#which isnt to everyones taste and thats fine
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good news: started shortfic 300 words
good news 2: its binggehua
??? news: its pushing the boundaries of a shortfic as im at 1500 words and cant stop for a break
worse news: my back is dying
good news 3: still kicking and screaming as the words flow like waterfall
less good but also ???? news: its in swedish
not good but kinda makes me laugh news: ill be the one to take yet another fandoms swedish fic virginity on ao3
#sharan talks#i love writing in swedish i can be as superfluous and over the top as i want and no ones there to stop me#english expects more of a script and standard even in prose and the like#whereas with swedish its very heavily encouraged to just go all out however you want with whatever you want as an author#the authors personal voice is something thats strongly valued ime which i like a lot#whereas with english youre always one step away from being hit with the purple prose allegations#that being said i do try to push it subtly in english too#or rather add some of the flavour of my swedish prose in my english prose#which isnt to everyones taste and thats fine#but im having endless amount of fun doing it im telling you!!!!!!!!!!#tbh its been refreshing reading swedish writers blogs and magazines after so many english ones#its always so much about allowing yourself to go crazy and not worry lest you stifle your creativity#and that if you wanna be unorthodox you just gotta prove why the way you went about it was the best choice for it#IDK ITS JUST SO LIKE#english guides always talk about what you SHOULDNT do#and the things they tell you to do are mostly in relation to the things you apparently shouldnt#more performance anxiety inducing to me#i prefer the mentality encouraging to go all the way and be bold and have fun because whats the point otherwise
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sorry can i be insane and incoherent with my post work 2 am brain for a minute
man i swear i swear to god im going to go back to completely ignoring the existence of the bill book again in a minute but i just keep thinking back to the general way alex talks about ford and bill (lets not get into this but i saw a quote from the panel talking about them like theyre on equal footing thats been pissing me off in particular) + the entire part in the book about bill getting ford drunk and making him do things he normally wouldnt do thing like maybe theres better examples of how something just Isnt Quite Matching Up re: actual written text and authorial interpretation/intent(???) but it just stands out as such an egregious example in my mind because its like Okay you are a writer ok you are writing these things you are choosing to make this happen you are literally in complete control here so like if what you want to do is go for Two People In A Rivalry (which would already contracting Everything in all preexisting media but whateverrrrrr) then like why are we doing this why are we tossing such an incredibly horrifying yet common to the point of being a cliche real life way someones autonomy can be stripped away by someone who explicitly has power over them into this like were not in Cartoon World anymore this happens to actual people in real life and everyone knows it like its completely impossible to believe In Our Society that you can invoke that without being aware of all the insanely obvious baggage that comes with it so like what is the angle here. what is going on what is this doing here. actual genuine question am i just having an autism moment is it just meant to be funny and thats it. like is the whole bit meant to be a joke that you dont think about at all. because if its meant to be a joke it strikes me as insanely poor taste and like ten years behind edgelord frat boy humor type shit. or are we just like for real supposed to believe no coercion was involved at all in their next interaction given everything else and brush it off bc come fucking onnnnnn. or are we just supposed to think its fine because haha funnie karaoke scene its not like anything bad happened (even though people are continuously reading innuendo into 'one thing led to another' Gee i wonder why). like its for real baffling to me something just isnt adding up genuinely like whats going on. why is this even here. but maybe im just insane
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I hate getting asked the question,
"Do you have any recommendations for fanfiction blogs to follow?"
No, I don't read other people's fanfictions, so I wouldn't know 😅
I used to read FF a lot, years ago when I was a teenager. But i've grown very particular, and I'm very OCPD in a way when it comes to content. I'd rather write and read my own because I know what I like and what I HC, and I'm in control of it.
I feel like if you're just an avid reader, you can accept all forms of different HC's.
But when you start creating things yourself, you get attached to your HC's, and if something ISNT your HC, you don't like it, and that's absolutely fine by the way! Everyone has their own HC's and tastes, and it doesn't HAVE to be liked, but it should be left alone if you don't like it. You should stay away from it if it's not your thing, which is what I do, I filter my tags, I dont look at my 'For You' page, I only see blogs I follow, none of which are fanfiction blogs, which I why I don't consume other peoples fanfictions. There's nothing actually WRONG with other people's writing, its THEIRS, and thats what matters. It's just not for me, because I'm not in control of it.
I feel like a lot of writers FEEL like this. But nobody says it
~
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Eldritch bitty: SwapFell Papyrus
SwapFell Papyrus Eldritch bitty
Name: Terapiki(T-air-ah-p-ee-k-ee)
Size: 3-7 inches tall(Micro) 9-10 inches tall(Mini), 2-4 feet tall(Fullsized), 10-20 feet tall(Bara), 24-30 feet tall(Mega), 40-60 feet tall(Cosmic),
Personality: Affectionate, active, friendly,
Likes: People. bitties, playing, toys, watching tv, being read to, being around others, water, swimming,
Dislikes: being out of water to long, being alone to long, being bored,
Compatibility: They are playful bitties, which is all fine and good till they scare someone because they nip at them- everyone assumes they want to hurt them with their spikey feet- but they dont even eat meat lol,
They are active and need a good amount of entrenchment, but no more than say, an Inusune bitty or a 'normal pet' like a cat or dog, and if bored they will often find things to entertain themselves, but luckily they can be easily entertained by some tv and/or something to chew on!
They're oddly friendly bitties, as in the wild they never have to worry about danger(the perks of being related to bigger and scarier bitties lol) so they are super affectionate and cuddly with their caretakers! And other bitties, and dont exactly know stranger danger- though if one isnt super friendly and cuddly they're either a rescue, or being abused, so its easy to tell what kind of person someone is based on their Terapiki
They love playing in water! and do actually need to sleep in water too, as well as enough water they can be completely submerged in throughout the day, they need the moister in their body to make sure they dont get dry skin, though they can breath both air and water(though they prefer to breath air- thats usually where the other bitties/people are after all lol)
Feeding habits: They're semi omnivorous, mostly eating plants, mushrooms, and nuts, though they will sometimes gnaw on a bone, but they do so for calcium and enrichment!
They can break through bones sure, but they dont actually like the taste of meat anyway, so they usually just want to lick out the marrow and use the bone as a chew toy,
Additional info: They are semi aquatic! they prefer the water and need a good amount of water to be in, enough for a little over their height at the shallowest, deeper if possible,
Zone: Ocean, Swamp, Lake, Jungle,
In Universe: They are seen as amazing bitties to keep around! And are often referred to as 'Water puppies' affectionately
Difficulty: Beginner - Basic
Features:
Main colors: Purples and blacks
Secondary colors: Purples and blacks
Extra: (see in picture bc how do you describe that???)
