#i wanna die this fucking sucks so bad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eddiethehunted · 1 year ago

Text

falling into old Very Bad Habits sucks so bad bc i know im doing it but my brain will not allow me to fix this

#as in like eating disorder bad #i know i’m doing it but it’s hard to not #ed discussion #i can barely make myself eat and i’m feeling it and i know it’s bad but it’s like compulsive #and i’m at a point where my metabolism has slowed down enough that it’s not. even doing anything. i am not getting skinnier.#I DONT EVEN WANT TO GET SKINNER ANYMORE #I JUST CANT. EAT. !!!! I CANNOT!!!#i wanna die this fucking sucks so bad #i try to fight it but it’s like something is physically stopping me. idk what. idk why #fuck idk #and it doesn’t help that i’m on vyvanse for my adhd #and it already makes ur appetite kinda fucked #like do i have to choose between dealing with wildly uncontrollable adhd symptoms or literally an eating disorder?#why can’t i just fucking be a regular bitch who fucking eats

8 notes · View notes

sparkdoesart · 8 months ago

Text

Isat siffrin and loop short animatic thing for my au~

Spoilers for the secret ending!

So much i wanna talk about with these two~

But alas, I'll keep it to myself for now,

#hehe #say hi to my human loop design lol #sorry guys but the cat ears are cannon to me </3 #also.#dont pay attention to sifs hand that one time #i struggled on that for 40 minutes #this is not a ship thing btw</3 #if. it wasnt obvious from the “siblings” part #i feel like i wanna explain this a bit #after act 6 they get separated cuz loop died but also kind of didnt?#so when they reunite loop feels a lot of guilt and “anger”#theyre not really mad but they want sif to fuck off #sif will not be doing that #and thru most of this its supposed to be loop trying to be angry and push them away while sif is being very.#self depricating and basically. begging them to stay? or. i guess wrong word.#hes very adamant that if theyre going to fall theyll do it together #but they kinda feel bad about it?#idk #“hand (loop) in unlovable hand (sif)”#isat #isat siffrin #isat loop #isat spoilers #isat act 6 spoilers #in stars and time #my art #isat creature au #i wish i made loop look more angry during the “and i hope you die”#but either way im so proud of this #i use to suck at drawing humans

54 notes · View notes

slutdge · 6 months ago

Text

ill just be minding my business and then remember how fucked the experience i had with cps was and just how fucked cps is in general and actively harms the children its supposed to be there to help and get so mad i dig a hole into my skin with my nails so deep it starts drawing blood

#again. if you want the lore on why i fucking hate social workers so much. there ya go.#it makes me wanna fucking throw up everytime i see people felate social workers like theyre any better than cops.#not to be a broken record or anything but truly. the only fucking thing i had a lot of the time when i was like 14 was my stupid littl #e dc hardcore mix cd and i think digging that up and revisiting it has really brought up a lot of hard emotions and memories for me #ptsd fucking sucks so bad and it sucks so bad that ive made no progress since then either #i dont know. i dont know yall.#''you have to process your trauma'' ok well thats too hard and id rather die so. guess im too weak then and im not cut out for it #this is fucking stupid anyways.#too many feelings with nowhere to put them and no idea where to even start #thats not even considering what i currently haveto deal with in the present #um i give up and i was a fucking moron for ever believing life could be better #i dont have any profound conclusion. i was just fucking stupid for ever thinking i could be happy. lol.

15 notes · View notes

sirmanmister · 10 days ago

Text

Spunky.

He’s in kidney failure. He’s so thirsty all the time but can barely keep himself upright to drink. He’s very weak and sad and tired. We’re gonna put him down tomorrow morning.

I grew up with five cats, one for each person. Glory (my little sister’s), Emma (my mom’s) Zipper (my older sister’s, but also my mom), Fred (my dad’s), and Spunky (mine). Over the years we’ve lost them all. We lost Zipper less than a year ago. 11 months and 1 day. We’ll lose Spunky tomorrow and then that’s it. I’ll come back home to a completely catless household. He’s 17. His birthday is April 8th, the day before my sister’s. Spunky has changed every single time one of the other cats died. He got more snuggly after Fred, his brother, died. He got very sad after Zipper died, even though they just tolerated each other. I think he’s been a little bit lonely without another cat in the house. When he dies tomorrow he’ll see them again.

