#i wanna be the one blog that everyone likes talking to
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this is a more serious post so if u dont wanna read it u dont have to but id appreciate if everyone who likes my blog does- this will be the only kind of disclaimer i ever do.
i was gonna try to phrase this in a more diplomatic way but thats just not me. if u dont like what i say, please block, dont report.
my page is a place were i post my thoughts, and im tired of not asying them so here-
-idc abt the victims of the school shootings
-idc abt people shipping the school shooters. if u wanna do it, do it, but keep in mind these people have been bullied their whole lives and the words that pushed them over the edge haunt them after their death- so... yeah
-i dont feel bad for literally a single one of the victims or victims families, even if they were innocent in the bulying, i just dont care. idk why, i jujst cant bring myself to. i have alot of emotion abt people and i care, so i know im not a psychopath, but genuinely... who cares?
-if you care, thats great. block me, and move on.
-nothing is ever that fucking deep
-everyone hating on parasocial is just as retarded as she is.
-if you have sick thoughts, of any sort, talk to me. i will always listen, and youll prolly see we are pretty similar.
-acting on your sick thoughts and feeling guilty does not purify you, which is why (as someone whos never actually done anything ive tbhought of) i dont feel guilt. guilt is needless and unnecesary, and it does nothing for anyone. never has for me.
-im a genuinely well rounded person, ive just been through so much shit- its not an excuse for my behavior, but tbh i dont need an excuse, because poeple who need one are usually apoligizing, and im definetly not.
BLOCK DONT REPORT
#tcc dylan#3d but not sheeren#adam tcc#andre kriegman#cal and andre#cal gabriel#calvin gabriel#tcc columbine#tcc eric#tcc fandom#3d not sheeran#tc community#tcc thoughts#tccblr#tccblur#teeceecee#true cringe community#tcc tumblr#eric columbine#dylan columbine#zero day#columbine high massacre#columbine 1999#columbine massacre#3d f4st#columbine school shooting#3d di3t#im going insane#insane girl#this is insane
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Hiii pretties! Welcome to my blog!! Please keep things positive and stay slutty my friends!!!
~If you have any requests, please feel free to leave it in my inbox!!!~
Masterlist: The Watcher (Part One, Part Two, ...)
you can read the rest if you wanna like know more about me n shit ig
Hello!! I'm Kay, or K, kat, whatever you wanna call me. I'm literally just a girl. I am a freakkkk. I do be a bit of a stoner y'all, and I usually am high when I write, so if I make a mistake, I'm blaming that. I'm from the United States (unfortunately) and I only speak English. This is a safe place; I am always here if anyone wants to talk. I do not discriminate; I do not spread hate. I do not and will not tolerate hate or unkind behavior towards me or others here on my blog. Like seriously guys I have bad anxiety, so please be nice and don't make it harder for me.
This is pretty much solely for Outer Banks, Rafe Cameron to be more specific. But, feel free to talk to me about other things!
Other things I'm interested in/passionate about: Taylor Swift, veterinary medicine, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, The Walking Dead, 13 Reasons Why, Supernatural, Jurassic Park/World, Harry Potter, The Maze Runner, The Hunger Games, comedy movies (Seth Rogen & James Franco). I love cold weather, books, and cats. Music is life and I listen to a little bit of everything so feel free to send songs.
I AM a student, so just keep in mind that I may be inactive because I’m in CLASS or doing work; because I will prioritize that over tumblr (well, i try). Other times I’m inactive because I am sleeping, or because I’m busy with LIFE. I am not tied to my tumblr and blog. I’ve had only positive experiences here so far, but I know that fanfic writers are often mistreated by readers, but guys we are all just people.
If you want me to hurry up and publish new work, don't tell me that, just interact with my blog and compliment my writing and that will motivate me more than anything else ever could. Also ASK AND REQUEST PLEASEEE!! I really enjoy and appreciate new ideas and feedback from other people's brains. I also appreciate constructive criticism. Don't be mean about it, but if you dislike or disagree with something, tell me politely. I like hearing feedback and am always working on improving my writing.
