#i turn 22 this year and i’ve never had a birthday party

[sleepitawaydear]

cake tastes like loneliness

[dearly-somber]

get high | h.it

-> pairing. it-boy!intak x female reader

-> genre. high school!au, acquaintances-to-???, pwp plot what plot (this fic is vibes only)

-> rating. 13+

-> w/c. 2190

-> warnings. weed, making out, kind of dub-cony ngl 😭, suggestive ending

-> a/n. I’ve never smoked weed before, so if anything’s inaccurate feel free to edumacate me🤡👍🏻 Also: I have nothing against weed or the people who smoke it as long as it’s done responsibly and in a safe environment 😌

-> collection. misc

-> started. Mar. 19th, 2024 @ 22:40

-> fin. Sun., Oct. 20th, 2024 @ 22:48

-> edited. Tues., Oct. 22nd, 2024 @ 13:20

-> divider credit. @xxbimbobunnyxx

You‘ve never understood the “hype” around weed.

Granted, you’d grown up in a very anti-drug household, so you went into high school with the mindset that whatever long term negative effects occurred after smoking weed would far outweigh the momentary high you’d heard people talk about on so many occasions.

Except, you’d never expected yourself to acquaint yourself with Hwang Intak: one of the most popular kids in senior year, Intak was well-known for his chill house-parties and phenomenal dance skills—a total catch and in with the so called “it-group”, he wasn’t someone you saw yourself ever interacting with, let alone befriending.

That was, of course, before you realized you shared nearly half your classes with him.

You weren’t very popular—sure, people knew you (it was impossible not to when you’d befriended a hoard of social butterflies and were known at least visually for your intimidating, no-nonsense RBF), but you’d never truly made friends with any of the kids higher up in the social hierarchy than “is friends with popular kids but isn’t actually popular themselves”.

So imagine your surprise when, on a seemingly random Tuesday morning during one of your double accounting periods, Hwang Intak strolled up to your desk with a friendly smile on his face, his voice light and airy as he asked, “You’re Y/N, right?”

From there, you’d started talking more and more, until one day he cornered you on your way to your locker after your sixth period, leaning against the wall as he spoke.

“You free this weekend?” he asked.

You raised your brow skeptically, looking warily over your shoulder at people making grouchy faces at having to step around you to get to where they needed to go. “I don’t think so, why?”

He grabbed your forearm and pulled you into his bubble and out of the way of the bustling student body.

You gulped up at him, cursing the heat you felt crawling up your throat at the closeness between you.

“I’m having a small get together with some friends to celebrate my birthday,” he said, putting his hands in his pocket as he tilted his head against the brick wall next to you. “I was wondering if you’d wanna join.”

Your eyes widened. “Me?”

“Yeah.”

“Uhm… I mean, I—yeah, sure, I’ll be there,” you coughed, thanking the heavens above he seemed not to be focusing on your neck; you could feel how hot you’d gotten without needing to check first.

“Cool,” he said. “I’ll see you this weekend.” He smiled charmingly and began walking towards the staircase (where you belatedly realized a group of his friends were waiting for him), but panicked a little realizing you had no idea where to meet him.

“Intak!”

He turned around with a hum, his eyebrows raised ever so slightly.

You cleared your throat, rocking on the balls of your feet. “Where are we meeting?”

“Ah,” he laughed, walking back to you with a grin so captivating you were surprised your mouth wasn’t hanging open. “You have a pen?”

“A—uh, yeah, hold on, lemme just” —you dug around in your bag for your pencil case before pulling out a black pen and handing it to him, perplexed.

Your eyes widened when he reached once again for your forearm, ducking his head as he shook the pen out and began writing what you assumed was his number on your exposed skin, drawing a weirdly symmetrical, grinning heart with little devil-horns and a tail at the end.

“There we go,” he said, tucking the pen into your emblem pocket with a boyish grin.

He laughed at your bewildered expression as he backtracked toward his friends, the look he gave you sending a hoard of butterflies loose in the pit of your stomach. “See you soon, Y/N! I’ll text you the details!”

“I, uh” —you pinched yourself— “yeah, okay!”

Now, you’re probably wondering—what does any of that have to do with weed?

Well… maybe it’s easier to just show you.

“Y/NNNN!” Intak grinned at you from his couch, shamelessly eyeing you up and down as you walked sheepishly into his living room.

You waved awkwardly, feeling heat creep up the column of your throat when he giggled and waved back, a dumb grin on his face.

You fiddled with the hem of your white skirt, tugging the sleeves of your black Kuromi sweater over your fingers as one of Intak’s older friends, Choi Jiung, ushered you to sit between Intak’s legs.

“So…” You cleared your throat, crossing your spread legs at the ankles so you didn’t have to worry about accidentally exposing anything you didn’t want exposed. You forced a relaxed smile. “What are we doing?”

Jiung laughed good-naturedly, pulling a girl you didn’t recognize into his lap. “We’re smoking,” he said with a smile, his eyebrows furrowing in curiosity as he asked, “Have you smoked before?”

You hummed uncertainly, fiddling with your fingers—the heat of Intak’s legs against your arms was making it incredibly difficult to think. “No, I don’t really smoke…”

The girl in Jiung’s lap’s eyes widened. “What? Never?”

You shook your head.

“Not even once?”

“No,” you whispered, resisting the sudden urge to spring up and dash for the door.

“Ash,” Intak reprimanded, shifting in his seat.

Just as you were about to turn your head to look at him, his breath hit the back of your ear, his hands on your shoulders and a smile in his voice.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he assured you. “It’ll help you relax, though.”

He massaged your shoulders to emphasize his point and you tried very hard not to squeak in surprise.

Since when was Hwang Intak so good with his hands?

“You wan’ a hit?” Jiung offered, holding a joint out to you with wide eyes and raised brows; weirdly innocent-looking considering the situation you were in.

You swallowed a lump in your throat.

On the one hand, you were kind of scared. What if all those things your parents had said were true? That one hit meant you’d be a goner forever and start doing hardcore drugs because you’d started with the “Gateway”? That if you started now you’d become immediately enslaved to the high and never recover?

But, despite those worries, despite those fears…

Intak hadn’t stopped massaging your shoulders—rather, he’d dragged his hand to the base of your neck, gently pressing his forefinger against your pulse-point before sliding it down to brush across your exposed collarbone.

Thank the heavens he chose not to comment on the shiver that shot up your spine, but it was clear in the little huff of air behind you that he found your reaction amusing.

Really, you were curious. And maybe you wanted to impress him.

Just a little bit.

So you nodded, smiling awkwardy as Ash—Jiung’s girlfriend(?)—whooped and clapped with an obnoxious laugh of encouragement.

You took the already-lit joint from Jiung, holding it between your pointer finger and thumb, inspecting it.

Intak giggled, “Just put it to your lips and pull.” His chest expanded with the amount of air he sucked in through his teeth, letting out an exhale with an exaggerated grunt of relief.

You nodded uncertainly, releasing a nervous breath before bringing the joint up to your lips.

“There we go,” he whispered next to your ear, his chin resting on your shoulder as his hands ran up and down your arms; bold from the cannabis or because you were in his house, you didn’t know.

Not that you really cared, anyway.

You mimicked Intak’s movements and set the roll down in a coughing fit, waving your hand in front of your face like it’d stave off the aching burn traveling from the back of your throat all the way through to your lungs.

It took a couple of seconds for you to stop coughing, looking around the room with your hand fisted in front of your mouth and tears pooling in the corners of your eyes.

You met the expectant eyes of Ash and Jiung—and then you… laughed. And you laughed a little more, and some more, until you were giggling dumbly because why were they looking at you like that!

“Atta girl!” Jiung hooted, leaning far back into his chair before taking another hit from his own blunt.

“How d’you feel?” Intak asked, his eyes lighting up when you turned your head to look at him proper. His pupils were visibly dilated, sucking you in a little like a black hole.

You grinned, leaning back against his knee.

“I feel good,” you slurred, letting your eyes roam his face and grinning when he seemed to smile brighter because of it. “Really good,” you admit.

“Yeah?” Intak said, licking his lips. “Calmer?”

“Mmm…” You dragged your lower lip between your teeth and indulged in the wonderful cartwheel your stomach did as Intak watched the motion with rapt attention.

“Now,” Ash clapped her hands together, wiggling her eyebrows with a devilish smirk. “Let’s play truth or dare.”

“Y/N!” Ash yelled, completely indifferent to Jiung’s lips attached to her neck, “truth or dare?”

You hummed playfully, still leaned back against Intak’s leg.

You’d mellowed out considerably since you had your first pull around twenty minutes ago—you were leaning against Intak like it was normal and the hand he was running through your hair didn’t even make you bat an eye.

“Dare,” you said with a grin, light and happy and relaxed—more relaxed than you’d been during summer break!

Ash grinned mischievously, bringing a hand up to pull at Jiung’s hair, looking at him over her shoulder with a vicious smile. “I dare you to kiss Intak.”

“That’s boring,” Jiung panted, his cheeks tinged pink as he licked his lips and watched Ash with a furrowed brow, head tilted back with her firm grip in his hair.

She rolled her eyes, but turned to you and said, “Fine. I dare you to kiss Intak’s tongue.”

You licked your lips with an excited giggled, using Intak’s knees to push yourself up before turning around to smile at him with a happy sway in your step.

Intak watched you with a lazy grin as you walked between his legs, setting your hands beside his waist and leaning forward at a 90° angle to connect your mouths in an easy kiss.

“Yah!” Ash laughed, the sound breaking the two of you apart. “That’s not his tongue!”

You giggled and waved her off, looking down at Intak with hooded eyes.

“Stick your tongue out,” you ordered, staring at his mouth like a starved animal.

Intak grinned, watching you like a puppy watches his owner as he obediently stuck his tongue out, leaning cockily back into the couch.

With a surprising ease, you leant down and touched your lips to his tongue, so intrigued by the feel of it you gave it a little kitten lick of your own.

Intak groaned as he grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you in for a very heated kiss, sticking his tongue in your mouth and tilting his head for better access.

You were on cloud nine and vaguely floaty, setting your hands on his upper thighs to keep yourself from wobbling over.

You only pulled away after Jiung let out a low whistle, Intak, lips red and swollen with a possessive hand on the nape of your neck and a hungry, nearly insatiable look in his eyes.

“Well, shit,” Ash laughed, leaning back against Jiung’s shoulder. “Didn’t think you had it in you, Y/Nie.”

You licked your lips as Intak leant up to press a chaste kiss to the corner of your lip, a confused noise leaving you when he suddenly pushed himself to standing.

You felt a little flip in the pit of your stomach at how tall he suddenly felt now that you weren’t towering over him, biting on your lip as he grabbed your hand.

“Let’s go to my room, hm?” he asked, not really waiting for an answer as he lead you to the stairs. “Get some privacy.”

You waved to Jiung and Ash (though neither of them waved back because they’d opted to start sucking each other’s faces off), watching with a growing fire the way Intak’s back muscles moved when he walked.

“You’re a good kisser,” you complimented as he lead you upstairs, laughing when he brought you into his room. He shut but did not lock the door behind him.

“Yeah?” he smirked. “How good?

“Very,” you assured, eagerly standing on the tips of your toes and wrapping your arms around his shoulders so you could keep kissing him.

“Mmm,” he hummed against your lips, guiding you back until the two of you were laying flat on the edge of his bed, his hands running up to trace the bare skin under your shirt. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

You nipped his lip, sighing into his mouth when he gave your waist a little squeeze. “I’m a little out of practice,” you panted.

He chuckled, pulling away to give you a devilish smirk. “We can practice.”

And so practice you did.

[demonicc0024tt]

I’m tweaking so have this flippy age theory

So being in the htf fandom I’ve noticed that lots of people portray Flippy as this traumatized war vet in his early 20’s and it bugs me out because there’s no way this man is 20 by the time he’s “discharged” from the war. Although it was never confirmed by any means that he’s actually discharged, he may be on some leave or the war just ended. But what war did he even go to? Well it’s only mentioned he went to W.A.R wich stands for Weaponized Animal Regiment, but seeing that Fliqpy’s booby traps are heavily inspired by the viet cong many say it may be possible that he also went to the Vietnam war (i also thought that would be the most rational explanation) which would make sense considering the insane trauma he has but also make him 60 even if he was drafted at the end of it, so i think he was just really interested in it but never actually got to fight there since it ended. He could have taken part in the Persian Gulf War but i doubt that. All we know is that Flippy went to the W.A.R so let’s stick to that.

What age did he go to the war then?

There is a possibility that if he was interested in joining the military from a young age and enlisted by himself then he may have been 18 at the beginning , though if that wouldn’t be the case and he was drafted instead, he would be around 20-25 years old. So let’s go with 20.

In the W.A.R journal episode he’s said to be a private, which is considered the lowest military rank (E-1) , but seeing the patch on his shoulder that could be inspired (definitely is) by the military rank insignia he could be a E-2 second class private.

The mission Flippy, Mouse Ka-Boom and Sneaky are on where they have to confront a literal General, could be seen as a very serious and important mission that would take at least 4 years of amazing performance and service for a literal second class private to go on without any forces except for two other privates, which i think makes sense because Flippy killed a literal General and that on it’s own could get him promoted to a sergeant (E-5). While promotions from E1 to E4 are mostly gained by time, E5 and higher are mostly performance and binding time earned. For a E2 to get to E5 it would take a great amount of time. To get to E3 could take at least 10 months and to E5? That could even be three to six years based on performance or even more!

So let’s say that Flippy was a great soldier for at least four years, got assigned to a serious mission, completed it alone because his teammates died, and that got him promoted to a Sergant at about 24/25 years old.

Although there is no real number of years he was at war it would make sense for it to be at least ten years if we look back at how long he had to be a private to be promoted,and how long he could fight as a sergeant. If we went down that route then he was like 30 when he left.

His first appearance is the hide and seek episode that came out in the year 2000. If we used the year when the episode came out as the year that Flippy left the military then that would make him about 31. Why 31 and not 30? Because imagine you leave a war you’ve been fighting for ten years. You don’t just immediately move somewhere new and make so many friends that you feel comfortable playing hide and seek knowing about your ptsd problem in the span of like 11 months (not saying that’s impossible but just not likely).

The episode Party Animal where we see flaky and others prepare a party for his birthday aired October 2nd 2006 that means,of course that he turned 37 that day.

The last episode featuring Flippy was In Over Your Hedge that got released (for free) December 22 2018 and that would make him 49!

In conclusion Flippy throughout the whole series is in his early 30’s to late 40’s.

Im sorry in advance if some of this info is not right, i tried doing as much research as i could! If something is wrong pls say so i can correct myself!!! Also sorry if the grammar is wrong but English is not my first language😢

[markrosewater]

Happy birthday! Can we get some birthday trivia about you on your birthday?

Sure. I turn 56 today, so here’s fifty-six things you may or may not know about me.

1) I never lost a baby tooth. Every one had to be extracted.

2) I was once a contestant on Trivial Pursuit: The Game Show with Wink Martindale. I answered the most questions correct, but didn’t win.

3) I once had scarlet fever (the thing the boy gets in the Velveteen Rabbit).

4) I’ve been told by doctors I have very weird blood.

5) I self taught myself to juggle.

6) I was a magician when I was a kid with the stage name The Wiz Kid. I mostly performed for kids parties.

7) I was once a freelance greeting card writer. My favorite (that didn’t get printed) showed a jug of maple syrup tipped on its side making a puddle of syrup. In the syrup was a top hat. A hand is pulling a can of green paint with a shamrock out of the hat. You open up the card and it says Sappy Paint Hat Tricks Day. It’s a triple Spoonerism.

8) Sara Gilbert (of “Roseanne” fame) and I once went out for lunch. (It wasn’t a date or anything.)

9) I broke my collarbone doing a prat fall off a stage.

10) I once pet a cheetah. In South Africa. My face from the picture of me doing that was used as my “Making Magic” photo for years.

11) I once made a root beer float for Keanu Reeves. It was at a play I was volunteering for.

12) I once get trapped inside Fred Astaire’s Estate. This factoid is oddly on my Wikipedia page.

13) Starting during the pandemic, my family began fostering animals. So far, we fostered four dogs, six cats, and two Guinea pigs.

14) In college, I wrote and directed two plays, started an improvisation troupe, and a writing workshop.

15) I still have all my wisdom teeth.

16) I have visited every continent except Antarctica for Magic.

17) I once asked Clint Eastwood for directions, not realizing who it was until he started talking. I was lost on the Warner Brothers lot.

18) My first job in Hollywood resulted from me taking part in someone else’s interview. I snuck on the lot, and ended walking into a room where they asked “Are you here for the production assistant interview?”, and I said, “Yes.”

