#is creeping back into my life again
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How is it that I’ve gotten better
But it made me worse?
Reduced anxiety
Made me unreliable
Always late and under performs
Still anxious
But not enough to try
Why is it I can’t seem to change?
Not in the ways that matter
Perpetually stuck at step one
Problem identified, now what?
Who am I to think
That I could be better?
As if waiting around
Would change me as a person
What am I supposed to be doing?
Where do I begin?
#I’ve been frustrated with my self as a person lately#recognizing all these problems but also not putting in the effort to change#i’ve been struggling at work to perform simple tasks#and it’s honestly partly related to the fact that I am just not trying#I have enough self-awareness to recognize it and all it really does. It’s just make me hate myself.#I keep thinking that if I wait around long enough I’ll snap out of it and start putting an effort to change#i’m also falling back into old habits#self h@rm#is creeping back into my life again#and it feel both unwelcome but also so missed#I want to change but idk how#original poetry#poets of tumblr#poem#spilled ink
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#i asked the universe to ~show me how things get better because im LONELLYYYY and desperate but damn not that desperate#ma’am why was it the office creep and the 45+ yr old bald zi*nist that you dragged back into my life to text me again💀#one i could block the other is a bit hard to ignore if you share the same space with each other#ENOUGH universe sit down?????
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#it's been literally 7 years since my last post#so an old meme is only fitting#my life has again spiraled to the point of me rediscovering this torturous game#i'm sure there will only be like 2 people who will ever see this#1 of them being me#not only do few people still use tumblr#but even fewer are still active fans of mm#i can't imagine i have any active followers...#but i figured i should say something before i start up again#to commemorate my fall from grace back into the rabbithole#it's also seemingly impossible to find the content i want with tumblr's new search system#maybe it's old by now but it's new to me#looks like i have tons of old posts in my drafts tho so maybe i'll post some of those later#i should probably change my theme and icon but i'm too lazy for that rn#if this post does happen to grace another's eyes#feel free to unfollow#i understand not wanting unhinged nostalgia cluttering your dashboard#personal#ALSO#i was absolutely delighted to find out they not only created a v route#but one for saeran too#i am now too old for the latter#but i'm pretending he's at least 25 so i can play his route and not feel like the biggest creep on the planet#wild to think the eldest characters would now be 35...
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is there a single character that Charlie slimesicle has created that doesn't have some sort of chronic pain? and/or body horror? mostly both.
#like mixed with the h#body horror#its just like there#whether its throught extensive scars#an angle constantly riping through you#having to walk around in ur decayig corpse#(or my hc tht post coming back to life again tht joint pain from rigamortis)#even little chase creep being a little bone monster#and i could go on about his minecraft#characters#and their involved of body horror and pain#charlie slimecicle#jrwi#scu#dsmp#qsmp#slimecicle#jrwi riptide#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi apotheosis
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favorite tidbit in haikyuu is that kuroo is objectively really smart yet when he's with bokuto he loses every braincell he has and like. is probably still not too stupid but he sure acts like it
#me with my wife also#guys i'm sensing hq creeping back into my life soon so fair warning there#i don't think the universe is prepared for me having a kuroo shift again. who knows maybe it'll be good for my psyche tho
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#life has changed a lot in the last 2 years for me#pretty much all for the better#but I still worry sometimes that one of the awful things that happened to me or my partner#will come back and hurt us again somehow.#I’m past it but sometimes it creeps back into my dreams.
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what if I wss emo instead 🤔
#Egg.txt#Sorry im going to my graduation bc they actually let me defer it#But I realise again why I felt like I shouldn't go man#It's always just so depressing going to ''leavers'' celebrations and everyone's crying and reminiscing on the good times with their loved#ones and you just rotted and never managed to make friends and just wasted your life or something ehrrmmmmm#sorry LOL this happens every time I should have felt it coming 😭 but it's so weird being back inmy uni town and just feeling like God....#What did I even do for 3 years here and cryingggg bc you're just soo bad at connecting with anybody and you have always been no matter how#many chances you get and blah blah there's not even any comfort in it just#empty platitudes of ppl saying wowee you'll find the right place some day like no man I'm a fucking creep I'm a weirdo FOREVER#like God im just a fucking loser to the correeee
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#excuse the upcoming midnight ramble#but man am i awful at socializing...#i messaged an old friend the other day (a highschool friend i haven't talked to in 7 years ✌🏻)#and we had like a 5 message exchange and that's it cause i'm so bad at keeping conversations going#and like she's not dping very well mentally right now so she's not in the mood to keep the convo energy up#and i want to be nice and helpful but i have no right to ask details about her life (i haven't seen her in 7 years)#we're strangers again and i feel like such a creep trying to force myself into her life again#it's been a week since this and I really want to talk to her again but I don't know if i should?#like she was nice to me and said my message cheered her up and that it was nice that k thought of her#but idk of that was like a ''aw cute now let me go back to my life and you go back to yours''#or like a ''aw cute we should rekindle our friendship and just be like we used to''#and i don't want to assume the latter cause that's just creepy but i also don't want to never message her again?#idk if i should push her a bit or like wait until she's feeling better and try again?#i also feel like super selfish cause i'm treating the situation like ''i want a friend and i chose this one idc what she feels or thinks''#and she's not an object just there to be my friend only because i feel lonely?#like it's not her job?#i hate this idk what i can or can't do or what is creepy and what's nice#i hate socializing#angel talks#personal
