#i wanna have my own life and i wanna be happy with someone

[fast-burn]

Maxiel + 14. Sloppy seconds !!

i think this is maybe my most requested kink 😂 but you gotta give the people what they want! hope you don't mind if i add background garage gangbang into this (and also cw for drug use reference, off-screen)

kink list here

XXX

Generally Daniel tries not to live with regrets, but he's a little miffed that the whole thing with Max's mechanics began after he left Red Bull. Granted, it couldn't have started before. The concept of Max coming off his first race and his first win getting gangbanged within an inch of his life is something Daniel avoids thinking about like someone might avoid grasping a hot poker. That whole idea is just--well yeah, better not.

Still though, it's like Red Bull didn't start having real fun until Daniel was out of the picture. Not that Daniel would have joined or anything, but it would have been nice to have the invitation.

Daniel is in the hotel lobby, late, buying chamomile tea from the bar instead of room service because--he doesn't know. Better to put a couple euros on his credit card rather than charging it to the team? He's just in time to see GP and Calum walk in with Max propped up between them. They each have an arm around his curved waist. Max moves sluggishly, but he seems happy. Downright blissful. They carry him to the elevator and Daniel holds out his AmEx to tap it against the machine.

It takes maybe three minutes of Daniel being back in his own room before he's texting Max.

you good?

yes very good is Max's reply, almost immediately.

Daniel bites his lip. His mind is blank.

wanna come up and watch a movie or something? can't sleep

lol netflix and chill? Max asks, and well that's not-not what Daniel meant. He totally gets if Max is too tired for it. Hardly a big deal.

He says up to you, we can just hang if you want, and then rm 1220.

Daniel sips his tea and then goes to brush his teeth. He's rearranging his curls, trying to make them look fuller, when finally Max knocks on the door.

"Hi Daniel," he says, leaning in the doorway, eyes half-lidded, body swaying like he's drunk. He isn't drunk. He's probably taken a ton of poppers, but now he's genuinely just tired, the effects long since worn off. Daniel scoops him into the room.

Max is easy to direct to the bed, and as soon as he lays down he starts kicking off his shoes, toes prying down the heels before he flicks his ankles and nearly launches them at the goddamn TV. He smiles up at Daniel, the stretch of his mouth a shiny with a smear of lip balm and sore-looking in the corners. He makes grabby hands until Daniel crawls on top of him. Cute. The last time they did this, Max said he always wanted a breather after it all, but once he cooled down he wanted the weight of something anchoring him. Daniel isn't particularly heavy, but he's happy to provide in whatever way he can.

"I don't think I can come again," Max says, rubbing his face against Daniel's neck. His stubble is so scratchy-rough-good, dragging against the grain of Daniel's own beard, that Daniel shivers over and over. "But I'm not ready to sleep yet."

"Lucky me," says Daniel. "You wanna talk about it?"

Max makes a vague noise, but then he gives Daniel the post-gangbang report in broad strokes. They put several big packing blankets down on the garage floor, they took turns, they made sure his holes were always full, they cleaned him up when they were done. Daniel is hard when Max finally snuffles into Daniel's collar and says, "That's all, just the usual. Pretty simple stuff."

The pictures flashing through Daniel's mind aren't simple at all. It's like that guy with the painting of the staircases, tangled up in all different angles. He grinds his dick against the bed in the soft, open vee of Max's legs.

"I don't think I--" Max starts.

Daniel interrupts him. "No. No, I know."

"You would be very nice, Daniel. It's not you that is the problem."

It's twelve to fifteen guys other than me, Daniel thinks to himself, then chastises himself for being jealous. They're not a couple, and Max loves these nights. It makes him feel connected to everyone. It makes him feel so satisfied that he has to be hand-delivered back to the hotel, poured into Daniel's bed to sleep it off for eight hours.

"Can I just take a look?" He asks instead, and Max nods, twists in Daniel's arms until he's flat on his stomach.

"I won't fall asleep," Max promises.

"You can if you want. It was a big day." Daniel tugs Max's soft pants down: Red Bull-branded sweats. It was probably impossible to get him back into his tight jeans, afterwards.

The skin on Max's arse and thighs is red-hot, spanked all over, but nothing looks bruised. Daniel skims his hands across, barely touching but Max still squirms against the sensation. The mechanics clearly love Max so much. They give him exactly what he needs and nothing more, always working together like a well-oiled machine even when said machine is a train they're running on Max.

Daniel slides his thumbs between Max's cheeks, starting from his taint and un-zippering upward, spreading Max so Daniel can inspect the damage. Someone has cleaned him up, got him all sorted out. His hole is like a halved cherry, like Max's lips when he's been biting them, all puffy and used and raw. Daniel can't help but press his face into it.