Seriously y'all, please please PLEASE do NOT be hateful. Do that on your own time, not here. I will not tolerate unnecessary attitude and hate. I believe in forgiveness, and I know that mistakes and misunderstandings happen. I will treat anyone and everyone with kindness and respect unless I have reason not to (really hoping I don't).
Who do I write for? I only write for Rafe Cameron. However, I'm not opposed to writing a little or sharing thoughts about other Outer Banks Characters!
What do I write? I will write literally almost anything. There’s no such thing as too much for me, so request away please. ------ As for darker topics, I will write them. Actually, a large portion of my work will include darker topics/themes/kinks, etc. I will write sensitive subjects too. But just because I live for that shit, doesn't mean everyone else does so I'll do my best to include warnings on all my work for any content that might potentially be triggering for others.
(Small warning: mentions of my mental struggles and self-destructive habits) I've always struggled mentally. I've always felt as though the way my brain works is different from everyone else; like something is wrong with me. But after many many years, I now have a better understanding of myself and how my brain works. Not to dump this on y'all, I swear I have a point, but I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. These things are all a big challenge I face in my day-to-day life and are often the leading cause of why I may take longer to write and publish things. I may take breaks, so don't worry if I'm not active, I will be back at some point. And I'll try my best to update you guys on when I'm gonna be less active or vice versa. Another way my mental health effects my writing is because when I write, a lot of the time my personal experiences or feelings will end up incorporated within my work, since well, it's all coming from my brain. I mostly write for myself to express my thoughts and feelings, having others read and actually enjoy my work is just an added bonus. But personally, I have struggled with self-harm for about one third of my life. I often get ideas for new works revolving around this theme and may publish things about it eventually. Themes such as mental illnesses, self-harm, abuse, insecurities, EDs, suicidal thoughts, unhealthy relationships (obv), toxic household, etc. will have a reoccurring appearance throughout my works. So just be prepared, I guess.
And like I said before, if anyone needs to talk, I am ALWAYS here and I am a very good listener.
Everyone is more than welcome to message me or leave anything in my inbox. Whether it's to chat, request something, ask something, literally whatever is welcome!! (Except hate I don't fw that)
Thank you for visiting my blog, I hope you enjoy! As always, be kind and stay slutty!
#rafesbabyg1rl#thewatcher#rafe cameron#drew starkey#outer banks#outer banks netflix#rafe cameron x reader#rafe x reader#rafe obx#outer banks fanfiction#outerbanks x reader
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um
#this is uhh kinda a vent look away lol#um#i wish i was. cute#like#i wish people would look at me and want to tickle and tease me#rather than me having to ask for it#especially because i hate asking#i hate being vulnerable like that#i wanna be the one blog that everyone likes talking to#and who everyone finds cute and fun#but i don't know what i am lol#anyway#lee aether am i right. aha.
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Ohiwe (lady) and Ohime (man) aka the fire deity after they get punished.
Originally just "Oh", the fire deity had a bit too much fun with punishing humans and so in a means to stop them, the elder gods split them into two. So now they have to be together in order to have their "full" power but as before the split, they get restless and like to wander. So while one stays in their city, the other gets to go out and travel and see the world and check on the other deities.
Also, as a whole/singular being Oh would use they/them. After the split however, it's definitely not the same and so Ohiwe likes using female pronouns and Ohime uses male pronouns. That way when discussed as one, it's back to they. That feels best for them.
#my characters#i posted the unified base version to my side blog but they arent very exciting it was just a lil doodle#however as i sit here waiting for my throbbing headache to go away im dying squirtle i figured id try to doodle#before i work on the comm and unfortunately my head still hurts so back to medicine i go#also also ohime is much more mild in his commentary where ohiwe is sharp and harsh#and ohiwe is definitely more fond of running the city than ohime but that also means she gets more restless quicker#so he unfortunately is stuck in the city more than she is because she needs to wander#she still does most of the planning as she wanders and then talks it over with ohime when she returns#i wanna make a funny joke about how they are indeed the last two brain cells type of thing#but also they are on the same wavelength almost all the time cause they started as the same person#but its always a bit of a jump in their logic to other people while they remain on the same page#like ohiwe says something and YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS#and everyone else is like no ??? but ohime is like WE HAVE TO TAKE A NAP#or something and ohiwe is like exactly ! glad one of you in the room knows whats up
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url 🤨) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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REALLY IMPORTANT UPDATE PLEASE READ
Hey y’all, so this blog is probably gonna be on a VERY SHORT hiatus. Just like. Literally less than a week.
