#i try to recognize it and! I’ll work at it I will I will

[casteliacityramen]

[Previous] [PART 2 OF 2]

“I flew around a bit." 

"I overheard some talks about an open gala in Sinnoh and I decided to attend it. I’ll tell you the whole story about what happened later, but...

... Even when I was trying to relax, I couldn't feel comfortable with myself. Like… like wearing clothes that didn’t fit. The longer the night went on, nothing felt right. And I’m not just talking about the disguise.”

“You felt like a caricature of who you used to be.”

“Yeah. I knew I was going to feel awful when the Continental War was done and over with. I knew we were going to be reprimanded, or worse, but…” Rio frowns deeply, trying to gather her tangled thoughts together.

“I didn't think it'd mess me up as bad as this. I didn’t recognize who I was by the end of the night. I’m worried there’s no going back to who I used to be. I miss the version of myself who could go to a gala and not be miserable in the corner. It feels like that part of me died--that optimistic part of me."

“Do you get what I’m talking about?”

Rio waits with bated breath, only for Ray to curtly answer:

"Yes. And no?"

Rio feels her temper quickly flare up as she lets out a frustrated huff, "Whaddya mean by that?"

Ray raises his palms towards her, slowly.

"It's not that I don't understand what you're saying,” Ray turns to her and gives her a faint smile, "I like to think my experiences are changing me for the better. That’s where you and I differ."

“What, that you’re becoming less of who you used to be and more of… whatever this is?”

"A sub-par noodle penchant?" Ray laughed, throwing Rio's words right back at her from earlier that day.

"You know what I mean, Ray," Rio feels her face get hot. "It's as if..."

"... It's as if you're undoing yourself to make up for what you've done," Rio whispers out loud. The sudden conclusion steals her breath. "Ray, you're not doing all this to punish yourself, are you?"

"..."

"Please say no.”

"It may have started out that way, but that's not the case now."

“Ray…” Rio whispered in disbelief, out loud. 

“You may see this as me continuing a dead man’s legacy. But it’s more than that. This place was a gifted to me and came with a wish. I intend to honor that gesture.

Even though we can’t do any of our usual duties, that’s no excuse to stop acting like a shepherd.”

“If your version of helping the commonwealth is to further seat yourself into guilt, I can’t let you follow through with this.”

“You’re still not getting it, It’s not like that."

"Are you sure about that? Because it's all starting to sound like you're doing this as some sort of messed up way of repenting for your sins."

"I'm telling you, it's not like that."

“Ray, there's a moment when memorialization for someone else turns into hurting yourself." 

"Like how you visited your own gravestone in Johto? Do you really see all of your soldiers offering gifts in your memory and call that self harm? Didn't you just say that you're grieving over someone who you used to be? Is it really that wrong? To cling to what's left!?"

"For me, it is."

"We aren't mortal, Ray. This entire conversation we're having? This argument? All of it? This is what happens when we can't move on. We drag everything with us for hundreds, maybe thousands of years whether we like it or not. This is only going to bring you pain in the long run.

I’m sorry I blew up at you earlier today, but I still stand by what I said. You have no right to continue Tai Ishikawa's legacy, even if all of this was a gift.

All of this? Hanging around Ingram's descendants, Ayumi and Jack? Working an ungodly amount of hours for a tiny bit of yen? The past guilt alone will eat you alive."

"I'm aware of what happens to me if I stew in it. I've been here five years longer than you have,” Ray mutters. “Besides, do you think that I don't know how to live with all the pain I've gathered? Do you really think that guilt alone has made me stick it out this far?”

Of course not. But... she can't simply admit that.

She’s seen him on good days, bad days, and worse days. She's seen him scraping by with little money to his name but continuing to honestly run the business with a straight back and taut shoulders.

She shakes her head, unsure of herself. After all, she's borrowing words that Ray used to tell her in the past. She's not used to being on this side of the argument, which begs the question: are they destined to swap places again somewhere, sometime down the future?

"I've seen what guilt does to you, Ray. I sure as shit know what it's doing to me," Rio shakes her head, sighing. "I don't think this is only guilt... But there's more of it than I want to see. I don't need any more reasons to lose sleep at night if I can keep you from hurting yourself."

“Then…

... Are you willing to stop me? Stop all of this if I fly past that line?"

"You're already dangerously close. Some would say that you're already past the line of hurting yourself."

"I'm not."

Rio was hoping for any sense of weakness, any stumble over words, fumble in his convictions, but Ray continued to stare at her. Rio was the first to look away.

"All of this… It helped you?”

"It has. I’d love to have you here."

"Okay."

--

The two sit in comfortable silence. As the sun fades, so too, does the tension between them. With no further words to be exchanged, the rest of the decanter behind the counter is emptied out.

Ray makes a disgusted face with every sip. One of the unfortunate effects of their blessings is the rapid processing of whatever toxins enter their body, like alcohol. If they wanted to get remotely buzzed, they had to drink the stuff that was barely safe for consumption.

