#the safe thing might be to call my dad but i really really shouldnt make him leave work

[sensitivegoblin]

Stupid period vent

If youre a cis man; kiss a uterous haver on the forehead today

Cus fuck this feels like a mental parasite

[honeyhenry]

Apple Pie and You and I: A Very Happy Seresin

Ignore the fact it has been over a year since the last instalment...I would offer my life story but it has been HECTIC. Anyways, I have never ceased to think of Dad-to-be!Jake Seresin and since it is now the summer holidays, my gift to you is this lovely part 4 of the APAYAI series!

In the calm haze of what surely would be a sweet summer, you found rest in the peace held within the mid-June evening. Jake would return shortly from his quick job out by Mav's old place, helping Rooster refurbish the old skyline beauty Maverick hadn't had the time for lately. A whole stack of them had taken their turn, and while Jake remained a reliable friend now in the squad, he had really fought it internally, not wishing to leave your side.

Not when he could be snuggled up to his wife, on the porch or resting on the sofa, smelling the strawberry shampoo from your hair, or your shea butter moisturiser. Nor could he kiss you as and when he liked from 4.30pm, the second he got home from work, all the way to bedtime and then again in the morning before you both headed off - him to base, and you to your kindergarten class.

No, he wasn't going to be home until closer to 9 - almost 30 minutes away yet - and the worst part was, he was missing more than just you these days. The swell that continued to grow once you'd left Texas had become his new obsession - the slice of heaven that he already adored because they were going to be just like you, and make you look like the sweetest, hottest little thing this side of the States.

Resting quietly on the sofa, you await his return, knowing he'll ache and sweat and smell on his return - you can't wait to soak him all in and show him the newest development. You swear this baby grows dramatically overnight, a claim you state often whilst Jake just smirks because it's his big Seresin baby that he personally delivered, that grows and nestles inside you.

Your living area is lit by a chamomile candle and a yellow lamp that envelopes the room into a warm glow. The scattered pillows across the sofa and rug are perfect to relax on, and your most recent book "Parenting 101" swapped out for Cosmo magazine led to an idyllic evening. A small cup of tea and the night had gone perfectly.

Sooner than expected, you hear Jake's truck pull up into the driveway. Instead of standing to check and then unlock the door, you wait. Jake much prefers you to stay safely in the house, always alerting you if he has arrived - that you shouldnt be moving a muscle if you can help it. 8.36pm - he's early.

"Lovebug? It's me, I'm home!" he hollers into the foyer of the house, his deep voice carrying through to the living room. Pressing your soft bunny slippers to the floor, you call back.

"In the living room, honey!"

You hear footsteps and then a moment later, there he is, basking in the glow of the lamp above you. Or is it sweat? You can't decide for sure, taken aback by the mixed smells of oil and sweat.

"Hey baby," he finds your lips, leaning over the sofa to not get it marked, "and hey little baby." You smile as he extends a warm hand down to your stomach, smiling softly as he soaks in the moment.

"How was work? And Mav's?"

"Fine, fine. Got a bunch of stuff fixed in the back, Bradshaw got covered in grease and oil so if you see him with a black moustache, you'll know why."

You giggle as he stretches and then quirks a brow. "More importantly, how are you? How is peanut treating you? Being a good and upstanding citizen?"

"I think they grew again overnight. Or through the day, really since breakfast - although it might just be breakfast and my other meals.

"Yeah? Lemme see" he pulls you up carefully and you stand, moving past the plethora of pillows you had build a comfortable place to sit. He smooths his hand down his own shorts first, hoping it would be clean enough, before undoing a little clasp of your pyjama shirt to gain access to your stomach. His hand, warm and firm, rests atop your belly and you can't quite tell if its just butterflies, or that the baby is starting to move within you.

"Oh yeah, i feel it." he rubs softly still. "They're certainly growin'. Good job peanut" he speaks in high praise "and good job Momma...makin' us a baby..."

You have a quick kiss before you usher him upstairs to shower, and you turn the lights off, blow the candle out, and head upstairs to bed. You have your routine set - facial moisturiser, nightly stretches, a warm cup of tea, and belly rubs with your new balm.

You are finishing up your routine, rubbing small shapes into your belly as the smell of coconut fills the room. Jake adores watching you, from the doorway of the en suite. You sit back a little, scooping the balm onto your palm before ever so carefully applying it in small circles, then larger, deeper strokes while still taking tender care of your body. His favourite part has to be when you start whispering sweet words to your belly, realising you aren't alone in this routine. He's caught you a handle of times with; "We love you so much"; "Have you had a nice day in there, hm?" and tonight is no different.

"You're gonna be nice and relaxed in there hm? Me and daddy love you little baby pie. Could just eat you up..."

Moving from the door, he speaks up, hoping to not jolt or surprise you too much.

"Hey, don't go eating up my legacy now"

You giggle, a sound he knows will only ever be beaten by his child's first cry, before halting your laughter at the mere sight of him.

Leaning against the doorway, dripping wet, with a towel barely clinging around his waist. It would be a lie to say that your husband had never looked so good, because this was his standard. Anything he set his mind to, he would accomplish. It just so happened that having a body to die for was the collateral. And here he was, gazing into your soul, heart soaring while watching you treasure and love upon his biggest achievement yet.

"Don't you worry an inch Lieutenant. But I just know they are the cutest, I mean look!" you gesture to his side of the bed. All that sits there is his watch, his alarm clock, and a framed picture of the sweet blob sonogram. "You agree!"

"Yes honey, they're cute I know. Cause they're half you. The other half? Well they'll be the best Top Gun 2050 graduate if they get anything from their Pops."

"You know what, I want them to be all of you."

"Oh really?" Jake shucks off the towel before grabbing his pyjama shorts, grinning cockily as he stretches and flexes, much to your amusement. "I mean I get it, who wouldn't wanna go for a dip in this gene pool?"

"I'm serious, you goof! I have dreams, and the baby...they have your eyes, and that one little dimple like you have your cheek, and, and I don't know. I feel, when I feel the baby, that they're just like you. They feel like home. And-"

You're halted by his physique pressing up beside you, kissing you as if he'd been on an infinite deployment and that holding you was the only sure sign that he was really back home; alive, safe, loved.

"You make me the happiest man alive. You both do. Now, lemme check the house and I'll be right back to hear more about these dreams you're having about me." He winks and you groan, knowing your confession will fuel his ego that little bit more.

As he heads downstairs, you begin massaging your belly again before crying out;

"Oh, Jake!"

You hear the clatter of the teacup he'd taken downstairs, and 5 loud thumping footsteps before he reappears at the door.

"What?!"

With big doe eyes, you smile sheepishly.

"I forgot to tell you, the baby is the size of an apple today."

Jake's expression shifts from one of panic, to utter relief. His chest visibly drops and he runs a hand through his drying hair.

"Baby....don't do that...y'just scared me to death. I'll be right back and then y'can tell me all about it."

On his return from locking up, checking the lights and ensuring he had his uniform laid out for the next day, Jake quietly moved into the bedroom and clicked the door shut. In one hand, he had a glass of water - one you'd never ask for but he knows you'd need through the night. In the other, is a thick, wooden book covered in a multitude of colours and shapes.

You quirk an eyebrow, curious about whatever Jake was holding.

"No Aviator's Digest or Fatherhood 101 tonight?"

"Actually, Bradley gave me this, wanted us to have it at least for now. Something' bout reading to the baby. Then they know my voice... if I'm away." Jake looks down at the book as he shuffles into bed, doing his best not to disturb how comfortable you have made yourself during your nightly routine.

You know that being away now means a great deal more to Jake than before. The issue is sensitive, of course. He doesn't want to be an absent father in the way deployments and time on base can project. You haven't spoken about it too much, but you know it will bother him. Simultaneously, giving up the job he has worked so hard for to be more present is a big sacrifice. One that would also be financially risky to your growing family.

Instead of diving deeper, you keep it light. Jake has no plans to go anywhere anytime soon, or even for very long. It's best to focus on what you can control.

"Oh? What book is it?"

"Something about a hungry caterpillar. Looks a bit demonic on the front, but Bradshaw swore his cousin's kids loved it."

He rests up against the headboard, curling one arm around your shoulders, intertwining his hand with yours atop your belly. Certain that he has you safe and warm in his arms, he unpops your shirt again at your tummy "so they can hear" which has you rolling your eyes. He holds the book right by your belly, and begins.

"Good evening, baby Seresin. This is your father, your Pops. Now you gotta listen - there's a test at the end of this story and we don't tolerate anything but top marks here."

"Jacob Seresin!"

"All right, all right. Now, are we ready? Then let's begin. In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf. One Sunday morning..."

By the time he had turned to the middle page after his soft southern drawl had recounted a feast of apples, pears, and plums, you - and baby - were fast asleep. Closing the wooden book, he pops the button back into place carefully, sorts your pillows, and turns off your bedside lamp.

He'd finish the story tomorrow evening.

[s-omething]