19) I once had a disease the doctors couldn’t identify. They called it Mark’s Disease.

20) I was born in Mississippi. My dad was in the Air Force at the time.

21) I asked out seven woman to my senior prom who all turned me down. I ended up going with a friend who also couldn’t get a date.

22) I took six years of Spanish.

23) Most of my family’s vacations growing up were ski vacations, so I’m a decent skier.

24) I once delivered a pizza to Richard Gere. It was as a production assistant, not a pizza delivery person.

25) I once broke into an actor’s apartment building to deliver a script. It was so late, they were asleep and didn’t hear the buzzing of the door bell.

26) I once drove six hours (three in each direction) to pick up one five-stick package of Blackjack gum as a runner (production assistant).

27) Dennis Miller once thought I was a crazy man. I was sent to get him from the parking lot for a shoot and he thought I was stalking him.

28) I have over two hundred tee-shirts. They are organized by color.

29) I was supposed to pitch to “The Simpsons”, but it got cancelled when I got hired in the “Roseanne” staff.

30) I pitched multiple times to “Star Trek: The Next Generation”, but never sold a script. The closest I got was a pitch about Data malfunctioning.

31) I once ate crocodile. In Australia.

32) I played the Tinman in fifth grade in a production of “The Wizard of the Oz”. I was so hot, my silver make-up had to be reapplied halfway through as I sweated it off.

33) My mother turned down being on “Oprah” to come to my college graduation.

34) My parents are both retired. My dad was a dentist and my mom a psychologist. I used to joke I had a “paradox”.

35) Every birthday since I was 9, I’ve celebrated my birthday with crab legs.

36) Since I was in grade school, every Valentine’s Day, I hand out candy hearts, and every Halloween, I hand out mellowcreme pumpkins (basically pumpkin shaped candy corns).

37) My tee-shirts every week are themed. Some themes are pretty obvious, but they often get tricky. R&D likes figuring out the theme.

38) I got a BS in Communications (no, really) from Boston University’s College of Communications.

39) I collect superhero Minimates (they look Lego-ish). I have somewhere around two thousand. They are displayed in a number of cabinets built by my dad.

40) My podcast was inspired by a talk by Kevin Smith (at San Diego Comic-Con) where he said anyone could make a podcast.

41) I have attended over twenty-five San Diego Comic-Cons.

42) I am related to Lorne Green of “Bonanza” fame.

43) My dad’s family came from Germany and my mom’s from Russia. In Germany, my family’s name was Rosenvasser, but it was changed to Rosewater when they came to the U.S.

44) There are so few Rosewaters in the United States, that if you meet a Rosewater odds are I’m related to them.

45) I have lived in five states (Mississippi, Ohio, Massachusetts, California, and Washington, in that order).

46) I have visited over thirty states for Magic.

47) I once met Jim Henson when I worked on a clip show that Kermit was on. The question I asked him was if Ernie and Bert were named after the characters from “It’s a Wonderful Life”. He said not consciously. Jim Henson is one of my idols and I feel so blessed to have met him. He died a few months later.

48) I met Stan Lee at Hascon. He is another of my idols that I feel so lucky to have met.

49) On “Roseanne”, I worked with Amy Sherman-Palladino (just Amy Sherman back then) and Chuck Lorre. She made “Gilmore Girls” and “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”. He made “Big Bang Theory” and “Two and a Half Men”. Amy was super sweet and we got along well. I don’t think Chuck liked me.

50) I am a super picky eater. For example, except for apples, I don’t eat fruit. I hate bananas with a passion.

51) I have been a game player since very young. My dad loves games and introduced them to me early in life.

52) I get the writing bug from my mom.

53) I used to collect lint in a giant jar. When I got married, Lora made me get rid of it. It was an impressive amount of lint.

54) I have a bad tendency to burn myself a lot. My family loves to make fun of it.

55) I own over fifty flannels. My favorites are from Japan because they are more colorful with their flannels. Normally I wear a large, but in Japanese sizes, I’m an extra large.

56) My favorite number is 254. I chose it when I was little.

[chaotictarlos]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

Thank you both for the asks! I love this little game! It's always nice to have a reason to brag about my writing or shine some light on fics I wished people looked at more. In no particular order, here's a list of mine.

You took the best of my heart and left the rest in pieces - This is one of my favorite fics that I've written in this fandom. It's a character study and exploration of emotions through Carlos' POV of the breakup era. I enjoy writing the breakup era and writing the boys getting back together, and how each of them make their way back to the other. This is the first part in a series of what will be three fics. It can also be read on it's own. (I'm currently working on the TK POV one but real life has been busy lately)

I’ve always dreamed of me and you, now here we are - summary: It's a tale as old as time, meeting the right person but during the wrong time of life. TK Strand and Carlos Reyes dated in college but parted ways when they graduated, not knowing they would ever see each other again. Six years later, Carlos is working as a social worker in Travis County and TK has just accepted a position as a professor at The University of Texas at Austin. They run into each other when a mutual friend invited TK out for the evening. This is a fic that I've taken a pause on because of some truly nasty people who, instead of not reading, decided that they wanted to send hateful words my way. I want to get back into this fic, I have so many ideas for it and how I want them to eventually end up back together. I have the next chapter written and ready to post, I've just been anxious about it.

With love, your soulmate - summary: Carlos Reyes doesn’t think he has a soulmate. In the 22 years he had been alive he had never found anything that would tell him otherwise. At first, it bothered him that he was seemingly without anyone and that there wasn’t a perfect person out there for him but he learned to grow comfortable with that information. He learned to adapt, to date enough that he wouldn’t be lonely, and on the nights when he was without anyone he found ways to make himself feel good. He was content. Or so he thought so until a letter arrived on the day of his 22 birthday. A letter addressed to him, from the past and from his soulmate. From there, they start talking. Leaving letters for each other to find and read, falling in love through the words that they shared. Will TK ever catch up to Carlos so that they can have their happy ever after? Or will time remain cruel to them? **Soulmate AU based on the short film Brooklyn Love Stories - Long Time Distance Relationship with Ronen** This fic was such a labor of love because it was so hard at times to figure out timelines and to get it the way that I wanted it to go. In the end, it was so worth it and it's the first chapter fic I finished in this fandom. I also just love a good soulmate au.

Jingle those Balls - summary: Two families, one fake relationship. TK needs a fake date for his mother's Christmas Work Party. Enter Carlos. MY TARLOS HALLMARK FIC. I almost didn't write this but Cee encouraged me so much an dI am SO glad that I did. I ended up writing 20K words in two weeks and I just love how this turned out. It's silly, fun, a little angsty and smutty. Carlos is so sassy in it too. I had such a delight in writing it!

where do we go from here / how did we (i) get here? / And in your hands, is all of me - the parts I never let you have - I'm rec'ing all of these together because they truly need to be read together. These three fics kicked off my season 4 coda series and deals with the topic of Carlos being married to Iris. There's a fic from Carlo's POV, TK's POV, and then them together. I struggled a bit with the secret when it was revealed and this was a great way for me to work through it and I think I created some really good fics that deal with the topic.

Bonus +1

We can get a little crazy just for fun - My series of slutty Carlos fics. These are just fun, smutty fics that are inspired by Rafael's thirst posts and I always enjoy writing them. I think others would enjoy them as well.

[fantastical-euphoria]

from the top of the stairwell in my house, i could hear my two big brothers discussing my big birthday party that was set to take place later that afternoon.

i was turning five, which apparently was a “big age,” according to them. i always thought a big age was 27, or 25, like them. mom always liked to use the word “milestone” when she talked about big ages. then again, she used that word all the time, not just in talking about ages. for instance, she always talked about milestones when she was jogging. she loved doing that.

henry and percy gained a baby sister when they were 22 and 20. i always asked them if it was weird. that i was basically still a baby to them. “nah, we love it,” they told me. “that means we get to permanently pick on you.” i think they were just messing with me when they said that.

“so, let’s see who we have here, maisie, aria, cooper, benny, kidd… i think that’s it.”

“yeah, they’re all coming over.”

“is that confirmed?”

“yeah. you talk to the parents?”

“i thought that was your responsibility?”

“psh, you know how anxious i get over the phone.”

“c’mon, man, we’re teachers. we have to talk to them all the time.”

“still doesn’t make it easy.”

“and… you picked up the blue monster cake that she wanted?”

“i called, said they were out of stock.”

“crap, then what do we do?”

“i’ve no idea.”

“we’ll think of something.”

“yeah, def.”

later that day, i could see several adults and several children come in through the door.

my brothers began to greet the grownups, socializing with them this way and that.

still, i observed from the stairwell, a bit shy to come down.

“yeah, we’re both teachers at the dreamers academy. it’s, uh, it’s a school. well, we do volunteer at the humane society from time to time.”

“well, i think i’m the only one still doing that.”

“it’s hard to carve time out of my schedule, okay?”

“while you’re doing what? binge watching hulu?”

“man’s gotta do what man’s gotta do.”

“i swear to god.”

i could hear several adults laughing.

“yeah, we set up a starbucks date sometime? maybe grab coffee and donuts? wait, does starbucks even have donuts?”

“yeah, absolutely, great to see you again! yeah, she’s getting big, growing up too fast.”

“i remember when she was little, well, she’ll always be little to us, but when she was little little, she’d follow us around all the time…”

“did it ever get annoying? no, we were mature about it.”

“she’s always been cute. always loved us.”

“yeah, absolutely. she’s five now, can you believe it?”

“hey, you know where she is?”

“did you call her down?”

“allie? where are you love?”

“maybe she’s with the other kids in the bonus room.”

“yeah, let’s check there.”

i heard their voices fade as they walked away from the bottom of the stairwell and further into the house.

we had a big house. it had three stories. the giant blue room that took up most of the third floor was mine. it used to be an attic, but then we moved the attic into a storage closet on the first floor. i think it came right after i was born.

my brothers were right in saying that they were both teachers. they were both naturally gifted with kids. the dreamers academy sounded like a strange name for a school, but it was all to appeal to the adults who wanted to send their kids away to a place where they could have fun and dream big while they learn. that was kind of their motto, anyway. and it attracted the kids, as well, because all the teachers were devoted, dedicated individuals who always prioritized the children they taught. and they made the lessons fun. and no day was ever challenging, at least, according to my brothers.

but they could often times be intimidating to someone as little as me. i only knew them, truly knew them, for two years. i only began talking when i was two. and they never really spent time around the house until i was around three. i don’t even remember being held by them. i did remember the following them around part, though.

i always thought of them as fun uncles. i never thought of them as my brothers.

but they had tender, caring hearts. big, big hearts. like they were giant, human teddy bears. soft, gentle and huggable.

but, at the age of almost five, i was shy. reserved. quiet. but that never bothered them. they said that maybe i’d grow out of my quiet demeanor, my shyness, but that if i didn’t, well, it wasn’t a big deal.

suddenly i heard voices shouting,

“allie?! allie?! where are you? the party’s down here, silly!”

“allie, come down, please, everyone’s waiting for you!”

a few moments later:

“allie, don’t make me count to three.”

nobody could see me because i was on the third floor, not the first. i was so high up that it wouldn’t be easy to spot me.

i liked to be elusive. but sometimes that got me in big trouble.

so i rushed downstairs and attacked both henry and percy’s legs with big hugs.

“ahaha, there she is!”

“hey, birthday girl!”

“kiddo.” i felt one of them rub the top of my head.

i said hi to all of my friends thag showed up. my brothers were all familiar with them, since they all attended the same school as me and we were all in the same classes. henry taught reading and math and percy taught gym. they looked kind of similar, but henry wore glasses a lot of the time.

“mr. angus,” (that was our last name and how the rest of the kids knew my brothers), “i want to play in the bonus room, can we play in the bonus room?”

i saw one of my friends tugging on henry’s wrist and hand with both their hands.

that made me laugh a bit.

“absolutely!” he chuckled when the tugging got to be so forceful it dragged his feet across the tile floor of the kitchen. “alright, alright, i’m coming!”

i looked up to percy, who was just about to join them before he looked down to me. “hey, allicat, ya comin?”

i giggled and nodded, following him into the big bonus room.

later on, both of my brothers, down on their hands and knees, got trampled on by me all my friends. we were using them like giant jungle gyms.

my friends’ parents liked to tease me a bit, saying stuff like “oh, you must be the smartest kid that goes there, you have two brothers who are both teachers there!” this wasn’t really true. i wasn’t realy that smart for an almost five year old. but my brothers didn’t mind.

later on, henry had gotten dragged into a different direction by the kids while i followed percy into the kitchen. he was going to call a bakery to see if they had another cake in stock for me.

“percy, i wanna show you my handstand! can you see it? please??”

he chuckled and sat down on the kitchen counter. “alright, let me see it.”

so i did it for as long as i could, never minding that my hands were touching a floor that so many feet had stepped on. but it was near-perfect. and i was quite proud of it.

“wow, look at you go! that was brilliant!” he clapped a bit, laughing. “well done! how long have you been practicing?”

i shrugged. “i don’t know, i don’t do it much, i just wanted someone to see it.”

“that was really good, allie, well done kiddo!” he got off the counter and bent down to rub the top of my head.

i frowned. “i want to show henry, but… i’m afraid he’ll laugh.”

“aw, sunshine, no he won’t. he’ll love it as much as i do.”

“you promise?”

“i promise.” he drew an x on his heart, smiling down at me to show that he meant it. “c’mon, you wanna go show it to him right now?”

suddenly i felt my cheeks turn bright red. suddenly i got all shy again. i shook my head.

“aw, why not? you shy?”

i nodded.

“allie,” he laughed, “don’t be shy. if you want, i can get his attention.”

i nodded, my smile fading.

his faded right alongside mine as he took a knee in front of me.

“aw, allie, what’s wrong?” he rubbed my back.

“what if i mess it up?” i whispered.

“you won’t mess it up,” he chuckled. “i know this.”

“i’m still nervous,” i smiled slightly.

“aw, you shouldn’t be nervous around him, allie, he’s our big bro, he’s got your back. always.”

suddenly i could hear henry yelling from the room next door, “percy! help me! they’ve got me trapped!”

percy and i both giggled as he rolled his eyes. “oh, boy,” he sighed out, then looked down at me with a smile, nodding in that direction. “c’mon, let’s go help him out, and then we can show everyone your impressive handstand.”

“it’s not impressive,” i muttered.

“well, i think it is.” suddenly he took my hand and ran off towards the living room, pulling me like a sled dog.

he always liked to do that with me, and every time it made me laugh.

right as we entered the room, however, the doorbell rang.

“oh, that must be the cake!” percy exclaimed. “hang on,” he held up a finger, “i’ll be right back.”

as i watched him run off towards the front door, i felt someone tug my hand in the direction of henry (the same hand tugger as before) and someone else shouting in my ear, “c’mon allie! we gotta trample him!”

“i’m already trampled, geez!” that was henry’s comical squeaky high pitched voice. of course, this made all the kids shriek with laughter.

a few moments later, we could hear percy’s voice from the kitchen:

“alright, who’s ready for cake?”

all the kids instantly hopped off of henry and stormed off, eagerly awaiting a slice.

henry and i had to both run to join them, henry sounding a bit out of breath.

after everyone sang happy birthday to me (i turned a bit red in the face, as my shyness sometimes couldn’t handle a bunch of people singing directly to me), and i helped percy cut the cake, and after we stuffed our faces with said cake, we eagerly ran back into the bonus room, with henry breathlessly following close behind. i knew percy probably ran to clean up.

“alright, now who’s ready for a talent contest?” henry asked all of us.

“ooh ooh!! me! me! me!” a whole bunch of hands shot up.

“alright, who’s willing to go first? well, actually, how bout we have the birthday girl go first?” henry gestured to me. “how’s about it, allie!”

“yeah, allie!”

“yay, allie!”

“woo, allieee!!!” everyone was looking at me, clapping at me.

“c’mon allie!”

“you can do this!”

“you got this!”

suddenly one of the kids had started up a chant. “al-lie! al-lie! al-lie!”

soon all of them joined in, clapping to the rhythm.

now, i was absolutely mortified. i knew i wanted to do my handstand, and this was the perfect golden opportunity, but… i still wasn’t feeling confident about it. i knew i could do it in front of percy, but… could i do it front of henry?

“n-no,” i shook my head, nervously clasping my hands together and fidgeting slightly. “i-i don’t wanna go…”

“oh, allie, why not?”

“yeah, are you afraid?”

“you scared?”

“you’re a chicken!”

“c’mon, allie…”

now, this was far, far worse than anyone laughing at me. this was teasing. jeering. bullying.

i looked over to henry, who was trying his best to settle the crowd down, holding his hands out in front and gradually bringing them down, a gesture to hopefully mitigate all the noise.