Which reminds her...

“I thought I’d get you this as a peace offering.”

“What is this?”

“Got it from the gala I talked about earlier. Wine from out of this dimension. Just like the guests."

“What?”

“Later. But guess what? I actually got drunk.”

“Bullshit. Why'd you make me drink the rest of that decanter? Pour me some.”

“You’re the one with the hands, you pour us some.”

Before Ray could reach behind the counter to grab the glasses once more, they are interrupted by the sound of a squeaky stool and a pained, muffled grunt at the end of the stand.

Jack sits in the seat farthest from them, his eyes never meeting theirs. His mouth opens, but it takes a long time for him to slowly form the words. He shrinks as he whispers:

“I don’t know where else to go.”

It's about time they get ready to open back up, anyway.

[Pinned Post]

[kirarinlovesidols]

Prologue Part 3.

⟥────────✤────────────────────⟤

You had a pretty awful time trying to sleep for many reasons. A couple of them being Grim’s snoring, the weird noises in the middle of the night and the random bolts of lightning that would hit conveniently only when you were almost falling asleep. You’re so glad you don’t need to sleep.

Biologically speaking both you and the Greater Lord were a bit closer to plants. You didn’t need to sleep or eat, as long as you had sunlight and water you were fine. Still it didn’t mean you couldn’t indulge in those things as luxuries and after the day you had yesterday, you kinda needed to shut down for a while.

Though you can’t only do what you want in life, if at all.

As you were about to take Grim out of the unfortunate spot he somehow ended up on, which was your neck, you heard a familiar voice of one of the ghosts.

“Hee hee hee... Aren't the two of you supposed to be off cleaning the school today?” You turned your head to the side just to see all three of them surrounding your bed.

“Mmmmm... Nngh... Five more minutes, Ma…” You immediately grabbed Grim and took him off his ‘’’’’favored’’’’’ spot in a rush.

“Grim, wake up! they’re back!”  You said nervously. They were goofy looking but still could very much hurt you if they wished to do so.

The cat wakes up in confusion only to see you holding it in front of your face and a bunch of ghosts.

“MYAHHH! THEY’RE BACK!” So you two repeated the act of yesterday. Where you held the monster like a weapon and he drove them away.

“Don’t go grabbin’ me! and don’t use me as a shield either!” He complained as soon as you were done, wiggling out of your hold.

“I’m sorry! i didn’t mean to…but you wouldn’t wake up and i had no choice!” You apologized making a mental note to make it up to Grim later somehow.

Before this escalated any further Crowley walked inside the room, without even knocking.

“Good morning, Miss Rukkha. Did you sleep well?” The man had something in his arms, it looked like some kind of folded cloth.

“Ah! ye-”  You were about to lie just to not seem ungrateful but your roommate had other plans.

“Not at all! When I sprawled out on the bed, the mattress fell right through the frame!” Oh yeah. That was another one of the reasons you couldn’t sleep well.

“I-It wasn’t that bad though! i’m sure he doesn’t mean that!” You tried your best to cover for it only for Grim to crush your efforts.

“Are ya kiddin’ me? exactly how ramshackle IS this dorm? And worse yet, we got woken up by ghosts!” You covered your face with your hands in despair. Just great, now he would think badly of you.

The man didn’t seem to mind though. As he only walked over to you and handed you what you now recognize as overalls and a simple black shirt to put underneath.

“Well, it surely beats being outside in the rain. Now, consider this another sign of my great kindness. Surely you can’t work without appropriate attire.” You took the outfit from his hands with a smile.

“Thank you, sir! i’ll do my best!” You were relieved he apparently didn’t let Grim’s negative comments sway his generosity. Surely he only wanted the best for you.

In truth Crowley didn’t want to bother at all, he only did due to seeing you in your usual Lesser Lord ensemble. That would attract way too much attention and he couldn’t have that.

After that both him and Grim left the room at your request so you could change. Your eyes stared at your figure in the mirror now that you had your “janitor uniform” on. You struggled a bit to make the shirt fit, it was a bit small but it would have to do.

Since your hair was way too long you also had to put it up in a ponytail to make sure it wouldn't get in the way of your work. Feeling satisfied with the result you just had one thing left to check.

The scratch Grim gave you yesterday. It was almost healed by now. Seems like your regenerative habilities are still working, just slower. Well, better than nothing.

Getting out of the room you and Grim followed your “kind employer” as he explained what he expected out of both of you, which was cleaning the area spanning from the front gates to the library. You aren’t exactly too knowledgeable about cleaning but how hard could it be, right?

Grim immediately protested against the notion fo cleaning but you managed to convince him by reminding him of the kind of books there could be in the library, like how to become a great mage or something.

You’re very sorry for doing that.