hi, franci. i know you liked when dad called you that, but we go by jax now. belive me, baby, it fits us better, but im here today to care for you, so its franci as you liked. i cant sleep again and tonight i caught myself remebering everything. when i say everything, its everything. im remebering when you were around 2 or 3 and dad caught a spider with his hands and showed you for the first time how things might not hurt you if youre gentle enough. you know, he fell in love with bees when you got older, those bees that used to sting you all the time at grandpa’s,  he taught you the same thing again, bees are awesome and you just have to stay calm and be gentle. i remember telletubies, bbb late night with mom, i remember when you lost a cd you liked and mom showed you how it was really not in the cd box anymore, cause you didnt believe her. i remember that rainbow you really wanted to see but you were not allowed outside, im sorry for that, you did get to see a lot of cool rainbows after it, i promise. baby, i remember you were sad that mom liked that boy she was taking care of more than you, or maybe she was just nicer to him, im not sure, but i know it did hurt a lot and you told her, i dont understand why she thought it was funny, i dont know why she said you could leave if you were jealous, she still tells that story as a joke, its never really funny. i remember how tiny your school backpack was, cause you could not fit much into it when you said to her you were leaving. i hope you know you were really small, she did not believe you would leave, okay? maybe thats why she find it funny. i want you to know that if i was her, and i wish i was, and i wish i was there to take care of you and make sure you didnt feel like you needed to leave, i would tell you that i didnt want you to go anywhere, that i love you and i do like you very much, youre very funny and smart and special for me, no one can replace you in my heart, okay? i wish you would never leave, but i will be with you if someday you decide to go. playing with you is fun, teaching you about the world is wonderful, i love hearing what you have to say. spending time with you is not a burden, baby. i remember playing outside with the other kids were scary, even if your brother was there and he was having fun, i understand kids are loud and sometimes they are mean too, i could go with you, i could hold your hand and make sure you have fun while feeling safe, so you dont have to stay in and watch tv all day. its okay to cry if you regret that you didnt go outside, but you can always try again tomorrow. im proud of you for that day you did go outside, and you did have fun. yes, most girls will be more nice to you than the boys usually are. i kept remembering that time you found a horoscope word for your sign and you misunderstood it. thats why i started remembering everything actually. because i know that word has been weighting you down since then, it still does today, im sorry. you grew up, im you, im an adult now, being lonely still haunts me. i am loved, i have people i love, you are loved. i like to remind myself that, so i dont get lost like you did back then. i remember crying before sleep because of that stupid word for a long time, i remember the night you couldnt stand rolling that word around your mind anymore so you carefully went into your parents room to tell them you were scared. i remember dad explaining the word and i remember you were still scared. baby, youre not alone. you wont be alone. im here, i will be here waiting for you to grow and i will not let you feel alone. its so strange to look at my hands and understand they were once so small and unsure. i guess i carried the feeling with me, but disconnected it from myself in a way. baby, i want to talk about things i know you will not be ready to hear and understand, and you shouldnt be, and im sorry you still have to deal with it without being ready, okay? i know its scary, it feels wrong and you dont know why, i know you dont have the words to try and explain it. you do not have to. its not your fault. i wish i was there to stop it, i wish i was there to protect you and give you the words for whenever you needed them. im here now, but its too late. im dealing with it, sometimes i cant stop my mind from running those things around all day long when its too quiet. but im here, we survived and we did talk, we did find the words and at some point we did understood. baby, im sorry you felt more scared than angry, you are allowed to be angry. your body is still yours, you are not pregnant and you are not dirty, i promise. if something feels wrong, run away. if you cant move, try to scream, okay? you can just scream for help, you can scream “no”, anything. you can scream, you dont need to behave and you dont need to be quiet. being quiet is not as good as everyone keeps saying it is.  when everyone was getting sick, you were scared the world would end and you were scared of dying, i remember cleary, one night you couldnt breathe and you were thinking how you would tell mom without bothering her because dad was not home and you didnt know what else to do. i remember being in the car, i remember the doctor calmed you down with a joke about pigs. he was right, you can calm down, youre alive, but i know he didnt tell you why you couldnt breathe. baby, you were just scared, okay? your fear was just too big, thats why your brain forgot how to breathe. when you feel like that, you have to teach your brain how to breathe again, in and out, slowly, you will feel better soon. drink some water too. i remember dad was home when you came back. he was watching avatar and you drank tea with him, right? im thankful to you for enjoying those moments. im glad he was there to calm you down a bit more. baby, i know youre still scared about the world ending, i know youre worried about all the trash, polution and all those animals being extinct, i know it keeps you up at night like that night you couldnt breathe and like those nights with that word stuck in your head, you should tell dad about how you feel, he will clear your mind and even it all those big things dont go away, i promise understanding better will make they stop being so loud at night.  i know mom says mean things about you sometimes, she is wrong, okay? i know you believe her, but she is lying, she is not really angry at you. she is angry at herself and its not your fault, she should not let it out on you. youre just a little kid and its not fair. please, remember this. you dont need to change, you dont need to fix her, she will not listen and its okay. its not your responsability to try to fix those things, just dont believe her. i know with time you learned to be more quiet, i know you erased yourself a bit just so she would not see you so much, you should not be quiet for her shouting, you are not those bad things she says, you are good, you are smart and strong and you do behave very well, even when you shouldnt. i love you, i trust you, im proud of you, you are very kind.  i remember some scary things that i still dont know how to talk about, i hope you can forgive me for that. i want you to know i forgive you about all the silly and bad things i remember you did too, i want you to remember something, okay? youre a kid. it okay to be angry. its okay to make mistakes. i forgive you. its okay to to things that are not allowed sometimes, i am an adult now and i want you to know that breaking the rules they gave you is not as bad as you feel it is, you do not have to carry all that guilt around, i promise those things are veeeery silly.  by the way, you do not have to hang out with those girls, they are mean to you and mom should not be telling you who you have to hang out with if you dont really like them. if they are mean, they are not friends. you will have kind friends who like you for who you are, i promise. yes, you deserve people who like you, and you should not stay quiet when someone is mean to you, but i know its scary, its okay if you dont know how to react and i know getting into fights would be scary too.  i remember pretty well, you look in the mirror sometimes and youre terrified of people realizing youre not a “real girl”, right? theres nothing wrong with you. theres nothing wrong with your body, its changing now and it will change more later, you dont have to worry about being a girl or a boy or neither. youre beautiful, nothing will change that. people are not looking at you and wondering anything, people dont really care. yes, men on the streets are weird and scary sometimes, stay away from them, okay? they do not define you, they should not be looking at you at all, changing how you dress does not define their behavior, they are just disgusting because they are.  thats as far as we go as little kids, i wish i walked all those steps beside you, baby. im sorry i could not, turns out you still have to grow for me to be able to tell you all this. and you will, you will grow and you will learn things and find yourself and things will keep changing, you dont have to be scared, you will be okay. dont let them be mean to you. dont let them make you feel stupid or dumb. you are bright, its okay to learn things in a different way and understand the world in a different view, its okay to feel things a little bit too much, just dont let those feelings swallow you. youre bigger than them, they just look big because its their shadow youre looking at. i love you, baby, im here. 

[f1nalboys]

Anon asked:

Hi I was wondering if you could do headcannons for the slashers finding child reader and seeing some marks on their bodies that means they've been abused by their guardian or parent? And maybe slashers being the reader's new guardian and parent? You can add fluff in this if you like.

Hi, thank you sm for the request! I had such a good time writing this lol, just imagining some of them as parents was *chefs kiss* I hope you enjoy this! (And, if you or anyone reading this is dealing with abuse, please call or text the hotline * and remember you are strong, brave, and do not deserve what is happening. <3 )

*This hoteline is only for the U.S states and Canada, but please don’t be afraid to search up the hotline for where you are or to tell someone you trust!

WARNINGS: implication of abuse

MICHAEL (RZ)

‘What is this gremlin and why are they around me?’

Honestly would be treating you like a pest as a first instinct, he doesn't really get why you're around him in the first place like where are your parents…

I mean once he loses you he's gonna follow you around because he needs to know who you belong to lol 

During his little stalking hours he starts to recognise his own behavior that he exhibited in his childhood to yours and he gets this sick feeling in his stomach

When he sees your guardian he is immediately filled with rage because he knows exactly why you're doing the things you were

He is killing whoever it is that very night he doesnt care whos around of the chances of him being caught

There’s a 50/50 chance of him taking you in himself. I really think it’ll depend on your age and how you act, you know? Michael isn’t going to want to or be able to take care of a toddler or kid in a way he sees fit so he's just going to drop you off at a neighbors house 

Now if you’re older and more reserved/independent he might be more willing to watch over you but I still think it would be really hard for him to do so

As long as you’re in Haddonfield though he’ll be checking in on you and just making sure you're alright and safe

Boogieman got your back basically

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher

‘Why is this unattended child out at night and why are they hanging out around us?’

They’re psychopaths not assholes, they’re gonna try and help you lol

They’re surprisingly good with kids, especially Stu, so you’re immediately comfortable around them

Billy is the first to notice your behavior and any bruises and immediately connects the dots. He’s had his fair share of bruises and knows exactly how you got them

Once he starts asking questions, Stu will catch on and get just as mad as Billy, if not more so.

They both have already come to the same conclusion: whoever did it to you is not going to be surviving the night

Take you to Stu’s parents house (who welcome you with open arms and doted on you) and leave for an ‘errand’

Gone for a few hours and when they come back (they made sure to stop and get you some snacks) they let you know that you're safe now

When they take you to the police station in the morning they promise to make sure you’re alright and Stus parents offer to foster you (they’re going to adopt you don’t worry)

Big brother Stu and Uncle Billy :,)

Thomas Hewitt

Personally I think they have a strict no children policy (they’ll kill them if need be but they try to make sure it never comes to that) but Tommy and Luda Mae are very strict enforcers of this rule because if Hoyt had his way it wouldn’t matter what age you were; food is food

The moment Thomas sees you being hurt in any capacity he is going straight to his mother to tell her and lets just say Luda Mae is pissed

Thomas becomes a protective older brother to you, Luda Mae is acting like your mom, and Hoyts your weird Uncle but Tommy make sure he isn’t too harsh on you lol

Your abuser is staying alive until Thomas knows exactly what they did to you because he’s going to return it tenfold

Hoyt would bug you about getting revenge but Tommy really wouldn't want you to do so because you’re a kid, you shouldnt be exposed to that sort of thing (he knows eventually you’ll have to learn about the family business but he wants to stop that from happening for as long as possible)

If you say you want to, though, he’ll be with you every step of the way

He is going to teach you sign language you don’t know it because he wants to talk to you and let you know everything is alright now

Found family at its core babey

Sinclair Brothers

Lesters the first one who notices. He saw what happened with Bo growing up and seeing how you were acting when you were in the car, shrinking into yourself, he got angry

And when Lester is angry, he is angry… the man is hard to piss off so when Bo sees him pull into town with you in there and sees his face he knows something happened

God, speaking of Bo, he was furious. It took so much willpower to not kill your abuser right then and there

Bo is good with kids, i don't care what anyone says, he’s cracking jokes and letting them look at the car’s engine with him, stuff like that

Made sure you didn’t see or hear what happened with your abuser but will introduce you to Vincent (who might be more inclined to show you his face if you think his mask is scary) and he lets Vincent know that these people aren’t to become statues under any circumstance

He tells you the people you were with left and that they apologized for what they did and he doesn’t think you believe him but you seemed so relieved he didn’t want to tell you the truth

Most likely to take you to the next town over to the police station to get you somewhere safe because he and Vincent agreed that it wouldn't be safe for you in Ambrose

But if you begged enough to stay Vincent would convince Bo that it’d be alright

No matter how much Bo grumbles about you being there, eating him out of house and home, he’s actually pretty happy you're around because he can be a father figure to you (even if it scares him half to death)

Vincent will teach you how to sculpt (obviously not with humans, maybe when you're older if they ever tell you (or when you inevitably find out))

Cool Uncle Lester teaches you about bones and lets you ride around in the truck with him

Jason Voorhees

Witnesses it during his daily rounds around the camp  and neither he (or Mrs. Voorhees) is happy

Kills them then and there; there is 0 hesitation, he lowkey forgets you're even there and that you’re witnessing it 

When he notices you he feels so bad and actually feels worse when you seem to be happy they’re gone

Is afraid you're going to be scared of him because all he wanted to do was protect you but he’ll try and explain to you through sign language or through writing into the dirt with a stick

Actually wants you to stay in the camp with him so he can watch over you but has no hard feelings about you going back to civilization (he doesn’t even know how he’d be as a father)

Obviously he can't go and drop you off somewhere because he’s literally s zombie lol but he will go as far as he can to make sure you get somewhere safely

Worries about you even weeks after you’ve left, like how are you doing? Are you with someone trustworthy? Do you remember him?

If you stay, however, he is gonna be the best god damn dad ever, if not a bit overprotective

You’re not allowed to leave the designated area he’s ropped off outside of the cabin because god forbid some campers stumble across you

Tiffany Valentine

We all know my wife has no qualms about killing kids but she’s way too sympathetic once she figures out what's going on with you

Meet your new goth mom! She’s great!

She is the most qualified out of all of the slashers to take care of a kid regardless of the age (I mean, remember Glen/Glenda and how accepting she was? How much she cares for her kid?)

She’s killing your abuser without a single care in the world, she’s not wasting any time either. She lets you know you’re safe with her and that nothing will ever hurt you again

Get ready to be pampered; she is treating you to everything you could ever want. You won’t be spoiled, of course, but you’re going to be comfortable

You will be the most well-adjusted kid being taken care of by a slasher (maybe losing to Billy and Stu but that’s just because of Stu’s parents) so congrats for that!

[morelike-bi-light]

unplanned unexpected unwarranted vampire charlie au

au where bella decides she cant leave her dad behind like her mom did and convinces edward and carlisle to protect him too. carlisle ushers him out of the house and explains things to him, providing proof as needed - as much as he can. they go to arizona to hide out, charlie stumbling over his words to convince renee that he and bella were threatened and are in enough danger to need to hide out in a different state.

bella still gets the phone call, and renee doesn't answer when either of them call. when the others are distracted, she still gets away to meet james, but when the cullens go to save her, charlie's waiting outside with esme and rosalie (who are guarding him on the road instead). victoria is there too - and she gives them more trouble than they anticipated. emmett and jasper are distracted by the redhead and the noises from inside the studio getting louder and more concerning by the second.

when a scream rings out — he's never heard bella sound like this, not even when she was a mousy little girl buried under his seahawks baseball cap far too big for her head — charlie can't help but wrench open the door and run inside. his baby is cowering away from a bloodthirsty monster and there's not even a pause in his step as he sprints over to shield her form with his own, squeezing her against his chest and praying for the first time since he heard she wanted to come up to forks for the rest of school

his prayer's interrupted by a loud shattering sound and a malicious laugh. "aw, look at that! daddy's trying to save you. what a noble, pointless sacrifice!" a smack like stone hitting stone. "well far be it from me to deny a man his dying wish."

he doesn't hear what he says next - he doesn't hear anything, or see anything, because everything is white and sharp and pain, burning like a star, blooming in the crevice where his shoulder meets his collarbone. nothing exists right then but the cold fire in his skin, burrowing in his bone. it feels like hours before anything changes. the first thing to slip through is wet on his cheek and cool hands scrabbling to clutch at his.