“guys, guys, hey, c’mon now, we’re not gonna make her feel bad now, right?”

“but she won’t do it for us!”

“yeah, like, look at her!”

“she’s a wimp!”

“guys! what did i say?”

but it was too late to change anything now.

“i-i’m sorry…” i choked out before i ran out of the room, the tears already stinging my eyes.

i could very faintly hear henry yelling “allie! wait! come back!”

but i’d already gotten to the front door, running out of it and finding a place to sit down at the far end of our porch.

i buried my face in my hands and began to cry.

i felt absolutely awful.

but what was probably even worse was that outside, it was freezing cold.

at least it was quiet.

suddenly i heard the front door open, and felt someone sit beside me, placing a gentle hand on my back.

“allie, what happened? why’d you run out like that?”

i sniffled, “i don’t wanna talk about it. they were making fun of me.”

“making fun of you?” his voice expressed nothing but concern, i could even hear it crack a bit.

i nodded, crying softly.

“aw, alliecat, c’mere,” i felt a warm sweater wrap around me and hold me tight.

“here, i’ll get henry for you and distract those other kids while you do your handstand for him. just for him.” his voice softened even more. “alright?”

i sniffled but nodded, looking up at him with teary eyes.

he smiled back down and swiped my nose with his finger. “atta girl,” he chuckled. “i’ll get henry, there’s plenty of grass here, you got this, champ.” he rubbed the top of my head again before he set me aside, getting up and going back inside.

my eyes followed him back in, and through the window i could see a perfect view of the bonus room. henry was getting toppled by the kids again, and he looked absolutely miserable. percy went running in, pulling kids off of him. i could very faintly hear him say, “alright, let’s give my poor brother a break from all your chaos for right now.”

i could then hear a collective “aww,” coming out of them.

“but! you get to beat up on me instead! how’s that sound you lot?”

suddenly there was loud cheers, percy saying an emphatic “alright!” through the cheers.

henry immediately got up and limped off to the side, shaking his head in bewilderment before putting his hands together and mouthing “thank you,” to percy, who flashed him a smile and a thumbs up in return.

percy must have told him prior that i had run outside and that he was going to check on me, and now he was telling henry that it was his turn to check on me.

before i knew it, i could hear the front door open again, and i saw henry come out. he sighed softly and muttered to himself, “phew, never thought i’d ever get away from those psychos.”

then he glanced over to the side of the porch i wasn’t on, before glancing in my direction. “ah, there you are,” i saw him point in my direction, smiling a bit.

he ran over and slid down beside me. “those kids scare both of us, don’t they?”

i nodded, shivering slightly. the cold was now starting to get to me.

“i’m sorry,” i whispered. “i wanted.. i wanted to show you my… my handstand but…” suddenly i broke out into an onslaught of tears all over again.

“no,” i heard him whisper, taking my hands in his and lifting me into his lap, “i’m sorry. i should’ve been paying more attention to you but… your friends wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“it’s okay,” i smiled slightly before it faded once more. “but… it’s also okay if you don’t want to see my, uh, my, um… i mean… it’s not very good…”

“no, no, i’m intrigued, let me see it.”

i shook my head.

“c’mon, alls, pretty please? just for me? just for your lame old brother? who can’t even do a handstand himself?”

i giggled a bit at this. “but… i’m not very good.”

“percy says you’re really good at it… and he usually doesn’t lie to me… i make sure of it.” he chuckled slightly. “now, c’mon, before we freeze to death, it’s getting cold and i’d like to head back in soon.”

i sighed. “okay, okay.” then i looked into his eyes sincerely, remembering something. “it’s okay if you laugh, too.”

“i won’t laugh, i promise. if you fall down, maybe, but you know i can’t help it. you do too, i know this.”

i frowned slightly.

“i’ll try not to,” he dropped his voice down, rubbing the back of my neck a bit.

i smiled. “okay.”

he clasped his hands together, before rubbing them in anticipation, “okay, c’mon, show me. i’m anxiously waiting.” he waved me off in the direction of the front yard.

so i went down the steps and into the yard.

and i tried to do one, but, i couldn’t quite stick it, and ended up falling down.

i felt my face turn red.

“i’m sorry,” i called to him, starting to walk back up to him.

“no, no, it’s okay, try again!” he waved me back to the yard.

the one thing i noticed was that he didn’t laugh.

so that made me feel a bit better.

so i tried again.

and again.

and another time.

and on the fifth try, i finally got my handstand to stick perfectly, like it did with percy.

suddenly i felt myself being lifted by the legs, spun around a bit before being flipped right side up and caught in an arm.

“bravooo!! that was all you? wowwwzzaaaa.” i felt my stomach being tickled by a few fingers. “clever girl.” he was bouncing me up and down now, and i was shrieking with laughter.

“seriously, bravo. that was incredible.” we were both inside now, the kids still playing in the bonus room with percy.

the way henry carried me reminded me of how a fun uncle would carry me, in the most irregular, not normal way possible. i liked that a lot.

“here, they’re gonna be a while playing tug of war or whatever, i wanna show you something really fast.” henry took me away from the living room and carried me upstairs, into his room.

i never got to see his room that much. mostly percy’s, because he’d sometimes invite me in case i had a nightmare. naturally, henry’s room always tended to be a bit messier, but that’s just how he liked it, i guess.

“so…” i coughed a little, half from the cold, half from the way henry was holding me. “did you… like my handstand?”

henry adjusted me so i was being held the proper way. “course i did, you kidding? that was freaking brilliant stuff. brilliant brilliant stuff.” he smiled and squeezed me a bit. “so proud of you, lil’ sis.”

i giggled at this as he set me down on his bed. “excuse the mess,” he rolled his eyes playfully as he sorted through a dresser full of old photos, taking a few out that his fingers stumbled across.

one of the pictures he showed me was of him holding what looked to be a one-year-old baby upside down, on the floor, with her hands touching it and their feet dangling in the air. “guess who taught you how to do a handstand?” he pointed to himself, beaming proudly.

“that was me?” i pointed at the baby.

“in the flesh.” he rubbed the top of my head. “you were always a hand-standing kiddo. we knew you had it in you.”

once again, i giggled at this. both my brothers knew how to put a smile on my face, always, and all the time.

when i ran back downstairs and i found percy getting out all the presents for me, i eagerly told him.

“yeahh, way to go, kid! i knew you could do it!” percy bent down to me slightly and showed his hand so i could give him a high five.

he then followed it up with another playful head rub and a bit of a side squeeze.

“can you do a handstand?” i asked.

“ha,” he scoffed, “i can try, but i can’t say i’m any good.”

“but you’re a gym teacher,” i laughed.

“yeah, a gym teacher who can’t do a freaking handstand.” he was laughing at his own self-deprecation. “anyway, i’ve got presents out for you, why don’t you start with the smallest one and make your way up to the biggest?”

all the kids had run back in afterwards, sitting down right beside me and watching eagerly as i opened up each individually-wrapped gift.

i couldn’t wait to play with all of them, but i knew that it had to wait until the next day, since it was getting late.

all the parents had arrived to pick up my friends, and so i waved and said goodbye to them.

i was greeted with a chorus of “bye allie! happy birthday!”

you had to admit, as chaotic as little kids were, they were obedient when prompted.

i watched as henry and percy gave each other a high five, both breathing a sigh of relief. “we did it.”

“phew!”

“glad we got that out of the way.”

“birthday party, done and done.”

i quickly ran up to them, taking each of their hands in one of mine. “i wanna play allie ball. can we? please?”

i knew that it was a game that they made up where they took turns throwing me to each other and catching me, as if i was some giant football. it was meant to be played outside, but it was fun for me as i got thrown around like a sack of potatoes.

“allie, it’s getting late…”

“aw, c’mon lad, it’s her birthday…”

“alright, fine, grab your jacket though, it’s freezing out and i don’t want you catching a cold on your birthday. you hear?” henry waggled a finger in my direction.

i giggled, “i hear.”

“good girl.” he smiled down at me.

so we went outside, and henry was first to throw me to percy. then right after percy caught me, after putting up with my deafening squeals and shrieks of delight, he’d throw me back to henry.

“this is the best birthday ever!” i screamed in the air, which earned a laugh from both my brothers.

then it was percy’s turn to throw me. this particular throw, though, he’d thrown me a bit higher than he normally threw, and a bit higher than i was used to.

“percy, wait, no, i’m too high! that’s too high!” i shrieked as i flailed myself in the air, right before landing into henry’s arms.

“woah, you alright there sun?”

i was shaking and trembling with pure fright. that was a bit too high up for my comfort zone.

“that was a a bit silly of him, wasn’t it? shame on him, he should know better,” henry chuckled slightly, scratching the top of my head a bit.

i started to sniffle a bit, “that.. he threw me.. it was too… high… up…” i was flat out sobbing now. i was still a bit fearful of heights. i clutched onto henry with all my might.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry!” percy came running over frantically. “you okay sis?” i felt his hand run along the back of my head, on top of henry’s. “aw, i’m sorry. i’m… i’m sorry… here, want me to hold you?”

i shook my head, holding onto henry for dear life.

i didn’t like that game anymore. i really didn’t.

“way to go, way to screw up this time, yeah?” i heard henry mumble to percy.

“hey, i said i was sorry, okay? geezusss!”

i quickly took a glance at percy, and from what i could see through my blurry, tear-stained vision, he had the utmost hurt look on his face, his eyes never leaving mine.

“i’m sorry,” he kept mouthing, hoping to catch my attention.

every time i trembled slightly, i felt henry’s hand run along my back.

“great, now allie’s gonna have nightmares all night, thanks to you.”

“i’ll… i’ll try not to…” now i was starting to feel bad for percy. i know henry liked to pick on him, that’s just what brothers did, but still… i felt sorry for percy.

so i tugged on henry’s shirt.

“i want percy to hold me now.”

henry looked down at me a bit confusedly.

“oh, really?”

i nodded.

he chuckled, “alright, off ya go.”

i felt myself being passed off to percy, who held me a bit tighter than henry, making me cough a bit.

“hi, you,” he smiled down at me as he ran a hand along the back of my head, carrying me with his other arm.

“i’m sorry i cried,” i whispered to him, leaning my head against his chest. “i was just scared.”

“i know you were. and i’m sorry i threw you so high. i didn’t mean to, honest to god.”

i was beginning to get tired at that point. it was getting late, after all.

so when we got inside, percy let me down on the floor as i took off my jacket and hung it up, right before running upstairs to my bedroom on the third floor.

“wait, allie, don’t you want us to tuck you in?” percy shouted up to me, him and henry following me up.

they found me already tucked into bed, clutching one of my stuffed animals that i’d received for my birthday.

i shook my head, smiling. “i wanna tuck in myself now. i wanna be a big girl now.”

they both had fond, sweet smiles instantly plastered on their faces as soon as i said that.

“aw, alls, you’ll always be our baby sis.”

“yeah, you’re not ready to grow up yet.”

“well, we don’t really want you to grow up.”

“don’t rush it kid. not yet, anyway.”

“you have all the time in the world to grow up, you can start whenever you want.”

“but just not now.” i felt someone rub the back of my head. “alright?”

i nodded slowly, yawning.

“i hear ya,” henry chuckled. “sweet dreams, birthday girl.”

“yeah, sweet dreams. we love you.” i felt my hand being squeezed, once by henry, and once (a bit longer) by percy.

i knew i was in the safest of hands when they babysat me for the night.

[xaviernottheprofessor]

Check-in With: Dr. Alejandro Reyes Date: Thursday, 2/22/24 A/N: Xavier has a check-in with his therapist after weeks of not being ale to. Mentions of: @thomas-meier, @juniwilson, @aldrichpalermo, @fletchervanhall

“So, you are looking well!” Dr.  Reyes offered Xavier a friendly but professional smile. He was happy to see him as their last check-in was weeks ago. Both their schedules didn’t align but Xavier had promised to send an e-mail or text if there was anything bothering him.

“Thank you, Dr. Reyes. I feel well.” Xavier sat back into his chair, looking into his computer screen. The Zoom sessions were easier to manage for now until things settled.

“And your mom is in remission! That must have been a joyous occasion. Tell me about that.”

Xavier smiled, clearing his throat a bit and unable to resist reminiscing on his trip to London that took place recently. “Well, going back home was lovely as always. Seeing dad, mum, Clayton, the kids. It felt right. They’re due back to visit soon. At least mum and dad. Clayton thinks he’ll make a trip too if work allows it.  Mum looks amazing. She keeps showing me how thick her hair fuzz is getting. It makes her happy. She will always claim she is so vain. Can’t fight her on that!” He laughed and shook his head. “But she’s happy. Overjoyed and relieved that she’s fought this thing.”

Dr. Reyes nodded, eyeing the pink bracelet on Xavier’s wrist. “I see you’re still repping those colors.”

“She defeated breast cancer. I’ll rock the pink forever.” Xavier bit his lip. “I’m glad we all get more time with her.”

“I am too. And I know It was touch and go for a bit. She has an amazing support system. You spent quite some time there over the summer, after your breakup. Is it tough having to come back after so long?”

Xavier took a deep breath. “Look, London isn’t home anymore for me. I love everything about it and the people there, but I could never stay for too long. Traveling back and forth and staying for longer periods of time was good for all of us. I got to help my mum and get my mind off things. I’ve got the kids now and their schooling and the adoption process is my priority. Especially knowing mum is doing so much better.”

Dr. Reyes tapped his portfolio. “And the anxiety of being away from home?”

“Home is here. The states. I still suffer from being overly concerned as Clayton would say but it does help knowing mum has defeated …it. You know.”

“I do know. The C word.” The therapist smiled at Xavier. “I’m happy to hear that you’re managing the traveling and prioritizing. And how’s the adoption process going?”

“So far so good. We finished the home visit a few days ago. I told Winter what my plans were, and she was well, incredulous at first. It was quite devastating listening to how hurt she sounded. She felt as if I were only looking forward to adopting Henry and she’d be back in the system somehow.” Xavier turned the ring on his finger. “She is turning 16 today. Woke her up with balloons and birthday pancakes. I rearranged my schedule so I can be here.  I plan to focus more on domestic work and less on traveling. But that’s more soon. I want to be around more for them.”

Dr. Reyes nodded, “And with your career taking off and with your projects taking a shift in location, I feel like that is attainable.”

“It is. Yeah.” Xavier paused and then added, “She told me today she’s never had a birthday.”

“Winter did?”

“Yeah. She said she’s never had a celebration. Never had a cake. Henry has had a few. Some Chuckie Cheese events but never anything meaningful. Imaging 16 years no birthday celebration.” He frowned. “I’m glad she’s getting this party.”

Dr. Reyes pressed his lips together into a line, taking in what Xavier has told him. “She’s been in the system for too long. Both of them. I’m proud and glad that you’re ending that. It’s tough being a parent in this world. Add a strenuous schedule and having to do it alone…I imagine it’s a lot.”

“Mostly because I didn’t think it’d be permanent. I wanted to foster kids that were in danger of aging out, to be the buffer between that and the system. But I fell in love with those kids. But yeah, I don’t know how my friends do it sometimes though I’m very fortunate to have friends that teach me plenty. And my kids are older, so I must cast a wider net when it comes to parental advise.” He chuckled. “It helps to have a middle school teacher, a father to a twenty-something and a single dad to a tween in the mix.”

Dr. Reyes chuckled, “And now you can give advice too. Something tells me you’d be very good at it.”

“I can’t pretend to know everything! But I can certainly try. I’ve got a few friends with little itty bitty bebs. Just born too. Parenthood is everything, isn’t it?”

Dr. Reyes nodded and picked up his framed photo of a graduate and displayed it on the screen. “And expensive. But yes, it’s quite the privilege.”

Xavier leaned in to check out the photo and then smiled. “He’s gotten so big! High school graduate, how did that happen so quickly?”

“Those were the graduating photos. Graduation is in May. I can’t believe it myself. Soon, it’ll be Winter’s turn.”

“Don’t remind me.” Xavier groaned but then let out a content laugh.

“You’re doing an amazing job. And now you’ve got the Oscar’s lined up. Booked and busy. I think that also helps with everything, right?”

Xavier nodded in response, “It does. I don’t have to worry about overthinking. I’ve been ignoring a lot of the gossip train though.”

“I see. Why’s that?”

“Trash television likes to throw me under the bus after what happened last year with Jeremy. They think I’m going to mess up. That’s what my assistant, Eliza tells me. DJ has been amazing about helping me make statements here and there.”

