#i told her to fuck off lol
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4am this time, let's go bbyyyyy!!!!!
Steve knew he wasn't in the best place right now. Mentally that is. But he wasn't at his all time lowest. That award probably goes to the summer Starcourt burned down, even if he got Robin out of it, funnily enough.
Ever since the wall opened and spat out a monster in the Byers living room, Steve felt like his ability to deal with shit was going steadily downhill. Especially since, in those early days, he didn't really have anyone to rely on. Nancy's parents (ie. Karen wheeler) actually gave a fuck about her children, so it's not like she could sneak over to his place and they could hold each other through the nightmares. After the tunnels, he got a little brother in the form of one sarcastic little brat named Dustin. But it's not like he was gonna burden literal children with his fears and paranoia, not when they were barely dealing with their own issues. Then he lost Nancy.
Finding Robin had been a godsend, really. Her parents didn't really like her sneaking out to spend the night with a boy, but given that they survived a traumatic event together, they were much more lenient. Her grandfather on her dad's side had been a vet, one of the lucky few who had a strong support system and passed on the importance of such things to his children. Steve had even spent some nights over at her place, her parents experienced how they comforted each other through screaming awake and panic attacks. And while they weren't 100% convinced that their love was pure platonic with a capital P, they gave the two of them a lot of leeway.
Still, Steve couldn't spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with someone nearby, no matter how he tried, so sometimes bad days fell on him when he was all alone. Those days Steve was lucky if he could pull himself out of bed, let alone tend to any of his bodily needs. So today, a day without work, or get togethers, or errands, Steve didn't crawl out of bed until nearly 2pm. He didn't bother showering, he took one yesterday, and he certainly didn't bother with his hair, the strands laying flat in his head in a tangled mess. But he did feel hungry which was a good sign. Not that he had an appetite or wanted to eat. But he could, which is always a step up from being so downtrodden that just the thought of food made him nauseous even as his stomach grumbled.
So Steve put a shirt on to go with his boxers, and headed to the kitchen. Luckily, thanks to Robin mostly, he had quick, easy meals he could make fast for days like this. So he pulled a box of frozen turkey meatballs (Robin claimed beef was bad for your health) out of the freezer and, after reading the instructions on the back, out then in the oven to bake. Meanwhile, he set a lot of water to boil, pulling out spaghetti noodles and a bottle of rose sauce as he waited.
Leaning back against the countertop, Steve let his mind wander, not really focusing on anything, just checking the water every now and then, which is how he almost missed the knock at the door. Shaking himself back to awareness, Steve thought he'd just been hearing things, but then whoever was there started ringing the doorbell incessantly. Annoyed, Steve grabbed a frying pan just to be safe, and went to answer the door.
"What the fuck?!" Steve growled out, frying pan hidden behind his body as he wrenched the front door open.
"And a good afternoon to you as well sunshine!" Standing on his porch, smiling at his annoyance, was none other than Eddie Munson.
Taken aback, Steve just stared at him for a minute, trying to remember if they had anything planned that he'd forgotten about. He didn't think so, if anything he was always hyper aware of the other man and meticulously kept track of any plans they'd make with each other.
"Well princess, gonna invite me into your castle or did I drive alllll the way out here for nothing?" Hands in his pockets, Eddie rocked on his heels. A nervous tell for when he thought he was misreading a situation and wasn't sure if it was okay or not.
"Yeah, sorry man. Just was wondering if I'd forgotten we had a hang out sesh or something." Stepping back, Steve made room for a now smiling Eddie to bounce into his house.
Like, literally bounce, like the world's most metal bunny. It brought a smile to Steve's face, surprising since usually nothing really seemed funny on days like today. That was Eddie to a T though, wasn't it? Eddie was full of surprises and Steve hoped he would always be around so he could continue to be surprised by him.
"Nah, you're cool man. Wayne's on days this week so I was all by my lonesome. Figured if all the kids and Robin were busy, then you'd be alone too. So I thought we could be alone together." Suddenly tipping his head back, Eddie took big exaggerated sniffs. "Speaking of, you cooking? Something smells good."
Walking into the kitchen, Steve noted that the water was now boiling, so he made his way to the stove, dropping the frying pan on the counter.