Additional info: typically they have no or clownfish or lionfish like patterns
#bittybones#adoptable#bitty info#bitty bio#eldritch bitty#eldritch info#beginner#basic#Terapiki Eldritch bitty
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the way people act like the people youre sexually attracted to is some sort of praxis is really annoying for a lot of reasons! because like, yeah, when people say that a whole marginalized group isnt hot, its usually informed by some sort of bigotry, either implicit or explicit. are black women not hot, or have you just decided that every black woman looks and acts the same, and that anything outside of eurocentric beauty standards is "ugly"? would you actually hate dating a fat man, or have you just made a lot of assumptions about what kind of person they must be because of their body, and decided that was at odds with your own interests? you say you wouldnt date a trans woman because you "dont like men" and you're "not interested in penises", but youre just assuming that every trans woman is just a cis man in a dress, which is absolutely not true! OBVIOUSLY prejudice influences peoples attraction
but also like... you cant frame it as a direct expression of someones morals. some parts of what you're attracted to will change throughout your life, but a lot of it is baked in and cant really be changed, even if you might want it to! i mean, thats why conversion therapy demonstrably doesnt work. if youre a person who is really into. idk. vore or bdsm or redheads. even if you decide that actually thats immoral to be into, you're not really gonna be able to stop being attracted to it because sexual attraction isn't really something you get to sit down and CHOOSE. if youre not into anthro animals, theres no amount of sitting down and working on yourself that will convince you to start getting a boner at furry porn.
and then theres the obvious other problem, that being attracted to certain qualities or traits or demographics doesnt even mean that you actually have their best intetests at heart? racists date POC. fatphobes date fat people. misogynists date women all the fucking time!!!!!
i think your tastes are heavily influenced by your environment and your values, obviously, but you cant act like its a pure expression of your values. personally, as a fat person, i dont like people saying that not being attracted to my body is solely because of prejudice you need to unlearn. being attracted to my body isn't homework! it's not vegetables! it's not a thing you need to start doing because its Good For You whether or not you enjoy it! if you dont like my body, thats fine. the thing thats fatphobic is if you TELL ME that you think all fat people are unattractive, even though nobody asked what you thought, and we were talking about me specifically and not all fat people en masse. you can find me unattractive without being a fatphobe. the problem lies in using your lack of attraction to me as an explanation for why youre a fatphobe, or using it as a criticism of me personally. like you not being attracted to me is something i need to change about myself
anyway the actual point i wanted to make was that the worst part of this kind of rhetoric is that it makes it really hard to hornypost without people acting like im advocating for specific actions people MUST take about their own bodies :/ I'll be like "i think transfems with deep voices and who dont really pass well are incredibly sexy" and people will crawl out of the woodwork to be like "oh you think its WRONG for transfems to pass?? you think it's IMMORAL for them to do voice training? you think none of them should EVER get FFS or laser hair removal?????" like... no! i never said any of that shit! just because i think something is hot doesnt mean i think its wrong and bad to not do it. not everyone should make all their decisions based on what i think is hot. no one should, in fact. just because i think its cute when people have crooked teeth doesn't mean i want to criminalize braces. doesnt even mean that i dont think people who have straight teeth are hot. please just let me be horny in peace 😭😭😭
#anime life#people shouldnt make decisions based on what i think is hot because that would be weird#and that would be giving me way too much power and influence over your lives#just because i think mildred thoughtslime is a 10/10 babe
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Cooking show concept:
its a well known fact that too many cooks spoil the broth, so we can make a 2x2 grid relating "quality of broth" with "presence of cook" and it would look something like this:
. | No Cook A | Cook A
No Cook B | Bad | Good
. Cook B | Good | Bad
with no cooks, the broth is never made, so its bad, with just cook A or just cook B we get a good broth, but with two cooks the broth is spoiled, everyone knows this
now anyone whose familiar with logic gates probably noticed that this is an XOR gate!..
which begs the question, how do we convert a good broth into the presence of a cook in a later XOR gate, since this would allow us to chain logic gates
the obvious solution: Gordon Ramsay.
Gordon Ramsay tastes the broth, and if the broth is good, the cook moves onto the next round, if the broth is spoiled, no cooks move on (ofc regardless of the lack of a good broth, no cooks move on when there *are* no cooks)
unfortunately, just XOR gates arent enough for turing completeness, which is of course the goal here, so what else can we construct?
well first of all, you can make a NOT gate by just having a cook in the XOR kitchen already, so now we just need to find either an AND, OR, NAND, or NOR and we can construct everything we need using De Morgan's laws
thankfully, this is already a solved problem, Regular Cooking Shows!
if no cooks enter the kitchen, noone leaves, if theres any amount of cooks, theres always exactly one winner! this is an OR gate! We can of course reuse Gordon Ramsay for this
(note that an "implicit OR" by just letting all cooks through would "overload" later XOR gates, spoiling the broths)
now the obvious issue with this is that the kitchens cannot reused, since cooks are left behind or exit permanently, but this is fine as long as logic is purely sequential
sequential logic *is* a lot easier to deal with though, and it actually helps solve another issue - the fact that a NOT gate cook could finish cooking their broth before another cook comes in to spoil it... the solution...... Gordon Ramsay!
we give him a list of kitchens to judge one by one, and thats the order the logic gates are evaluated in, since its sequential this naturally leads to the idea of defining our logic in the same order its evaluated in, something like:
0. OR -> 2
1. XOR -> 2
2. OR -> 3
3. NOT -> out
where NOT is built as an XOR kitchen with a cook already there
so following this notation here, we would build an OR and XOR kitchen connecting to a 2nd OR kitchen, then connect the exit of that kitchen to a NOT kitchen, then the exit of that is our output, then to run the cooking show we tell Gordon Ramsay to judge the OR kitchen, then the XOR kitchen, then the 2nd OR, then the NOT!
the eagle eyed reader, however, may have noticed that this is pretty impractical...- since we cant have one kitchen output to more than one other!.. this would mean we need to duplicate all our inputs and logic at every split, which would be a pain!!!
so we want something where when a cook completes one challenge, a separate cook is allowed into a later challenge...
luckily, the solution is another cooking competition! consider this:
the kitchen is split in two with a divider, with holes for passing of ingredients, each half of the kitchen has an incomplete set of ingredients, and in the other half there is a pre-existing cook
if no cook enters the empty half, the other cook wont be able to beat the challenge, so wont be allowed through when Gordon Ramsay judges them - if the cook does enter, then both cooks win, and their respective doors open
this challenge also doubles as an AND gate if you only let one of the cooks out and have both cooks as inputs instead of having one there already!
