn't marry QS, Enemies to co-parents)

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8. hi! ITMF fics focusing on the Twin Jades of Lan? I just read “Turn Left” by kianspo and loved the focus on the brothers. Bonus points if Wangji and Xichen are described as actually looking like twins, but it isn’t necessary! Thank you!

and he sang about the stars by nenyanaryavilya (M, 29k, LXC & LWJ, WangXian, Brotherhood, Growing Up Together, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Canonical Character Death)

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9. If there is any fix where wwx was harrassed by jin guanghan and then his family preferably lwj goes all feral @itzweiwuxian

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10. Hello! Thanks for your work! I am in the mood for fics exploring LWJ PTSD from the Sunshot War.

I was reading “Take My Breath Away” by MajiLovePrincess (E) and it’s briefly mentioned he gets startled by fireworks, and the concept fascinates me!

Thanks for you help!

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11. I'm itmf a good railing. Any new fics out with top LWJ and bottom wwx?

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12. Hiii, I’m looking for fics that are Jiāng Yànlí critical but don’t have the tag “Jiang Yanli bashing”

I reread the “A Matter of Time” series and I just need it lol. @kyuubikuroba

🔒The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 46k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, Time Travel Fix-It, JC, Bashing Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect Bashing Jiāng Family Bashing, YZY Bashing, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, Wooing, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, frankencanon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gūsū Lán Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Protection Squad)

~*~

13. hiii! i'm itmf some wangxian get-together during cr era? idk if that's too broad but idm if it's a oneshot or multichap. i just want wangxian realising their feelings much much earlier lol

Just Say Yes Series by edenwolfie (T/M, 338k, WangXian, Matchmaking, Pining, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, POV Alternating, Fluff, First Kiss, Declarations Of Love, Humor, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Good Uncle LQR, Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It)

💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons by starandrea (G, 2k, WangXian, Accidental Marriage)

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14. Hi there! I am looking for fics where Wei Ying gets discouraged from pursuing Lan Zhan because he is not showing any reciprocation. I absolutely need there to be a happy ending because as much as I want to be in my feels for my Wangxian I don't want my soul crushed. Thank you! @professional-fangirl75

🔒a flower beyond the edge of the clouds by RoseThorne (T, 531, WangXian, Soulmates, Character Death, Red String of Fate, Suicide, Grief/Mourning, Misunderstandings, Angst, Rejection, Loss, 16 years of mourning, Regret, POV Third Person, POV LWJ)

Honesty is the Best Policy (Except if You're an Asshole) by piecrust (E, 22k, WangXian, Porn with feelings, College/University)

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15. Hello! In the mood for fics where Wei Wuxian takes back his core from Jiang Cheng? Preferably in a big dramatic scene that reveals he gave it away in the first place? Thank you~!

Return to Sender by Thesaurus_with_no_words (M, 72k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Temporary Amnesia, Slow burn) there might not be dramatic scenes but here are some fics where JC loses WY's core

🔒 Flawed and Free by Vrishchika (E, 18k, wangxian, major character death, time travel fix-it, dark LWJ, dark LXC, dark gusu lan, temporary character death, not JC friendly, angst, hurt/comfort, WIP)

Having Enough (of your foolishness) by makexianxianhappytoday (T, 18k, wangxian, Hurt WWX, YLLZ WWX, BAMF WWX, Wangxian Get a Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Canon Divergence, CSSR and WCZ Live, Not Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect Friendly, JYL Lives, JZX Lives, (but what are the consequences), not JC friendly, Not Cultivation World Friendly)

The Core Issue by Hauntcats (T, 21k, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Canon Divergence)

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16. Hello! For the I’m in the Mood for a Fic, I recently read "say it's here where our pieces fall in place" by Lirelyn, where one chapter had an awesome poem quote. What other fics have poetry? They could be quoted in the beginning of the story, in the middle. I'm looking for anything, canon, modern, etc. I once read a fic that had a poem that gave the impression of a leaf that is uncurled to resemble a fist, but I don't remember what it was. @ihavetothinkofaname

❤️ Where the nightingales are singing, and a white moon beams. by Moominmammashandbag (M, 52k, wangixan, jin zixuan & lan wangji, no powers au, grief/mourning, aftermath of war, angst w/ happy ending, reunions, fluff & smut)

Chapter 5 of The Wild Geese's Tomb by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (T, 66k, wangxian, LXC/JGY, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, all women live no women die)

Gentle Exile by rynleaf (E, 9k, XiSong, Post-Canon, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, References to Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Character Study, Epistolary, Post-Canon, Exploration, [PODFIC] Gentle Exile by flamingwell, semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona))

To Love What Is Mortal by treemaidengeek (T, 22k, XiSong, Post-Canon, Grief/Mourning, Fluff and Angst, Healing, past 3Zun, past SongXiao, background WangXian, background SL & WN, & LSZ, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, [Podfic] To Love What Is Mortal by flamingwell)

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17. Hi! I have a request for the next ITMF- I'd love to see LWJ as plant parent! "Lavender Blue" from Anaphoricae and "in the blossom season (in the pouring rain)" from Varnes are a few of my favourites. Completed modern AUs, or Modern with magic are preferred, but I'll check out anything. Thank you for the work you do :D

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[nvmbersix]

MINECRAFT STORY MODE JUMPSCARE

lengthy hc stuff under read more <3 a lot of it is also based on my own little bit of rewriting of mcsm's story bcz lets be real its not The Greatest, but it is a fun story nonetheless and i wanna play with it,,

i'm not sure if it was ever established that they canonically live in the city where endercon takes place or they live somewhere on the outskirts of it, but for my personal hc, i imagine they live on the outskirts of endercon's city :]

axel and jesse are both orphans who grew up together, though while axel was born in their hometown, jesse just showed up out of nowhere with reuben. jesse's earliest memory is meeting his bestie by a water fall, but beyond that, he doesn't really remember anything about his own past.

the two of them met olivia when they found her getting bullied by adrien and his friends. they both stood up for her and soon after that, they all ended up being friends - she didn't hail from their hometown either, having actually moved there and was considered an outsider by most people (adrien and his friends especially), so jesse related to her a lot right off the bat

i wanna write more regarding the threes relationship with the order, petra and the ocelots, specifically lukas, but i think i'll wait until i draw them (which might take weeks. or months. we'll see..)

some character centric (cz the other one is backstory centric) hcs:

jesse thinks he's the same height as olivia. he's not. he's the shortest out of the entire group. he denies this reality with all his (tiny) being.

while jesse uses he/him pronouns he's not actually comfortable being referred to solely as a man. he doesn't have a label for it but he feels like he's a lot more flexible than that. he's honestly pretty okay with any pronouns, axel has used they/them and she/her for him in the past, which he really liked

olivia is #1 woman enjoyer worlds biggest lesbian. i loved the idea of her having a small crush on petra, and a BIG puppy crush on ellegard (which died into a normal admiration for an idol after the wither arc). i want to give olivia a girlfriend in s2,, i also think i want to make her transfem, because transfem olivia is so good and she reminds me of some of my transfem friends,,

axel never gives me the vibes that he'd care about romance or anything like that, so i thought of him being aromantic, maybe even asexual? i think he has a very queerplatonic relationship with his friends, specifically jesse and petra :] i also love the idea of him using he/they pronouns. axel's fine with being called a man, but they kinda wanna get silly with it sometimes, yakno?

again i wanna write so much more but this has already taken me like, 30 minutes?? soo i'll just end that here for now hsgjhsgse

[silverskye13]

Will enby Helsknight/trans Tanguish/top surgery scars/stubborn avoidant Welsknight in a gender crisis make it into the main story of RnS? Like, a full acknowledgment of it? Because yes, us on tumblr are aware (and happily bully RnS Wels for it) but I’m curious to how it may be brought up in the main storyline instead of rambles and drabbles. (Don’t get me wrong, those rambles and drabbles are what get me through the day. But my best friend, who isn’t in the MCYT fandom whatsoever, just caught up with RnS and doesn’t use tumblr, and besides spamming her with tumblr posts I wanna know how much I can revel in the glory of the skrunkles with her!)

That is a great question, actually. And the answer is I don't really know.

So this is one of the downsides to writing things chapter by chapter. If I had gone into this going "oh heck yeah they're trans", this would've come up in the plot way sooner. It's nice information 1) for all the trans folks reading and 2) because it has the potential to inform the themes in the narrative. This whole story is about two chief things I think: death [the inevitability of] and identity [what defines you and why]. Why should you care if literally no one else (including the universe) does? That would be so cool to speak about in terms of a trans allegory! Why do you care about gender when it's just one thing in a world of crazy things? Or at the very least, how does it inform your identity? But this is a change I made on a whim suddenly, and I know Exactly Where I Want This Plot To Go, so trans topics and allegories as Plot Points probably won't happen.