“Hopefully, Jeremy is off doing his own thing and staying out of your life. He’s done enough.” Dr. Reyes was usually objective and unbiased, but Xavier’s old relationship was a big part of their conversations this time last year. The culmination of that was a sadness he knew his patient struggled with for months. Seeing him so happy and put together made his job worthwhile.

“He is. Or so it seems. I haven’t heard from him at all. I’d like to keep it that way and any upcoming interviews he has for his show, I’d rather skip them for now along with the Oscar’s coverage. I have a good thing going. Ruth E. Carter has asked to be my stylist and I couldn’t be more thrilled.”

“Ruth E. Carter? Black Panther Ruth E. Carter? Get out, Xavier! That’s phenomenal! Oh, you’re going to look amazing! I’ve got to tell my husband about this!” Dr. Reyes made a note on his notepad with a smile on his face.

“Yes, sir. That would be her.” Xavier smiled, proud of himself and the direction his career was going.  

“Incredible. You’re making great strides and doing well in your personal and familial life as well as with your career. I think it’s a good idea to stay away from the gossip train until the smoke clears about Jeremey’s career. From what I remember, he’s known to say things that are out of bounds, so I feel like your approach is the mature approach. He could try to phish a response from you, and we don’t want that. Just remember that you’re only human and if you do fall into trap, it’s not your fault. I know that you have a couple of things going on right now and while they’re all positive, I do worry about you putting too much on your plate and then everything else sort of bubbling over so don’t forget to do things for yourself too. A movie night, a concert. Have you considered going back to the dating apps?”

Xavier snorted, “No. Not doing that again. I dated Thomas’ friend for a month before I realized I wasn’t ready and then the apps, even just for fun, were not fun.”

Dr. Reyes smiled, “Understood. So perhaps you’re looking for something a little more serious?”

“Yes. Well, with the right person. It’s not like I’m out there trying to fall in love at first sight or whatever but...” He chuckled and then paused for a few seconds.

Dr. Reyes arched a brow. “…but?”

“I’ve met someone. Everything is quite new. I enjoy him. Enjoy his company. Plenty. So much that I look forward to every encounter anyway I can have it. I wouldn’t call it infatuation. God, I hope not. It’s like a deep desire to know him better. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that. And in such a short time, he’s managed to help me feel different, unchartered emotions?”

Dr. Reyes nodded once more. “Hmm. Sounds exciting. I wouldn’t call it infatuation either. Perhaps, smitten?” He grinned.

“Definitely that.” Xavier tapped his fingertips along the side of his arm rest. “I don’t want to blow it. It’s a nice feeling. Feeling wanted and having a connection with someone …you know, in the romantic variety. God, I sound really incohesive, do I not?”

“A tad but I belive it comes with the territory. Catch me making any sense talking about my husband way back when.” He laughed.

Xavier laughed as well. “Well, it’s all brand new. Nothing too scary or resplendent.”

“Resplendent. SAT word. I think you’re trying to tell me it’s not something, but it may be and you’re scared and that’s okay. Listen, Xavier just go with it and have fun and enjoy those unchartered emotions because the fact of the matter is you’re young and brilliant and if it’s not meant to be with this person then you’ve already conquered those feelings and can use them in the future or recognize them better.”

“Not trying to sound sophomoric but, how do I know I have feelings for someone?” Xavier chuckled and ran a hand over his face.

“The temperature of your skin right now is burning. I can tell. And your demeanor is well, off. In a good way. Giddy and funny, even. It’s endearing and you know the answer to your own question. Not sophomoric. Just brand new. And deserving. You’e doing great but I fear our time is running out and you have a party to prepare for.”

“Hah. Yes, to all of that. I do. Thank you, Dr. Reyes.”

“Young man, just be yourself. Anyone will adore that. And have fun with Winter and I will speak to you in two weeks before the Oscar’s unless you need me otherwise. Stay away from the gossip train.” He waved and Xavier did too before leaving the conversation.

Xavier took a deep breath and gripped the arm rests of his chair, standing up to his full height. “Alright, let’s get this party started. Quite literally. Henry! Where’s the princess of the party?!”

“Don’t call me that, dad! I am stressed out enough as it is!” Winter yelled out from down the hall. “God, I don’t know what I would do without Aldrich and Juni. I think I might faint. Do you thinking fainting is too overdramatic?”

“You’re so dramatic, Winter. It’s on brand for you!” Henry chimed in.

“Says you Mr. Meltdown if you find a single mushroom in your salad!” Winter continued yelling.

“I beg your pardon! I don’t feel like eating slime for food, okay? Can I borrow your phone so I can call Leo? We’re supposed to coordinate outfits!” Henry yelled from his room.

Xavier stood in the hallway and smiled, shaking his head some. “We have about four hours, kids. Let’s get to it.” He stepped over a Pokémon tin and picked it up to bring it to Henry’s bedroom. “And stop leaving your stuff around. Louisa is going to be ultra mad at us.” He continued walking down and stopped when he spotted Winter curling her hair. He leaned against the doorway with a smile, admiring the young woman who would soon be his official daughter.  “Need help with that?”

“Mm hmm.” Winter handed him the curling iron and Xavier stepped in, gathering some hair for the next curl. “You know, before I was a comedian, I was Beyonce’s hair stylist.”

“Shut up, dad!” Winter giggles.

“Why doesn’t anyone ever believe me?!” Xavier feigned his protest and twirled the hair onto the metal. “She was SUCH a diva! But I was her favorite, of course.”

“Daaad! Stop!” Winter continued her giggles and Xavier continued with his fake story. Everything was the way it needed to be.

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Christmas Reruns 2023 Day 6: Cold Winter's Light

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and happy holidays if you don’t!  One of the things I love about Christmas is watching reruns of all the old classic Christmas movies–Christmas is a big time for nostalgia.  A few years ago, I decided to incorporate that tradition into my fandom life and post my CS holiday reruns.  So here you go!  Enough holiday (mostly) fluff to get you to New Year’s Day. (With a new story posting on Christmas Day.)

Rating: G

Word Count: 3080

Other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

Notes: Today’s story was my 2017 CSSS gift for @treluna2. At the time it was written, it was a future fic about CS and the Charmings celebrating the traditional Enchanted Forest holiday, Winter’s Light. A visitor they were not expecting shows up during one of the worst blizzards Storybrooke had ever seen. Happy Holidays!

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December, 2028

“Have I ever told you the story of your birth, Ava mine?” Killian asked as he sat beside his daughter’s bed on the night before her tenth birthday.

“Daddy!” Ava laughed joyously.  “You tell me that story every year on my birthday.”

“Ah, well you must indulge an old man his sentimentality, little love,” Killian said, the wrinkles beside his eyes crinkling merrily as he smiled adoringly down at the little blonde.  “It was, after all one of the best—and the most terrifying nights of my life.”

“Ok daddy,” Ava conceded, “you can tell the story again.”

“Settle in,” Killian said, tucking the covers securely around his little girl, “and prepare yourself for a thrilling tale.  You were born in the midst of the worst blizzard Storybrooke has ever seen…”

Emma leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, smiling indulgently at her little family.  Killian certainly knew how to tell a good story.  He also had a flare for dramatics…and a tendency to turn any story into something of a tall tale.  Every time he told the story of their daughter’s birth the blizzard got worse, the snow got higher, the winter wind got colder, the danger became greater, his heroics became more daring.  At this rate, by the time Ava was 30, that particular Winter’s Light would be remembered as a life and death experience for everyone present.

Emma remembered it a little differently, although even the true story was something of a thrilling tale.

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

December 2018

Emma collapsed on the sofa, wondering idly if she’d ever be able to get up again.  She felt roughly the size of a beached whale, and getting up from a soft, comfortable couch without help was quite the feat.

She felt a feisty kick, and rubbed her extended belly with a smile.  “I’m so not going to miss you kicking the crap out of me all day every day, kid.”

“The little lass giving you trouble today, Swan?” Killian asked, sitting on the other side of the sofa and massaging her aching feet.

“Not more than usual,” Emma said, “although I’ve been feeling more of those ‘practice’ contractions today than I have in the past.  It’s just that she never stops moving.  And I’m tired.  And my back aches.  And I’m as big as a house.  And I’m just soooooo over this whole pregnancy thing.”

Killian leaned over and kissed her gently.  “It won’t be long now, love.  Your strength and resilience throughout all these months of being with child never ceases to astound me, and I assure you I’ve never found you more beautiful or desirable.”

She shot him a skeptical look.

“Perhaps you’d fancy a proof of just how much I want you still,” he said with a wicked raise of one eyebrow. 

She laughed.  “Tempting, but you know we have to be over at my parents’ farm in twenty minutes for their Winter’s Light party.”

A couple years after they’d defeated the Black Fairy and restored peace to Storybrooke, Snow had suggested, as part of the town’s “living our happy beginning” initiative, that the residents of Storybrooke return to some of their old Enchanted Forest traditions.  The biggest and most beloved, apparently was the holiday called Winter’s Light, which occurred on December 22.

“You see,” Snow explained to Emma, “the winter solstice is on the 21st.  It’s the shortest day of the year, so the 22nd starts the return of the light.”

“So…you have a whole holiday dedicated to it?” Emma asked.

“Yeah,” Snow said, “and it’s the best day of the year!”

“So what exactly does one do on Winter’s Light?  What kind of traditions make it the best day ever?”

Killian smiled, excited as a child.  “There’s a candle lighting ceremony, where all the candles in the house are illuminated (perhaps the custom could be modernized here in the Land Without Magic to include the electric lights you are so fond of).  The youngest child in the household lights the first candle, and then everyone sings carols of the light.”

“And there are the gifts of light, of course,” David said.  “In the evening, family and friends gather together and give each other gifts to thank them for the light they bring into their lives.”

“It really is a heartwarming tradition,” Snow concluded.  “So what do you say, Emma?  Do you think we should revive Winter’s Light?”

“Sounds like a great idea to me!”

And it was.  In the years since the tradition had been restored, Winter’s Light slowly became Emma’s favorite holiday, the day of the year she looked forward to every year.

“I suppose you’re right, love,” Killian said, getting to his feet and offering a hand to his wife.  “Your mother would not thank us for keeping them waiting.”

“No she wouldn’t!” Emma laughed.  “Besides, I think there’s snow in the forecast for tonight.  I’d rather get to the farm before that gets all ramped up.”

It was a bit of a smaller gathering for Winter’s Light this year than in times past.  Ever since Anton’s magic bean farm business got off the ground, a lot of the town opted to go back to the Enchanted Forest for Winter’s Light.  Emma and Killian arrived at the Nolan farm just as the first snowflakes began to fly, and were enthusiastically welcomed by Emma’s parents and little brother, Granny, Leroy and Archie.

“Where are the rest of your dwarf brothers?” Emma asked after receiving a cup of Winter’s Light punch from her mother.

Leroy rolled his eyes.  “Had a bit of a falling out this morning,” he said.  “Seems the others decided I was too ‘grumpy’ to spend the holiday with.  Decided to go back to the Enchanted Forest and leave me here.”

“Whatever would give them that notion?” Killian asked in mock surprise.

“Watch it, pirate!  I’ve got my eyes on you!”

“I’m positively quaking in my boots,” Killian assured.

Emma laughed, playfully shoving Killian in the opposite direction.  “You keep antagonizing him, there may be bloodshed.  The look in his eyes…ooh.”

Emma clutched at her belly.

“Swan!  Are you well, love?” Killian asked, moving her gently to the sofa.

She waved him off, breathing deeply.  “It’s fine, babe.  Don’t worry about it.  Just a little contraction.”

“Shall I call Whale?” he asked.  “You’ve been getting your pains more and more frequently all day.”

“No, no, don’t bother him,” Emma said.  “It’s passing now.  Besides, I’m not due for another week.  If I take it easy, I should be fine.”

Killian looked at her skeptically for another moment, before nodding, still looking as though he was not entirely convinced of her statements.

The festivities were well under way when the small group got their first inklings that they might be in trouble.  Not only had the snow picked up, but so had the wind.  Emma glanced out the window to see nothing but unrelenting white.  “Wow, it’s really coming down out there,” she said.  “I can’t see two feet past your porchlight, Dad.  You think one of us should go on patrol to make sure everyone’s weathering the storm alright?”

“Well if one of us does, it’s not going to be you, honey,” David said, giving her a concerned look.  “You’re in no condition to work this close to your due date.  Killian told me you’ve been having contractions all day.  Maybe instead of patrolling the town, we ought to try to get you to the hospital.”

“Killian is an over-protective mother hen,” Emma said.  “He’d have wrapped me in bubble wrap and confined me to bed for the entire pregnancy if he could have.  I’m fine Dad.  There’s nothing to be concerned ab….ooof!”

This time the contraction hit her so hard and fast she doubled over, panting.  She hadn’t remembered pre-labor pains being quite this intense when she had Henry.  Maybe…maybe her husband and her dad had a point.

“Emma!” David shouted, grabbing her arm to keep her upright just as Emma felt a gush of water flow from her.  Okay, they definitely had a point.  If her freaking water had just broken it was time to get to the hospital.  ASAP.

David settled Emma onto the couch, propping up her feet, and then went off in search of Killian.  There was suddenly a whirlwind of activity in the old farm house, as everyone prepared to move the party to the hospital waiting room.

Granny packed away the food and put it in the refrigerator.  Snow grabbed Emma’s spare overnight bag that she’d packed for the hospital.  (Emma had been prepared for any eventuality, packing an overnight back at home and another at her parents’).  David and Killian rushed outside to scrape off the truck and get it ready for maternity transport.  Archie sat with Emma, coaching her through breathing exercises.  

And Leroy ran through the house shouting “The baby!  She’s COMING!!!!!!”

“Hey, can you grab my phone?” Emma asked Archie, panting through the pain of another contraction.  “Need to give Whale the heads up.”

Archie complied, but when Emma turned the phone on…nothing happened.

“Must be the storm,” Granny said.  “Must have knocked out cell service.  I guess we’re just lucky that the electricity hasn’t gone out yet.”

The room was suddenly plunged into darkness.

Leroy glared at Granny.  “You just had to open your big mouth, didn’t you?”

“Don’t panic!” Snow said, making her way into the living room, an arm full of candles and matches in tow.  “It’s Winter’s Light, remember!  I’ve got enough candles to light up this house like the fourth of July.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” Emma panted, clutching her middle.  “We’ll be off to the hospital any minute anyway.”

Emma heard the front door open, and then her dad and her husband trudged in looking sober.  “I don’t think any of us are going anywhere tonight,” David said, as Killian began pacing.  “We’ve got a full-blown blizzard going on out there.  Killian and I nearly got lost just going from the front door to the truck.  We try to make our way to town, we just get stranded and risk freezing to death.”

Emma felt a weight in the pit of her stomach that had nothing to do with the contractions that were suddenly coming faster and with more intensity.  “Are you telling me I’m going to have to have this baby here?  Without a doctor?  Or an epidural?”

Killian got to his knees beside the couch and took her hand, looking reassuringly into her eyes.  “Swan, I know this isn’t ideal.  I know this isn’t how we hoped this birth would take place, but you can do this!  We, all of us, will help you.”

Another contraction ripped through her, and she had to bite her lip to keep from yelling out.  Still, Killian’s hand was warm and solid in hers.  Her mother was bustling around, preparing a bed in the spare room to be used as the birthing chamber, and Archie was heading to the kitchen, stating his intention to start boiling water.

“Why the hell would we need boiled water?” Granny asked, rolling up her sleeves and preparing to wade into the fray, as it were.

“I don’t know,” Archie said, “but it’s what people always do in movies when someone goes into labor and they’re not near a hospital.”

It was crazy and chaotic, but somehow Emma found it all comforting, even in the midst of her pain and fear.

“Perhaps we’d best hail Whale on the talking phone?” Killian suggested.

David shook his head.  “’Fraid that won’t help us at this point.  If we can’t get out, Whale won’t be able to get in.”

“Besides,” Granny said, helping Emma to her feet and into the spare room, “it’s Winter’s Light.  I guarantee you Whale’s drunk off his ass.  He wouldn’t be any help to us tonight even if it was a balmy seventy-five degrees.”

“So who exactly is going to deliver my baby?” Emma asked, hearing a touch of hysteria in her own voice.

“Well, I’ve never done it before,” Grumpy said, “but I’ve been around when Doc did it.  I could get up in there and see what’s going on if you need me.”

Killian glared.  “You, dwarf will keep your bloody mitts away from my wife’s nether regions.”

“Well maybe if you’d done the same we wouldn’t be in this situation right now, would we?” Leroy shot back.

“What I do with my wife within the confines of our bedroom is our business, and I will not discuss it…”

“Alright guys, enough,” Granny said, slashing the air.  “Look, I’m a diner owner, not a midwife, but I’ve assisted a delivery or two.  I’ve got this covered.  Now everyone clear out.  Snow and I will help Emma into something more comfortable, and if we need you, we’ll let you know.”