interestingly, both the AND and OR kitchens generalise nicely to more than 2 inputs, for OR you just add more contestants, for AND you add more dividing walls
XOR generalises as only true if theres exactly one cook, but there isnt really a set way XOR is supposed to generalise
this does help simplify our notation, as we dont need to confirm that there are only 2 inputs to each kitchen
so now with all of that established, i present a full adder:
0. A -> 3 (input)
1. B -> 4 (input)
2. C_in -> 5 (input)
3. SPLIT -> 6,10
4. SPLIT -> 6,10
5. SPLIT -> 8,9
6. XOR -> 7
7. SPLIT -> 8,9
8. XOR -> S (output)
9. AND -> 11
10. AND -> 11
11. OR -> C_out (output)
like earlier NOT is built as an XOR kitchen with a pre-existing cook, SPLIT is likewise an AND kitchen with a pre-existing cook for each additional output
this means we can count the total number of cooks we need, there arent actually any NOT kitchens, but we do have 4 SPLITs, with 2 outputs each, so thats 4 cooks, and then theres at most 3 additional cooks for each of our inputs, so let's say 7 contestants
we can also count the number of rounds (perhaps call them episodes) pretty easily, since its just the number of gates (there is no parralisation) in this case its 9
these two stats would be what you would want to optimise for
given how common SPLIT is, we could simplify our notation for humans at the cost of needing a compilation step by combining the splits into the outputs of gates, like this:
0. A -> 3,6 (input)
1. B -> 3,6 (input)
2. C -> 4,5 (input)
3. XOR -> 4,5
4. XOR -> S (output)
5. AND -> 7
6. AND -> 7
7. OR -> C (output)
but be aware that for this to be a valid cooking show you need to run it through some program first to uncompress the SPLITs
its also worth noting that an AND gate going into a SPLIT is often useless, unless you need to output to more kitchens than the AND gate has inputs, you can just use the inputs to the AND gate as your SPLIT outputs, this reduces how many cooks are needed, and could be included in the compilation (along with shortcuts for NAND, NOR ofc)
none of the cooks in the cooking show need to know the layout of the circuit for it to work, and neither does Gordon Ramsay
~The Producers~ just need to give him the list of what kitchens to judge in what order - the layout and challenge type of the kitchens and the doors control the flow!
so uuh... if you ever have a lot of kitchens and a lot of cooks and a Gordon Ramsay, now you know what to do?
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a gods confusion
(/1)
by: J
(help this is just about lopt plates and jirou being grossed out by it)
6 in the morning, not much was on the docket, the only reason jirou was up at this time anyways was because he had online classes, well just one, who decided to host a class about sewing at 6 am anyways? more importantly why would jirou join. winter classes were always hardest, it was too cold to get out of bed and everyone takes the evening classes more than in the summer, but just one class at 6 am wasnt the end of the world. it spanned for an hour, giving a ten minute break in the middle, some people worked on what they were taught, or used the bathroom or got something to eat. jirou prefered to use the bathroom and continue whatever he was working on, to not lose focus. 6:35, he came out of the bathroom, he noticed that lopt was chewing on something that had a… less than pleasant sound. Not wanting to miss class for the 5th time already, he mentally made a note to ask lopt. thankfully, the last 20 minutes went mostly smooth, since it was only the beginning of the semester, it was just mostly about how to get your ideas onto paper and whatnot. Jirou, as much as he wishes he wouldve, didnt pay much attention, his grades were mostly fine, granted a few c’s and d’s in math but over all a’s and b’s so he didnt hwve to worru about grades that much, jusy missing classes. He walked out of his room to see lopt watching some news station called “fox news”. he was aware that was an american “news” station, how the hell did they get that in japan? “hey” “oh youre done with your class already? what do you want me to tuck you back into bed?” lopt replied, with a vague british accent, lopt isnt british. “i, wha, no, i meant to ask you something” he said, vaguely confused. “which would be..?” “what the hell were you eating earlier, it sounded disgusting” “huh? what do you mean, oh those white disc thingys?” he sounded as if he were actually confused as to what jirou said. “Uh, i guess? i thought we didnt have much food.. and i know mostly what we keep.” “oh, do you not know the name either?” “i mean no? i guess not??” jirou had literally no fucking idea as to what lopt was talking about “here hold on ill show you” “um alright?” lopt walked over to the kitchen cabinets before skimming over tiny labels at the bottom, they were in braille, how was he even reading them by looking?
(note, braille because 1. noriko has shit eyesite and its funny to imagine that she basically is blind 2. i have a parasite in my brain that makes me include some part of my life)
he landed on one, the third from the oven. opened it, grabbed whatever the hell he was speaking of and walked back to jirou. “see this!” “lopt.. please dont tell me you were eating that” “huh i was why?” lopt spoke at a rather quick pace, which is just wonderful for someone with auditory processing disorder. (sarcasm) “i, lopt, those are plates, why the hell” “oh, plates huh? they taste bland honestly, maybe they need to be heated up?” he thought to himself aloud “i uh no? lopt youre not supposed to eat those? how do you not know that..” “what do ya mean? ive heard the word but ive never seen one, must be some new day thing” he muttered the last part to himself. “lopt, what i know you know what a plate is, yknow.. a dish? bowl? salver? platter??” “Oh a salver! oh thats what this is wait what why does it look so weird?” “i what? lopt thats how plates have always looked?” “nah what no, salvers dont look like this at all!” “i, i mean maybe not? i why am i still awake, im gonna go sleep goodnight” jirou groaned and walked to his room alone. Lopt, still questioning if he really ate a “salver” decided to look for his phone, of course he had no idea where he put it, for being a god, he was awfully forgetful.
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I'm not really a big fan of the whole sean having a big criticism of people that didn't want to play the games thing just because, first of all, it's not all about people seeking instant gratification and how thats ruined teens nowadays, sometimes that format of watching while a bunch of people are trying to play a game in a live chat for hours just isn't for everyone. Im completely fine with waiting for things and having large gaps in between content, I mean I probably would have been super satisfied with the week's worth of content slowly releasing that was planned. I didn't like the format of the games on the stream because it felt convoluted and annoying. It wasn't so much of a sense of us going into the chat and theorising and stuff because sometimes you just can't keep up with the conversation and sometimes you don't want to be theorising because you know you sound like an idiot to people who are a lot better versed on the topic. Some people, including myself, just really don't like the whole interactive stream game format and prefer to see a narrative piece of content with separate gaps that make it feel more tense as opposed to making it feel more tedious.
I don't know, something about being told that it's disappointing that a few hundred of us want to wait 4 hours to watch a bunch of people play tic-tac-toe and that we're just seeking instant gratification and how this generation has ruined content creation just kind of doesn't sit right with me. I don't think bringing in the fact that Netflix releases a bunch of stuff all-in-one as opposed to weekly or monthly and that people now are a little more impatient, which kind of ruins content creation, is a good idea to compare to waiting for hours to watch a bunch of people play hangman twice when you have shit to do and you dropped a bunch of work to watch this stream. I don't think that's something you can say about your audience without sounding patronising and it kinda left a bad taste in my mouth, like im being told off for not wanting to wait when waiting is all we've done for years???
This disliking of the iris game isnt anything about teens nowadays and attention span ruining narrative content creation, it isnt that deep like jesus christ, not even close. Its just about the fact that some people arent a fan of the interractive game format, not to mention it was barely working in the first place. Idk, am i the only one that feels like this? I feel patronised or like i should feel guilty for tuning in and out throughout the stream because i didnt even know how to participate in the game
#sorry for the long post#i didnt wanna put this in the discord server because i dont wanna get hounded and offend people#on there that worked on this project but i tune into the twitch stream to basically be told im ruining creative content for everyone#by not playing these stupid games i didnt sign up for like thats actually pissed me off a lot#you cant treat everyone like spoilt brats because that stream came of when people have SHIT TO DO SOME PEOPLE WORK YOU KNOW??#SOME PEOPLE HAVE WORK?? AND FRIENDS?? THEY CANT SIT THERE ALL DAY AND WATCH SOMEONE PLAY HANGMAN???#ugghhhhhh
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after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics
Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons.
Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-
time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately
The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself. This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.
Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already. Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception
Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often. Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan.