I got sick last Friday and have been incredibly sick for a whole week. Today I finally felt better and I was excited cuz it’s payday and I could finally rest and sleep and recover from this stupid fucking illness. And now I’m so exhausted but I don’t want to sleep because he’s going to die in the morning. Im so fucking sad.

#this year fucking sucks. an old friend’s bday was a few days ago too but I stopped talking to him cuz he was a dick when my dad was in the #hospital in December. a very annoying coworker is coming back from vacation on Monday. and now my cat is fucking dying of kidney failure.#It all fucking hurts all the time and I’m so fucking tired of it #why him??? he’s so sweet and gentle and he’s the reason I have this username. i called him mister man. sir man. he’s the inspiration #and now he’s gonna fucking die and there’s nothing we can do #and he’s so fucking uncomfortable. but he keeps flicking his tail because he likes being with US. he feels so bad but he still loves us #so much.#my mom called me at work and I almost started crying to my manager as I told him there was something wrong with my cat and I had to go home #I’m gonna take Monday off. i don’t wanna deal with the fanfare of my annoying coworker coming back while I’m choking back tears #everyone saw me leave in such a hurry and they asked so they’re all gonna be worried too and I’m gonna have to tell them my cat is dead.#spunky I love you so much #he’s so good #I’m not ready

2 notes · View notes

allofuswantgwinam · 20 days ago

Text

just started The Glory 👀 i love and i can’t wait to watch her kill them all!!!!!!! i fucking hate bullies with a PASSION!!!!!!!

#the glory #im only on episode 2 and i keep yelling #don’t come for me ik this whole page started over gwi nam bUT THATS NOT THE POINT #THIS IS DIFFERENT #AND I DO HATE GWI NAM I JUST WANNA FUCK HIM AND HE SNOT REAL #AND THEYRE NOT REAL IN THIS SHOW EITHER BUT IM STILL U P S E T #really hope she doesn’t hurt ol girls kid tho 💀 too far #she just needs to kidnap her and be her mom so she grows up to be a better person #bc her mom SUCKS #it’s been on my list but i just saw that nerdy glasses no feelings boy from Sweet Home is in it lmao #sold completely in .1 seconds #also wanna watch My Demon but im scared #scared that I’ll die bc i want him so bad

4 notes · View notes

dariasonlinedairy · 23 days ago

Text

i wanna throw up when I'm thinking that there are tons of disgusting men on this app, stay away from me if you're one of those, pretty please or I'll lit get my ak47 out, thank you

4 notes · View notes

sensitivegoblin · 5 months ago

Text

Stupid period vent

If youre a cis man; kiss a uterous haver on the forehead today

Cus fuck this feels like a mental parasite

#:(#i hate getting my period :(#im so emotional #fuck a stupid tiktok has me hyperventalating over hpw i miss my mom and i was 4 again #my dad doesnt come home for another 3 hrs......#i need a hug so badly i wanna call him and ask him to come home but i shouldnt #.....fuck i think i might need to #i hate that i was literally fine until that stupid tiktok....#have you guys seen the cat Mao cartoons on tiktok? i always get sucked and forget theyre always emotional #this one was about a mom cat and a kitten and the mom cat died #i hate my mom and think she did horrendous things to me i shouldnt be screaming how much i miss her #fuck.#i dont wanna keep growing up and watching everyone die or leave #fuck im spiraling so bad #the safe thing might be to call my dad but i really really shouldnt make him leave work #i can never do the right thing im so fucking broken #i really need a hug and a joint #if i dont message you back im ok: i just feel very uncontrollable rn #going back n forth between anger and heartbreak #ALL OF THIS OVER A FUCKING TIKTOK #im so fucking stupid..#ill be okay i just hate being alone when im thinking about my mom/dark stuff #im not even sewerslidal im just extreamly emotional and its scaring me #if im not ok by 3pm ill call my dad #i feel nothing one minute and then i feel everything and rinse repeat #i just hate that i get triggered so easily #i already feel a lil calmer im just tired n need a hug #i know that im safe my body just physically does not feel safe #so im like trapped in my head #but if my dad was here hed be able to pull me out

