#i thought being aro would take away from my bisexuality but no. i’m still bi. but also maybe aro | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mischievouswritingblog · 3 years

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Meta Essay: Medivh The Bisexual Icon

As of the time of this post, there’s going to be an update coming to World of Warcraft where the once all female ghosts in Karazhan will be changed to include male varieties as well.

Full details on the update can be found here: https://www.wowhead.com/news/female-only-ghosts-in-karazhan-updated-to-include-male-versions-324371

This has caused a lot of fun posts and people to take this as an ‘accidental confirmation’ by Blizzard that the character Medivh is bisexual. Pair this along with how some of his portrayal in Hearthstone was made into Warcraft canon, and in my opinion, it’s an excellent update to his character.

It’s no secret that Blizzard’s had a massive lack in LBGTQ+ representation for the longest time. Often when such subject matter did show up it was treated more as a punchline in some quests or was kept conveniently to the sidelines, with nonconsequential, blink and you miss it text, side characters, moments. It’s insulting, to say the least, and is the source of a growing frustration from the LBGTQ+ members of the audience. What’s more, whenever this frustration gets voiced it’s always talked down to. We are told that to ‘keep politics out of gaming’ and that we are too sensitive, when these are the same people that get bent out of shape when even a single thing changes or is called out in their game. It’s bullshit. LBGTQ+ people exist and the act of existing isn’t a political issue.

But of course, with people even making lighthearted jokes or posts of Medivh being a ‘Bisexual Icon’, there’s folks crawling out of the woodwork with reasons from “But the loooooooore!” (as if the lore isn’t constantly changing and being retconned from one expansion to the next) to “Well A-C-T-U-A-L-L-Y, those male guests were just for the female nobles that visited and attended his parties, Medivh was very straight”. To that, I’m going to say: “Nah, Medivh is a bisexual icon, deal with it”.

In my personal opinion, Medivh is an excellent character to explore queerness with. He’s a character that’s been around since Warcraft 1 and the effects and ties from his story are still felt throughout World of Warcraft in various ways. Medivh is also a character that’s gone through a large amount of evolution and various portrayals. My personal favorite being the One Night in Karazhan take on him because it’s so different from the usual ‘brooding, grand powerful hermit-mage’ that his type of character usually is. Medivh in One Night in Karazhan is instead, vibrant and is a thriving social butterfly that loves to have and treat people to a good time. His reasonings for being this way make a lot more sense when you really think about what Medivh’s situation was.

Now, I have to mention that I do a much deeper dive and deconstruction of Medivh’s circumstances and just how messed up they were in this self indulgent essay/headcanon dump: ‘My Completely Self-indulgent Medivh Essay’. Feel free to give it a read but here is the basic gist for this essay:

Yes, Medivh was the Guardian, one of the most powerful mages to exist at the time. He was also possessed by Sargeras and was the one that created and opened the Dark Portal that brought the Orcs to Azaroth and changed Azeroth forever. But here’s the thing, Medivh had no choice in any of it.

To be the Guardian means you have to put your life on the line for Azeroth’s sake. This is a role that had to be kept to secrecy, people had to make a lot of sacrifices to be the Guardian. You gain phenomenal powers and it is a great honor but none of this was anything that Medivh ever asked for. He was literally born to become the Guardian, there was no other choice for his own future.

Then you have Sargeras, he had his plans in play long before Medivh was even a thought. A sliver of Sargeras had entered Aegwynn (Med’s mother and the Guardian before him) from a battle between Aegwynn and his avatar. This influence hid within her and made its move when she decided that she wasn’t going to allow the Council of Tirisfal to choose her heir for her title and powers for her. Ignoring Chronicle’s softening of her, she used Medivh’s father, Neilas Aran, the court magician of Stormwind to sire a child. In TLG she let him know she flat out used him and felt nothing for him then came back later and tossed baby Medivh to him for free childcare. What neither of them knew at the time was that Medivh was possessed by Sargeras while he was in the womb. Sargeras would then screw him over even further by causing his powers to lash out when he was fourteen, causing him to accidentally kill his father and fall into a near 10 year coma, and wake up mentally and emotionally fourteen in a twenty-three-year-old’s body. So from the very beginning Medivh was always set up for failure.

So with this summary out of the way, the point of the matter is that Medivh is a character that had little autonomy for most of his life. His career and his fate were chosen for him from the start. Sargeras was in his head messing with him throughout his life, in TLG Medivh even tells Khadgar that he tried to fight it as much as he could. His story is a tragic one but with his reappearance in Legion there’s potentially a ray of hope.

I think there’s a lot of aspects in Medivh’s story that can tie well with the feelings and experiences of queerness. Not so much the being possessed by discount space Satan, but more so the struggle of trying to have autonomy and hanging onto who you are as a person. Being queer myself and looking at it through that lens, I see Medivh being vibrant and throwing parties as an attempt for him to seize what autonomy he could for himself. To exist, to be seen, and to have an identity of his own that had nothing to do with being the Guardian of Tirisfal. I think that it’s also something that separates Medivh from Sargeras. There were likely times where Sargeras may have forced the lines between them to blur as he gradually poisoned Medivh’s thoughts and twisted his soul throughout the years. Medivh likely had to struggle a lot with separating who he truly was from Sargeras. This being inside him, who wasn’t him but would at times take over his body suppressing Medivh’s true self. It’s a horror story where some elements can really hit close to home.

Medivh I believe surrounded himself with like minded, free spirited people like Barnes and the theater troupe (while there’s the joke Medivh’s only seen three plays, I choose to headcanon he’s a theater kid, given how he has a theater to begin with and his own love for theatrics). Whether you picture Medivh as aro, ace, gay, bi, pan, or trans, with the upcoming changes he clearly accepts many kinds of people into his home.

This also has the interesting effect of changing some of the tones for some events in his lore. One example being the titans sending down the Maiden of Virtue to punish Medivh and make him live a more ‘pure’ life. The Titans are Azeroth’s closest thing to a pantheon of gods. They are beings of order, having taken Azeroth in her rawest form and molding her into something they saw fit. Apparently, Medivh’s parties and behavior was seen as something that required ‘correcting’.

On one hand, it’s really easy to read it simply as Medivh being a selfish, spoiled brat. But with looking at it through a queer lens one can put a more positive spin on the situation. The Maiden of Virtue was sent to shame and punish him into conforming into something the Titans believe someone like Medivh should behave. It clearly didn’t work. Looking at this situation, one can read it as Medivh refusing to relinquish his identity because a ‘higher power’ wanted him to. In the real world there are so many that have to hide their orientation and gender thanks to people using religion and belief as a cudgel. So having a character like Medivh as queer, with the power and willfulness to flat out refuse and shut it down is a refreshing power move.

Medivh’s story and the way he is in general has elements that I believe many people of the LBGTQ+ can relate with. He’s a complicated character that has dealt with abuse and being forced into roles without his consent, he made identity for himself and it was stripped away by an oppressor (Sargeras), and, depending on if Blizzard decides he’s actually resurrected/alive instead of being a ghost, is a survivor.

So to me, I love the idea of Medivh being a queer icon in Warcraft. It hasn’t been officially stated by Blizzard at the time this essay was posted but it has started a fun conversation. There are and will be the haters who will scream and tantrum about the LBGTQ+ touching their precious (when convenient) lore with their filthy paws and tarnishing ‘their game’. But in the meantime, I’m going to continue having a blast with the idea and enjoy working the story potential it gives into fanfics, speculations, and essays.

If you enjoyed this essay, I did a few other bits of meta, headcanons, and speculation for fun: My Completely Self-indulgent Medivh Essay

A Bit About Wizards and Sorcerers

Headcanons: Medivh is Alive and Currently Uses ‘The Guardian’s Study’ as his Home

#World of Warcraft #Medivh #warcraft headcanons

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catsandstrawberries · 4 years

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Hi do you take request ?If yes, can you do a platonic BTS x reader where reader is coming out to them ?

(I’m personally Bi , aro ,ace and non binary,but if you’d rather do something else it’s fine too!)

Sexual Identity Crisis

Pairing: 8th member x bts (platonic)

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: I hope you don't mind but I made the reader bisexual and use she/them pronouns, I also made it platonic as in 8th member. Hope you like it! (this is unedited so sorry for grammer)

It was the little things that you first started to notice.

The way you would blush on stage during a performance when an army would call your name. The squeals for your attention no longer embarrassing or cute but stirring something deep within you. You never liked the idea of dating as an artist, too much drama, too many things, too many feelings.

But it wasn't until you were preparing for one of your solo songs, one of the noona artists your age fixing up your makeup, you started to notice. You started paying attention to the way some of the noona's would wear leggings that fit tight to their bodies, or how gentle their hands felt on you.

It only confused you more when you felt the same for guys. The harsh jawline, the big hands, thinking about it made you flush.

During interviews, as you sat next to your brothers, and tried not to seem as disinterested as you felt, they would ask you the question.

"Who is your ideal type?"

Images. Images of curvy bodies and plush skin, hard stomachs, gentle hands to caress your face, and thick fingers to ground you.

"I don't think I have a type." You respond with a smile. Deflect a few more questions, just as you deflected the feelings within.

Whenever you felt panicked you liked to make lists. You were good at that. A few things to take note of,

One: You might not be straight.

Then you met Shawn Mendes and Camilla Cabello and fuck you've never wanted to have a threesome so bad.

One: You're bisexual.

Then you had another jaw-dropping, mind-altering revelation.

It was caused by TikTok. BigHit thought it would be a great idea for BTS as a band to post a series of TikToks to help gain attraction and give content to the fans.

It was really fun.

Pulling pranks on the boys like cutting the power in Jungkooks room when he was playing video games or handing Jin salt instead of sugar for his coffee gained a huge following.

But on rainy days when you had no work to do (which rarely happened), instead of making videos, you would scroll through the app. It caused your heart to stutter, the users on the app who smirked and winked at the camera made you feel so nervous. As if someone would spot you and your secret would be revealed to the world.

But then your eyes would linger on a few guys. As the only girl in BTS oftentimes you were trademarked to be the girly girl, or on the extremist side of the gender spectrum. But you had always secretly wished to hold the same power your brothers did. Some days you hated the weight on your chest and wished your boobs could pop right off. You wanted to be like Jimin who was so fluid in his gender identity and wear tux's and give

smolders to the fans.

Two: Your pronouns were she/they.

Three: You need to tell your brothers.

Well, you didn't need to tell them. But you wanted to. As the youngest and declared golden maknae duo with Jungkook, they had practically raised you.

You love them.

You started small.

"Hey, Hoseok, have you seen (G)I-DLE's new music video, oh my god'?"

You were in the dance studio refining the black swan dance for an upcoming performance when you asked him. Taking a chug of water as you watched his reaction.

"Of course I did! They're trending right now, after I watched the teaser video I was hooked."

"Soojin looked hot." Fuck, you meant to bring it up more calmly but it comes out rushed in one breath.

You feel yourself flush but get back onto the dance floor, hoping that it will pass off as exhaustion.

"If you want to hang out with her, I'm sure PR won't have an issue with it," Jin comments from the side, and you just nod hoping to change the conversation.

The next time it happened, you and the boys were traveling in America to go on James Cordon's show. It was supposed to be a casual interview but nothing ever casual in America.

"So Jungkook, (y/n), you were at the Grammys a couple of weeks ago, right?"

You and jungkook both nod, and you get a strange pit in your stomach for being called out like that.

"Well, you both had such strong reactions to meeting them!" Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

"(y/n) Shawn Mendes is quite beautiful, isn't he?"

"I think a lot of people are beautiful, but he is very good looking." You wince as you feel Namjoons gaze burn into the back of your head.

"Interesting."

James continues asking questions to your brothers and delves into several female celebrities, and after what feels like forever, it's over.

Then you're in the car with Taehyung, Jin, and Jungkook and the maknae starts to mimic you.

"I think a lot of people are beautiful but Shawn Mendes is so cute oh I could look into his eyes forever-

"Shut up Kook!" and then you take a breath and mumble under your breath,

"Camilla is pretty too." Little did you know that Jungkook was too busy making kissy faces to hear you, but Jin and Taehyung definitely share a look.

The third time is when the band is having a dress rehearsal and the style is very edgy and the boys are dressed in jewelry and punk rock and eyeliner, but they want to put you in this white frilly dress even though you have to dance, and...and you just don't want it.

So when one of the Noonas isn't looking you grab one of Yoongis discarded outfits and put it on, a pair of black skinny jeans, a metal chain, and a white tea with a black suit blazer.

When you go to show the boys they don't make a fuss, and you hope no one notices it's not your original outfit. But then one of the noonas is bringing you the dress and you're casually walking away from her but she starts to shout,

"(y/n), isn't this your original outfit? Where did you find that?"