On the more technical side of introducing trans characters -- how do you do that without just dropping "oh btw they're trans" in? Like, how do you make it a relevant thing to talk about, that doesn't feel forced or shoehorned in, especially this late in the story? Probably me overthinking, but I read it done wrong so often. It gets tired. And if I ever work on my original stories, there are trans characters in there! If I can figure out how to Do It Well in a fanfic, then I can figure out how to do it in original fiction someday maybe. So I kinda wanna take the introduction seriously? I've actually been thinking about it so much I've thought about rewriting the intro to the next chapter ahaha [it already needs rewritten in general, there's a lot going on, but the intro was going to be Helsknight waking up from something, and he sleeps shirtless, and not addressing top surgery scars then would be kinda silly I think.]

I can say at the very least, Gender Avoidant Wels probably won't factor in the story much. He is a character, but I don't think he'll become Enough of a character to faithfully address something like a trans self discovery arc. At best his issues with gender might be mentioned in passing.

Sorry! I know you probably want a better answer! My answer is basically: I don't know I'm still working on it. I want it to be there, but the capacity it's there is undecided.

That being said, I've been sitting on this glorious ask since the shenanigans started and the temptation to just Do That grows every time I read it:

[gold-rhine]

Inazuma Rewrite Act 3

Please start reading from part one before reading this. It will make no sense otherwise.

Act 3 pays off for Acts 1 and 2, and I made some major changes in them, such as change to reasons of vision hunt\Raiden motivations, Ayaka arc, entire resistance storyline, Transience setup, Yoimiya arc setup, so without reading them first, this part will not make sense.

In this installment:

Transcience pay off

Yoimiya arc

Kazuha conflict

Raiden confrontation

Kujou Sara arc

and more

All disclaimers from part one also apply, I’m not gonna copy paste them.

Yae Miko \ Raiden Preparation Training

ok, let’s start with the fact that current “raiden fight training” sucks. Like I get what they’re going for, and training episode idea is very anime, but like. Running in circles around a trashcan that hits you with boss moves is not fun. it is, in fact, super annoying. 

i want to keep the training angle, but make it more... spiritual. and thematic.

so, yae miko is like blah blah, you need to prepare to face Raiden, and I will train you, as the person who knows her the best.

Paimon is like wow, you’re gonna teach us to fight??

Yae Miko is like haha you’re so stupid, no, of course not. Your goal is to change raiden’s mind. For that, you need to know and understand her and where she’s coming from.

We will know you’re ready, when you can pass the Sacred Sakura trial

she leads traveler to the sacred sakura. there are like stone plates with symbols at the base, you know, the puzzle ones.

Yae goes like, do you know what Transience means? Transience is the dream of the nation of thunder. We find the greatest joys in mortal life in fleeting dreams, for is life itself not like the shadow of the thunder? Pursue your dreams into the clouds if you wish, and enjoy the unexpected silence of the dim lamp-lit nights.

traveler and paimon is like yeah wait, we saw smth like that in inazuma shrines and ruins

yae is like great, then show me the symbol of Transience. traveler looks at the puzzle stones, but there weren’t really anything like this in the prev locations which mentioned transience

player can fiddle with puzzle stones, but whatever combination they try, it doesn’t work

after a couple of tries, yae is like okay, it seems you still have much to learn! lets go, i’ll teach you

you go through the inazuma city with her, but seemingly only do bullshit. like, eating ramen, shopping, doing some light novels bs, and like traveler is paying for everything. not too long, like just few minutes, with a couple phrases per activity and fading to black, kinda montage of more and more exasperated and confused traveler and paimon until they’re like wait what the fuck is this. how is supposed to teach us anything??

yae does her signature bullshit smirks like hehe you’re too close-minded, you clearly haven’t understood ~Transience~, so buy me more stuff

paimon does her Angry Stomp, you know the one, like ugh! you’re just fucking with us to get us to pay for stuff, we’re done!

yae narrows her eyes menacingly with a smile like haha is this how u wanna talk to me you little flying shit, paimon hides behind traveler like oops sorry i didn’t say that, but then like, resistance messenger runs up to the traveler and traveler and paimon use this us an excuse to fuck off

Kazuha conflict\ Reveal of the true reasons for Raiden Gokaden fall

turns out messenger is from Kazuha. we meet up with him. he’s in the city despite being fugitive bc he’s heard some maniac is killing ppl, searching for the last scion of the Isshin school bloodline

listen, i love kazuha and i overall like his story quest, but it ends up being more character development for the cursed sword, not kazuha. and like i get it, it’s hard to write conflict for Kazuha bc he’s already escaped samsara, he’s the sole receiver of all therapy in genshin, he rolls 20 on every Wisdom roll, etc etc. 

but that doesn’t mean we can’t explore his character more in depth and give him a conflict, even if his beliefs do not change as the result, but just better articulated.

We’re keeping the quest mostly same, as I said, I like it fine, it’s still about kazuha going on a therapy tour with the cursed sword, but with like. actual stakes

because in canon, when the sword says like oh, together we will have power to defeat raiden, its obviously not really a temptation for kazuha. bc like. the war is already over! kazuha has already won! AND he personally blocked legendary ublockable move that his friend dreamed of doing. why would he go back and fight raiden again?? it makes no sense

so it ends up being just like. kazuha psychoanalyzing cursed sword the entire time. which cool and all, but i want to play quest about kazuha and not the sword??

but, if it happens DURING the war, it’s much more impactful. this is not just revenge, there are lives on the line and no way to fight raiden. so when the sword is like I will give you power to stand up to raiden, then its not only in memory of his friend, but to protect the resistance. It is now a believable choice that can give Kazuha a pause, because situation is dire and they need every advantage they can get

this is also to rhyme with the Delusions motif, the “my own strength is not enough, so I must turn to the corrupted source of power for which i know i will pay”

of course, in the end kazuha decides to not give in to the cursed sword, bc he sees through its facade that the sword is actually weakening and falling apart, but also because he is narrative foil to both scara (scara believes in doing anything to gain power to pursue his obsession, even at great pain to himself, this is why he’s tied with delusions, and then in sumeru quest gets into dotorre’s torture mecha) AND raiden, which i think fandom largely misses. 

both Kazuha and Ei had friends and loving, supporting family, but were kinda sheltered and isolated from people. Ei because she was Makoto’s shadow and didn’t really interact with public, and Kazuha because he was an heir of a falling noble house and he was feeling trapped and focused on trying to live up to his own expectations and anxieties (this btw was beautifully dramatized in his domain in prev summer’s golden archipelago) 

both of them were quiet and kinda introverted, Ei allowing her sister take a central stage and Kazuha admitting that ppl with grand aspirations always captivated him, which obv references his friend. then, they lost everything in one fell swoop. 

Ei lost her friends in the cataclysm and then, her sister. Kazuha’s family died, and later he had to flee his estate, becoming fugitive and then his friend was killed in a duel with Raiden. they both had their small-ish isolated worlds and lost them violently 

and Raiden tried to catch the shards of her falling world and keep them in place, cover them in stasis, as if it could restore what was broken. She saw eternity as the lack of change and decided to never change herself. She closed off from the world, literally destroyed her physical body and isolated her mind in a little locked world, focused solely on “preserving” herself.

in contrast, Kazuha opened up to the world. He didn’t try to stop the winds of change, he followed them. One of this themes is being a part of the world, “One with wind and clouds”, “One with the nature”, “Life has just begun and maybe, the whole world can be my home,” this is why his kit heavily features element absorption and his character stories emphasize how he’s sharp, notices little details in surroundings, even has sharp sense of smell. 

He reached out to people instead of isolating himself, and so he found new friends, he saw the endless beauty in the bigger world even after his own cozy snowglobe was shattered. 

His theme is not only about being open to the world, but also bringing different elements together, and he’s the one who brings people in inazuma arc together. He brings traveler to Thoma, then through him Gorou reaches Beidou and the mercs, etc. this is why he is the one who blocks raiden. 

he is her foil precisely because he can let go and doesn’t let his grief blind him, he will fight her because she needs to be stopped, but not because he wants to take revenge or fore her to suffer. He is the breaker of cycles of pain, not perpetuator

so kazuha refuses, like in original, sword deteriorates more and more, and in the end, becomes weak, but regains memories about his creator in exile in snezhnaya. 

but, with the added twist to the scene where kazuha sees memories of the sword. In our version, Shogun instituted vision hunt decree because vision holding blade smith collaborated with fatui and led to the fall of Raiden Gokaden, 5 sword art schools. 