And thus began the longest and most painful night of Emma’s life.  The pains followed one on top of another, washing over her in waves of agony.  “How the hell did you do this without any pain meds when I was born, mom?”

Snow smoothed a cold cloth over her forehead, crooning soothingly to her.  “It wasn’t easy, but I promise you, you’ll get through this.  It’ll all be over soon, and then you’ll have your brand new baby girl in your arms.  Focus on that.  It’ll make the pain a bit more manageable.”

Finally, as the first rays of the sun began to rise, Emma heard the most beautiful words Granny had ever uttered.  “I see the head!  Won’t be long now.  Just a few more good pushes!”

Good thing too.  Emma didn’t think she’d ever been so exhausted.  “Mom, could you get Killian.  He’ll want to be here for his daughter’s birth.”

“Of course, honey,” Snow said, smoothing Emma’s sweaty hair from her forehead and kissing her gently.  “We’ll be back in just a moment.”

Killian had, of course, been by Emma’s side from the first, coaching her, encouraging her, enduring the way she crushed his hand as her contractions hit, apologizing profusely for the pain he was causing her.

“Would you just stop,” Emma finally said after around the fifteenth agonized apology.  “We both wanted this baby, and we were both there when she was conceived.  You aren’t hurting me any more than I’m hurting myself.”

Finally, sometime around three in the morning, Snow had prevailed upon Killian to go get some sleep.  “You’ll be needed when the baby’s born, Killian.  I promise I’ll find you if anything changes, but for right now there’s nothing more you can do.”

Emma breathed through one more contraction as Killian burst through the door, taking his seat at her bedside.  “Swan!  Your mother says it’s nearly time.”

“Yeah,” Emma said, as she felt another contraction ramp up.  “I don’t know if I can do this, Killian.  I’m so tired and it hurts so damn much and it just won’t stop.”

“Listen to me darling,” Killian said, looking deeply into her eyes.  “You can do this!  You’re nearly there, love, and you’ve endured the night beautifully.  You’re bloody brilliant, amazing Swan, and there’s nothing you cannot do.  Just a few more pushes.”

“Hold me,” Emma bit out as Granny instructed her to push.

Killian dutifully sat behind her, holding her in his arms, whispering encouragement and praise.  Despite the pain and exhaustion, Emma felt herself relax and focus.  Killian seemed to be pouring his own strength into her, giving her exactly what she needed.

He always knew how to give her exactly what she needed.  From the first day they’d met.  He was her strength, her anchor, her true love and her joy.  Emma felt the tears gather in her eyes, overwhelmed with the emotion of the moment.  She was about to give birth to a baby who was so very wanted, so very loved, and she was going through the whole process with her husband and her parents at her side.  It was something the lost girl had never before thought she’d have.

Finally, with one last push, Ava made her way into the world.  As soon as her airways had been cleared, she let out a strong, outraged cry, as though displeased to suddenly find herself in this bright, cold, open world. Emma smiled in wonder as the lights flickered and then came back on just as Ava finished her cry.

“Swan,” Killian said in wonder, “it would appear our daughter, the product of our true love, has magic just as strong as her mum’s.”

Emma chuckled tiredly.  “Seems that way, babe.”

After a moment of waiting, Emma collapsed back against Killian as Granny finished bathing the baby and wrapped her securely in a blanket.

“Well,” Emma asked.  “Is she okay, Granny?”

Granny turned around and passed the tiny pink bundle into her mother’s waiting arms.  “She’s more than okay,” Granny said, the emotion evident in her voice.  “She’s perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  Congratulations mom and dad!”

Half an hour later, after Emma and the room had been set to rights and Emma had been tucked comfortably into the spare room bed, she lay within the circle of Killian’s arms, tiny Ava Alice held in her arms.

“Are you happy, Killian?” she asked, smiling up at him.

He reached down and ran one tiny finger gently across little Ava’s silky cheek.  A single tear made its way down his face.  “Swan, happy doesn’t even approach it, nor overjoyed, nor ecstatic.  Look at the miracle we produced between us.  She’s perfect, a tiny wonder, already the light of my life.  Thank you for the best Winter’s Light gift any man could ever be given.”

Careful not to disturb her daughter’s slumber, Emma leaned up and kissed him gently.  “Thank you for giving her to me.  Killian we’re a family now!  The only thing that could have made this moment better is if Henry could be here with us.”

“And he will be again, Swan,” Killian assured.  “One day he’ll find his own happy ending and return.  We’re a family after all, and we always, always will be.”

NEXT CHAPTER-->

[swampstew]

𝒞𝒶𝓅𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒦𝒾𝒹'𝓈 𝐵𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝒮𝓅𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁

Welcome back to Raven’s Reading Nook - Tonight we have a Super Spicy chapter in honor of Kiddo's birthday. This chapter has not been officially published in 'What's the Magic Word?' since it's a future chapter but seeing as it my man's day - we're all gonna get hot and bothered.

Word Count: 3.7K Content Warning: spicy, drinking/drunk sexual encounters with consent heavily implied, established relationship between Eustass Kid X Rowena (OC - AFAB), cunnilingus, fingering, penetrative vaginal sex and anal sex, exhibitionism/filthy picture taking :D

Minors DNI - you will be blocked.

Rowena woke up at the crack of dawn and as gently as she could, extricated herself from Kid’s possessive cuddling to get ready for the day. Killer and a handful of crewmembers met her on the deck before disembarking off ship carrying massive duffel bags and large boxes.

Kid was in a sour mood while he stomped around the ship. He felt like some of the crew was missing, which he didn’t mind so much but the fact that Rowena and Killer were among the missing and had been for hours, annoyed the ever-loving shit out of him. On his birthday of all days. Assholes.

It wasn’t until late afternoon that his Witch, best friend and a horde of pirates came back to the ship, all looking incredibly suspicious of something.

“Where the fuck have you been?” he barked at them.

“Preparing for your party!” Rowena smiled at him.

“Do you not understand what a surprise party means?!” Killer snapped at her.

“But he doesn’t like surprises,” she argued with a cocked eyebrow.

That softened Kid’s edge and he hid his smile, turning to watch the waves lazily slapping against his ship while they debated on whether or not he liked surprises.

“Fuck a surprise party, show me what you’ve been up to.”

The entire crew disembarked and made their way to their future base – Cat even joined them, trotting alongside the Captain. They entered the clearing where Rowena had spent a month terraforming the landscape and Kid was left breathless at the sight.

The ground was completely leveled out and cleared of debris and foliage; she had settled large stone slabs to create a smooth floor foundation, and she had even set up tall stone walls against the mountain to create a giant, partially built entrance. It was embellished with what he assumed was an illusion as the walls had text on them that would blink and reappear – it spelled out:

 ☠️Happy Birthday Captain☠️

The band’s equipment was all set up just off the foundation. Fairy lights were woven around the walls and between barrels. A long table was set up with several glasses, bottles of liquor and barrels of rum framing the wooden table.

Killer, who had been dragging along a cart, uncovered and began to sort an array of Kid’s favorite foods on an empty table, opposite of the drinking table. Heat set down a giant box in the center of Killer’s dishes. Kid uncovered it and there was a gigantic cake with his jolly roger decorated in frosting.

“How the fuck did you pull this off?” Kid wondered aloud to no one in particular.

“Team effort,” Killer shrugged nonchalantly. “This motley crew of losers care about you or something.”

Beaming, Kid ordered everyone to start pouring drinks as he walked around taking it all in. Rowena watched him from the wall she was leaning on with the Massacre Soldier.

“Think he likes it?” she whispered.

“I’ve never seen him this surprised or speechless in the time I’ve known him; since he was this tall,” Killer lowered his hand until it hovered just below his kneecap.

“Aw little guy!” her lavender eyes twinkled.

Drinks were passed around and Kid took his place in the center, raising his glass in the air and the others followed suit.

“22 years alive in this miserable world and I couldn’t ask for a better crew to sail these wicked seas. Drink up fuckers, it’s time to party – next week we conquer!” he emptied his glass as the crew cheered and toasted. He made his way to the wall and pulled Killer into a giant hug, thumping his back excitedly. Killer wished him happy birthday again and then left the couple alone to get another drink.

Kid held out his hand and Rowena took it; he twirled her around, pulling her flush to his chest. She looked at him sweetly, “Happy Birthday Captain Kid,” she purred at him.

He crashed his lips against hers, slipping his tongue inside her mouth and dominating her. She moaned lightly against him and he pushed her up against the wall, sliding his flesh hand to cup her boobs.

Giggling she put a hand on his chest, “we have all night for that. Come on let’s enjoy your party first and then,” she whispered in his ear, making his cheeks flush deeply.

“Holy fuck well when you put it that way,” he grinned at her, giving her a final kiss before they walked to the liquor table and he commanded everyone to take shots.

As the night wore on and the pirates got slammed they all indulged in drinking games and eating every scrap of food until only the cake was left. Cat got the first taste when no one was looking. By the time Heat and Wire went to grab the cake and light the candles, part of the jolly roger had been licked clean to reveal spongey cake underneath. Shrugging to one another, they arranged the candles over the bare spot and moved on with the celebration.

Once the cake had been properly devoured, Kid started a mosh pit on the floor as Wire, Heat, Killer and Gig began playing a punk rock show. At one point Kid got on stage himself and began to sing. Rowena was genuinely surprised that the man could hold a note. She knew that he had the ability to scream and shout for long periods without going hoarse, but to hear him singing was something else entirely.

Kid looked like a genuine rockstar god on the stage with his spiked coat and long locks thrashing as he banged his head to the music. He would switch between singing passionately and then switch to guttural screaming during the more hardcore songs. His deep voice sounded natural against the sharp chords and intense metal music; the Captain could seriously consider a career in music if piracy didn’t work out for him.

Then the final song happened. Kid didn’t take his eyes off the Witch as he put his entire soul into his performance. For the first time since she met him, Rowena felt as if she’d been the one put under a spell. The way his voice flirtatiously sang the evocative lyrics against the sweet musical caresses – a stark contrast from the emo music they had been playing. It was a dark and twisted love ballad. She felt her heart tighten as Kid continued his show.

And after all the sorrow / We'll be riding high And the truth of the matter is / I'll never let you go, let you go

You go down just like Holy Mary / Mary on a, Mary on a cross Your beauty never ever scared me / Mary on a, Mary on a cross

If you choose to run away with me / I will tickle you internally And I see nothing wrong with that

The pirates erupted into cheers as the show came to an end. Rowena raised her glass to her man and blew him a kiss while his bandmates rotated around the stage to continue without the redhead as their front man.

Kid leapt off stage and strolled over to her, taking a drink from one his crew’s hands, bringing it to clink against her glass. Toasting to each other, they tried to link their arms together and drink, which proved to be a problem since Rowena’s arms were hilariously shorter than Kid’s. He threw his head back laughing as she muttered a spell to clean the spilled liquor off herself. He only stopped for the briefest moment to lap up droplets of rum off her chest that she had missed entirely.

Rowena took drink after drink, knowing she would need it to release all the tension in her body for what was to come. Several hours of partying later, the Captain was officially over it and ready to get his dick wet. He practically dragged Rowena back to the ship, panting and petting over her before they even crossed the cabin threshold.

“I know you’re excited but this is one of those nights were we’re going to have to take it a little slower than normal,” she bit her lip, suddenly unsure if Kid was capable of being that gentle with her, especially drunk. Chuckling, he smoothed her hair and kissed her gently.

“It’s not my first time doing this, I’ll be careful with you. I don’t ever want to hurt you, especially with you letting me do this. It’s your first time yeah?” She nodded shyly. “Then I’ll make it the best experience for you.”

Kid started by kissing her neck lovingly, brushing through her hair with organic fingers as his metal arm gently directed her on the bed. Rowena relaxed against him, weaving her arms around his neck as he continued placing kisses on her jaw and face. She caressed Kid’s skin with her fingers, tracing along his muscles and occasionally giving them a squeeze to which he would flex, and she would moan into his mouth, gripping the hard muscles fervently.

It turned out the Supernova was more than capable of being verrrry gentle, at least when it concerned his Witch. He started their affair with soft touches on her body as he explored her vulnerable spots, stroking, pinching, and strobing lightly against her body as he undressed her like he was slowly unwrapping a present. He sucked on her nipples for every throaty moan Rowena let out as his fingers stroked her clit, feeling her body tense as he edged out her orgasm. He moved to slip his fingers inside her core, reveling in the gushing wetness he produced from her and he spread her silkiness down her labia and to her second, tighter entrance.

With a long finger he began to gently rub the outer rim of his Witch’s ass trying to loosen her up a bit. Feeling truly fucking grateful he was the first – and most definitely the last – man to touch and explore her in this way. Truly a gift.

He heard her breath hitch and he lowered his mouth to her sopping core, murmuring out a soft, “It’s ok baby, I’ll take good care of you,” and he plunged his tongue deep inside her, lapping up her juices as her body arced into his mouth.

He let out a chuckle that made her body break out in goosebumps from the sensation. He used his pinky to gently probe the entrance of her ass, her dripping slick lubricating the area, allowing him to slip his finger in to the first knuckle. Rowena let out a gasp of pain mixed with surprised pleasure as he stilled his finger inside her, allowing her to adjust to the new feeling.

Kid’s cock twitched in anticipation but he paced himself, not wanting to overstimulate his woman and ruin the experience for her due to his insatiable hunger.

“Doing ok?” he asked in a gruff voice.

“Yeah, keep going,” she lightly panted.

He grunted and began sliding his pinky further inside her, feeling her tight walls adjust to his digit as he continued fucking her pussy with his heavy tongue. As he began to slowly pump his pinky in and out of her, his mouth began a deadly assault on her clitoris. He flattened his tongue against her bundle of nerves, stroking her with his tongue, letting the tip of his wet muscle apply direct pressure to her clit as she let out choked gasps in response to his ministrations.

His cock throbbed and leaked out precum, staining his briefs as he continued stretching her body out. He added one, then two fingers, plunging them deep into her pussy. Pumping three digits in and out of her holes rapidly, lips pursed around and sucking on her clit as her whimpers became shrill screams of pleasure.

“Oh fuck Kid, how do you always feel so fucking good,” she drawled out in a haze, tears blearing her vision as she felt her body quiver from the pleasure.

Kid chuckled, “I’m good at everything I do.”

He blew cool air against her drenched core and her hips involuntarily jutted upwards, and she let out a hiss as his pinky – still hooked inside her – pulled her back down on the mattress.

Using his metal arm, he carefully pulled his pants off, freeing his cock and settling it against her body. Kid enjoyed the feeling of her slickness soaking his sensitive skin as he rubbed against her core, letting out a throaty grunt of need.

Rowena’s hand snaked in between them and she lightly traced her fingers over his cock; gently pressing his erection more firmly against her as he edged them. They moaned in unison at the delicious feeling of steady friction on their most sensitive parts. She used her thumb to rub his sensitive head and Kid let out a loud, needy moan. Globby pearls of precum began to weep from his tip and leaked on her clitoral hood as a shooting flash of pleasure began to run through her spine to clit.

“Kid I think, I think I’m gonna…”

She could barely choke out the words as Kid sped up rocking his cock against her swollen lips, his tip harshly jutting into her clit. His precum was fully seeping out of him. After a few sharp thrusts, Rowena felt a taut pull in her lower stomach snap as her body contorted against Kid’s cock, releasing a stream of wetness as she let out a breathless screech from the sensation.

Kid gave her a salacious grin as he watched his Witch’s face go through several emotions, his pelvis now drenched from her squirting. He let himself enjoy her body, slipping his cock inside her to feel her heat warm his member as he lazily thrusted inside her while she rode out her high. Her body tightened against his throbbing cock and he grunted in response, wanting to desperately fuck her into oblivion right then and there. She seemed to want the same, her walls tightened immediately against his length in a vice grip as his cock filled her to capacity.

“Fuck, so fucking tight,” he grunted.

“You’re so fucking huge,” she moaned in response, squirming her hips to create more friction.

Kid withdrew his pinky from her body and gripped her waist as he began to mercilessly buck into her pussy. Rowena responded by wrapping her legs around his waist to angle him deeper inside her, to keep him from leaving. The redhead threw his head back and let out a strangled cry as he could feel his orgasm peaking; he knew he had to act quick or he would lose himself before he could really enjoy her.

He allowed himself a few extra pumps, indulging in the sensation of her cunt trying to milk him before he pulled out completely. Before she could protest, he plunged his fingers inside of her to continue drilling her. He curled his fingers upwards, searching for that spongey spot he knew she loved so much.

