#i think we're forgetting something but. idk what
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We're back! again, if these silly recaps help lift your mood in any way, it makes me very happy ♥ I baked chocolate chip cookies for this so imagine I'm sharing them with you 🍪
previously, in harrowcita del 9:
this happened
also @unexpected-tigers linked me to an official house quiz and I did it so, if you want to know what I got and how I answered, I'll add it under "read more" after the recap
CHAPTER 44
listen, I need to start listing things I got right and things I got wrong but I forget at this point what I said
you're gonna have to remind me if I got something right and I didn't catch it because I remember what I got wrong more easily than what I got right
such is life
I'll do my best to try to tally but
I got wrong the narrator, I assumed that, because they were insulting harrow, it might be harrow too
but I forgot about gideon also being a pro at insulting harrow so, guess what?
IT WAS GIDEON
WELCOME BACK, BABE, WE MISSED YOU
CRYING TEARS OF JOY
of actual joy, not mercygirl-joy
to be fair, the narration was very different from gideon's perspective, to account for 1) the twist and 2) the fact that gideon's gideon-ness came out more and more as she got closer to the surface of perception in harrow's body
something she kind of explains later
but yeah, I got that wrong
however, I did get the purgatory situation of canaan house somewhat right and I forgot to mention it last time
ANYWAY, BACK TO GIDEON
CUE 'I AM THE BEST' BY 2NE1 IN THE BACKGROUND
someone stabbed harrow from the back, which is very shitty behavior from whoever it was
so gideon comes back into the real world with the immediate danger of her vessel, necromancer and partner in crime having been stabbed
and she was "left behind" because harrow is back in her canaan purgatory river bubble
with her ghostie ghoulie friends
gideon immediately finds out that harrow can't fight for shit
she's determined to kick the stabber's ass but it's gonna be hard when she's used to her massive guns and ninja warrior disposition and she's inside the body of a baby kitten
gideon's very eloquent commentary is "Fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, fucking hell. Help. Yuck. Aaaargh."
it's so nice to have her back :')
she's talking to harrow in the second person, as she's been doing all this time unbeknownst to those of us who didn't catch it
"which proves that you can put the swordfighter into the necromancer but you can't, wait, hang on"
god, I missed her
gideon is also coming to terms with the fact that harrowcita has regenerating abilities now
she is very angry at the awful state in which her two handed sword is
if you knew, gideon, about the relationship between harrow and your sword and how layered it was...
"Harrowhark, I gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it"
so gideon starts taking control of the situation because the beast is chasing them
absolutely no chill over here in the emperor's bolthole
and by "them" I mean gideon and harrow because idk where the everliving fuck everyone else is
I know the emperor is hiding in weenie hut jr but the rest are supposed to be fighting
except for whoever was going around stabbing people
and idk where not!dulcinea is at this point either
maybe someone's using her to stab harrow idk, I'll never stop blaming her for things, even indirectly
gideon is doing a great job with what she has available because she's "a good girl and you're an evil nun"
she's also still going on about harrow leaving her behind and saying "you never got rid of being so absolutely fucking goddamn sad"
chisus christ gideon, tell us how you really feel about her
gideon looks at herself in the mirror and sees harrow with her eyes and her expressions, which is very uncanny valley
"This was your shell, but it was all filled up with me. God, the double entendres were hard to resist"
yandere twin would appreciate that one, I think, maybe
gideon proceeds to taunt harrow to come back by using her voice to say things like "Oooooh, Palamedes. I am measurably less intelligent than you. Put your tongue in my mouth and I'll flop my tongue against it."
"Ohhhhhrr, Gideon. I was so dumb to think a tub of ancient freezer meat was my girlfriend. Please show me how to do a press-up. Also, I'm very obviously attracted to y—"
no no, by all means, go on
please, gideon, go on with that idea, let's see where it takes us
in other important but not as spicy events
gideon cuts the beast thing in two with her own sword
but now we've got the heralds to go through
"Don't worry, honey. I'll keep the home fires burning."
same energy as
CHAPTER 45
we're back in hotel california canaan house au river bubble
I'm sure that description makes it all super clear for anyone reading
abby and her hubby are taking harrowcita to the secret hideout of the lost boys aka the room behind the tapestry that is now untouched by the body horrors going on in this version of canaan house
and where all our ghostie ghoulie friends are hanging out
it was a person's room, says harrow, and I think we all know it was alleged gideon's aka ortus, but we'll get to that
I need to point out the fact that harrow says she always thought not!dulcinea showed signs of "suppurating ego" but that she could never convince gideon to "see past the appealing eyes and softly clinging dresses"
I KNOW, GIRL, IT DROVE ME FERAL TOO
apparently harrowcita's invite also got to the kids of the fourth but abby sent them back to the river with a kiss in the forehead and their lunch packed
because she had adopted them, as we all know
she said "if only Silas had asked me, what has happened to his soul worries me horribly"
of course I didn't remember that silas was mayonnaise uncle and had to do math for a while in my head
maybe he's out there looking for duracell bunny nephew's soul that is still travelling through the river
abby learned a way to send them back into the river but everyone present wants to help deal with this haunt situation harrow's got going on
honestly, props to martita for hanging around, judith is a lot less cooperative
abby also thinks there's something wrong with the river and that the emperor is unaware of it because he doesn't know about the river beyond
she has studied a lot about it
and that the fact that the "beyond the river" concept has been looked at with scorn by everyone for so long has made the potential studies of it stagnant
I love her a lot at this point
I mean, I'm still 100% a camilla girlie, I'm putting camilla's photo in one of those glittery clear files and covering it with heart stickers, don't get me wrong, but this woman is fierce af
abby, you know more than the emperor, you're more worthy than he is, please murder him
NOW IT'S TIME TO GET EMOTIONAL
GRAB YOUR TISSUES
IT'S ORTUS TIME
man, ortus won me with this chapter, he's great, let's keep him
let him be happy in the infinity of time with his fifth polycule
harrow tries to tell him that he doesn't have to apologize to her, that she owes him for crux murdering him and his mom
(interlude for "her unconscious gracelessness to Camilla Hect; a girl whom, in reality, she should have taken by the hands and thanked her profusely for every time she tried to save her cavalier")
(glad we're in agreement there)
they talk about how gideon died and ortus tells harrow that gideon never did anything without intent
"she had been outplayed by Palamedes Sextus, outgunned by Cytherea the First, undone by Gideon Nav"
damn, harrow
LISTEN TO THIS PART YOU FOLKS
"I should have offered help. I should have died for you. Gideon should still be alive. I was, and am, a grown man, and you both were neglected children."
ORTUS, MY MAN
THIS MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL
"she and Gideon had become women before their time, and watched each other's childhood crumble away like so much dust. But there was a part of her soul that wanted to hear it —wanted to hear it from Ortus's lips more, even than from the lips of God. He had been there. He had witnessed."