⟥────────✤────────────────────⟤

“Wow, so this is Main Street, huh? This is incredible!” Grim said as he tried his best to see all there was to the entrance. He looked excited and giddy however you had to tell him something very important.

“Grim? don’t forget we’re here to clean…” It’s not like you didn’t believe him but he still seemed on the fence about it all.

“I know, i know! don’t remind me!” The cat rolled his eyes before resuming his observations.

“I didn't get to see it much yesterday. What's the deal with these seven statues? All their faces look pretty scary. Like, this lady here looks like she's got some reeeal anger management issues.” He stopped by the foot of the statue and you had to raise a brow there. 

Anger management issues was awfully specific, a bit weird he went there. Still you couldn’t bring yourself to disagree, maybe it was her expression that seemed like it could change any time. And you swore you saw her eyes open and look at you.

Before you could even mention it you heard a voice coming from behind.

“You don't know the Queen of Hearts?” Turning around you both saw a boy with ginger hair, red eyes that had a charming boyish glint and a weird…heart tattoo? or was it makeup? on the corner of his face.

“Queen of Hearts? Is she some kinda big deal?” Grim looked at the boy in question curiously.

“She was a queen who lived in a mazelike garden of roses long, long ago. She was a strict woman who prized order above all. She wouldn't tolerate a rose being off-color, or her  playing-card soldiers being out of step.” You couldn’t help but find that suffocating, perhaps it was the way of nobility?

“She basically ruled over a kingdom of madness, but not one of her subjects dared to defy her. You wanna know why? Because the punishment for breaking a rule was immediate decapitation!” You just did a double take with a horrified expression. That was just awful! how did she want people to ever respect her that way?

“Isn’t….isn’t that essentially tyranny?” You asked in a worried tone.

“Wah! That is seriously messed up!” Yeah, you really agreed with Grim on that one.

“Pretty cool, right? I'm a big fan. I mean, who would bother to obey a queen that was kind all the time?” You thought back at Greater Lord Kusanali and how she’s been nothing but kind to her subjects for all those years. Maybe her being so nice backfired as soon as she exhausted her powers but…you were sure they still respected her.

“I would….that doesn’t really sound like someone i would like to follow….” You looked to the side in awkwardness as stories of fictional rules who got overthrown by their subjects played in your mind.

“Yeah, true. A leader needs to be strong. But puttin' that aside... Who're you, now?” You disagreed on that take but it would take forever to explain why so you don’t interject.

“Name's Ace. I'm a first year student here, as of... today! Pleased to meetcha!” He extended his hand at you so you took it, forming a handshake.

“Oh! Nice to meet you too! I’m-” You got rudely interrupted.

“I'm Grim! I'm a prodigy whos plannin' to be, like, the greatest mage who ever lived.”  Grim then pointed his paw at you—  “That there's my far less interesting hench-human.” You just looked at him disappointedly.

“Don’t you mean friends, Grim?” You corrected him with a strained smile on your face.

“Nah, I mean what i said.”  Well! that was beyond mean!

Still, Ace nodded at the cat’s introduction and turned his gaze to you again.

“Rukkha, right? Name's got an odd ring to it.” He smiled as he let your hand go.

“It’s the shorter version of it…It’s actually Rukkhadevata but it’s too long, right? so you can just call me Rukkha, it’s probably easier.” You rambled slightly in nervousness. Your lack of social skills were showing.

“Also please don’t take him calling me his “hench-human” seriously, he’s kidding.” You weren’t about to let him just demote you like that, it was genuinely not nice.

Ace just giggled at your explanation.

“So tell me, Ace. Is that lion with a scar in the eye a famous ruler too?” You looked at the statue in question with the same amount of curiosity. So even animals marked history in this world, huh? it didn’t surprise you considering Grim could talk.

“Of course! That's the King of Beasts who ruled the savanna.” A lion being the king of beasts? you thought it was very fitting.

“But he wasn't born into the throne - he had to earn it through hard work and elaborate schemes. When he became king, he decreed that the hyenas would be pariahs no more, and should live among his subjects as equals.” You had a feeling that those “schemes” he mentioned had a lot more to them.

A second born cannot inherit the throne unless something happened to the first born and their heirs, or if the ruler just chose based on meritocracy. You didn’t know the story so you wouldn’t assume things but…it just seemed to weird to you.

And if Grim thought it was weird too, he didn’t mention it. “Sounds like a great guy! Not everyone's able to look past social status like that.” He nodded his little head as if acknowledging and respecting the figure of the statue.

“And who's the lady with the octopus legs?” Oh! now that’s something you haven’t seen! as far as you knew Teyvat didn’t have people who were part aquatic creature. This world is shaping to be way more interesting than you thought.”