"dad! dad!" bella? "edward! carlisle! anybody, any of you, please, I need help! my dad — needs help!" a hand on his cheek, trembling and frantic. "dad just hang in there! somebody help us!"

his fingers twitch, stretching towards her. "bella —you okay — bells — "

"im okay! im okay, im so sorry, dad, im so sorry! im sorry, it shouldnt have been you — this is all my fault — edward! edward please, you have to help him!"

hers is still the only voice he can discern but there are more emerging, blending together but getting closer. he catches snatches of words like 'bit', and 'spread', and 'minutes', and 'sorry', and 'safety'. a pale shape stands at the edge of his vision, and at once he's lifted from the floor. he convulses, eliciting another audible choke from his sweet daughter, and he recognizes a familiar, soothing voice from above.

"we can't stay here..."

"what? what do you mean?"

"we'll bring him back with us..."

"what are you going to do?"

"let him take him, bella, please"

"we'll watch over him, i promise."

"Im not leaving him, i can't just let him go!"

"i promise," softer. "jasper — will he sleep?"

the world softens and fully crumbles away. there's nothing left. nothing but fire.

time doesn't exist here, but then the fire, it doesn't go out. yet it stops hurting. it stops eating. it starts feeding. a single thought pops into his head that will make no sense to him when he recalls it later — a weary 'oh. i see.'

three days after the ballet studio, he wakes up to a brown popcorn ceiling. he blinks. he can see every crack and cranny in the plaster.

"mr. swan?" a tinkling voice says, and he sits up. "good, I thought you'd be up." the little black haired cullen girl beams up at him, chipper but sorry. her hand is curled around his wrist. "bella will be back any moment, and carlisle soon after. they're just across the hall, actually. he says we'll need to look after you for a while, just in case, —"

she pauses, just soon enough to avoid being interrupted by the sound of beeping and pressing keys and the door swinging open. bella is whole and wonderful — he can see every inch of her and she's really actually fine, not even a scratch — and she freezes seeing him but then she's flinging herself forward, pale face contorting

"dad—!"

"b-bells," he stands up, quickly, too quickly, to meet her, tugging alice along with him, but edward catches his girlfriend's hand and holds her back as he voices her objections to her entering at all. charlie scowls at first, when a scent reaches his nose — a smell that might've made his stomach growl if it could. his eyes cast up in open question.

edward is stiff, eyes looking conflicted but legs poised to pounce. "it's her."

"oh." charlie shifts uncomfortably on his feet, properly spooked, willing the despairing thirst away. as moments pass since making the connection, the scent of blood — of food — fades, to the point he can hardly detect it at all. it's a sharp relief.

"you — how do you feel," bella forces out, eyes locked with his with an uncomfortable intensity that makes him squirm and anxiously rake a hand through his hair. carlisle and the others filter in behind her and he's grateful for something else to look at, now he knows she's safe.

"better," he settles on. "than before, I mean. was that — did —" he waits for someone to interrupt him and fill him in, but it's quiet. "are you okay?"

a bark of laughter bursts from her chest and she assures him she's fine, eyes wide and brows furrowed like she can't believe he's a real person, the way she gets sometimes when he says something so awkward and sincere it makes her want to groan. but she doesn't want to groan anymore. instead she's torn between crying and singing.

"what do you remember?" carlisle asks, gently stepping forward, his gaze a mix of clinical fascination, wary confusion, and personal concern. charlie would flush beneath it... but the heat never comes to his cheeks.

"exactly how much are you looking for," he grumbles. "last thing i recall..." no need to go into the pain. "finding bella with that... guy at the studio."

"just finding her?"

"trying to protect her," he amends, focused on avoiding everyone's gaze. "and... it was..." then he notices how much there is to see, even when hes trying not to look at anything. he frowns. absorbing this much — it feels like a headache, minus the pain itself. overload. "it was him wasnt it. he bit me"

esme and jasper nod, but carlisle and bella just look away, the brunette visibly cringing. edward's jaw tightens, and for some inexplicable reason, the sight of that is what makes it all click for him.

"so," he fumbles for a second, but the word comes out so clean and sure when he says it, not at all like he feels. his mouth is physically incapable of tripping over itself like hes used to, no stammer, no stumbling. he grimaces and all the muscles pull exactly like he intends them too. he shakes his head. "he bit me. and? can i assume that's what's got me feeling so weird? the... some sort of effect of the bite?"

bella doesnt answer. neither does carlisle. surprisingly, it's that blonde girl that replies, though not to him.

"show him," she says, and after a moment, esme creeps forward, gesturing for his hand. he hesitates, but takes it. edward shifts to place bella behind him, as if she needs to be protected from him the way charlie protected her from james, a move that breaks his heart. gently, esme maneuvers him over to the bathroom. she turns on the lights, though she didn't really need to. he blinks. red. in the middle of a face with skin more suited to a shelf at a morgue than the tasteful backsplash of the bathroom, framed with dark, curling, concerningly long lashes, his irises were red. that wasn't it, either.

"am i..." he huffed. "am i seeing things, or am i way better looking than usual?"

a ripple of good humor disturbs the room, from esme's warm giggle, to a watery chuckle from bella, to a great, booming crow from emmett.

"way to focus on what's important, chief," alice nods, at the man's back in an instant. she doesn't sound nearly as sarcastic as those words should warrant. "finally, a man after my own heart."

"wait till you try running for the first time," emmett interjects, joining her behind him. "mind, blown."

some of the other family members sigh and shake their heads. charlie runs his eyes along his sharper jaw, still sprinkled with the stubble he'd acquired in the preceding chaos, now even and almost roguish where before hes pretty sure it made him look old and unkempt. he looks younger, he thinks, not young exactly, but good. better than his age.

he pulls away from his reflection, eyes flickering from face to face around him. he might even have said that he fit in with the mythically beautiful family. hes struck by how silly he was to dismiss the strangeness of the gorgeous, antisocial group out of hand, now that he sees how strange he's become himself, before his eyes fall to his daughter.

"im sorry dad" she mumbles, humor evaporating, and a pain resounds like a crack in his chest.

slowly, carefully, he moves forward, and the rest of the vampires stand on high alert as they realize what he's about to do. bella's eyes are bloodshot and he presses his lips together in a bittersweet line as he wraps her in his arms and tucks her close, just under his chin. a shudder runs down his spine as a phantom pain ghosts over his shoulder, but he brushes it aside and it evaporates like water. when he breathes in, she smells the way she always has, and he is not hungry.

"it's okay, kiddo. we'll get through this. im just glad you're okay."

and they do. charlie's vampiric powers are related to shielding, like his daughter, but his are more like putting things on mute, if that makes sense. small things, obviously, and usually physical. he's got a great deal more resistance to thirst than most newborns, for example, because it's muted by his powers, particularly for those he cares about. unfortunately this makes it likelier for him to, uh, die of thirst, as it's possible for him to forget to feed. and he can't block edward from hearing his thoughts completely, but they're muffled naturally by his powers (and always will be. hes not helping anyone into his head any time soon, especially not his daughter's boyfriend). he can also mute his own scent to the shapeshifters — which means he and billy, after things are all sorted, will still be able to hang out and be best friends!! he can also mute his own footsteps,

anyways this started as a meme post intending to go into how comedic it would be if charlie got changed and bella spent the rest of the series complaining that edward wanted to spend the rest of eternity with her father but not with her but then i got struck with some mad charlie feels and this happened so anyways vampire!charlie everyone @charlieswanismyrealdad @effervescent-emmett @cullen-trash @emmettmccartycullen @jaspell @leahclearwaterdefensesquad is this anything

[random-fandom1]

I've been 0retty inactive the past few days (*cough*weeks*cough*). I've been having exams and shit but my last ones tommorow so I'll be back up and running in no time.

I also wanted to give yous the link to the promised Wattpad oneshot story. It only has three parts right now but like I said, after tommorow I'll be free

Anyway in the mean time, let's imagine a Eurovison Winterspider headcanon

-

Bucky is competing for Romania while Peter is competing for Poland (I didn't want to go with the classic Tom Holland Britain)

Bucky has been trained for this practically his whole life, coached from the age of 7 after being discovered by a famous producer.

Peter on the other hand is just naturally gifted. One minute he's on the streets of Krakow singing his heart out and then he's being shipped off to Italy for the EuroVision song contest

Bucky and Peter both meet in the hall outside their dressing rooms, and they instantly hate eachother

Literally can't stand one another

Tony, Peters dad had to come and separate them after Peter threatened to jump Bucky once

The day of taht they need to perform their first song comes, and they're both secretly hoping the other fails and gets kicked

But there's no such luck

Instead, they find themselves mesmerised by eachother performance

Bucly thinks that Peter sings with the voice of a thousand angels cascading down on him, he swears he got lifted away.

Peter also thinks Buckys amazing. The gruff of his voice adding a nice bit of depth to his song. He might be in love, he thinks. Peter quickly shakes the thought from his head

By the time the second show comes along, both have realised that they are in love with the other. But they're so oblivious to the fact that the other likes them too.

People have started making bets

Shuri and MJ, the violinists in Oeters band may or may not have started it

One night Peter is leaving his hotel room, going over some lyrics for his next show without looking where hes going. Suddenly he bumps into a wall and falls.

The wall also falls

It moves as well

Maybe it's not a wall

He looks up to quickly apologise when he sees Bucky about to do the same.

"Hi" Peter says, suddenly realising how close they are

"Hi to you too"

"Um, not to be rude but you knee is kind of, um, you know" Peter gestures down to where Buckys knee is in between his legs, a blush spreading across his cheeks

Bucky just smirks and starts to grind a bit against his crotch

"I'm afraid I don't quite understand what your meaning. I'm quite comfortable" Buckys thick Romanian accent runs through him

'Jezus, he had to choose now to do that?" Peter can fell his crotch start to grow in his joggers

He had to wear those today, didn't he?

Bucky suddenly stops and stares down at Peter

Peter stares back

Slowly they start to lean in and they're lips collide

Sparks fly

The buzzing of the fireflys fades away

It feels so right

Things quickly escalate and now Peter and Bucky are lying in one of their beds, sweaty and tired out

"Hej, why don't we play 20 questions?"Peter asks out of the blue

"Sure doll, you go first"

"Um, how is your, um, oh I know! How is your English so good?"

"My father is American, I go see him every few years but it is hard with me not wanting to leave my mama, you know?"

"Yeah, I kind of get you. Your turn"

"Ok, how is YOUR English so good?"

"My mama is polish qnd my father is British, I grew up in both countries. My parents are still together but my family is all over the place. I guess I just was bound to pick it up. Ok now my turn, um, when did you first realise you might like me?"

"Honestly, since the moment I saw you. Until you opened your mouth"

"Oh zamkni się" Peter tackles him and starts to kiss all over his face

One thing lwads to another and I think you know what happens next

A few weeks past

The day of the finals finally came

Peter and Bucky are officially dating (in secret) for 2 weeks now and couldnt be happier.

Peter is getting warmed up in his dressing room when he feels arms wrap around him from behind

"Hej doll"

He spins round in his lovers arms and captures his lips in his own, enjpying the feeling if being so close

"Shouldnt you be getting warmed up?"

"Already have darling, just need to stick my shirt on in s second and Ill be ready"

"Oh, um. Well, Im really scared Jamie. Like shotting bricks scared"

"Oh darling, you don't have to be scared, i lo -" An automated voice suddenly cuts him off

"Can Romania please make his way to stage 1. 5 minute call"

"Well thats me doll, good luck" Bucky kisses his lips quickly before running out the room

"Good luck babe!" Peter bearly manages to shout back

Peter fixes his outfit. Its kind of like a mixture of Damianos outfit from last year and Harry Styles. Black leather dungarees paired with a shimmery pink top. He looks good, st least that's what Bucky said

Suddenly a bright light emits from the small TV in the corner, causing Peter to turn to it

There standing on screen looking absolutely gorgeous is his boyfriend, who lied about that shirt. He stood tgere in black pants and huge angel wings on his back

The first note from the piano hit and the voice of angels filled the small dressing room

Peter quickly decided to sprint from the room to stage 1, the song following him through the halls.

He got there in record time, and there he was. Bucky was there singing his heart out

A tear came to Peters eye. But it was there as sson as ot was gone. The last high note sounded and Bucky said his thanks.