"I will hope better for heroism in my death"
ORTUS I'M HOLDING YOU TIGHT AND CARESSING THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD LIKE A PUPPY
harrow finds the "g&p" note
GUESS WHAT
GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT
ALLEGED GIDEON IS ACTUAL GIDEON THE FIRST
AND HARROW THINKS OUR GIDEON WAS NAMED AFTER HIM
I mean I had trust in my alleged gideon theory BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED THE OTHER PART MAYBE TOO???
sixth house please accept me
she also finds another note, similar to the rant notes she had been finding, which reads: "the only thing our civilisation can ever learn from yours is that when our backs are to the wall and our towers are falling all around us and we are watching ourselves burn we rarely become heroes"
are the letters clues on the angry spirit that's haunting harrow?????
does it relate to gideon???
but when harrow is about to ask ortus about gideon ("less like tragedy and more like carelessness" 👀) abby interrupts
abby, interrupting me again when I'm getting to the good stuff
but I can't be angry at her because she says she'll exorcise the Sleeper
YOU GO ABBY, YOU LORRAINE WARREN THAT STUFF
And that's where we leave it for today!!! my willpower is strong and I know I can't make these too annoyingly long. Which is why, if you wanna know how I did with the House quiz, look after "read more". If not, see you for the next one!!! Super soon!!! Sending you all hugs in these difficult times ♥
So, this is the quiz that I did, the official author-made one.
I GOT *drumroll* A TIE BETWEEN THE SIXTH AND THE FOURTH
The author said that, in the event of a tie "Pick the House descriptor most like yourself, or most like the person you secretly wish you were, or with the colours you like best."
We all absolutely know where I'm going if I'm left to pick between those two.
To be totally transparent, I'm gonna show you my very messy notes, which I wasn't initially planning on showing, so I apologize for them not being neat and tidy. I added the skull I have in my desk as aesthetic compensation for the messy handwriting.
I picked 1st the pen and flimsy because, if I'm doomed and this is it for me, I want to go out writing. The bottle, because I considered a vessel for separating things or for keeping something in safely would be useful. The rapier, because I always take a swiss army knife in my purse with my keys and the rapier was the closest thing to that. The flare gun, because I might as well try to signal somehow, at least some of us could get saved. And the raft not to try to escape, like the answer said, but because if we're more than one person in the boat, having more space, even if somewhat leaky, could help out for different situations.
I did consider every potential option that could be turned into food but I'd rather die of something else than food poisoning of any kind.
I got the Fifth in second place, and I wouldn't have minded if I got the Fifth, honestly. In 3rd place I got Seventh and Eighth as a tie, I'm not gonna ask about that. The Second got fourth place, the Third got fifth and 0 points for the Ninth, I'm so sorry.
You should have seen my face when I saw a portrait of the Emperor was an option to take with you lmao
#luly reacts to tlt#long post#tlt spoilers#harrow the ninth#harrow the ninth spoilers#the locked tomb#the locked tomb spoilers#gif cw#blood cw
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yap about the princess boys in twst
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED ANON
I think, to my memory, there are only three boys twisted from the princesses that we currently know (or at least have the names of) and that's Ariel, Snow White, and Aurora.
Rielle is extremely minor and only gets mentioned a few times in Book 3. I don't think we're told anything about his personality, but we do know he went to public school with Azul and the Eels.
It'd be cool to see him, but Idk how likely that is, now to the two who ARE seen and are living on Sage's Island, we have Neige and Silver.
I like Neige because I feel he embodies a lot of Snow White's character but with a twist. Working together with Vil on films a lot, he completely trusts him and believes they're friends, even giving him the nickname 'Vi'
He doesn't shy away from showering Vil with compliments and doesn't really have a competitive bone in his body. He just wanted to compete in the VDC to have fun with his friends.
I like that it's a nod to how Snow White never suspected the Evil Queen wanted her dead despite living as a servant for her until the Huntsman warned her. Neige also very easily accepting Vil's poison drink is just how Snow White accepted the apple, because he sees the best out of people as Snow White does.
I also like how they interpreted Snow White's bond with the seven dwarves with Neige and his little dwarf/fae friends, which is probably the dynamic I liked the most out of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (Won't go too into the parts of 7 that aren't in English server yet, but his friends being very protective over him is sweet)
Snow White's willingness to help the Dwarfs as she hides there from the Evil Queen is shown in how Neige has been living with and helping his friends since they were young, an aspect of him next to his kindness that makes him stick out amongst the primarily villain cast of twst.
Now SILVER,
I love how he is very much Aurora. He lives her life, raised by fairies, living in a little cottage in the woods, being born with golden blonde hair (until Lilia changed it with his blessing) and carrying all kinds of fairy blessings with him (good and bad)
A lot of his dialogue is a nod to Aurora, with him believing he might've met someone in his dream. His signature spell is directly referencing the storybook ending of Sleeping Beauty.
Let's not forget how he's often described as handsome and his eyes are 'auroral' and he's friends with lots of animals!
I think what makes Silver really fun to me is he has all these princess aspects about him that I love, because it's fun, but they don't shy away from him being princely too.
He's an unconventional princess, in that he's actually a prince and he's got an athletic build but he also looks pretty and has many aspects that classic Disney Princesses have. He's something Disney as a whole has really been lacking (at least to me)
#twst#twisted wonderland#neige leblanche#Prince Rielle#twst silver#I forgot to mention his magic ring shaped like Auroras crown but honestly I've yapped enough#there's already a ton of images up here#I HOPE WE GET SOME MORE PRINCESSES UP HERE#adding Cinderella to complete the classics trio would be so fun
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Hey, I saw your critic about the latest Star Wars show. As a pro Jedi fan which Star Wars show would you recommend? I only saw OWK because I love Obikin. <3
tbh i think the short answer is that the earlier seasons of the clone wars (2008) are your best bet for canon, and the legends clone wars (2003) for flavor. i'm racking my brain but... that's about it. none of the disney+ shows for adults are really very friendly to the jedi order (except obi-wan), most of them are set during the period where it is already gone, and few of them seem to mourn its loss.
the showrunner dave filoni, without lucas's oversight, does not tend to flatter the order in his stories. his characters are at odds with the order, or deny being part of it, that sort of thing. he thinks qui-gon and ahsoka are better than temple jedi, despite being pretty consistent to them ideologically. kanen and ezra in rebels are obviously not part of the order, ahsoka says loudly that she is no jedi in rebels, and the ahsoka show was baffling and frustrating. the brief appearance of luke in the mandalorian was disappointing.
other than filoni's shows.. not many other options exist that have jedi in them. there were no jedi in andor, and the order doesn't exist during the bad batch. the acolyte frankly felt like an order hit piece. if you want good jedi content, you pretty much have to read it about it in books and comics.
(or, well, the young jedi adventures lmao which are a series of moral parables for preschoolers, but at least the life lessons taught like compassion and self-discipline accurately reflect the values of the order and the show depicts the order in a good light. i can't in good conscience recommend it for adults as watching it can give you a headache and there's no depth of plot, but it's nice to know there IS an age demographic that gets to enjoy the jedi and have force adventures. it's just... apparently reserved for 5 year olds. adults don't get to have fun lol)
#idk man what to tell you#i could be forgetting something but..#adults are generally told we're supposed to think the jedi are bad or flawed or irrelevant#despite like... the jedi being the heart of star wars lol#sw salt#sw#also yay obikin you have great taste heheh
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every time I come back home I experience new mental illnesses -_-
#its not even bad rn it's been nice#there's just so much horrible stuff underneath it all though and i think i just can't handle it#i think im just grieving my entire life every time I come here#and I've been just having these thoughts i guess intrusive thoughts about everyone dying tragically for the laste few days and it's#NOT FUCKING HELPING#idk it's nice we're all nice and both is happening but there's always some new info dropped on me that they just.#expect me to process by myself and i just end up crying at night all the time cause like what am i supposed to do#yeah sorry for venting again i was getting a bit better at not doing tht but i neeed it rn ToT#k i think i just need to go to sleep and maybe ill forget everything tomorrow or something idk#vent#vent post
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I regret to inform everyone we're back in the white space. Expect the fire alarm to go off periodically in typical fashion of whenever it detects a steaming pile of garbage on the way. Like me! [i'll give a cookie to whoever recognizes where the sfx is from!!]