The short long of it all is that my parents are coming in tonight for the holidays and unfortunately as much as I tired I didn’t have time to queue up enough stuff for that period of time.
The ask box is STAYING OPEN during this period of time! So you CAN keep sending stuff in there just won’t be any polls for a hot second! Holidays are just kinda hectic, you know? Lol
But thanks again for everyone’s support and I’ll see y’all after I’m done showing my beach parents around the mountains haha
Also! In case anyone is interested! Cartoon Network is on YouTube streaming Holiday Special reruns of their cartoons for FREE for this month! Here’s the link! Happy Holidays and go watch cartoons!!
#also I just wanna say. i know the queue has died a few times#and I’m just really greatful and thankful that even if any y’all DID notice#that no one was like. weird or rude about it#i hope it goes unspoken that yes! i love this blog! soooo much!!#but I also am an adult with a life and full time job lol!!!#but yalls support means the world and I’m so excited to come back and keep going!#also I’m gonna make sure that with the next batch of polls to also bring back the data reblogs!#I’m sooooo dorky I LOVE the data part of it all#but those reblogs do take a LOT more time and effort than the polls themselves which is why they don’t come out as often qwq#BUT THANKS AGAIN#AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE!!!!#toonz talks
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lately it’s been like. i become mutuals with someone popular and unanimously loved within my general mutuals circle. i try to interact with them and be friendly. i get ignored completely. why.
#why are you going to bother following me if you’re not going to interact!#like it’s one thing if just. someone who isn’t especially social like#idk how to explain it without sounding crazy#but some people you see all your other mutuals interacting with and their blog is full of interactions#and all their personal posts get tons of interactions and they seem like they actually are here for the social part of social media#if that makes sense#vs like idk i have skme mutuals who are purely aesthetic bloggers#but even then if i send them a message or a reply they at least acknowledge it!#but recently soooo many ‘popular’ blogs have been following me and we become mutuals#and they just don’t even acknowledge anything i say to them#and honestly? it kind of is pissing me off#like why. what did i do specifically where you’ll talk to everyone else but me#why does this keep happening can someone just tell me what i’m doing wrong !!!!#it’s so frustrating i just wanna#..#snow.txt
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coming out as a passive jopper hater bc the insane level of capitalist pandering they did with s3 (with ERICA who is like. one of the worst, stereotyped portrayals of a black girl ive ever seen, bless her heart) was truly crazy. combine that with the copaganda and the general attitude of hopper in s3 which was played off as 'awkward loser guy doesnt know what to do with Feelings more at 8' was a bit .... Eh :/ to me. because it is so obviously a fictional character and show but like. disliking hopper/jopper bc of the ideals st is perpetuating and the fact that they arent compatible at All in s3 (to me, atleast) is valid. some ppl might just think that jopper is unhealthy and/or 'overrated'. because they do sort of pay a disproportionate amount of attention to jopper, compared to the other canon romantic ships (afaik, bc of the screen time counter) and that can be Weird, esp with the... how should i say this? balancer/savior role hopper takes in the relationship (we constantly see him placating joyce, sometimes even being slightly patronizing, and also they place a lot of importance on him saving joyce from a lot of stuff, which is cool and sick if it wasnt for the fact that it directly correlates with him being a cop, yk). and the general power imbalance bc he's a Cop and abuses his position of power constantly, and that is exactly Why anything that joyce does is seen as a #insane girlboss category 5 woman moment because she simply has the short stick in the power race and when she does manage to make an impact DESPITE her economic/social/'general uselessness in say in Major decision-making when it comes to authorities' shortcomings it is seen as an amazing win. hopper on his own is extremely fleshed out as well, because we get to see his arc play out with his relationships with his daughter and ex-wife and el and re-learning how to be a parent and how to not let love allude him, and that is lovely! it's so great to see the adults in the show being focused on! but joyce is absolutely disregarded and underdeveloped as a character of her own right outside of her relationships with hopper or her kids. we see that she is determined and a force to be reckoned with and that she cares very deeply for the people she loves and would go to insane lengths for them but all that doesn't Mean anything, because we never see a backstory for her. we never figure out who she is without her family or hopper, or what her motives and aspirations and emotional shortcomings and stumbles and mistakes are. for a character to be fully fleshed out, they need to be an interesting, refreshing and palatable character On Their Own without their relationships with other characters, and we just don't see that with joyce. like u have Thee winona ryder on ur show, and u forsake developing her character in favor of developing hopper's character with /not the best taste/ and causing her to be a blank slate of a mother, lover, woman and friend, but not a PERSON. all she's been reduced to is a Mother and Hopper's Girlfriend, and honestly, that's the worst decision they could've made in relation to her and her relationship with hopper.