As his fingers kept her occupied, he lined his aching cock to her tight hole and probed the entrance with his tip. She let out a small hiss and he pulled back. Kid gathered as much of her slick into his hand and lubricated his shaft with it, spreading it down and over her second hole before he stuck his fingers back inside of her pussy. He lined his cock once more and waited until he could hear loud, breathy moans once more before he attempted to breach her hole.

Using all the self-restraint he had left, Kid pushed the head of his cock into Rowena’s ass, stilling once his head was fully inside to let her adjust to the sensation. She had let out a sharp gasp that was quickly overtaken with the sound of needy lust as his fingers kept rubbing inside her, dragging her attention away from the foreign intrusion.

When he heard no other objections, Kid began to push further inside her, being cautious of any noises of pain. She let out none, other than small yelps of surprise mixed with moaning. He took that as permission to keep sliding in as he rolled his hips.

It took several minutes before he fully bottomed out in her asshole and he let out a fierce whisper, “fucking gods. You’re so…gnh…tight…I feel like I can’t breathe,” he rasped, black dots appeared in his vision.

Rowena responded by clenching her body, walls tightening around his fingers and shaft alike and it made them both gasp sharply.

“Oh fuck keep doing that baby. Goddamn I’m so fucking lucky to get to have you like this,” his voice was hoarse.

She tightened her walls again and Kid snapped his head up, searching for her eyes. Lavendar and amber irises found each other and she gave him a lusty smile, obscenely licking her lips and biting down on her full bottom lip; fuck he would do anything to see her make that face every single day.

Kid stretched his body out so he could reach her face and kiss her with ferocity, his fingers working overtime in her core as he sped his thrusting. Rowena let out needy mewls as he ravished her, her brain went dumb as he aroused every part of her until she was sure she would pass out from the overstimulation.

She focused on tightening her walls with every full thrust he gave her body, drawing out more vocalized noises from the Supernova than she had ever heard from him before. He was panting, grunting like an animal as the speed of his thrusting increased; he gave out throaty moans for every squeeze she gave him, a hiss of pleasure for every scrape on his skin and scalp her nails graced him with. And her favorite sound of all – the praising he showered her with as he neared his end.

“You’re doing so good for your first-time princess. You took my monster cock inside you without complaint and you deserve a big fucking reward. I’m going to give you everything,” he moaned into her mouth.

“Is my reward you painting my insides with your cum, babe?” Rowena moaned back as he licked her lips down to her jaw, sucking on her damp flesh.

“Aye but that’s not all. I’ll coat your insides, your outside and much much more after we’re done tonight,” he promised, voice getting gruffer and she could feel his cock stiffening inside her.

He was right at the edge. Using his fingers, he began to rub her g-spot faster, adding his thumb to her clit to make her come again before he could release. He knew exactly how much pressure and speed he needed to apply make her come undone again; her body arched upwards, screaming in carnal pleasure against him while his thrusting became erratic through her pulsating orgasm.

“HOLY SHIT KID PLEASE!!!!”

Tears flowed from her eyes as she squeezed her eyes shut. Her body officially on fire as she came down from her high, finally registered the burning sensation of his cock mercilessly fucking her virgin asshole. Squeezing her walls one final time, Kid let out a mangled roar as he came. He sloppily thrusted a few times, his cum shooting out in ropes deep inside her ass.

Kid was nothing if not a depraved man. Pulling out and while his cock kept pulsing with his release, he stood above her and fisted his length as his cum kept shooting out, landing on her waist, her tits, her jaw and her hair. Rowena watched him with wide eyes as his cock just kept gushing with cum and he gave her a wicked grin. He lowered himself to her pussy, pushing in until his pelvis was flush against hers and she gasped as he thrusted harshly in her, both hands supporting himself upright as he fucked into her.

The last of his cum had spilled out but he pushed through it and kept bucking wildly into her, forcing a final orgasm to wash over him. It didn’t take long as he watched his first load dripping down her body, felt it leaking from her ass as his balls slapped against her throbbing hole. With a final, beast-like roar, he slammed his hips harshly against Rowena and came again.

His cum overfilled Rowena’s core, thick whiteness flowed out of her as she let out a throaty whine while her lover milked himself using her body. With a groan Kid was finally spent and pulled out of her, leaning backwards to admire his work.

Rowena looked completely fucking ruined; her face was flushed red and her chest was heaving from exertion. Her hair was plastered to her head and body and he could see his cum was already drying and cracking in her hair. His seed on her body was dripping down on his sheets; but the best sight of all – her asshole and pussy both oozing with his cum as both loosened holes leaked profusely.

Kid gently stroked her thick thighs as he steadied his breathing, occasionally dipping a finger into his seed and spreading it on her thighs.

“I wish I could take a picture of you like this, I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life,” he crowed, licking his lips in delight at her squirming underneath him.

Rowena gave him a cheeky smile, “there’s a camera in the chest from when we visited Dressrosa,” her eyes twinkled.

Kid shot up and ran to the chest, finding the desired item. He raced back and stood in front of her, putting his eye in the view finder and pressing the shutter. The polaroid flashed and the picture printed. He also grabbed Rowena a towel and helped wipe her off, laying together in bed as the picture developed.

It came out a little dark but it was otherwise perfect. Rowena was reclining backwards, slightly propped on her elbows with one hand squeezing a breast coated in his cum. She was winking at the camera, her tongue licking her upper lip and teeth with an impish look. The flash of the camera made his cum shine against her body, especially as it oozed from her holes. Kid grinned at the photo before tucking it into his nightstand drawer.

“Best birthday ever,” he hummed, hugging Rowena to his body with as much love as he could muster with one arm.

[renjunluvr119]

I’ve always lived for my family never myself. Was gonna die at 16 but wait the family who left you in the system needs help paying bills. So you say okay i will get a full time job and help. But no actually they are buying drugs with said money. Or when you get kicked out of your adoptive home at 18 bc you’re friends were drinking but you weren’t but they wont listen bc you come from a family of addicts. So at 18 you think okay maybe now but then you move in with your birth family bc the older sister you protected in foster care is now pregnant so you move in to take care of her. You raise her kid, she parties, she gets pregnant again and the cycle repeats. All the while you are taking care of your other niece bc her mother is too busy doing drugs and men. To the point where she calls you mother. You get accepted into college finally. How exciting oh but no you must drop out care for them. Then you are 20. You get evicted bc even tho you were giving money to pay bills they weren’t. You move in with a fiend for 3 months when you come back they have lost your niece to the system. This is your fault. Not theirs. Your sister is pregnant again you are working 2 full time jobs while being a full time student to keep your aid. Something has to give. So you drop out again. You are 22 she finally leaves but no now your oldest sister needs somewhere to live. She doesn’t work and she doesn’t clean or help at all but yet she complains. All the while your mother is there latched to you like a leech draining anything you have to give. You almost kill your self get locked away oh but now they have no money you must cut your stay short so you can provide. You are 24 your grandmother moves in from the nursing home bc she wants to be with family. Your sister says she will care for her you don’t have to worry. This is a lie. You are now here primary caregiver. You switch two a weekend job so you can care for her, the only thing you ask of your sister is to care for her on those days as you are working 12 hour night shifts. She cannot as she also has a job. It is October she has lost her job and is going on vacation. You sit and think you almost relapse you almost off yourself. You don’t only bc who will take care of your grandmother. She has done nothing wrong but give birth to your line. She was the one taking care of everyone for years. Now it is your turn. Has been since you were 16. Your sister tells you she is pregnant. There is no room for a child she does not have a job. She can do nothing to help with grandma or the house bc of the baby. You find yourself wishing she doesn’t come to term. You can’t be a mother for the 5th time when you’ve never given birth. You think does this make you a horrible person. Who knows you have long lost the idea of emotions. You have a mega fight you feel nothing the whole time as you try to argue your point. You talk level, she yells over you. You start to remember you turn 25 in December. You had plans to finally give up to finally let them handle to yourself, when your grandmother moved in you decided not too. But this reminds you for what? For why? Maybe i shall stick to my plans. I do nothing for them anyways? Surely she will be fine after i die. But who know i will not be here to see it. Ah December a wonderful month for me. When i was born, when i was taken into the system, when i became a mother to my sisters child. When she got out of jail and everyone forgot about my birthday, the month i spent alone working 10 hour days every day to pay bills and care for them in jail while leaving myself with 100 dollars for two weeks to eat and have gas and essentials, the month i got kicked out from my adoptive family and when i had to drop school. Fitting it should be the month to give me my last big hoorah. But you know… better luck next time i suppose

[withdrawlsymptoms]

what happened

A year ago, I went through the worst friendship breakups of my life. It completely destroyed my sense of self-worth and forced me to start over emotionally. I have been brutally sad and unrelentingly angry. I have been guilty and cold. I haven't talked to them since November 1, 2023 and I don't plan on it ever again.

Now, there is finally joy in my life again. More than I ever thought possible. Maybe someday I will have it in me to forgive, but now I have it in me to forget.

I just turned 22. When they blew off my 21st birthday more cavalierly than even I had expected, I wrote them a letter and then I password protected it and let myself forget the password (my way of symbolically burning it). Anyway, today I remembered, and I figured I didn't want it to fester with the skeletons in my closet for the rest of my life. I'm posting it here as my final act of letting go.

---

It was a slow death, you and I – at least for me. It was gasping and choking and all-consuming, dreadful and cold, leaps of faith that plummeted into downwards spirals. For you, I think it was just a Friday in May.

For months, I’ve been entombed in my own sadness. You see, it was almost like a divorce. A game of tug of war that I easily won. I gave so much of myself to you, and now I don’t really know how to take it back. You gave me scraps and made me believe it was more.

I don’t know if it was your fault, or if I was asking for too much. Maybe you were never capable of giving me what I needed.

I thought I loved you. But I’ve felt it before, and this is not what love is. You turned me into someone I hate. I asked you over and over again if you hated me, if you sensed this thing between us was off kilter. I screamed at you that something was wrong. I begged you not to leave. (You said you wouldn’t leave). You told me it was just me. I turned the knife inward. I wallowed in self-sacrifice and pity. I told you, but it was too late. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Even now, your words make me wonder if it’s my fault. If I took something that was all in my head and blew it out of proportion. If the heat drove me crazy, or I invented it for lack of something better to do. I don’t care about the reason anymore. It didn’t stop it from happening.

You fucked with my mind like it was a lovesick teenage girl you met at a block party. I don’t have it in me to forgive you for that.

I doubt everything now. I don’t fit in with you, or your friends. I was always a wet blanket at best and a roadblock at worst. It hurt when you didn’t ask. You and your goldfish memory.

I took care of you when you needed me, and now you’re laughing with the same people you claimed to despise. I don’t know what to think of that. I guess I’m glad you finally moved on.

The days are all the same now. Summer rain looks like tears to me. There’s a playlist of songs in my head that I can’t listen to. I hyperventilate when you text. Sometimes the grief preys on me, and sometimes I pray to my anger. I search for an answer, but there is no absolution to be found here. And I can’t go back either.

I want so badly for it to be over. I wish I could look at you and feel nothing. I’m trying but I’m not there yet. 21 birthday candles light the funeral pyre of my 20-year-old naivete. I will find ways to move on. I wrote this letter. I changed your contact name. I removed you from my circle. I will sever the ribbons that tie me to you before I let myself wonder again.

I didn’t deserve you.

You don’t deserve me.

I will never send this to you, but it doesn’t matter anyway. You were never afraid of losing me. But I hope you live to regret it

August 11, 2023

[jeaniethewallflower]

3/22/24 - Goodnight Friend (TW: Suicide)

My friend is dead. Dying didn’t end our friendship, I really don’t know what did. I always blamed them, naturally. We stopped being friends in the eighth grade so it could have been anything. Middle school is a warzone; you lose comrades along the way, but I took this loss personally.

They were my first friend post-Catholic school. I had heard about them at my best friend's birthday party the summer before my transfer. Their friend/neighbor was there and while we sat on the top bunk of a log-based bunk bed looking through the hotel Bible for money (we had heard a rumor- sadly there was no cash, only verses and the occasional note) she looked up to me and told me that her friend was in my grade. I held onto that information like it was vital; my only key to making any friends.

It was in art class that I found them. They were at the table next to mine, the teacher did the attendance and I heard the name. Almost immediately after I slid over to that table and said, a little too loudly, “Are you Natalia’s friend?!” They were so embarrassed but they nodded. They were drawing on their folder (something anime, probably Attack on Titan) and that was so cool to me.

They were probably my best friend in sixth grade. I’ve never thought of it that way until now. We were both sick, life isn’t… wasn’t easy for us past and present. I now know that I’m bipolar, something that would’ve been nice to know when my friend and I clung to each other crying in Mrs. Ngs's classroom. We didn’t make it easy on ourselves though. God, every lunch hour like clockwork my friend would play Car Radio by the Twenty-One Pilots and have everyone sing along, I often sat out.

There was one night, I think it was for their birthday but I could be wrong. No, it was definitely for their birthday because two others were there, it was my first time meeting them but they were also close friends of mine in middle school. We met through this Friend. The night ended with just me and My Friend and at some point they suggested we sleep on the floor and cuddle. I didn’t know what I was doing, I had just turned thirteen, I threw an arm over them, and after a moment of palpable silence, they said, “Myles, dude… you just totally touched my nipple”. For some reason, that night reminds me of pandas.

There was another birthday sleepover, this time my now-best friend was there too. That one was questionable. I don’t remember why. Around this time My Friend started to make bad decisions. Adding random people on Snapchat and meeting up with them, hanging out with sketchy older kids, dating a sophomore. This was in seventh grade, I think this is when things started to end in our friendship. I started to disagree with them, I’d be the only one. We’d fight constantly but we always made up at the end of the day. Seventh grade was fine for us. We were in most classes together and we were in two clubs. We even both applied for an academic achievement school with the other two. I was the only one who didn’t get in.

I stopped getting invited to things that summer. Eighth grade is a blur. I mean I can see it and recall parts of it but it's not a picture. It’s like looking at an impressionist painting. I wasn’t ok. It was the lowest point in my life rivaled only by now. I think part of me blamed My Friend at the time. Petty resentment. The other two tried to play both sides but eventually, we fell off too. Two years straight is still the longest I’ve kept a group of friends in my life. But as those years keep fleeting away I don’t know how much of that I can hold onto without it seeming pathetic. I gave My Friend a bracelet. A stupid beaded thing that said “MEGAN” in big letters. We followed each other on some social media a couple of years back and every so often they would send me a picture of them wearing the bracelet.

The last time I saw them was on their birthday. I was with my best friend and they were with their boyfriend. It was our first time seeing each other face-to-face since we were kids. We still were kids. We stood, staring at each other like deer in headlights. Like it was only us in that entire target for thirty seconds. Then they raised their arm, pointed, and said, “I’m still wearing it” I laughed,

“Holy shit man! You weren’t kidding”

“It’s my birthday”

“Happy birthday” We stood, across the Target. The isles turned to fields. Foggy grassy knolls. It was beautiful. Then I waved and walked away, just like that. Reader, sweet Vouyer of mine, all I wish, all I want is to have hugged them. Something about them being dead has made me crave contact. Maybe it's my brain not connecting the dots, saying “No, no, they aren’t gone. Touch them. They’re there.”

Some sick part of me wonders if they wore the Megan bracelet when they did it. If they killed a piece of me with them. A sicker part of me wants that to be the case. I don’t know if I would feel better if I hadn’t seen them last month. I’m glad I did. I’m glad I got to see them grown up, even if it was just to nineteen.

Friend, I’m sorry you felt the need to leave us so soon. I know you are not alone in exploring life's greatest question and if you can somehow hear me, see me, feel me, I want to thank you. Thank you for helping me adapt from my quiet Catholic upbringing to the chaos that is the American Public School System. I want to thank you for introducing me to shitty fanfiction porn in poor, poor Mr. Greene's classroom. I want to thank you for the best fucking muffin I have ever eaten the morning after our first sleepover. I want to thank you for everything I could never thank you for while you were alive. You were beautiful, determined, kind, smart, an activist, and such a picky eater. Your funeral invitation said that your favorite pizza and cake would be served and I just want to let you know that I am not grateful for the cheese pizza and yellow cake I am about to eat. I feel selfish mourning your loss, you weren’t mine to lose. Friend, you were a gift to the world and will forever continue to be. For me, you’re going to be in every Golden Retriever, every Suicide Awareness post, and every woman named Meghan. I love you, rest well.