#hand jumper#sighs#projected second taeho gyeon tag on ao3.....#where did i go wrong#we're so joever guys#we're so joever...#mandatory plugin for the hand jumper discord server because i think the culprit wouldn't want to own up#or even has tumblr idk#but just know they're on my hitlist and i hate[/pos] them#also yes it's more cell 3#if i had to summarise think of it an evil version of the halloween fic#except even worse#honestly though if you're able to JOIN THE HJ DISCORD SERVEEEEEER#SOMEONE WAS COOKING FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!#it's like that one bromie on discord said if 3 guys came to the same conclusion at radically different intervals then maybe it's something!#or eveyone's on the same drug#BUT I CHOOSE TO BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE#and so in orderly fashion what do i do when i really wanna poke and prod at them more?#throw them in the torture nexus#granted it's not really a torture nexus because the bet is everytime cell three appears in a chapter i delete and start the draft over agai#it is.#but that's not my problem!!!#it's future me who'll fret over tuesday's episodes problem!!#also it puts it in a perpetual state of agony because if what if the day we say“i'll finish tomorrow p much done” is the day cell 3 shows u#ctrl+shift+del+seethe+mald+cope#also i'd say compared to finish in three days it's the most lenient artificial deadline ever#because either cell 3 or cell 3 mentor appears and i win by getting more food to improve the work#or i hand it in as is if they don't and shoot myself when they do after i just finished#also if you ever want to ask me to drop/drop the hj memes i made in the server just holler#because i forget to post here chronically!!!!!!!!
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[+] my revision of formulation for the whole study & thesis was majorly approved, ppl can no longer pretend to or actually be lost
[+] minion² was contained, showed up in person and got the sense that no one was going to take his nonsense
[+] no major disagreement between the supes, all subteams understand their tasks
[-] back-to-back-to-back meetings w advisors, integrators, external working groups, and study lead in the next two weeks
[-] i have to finish reading... 15+ papers and compile their data
[-] fix a data structure implementation in my optimization model that i had promised since... nov last year lol (it wasn't entirely necessary. until now)
we'll see if i'm in the mood for stress relief writing instead of just stress relief daydreaming... there's a lot of stuff for every fic but it's all over the place. tpac hyperfixation is still holding strong (esp when compared to all other wips, it is second place for most concrete ending + actual epilogue)
(first place is larb bc every chapter is outlined and scoped; just haven't felt like writing it)
(not saying the other fics don't have planned endings but besides their plot i don't have the context for the endings yet. the shape of the ending scenes are very much informed by the long, in-between chapters)
#academic jerky#redglyphs#was so 1000% business mode that one of the supes did the equivalent of '👉👈 ...we're okay right?'#also my other stress relief is trolling the new firstie under my wing (in good fun ofc)#this is the one i'm shielding from minion²'s nonsense#he's finding out exactly how willing i am to commit to a bit#but he's also a humongous weirdo so like and like#anywho rl is both rough but looking up#good things will come in march :)#also final thing: a reminder to both readers and writers that there is a real person on the other side of that screen#have been receiving a few comments that (on good faith) come from a place of praise and enthusiasm but...#there is a hint of uhhh... to them. like someone wrote it forgetting that a real person will read it without their face-to-face context#i'm not a blindly 'positive words only!! 🥰🥰🥰' type of person bc fucking obviously from my posts lol#but if one's intent is to convey something positive then do it without negging. do it without backhandedness or putdowns to others.#it is a valuable skill to learn how to communicate civilly. if this scares ppl into thinking 'well... now idk what to write or comment'...#okay. but know that you gotta practice irl or online soon enough and online is lower stakes than irl#and the only reason you might never need to know how to talk civilly is if you're an absolute recluse
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I think what feels the grossest about the conversations about his weight is how it’s now being used as like a measurement of how bad things were that people feel the need to affirm or not? Like even the line in the article being like “was it so bad that he lost weight” just feels really wrong to me. He sad it was bad, and that’s enough. And it just feels like another way that people are wielding to either agree or disagree that things were bad for his mental health? I don’t know if I’m explaining it well. But to me it was absolutely enough for Daniel to say that he struggled with his mental health and his weight. He didn’t owe anyone that personal information about but chose to. And now everyone else commenting on it feels very exploitive.
it feels like gossip...it feels lude and wrong and not at all how a topic this sensitive should be discussed. i also dont hope hes been coaxed into talking about it i hope its something HE wants to talk about and maybe bring awareness to or just clear the air on...it does feel exploitative and idk the more it gets discussed, the worse i feel about some of my past comments...its not for us to speculate on or call out because that helps no one...but i agree wholeheartedly and i think you summarise it perfectly when you say "But to me it was absolutely enough for Daniel to say that he struggled with his mental health and his weight. He didn’t owe anyone that personal information about but chose to." we shouldn't ever be asking for more, but if he chooses to share more then that is good for him....
#tw ed#tw weight#i just think that maybe we forget these are actual real people#and i think we're all guilty even though we try our hardest#this isnt salacious gossip to score points against mclaren etc etc its about how he felt last year and what it did to him#idk i feel precious about these types of topics and i just BEG its something he brings up and wants to talk about....#dr
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i get distracted so easily but i promise i'll get more done ! eventually aaaa 🫶🏼
#🌙.rambles#i find it so amusing how wnvr i have a new interest i always get into it so deeply#a week ago i listened to sm architects songs n searched up sm lyrics n read articles too n now this week it's#switched to the 1975 n i'm listening to sm of their songs too n reading even more articles n watching stuff n YEAH N#oh dear. i shld be doing my assignments due like 24 hours from now n they're easy n i'm nearly done#that's the thing i'm srs nearly done but i keep on getting distracted 😭 n then other stuff too i wna do but forget hflkasdjfd#can't blame me though bcs isn't there just so much to life? n other than all these responsibilities n. survival i suppose. in this society#i just want to live n. learn everything. understand as much as i can and be understood.#be at peace w all the contradictions in life.. 'always' is never possible but i do know i'll endlessly keep on going on until my end#sorry. that doesn't really make sense i just contradicted myself 💀 theres rlly just sm n. it's weird bcs.. i've rlly known extremes so well#like w apollo i have a twin i know how it is to have. such a deep and close relationship with another person. we're like#familial soulmates fr so ik how to direct my energy so.. yk yeah so IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN BUT#maybe a better comparison is. yk when i love something i'm super passionate about it. obvious i have phases here n then but#i have. a wide range of interests but. arghhh no not quite that as well. so.. the range n that intensity? coexisting?#n it's overwhelming often bcs it's too much. n in the past trying to do more than i could rlly drained me like. sm at the same time#but then yk that time for me where i mostly just played ffxiv. uh. help i don't know how to say it n then i forgot what i was gna write#ah. it's just a lot. i really can't write it enough. such is one of the limits of being human#but.. the strong thought i have of how these stuff make more important things more meaningful is just#at the same time there's. another thought that battles it w a similar intensity. n i feel too deeply i think too much of it#but if you were to ask me how i was doing right now i'd say. perhaps stressed yes but i'm doing alright right now. actually maybe not#HELP NO I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE I'M CONFUSING MYSELF W MY OWN WORDS 😭 dw tho i am fine just rather frustrated with time#i want to do so much but yk i have these priorities that i need to do.. i mean. not really 'need'. but.#ah i just love thinking of how life is in relation to society n its people n then w. i forgot how to say it.. but yk. just the universe#it's so heavy thinking about these heavy things so often. the intense desire to understand n be understood..#to learn and to be learned. or maybe these songs r making me think of how. there's just so much. in life n death n everything#there's so much i don't know n again n again i keep on saying that while there's so much i don't know in every single aspect#there's.. people that r specifically one of my greatest weaknesses w just how unpredictable we are. i love it though but at the same time#it's uh. yeah. thinking of time n the past n present n future n how it's filled with so much is something that i want to#i want to take all of it in but it's also so overwhelming n i'm just at odds with my own self rn but i'm fine#words aren't enough honestly. but i want to convey it somehow. so i'll do what is right for me. in time.