anyway, all this to say; these are my thoughts on the matter, but i'm definitely not hating on people who enjoy jopper passively and DEFINITELY not any by/ler (the most predominant fandom im part of in the parent fandom of st) who enjoys them as a ship with their own dynamic separate from canon. because the by/ler fandom is NOT a monolith and nobody is obligated to agree with me or change their opinion if it doesn't align with mine or be forced to look at my opinion and feel bad for shipping anything. im not going to act Holier Than Thou for expressing my opinion and u should definitely continue shipping jopper if it makes u happy! as long everybody recognizes the copaganda and capitalist mindset grind propaganda shit in st (which is Pretty Obvious) and respects that while shipping what they want, i have no problem with it. all that is to say; peace and fucking love. can we (the by/ler fandom) stop fighting abt jopper we all have our own opinions this is bc we are Not a hivemind or a monolith and not obligated to have the same opinions relating to all aspects of st just because we happen to ship one thing. i am a hater and a lover
#anti jopper#<- i dont want the shippers to see a Big Ass Crit Post of their ship its not fair to them they ain't disturbing us. so stfu and let me be.#everyone who's ever talked to me outside of tumblr knows i have a strict no discourse no outright hating policy on this blog bc i wanna#remain a positive space in the st fandom. and this is the one and only time i'll be posting abt smth i dont like.#i am a MASSIVE hater abt st and other things as well. i am SUCH a petty bitch. but i want this blog to stay a sunshine rainbows place!#bc discourse is generally upsetting for everyone involved and the One Time i actually went hatergirl on here i got several death threats.#so respect that i will Not be speaking on this or anything else more ty bc ive had anons try to ask me for my Big Bad Opinions before and#like. no. no honey im not going to be controversial on main can we all just like our silly ship rb silly fanworks make silly fanworks .#anyway i do feel pretty passionate abt this so im making this a post but like. NOTHING ELSE. dont send me asks trying to ask for my opinion#unless i specifically ask for them. ok thx :) if u've read till here ur a real one and ily !#stranger things (sara's version)
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(( OOC: plays a game with shilo called "you dont get to see posts that would make you mad and fight with other characters" (she wouldnt appreciate that she would HATE me for this) ))
#listen i wanna actually interact with my friends#youre already hate and are hated by like two characters that are somma my favorites you dont get to see the upsetting posts poof#stuff id post on a hub blog if i had one#ho hum at this point im just being defiant becsuxe3#because * everyone else has one#anyways feel free to ignkre this post#ooc post#ooc#blog talk#pokemon irl
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buttered noodles 💫💛🍜
#just me hi#it's just a Lot of butter cuz i don't like having pasta sauce w/ parmesan (something wrong w/ that idk hfbshv) so :3#i was thinking of putting garlic in it but idk if that would be good... do i wanna take the risk.. i mean you can't really go wrong with#garlic... Hmmmm....#//oh yea i am definitely gonna switch up my main blog theme ehe :3#and maybe my rb blog's theme too cuz i liked it when the colours were matching lol#maaaybe to blue.. i don't remember if i've ever had a blue theme so this might be the first blue theme ehe :3#i just like to have an Image for the banner so i need to figure out what i'd like that to be.. hmnmnmnmnm!#//alright you know what i'm gonna put garlic in this one second lolll#okay i put black pepper and garlic in it's not too bad :)#prolly shoulda put more salt in too cuz i'm craving it. salt <3#/having spaghetti cuz the meal is actually supposed to be eggs and i cannot have that lol#some people are upset about this! like my dad. and my brother who is making the food lmfsh#i didn't know food was being made i am innocent in this !! probably anyway#like nobody is more displeased by this than me dude. i wish people could actually like. describe what some foods taste like so that i could#actually see why they like them#but you ask and they say 'what are you talking about? it's just egg' but 'Just Egg' SUCKS dude what is Your Egg like. pretty please kfshvjg#and grapefruit? grapefuit sucks but my mom likes it and i can't understand Why#and i wanna ask what it's actually like and why she likes it but she only says 'idk it's good with salt' what does that MEAN#how does the taste change?? how would you describe it before that ? clearly it was good enough before the salt or you wouldn't have tried i#with that!! i just wanna know !!!!!