"Uhhhh..." Eddie trailed off, looking at the frying pan.
Taking out the noodles, Steve addressed Eddie as he placed them in the water. "I wasn't expecting anyone today, figured better safe than sorry."
"Fair." Levering himself up, Eddie plopped himself onto the countertop, leaning back against the cupboards. "You okay Stevie? You seem kinda...down?"
After checking the meatballs and flipping them over, Steve placed his hands on the counter and leaned his weight on them as he contemplated what to say. Eddie seemed to realise this as well since he stayed silent, just looking at Steve with that little furrow between his brows that meant he was concerned.
Taking a deep breath, Steve turned to face Eddie, keeping an eye on the noodles from the corner of his eye.
"I, uh, could be better. But I've also been worse. I've had days where I couldn't eat before, so the fact that I'm cooking today is a good sign."
"Oh, shit man, that sucks. I'm really glad I came over then. You guys are pretty on top of making sure I'm okay, it's nice to return the favour." Kicking his legs back and forth, Eddie leaned forward and gave Steve a small, almost bashful smile.
"So your idea of being there for me is to come over and bum my food Munson. Good to know." Returning the smile, Steve made sure to pay Eddie on the leg, letting him know he was just joking.
Turning away he bent over to grab a strainer from a drawer, figuring the noodles and meatballs would be almost done by now.
"Hey, sharing a meal is a bonding activity. What're you making anyway?" Eddie asked, leaning forward as Steve strained the pasta, leaving it to cool for a moment as he bent over to take out the meatballs.
From this angle, Steve could see from the corner of his eye as Eddie used his angle to check out his ass.
Now they've been flirting for a little while. Or at least, Robin assured him they'd been, and all the kids kept asking him to make a move since they can't stand Eddie's 'pining'. Even Uncle Wayne and his band had given Steve a talk, warning him not to hurt Eddie. Combine that with Steve's lowered filter whenever he was in one of these moods, and Steve felt he could not be responsible for the next words out of his mouth.
"Enjoying the view Munson?" Steve asked, sticking his ass out even more as he practically presented himself just trying to take out the damn meatballs.
Eyes shooting back up, Eddie froze in place. His eyes were a little wide and his face was closing off, a barrier coming up to conceal the panic Steve could see building up.
"Shit." Steve muttered to himself, quickly he pulled out the meatballs, depositing them on the stovetop before moving over to Eddie.
He reached up to take Eddie's face in his hands, then realised he was still wearing his oven mitts. Groaning in annoyance, he bit the top of one, pulling it off while removing the other with his now free hand, then threw them over his shoulder, not caring where they landed. His fumbling at least got Eddie to smile tentatively at him.
Hands now free, he cupped Eddie's face in his hands. He soothingly rubbed his thumbs face and forth across smooth skin and leaned in so their foreheads touched.
"Hey, I'm sorry Ed's. I didn't mean to make you upset. I just, I like you, and I thought you liked me too but if that's not the case it's okay, I won't as-"
"You like me?" Finally looking at him again, Eddie raised his hands and brought them to rest over Steve's on his face.
"Yeah. Yeah Eddie, I really like you."
Moving slowly, giving him enough time to pull away if he wanted to, Eddie moved their faces closer until he could place a soft, sweet kiss against his lips.
"Well that's good. Cause I'm kinda gone on you Harrington." Eddie moved his hands to instead tangle into Steve's hair, pulling him in for more shallow kisses, neither of them feeling up for escalating the moment.
Finally they pulled away, foreheads still pressed together, and they just breathed each other in. Later would be the time for conversations, but for now, Steve just pulled away with a final kiss so he could continue making the pasta.
Eddie hopped off the counter and wrapped his arms around Steve from behind as he went through the motions of combining the pasta, meatballs and sauce. They only separated when Steve moved to get plates from the cupboard and served out two, very sad portions of pasta. No garlic bread, no salad, no side of any kind. Even Eddie, who had eaten very questionable food cause he and Wayne couldn't afford to waste anything, looked less than impressed.
"You weren't kidding Stevie. This is sad." Eddie said, even as he speared a meatball and scooped up some noodles for a first bite. "But it's not bad." Was the conclusion.