But then Jimin is throwing an arm around you and glancing you up and down, "Ugh, our little maknae is growing up, can she wear this instead noona?"

And the girl just huffs out a fine while Jimin pats your cheek lovingly, "I got your back."

But you never could have imagined telling them like this. You wanted to sit all of them down and pass around hot chocolate and have a revelation about your sexuality and gender status.

But no, nothing can ever go your way.

Hobi was introducing Becky G to the 7 of you in person. It was a few months after chicken noodle soup had come out and she had decided to stop in Korea for a break on her solo tour. Hobi thought it was only right for the rest of BTS to meet her since they had worked so well together.

It was the way she walked into the room with so much confidence, wearing whatever the hell she wanted, and glancing at you with a wink as she bowed and repeated the mantra she had been learning for weeks.

"Annyeonghaseyo, (y/n)!" Respond back to her, it's not that hard. Just say hello.

"I'm so fucking gay."

You could literally feel the temperature in the room change and even some of your security guards passed you a look.

Shit.

"Well not like, fully gay, I'm bisexual."

Why are you still talking!?

An awkward chuckle left your mouth as sets of eyes stared at you, and as if you couldn't make things any more uncomfortable, you added,

"I want to use she/they pronouns."

"(y/n), love, we aren't mad." You had just arrived back at the dorms and immediately sprinted for your room but Namjoon was hot on your heels.

"Got her." You squealed as Jungkook wrapped his arm around you and practically dragged you to the common area.

"So you swing both ways?" Jimin added nonchalantly both of his legs tossed over your lap, "that is the best way to live life, dear."

"Jimin! Not helping" Jin berated before taking a seat next to you on the couch,

"How long have you known?"

"I feel like, subconsciously I've known for a while, but I didn't really accept it until six months ago."

Jin winces at your words,

"did you think we would be mad? Six months is a long time."

"It must have been hard to keep that to yourself," Yoongi adds, rubbing a soft circle into your palm.

Namjoon sighs from the loveseat next to Tae, "Look, (y/n), you're our little sister, and we will never be mad at you for doing what you need to do to be comfortable in your own skin."

"We'll always support you, in fact, if you need any lady advice-" Tae's suggestive smirk is cut off by Hobi who smacks him on the back of the head.

"Now is not the time!?"

"Whether or not you want to go public with this information is up to you, but we'll need to talk to Bang PD if so." You nod at Namjoons words but thinking about going public makes your head spin.

"But Namjoon, if they don't want to, we can keep it our little secret, right?" Jimin's use of the pronoun causes you to shift your eyes to him, and before you know it you're attacking him in a hug.

Namjoon adds with a smile on his face,

"of course, whenever they're ready."

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vampish-glamour · 3 years

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I never watched G*od Om*ns, so it was fandom again with the "they're gay"???

At least Star Trek did this right, you know, not lying to please someone. Spock and Kirk was never a thing and also was never meant to be a thing. But the creator himself said, if you wanna see them like that, it's fine. Do what you want. But in canon it's not that way.

But really, somehow fandom seems to make it easy for creators to just bait, but never commit and they're happy, wtf.

And IF they get actual lgbt rep, they're upset because it's not the character they WANTED to be lgbt....

Actually, the fandom is largely against them being gay because they claim it’s “nonbinary and asexual representation”.

Which bothers me just because they’re basically applauding homophobic tropes simply because they benefit from homophobic tropes.

I want to make it clear that my problem isn’t “why aren’t you making the characters canonically gay?!!?!!? This is homophobic!!!11!1!1”. I’m fine with the relationship remaining a close friendship canonically. And canonically speaking, I think I might prefer that tbh.

My problem is with how the original homophobia in the book sort of goes ignored, and how the writer teases and hints and in this case I would actually say baits… and then receives praise from the fandom for doing what everyone else does when it comes to gay pairings.

Basic overview of the situation from my POV:

Book establishes a character as a gay stereotype

Immediately goes “but he isn’t gay because angels are sexless unless they make an effort” (IMO the sexless thing could’ve been established in many other ways. Did it really have to be done in a “don’t worry he’s not gay” way?)

Book proceeds to make the gay stereotype thing a running joke, with the character being called various homophobic slurs (but see, it’s funny because it’s misplaced homophobia. He doesn’t actually deserve the homophobia he experiences like an actual gay person would /s)

Show comes out, includes romantic music, lots of subtext, and the writer confirming that it’s a “love story”, as well as the actors confirming they acted “in love”. Except… it’s done vaguely enough that anyone can come away with their own interpretation. Which is nothing new. There’s literally nothing revolutionary about leaving a same sex relationship “up for interpretation”.

All the “representation” actually comes from what the writer says on Twitter. He goes on about how they’re sexless and therefore cannot possibly be gay but are also inherently “queer”… but doesn’t actually add this into canon. So casual viewers are not experiencing any sort of “representation”.

IMO this is a homophobic media trope. Give two men or two women scenes that would be explicitly romantic if it were a man and a woman, tease the audience with “maybeee~”, but still make sure that ultimately, homophobes won’t be offended and can come away from the material thinking “what good friends!”. Say “it’s up for interpretation”, which is something I hardly see with M/F pairings. Especially with the virtue signalling on social media.

Keep in mind, something isn’t “representation” if everyone comes away with different ideas of what was represented. If one person can think “they’re gay and married” and another can think “they’re aspec and in a QPR”, that’s not representation. Representation only happens when something is undeniable. For example, a character who is undeniably bisexual because they are shown to be interested in both men and women (biphobic pannies coming to their own conclusions don’t count here lol, since bi = pan and pan = bi, so even if they claim the character is pansexual, they’re still getting the same outcome)

Now here’s where my issue comes in.

Instead of calling this out, the fandom runs with it and benefits from it. A vague relationship on screen allows them to claim representation for themselves, usually for made up labels like aspec, SAM type asexuality, queerplatonic, etc.

They praise the writer for being “inclusive”, and for “representing” them… when really this “inclusivity” is a result of homophobic tropes, and there’s actually no representation at all. Keep in mind, all the clues for what could be going on come from social media. A casual viewer is either going to see two gay men, or two good friends. They have no way of knowing about the woke “queer” bullshit unless they’re heavily involved in fandom.

The writer has a habit of teasing things and being intentionally misleading. Here’s an example

Not telling what’s going to happen and not giving spoilers, is very different from intentionally baiting. “Wait and see” sounds like a “yes”… because it would be incredibly shitty to lead people on when the answer is a solid “no”.

However, considering he’s only half of the writers, and establishing a relationship other than what he and the other writer discussed would be disrespectful… the answer is very likely “no”.

So just say “no”. It’s okay to say “no, they’re not getting together”. But he knows that people are more likely to watch if they’re waiting for the two to get together the whole time…so he has to keep it vague and mysterious and he has to keep baiting.

Of course the answer could very well be “yes” and that’s what he’s hinting at. But I highly doubt it, mostly because of the “only one author around” issue. So until I’m proven wrong, I will maintain that this is him being intentionally misleading, as he admitted to.

So that’s where I have the issue—I wouldn’t have an issue if he just straight up said “no, they’re not going to hook up, they’re good friends”. What is an issue, is perpetuating classic homophobic media tropes, of giving just enough but not too much…and then saying “it’s up for interpretation”. Which roughly translates to “here’s some crumbs for the gays”. What’s especially an issue, is then disguising this under woke kweer language and lapping up all the praise you can get for being such an “Ally” to “queers”.

And of course, I have an issue with how the fandom receives this. Because instead of calling the bullshit out for what it is, they actually call gay people talking about homophobia “aphobic discourse”, and say things like “gay men have enough representation!!”, and try to argue that actually, the homophobic trope of vague same sex relationships that are left up to interpretation, is actually super inclusive and amazing and progressive because it represents asexuals, aromantics, nonbinary people, queerplatonic relationships, etc.

Or they put down gay people for wanting more explicit representation, because “uhh… some people are aro!!! Some people are ace!!”. Despite missing that non romantic or non sexual relationships between men can be found in pretty much every single piece of media ever, and is 100% socially acceptable. Explicit gay relationships however, are still looked down upon.

And then they act like the religious homophobes, by taking “explicit gay representation” to mean “explicit hardcore sex scene”. Like I’ve seen nobody demand a sex scene when they’re talking about gay representation in G O. I’m certainly not. Yet the kweers always manage to interpret gay people wanting proper representation as “you want sex!!! You want porn!!!”. To me, it really seems no different from religious homophobes seeing an advertisement with two men and immediately talking about how it promotes “deviant gay sex”.

What worries me is that these types of fandoms—who applaud creators for giving gay people crumbs—set a precedent for other creators. They make it known that gay representation actually isn’t needed for media to be praised. They give creators a safe way to get out of representing gay couples—while keeping both the queers and homophobes happy at the same time. Now they can hop on social media and say “no, they’re not gay, but it’s up for interpretation!” And the queers will think this is top tier representation, and praise the creators for it.

As always, this turned into a long spiel lmao. But that’s an explanation of my thoughts and why I’m frustrated. Again—I’m not mad that a romantic relationship isn’t canon. That in itself isn’t homophobic. But the way that the writer and fandom are handling it, is.

I’m not familiar with Star Trek (I do want to watch it, mostly to understand the Star Trek vs Star Wars stuff lmao.), but it sounds like that’s a good way to handle it. If you don’t want to make a relationship canon—that’s fine. But be honest about it, don’t drag fans along with teasing and baiting.

#sorry for the ramble again lol #I have nowhere else to rant about this because the fandom would absolutely crucify me for being ‘aphobic’ or ‘enbyphobic’#as if that holds any weight compared to the homophobia they cheer on lmao #can’t make it clearer that my problem isn’t not having canon gay rep #I’m happy having the two dudes be friends. I like their friendship.#I’m not happy with the fandom and the writer’s bullshit.#asks #anon #q slur

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potatopossums · 4 years

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Alright. I've written tons of drafts trying to capture my thoughts on this.

Aromantic people, I'd love to have a discussion about this either in reblogs or DMs or whatever.

I don't know if I'm on the aro spectrum. Ever since I saw the word, I kind of felt like it described something in me. When I saw it, I was coming out of a difficult yet amicable divorce, was thinking I was a lesbian and not bisexual or pansexual... the works. The whole time I felt so cold. My ex husband, when I first told him, he was more blindsided than I expected. I didn't like how much he wanted me to change for him. To be honest, I had been hiding a lot of aspects of myself for years, not only from him, but from just about everyone. To see him be so upset, I felt like I was just... cold. I thought he would be happy for me for finding myself. And it wasn't like I wanted to leave him forever. It wasn't like I hated him; I still saw him as my friend, one of my only supporters since coming out as pan/bi. We had never had sex and we didn't do many romantic things for the whole of our relationship. He wasn't great at planning fun stuff like that, and while I was creative and could absolutely emulate what I thought a "romantic" relationship looked like... I actually valued his companionship more than what he could offer me sexually or romantically. Heck, even before we got married, I described our relationship as a companionship, rather than a sexual or romantic tie. Yes, I have a history of religious shaming, so there is an aspect of that on the sexuality note, but I know I experience sexuality in my own way.

As a people pleaser, I also struggle with emulating what I think is right or expected of me. I am very creative, a great actor, and selfless to a fault. I can convince myself of things quite easily and create a passion based around that as long as it involves creativity and a fool-proof plan. Church and religion was easy for me because of my environment. As soon as I left that environment of constant reinforcement... it fell apart.

So with that said... I think I might be aromantic, or at least on the spectrum. It's been confusing for me because.. I also kind of like romance. Of course I would want that for myself in theory. All the movies portrayed it as so very nice. I've had crushes on people plenty of times, mostly unrequited. I mostly wanted my romantic relationships to save me and take me away from my oppressive home life, which stifled my sexuality down to nothing. I had no freedom of expression in that area, including in my gender. And as soon as I left that environment, again—boom. Within a year I knew I was attracted to women/afabs and that I was non-binary. That's not a coincidence.

I like the idea of being with a partner. I like the idea of partners. So I cling to that in real life, in my relationships. It feels like a compulsive behavior though. As soon as it happens, as soon as someone likes me, something in my brain just clicks off, I disregard my family, friends, or even myself, all to fit perfectly into a role, probably in order to protect myself (either from being abandoned or from being alone—even though I'm not alone). When someone likes me "like that," I have this glimmering hope of being seen in a sexual light. That amount of emotional constipation for years upon years of my life has built up and become something that, when met with even the slightest bit of compassion or friendliness or potential for acceptance, comes out with the pressure of a fire-hose.

It is uncomfortable. For others, and for myself.

I'm not saying it's wrong for me to want to experience that acceptance that I largely did not in my childhood and teen years. Of course everyone deserves to feel loved and accepted for who they are, including their sexuality.