#dark chocolate ?? Please ??? do you like the taste of restrained anger and resentment cuz that's what it tastes like lmao ???#Coffee ??????? i can't understand coffee without a bajillion tons of sugar (+ other things) masking the taste how do you. Deal#not even deal- Enjoy !! how are you enjoying it !!! Why !!!! and why does everyone think i'm trying to convince them it's bad when i ask#LMAO--#like i'm not trying to say it's bad i'm trying to figure out how it's good please. Please Man lmfvshjfvhgfks#okay so clearly i have thoughts on all that LMfvshgjhfs#bitter stuff sucks and i barely like sour stuff Sometimes. food is all around good though so lol 👍#//alr i'm gonna. [starts scooching away]#i am almost out of tags (rip unlimited tags i miss you so bad hfsvh <3) edit: i ran out LMFVHS ; TOODLES !!
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sometimes i wonder if my akira portrayal is so far from any other one i've seen that i could write a twin verse with someone's ren....
#´ ・ . ✶ooc; it talks?#{ have y'all seen the twin verses with akira and ren?? }#{ everyone's allowed to have their own portrayals of course!! i just write this guy in a Different sort of way i think }#{ i haven't seen anyone really match many HCs with me before }#{ maybe i should make like a bio or smth abt it.... }#{ but i'm already not sure if i wanna make bios for my less used muses and they should take priority with that }#{ feels like a big undertaking.... }#{ maybe i should make a sideblog for him. but i've been avoiding that b/c i can barely manage one blog lol }#{ also there are already like a million joker blogs... i get insecure }#{ <- rambling }
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I haven't watched this, but I hope he says it's because he's right, and not because it's boring the shit out of me and probably many other people now too lmao
#why is it 26 minutes though like how much of this is an ad#do I even wanna know?#fair play he's gotta make money he's got a kid and shit#but like. yeah the answer is easy. I'm just bored rehashing fnaf 1-Pizza Sim over and over again#I stopped watching cause I just. don't wanna hear someone grasping at straws to answer fnaf 4 or make everything fit together#it's not going to this isn't designed to be put together#and can we PLEASE stop dragging fnaf 4's body through the streets let the poor thing REST#pop rox talks#before anyone gets at me#kudos to everyone still fitting the pieces together! your dedication is admirable!#at some point for game theory though it seemed like he stopped enjoying it#it's not a mystery worth solving if you're not enjoying the following of threads...#to me anyway#the old stuff? yeah it's cool! it's neat!#but he seems to have twisted himself into so many knots he's forgotten the joy...#and that makes me not want to watch even more#it's not a topic I'm interested in anymore and also he keeps beating his head off a wall instead of having fun with it#buddy you're a theory blog! theorise! there's no one right answer this isn't an exam it's okay!#hhhhhhh#stuff to do.#don't mind me
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I slept rly deeply last night even tho it took me a while to get to sleep but I think that was bc I had acid reflux and I'd been playing videogames too late not anything else.... still only got 6 hrs but doing pretty okay all things considered 😚
#and not feeling sick this morning so im sticking w the higher dose for one more day. my heart rate does feel a little uncomfortably fast#but its tolerable. just gonna make notes of how it goes through the day and ill submit my review form to my dr this evening#and hopefully she'll give me the green light to drop back down instead of continuing to titrate up#this is making me think of those heartrate fetishists... do u think i could make money selling tachycardic heart recordings online#i do wanna try to exercise this morning while i have energy. might take the bike out it looks like a gorgeously sunny day#maybe ill try to map my cycle route to work so i can consider cycling there instead of taking the bus in a couple weeks..