And it had finshed

A man was suddenly on Peter, pushing him onto the stage just as Bucky walked off. They made eye contact briefly before Peter stumbled on

The bright lights h8t him first

This was really happening

Shuri gave him a thumbs up, which he retyrned, before she played the first note

Then he was off

He started singing in instinct, beautiful voice fillinv the stadium

And before he knew it, he was hittibg the last note and collapsing to the ground, all wron out

Thats when he felt strong arms wrapped around him, soft lips on his neck and the scent of bucky surrounding him

He was safe

Tired

and most importantly, with his lover

Bucky and Peter both somehow toed in first

First time it ever happened

After Eurovison, they both went back to their own countries

Peter spending some quality time with his father Tony and Mama Steve

Bucky suprised him a month later by showing up with a bag full of clothes

They dated for 3 more years before tieing the knot

Peter gave birth to twins the following year.

He always used to think nothing good could coem from hate, he guesses he was wrong

life was great

[ginazmemeoir]

So here is the entire story of what happened

So My centre and other centres (we all have our entrances on different road sides and cant really see each other as its quite far- couldnt find a picture to explain srry) are built in a huge empty polt off the main road and outside the gate there is this huge parking ( it isnt a parking like technically but everyone has made it a parking) for kids and teachers and other people of the area..

i think this might explain i couldnt find any proper image but i hope i do a good job at explaining anyways here it is

SO basically after my coaching was done all of us were dispersed ( time-5:30 pm )

So now mostly either my mom or dad pick me up since its too away from any metro and my timings are late and my parents are paranoid

Now its about 5:45 and everyone's gone and even the guard locked it up and went away most of the staffs gone since it was a half day otherwise we have classes till 9pm

A few of my guy friends waited with me for a while but I didnt want to keep them waiting on a saturday so i called my dad and he said he would be there in 2 minutes ( he hadnt even left his office. smh )

SO my guy friends were like alright we'll then i guess. It was getting dark it was about 6pm now and i was still standing in between cars (a lot of people use it for car parking even though its the institutes property but yeah)

I called my dad again like " WHERE ARE YOU " he was like i am coming dont worry !! stop calling so many times ( he was in a meeting so he switched his phone off then ig )

SO i was just standing there near the gate near the street light .( there are just 2 lights one barely works ) i am looking all round like i hope no one comes singing hanuman chalisa in my brain

and after a while a few guys came and they were looking me up and down and slowly started passing really bad comments about my body and how a girl like me shouldnt be out this late

Now i wanted to punch them and call the police but i did for the following reason -

They were 5 guys i would have never been able to fight them alone

I was on foot even if i ran away they were on bike and they would catch me

If i called the police that time they would take my phone right then, get angry and go from the verbal assaults to physical

I remembered in nirbhaya case the main guy said he only wanted the money and ended up raping her because she bit him and started to fight back and he wanted to " show her, her place" and i in no way wanted to anger them or do something that would make beat me up or get physical because then i would loose and get kidnapped and murdered

I was hoping that the guard bhaiya comes but he didnt i was like shit

i could call my dad but my dad would loose patience and drive rashly and yell at them through the phone so that would be of no help and they would clearly see me call him and take away my phone.

I didnt have anything like peper spray or even a knife which i now carry because fuck u the police wasnt there and they wouldnt even reach in time

So i put my phone on mute and decided to slowly walk away and go to the main road where i could find people and the police or at least someone and it was properly lit. ( imagine bikes )

I got up and started walking away and they got on their bikes and started saying " ab toh tujhe humse koi nhi bcha sakta meri jaan " ( at this point i knew that if they were dragging this soo long this meant they had a lot of time and wanted to have a lot of fun which idk i was true but meant i wasnt in any immediate danger if i didnt run and me slow walking was giving then a lot of fun of chase so they wouldnt start attacking right then)

It was abt 6:40 ? 45 god knows i was walking and they were commenting and laughing and saying " aji hume apna ashiq bna lo ya chalti hai kya 9 se 12"

You have no idea how much it took in me to not just start throwing punches right then and there ( and not cry but that would show weakness )

I was about near and i started running and jumped to the other side of the divider thing and they started following and then i saw my dads car on the main road and i ran to it and dad was like " you ok ? why u ran here ?" i was like nothing i was getting bored so i came to the main road and when i saw ur car i came and sat lets go quickly i want to eat food.

Out of the rear mirror i saw they left but i know they would have found another girl

Now i could have done this waay better but that time this was only thing i could think i mean i was in 10th for gods sake

OH DEAR GOD THANK GOD YOU WERE SAFE UH I WOULD HAVE PUNCHED MY DAD IN THE SHOULDER

also yeah good idea for the knife. Also carry bagh nakh or brass knuckles they're more concealable and brutal.

[reineyday]

some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

[mollydollyjournals]

Maybe I need to just like. Scream. Loudly. For a few hours.

My concentration is still so bad I'm barely getting anywhere with this same set of nails. Still. I'm trying to keep working on it but my mind is just not doing it because I feel constantly on edge. This is day 3. One set of nails! Jesus they're not that good. I take a long time to do most things but my mind is really just not functioning.

I'm feeling really particularly isolated again. I have nothing to say that might be of interest to anyone else. I dont really even know how to respond to the small amount of interaction I do get. A friend has started being more talkative in our group chat and sent me a message asking for some info on nail art techniques - maybe I'm being self centred but I feel like it could at least partially be an effort to get me talking. If so I appreciate it. But I still dont really have anything to say beyond quick surface responses.

My mum asked if I'm going to see her this weekend. I wouldn't on Sundays because she has a zoom call with relatives I dont want to talk to. It occurred to me that saturday is tomorrow. Part of me wants to go to hers and drink red wine and just connect with someone. The one person who's almost always had my back, or at least has never seriously intentionally opposed me. I want to go see my dog and my kitten and tell her that actually I'm doing pretty bad, I'll probably be divorced by xmas and sometimes I hear things that arent particularly confusing or distressing but they're definitely not real.

But that's not how it works in our dynamic. She had a serious psychotic episode when I was a teenager, and I took care of it all. My younger brother has ongoing psychosis. It's in our family. If I say I hear things she'll only panic. My doctor knows so it's not a secret - if theres one thing I learned from both of their cases, it's not to stay in denial. But theres no point telling her. And the divorce stuff? She'll internalise it. One of her children is dead, one is an ongoing psychiatric case with not much of a future because he's also actually a pretty terrible person, and the last one is me. She feels bad enough because her "marriage failed," which is a weird phrase her generation seem to use. She told me before not to date other people in case it hurts my "marriage." She'll think it's that, and start spiralling about her history with my dad and the one guy she's dated since they divorced. She won't believe me and hb were fine having other relationships and the issues arent to do with that, and I dont have the energy to talk through her stuff again.

Maybe it's getting to me more than I think. It's not like I didnt know this shitstorm was coming. But now it advances. Like I heard the forecast before, but now I can see it on the horizon. Now I have to really truly consider moving out of the house and splitting up the cats and whatever else. Thinking about it, maybe i should talk to my mum. Itll almost definitely be her I move in with if it all goes through. But then maybe I should only talk about it if I'm sure.

I dont know. I'm jealous of everyone with good parental relationships. I still havent even texted my dad for his birthday. I guess I should do that. I kind of miss when all 4 of us go back to my dad's house for drinks, us and my half brother. But that's not going to happen for a long time yet, for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it never will again. I'm catastrophising I guess. But it's hard not to with the current track record. I just feel like there isnt any evidence of positive things. Really, truly. The best thing that's happened to me recently is I sent the rented carpet cleaner off and then saw that my cat did a big healthy shit in the middle of the carpet. I have to be happy about that because it means hes not losing his guts to diarrhea and vomiting like he was before. But I still have to deal with a hygienic nightmare and probably a stressed cat picking up on my mental state. And I still have to gauge the whole situation based on a literal pile of shit.

I feel like thinking positive is just kidding myself and giving into my genetic tendency towards psychosis. If I'm going to convince myself of something that isnt real in order to make myself feel better, why not lose myself in a fantasy entirely? I should just build an entire world where everything is okay and lock myself away in it. Why stop at just telling myself that this one bad thing or another won't happen.

I try my best to stay grounded in reality to avoid ending up in that kind of mental state. But reality is fucking tiring. I know my life isnt the worst in the world by far, I dont mean that. But we're all going through some extra shit these past couple of years. I struggle not to take that on too. Not that it even helps. We had a mass shooting here today and I'm thinking about the people who thought they were safe because they live in England where firearms are extremely rare, the parents of the child who died, the people living in that area who will feel so unsafe now, and all the pro-gun lobbyists in the US who will use this as a reasoning that gun control doesn't work thus keeping millions of other people at risk as long as those laws dont change. But god. I would be dead many times over if guns were as easy to buy here as they are over there.

And then I think about all the people that have been lost to situations like that. I'm multiracial and have family in multiple different places - I was always raised with the idea that you dont stop caring about people just because they're not in the same country as you. And it's true, you shouldnt. But I've internalised a lot of it as fear and sorrow and idk what else. Just bad feelings. Feeling like the world is such a terrible place, that I cant deal with my own suffering, and that if I can't deal with that then what about the people who have it worse? What can I do??

What can I do for anyone when I cant even paint a single set of nails?

I'm sure of all kinds of bad things happening. I dont want to be. Some of them I couldnt prove, so maybe it's just my mind. Many look likely. I dont know how to deal. I am all the worst parts of each of my parents and this is the result. I wish therapy was more of a thing last century. They should never have had kids. My older brother got off easy by dying. Incidentally I have to somehow gather money for his gravestone soon as nobody else in my family ever offered to help my parents with it in all this time and it's only just been put up now when I said I'd help my mum with it. I never even fucking met him. My life is like a bad tv show. Not an interesting one, not a well written drama or tragedy, just bad.

[red-elric]

i loved your kureno meta so damn much! do you think you could write something on shigure too please? He's my favorite.

okay i love love love love LOVE shigure and im sorry it took a couple days to get back to you on this! im really feeling the dad shigure vibes rn so i hope its okay if i ramble about that for a little while :)

SHIGURE FUCKIN SOHMA. this slutty lil bitch boy, this conniving creep pulling the strings behind the plot.............. im onto u!!! i see the way you treat the kids you interact with! shigure sohma........... has a soft spot for kids, and acts as a genuine father figure for quite a few of them :))

we’ll go in increasing father figure order for a bit, for funsies. lets start with kisa and hiro! i’ll be honest, there’s not much of a relationship between these two and shigure; they dont seem to interact much, except when the kids visit tohru at his house. however, i can think of a few times when shigure has doted on kisa or teased hiro about being a kid, for seemingly no reason at all. he seems like an uncle to them, an image that is further reinforced when he gossips with hatori about the drama going on in their lives; kisa’s bullying, akito finding out about them, etcetera. i bet he buys them candy, the big softie <3

lets talk about shigure and kyo for a little bit! so, kyo HAS a clear father figure in his life: kazuma. as such, we don’t see shigure filling that role for him very often. the only times i can think of are very early on, before the true form arc and kazuma’s introduction. the key scene that comes to mind? when they talk about a chance that there is someone out there who might love kyo. that always seemed like a fatherly thing to say, to me, although shigure kind of ruined the effect by saying it as if it were a challenge or a tease. honestly? i kinda get the impression that these two dont really get along, however. other than yuki and kyo, these two fight more than anyone else in the house--just verbally, underhandedly, rather than physically. still, shigure is willing to talk to kyo about his life and take him to things like entrance tests, and thats more than you might expect from someone who ‘only cares about akito and himself,’ which is what i see his character reduced as a lot (and also the impression im sure he’d like us to see).

shigure and yuki......... holy shit. shigure is the first adult that yuki learns to trust, however sparingly, and i will stand by that. (yuki CERTAINLY doesnt trust his parents, for good reason; he’s on bad terms with his brother at the start of the story, and hatori has given him good reason not to trust him by erasing the memories of yuki’s friends. meanwhile, shigure is the one who took yuki out of the room with akito and gave him a place to live, no matter shigure’s intentions at the time.) i doubt yuki trusted shigure as an adult easily, or that shigure made it any easier for him; however, i fully believe these two spent a lot of time talking together before tohru came to the house, and probably after as well. shigure is the one who set the groundwork for yuki’s growth, however unintentionally, by taking him out of the main house. he’s the one who provided yuki with a safe place to live and a safe school to go to, and that shouldnt be underestimated.