But this perspective also has me wondering how much of romantic attraction is conditioned? I'm not exactly romance-averse, obviously. But I do like to do romance differently in a lot of ways. I would love to see how I would do without my trauma-driven compulsion. I imagine now that if I didn't have that issue, my relationships would just be friendships, or friends with benefits even. No huge romantic anxiety. And in a way, hearing other aromantic people describing how they feel doesn't come off as different from how I feel. The only difference is this compulsory romantic action of mine. Without that, I feel extremely close to aromanticism in practice, not just in theory. (I've legit had people ask me on dates now as an adult and I don't know if I would really say yes except to have a friend, not a sexual or romantic date.) I have trouble separating friendships from romantic feelings, I struggle separating romantic gestures like touch from friendship normalities. I can tell the difference between sexual and platonic feelings. But Christianity really did a fucking number on me, which is where I think half of this grief even comes from to begin with. I know I'm polyamorous and I love to spend time with lots of people at once and not worry about being somehow wrong for loving lots of people. I know aromantic polyam people exist.

(I swear to god the more I explore myself, the more pride flags I end up with and I'm starting to get annoyed 😂)

Does anyone have a similar story to this one? I've seen only one other person who described something similar. I've always felt that the kind of romantic feelings I felt were more the result of obsessive conditioning than they were my own will. And that conditioning started so so young, no doubt. I know I'm not happy with this compulsory behavior.

Does this sound like an aromantic story? What is romantic behavior? How is it even different from friendships? And do you think hyper-romantic behavior is naturally occurring in humans? Do you think it's radicalized by consumerism? Is it entirely fabricated by consumerism?

(My natural state is being tired, depressed, wanting to paint/draw, and wanting hugs—I only want hugs because I have been touch-starved all my life due to the Church's teaching of "touch = sexual and sexual = bad")

#aromantic #questioning #polyamory #lesbian #enby #demisexual

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gay-jesus-probably · 4 years

Note

Bisexuality didn't "feel right" as a label because you're biphobic and will do anything to distance yourself from bisexuality. Get well soon, the bi community will be here when you're ready.

Are you the raging homophobe anon back for round two or a new guy? ...It doesn’t really matter, you people are all the same.

If you are the same anon, then now I’m extra pissed off at you because do you have any idea how difficult it is to make fun of your messages? You’re making this really hard for me. First you send a five word ask declaring me a homophobe with no details, and it took a lot of thinking to come up with a vaguely funny response to such a lackluster prompt. You’re a really bad improv partner.

And now you send me this shit. Sorry everybody, no jokes today, now I’m actually just fucking furious.

Let me tell you a story, anon. When I was an innocent little twelve year old back in the far of reaches of 2011, I first discovered Tumblr, and soon enough I was learning about different genders and sexualities, and began exploring my own identity. As you already know since you’re sarcastically quoting me talking about my own fucking feelings, I’d been having a minor sexuality crisis for several years at that point, since gay, straight and bisexual were the only label I’d known before then, and none of them fit me. Despite me trying all of them. Multiple times. You condescending piece of shit.All this was resolved by me stumbling across a post defining pansexuality, and that being the first and only sexual identity that’s ever actually felt right for me. It clicked instantly, and has continued to be my sexuality for literally a decade now.

But back when I first started entering the queer community, pansexuality was actually pretty controversial. So was bisexuality. The two were just lumped together actually, because according to the exclusionists back then, bi/pan people are attracted to the opposite sex, and therefor are basically just straight. Actually they rarely cared enough to bother differentiating between bisexual and pansexual people, they just lumped us all in together as a bunch of heteros pretending to be gay for attention and oppressing the real gays. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be gay for attention. So there I was, a twelve year old queer kid with a brand new identity, being welcomed by a bunch of exclusionists angrily yelling about how I was definitely just a hetero faking it for attention, and being pansexual was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Let’s jump forward a few years. I was older, and still perfectly confident in my identity as a pansexual. I hadn’t considered any other parts of my identity. Why would I? I just never really thought much about gender. Then shortly after my fourteenth birthday, I watched a short film online about a trans boy figuring out his identity and working up the courage to come out to his mother. I don’t remember what it was called or most of the details. All I remember was the last scene where the boy and his mother got into an argument about him not feminine enough, which ended with him screaming that he wasn’t a girl. And then I unexpectedly burst into tears because neither was I.

So that was a fun surprise. Once I pulled through that unexpected sobbing breakdown in the middle of the night and re-evaluated my entire life, I realized that yeah. I really wasn’t a girl. I wasn’t a boy either. Fortunately by then I knew that nonbinary people were a thing, so I had plenty of options. I spent awhile feeling things out and experimenting with different labels and pronouns before finally settling on agender and they/them pronouns. Which was great! I felt better than ever, and was confident that I had my identity down and everything would be fine. But everything was not fine. Because I’d been so happy about the biphobia dying down that I hadn’t quite noticed the exclusionists switching targets. Now the nonbinary people were lying. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. The ones who wanted to medically transition were declared to actually be poor confused trans people who couldn’t get over their internalized transphobia to accept their True Identities. And the rest of us... well, we were just a bunch of cishet special snowflakes playing at being trans for attention, and oppressing the real trans people. I wasn’t agender. I was a cis girl making up fake identities for attention, and calling myself nonbinary was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Step forward a few more years, now to eighteen year old me. There’s no dramatic revelations or long struggles this time, just a slow realization. Because I’d been single for years, and I wasn’t bothered by that. I actually enjoyed it. Marriage didn’t sound very appealing. Neither did dating. I’d dated people before, but I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to; it was just... the thing I was supposed to do. I found people attractive, sure. But I hadn’t wanted to flirt with anyone. Actually, now that I was thinking about it, had I ever felt romantically attracted to anyone? I didn’t even want romance in fiction! So I experimented. Went on some dates just in case age made it more appealing (it didn’t). Began calling myself aromantic, and was pleasantly surprised to find that the longer I used it, the better it felt. It was right.

But once again, the exclusionists were back and even angier than ever. Because now aphobia was in full swing. After all, asexuality wasn’t really queer. It’s just not having sex! It’s basically straight! What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. And the aromantics, oh the aromantics who weren’t asexual were even worse. Because everyone knows that love is what makes us human. How could someone not feel romance? Us aro people weren’t just lying about our identities, we were pretending to not have feelings so that we could get away with using people for sex without commitment. Being aro meant I was an abusive sex crazed monster taking advantage of all the poor innocent allo’s. I wasn’t aromantic. I was a sexual predator making up a fake identity to take advantage of people, and even though I wasn’t actually sleeping around calling myself aro was Bad and Wrong. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

And I didn’t fucking do that.

Look. I’ve been here for a very long time, and I have dealt with so many versions of exclusionist bullshit. Every aspect of my identity has been met with random fucking strangers online smugly informing me that I was wrong about myself and they were right. And that’s just the ones that wanted me to pretend to be something else; about half of the exclusionists didn’t make any attempts at conversion therapy, and instead skipped straight to suicide baiting. I’m not even getting into the actual homophobes I’ve had to deal with, or the TERF’s that have come after me under the assumption that I’m a trans woman. My point is, I’m pretty fucking used to this sort of thing.

This just hurts a little more, because like I said earlier, the first round of exclusionism I faced was just expanded biphobia. And the bi/pan community banded together in the face of that. We weren’t the exact same identities, but we were being treated the same, and we were similar enough that nobody really minded the difference. It was wonderful. Bi and pan people were a tightly knit group, and that was a sense of community I desperately needed when I was young. I’ve been seeing this coming for awhile. There’s been increasing amounts of bi people getting drawn in by exclusionist bullshit, and I’ve seen anti-pansexual sentiment growing. I just... really hoped it wouldn’t get this far. It’s sad, y’know? It feels like losing an old friend. I’m really disappointed that you think trying to force people out of their community is right. It’s fucking pathetic, and I hope that someday you’ll rediscover basic compassion and realize how much damage you’re doing to yourself and others. This sort of thing doesn’t help the bisexual community. It drives people away. It’s like the damage that TERF’s have done to the lesbian community; this sort of thing poisons the whole well. I hope you re-evaluate what you’re doing and find a more healthy mindset.

...But also at the same time: Who the fuck do you think you are? Take your condescending bullshit and shove it directly up your ass you fucking waste of oxygen. How the fuck dare you. Do you realize the fucking audacity it takes to claim to know someone's identity better than they do? You self centered egotistical douchebag. Your parents should feel ashamed for having raised such an utter failure of a human being. I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I can already tell you beat off twice a day to how fucking clever you think you are. If you ever darken my inbox again you’d better be damn sure you keep it anonymous, because if I find you I’ll kick your fucking teeth in, you smug piece of shit.

#i spent like two hours on this lmaoooo #no regrets tho this is some damn fine writing

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a-lonely-tatertot · 4 years

Note

For the send me a character questions Emery, Teirick, Bronte, Oralie, Kenric, and Alina

Wow okay that’s a lot Anon but let's go-

Emery

Sexuality Headcannon: Demisexual fight me

Gender Headcannon: Cis male but supports his children

A ship: I haven’t really seen any Emery ships

BROTP: he and Alina, when Team Valiant rejected his original name he complained on her couch for three days

NOTP: don't have one

Random Headcannon: He’s a sensitive baby and wary dad of twelve

General Opinion: Not a huge fan

Terik???

Anon correct me if I'm wrong

Sexuality Headcannon: Aro-ace, his parents kept on trying to force him into relationships and so it was one of the reasons he became a Councillor

Gender Headcannon: Demiguy

A ship: Terik x getting his name spelled right

BROTP: him and Kenric he made fun of him and Oralie and when he died he was as devastated as Oralie

NOTP: Ig him x anyone? I really like my Aro-ace headcanon for him okay

Random Headcannon: Really good at baking, like extremely good and will often make snacks for the rest of the Council he wouldn’t let Alina have any after the thingy with Sophie

General Opinion: Good dude? He was nice to Sophie so we’re good tho I love the idea of him being evil

Bronte

Sexuality Headcannon: Pan but thinks love is stupid

Gender Headcannon: FTM Trans

A ship: Bronte x Fintan

Brotp: Bronte and Oralie, they have movie nights you cannot convince me otherwise

Notp: Bronte x Forkle (I feel like someones gonna bring it up, it’s just one of the few cursed things I can't get behind)

Random Headcannon: He has annoyingly good fashion advice, he helps Terik out of pure spite because no one will believe him because he’s just that much of an asshole, he also cracks really really good jokes sometimes but again only in front of Terik (Terik’s crying two castles away “Dammit Oralie I swear, he said the funniest thing yesterday!”)

General Opinion: Confusing Grumpy Boy (aka I love him)

Oralie

Sexuality Headcannon: Bisexual, but she doesn’t know until after Kenric dies so she feels like she’s betraying him a freaks out a tad bit

Gender Headcannon: Cis Female, she and Bronte did have a lengthy discussion one night about genders after she found out she was bi

A ship: Oralie x Kentric cause forbidden romance ft. grumpy Bronte is the best

Brotp: Oralie and Terik, they were friends in school and still have century-old inside jokes and they sure as hell have a secret handshake fight me

Notp: uhhh is Oralie x Alina a thing please say no

Random Headcannon: She thinks that Bronte super long ears are the greatest thing ever and will randomly grab his ears when she found out he was ticklish there Bronte wouldn’t be within ten feet of her for a week

General Opinion: She good ig I don’t really have much against her

Kenric

Sexuality Headcannon: okay he never actually found out his sexuality before he died, he and Bronte had been talking before he died because he thought he might be bi but he didn’t find out

Gender Headcannon: Genderfluid (he/him and they/them)

A ship: Kenric x living i think is the best one

Brotp: Bronte and Kenric is my favorite because Bronte is the grumpy older sibling that takes their responsibility wayyyyy too seriously and then Kenrics the younger sibling that’s chaotic and just excited to be there

Notp: Kenric x Emery (I have taken it upon myself to make cursed ships thank you)

Random Headcannon: He and Terik were the pranksters of the Council and would often spend all night setting up stupid pranks and after he died Terik continued the pranks on Alina with some help occasionally from Keefe who was absolutely thrilled

General Opinion: He didn’t deserve to be burned

Alina

Sexuality Headcannon: Asexual-bisexual, she had a girlfriend and broke up with her when she got nominated for

Gender Headcannon: Cis female

A ship: Alina x Oralie enemies to lovers think of the possibilities

Brotp: Alina and Della they were really good friends before the incident happened

Notp: Alina x Bronte

Random Headcannon: Right before Alden and Della got together Alina was going to break up with Alden because she realized she liked Della, Della had fallen for both of them, and Alden realized that he stopped liking Alina a while before and broke up with Alina and asked Della right before Alina did, Alina’s mad that Alden took away the girl she loved

General Opinion: bitch, but good character

#wow that was long #yall like the cursed ships i made #tatertot asks #the council #kotlc hc

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elyreywrites · 4 years

Text

do you know who you are?

a fic written for Pride Month 2020!! (yes, i know pride month is over, but i posted this on AO3 on June 30th so.) this is a projection fic. it’s not an exact projection of my experience, nor is it meant to be a generalized representation. this isn’t everyone’s experience.

warnings: slight mention of Jack and Janet Drake potentially being homophobic, and discussion of compulsory heterosexuality

thank you to my betas in the Capes & Coffee Discord - Bumpkin, ZulieTheProgrammer, and Oceans!!

title is from Moana’s “I am Moana”!

please REBLOG - DO NOT REPOST

AO3 Link

Teen 1,678 words Bart Allen & Tim Drake & Kon-El | Conner Kent slight one-sided Tim Drake/Jason Todd - as in, tiny-Tim has a crush on Robin-Jason

Summary:

He’s twelve and watching Robin fight. He’s seventeen and staring up at the ceiling. He’s nineteen and text-spamming his best friends.