Max whines lightly when Daniel licks across his hole. He tastes like antiseptic and aloe, and beneath that copper and salt and the undeniable flavour of latex. "Everybody wrapped up?" Daniel asks, almost directly into Max's arsehole.

"Yes, of course," Max says. "It would be too messy if they didn't."

And there's another thought Daniel shouldn't have: Max so full of sperm that he's leaking down his crack and across his balls, all of it mixed together into a mystery sludge, and Daniel could suck every drop out of him.

"You can come on me, though, if you want," Max offers then, and Daniel doesn't need to be told twice.

Daniel kisses up Max's spine and shoves his hand into his own pants, pulls his dick out and strips it fast. He can't be bothered for finesse, suddenly on the edge, totally desperate. "They really got you good, huh?" He asks, mouthing Max's shoulders, his neck, the shell of his ear the same colour as his slapped arse.

"Mm hm," Max murmurs, face mashed into Daniel's pillow. He's gonna pass out any moment. "It was so lovely, Daniel. I wish I could just get fucked like that all the time, but then it wouldn't be special. I can still feel them all, inside. Like they are still doing it. Here, feel," he says, and pulls Daniel's free hand back to his hole just in time for Daniel to feel it pulse and throb against the tips of his fingers, a needy little mouth. And Daniel feeds it, striping Max's back and thighs and arse with his release as he comes.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

A Gift From the Heart

Warnings: noncon, and other dark elements. Not all kinks or triggers are tagged. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Summary: As you adjust to life on your own, the retired Sheriff makes sure that you're kept comfortable.

Character: silverfox! Lee Bodecker

Day Thirty of the December Daze Challenge.

Prompt - a homemade gift.

Note: As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You pull the cardigan around your middle and cross your arms. The wool hangs loosely with your linen dress, tenting around your figure as you pad to the front door. Your hand hovers for a moment before you grip the door knob. You hope it’s not Mrs. Griswold again. She’s friendly enough but nosy. 

You open the door and put on a smile. It turns genuine as you see your visitor. You shiver as the wind gusts around his figure and tickles your stockinged legs. 

“Sheriff,” you greet, “how are ya?” 

“Checkin’ in. Again,” he drawls as he takes his hat off and tries to tidy his hair with his pudgy fingers.  

The gray strands are coarse but thick, a bit longer than he can manage. His beard too. You suppose retirement has done away with his need to stay close shaven. 

“Oh, Mr. Bodecker, you are too kind. Ya know, I’m doin’ just fine. Makin a stew of the bone from that ham you dropped off last week,” you say. 

“Sounds delicious. Now, ain’t no type of thing as too kind.” He grins and tucks his hands into his leather jacket. He’s not the sheriff anymore but he still wears that sort of authority. “’specially this time of year.” 

“Course,” you agree thought your smile twitches. You should be happy but when the carolers come by, you only feel like sobbing. 

“Maybe not the best this year,” he comments. “Ya know, Buford, he was a good man. Rookie when I left the force but high hopes for that one. S’too bad what happened down in that ravine. Worse how’s all yer neighbours can do is whisper ‘bout it.” 

“I don’t hold it against them. They got their own lives, sheriff.” 

“And ya got me, huh?” He kids with a chortle. “Ya know, I hate to bother since you got the stew and all but I did come to give ya something. Be a lonely year ‘round the tree for ya so I thought I’d get ya a special gift.” 

“A special gift? For me, sir?” You touch your chest, keeping your other arm over your stomach. His eyes flick down but you’re sure he can’t tell through the layers. Right? You’re waiting until the new year to deal with all that. 

“Mhmm, yeah,” he once more tries to smooth his hair. “Ya know, I can’t really give it to ya here. But if you’re too busy--” 

“I can leave the stove off for a time,” you say. “Who am I to say no to a gift? Sheriff, really, you didn’t have to do all that. You’ve done enough.” 

“Someone’s gotta. Used to be, people took care of each other. An officer dies and his widow’s left to her own,” he tuts and shakes his head. “Wouldn’t be happenin’ if I was still wearing the star.” 

“You’re too sweet,” you sway. 

“Go’on, get a coat,” he says and puts his hat back on. “Don’t wanna be freezing out in this.” 

“Sir,” you nod. 

You leave him on your stoop and go to turn off the stove. You cover the pot of broth then hurry back. He went to all this trouble and you wouldn’t want to keep him out in the cold. You pull on your coat with the patch sewn in the chest and tuck your feet into your lace up boots. They aren’t very warm on their own but they’re what you got. 