"Yeah, I know. This is what Robin and I call depression meal number six." Steve replied, chuckling lightly as he dug in as well, grimacing at the bland taste.
Eddie looked at him for a moment, then smiled and said. "My number one is mac and cheese."
They smiled at each other, this kind of thing wasn't unusual with their group after all. Steve knew Robin's go-to's, and Dustin's and now Eddie's.
Then Eddie got a mischievous look on his face. "Would you say this is, depre-sghetti?"
It took Steve a solid minute to translate that sentence in his head. But when he realised what it was, he didn't even try to stop the bitchy look that came over his face. It didn't help that Eddie was biting his lower lip, brows scrunched together when he was trying to hold back laughter.
"Get the fuck out of my house." Steve deadpanned, and that broke Eddie.
He laughed so hard he bent double, quickly putting his plate on the counter so he could slap his own thighs. It made Steve smile, seeing Eddie so happy. But he had a reputation to maintain, so he took his sad, sad meal, and went to sit in the living room, turning on the tv.
Eddie eventually joined him, still giggling when he saw the blank look on Steve's face. For the rest of the evening, they sat thigh to thigh, chatting and watching whatever was on as background noise. And when the sun set and Steve yawned, still heavy with the sadness that burdened this whole day, Eddie made sure he brushed his teeth and washed his face, then tucked him in and held him all night.
It was one of the best bad days he'd had in a while. And it was only the first of many.
@steddieassheg0es @oakenorcrist
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arcanegifs · 2 months ago
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ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: 2x01 - “Heavy is the Crown” ↳ "I know you doubt your merit of your birthright, Caitlyn. There's wisdom in that. But remember: You're a Kiramman."
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rebouks · 6 months ago
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Previous // Next
Sidney: What were you thinking? Robin: It wasn’t my fault. Sidney: Debateable. You shouldn’t take them with you if you’re not going to keep an eye on them. Robin: I don’t have a million eyes! Oscar: Ma. Sidney: Well. Oscar: You’re looking at this all wrong, anyway-.. Byrd, what’re we not gonna do in future? Byrd: Uhhhhh-.. handstands on wobbly fences? Courtney: Robin? Robin: Let Byrd climb on shitty fences. Oscar: See? Sidney: [mutters] Give me strength. Wren: What do you need strength for? Sidney: Your father’s unquenchable thirst for chaos. Oscar: You need to relax every now n’ then, you might actually enjoy yourself for once. Sidney: Bah, you sound like Ally. Alton: Hm-.. what? Sidney: Nothing-.. where’s the salad? Oscar: What’s done is done-.. let’s just agree to steer clear of the hospital for a while, okay guys? I’m sick of the place. Robin: Maybe we could get a member’s card. Ava: I want to go! Oscar: Noooo, you don’t. Ava: How do you know what I want?! Sidney: Ask Robin to watch you for a day, you’ll be there in no time. Oscar: Ignore your grandma-.. she’s just an expert at putting the salt in Salton. Alton: I still don’t understand that joke…
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thesupernaturalhouse · 10 months ago
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Vaggie: Alastor can you watch the eggs their being....eggs and I have to- just take them off my hands
Alastor: ooo i certainly will....
Vaggie:.....in a peaceful manner. Alastor.
Alastor: mmm well that's less fun, also why should I watch them?
Vaggie: well you're going to some meeting and I have to help charlie-
Alastor: didn't she excuse you from your duties for today?
Vaggie:...why would she- why would I ask for that??
Alastor: why, you have to come to this meeting to my dear!
Vaggie: no I dont?? It's an overlord meeting I'm not an overlord-
Alastor: but you are!
Vaggie: if anything charlie should probably be going with you rather then me- what what??
Alastor: I'll explain on the way! *just fucking leaves*
Vaggie: wha- alastor! Alastor I swear to the lord you better explain!
Alastor: hmmm, well you're an overlord my dear I don't think there's anything else TO explain
Vaggie: right...but I'm NOT an overlord??
Alastor: I beg to differ, I knew there was something off about you but couldn't place it until Charlie said something
Vaggie: Charlie- what does- okay you know what? You're insane. I'm going to go talk to Charlie myself!