Tim’s growing up and finding himself, and he would really appreciate if the Realizations didn’t happen when he’s trying to sleep. Kon and Bart would probably appreciate that as well.

- - - - -

It starts as he’s watching the second Robin knock out some muggers. It’s not the first time Tim has seen Jason’s Robin take down a group of criminals, but it’s the first time that he nearly gives himself away as he squeaks.

Jason’s so strong, and cool, and pretty, and – oh. Ah. Okay.

He calls it a night at that, bright red from the questions that are swimming around in his head. He spends most of the trip home lost in thought. When he’s sitting on his bed, one of his best pictures of Jason’s Robin sitting in front of him, he gives them a voice. Talking usually helps him get his thoughts in order. “Okay,” he whispers, “do I like boys?” He doesn’t dislike them – not at all. But does he like them? Maybe, but… how is he supposed to know? “Is that too big of a topic?” he wonders aloud to the picture. “Let’s start with this: Do I like Robin? Jason-Robin.”

That doesn’t turn his brain into a jumbled mess like the previous question did. Of course he likes Jason-Robin. He’s absolutely amazing, protecting people and checking on the working girls and kicking criminal ass! He’s only a couple years older than Tim is, but he does so much more! And he’s real in a way Dick isn’t.

Jason’s just a kid like Tim, though they have such different backgrounds. Dick was a trained acrobat, with skills Tim never really believed he could learn. Jason seemed closer. He was still more amazing than Tim could ever hope to be, but it wasn’t an entirely impossible stretch like it was with Dick.

“And he’s so passionate, especially when it’s a kid that’s in danger. And every time he smiles, it just makes me so happy that I kind of want to giggle and—” Tim stops babbling. He doesn’t need to anymore, after basically answering his own question. Yes, he does like Jason Todd, the current Robin. As in, he has a crush on him. Tim falls back on his bed to stare up at the ceiling.

“Well,” he says, “that explains the weird, squirmy feeling I get in my stomach every time I imagine talking to him.” That feeling is always accompanied by a fierce blush and Tim hiding his face for a good two minutes. He thinks he probably should have caught on sooner. Deciding that was enough Realizing Things for the night, Tim quickly locks the picture of Robin up with the rest and collapses on his bed to sleep.

The next day – a Saturday, which is Mrs. Mac’s day off – Tim hops on the computer and starts researching. He has a crush on one boy, but Tim still thinks girls can be cool. Batgirl is pretty awesome, after all! After a few hours and a lot of new information, he settles back on his bed again. He’s bisexual, and sexuality can apparently be really fluid. In all honesty, it didn’t take him hours to find the term, he just fell into a rabbit hole of researching sexual orientation and gender identities. Tim’s fairly secure in his gender, but he’s glad to have learned. It’s something to keep in mind about other people – to not assume anything based on appearances.

He’s bisexual, with a crush on a boy, and his parents will still expect him to only date girls. At least the boy was Robin and completely unattainable.

- - -

Years later, Tim is laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling once again. It’s a different bed by now, in his own apartment at seventeen. The thing is, he’s pretty sure he has no interest in romance. And now his brain was mixing everything up in a tangle of thoughts and feelings again.

“Holding hands is nice,” he admits. “I like cuddling. That was fine.” He hasn’t gone further than making out with anyone, so that’s about the limit of his physical experience. It’s the implication of emotions that makes him want to skitter away. Specifically, emotions of the romantic variety. Now Tim’s reassessing every romantic relationship he’s had, though he’s only ever dated women.

At the time, he had thought he was happy while in each relationship, but… it’s becoming much more likely that it’s because he was previously starved for affection. He suddenly got that affection while dating someone. That thought makes him want to hide from everyone he’s ever dated. Stephanie is the only one he really still has to see, and that has him burrowing under his blankets.

It sounds awful, honestly. Like he was using the relationship to get the affection he so desperately wanted. Logically, he might be overthinking this. He just wishes his dumb brain would tell that to his anxiety and the ingrained societal expectations. “I didn’t mean to,” he mumbled into the blankets.

Romance, dating, being happy in a relationship? He has no other experiences to reference! He didn’t know that something wasn’t right.

Hell, he’s only having this Realization because a woman was flirting with him at a gala and asked if he would like to get dinner together sometime. A romantic dinner date with a woman he wasn’t close to. The entire scenario would be romance with no physical affection, and that didn’t sound pleasant in the slightest. It did, however, make him realize that he might need to think things through again.

So, here he is. Thinking things through. No romance – if he’s remembering his research correctly, the term is ‘aromantic’, similar to ‘asexual’. Asexuality was something he’d heard more about over the years, but he rarely heard of aromanticism. It had just stuck out because while the terms were similar, their meanings were pretty different.

Now he’s glad it stuck in his mind. It gives him less reason to panic about being confused. So, he was bisexual and aromantic. That’s fine! He’s a vigilante, romantic relationships would be difficult anyway.

- - -

A year and a half later, Tim’s fingers fly across the screen of his phone, sending text after text without waiting for a response. Either his friends would wake up or they wouldn’t. Hopefully they would.

Tim: Oh my god. Guys, wake up, I’m an idiot. Bart, Kon, please. I’m so dumb. How the hell am I this oblivious? I’m not bi-aro at all. I’m just fucking gay. It’s 5 am and I can’t sleep, and I just want a boyfriend. I want to do couple things, like cuddle up while watching movies.

Clone Trooper: dude, it’s the middle of the night. why do you do this to us?

Tim feels no sympathy for his friends – he’s been running on less than six hours of sleep for years. Sometimes less than four hours. High school and vigilantism don’t mix well. Anyway, they can deal with waking up to deal with his Realization.

Sonic: bro we cuddle up when we watch movies are we not good enough for you anymore

Tim: Yeah, but that’s platonic, Bart. And yes, I’m aware of the time. I’d like to be asleep too, but I’m lonely and sad and having Realizations! Suffer with me.

Clone Trooper: … suffer how? are you expecting us to have an existential crisis too, or is this just suffering by being awake?

Tim: Being awake. It’s not an existential crisis, it’s just a Realization.

Sonic: its the middle of the night i think it can be deemed an existential crisis

Tim: But seriously, someone please tell me how I jumped passed the logical conclusion I should have come to of “I’m just not attracted to women” and directly to “I have no interest in romance at all”? How did that make sense to me?

Sonic: society conditioned u to like women

Tim blinks at his screen. Bart isn’t wrong, but Tim has absolutely no idea where he’s going with that. He already had the Realization about societal conditioning, thanks.

Tim: Okay? I’m aware, but I’m not sure how that translates to how I didn’t think of the logical conclusion.

Sonic: dude. for years it was a fact – since you were a kid u were so conditioned that u should like women it was just a fact

Clone Trooper: think of it like this, tim: as far as you knew, you liked women. later, you figured out you like guys, but you still think you like women too.

Tim: We’ve established, yeah.

Clone Trooper: so, suddenly something is weird. the only really new thing is that there is romance involved. so that’s clearly gotta be the issue.

Oh. He stares so long the screen goes dark. He drops his phone on the bed and stares up at the ceiling, turning that over in his head. So. He jumped to not wanting romance because it was so deeply ingrained that he was supposed to like women? His exhausted brain seems to accept this explanation enough to calm the edge of self-recriminations.

Tim: That. Makes sense, I guess. But still, it really seems like I should’ve realized a while ago. Also, I’m kind of surprised that you aren’t teasing me for being oblivious.

Sonic: oh thats coming but teasing is saved for when u arent having a crisis

Clone Trooper: later, we’ll absolutely laugh about that jump in logic. but right now it’s too early and you’re already having A Time.

He’s not sure if he has wonderful friends or terrible friends. Tim suspects that he’s still going to hear about this in a few years. It’s the kind of thing they won’t let die for a while.

Tim: Fair enough.

Clone Trooper: great, glad we got that cleared up! now tim...

Tim: What?

Clone Trooper: please. GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.

Snickering, Tim plugs his phone in and smothers his face in the pillow. He’s still lonely and he still wants to analyze every missed evidence over the years, but he’s also exhausted. The chat with his friends did get his brain to shut up enough that he might actually be able to sleep. He can rethink his entire life again after he wakes up.

#fanfiction #elyrey writes things #tim drake #kon-el #conner kent #bart allen #friendship #lgbtq themes #lgbtq character #self-discovery #coming out #pride month 2020 #dcu

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skylights422 · 5 years

Text

@ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity created a Q&A for aspec authors/writers, and as an aspec author, I am excited to participate and answer as many of their questions as I can. Under a cut since it became really outrageously long.

1. What was your inspiration for your character(s)? Are they modeled on yourself, a person that you know, or a character that’s already been established?

Typically I’d say my characters are a mix of general inspiration from other stories/characters and then bits and pieces taken from myself. I try not to make any of them like a clone of myself or another character, try to mix it up, possibly with mixed success but that is the goal.

2. How much, if any, has your character(s) changed since they were first created? What caused this change?

Oh wow, okay I have characters I still use from grade school and middle school, and those characters have changed/grown a lot. Most notoriously (to me) though are my two fellas Euphranor and Kadri. I created them while daydreaming in middle school while watching those science videos in class about how I could make a more parody-like version of said videos, Kadri being the energetic and comically sadistic teacher and Euphranor being the constantly irritated and foul-tempered student. The core of their designs and personalities haven’t totally changed (Euph is still a hot-head and Kadri still likes to troll him), but they’ve become far more nuanced as characters as their story become more involved and serious. They’ve also become softer characters, with Euph having a Heart of Gold and Kadri being a bit morally grey but generally compassionate and friendly. I think the cause of this change and others comes from a mix of things, for one I simply got older and what I wanted out my characters changed a bit. But also I think it’s because I spent so much time with those characters in my head that I couldn’t help but develop them more fully, which in turn made me want to give them a good story. Also, everyone is definitely more queer now then how they started, largely because I became more aware and comfortable with my own queer identity and spent more time in queer spaces (though with Euph I actually just realized he had to be gay because I every het relationship I envisioned for him fell totally flat and yet imagining him as having crushes on guys just seemed to work better/make more sense, and that was an earlier decision).

4. Do you intend on publishing your story one day? Why, or why not?

I definitely do! I have many, many stories I want to publish, as books or comics or tv shows or films. I’ve always wanted to publish some of writing since it’s one of my main passions and have always taken inspiration from the stories I consumed. I just love writing and would want to be able to do it as my main career, the key will just be figuring out how to focus on one project long enough to finish it. xD

5. Surprise fact! Give a random fact about your character(s), whether it’s their favorite color, food, or even song!

Euphranor loves to sing! He hums to calm himself down and even full on sings to vent his feelings sometimes. Kadri loves literature and video games, and blackberry pie is his favorite food.

6. Admit it, you have a folder on your computer of the various types of picrews you’ve created for your character(s). Would you mind posting a few (or five)?

*VIBRATES* MY TIME HAS COME. I absolutely have way too many picrews of my fellas so I won’t post them all, just two each for the core four of my main novel project. First, Euphranor:

(yes he is a Hufflepuff)

Kadri:

(also since I dragged the Hogwarts houses into this Kadri is Ravenclaw)

Ena:

(I put her in Gryffindor)

And finally, Fiera:

(Right now I have her in Slytherin. She could also be in Ravenclaw though)

7. Time to get serious for a bit. There’s been heavy debate on having non-human characters identify as ace, aro, non-binary, etc., but never actual humans. As someone who’s aspec, how would you explain to someone who’s allo why this can be and is seen as hurtful?