But now we learn that Kazuha’s ancestor who made this cursed sword, was this very vision-holding blade smith, and he never betrayed Inazuma, instead, he was slandered by Fatui and it was all Scara’s plan on his misguided revenge against Raiden Gokaden.

as in canon, Kazuha reforges the sword with the last shreds of its power. It does not hold its previous cursed strength anymore, but it is a last sword made in lost technique of Kazuha’s family tradition and he swears to restore it, just as he does in canon

Vision Loss exploration\ Yoimiya was always relevant

after this, paimon and traveler are like ugh, we don’t want to go back to yae, we don’t know the answer to symbol of transience puzzle and she will just mock us more. Lets go see how Yoimiya is doing instead!

ok so, I want to address what I see as a problem in how genshin handled vision loss. like obviously, vision loss stands for trauma. and “wow after their vision was taken, they turned into a completely different person” works as initial impression, bc often when someone you know changes drastically, it can feel this way

where this narrative fails is that it never explores further, bc all characters we meet with vision loss are random NPCs we see for 15 minutes, so it ends up being shallow “this guy was very kind and selfless before, but after losing vision he completely ignores ppl he helped with “new number who dis” response”, which like???

framing ppl who are already going through inner turmoil and struggle as like, complete strangers who are not themselves anymore and also completely lose positive qualities tied to their visions, is so tactless and wrong. It’s still the same person, no matter how drastically changed, and they need support, not demonization like “inherently incapable of caring about people after losing vision”.

this is why i think its better to focus on one character players know and care about instead of several NPCs no one gives a fuck about

so we go visit Yoi and meet her with her dad during discussion. it’s festival time and their family always made fireworks for it, they have several orders now too. But, due to Yoi being caught as part of resistance, her family was blacklisted and they can’t get necessary supplies to create fireworks, specifically like special chemical powder. 

so now, Yoi needs to go to all the clients and tell them there will be no fireworks for them for this festival.

Yoi’s dad is very supportive and doesn’t blame Yoi, but she still feels its her fault. She’s not a firecracker she was before, now quieter and harsher, and it does feel like she’s someone new, who traveler and paimon do not know.

we go to the clients to inform them with Yoi, and while doing so learn what fireworks meant for each of them. for some, it was friendship, how now matter how different their lives were, they would get together and celebrate with fireworks. for old couple, its ritual to celebrate their marriage and so on.

they are all sad, but understanding, and supportive and concerned about Yoi. she puts on brave face, but its obvious for the traveler that its hard for her to pretend to be fine.

on the way back, they have a convo about how its tacking a toll on Yoi, and how she feels bad, but also hopeless, and it also feels like something as joyous and frivolous as fireworks is meaningless in the middle of the war and vision hunt

we get back and find Yoi’s dad talking to customers. Its a refugee family, they explain that they live on another island, but once in a few years would visit Narukami for the festival and buy fireworks. They were forced to go to Narukami right now bc of the war, but since they are here already, they want at least something good to come out of it. And they have a cute little girl who is too young and never before saw fireworks and she’s sooooo excited, and the whole time they were running from their home they were consoling her by saying they go to Narukami to see the festival and the fireworks 

Yoi’s dad starts defeatedly explaining that unfortunately they cannot make fireworks right now, but Yoi interrupts him, and for a moment she’s her old self, bright and joyful, she reassures the little girl that its okay, they will have fireworks for sure, and these will be the prettiest fireworks ever!

family leaves, excited, and Yoi drops the facade. she wasn’t “cured” in a moment, but she is determined 

traveler and paimon are like - oh but how will we get fireworks??

Yoi is like “tenryo commission has this confiscated powder in their warehouse and we are raiding it, bc this little girl is getting her family fireworks if its the last fucking thing i do”

bc she realized, viscerally, that actually, fireworks will be more meaningful now BECAUSE of the dark and uncertain times, not despite of them, and whether its someone childhood OR last years of life, time is fleeting and impossible to get back, so giving people joy and hope is more important than ever

she’s not “healed”, she’s not back to her old self yet, but we see that there’s still spark in her and hope for recovery, even if she struggles, and deep down she is still same kind and caring Yoi we’ve met at the start

we do the warehouse domain, fight, do puzzles, get powder, Yoi and her dad make fireworks, we watch basically same cutscene as of the end of Yoi’s first quest now, with ppl looking up at the sky and seeing fireworks and Yoi and traveler watching from the hill.

at which point i want to mention that like, despite some part of fandom calling canon Yoi irrelevant, she always supported inazuma themes, which i will illustrate by using the dialogue from the quest verbatim and showing how i don’t even need to rewrite it to make it fit

Yoimiya: It was by chance that I happened to be born into the Naganohara family, so it was by chance that I ended up learning this craft from my pops.

Yoimiya: It's also by chance that I've met so many people, learned so many things, and discovered that people associate watching fireworks with the things that are most precious to them. 

Yoimiya: Fireworks that disappear in a flash of light are probably the furthest thing away from the eternity that our Shogun desires. 

Yoimiya: But people's feelings don't just disappear, and it's those feelings that give fireworks their purpose. If nobody wanted to watch fireworks, then they wouldn't exist.

Traveler: That's another kind of eternity.

boom! Yoimiya was always a representation of transience philosophy, hoyo just didn’t dramatize it properly and without transience explored during main quest, she felt like she doesn’t belong, while she was an actual Inazuma spiritual end game goal all along.

Makoto Reveal

anyway. traveler, pauses, repeats themselves. “Another kind of eternity... Eternity in fleeting things, because people’s dreams give them meaning...”

they get up and run to yae, looking determined, confused paimon following behind

“i know the answer,“ traveler tells to yae and she smirks, leads them to the puzzle stones near Sakura

“So, show me the symbol of transience“

but instead of fiddling with the stones, traveler gestures at the sakura petals, gliding on the wind and people watching theim

“This is the eternity in transience“

yae chuckles in delight “oh, finally, i thought you’ll never get it. How could be fleeting dreams be captured in stone puzzles?”

paimon is like ooooh is this why you led us around eating ramen and shopping? you were not just fucking around on our money, you wanted to make us think about enjoying momentary fleeting things?

yae gives her signature facetious response like oh of course how could you think i was scamming, how ungrateful of you etc etc, but its clear that she both actually was trying to give a hint AND enjoyed scamming them for free stuff

then she gets quieter, says pensively “but it seems the company of your friends was better help with figuring it out... She always did say that we immortals cannot understand beauty of transience the way humans do...”

paimon and traveler are like “She???”

thats when the cutscene revealing that there were two shoguns and that raiden’s sister died at the cataclysm plays. nothing much to add here, i think the existing cutscene works well, but because in canon it’s played AFTER raiden’s defeated, it feels a bit weird, like post-factum excuse.

like raiden goes oh well ok, i’ll get rid of vision hunt decree, by the way i had a twin sister who died, like?? i think pacing-wise its better to learn why raiden is Like That before “punch her until she changes her mind” fight than after she had already changed her mind

so, paimon is like ooooh, so this is why it seemed that raiden changed so much! she didn’t change, we just saw the ideas of the first shogun

yae is like yes, ei’s grief for her sister and differences in their views is important for you to understand for when you will try to change her mind in her hikikomori mind palace

Storming the palace\ Signora interlude

then yae does the ok lets get Kojou Sara quests, which I don’t really feel like changing, bc like. it does its job fine enough. we need to establish that tenryou commission was corrupted and working with fatui AND that kujou sara will go against her only family for justice

the ayato infiltrating like 5 rebellion guys with gorou and kazuha to take the palace is kinda dumb logistically, but tbh this is not game of thrones. genshin works mostly on anime logic where things happen bc its cool and fitting for the character\narrative beats. making actually realistic attack plan i feel like would be too long, complex and derail from the storyline, so i’d say lets keep it roughly same

What I’m gonna change is Signora cameo. And by change I mean remove it completely. I spent a lot of time trying to make her death work, but it just doesn’t. She has nothing to do with Inazuma story or themes, shows up for 2 seconds and dies immediately. This is a shitshow, like, we’d need to derail whole archon quest to insert her and it still wouldn’t be good. 

if Signora has to be dead for like, the strategic plot reasons, here is my version of how it should go down

ok but we need an opportunity for raiden to do her one hit boob kill move, and how are we gonna do this if we remove Signora?

easy, sara confronts her tenryuo adoptive dad in front of raiden. like, rn she runs to him, he has a speech about how he basically doesn’t care about raiden herself, but really only worships the Boob Nuke. he gets defeated and then sara runs off to raiden and gets knocked out off-screen, like??? this is so awkward. what the fuck is the point

instead, sara is like right now is the time when Tenryuo chief is reporting to raiden, we need to tell her he’s lying to her!

we follow sara to the palace and confront tenryuo dude in front of raiden. he’s like you have no proof u insolent girl and this is after everything i’ve done for u! 

sara challenges him to a duel before the throne and raiden agrees. 

we fight the dude and defeat him. he launches into basically same unhinged speech, but now raiden is here to hear it. 

