#i try not to complain too much but im just so unhappy

[napping-sapphic]

honestly pretty sure that if even one more man winks or gives me that creepy deliberate up and down Look™️ at work i might just start crying on the spot

[munch-mumbles]

see my problem is i need to be more vocal so people can get to know me better and maybe actually want to befriend me but i also need to stop talking so much so i dont irritate people and make them want to avoid me

[bunnihearted]

.

[crowfeathers]

help Lol

[libingan]

—escapism.

cw: cheating, age gaps, ooc simon because this was kind of rushed sorry babes, erm ig emotional neglect ??? idk how to tag warnings JSJDWJSJW

a/n: not my best work, but like, im having writer’s block rn so i just wrote the first thing that came to mind because i feel like i need to post something for yall HAAHAHAHAHA

as always, part two depends on how much this fic eats

you could feel the tension crackling in the air as you and your boyfriend faced off in your cramped living room. the argument had started small—another forgotten dinner, a dismissive comment—but it quickly escalated into a full-blown fight. his words were sharp, and his eyes, once warm, were cold and distant.

“you never fucking listen!” you yelled, your voice raw with frustration. “i’ve been trying to get you to notice me for months, but you’re always too busy with your own shit!”

he scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. “i’m tired of your whining. what do you want me to do, huh? i work hard and all you do is complain!”

“i want you to care!” you snapped back, feeling the sting of betrayal. “i want you to actually touch me, to know what i need, not just what you think you know!”

he threw his hands up in exasperation, his face hardening. “fine! if you’re so unhappy, maybe you should just leave!”

his words cut deeper than any physical blow could have. you felt a surge of anger and hurt. “maybe i fucking will!” you shouted, grabbing your coat and storming out, the door slamming behind you with a deafening bang. the sound echoed in the empty hallway as you rushed to your own place.

in the dimly lit sanctuary of your apartment, you stared at yourself in the mirror, your reflection a mixture of rage and sadness. determined to reclaim some control over your life, you pulled out your most daring outfit—something that made you feel powerful and fierce. the tight, low-cut dress hugged your curves, and the bold makeup accentuated your defiance.

you headed to a bar, a place where anonymity and distraction offered some solace. the bar was loud and crowded, but you walked in with a purposeful stride. you ordered a strong drink and let the warmth of the alcohol begin to soothe your frayed nerves. it wasn’t long before you felt the eyes of others on you, their gazes filled with various levels of interest.

that’s when you noticed him—the man staring right at you. he was seated alone at the far end of the bar, his rugged features partially obscured by a black surgical mask. despite the mask, there was something compelling about him. he seemed a lot older, but his presence was commanding and intriguing. his gaze was intense, even if you couldn’t see his expressions clearly.

you found yourself drawn to him, not just by his looks but by the way he seemed to command the space around him. you hesitated for a moment, then made your way over, the alcohol giving you just enough courage.

the man looked up from his drink as you approached, his gaze piercing yet inviting. “evening,” he greeted, his voice a gravelly whisper that sent a shiver down your spine. "rough night?"

you signal the bartender to bring you another shot before turning to the man, an exhausted expression plastered onto your face. "you have no idea."

the bartender arrived with your drink, setting it down in front of you. before he could leave, the man next to you gestured to him with a firm yet polite command. "put the lady's drink on my tab," he said, his voice carrying a hint of mystery. a slight smile played on his lips as he glanced at you, his eyes intense and unreadable. the bartender nodded and moved on, leaving you feeling a mix of surprise and curiosity about this intriguing stranger.

"simon riley," he introduced himself with a nod. you offered your name in return, extending your hand for a handshake. he gladly took it, lifting his mask just enough to expose his lips before planting a gentle kiss on the back of your hand.

"i have a boyfriend," you stated. simon chuckled in response, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "not a very good one if you're out here, no?"

you hesitated for a moment, but simon's easy confidence made it hard to stay reserved. as the conversation flowed, you found yourself laughing and sharing stories, your initial wariness melting away. there was an undeniable chemistry between you, a connection that felt natural and effortless.

simon had a way of making you feel seen and heard, his attention unwavering as he listened to you speak. he shared glimpses of his own life, his stories filled with adventure and depth. with each passing moment, you felt more alive, the weight of your earlier frustrations lifting.

you couldn't remember the last time you felt this way with your boyfriend. the spark, the excitement, the genuine interest—it had all been missing for so long. being with simon reminded you of what it felt like to be truly connected with someone, to feel that electric thrill of mutual attraction.

as the evening wore on and the alcohol worked its magic, you found yourself relaxing. after a few more drinks, the liquid courage made you more open. simon’s patient listening and calming presence encouraged you to open up.

as the night deepened and the bar's ambiance grew more intimate, you found yourself opening up to simon in a way you hadn't with anyone in a long time.

"my boyfriend... he's been so emotionally distant lately," you admitted, swirling your drink as you gathered your thoughts. "he's not as loving as he used to be. it's like he's more focused on his own world, and i'm just an afterthought."

simon listened intently, his eyes never leaving yours. "that sounds tough," he said softly. "you deserve to feel loved and appreciated."

you nodded, grateful for his understanding. "it's been hard. sometimes, it feels like i'm invisible to him. we haven't been intimate in what feels like forever. i almost feel like a virgin again because it's been so long since we last had sex."

simon raised an eyebrow, a hint of curiosity and concern in his gaze. "that must be really frustrating."

"it is," you sighed. "and the last time we did... he couldn't even find the clit. it was awkward and disappointing. it made me feel like he doesn't really care about my needs."

simon’s eyes remained locked on you, his presence steady and unyielding. “that sounds incredibly frustrating. it’s like he’s stopped making an effort to connect with you.”

“exactly!” you exclaimed, frustration spilling out. “it’s like he’s not even trying. i feel invisible, and he doesn’t even care. it’s like i’m just a roommate or something.”

simon’s voice was low and soothing. “you deserve more than that. it’s clear you’re looking for someone who actually cares and pays attention to what you need.”

simon leaned in closer, his presence radiating warmth and intensity. his hand, firm yet gentle, rested on your thigh, sending a shiver up your spine. “you know,” he said softly, his voice carrying a seductive edge, “i’d like to get to know you better. i can’t stand seeing you so unhappy.”

his fingers traced a light, deliberate path on your skin, the touch both comforting and thrilling. “why don’t you come home with me tonight? we can talk more, and I’d love to help you thryou hesitated, feeling a mix of curiosity and caution. “i don’t know, simon. you’re clearly older than me, and we’ve just met. it feels a bit... risky.”

simon’s gaze remained steady, his hand still gently resting on your thigh. “how old are you?” he asked, his voice calm and composed.

“i’m 27,” you replied.

“27,” simon repeated, his tone neutral. “you’re pushing thirty, not some freshly eighteen little girl. you’re a grown woman who can make her own decisions.” he paused briefly. “could show you a good time, love, make you feel things your little boy toy can't. i'm only 42, you know. is that too old for you?"

you thought to yourself that yes, it might be too old, but right now? with the hurt and desperation for someone who would actually treat you right? you found yourself saying, “no, it’s not too old. yes, I’d like that.”

that's how you ended up in simon's apartment bedroom, naked and lost in the throes of pleasure.

simon's got you on your back, legs hooked over his shoulders, his head buried in between your thighs, mouth working overtime against your dripping cunt. he keeps his gaze on you the entire time, watching your expression contort in pleasure as he parts your lips with his thumb, pressing the pad of his tongue against your sensitive clit, swiping the muscle side to side. you let out a soft moan, hands tangled in simon's dirty blonde locks, pushing his head down further.