Alastor grabs her shirt collar like a kitten: ah-ah-ah you have a meeting to attend my dear! It's be bad manners if you skipped it, whoch I suppose you've been skipping them for the past 5 or so years?
Vaggie: No, I haven't! and let go of my you asshole!
Alastor: hmmm no I don't think I will~ come on now! We're already half way there!
Vaggie: ugh, at least tell me how you and xharlie think I'm an overlord- which I'm NOT by the way!
Alastor: well...do you remember that sinner you saved? The one you had a slat with and ended uo teaching self defense?
Vaggie: how do you-....ah, charlie- what does that have to do with anything??
Alastor radio noise of displeasure: well, APPARENTLY they told more demons, you DO remember the large influx of demons who came to you right?
Vaggie: I.....I um....yeah....
Alastor: well they said they owed you 'favors' correct?
Vaggie:....fuck.
Alastor: they gave you their souls until said favor is called upon! You not using it has apparently given you the reputation of a very lenient overlord, a defensive and protective one at that! So more people cane to you, you trianed them in defense and most gave you their souls so you could call upon them for a favor at a time of your choosing!
Vaggie: going through the 5 stages of grief trying to process it all
Alastor: On top of that, the other overlords seem to be threatened by the fact you have so many souls and demons going to you WILLINGLY, you not showing up to meetings and beong little morningstars girlfriend doesnt help that either!So this will be a fun first meeting~
Vaggie: no no no no no nope! Alastor, you let me go right this second! I am not- no! Alastor! Alastor!!!
Zestial: Alastor and...oh the defensive Overlord nice to meet you again nd to finally meet you
Vaggie: ¿¡Quién diablos es esta araña joder!? (Who the hell is this spider fuck!?)
Part 1 | Part 2(here!!) | Part 3
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spinnysocks · 9 months ago
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inspired by this post :)
Regularly says fuck: Kenge, Janja, Kiburi, Tamka, Neema, Nne, Tano, the Skinks
Has sworn off saying fuck, but has said it at some point: Reirei, Mzingo
Has not said fuck before, but can if so desired: Ushari, Sumu, Chungu, Cheezi
Has not said fuck before, and refuses to say it: Jasiri, Madoa, Goigoi, Mwoga
Legally cannot say fuck: Wema, Tunu, Dogo, Kijana, Nduli
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wavesoutbeingtossed · 6 months ago
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Dead dashboard confessional parasocial hours: it’s been so nice to see Taylor kind of reclaim her place in the world and work out in real time what does or doesn’t feel good in terms of being out there, and she’s clearly flourishing on a personal level by taking in all these experiences! And idk if it’s just the late hour or the post-livestream hangover or what, but it just kinda feels like something shifted yet again last week — like she and Travis did their goofy little skit because Theatre Kids and it was fun and felt good and she’s like “YES more of that please!”
And I’m not saying that as in “omg she’s going to publish her entire life online now” at all, but more in like, it’s kind of endearing to see her try these new things and figure out her boundaries and be like “yes this sparks joy and I want more of it in my life” (or on the flip side, cutting out the things that don’t and protecting her peace). I know that ET article earlier today was just a fluff piece to keep stoking the fires until they can actually Say It, but there’s something about Tree’s the quote saying they had fun coming up with it and were glad they got to share that moment together and want to keep having fun like that was just really sweet. And again, I don’t think it means they’re going to publicize their lives regularly by any means, I really do feel like it was like, “hey you know what would be funny?” And they took it from there — almost like that skit was for them and we were lucky to be bystanders to the bit lol. They just have so much fun together and it shows. I don’t think they’re trying to capitalize off their relationship, I think it’s just the pop star on a global stage equivalent of that one couple you have in your friend group that always goes all out for Halloween with the elaborate couple costume and commits to the bit every year.
It just seems like they’re really settling into things and figuring out as they go along how they can do the things they want to do within the parameters of what feels safe and joyful and is less scary than it once was. Taylor got to take part in her own way in something meaningful to Travis (e.g. the Super Bowl) and he’s gotten to take part in something meaningful to her (the show) and it’s just really sweet how they embrace each other’s worlds. And maybe it was “new and defining” because Taylor’s never been that overt before on stage on a tour of this scale, and not only did the world not cave in, she had a blast and got to have a chuckle. For someone who said she always wished she had someone by her side to share her successes with and never did even in her longest relationship previously, it’s got to be wild to literally have her partner on stage with her on her record-breaking tour.