She realizes that even those who she considered the most loyal of her servants worship not her, but her power, because she removed herself from inazuma and all people know of her is to fear the Boob Nuke. this is a important step in her development that we will explore a bit later

then she annihilates him which i think is much more thematically relevant bc he died from the same blade he worshipped

then, raiden is like well, i’ve dealt with a traitor, but don’t think that it gets YOU off the hook, a criminal is a criminal and I’ll destroy you

then we duel, bc like. her using boob sword at the start of battle is thematically wrong. its a finisher, a kill move. in the first duel she used it at the end. she needs to charge her burst first, you know

so, we go to the plane of euthemiya and fight. it basically goes the same, first traveler has elements disabled, then wishes of inazuma people awaken and empower them.

raiden is shaken, but not convinced. bc this is the Gives a Fuck raiden, it’s not that she didn’t know her people had ambitions, tho she could underestimate them, its that she thought these ambitions can only lead them to ruin and she, as an arbiter of eternity who sacrificed her body to lock her mind in a sword and evade “corruption“, is the one who knows best.

she rallies up and counter-attacks. similar scene as in the first duel happens, she throws traveler to the real world and follows, readying the kill move

and thats when kazuha blocks her 

i think in canon this isn’t given appropriate weight for raiden. bc like. that was her legendary UNBLOCKABLE strike. she one-shot gods and monsters with it. this was her personal proof of perfection, she knows she might not be a philosopher and leader like her sister, but she is The best warrior. like if you want to change her mind, you have to fight her in a duel, her mastery of sword is how she justifies that she’s right to herself

and now a mortal blocked her most perfect move

and not just any mortal! She recognizes the style of the blade he wields. Isshin blade, even though Isshin art died as Raiden Gokaden schools fell

she asks him how did he get this blade and he tells her the truth he learned from the cursed sword

her people never betrayed her. instead, she was mislead by the fatui and pushed her own subjects into running away to the enemies because they didn’t believe she would listen and be merciful to them

the worst thing is that she knows they were right. she would not have been merciful.

and now she watches the bitter irony of how her eternity crumbles.

tenryuo commission, who she thought of her most loyal and closest servants, upholding laws and traditions, in truth were corrupted from the inside, tradition nothing but a hollow form, a fake shape kept just to appease her, with no true soul or meaning, lusting only after power

but the last scion of the clan she though betrayed her, an exile and criminal, a vagabond and pirate, is the one who embodied isshin art she thought lost wholeheartedly, the one who preserved the last true blade of his school. the one who blocked her strike that she thought of as the truest.

and with the vision of a man she had once already defeated in a duel

with all of that, with countless visions rallying up to support an outlander against their own god, with the proof that even killing rebels would be useless because ambitions of the dead will be picked up and reignited again by the living, with proof of the corruption rotting in her government, she cannot see herself in the right anymore

this is why she lifts the vision hunt decree

Raiden’s First Story Quest 

I think there’s general agreement in fandom, even among raiden fans, that her first story quest is one of the worst in game. its so boring and pointless. you go on a date with raiden and then she fights some nerd in a duel. who gives a fuck.

it also takes for granted that all players even WANT to hang out with raiden, which like, at this point she was only a giant dick to everyone around and not everyone is a boob worshipper. for people who already disliked her, being forced to babysit her around and take her photos only feels more annoying and antagonizing

Again, our main change in characterization for raiden is that she actually gives a fuck. like, in canon her country is on the brink of complete collapse after civil war and fatui schemes, 2 out of 3 commissions are barely functional, her robot-sona is malfunctioning the storm, and she not only does not give a fuck, but traveler has to jump through hoops to get to her. and she just goes on a date, trying sweets and light novels. like. guuuuurl. come on, get a grip for 5 fucking minutes and do your damn job. we had to randomly stumble into tenryuo nerd being bullied for her to take ANY part in inazuma’s politics

so, logical thing to do for Raiden Who Gives a Fuck is to go out and try to sort out mess she’s now learnt her country was turned into. 

like, she summons traveler and goes hey, i know we’re not exactly on bestest terms, but I need to root out corruption and fatui’s shit specifically, and i don’t trust my government officials right now, so i need your help in being a guide bc i haven’t left the room in 500 years. 

kujou sara is also there since raiden deemed her trustworthy bc sara was the one who exposed tenryuo corruption to her

i got an ask about how canonically Kanjou commission was in a vulnerable state due to commerce falling with sakoku decree,  and so they could be an easy first foothold for fatui to get themselves into the country, and i think raiden quest would be a good place to explore it, while she’s investigation corruption.

i’m not gonna write the whole plot, it doesn’t really matter, the main points is that raiden sees isolation actually doesn’t protect her ppl, but harms them, that when ppl are not allowed to do smth that they want, they will turn to illegal and much more harmful ways instead, for which delusions are an allegory.

raiden can still do fluffy stuff like trying mango milkshakes or whatever, but while going from one commission to another instead of just wandering around on a date

tenruyo nerd can also be there if hoyo wants to include him for some reason. they can even have same useless duel with raiden at the end that makes her appoint him head of commission

Kujou Sara

as I said, Sara is also there, going with raiden on investigation, showing her competence, until its clear that she’s the sole hinge on which entire tenryuo commission depends.

raiden praises her for her loyalty, and Sara, incredibly earnest and grateful, explains her backstory, how she was a kid falling to her death from a mountain while enemies were storming it, and how she received vision during the fall and thus survived, so she now not only owes her life to raiden, but can’t imagine better cause to serve, as clearly, raiden is omnipotent and all knowing and caring enough to save an insignificant tengu child like her

raiden frowns. she does not grant visions herself, in fact, she is not even aware when electro visions are granted - this is canon btw, it’s from raiden’s own voicelines.

tenryuo nerd sees that raiden is about to speak up, and even though he obv doesn’t know vision secrets, he realizes from her expression alone that she’s about to contradict sara’s story

he interrupts her, apologizes profusely, but takes her aside and begs her to not say to sara anything that can shake her loyalty, because again, this commission is going to crumble without her. These are temoulteous times and they need sara the most, raiden can tell her whatever she wants after inazuma is stabilized

but the thing is that being truly honorable is supposed to be raiden’s redeeming grace. she might be stubborn and inflexible, ruthless and inept, but she is straightforward and honorable, she cannot accept loyalty given on false premises, and we need to show that in action

raiden tells sara bluntly that she did not give her a vision, that she was not aware that sara was in risk of death at all

sara is shaken. her world crumbles before her. this is not just bc of her own vision and life that she thought she owed, but in fact, did not. no, much more it’s about vision hunt decree. its about all the people she was sent after, talked to them and their crying families for hours, telling them that this is for their own good, that shogun knows better, sara herself is an example, is a proof. it’s about all the people she didn’t convince and had to take their visions by force, comforting herself in the knowledge that she personally might not understand shogun’s plan, but what she knows is that is infallible.

and now it turns out it’s not true at all.

this, she cannot take. she asks raiden to free her from service. and bc again, raiden is honorable, even knowing the damage it will do, she lets sara go.

after that, she shows up in events and side quests, showing her on a journey to find herself.

we see her in yae miko’s story quest, protecting ppl from the guy who was possessed by the oni spirit, and later, watching yokai spirits dance in the skies and yearning

we see her in an event with a ghost umbrella, being strict and cross with yokai kids for causing so much ruckus, but secretly fond and protective of them, and playing off her funny rivalry with itto

we see her in itto’s quest, in a part where traveler asks ppl about itto’s character, and she’s being fair, says that he might be an idiot and hooligan, but he would never harm or kidnap innocent ppl

we see her in irodori festival, organizing the community, bc she knows how to do it and she’s good at it and *someone* has to (and bc she cares about ppl without any order telling her to)

then, she’s in kokomi quest, bc kokomi asks her to be present at negotiations, bc she’s the only one from tenryuo in whose honor kokomi can really trust. sara tells her that she has no official standing anymore, but kokomi asks her to be there anyway. later, when dishonesty from tenryuo side is revealed and sara helps to stop the ppl who are trying to sabotage negotiations, kokomi asks sara to vouch for what happened in report to raiden, so that this is not blamed on watatsumi and fair deal can be cut

sara says again that raiden has no reason to listen to her and take the worse deal just on her word. and yet, after a couple of days, report comes back. raiden listens to sara’s word and does not force watatsumi to accept the bad conditions. we can see this affecting sara, her being conflicted

sara\kokomi shippers, ur welcome btw

then, raiden’s second story quest. it starts as of now. we accept commission to deal with abyss wolves spawning, go to the mountain of sacred sakura. but instead of just meeting raiden, we first see kujou sara.

she’s there to protect people because this is who she is, this is the ambition that summoned her vision to begin with, and no lies and manipulations can change that.

like at the beginning of her story, she’s on the mountain, protecting her home from the enemies

like at the beginning, she falls and survives the fall, but she’s too injured and about to be killed by the wolves

but this time, inazuma’s archon has not locked herself in a room.

raiden appears, destroying the wolves and saving sara. this time, she is not just an idea based on false belief of a child. she is there in flesh to finally take action that sara believed she was doing so many years ago.

as in canon, raiden says that she will fight the monsters alone, bc its her duty to protect inazuma.

and this is when sara pledges her allegiance to raiden again.

raiden tells her that her saving sara’s life does not mean that sara now owes that life to her, as raiden’s duty is to protect all of her people

but this is not why sara wants to follow her now. finally, she sees real raiden and not childish illusion of an omnipotent goddess who always knows better. but real raiden is honest, honorable, and despite being strongheaded and often misguided, someone who cares deeply for her ppl and is driven by the same goal to protect as sara

sara tells this to her, asserting that she will not serve her out of obligation or with blind loyalty like before, that she will now think critically and question and tell raiden if she believes she;s wrong, but she will believe in her nonetheless as long as raiden cares about inazuma over herself

raiden says that then they will share an eternity in service of inazuma people, as they should

as sara is injured, raiden sends her to organize evacuation instead of fighting, and quest goes on as in canon

sara\raiden shippers, ur welcome btw

Ancient Sakura Blooms Again

I don’t want to change much else about raiden’s second quest, bc its already pretty fucking good and manages to speedrun raiden’s character development in 45 minutes.