I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is.
not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so-
It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)
-
Now lets talk about Venti...
uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me. I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit.
Venti’s response to this:
He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)
he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?
Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.
savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk-
-
fact time!
Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom.
now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:
Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.
Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-
also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you
so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.-
-
Okay! enough talking about that mindset!
idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already-
idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-
again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao
#genshin impact#genshin xiao#genshin venti#xiaoven#genshin barbatos#opinions#discourse#? idk ill tag it just in case#dont mind my constant backtracking and justifying and repeated disclaimers-#i just have a crippling fear of being cancelled lol
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and ok about stuff that people create in praticular. the song that made me go on this rant is people eater by sodikken and like, it isnt even that good the singing is overemphasized and the lyrics are kinda fake deep but none of the people who were making tiktoks about how bad it was were like, critiquing it in any genuine capacity. i saw ONE person actually describe what was wrong with the song that wasnt just 'this sounds like ass' or 'this sounds like mcyt' or whatever, ONE person went 'i dont like this song because its an overused metaphor thats too one-note and isnt open to any deeper interpretation'. and like im fine with posts like that i dont think all criticism has to be formally requested by the creator or anything like that as long as its actually like. analyzing the work for its merit. but so many of the tiktoks were just people going 'no this song objectively sucks' based on exclusively their own music taste which, again might be fine if it didnt have thousands of views. what really made me mad was the people going 'maybe music isnt for everyone' or 'you could try another hobby like cooking or knitting' that kind of shit really irks me because like, how do you expect art as a whole to evolve if people dont experiment? if people dont make something that ends up bad because they wanted to try something new? even if that creator wasnt making masterpieces like, not one person tried to meet it where it stood and look at it for how it was, they just hated it because it didnt sound like a studio pop song and like, theyre entitled to not like something but its just a bad omen for art and society as a whole in the internet age if this is the attitude that a majority of the generation has towards creativity and small artists
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im just saying this to the void, but i think tlovm biggest failing is its sense of comedic timing. Its really really really good and i love it to pieces and die every week for the next episodes, but i cant help but think theyre leaning into the comedy a little too much. Its fine to disagree, everyones tastes are different, but i think the dramatic moments should be allowed to breath, not be cut short by jokes that were timed better in the streams or are too meta to really vibe with the moment.
A good example from episodes 7-9 is the vaxleth confession. I am glad they cut out the kiss, that always felt awkward and dubcon-y, but im not satisfied with keyleth immediately interrupting vax to be like “oh my god, really? Now??” (paraphrasing from memeory). Like, thats vax’s confession!!! Its dramatic!!! Its interesting!!! Without the kiss i think it would a fantastic moment, romantic and emotional during this life or death, climactic fight. But it isnt, which i find disappointing.
There are some other moments that just, dont vibe, i guess. Im not looking anything up, but here are some that i didnt like quite as much. Grog eating’s pike’s ashes in the middle of her first attempt to contact the everlight? Whatever dumb joke someone made in the burned house in ep 1 (i might be misremembering)? Idk i had more but im tired now lol
I would like to emphasize that i fucking love this show with my whole heart and it can and will make me cry at certain scenes (cough cough sun tree) but i guess this is just me wishing they had, like, two minutes longer per episode, so moments could hang in the air longer, but im not a writer idk maybe it works better for some people.
#tlovm#just my thoughts#spoilers#tlovm spoilers#only a bit but still#vox machina#im not a comedian but the timing is just ever so slightly off#or maybe its just that on stream the sense of timing is so distorted that i didnt notice then
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Sharing is Caring
Vocal unit + y/n smut
“Sweetie they've heard us one too many times, these walls are pretty thin, not that they're complaining, don't be afraid, one extra person in bed won't make you too loud”
You let the warm breath escape your mouth, speechless.
“You said this would be us time but fine ”
+*+
“Are you sure she'll be okay” Joshua noted clearing his throat.
“Well she thinks she's about to have her first threesome and doesn't know there's 5 of us here so”
“Isnt it too much?..”
“Joshua don't underestimate my girl”
“My bad”
The atmosphere was quiet but the same thrill rushed in all 5 in the room. The vocal unit had neighbouring dorm rooms. However seungkwan had his own room with you since you were his girlfriend and you worked as a stylist under pledis. It was a known fact that the other members in the vocal unit could hear you and seungkwan most nights as you were both quite vocal in bed.
The door knob turned and the door slowly opened.
You walked in wearing a pair of black silk short shorts and a dark blue bralette. You had a robe draped over yourself, concealing yourself slightly but not enough.
“Hey baby I-”
You stalled and looked at all the faces that were glued to you.
“Sweetie I know there's more here than you anticipated but my friends here, you said you wanted to try new things and I was thinking maybe this”
“babe”
“Y/N”
You looked around at the faces you knew so well. Your relationships were innocent and friendly, this was a situation you couldn't have imagined ever.
Seungkwan walked over, leaning in to place a soft kiss on your lips.
“Sweetie it's alright if you don't want to I can tell them to leave ”
“N-No, let them stay”
Seungkwan turns towards the boys giving them hope. Followed by you removing your robe showing your glowy skin, prominent collarbones and a bit of cleavage.
“wow fuck” woozi mutters adjusting his position on his chair, manspreading.
“shes beautiful seungkwan” seokmin blushed.
“tell her that yourself, or show it” he smirked while pushing you on bed.
Your boyfriend was the best and always the sweetest but when it came to “bed time” he was a dom demon and fuck did it turn you on.
Seokmin looked deeply at Seungkwan, slightly questioning him through his eyes.
“You heard me, show my slut the love she deserves”
You sat up by the weight of you arms looking up at your boyfriend and then at seokmin who seemed a bit hesitant.
“Huh? Seokmin don't act like you haven't masturbated to the sound of her moans from your dorm”
Heat flushed straight to your face and core. This situation was unfamiliar and you felt guilt for feeling this kind of way by another man but you couldn't help it.
Seokmin sat beside you on the bed turning to pick you up, placing you on his thighs.
“Babygirl you smell so good”
He pushed your hair to the side of your neck, tucking the remaining strands behind your heated ears. He started sucking purple marks on your neck down to your collarbones reciting some breathy moans from you. His hands travelled your figure, resting on your arms as his thumbs rubbed slow circles into them.
He grabbed you by your chin and tilted it slightly down, inches away from eachother.
“I've wanted to mark you up for ages babygirl, thank you for letting me decorate your beautiful skin”
Before you could reply, his tongue was in your mouth fighting for dominance. His taste was sweet and his rhythm was so good. He left you breathless and needy when he pulled away to look at you.
You seemed to have forgotten your surroundings, enjoying every bit of seokmins affection. Seungkwan came over with a slightly red face. Seokmin moved you off his lap and walked back over to his seat, knowing very well seungkwan was about to do something.
“Sweetie you seemed to enjoy that too much, were you trying to make your boyfriend jealous? Isn't this supposed to be 'us time'?”
You gulped and put you head down unaware of what to say or react.
“Slut look at me or at least reply...fuck this I'll make you respond”
He roughly grabbed you and shoved you on to his thick thighs. Your face was towards him while the others got your backside. Your shorts had rode up exposing your ass, making the others react in all sorts of ways.