“The Sea Witch who lived in an underwater grotto. She basically devoted her life to helping troubled merfolk. If they were willing to pay the price, she'd help them change their appearance, find love, whatever!” This woman seemed really incredible…you’re pretty sure most of such problems depended on the person, it almost seemed too good to be true…

“They say she was so good, there was no wish she couldn't grant. They also say the price was a tad steep, though. But she was granting wishes! Of course it was!” And there it was, the price. You suppose it was fair considering not even archons in your world granted wishes for free.

“Myaha! So you're sayin' that once I'm a great mage, gettin' rich off folks will be a total cinch?!” That’s not what Ace said at all and you would rather not have Grim swindling people for a living.

“Grim that isn’t very nice….please don’t scam people when you become a great mage…” You hoped your words would reach him somehow, even if he just ignored you.

“Oh, oh! Do the dude with the big hat next!” The monster looked lik a kid in a candy store,at least that was cute.

“That's the Sorcerer of the Sands. He was an advisor to a total dolt of a sultan. He was asmart guy. Really capable sort. He exposed this swindler once - some guy pretending to be a prince in order to trick the princess! After that, he got this magic lamp and became the greatest sorcerer in the world.” Then, they say...... he used that power to become sultan

himself!”  What about the old sultan? again with these weird ascensions to royalty without explaining properly? this was already the second time…you hoped it was just your imagination or your habit of reading too much into things.

“Wow! Guess it's true that a mage needs to be an excellent judge of character, huh? And what about this beauty over here?” Indeed the woman was very pretty but she…somehow…looked dangerous? maybe you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover.

“She's a queen who was said to be the fairest in all the land. In fact, she used her magic mirror to check how she ranked on a daily basis! When it looked like her position was threatened, they say she'd do whatever it took to keep it.” Oh, Forget it…there’s no way someone who checked her beauty rank daily wasn’t dangerous…you shivered at the mention of her doing whatever it took.

“Can you even imagine the level of dedication it would require to keep a record like that?

Also, they say she was a master of making poisons!” Yep, there it is. What’s wrong with the historical figures of this place?

“Geez. She's pretty, but that sounds kinda scary.” You and Grim were in a row today, huh?

“You think so? I gotta respect the hustle!” Ace looked at the statue, his smile never leaving his face.

“Uh…i guess she knowing how to make poisons could be useful but…i can’t imagine her doing anything good with that…”

“F-for sure... Sounds like she fought hard for what she believed in, and never gave up!” You glanced at your roommate with visible confusion. How did he manage to get something good out of that?

“And the one there, with the flaming head? Now THAT guy looks scary!” Hm…you didn’t particularly think he looked scary, his flaming hair reminded you of how some people talked about Natlan’s archon. You’ve never seen her yourself, of course, however everyone who went to natlan all had multiple things to say and one of them were how her hability to turn her hair into flames was very cool.

“That's the King of the underworld! Single-handedly ruling a kingdom packed with rambunctious spirits - that takes competence! He may look scary, but he was a straight shooter who worked tirelessly at a tough job he never even asked for.I mean, this is the guy who was ordering Cerberus, the Hydra, and the Titans into battle for him.” Ace shrugged matter of factly.

You had no idea what he was talking about near the end, must be something related to the history of this planet. Still, underworld and spirits? a place where people’s souls go, you guessed.

“Hmm. That IS something. T'think he could have that much power and not let it go to his head! And that last one there, with the horns?” Grim pointed to the last figure and she looked very elegant, holding a staff of sorts.

“That's the Thorn Fairy who lived on a mythical mountain. She was noble and elegant, and a master of magic and curses - even by the standards of these seven! She commanded storms, covered the kingdom with thorns... She could use magic on a massive scale!

She could even turn herself into a giant dragon.”  A dragon?! now that sounded preposterous. Just how the magic in this world worked? it sounded crazier by the second.

“Ooh. a dragon! What all monsters yearn to be!” The cat’s eyes glimmered in admiration as he looked at the woman known as the “thorn fairy”

“Pretty cool, huh? Not like some piddling weasel.” Ace’s tone seemed to have suddenly changed to pure mocking.

You turned your head to look at him just to see if you actually heard right but of course you did. Just look at how big your ears are.

“Myah?!” Grim let out a yelp in shock.

“Pfft... Ah ha ha! I can't hold it back anymore! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Come on, you're the ones who turned orientation into such a fiasco, right?” He wiped tears off his eyes as he pointed at you two who could only stare at Ace dumbfounded.

Ok. Maybe you did crash a very important otherwordly ceremony but it wasn’t your fault! you got spirited away against your will, what were you supposed to do? be burned by a feline that can use pyro energy or just suffocate do death inside a coffin?

“The fae girl with unstable magic that got summoned to an all-boys school and the monster no one summoned at all. It took everything I had not to burst into laughter right in the middle of the ceremony!” Oh again with this unstable stuff? you’re never going to live that one down, are you?

Either way you still felt embarrassed and a bit guilty for what happened so your face burned in embarrassment against your will, which only fueled Ace’s sudden sadistic behavior.