"fuck-! just like that, please, feels so good..." you mewl, causing him to groan, his own hips rutting against the sheets, staining the fabric with his pre as he greedily sucked on your sensitive, pulsating nub.

you missed this. this overwhelming feeling of pleasure that hinders your thinking, preventing any coherent thought from entering your mind. you couldn't think, see, nor feeling anything aside from the heat pooling deep inside of you. if simon could unravel you this much with his mouth, how much more damage would he be able to do with his cock?

the thought alone was enough to send you over the edge, but just as you were about to let the feeling override your senses, simon pulls back and sat up, the lower half of his face covered in your arousal, a slick sheen coating his lips and his chin. "fuckin' delicious," he grunts, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

you let out a needy whine at that, lightly kicking simon for edging you. "you're an ass..." you grumbled, to which the older man responds to with an amused chuckle. "won't be sayin' that when i fuck you with this thing." he says, grabbing his thick cock and resting it on your belly. you gawk in awe at his size, swallowing the lump in your throat. how the hell were you going to fit that inside?

"it'll fit." simon mutters, as if reading your mind.

he reaches over to the nightstand, grabbing the small condom packet next to his lamp. he rips off the foil with his teeth, hurriedly slipping it on to his dick. simon's hands grip your hips, pulling you closer to him. he grabs his cock with one hand, dragging it up your slit, rubbing the fat head against your clit a couple of times before positioning himself against your entrance. "ready?"

"hurryyy...' you whine.

slowly, simon began to sink his girth into your pussy, stretching you out with his fat cock to a point where pain collided with the pleasure. you clutched onto his arm, a shuddering breath escaping you.

"that's it, love," he said, voice raspy and strained as he inched further inside of you, "good girl, taking me so well... just a little more, okay?"

you nod. it's all you could bring yourself to do as simon finally bottomed out. he lets out a grunt, gently rocking his hips into you. he kept a steady rhythm, taking his time with each thrust. the slow, agonizing pace drove you wild, especially after he denied you an orgasm just a few minutes prior.

"bloody fuckin' hell..." simon groans, inhaling sharply as your walls hugged snugly around his cock. "not gonna last long if you're this tight, love," he whispers, burying his face into the crook of your neck, nipping at your skin. a desperate whimper escapes your lips, legs wrapping around simon's waist as you complain about his pace. "faster, please... i can't, it's not enough..."

simon simpers, pulling back just enough to leave the tip inside before slamming back into your warm cunt, ripping out a loud moan from your mouth. "that what you want, love?" he asks smugly.

"fuck yes—again! fuck, do it again, please!"

who was simon to deny such a pretty litte thing?

his thrusts begin to accelerate, slamming into you frantically, driving his cock in and out of your tight, wet heat. "fuck, si—ah, shit!" you whimpered, eyes watering with each pound.

simon's hand reaches down, rubbing his thumb against your clit in circles. "does your boyfriend fuck you this good?" he growled, reveling in the way you seemed to tighten up around him at the question. "fucking answer." he demanded, delivering a single hard thrust, causing his tip to kiss your cervix. you cried out at the intensity, shaking your head, sputtering out incomprehensible words with each slam of his cock into your pussy. "gotta him bring him over then. show him how to treat a pretty little girl like you."

simon's previously rhythmic thrusts were now eratic, hips slapping into yours haphazardly, his hand beginning to ache with each circle of his thumb on your nub.

it didn't take long until you were finally teetering over the egde. you threw your head back, "simon, i'm almost—SIMON!"

with a loud cry and a final roll of simon's hips, you both reached your peak. simon let out a strained groan, releasing into the condom. he leaned forward, sighing, and rested his forehead against your shoulder blade.

for a few seconds, you lay in motionless silence, the sound of your shaky breaths filling the space as you both tried to regain your composure.

“jesus christ,” simon eventually groaned, pressing a brief kiss to your shoulder. “you felt amazing.” he then gently eased himself out of you and rolled onto his side, lying next to you. “your boyfriend’s really missin’ out,” he added.

as you lay there, your eyes flickered to your phone, which had been buzzing non-stop. simon noticed your distracted glance and asked, “boyfriend?”

before you could respond, he reached over, snatching the phone from your hand. with a decisive motion, he placed it back on his nightstand, out of reach. he turned back to you, pulling you closer with a firm, yet gentle embrace.

“let’s not think about him,” he said, his voice low and inviting. “tonight’s about you and me.” he nuzzled closer, his touch warm and insistent. “how about we see if we can make this night even better?”

with that, he guided you back into his arms, ready for round two, the promise of a deeper connection hanging in the air. as the night unfolded, the two of you lost yourselves in each other, making love with a renewed sense of passion and intimacy.

meanwhile, your phone continued to buzz with missed calls and texts from your boyfriend, each notification a reminder of the unresolved tension. but for tonight, you chose to ignore it all, focusing instead on the moment with simon and savoring the connection and pleasure that had been so absent. after all, wasn't it his idea for you to leave?

[buckyalpine]

This is just angry ranting: Every so often I’ll get a comment on my work irritated, annoyed or unhappy with the way I’ve written a character and for the most part I try to not let it bother me.

For the most part.

However.

You can take your unprecedented advice and shove that shit right up your fuckin ass. I don’t want your negativity here. Im not looking for your feed back. This is my work, my writing, written according to how I see fit. This is not the sharing circle where I’ve asked for you to tell me what the reader or other person should be like. I didn’t say feedback is always welcome cause it isn’t.

You find a plot confusing? Please tell me! Is the formatting hard to follow? I’d absolutely love to know. You’re not a fan of a characters personality?

Nope. No. Fuck off. I don’t want to hear it.

Especially when you comment like a fucking asshole, being rude as hell.

I’m well aware I’m posting on a public platform form which welcomes just about anyone to comment but I’m not catering my work to you or what you like.

Don’t like it? Don’t fucking read it. I only have so much patience reading blogs dedicated to shitting on certain tropes/kinks, complaining about how they don’t get it.

You don’t have to fucking get it. No one is asking you to get it.

Should there be some boundaries? 100%. But getting pissy because my character is too much of a push over? Or you wanted the guy to feel remorseful for his actions and the justice wasn’t good enough

Don’t tell me to deal with your shit. Don’t tell me to not get offended when you decided to take time out of your day to wander into a place that was clearly not meant for you whatsoever.

You shut the fuck up. You take your ass where you’re more comfortable and where you can read posts that make you happy. Don’t read my shit and then bitch about it here.

“Just block me if you don’t like it”

“You’re posting on a public page, anyone can comment what they like”

No you fucking dumb cunt, YOU stay off my page if YOU don’t like it. I’m sick of your shit. It’s fucking fanfiction. You’re sitting here crying about morales and ethics and how the character is such a push over. FAN FICTION. half of this shit I write while I’m still in a bathrobe, please just get the fuck out.