Joshua and Jeonghan were the quiet type but watching their members get you more and more riled up really got to them. The grunts and low moans made while they pumped themselves on the nearby chairs were sinful.
“Sweetie why don't you ride my thighs like the good slut you are, this can be a warm up. The boys always heard your reaction to this so show them how you ride my killer thighs”
His voice went down an octave and the teasing foreshadowing words made your core throb.
His hands squeezed your ass tightly, followed by a rough spank. The loudest moan rumbled from inside your chest. The members around hardened and watched in awe, muttering praises.
“Let my dirty slut hear your praise. She's so horny and wet for you all. She acted as if this was something she wasn't up for at the start but she's loving this so much. She likes it when others are watching”
You close your eyes tightly to hide your reaction. His hands shifted from your ass, up your thighs to your waist and pulled you in closer to straddle his lap. You moved your hips slightly, brushing up against his large hardened bulge. A loud whine choked from you from the stimulation of his white jeans against your slick sensitive pussy. Seungkwans hand grabbed a fistful of your hair, grabbing at the roots and pulling your head back so he can leave wet kisses on your new exposed skin.
“Looks like my sluts been marked already. Such a whore”
The throbbing between your legs continued as you hardly grinded on his bulge and thigh, pulling his soft hair which got a moan in response. His moans were like alcohol. Beautiful but made you more and more crazy. It made you want to cum there and then on his thighs.
As you listened to his breathy groans you continued to straddle his muscular thighs, everytime you rutted closer towards his bulge. Your chest rose up and down as you got more and more turned on, proving to be a great view to seungkwan. As you grounded yourself down on his thigh he touched your chest and teased soft kisses everywhere he could reach. One harsh movement and you were arching reaching closer, your chest in his face. He swiftly removed your bralette without restricting you of your movement on his thigh. He tensed his thigh making you yelp even more. His eyes caught contact with yours as he lowered to suck at your nipple, flicking his tongue around your sensitive hardened nipples due to the temperature change.
He switched to your other, sucking gently on your nub, biting down refreshing yet another loud moan from your rose lips. Your face was red from embarrassment at how loud you were but you really couldn't help it you were overwhelmed.
“Sweetie don't be shy, everyone here has heard and wanked to your loud moans and screams before”
“He's right princess” Jeonghan muttered up.
Your hips moved faster against his thigh from the pleasure taking over your body, moans exiting your mouth at a rapid pace.
“Baby im”
“Cum on my thigh like the big slut you are”
“Youre so dirty cumming on your boyfriend's jeans” Woozi said in his deep yet amazed voice.
“Cum for your daddy like a goodgirl” Joshua added.
With all the attention, praise and his firm grip holding your movement harder against his thigh, you let out a cry of pleasure as your orgasm washed over you in waves.
“Thats it sweetie, get use to it this won't be your first ”Seungkwan smirks moving you to lie down to come down.
Seungkwans white jeans had a huge wet stain on the thigh area. All the boys looked like they were struggling to keep themselves together. You put your head down again in embarrassment, the stain was huge and soaked through.
One of the boys stood up from the chair quickly and made there way towards you with dominance.
“Fucking whore leaking making such a mess with that sopping pussy of yours”
You gulped loud unable to hide your arousal for his dominant state. The way he shouted at you made you melt.
“Ill have to teach that pussy of yours a lesson and put you in your place”
“P-pease sir”
“its daddy” he exhaled pulling your silk shorts down to you ankles, allowing you to do the rest and kick them off which ended up flying towards seokmin who wasn't complaining.
Woozis eyes trailed down towards your glistening core. He smirked running a finger over your folds collecting your arousal on his long digit. Without warning he suddenly pumped his finger inside you. You were weak and rested your forehead on his shoulders and you gripped onto the sides on his shoulders. He pumped another two fingers inside your pussy. He curled his fingers inside you, a series of moans screamed past your mouth.
“Spread them legs wide whore I want to taste you so bad”
“Daddy please eat me out I'm begging”
Woozi kneeled before your open legs and licked his lips before licking a long stripe up your pussy. He flicked your throbbing bud with his tongue and groaned against your clit.
“Wow fuck you're just as sweet as I imagined”
You threw your head back as his tongue dived within your folds licking up all your leaking wetness, sucking on your clit harshly. Your legs started to shake from the sensitive contact.
“So wet for me who makes you feel so good whore?”
“d-daddy..” you struggle to speak out as he licked up and down your cunt.
You tried grinding into his tongue to create more friction and that is when he pulled back leaving you empty. Right when your were about to reach the edge he stopped.
“Whore you stained your boyfriend's jeans so I'm not letting you cum just yet.”
You moaned in frustration praising him trying to get him to fulfill your needs and to be touched.
“Daddy please I'll be good I promise”
“You promise”
“Yes I swear”
“Thats a good whore now where was i”
He pushed three fingers inside you with ease because of how wet you had been. He pounded his fingers rapidly in and out of you, curling his fingers slightly hitting the spot that made you moan out heavenly sounds for the others. You came hard on his fingers, your slickness covering his fingers. Once he let you ride out your orgasm he removed his fingers and sucked them infront of you. Your core was absolutely ruined. It was pulsating frantically. He pulled you in for a kiss and you could taste yourself off his lips.
“Whore taste good doesn't she?” he whispers
“My sweetie knows how to put on a show” Seungkwan speaks out taking a look at the other members who seemed to have enjoyed the viewing alot, proof being the various moans and unzipped pants.
“Now sweetie since you're so wet and horny I think you deserve some more from me”
“Seungkwan please”
“Say it sweetie”
“Please I want you to fuck me with you cock and fill me up with your cum please”
“Since you've been so good I suppose I can, boys, prepare yourself, you've yet to hear her most beautiful sounds.”
You lie on your back on the bed, legs ready to be taken by seungkwan and thrown over his shoulders. You didn't need any warming up.
He put his tip and your entrance, his tip hitting your clit making you moan yet again. He inches into you and bottomed out, a moan tearing through your throat as you adjusted to the stretch. His dick was big and though your were his girlfriend you still weren't use to his size. After a few moments he started moving, speeding up his hips. He watched your wet pussy swallow up his whole dick with a smirk plastered on his face. Every time his dick disappeared fully the loudest pleasurable moans emerged from you. You held onto the back of your thighs as seungkwan pounded into you, fast and hitting the right spot. He placed one of your legs down and kept one thrown over his shoulder. He slowly lifted you a little and pounded into you hitting the gspot consecutively without fail. Bliss overtook your body.
“Joshua, Jeonghan come over here I know you've been wanting to get your dick rubbed”
Without hesitation they made their way over and sat on the bed, one on each side of you.
“Y/N flip and cock your ass up for me for me like a good girl”
“Yes Seungkwan”
“And you've got two hands, put them to use sweetie”
You gasp when seungkwan enters you again, showing no mercy and pounding your pussy into oblivion.
You look at joshua and jeonghan and bit your lip. They're both infront of you with their erect cocks standing, red and leaking precum. You use your thumb to smoother their precum from their sensitive tips down their length to make some lubrication. You work your hands on their cocks and slowly pumped into a faster speed making them groan and moan loudly. Jeonghan let out the most beautiful moans, they were so high and desperate yet he sounded so content.