I mean, as a sci-fi fan I definitely love if the non-human characters are queer coded, but it’s definitely important to include human representation as well, and I think there are a few simple reasons for that. One is that queer people are, in fact, humans, and therefore our stories deserve to be told as they are in reality as well as how they could be in fiction. The other is only writing us as inhuman implies you consider our identities as fictitious or too strange for a human to have, and queer people already have to deal with other forms of erasure and invalidation in real life. (Also, not everyone is a fan of sci-fi/fantasy, and they should still be able to read stories where they can see themselves)

8. It’s a sad reality that many stories in mainstream media don’t have characters that are aspec, not to mention without resorting to harmful stereotypes. Besides there being nothing wrong with IDing as aspec, why did you choose to have your character ID as such? What would you tell other authors who’re interested in writing characters that are aspec, but are afraid of offending the community?

I have a huge list of aspec characters, which definitely started happening more once I was aware of my own asexuality (and later, aromanticism), since I realized that I could make my own aro and ace characters and then just went wild with it lol. It’s also easier for me to write since I can actually draw from personal experience somewhat for it. Beyond representation having aro and ace characters also allows you to explore more facets of human emotions/the human experience, so that’s always fun.

As for how I would advise allies looking to write a-spec characters, my main advice would be to remember that we are an incredibly diverse group of people, and so while no one a-spec character will resonate with every a-spec reader, an a-spec character written in good faith will definitely speak to some of us. Write them as an character first, and when it comes to things like how their attraction does or doesn’t work and what they want out of relationships, figure out what works best for them. Really, if you’re concerned your character would be offensive in some way you can always make a post asking about it, many of us are happy to offer constructive advice and appreciate that someone is wanting to put in the effort to write about our experiences. Reading or listening to anecdotes from an array of a-spec people is also a good way of getting ideas of how to portray us, and there are various resources for that (the tags, AUREA collects anecdotes from arospec individuals, and probably more than I can think of offhand)

9. If you’re comfortable with sharing, what is your characters’ identity? Do they use any microlabels? Does theirs reflect your own?

Unsurprisingly I have many characters who are aroace (Fiera is one of them), and Ena is bisexual and gray-aromantic. Kadri was originally supposed to just be bi/pan but has become increasingly aspec, will they end up gray-aro as well as grey-ace? Will they end up as a pan oriented aroace? I don’t know yet, but they sure are a pan a-spec. My most recent project has exclusively aro-spec protagonists, Valentine is aroace, Cedar is demiromantic, Raelene is cupioromantic, and then Clematis and Hadyn are presently just Aro and might stay that way. My aroace characters are often styled after my own aroace experiences, while other a-spec characters aren’t as much.

11. Why do you think that not just representation is important, but GOOD representation? Can you offer any examples?

Well, I think there are a few ways to make ‘good rep’. There is the ‘this character helps bring awareness/educate about the community’ and then there’s ‘this character just resonates with certain a-spec people a lot’, and the main reason I think it’s important is because rep should be for the people they’re representing. So if rep hurts the community or totally fails to be relatable to anyone who’s actually a-spec, then it missed the whole point and is doing just as much to leave the community feeling left in the dust as no rep. Of course things do get complicated when the community is divided on whether the rep is good or not, which I imagine will be a common occurrence, and many examples of rep probably fall into the grey area between Good and Bad, but generally people should aim to tell stories that will help more than hinder the people you are telling your story about. (Although I also think that the long term end goal is to get to the point where there is enough representation that it doesn’t matter if some of it is ‘bad’ or not, since I feel like that is the true state of normalization, but that is sadly not yet the case)

12. What’s the genre of your most recent story? Do you always write in this genre? If so, what other works do you have? If not, why did you pick it?

My most recent story (with Valentine) is fantasy, inspired by shoujo style anime series like Cardcaptor Sakura, while Euph’s story is more dystopian urban fantasy? His exact genre has shifted around a lot and will probably continue to do so. In general, most of my works are fantasy in some way or another. A few are more sci-fi or horror based, but definitely the majority are fantasy whether that be magical girl type stories, urban fantasy, superheroes, or dark fantasy.

14. What’s a brief biography of your character? Is their history, personality, and/or looks similar to your own?

I’m going to go with Fiera here. The short version of her backstory is that she and her older brother were born to neglectful parents, and while their grandmother was attentive emotionally she also lived far away. Her brother discovered magic, long thought forgotten, but killed himself shortly after, leaving Fiera alone and confused. She then made a point to dedicate herself to studying the theory and history of magic in the hope that she may someday understand why her brother would take his own life so suddenly like that. She has a down to earth personality and is very observant, and has a great deal of ambition and focus for tasks. She naturally has a more lighthearted and curious personality, but has become more somber since the death of her brother. While she always struggled with sustaining personal relationships, it’s only recently she started using her power of observation to be more manipulative and always keep a cool, pleasant demeanor. She has a love for fashion and sewing, as well as an interest in chemistry.

She isn’t really based on me at all backstory or appearance wise, and only slightly takes after me personality wise. Our main similarity is that we both can be quietly observant and don’t tend to get outwardly angry very often, and that we are both aroace. But I am nowhere near as focused as her, am terrible at lies/manipulation, and have different interests. I’m also way more prone to energetic rants and blunt statements than she is.

15. What are the themes of your story? Is it a lighthearted adventure, or are we talking deep, ocean-sized levels of angst? Why, or why not, did you choose them?

The tone of Euph’s story is kind of all over the place due to how often I’ve tweaked it, but there are certainly oceans of angst for all the protagonists. There’s just also decided remnants of the wacky humor from when the story was predominantly a comedy, and a lot more scenes of the characters just relaxing or goofing off than might be typical in a high tension drama adventure. My story with Valentine is generally much more lighthearted, though there will be some deeper moments for character development (and also because I want it to have a slightly gothic vibe, just Because)

16. How long have you been writing? Has your style changed from when you first began to now? What are some tips you’d give to those who’re interested in writing a story of their own, be it professionally or as a hobby?

I’ve been writing in some capacity just about as long as I can remember, and so my style has definitely taken various shifts depending on how old I was and what I was taking as my main inspiration at the time. Sometimes I went for more sarcastic and whimsical narration regardless of the events happening of the story, sometimes I went for a more quick modern-ish style, sometimes I would focus more or less on descriptions or dialogue. I don’t really know where I’m at right now though.

What I would advise to anyone wanting to sit down and write is to be patient and kind with yourself. Nine times out of ten what sounds epic in your head will come out at first as clunky and all over the place. But that is pretty much the whole purpose of first drafts; the clunky first draft crawls so the second draft may walk so the third draft may walk a little faster so the final draft may run. The other thing I would advise is to absolutely experiment, and see what works best for you. There is every kind of writing advice out there imaginable, much of it contradictory, so really you just have to mess around with styles and perspective and dialogue and see what happens, which stuff you liked and which stuff you didn’t.

17. What’s your process for writing? Do you plan your story out first, write whatever you want then edit later, or both? How might this help others?

My writing process is pretty much a mishmash of writing whatever comes to me, then planning, then writing, then using a bunch of character building exercises to have fun but make no progress in the plot, then neglect the project for months, then write some more or maybe plan. I don’t know how much this would help others, though I have found when I set goals with deadlines and some external pressure (nanowrimo, reward system implanted by friends, etc) I am far more productive, so perhaps that is something others could try if they struggle with staying on track?

18. Your book’s become quite popular, easily reaching the New York Times Bookseller list, and now, you’ve been picked to lead a writing workshop. It goes swimmingly, and afterward, someone comes and tells you that your book not only inspired them to write a story of their own, but also helped them discover and accept their identity. What’s your reaction?

Mostly I would just be flabbergasted, but also extremely pleased and honored to have been able to provide any kind of help or assistance to my readers.And I would feel very happy for the person, since that sort of inspiration is great to come by.

19. Are there any published stories out there that feature aspec characters that you also read? Do you have any suggestions?

Unfortunately not that I can think of! I am peripherally aware of some ace characters, but they aren’t in stories I personally consume. I hope to find more though!

20. Just for fun, write down a paragraph of your most recent writing. It can be an action-packed scene, some witty dialogue, or a colorful description that you really enjoyed. (Be sure to properly tag any possible triggers!)

Well, my most recent finished work would be the clunky first draft of my novel. So, here’s a silly conversation that entertained me to write:

Once they had bought the food, they went back to the park to eat.

“You know, Fiera, I have come to a realization.” Kadri said.

“Oh? What’s that?” Fiera asked.

“Store snacks are not as filling as restaurant food, nor as refined, but they are decidedly addictive.” he said, munching on Twizzlers.

“Yep. That’s what makes them store snacks. Plus, I couldn’t get any really nice stuff. I’m not made of money.” Fiera explained.

“Which brings me to my next question, how exactly are you financing our meals? You don’t seem to work a job of any kind.” Kadri said. Fiera was almost surprised that he knew about jobs, but decided not to ask about it.

“You’re right, I don’t. But my parents leave me about sixty bucks a week so that they can do what they want without me starving to death in their absence. After yesterday and just now, I’m down to like eight bucks, and the next payment comes in three days, so after this stash goes it's dollar store snacks only.” Fiera explained.

“I see. Fascinating. And these drinks you bought us, why are they vitamin drinks?” Kadri said,looking over a vitamin water curiously.

“Because we definitely aren’t going to get any vitamins from chips and candy.” Fiera said simply.

“There is logic to that, I suppose.” he said. There was silence for a few moments.

“Um… Kadri?” Fiera said after a while.

“Yes, Fiera?” Kadri said.

“You know you can’t eat a whole bag of Twizzlers in one go, right?” Fiera said.

“I don’t see why not. If it is not going to give me the nutrients I need, it may as well provide me with the maximum level of pleasure it is capable of.” Kadri said.

“Yeah, but you’ll get sick. And we have limited supplies.” Fiera countered. Kadri looked at the bag of Twizzlers in alarm.

“These are poisonous in large doses!?” he exclaimed.

“What? No, not poisonous, they just make you sick because they’re candy. All candy does that if you keep eating it.” Fiera said.

“Commoners lead dangerous lives, it would seem. I shall never forget this betrayal.” He said to the bag of Twizzlers, putting it down and taking the vitamin water instead.

#Arospec Awareness Week #aromantic #writing #non-fandom #asaw2020

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moonlights-shadow-warrior · 5 years

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Hi, I’ve been following you for a hot minute and wanted to ask about how you define your asexuality and gray-romanticness. I am a poly/pan trans-guy trying to wrap my head around it and from your posts you always seem super nice and down to earth. Sorry if this is a weird question ^~^’

Ngl your ask did catch me off guard, although that was mostly due to the fact that a) I never get asks, and b) I rarely post my own stuff or comment on others’ posts so the fact that you said I seem nice and down to earth ‘cause of my posts threw me for a bit of a loop. Sweet though, and I’m glad I come off that way even though my blog is really just a mishmash of things I like and that catch me eye

Now as for your question

TL:DR Defining my asexuality means I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others (never have in my almost 23 years of life) and it honestly kinda confuses me simply because it’s something I’ve never experienced before and when others talk about it I just don’t get it

As for my greyromanticism, it’s more a transitional term as over the years I went from having loads and loads of crushes (I think) as a kid to now where I haven’t had a crush for multiple years as I move closer and closer to being aro ‘cause of some trauma that happened in my life. Same trauma is part of why gender does make a difference in my attraction now

Gonna start this off with some backstory saying I used to identify as bisexual, then pansexual, ‘cause I’d never heard of asexuality before and gender didn’t really play a part in my like for someone. And from the terms I knew, those seemed like the obvious choice at the time. But I also didn’t really,,, get it when some of my friends talked about how hot a person was or their list of actors they wanted to bone (and just celebrity crushes in general now that I think about it, although that could’ve very easily been due to the fact I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who in the realm of Hollywood). I’d just sorta nod along and listen ‘cause hey, people are different and just ‘cause we’re both pan doesn’t mean our experiences are exactly the same

Now at this time I was reading a lot—and I mean a lot—of fanfics ‘cause of escapism and all that jazz. And in one fic I came across there was a character—my favorite character—that was ace. When it got mentioned I didn’t think much of it ‘cause it was just ‘oh cool new term I haven’t heard before’. But then it was explained not only what asexuality was, but also what sexual and romantic attraction were—with examples for each of them—and how they didn’t always line up for some people. And it just

Clicked

I did a bit more research on it, reading things that other aces had posted talking about being ace, and it felt like it just fit me

It’s probably been close to 7 years since I last read that fic, but it was explained something like this

Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fool around with them, maybe take a tumble in the sheets, but would never want to date them? That’s sexual attraction

And have you ever looked at someone and had your heart flutter and just wanted to go on dates and maybe kiss them but you wouldn’t describe them as sexy and the thought of having sex with them either didn’t cross your mind or made your stomach turn? Romantic attraction

And feeling the latter without the former? Well you might just be ace

Of course this isn’t a universal thing for those under the ace umbrella, but it worked for me and helped me realize something about myself

I don’t feel sexual attraction, which was why all those times my friends talked about how sexy someone was or who was on their f list, it felt like a foreign concept to me and the most I could say to relate was “well they are cute”

As for my greyromanticism, that one’s not as clear cut. Also cw for bad parenting and divorce/bad breakups basically idk

Like I said above, I used to get a lot of crushes as a kid. Looking back, were they all actually crushes or just me thinking a person looked cute? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure there were some

Walking in late only to see the new kid sitting there and immediately my heart rate picked up and I had trouble looking directly at them without blushing? Then picking up an instrument that they played just to try and be seated next to them in band class even though I had no idea what I was doing and had barely talked to them before?