[mihai-florescu]

Putting a message i sent earlier under a read more, it has some thoughts ive expressed before tho. ES, of course

My thoughts as an EichiP... i view ! and !! as different stories in the way they're approached tbh, what i fell in love with enstars for was the character driven storytelling of one event seen through different perspectives, where you see the antagonist in one perspective become a protagonist in another story and can empathize with the entire cast like this. I fell in love with eichi's story of second chances, getting what you want and regretting your actions in the process, redemption, desperation, overcoming fate and asserting one's self into the story, saving a school in a dying industry that saved your life by giving you a dream; i consider it an arc fulfilling to the reader at the end of ! era. But we still had to continue... and it's not like we didnt get inklings of eichi's dreams of idol utopia, the idol soldier idea goes back to main story 1, but !! loses the charm of the original series through expanding the worldbuilding so much and shifting to a plot driven story that opens 10 cans of worms instead of offering resolutions. There's not really room to breathe if the stakes just keep getting higher and higher...

As for the colonisation plotline, it's been here since the beginning of ES2. The SS arc makes it obvious, but i remember even before, the talks about ES taking over from local businesses, trying to be seen as the standard, it was always the direction ensemble square as an institution would take. But the "antagonist in one story, protagonist in another" approach doesnt work anymore with such subjects. The guys responsible for this are your coworkers you share dorms with. I read the stories but cant empathize anymore, so i've been feeling disconnected from eichi for a while. I see enstars with eichi at its core but i didnt care for his center event, i read it, didnt like the ending, and overall felt off. Eichi becoming the villain of ! to attone for the war kind of loses significance if a year later he is a cartoon villain idol colonialist you can't even sympathize with anymore because of the magnitude of events. However i do think !! has done good things for some characters pushing them further or developing them in a way ! didnt. But for others...

I also have my issues with sci fi elements becoming the norm, even taken metaphorically or as hyperboles, when one of the central themes i love about enstars is humanity. Then again, i am a war era fan that relied on manipulating human desires and perceptions, and the fact that there were no monsters or gods, just humans framed as such, playing on people's fears and beliefs, it's a bit jarring to me to have them introduce AIs forming from escaped comatose brains (im minimizing the switch climax rn, i didnt even hate it as a whole, just this resolution im unhappy with)

It also feels like we've lost some of the meta aspects of the writing i liked, a certain awareness of being characters in a story and there being an audience. But im still struggling to word my thoughts on this matter. I felt it present in main story 2, even if it annoyed me at parts in its obviousness ("good thing we're not protagonists, no one would want to read about us" youre right aira you are not interesting to me. And yet i'll read your story to try and empathize nevertheless. I have other thoughts on aira too, perhaps for another time). I wish we explored a bit more what it means to no longer be the central protagonist, from trickstar's perspective...and brought back the successors topic. But i havent read every ts story yet so i'd be foolish to complain before really making sure i've checked everything. To me ! ended satisfyingly with room left for elaborations and imagination, but i dont feel like !!'s ending is really ending anything at all. Not necessarily bad since it's not like the game is shutting down, but overwhelming worldbuilding wise while underwhelming character wise...

Let's see... im not sure how to end this. Just a bit of a stream of consciousness as a ! fan who still loves enstars despite my critiques. Mainly, well, no one's gonna take away the stories that already exist that i do love and impacted my life greatly. And i do think !! had some really good things too it brought, or at least stories i hold dear too. Change is scary and i don't think it's always for the best, but it's also fun to see where it goes next...

[losersroom]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @tetrapod7! thanks man, this was a fun one.

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 17 on my current account. there's more on my old one and obviously that doesn't count everything i published on other platforms (livejournal, ff.net) in the ancient days, lol

2. what's your total ao3 wordcount? again just on the wolfspider account, 168,153. i cant tell if that feels low or high to me

3. what fandoms do you write for? right now, just wild hrpf. in the past it's been mostly anime and various cartoons.

4. top five fics by kudos: i'm hitting the skip button on this because like. wrt my own work i think it's not a very good metric of EITHER how popular those stories actually were OR the quality of them; they're mostly the TUA ones and im chalking that up to that fandom being Huge when i was active. my most kudos'd fic of all time is still how much was mine to keep, though, and i think that one holds up.

5. do you respond to comments? i try to now. i went through a long phase of not engaging with comments due to Social Anxiety and also being kind of fed up with the hyper-combative culture in the fandoms i was in. like i wanted to just yeet my work out there and be done with it. in hrpf fandom i'm actually interested in the community aspect though so ive been trying to get over myself and respond as best i can.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? the brodsfabes time loop fic, hands down. it's weird because as a reader i am um. not very into unhappy endings or unconsummated angst but every once in a while when i'm writing i'll get into a Mood and write something viscerally upsetting. anyway that one was pretty clearly me processing some grief that was happening in my real life, lol.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? probably entangled, from my spiderverse days. ngl i kind of hate it now though so let's move on from this. i think most of my fic has happy or at least ambiguously-positive endings, though.

8. do you get hate on fics? only one time ever and it was someone complaining that a ship i tagged for wasn't present in the story after One Chapter so. we're discounting that one. i've been pretty lucky!

9. do you write smut? yeah. my relationship with writing pornography ebbs and flows, like. sometimes i'll be really into it but sometimes i'll just stick a sex scene into a story where i feel like it's the least interesting thing that happens because people expect it and aren't going to read a romance that isn't leading up to that. i'm a horrible pervert and building up to a sex scene is an easy way to give your story a climax (...in multiple senses of the word) though so. why not.

10. craziest crossover: i don't write crossovers but if i did it would be the insane one ive been thinking about lately where the minnesota wild are stuck in the dungeon from dungeon meshi

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? not to a degree that i can prove it but part of the reason i left TUA fandom was somebody, in my opinion, ripped off large chunks of one of my fics and did just enough massaging of the language to make it defensible as Not Plagiarism. ruined the whole experience for me though.

12. have you ever had a fic translated? no, i think that would be one of the highest honors i could receive as a writer though. i wish i knew enough of a second language to translate my own work, but i'm still at like a kindergarten level in japanese so that will. Not happen.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? tried to once with someone i am no longer friends with, it was a disaster. never gonna do that again. i am just too much of a control freak to relinquish any amount of creative decisionmaking i think.

14. all time favorite ship? don't have one! i tend to like hyperfixate on one ship for anywhere from one month to a year and a half and then when the brain juice runs out im Done and i never want to think about this concept again. im giving check please jackparse a point for being a ship i can read about post-fixation without getting bored but other than that. right now it's 725, in the future, who can say.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but never will? [stares at my overflowing gdocs draft folder. stares at the camera] i do not see it

16. what are your writing strengths? i like my prose, most of the time, and i think i'm pretty good at descriptive writing and like, internal character voice. sometimes i can accidentally stumble into excellent pacing

17. what are your writing weaknesses? INTENTIONALLY good pacing. writing dialogue that sounds like a human said it and not a sitcom character. i'm decent at line-by-line editing but awful at structural editing. recently ive become aware that i tend to subconsciously reuse certain plot beats a lot.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? like anything else, there's a way to do this that's fine and interesting and a way to do it that's insultingly terrible and it all depends on intent and execution. like if you're peppering in phrases in a second language just to show off that a character Is Foreign, don't do that. try to do it in a way that's realistic for how people talk. do it purposefully, i suppose

19. first fandom you wrote in? god dude i do NOT remember this was literally 21 years ago but probably either naruto or fullmetal alchemist.

20. favorite fic you've written? probably one of the unpublishable ones tbh. or the time loop one again. honestly i really like all my hrpf work, ive been putting out some bangers lately. it's nice to feel like ive been growing as an ~artist~ or whatever.