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No YOU ran out of paper towel and then opened the fridge to see if there were any new rolls in there
#also why must really guy have to do invoices at 4:30pm on a Friday#Sophia so happy we got to $20k in the invoices SOME HAVEN'T EVEN GONE OUT#one is the invoice that's $500 more than the price agreed with the client#Sophia knows she's wrong though but idk she's just... she can't accept a super fund invoiced for $1100#she needs more money and wants to add as much as she can to each invoice#it's....#i don't know#i had heaps more complaints but i think the rain deluge has washed it all away#really guy did two individuals and he's given them to the new girl to send out (with my help) like man that'll take longer#also means i can't sneakily do them Sunday#sigh#I'll sneakily put together the other job on Sunday though that's like half finished#shhhh#oh yeah i remember my other complaints - they don't listen to me on how to do invoices#they put the things in all the wrong categories#they think they know but they're doing it wrong#can i tell sophia nah she won't get it#the new girl never listens to me though I'll say something and she'll think i said the opposite?????#is my accent too strong for her oh yeah i forget to slow down when i talk#i did that with Brendon and Colleen as well and they'd be like whoa slow down because they're old and possibly hard of hearing#also sometimes I'll show her something that I've shown her before and she'll be hurriedly taking notes#like mate you've already got notes#jenette is a better teacher than me#Jenette would always tell me 'okay we're doing this get your notes from the other day'#jenette would remember what she's shown me and what she hasn't and she knew what I'd taken notes of#i miss Jenette#i miss Colleen also
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couldn't fall asleep and started feeling depressed and anxious and horribly paranoid about my future so guess who's on tumblr at 12:15 a.m.
#my phone's in the front and my computer was already put up#but i just. could not go to sleep. no matter how hard i tried#i was on the verge of a mental breakdown i guess#i feel like i'm going to lose contact with all my friends#like all of my close friends are either going to a completely different college or aren't even graduating yet#and out of all of my friends i have the furthest driving distance to their cities and i hate driving#like everyone will be living within an hour of each other EXCEPT ME i'm gonna be at least three hours away#and i hate driving so much it stresses me out i think i'm just gonna die on the road and have no future#and i made an insta specifically to attempt to keep contact but idk what i'm doing and idk if it'll even work#i feel like i'm just gonna be another name that people see#i'm so scared of being alone and i'm so scared of losing the people i love#and i'm so scared of them forgetting about me or losing interest in me#they're so important to me but i'm afraid i'm going to stop being important to them#god i'm afraid of leaving the damn cat. she's going to forget about me too#i'm so bad at keeping contact with people i don't know what i'm going to do#i'm so scared of trying to talk to people bc i always think i'm just annoying them no matter how close we are#people say we'll keep in contact but i know i'm just going to be too scared to put in the effort and then they'll stop too#i dunno i miss the times when we fantasized about leaving the country and moving together with all our friends#i wish that could be a reality#and we're going to be so busy too so even just trying to coordinate something won't work#i should have made an insta sooner fuck this is stupid. if i made it sooner i would have more time to create connections and get used to it#rather than just sit there not knowing what to do#i'm just scared of losing everything i know#well fuck i forgot i had attachment issues. i forgot that was literally one of the most substantial aspects of my early childhood trauma#fuck why can't i be normal. why can't i be okay. why can't i be a social person and actually be able to talk to people#there's so much i'm going to miss about my friends and my life. i just. idk what i'm gonna do now#i was looking forward to it bc i would finally be free from the grasp of my parents but at what cost?
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─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘪. (𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦) 🍊
⤷ summary: saudi arabian and australian grands prix happen! y/n starts making vlogs for the races and it reveals more about her and a certain driver's feelings than she hoped, not that she notices. poor oscar's stuck in the middle of it all but he's trying his best!
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liked by f1, landonorris, and 55,007 others
tagged landonorris and oscarpiastri
mclaren saudi arabia, you were beautiful even if the results weren't! ready for what's to come
12,567 comments
user1 admin not using a single nice photo of the drivers 😭
user2 admin be honest is this your revenge era
mclaren well, yes!
user3 HELP MEEEE
user4 the way lando looks at her 😭
user5 this is a place of business
user6 oscar looks petrified 💀
mclaren dw guys we're still training him!
oscarpiastri wtf why would u say it like that, i'm not a dog
mclaren full-time team mascot, part time driver
user7 admin drop the insta your so pretty 😭😭
user8 no literally, content of her WHERE
mclaren ynusername 🤲🏼
user9 LETS FUCKING GO
user10 HER DISSING HER OWN TEAM 💀 THEY'RE GONNA FIRE YOU GIRL
mclaren they don't pay me to LIE
user11 CRAZYY
user12 LANDO IS NEVER GETTING A GOOD PIC EVER AGAIN 😭
mclaren what can i say, i am no mans peace 🥱
user13 icon
landonorris reporting you to hr
mclaren for what
landonorris idk harrassment or something
mclaren ok keyboard warrior, lets calm down 💀
user14 KEYBOARD WARRIOR HELEPSJSM
user15 i vote admin just takes over and we don't even get driver pictures
user16 real and true
user17 i fear we may have lost the plot
user18 thoughts on today's results
mclaren i'm trying to be positive in general but man
user19 LMAOOOOO
user20 ik the pr department is shaking in their boots after every post notif
mclaren probably! but unfortunately for everyone, i am going to keep doing whatever i want
user21 no more lando beef, mclaren admin?
mclaren i forget but i never forgive. i forgot why we were fighting but i stay hating bitches 🥱
landonorris literally WHAT DID I DO
mclaren IDK BUT IK U PISSED ME OFF 🫵
oscarpiastri diabolical photo choice
oscarpiastri i look like a little kid on picture day
mclaren so basically your everyday look
oscarpiastri yk what you are making this work environment very hostile
mclaren i can make it more hostile if you want 🤨
oscarpiastri nevermind!!!
maxfewtrell most flattering lando picture i've seen in years
mclaren that's saying something isn't it 🤩
user22 i went to haterville and they all knew you admin
mclaren they actually just elected me mayor there!!! 💪🏻
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liked by bsfusername, landonorris, and 17,800 others
ynusername if my admin duties don't kill me, i promise my caffeine addiction will! (:
3,422 comments
user23 be honest, how many coffees have you had today
ynusername 3!
user24 oh that's not that bad
ynusername +5
user24 JESUS CHRSUT
bsfusername at this point i think meth would be healthier
ynusername honestly yeah
ynusername thanks for the suggestion!!
user25 nooo admin don't do meth ur so sexy aha
ynusername that just made me want to do meth more
landonorris so what i'm hearing is buying you an espresso machine would get me in your good graces 😇
user26 oh brother here he goes
ynusername you must be deaf then
landonorris 😔 2 espresso machines?