but damn, does none of that hold a candle to shigure and tohru’s daddy daughter relationship. i dont give a shit about the jokes shigure makes “flirting” with her; this man cares about tohru like she’s his own daughter, no matter how he tries to hide it. he’s CONSTANTLY calling her cute, cheering her up, offering deep and profound advice, and gossiping with her when the angsty duo they live with are bringing the mood down. when she hears her grandfather has collapsed, he immediately recognizes that she’d have a hard time asking anyone else to go in her grandfather’s stead, and that her own family isn’t very reliable, so he takes the phone from her and immediately takes care of it for her, offering to go in her grandfather’s stead. when he overhears her anxieties about her future? he gives her some of the best, parental advice in the entire series. when he’s thinking about akito and all the drama he’s been putting into motion, he repeatedly indicates that hurting tohru is the one potential outcome of his plans that he might regret. he says he wishes he’d dreamed of someone like her, for crying out loud; he wishes he could focus on platonic relationships, that he could be a better man who could take care of the girl who sees him as a father. he loves her so damn much, and guess what? she loves him right back. because tohru had never in her life had a strong father figure in her life, not since katsuya died. she couldnt even consider his spirit as a father figure, because she resented him for what his death did to her mother. most of tohru’s friends growing up relied on her much more than she relied on them, including hana and uo in middle school. by the time kyoko died, tohru’s grandfather was at an age where he needed to be taken care of, and had to stay with her extended family--who doesnt care about her--instead of offering his support, no matter how he may have wanted to. when tohru started living with the sohmas, she was longing for a parental figure, but probably unable to accept one similar to her mother, due to grief; but shigure, so very different from her mother but still clearly caring for her, fit that bill perfectly. he has helped her time and time again, and their relationship is one of the most beautiful in the series, in my opinion.

thank you for listening to me ramble about daddy shigure :)

[daddystevee]

Crashing down

(steve harrington x hopper!reader / billy hargrove x hopper!reader)

Hi guys! I’m new at writing stories and shit but ya know what oh well. This is gonna be my first story or fic whatever you call it so no hate pls 😁 feedback is very much appreciated. My god I don’t even know where to start.. but thanks and enjoy love bugs. 

Catch up here

Warnings: angst?, sadness, Stranger Things s3 spoilers (eventually), uh yeah 

Part 1/?

Word count: 1458

Summery: Sometimes things just don’t go as planned and your world just come crashing down, but it’s a good thing that you have people in your life to be there to catch you when you fall. 

A little backstory, your name is Y/N Hopper, daughter of Chief Hopper. You have been best friends with Steve Harrington since middle school.You had always had sort of a crush on him, but you never really did anything about it since you’re best friends. You two stuck together through thick and thin, you even stuck out the whole King Steve phase and all of the Nancy bullshit in high school, which kind of sucked but you made a few friends out of it, like Nancy, Barb, Carol and Tommy H. (even though you didn’t exactly Like Tommy and Carol). 

Since you were friends with Nancy, you would end up being a part time babysitter of the party, which you didn’t mind because you just so happen to love all of the kids and the nerdy shit that they were into. You would hang out with them and spectate their D&D campaigns, giving feedback every now and then. So when everything went down with Will’s disappearance you wanted to help as much as you could, because that was one of your babies. (Will is baby <3)  That’s when you got sucked into all of the upside down stuff, and your dad was NOT a fan. After losing your little sister and your mother, Hop would do any and everything to keep you safe, you were all he had left. In the end of it all you got Will back and gained a new sister, El.

When heart-breaker Billy Hargrove moved into town you, like every other girl at Hawkins High, fell head over heels for him. But something about you made Billy super interested, and not just interested for a day or two. After awhile of seeing each other Billy started to open up to you about everything, about Neil, his life back in California, his dreams and everything in between. He eventually asked you to be his girlfriend and of course you said yes! This boy would do anything for you, he was soft for you. He wasn’t exactly crazy about you being best friends with Harrington (because he hated his guts), but there wasn’t a lot he could do about it. You guys would argue about a few things here and there, but never bad, until recently. It almost seemed as if everything you did annoyed Billy. You would be talking to him about something and he wouldn’t even attempt to act like he was paying attention to what you were saying because he was bored or annoyed. You could almost say he looked like he was losing interest in you. 

Then there was that one night, in 1985.

➸

June 29, 1985

It was one of those nights where you were arguing with Billy in the front seat of his Camaro, in your driveway. Maybe it was because you had been spending more time with the kids recently, watch over the little shitheads. Maybe it was because you saw they way he would be flirting with Mrs. Wheeler when he was on duty at the pool, and didn’t think that you were looking. Whatever it was, it was stupid and you shouldnt have been arguing in the first place. It was at this moment that you realized that you and Billy were drifting apart. One thing led to another and Billy started yelling at you full force, and there was no holding back. He had never yelled at you like this before. 

Tears started to form in your eyes, so you opened your door and got out of the car slamming the door behind you before he could get a word out of his mouth.

“Y/N!” Billy yelled, voice still full of anger.

You didn’t need to turn around to know that he was hot on your tail following you to the front door of your dad’s cabin.

“Y/N, baby c’mon” his voice softened.

“No, Billy! You don’t get to ‘baby c'mon’ me after you just yelled at me for spending too much time with the kids’ when it’s literally my job and you’re the one spending too much time ogling at Mrs. Wheeler and then act like it’s not a big deal and that everything’s okay!”, you had finally had enough. 

“I’m sor-”

“Billy, I love you. I literally love you to the moon and then some. I give you my all and I try to make this work but I’m starting to think that the feeling isn’t mutual.” you finally admitted.

Billy stood with his mouth open in shock to what you had just said. You stood staring at each other for a few solid seconds, but having a staring contest was the last thing you needed so you turned on your heels and marched your way up the stairs to your house, leaving Billy in the darkness of the forest, alone and hurt. You slammed the door behind you and slid your back down the door to the ground. Shortly after, you heard the familiar sound of the Billy revving up the engine of his Camaro, and finally driving away. Did you really just say all of that? What does this mean? What will become of your “relationship”?

That’s when all of the tears finally fell, your head hung low in between your knees. Quiet sobs left your throat, you were happy that your dad and El weren’t home, well that’s what you thought at least. El slowly makes her way into the living room, staring at you with wide eyes. She took a step closer to you and the floor make a creaking noise. That was when you realized you weren’t home alone.

Your head snapped up to meet her brown eyes. Your eyes were bloodshot and filled with tears, the only time El had ever seen you cry was when she had made her reappearance in November of 1984. You started to open your mouth to say something to her but before you could she fell onto the floor and into your arms. At first you didn’t hug back, but when she squeezed you with all her might you hugged her back like it was your last night on earth. 

You eventually moved from the floor to your room, snuggling with your little sister on your bed. It was around 11 pm when you heard three soft knocks on your bedroom door.

“Come in..” you managed to get out between the sniffles.

Hopper opened the door slowly and peeked his head in, noticing the state you were in, he suddenly changed his force with the door pushing it open harder than intended. He quickly walked over to you and sat on the edge of the bed. 

“Why are you crying? Are you okay? What happened?” he questioned

“Billy and I- we- we got in a fight” you said thinking back on the fight 

Tears started forming in your swollen eyes once again. Your father tensed up at the thought of his little girl being so heartbroken over a stupid boy. He instantly began plotting how he was going to turn this little shits life upside dow-

“But it’s okay.” you said softly “I mean everyone had fights, right? People go through shit..”

“Language” El commented.

You turned to her with an amused look on your face and you two burst into giggles for no reason. You loved being apart of this little family, for this very reason. Someone could be having the most awful, shitty, terrible day and someone would be your ray of sunshine and make your dark world a little bit brighter. 

“Well I know you probably want a little bit of space kid, so I’ll leave you two alone, but if you need me to tear that son of a bitches balls off I wi-”

“DAD!” you and El both shouted amongst the laughter that broke out into the room

“Okay, okay.. I won’t..” he started, “unlessyouchangeyourmind” he finished 

You started to motion for your dad to leave the room, he started to take El out with him.

“Hey El, can you stay?” you asked loud enough for them both to hear.

El turned to you with a smile on her face as wide as it could’ve been, she ran and leaped back onto your bed and engulfed you in a big bear hug. Once you two got settled into a comfortable position you began drifting off into a peaceful slumber thinking, ‘maybe tomorrow will be better?’

[ilikelookingatthings]

Thoughts on Akatsuki no yona: chapter 196 part 1

hmmm.....do I believe kyk-sook about the talk with the king Il and yu-hon?.....I don’t trust mndern day adult version of him in the slightest....but there isn;t much reason to believe he’d lie as a child/teen. Its a interesting situation where Yona is hearing about what happened from Yon-hi’s diary which Yon-hi over heard from the talks of kyk-sook telling soo-won and the other men. but we saw the talks up close like we were there which gives us a reason to think the report must be completely what happened because WE are seeing it as kyke-sook describes. but if we think about it logically we still don’t know for sure.

On one hand it makes it easier to picture and get a grasp of what happened and who said what because we see it as if we were witnessing it ourselves. On the other my extention of disbelieve is having trouble trusting it. it gives off the vibe of ‘how do you know about the things you weren’t there for’. Like kyke-sook was quite a bit away... how did he hear everything? how did he remember everything word for word? We also know lots of people were disappointed in yu-hon not being chosen so would kyk-sook lie to soo-won to get soo-won motivated?

But then again the proof was that soo-won looked at the corpse and was able to find the stab wound that was easy to miss and that it was in the back which lines up and proves those events. AND we know Il has motive.

It would be very easy to think Il thought Yu-hon killed Kaashi. Il has been paranoid his brother would find out her identity f for years. His brother was willing to kill all the priests, women and children included. Heck Il had saved Kaashi from literally burning alive in that fire that first time which had been on yu-hon’s orders. Kaashi was attacked after being invited to visit yu-hon’s wife and the last time kaashi and yon-hi got together was when yon-hi collapsed after the conversation with Kaashi. If Il found out about yon-hi’s illness and the connection to the king hirryu blood King  Il would have good reason to suspect his brother might try picking a fight with yona or the priestess/wife if his brother projected his sense of helplessness about his wife’s situation onto them.

We and Yon-hi knows how much yu-hon cared about his brother and wanted to support him and appreciated other people who see his younger brother’s worth. no liking people already depressed before his brother has done anything yet for example. telling yon-hi and his son thathe wants to support his brother and the country. Wanting his brother to hang out with him instead of the priests to the point his tone was too harsh and made Il feel bad for enjoying the one thing people dont carepare and look down on IL for. Yu-hon was really bd at getting his feelings across properly to his younger brother. H e wants to support his brother but he never properly let Il know about that.

even when yu-hon has the best intentions to help he tends to forget to talk to the people involved and his help can hurt. like how yu-hon killed all the priests without asking and yon-hi was terrible sad and hurt because none of her family approved of that and her mom killed herself as well as hurting his brother by taking away the only people who didnt make fun of him(the priests), a lie from his brother hiding yon-hi’s bloodline. then seeing up close and personal and murder and killing of priests who hadn’t done anything warenting being set on fire  and the people letting his brother get away with wjth.

There is a chance that yu-hon ordered kaashi or Yona to be attacked if he thought the influence was too strong and dangerious because she was a priest and he thought his brother would rely on the priestess words too much. Or it could have been a attack on Yona due to her being the reincarnation and yu-hon associating that with his dying wife. All of the people supportingyu-hon who heard the words seem to think Il was influenced or deluded thanks to the priestess and that fixationon the religion is the only reason Prince Il was chosen by the original king.

But I do wonder...the priestess kaashi was already dead and Il knows his brothers the popular one. what did he think his brother would do? Il was already going to be king? and we know Il did cry. Yu-hon was thinking of the long term survival of the kingdom and he aparently had a dream of taking over the whole continant according to his followers. Yu-hon definitly seems the more reasonable one daying that Il needs to focus on using the people and puting in work and to not just rely on the gods. Yu-hon was the one actually properly trained to be the leader of the country for years and has the broad enough sense to know you have to rely on people. but we also know Il is right that Yu-hon might care forthe people close to him he will do bad stuff he shouldnt do without a second thought seeing it as justified as a means to a end.

It makes sense why Il wouldn’t trust his brother. especially since we know grief can change people and Kaashi died very recently AND Il is now the king while knowing he isn’t supported by anyone other than Mundeok.