“Princess fuck yes”
“Baby faster” Joshua growled throwing his head back, his adams apple emerging from his neck. He looked so hot. Both of them did. And they were both in your hands. You were in control of their moans and pleasure and it made you feel so good. Seungkwan continued moving in out of you switching up the rhythm.
“Seokmin over now” Seungkwan ordered.
Seokmin got up from his seat zipping up his jeans from previous actions.
“Theres no need to zip that up, sit infront of my sweetie, she'll take care of that mountain, isn't that right sweetie?”
Seungkwan spanks your ass leaving his red hand marks on your cheeks making you moans again.
“Y/N please suck me dry, you don't understand how flustered I got when I found out you were the new stylist in pledis. For our fear comeback when you tailored my pants, your head was down at cock level and I wanted you so bad”
You leave kisses on seokmins chest, becoming familiar with the earlier sexual encounter with seokmin. Everything about Seokmin was so endearing and hot. Your core started throbbing and pulsating. The tightness of your walls on seungkwans girthy cock made him groan in pleasure.
“Fuck Seokmin you're making my girl so tight”
You blush and look up innocently at Seokmins eyes. That fucking killed him. Such dirty actions he'd seen you do all night and you give him puppy eyes when you're down beside his cock your lips he admired so much about to touch his tip.
“I knew don't worry. The bulge in your pants in the performances right after me fitting you shows how you felt”
You swipe your tongue over his slit and took as much of his big member as you could into your mouth, the rest you pumped with your hands. Seokmin pulled on your hair from the vibrations of you moaning on his cock. Seungkwan fastened his pace making you moan around his cock even more. You sucked on his head and hollowed your cheeks as you bopped your head up and down his length.
You started whining as you started reaching your high from the endless attack on your pussy but also the breathy groans from seokmins pleasure and the others moans who watched. You let out a strangled moan and clench around seungkwans huge cock. All of this was becoming too much for seokmin too, his hips started shaking as he finally released his seed down your throat.
You swallowed it all and licked at his slit getting every bit of his cum. You came around seungkwan and lay down from exhaustion.
Woozi, jeonghan and Joshua all watched and pumped themselves in sync with the pounding and head bopping, releasing on themselves as they watched the sight unravel.
“Sweetie you did so well”
“Whore how about you come back to mine and we'll record some of your moans for adlibs for the upcoming album”
“Send the adlibs to me for keepsakes” jeonghan sighed out, wiping his cum off his hands. Joshua raises his hand slightly.
“Me too if you don't mind”
You lay on the bed exhausted surrounded by a bunch of sweaty hot guys.
“Sweetie remember when you said you wanted 'us time' earlier, how do you feel about that now”
“Yeah I changed my mind”
#Seventeen#Seventeen smut#seungkwan smut#joshua smut#jeonghan smut#woozi smut#seokmin smut#dk smut#jihoon smut#kpop smut
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hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;
first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut
i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad
im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent
was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)
i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say
its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.
if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug
and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.
so i had to make something that:
1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art
2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”
i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.
Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.
The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.
And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense
Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:
Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.
I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.
But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.
You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.
However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.
I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.
I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives.
If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.
Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.
_
As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this
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Learning to love ALL of Star Wars
I’ve grown a lot the past few years, and with that I’ve came to appreciate a lot more things about what I love. I’ve went from bitter and spiteful about what I don't have to appreciating what I do have, and at the centre of that storm is Star Wars. A franchise I’ve only really been invested in the last year.
The beginning
So I was always a “fan” of Star Wars, sure. I grew up with the prequels and I was excited when Disney was releasing their new movies. But the past year is where I really got invested and found a whole new love for the franchise. And strangely enough, it was through the simplicity of Lego. You see, I started watching videos by Brickvault about Lego Star Wars minifigures, and something about seeing the toys I loved as a kid from a modern perspective took me right back to wooshing my Jedi starfighter around my room. From there, I started moving away from Lego and dipped my toe in theories, lore videos and eventually discussion and review videos, the turning point being Cosmonaught Variety Hour. Now, I have some opinions on the guy now, but Cosmonaught was perfect for me at the time. He was opinionated, entertaining, but most importantly knew his shit, and I liked that. His videos on Star Wars are pretty good, and really helped form my opinions back then... In a bad way... Now I’ll make this clear, this is NOT on Cosmonaught, it was just how impressionable I was as a person back then. I’m just saying how his video affected me on a personal level. Up to this point I didn’t really understand the hate for the prequels besides the fact they were “bad movies” and “people don’t like them”. Cosmonaughts video on the prequels gave me those reasons, and I finally felt like I got the distaste for those films. However, like they say... A little knowledge can be dangerous, and boy was I about to learn that lesson the hard way...
The fall
So here I am, knower of all things, the CORRECT things... I’ve watched my fair share of videos from a handful of sources, I know my shit. I’m making my opinions known, and I’ve become that friend. But whats this! A dissenting opinion!? My boyfriend actually likes the prequels more than the Original Trilogy!? SACRALAGE!! I must prove him wrong! And prove him wrong I...! Did not... In fact, something rather bizarre happened... He convinced me. I was stubborn at first, but I’ll admit, my wall got broken down at long last. He (bless his soul for dealing with me) managed to get through to me exactly what it was he loved about those films, and it wasn’t just the nostalgia. I had always seen the politics of the Galaxy like most other people did, some boring preachy nonsense that had no place in Star Wars, but I came around to it. Granted with a little help from the Clone Wars I managed to piece together just what it was there was to like about these films... I wont say they’re perfect, far from it. But internally they have so much more going on compared to the Original Trilogy. The Era has some of the most fun and expandable concepts and ideas in all of Star Wars, and while it may not be as iconic, the visual artstyle of it all is still its own recognizable brand of Star Wars. And almost like magic (or my phone spying on me) youtube started recommending videos that disagreed with Cosmonaught, and I got my first taste of how his video wasn’t as sound as I thought. Now as a side note: I still like Cosmonaught. He’s a funny guy who like I said knows his shit, but he obviously isnt the be all end all right and wrong which I hadn’t quite learned. I can enjoy his content while disagreeing with it, and I think thats just fine. I find myself disagreeing with a lot of creators I watch now and he’s just joined them. But hang on, we’re missing something here... A certain... Mouse? Perhaps?
The dark times... The Disney Empire...
So hop back to modern day for a sec, this timeline pretty much lines up with the end of the Disney movies right? So how do I feel about those? Well... When the first three came out, I liked them. Like everyone else I was loving new Star Wars. As a young art student, I loved Rogue One and TLJ for their stunning visuals, deeper themes and their attempt at something new and fresh. I loved the throne room fight scene, the light speed ram and how Rogue One had such a bitter sweet ending. But ho ho no one else felt that way! And whether it be peer pressure or my love of dumpster fires my opinions changed like that. I laughed at the Rose Tico and Snoke memes, I hated the Canto Bight subplot and poor Luke being butchered on screen like that, and then there's Rey... Solo came and passed. I refused to go see it, as I did with TROS which came out around the time I was getting back into Lego, and along with the prequels I was watching video essay upon video essay about why the sequels sucked and how to rewrite them. Some of them coming from a positive place, others... Not so much.. And so my hatred for them grew as I got back into the franchise and came to appreciate the originals for what they done great, and loathing the new films for lacking that same spark. And unlike the prequels, I didn’t really get enough pushback to change my mind. But what I did get was the full brunt of spite and hate the fans had for these new films, and honestly? It was depressing.