[skepticalarrie]

i totally agree with your take about the letter i see louis right now as an artist that just wants to continue creating music "but like he always says that but he would appreciate being number 1!!" he really never ask as for a number 1 spot that is our way of saying thank you to him for releasing music and as a form of support and with all the interviews he had where he says tiktok is shit well i can see where he is coming from some fans see feel pressured to make him trend in tiktok or whatever trending social media platform to reach the gp yeah i understand that too he already shared that he participates in team planning so whatever bmg has planned for him has gone through him i don;t see why theyre asking for too much like they wanted louis to be like what you said the things he used to do in 1d i mean let's be honest here louis isn't releasing music to make more money it's mostly for the fans so whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy im really tired of arguing about this to other people so its nice to see ur take

Yeah I think Louis saying how nice it is for fans to also be part of that may have caused this reaction, but at this point, I think people are just trying to fix something that doesn't need to get fixed. Like I said, I think it lacks so much perspective and nuance because I bet these are the same people trending #FreeHarry because they believe his team is holding him captive and making him do stuff just for fame. So they're trying to turn Louis into the same thing, charts, numbers, fame, overexposure. Louis is not Harry, Louis is not One Direction... I think people truly missed his entire journey as a solo artist and how confusing and hard it was for him to understand that looking for a hit single was not his goal. And only when he got rid of this concept was when he was able to finally do the music he wanted to do, that's when he left Syco. It's pretty disturbing to think fans are kind of trying to drag him to this same place he felt so unhappy and lost at some point.

We all want Louis to succeed as much as possible, FITF is such an amazing album and I get the feeling like people need to know him!!! he's amazing!!! people are missing out!! lol I truly do. But every marketing strategy has a brief, every career has a goal. And for everything Louis has been saying lately, this is absolutely not what he's going for. Yes... some of the promo was weird as fuck, especially some interviews, I really don't understand the purpose of it. So we all have different ideas of what should be done and something different to complain about. But the point is that Louis kind of just wants to tour now and do his thing without anyone bothering him, without Sony breathing down his neck. That's BMG job and I think they're pretty decent so far. Louis looks so happy and so proud of the album. So, really, people need to take a step back and understand what they're saying when they write open letters like that, what is being implied, what are the consequences of getting what they're asking for. Because it feels like quite a lot of fans lately have been having a really hard time accepting what Louis is and what he wants, it's so much about what fans want him to be.

[azuresage]

I’d go off anon but I’m too much of a chicken 😅. But I’m mainly referring to like the discourse and negativity in the community about TOTK. It’s like everyone is just finding anything and everything wrong and just pulling stuff out of nowhere to complain about at this point. And if you try to say ANYTHING positive than there’s always someone telling you how wrong you apparently are. Also the whole continuity discourse. IMO Zelda stories are excellent at keeping their respective games stories contained within themselves (if that even makes any sense), but the continuity between games is almost always nonexistent. There are some exceptions though. Like look at Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass and tell me how much those games actually connect. anyway I hope that even answers your question.

ahh, yeah. i know exactly what you mean. i think the negativity is just a vocal minority and most people really like the game. but it is frustrating.

as far as the continuity discourse goes, i dont think its really that difficult to grasp. i think most people who say it isnt consistent are people who were already unhappy with the direction of the story coming off botw and weren't paying attention as a result. it does an extremely good job of picking up where botw left off, and i definitely feel that even aoc helped set it up. as far as the continuity with the rest of the series goes, i subscribe to the refounding theory because it doesnt make sense otherwise and theres too much in-game evidence for me to see it as anything other than refounding. personally, i think the wild era trilogy is using refounding as a soft reset for the series without having to actually do a reset, setting everything so far in the future beyond any of the previous games that the cycle is starting over again, which i think is cool. we'll have to see what the next game does to be sure though.

i dont really think zelda as a series is actually inconsistent across the board, there's noticeable arcs in the storytelling across games. if it feels inconsistent, i think its mostly on the fault of the localization team taking liberties. for example, sonia being referring to as part of the hyrule clan in the japanese text but i dont think she ever was in english, which implies a hyrule family once existed in hyrule before rauru came along (aka refounding evidence). stuff like that not carrying over to the wider international audience is part of why these discourses happen, i think. also a lot of zelda lore is intentionally left up for fan interpretation and i think a lot of fans are wanting actual concrete stuff and dont wanna have to think about it themselves. this leads to people calling the lore lazy or inconsistent just because its not explicitly laid out for them.

i dont really take issue with the way zelda's lore is handled, honestly. as long as the games are fun to play, that's a lot more important to me. despite all of this rambling, im 100% a "gameplay before story" kind of guy, lol. but its still fun to think about.

[pwblogarchive]

November 2004

November 2, 2004

“Complaining Couldnt Touch This Kid.”

i would feel bad ever telling anyone what to do. i have thought for months what i would say or how i should act- ive thought and thought. i don’t like kerry or bush (i like kerry alot more than bush though). i am going to vote for john kerry. i won’t beg you or tell you to do anything. but if you are of voting age and are in a swing state. please think hard and make the choice that fits you best.

peter

November 3, 2004

your princess is in another castle

happyhalloween

November 3, 2004

5:47 pm

booyah

November 4, 2004

“brothers and sisters.”

the smell of fall. leaves. the weakerthans show- "the sidewalks watching me think about you". both ewok movies back to back. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. the things they write about me versus how it really goes. the book being in my hands- how we all feel in our skin. sometimes when you're caught you just gotta throw your hands up and confess. the way you smile when you say his name like you never do with me. new songs.

peterpumpkineater

November 7, 2004

“things that mean other things always don't mean a damn thing in the scheme of things”

being home is always a rollercoaster for me. things are good, then ok, then pretty bad, then good, then bad again (not always in that order). im getting by more latley on a pair of really thick glasses and no faith in human beings. as of now i have a pro-tools situation and have been recording things, mostly just making up stuff on the go and seeing how it turns out. so far its fun. ive had a lot of my mind as of latley, just how there's so much good that turns straight to bad and im always like this the night before i leave. certain things are constant struggles for me but i keep fighting them and i dont know why sometimes when i end up feeling wrecked, but i guess my brain is trying to tell me that the few struggles i take on are worth fighting. i dunno anymore. i hope so though, because no one should feel unhappy like i do at a time like this. im not unhappy with my life, just unhappy with an aspect of it. otherwise things are pretty ok. i took my dog ben on a walk today and he was running around a lot. i picked him up a few times though he is getting far too large for that and will so be too heavy. i saw some of my friends today, not everyone that i wanted to or everyone as long as i would like to. but the people i spent my time with were more than worthy of it. the one thing that bugs me about going away for long periods of time is when i get home i feel like everything has changed around me to a degree where i cant keep up. like im a step behind every time i get home. eh, late night thoughts.

November 11, 2004

“drop it like its hot”

The day spent dreading flying. I am scared to fly for some reason. Make it to las vegas. Our flight to l.a. Was cancelled. Drove from vegas to l.a. Began working on the songs. Me and patrick are sharing an apartment here, so are joe and andy. Its like old times. The weather is amazing. There are so many good shows here. Went to over it. Gonna try and see morrissey in a couple of days. Hung out with my friend kate from the fight. She's rad. We went up on muholand drive and saw the entire city. It made me feel like I couldn't breathe. She says the word "vitamins" funny cause she's british. She also say the word "safe" a lot and calls sneakers trainers. Their record comes out next week. I command you to buy it. I miss home but this record is going to be worth it. I promise. Its going to make you think about things in a new way.