You emerge, the sheriff catching the screen door and holding it until you shut the inner door. He lets it snap behind you and offers his arm. He’s so gallant in an old-fashioned sort of way. 

“Don’t want ya to slip, miss,” he says. 

You accept his offer of balance and descend the narrow steps to ground level. He takes you up the walk and opens the passenger door for you. He kept his cruiser but had the emblems removed, painted it a nice forest green. You sit on the front seat and keep your knees together as you chatter through your teeth. 

He closes the door and you watch him lumber around the hood. His breath fogs before him as he puts his face down against the bitter gusts. He climbs in next to you and takes off his hat, laying it on the dash. He turns the engine and cranks the gears with the shifter behind the wheel. 

“Ya cold?” He waves you closer, “c’mere, takes a while for this thing to warm up.” 

“Oh, sir, I’m alright,” you assure him. 

“Mmf,” he grumbles and cranes to check the road before he pulls out. “I don’t like ladies goin’ cold on my watch.” 

“Sheriff,” you preen. 

“And ya know I ain’t got the star no more, you just call me Lee,” he insists.  

“Yes, sir, uh, Lee,” you agree, clasping your hands in your lap. 

He drives, offering some chatter about the barn cat haunting his porch window or some episode down at the hardware store. The sheriff, Lee, has always been good at talking. At making people feel comfortable. It’s probably why he was so good at his job. 

“I wanted to show ya this,” he nods over the wheel. 

You come up to the river, the surface crystalline as it’s frozen over entirely. The icy sparkles in the dulled sunlight hidden behind the blanket of clouds. You lean forward to see it all, the edges framed with a dusting of the snow that pillows over the ground. 

“Oh, wow, that is pretty,” you say. 

“What can I say? I got an eye for pretty things,” he chortles and shifts in his seat. 

You stare out, marveling at the pristine and peaceful landscape. You didn’t know there were scenes like this in Knockemstiff. To be fair, you hadn’t paid much attention where he was driving. You peer back through the rear window and see dark sentinels speckled around the winding road. 

“So, ya ready?” he asks. 

“Sir,” you flinch and look at him. 

“For your gift, honey,” he feels around his jacket, tucking his hand inside as he pokes his fingers into the pocket there. “Ya know, don’t got no criminals to chase so I got some new hobbies.” He plucks out something he quickly hides in his fist. “Keep myself busy.” He keeps his hand balled. “So I made ya a little present for the holidays.” 

“Oh, sheriff—Lee, I don’t got nothing for you though.” 

“Think ya do. More than ya know,” he opens his hand and shows you the silver ring. You blink as you examine it, confused. The emerald on it is square and pretty big. “Took me some time but I wanted to have it done before Christmas.” 

“That’s... not for me,” you utter. 

“Sure is,” he holds his hand out as you shake your head. 

“I can’t accept that,” you lower your chin and pout. “It’s too much.” 

You touch the ring on your finger, the one Buford gave you. You were going to be married when he got his promotion. That was coming soon, he said. Then he went off and got himself shot. 

“Here,” he grabs your hand, untangling it from your other, “you know, I made it special for ya. It’d be rude not to.” 

You try to tug away but he’s too strong. You gasp as he wiggles off the ring already there and replaces it with his own, shoving it down until it bites into your knuckle. You hiss and wince. 

“Sheriff, that’s my ring,” you squeak. “Buford--” 

“I know what it is,” he lets you go and cranks down the window. You cry out as he tosses ring into the snow. “It’s a bad reminder.” 

“No--” you try to lunge over him and he catches you, forcing you back to the seat. 

“Now, honey, you haven’t been ungrateful, so don’t start now,” he holds your shoulder, squeezing it tight. 

“But--” 

“Can he help ya now? Hm? Now ya got that bun in ya? Now that yer alone and about to be all big?” Lee grits. You recoil but can’t escape his grasp. 

“You know?” 

“Well, course I know. Makes sense. And the way you been walkin’ round. I can tell,” he tuts. “You’re just lucky I'm the only one payin’ attention.” 

“Sheriff,” you murmur. 

“Now, I don’t want none of that from ya no more, I told ya.” He trails down your arm and grabs your hand. He pinches the ring between his thick fingers. “You call me Lee. Or Hubby. I like that. ‘Hubby’.” 

You blink at him and shiver, this time, it isn’t from the cold. 

“Go’on, say it for me, honey. Just imagine what other would call ya when they find out.” 

You frown and flutter your lashes. Your nose tingles and your chest knots with futility. He's right, but you’re not ready for this. You were waiting, until after the holidays. Why couldn’t he wait too? 