“I-it’s not! listen! i said i was sorry to the headmage and we’re all good, ok?!” You conveyed 0 credibility, no one would believe that.

“H-hey! You don't gotta be a jerk about it!” Your roommate seemed taken aback too, you guessed he didn’t feel good about that whole mess as well.

“So in the end, neither of you got admitted, and now you're janitors? Ah ha ha! SO lame!” This was starting to get out of hand and going past the limits of what’s acceptable, just WHY were people here so mean?

“Can you stop being mean? we didn’t do anything to you! we have an agreement with Crowley so…if…if you’re unhappy then just talk to him instead!” You said fighting against the desire to dig a hole and crawl into it.

The boy’s smirk still refused to leave his face, it seemed like he enjoyed torturing you both. He wouldn’t let you know he thought your distressed expression was cute though, or that you were cute, yep, no.

“What did you just call me?!” Grim’s fur stood on it’s end as he hissed at Ace.

Uh-oh….seems like he didn’t enjoy being called a janitor even if that’s essentially what you two were…

“Seriously you're both so clueless you don't even know who the Great Seven are. Not a one of them! Maybe before you try getting into the academy again, you ought to take a second crack at kindergarten? Ah ha ha ha ha!” Oh c’mon, you weren’t even from this world how would you know?

Still all this just wasn’t worth it and you and Grim had a job to do so you just calmed down and walked to the middle so you could stand in between Ace and your very very angry roommate, trying to mediate and possibly avoid conflict.

“Listen, Ace…there’s no need to talk to us like that. We’re sorry and repenting about the ceremony so just get to class before you get late.” You tried to sound like the bigger person and do the right thing but the way you talked ticked the ginger boy slightly.

“Huh? who do you think you are nagging me like that? my mom? Anyway, just thought I'd tease you a bit. And man am I glad I did. It's been a blast! Unlike you, I actually have classes to get to, so I'll let you get back to picking up trash. Bye!” He totally didn’t decide to go to class cause a cute girl told him to, nah, he would never admit that.

He should ask you for your number sometime.

“Myuh-uh! You ain't walkin' away from me! It's too late for that! Myaaaaah!” There’s no way this is happening. 

Without even thinking about consequences Grim shot a fireball at Ace who miraculously dodged.

“GRIM!? You’ll hurt him! don’t do that! didn’t you hear him saying he was leaving?!”

You were trying your best to fix this situation and this cat STILL wanted to fight despite the main instigator preparing to leave. Just what were you telling Crowley? needless to say you were losing your mind.

“No one makes fun of Grim, Master of Fire! I'm gonna make that explodey-head of yours explode all over again!” He stomped his little feet on the ground as if trying to show the world how pissed off he was.

“Oh archons! let’s all just…calm down!” You tried to scoop up the cat only for him to swat his claws in your direction as a warning to stay out of it.

“Explodey-head?! You wanna throw down with me, shorty? You got some guts.” Ace got up from the spot he had to jump in order to dodge the fireball of earlier and took some kind of…pen out of his pocket— “You wanna talk hair, huh? I'm gonna shave you like a toy poodle!” The jewel on the “pen” glowed a bright red as the wind suddenly started picking up, easily blowing the cat away.

It seems like you really couldn’t stop this anymore.

You then immediately made the same motion of a square with your fingers so you could “mark” him. Basically all you needed was to use him as a tether to materialize something that could only be described as a rope made out of dendro energy and pulled him back to you before he went flying to god knows where.

You were about to catch him in your arms when he just spun his body mid-air and fell on his feet.

Of course…he’s a cat after all, he would’ve been fine….

You yourself wonder what goes through your head when making stupid decisions like these.

“You can’t use wind to blow away my fire balls you coward!” Of course he didn’t even thank you, classic Grim.

What's going on over there? A fight?!

Oh, sweet! Get 'em!

Dude dude, record it! post it on magicam!

Now there were people watching and cheering for the fight to continue, this really couldn’t get any worse.

“Can you two please calm down?! you’ll get hurt at this rate!” You made the rope disappear as you begged the two to stop it before it escalated any further.

“Awww... Can't hit me with your little fireballs?” Ace taunted and you swore you could see steam coming out of Grim’s already on fire ears.

“Grrr... You better believe I'm about to!” And then hell broke loose yet again it was an unending barrage of fireballs against wind currents that were just as strong.

You were seriously getting angry.

When you were about to put both of them inside one of your very own signature dendro “cages” a particular heavy wind gust sent a fireball to your way. At that you immediately put up a barrier but that was just an even worse mistake.

The fireball bounced off your dendro wall and ended up hitting the statue of the queen of hearts.

Oh.

My.

Archons.

You were absolutely cooked.

All three of you stood there watching in horror at how charred a literal statue made to honor a historical figure now looked. It was almost like it was left inside some burning museum and was barely took out of there in time.