Sorry for the boring journal entry. I realize I didn't get the closure I wanted from take this to your grave. This record will have the most brutally honest words I have ever written.

That's all. Lets get hitched and grow old.

Peterpan

November 14, 2004

“I've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your fucking mouth”

We've got about 23 songs right now. Were gonna cut it down and figure them out. Its strange staying in one place for so long. If you're watching tv tommorrow- we snuck some tickets for the american music awards- I'm sure well be like a million rows back but well try to start a fight or spill a drink on someone famous on camera so you can get a laugh. I'm sure they'll never let us stop by again...

Peterpumpkineater

November 15, 2004

“finally an entry that doesnt involve joe's general tso's chicken”

the AMAs were less than interesting as i am sure anyone who watched knows. ana nicole smith was fucking faded as hell. it was like watching a blondehaired trainwreck. walked onto the red carpet by accident but we are so unfamous that we didn't even get in trouble. got to eat good food and people watch at stupid parties. hung out with my buddy chad and some kids. watched kanye west with like thirty other people- kanye west is amazing. im getting pretty sleepy. maybe ill think of something better in the morning.

im

just

out

of

chances

p

November 15, 2004

we only do it for the attention.

I'm just a broken emo record.

Time to retreat to other areas.

You know where to find. Or maybe you don't.

me and patrick are gonna go cry and hold hands.

Wink. Smile.

Peter

November 17, 2004

4:16 pm

“after the party theres the hotel lobby”

yeahyeahyeah. we're becoming so l.a. psyche! anyway. i dont have much to say except the weather is radical here. after our chicago metro show on dec 29- we're gonna have an after party and prescreen the release the bats dvd- maybe youll hear about it and stop by. youll laugh. youll cry.

laterskater

November 24, 2004

“its too bad you only look so goddamned beautiful when you're crying your eyes out”

i am going to do a better update soon. but just to say- the recording is coming along. andy is almost done with drums. his hair is so flowing. like a pony. nyc was amazing as usual. we have some suprises coming up. (if you don't like suprises than you also probably don't like saturdays, palm trees, puppies, ice cream, first kisses, etc). fuse was fun. thanks for coming out and hanging out, i felt pretty dorky and was a glad there were some people there. im sorry i had to leave right from there to my plane, so i am sorry i couldn't stick around and hang out. we'll be there all day on dec. 26th to make up for it. also, it was definitely weird being anywhere with out the rest of the band so don't expect too much of that. we are attatched at the hip.

you can get "the boy with the thorn in his side" at select hottopic's starting this week. if yours doesn't have it, ask them to order it for you.

more later. peter

oh yeah to the girl who gave me the signed morrissey picture and jetted before i could thank, THANK YOU.

November 26, 2004

their eyes are like pills. its funny. the blue ones take to you down. the brown ones pick you up. it doesn't even make a whole lot of sense looking back on it now. there are a couple of sets of eyes that are like bookmarks in life. they are there to mark the chapters. highlights so you pay attention to the changes. dogeared pages. the way she looked at me the first time- all the blood ran out of me. with the biggest eyes. that trusted and believed and dreamed and hoped and lived. so i blinked. i faked like i couldnt tell. i was always so goddamned scared to see my own flaws reflected on them. and i cant count the times i crushed them. and you realize that they will never look up at you the same.

i cant blame you for giving up on me.

join the club.

i have a lifetime membership.

- petey

November 28, 2004

“professor murder”

ok so my new shoes are kind of bad looking. but i like them. both are dunks. one are lowtops and pretty much are bears colors, the others are high tops and are white and blue. i own way more than 5 bad pairs of shoes. i own about 11 that only i enjoy and are not here to impress anyone. they know i love them and i let them know that at least once a day. maybe ill take a group picture of them for you if i get around to it. what i really wanted to say is im sorry i got into xbox so late, but i just wanted everyone to know that just because i started play knights of the old republic 4 days ago doesn't mean i haven't almost beaten it yet. because im just that close. and i made sure to buy the new lord of the rings rpg for such cases where i will need a new video game. but when kotor2 comes out, i will be learning so many force powers you'll wish the force was with you too. but its not. its mostly with me. my dog gets to have some too cause he can jump really high and can still be picked up even though he is teetering on 70 pounds at only 5 months. good job ben! you're growing up! he's probably more a dark jedi because he still nips a little and thinks it's real cool to pee when he gets excited. sorry ben, not cool my friend. just funny. anyhoo, its been a while since ive given a list of what i currently enjoy. here is such a list:

music:

owen-i do perceive

aloha-here comes everyone

pig destroyer-terrifyer

brian wilson-smile

interpol-antics

isis-panopticon

tusk-tree of no return

frank zappa-broadway the hard way

video games:

star wars knights of the old republic-xbox

lord of the rings the third age-ps2

star wars jedi academy II-xbox

grand theft auto san andreas-ps2

dvds:

aqua teen season 3

home movies season 1

arrested development season 1

star wars 2: clone wars

tv:

tom goes to the mayor

internet:

yahoo mail

food:

chicken in most any form

[blookmallow]

time for more fallout 4. this one's mostly just Weird Shit I Found In The Wastelands

--

i feel threatened somehow

hmm

absolutely love the raiders just casually chatting when they don't see me sdfg

what in the goddamn hell did i walk in on here

we stan soup can harry

that Would be pretty awesome

environmental storytelling

(did i still also try to make the jump. yes. but im pretty sure i Did make it i dont remember though)

dont remember what happened here either but it sure was messy

yyyyeah im Not Doing That

oh

good gracious. someone's been very busy

see the thing is. this guy's obviously insane and it feels like the game wants me to kill him or at least see him as villainous but the only people he's killing are raiders. raiders do this shit all the time too. they're less creative but i find bodies strung up all over the place in raider dens constantly. and i have personally killed probably hundreds of them myself by now. he's doing weird shit with the bodies afterward but he's really not doing anything worse than i am. i couldn't really find it in me to judge him i just let him be sfdklgj

look at this. i scrounge up clean nice pillows for everyone and they all just shove them to the side or knock them on the floor. zero appreciation

this nasty rotting cow is just stuck at this settlement and there's also a corpse in the bathroom that keeps respawning whenever i try to move it so this is, uh, some prime real estate here,

oddly this settlement is rarely unhappy while my much nicer ones are Always complaining. maybe because there's only like 2 people living there

this lunchbox says stan! have they all had names this whole time and i never noticed. who was stan. id collect them but they don't register as distinct items so the names probably don't stay on them when you pick them up (i collect lunchboxes anyway though) (i collect everything fallout 4 is a horrific enabler of my hoarding tendencies jsdfs)

oh that's. extremely unpleasant thanks

bro holy FUCK what is THAT

[jeromefart]

ok heres my jedi survivor thoughts. and let me preface by saying i am incredibly excited for this game and will be buying it once i get a ps5. i will be saying negative things but i honestly do not care that much and i am 100% in love with everything we’ve seen from this game so far

i think that the walk run and sprint animations are a little scuffed. the run animation in fallen order wasn’t great, but now all the movement animations look off. i hope this is something they fix.

i honestly like the map system from fallen order. its a star wars holo map!! its fun and interactive!! it is hard to see exactly whats happening, but i think having to adapt to it improves the immersive experience. because most maps in star wars are holo maps, and if you were in the star wars universe, that’s what you’d be using.

some people complained about it being more open world, but i love open world games. i doubt they will be empty and i know they will be filled with tons of secrets and small details. fallen order is a game about exploration. you are meant to explore each corner and complete your map. you are meant to find secrets. and even without treasure chests, it’s still rewarding. each thing you scan has a small blurb about it. each echo you hear is part of a larger story. its honestly an incredible concept. its so unique and works so well for detail oriented people who like to search for a story and find answers instead of being told everything. it’s rewarding when you get every echo in a category. then you can read back and learn the lore of animals, planets, characters, and the galaxy. fallen order is a massive game, and survivor is going to be even bigger.