Your eyes gloss over and you sniffle. He tightens his grip on your hand until you whimper. You look at Lee and suck back your grief. It shouldn’t be him. It shouldn’t be the way it is. 

“Yes,” you croak through your coarse throat, “yes, hubby.” 

[milkoomi]

₊˚⊹ ᰔ things to unlearn in the new year ᝰ.ᐟ

“new year, new me”, right? so it’s time to let go and unlearn all the negative things that brought you down this year. do not take negativity energy into the new year, and don’t let it continue to ruminate in your heart and mind! if it no longer serves you, let it go.

let’s begin !!

ᝰ.ᐟ social media beauty standards

stop. letting. strangers. on the. internet. define. your. beauty.

set your own beauty standard! be your own beauty standard. there’s literally no one else who acts like you, looks like you, or just is you. let your own beauty be your beauty standard.

it’s hard to find your own beauty in yourself when you’re bombarded by so many other people who have thousands upon thousands of likes and views solely because of how they look, and it’s even harder to not compare yourself to those people. but guess what? those people can never be you.

one thing i’ve noticed about all those people who get so much attention on social media, and this may come off as harsh but it’s just what i personally think, is that they all look the fucking same. you, on the other hand, you’re different and your differences are what make you gorgeous. you stand out, and you have to let yourself see that!

ᝰ.ᐟ comparing yourself to others

this kind of piggybacks off of the previous statement, but seriously, stop comparing yourself to other people. whether it’s people on social media, your friends/peers, your siblings if you have any, or even strangers you see out and about. comparing yourself to other people who are clearly not you and not living your life will only hinder your own progress in your journey.

there’s that saying of “everyone walks different paths of life”, and that’s 100% true. we’re all on different chapters in our own stories, so why should we compare how our story is being written to someone else’s? we live in a world where comparison is everywhere, and it needs to stop.

your life is yours, alone. whatever someone else is doing with their life should not be of any concern to you. you can live your life at your own pace, you do not need to try and “catch up” with others. your life will go the way you want it to when you set the pace.

ᝰ.ᐟ people pleasing

i will admit that i have been a people pleaser, and you wanna know what i gained from it? having my boundaries crossed, having my emotional energy drained, being disrespected, feeling like i wasn’t good enough unless i was someone’s “yes” man; that’s what i gained from it, and no, i’m not happy about it!

learn to say “no”. you are allowed to say no! you have every right to decline anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing or simply just don’t want to do! being a people pleaser will only slow you down. put yourself first, always. you should always be your number one priority. don’t let anyone change that about you!

ᝰ.ᐟ following trends

for the love of god, please free yourself from these trends. live how you want to live, do your makeup how you want to, dress in whatever clothes you feel like wearing, eat whatever the hell you want; just do what you want!

trends can be fun and silly, but when all you ever do is chase after all the trends that are on social media to “keep up” with everyone you just turn your life into a chore. have fun in the ways you want to have fun!

there’s also way too many trends that are heavily influenced by consumerism. i promise you, you don’t need 15 different stanley cups or every single face/sheet mask that’s trending on tiktok. sure, there are products out there that are actually worth purchasing, but when you’re mindlessly spending money on things solely because it’s “trending” you’re not only just wasting money, but you’re wasting your time!

𝜗𝜚 final notes 𝜗𝜚

let 2025 be the year you finally start letting yourself be happy. we’ve lived too long in a world where we feel like we can only be happy by doing what everyone else is doing. please live for yourself! do what makes you happy, not what makes everyone else happy and you think it’ll make you happy. let go of the feeling of needing to conform to society’s standards. let go of the feeling that you need to make everyone else happy before yourself. let go.

live and love, babe.

sincerely, juno ⭑.ᐟ

[alyssaswrld999]

See You Again - JJ Maybank x reader

Authors Note: (I cried making this)

Pov: Y/n keeps seeing jj after his death. She hasn't been the same sense. Her brother John B and the others are worried about her. Even Rafe Cameron is worried about her

It's been a long day without you my friend...

Mine and John B's dad used to tell us stories. Some were happy and some were sad. Most of the stories were about a sailor and his adventures out in the sea. Me and John B would spend hours on the boat pretending to just be like that sailor.

Those were the good times and those memories will always be in my heart and in my soul. Our dad helped us be good. But the people that have helped me the most with finding out who I am is John B and the rest of the pogues. Especially the one and only JJ Maybank.

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again..

After our dad went missing we weren't the same for awhile. Our Uncle was off doing his own thing but mostly MIA. Our mom left when we were younger and haven't seen her since. So it was just me and John B spending time with our friends.