ynusername i don't want ur dirty espresso machines 🙄
oscarpiastri now what car is that 🫵
ynusername SHHHHH
oscarpiastri TRAITOR
bsf2username when your not busy being super sexy on a race track, can we go thrifting and get sweetgreen and overpriced coffee 🙏🏼🙏🏼
ynusername this could've been an email, get this out of my comments 💀
ynusername but yeah obviously
user27 admin vlogs when 😔
ynusername SOON!!! very very soon
user28 mother feeding us once again
ynusername brb, adding single mom who works two jobs, loves her kids, and never stops to my resume
danielricciardo coffee recipe where?
ynusername in your dms now ‼️
danielricciardo is this flirting
ynusername no if i was flirting i would've told you to ask me in person, i'm just being charitable
landonorris can i get the coffee recipe too then 🤲🏼
ynusername wdy want next, my mugs? keep on walking charity case
user29 CHARITY CASE IS CRAZYDFHAJ
user30 she's so effortlessly funny and mean i love her
user31 i feel like this is so unprofessional /:
ynusername babe professional where, you are on??? my personal?? account???
user32 maybe she's born with it, maybe it's the fact that she's consumed enough caffeine to tranquelize a horse
user33 oh please the horse would be dead
ynusername call an ambulance, BUT NOT FOR ME ‼️💪🏻🗣️
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ynusername posted to story!
(caption: melbourne vlog out now on youtube, go watch!!)
15,221 replies
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would you like to watch? yes or no
now loading...
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"This thing better be working," could be heard slightly muffled in between vague shuffling sounds. After a second or two of incoherent noise, the camera footage finally came on. Y/N smiled at herself in the camera as the recording light blinked to life, and raised her hand victoriously. She grabbed the smile microphone in front of her and laughed, "It looks like everything is working. Thank God, I wouldn't have known how to fix it otherwise."
"Alright everybody, welcome to the first race weekend vlog hosted by me! Your favorite McLaren admin and social manager. It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to go about this, but now I think I settled on a format that will work," She explained as she walked around the small, clean kitchen that was within frame of the camera. She pulled a glass jar out of her cabinets and left it on the counter before pulling a jug of cold brew and a cartridge of milk out of her fridge.
"It is currently 7:30 A.M on March 29th, and I have a flight to Melbourne in 3 hours. I'm already packed and ready for this weekend, but I wanted to get an introduction filmed and I wanted to take a shower before I left." Y/N paused for a moment as she poured the coffee into her mason jar until she seemed satisfied and began to add some milk. "I am totally exhausted so this is probably cup one of like," she laughed, "I don't know seven probably. And this is a pretty big jar I won't lie."
"The race weekend doesn't technically start until Friday, so I'll be getting there a bit early, but I wanted to film some content before the race weekend gets really hectic, so McLaren is sending me a little bit earlier. I'm excited though! I love the heat, even if I live in London the antithesis of Australian weather," she taste-tested her coffee and hummed in delight.
"God I really never miss with this stuff," she said contently. "Anyway, it's a bit of an early start today, but I'll have plenty of time to sleep on the fight. I mean can you believe that London to Melbourne is a nearly 22 hours," she scoffed. "I vote that we start making all of the races in one place so I don't have to feel jet lag more painful than the force of 1,000 suns every other weekend. Not that I'm complaining," she chuckled awkwardly, "I love my job McLaren please don't fire me."
Abruptly an orange tabby cat came into the frame of the camera, causing Y/N to abruptly grab her glass jar in the hopes of avoiding a mess. She gasped, but laughed as the cat scampered off as quickly as it had come. She shook her head fondly.
"That, ladies and gentleman, was Cali! My cat. She's literally my baby, and I love her more than anything else on this earth. However, she does have an affinity for hitting things off of counters and breaking them. She also hates men and nearly all other animals, so she's basically the world's biggest hazard to society. She's a good girl, I love her." Y/N explained between sips of coffee as she stared wistfully past the the frame of the camera, where it could be assumed Cali had gone.
Abruptly an alarm went off and Y/N threw her head back with a groan.
"That means I have to get in the shower and get ready so I can leave on time," she said, before taking a few more sips of coffee. "I'm going to go do that, and the next time you'll hear my beautiful voice will be at the Melbourne Airport! Cue the travel montage!"
An assortment of clips follow. Y/N is seen dragging her luggage through Heathrow Airport. Y/N is seen ordering another coffee at the airport, finishing the coffee, and ordering another before her flight. Y/N is seen responding to emails from her airplane seat, editing video footage, and responding to instragram and twitter comments. Footage is shown outside the plane window of a cloudy, blue sky and a time lapse is shown as the sky grows beautiful shades of pink and red before becoming a starry-night sky. Y/N is seen cozy in a throw blanket and a travel pillow, presumably asleep with headphones on. Y/N is shown pulling her luggage through the airport once again, with a brand new coffee cup in hand. She smiles, taking a sip before she is seen settled down in a seat in the bustling airport.
"Twenty-two or so hours later and I have finally landed in Melbourne. I'm waiting for my Uber to get here so I can finally be taken to my hotel to drop my stuff off. I have a meeting with the McLaren drivers in two hours, but luckily I slept really well on the plane. I don't know how else I would be able to deal with Lando Norris. I'm going to finish this coffee in order to maximize my tolerance for the next few hours, but I suspect I'll be getting a new coffee before I reach that meeting. My addiction truly knows no bounds," she laughs, trying to ignore the people vaguely shown within frame that are staring at her speaking to a camera.
The camera cuts abruptly and the waiting screen from SpongeBob flashes on the screen, including the narrator's voice reading "2 hours later."
Y/N is shown once again in new clothes, a new coffee cup in hand, and luggage replaced by a small canvas bag. Her comfortable plane clothes have been swapped out for jean shorts and a plain white tank-top. Her hair is clipped back out of her face, and she is adorned with simple gold jewelry and light makeup.
Y/N smiles at the camera as she walks, bustling and talking heard around her, before whispering into the small microphone, "I have arrived at the McLaren garage. It is now time to meet with Lord Lando and workplace mascot Oscar Piastri," the titles slip off her tongue sarcastically and she doesn't bother suppressing an eye-roll.
In the next clip, Oscar and Lando are seen seated on either side of her as they sit in what seems like a board-room. Lando leans over and whispers something that the camera doesn't pick up and Oscar laughs while Y/N grimaces and reaches forward to readjust the camera. When the camera comes back on, Lando and Oscar are seated together on the left of Y/N as she faces on angle toward both them and the camera.
"Don't just sit there and look pretty, say hello to the camera boys," Y/N says and Oscar cackles at the disgruntled look on Lando's face.
"Is that your way of calling me pretty Y/N," Lando chokes out between laughs, and Y/N scoffs with an eye-roll.
"I was actually talking about Oscar, but whatever floats your little papaya boat Norris," Y/N deadpans and Oscar doubles over from the force of his laughter at the pout on Lando's face.
"That's not nice at all, I hope you know that. I think I am sitting here very prettily, thank you very much," Lando says, leaning into the girl next to him to speak into her microphone.
Y/N draws the microphone back, swatting him away, "Yes, yes quite prettily," Y/N mocks in a British accent.
Oscar, still trying to recover, joins in, "Pretty little Lando Norris," and Y/N laughs jovially, reaching across Lando as if the boy weren't there to high-five the Austrialian driver.