Crush

Get partnered with someone for one assignment and then always trying to sneak glances at them out of the corner of my eye and it just so happens that they ended up in a lot of my photos of my middle school DC field trip?

Crush

Playing spin the faygo just for the chance to make out with one person ‘cause they’re hella cute and within an hour of knowing each other we immediately linked hands and threaded our fingers together while walking around?

Crush

Just as a few examples. Also I was shy and didn’t know how to socialize, which didn’t help at all in the creepiness factor

Now could some of my crushes have actually been just me becoming attached to someone who was nice to me one (1) time? Maybe, who knows, not me

Like I said above, me identifying as greyro is more transitional as I move closer and closer to identifying as aromantic ‘cause of trauma. Was I actually always arospec but just hadn’t heard of the terms like with asexuality? I don’t know because only after everything did I come across the term and my memory is so poor that I can’t properly recall the feelings I experienced. Even the above may not be accurate because my memory’s so spotty and my mind likes to insert things that never actually happened or are wildly different from what everyone else remembers

Which sucks but I digress

So that trauma I keep mentioning. As a child that had to deal with a rough divorce, it can bring on a whole slew of issues, some of which relate to relationships. I called my parents’ divorce almost a decade before it actually happened, and watching it go downhill to the point they could barely stand to be in the same room was rough. Not only that, but I had to give relationship advice to my father, from saying that he should go through with the divorce to giving my opinion on who he should date and if he should break it off or power through a rough spot or not come home for the night. Needless to say, all that warped my perception just a bit

And while that was happening, I had to deal with my own rocky high school relationships

While I haven’t dated a lot of people, a lot of the breakups were bad. Maybe not bad right away and we’d continue on being friends afterwards, but down the line something would happen where they’d either drop all contact or blow up at me without me knowing why or realizing something was off in the first place. And paired with the after effects of the divorce, it was a bad combination

But the golden lining was a breakup so terrible that it caused my datemate to hallucinate and go into such a depressive state that I’m pretty sure the after effects still influence how they act today when it comes to relationships. The four of us talked about moving in together, having a double wedding and all that. But then one left out of the blue and the other became harder and harder to contact until there was no response. And that all happened less than a month after I finally ran away from all the bs of the divorce and my father asking for relationship advice and being dropped so suddenly after what I thought was a good breakup

And after that I can only pinpoint 2 maybe crushes around the same time less than a year later

So yeah, traumatic

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, because I hadn’t heard of the term

But even then I told my datemate that if we broke up I will never be in another romantic relationship after them because of everything. Because I didn’t really believe in love anymore

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, even when I had heard of the term

I thought, nah, that’s not me, because I still thought I had crushes, as few and far between as they were. Because I didn’t know there were other kinds of attraction

And then my datemate asked if I had a crush on this one person, and I said no, and I realized that was the truth. I hadn’t had a crush on them. I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle and maybe give light pecks, protect them as best I could, but it wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t the same feelings as what I remember feeling in my childhood, what I feel towards my datemate

I had a squish, and once I realized that things started making a bit of sense. There were people I wanted to hold their hand, laze around in a cuddle pile to be close to them, maybe give them quick innocent pecks because I’m touch starved and want affection. But never were the feelings romantic

If that trauma had never happened, would I still say I’m panromantic instead of bi greyromantic? Who knows, not me

But what I do know is that if something were to happen and my datemate and I were to split, that the single romantic attraction I have felt in years was severed, I’d full on say I’m aro because they are my exception

My greyromanticism is transitional. It’s not “I feel romantic attraction sparingly” or “have a hard time distinguishing platonic from romantic” or the other common definitions I’ve seen around, but rather “I used to feel romantic attraction all the time, but now only feel it towards one person and if that were to go away, I wouldn’t feel it at all”

Sometimes I doubt myself, thinking maybe I’m experiencing crushes and just don’t realize it or am in denial. But then I think about it again and tell my doubt to shut up because that’s wrong and I know it

And wow that was a lot and I’m pretty sure I spent ~4 hours writing this without realizing it. I hope this answered your question though!! Word vomiting like this helped me realize a few things myself

Also wow I need therapy more than I thought

#mail time #anonymous #ace #asexual #aro #aromantic #greyro #arospec #aspec #Anonymous

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falincoded · 6 years

Text

Okay. So.

I may be coming to terms with the realisation that I may very well be aromantic. Or, i don't know, profoundly afraid of monogamy/intimacy/labels and I'm just misinterpreting my feelings wrong and offending a lot of people with calling my experience aromantic (not my intention but someone who IS aro please tell me if whatever this is fits the general consensus or is entirely wrong PLEASE).

This is going to basically be a word vomitty mess but I need to put this down in writing for me so it's here. Yay. I'm fucking sorry in advance this is a mess so welcome to my state of mind always, I guess.

I have never had a crush. Ever. I've thought people were hot? Yes. Have I had any desire to be in a 'committed relationship' with said hot people? Never. A couple of times I've gotten to know people and then thought that I might like to date them (because that's what people do apparently and so I thought that's what I had to do too) but looking back on it? I just wanted a deeper, more profound friendship. As a teenager I actually made up a crush on someone just so my friends would stop calling me a liar every time I said I had never had a crush.

The thought of never being in a romantic relationship does not scare me. Honestly? That is how I picture my future?? I do not understand why anyone would actively seek out a romantic relationship. It holds absolutely no appeal to me, it honestly never has, I do not want or need a romantic relationship in fact the thought makes me so profoundly uncomfortable I do anything in my power to actively avoid that situation. I'm not kidding when the idea of me personally in a romantic relationship has felt so wrong I've had panic attacks about it. Because, you know, the whole 'getting married is a societal expectation' thing that has been shoved down our (especially girls) throats our entire lives. Long story short IT SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME THAT IN THE FUTURE I MIGHT BE IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT THAT FOR MYSELF RIGHT NOW AND I DO NOT SEE MYSELF WANTING THAT AND IT FEELS WRONG AND THIS IS NOT SHORT AT ALL FUCKING GOD.

I like casual sex. I like friends with benefits (and none of that tropey, they were in love all along because to be perfectly honest I fucking love my friends and I would happily fuck them on the regular but I do not want our friendship to change into whatever the fuck a romantic relationship is, and I think that means I am not in love with them). I have no problem with multiple partners as long as everyone is consenting and communicative and enjoying of said fact. I find multiple genders attractive i.e I am very comfortably a bisexual women.

IF A 'RELATIONSHIP' WAS DEFINED AS JUST BEING FRIENDS WHO FUCK (BITCH I ALREADY DO THAT ITS CALLED FWB) THEN I THINK I WOULD BE FINE WITH BEING IN A 'RELATIONSHIP' but it's not, it's something else (apparently) and I've never felt that and I literally still do not fully believe that it is a real thing that everybody is experiencing and not just hyping up because it is just so outside the my own reality and sphere of experience. But I've seen my relationshipped friends and I know that whatever it is, it means something fucking real to them so. I guess I'm a believer. Whatever.

I guess my problem is, i cannot comprehend loving someone differently from how I love my friends? And yes I love all of my friends 'differently' and it is expressed in different ways but I'm pretty sure it all falls under the net of 'friendship love'. Which I guess we can call platonic except I do find a number of them attractive and I would/have had sex with some of them so is that still platonic? I think it is? I would never date any of them, in fact I've almost dated some of them and it sucked because I hated every second of THAT.

Okay so maybe I'm afraid of intimacy? Possibly? Except I can be pretty intimate with my friends, to the point where some people call it weird lmao. god. I've been called the Ultimate Third Wheel because I know literally everything about some of my friends relationships/sex lives/personal lives and it's just something a lot of people feel comfortable sharing with me? Maybe my easy nature makes people relax a little too much around me? (Lol they probably can feel that i have no desire to be in a relationship so I'm not gonna slide in there like a little snake hiss hiss so they don't have to get all possessive or whatever). Maybe I just have really open friends I don't fucking know.

So basically intimacy isn't an issue BUT it does take a long time to build up that intimacy/I'm an intovert and really make no effort in making new friends unless they make a bigger effort/I do not open up around new people at all and it sometimes takes years to reach the levels I am at with some people. So maybe it is still a problem but I just overcompensate when I do have intimate friendships by going ham with the intimate part??? FUUUUUUUCK!?! Maybe I'm just fucked up??? I don't know okay. But if that was true wouldn't I want to date at least one of my friends? And I really do not.

Okay so maybe I have a problem with labels?? Also possible. Took a really long time for me to comfortable label myself as bi because I personally think everybody experiences sexuality differently and that to label it is to place it in a box and take away from the fact that those labels in themselves mean different things to people because we all interpret things differently blah blah blah bisexual is just easy and best fits how I feel about my own attractions to others. I don't think we NEED labels for something to be real to us but I also think in some circumstances we've been forced to label things to give them credibility in a world that would rather they did not exist.

So maybe I have a fear of labelling a romantic relationship as a romantic relationship because the connotations of a romantic relationship scare me??? Is that what is happening??? I'm pretty comfortable with friendships as explained above, in fact I'm overly comfortable lmao. Maybe what I consider a deep and profound friendship others would consider a romantic relationship? And therefore it is the label of romantic that makes me so very uncomfortable to apply to my own relationships???????????????? Again. I don't fucking know.

Monogamy is not something I care about at all. If you want to be monogamous fine do that. If you want to be polyamorous... fine. Do that. Don't care. Carry on with you day. Do I fear monogamy in my own life? I have no idea. Maybe that's the reason I don't want a romantic relationship? But then I don't particularly want a polyamorous relationship either. (I do have to admit that the idea of a polyam relationship does not make me as uncomfortable as a mono one but I think that's because I perceive a polyam relationship as somehow more casual than mono one which is completely untrue and I know that but that's just how my brain WANTS it to be so that's just a me being biased/stereotypical/internalizing misinformation thing...). So yeah that.

Any this is how I have felt my entire life and one of the reasons why I personally have black listed the tag 'reader insert' because even though I find fictional relationships incredibly interesting I do not ever want that for me for some reason.

I. I need a fucking cookie that was emotionally draining to write Jesus Christ.

Anyway. This has been a fun, am I fucked up or this something that normal people experience too, essay.

Fuck.

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askullandbones · 7 years

Text

So... about that ace discourse, huh?

Crazy.

Since it's pride month and there are a lot of my followers that are not only ace, but young, this is definitely something I wanted to address, but... where do you even start? I didn't even know how thick the hatred for asexual people ran until I started to dig into the tag on tumblr and see the horrible shit being said about us, about how we're just “hesitant” cis heteros. You know what it all reminds me of?

The horrible shit bisexual people get. The horrible shit trans people get. I don't feel like it's as bad as it once was for them in the LGBT+ community, but it still exists, and to deny that would be a disservice to bi and trans folk. But I wanted to just say that this is... unfortunately just something that happens when a 'new' group gains widespread recognition and wants to have somewhere to belong. So what do we do about it?

We do the only thing we can do, and that's stand together.

I remember when I was younger everyone thought that being bisexual was 'the new fad' and they were just 'greedy'. Now we know that's not the case. Bi people still get some flack from their own community, but I see far, far less of it than I did when I was younger. And this is coming from someone who identified as bi during that time.

But they fought for their right to be included, and now the discrimination towards them inside the LGBT+ community is far less than what it used to be from what I can see.

The same will go for us a-spec folk. You just gotta turn a blind eye to people who scream about us in a negative light because, honestly? None of their arguments hold any ground, and eventually they're either going to realize they were being assholes or... they're going to keep being assholes and be on the wrong side of history.

Unfortunately that's how some people are. They're just... assholes who don't want to change as the world evolves around them. They exist even outside the LGBT+ community.

We're told we're “taking away their spaces” when... there is limitless space.

We're told we're not “oppressed enough” when... this is not a competition to see who is more oppressed. A gay cis white man is not going to face the same oppression as gay trans poc, yet both of them are absolutely part of the LGBT+ community.

We're told that we're just “hesitant” straight people when... there is nothing hesitant about being asexual. Some asexuals are anything BUT hesitant about sex.

Yeah, there might not be a lot of laws against us. But pride isn't just about fighting against being oppressed by the law. It's about coming together and finding solidarity with other people who face some of the similar struggles living in a heteronormative society. It's about having a safety net, and yeah, we need that too whether you like it or not, because we get told a lot that we 'just need a good fucking to turn us around'.