To be honest life seemed so much better and easier with being around my brother and our friends. It was more fun and uplifting even through the bad stuff. Sure we all had our disagreements and our fights but at the end of the day we all made up and things were okay again.

We've come a long way from where we began..

Ever since that summer after our dad went missing we have come a long way. With the treasure hunt for the gold and the cross. Finding and meeting new friends. Surviving together and losing people.

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again..

Its been a struggle for the most of the journey. Having all this new stuff tower over us and having to fight through it. But we keep fighting every second of the way.

When I see you again..

There have been plenty memories running through my mind lately. My whole mind keeps spinning and it's hard to focus on the stuff around me. It's like my mind keeps trapping me in a world of just my memories and its hard to get out of my own head.

Damn who knew all the planes we flew..

"Y/n?" I heard someone say. I look up and seen John B standing in front of me. "Hmm?" I asked. John B looked at me concerned and I don't blame him.

"You okay? You seem like your in a daze" John B said. I shake my head and force a smile. "Yeah im good JB" I said walking past him.

Good things we been through..

As I walk past him I kept having these thoughts circle around my brain. As if someone was spinning a globe of the earth around like a ball. I kept having a headache at how quickly I was thinking and I stopped walking.

That I'd be standing right here talking to you..

All of a sudden I'm day dreaming again. I could move but in reality I wasn't moving. I was walking down the dock back home. I kept walking and then I seen someone standing there. It was jj..

Bout another path..

"Hey y/n" jj said turning towards me. I smile and walk towards him. "Hey jj" I said standing next to him. "Do you wanna go fishing later? Today seems like the perfect day" jj asked. I nod my head and look over at jj. "Yeah im down. And your right it does seem like a perfect day for fishing."

I know we loved to hit the road and laugh..

I look out at the water and smiled. The air felt nice and the sun was shining. It was a perfect normal summer day.

But something told me that it wouldn't last..

I come back to reality and realized it was just a memory. I sighed and rubbed my face. I was clearly exhausted and needed to get some sleep. I lay down next to the fire and try to go to sleep.

Had to switch up..

I sighed as I turned to get comfortable and then I closed my eyes. I heard the fire crackling and it sounded peaceful.

Look at things different see the bigger picture..

I didn't know when I exactly fell asleep but I knew I was dreaming. Next thing I see is me and the others back home like it was just any other day.

Kiara was on the couch in the house scrolling on her phone. Pope and Cleo were in the kitchen cooking food. But Sarah, John B, and JJ weren't in the same room.

Those were the days hard work forever pays..

I walk outside and onto the back porch. The breeze felt nice and I kept walking towards our bait shop. As I enter the shop I seen Sarah organizing the shelves. "Hey Sarah" I said sitting on the counter. Sarah turned towards me and smiled. "Hey Y/n. If your looking for John B or jj they are on the boat" Sarah said as she went back to organizing the shelves.

I nodded my head and turn to look out at the boat. I seen John B and JJ drinking some beer. I smiled and laughed. "Of course they are drinking beer. Should have known" I mumbled and make my way towards the boat.

Now I see you in a better place..

I walk down the ramp and climb onto the boat. "Hey you two" I said looking at John B and JJ. They both look at me and smile. "Hey y/n come grab a beer" jj said. I smile as John B hands me a beer and I open it. I sit down and take a sip.

How could we not talk about family..

"This is the life huh" I ask JJ. JJ looks at me and nods his head as he sips his beer. "This is the life" jj said.

When family's all that we got..

I wake up from my dream and I sit up. It was still dark and the fire was still going. I sighed and look to see everyone asleep. I get up quietly and go make my way to use the bathroom.

As I continue walking away from the little camp site we made I kept having jj run through my mind.

Everything i went through you were standing there by my side..

JJ was always there for me and John B. Through all the good and the bad. JJ was always around before Kie and Pope showed up. He was my brothers best friend since the 3rd grade.

And now your gonna be with me for the last ride..

Even though jj was John B's best friend he was mine too. Me and jj had a lot of things in common. And he was easier to talk to about certain things I couldn't with John B. He understood how I felt about certain things and cared for everyone.

It's been a long day without you my friend..

"You know if you keep walking your gonna get lost" I heard a voice say. I stop and slowly turn around. It was jj standing there looking at me with his arms crossed.

"jj.." I whispered. JJ nodded and walked towards me. "The one and only" jj whispered back.

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again..

I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding and my eyes tear up. "I- I'm sorry" I mumbled. My stomach hurt and It felt like someone was squeezing me to death. I was happy to see jj but it also hurt knowing it wasn't real.

We've come a long way from where we began..