No wonder she’s probably gagged at all this. The universe really did shift and it was all for them etc.
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bigmeandragonlady · 4 months ago
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this was fun i need to do this with more OCs
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sisterpaxton · 6 months ago
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okay story time about the crazy grown ass woman from when i was a teen that would dump her hcs about otis csa from his dad and try to get me to tell her sex hcs about spotis cause it "helped her stress" and harass me for fanart
back when i just turned 16 there was this bitch who found me cause id post otis art on insta. grown ass adult woman btw. and she started to dm me and beg me for detailed hcs about sex (cause at 16 i was an obnoxious kinnie about spaulding and she shipped spotis) which in retrospect was extremely weird but that wasnt the fucked up part. she had like 10 different fics, some going over 40k words, where shed have entire chapters describing otis as a kid getting brutally raped by his dad. she was also super obsessed with otis having an ED and hip problems from where his dad broke his hips from raping him so much as a kid (keep all this in mind for when you read the screenshots). shed dm me randomly outta the blue while i was in class for my GED telling me her otis csa ptsd hcs. that was the shit that made me so disturbed. all of this was unprompted. and at 16 i was going through a lot with being homeless and my dad going to prison for dv so i was just letting her yap in my dms bc these things dont trigger me but it sure was fucking weird.
flash forward to about 2 years ago and she tried to ask jack for the otis bio pics and he was like hey....wait....aint you the cunt who used to fantasize child rape in my man's dms when he was a vulnerable teen and she deleted all her fics like they never existed. crazy shit.
screenshot dump just so yall can see how....strange this chick was:
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^ this one isnt too bad its just so random. source? what the hell are you on about? why are you fantasizing about the irl man bill moseley with your weird ED fetish?
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^ her randomly bringing up otis getting raped as a kid. again. as she always did. left the first part in just so you can see how she'd just shove it into every convo.
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^ the first screenshot is showing how shed fucking interrogate me to give her descriptions of her weird fetish. also she wouldn't stfu about woobifying otis for it. love how you can essentially see me being like Why Are You Thinking About This So Much
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^ this is just a general cringe screenshot cause im like yeah they used to rob places and kill people together of course cutter's dug a bullet or two out of otis before and vice versa. and shes like Fuck.....if otis went to the hospital.......how was my 16yo ass less cringe and more logical than this grown woman
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^ i actually clearly remember i was ghosting her during this time period because of school and also just. i didnt wanna keep having her bring up kid rape about my man every 4 messages. and here she is doing it again unprompted.
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^ ANOTHER UNPROMPTED OTIS RAPE HC !!! LET HIS HOLE REST GIRL GODDAMN.
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^ im talking about my surgeries and this bitch just pops off with "otis hates sucking his dad off" i remember the whiplash this gave me and its been 6 damn years. it still takes me off guard every time i remember.
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^ to end this on a lighter note cause this always makes me laugh. ma'am do you even remember who youre talking about
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ssreeder · 1 year ago
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Omg Ssreedy <3 saw you going off in my tags, you're the sweetest! ToT You have no idea how much i cherish your kind words, they really motivate me
Also congrats on the new chapter! It made me appreciate Reho so much, I keep growing fonder of this guy!! (Morrak absolutely wrecked him with his diagnosis tho, haha, my man didn't deserved to get dragged so hard)
Anyway that made me remember that I cooked something up last year, but never posted it. (apologies, I probably got some of their details wrong, I did this purely from memory ////) my headcanons of what Ara & Reho look like
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GENTLE TREES NOOOOOO you can’t drop OC art in my inbox and expect me to be even the SLIGHTEST bit normal about it.
You’re so amazing, going off in your tags is a damn honor *salutes*
Dude Morrak WRECKED Reho last chapter, and I guess there’s not patient dr confidentiality in this AU because Morrak totally slandered the poor man to Katara of all people lol. At least Reho didn’t have to hear yet another person try to figure out what’s wrong with him haha.