Sound familiar? Lesbians hear that shit all the time, and it's horrible and scary.

We're not taking your resources. We're becoming more helping hands.

We're not hetero, they don't want us around either.

And, honestly? We're not gonna go anywhere. You're stuck with us. A-spec people and those who support us are far louder and more abundant in the LGBT+ community than those who aren't.

So if you're young and a-spec and scared of all the crazy stuff aphobic people are saying, you have every right to be. But block them. They're wrong. History will repeat itself and soon their voices will be few and far between. Surround yourself with those who understand you and love you for who you are.

That's what pride is about. It's about love and understanding.

And those who are spending pride month to be hateful and venomous belong in it far, far less than any courteous a-spec does.

Oh and, disclaimer: I'm more than just aro/ace. So that aside I'm part of the LGBT+ community whether you like it or not.

#daily life with skull #ace #asexuality #lgbt+#long post

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acindra · 7 years

Text

Sooo I’m gonna ramble about my ideas for coming up fics under the cut.

kingjoethecat- I love your michael with touch issues, I would love a fic that focused only on it, maybe it all boiling over and yelling at his friends? It would have to end in a happy note thou ~

Anon- I wish you would write a fic where jeremy comforts michael !

I’m gonna combine these two prompts into one fic. I think it’ll probably be about sensory overload in addition to the touch thing. I’m not sure if it’s going to be exactly like my touch thing where I can feel it if people touch me and it leaves behind a ghost feeling until I wipe it off or if it’s just gonna be that Michael doesn’t like people touching his bare skin. Possibly going to include my texture thing. No real solid ideas on it beyond that, yet.

thisisnotveryspecial- 42.“I’m only here to establish an alibi.”

This is gonna be put into We Only Want To Have A Good Time but I’m not sure the situation it’s gonna be used in yet. My general idea for the fic so far is the next chapter involves them joining Christine and Rich in setting up their campsite/booth for the Relay for Life. “I don’t know how I feel about doing manual labor on our first date.” They’re gonna have problems setting up the tent/canopy because Jeremy is the only tall person there but luckily Jake shows up with a cooler full of drinks and height.

The next chapter will involve the beginning ceremony for the event which will probably be glossed over because I don’t actually remember too much of it. Everyone in the squad will show up and they’ll do an initial lap or something to scope out some of the other booths. The booth they’re running is for the theatre club and they’re gonna do improv sketches for money, dramatic readings of bad literature (like my immortal or something), as well as selling fake-flower crowns that Brooke and Jenna helped Christine make the day before. Since they didn’t finish making all of them and people are buying them, people will be delegated to make some more in the camping tent so there’ll be some of that eventually.

The next chapter will involve actually going to booths and buying things as well as shenanigans probably. Like. One of the clubs has a ‘jail’ you can spend a dollar to get someone put in and then in order to get them out again you have to spend 5 dollars. The MC for the event will also hold like a soccer game in the middle of the field and like dancing stuff. There’s probably going to be a dress up contest.

anon- Hello, do you still take prompts? If yes, then its not usual lovey dovey boyfs prompt. I was thinking that in this fandom is needed a fic where Michael has s crush on Jeremy and confesses it in 7th or 8th grade and Jeremy gently rejects him and Michael gets over the crush and they stay best friends and maybe way later they got curious and date each other when they are in college.

thisisnotveryspecial- 48.“You make me want things I can’t have.”

anon- 42: “ I need a hug. ” and 43: “ You’re special to me. ”

These all will probably be combined. The fic (which I’m currently writing) is loosely based on the first prompt but I don’t think I’m gonna make Michael get over his crush. It’s going to be called Our Loneliness Will Keep Us Warm probably. Basically it starts off with Jeremy buying The Hoodie for Michael’s birthday the summer before they start freshman year. He buys patches of stuff he thinks Michael will enjoy and then gives it to him hoping it’ll be ok. Michael, of course, loves it and is overcome with emotion. Jeremy’s like ‘only the best for my best friend’ and Michael admits that he thinks he’s gay. Jeremy is like that’s cool it’s not like you have a crush on me. And Michael tries to hide it but fails and Jeremy’s just like. OH. UM. OK. But also sorry I don’t think I like you like that. Michael shrugs it off and is all I know, this is a me-problem, don’t worry about it.

Fast forward to year 3 of uni and they live together in an apartment. They’re all still friends with the squip squad but everyone has moved away probably. I’ll probably touch on Christine dumping Jeremy because she’s aro just so I can show that Jeremy still makes jokes about Michael having a crush on him (not in a cruel way but in a ‘i acknowledge this really awkward thing happened and it’s totally fine, we made it through it and are still hella close bffs) as well as the squip stuff but, at least on that front, i’ll try to not make it angsty.

Anyways so Michael has a late class that prevents him from going to clubs on tuesdays but he insists Jeremy goes to the GSA (gay-straight alliance) without him (Michael still participates in the club events for the GSA he just can’t go to the proper meetings) and IDK I might make Rich go to their school too so Jeremy has someone to go with cuz I don’t think he’d go by himself. Anyways, one of the students does a presentation on sexuality, romanticism, and gender identity which gets Jeremy thinking about his own identity. He texts Michael asking if he’s going to come to the Starbucks hangout after the club meeting (which is what we used to do after GSA at my uni) but Michael says he’s gonna head home because he didn’t get a chance to eat between classes. He comes back to the apartment with a drink for Michael and finds Michael finishing his dinner. He hands over the drink and pops the question ‘how did you know you liked boys?’ which has Michael doing a spittake. They discuss the presentation (Michael’s like Christine gave a very similar presentation when she came out as aro why are you questioning things now and Jeremy admits he hadn’t really been paying attention because he was upset over being dumped or something), specifically about romantic attraction and sexual attraction and how they’re two separate things. Michael admits that he knew he was gay because one day he was over and Jeremy was ranting about something and he really wanted to kiss him. And then he started noticing other boys. And wanting to do stuff with boys. But not girls.

They settle down with their laptops to do homework or whatever and Jeremy thinks about his relationship with Michael. He ends up googling things like ‘how do best friends act around each other’ and ‘signs of a crush’ and ‘am i gay?’. He gets increasingly concerned and anxious and Michael notices and is like what’s going on. Jeremy’s like uhhhh I think I’m bi. Or at least biromantic. Maybe. I’ve never really wanted to kiss people I just really want to hang with them? And then he stumblingly explains that he wants relationshippy things like holding hands (which he does with Michael) and cuddling (which he also does with Michael) and going on dates (they don’t go on dates, but they DO do a lot of things one-on-one). Michael is like well you haven’t had a lot of experience with kissing either. There was Brooke and Christine (and Chloe, Jeremy shudders) and that unnamed girl from the party last year. Plus not everyone likes kissing so it’s hard to tell. Jeremy’s getting this sinking feeling in his stomach that he has a crush on Michael which quickly switches to a fluttery feeling because Michael is, still, his favorite person and totally awesome.

Jeremy is like “I have an idea!” Michael is like “No.” because he sees that glint in Jeremy’s eyes and it’s never a good thing. Jeremy convinces him to hear him out and is like “Ok, so you’re a boy.” “I don’t like where this is going.” Jeremy suggests they kiss, for various reasons and Michael is reluctant but also hey he still has a crush on him this is his chance. They kiss for a while and then Jeremy is like sooo I’m definitely biromantic. Um. I might be bisexual?

At this point it could go one of two ways, smut or not smut. I’ve only vaguely developed the smut idea cuz I wanted to be sure I could fit it in if I was going to write it. So Jeremy continues- But I’ve never really been in contact with anyone else’s dick before. To be fair I’ve never come in contact with anyone else’s genitals in general so I don’t even know if I’m sexually attracted to girls but that’s not the point. The point is right now we’re both here and you have a dick so. Then awkward handjobs. Michael makes an offhanded remark about how it’s funny Jeremy is his first time having sex; he had often dreamt about it but never thought it would happen because Jeremy was straight and haha see I told you you wouldn’t die a virgin. And then Jeremy realizes he just had sex with Michael and starts reeling but Michael calms him down. And then Michael awkwardly makes the ‘this doesn’t have to mean anything’ speech and Jeremy’s quietly like ‘but i want it to mean something?’

And that’s as far as I got with that idea.

anon-145: “ Go back to bed.”

I’ll probably put this into my possible vent fic about being mixed race raised american and not being in touch with your heritage which I kinda touched on here. I only have a vague idea about Michael’s cousin coming to visit and then shunning him because he doesn’t know any Filipino or Ecuadorian culture or maybe Christine talks about her Chinese heritage one day and starts asking Michael about his to try and be friends with him.

#acindraquill

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unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot · 7 years

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and/or if you don't mind me jumping in with another; more Simmorse QP?

Thanks for the second prompt!! I’m taking Ace and/or Aro Pride Prompts if anyone else would like to send me one.

A Visit Home

Summary: Bobbi and Jemma go on a weekend trip to San Diego, and Bobbi ends up coming out as aromantic to her mother.

Sequel to this fic

Read on AO3

“Hey, Jemma, you got a minute?” Bobbi asked as she walked up to Jemma in the lab.

Jemma put her tablet on the desk and turned to face Bobbi with a smile. “Yes, of course. What can I do for you?”

“I was thinking about taking a couple days off and going to San Diego—I haven’t visited my mom in a while—and I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go with me?”

“Oh.” Jemma blinked and considered the offer.

“You don’t have to,” Bobbi quickly told her after Jemma didn’t respond right away.

“No, I’d love to,” Jemma reassured her. “I just didn’t realize we were at the meeting the parents stage in our relationship.”

Bobbi shrugged. “I’ve mentioned you a couple times, when I talk to her on the phone. I tell her you and I are friends. Is that okay?”

“It’s true,” Jemma said. “Are you out to her?”

“She knows I’m bi,” Bobbi said, “but not that I’m aro. I’ve thought about telling her, but I’m scared she won’t understand. She doesn’t know about SHIELD either. She thinks I’m a biologist.”

“When were you wanting to go?”

“Next weekend?” Bobbi suggested. “Assuming no alien threats ruin our plans.”

“All right,” Jemma agreed.

~*~*~*~

“Can we go over our cover story again?” Jemma asked. Their quinjet had just landed in San Diego and Bobbi was completing the post landing checks before they would go to into the main airport and be picked up by Susan Morse, Bobbi’s mother.

“You and I are good friends who met in the lab,” Bobbi told her. “I’m a biologist and you’re a biochemist. We both needed a break from work, so I invited you to come to San Diego with me.”

“Okay,” Jemma said, taking a deep breath and pressing her hands against her jaw and cheeks. “Biochemist. I can be a biochemist.”

“You already are a biochemist,” Bobbi reminded her, an amused grin on her face. She picked up her duffel bag and wrapped an arm around Jemma’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s go find Mom.”

Jemma stood in the middle of Bobbi’s childhood bedroom taking in the Star Wars posters covering the baby blue painted walls, the shelf full of trophies she had won for baton twirling and gymnastics, and the large teddy bear propped against the pillows on the bed. She turned and beamed at Bobbi who was standing just inside the doorway. “It’s very you,” she told her.

Bobbi smiled a tight smile back. “It used to be.”

Jemma sat down on the edge of the bed. “So what are we going to do while we’re here?”

“I was thinking we could go to the zoo tomorrow,” Bobbi suggested. “They have some really cool exhibits, and I haven’t been in years.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun,” Jemma agreed. “Do they have a reptile house? And we’ll need to visit the monkeys for Fitz. He’ll get so stroppy if I don’t take pictures for him.”

“Yes, there’s a reptile house, and yes, we’ll definitely visit the monkeys for Fitz,” Bobbi said, coming over to sit beside her on the bed. “We don’t want him stroppy.”

“This is nice,” Jemma told her, “having a break from work, just the two of us.”

“Yeah,” Bobbi agreed. “We should do it more often.” She leaned down and her lips captured Jemma’s in a very satisfying kiss. Jemma closed her eyes and opened her mouth to deepen the kiss.

“I put clean towels on the guest bed—oh!” Bobbi jerked away from Jemma whose eyes flew open to see the surprised face of Susan Morse. “Should I move the towels into here?” Susan asked, glancing between her daughter and Jemma.

“We’ll figure out the towels later, Mom,” Bobbi said, a blush covering her face. “Can you give me and Jemma a moment to talk?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Susan said, turning and walking back down the hall.

Bobbi shut the bedroom door. “I’m so sorry about that,” she told Jemma. “I’ll go talk to her and explain.”

“Is it going to be a problem?” Jemma asked, concerned. “I can always get a hotel room.”