Its easy for us to belive that Il is mistaken and that yu-hon didn’t kill Kaashi. but we are also only viewing him through yon-hi’s lense. the mahoriy of what we see are his good intentions that don’t come out right and trust he fully commited to supporting his brother since he told his wife and kid that.

But Il is also his brother and has seen how far yu-hon will go in other aspects and that even hen you think your safe with the brother if he finds a reason to see you as a enemy yu-hon will change and act swiftly. Though  I wonder  why Il thought stabbing his brother was the only way. Like couldnt he have looked into who killed his wife and get evidence it was his older brother and judge him in a court?

Did Il think no one would convict him because of how popular he is and that he’d get away with it just as Yu-hon got away with killing all those priests because he was so popular and everyone would prefer him? did Il not want his brothers reputation ruined?

Yon-hi seems to truly believe its possible that Yu-hon killed Kaashi and thats pretty telling. though of course one murder doesnt mean its okay to murder someone else and king Il knew yu-hon had a kid so thats cold. I don’t get why Il wouldnt have done something about kyk-soo since it was clear he witnessed the murder and that it wasnt a accident.

Il seems focused on the dragons and praying....but I wonder if its also a result of no one believing in his abilitities? he has spent years of everyone critisizing him instead of teaching him including his brother, even that wasn’t his bro’s intentions. The one thing he was good at was praying. We know Il showed kindness and consideration to even commoners but we also know he didn’t leave the capital much so probably didn’t have alot of experience seeing how sometimes force is nessacary since the one big show for force what what happened to the priests that he saw. and he robably didn’t have favorable thoughts about the cutting up the head thing. I wonder if Il thought he couldn’t rule with his bro by his side because he couldn’t trust him and might see him as a threat to Yona. Though Il being hyper fixated on religion does seem to be his MO and him bringing up that soo-won can’t replace king hirryu and stuff like that later.

Its definitely noticeable that the ‘cowardly king’ nickname that even Il calls himself...I wonder if Il thinks its fiting because he stabbed his brother in the back and pushed him off the cliff instead of listening to him. Though it makes sense that if Il killed his brother why he wouldn’t want soo-won marrying Yona and that he faced his death head on. I wonder if Il though his brother would stop yona from becoming ruler or something?

I’m kind of enraged that the men told literal child soo-won about his dad literally being murdered by his uncle. They let him dig up his fathers dead body to check the wounds O.O

He is a CHILD. and while its smart because as a kid he would be less likly to get in trouble if found out and Soo-won chose to do this. Soo-won wouldn;t have looked into this if he wasn’ told about the murder. And aparently telling a literal child about it was better then them telling the mom? the PARENT that her husband had been killed by his brother. They let soo-won dig up his fathers corpse and never though to ask her opinion? Like soo-won is practical and he seems unaffected discussing everything but the fuck?

[pbandjesse]

I finally contacted a dentist! Progress. No appointment yet but progress none the less. 

But I am hurting pretty bad right now. And I am a little upset because I got a flat tire. Which was scary and not good. But at least happened in front of my own house so I wasnt trapped on the highway. 

Today wasnt a bad day but I was really tired. I woke up a little late so I was stressed when I did get out of bed. And the lack of time together was really wearing on James this morning so I stayed behind a little longer to give him some hugs. But I had to go. 

I had a pretty good ride in. Even if I was stressed about being late. Not that anyone noticed or cared. 

And again they didnt need me as a runner at all and I was just sitting there, salty. And lots of people wanted me to get them art stuff today, which made me feel useful at least. 

I headed up there at 9 and started getting things together. I made myself a little list. But I felt a little dizzy. That would happen a few times today. Mostly from the heat and from walking back and forth from the office. I tried to go easy on myself today though. Took breaks. Stopped myself from running all over without a plan. It was good. 

CJ was kind enough to bring me more easy cut stamp pads so I have plenty for the kids tomorrow. I cut that up so I had relatively even sizes. I did cleaning. I set up kits for tomorrow. And I started making lists for the next few weeks of projects.

I took a break. I was very tired. I ended up falling asleep for about an hour in my hammock. And it was very needed. My mouth really hurt and I didnt eat my regular breakfast sandwich. I did eat but I think the lack of protein kicked my butt. 

When I woke up I went and finally did eat. CJ came and sat with me for a while. And I started perking up. 

I spent more time prepping. Cleaning. I started working on samples for a later project based on those worry jars I used to make. I felt bad though because a counselor asked if I wanted to join them on a hike and I had to turn them down. But I took my own little walk to collect interesting rocks and acorns. I also finally got to try some of the wine berries. I saw so many more ripe ones today. 

And they might be my new favorite berry. I did a little research on them and it turns out they are an invasive species from Asia. They were introduced to Maryland in the 1890s! They are a cousin of the raspberry. But they are smaller and I want to say, tighter? The ski doesnt have the same squish. And the little pearls are much smaller. The flavor is brighter and sharper. 

I had a handful and it was great. And then when Charlotte asked me to cover one of the groups up at the barns me and those kids ended up eating so many more. 

Enough that we all kind of felt sick but we couldnt stop. It was very silly. Those kids were fun though. I had fun googling fun facts with them and looking up native nuts. We found some hickory nuts! Very cool. 

I took that group on a mini hike back to their home base. We had a fun little walk on a trail I go on a lot and they hadnt been on before. And we found more berries. 

But it was soon time for pick up. I had a snack. And sat on the porch. I was a little frustrated that someone apparently had a fever and they were still at camp. And refusing to wear a mask. But I kept mine on and I sent an email with my concerns about how this was handled. I really dont want camp to shut down. 

But that whole thing upset me. So I went and finished cleaning and headed out. 

I stopped at 711 and got pizza for dinner. Which was a good plan. 

Because when I got home our tire got popped. And I had to keep myself calm. Like I am so lucky it didnt happen on the highway. But basically what happened was that I was parking and someone tried to drive around me and scared me and I hit the curb and the tire like tore? It was crazy. Dad said that there must have already been an issue and that shouldnt have happened. But it was pretty shocking. 

I asked James to call me. Because I was freaking out. I needed his support. 

While I waited for him to be able to call me I just paced the apartment. But once he called I just cried. It was scary and also how was I going to get to work. I hate asking for help. I hate being a burden. 

But James helped figuring things out. His sister texted someone at work that lives down town and shes going to come get me in the morning. James is going to take the car to get fixed in the morning. Everything will be okay. It is still really upsetting. But I am so grateful that other people are willing to help. 

Now I just have to deal with my teeth. I just noticed that my hurt took has a swollen gum next to it. It hurts a lot to touch that. I googled it and it says it could be an absess. Because of course it is. Thankfully I have those antibiotics from my nose hurting that I never took. So I just took one. And tomorrow I will try to make an appointment with that dentist that emailed me back. Well see. Ugh. I just want to not hurt all the time. Why everything happen so much. 

Once most of the tire stuff was dealt with, I did play a little animal crossing. I was able to go and find a new villager today. I had to use like 7 tickets and found some really cute friends. But I landed on Nan the goat. And I am so pleased. They are so cute. I wanted a goat or a sheep so this was awesome. Even though the others I found were cute I think this was the best choice. 

I took a bath and tried to just chill. I washed my hair. And i tried to just be chill. Its hard. Why cant I just be chill!! But at least I can have the windows open right now. There is a really beautiful breeze and I am feeling good. I just wish James was here. I hope you all have a great night tonight. And you stay safe. Goodnight everyone. 

[derevosky]

tangled au shindeku (platonic because their story happens in one day) with dad for one ok ok here we go

yeah it’s “tangled au” but izuku’s hair is not long. he’s just trapped in the tower because (afo)hisashi put him there out of “love”. izuku’s believed to be quirkless but hisashi knew that his son inherited his quirk so yeah. he didn’t really want anybody knowing that.

inko is the queen because hell yeah she is. she’s ever so loving to her husband that she’s fine with only being inside the castle taking care of her son, trusting his words that the kingdom was great while there’s actually chaos happening thanks to the rise of quirks.

a group of vigilantes called one for all, led by toshinori stepped in to revolt and approach the castle.

then the king was impeached (yet unfortunately had the time to take his son with him), the kingdom needed a king so toshinori proposed to the queen.

anyway the kingdom was being ~great~ and stuff with the hero system. meanwhile, hisashi built a tower and put izuku there while he sometimes goes to places to research more about trigger and nomus because he’s a great dadTM like that mmyes. /sarcasm

growing up, izuku spent his time reading stuff about quirks because that’s what’s his dad have in his library like wow okay. he also read the worn out comic books underneath his dad’s bed and it was about legends and heroes. and he was really into them.

but his dad convinces him that the world is abusive and out of control. that izuku should stay safe (because he’s “quirkless”), even guilt tripping him that he’s his only family.

funny thing is, he knows his dad’s quirk is just fire breathing because hisashi is a goddamn liar like that. he’s amused how his dad cooks with his firebreathing (like gdi hisashi don’t even impress your son more you’ll just break his fucking heart.) and well, he’s like, adoring his dad for his knowledge and sht.

by the way it’s his birthday!!! too bad he’s still inside the goddamn tower. we all know that izuku can’t fucking deal with being trapped. he needs to explore, know more about quirks and the world. and maybe meet heroes like that would be fucking cool.

so say hello to shinsou. he’s a thief and sht, and can also brainwash people so he’s p cool and fucked up because he’s an angsty boyTM. and he’s wanted. (of course he is.) he’s stealing for his village that needs attention but unfortunately the kingdom only pays attention to the middle class and sht. (admit it. all might is quite problematic ok) so shinsou’s kinda a hero of the village but more likely a vigilante because first of all stealing is bad.

anyway shinsou and his fellas ojiro, aoyama, and that one kid fled from the castle because they fucking stole the crown. like wtf.

shinsou, the ever loving trolling jerk that he is, of course, had to leave his team and took off with the crown. (the scene goes like this: “okay, boost me up” “gimme the crown first.” “what? you don’t trust me after all the times we’ve been together?” they stayed silent. “ouch” and shinsou complied. and still managed to take the crown because his agility is lit like that. “COME BACK HERE YOU-“ and bam, brain: washed.)

he was then chased by motherfucking ingenium. (no iida is not a horse here)

and thank god he succeeded in hiding. then he discovered the tower. queue shinsou and izuku meeting aka shinsou taking his time to talk to the crown and say “hello at last” and izuku beat him with a wok. (it had to be a wok ok)

so that happened, and izuku says “i got a person in my closet!” and he’s like, “can’t wait to prove dad that i’m capable af.”

speak of the devil, his dad arrives and izuku’s on hyper mode explaining how he could handle himself like freedom is near boy oh boy but no. hisashi has to be a loving fatherTM and izuku feels freakin sad now. damn his birthday sucks.

and so, he was like, “ok dad fine.” and hisashi asked him what he wants because the dude felt guilty (wow he is capable of that?) and izuku told him that he just wanted a notebook as a gift since all his notebooks are already full. hisashi agrees and left.

izuku automatically nyoomed to his closet and opened it. shinsou (pray for his soul) unceremoniously got out of it.

“okay but this person looks fine??? except for the eyebags.”

shinsou momentarily opened his eyes only to be knocked out again.

and now he’s tied to a chair.

shinsou wakes up and see izuku. “wtf who are you”

“uh who are you? you’re the trespasser-“

oh boy.

shinsou grins like a lil sht and, “untie me and forget this happened.”

izuku inside his mind: “FUCK FUCK FUCK DAD WAS RIGHT I SHOULDNT HAVE DONE THIS. BUT DAMN SO THIS IS HOW BRAINWASHING QUIRK WORKS HECK THE BOOK DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOW I WISH I HAD ONE TO-“

(izuku has now the brainwashing quirk while shinsou seems to feel like he’s missing something.)

“holy sht how did you- what have you done?”

“uh, i don’t really know?”

shinsou just stared at him, his quirk doesn’t work anymore for some reason.

izuku seemed to have noticed this of course, and him being a literal genius didn’t take him long enough to know that he stole his quirk. so he tried his diddly darn best to make a deal with shinsou regarding helping him to go outside the tower. (as this was happening, shinsou is jealous and bitter af like lmao his quirk got stolen bruh, so his snarkiness is gonna dial up)

shinsou: “wait, you don’t know how to go outside?”