4 notes · View notes

rosesradio · 6 months ago

Text

i think my university fucking bit me wtf

#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain #i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason #but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor #and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people #and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me #why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick #things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school #ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim #i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts #that’s a whole other mess #tw vent #rose.txt

5 notes · View notes

sideblogformentalhealtshit · 6 months ago

Text

Regaining my will to live was probably the worst thing to ever happen to me

#personal #depression #vent #rant #sorry its just.#i hate wanting to live #i hate that i want to live and experience life and not die #bc the world fucking SUCKS #u cant treat my depression bc the world just genuinely fucking sucks everything just gets worse #u can try to give me all the therapy u want but that wont change the world is so fucked #i wanna live but i dont wanna live in this world #and theres nothing i can do to help change anything #i wanna live so bad but the world isnt fucking worth living in #i wanna go back to being suicidal #i wanna not give a shit if i live or die i wanna go back to actively just wanting to Die #learning to love living has made everything so much more complicated in purely negative ways #its taken away my comfort and my future i dont wanna fucking be here !!!#now im just desperately clinging onto the few good parts of life and waiting for the day i finally get to bite it #i dont wanna want to live bc that means i cant kill myself even though the world is shit #and im not capable of helping change anything #and when im dead everything will be over i cant wait for that darkness #but i cant bring it to myself now bc i still wanna experience life while i still can #I HATE ITTT #god humans werent fucking built for this 24/7 stream of horribleness and suffering from all around the world #i hate the internet get me out of hereee #i never wanna hear another news in my life i wanna just become a complete hermit and never hear about anything relevant ever again #this isnt anti recovery btw. i dont wanna scare anyone off trying to imrpove their mental health #just personal thoughts for my personal situation

2 notes · View notes

itsalwaysdark · 7 months ago

Text

i literally likw felt sick hust now bc i thought abt gay people and ive just realized as i was about to hit post that this sounds homophobic. it was pure envy unfortunately

#i need to have a gay moment or im going to die in real life. guys its so hard #mfw i never leave the house and im extremely closed off and distant from people and i never talk to anybody and im a shutin: When will i #meet my love.#ITS NOT GONNA HAPPENNN MY LOVE WILL NOT MATERIALIZE INSIDE MY STUPID GARAGE. PUNCHES THE WALL #also you may think connor youre not closed off you literally yap constantly about every single thought in your head. Yes. but thats to you #guys as a whole so it doesnt count #one on one conversations im so scared im like acat hiding under a bed. genuinely shaking crying #BUT I DONT NOT LIKE ONE ON ONE CONVERSATIONS I MISS THEM BADLY. i used to talk to online friends Everyday. and ugh. obvioisly.#i just like. idk. i wanna make friends but i feel like im so bad at being a person that its wah too much work to befriend me #i dont mean that selfdeprecatingly i mean like. i need the other person to make the first moves always which sucks bc thats a bad thing to #expect of someone but if i ever made the first moves i. well i just couldnt my brain would shut down its a whole thing. connor doesnt speak #unless spoken to etc. and again ik i yap on here #but thats bc this is like my diary. dms or discord or whatever Is a conversation.......sigh #but ya. and with time i think id warm up and be able to initiate congersation and reciprocate properly but thats a long time to make someone #wait. bc i also when ppl do reach out i like. im like . like w my old coworkers we were i think friends but i was like Im the only one who #thinks that they dont actually like Me so whenever they talked id be like Theyre just doing tjis to be nice or out of pity #which is a rude thought to have abt someone inknow but its like. idk .. im nonsensical #but it takes me a while to like. actually understand somebody is trying to be friends bc im obtuse as fuck #and im like Well theyre saying hello to me and amiling whenever rhey see me just to be nice or possibly bc they hate me <- stupid guy on 🌎

3 notes · View notes

thegirlwholivesin-delusion · 1 year ago

Text

Why tf is tumblr my only coping mechanism

#no but whenever I feel down I come here #god fuck my life #this shit sucks #ugh #wanna die so bad rn #not queued

5 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

Text

...