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me when wanna draw, but no inspo or motivation
#I’m slowly creeping back into the cute cursed emoji phase again. Lord help me#Actually nvm he hasn’t helped me my whole life LMAO#“Wants to draw but no motivation” which is it?!#Onyx rants⭐️
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holy FUCKING shit I just watched the opening for alan wake II unparalleled genius show stopping jaw dropping visceral DELIGHT, I grimaced, I am enticed, I cannot WAIT
#life is worth living again i am having a fucking BLAST#oh my god i love video games. holy shit. the fucking 'GODDAMN' i just said aloud at that title shot#what game recently has had such vision for what it wants to be!!!!!#AND THE SLOW CREEP OF HORROR AND TRAGEDY ONCE AGAIN COMING IN!!!!! YEAH BABY WE ARE BACK
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btw ever since i watched creep and creep 2 watching movies has not been the same anymore
#i wish i could go back and watch them again for the first time#a whole life experience#it changed my brain chemistry#mark duplass#creep#creep 2#duplass#horror#journal#my journal
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can you get burnout from doing nothing
#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on#unless it was caused by trying to socialise online#which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯#<- along with various other surrounding emojis#i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think#but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like#lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on#and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah#and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk#so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational#basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't#close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in#it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go#and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol#but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again#and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you#pretty much like that#at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking#but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life#also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like#cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those#idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just#forgettable or something#i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable#but also i'm impatient lol#again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3#but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self#i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life#i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good#ramble
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I! Fucking! Hate! Uni!
#we’re a week in and I’m already done. I’m so tired#thank god I’m taking next semester off. Work sucks too but at least it doesn’t have homework#I really gotta look into getting a therapist again. maybe to work on getting whatever the fucking is going on with me diagnosed#but also just so I can at least try to work on the sort of. all consuming hopelessness that comes with being a college student#it just sucks. Like I didn’t feel great during the summer either but at least I had my best friend and the sun and some free time#now it’s. fuck all. all day every day is school#my room is a mess. I don’t have the time or energy to clean it#im lonely bc im always lonely#legit the only thing getting me through rn is my gf hyperfixation and that’s not gonna last forever#thinking about ford 24/7 can only be effective for so long before the bad thoughts start creeping back in#it just sucks. I hate being depressed. I hate that I can’t tell if it’s all school’s fault either. Am I just gonna be like this forever?#fuck this stupid baka life or whatever
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so very hungry
#when i get back to city im gonna get a job#im really gonna try working out#i was shameless for a while there. or at least i felt the most shame free of my life. i think i kinda took it for granted and slowly but#surely shame made its way back in and i let it. i don't wanna do that anymore. i don't wanna cower and creep and get comfy in my coffin.#i wanna feel that lightness again#i wanna be bold and i wanna be brave and i wanna try like i have nothing to lose. because i don't.#💫
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#not to be all suicidal ideation#but it rlly creeps back when I forget it for a bit#I don’t have sadness or tantrum like waaah I’m going to do this and then you’ll see#it’s more like. I should be allowed to just die#my life has felt like a waste and I think if I keep being alive it will continue being a waste my whole life#so many years for no reason#and I feel so calm and nice when I think of my death#it could be so good and I just picture all the benefits of me being not here anymore#I don’t think it’s a matter of me finding a point in life again#I rlly think there is no point to me at all#I have so many intentions and ideas but I literally won’t end up accomplishing them#even for basic tasks#and I feel so positively and calmly about my death#I just want it to happen and I think it will be fine and maybe feel good
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✧ ⁺˳ cw. fem! reader, unprotected, praise, established relationship, whiny nanami, cowgirl, mdni.
nanami loses his mind whenever his dick slips out of you.
thin blond strands of hair stick to his forehead as he stares at you. “sweetheart,” he almost pouts, hearing nothing but white noise in his ears as you’re jerking your body up and down against him. you felt so good, the warmth you always provided for him made him fall more and more in love. your saturated grip was merely addicting. he was quite literally drowning in your cunt. he found himself licking his lips, tossing his head back in bliss with a beefy arm clinging onto the rickety headboard. nanami uses his free hand to hold onto your waist, padded calloused thumbs brushing up and down your waist. “ugh, you do it s- so well, ride me so good,” and his words were like a broken record, a broken whisper. despite its raspiness, you could still hear the neediness lingering underneath. he looked so pretty, glossed up with tears of damp sweat. nanami’s mahongy blown irises rolling back before a low grunt pours from his lips.