“my dad is kinda uptight. he never told me where the door is. and i don’t really know how you climbed up here.”

“....”

“sooooo, you gonna help me?”

“what choice do i have”

and so their adventure begins

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

-

alright, we’re here live with phoenix wright at temple temple 

lets see where we go.

-

aw he’s worried about maya. thank god someone is.

-

“I didn’t come all the way to khura’in to be useless”

prove it, edgey

-

oh its one of those lady gaga guards again

Lah’kee. aww cute

-

“I advise you accept the invitation”

well he can’t really decline it, miles.

Also “Lakhee” haha. at least edgeworth’s ability to mess up names is still here.

-

hm i wonder how she’s really spying on everyone. something ridiculous no doubt. 

-

oooh the ‘audience chamber’

i smell a cutscene 

-

ooh i was right

kinda

-

“this place is still as magnificent as last time”

wait what do you mean last time

it was listed as a new location in the map

-

“looks like you’re doing well”

damnit nick you made me laugh.

-

phoenix now has ‘bludgeoned by child’ to add to his list of stuff he’s survived 

-

we’ve already established that you cant get spiritual power from the orb unless you’re a medium already. come on now.

-

“For in Khura’in, only those who possess spiritual power may sit on the throne” 

uh im all for feminism and that but you might wanna open your king or queenitude to a wider and possibly more qualified range of people. 

i mean spirit mediums are awesome and all but summoning ghosts does not necessarily make you a good politician. 

-

“But the queen seems almost giddy for someone who’s husband was just murdered”

well I'm glad you told me that, phoenix, because i cannot fucking tell on her flat ass face

-

poor rayfa... she’s really grown on me. i hope she’ll be okay.

-

hmm. something just happened that i *think* should have tripped the magatama... but who cares. nothing works anymore.

-

“When it turned out Dhurke was forging evidence the people were devastated, and trust in the legal system plummeted”

anD THUS BEGAN THE DARK AGE OF THE 

NO

NO NON O NON NOOOOOO WE LEFT THAT BEHIND IN DD DO NOT BRING IT BACK.

-

“We have the divination seance, so we don’t need lawyers anymore”

yeah you also don’t need prosecutors anymore either. all you need is a judge to go “huh, looks legit” and into the slammer they go.

...and yet... and yet...

-

WHOA WHAT

SHE MOVES?!

also thats literally Morgan’s laugh but flipped. She’s evil. 

-

“it’s missing? I'm sure Dhurke had it when he went into the tomb”

why is phoenix so fucking stupid when he goes to kooraheen. its like when he sets foot on their soil his brain just drops every single shred of self preservation it once had. i mean i know he used to show evidence to blatant criminals but like, at least he had misgivings about doing it.

-

“From his odd hairstyle, may we assume him to be a relative? Perhaps, your younger brother?”

‘no, he’s my son.’

haha but in all seriousness considering Jove’s facial similarity to phoenix and the amount of shoehorned backstory for Apollo, they could pretty damn well be related.

-

wow. not only does phoenix yell EW NO HES NOT RELATED TO ME but he /also/ lets slip that he’s related to Dhurke. You know. Right in front of the queen who hates the living shit out of Dhurke.

Thanks for draining my baby’s braincells, SOJ......

-

“whats she whispering to that guard?”

oh i dunno nick maybe something about that thing you said about Apollo being related to the queen’s ARCH NEMESIS.

GOOD FUCKING LORD.

-

“That’s one swanky throne. I wouldn't mind taking a seat there myself.”

the audacity. and yet i love him for it.

“The jester and the crown. I imagine it’d make quite the interesting picture”

Ouuuch

“You know, Edgeworth, I hate to say this, but you’re absolutely right.”

he’s remembering that time he got all doe eyed over Dhurke’s mouldy jacket. 

-

why is the bazaar also a new area

we’ve been there before

-

...oh. warbaads sound like lions?? the fuck????

its a form of mimicry? to protect against predators??

when did he learn this again?!

-

oh god. of course. of course it would be Vore Machine who makes a fucking gunshot noise in the middle of a crowded area.

brilliant.

-

“since more people are joining us, ive decided to employ something that sounds like a gunshot to scare the fuck outta them!’

flawless strategy as always, dingel.

-

“What with the murder/suicide!”

he shouts with a huge grin

“Hopefully this means Tahrust’s death won’t be in vain after all”

GOD. even brain dead nick noticed it was abso-fuckin’-lutely pointless.

-

“see, i give my fellow rebels things that sound like gunshots, that will of course draw attention AWAY from them. yes, the loud noise things will definitely ward OFF the royal guards” genius.

-

“those firecrackers are more useful than i thought”

yeah because he used one on a fucking vulnerable child. maybe try it again when the actual trained police are on your tail, see how well that turns out for you. 

also fuck you Datz.

-

aw i love Rayfa and Nick’s interactions. She’s adorable and he humours her so much. It’s sweet. 

this is genuine by the way; its the highlight of the kooraheen cases for me. as i said Rayfa’s really grown on me. she was annoying at first but now it’s just kinda... cute?

-

“But hearing her all alone I... I can’t help but think of Trucy”

OW

OW

OW

OW

-

“it’s as if your brain-to-mouth filter shuts off the second you step out of the courtroom” 

oh man edge. you'd be snacking on your words if you saw his internal monologue. 

-

phoenix: men are messy. i am messy. 

-

where IS nayna...

in other news, Phoenix continues to dad at Rayfa

-

(weeping) oh god Rayfa’s so cute

please be kind to her pleaaase

-

(rayfa seems really worried for Nayna...)

yea maybe you should do something about that nick

-

Phoenix: rayfs maybe you uhh shouldnt do the divination thing i can do that

wehhh protect her nick

god she’s even feeling bad for being a brat. please just give her a hug or something, jeez;

-

i know its just a call back but how /did/ he get his hands on some J’suis Lebelle?

-

“I like my natural stress-grey very much ,thank you!”

-

“Do you suppose if I slept on it, I could see my father once more?”

OW

WHAT THE FUCK SOJ

obviously phoenix agrees with me. jesus.

-

shdgah i thought the notepad was a sandwich 

-

Huh! Inga was face-blind. who knew?

i kid, i kid. its probably related to queenbean’s magic surveillance shit 

-

hehehe everybody luuuurves edgeworth

-

Phoenix: drugs??? oh no I'm a cool kid. say no

(steals drugs)

-

n’awww. her birfday was the safe code. i guess even bad men love their daughters.

OH AND HER BABY LETTERS IN THERE TOO AHH

-

(yells) gfakgkkajafksj THERE’S AN ‘ASSASSINATION PLAN”

GOD

fake. fake fake fake. fake as fuck.

people don’t write little “my evil plan” notes to themselves. 

-

Rayfa: *sees picture of someone other than her mother holding her as a baby* MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIIIIIIIE

-

“I wonder what’s afoot?”

THE GAME, EDGEWORTH, THE GAME!!!

-

Edgeworth’s bitten by a fuckin dog and he STILL Cant manage a human emotion. good lord.

-

hmm. i know that was supposed to be comedic but the lack of visuals really kinda dampened the thing.

...plus, to choke edgeworth, the pressure would need to be applied to the front of his neck, not the back, and since the dog is on the front, it cant have choked him. it couldn’t have even pulled the “cravat” tighter because it’s not actually tied up.

(sigh) oh whatever.

-

Datz, emerging from a manhole to recruit 

-

Wow Datz sure loves to scare the shit out of children. What a class act.

“HAHA FUCK YOU KID, I HOPE YOUR DOG’S LOST FOREVER AND MAYBE DIES”

SUCH a class act.

-

“Ahlbi’s not exactly the picture of self restraint...”

phoenix he’s nine

-

“I worry about his future sometimes...”

of course you do, dad ;)

-

“You cant go trespassing like that, even if it’s for a good cause; it’s just not right!”

hey, trilogy and AJ nick would say otherwise, old man. you use to be cool. and interested in doing bad things for good ends.

-

weird haircut - friend of phoenix 

-

“a big orange spider leg” AHLBI 

he's right, but he shouldn’t say it!

-

“they were being pursued by royal guards!”

:) hey phoenix :) maybe next time dont tell the queen :) that they’re involved with her mortal enemy :) maybe :)))))

-

alright and that’s part 2 of the investigation over. apparently there’s a part 3? they sure are breaking the established time codes for cases in this game... oh well! stay tuned for the next time!