Hate leads to suffering.
I finally reached my rock bottom. I genuinely reached a point where I debated giving up Star Wars for the sheer amount of negative feelings I had towards the state of the franchise (which might I add is valid if you ever end up feeling that way about something you’re meant to be enjoying).
I struggled to get past how Disney “ruined” Star Wars, and clearly nothing was going to change. 40 Years of history had been wiped out and the new timeline was a contorted mess, and the amount of discourse and disagreements in the franchise honestly did not help at all.
Nothing was simple, everything had a catch. You like how Kylo was irredeemable in TLJ? Well he’s redeemed in TROS. TFA is a fun film but it sets up a lot of the things people hated about the sequels so you cant even just head canon that the other two never happened. And then...
Saved by Lego
There was Lego, making the best of a bad situation. It didnt care if you didn’t like that Palpatine was back (somehow), it didn’t care about the clunky prequel dialog, and it didn’t care about the thousands of retcons from the entierety of the franchises existence.
Whether by contractual force or not: It was pure, distilled Star Wars.
I loved how a set with Rey could stand beside a set with OT Luke and thats just how it was. It put into context that this was reality, and I could either be bitter about what could have been or accept what was, which wasn’t easy and I’m still not really over it. But I reached a place where I could accept the fun in all of Star Wars, that I liked how some of these characters looked, that these characters all existed in one Galaxy, and it was nice.
And it led me straight back into...
Learning to love Star Wars
One of the most important lessons I learned in the past year was trust your gut. Sure, hear out other peoples take on something, and if it changes your opinion all the more power to you. But don’t fight the fact you felt something in that initial reaction. I liked the prequels as a kid, so why don’t I as an adult? Is it because i outgrew them and see them for the disasters they are? Or is it because a someone who watched them as a fully grown adult that grew up with the OT was underwhelmed?
And to that extent... I rewatched TFA and TLJ with an open mind and an open heart. The result?
Im indifferent towards TFA. It has fun character moments and has a decent adventure, for what it is its good. But I actually found myself enjoying TLJ after all these years of hating on it. I liked their take on Luke, I liked the mutiny subplot, it didnt push the story forward leaps and bounds but it was a more methodical take on the franchise and for the I liked it. It wasn’t perfect, its biggest flaw is how bleak it can feel and its lack of doing anything interesting with its setting, but it does do a fair amount of decent things and I’ve come to appreciate it for that.
I’m planning to watch TROS at long last soon, so maybe I’ll update it here. But what I will say is that I hope Lucasfilm don’t give up on the sequel era and characters quite yet. There is still a lot to love here as much as you may not like it, and I hope that they can explore more interesting meaningful themes and narratives in external media that they couldn’t in mainline films cough cough Stormpilot cough cough...
I know not everyone will agree with how I feel now, heck a lot of my problems I had still stand, but I’m at peace with it all now. I just want to sit back and enjoy this franchise for what it is. While I might not forgive Disney for its severe mishandling of... everything (a rant for another time) I’m content just not them supporting to the best of ability.
Star Wars is in such a unique position where each generation has a different stance and appreciation for different parts within the franchise. The prequels were hated until its fans grew up and started defending it, The Clone Wars was hated until its fans grew up and started defending it, and the sequels ended last year, their fans haven’t quite got their voice yet. But I’m interested to hear what they have to say.
#star wars#star wars trilogy#self reflection#thoughts#meta commentary#star wars prequels#Star Wars Sequels#lego star wars#my post
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pain of being in love part 7
TWO WEEKS UNTIL THE WEDDING .
You did not want to do this , you just wanted to stay in bed once again and think of nothing and do nothing . But there would not stop bugging you , and well Scott encouraged it . Even though he would not go with you . Some girls from your office . Not the annoying ones , different , have been keeping asking you to come and join them on a night out . You were reluctant , because like these are new people , yes you work with them everyday but this is different . You only ever go out with Scott . Now to think of it he is your only friend . Great im a loner ! But you do needed a social life , thats the harsh reality . Even before all this you have always kept your self to your self .But now maybe is the time . The past three months have been hell for you , the pain is always there but easing up . You even find it a bit funny on how hung up you are for him . You have never dated him , never kissed . Anything . So its all in your head . You have started to see your self as being pathetic for being in love . Do you even though what love is but there no denying you do . You can explain it . its like your heart is making m=room for you to get on with your life , after all it should not be all about a man . But its like you are finally letting Chris go . You will always love him but ,its time for you to find someone but more importantly yourself !
Yes thats clique as hell . But its true you barley know anything about your self any more . Over the past three months you have islosted your self more then you ever had . Always been stuck in work or a tub of ice cream , you cant remember your hobby's or when you tired something new that wasnt a tv show . You cant remember the last date you went on , which to be fair has been way longer then three months so you cant completely blame your current state .
Speaking of which you had not spoken to Chris , you had thought of it , holding your phone in your hand once in a while debating whether or not to text or call . But if he isnt making an effort why should you . He said he did not want you at the wedding , but he did not say he wanted you out his life . but you guess it had a double meaning . and by the sounded of it he was doing just fine , by Scott but also Sharron who you saw at the liquor store , she was all giddy about her brothers upcoming wedding and how the family having been running around like headless chickens , all while Chris and Minka could not wait untill there become Mr and Mrs Evans .
So after tireless bagging you finally agreed to go with the girls . Amy , Li and Lauren . .And that where your were now in your room getting ready . Your floor was covered with dresses all different shade and shaped . While you were seated on your bed , clustered with make up , make up bags . You were current holding a mirror up to you face as you applied some fake eyelashes after you finished your eye shadow . You had picked your dress but was current sitting in a black silk robe to avoid getting make up all over it . You hair had been curled and was now sitting on your shoulder while being pinned back so you have better access to your face . Your music was blurring loud , as your playlist boomed from the speaker on your phone , singing along to every word . You music taste might not be for everyone but these now denying you have some good tones . You bring a brush to your cheek bones and brushed a line of bronze while pulling a weird side face and then blending it out . Once satisfied for now , you went to more to the other cheek only to be startled by a noise , but you didn't pay much attention as it must be your imagination since your music was playing your did not hear much , but when the noise appeared again you figured out it must be the door . A small smile placed on your lips as you thought i might be Scott and that he decided to come along .
you jumped out of you bed , and your bare feet where met with the cold tiles on the floor , you wrapped your rob around you more tightly as you did a small joke to the front door , all giddy at the thought of getting drunk and partying with your best friend , all while making your way to the door ,the banging did not stop
“OKAY , OH SCOTT HANG ON WOULD YA GIVE a girl a bre...”
the door swung upon. Your breath hitched and your month become dry due to the lack of oxygen and tight chest . Your eyes widened as there landed upon a well build muscled man standing slump at your door frame with his arms holding him forward as his pleading blue eyes met yours, ranking up and down your body . His eyes tired and with black under nether them but wide awake upon landing on your as if a zombie brought back to life .