“Oh no! Now the Queen of Hearts's statue looks like it's been flame-broiled!” The ginger boy screamed in despair as he looked at the result of his short temper.

“That's your fault for tryin' to divert it! You shoulda just let it burn you to a crisp!” Grim growled at his enemy with enough bark to put a dog to shame despite being a cat.

“And who in their right mind would ever do that you dumbass?!” The other boy said incredulously.

“What is going on here? Cease this at once!” Aaaaaaaand there he is! the voice of the person you wanted to see the least right now.

God you felt like you were going to cry.

Unfortunately you felt like you were frozen in place as you stared at the burnt face of that queen, you could barely hear Crowley grilling the two boys behind you.

All you could think about was how you literally caused so much trouble and disgraced yourself in front of a figure of authority, again.

You just couldn’t do anything right, huh? 

This is why you weren’t needed.

She wouldn’t have let this happen, she would’ve managed to calm both of them down with her immense carisma and elegant aura. 

As expect of the Lesser Lord.

That’s all you’ll ever be.

A hand on your shoulder broke your trance.

You looked back to see who it belonged to.

“Did I not just warn you, ‘no more incidents’ ”

You could only whisper a meek “I’m sorry” before being guided away from the commotion followed by the other two main reasons of this tragedy.

You really can’t catch a break.

⟥────────✤────────────────────⟤

What if you were writing, literally locked in and god said:

“Illness be upon ye” ?

Yes i’ve been bedridden with fever since fucking saturday, what a nightmare.

Also thank you all very much for all the compliments on this mess asjfasdhgsakj

it makes me happy it’s interesting to yall.

Final part coming soon!

Taglist: @coffee-or-hot-cocoa , @m-majoko , @ghostlysyntaxed , @justanormiewhoreads

[butchboyvi]

song lyrics that remind me of vi and her story 🥊

i wanted to include song that i think could depict her emotions, especially her pitfighter arc in s2. most of these are indie rock/alt rock/post rock songs + some ambient folk, all with very gritty and emotional lyrics. i tried to think of songs that could encapsulate the feeling of despair and loneliness shown in the “nothing to lose” clip with my own personal twist i guess. also i had in mind the latest christian linke interview, where he said that we're going to see a very different version of caitlynn, stripped down of her optimism and hopefulness, and that vi is not going to recognize her anymore, and everything that this is going to entail in their relationship.

shadowboxing - julien baker

i know you were trying to help / but you're only making it worse / tell me that i shouldn't blame myself / but you can't even imagine how badly it hurts / just to think sometimes / how i think almost all the time

so break me down / fold it over your arms / like an unloaded shotgun / dismantled and harmless / even you couldn't manage to pull / the fuse from the back of my head

work out - rainbow kitten surprise

well, there's two sides to a fair fight / and you're the third man out / i was hopeful with a slow hand / and i got gunned down / well you asked me if i could grow up / but i don't know why / for i don't know much, i'm a palm frond / dying on a front porch

sour breath - julien baker

but i shouldn't have built a house in the middle of your chest / plywood boards joined at your breast / splinter in my arm where you rest your head / checking my watch till you come to bed

kiss me goodnight with your sour breath / breaks on my face like a wave of emptiness / and when i talk just taste regret / you're everything i want and i'm all you dread

ringside - julien baker

beat myself until i'm bloody / and i’ll give you a ringside seat / you say that it's embarrassing / i’m sorry that you had to see me like that

so you could either watch me drown / or try to save me while i drag you down / want to fix it but i don't know how

bloodshot - julien baker

middle of the night, all i can see are stars / pulled 'em from my eyes and your ex-lover's arms / throw hook after hook, and if i were you / after all that i did, i'd have done it to me, too

isn't like i did it on purpose / i just forget the second i learned it / everything i get, i deserve / you whisper to me, "don't you like it when it hurts?"

lefty - title fight

bad luck never leaves / your jinx just floats around / like the taste inside your mouth / or the sound when your skull cracks / feel the growing pains / it means you're growing up too fast

sleeping with the lights on - searows

we've been watching different movies / and i've been talking to myself / i’d like to think that you knew me / better than anybody else

i know you're probably standing there / wishing that i wasn't here / you know i'd follow you anywhere / so, do you honestly believe that i would let you disappear?