instead, all of my rewrite is meant to be a setup to establish both raiden’s conflict and makoto’s personality and philosophy beforehand, instead of getting infodump from old man ghost in 1.5 scenes

this way, raiden coming to accept the eternity as transience is natural progression instead of speedrun and makoto’s appearance has bigger impact, since she was haunting the narrative from the start and we came to know about her gradually

also, irodori festival can go pretty much the same. scara being behind raiden gokaden fall is now more significant, bc for our version it was inazuma’s inciting incident, and now just like. random lore bit.

also, both raiden and yae miko show up in comedic cameos during festival, but after they learn it was scara, there is a brief serious scene as raiden realizes that while she was blaming fatui for corrupting inazuma, it was only possible bc she neglected her own creation, which is a metaphor for inazuma’s isolation as a whole. she doesn’t explain that ofc, just looks striken

“i thought i’m giving him peace...“

“i’ve told you we should’ve destroyed that puppet“, yae miko spits out (she did canonically wanted to off scara after raiden decided he’s not fit for gnosis bc he cried)

ofc, we won’t give proper backstory before sumeru, but it would be a nice tease that will get deeper meaning once we do know, and also illustrate that both raiden’s solipsistic abandonment and yae miko burning bridges instead of dealing with ppl is not great governing strategies

also, irodori has additional ayaka storyline about how she got involved in all this investigation stuff as a distraction to get away from the house bc ayato asked her to wear family jewels for the festival finale and she sold them in act 2, but she’s too afraid to tell it to ayato

finally, after learning of kazuha’s family keeping secrets from each other that hurt them in the long run, she finally gets brave enough to tell ayato what she did

he stops her mid-sentence and tells her to go check the chests

she’s confused, but obeys. she runs back holding the jewelry, being like oh my god what?? how is that back?? did u buy it back??? did u know the entire time???

of course he knew the entire time. he’s proud of her. he only wished she trusted him enough to ask for his help directly.

you didn’t use the commission funds for this, right? ayaka hesitates for a second and ayato laugh.

of course not. why would he need to steal from commission when there are so many fatui assassins to loot

oh, i always knew you wouldn’t. wait what....

ayato’s quest i’d rewrite completely. he’s still manipulate mansplain manslut, but in better political machinations then sabotaging a wedding of npcs and giving hannibal lector speeches to random goons

we’ve scorched out inazuma’s corruption in raiden first quest, now is the time to restructure and modernize commissions which were gutted by said corruption, for which raiden assembles yae, sara, traveler and ayato, who is the head of only commission that did not sell out to fatui

ayato and yae miko are incredibly petty cunts to each other in a very smiley passive aggressive manner, but they team up to come up with devious machinations for the greater good

sara is there not only for military expert role, but also to speak up for the common ppl which she is finally closer to, and to ground the schemers

raiden sometimes thoughtfully says “why don’t we duel them to death?“ as solution to many problems, and when everyone yells no, shrugs

overall, its kinda rough going and obvious that there are a lot of problems ahead, but also clear that inazuma did change and grew, raiden is no longer a solipsistic tyrant and she has a diverse council she listens to and actively engages with her country’s problems

btw, in ayato vs yae miko schemes off he gets to win and be smug bc its his birthday story quest

Yoimiya’s second story quest

Yoi’s second quest is already v good and obv has a lot of soul in it, i wouldn’t change too much, except for the premise

bc this quest is the reason i decided to make vision loss plotline at all. bc this quest is already perfectly written to be culmination of that plot line, and frankly, gets a lot of ??? without it

like, it starts bc yoi just randomly decides to go on vacation to wish on falling stars. like ok i guess. and she’s like i didnt really care but the whole village really got into it and want me to see it, so i’m doing it for them. like?? why would they be invested in random vacation like that?? mb ok they just love yoi

but then traveler goes to nahida and she’s like sorry, meteor showers happen like once in 200 years. but traveler and paimon are very insistent that they have have to do it for you, they can’t disappoint her. when like. its a random vacation! and yoi is not a type of person to be like ugh i didn’t get to see falling stars, my trip is RUINED

but no, they beg nahida to help like its big deal, and nahida agrees to involve aranara, despite no adult being able to see aranara is a big deal in lore. and then they have a whole conversation about is it ethical to trick yoi into believing this meteor shower is real if it’s just a dream, even if she’ll learn truth later, when like.... it’s a vacation????? she’s just there to have fun???? why are you all so serious

basically, beginning of this quest makes little sense, bc it has no actual stakes until girl in a wheelchair shows up, but narrative treats it very seriously when like “yoi has fun on vacation“ is the only stated goal for the start

BUT, if taken as part of vision loss story, everything snaps into place.

after vision hunt ended, visions were returned to their owners. but not all of them reignited on the spot, and Yoimiya is one of the people whose vision did not activate

and is it any surprise? after all she’s seen in a war, all she’s been through, how could she go back to believing that the world is a good and happy place, in the inherent wonder and joy of it?

her vision stayed grey and silent in her hands. she feels bad and guilty that she can’t be happy go lucky as before, when her father and all of the villagers care so much about her

they nudge her to go on a trip to see the falling stars, inspiration for fireworks, in hopes it will remind her of why she loved them so much before

this is the stakes, this is why inazuma ppl care, why traveler cares enough to ask nahida and why nahida would be moved to break tradition and let yoi interact with aranara, why they have this long convo about if it’s right to trick yoi. bc f it’s about reigniting her belief in world’s miracles, then yeah, it makes a lot more sense to worry about truth of it

not only this, but the disabled girl turns from just random npc to a mirror parallel to yoi. both of them were harshly and suddenly hurt by the world, both lost will to live. and the kicker is that yoi is going along bc she feels bad and bc her family and friends are worrying about her, but she only *really* get into this when she meets this girl

because this is what she was always about, not just happy go lucky girl, but a gold koi, a light of happiness and luck talisman for other people, especially for kids. for this girl, she will believe is the wishing stars

of course, her vision reignites when in aranara dreamland she takes girl’s hand and jumps onto the falling stars to fly across the sky. because it’s not about how the world is cruel. its about how good we can be to each other. what if it’s just a shared dream? We find the greatest joys in mortal life in fleeting dreams, for is life itself not like the shadow of the thunder? Pursue your dreams into the clouds if you wish

[socksandbuttons]

i love ur bloodmoon thoughts sm and i agree with all of them ‼️‼️

they squandered his character sm and theres barely been any development since he got brought back to life… especially on the KC side. id love to see how youd rewrite it tbh- or if you want feel free to just use this ask as a bloodmoon thoughts dump

ALRIGHT SO We can run along with bm2 But also them going 'no their NOT the original thus we dont need to think about their charascter' as they seemingly established a bit with that but also not? Like that kinda furthers BM's whole arc of being treated like a murder machine (he was LITERALLY rebuilt for that, nothing more than tool!), and yet instead of USING THAT (which like.... we kinda got a bit of that with Eclipse, no i wont get into that.) they go 'HMNNN no, we dont wanna develop this further hes just villain' LIKE. SURE. ALRIGHT. BUT... YOU LITERALLY HAD SO MANY SET UPS WITH LIKE... His weird attachment to monty that one TIME yknow the 'hes my dad!' even tho hes not and its very debatable with Eclipse and KC depending how you wanna go about it (In terms of WHO made bloodmoon its Eclipse whos derived from KC and Moon and SUN.) Where was I YEAH HIS THEME OF NO ONE IS FAMILY BUT BLOODMOON. Only THEY understand that theyre not a tool or worthless! (Yknow just completely missing a way to use their codependence to help further their own coping of SEVERAL THINGS.) Yet he still STILL seeked out and called KC father, he still somewhat has thoughts on family. He's going after EARTH who's just vibin' trying to be accepting, even jealous of LUNAR for 1) being brought back and two) survived Eclipse and lives happily (sorta) and while begrudgingly i must say forgot bloodmoon. (WHICH LIKE. THATS THEIR OWN FAULT FOR NOT DRAGGING LUNAR INTO THAT PLOT EVEN THO HE HAD ALL THIS BLOODMOON INFO DURING THAT WHOLE THING. not used it ONCE. they purposely left lunar out of that and thats annoying. chaos sibligns 4 lyfe) Anyway you COULD so still use that in regards to Sun trying to reach out to them ('I wouldve loved another brother' will forever be brought up. also literally in the same convo sun does admit hed kill em again but WE'RE FOCUSING ON THE FAMILY PART GUYS) I'd have to scrap some like... lets see here.... UmMM i CAN use the attacking lunar thing still. Cause whole jealous thing they didnt understnad their own thoughtS (THEY THOUGHT MONTY WAS THEIR PARENT WHICH LIKE??? a stretch honestly. cmon we know this. theyre definitely making their own excuses) iDK ABOUT attacking earth, cause by that point everyone is kinda dead set on murdering them its actually pretty bad by that point unless KC comes back jesus style and goes 'NO. I'll handle this' proceeds to drag bloodmoon off into the desert for family bonding time (and rehabilitation.) Which he wont but we also gotta remember Bloodmoon is deliberately being used a scapegoat (despite yknow... he did DO all that by his volition still like he WOULD NOT have gone after kc like that if not for ruin going 'hey u wanna see ur dad who totoally didnt care for ur ass' or 'you should totally go kill a bunch of people. and then threaten lunar and earth BUT WAIT no killing ill shock u!' im losing focus but THEY WERE... sort of going somewhere with Bloodmoon not wanting to be a tool. AND having solar interfere (I still hate that whole 'he reminds me of my moon thus he must die'. Retcons... everywhere. Remember when he wanted to save his moon?? yeah? cool cause ill never forget that actually.) KC dying actually WOULDNT have been so bad (aside the... suddenly being an ass about it. But he was direct to bloodmoon about 'BRUH UR BEING USED.' and them never actually... bringing that up too much) angering BM enough to kill KC is actually pretty solid way to use the whole 'Bm not satisfied with Killing' as a very direct way KC's words last on BM especially BM's whole unstable emotions of NOT understanding the feelings theyre going through because of that other than anger (denial, grief, confusion and conflict of how Hurt that mustve been they wanted more family) oh this is getting long and im losing focus.