"Bullies, the lot of you," Lando mumbles and Y/N brushes off his comment without response before finally facing the camera.
"Anyway, welcome to the first McLaren race weekend vlog. I'm Y/N L/N, the best media manager in the whole god damn world, and this is Lando Norris, the biggest pain in my ass, and Oscar Piastri, the second biggest pain in my ass. How are you feeling about Melbourne boys?" Y/N questions, transitioning smoothly much to the British driver's chagrin.
"Feeling proud to be the second biggest pain in the ass and not the first. Probably the only time i've been glad to get second actually," Oscar comments and Y/N laughs as Lando shakes his head in disappointment.
"But in all seriousness it is good to be home, this is easily my favorite race of the year seeing as it's my home race and i'm looking forward to, hopefully, good results from our team," Oscar supplies and Y/N nods along to his words.
"Yes, Australia, we are in you and we are happy about it," both boys choked out a laugh at the manager's sexual innuendo and Oscar quickly covered his mouth with his hand so as not to react too much. "What about you Lando what are you feeling," Y/N questioned, leaning the small microphone to the boy.
"Feeling like that was a stupid joke. And also like I am going to be getting P1 this weekend. I can feel it in my bones."
"Leave my jokes alone Lando, you're not being paid to be a critic," she scoffed, "and if I recall, you said the same thing in Saudi Arabia not that long ago. What's changed now?"
Lando rolled his eyes, "What's changed is that we're in Australia now and I'm feeling much more confident."
"Well thank god for that," Y/N supplied unhelpfully as Oscar laughed.
"Now, what we really came here for, it's time to film a video for this channel, it's going to be a fan Q and A, I picked the questions. By the time this vlog is up, the QnA should've already been posted. So feel free to stop watching this and to go watch that or whatever," Y/N commented. "After that we're going to film a TikTok challenge," both and Lando and Oscar grimaced, but Y/N ignored their dismay at the idea of fiming yet another TikTok, so cue the montage! Filming time!" Y/N exclaimed and the screen transitioned to a new series of clips.
In the first clip Oscar and Lando were sitting in two chairs while Y/N sat across from them with a set of notecards.
"Lando, this question from user "ln4mania" asks, "Are you and admin actually friends? Or is the online beef real? The people demand answers!" Y/N reads off with a laugh.
"Do you hear that, the people demand answers Lando! Don't keep them waiting!" Oscar and Y/N laugh as Lando shakes his head and tucks his face into his hands.
"There is no beef, guys. Me and admin, or rather me and Y/N are just fine. We hadn't even actually met when that happened," Lando supplied between laughs. Y/N looked at the camera and rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, faux-disagreeing with the boy.
She ignored the simmering pit of disappointment in her stomach. She did in fact have a problem with entitled little Lando Norris who still gave her side-eyed looks and judgmental stares whenever he saw her. If that wasn't humiliating enough, Oscar had clearly noticed it too, which just gave Y/N the feeling that she wasn't being taken seriously at all now that Oscar understood Lando's lack of respect for Y/N. However that didn't matter in the current moment. All that mattered was making this video.
The next clip showed Lando and Oscar sitting at a table with bowls of water in front of them and towels strewn across a chair just within frame of the camera. Y/N stood behind them, hands rested in their hair as she reacted to the prompts being read by someone, an unnamed media intern, off-camera.
"Who is harder to make videos with?" The intern asked and Y/N huffed out a laugh as she let her hands fully grasp Lando's curls and push him into the water quickly. He sputtered, trying to blink the water out of his eyes as Y/N laughed at the wet-puppy dog look he was sporting.
Y/N tried to shake the ridiculous desire to let her hands run through the soft curls underneath her finger tips. Curse Lando and whatever stupidly good, rich-person hair routine he used that made him smell good and look good, and... whatever.
Lando, blinking water out of his eyes, was now undoubtedly certain that being damn-near waterboarded was worth it if it meant that Y/N would laugh like that again. He knew Oscar would harass him again later for being "down-bad" or something along those lines- as he had done every time he caught the man staring-, but as he caught a glimpse of Y/N's bright smile and shaking shoulders, he found he didn't really care.
The next clip showed Oscar, Lando, Y/N, and a laughing media intern as they all dried off- somehow all having become wet through the course of filming. Y/N dried herself off quickly, taking a sip of her newly refilled coffee, not seeing the way that only the camera and Oscar saw Lando stared at her until the driver was nudged back into focus on drying himself off.
A title-card once again came on the screen with white words on a photo collage of Australian grand-prix candids that Y/N had taken, reading "Race montage? More likely than you'd think."
Footage was shown of the free practice sessions. Oscar and Lando getting in and out of their cars. Engineers along the pit wall going over data. The team speaking incoherently, going over the game plan for Sunday's race. Oscar and Lando greeting fans, signing merch, and posing for photos. Y/N smiling and waving at a cheering crowd of people before staring at the camera incredulously with a small caption reading: "Omg she's famous your honor". More clips showed Lando laughing as Oscar tossed grapes and Lando moved to catch them with his mouth. Lando nearly choking as Y/N cackled in the background. Multiple clips showing Y/N with a fresh coffee, and another... and another, as Oscar's face in the background grew with concern. Zak Brown explaining to Y/N the dangers of caffeine overdose, and the need for moderation. Y/N explaining to Zak Brown that without coffee she would simply collapse and die, which the camera showed did nothing to ease her concern. Y/N getting caps signed by the drivers for fans and walking away with intricate friendship bracelets decorating her wrists.
And finally footage of the race. The engineers in the garage. The pit-crew changing tires. The cars racing past as Y/N watched attentively. Footage of the crowd as they cheered when the cars whizzed past. Smiling faces of fans. Y/N's cheers as Oscar and Lando passed. The smiling faces of McLaren employees as Lando and Oscar crossed the checkered flag in P6 and P8 respectively.
Y/N accepting hugs from both drivers, ignoring the burning sensation in her stomach as Lando wrapped his arms around her with a smile and a laugh. Y/N calling Lando smelly and telling him to go wash off if he wants to hug her next time, and him rolling his eyes at her fondly before making a face at the camera. The podium celebration is shown and Y/N smiles as the anthem plays, even though it's not for her own team.
The final clip is shown of Y/N in her hotel room, comfortable in sweats as she sits on the unmade bed.
"Not bad results this week guys! P6 for Lando and P8 for Oscar, which are good points for the team. I'm happy on my end, I think we got some good content filmed, and I am now ready to go to sleep so I can get home to Cali and my own bed quicker. I hope you enjoyed this video, and if you didn't don't tell me because I don't care!" Y/N jokes with a smile.
"Hopefully I will see you all at the next race, if not the race after that! Bye papaya fans, and be sure to follow us on instagram and all of the other social platforms!" Y/N exclaimed, gesturing to the list of the social media handles that appeared on her right hand side.
And with that, the camera cut to black.