“kento, ‘m close,” and as those sweet three words left your quivering spit-glossed lips, you let off a pitchy loud moan. your knees dig themselves deep into his thighs. as you vigorously rock further against his lap, it happens. he’s got a hand attaches to your waist only for his cock to abruptly slip itself out of your slippery cunt mid thrust and you could hear a tiny gasp leave his lips.
“o- oh fuck,” he groans, blinking twice. his entire palm creeps up against your ass as he pants. even the way he swore sounded angelic. the squelching pop sound that created from the sloppy action of your hips makes his ears ring. nanami buries his face into the forbidden crook of your neck in sheer embarrassment, wrapping a few thick fingers over his veiny length. “let me put it back in, s- sweetheart. stay still . . please.”
there was so much entreating beg in his voice, he felt the furrowing curl of his eyebrows compress together before he sprawls your thighs apart further with a single hand.
“okay,” you hum, feeling a breeze of wind rip straight out of your lungs. you’ve lost track of how many hours it’s been, riding him until he was a dumb pussy drunken mess. nanami felt his cock twitch at any and every word escaped from your lips. he could listen to your voice all day and never grow tired. your voice was his own favorite song to listen to on loop. “put it back in, ‘ken.”
“anything for you, my love,” he huffs, broad arms wrapping around your torso. he held you close, never wanting to let go.
the parching hot temperature of your own body radiates against him - your chest, it presses up onto his own and he practically feels himself melting from your balmy heat.
“s- so soaked for me.” he points out with half-lidded eyes and a flushed face, preparing to re-align himself. nanami finds himself gawking at just how wet you were, creating a sheeny trail of your heat all on his lap. it made his mouth water at the thought of him licking it right up. he never minded to be messy — especially for you.
anytime you let him go inside, he makes it his entire life goal to make sure you feel good.
you let off a whimper, skimming a few trembly fingers down his faded undercut as he’s going back inside. you can hear his irregular pants as he’s smearing his damp cockhead against your entrance. nanami stares down, practically about to cum just from going back in.
with ease, you suck him in slowly and that moment was gonna always be embedded into his brain. you always swallowed him in so good. his girth, it stretches you open right away and your pussy greets him yet again with another greeting welcome. “k- kento, fuuuck.”
“i know, i know,” he pants, maneuvering soothing circles around your back with a clammy palm. you still had your knees dug into his thighs, making a cute attempt to start moving again. both bodies so close, perspiring with sweat that you start to stick and glue against him. with his sculpted jaw tightening, nanami can’t help but give the left cheek of your ass a nice squeeze. “oh, sweetheart. ‘m not gonna last if you keep— keep clamping down on me like t- this, fuck.”
as he’s fully inside again and his eyes salaciously roll way back, the powerful jerk of your hips starts to accelerate again and he’s already dumb.
dumb from your sweet, sweet cunt - his true enemy, you had him whipped.
there’s already a milky white ring coating around his thickset base. each time you jolt up from his lap only to slam back down, you hear the squelches of your own slippery cunt.
it’s messy, he’s messy. only for you though.
nanami feels the warm palm of your hands playfully shove him back against the fluffed pillows that’s directly behind him. “ah,” he lands back with a sheepish expression, gentle umber colored eyes flickering at your grinding body. “w- what’s this?”
“lie back, ken,” you murmur to him, feeling the fat tip of his cock repeatedly kiss up against your most sweetest spots. it took everything in you for your thighs - for your legs to not collapse right then and there. you see more teary beads of sweat race down the sides of his forehead as he clings onto your unstable waist. “there . . good,” you purr to him, sliding a hand up his abs, a finger ghosting down his chiseled v-line and further back down toward his visible blond happy trail. “good boy.”
he swallows — a soft noise leaving out of him. nanami felt his cock twitch again, and this time, you felt it too. “s- say it again,” he pleads, his voice gruff yet still needy. you steady your hips, creating more haste before pressing a kiss into his neck. “c- call me that again, sweetheart.”
“good boy, kento,” you repeat in a whisper, realizing that he actually got off to your praises. he melts again, this time at your words. the bed creaks and grates in rapture, sweaty bodies mirroring springy movements in sync before he abruptly sinks his face into your chest.
“praise me more,” he utters hoarsely, and you let off a soft moan as he shifts himself underneath you.
you’re still bouncing on him, hearing the groaning springs of the bed sing out a lewd tune of its own and your back arches. as you felt brief bittersweet pangs near the undersides of your thighs spread like wildfire, he whines.
“mhh,” and within seconds, you feel the wet tip of nanami’s tongue lick a long stripe down the valley of your chest. pretty lashes of his flutter shut before he holds your hips in firm place. as you stare down, his twitching thickset cock still concealed deep within your walls, he pouts one more time, squished face tuck right between your chest.
“please. praise me again, my love. pretty please.”
#★vegasbaby.#nanami x reader#nanami smut#nanami kento smut#nanami x y/n#nanami x you#kento nanami x reader#nanami kento#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x reader smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk drabbles#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#anime smut#female reader#jjk#divider: animatedglittergraphics-n-more
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