[hajihiko]

Hey. So, I saw your Chiaki & Fuyuhiko comic that I like to call "Look on the Bright Side" (since it didn't have an official name in the post itself), and I loved it. I loved seeing Nanami & Kuzuryu interact with each other with the former comforting the latter on Peko and complimenting on how brave he was to save his friend, the scene between Fuyuhiko & Peko during the latter's execution, and then the scene of you making a throwback to your DR3 rewrite from your Talky Talky Tuesday content where the DR2 cast witness Human Chiaki's death and chose not to help her because of how awful Junko's influence on them was. It was heartwarming, bittersweet, and terrifying all at the same time, and as @/self-in-dulled-gent put it in their reblog of the comic, the 4th & 5th panels depicting your DR3 rewrite is a cool and visceral indication of how far the DR2 cast had fallen into despair. Heck, both the comic & the rewrite even serve as inspiration towards my au/rewrite/reimagine of DR3's Despair Arc & how Junko corrupts the DR2 cast into despair. So, thank you so much for the inspiration. I really appreciate it.

With all that in mind, I have some questions I wanna ask you regarding both the comic & DR3 rewrite, if you don't mind.

May I have your permission to do a review on your DR3 Rewrite post for my Advian Reads & Reviews content (which in case you're curious about, AR&R is reading review series where I read something, like fanfiction for example, while also doing a review on it at the same time, giving my thoughts on whatever I'm reviewing as well as potentially even sharing my own stories)?

Will you ever showcase the bonus panel of the rest of the class witnessing Chiaki's death that you mentioned in the comic's tags?

Who is the 5th person on the right between Kazuichi & Hiyoko in the 4th panel (I'm assuming it's Sonia based on the hairstyle, but I thought I'd ask for some confirmation)?

Will we ever get to see the dialogue of Chiaki not resenting Hajime/Izuru for not helping her you also mentioned in the comic's tags?

Follow up on that previous question, do you think it's possible that we might also get to see if Chiaki resents her classmates for not helping her, or if she would also get it with them like she did with Hajime/Izuru?

How exactly does Junko kill Chiaki in front of her classmates? Does she still have her go through her execution like in canon, or does she kill her in a different way, and if so, then how? I ask because I saw Nanami had blood coming from her eyes & mouth (making it look like Junko literally pulled her eyes out), there's blood on her hoodie & left thigh, and she appears to have been stabbed on her right side.

And those are my questions. In regards to gaining your permission to review your DR3 rewrite, if you do grant permission, great! I'll be sure to credit you and give you a shoutout too if you do. And if you don't, then I'm content with that and will understand and respect the reason behind your refusal, whatever that reason may be. Feel free to respond back to me whenever you get the chance. Thank you and have a wonderful day/afternoon/night. 🤗💕❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖💕🤗

that's one heck of an ask so I'm using a readmore:

Thank you! I remember that comment hehe I'm really glad people like it

1: sure! Just know that I'm like, you know, just a fan and a hobbyist and not even really a writer so I'm not saying my rewrite is more right than anything else!

2: the bonus panel was actually everyone else's deaths (in SDR2) since they all sort of died alone, too. But it didn't feel relevant enough, I prrrrrrrrobably don't have the sketch anymore

3: yep that's Sonia

4: I'll be totally real i don't remember what I was thinking there at all. Sssssorryyyyyy

5: I think Chiaki, if she got to see the events of SDR2 as the AI, wouldn't resent her classmates so much as feel sorry for them and be disappointed. At the same time though I think she might be shocked at what they're capable of. Maybe she can't help but be a bit bitter, who knows. Hajime/Izuru is a different deal since that guy literally got his brains scrambled, can't really blame him. (sort of like deleting all the save data, maybe?)

6: the blood and amounts of it was more about the drama lol. But I thought the obstacle was like, a little too fantastical, not serious enough, so in my rewrite she straight up beats Chiaki to death with some kind of instrument. I think the image of Junko doing something so realistic (and slow) while everyone watches passively is even worse.

Thanks for asking beforehand! 💙

[kouvisart]

Just watched Disney's "Wish" and here is how I would rewrite Magnifico's character arc and the movie.

*Spoilers Ahead*

I understand that the audience and the movie wanted to make him a fun, campy villain as reminiscent of the older Disney villains, but what they established was the opposite. The movie is trying to do two things with him: being sympathetic and being outright evil. These two are difficult to combine, and it is clear that they didn't how to do that.

They not only gave him a tragic past that was never elaborated on, but his descent literally isn't himself, but of a magic evil book that makes your eyes green. They had such a clear setup to pursue why he would use it now of all times, but they didn't. People can be asshole narcissists without being evil. And it is clear he did care for Amaya, and the people of Rosas. So the movie needed to push him more and give him some struggle of morality. Unfortunately, this route will turn him into a tragic villain. If they wanted true camp, they needed to make him always evil, and was always using the wishes to power himself up. But that is for another day.

"HIS MOTIVATION"

One of the weaknesses of Maginifico is that he has no clear motivation. And if it he does, they don't line up with what his surroundings are. When the power of Star nearly made the wishes in his chamber fall and the city shake, he was pretty paranoid that something was effecting his magic. Or overpowering it. Then when his people started questioning PLUS demanding more wish ceremonies, you can see why he is so irritated by them and thinks they don't respect him. When they basically gamble away their wish VOLUNTARILY and don't actually respect him as a king, more like a wish granter. He even said something akin to, "that is all you ever think about is wish ceremonies?" And the crowd responds with yes.

To further show his descent more, there should be another scene where he is just alone, without Amaya there. And his eyes are involuntarily drawn to the magic book. Widened, and mesmerized, his irises turn green and suddenly he snaps out of it. Hinting that the book, despite behind the glass, can draw people towards it. Beckoning almost and using their most innate desires. Now lets see how his motivations tie into the infamous villain song.

"THIS IS THE THANKS I GET"

What I'd change would be the must needed tonal shift in the second half. The songs stays way too poppy and doesn't clearly identify his corruption. The moment when he nearly gives himself to the book. It seems so simple, but the this section of the song really shows his reluctance, and that he thinks what he is doing is a necessary evil.

"I didn't wanna do this I swore I'd never do this But I'm hypnotized by how these pages flip 'Cause I refuse to have my power stripped A potion, a spell, a summon, a curse? Anything to make that light reverse To this book, I don't wanna be tethered, but Desperate times call for desperate measures Brr, where was I? Oh, yeah"

Instead of the "brr, where was I?" line, I would make the music stop, and Amaya's voice could be heard from behind. Freezing Magnifico in his tracks. The green around him disappears, and it is only him and his Queen, surrounded by nothing but themselves. She sings softly to him. A reprise of "At All Cost."

His subconscious knows it's wrong to use the book (as seen in the first two lines of the bridge and the last two lines, offset 1), so it conjures up Amaya, who tries to remind him of his good. The song grows in distortion as Amaya begs, yet he feels pushed to this predicament.

Going back to his motivation, it is hinted he wants control because in his eyes, the only way to protect everyone is if he oversees everything. But that doesn't mean he thinks his powers would be stripped. I think this is the one line that gives hint at a motivation that really doesn't fit his character, " 'Cause I refuse to have my power stripped." There is no hint throughout the movie that his magic is weakening, and when the people demanded and disrespected him, he is more irritated than antagonized. Instead, it should be he is afraid he doesn't have enough power. He feels he isn't powerful enough to stop whatever magic is happening in the kingdom, and knows the book will grant him this to achieve what he wants. Which is to protect Rosas "at all cost."

The goal here is to make his worries justified but his actions an overreaction. And make it a descent into madness than suddenly becoming evil out of the blue.

MOTIVATION CONT.