[secretlyaphoenix]

Blow out the candles and make a wish

When I was 1 I had a birthday cake in the shape of a Barbie dress. When I was 8 I put stickers on the wall and handmade pink invites. When I was 11 everyone wanted the newest shoes whilst I wanted to find a four leafed clover or a double rainbow. When I was 18 I walked alone in the mountains and had 2 pounds and 8 pence after buying a birthday ice cream cone. When I was 19 I had a party with people who have never been on my contacts list and I didn’t think I’d make it to 20. When I was 20 I was healing whilst the world became sick. Forcing music into the silence, approval from myself and comfort alone. When I was 21 I was amazed I made it past 20 and blinked through the moment I was 21 on the 21st, 21 minutes past the 21st hour. When I was 22 I forgave myself for all the things I didn’t become. Now I’m turning 23 and I’m grateful for all the things I have become. Im not counting the days until I’m not here I’m counting the minutes I’ve lived. I’m living. No longer in a baited breath but a hooray into ocean. Proof that the world hasn’t crumbled outside the bunker. I lost sight of the hole in the horizon. I’m no longer blowing out candles and wishing for reasons to wait until until my next. All I wish everyday is that 4 year old me could see me braiding my hair. 9 year old me could watch dance in the kitchen. 12 year old me could hear me play guitar on a raining Saturday morning. 14 year old me could hold the shoes I took to a dnsce lesson i went to alone. 17 year old me could write list of where to travel next year. 23 year old me? (Quick, make a wish) I wish 70 year old me will be proud that I stopped searching for reasons to live and began living for the reasons that simply made me happy.

[writer-in-theory]

I'm Feeling 22 (Spencer Reid x Reader)

summary: when reader is the only one to remember spencer’s first birthday on the team, they promise a night full of the adventure he didn’t get in college. series summary: a series of oneshots to celebrate the release of red (taylor's version). 19 songs, 19 fics. pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader category: fluff, maybe a tiny hint of angst at the beginning? content warnings: language, alcohol consumption, forgotten birthdays? word count: 3.2k a/n: y’all i love this song so much but this took me forever. i think it’s because i’m gonna turn 22 soon and i’m lowkey having an existential crisis about it. it’s fine, everything's fine. anyway, have some spencer fluff because there are not too many opportunities for that with the red album!!

series masterlist masterlist send me a request!

“Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you..."

Birthdays were something special. It was the one day a year that no one could complain about you celebrating your existence. On your birthday you could stand up and scream at the world because you survived every bit of hurt it tried to throw at you. At least, that was your professional opinion on the matter.

So when you walked onto the BAU floor fully expecting party setup to be underway, you were shocked to find it was business as usual. You even went so far as to furiously pull out your desk calendar to check the date. October...yep, you were right. It was Spencer Reid’s birthday, so why wasn’t anyone freaking out about it? It was even more special today considering it was his first birthday with the team, so shouldn’t there be some kind of celebration of him?

Spencer himself didn’t even seem different today, still slightly hunched over his desk with what you assumed to be his second cup of coffee that morning. His feet were up on his chair and you couldn’t help but wonder how he could possibly sit like that for so long without any of his joints hurting.

No, this was unacceptable and needed to be corrected immediately.

When he’d first been introduced to the team, you thought for sure he’d last a week tops in the field. His meek appearance betrayed him then, making him appear childish and maybe even a little helpless. Spencer had stepped up though and proved you wrong time and time again. He was absolutely brilliant, of course, that was why Gideon had recruited him in the first place. Beyond that though, Spencer was scary good at empathizing with everyone, even the unsubs. He may have been a little awkward with his wording, but he understood people even in their darkest moments, never shying away from those dark scary spots.

Spencer completed the team in a way you’d never expected. Not only was he a true asset in the field, but his personality seemed to compliment everyone else’s. You hadn’t found someone in the expanded BAU team that didn’t get along with him. He was funny, quirky in a way that was completely endearing, and he always went out of his way to make sure the people around him knew how much he cared.

It wasn’t fair that no one was returning his kindness today. If no one else remembered, at least you would. So after setting your things down at your desk and discarding your coat, you walked over and sat on the edge of Spencer’s desk. “Hey, Wonder Boy,” you greeted, smiling as his head snapped up from the book he was reading, his long fingers fixing his glasses from where they’d slipped down his nose.

“Good morning, Y/N.”

“So, what are your fun plans for tonight?” you asked curiously, expecting a smile but instead getting a confused look. He tilted his head a little, nose twitching as he thought about the answer.

“I’ll probably have an early dinner. There’s a couple of books I’ve been meaning to read for a while.”

“What? On your birthday? C’mon, Spencer, why don’t you celebrate tonight?”

Spencer squirmed a little in his seat, shutting the book on his desk and rubbing his fingers together in a self-soothing motion. “I guess I don’t have anyone to celebrate with. I assumed everyone forgot.”

The words nearly broke your heart, seeing the way his eyes glanced around the room at everyone going about their day. It angered you that everyone could so easily forget when Spencer had gone above and beyond for each person here. No one deserved to be so upset on their birthday, least of all Spencer Reid.

“I’m a little hurt, Wonder Boy,” you teased, nudging his arm lightly with your elbow, “I was just thinking about what we could do to celebrate you tonight.”

“Really?” G-d, the things you would do to keep that hopeful look in his eyes forever. “You don’t have to waste your night on me, Y/N, it’s really not a big deal. It’s just another day.” Even you could tell he didn’t believe those words.

“Of course it’s a big deal! You know how important 22 is?”

“It’s the year after turning 21?”

“You’re funny, Spence, hilarious actually,” you shot back. “No, 22 starts the set of years where you’re still young enough to get away with making mistakes, but there’s no responsibility of it being a landmark year. You’re not looking forward to any year in the future or looking back at previous years and wishing you were that young again. It’s just time to live in the present. 22 is the perfect year, Spencer.”

Spencer laughed; the kind that lit up his face and made you think that sound was the cure to any sadness. “I believe you. Then what do you have planned for tonight, Y/N?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.” Of course, that’s how he’d answer, so earnest and honest.

“Then you’ll find out tonight.” You stood up then, figuring you should get to work so both of you could leave at a decent time tonight. Before you walked back to your desk though, you looked at Spencer and added softly, “Hey, try not to get too upset about the others. We see so much bad that sometimes it’s easy to forget the good. Everyone really cares about you, Spencer, I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Spencer answered back in the same soft voice, eyes dropping so he didn’t make eye contact with you.

You walked back to your desk hoping that was true.

By the time everyone was packing up their belongings, the insecurity started to creep in. You’d just walked up and demanded he spent his birthday with you; what if he’d actually wanted a quiet night in alone? He absolutely seemed like the type who wouldn’t tell you only because it made you so happy to spend that time with him.

All of your insecurities washed away when Spencer walked up to where you sat at your desk. You’d been waiting for everyone else to leave, secretly hoping that they had a surprise party or something waiting for the kid. When it was just you two on the floor, he’d gathered his stuff and walked over to you, clearly fighting a smile. He looked like someone who knew about their surprise party beforehand and was trying to keep calm about it. In a way, you supposed he was.

“What did you want to do tonight?” Spencer asked as you started gathering your own things, shoving them haphazardly into your bag and making him wince a little at the chaos of it all.

“Well, I thought we could do what you normally do on your birthday,” you suggested. Sometimes one teammate would say something seemingly normal that would elicit a strange reaction from him. You knew from brief mentions that he hadn’t had it easy in school, so you assumed these were leftover reactions from protecting himself for so many years. Still, you hadn’t thought a birthday would cause that reaction now.

“I don’t usually do anything special,” he admitted, head tilting forward so he could stare at his sneakers.

“Then how about we do what I did on my 22nd?” you suggested, trying to picture him doing half of the things you and your old college friends had done back then. You’d been wild and maybe a little stupid, but it had been one of the best nights of your life.

“What did you do?”

“Stayed up all night and went on an adventure,” you laughed, half-expecting Spencer to tell you he’d rather not. Instead, he smiled and nodded.

“I’ll follow your lead.”

Well, now that was interesting.

It wasn’t long before you were parking your car downtown and trying to make your work outfit a little more suitable for a night out on the town. You’d slipped on a pair of jeans from your go-bag, reminding yourself to switch them out in the morning. When you were finished and Spencer still hadn’t moved, you laughed and reached over to help.

“C’mon, we’re losing the sweater vest for the night,” you teased, “although somehow I can imagine you making that a new look at the bar.”

When he’d folded and set the fabric in the backseat with your own discarded articles of clothing, your hands moved up to loosen and remove his tie. They didn’t shake once as you undid the first few buttons of his button-up, though you felt his breath hitch in his chest. Your hands moved over his, reaching up to roll up his sleeves to his elbows.

“Damn, Spencer. I didn’t think it was possible, but the pretty boy just got prettier.” In the light of the street lamps, it was hard to tell but you thought you could just make out a flush to his cheeks. You reached out to ruffle his hair a little, getting it out of the slicked-back look and a little messy. It really wasn’t fair how good he looked like this.

The two of you ended up at a bar neither of you had been in before. It was crowded and hot and full of people around your age drinking and dancing. It wasn’t your scene anymore, but if Spencer wanted to have the 22 experience that you did, then it had to start here.

So you drank. Spencer did too, and eventually, you were hooking your arm around his and showing him how to do to a shot together. Once the alcohol had made your body buzz enough, you stood from your seat and grabbed Spencer’s hand, tugging him out to the middle of the dance floor.

“Y/N, I don’t dance,” Spencer was telling you, eyes looking around at the other people dancing around you. “I’ll look ridiculous.”

“Hey, don’t worry about that, okay? It’s just you and me,” you told him, and eventually he was dancing with you. It was admittedly a little awkward, neither of you completely knowing what to do with your limbs but having a good time anyway. At first, you were nervous he would hate this, and honestly, he looked like he did at the start. Now, though, he was tilting his head back and laughing in such an uninhibited way that you hadn’t ever heard before. You wanted to hear that sound about twelve more times tonight.

The atmosphere of a bar was magical. If anyone actually paid attention to the cleanliness of the building, most people likely wouldn’t be inside. If it were any other building, people wouldn’t say or do half of the things they did inside a bar. Yet, there was something about the music, and the alcohol, and even that grimy ambiance that filled everyone with extra courage and euphoria.

You supposed when Spencer’s hands brushed over your hips that it was because of where you were; because he was standing so close to you now, honeyed eyes so clearly looking at your lips and somehow, you couldn’t imagine him doing any of this in the light of day. Honestly, you hadn’t thought you would either. So maybe it was easier for you to close the distance, to kiss Spencer while dancing in an overcrowded bar filled with the types of people you two tended to avoid.

It was easy for you to press against him, telling yourself that this Spencer with the wild hair and alcohol-flushed cheeks was not the same one you would see sitting at the desk across from you at work tomorrow morning. He seemed to think the same, growing more confident the more you touched him. As he’d said at the beginning of the night, he took your lead. It was only when it got to the point you’d normally invite the other person to go home with you that you broke the moment. Bar magic could only take you so far, of course.

“Are you ready for the next adventure?” you asked, practically yelling over the music.

“What is it?”

“We snuck into a hotel pool,” you laughed.

“What if we get caught?” he asked, betraying only a tiny amount of nervousness.

“You have your badge, right? We’re there on official FBI business.”

“Y/N, we can’t abuse our badges like that,” Spencer chastised you, but he was shaking his head and laughing all the same. He was also guiding you out of the bar, a surefire sign he was going along with the plan.

“Sure we can. That’s what they’re there for,” you laughed easily. Luckily, there were plenty of hotels in the D.C. area and it was easy enough for you to find a perfect one. “C’mon, help me over the fence.”

Sure enough, he tried to carry some of your weight, pushing you up and over the fence so you could unlock the gate for him. Your heart was racing, whether that be from the adrenaline, the buzz of alcohol in your system, or the lingering feeling of Spencer’s lips on your own, you didn’t know.

Sneaking into a hotel pool was a lot different when you were with your college friends. They’d all seen you in just your undergarments plenty of times before, so it hadn’t been a big deal then for you to rip your shirt and pants off and dive straight into the pool. This time, you hesitated, careful as you slipped the shirt over your head not to look directly at Spencer. You didn’t want to know what he was thinking when he saw you.

Luckily he’d gotten the idea, too, because he was also unbuttoning his shirt and discarding it. It wasn’t long before the two of you were in the pool in your underwear and you were reminded of what it was like to be that young and wild. You were glad Spencer was getting to experience it, even if he decided that this sort of thing wasn’t for him.

“Why did you sneak into a hotel pool for your 22nd birthday?” Spencer asked.

“I don’t know.” It was an honest answer, too. Looking back on it, there hadn’t really been a good reason for your group to do that. It had just seemed like a good idea at the time. “Birthdays are for letting loose and having fun with the people you care about most. We just...thought this was the best way to do that, I guess.”

“Was it this cold when you did it?” It was only when Spencer pointed out the obvious that you noticed the goose pimples covering the skin of your arms. His chest—you tried not to think about the fact that you’d now seen Spencer’s bare chest because that was a dangerous line of thought—was also showing signs of being chilled. It made sense; after all, most people probably didn’t go swimming in the middle of the night in October.

“No, it wasn’t,” you laughed, “that just means we get to move onto my favorite part of the night sooner.”

“What’s your favorite part?”

“Breakfast!” you cheered, pulling yourself out of the pool and wincing a little at the scrapes your legs received in doing so.

“Breakfast? It’s midnight, Y/N.”

“Exactly! Waffle House is open 24/7 and there’s never a better time to go than in the middle of the night.” You loved the way he looked at you then; like he was so amused and so endeared by you.

“We’re soaking wet though?”

“That’s okay too,” you answered as you worked on getting dressed again.

It was a short walk to the nearest Waffle House. You told yourself you were holding Spencer’s hand so you didn’t lose him in the midnight crowd. The two of you were shivering a little by the time you got seated into one of the plastic booths, but Spencer’s face had never looked so light and free. You would do this every night if it meant getting to see him so happy and relaxed.

The food was heavenly, but as breakfast came to an end you mourned the loss of the night. “After breakfast, we all went to our separate homes and got some sleep,” you explained, wondering why disappointment settled in your chest at the thought of not spending any more time with Spencer tonight. Maybe it was because, in the morning, everything would go back to the way it was before. You imagined the two of you wouldn’t talk about the kiss, or the almost-skinny dipping in a public pool, or splitting two breakfast plates because neither of you could decide what you wanted.

“There was one time I celebrated my birthday,” Spencer filled the silence then as the two of you made the journey back to your car. After several hours, both of you had sobered up well enough for you to drive back home. You weren’t sure where he was going with this—and it hurt your heart to think he only had one birthday to reflect back on fondly—but you stayed quiet dutifully. “I had a sleepover with a friend.”

Oh, oh. Your head snapped over to look at him, stopping in your tracks and making the people behind you swerve on the sidewalk out of your way. “Spencer Reid, are you asking me to have a sleepover with you?”

It seemed he only then realized what he’d suggested. He adorably got red again, eyes wide and lips parting once, twice, as he tried to come up with what to say. “Only if you want to! I was only thinking that I was having such a good time, and I didn’t want the night to end yet.”

And how could you argue with that? “Sleepover it is then,” you responded.

Spencer’s apartment was almost exactly how you would’ve pictured it. If a space could perfectly embody its occupant, then this apartment did. The best word you could think of to describe it was homey, with dark green walls and several bookshelves taking over the wall space.

The two of you set up a pillow fort in the little living area. Spencer had changed into pajamas and let you borrow a pair of sweatpants and a CalTech t-shirt from him. It was comforting, being wrapped up in things that were his. Eventually, the two of you laid in your pillow fort, wrapped up in blankets to warm yourselves up from the bitter D.C. night.

As you lay there fighting sleep after such an exhilarating night, you heard it. “Thank you for celebrating today with me, Y/N. This was the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

You turned your head, smiling as you just made out his face inches from yours in the dark. There was no telling what tomorrow would be like, or if this would change anything between you two. All you knew was now; laying curled up with Spencer Reid and feeling strangely like you belonged there in his arms.

“I told you there was something special about 22.”

SERIES TAGLIST

@samuel-de-champagne-problems @alexlovescriminalminds @reidsbookclub @givemeth @eurydice-but-gay @fightingdragonswithreid @girloncorneliastreet @silverhetdanes @just-a-human-witha-pen @shemarmooresfedora @rexorangecouny

[what-even-is-thiss]

2nd COVID Birthday

I wrote this literally in the 30 minutes before midnight and edited it in like 5 minutes and I wanted to share it with someone and I can already see all of the problems that a literary journal would have with it so I hope someone on here likes it.

.......

In the last half hour before midnight on June 28, 2021 I sit by myself on my dad’s couch. I have long had a habit of watching myself become older. The clock strikes midnight, and in the eyes of the law I am now an older man. Not a wiser man, because in reality only a second has past, even if that second almost always feels like it lasts an eternity.