"Hey what are you sorry for princess" jj asked. I look up at him and I had tears falling down my face. "I- I couldn't save you this time jj.." I answered.

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again..

"Y/n this isn't your fault. Please don't start blaming yourself over me. You know it's not your fault" jj said. JJ pulled me in for a hug and he rubbed my back.

When I see you again..

I break down in front of him and I normally never do that with anyone. JJ has only seen me do it once and it was over everything that was going on. When the pogues see me upset they know somethings wrong.

First you both go out your way and the vibe is feeling strong..

I hold onto jj tight and I fall to my knees. "I can't take this anymore jj I can't" I whispered. JJ comforts me and rubs my back. "It's okay y/n it's okay" jj whispered back.

And what's small turned to a friendship..

"It's not okay jj..." I mumbled. I continue crying and I was shaking. I try to control my breathing but it was hard. "I- I can't... I can't live life like this.. I lost you... I lost my bestfriend" I cried out.

A friendship turned to a bond..

JJ holds me and let's me cry out. He wanted me to get my feelings out. He didn't like how I would hold my feelings inside. He would always joke about me being a bottle of soda and one mento away from an explosion.

And that bond will never be broken..

I fall asleep after crying so much. I was back to dreaming and the scene was different this time. It was a memory instead. I could see myself sitting in the Twinkie with jj and we were smoking a joint.

I was always jj's buddy for smoking weed so it was usually common for us to be seen smoking. "Hey jj can I tell you something" I said handing him back the joint. JJ grabbed the joint and looked at me. "Yeah what's up" jj said.

"Look uhm I've liked you for a long time. And I just wanted to tell you also that if you don't like me back that's totally cool. Because I don't want anything to also happen to our friendship" I said.

The love will never get lost..

JJ nods his head and looks at me seriously. "Y/n I-" jj began to say but we got interrupted by John B getting back in the car. "Hey guys I got everything on the list" John B said handing us the bag of snacks.

I smile at John B and look at the bag. "Thanks JB" I said grabbing a bag of chips. "No problem sis" John B replied as he started the car.

And when brotherhood comes first..

Later that day it was late and jj went home. I was in my room asleep until I heard a knock on my window. I wake up and seen jj at my window wanting to be let inside. I was confused by him being here this late at night and I get up from my bed.

Then the line will never be crossed..

I open the window and move out of the way so jj can come inside. "JJ are you okay? It's the middle of the night" I asked. JJ stands up and looks down at the floor. I observe the way he was acting and I realized it had something to do with Luke. I close the window and face jj.

Established it on our own when that line had to be drawn..

"JJ talk to me" I said looking up at him. JJ was tense and he was shaking. I grab his hand softly and I then stand In front of him. "Hey I'm here" I said softly and looked up at him. He looked down at me and had a tear go down his eye.

"Y/n..." jj mumbled. I nod my head and look at him concerned. "I'm here jj.." I whispered. I hug jj and he then breaks down. JJ hugged me back and started crying into my shoulder.

I rub the back of his head and I let him cry it out. "It's gonna be okay jj I'm here" I told him as I held onto him. JJ held me tighter and cried more into my shoulder.

I led him to my bed and helped him sit down. "Here let me help" I said as I take off his boots. I then pull back the blanket and let him get underneath it. JJ grabbed my hand softly and looked at me. "Please stay.. I don't wanna be alone right now" jj mumbled. I nodded my head and smiled.

"I'll stay" I replied as I make my way towards the other side of my bed. I get under the covers next to jj and I look at him. "You comfy? I can get some more pillows or blankets" I asked. JJ looked over at me and shook his head.

"I'm fine. Thank you" jj replied. I nod and put my head on my pillow and look at jj. JJ pulled me closer and laid his head into my chest. I hold him and play with his hair.

And that line is what we reached..

JJ fell asleep and pretty soon I did too. It was nice to know I calmed jj down and that he felt safe again. JJ knew I loved him and cared about him. We never dated or made anything official between us. Then pretty soon he was with Kie and I was happy for him.

After he got with Kie he knew I was still there as a friend and I stepped back a little. The most selfless thing I could do is let the man I love be with someone else. Even though I didn't want to let him go I still did because it was the best thing I could do.

So remember me when I'm gone..

Even though jj and I weren't in a relationship our friendship was much stronger. He and the other pogues were mine and John B's family. JJ always has a special place in my heart. And I know it was the same for him with me.

JJ and I were still close after that whole night he stayed over because of Luke. He knew that if he had anymore problems with his dad he could tell me and John B.

How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got..

I wake up from my dream and I felt someone carrying me. I looked up and seen the person and it was Rafe. But I couldn't think clearly and next thing I know I spoke.