appointments - julien baker

i think if i ruin this / that i know i can live with it / nothing turns out like i pictured it / maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvases / i think if i fail again / that i know you're still listening / maybe it's all gonna turn out alright

good news - julien baker

in the thin air, my ribs creak / like wooden dining chairs when you see me / always scared that every situation ends the same / with a blank stare / me and the tap water circling the sink drain

callous - sasami

i know it's not your fault / you were born with a spoon in your throat / and a gun in your hand and a plan for yourself / i'm not grieving / it's just a matter of time and a matter of what / and you've known since birth what you like / and i'm happy for you until my face is blue

perfecto miserable - king krule

i guess i have to go / and in my silence / it's so menacing / and when i'm left alone / it's so damaging / and in this violence / the walls cave-in / i'm not able to escape it all

cold love - rainbow kitten surprise

chained to a lie, we're the same you and i, we're the same / not the same we hurt differently, but consistent in our pain / equal and equidistant in the way we laugh / to lay bear the weight of our cold love affair / recalling the days where we were, we weren't, we were

putting the dog to sleep - the antlers

unstitch that shit i've sewn / to close up the hole that tore through my skin / well, my trust in you is a dog with a broken leg / tendons too torn to beg for you to let me back in

black dog - arlo parks

i'd lick the grief right off your lips / sometimes it seems like you won't survive this / and honestly it's terrifying

famous last words - ethel cain

my lips are still burnt from kissing your face / and feverish forehead, the blood that you waste / i'm tired of this, watching it wash out of you

cementality - king krule

enter my bed through that window / i hit zero / as guiltless loveless sins flow / through me, you threw me / i descend smoothly / my concrete bed beckons / can you hear me?

out getting ribs - king krule

and lay me out across the grey / hours i should have kept at bay / well i had no chance to get away / i can't escape my own escape / even more when it's sweet to the taste / red stairs lead sense astray / i look up and seek for faith

is it really you? - loathe

face away / deal with the pain / your own way / how could they deal with the pain? / i knew / that it was mine too / and you? / is it really you?

baldpate driver - fleshwater

and a year goes by / just as silent as a tear on a face you hide / keep chasing heaven / i'm begging for the ending

nightmares - newdad

i wish you were everything i hate in the world / not the best person in it / don't want to love 'cause then i'll misbehave / don't want to think of you and feel safe / don't want to drown if there's another way / so at the end of the day / i hope you're in my nightmares / 'cause to dream of you is unfair

to rage - daughter

i left the room destroyed / oh, you know me in more ways than that / i split the walls for warmth, i shook your town / i smashed the floors / to rage, my love, back then / well, someone had to

i'd never loved a living thing so much / i was not equipped to just / sit and watch you quit on us

[mylittleredgirl]

the new laptops they gave us for work are so mildly annoying in every possible way, but none of those individual things is bad or consistent enough to get an IT fix, because most of them fix with restart and aren’t replicable and you can’t just put in a ticket that says “it sucks.” but all together it’s making me want to go on a sabbatical in the hard vacuum of deep space until it’s time for the next model upgrade

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

[rosicheeks]

🙃

[void-tiger]

Trying to keep a lid on it but. Yeah. Literally don’t know what’s it like to NOT be platonically neglected IRL my whole damn life, only that I know this One Person doesn’t deserve to be at the epicenter of it anymore than I deserved to have been at the epicenter of theirs a year ago now.

…why am I like this. Why are we like this.

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured

[camgoloud]

today. i have experienced the HORRORS (opened laptop for morning meeting while seated between boss and coworker; was greeted with ao3 page i forgot to close last night)

[crybaby-bkg]

anzai from devils line fic WHEN………

I’ve been writing so much about the Blond™️ that I haven’t taken the time to branch off and write for different fandoms again!!! I did it the summer of ‘21 and it was a nice break from exclusively writing for bnha and I wanna do it again

writing for pretty dead fandoms is a little suckish bc you don’t get as much interaction bc……no one is there lmfao but it’s worth it getting the thoughts down and having someone tell me that they’re glad they found that very obscure idea for an unpopular character lol

[baycitystygian]

y’all I am going absolutely feral. I’ve been glued to this one show lately and it’s a 90’s sitcom called Caroline In The City and it’s driving me crazy. I love it. I love the characters (except Charlie but he doesn’t get a super huge amount of screen time so like. whatever) and the main ship is just so fucking GOOD and the writers are dragging this out so bad. literally giving me ship blueballs and I hate thisssssssss just let them be happy already 😭

[casandraspoems]

How is it that I’ve gotten better

But it made me worse?

Reduced anxiety

Made me unreliable

Always late and under performs

Still anxious

But not enough to try

Why is it I can’t seem to change?

Not in the ways that matter

Perpetually stuck at step one

Problem identified, now what?

Who am I to think

That I could be better?

As if waiting around

Would change me as a person

What am I supposed to be doing?

Where do I begin?