Still despite this uselessness, I watch the clock turn over. Feeling a weight that doesn’t exist. An artificial bookend to another chapter that I’ve constructed in my mind.

I remember watching myself turn seven, perhaps the first time I did this. Waiting patiently on the living room couch long after my parents and baby brother had gone to bed, looking at what was, to me, an impossibly insurmountable and exciting mountain of presents forming a shapeless blob in the dark, knowing as I moved from one numeral to the next that I was so close to knowing what it held.

Now I sit on my dad’s couch waiting. Half an hour too early. As a joke to myself and nobody else I put on my headphones and scroll through my phone to the bottom of my list of songs.

Still stuck in my liminal space of waiting for my number to tick over I reach the number section of songs at the bottom.

22. Taylor Swift. Classic. Touch. Start. Pop. Happy. Dread.

I drop my phone. I’m not sure when. The song isn’t over. I’m not 23 yet. My phone isn’t damaged. I let the song end against my better judgement and only then after Ms. Swift has finished do I rip the headphones off and start breathing again.

“It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters and make fun of our exes”

I have no exes. I hold my headphones. I breathe. I have to write. Now.

There’s a lot of things that young adults are expected to experience and it seems as though most of us are under the impression that we are doing it wrong and all of the other young adults are doing it correctly. Finish whatever school is needed or wanted, fall in love, go to parties, get married, get a job, settle down and become a new and improved version of your parents.

Teenagers on the internet tell me that I’m old. I feel like I’ve just crawled out of a cave and seen the sun for the first time. Have I had sex yet? Do I want to have sex? Do I want to fall in love? What do I want to do with my life?

I was going to answer all of those questions when I was 22. Stupid plan in retrospect, but all plans made in the last year and a half seem stupid in retrospect.

A friend of mine is engaged. Her future husband is moving from Colorado to California. She has a real job now. I bang my head against the wall trying not to compare my life to hers but somehow during all the unpleasantness she managed to get her life started and even with everything I’ve accomplished I still feel like I’m nothing.

The unpleasantness. The thing that is going on right now. You know… that. We all know. The whole (speaker waves their hands around vaguely) plague that upset the fabric of society and took over all of our lives and has inevitably shaken up everyone that has survived it even if they themselves were not directly impacted. The phenomenon that lasted for the entire time that I was 22. You know. That thing. That thing we are tired of saying out loud.

I watched myself turn 22 in the midst of the pandemic thinking that by the time I turned 23 that I would already be out in the world. So many of those moments that I watched myself turn older are crystalized in my mind, but not that one. Not turning 22. It’s as vague and confusing and one note as the past year spent here inside on my dad’s couch.

The moments in which I turned 20 and 21 are perfectly preserved in my mind. My anxieties, my fears, my final thoughts and hopes in the second before the digital clock wordlessly ticked over. The second I turned 22 though? Is lost to history. To time. Faded into the background noise of the apocalypse that never came.

I don’t know who I’ve become. I don’t know who any of us have become. Societal and personal identity has been swirling and changing in the past year and now it’s all been tossed up in the air and I don’t know what will come crashing down or what it will look like but it’s coming. Whatever impact comes the next decade will feel it tenfold.

Five minutes remain. It’s 11:55 pm. I am only going to turn 23 once. I am going to spend it crystalizing this societal feeling in time. The feeling that we don’t know what the hell we are doing. This is not a year worthy of nostalgia. This is not a year worthy of romanticizing. This was hell.

How different was it to be 22 nine years ago when that song came out? I have never been to a club. I have never gotten so drunk that I’ve thrown up. I’ve never made out with a stranger and I’ve never fallen in love and the thing is that I’m not sure if I want to do any of those things but this was the year that I was going to try.

It’s 11:59 pm.

I’m still typing. There’s still racism and people dying of COVID-19. I said it. The thing we’re all tired of hearing. The disease. The thing. The YouTube demonetization word.

It’s 12:00 am.

I’m no wiser now than I was when I started typing this. I watched the clock turn over. Happy birthday to me.

[talatomaz]

lockdown | jj x fem!teen!reader

a/n: i can’t believe that a year ago today, the last ever episode of criminal minds aired. i miss jj so much 🤧

this is sort of in line with my own experiences (to a certain extent). and there’s not as much jj x d!r as i’d intended but I hope you still like it.

(feedback/positive comments are appreciated)

requested by @ouat2017 : “could you do a jj x daughter where the daughter’s school is on lockdown and jj is worried or something like that?”

warnings: gun violence. blood

word count: 2.6k

masterlist | request list | request rules

r is jj’s 18 year old adopted daughter and suddenly finds herself on lockdown after someone brings a gun into her school

i do not give you permission to repost or translate my fics on any platform - likes/reblogs are okay and are much appreciated

“Look, you’re the one that needs to be tutored so can you please focus?”

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest in annoyance.

You were currently in the tutoring centre trying to help a self-absorbed jock pass English so he could remain on the school’s football team.

Looking around you, you saw a handful of students giving both you and Cameron - the man-child you were tutoring - disparaging looks.

“You’re not supposed to be yelling at me. You’re meant to be telling me the answers.”

The aforementioned narcissist leaned against his chair, smirking at you in a way that made you fight to hide a shudder.

You could have easily wiped the grin off his face by mentioning who your mother was and who she worked for but instead, you decided to just continue ignoring his advances and carry on teaching him.

“That’s not how this works, Cameron. Now either you listen to me or you fail and get kicked off the team. And quite frankly, I’d rather the latter happen.”

You watched as his brows furrowed in confusion. Sighing, you answered, “latter means the second thing of two things mentioned in a sentence. Now, for the love of God, just finish writing your paragraph on Heller's satire of capitalism in Catch-22.”

You let out a breath of relief when he finally relented and started to scribble on his sheet of paper. You glanced over at one of your friends, who was also tutoring for extra credit, and smiled when she rolled her eyes at Cameron’s actions.

Leaning against the large desk that stood at the front of the room, you relished in the long-awaited silence aside from hushed whispers that came from other students asking for help.

Taking out your phone, you glanced at the screen to see that it was only midday and soon the lunch bell would be ringing.

You smiled softly at your lock screen.

It was a photo of you and JJ, your adoptive mother.

It was taken a few weeks prior at your 18th birthday party. You’d been living with JJ for almost 5 years now; her having fostered you before later adopting you when you were 14.

You still didn’t know what she saw in you on that day you’d first met her - you’d lost your family in a home invasion, barely surviving yourself - but whatever it was, you were grateful because you’d gotten a second chance at life.

Several minutes passed and you’d only broken from your train of thought when you heard someone clearing their throat beside you.

Looking over your shoulder, you saw your friend, the one who’d rolled her eyes earlier at Cameron, standing beside you.

“I see you finally got him to do his work.” She whispered, loud enough for your ears only.

“Barely. He still has an essay to write and hasn’t even finished a paragraph yet.”

“I would have smacked his sorry ass by now.”

You laughed before clamping your hand over your mouth, her comment having caught you off guard.

“Ally!” You whisper-shouted, playfully hitting her arm.

She looked at you with a raised eyebrow causing you to smirk, “Trust me, I’ve thought about it but-”

Before you could finish your sentence, a large bang rang out, shattering the silence the room had once held.

With wide eyes, your head whipped to the door where the gunshot had presumably come from and you listened as the hallways were filled with panicked screams.

Running to the door, ignoring the gasps and shouts from the other students behind you, you turned the lock on the door, pulled down the blinds, switched off the lights and jammed a chair under the handle.

Looking up, you saw everyone had the same look of panic in their eyes; a few were crying, including Ally, and others were pale with shock, Cameron was one of them.

“Guys, we’re gonna be okay but we have to be quiet.” You whispered harshly, constantly looking over your shoulder at the door, listening for any indication of the shooter coming your way.

Everyone stared at you, as if you were the leader of a camp and they were small children awaiting for further instruction.

You supposed it wasn’t far off.

By taking charge, you were the one who’d been unwillingly given the role of protector.

“First things first,” you walked over to the group of 10 students, “I need you all to make sure your phones are on silent. We can’t risk being caught.”

You watched as everyone followed your instructions.

“I know you all want to call your parents but that’s going to attract attention to us so for right now, we need to be quiet.”

Your heart was beating out of your chest and as you spoke, one thought repeated in your head. JJ.

Taking out your phone, you scrolled to find your mother’s name in your contacts. You watched as your thumb hovered over her name.

Just breathe, y/n. Breathe.

Tapping your mother’s name, you brought the phone to your ear.

“I thought you said we couldn’t call anyone.”

Your eyes locked onto Cameron’s, his face pale and his eyes filled with terror and a hint of anger.

“My Mum works for the FBI.” You whispered as the phone rang out.

Any other time and you probably would have laughed at the way his face grew paler, if that was even possible. But, in a situation this tense, it was going to be difficult to find any levity.

Your Mum picked up on the second ring and you let out a shaky breath when you heard her voice.

“Hi baby. A bit early for your lunch, isn’t it?”

You closed your eyes at her soft tone, as if you were trying to engrave the way she spoke into your mind lest you would never hear it again.

From your lack of response, the blonde sensed there was something up, “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

A single tear dropped down your cheek as you struggled to maintain a steady tone. Catching a glimpse of Ally staring at you, you steeled yourself and spoke.

“Mum, you need to come quick. Someone’s brought a gun into school.”

“Oh my-AARON.”

You winced when you heard her shout for her boss, listening as you could hear her run up stairs. You held your breath as she filled Hotch in on what was happening before telling Garcia to hack into your school’s security system.

“Are you okay? Stupid question. But are you hurt?”

“Mum,” you interrupted her rambling, “I’m fine. I’m in the tutoring centre with 10 other people. I don’t know how many people are injured. It just all happened so fast.”

“It’s okay, baby. You’re gonna be okay.”

Though you could hear the clear panic in her voice, her words did bring some form of reassurance to you.

“Penelope’s hacking into the system so hopefully she can have eyes soon.”

As she spoke, you could hear the clacking of keys in the background of the call; presumably Garcia doing exactly what JJ said.

“Mum?” You questioned when you heard Garcia swear.

Instead of JJ answering, the usually peppy tech analyst replied, her voice shaky and wet, as if she was crying.

“Y/N, thank God you’re okay.”

“What’s wrong, Garcia?”

“Someone’s disabled the cameras remotely. I can only get them back online if someone reprograms them from the inside.”

Grasping what she was explaining, you nodded, “I’ll fix them.”

“What? No!”

Your mother had taken the phone off of Garcia.

“You are not leaving that room, y/n. We’ll find another way in.”

“Mum, someone needs to fix the system from inside the school. I need to do it.”

Ignoring your mother’s worried shouts, you continued to speak, “Mum, I have to. I love you.”

You disconnected the phone and switched it off, preventing her from being able to call you back.

“Y/N, you are not leaving this room.”

You’d only just realised that everyone had been watching you intently during that entire interaction.

“Yes, I am.”

Moving away from the huddle, you rose to your feet and replied to your friend.

Cameron rose to his feet and towered over you as he challenged you, “No, you are not. You’re going to put us in danger.”

“Do you know how to hack into our school’s security system and then reconnect the transformer and enter the Mastercode?”

His face contorted to a look of confusion making you reply,

“Exactly.”

Turning to leave, you felt a large hand enclose around your arm.

“I said, you’re not leaving.”

Your eyes flickered from Cameron’s hand up to his face that dared you to take another step.

“Remove your hand from my arm before I remove your hand from your body. You may letter in football but I’ve been trained by some of the best FBI agents there are and unless you want to end up in a sleeper hold, I suggest you shut up and do what I say for once.”

His harsh grip almost immediately lessened as his hand returned to his side.

“Good. Now, have any of you been shot? No? I didn’t think so. Well, I have and whoever did get shot is probably bleeding out in the hallway. I can’t not do anything.”

No one dared to respond and instead, shook their head ‘no’ at your asking if anyone else would try to stop you.

Content that you weren’t going to deal with any more unnecessary distractions, you made your way to the door and gently removed the chair that was beneath the handle.

“Ally, you’re in charge. Lock the door when I leave. By my count, the FBI will be here soon. And Cameron, you do anything stupid and I’ll shoot you myself.”

Unlocking the door, you stepped out into the empty hallway and hastily made your way to where the main security hub was located.

Just a couple of hours ago, all you had wished for was silence but now that your wish had been granted, all you wanted was to hear the playful shouts and conversations between your friends and fellow students.

The silence that currently fell on your school was unnerving and unbearable. And with each step you took, you flinched at the sound your shoes made against the marble floor. Each noise practically acting as a beacon for the shooter to come find you.

You let out a sigh of relief when you found the Hub and you quickly worked to reconnect the security system. Typing on the laptop that rested atop one of the servers, you couldn’t help the smile that formed when all the cameras re-engaged.

Tapping on one of the keys, you navigated through the various cameras, looking for any indication of the shooter or of any injured people. You stopped when you caught a glimpse of someone.

Squinting at the screen, you saw, what appeared to be a freshman - since you didn’t recognise him as being a part of your year - laying on the ground, a hand clutching his stomach as blood coated his clothing.

Immediately knowing where he was, you cautiously made your way to the east hallway before running when you noticed him laying on the ground, his blood coating the once-white marble floor.

Falling to your knees, you pressed your hands against his wound, trying to stop the steady flow. He groaned out in pain, tears staining his face.

“H-Help me.” He choked out.

“What’s your name?”

“Jackson. But everyone c-calls me J-Jack.”

“Jack, you’re going to be okay. I just need you stay with me, okay? I’m-”

“Y/N.”

You failed to hide the surprise from your face making the younger teen smile despite his predicament.

“You’re t-tutoring Cameron. Everyone knows who you are. Y-You’re the one who doesn’t take any of his shit. I think h-he likes you.”

“Well, tough shit for him. I may be bi but he’s definitely not my type.”

Jack’s laugh quickly turned into another groan of pain.

Unzipping your jacket with one hand, you used the other to keep pressure on his wound. After removing the jacket, you harshly pressed it against his torso and watched as it barely absorbed the blood.

“I’m gonna die, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not. I won’t let you.” You said, tears filling in your eyes as memories rushed back of when you tried to save your brother after he’d been shot.

“You’re going to be okay. I just need you to-”

You stilled when you heard footsteps come up behind you.

“Well, what do we have here?”

You didn’t recognise the voice and couldn’t bring yourself to turn around to face the person who’d caused all this pain.

You opened your mouth before closing it again, unsure of what to say.

Closing your eyes, you readied yourself for your inevitable death when a shot rang out and a body slumped to the ground beside you.

Jumping at the action, you turned around and almost collapsed in relief at what you saw. Your Mum and her team stood behind you with several SWAT members flanking them.

The tears that had once filled your eyes now spilled shamelessly down your cheeks.

Without saying a word, JJ holstered her gun and ran to your side, hugging you as best she could since your hands were still pressed against Jack’s wound.

Paramedics soon followed and after that it was all a blur. It was as if you were floating outside of your body. Logically, you knew it was the effects of an adrenaline crash but you felt so disconnected from your body.

You barely took note as your mother gently lifted you to your feet, allowing you to be briefly looked over by the paramedics. Nor as your mother escorted you to one of the school bathrooms where she rinsed the blood off your hands.

You didn’t even say a word until you’d arrived back at the BAU where a worried Penelope wrapped you in a tight hug which you returned.

“I’m gonna take her up to my old office, Hotch.”

The Unit Chief simply nodded as he and the rest of the team watched as JJ led you to the abandoned office that was still filled with random case files.

Closing the door, she sat you down on her sofa and stared at you, not touching you in fear that even a simple caress would cause you to shatter.

You exhaled a long breath before finally speaking, “I’m sorry.”

Her brows narrowed, “Sorry? Sweetheart, why?”

You looked at your hands that had been coated in blood less than an hour before and then up at your mother; her blue eyes filled with nothing but concern, love and confusion.

“You told me not to leave and I did. I’m sorry.”

And with that, you started to cry heart-wrenching sobs that made your shoulders shake.

JJ gathered you in her arms, gently rocking you as her long blonde hair draped over you.

“It’s okay, y/n. I got you, baby. You’re safe now.”

Her arms wrapped tightly around you as she laid soft kisses on your head, her hand stroking your back.

That only served to make you burrow into her even more, seeking comfort in her motherly embrace.

You muttered your apologies as she continued to reassure you that you were okay.

JJ was afraid that if she stopped, you wouldn’t be here, safe in her arms.

Still rocking you in her arms, she whispered in your ear,

“I got you, baby. You’re safe now.”