“Chris ..................”
#chris evans fanfiction#chris evans au#chris evans#chris evans x reader#chris evans x female reader#chris evans x y/n#chris evans x you
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Doctor of laughter /Arthurs POV
This is my version of the scene at the childrens hospital and the scene in the phone booth/ Arthurs POV
Doctor of laughter
Name: Dr Arthur
Department: Laughology
Speciality: Baloons
Ironic when you think about it. If not even funny.
They call me doctor of laughter here. Not knowing that I needed to visit the doctors because of my laughter for so many times in my not so funny life. Or maybe it was funny, if you have a really dark sense of humor.
But well, those kids here in the cancer ward don`t know about this and I`m glad they don`t. They shouldnt know that Dr Arthur is more of a patient himself as he is a doctor. My work name as a partyclown is Carnival but the guy who printed my card just used my real name which is also fine because it always melts my heart when one of the kids calls me Dr Arthur. It just feels so personal and makes me feel needed. Like I`m truly fulfilling my purpose here. Maybe I didnt managed to bring laughter and joy to this world, not even to Gotham but here in this hospital room the magic is happening. I`m the man I want to be. Here in this small room, filled with these kids who know what suffering and lonelyness means I can do something right. Here in this ward I`m living my dream. Making people happy. The kids just know and feel that this is who I am and why I am here for. they feel it. And they need to feel it because they need a moment of happiness just as much as I do.
I look at their faces and you can tell that they have been through so much. I just want to give them a glimpse of joy. Even if its not inside of myself, especially because it isnt. But seeing them smile, even for just a second makes me think that I felt it too. For a small moment there was this glimmer inside. The taste of doing something that has a purpose.
I wonder how many of them are lonely. Not just now here at the hospital but when they`re at home. I wonder if any of those kids feels missunderstood or left by their parents like I did. Or worse. I wonder if any of them will come up to me some day and say "Dr Arthur. I need someone to talk to."
I look at their faces and wonder if they are loved by their families. And I hope they are, wondering how they will feel when they`re back home. Some days in my life, I felt saver in a hospital bed. Which tells so much about life at home. I hope none of those kids feels better here than with their families. I look at each one of the faces. Trying to take a look behind the tiredness that comes with the chemo. Do they look like they areren`t loved by their family? How did I look as a kid? Could you tell?
I love the way they look at me while I am doing my little performance to "If you happy when you know it". It is so much easier to make kids smile. I`d love to have kids myself one day. I´ll be the clown daddy. Just imagin my child`s friends would go "What your daddy is a clown? For real? Thats so cool! He should come visit us on our birthday!" And of course I would be there and do their make up so all kids on the party would be clowns and thats just too adorable to think of.
Yeah I sometimes do dream about this, but thats another story. I dont think I will be a dad in the near future. But maybe I could be something close to a dad to Sophies daughter Gigi.
"If you happy and you know it wiggle your ears" I touch my ears and move my lips to the music that plays from the cassette player . Sometimes I also sing along for real because I couldnt help it. I have a thing for singing and dancing. Some of the kids touch their ears too. Some others sing the lyrics. And some are just too shy or weak to do more than just sit and watch. I try my best to look at everyone of them. No child should feel left out. Thats another really important thing for me,too. To not let any kid feel ignored. Ignorance is hell and I dont want to do this to anyone. Imagin there is this one really shy kid in the corner and you almost didnt notice because you are distracted by the other kids who are closer to you, singing. And the next night this kid might lie awake in the hospital bed, wondering why Dr Arthur, the friendly clown wouldnt even look him or her in the eyes. I just cant stand this thought. So I look at each one of them every single time. Try to animate them. I wanna be a good memory.
"If you happy and you know it and you really wanna show it...."
The word happy can be a trigger for me. Because thats the name my mum gave to me. The most unfit name in the world.
"....if your happy and you know it wiggle your ears" I turn to the kid sitting on the chair beside me and knee down. The doctor standing by the window is looking at the kids face. I guess it feels good to her to see the kid smile, finally. It made her grin too.
This makes me feel energetic like, I really get lost in my little dance for a second. Wearing the white hospital clothes felt weird in the beggining. They reminded me of Arkham and I asked the doctors if I really have to put them on. But they explained to me that this has a good effect on the kids.They feel like I am one of them when wearing the same clothes and I coudnt say no to that.
"If you`re happy and you know it stomp your feet...." I turn to the other side, spinning around, lift my hands up in the air. Even the other doctor has joined singing. This job is the only thing in my life that I dont hate.
".....If your happy and you know it and you really want to show it , if you happy and you know it stomp your feet."
I do. I do stomp my feet. Forgetting that I keep the gun under my clothes.
It makes a noise falling right to my feet. My reaction is fast. A high pitched scream is escaping my red painted lips. I remember this trick when comedians try to pick something up and it just keeps slipping away. Maybe I can make it look like a part o my act.
This wasnt planned or was it? Is there any chance I thought this would be funny when I left the house to go to work? Why did it fell out so easily? I can`t remember. But it surely doesnt feel good now.
Anyway, I pick up the gun and hide it under the hospital clothes, acting like I`m a bit embarrassed but gigglelish about what happened. I press my index finger to my lips and chuckle. Most of the kids look more than surprised, but then there is this lttle girl standing right in front of me is forming her hand to a gun and points it at me. I really like her.
Half an hour later I find myself in a phone booth taking to my chef. No good news are on the way.
"Hoyt, please! I love this job!"
I mean this as I say it. This job is important to me. Its a motivation after waking up. Knowing that there are sad faced kids I can make laugh again. I even try to ignore my workmates bullying me and all. I just want to go to hospitals and kids partys and be Dr Arthur or the birthday surprise. He cannot take this away from me. I hope he is bying my lie of the gun being fake. I wish Randall wouldnt have given it to me in the first place. I just knew that this is not going to end well. Why did he do this to me? Is this what he intended? Was this Randalls plan all along? Getting me fired by knowing that something would happen involving the gun?
Hoyt asks me why I brought a gun into the kids hospital and I explain to him that its a prob, a part of my act now. he doesnt belive me, raises his voice. "Thats bullshit, bullshit. What kinda clown carries a fucking gun? Besides Randall told me you tried to buy a 38 off him last week."
I knew it. I just knew there was something up with Randall giving me his gun. Him claiming I tried to buy it off him is proof enough. Its all lies. All lies. As if I would have wanted this damn thing. I told him I`m not supposed to have a gun and he still gave it to me, claiming to be worried about me being attacked out on the steets. Nice try, Randall. I bet you hoped I would kill myself with it by accident. But losing my job is just as good for you. Now you dont have to deal with my laughter anymore.
"Randall told you that?"
I cant belive this is happening right now. I cant belive he is beliving in Randalls words instead of what I am trying to tell him.
"You`re a fuck up, Arthur. And a liar. You`re fired!"
Hoyt hangs up the phone.
This is a nightmare. The only good thing I had in my life just ended.
I put my head to the cold glass of the phone booth and bang my forehead against it. The glass is cracking. I know there is a sharp pain but I can`t even feel it.
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