(a side note: ive put hundreds of hours in breath of the wild, and while very open and immersive, it tends to fall short in the rewarding category. there are 900 korok seeds hidden throughout the game, where you do small hidden minigames. at the end of collecting them, you get a useless collectible item. its useless and while it’s meant to be funny as it is a pile of shit, it’s just annoying. so comparing korok seeds to force echoes is very eye opening. because you actually get a sense of gratification out of getting to listen to an echo from the past, rather than shooting a bullseye or putting a rock into a hole)

i really loved the progression in fallen order. you go through a path, and then unlock a shortcut back. so later on, you can breeze through shortcuts to get to certain locations. the lack of fast travel made sense in some aspects. they wanted to keep it grounded and realistic, like with the holo map i mentioned. with the shortcuts, it didn’t take long to get to one area from another. but where the issue arrives is that its still super tedious, annoying, and hard to remember where each path leads. it’s immersive, but too immersive. i had to use a guide to get through zeffo. it was a massive planet that you return to multiple times. and 100%ing it was a NIGHTMARE. it took me a week. with that said, the addition of fast travel in survivor is exciting. it could be said that it takes away from some of the immersive factors of the previous game, but honestly? it is going to be life changing. gone are the days where im tearing my hair out running in circles trying to backtrack to the place that has 99% completion (well, maybe i’ll still have this problem).

i feel like this goes without saying, but i am in love with cal’s design. he has grown so much since fallen order, and i just adore how rugged he looks. i was unhappy with his appearance in the teaser trailer, but i kept my hopes up with the action figure illustrations. thankfully, his design is perfect. his outfit is so nice and im excited to see the customization.

this isnt really worth mentioning but let’s talk pricing. 70 bucks? fine. games are expensive nowadays. but the 20 dollar expansion pack that only includes cosmetics? honestly insane. it’s just luke and han inspired outfits, i think? the r2 bd skin is cute but other than that, it’s a waste of money imo. that is 90 fucking dollars!!!!!

the combat is exciting. i loved the split sabers in the previous game and it’s going to be so fun to use them more. the combos look effortlessly cool and ive rewatched cal twirl around his blades and throw them a million times now. it is hot. double saber gameplay looks cool too. i loved using it in fallen order even though it’s wide ranged attacks with less damage designed for attacking groups of enemies. so seeing it used on singular enemies and turned into a full usable form rather than something to switch to for a specific scenario is really nice. the crossguard saber looks cool too. some people were hating but i dont know why? i think a claymore style saber is really awesome and i have played some games with that attack style and it is actually what i prefer next to long range stuff. i love long range.

and speaking of long range, cal has a blaster. we havent seen him use it yet, but im excited. and i would not be surprised if it has little functionality. i have a feeling it will be used more for interactions with the environment than combat. im annoying when i play games and if you give me a long range weapon i will take out everything i can from as far away as possible. playing stealthy is super fun. so i will probably do that in survivor. hell i do it in fallen order. i abuse the shit out of the lightsaber throw move

lets talk CHARACTERS!

first, cal kestis. i love him 💕 he is gorgeous and im obsessed w his new design as i mentioned previously. it seems like hes going to be struggling with the dark side and justifying his actions as the fight against the ever expanding empire worsens. the way cameron has described all of this has me very excited. i loved the part in fallen order where he directly faces his trauma. it was so powerful and it really resonated with me. i almost cried tbh. anyway im super excited to see what happens next!! i love cal :))

the mantis crew. we don’t know much about what theyre up to, but im sure theyre all doing fine. it was expected that theyd all branch off and find their own purposes in the galaxy. looks like cere is building a jedi archive or something. and somehow greez let cal fly the mantis, maybe hes settled down in his home planet? or he gambled his life away LMAO. and merrin never planned on permanently staying with the mantis crew. shes probably back trying to rebuild dathomir and the nightsisters or something.

bode akuna. he seems cool and im very excited to see what hes like! it looks like him and cal form a bond despite their differences, like brothers in arms. the enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? everyone hates the empire, so they are all united through that. yes, i do ship him and cal, but im trying not to be too crazy about it and wait til we see more. anyway, i like the buddy ai thing that they’re going to do with him. its bound to be pretty cool.

the mystery man played by cody fern!! ok, i need to share this because i think its funny. so when the trailer came out and it was confirmed that cody fern is playing him, i looked him up and learned he was in ahs. i was already a casual fan but had only seen 3 seasons, so i watched apocalypse. big mistake. i got super hyperfixated and binged the rest of the seasons (haven’t seen death valley and nyc yet tho). but it was worth it honestly. cody is super cool and watching his role in apocalypse got me super hyped. he plays a great villain!!! i have been saying this forever, but i want him and cal to have homoerotic tension. michael and another character (the one played by evan, i think his name is gallant?) have the most homoerotic tension ever. i mean, some of the dialogue is literally “are you gay?” “would that excite you?” i mean. COME ONNN.

[wizardimagines]

jealousy, part 2, draco x reader

pairing: draco malfoy x reader word count: 1,6k summary: you and ron becomes closer as you help him study, draco doesn’t take this new relationship well. a/n: here you guys go !! part 2 of jealously,, i’m in shock as to how many of u liked part one !! i’ve gotten such amazing feedback and it makes me super happy so thank u so so much <3 i’m gonna be completely honest tho and let u guys know im really unhappy with this one , i feel like it could be a lot better and i might actually rewrite it at some point . but hopefully it’s somewhat ok, enjoy !! <3 READ PART 1 HERE

warnings: TW !!! mentions psychical abuse

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

The following week was exhausting. You hadn’t seen Draco for a couple of days, doing everything you could to actively avoid him. The truth was you were scared. You were terrified, to say the very least. You had no clue what to say to him at this point, afraid that you were just going to make him even more upset than he already was. You didn’t even know if you two were a couple anymore, and the thought of it made your heart shatter into a million pieces.

You also distanced yourself from Ron. You knew the whole situation happened because of your friendship with Ron, and the only solution you could come up with was simply to stop being friends with Ron. He had approached you multiple times, asking you if you were free and wanted to go study, but you had declined each offer. You felt absolutely terrible, you truly did like Ron and you enjoyed spending time with him. But you knew your relationship with Draco was more important than any friend you had and at this point, you’d give up everything to fix your relationship.