“No, no,” Bobbi reassured her. “It’s not a problem. She’s completely accepting of me being bi. I just don’t want her to get the wrong impression about our relationship. I really like that we’re queerplatonic. I’ve just held off on telling her because it’s not really well understood by people who aren’t ace or aro-spec.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” Bobbi said. “I think I need to talk to her on my own.”

Jemma pressed a quick kiss to Bobbi’s lips. “I’m here if you change your mind.”

~*~*~*~

Bobbi stopped just outside the kitchen and took a deep breath. Her mom was inside, gathering ingredients to start dinner. Bobbi thought back to when she’d come out as bisexual and wished they could have this conversation in the car like they had back then. It was a lot easier talking about personal things when eye contact wasn’t an expectation.

“Mom?” Bobbi said, entering the kitchen. “We should talk.”

“It’s okay if you want to bring your girlfriend here, Barbara,” Susan said, turning to face her. “I just wish you’d told me that’s who she was.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Bobbi said. “Not in the way that you’re thinking.”

Susan frowned. “I’m not following.”

“Well, Mom, I’ve learned in the years since coming out that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two separate things. Most people’s sexual attraction matches their romantic attraction, so a heterosexual person is also heteroromantic. But with me, well, I’m what’s called aromantic. It means that I don’t feel romantic attraction toward others.”

“But you’re bisexual?” Susan asked.

Bobbi nodded. “I like sex, but I don’t like romance. Jemma’s not my girlfriend, because we’re not in a romantic relationship. We’re in what’s called a queerplatonic relationship. It’s something that’s more than friends, but isn’t romantic.”

Susan nodded, but she still looked confused. “I’m afraid I’m having trouble wrapping my head around this, Barbara,” she told Bobbi. “But I love you, and I accept you, and I accept Jemma as your not-a-girlfriend.”

Bobbi smiled, feeling relieved. She went over and hugged her mom. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll send you some links that will explain it more.”

“All right, dear. I’ll be here getting dinner ready if you and Jemma want to finish what I interrupted.”

“Mom!” Bobbi cried, blushing again. She grabbed two cans of Cactus Cooler from the fridge before retreating back to her bedroom.

Jemma looked up expectantly as Bobbi entered. “How did it go?”

Bobbi handed over one of the Cactus Cooler cans. “Good,” she said. “She doesn’t really understand it, but she’s accepting. I’m glad I told her. And I didn’t mention anything about your orientations, just that I’m aromantic and we’re in a queerplatonic relationship because of that.”

“I wouldn’t have minded if you had,” Jemma said.

Bobbi shook her head. “It’s not my place.”

“I’ll try to talk to her while we’re here, if that’s okay?” Jemma looked a Bobbi with a questioning expression. “Maybe I can help explain our relationship so she can understand.”

“That’s fine with me,” Bobbi said. She sat down on the bed next to Jemma. “What do you think of the Cactus Cooler?”

“It’s nice.”

“It’s my favorite, but it’s only available in California. One thing we’ll need to do before we leave is stop by the grocery store and stock up.”

“Good thing we brought the quinjet,” Jemma said. “So, do you think your mum will show off your baby pictures?”

#aosficnet2 #fanfiction #agents of shield #simmorse #bobbi morse #jemma simmons #aromantic bobbi morse #bisexual bobbi morse #aromantic jemma simmons #pansexual jemma simmons #queerplatonic relationship #pride prompts

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the-rock-nudes-blog · 7 years

Text

An Asexual Defense on Bughead: Why you can still love even though you’re asexual.

You might ask, this is just a show on the CV network why do you even need to shitpost, bruh? Well, I'm tired of misrepresentation and mislabels. That's why. I fight for love, equality, and no judgment.

Disclaimer and truth: I’m not an ace and I’m not an aro. Currently, I am also single (have been for all my life, shocking yes) so I can’t say what being in a romantic relationship is like. I’m a prude – and believe it or not Internet: I’m a virgin.

So, I’m not claiming I know what it is. So, am I unqualified? Well, perhaps. But, that said – I know what love is. What really love is supposed to mean. I’ve dealt with it all my life and seen the type of love that is questioned intently by this show. Jason and Polly’s love until death they parted: infatuated with each other when it first started as a sexual drive to be near each other 24/7. Betty’s parent's destructive love where high school sweethearts turned sour when Hal forced Alice to take an abortion (and canon universe, that would've been a brother fun fact). Veronica’s parents lack love: Hermione just needs the money from Hiram and since he's in jail she thinks she can play innocent adultery. Jughead’s mom leaving because even though she loves FP she can’t be around him when he’s sinking into alcoholism - so she takes Jellybean too.

And, the most talked/debated/questioned/discussed relationship of all time: Bughead…because of questions on sexuality and representation in media.

I think, if possible, it would be interesting if Riverdale explores what Lili means by “Betty makes Jughead happy,” “Betty and Jughead make each other happy,” etc.. Not necessarily a sexual drive or fascination to have a level of intimacy that is body-to-body controlled. But, a nurturing and loving need to be beside each other in order to feel wholesome. It would be interesting to define love – Cole quickly corrected a commenter saying Jughead “makes love” instead of “fucks.” What does that entail for the series, hmm? No one is talking about that too.

Whilst making an asexual defense for Jughead, I want to personally extend this to females: particularly an asexual defense for Betty. Now before I get trashed, note that this asexualism should apply to girls (since I think girls can also be asexual).

Also, making Betty asexual as well (as a narrative) would be an interesting struggle and a cool propulsion for a Dark Betty plot. Before getting into that, let’s address this elephant in the room. Lili, in an interview a while ago, did say in an OTP battle: rather than Bughead vs. Barchie – she thought a Betty doesn’t need a man. Other interviews, she is asked whether she ships Beronica - she said that let fans ship, she is just the actress. And to be real frank: I think if Betty was in a better state, Lili probably is right! A lot of fans for this show are shipping and hurting each other through shipping poor little Betty. Rather than argue if Betty’s heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, bi-curious, etc. – if she’s even sexualized or not. I’d like to acknowledge how amazing the cast and writers of Riverdale shaped Betty: that she is just a teenager girl who just wants to be loved for who she is and to equally give love back to that person. Because she doesn’t want to be lonely anymore.

Love wins. Sound familiar? Ask this: does an aromantic (who is defined not to experience romance or love or chemical driven feelings of longing/nurturing, etc.) not understand this? Is it fair to ask that question? Not attacking anyone at all, just getting one to think about others.

Also, I don’t know how true this is. But, I’ll go ahead and pose this as a questioning statement to follow up the earlier question: I’d think that just because you’re asexual doesn’t mean you don’t understand or can’t define sexual attraction to someone. “Passion” is just not driven by all the “chemicals that would lead the body to feel good.” And crassly stated: “whatever you’re type of kink is, sex-wise and sexing-time wise.”

That said I think this might be a great driving force for a Dark Betty if the writers take her that direction. Rather than she’s got a seductress and a curiosity to quell, she’s got a lot of pent of rage in her from how many times people have categorized her/MISLABELED her. And even more, hurt people she really loves. It appears to me that being an asexual Betty too would have very interesting validations of why she knows how to play the overtly sexualized character…just as a punisher and a justice seeker in the absolute wrong way. I guess what I’m trying to say is instead of playing the “LUST” card, she would be a “WRATH” card. I know, controversial! While one might be quick to say that Jughead is “WRATH” I think he’s more of a “PRIDE” card – since he didn’t want to openly admit who he was and his upbringing. This leaves Archie to “LUST” as his deadliest sin.

Anyways playing said cards, but NOT in your favor, the outcome would have “dire consequences” like what Jughead alluded to in episode 3. Maybe in the future seasons of this show, Betty could get into so much trouble with her recklessness that she earns herself juvi-time like what Jughead went through, perhaps filed harassments, or law-enforced investigations. That or she could lead her to decisions that she needs to speak with therapists – her ADD and Adderall usage, etc.

It seems that inner fire – so much that she forgets that she has that character inside her is emboldened ONLY because she it’s done to rage her opinionated lessons about how detrimental and harmful sex/fucking can become on her enemy. Rather than romance/love as a driving force, she’s willing to hurt anyone who hurts the ones she loves. This could be a great point for when she thought Chuck – who hurt/ridiculed/dominated/screwed with many women Betty cares about (i.e. Ethel and Veronica) because he felt powerful and it felt bodily good – was actually Jason who wrote Polly’s name in that disgusting book like he glorified that she was another notch in his bed).

Somehow her being around Jughead gives her clarity. She can think easier. Him being present makes her feel wanted and needed, but not in any way that’s not beautiful. This makes sense with her narrative on why she doesn’t push Jughead away. She could’ve said something in episode 4 when he just kissed her. Instead, she wants a relationship with him – she wants to be with him, and to walk with him. I think that’s the gist of what some Bughead shippers see. More than this though, it’s that both of them are weak and young. They don’t know anything else but Riverdale, and both connect because they love the charm of old Riverdale and because they know what love really is supposed to be. I’m a Bughead shipper (yes) and also not a Bughead shipper (in the way that most people are shipping that causes this type of stir-up in the Riverdale fandom). I'd define myself as: “I want these two cinnamon rolls to finally be happy and if they make each other happy because they love each other it’s good in the hood if not oh well writers decision of representation goodnight kthxbaiiii”

Representation is necessary. I think with how much attention human equality (the particular intricacies of members towards the LGBTQ community, aces and aros, etc.) are being refined and taken care of, it is important to clearly illustrate terms to what many toss precariously. Riverdale is doing this. With strong avocation to human rights and policies – politics themselves, Cole is right: people should keep asking and re-asking questions of whether Jughead is asexual or aromantic. Using fresh labels to define a person is tricky because no one wants to be mislabeled and misrepresented. Arguably, I think it’s better to be underrepresented than told you’re not who you are.

I think Chip Zdarsky’s illustration of Riverdale in the modern world is interesting and it sheds light on the difference of what love is and what the media is shaping love into. In other words, asking this question finally will bring light into what many people are throwing around and having constant fights about – defining the labels: that asexualism and aromanticism are different. That bicuriousity and bisexualism is actually different. And so forth.

Outside of just Jughead, and asexual defense for Betty (too) would also be beautiful if the narrative is written this way. Betty is struggling with holding herself together in midst of her family dramas between the Blossoms – Cheryl who constantly still bullies her all because of her grudge against Polly, a falling out romance with the boy she loved since he confessed he wanted to marry her in 2nd grade but openly admits he doesn’t love her at all, her parents literally splitting up. She needs to know where she is all the time, not who she is physically and bodily wanting.

Jughead, who is struggling to define his love. What is it, and why did he choose Betty? Is it just cause she's there? I mean, his family is gone. Nothing is set in stone, but everyone at least can acknowledge he’s scared of physical presence, physical contact, and physical commitment. He chooses to stay aloof and outsider-like. His way of relating to the world is sardonic. But, he wants to love and nurturing. He wants someone to think of family and love like Betty does. But, he’s scared of coming up short or not having enough to invest into. And that’s probably why people think he’ll push back a bit again to shield himself. Commitments being that many people HAVE let him down so much that he doesn’t want that tie to intimacy. Let their companionship (whatever it is) be that heals their heartbreak, rather than just physical attraction.

Not to say that there’s anything wrong with being aromantic but sexual, asexual and aromantic, or anything. Again labels and mislabels are important for young people to know so they won’t be afraid to define who they are. No judgments, just absolute awareness for these causes of not offending or hurting someone. But that’s just my two cents.

Maybe this is me overthinking and blissfully hoping. Betty has and always will be my favorite Riverdalian – ever since I grew up reading the comics (when I was a 7 year old who probably shouldn’t have been reading them). Jughead’s been interesting, and the dynamic between the two of them is something I’ve observed over all the digests, rewrites, comic diversions, etc. Protect my smalls from drowning and falling apart bitches.

Everyone is so invested in Jughead’s sexuality – what Cole thinks about it, what Lili thinks about it, what Roberto thinks about it, what Chip thinks about it: whether or not any of them support one side over the other. All responded in similar manners about this: that they’re torn. Additionally, I’ll ask a few more important ones on this subject. Is Jughead truly capable of romantic love? Does he truly romantically love Betty? Or is Betty a stand-in for his own personal weaknesses and demons? What about Betty? Does Betty love or could she love Jughead romantically? Or is she attracted to the idea of him because of the “word that begins with a letter B” be it just a physical need/support? I think this is what Cole and Lili want to explore when they were excited their characters connected.

So, don’t worry kids...words containing the prefix “a-“ still confuses a lot of adults in the English language to this day. Asexual, aromantic, amoral, asepsis (all means not what they are) and then you got words like ablaze, astride, etc. (which means that they are starting). That’s why we’ve got Teachers for America.

So, go on you citizen amongst 7 billion in this world. You can still love in your own way. Peace.

#bughead #betty and jughead #betty x jughead #betty cooper #jughead jones

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