Also, to up the stakes because there is literally none, for when Asha sneaks into his castle to retrieve Sabo's wish, she accidentally releases all of them, even the violent ones. So we can have a character parallel between Asha and Magnifico where they think they are both doing the right thing, and are using overreactions for issues that could've just been brought up peacefully.

During their truce, he sees just how dangerous people can be with violent wishes, and the will they have to do them. Slowly making him angrier and angrier and further justifying to himself what he he did. After they are forced to work together to bring back order, the evil book has already taken its toll, and he comes to the realization of why is he even doing this for the people who don't even respect the man that gave them a safe haven. That without him, it would have descended into chaos long ago. He starts to extract the wishes involuntarily out of people, trying to keep them safe from themselves. But as he does, he takes it into himself for safe-keeping and ends up voring them. Growing in madness and in power as a misplaced, extreme martyrdom.

Now for the ending. I would either have the evil dispelled from him, but he dies from the magic exhaustion. Or to go the route of the movie and have him trapped, while Amaya, instead of being nonchalant about her husband's predicament (which is weird in the movie since it is shown they love one another yet now she doesn't care?). Who thanks Asha and tells her she will find a way to free her husband and rid of the curse, even if the book says there is no way to reverse it.

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

Writing Redemption in Your Fanfics

If you’ve followed either of my blogs, you’d know that I despise Katsuki’s “redemption story”. It’s poorly written and poorly paced.

Sadly, canon isn’t the only place where an attempt at a redemption story is botched. Fanfiction sometimes has equally worse takes on how his redemption story should go.

I wanna talk about one fic in particular. I’m not going to name it, but y’all can probably guess what fanfic I’m talking about because it’s a very famous one.

The fic has one of the most promising starts to a “Katsuki faces consequences” fic: Izuku decides to abandon Katsuki during the Final Exam, and after his teachers show disappointment in him, he snaps, tells them how they’ve failed him, and calls Katsuki a villain. Izuku mentions how he wants to leave U.A, Nezu asks for a second chance, and Izuku accepts.

Sadly, the ball’s immediately dropped upon reaching the second chapter. Katsuki received no consequences other than counseling (which again isn’t a consequence) and without any buildup they have him apologize to Izuku. Furthermore, they start shifting the blame away from Katsuki to his mother for “abusing him”. This I’m shaky about. On one hand, exploring why someone is the way they are can make for some great character writing. On the other hand, the way it’s done here is that it completely changes one character to make the other look better. I’m all for changing a character’s backstory but these fics try to be character studies and when you’re doing a character study you can’t suddenly change one character to make another look sympathetic. Finally, the fic villainizes any character who doesn’t immediately forgive Katsuki. The main example here is Ochako who refuses to let Katsuki anywhere near Izuku. This right here bothers me. Just because Katsuki’s reforming doesn’t mean anyone’s obligated to give him a chance, especially when they’re an abuser of Katsuki’s caliber. You can recognize someone is changing/has changed while also not forgiving them. Demonizing Ochako for not forgiving Katsuki and for protecting her friend sends a terrible message to readers. No one is obligated to forgive Katsuki.

Now I wanna turn my attention to a fic called Confession by Scandinavian Sensation over on Fanfiction.net. If there’s any fic that shows a good Katsuki redemption it’s this one. It starts off with some of 1-A witnessing Izuku having nightmares during a sleepover. Soon after, due to Izuku mumbling in his sleep, they learn Katsuki bullied Izuku. The consequences are swift with the entire class shunning him. Katsuki’s forced to go to counseling, but it’s not treated as a punishment. It is a requirement for him to stay in the Hero Course, but a requirement is different than a punishment. Izuku’s confused as to why no one’s hanging out with Katsuki and feels bad about it. He tries getting Ejiro to go back to being Katsuki’s friend, but Ejiro hits him with a fantastic question: “why did he do it?” As this is going on, Katsuki’s being forced to confront his ego, temper, and past actions while also asking himself the question “why did he do it?” The fic ends with a beautiful rewrite of Kacchan vs Deku 2, where Katsuki desperately tries grappling with the question, is consumed by guilt, and tries to apologize to Izuku. Unlike the first fic, this one doesn’t involve demonizing other characters to make Katsuki look sympathetic, especially since it treats 1-A shunning Katsuki as something they’re allowed to do. This fic dishes out great consequences for his behavior and treats therapy as a means of him coming to terms with his own actions. Finally, it deconstructs Katsuki’s and Izuku’s characters while offering comfort to Izuku and opening the way to a possible redemption arc for Katsuki that feels organic and earned. It’s a fic I can honestly say that both Katsuki fans and haters can enjoy and it’s imo the best case study of Katsuki out that that maintains a neutral tone. If you wanna read the fic, here it is:

In conclusion, if you’re going to write a Katsuki redemption arc, you have to have consequences, you can’t demonize other characters to make him look better (especially when they don’t wanna give him a second chance), and you can’t make excuses for Katsuki’s behavior.

[chaifootsteps]

College anon dropping in to say that the dubs aren't very good. Some, like the french one, sound like the text went through google translate (and the dubbing in general is terrible despite France having a good rep in the industry). The Italian version of Poison is low-key good tho

As for my reaction to Poison, imagine that gif of the happy yellow emoji looking traumatized/dead inside. I stared at the screen wondering what led me to watching this and how ANYONE would think this was a good scene. Vivziepop claiming that the leaks don't represent the full scene was right for once... It was so much worse. I could think of a more tasteful way to picture it in 5 seconds, it isn't that hard. She could have even kept most of the scene, just remove the graphic stuff to keep the suggestive dancing (a smart idea that should have remained subtle) and maybe keep the Val part à la Addict to show that, yeah, on top of "working" all night (because the graphic scenes made it obvious he stopped "enjoying" work early during the night), Val SA'd him and that shows the entirety of the hell he's going through. It explains why he breaks down and lashes out. Viv didn't need to keep most of the SA, the entire thing was implied.

Also episode 4 comes out of left field. Yes, it was foreshadowed since the beginning but why is Angel suddenly returning his calls? We SAW him ignore Val. He clearly HATES him. Since when is Husk calling him out and badgering him about being "fake"?? They've known each other for a WEEK. It's way too early for that. It's like we're missing 3-4 episodes of development in-between. Angel reconnecting with Val and showing hints that this is indeed a facade, Husk knowing a lot about everyone and giving a damn... This should be a mid-end of season arc for Angel. I'd personally make it end of season 1 so that he can show change during season 2, beginning as someone new, someone who slowly tries to show he cares and let down his bravado in small amounts, with clear hints of being a little scared of the reactions, until it naturally becomes his full-time persona. Maybe have Charlie notice at some point and subtly encourage him, DELIGHTED (in caps because that girl is extra) that Angel is getting better but having to keep her excitement in in fear of scaring him off (because Charlie should have SOME sort of emotional intelligence ffs).

Loser, Baby feels out of place. This is NOT the appropriate reaction to Angel's words. Did they rewrite the dialogue but not the song?? Here's how it sounds:

Angel: I feel like I've gotta be Val's perfect whore all the time so I'm trying to break myself enough he will be alone—

Husk: Well, it's okay to be a loser, baby! Look at me, I'm a failure too. You ain't special and it's okay!

....So Angel is a loser/failure/broken but Val is still into him??? Did they realize that this should send him the wrong message?! That Val will "love" him no matter what and that Angel cannot be free, that he's been making himself miserable for NOTHING?? First of all, Husk's greediness and addictions are NOTHING like Angel's situation. He signed with his real name. That alone implies that Val snatched him early on as he arrived. On top of that, he's being abused every way possible on the regular, for no fault of his own, and is self-destructing. He cannot kill himself and Val won't let him be killed. This is NOTHING like Husk losing a game for more power and being forced to be a bartender.

Here's how it should have gone for the song to work:

Angel: So?! The real me is a good for nothing loser who died in a ditch from some shitty coke! THIS is the famous, hotter than Hell pornstar that everyone wanna fuck! And I've— I've gotta be the part. 'Cause if I'm not... If I ain't then who am I?

Angel's fear should have been about being seen as who he was, as some loser that nobody loved. Let him feel like he beat his father, that now he's someone so suck it dad! You were wrong! Let Angel behave as if his life was a porn movie because that's all he knows now and what he thinks he should be like. Instead of trying to ruin himself so that Val discards him, have him try to be perfect... Because that'll stop the abuse, right? Val is happy when he acts like that. The perverts worship him. No one cares about Anthony.

That would make Loser, Baby work. It would achieve its goal of saying "it's okay to suck, we all do! Look at me, I'm a loser but my life isn't over!" and get Angel to accept that he's enough as he is. If you add in a few episodes beforehand to set it up, it could have worked better instead of being insensitive.