It felt so hopeless. You skipped every class you had with the blond boy, you didn’t even dare look his way whenever you walked into the great hall to eat breakfast, petrified of your eyes meeting his icy ones. Today was no different. Everyone was in class, everyone but you. You knew you would have to face Draco sooner or later, today was just not the day. You were sitting in the library, trying your best to distract yourself by reading a book. However, it wasn’t going too well. You couldn’t focus on any of the words and your thoughts kept wandering off, thinking about other things. Suddenly, a warm hand was placed on your shoulder, making you snap out fo your thoughts. ‘’Why aren’t you in class, Y/N?’’ A similar voice said behind you, making you turn around so you could see who the person was. In front of you stood Ron. ‘’Ron,’’ You let out, feeling somewhat relieved it was only Ron. You shut the book close as the red-haired boy sat down in the chair next to you. ‘’You scared me.’’ You chuckled lightly, looking down at your lap where your hands were resting. ‘’Sorry about that,’’ Ron answered. ‘’But why aren’t you in class?’’ He repeated himself. 

You didn’t know what to tell him. You knew it wasn’t a secret that you were avoiding Draco, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to admit it. ‘’I just,’’ You started, biting your bottom lip nervously. You were still staring at your hands,  nervously playing with them. You just couldn’t bring yourself to look at the boy in front of you. ‘’I have to go.’’ You blurted out, quickly standing up. ‘’Y/N! Wait,’’ Ron let out behind you, standing up as well. ‘’What’s going on with you?’’ Worry lingered in his voice, and you couldn’t blame him.

You felt your bottom lip starting to tremble. That was when you noticed the tears that were welling up in your eyes, making you shut them close to prevent the tears from hitting your cheeks. ‘’Whatever it is that’s going on, I’m here for you, you know?’’ He said, placing his hand on your shoulder once again. You took a deep, shaky breath as you turned around and fell straight into his arms. You could tell he was surprised, but quickly wrapped his arms around you. You let the tears fall silently down your cheeks. ‘’Hey, it’s okay,’’ He mumbled as he stroke your back using one of his hands, the other one holding the back of your head. ‘’I think Draco broke up with me,’’ You quietly whispered into his shoulder, tears still falling from your eyes. ‘’Bloody hell Malfoy,’’ Ron muttered under his breath, pulling you closer to him.

At this point, you didn’t even care about the whole ignoring Ron thing you had planned to keep until you fixed things with Draco. The feeling of someone holding you and being there to comfort you finally made you feel a little bit better. Ron’s warm hands were nothing compared to Draco’s cold, lanky hands but it didn’t matter at this point. ‘’I’ll walk you to your dorm,’’ He mumbled as he pulled away from the hug, spotting your tear-filled face. He slowly wiped the tears away using his thumbs, making you nod. ‘’You can start walking, okay? I just need to go get my things and then I’ll catch up with you.’’ He said, giving you a small smile. You nodded once again, giving him half a smile.

The halls were empty. You weren’t complaining though, you didn’t want anyone to see you like this; like a crying mess. You slowly walked down the hall, taking your time as you looked out each window you passed. The weather had somewhat cleared up, dark clouds still covering the sky. ‘’Y/N?’’ A voice suddenly called out, making you turn your head to the side. And there he was. His eyes were dark, not the usual bright blue color they always used to be. As soon as your eyes met his, your heart dropped. You felt your throat tighten up as you felt completely paralyzed. You felt your eyes widen as you suddenly realized that you had to get away, quickly. You turned around, quickly making your way down the hall without saying a word to the blond boy. ‘’No, wait!’’ He shouted behind you, grabbing your wrist.

Your wrist. The same wrist he had grabbed that night. The same wrist that now had a bright red mark from his tight grip. You felt the pain shot up your arm, making your eyes well up with tears once again as you cried out in pain. You quickly snatched your wrist away, holding it with your other arm as you bit your lower lip in pain. Draco looked at you in confusion before looking down at your arm, spotting the red mark. He felt the guiltiness and pain hit him all at once. His heart dropped as he realized it was him that had left that mark. ‘’Y/N,’’ He whispered, his facial expression softening. You quickly looked up at him, tears falling from your eyes as you took a shaky breath. He slowly reached out to you, making you jump. 

He froze. ‘’I’m not going to hurt you,’’ He let out, pain and shame lingering in his voice as his eyes teared up. ‘’Please don’t be scared of me, I would never hurt you,’’ He continued, shaking his head as a tear hit his cheek. Draco had never felt such pain. He had felt pain multiple times during his lifetime, but nothing could compare to the pain he was currently feeling. You just stood there, staring at the boy in front of you. You didn’t know what to say or do, so you just let the tears fall down your cheeks. ‘’I’m so sorry, please let me hold you,’’ He mumbled as he tried his best to hold back the rest of the tears, slowly walking towards you. You watched as he got closer to you, terrified of what could happen next. But Draco slowly put his arms around your waist, burying his head between your neck and shoulder. You felt a sob escape his lips.

‘’I’m so sorry,’’ He kept repeating it over and over again between sobs. You slowly wrapped your arms around his neck, you had never seen him in this state before. ‘’I don’t know what happened. I was just so angry,’’ He sobbed. ‘’But why?’’ You whispered back. ‘’Because I really thought I was losing you,’’ Draco responded. You slowly pulled away, Draco looking at you in fear as you did so. ‘’Please don’t go,’’ He whimpered, his bottom lip trembling. You grabbed his hands as you shook your head. ‘’I’m not leaving, Draco.’’ The boy in front of you closed his eyes as he grabbed onto your hands harder, like he was scared you were going to leave anyway. ‘’I’m so sorry for saying all those things,’’ He cried, pulling you back into a tight hug.

This time he placed his head on top of yours, placing one hand behind your head and the other one on your back. ‘’And I’m so incredibly sorry for hurting you like that,’’ He whispered. You pulled yourself closer to him, placing your head on his chest. You could hear his heart racing, as well as his shaky breath. ‘’I will never lay a finger on you again, I promise,’’ He continued, making you sigh. ‘’Please just hold me Draco.’’ You whispered, causing the taller boy to pull you closer to him immediately. You closed your eyes as a tear escaped from your eye, Draco pressing multiple kisses on top of your head.

You knew it would take a while to forgive Draco, but it didn’t matter. You were willing to do anything for him, just like he was willing to do anything for you. ───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

TAGLIST: @justmesadgirl @thefandomplace @kodydoescrap @slytherinsunrise @xdracosmalfoyx @imjustboredso @lexi-ravenclawdracomalfoy @retrouvailessx @night-girls-world @andressavp @inurealiyah @lilgoddesshines @iamaspicytriangle

[arcadejohn127-9]

Just

Just think about Luke seeing Mc as an older sibling figure, and then think about how he'd have to see em die from old age or an illness

H u r t

You know what? I'm going to hurt your feelings right back

You did this, this is your fault. I'm crying so now you gotta cry with me!

I'm making it hurt EXTRA

I'm not done with this angst wagon! I have so much angst stored up in me rn and you're all going to have to deal with it 😂 let us cry together

Warning: death, angst, sad Luke

"(Y/N)! Im back! Your guardian angel has arrived!"

You smiled, turning from the window as you heard the gentle footsteps come further into your little home.

"oh..? I thought the celestial realm called you back."

"I was able to get time off my duties to come see you, I do have a duty to protect you after all."

Luke smiled brightly at you, a bag in hand as he walked into your room. His face faltered for a moment seeing you were out of bed but kept his smile, placing the bag down on the table.

"awww, you're still such a sweet young boy."

You reached out to him, your wrinkled hands shaking slightly. He huffed at your cooing but none the less, bowed down so you could pinch his cheeks. You smiled wider; happy there was still some baby fat on him.