#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing #ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like #visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do #so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible #mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done #but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing #how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate #and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem #it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research #assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head #and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck #it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads #to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed #bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me #so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a #slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would #b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.#unrelated

8 notes · View notes

1ovestay · 9 months ago

Text

wont lie im having a terrible fucking time with it! fuck applying for jobs what if i end it all instead

#its so fucking frustrating #all the application templates are so annoying the education system is different here so i cant even input my further education #like i have a cert IV in veterinary nursing but its not an option on any of the application form things like its not quite a degree #so i cant even put that i have any further education #and dont even get me started on the fact that my qualification means nothing here and i cant actually do the job i like and am trained to d #i have to pay 300usd just to get them to look at my course content and decide if my study is equivalent #and if its not and i have to do more study well then all of that was a waste since i cant study on my visa #like its not even worth it which sucks bc now i have to take min wage jobs instead despite knowing how to do a job that pays like 25-30/hr #and ive applied to so many fucking jobs and no one has gotten back to me yet i feel like crying #like i have savings im not going to die if i dont get a job instantly but having no income sucks so bad #and also just being at home with nothing to do is killing me like this is my first time being jobless since i was 15 and im strugglingggg #ugh anyways. anyone wanna hire me #p

2 notes · View notes

nomaishuttle · 1 year ago

Text

ohhh fml i was like maybe i cn stya up a bit late after all its weekend tomorrow. no it fucking isnt today was thursday i have work tmrw everything is evil always

#gonna get ready 4 bed ig.. i wanna try n wake up at ermm 545 bc ive been sleeping in far too much and ive barely been brushing my teeth in #the mornings ive mostly just been doing mouthwash #aughhh idk why my body is being so dire today my thighs r doing the incredibly weak and fatigued thing again. i feel like that tweet thats #like im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc abt that rn but its i probably have some undiagnosed physical disorders but i live in a #garage so idc abt that rn #idk. its been going on for a couple years but its been getting worse to the point i can barely move my legs when it happens #that and then my limbs have been falling asleep very quickly even when theres nothing thyat would like. im not laying on them or anything #ill just be walking or something arms at my sides and one or both will get rly bad pins and needles #and it rly sucks and is weird. but again i live in a fucking garage so it is fr the least of my worries #like rn at my computer typing my arm isnt resting on anything or having any pressure put on it and my hand is falling asleep. UGH #it has been happening a ton with my hands i get this weirxd sensation in my wrist/palm zone that like. idk #its weird and i should prolly get it checked out but i dont have a dr rn and like. worst case scenario i chop my arms off and either surviv #and have a good story or i die and dont have to go to work anymore. so

4 notes · View notes

unholycourier · 11 months ago

Text

biggest shock to me in fnv was convincing veronica to join the followers but bc i was a couple points off i couldn’t tell fool the brotherhood so their next logical course of action was massacring the followers post outside of freeside as if the doctors would build weapons of mass pre war destruction.

#corvid chatter #the fnv branch of the brotherhood especially makes me so oh. ohhh you wanna die so BAD.#this is whag plays as the final nail in the coffin for quinn and he goes nuclear on them lol #at first he was like ‘ok they fucking suck but they’re not hurting anyone. I’ll keep an eye on them and see if they’re worth anything to me #but they won’t even help in the hoover dam battle bc they’re all babies and then they kill followers for the stupidest cause and he’s like #alright suffocate now.#before he just kept them around bc they were hermits and also had laser weapons and mcf for him #i knew they sucked in my first playthru but i never did veronica’s quest until now . I’m in pain

3 notes · View notes

widevibratobitch · 11 months ago

Text

when will i fucking learn to not look into the comment section under a fat woman's photo :)

#lovely day to learn people like me are completely worthless barely even human and not only deserve to but SHOULD die <33 #i sure hope reading how bodies like mine are so disgusting they make people wanna puke #and are objectively undesirable laughable and ridiculous and anyone who says otherwise is lying #wont affect me long term and forever fuck up my brain <333 oh wait teehee #anyway. i feel like english comments are bad enough but polish men really go above and beyond.#yes yes fat people should be annihilated and mass murdered in gas chambers what a normal thing to say publicly :)#there's being fatphobic. and then there's whatever the fuck these polish boys have.#cant imagine how deeply fucking evil one must be to say something like that.#i sincerely hope something really fucking bad happens to all those fatphobes i hope their life sucks i hope they suffer forever <33 #anyway. if anyone needs me ill be hating myself in that corner over there <33 ciao

6 notes · View notes