Personally I would have entirely changed the Angel/Val dynamic. Val can still be a whiny bitch but not in a drama queen way as is implied. He gets like that whenever he loses control of his favorite. Have one of the Vees groan and say something about Angel having done something as if it happened often. Make them used to Val throwing a fit because he didn't get what he wanted out of Angel or because he's having a jealousy fit. It already makes Val more controlling. It'll make the messages scene hit harder as, yeah, we can see why Angel left, the dude is unstable and obsessed. I'd be a little more fucked-up and have Angel kinda love him. Ofc in the Stockholm Syndrome way, he's been abused so much he's too attached to leave. That shift in dynamic would explain why he eventually goes back despite everything. Like in the show, he feels ignored in favor of the new resident and the way he's dismissed and talked about makes him feel like shit. He checks his phone again and ends up listening to Val's new voice messages... And this time, they're sickeningly sweet in a row. He's sorry, he's begging for him to come back. He loves him. And that's enough for Angel to go out or answer him. Put a few episodes in-between where Angel seems... Off? How weird, he's jumpy, more on his phone. He's out for parts of the episodes or clearly focused on something else. Then we get episode 4, where everyone culminates to show how bad the situation is for him. I'd personally not have Val hit him. He's smart enough to not leave bruises on his top whore. However, he's manipulative and threatening. There's no doubt that he COULD hit Angel whenever, especially with the way he cowers. Angel tries to diffuse the situation, so well that it's heartbreaking, and he gets bold. That line when he doesn't reply "Yes Val" is meant with silence as we wait for Val's reaction, waiting for him to blow up. A beat. He doesn't. He's not calm but he's not as angry. He's not going to hit him. He thanks Angel, touching him while the other flinches, a hint that he handles Angel roughly in this kind of situation, and just as Angel looks relieved, he announces that he'll have to work all night, distressing Angel again.

Ofc that would require extensive research and talk to specialists to do it well. Viv's audience can be stupid so it's more of a struggle to make it clear that none of this is Angel's fault and to not romantize this shit but it's more interesting than Val being so obviously abusive. IMHO he almost transformed into someone else in that episode and it could work but we didn't see enough of him to go "oh that's the old abuser trick! he's not as nice as he is with others when he's with his victim!". Idk how to put it sensibly but the impression he gave me was "whiny manchild who sadly was given enough power by Daddy Vox to abuse someone" instead of the intended "terrifying Overlord who is unstable and abusing his power to abuse whichever worker he fancies at the moment". I dunno Chai I just think it would work better if he were more manipulative and welding his power in other ways than by force. Like Angel isn't scared by his strength but by his influence. Also I would low-key find a way to make it so that Angel, mistakenly, thinks he can get away with some things to explain how he'd leave for the Hotel. Like having him not be a perfect victim. While he tries to cater to Val and keep him happy out of fear (and/or care because abuse fucks you up), he sometimes provokes him or tries to do his own thing. It'd show he's his own person and stuff. Sadly that would be lost on Viv's stans and it would absolutely spark some victim-shaming stuff or worse. But I think if she's gonna try to portray something like this, she could do with some nuance and not so... Cliché? Of course, it happens like this to too many people but it feels like she's applying a trope with no thought into it. The most cookie-cutter depiction she could do for quick satisfaction or to tick that case. A bit like how Stolitz is a mix of multiple tropes and is a terribly done version of that trope where a noble falls in love with someone whose class is lower with a sprinkle of badly done transactional relationship that sparks feelings. Thinking of HB, HH has better representation of abuse but not by much. I feel like if Stella was a man, she'd have written it this way? It felt like fetish fuel hiding underneath the surface whereas Stella was lazy writing.

I dunno man, I wanted to rant about Charlie and her design but episode 4 hit me like a wall of bricks

Thank you for all of this, College Anon. This was a great read, and you're right, the Italian version of Poison goes so much harder than the English.

Also Italian Val's voice is...yeah, 10/10 stars on that one. Mama mia.

[bibibbon]

Characters with wasted potential: jirou kyokua

Thanks to @doodlegirl1998 for giving me some inspiration for Jirou's character and honestly Iam so sorry for taking such a long time to actually post about jirou.

My direction for this jirou rewrite is one where she doesn't become a hero as in the actual job but invents heroism in the music and media industry.

There isn't much to jirou in canon so I can't really critique anything.

Her design. I love her character design I guess the only thing I wanna add is that I want to see her sometimes just wear skirts or trousers when it comes to her school uniform

Jirous backstory. She is someone who has always had an interest in music and made it her escape during middle school because she would find the chaotic environment of school overbearing. Some people would try and isolate her because a rumor or a situation started where people became weary of her and her quirk thinking that she listens to peoples conversations and talks bad about them. However, she still had 2 friends that she could always rely on and she still talks to them in highschool

Jirou's friends at UA . For jirou UA is a fresh start for her she wants to be a hero and also make friends. She ends up befriending momo, tokoyami and becomes a minor friend with Izuku then the rest of class 1A. Since her and denki were paired up in the beginning he became the first person she talked to and by the time of the usj arc they became friends her friendship with denki was something that happend unexpectedly to her at least. Tokoyami and her bond over their taste in music and the fact that they just enjoy some peace and quite which is why she may be found hanging about in an art classroom with tokoyami and some quiet 1 A members at lunch. When it came to momo, jirou worked up the courage to ask momo to become her friend because she found momo cool and wanted to hang out with her. Momo accepted her request and they hit it of from there. For Izuku: one time jirou noticed that Izuku was feeling more nervous than usual (she could hear his heartbeat) and started a conversation to reassure him this then ended up getting them into a conversation where they both started talking about heroes and after izuku found out that jirou's favourite hero was present mic he ended up getting both him and her present mic signature. They aren't really close but they hang out every little while and help eachother out.

Jirou's UA arc. Through her time in UA she is making friends and trying to be a normal teenage girl but the villain attacks have started to make her and her parents both anxious and scared. At the usj everyone is feeling the impact of the usj and jirou is glad that everyone is well. Usj incident makes it so that her and her classmates coincidentally become closer and her parents+ middle school friends become a bit worried for her. This worry starts to decrease slowly as the year passes on and is immediately brought back stronger after the training camp arc. Jirou and her parents have a conversation suggesting that jirou shouldn't come back to the school and jirou feels inclined to agree but doesn't. She convinces her parents to stay and she does. However, she doesn't abandon the idea of leaving UA and ever since entering the dorms she feels like there's something of, instead of her worries being eased she is more panicked and it's affecting her negatively both mentally, physically and in her studies. This continues until after the school festival performance where she learns that gentle was going to attack the school. After her performance she also feels like music may be an actual career path she can take. All of these factors weight on her and she talks to present mic (who is her mentor) about it. He encourages and comforts her telling her whatever decision she chooses he will help her.

Jirou withdraws from the hero course. On a random weekend, jirou finds herself going home and she sees a thief who stole a woman's purse. She chases after the thief and gets the purse back for her. The woman is thankful and before parting ways reveals that she actually works for a news agency. It seems like her and jirou are heading towards the same area so they end up talking and jirou brings her passion for music, how she is conflicted about staying in UA or leaving, how she wants to help people and how she finally views her voice as something powerful that can help people. The lady offers jirou a role as her apprentice, telling jirou that if she chooses to leave UA that she can have a job with the journalist. Jirou accepts it and talks to her parents about it. Her parents seem to also agree with her and jirou makes the decision to leave. She wonders if she is being selfish leaving and how her classmates would think. She is dreading having to tell everyone but she does and as expected her classmates are upset that she is leaving but understand. Momo, tokoyami, denki and izuku are all supportive of her and ask her about what she plans to do, if she will visit them back and all that. Tenya reassures her that if she wishes to come back that there is always a place for her in 1A. Before jirou leaves the class decide to throw a leaving party and celebrate jirou's new start.

Present mic is her mentor and she interns with him

At the job/ apprentice. She starts to see the way of the media industry and how heroes fit into this elaborate scheme. One of her middle school friends does a UA business course and they choose to work closely both nitpicking the media industry. Jirou starts to see all the injustice and wants to give a voice to all these stories and issues that the news tires to cover or deems as unimportant. She talks to denki and momo about this. They suggest that she creates a website where she shares these stories in the form of videos or articles. Izuku and her business course friend suggest that she should make music about this. Izuku talks about her in the school festival and how her performance can influence people, how she can use her voice for the greater good to help people. She starts this website and labels herself earjack she talks about all sorts of things that she views as important and even opens up/critiques things that she finds wrong. The website starts to gain attraction and present mic finds it. He ends up promoting the website and even offers jirou an interview in one of his radio shows where they end up talking about things.

I would have jirou learn other things as well as promote her website. I personally think that due to her new found free time jirou would start learning things like first aid and trying to better her quirk.

During the war arc. I would have jirou put the skills she earned put to work. She ends up helping people as a first aider and working with the woman she met as news reporters raising awareness as to what happening in Japan.

Overall, I hope I done this justice I wanted at least one character to leave UA and I think that jirou is a great character for that. I wanted jirou's character arc to be about her gaining confidence and actually standing up for others and herself. Jirou is someone who is very closed off but also close with her friends she seems to be someone who is hard to approach but has a big heart and big passions. She doesn't think that heroics is for her especially after seeing the cruel reality of it so she starts to explore her opportunities within the media/ music industry and tackles the injustice she sees. She ends up making herself known well within the heroics and media industries earning the title of the earjack hero journalist