"I'm not a boy! I'm a grown man."

He was pouting childishly; some habits never dying. But sadly, he was right. By now he has finally grown up. He wasn't exactly an adult but he was close. He was no longer the small boy you use to know in the Devildom, he was now a tall gentle man. He reminded you alot of Simeon but definitely didn't go after his sense of fashion.

He was grown. And you've grown....grown to become old and Sickly. He still had such a youthful face despite being thousands years older. It was truly unfair but you would rather he looked as young as he did than look like you. Saggy and wrinkled. Death on your lips, it made them dry. It tasted bland and sour.

"what did you bring me this time? I hope it's a new recipe."

"I actually visited the Devildom before coming here, I made your favourite with Barbatos."

He unpacked the bag, revealing the sweet treat. It was going to be far too sweet for your taste buds now but you couldn't refuse. He frowned slightly, placing his hands on your shoulders.

"you should be in bed, the doctors said you need to rest."

"I'm not doing anything, those doctors shouldn't think of me to be so fragile! I spent years in hell." You grumbled, grinding your drenchers.

You missed the demons; it's been awhile since they've visited. It was unusual....for years outside or in hell you were surrounded by them. Always pestering you and wanting your attention. Endless plans that always ended with Lucifer fixing it. You missed them.....so so much..... you just wished your magic didn't grow so weak.

"yeah.... you're unbeatable so being in bed won't be anything."

He had you there. But it was growing tiresome of just sitting in bed. You were wasting away in it; the doctors weren't sure what was going to take you out first. Old age or illness. All Anyone could hope for that it's peaceful and in your sleep.

Luke helped you back in bed, smiling as he tucked you in. He placed the desserts holder on your lap before whisking himself away to the kitchen. He made you both some tea and picked up cutlery on the way back. You thanked him when he handed you the cup, humming happily at the warmth. The world felt so cold now.

"Have the brothers visited lately? Barbatos seemed.... solemn - did something happen?"

"No, it's been mostly you or Simeon seeing me but I don't blame them, it must be hard to see me - I know Simeon tried to stop you aswell, Saying it'll be too hard on your heart."

"nothing is going to stop me not even Simeon! you're family, and those demons-! They should be seeing you!"

He didn't even realize he stomped his foot, pouting and puffing out his cheeks. No matter how much he wanted to be called a man, he was still young. You hoped you'll get to see him fully mature into a powerful angel he was destined to be. You knew he'd be a great help to the celestial realm and make people just as happy as he's made you.

You always saw yourself as just an older sibling and he seemed to feel the same but now you felt more like a parent. Watching your child grow up and be better than you ever were. He made you so proud.

"ah~ theres the young boy I know, always pouting and complaining about demons, it was so nice to see you freely enjoy yourself the third term, you looked so much happier."

"he can see all sorts, perhaps something bad is going to happen soon but it could always be, he saw a rat in the castle - oh the way he could loose all composure-!"

"if it wasn't due to a recent visit then- why was barbatos so glum? Do you think he's okay?"

You both bursted out laughing, imagining the usually stoic butler frantically smacking the floor with a broom whilst ontop of a counter. Your laughed grew louder and louder until you choked on it; coughing harshly into your shaky palm as your chest tightened.

Luke quickly helped you sit up properly, rubbing your back as your coughing slowly died out. He told you to keep it easy but noticed how quickly your mood soured. He patted your lap and held up the forks; forcing a small smile on his face.

"let's eat, shall we?"

you both dug in, he kept his bites small as it was for you after all. You didn't even realize you teared up; the flavour was the exact same if not better than you remember. Barbatos always knew how to make it perfect for you; even now as your sugar fondness has simmered it still tasted just as good.

He really was amazing....

Luke wiped your stray tears as you stared at the treat, a distant look in your eyes. The angel was starting to panic; no matter his efforts you were becoming unhappy. Was it him? Was it talking about the Devildom? But he knew if he tried to never talk about it you'd just insist on knowing. He didn't want to keep making you upset.

"I'm sorry, just - I've been so nostalgic lately, I really appreciate what you've done, don't be upset with yourself, Luke, just ignore this old human."

"I can talk about the celestial realm, would that make you feel better? Or-or- new Cake ideas-!"

"I'd like that very much, has the celestial realm change much?"

"it's been really busy, I'm actually getting my own apprentice soon! She's been a late bloomer with her wings but she's been amazing with prophecies - I've ranked up actually! I'm almost to my goal....soon- I'm going to be just like Michael and I can help humans across the globe!"

He was beaming, his hands becoming more animated as he talked. You hummed softly to yourself, nodding as your eyes drifted to the wall. His voice soothing you.

"And- and the demon angel partnership has been a huge success! Theres been more pairs ups this year than any other! Things are really improving in the other realms- you know it's all thanks to you, right? You did this."

He waited for your response, but you didn't say anything. You just stared at the wall behind him. Luke's head tilted to the side, dread creeping up his spine.

"(Y/N)-?" He gently shook your hand, trying not to startle you incase you were just zoning out again.

But that's when it hit him. His fingers wrapped around your wrist, there was nothing. No pulse.

"(Y/N)?!"

The young angel screamed as tears flooded down his cheeks, shaking your body. He kept calling out your name but you never responded. He tried everything he could; giving CPR, using his magic - he even consider using the life trees leaves from the celestial realm.

He just - you couldn't be- he wouldn't let you! He's your guardian angel! Yours not supposed to be -! Not yet!!!

NOT YET!!

Your soul spilled out of your chest, he sobbed as it formed into an orb. He hugged it close to his chest as he cried, Begging it to return to your body.

"please.... please-! I'm asking nicely- why won't you go back?! It isn't time! Please!"

No matter how hard he pressed your soul back to your chest it refused to enter your body.

You were gone.

[angelsaxis]

i get annoyed when i see people complain that "all the gay media" now is sanitized and pretty and problem-free. ik there's huge amounts of like censorship in fuckin. marvel movies or whatever but im talking about actual gay media, not easily cut scenes or side characters. for several reasons, I hate the "i want messy gays who suck and fuck everywhere!" cause so far 99% of all these writer rooms are filled with cishet people anyways so is that something yall should be asking for now. also the state of wlw content being all soft and pretty and sexless is absolutely overblown, i hardly see a lesbian just exist in a TV show aimed at adults, im pretty sure its bias from most wlw content being from fucking kids cartoons and not shows in our age group (in which case its not really "sanitized" its just age appropriate lmao).

also like you know what happens when I watch some shows that have gay characters? fetishization and stereotyping. the "messy gays" just becomes unhappy horny gay men written almost entirely by straight people. which yall hate anyways. and which we're getting too much of as it is. same with wlw content. cheating, indecisiveness, shallow personalities, all that.

i get the sense that this may be speaking past/semantics because perhaps yall want messiness that isn't attached to their sexuality (in which cause why not just say that lmao) but like i have yet to see two happy Black lesbians at the center of a TV show. i havent seen that. im waiting and ill honestly probably make it myself, but I RARELY ever see Black gays in a non homophobic environment in the few pieces of media they do show up in. where's my sappy black lesbian romance. where's my cute and corny high school romantic comedy. white gays got all this and more. they have the full spectrum of bland and three dimensional and messy and sanitzed gay rep. like can I have my piece before yall start trying to change the whole meal goddamn