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: heard from drew? Carly: long shot Ali: Ha, good one Carls Ali: God no Ali: he's AWOL? Carly: yea Carly: gimme calebs number? Carly: longer shot Ali: 'Course but doubt they're chillin' Ali: and he might act like saying his name invokes him to pop up like a demon but you know Ali: Have you spoken to Meena? Surely he's keeping her in the loop Carly: shes not picking up Carly: to me Carly: same as my mum and dad Ali: That's not like her, she's probably just busy, keep trying Ali: As for your 'rents, where have they gone? And why do you need Drew so urgent? Gah, sorry, so many questions Ali: Just go with this one, are you okay? Carly: ive been trying ages Carly: shes not on spanish time idk why she cant answer Carly: idk wot to do Carly: how do i get it to stop ?? Ali: Spain's only an hour ahead of us anyway, not an excuse Ali: I'm 8 hours ahead and I've managed Ali: get what to stop babe Carly: the crying Carly: i cant think Carly: its all it does Ali: You've had the baby Ali: how long ago? did you go to the hospital? you need to if you haven't, like now Carly: what Carly: why would i go there Carly: its over with Ali: Because you both need to be checked over Ali: its really important Ali: have you birthed the placenta? Is it all out? If not you could die Ali: Never mind if there's anything wrong with the baby Ali: Call a cab and give me your deets, I'll transfer the money now Carly: that alien shit Carly: yea Carly: it screams healthy Ali: that is a good sign but there could be something you're missing, maybe that's why its screaming? better safe than sorry, they're not allowed to ask you about shit unrelated, so if you're high, sober up and then go, yeah? Ali: When did you last do a feed? Have you been able to? They'll show you how, it can be tricky Carly: id scream if i was born here Carly: gonna be stuck Carly: sober up? i need more Carly: shit hurts dont need to tell you Ali: They'll give you stuff at the Hospital Ali: why do you think anyone goes? Ali: and fo free baby gurl! please Carly: i cant Carly: gotta be hear for when my mum rings back Carly: & drew might come Ali: Give me your mums number and I'll tell her where you are Ali: then she can ring the hospital and they'll let you know Ali: I bet Drew has a key, no? Ali: Leave a note Carly: he left it when he went Carly: threw it at me Ali: Oh bab Ali: I'm sorry Ali: but you gotta focus on you Ali: and the baby now Ali: Not him, he knows where you are Ali: I can text him if you want, or try to call Ali: I swear nothing bad will come out of it Carly: but its his Carly: and i am Carly: he should be here Ali: But he isn't Ali: maybe he'll come back but you gotta keep going 'til he does, alright? Carly: i need to find him Ali: Not right now Ali: next step Ali: he's not lost, he doesn't want to be found Ali: i know that's harsh but its the truth Ali: he'll come back when he's ready, alright? Carly: what about me Carly: im not ready Carly: he doesnt care Carly: why should i Ali: he cares about himself Ali: AT LEAST do that Ali: if you can't the baby then the people at the hospital will help with that too Ali: you can't just leave it Ali: boy or girl? Carly: its a girl Carly: another one Carly: hes gonna be mad Ali: I don't think he's salty about not having a male heir babe Ali: If you really won't go...I'll do my best to tell you what I know and I'll send you links Ali: we'll do our best health check and then you've got to try to feed her, yeah? Is that okay? Carly: mad that shes here Carly: i said i wasnt having one Carly: you want me to read? cant hear myself think Ali: But you were Ali: and if you were doing it without protection then he was fully aware it was a possibility Ali: I'll voice memo you then Ali: it'll stop the crying Carly: he says its not his Carly: maybe not Carly: idk Carly: its got blood on it but could look like him when thats gone Ali: He said that to me when it definitely was so kind of his go to Ali: but even if it isn't, doesn't mean he has to be a dick to you about it Ali: Its not right regardless Ali: Especially not when you're alone Carly: how do i make it sleep Carly: im tired Carly: should i sing? Ali: That might help yeah Ali: Skin to skin to, that's comforting Ali: Lemme break down how you feed it, yeah? Hold on Carly: i cant pick it up what if i drop it fuck no Carly: gotta stay where it is Ali: You won't Ali: its your baby, its safer with you than it is on the floor Ali: get a towel, that'll keep it warm and put it to your chest Ali: [Sends 38 sec video] okay, if that's easier this vid shows you how but I'm here to talk you through Carly: all the towels are wet Carly: it can have my tshirt thats warm Ali: Good idea, see Ali: you know what you're doing Ali: you've got this Carly: its too small Carly: i have to put it back down Carly: ill hurt it Carly: fuming about me coming near it Ali: She's just hungry and confused Ali: Understandable, right? Dunno about you but I'd be pretty fucked off too if I'd just been pushed out my nice comfy home of the last 9 months Ali: You'll be her best friend in my time at all Carly: id put it back if i could Carly: whyd you wanna do this 3 times Ali: 'Cos I'm a bossy bitch and I want underlings to do my bidding and I get to tell 'em what to do Ali: speaking of, time for your masterclass Ali: get her and get comfy on the sofa or your bed or wherever is bed Ali: best Carly: k Carly: shes heavy wtf Ali: That's good! You did a good job cooking her then Ali: and if she's a lil chunk, this should be easier Carly: shes small but im sleepy Ali: you can both take a snooze when this is done, usually conks 'em right out Ali: is your tiddy out? Carly: knew you fancied me Ali: you know Ali: getting in there while your defenses are down Carly: im single Carly: you too Ali: Lets do it mama Ali: cutest fam ever? i think so Carly: shes not cute like yours Carly: weird coloured thing Ali: she's probably covered in the gunk and pink from screaming her head off Ali: no ones finest hour i bet she's beautiful Carly: ill get it to take a selfie Ali: yay! get it on the nip 'cos i gotta see my boo too 😍 Ali: line her nose up with your nip, kinda tickle her top lip with it, she should open her mouth wide Ali: then you can shove it in Carly: done that before Carly: weird Carly: [Sends pic of tiny baby Indie] Carly: does she look like him idk Ali: Definitely Ali: Looks a bit like Edie Carly: ill send him the pic Carly: probs should take a better one Carly: how do i look? Ali: Like you've just given birth Ali: so a goddess Ali: but a knackered one Carly: youve got a fetish Carly: cant trust that Ali: me??? Ali: didn't impregnate myself Ali: look at Caleb! Carly: and drew Carly: wont see him Ali: Clearly its his thing too Ali: but he's more about the before than after yeah Ali: he can't stay away forever Ali: he wouldn't leave Meena Carly: youre smart Carly: if i go there he cant avoid me Ali: Exactly Ali: Camp out Ali: Ana will help you with the baby shit if you like Carly: why Carly: she doesnt know me Ali: Because she's a good person Ali: plus she's a social worker, it what she do Ali: and she knows Drew better than most, she raised him Ali: worth a shot Carly: shes not his mum Carly: but she can take this kid Ali: yeah she's better than Ali: is that what you want? Ali: she'll discuss it with you, make sure you both get what's best Carly: im not talking to her Carly: she can take it or not Ali: No one will just take her with no questions asked Carls Ali: for your welfare and the kids Carly: im not answering a social workers questions Ali: They're not entitled to judge you Ali: She won't Ali: and as far as drugs are concerned, if you want to give the baby up then literally none of their business at all after that Ali: and if you did decide to keep her then they work with you Ali: they're not gonna just shop you, it ain't like that Carly: make me go to rehab is how its like Carly: fuck no Ali: They can't make you Ali: there's no point Ali: you can only get sober if that's what you want Carly: my mum and dad'll make me Carly: i know theyre gonna Ali: well, where the fuck are they now? Ali: if they're so concerned about you they'd be here Ali: actually supporting you Carly: theyll come when they find out about her Carly: i never told them Ali: Good, I hope they do Ali: but how did that happen Ali: how could I see and they didn't Ali: or Drew Carly: they dont come back Carly: drew did see thats why he left Ali: yeah but they must talk to you Ali: your mum has obviously been there how did she not clock something being up Ali: and not soon enough in Drew's case Carly: i call them if i need money Carly: they gotta think its why im calling now Ali: When do they call you? Carly: if i call and they didnt pick up Carly: unless theyre busy Ali: I see Ali: how's she doing? done feeding? Carly: sleeping Carly: how are yours? Ali: best feeling ever, right? Ali: much the same, its late here Ali: I'm pulling an all-nighter lowkey, finishing up some work Carly: i miss junie Carly: whatever your on for it gimme some Ali: i'd be creepy and snap him sleeping but no doubt the flash would wake his highness Ali: he misses you too, i'll get him to facetime Carly: aw Carly: go work bitch Carly: i shouldnt kept you this long Ali: don't be daft Ali: queen of multitasking Ali: and not just junie who misses you is it Ali: #massiveLESBIANcrush Carly: my tits are gonna go down Carly: snap me up now Ali: Trying, like Ali: make it facebook official Ali: that'll get the lads attention ey Ali: why else do it Carly: yea Carly: my parents too probs Carly: lapsed catholics Ali: be on the next plane over to get you back on the dick like Ali: i'll get on it #longdistancelesbians Ali: my ex gonna be so mad Carly: mine too Carly: wtf am i gonna do Carly: I dont want him to be an ex Ali: even though he's fucked you over like this? Carly: i fucked him over first Carly: i lied Ali: not really Ali: if anything, you lied to yourself Ali: but you didn't wanna hear it, couldn't Ali: and that makes sense Carly: cant block it out any more Carly: fuck Ali: it gets really real really fast Ali: doesn't it Ali: but you have got this Ali: i've got you, however i can, yeah? Carly: i dont want it to be Carly: i dont want it Carly: i cant do this Ali: okay, that's okay too Ali: but she isn't going to just go Ali: whether it was getting an abortion earlier or what you have to do now Ali: you have to do something Ali: there's no quick fix for it Ali: ana can get you in touch with the right people who will make it as easy as they can for you and her Ali: or my mum Carly: if i leave her she'll get found Carly: why does nobody ever call me back wtf Ali: Yeah but they'll still try to find you Ali: or Drew Ali: and his DNA will be on the system so Ali: and I reckon if they got to him, he'd sell you out Ali: when's the last time you slept? Carly: idk Carly: what day is it Ali: Tuesday Carly: sunday Carly: saturday Carly: idk Ali: fuck girl Ali: you shoulda been banking up on it before Carly: ha Carly: easy fix Carly: need my dealer Ali: not if your gonna be breastfeeding Ali: unless he gonna bring formula too Carly: i can go myself for that Carly: get a car Ali: you getting enough cash in, yeah? Carly: ha no Carly: no student loans for this bitch Ali: you'll have to look into getting help with that Ali: there's funds and shit, i'll find out the info Ali: that or tap Drew up for child maintenance Carly: yea cos hes declaring his earnings Carly: i wish hed talk to me Ali: exactly, bribe him like Ali: he's got a lot to lose Carly: hed never forgive me Carly: i cant Ali: but you can forgive him for all he does? Ali: got it bad honey Carly: yea Carly: its fucked Ali: is there anything he could do to make you stop loving him Carly: idk Carly: why Ali: cos you'd be happier if you didn't Ali: right Ali: like, he treats you like shit Carly: i wasnt happy before Carly: & he hasnt this whole time Carly: it got bad Carly: me too Ali: but you could be Ali: you don't have to give up hope of ever being Ali: and he did for the majority of the time though, that should outweigh the good Carly: with what Carly: this kid Carly: im not you Ali: no Ali: of being happy Ali: with just you Ali: or someone else who treats you better Carly: i dont have a job or friends here and i live in a caravan Carly: not gonna happen Ali: you can get both Ali: you're cool Carly: ha Carly: youre dreaming Carly: fucked the allnighter Ali: i'm not the only one Ali: and why not? Carly: drew says im a junkie Ali: what does he know Ali: and anyway, functioning junkie Ali: shits possible Carly: he knows me Carly: he loved me til i fucked it Ali: you haven't DONE anything Ali: a baby happened to you BOTH Ali: you're both reacting, right or wrong now, whatever Ali: and he probably still does but Ali: love ain't always enough Carly: why are you my friend? Ali: I said, you're cool Ali: funny, smart, nice, you already know i fancy you so no need to kiss arse any more, yeah? Ali: you're SO friendable, babe Carly: shoulda fallen for you Ali: yeah well, the tragedy of being straight and feelings not following logic Ali: sometimes, you gotta fuck feelings tho, do right by yourself Carly: i dont feel anything when he isnt here Carly: nothing happens Carly: cept today Ali: make stuff happen Ali: its only chaos darling Carly: youre not here either Carly: what am i gonna make happen on my own Carly: this shit Carly: idk Ali: what do you wanna make happen Ali: anything, however unlikely you think it is Carly: i want him to come back Carly: my parents too Carly: but none of them are Ali: can't control other people nah but you can do all YOU can to make it happen Ali: what would make him come back? who would he wanna be with? and you can try to talk to your 'rents and tell them what is up...longshot but maybe they don't realise how shitty they're being Carly: they're not Carly: theyre busy Carly: and im not a kid Ali: busy with what? Ali: living it up in spain? Ali: they kept you, you're their kid for life Ali: they don't get to peace at 16, 18 whatever the fuck Carly: they didnt vanish Carly: i know where they are Ali: yeah but they should be here rn Ali: you need them Ali: maybe if you ask, when they answer, they will come back Ali: i'm not slagging on 'em, its just facts Carly: i dont want to go live in spain Carly: fact is theyll try and force me Ali: well, they can't make ya, tell them why you wanna stay here Ali: they could still be supportive Ali: even if they're not physically with you every day like Carly: they wont let me stay for him Ali: okay...make something more parent friendly up then Ali: what they don't know won't hurt 'em Carly: youre so smart Ali: so i've been told Ali: with varying levels of sarcasm Carly: yea Carly: same Ali: You are though Ali: One of the many reasons we get along Carly: youre such a mum Carly: bigging me up like Ali: s'what i do best right Ali: shoulda been a cheerleader, fucking irish schools not letting me shine Carly: thats what schools do best Carly: be shit Ali: true dat Ali: even if my uni is pretty swish Ali: and full of nerds like me Carly: looks it Ali: still, miss the homeland like Carly: switch places Carly: shes crying again what does she want this time Carly: headfuck Ali: think its a bit too early for her to have shat, maybe wee but Ali: probably wanting her next feed Ali: you do it roughly every 2 hours for the first month Carly: ffs Carly: howd you get anything done with 3 of them Ali: ask myself the same question Ali: luckily they're not all on the tit 'cos form an orderly queue lads Carly: not getting my tit out again Ali: its that or formula run to get her to stop crying Carly: i cant put her in the car Carly: she'd fall out Ali: that solves that then honey Ali: get 'em out get 'em out get 'em out Carly: perv Ali: 🤷 Ali: single mum, gotta get my kicks where i can yo Carly: get fucked Carly: not offering Carly: one of the nerds would be up for it Ali: no need to tell me Ali: desperation station Ali: bless 'em Carly: do you go to class with your shoulders and knees out Ali: its boiling here, not even trying to be a shameless hussy Ali: can't be swooning erryday, got places to be, shitty bums to wipe Carly: yea Carly: cant steal that excuse myself Ali: sadly not Ali: can use breastfeeding though Ali: you're just out here feeding ya kid, looking hot as a by-product, fight me world Carly: don't Carly: how is this happening Carly: im looking at her and idk Ali: i can't believe you did it all by yourself Ali: you're a right tough nut Ali: but you don't have to keep doing it alone Carly: but i have to do something Carly: wtf Ali: yeah, keep both of yas alive until you figure out your next step Carly: make it sound simple Ali: 'course Ali: i'll allow you some melodrama but i can't claim hormones as hard Carly: u can Carly: and homesickness Ali: alright, lets have a good sob Carly: this kids done enough Carly: has you beat bitch Ali: rude Ali: already winning fresh out the womb Carly: what you naming it Carly: said you would Ali: you're serious? Carly: idc Ali: probs think on that a bit longer, whether you wanna name her or nah Ali: but my lists be ready don't fret Carly: k