#but i cant ask that of anyone because ive become so bored and unhappy with my life that i struggle to keep up conversations especially once
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munch-mumbles · 4 months ago
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see my problem is i need to be more vocal so people can get to know me better and maybe actually want to befriend me but i also need to stop talking so much so i dont irritate people and make them want to avoid me
#with my sick and twisted powers these can both be true at the same time#i feel like no one really knows me so im not really a Person to anyone and thats not their fault because im just a nothingburger#but i also feel like i get obnoxious and needy and annoying so people dont want to engage with me lest i start yapping at them#sorry i feel like this is something i complain about all the time but when it feels like no ones listening then it doesnt really feel like#actually said it?? its like that 'if a tree falls in the woods and no ones around does it make a sound' thing. at risk of being pretentious#my brain just holds onto it forever until i feel actually perceived#but i cant just beg people to pay attention to me because thats insanely annoying. heelp heeeeeeelp meeeeeeee#this an in general thing but it feels especially potent at work because my coworkers are the only people i interact with irl regularly#and im really trying to make friends there. but its impossible to tell if people actually like me or if theyre just forcing#themselves to be polite to me because we're coworkers#heavy dramatic sigh. i dont know what to do anymore this sounds so fucking lame and whiny but i just wish i had people who loved me you kno#OR EVEN JUST LIKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WANTED TO BE AROUND ME EVEN?#but i cant ask that of anyone because ive become so bored and unhappy with my life that i struggle to keep up conversations especially once#i start getting that worm in my ear that im actually irritating who im talking to and theyre just waiting for me to be quiet and leave them#alone#okay im writing too much thats enough out of meeee#mumbling
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