"JJ?" I mumbled. Rafe looked down at me concerned and then smiled sadly at me. "No y/n it's rafe" rafe replied. I slowly go back to sleep and hold onto him.

Everything I went through you were standing there by my side..

Later after I fell asleep I wake up and I was back at the camp. I sit up and it was still dark but Rafe was awake. "Rafe?" I mumbled. Rafe looked over at me and smiled. "You okay?" Rafe asked. I nodded my head and I sit up. "Yeah I think so" I replied.

And now you gonna be with me for the last ride..

I look over and seen the others were still asleep. Me and Rafe were sitting a bit away from everyone. "Hey y/n uhm about earlier.." Rafe began to say but stopped. I look over at him and I was confused.

"Yeah?" I said. Rafe sighed and rubbed his head. "I heard you crying and went to look for you. Then I found you asleep on the ground. I carried you back here and you woke up for a bit." Rafe said and I nodded.

"You called me jj." Rafe finished. I frown and sigh as I look down at my feet. "Im sorry I thought you were jj. It's just.. im not myself right now" I said. Rafe nodded and then looked over at the fire.

So let the light guide your way yeah..

"It's okay Y/n I understand. But I want you to know something" Rafe said. I look up at Rafe and I hold my legs. "Whats that?" I asked. Rafe looked back at me and smiled a little. "If you need to talk about anything that's going on you can talk to me. Or any of the pogues." Rafe answered.

I nodded my head and smile softly at rafe. "Thank you Rafe. That means a lot" I replied. Rafe nodded his head and smiled at me.

Hold every memory as you go..

My mind kept spinning but not as much from earlier. I didn't want anyone to worry about me even Rafe. But it is comforting to know they do care.

And every road you take..

"I just kinda wish I could go back in time you know? Fix everything or just do things differently" I said. Rafe looks at me and nods his head. "I don't blame you there. I understand were your coming from" Rafe replied.

Will always lead you home..

I smile at Rafe and it felt nice to have something in common with him. It almost felt like how me and jj were with our friendship. Next thing I see is JJ sitting next to Rafe and looking at me.

"Yeah.. and maybe I would be able to say more stuff I didn't get to say. Or do some things I never got to do" I mumbled. Rafe looks at me and nods his head again. JJ kept looking at me and he nods his head to.

It's been a long day without you my friend..

"But then again I know that the people I miss are in a better place" I continued. I look at JJ and I smiled. "And it's also good to know they aren't hurting anymore." I added.

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again..

Rafe got up and sat beside me. He then put his arm around my shoulder and sighed. "Even though jj got on my nerves I could tell he was a good friend to you and the others." Rafe said.

I nodded my head and I pat his hand. I look at jj and he didn't seem mad at Rafe sitting beside me. JJ seemed happy and he also seemed like I would be taken care of by the others. Maybe even rafe as well.

We've come a long way from where we began..

"He wasn't just a good friend to all of us.. he was the best. And when I see him again one day thats the first thing I'm gonna tell him." I replied. JJ grinned at me and nodded his head.

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again..

Rafe pulled me closer and held me. It was comforting and a hug is all I needed right now. I hug Rafe back and then I seen jj get up.

When I see you again..

JJ looks back at me and then slowly starts to walk away. But then he turns again and looks at me smiling again.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-..

I smiled at him and I start to tear up again. JJ knew that I loved him. Even seeing him now in spirit he definitely knew.

When I see you again..

JJ was the king of friendship through and through. He kept us all together through the good and the bad. He was loyal, kind, selfless and just an amazing person.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh..

And deep down I know that jj has changed my life forever. Because I wouldn't be the person I am today without jj maybank.

See you again..

JJ waved at me and I waved back at him slowly. JJ then turned around and kept walking. Next thing I know I seen mine and John B's dad. He smiled at me and then put his arm around jj.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh..

I wave at my dad and jj again and they wave a final wave back. They then turn away again and kept walking and I smiled at them.

When I see you again..

"Goodbye jj..." I whispered and then I close my eyes as the tears fell and I hug Rafe tightly.

[wheresarizona]

Arizona’s End of the Year Roundup

Hey, besties! This has been a fucking year, let me tell you, and life really decided to throw me some curve balls over this last month just to keep me on my toes.

2024 was a year of new journeys—I started my new life of official singledom, I cut off all of my hair, I quit the best job I’ve ever had to start a new one with better opportunities, I got healthier both mentally and physically, and lost 50 lbs, I got many new piercings and tattoos, I made new friends, and for the first time in probably my entire life, I got to be happy and focus on myself. Things weren’t always smooth; there were definitely hiccups along the way, but you know what? I made it, and you did, too.