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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 29,145 others
ynusername afraid to report that i fought jetlag and lost 😔 i did sleep for 25 hours straight after melbourne and i had no clue where i was when i woke up! shout out cali for waking me up 🙏🏼 best friend frl
9,547 comments
bsfusername i'm going to try not to be offended by that caption (love you bb cali) but FUCK YOU CAUSE I BOUGHT YOUR ASS BREAKFAST
ynusername my bad! s/o to that bomb ass omlette 🤩
bsfusername never doing shit for you again
user34 that vlog was god tier, how long did that take
ynusername it took 7 hours of editing and years off my life, thanks so much for asking 🥳
maxverstappen1 thanks again for those podium photos! you have a gift for photography 💪🏻
ynusername don't mention it! 👍🏼
ynusername (no seriously, mclaren might behead me)
mclaren beheading is so last year. firing squad. 🗣️
user35 not y/n threatening herself 💀
oscarpiastri suprised your body didn't naturally wake up for coffee
ynusername it did! just 25 hours later
user36 your poor cat was literally starving for a whole day? youre a horrible owner
ynusername let me introduce you to god's greatest creation: the automatic feeder!!! i'm sure they can mail one to whatever fucking rock you live under!
user37 PERIODDDD
user38 me personally? i'd never log on again
user39 she needs a personal channel 🙏🏼🙏🏼 i'd subscribe
user40 her cat is so cute 😭😭😭 gimme that
ynusername 🫵 STAY BACK HEATHEN, NO ONE TOUCHES CALI AND LIVES
user40 my bad fam 🧍🏻♀️
user41 i want someone to love me as much as she loves that mean ass cat
landonorris don't you have a job to be doing 💀💀 she slept through a full work day
user42 lando always on her ass and for whattttt
user43 obsessed obsessed obsessed
ynusername i had the day off! but not the guy who was streaming video games coming for me 🥱 talking bout get a job
user44 lando and y/n beefing on insta again? we're so back
user45 at this point instagram comment beef isn't enough, they need to duel or some shit
user46 the caffeine addiction almost got her guys
ynusername i wish it would, then i wouldn't have to work with lando's annoying ass
landonorris I CAN SEE YOUR COMMENTS???
ynusername THAT'S THE POINT
user47 honestly just give her a gun atp, these men test her too damn much
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user48 NURSE 🫵 SHE'S RIGHT HERE
user49 no fr, like let's get back to bed grandma
user50 OP, are you concussed?
user51 no actually cause didn't y/n just say she wanted to khs working with him 💀💀
pastryboy81 that sign can't stop me, because i can't read!
user53 OK I ACTUALLY SEE THE VISION
user54 ARE YOUR EYES CLOSED???!1!1
user55 i fear i totally get it 😔
user56 it's giving enemies to lovers, secret relationship type vibe lowkkkk
user57 no deadass like he hugged her reallll tight
user58 she also hugged oscar 😭😭?? and he has a whole gf
user59 the way she shoved him off and told him he reeked not 5 seconds after 💀 delusion is a disease yall
user60 someone call the f1 gossip pages cause 😗
user61 more like someone call the ward cause somethings real off with yall 🤨
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sorry that this update took forever, i had surgery and recovery has been rougher than i expected! hope you enjoy!!
please leave your thoughts in the comments and feel free to drop a request for your fav in my asks <3
-
𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩
@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666
#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#formula 1#f1#f1 smut#f1 x you#formula one#f1 imagine#f1 smau#lando norris smau#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando norris imagine#racew1nn3rs#racew1nn3rs: fake it till you make it
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this PAC is for romantic and platonic connections!
The connection between you and whoever is on your mind.
P I L E O N E
You could have a very watery feminine energy & Your person could be a little strict or strained sometimes in their love language. Saturn as well as Black Moon Lilith in Aquarius came out here. So, we've got a lot of saturnian energy going on, especially with Libra being in the mix. Your person might encourage you to be your authentic self, while struggling to maintain that for themselves.
I keep seeing images of a couple arguing on a dock while a storm is just blowing. The woman looks frantic and upset, and the man seems very disconnected and unworried.
You could have very powerful thoughts and emotions, you could have water in your big 3 and you might be a beach girly or something, I also did hear marine biologist so idk if that applies to someone 🤣
It feels like your person has a hard time letting people know when it feels dark inside of them. I feel like they can be a bit restrictive at times, they could make you feel trapped or lost sometimes. Like you don't know where you're headed or what to look towards.
This person seems very unhealed. It feels like they will literally rip themselves apart for whoever they love. They intend well, they may have a tendency for secret self harm? Or very cruel and negative self talk and self image.
They could also be in the process of ending this cycle of self harm & being a martyr. It seems with the 6 of air that they are trying to start a new cycle in their lives. I guess we're getting a very balanced look at this person 🤣
They may be very traumatized.
Afraid of reality, or scared of vulnerability.
Mercury by Steve Lacy just came on, this person could be a Gemini!
Ykw. The 8 of earth just came out, this is some goddamn Virgo energy 🤣
I feel like this is the type of person who has a very practical improvement and solution oriented approach to life and relationships.
They could have Venus in capricorn, or DSC in capricorn (cancer rising).
It feels like they are fiercely loving & protective & loyal.
They really care about you, they care so deeply it hurts them sometimes. Because you may remind them of something or someone. Something they felt they could never have or attain. I feel like this person could be elevating your status somehow.
To me it feels like they're very methodical and forward thinking but also very eccentric and a bit chaotic mentally as well.
A very unique person, could be some intense uranian energy here as well. (Moon/mercury/ASC/10h aspect to Uranus)
I heard maladaptive but also thought of the word malediction.
So they could get very stuck in their head to the point they create almost like very negative manifestations of reality into existence in the world around them.
They're very scared of being hurt again & it honestly feels like they avoid deep connection. It's like superficiality can be easier because it is easier to maintain. This person could be very scarred by their past. It feels like a lot of trauma and loneliness was experienced by your person. They try their best to forget and it seems almost like whatever they experienced penetrated their heart very deeply.
They may have loved someone before that hurt them very very very badly. It feels like theres almost this innocent scared child inside of them. I heard sad eyes, it's important not to get into a savior complex.
Don't take on unnecessary baggage, if this is something you do want to engage with and they are working on themselves & healing I think this could be a really positive connection.
It feels like this person is a soul nurturer. They know how to make you feel like the center of their universe & It makes you feel very warm. I keep thinking of like velvet textures and sort of a 70's aesthetic in my mind. I'm also thinking of bootsy collins, they could have a retro aesthetic or vibe to them.
They may also like funk music, funkadelic/Parliament in particular comes to my mind for obvious reasons lol.
This person is really eccentric, they just stand out. It's weird the dichotomy of this person. They almost feel like a walking paradox 🤣
They could be very surprising, maybe they do & say a lot of unexpected stuff. You might never know how they'll respond to something or fully guess what they'd think about it.