[doublesidedgemini]

Part of the reason I started crying more was bc I was trying to plan a hang out with my bf but he texted me back and said he has to do this and that and this today

And then he sent another text and said I can text him when I’m ready and he’ll let me know what he’s up to and then I can decide if I want to come over

Yesterday he said something similar, “I’m welcome to come over if i want…”

At least today he texted me that he’s sorry he’s been so short on time BUT then he followed it up with “but I HAVE to do these things”

Which like I get it he’s extremely busy rn. But I texted him at the beginning of the weekend I had a lot of work to do as well if he wanted to be work buddies this weekend — didn’t acknowledge that. Then never texted me beforehand trying to set up time for us to work together, it’s always been a “I’m doing xyz and you can tag along if you want”

I told him he can just do what he needs to do today, which is what I told him yesterday. I haven’t seen him since last Saturday. This is the first week since we’ve started dating where I haven’t seen him and it feels really terribly bad :(

[s-cullayy]

Honestly my manager should be allowed to put on his resume that his staff volunteers to give up off days to help him out because I would not do this for just anyone

[abandonmutt]

.

[theglamorousferal]

Immortal Everlasting Trio who have been exploring the Infinite Realms for the last few centuries. The three of them are flying, braiding their paths as they make their way through the Realms.

“How do you think Ellie is doing in her current incarnation?” Nightshade asks of her partners,

“Hmm probably well, she was exploring the galaxy this time right? I could always check?” Pharaoh responds, a keyboard made of sandstone appears at his fingertips.

“She feels content.” Said Phantom, soothing the worries of the other two. The stars that are freckles on his face brighten with the comment.

They swirl around each other in lazy patterns, unknowing of the passage of time, when Phantom feels a tug at his core. The trio circle up, his partners noticing the shift in mood.

“I don’t recognize this one.” He mutters to himself, placing a hand on the center of his chest. “It’s none of the family, but it is a bit familiar.” He furrowed his brow, trying to trace the sensation to its source. He closed his eyes and felt the pull of magic. “It doesn’t feel malicious, there’s desperation and curiosity for sure, but I feel no ill intent.” He thought for a moment. “I’m going to follow it. I want to know why this feels familiar”

Nightshade formed a purple bloom and tucked it behind one of his ears and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Be safe.”

Pharaoh gently took his hand and kissed it, bestowing a glass bangle to his wrist. “Don’t make stupid decisions,” he smirked, “without us.”

Phantom laughed and in a flash of bright white light he was gone.

* * *

With a flash of light so bright it temporarily blinded, Phantom appeared in a summoning circle. The room he now occupied was large, a massive sofa made up a good portion of the room and there was a kitchen off to the side. Turning around, there was a large screen with even larger windows behind it. He turned back and now saw the people in the room.

One was green with a unitard on, one was sitting criss cross in front of some candles, a book and a small cauldron, one was floating and had a mass of bright pink hair, one was a cyborg of some kind and stood at the ready with a cannon for an arm and the last was shielding his eyes with a black cape.

“Who summons me?” Phantom asked in a far quieter tone than the teens apparently expected.

The one who appeared to have done the ritual stood and spoke first. “Mighty Phantom, we seek your assistance in dealing with a massive threat to our world. The demon Trigon looks to the Earth as his next conquest.” They took a breath and looked down. “He intends to use my power to do it, and I do not have the strength to stop him.”

Phantom settled his feet on the ground and placed a hand on their shoulder. “Peace young one. Why don’t we start with introductions? As you know, I am Phantom, he/him, now who has managed to summon me?”

“I am Raven, she/her, the rest here are my team the Teen Titans.” She turned to her team, they all seemed shocked. “I apologize for them, usually they take things in stride a lot easier. This is Beast Boy, he/him, Starfire she/her, Cyborg, he/him, and Robin, he/him.”

“Hmm, may I see the text you used to summon me?” He gestured to the book on the floor. “I was not aware of anything that could summon me in this realm. It is familiar to me though, I can’t place why.”

Raven raised the book into his hand. He leafed through it humming to himself before stopping on a photo of a note that looked familiar. He smiled to himself, remembering the time a century ago to him that himself and his partners helped a small civilization and they left a way for the leader to contact them if they needed help. He skimmed the next few paragraphs and then laughed and closed the book.

“I’ll help. In fact, my partners and I will help. It’s been a long while since we were in a mortal realm. I will return in a week’s time your time to discuss what we need to do. This will work to summon us if we forget or if your danger arrives early.” He magicked a paper with a seal on it and handed it to her. “I must discuss with my partners and will do research on this Trigon. Thank you for calling us, we’ve been aimless for too many decades. Have a good night.” He vanished in another flash of light.

* * *

Phantom appeared in a flash of light cackling as he tumbled across the chess board his partners were playing on, scattering the flowers and sandstone pieces across the green sky.

“Beloved you know not to do that,” Nightshade gathered the giggling king into her lap, Pharaoh moving to lean against her shoulder and push the hair from the eyes of Phantom, “but what has you laughing so?”

Phantom mimed wiping a tear from his eye. “Remember that civilization we helped out a century ago? Well apparently a few hundred years have passed in that world and the people we helped revered us as gods. A sorceress summoned us for help defeating a demon. They were so cute, little teenage heroes like we once were.” He sighed and settled into the arms of his lovers. “Have either of you heard of Trigon?”