I just wanna thank everyone for their love and support. All of the comments and asks I got this past year, really kept me going, and you have no idea what they meant to me. I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU!!! ❤️❤️❤️

I thought I’d do a little writing roundup, in case you’re interested:

Total words on posted fics and WIPs: 205,993

- Total words written for Learning to Live: 142,852

Most amount of words posted: Learning to Live Chapter 34 - 24,017

Least amount of words posted: Brunettes - 798

My favorite thing I wrote: Javi’s bit about grief in chapter 32 of LTL. I was battling my own grief at the time, and it was very cathartic to go on a similar journey as Cielito, and for her to have someone so loving and supportive.

My least favorite thing I wrote: It’s only because it’s fighting me and the words aren’t coming as easy as usual, but chapter 35 of LTL. Love the content, hate the difficulty.

The thing I’m most surprised I wrote: Columba. I saw one preview for Gladiator 2, heard his voice, and I was done for.

My guilty pleasure that I wrote with me in mind: but he’s the one I want. DBF!Joel has me in a chokehold right now and I maybe, possibly might be writing a follow up…

4 things I watched on repeat while writing:

- The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)

- Rodger’s and Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1997)

- Chicago (2002)

- Les Misérables (2012)

(As you can tell, I love musicals)

Most listened to playlists while writing: Hadestown (Original Broadway Cast Recording) and my Taylor Swift playlist

My go-to writing drinks: Iced soy chai (Starbucks, preferred), Diet Dr. Pepper, or water

My go-to writing snack: Candy (type depends on the mood I’m in. Lately it’s been Hi-Chews)

My favorite place to write: My comfy chair in the corner of my room I got specifically for writing.

My least favorite place to write: Work—too many distractions at this new one.

The wildest places I wrote smut: Outback Steakhouse parking lot while I waited for my food, and sitting at a table at Outback Steakhouse while celebrating my sister’s birthday. (Don’t know what it is about Outback Steakhouse that gets the words flowing)

That’s all I could think to include, but if you have more you wanna know, just let me know!

There are so many people I wanna thank, and I’m gonna try and tag as many as my exhausted brain can remember right now: @juletheghoul @theorganasolo @littlemisspascal @katareyoudrilling @devineconjuring @kilamonster @iamskyereads @theetherealbloom @agg5041 @heareball @artsy-girl-76 @toomanystoriessolittletime @thevoiceinyourheadx and 🌱

Happy New Year, everyone!

[gregmarriage]

okay, but literally, sometimes? the only way you can be happy? you’re gonna have to disappoint your parents. yeah, sorry x

[puppyeared]

wish they would just let me live on wuhu island man.. kicks pebble and sighs

[softshuji]

Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.

[lemonynuggets]

Can i take u to england?

yeah

[gay-fordeath]

.

[zero-a]

people will go all "just be yourself and love yourself! :)" and then go "if you don't act the way i want, you gotta reprogram your entire way of thinking then reach into the very core of who you are and what makes you you, discard it, and replace it with this better, friendlier, more empathetic version that's coincidentally far more convenient for me to deal with than any other possible compromise we can make that you can do for me but doesn't stretch your mind to nothing but thin bands of what you'd consider 'You' :))))))"

[blizzardfluffykpop]

recently reminded myself how much i loved day6 and i've just been having sm fun rediscovering old favorites and listening to new songs and just falling in love with them all over again-

[sk3l3t0n444]

i wanna play animal crossing but i get really stressed about the amount of stuff i can do and how i dont know what i should do and it always reminds me that i should be working on shit :(

[nebulaleaf]

uaaaugh i need to unpack but i can't get off the floor. why do anything...

[gotta-bail-my-quails]

the k in my name stands for king

[lilowoof]

OUGH, these feelings of loneliness have been so strong lately.... going from having someone to talk to here n there to just radio silence kinda hurts, ngl X'D

I've done this song n dance before and IDM waking up to no messages or not having ppl close to me to chat to but still! Having a taste of closeness with ppl, only for it to be ripped out of my hands, by my choice, or theirs, or both just...... It hurts!

Thankfully I do have some great pals whom I can reach out to if needed so it's not like I am 100% alone XDD I guess I'm just trying to readjust to the current situation. And I know that I have the power to reach out to ppl and also to check out events in town to meet ppl! It's hard for me to do those things but I have the power to, gotta give myself grace and take things one step at a time, as I usually do!

I just wish it didn't hurt so badly haha!! (also this is not an invitation for ppl to dm me (unless u really want to for some reason). I just like writing down my thoughts so I can dissect them better and of course not bottle things up, etc etc)