#i cant atm thp cuz they have scaffolding up and its blocked off the bike racks sadly 😔#i think making myself eat + drink as much as i can has helped control the nausea too. just need a lot of fuel to process meds properly ig#and a lot of sleep.. its a bit stressful to think abt how rigid im going to have to be abt my daily routines if i want to stay medicated#but to be honest i have a pretty rock solid sleep/meal routine already bc its the only way i can function with the hours i work#so like. i dont rly need to worry too much. i think i reacted badly the first couple days bc my base anxiety was high#and then bc that feeling was heightened by meds -> made me not eat/sleep properly -> knock on sickness the next day#but yeah still the side effects arent very nice and i dont wanna take the risk of it exacerbating every difficult emotion i deal with#but fingers crossed bc 30 worked rly nice for me and i had barely any side effects so hopefully i can settle w that long term 🤞#we will see....#ANYWAY. sorry for making the same post over and over the last couple days. talking abt it on here has helped me feel a lot calmer#i dont wanna bother ppl irl w every thought and physical symptom i experience hourly. but this is my blog i can do what i want#hope everyone else has a nice sunday <3#.diaries
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Gently considers... Carmeo/Promeo discord server... hmmm...
#As in like... should I make one????? I DON'T KNOW LIKE!!!!!!!#I adore othe LoP small server I'm in. but I also feel bad for talking about NOTHING but Carmeo/Promeo sometimes LOL#I don't know. I adore them so much. I'm like. Obsessed x'D they're so good#Plus I don't shut up about lore and whatnot and sometimes I just feel like people don't wanna Hear It(tm)#I dunno I guess I'm just feeling some kinda way when it comes to lore and story and characters and just#-clenches fist- I feel strongly about them all and I adore seeing everyone's takes and interpretations#But it always circles back to THEM or like “Here is the actual lore and story” and I feel Overbearing(tm) sometimes#So I guess I just feel in general like-- I dunno. Like my place is just. I DON'T KNOW. I just am feeling weirdly I guess ;; ;;#I word vomit about this game all the time and I try to keep it to this blog because sometimes I share stuff there#and get like. Lukewarm responses because people just don't wanna Hear It(tm) as I said before lol#THIS IS JUST ME VENTING I GUESS I DUNNO just feeling like an outlier a bit I guess dghudfg imma stop rambling and just.#Get back to writing c':
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good news: started shortfic 300 words
good news 2: its binggehua
??? news: its pushing the boundaries of a shortfic as im at 1500 words and cant stop for a break
worse news: my back is dying
good news 3: still kicking and screaming as the words flow like waterfall
less good but also ???? news: its in swedish
not good but kinda makes me laugh news: ill be the one to take yet another fandoms swedish fic virginity on ao3
#sharan talks#i love writing in swedish i can be as superfluous and over the top as i want and no ones there to stop me#english expects more of a script and standard even in prose and the like#whereas with swedish its very heavily encouraged to just go all out however you want with whatever you want as an author#the authors personal voice is something thats strongly valued ime which i like a lot#whereas with english youre always one step away from being hit with the purple prose allegations#that being said i do try to push it subtly in english too#or rather add some of the flavour of my swedish prose in my english prose#which isnt to everyones taste and thats fine#but im having endless amount of fun doing it im telling you!!!!!!!!!!#tbh its been refreshing reading swedish writers blogs and magazines after so many english ones#its always so much about allowing yourself to go crazy and not worry lest you stifle your creativity#and that if you wanna be unorthodox you just gotta prove why the way you went about it was the best choice for it#IDK ITS JUST SO LIKE#english guides always talk about what you SHOULDNT do#and the things they tell you to do are mostly in relation to the things you apparently shouldnt#more performance anxiety inducing to me#i prefer the mentality encouraging to go all the way and be bold and have fun because whats the point otherwise
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