Thank you Gentle you’re so amazing!!! I can’t wait to gush over your art some more in the tags
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pilonciillo · 15 days ago
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mmm in hs my friend or her sister made these really good cookies and i asked for the recipe she wouldn’t give it to me …that still pisses me off today 🙄
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pregnantelf · 21 days ago
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fr i associate those games specifically w my ex best friend so idk if this is like the greatest idea lol
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shopcat · 24 days ago
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oh my god roommates boyfriend apparently waited outside for HOURS for her last night but she was asleep obviously 😭 like a cat in heat ...
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super-done-dead · 25 days ago
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so much
#so much has happened so much to say#friend who i spoke about in past REALLY pissed me off at my pole showcase#i do pole dancing and we had a showcase and ahe invited herself last minute on the day#which whatev u kno i was like ok shes making an effort to support me#then she goes and pulls me out of the crowd to tell me she wants to leave and my bf is gonna take her home#i was so upset cuz we had plans and i told her to her face what she did was rude#immediately starts back tracking. i dont trust like that.#it took me being visibly upset before you think about how your actions affect others??#not my bf telling u no he wants to stay bc i want to stay??#anyway fuck her. sick of puttng energy into her just to get disrespected again and again#back on my fucking no friends arc#but i love my bf. i really do.#i was upset w him too tbh but we talked it out and man is just a bit of a fucking pushover#i was like if youre not gonna defend and stand up for me i dont want to be with you. its important to me that i know youre on my side#i shouldnt have had to have handled that. you shouldve told her no and been done with it#and he said he did but i was like i had to come out. i had to say no. i shouldnt have had to have done that#missed out on the big group photo cuz of it#but pole is really fun my instructor reckons i can move to interprep abt halfway thru next term soooo exciting!!#i graded 2 combos yesterday#upside down flip both sides and climbing to the top of the pole#she got me to do a tuck spin too but i really need to work on my tucks#my wrists are instable so the tucks are extremely hard cuz if i fuck them up they HURT#lol#stefan is meeting my parents this week lol#and theyve invited him to christmas...#he doesnt like christmas and normally spends it w ppl w no families so idk if hell come#like truthfully i want him there but if hes not ready hes not ready i cant force him#i understand its a big thing and like overwhelming n what not#well see how he goes meeting them first#oh i love him
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nero-neptune · 4 months ago
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close encounters of the third kind is an objectively good movie, but it feels sorta tragic. and i doubt thet was the intention lol. love the cinematography, love the music score, love the visual effects. that's all fun and good. but where everyone else seems to see a movie full of "wonder", it just makes me feel sad. the movie ends the way it does and it leaves me feeling bummed the fuck out.
#i'm literally eric stoltz in his version of back to the future thinking marty coming home to a changed 'better' family is Tragic and Bleak#it's why flight of the navigator was a cute movie to be as a kid. but the non-goofy parts legit freaked me out lol#like what do you Mean no time passed and now this kid's younger brother is older than him? he missed on years and it's funny but it's Sad#but at least that all works out#close encounters has the 40s pilots and an assortment of other people (young and old) from various time periods walking off that ship#what happens when they try to go home? will their families be there? will they be decades older? will they be dead?#barry's only been gone for a few days and Seems fine and his mom pretty much got him right back so they're good#but there was at least another kid walking off that ship. what about her parents? how long was she gone?? man...#like yeah the dad fucks off to space and leaves his wife and kids behind. even spielberg says he doesnt like that ending anymore#bc odds are- that guy's family is Never gonna see him again. and they'll never know what happened. they'll never be Told what happened#'dad went crazy and went missing' and that's it. that would fuck with you#this movie's like 'yeah aliens! yeah ufos! yeah the unknown! yeah science! yeah mystery! yeah the power of music'#but the people caught in the middle of all this 'wonder' w/out Seeing that 'wonder' for themselves? this would suck. it's bleak.#such a killjoy take on a classic scifi movie but i forgot how much this movie just gives me a sense of dread#it's not how the audience is meant to feel anyway!#close encounters of the third kind#rambles
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ilkkawhat · 3 months ago
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not doing a very good job at forgetting about work...especially when i'm getting texted about it on a sunday night and now having a mini panic attack about it
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wildevenusian · 3 months ago
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(​it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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