They might really enjoy contrast, I also heard contrarian. So they may like to break the boundaries and barriers and ideas that people try to place upon them. This is very Aquarian/Uranian 🤣
We love a rebel
If you want a more detailed message on this person you can always dm me for a 1:1 in depth reading on this topic for 50$ 😚
Channeled messages:
Condescending, Let your hair down, Atrophied, Catastrophic, Nails on a chalkboard, Lonely, Drowning, Swallowing, Brown hair, Virgo, Gemini, Cap, Libra, Aqua, Cap venus
P I L E T W O
I feel like your person is goofy as fuck, they may be a stark contrast against people you've liked before. It seems like this person has brought you a lot of simultaneous joy and connection as well as heartbreak. I feel like this is someone who may be a provider, or who could be very humble. This is someone who will get the job done, one way or another. They may be the type to take on mundane or frustrating tasks. I feel like one of the ways this person shows love oddly enough is by dousing out their flame. It's not on purpose, but I think that this person may silence their selves and their needs super frequently in favor of allowing others to take up their space too. I feel like this person is very in their own mind. I heard "brother" and "sibling" so this person could feel like family to you. I also feel like this person makes you feel different. Like, almost as if you are your unique self expression. They could make you feel soft and feminine in ways you haven't experienced before. Which results in a lot of anxious, internalized, almost deflective energy between the both of you. In the Eve Oracle card which came out, her back is facing towards Adam as she holds an apple. It could be that you overlook this person's love at times, thinking that there is something better for you out there. That this person isn't worth your time, which, granted I can't tell you what to do or what your experience is. But, in my perspective, I think you actually need to give this person more credit. You need to be honest with them, and maybe put down the walls. I heard can't forget the past, so it's possible y'all had a difficult run. If that's the case & you can't forgive I feel like you need to ask yourself why you still participate in the connection. They clearly adore you, and it seems like you don't understand that they are capable of adoring you. They have a very deep admiration for you, I feel like they always have. This person may fight for you and defend you in ways you aren't aware of. It feels like a passive form of protection, you don't always understand that they are a bit more passive in their love language. This is someone who is more thoughtful than passionate. I feel like you two manifested each other in some way shape or form, especially if this is a romantic connection or friendship. I heard soul connection, your souls came across each other in this lifetime to help each other unleash and integrate your shadows. To purify your souls, and to release what no longer serves you. I just keep feeling that this person is very unique, they're nothing like what people might expect of them. I see here where you may not know it, but this person is kind of a master manifestor.
You could've also been family in a past life, the Mother Earth card came out with Saturn. So it feels like this is a very karmic relationship. I see where you may feel driven to let them go, or almost this push or pull to be with them simultaneously. I heard something about "the moon wants you to be together" which is weird? For someone this could have to do with Hekate. I also heard Lilith. I feel like this person is trying to step up to the plate but you aren't seeing it. For some reason astrology is extremely important in this connection, looking at the synastry between y'all could help you better grasp the magnitude of what you are both experiencing. It's crazy how this song is lining up in a way the lyrics are "Feel the warmth coming through Streams of light come into view In a daze, but coming to Slipping away, falling through"
I honestly recommend listening to this song for clarity, Invisible - The Groovy Nobody It feels like this connection was fated or destined, I heard written in the stars. You guys really need to look at your synastry together or something. If you and your person are into astrology. I also have Neptune with Black Moon Lilith in Pisces and Black Moon Lilith in Leo. It feels like your shadows almost become projected unto one another. The Sun also came out, it feels like you two Mirror heavily. I'm not big on twin flame shit, and never have been- HOW IN THE EVER. IF that's something that's come up HEALTHILY, and not in a dynamic that is actively harmful and abusive then MAYBE it's something you should POSSIBLY consider pondering as a concept and learning about soul connection. If this person treats you like shit then forget about it, immediately, and do not engage. I don't care how much they love you, if they're actively causing you intentional or unintentional damage in the same pattern even if you've communicated about it, and if they are unreceptive and unwilling to change kiss their ass goodbye.
Know your worth. I just want to make one thing abundantly clear here, which is the matter of the fact that any point you can come out of alignment with someone. The thing is, that everything is part of a cycle, and part of a collective. That's how collective energies work, so just as there are plenty of you in this particular collective having this particular experience there are more and less evolved versions of that same person. Different people of course, who are unique and different from your person. Yet, who have a similar energetic composition or depending on how things go that could even be YOU shifting into a new collective or them shifting into a new collective. This is about matching energy, but not in a petty way. Learning that the two of you are literal mirrors to each others souls', so just keep that in mind.
Astrological placements: 12H Sun, Gemini moon, mars in cancer/4h Mars, Mars square moon, Mars conjunct sun, moon in the 9th house or 9 degree moon, Aquarius Sun, Aquarius Moon, Venus in Capricorn.
Channeled words: Dominance, envy, compassionate, bones, baby blue converse tennis shoes, Santa muerte, stellaris, Planetarium, Cassiopeia, Vashti, Cereal Milk, Vampire Diaries, Courage the Cowardly dog, City of Angels,
P I L E T H R E E Whoever holds Feminine energy in this connection is a very powerful being. This is someone who has a commanding energy, very womanly, very witchy, very much dark Feminine energy. This Feminine is very in tune with their shadow, it seems like second nature to them low-key. This person may push the boundaries and limitations of what you previously thought you knew. This person may be contemplating their next moves at the moment. They could feel like they want to make shit work out in their favor in life for once. It's such a cosmic energy, it's so powerful. I feel like if you're the feminine energy this is your energy, I don't think the feminine energies in this pile fully grasp their power. You deserve what you desire. Anyways, back to you and your person! It's so crazy, because as I was pulling cards I kept thinking to myself how your person feels like outer space. Or like a void, but not in a negative way, it's just that their energy is very deep and almost reminds me of the darkness that exists within and without. This connection is likely deeply transformative for you in some way shape or form. Anyways, but ASHERAH fell out and I remember my mentor telling me before that when Asherah divorced from Yahweh she went to space. He told me about this because at the time I was super curious about Jack Parsons and asked about his suicide. A lot of people believe he killed himself to be with Asherah. ANYWHO LOL, This connection is meant to guide you towards your purpose. I heard high level soul mate, so you and this person could be very in tune and in a healthy state. There feels like a lot of passion and admiration. I'm channeling Dirty Woman by Pink Floyd, lmao wowww the song is 3:33 3 is the number of Saturn, and I low-key see this in a sense of longevity. This may be your person frfr, I feel like there's sooo much passion here. It's giving Aries. You could have Aries Mars, Moon, Venus, or Sun. This is deep awe-inspiring passion that lights your heart on fire. It feels like there is a deep creative or sexual connection here, take what resonates!
I just heard Mars in the 12th house? Idk why I started channeling I wanna be Evil by Eartha Kitt, I feel like this person is incredibly unorthodox. They may be a bit of an edgelord (it Is very Aries energy tho, so are we really surprised?) I feel like this is someone who can be sultry, passionate, and outgoing, but also is highly intelligent. Someone with a huge personality, they could be very Theatrical in their self expressions. It's very much giving Leo and Black Moon Lilith in Leo actually came out LOL with Queen Jezebel and The Black Madonna, and The Sun... so like, are we surprised at how big this person's energy is? It feels like you've never experienced someone like this person almost? I'm getting a lot of channeled Songs for this pile, The next one is 11 AM by Incubus. Your person could be depressed. They may be struggling with a lot of difficulty in how to move forward with this connection. They may feel estranged or disconnected at times, I feel like there is a deep wound they are healing. I also keep hearing evil eye, so you may need to be more private about your relationship or this friendship. This connection is very special, and people don't always understand it. I think there is at times judgement from others regarding this connection and it makes them feel pessimistic and isolated.
Don't be afraid to communicate with your person, I feel like they really care a lot for you. I keep feeling a weird feeling in my stomach, it could feel like the prospect of love is scary for one or both of you. Connection could be something that feels very dissonant at times to someone? It's important for you guys to not dwell in the past, to move forward with great passion and vigor is the best thing you can do. I think this pile needs to do some cleansing and hex removal, you'd possibly benefit from revisiting some of your old notes for some of you? Something in a notepad, or on a computer. Notes of some kind. Something about clues? that's so specific lol. Channeled Songs: I wanna be Evil - Eartha Kitt, Dirty Woman - Pink Floyd. Placements: Aries (Sun, moon, Mars, Neptune, Venus), 12h Mars, Mercury conjunct Jupiter Channeled messages: Past life energy, "keeper of keys", I heard "master of none" as well, catch me if you can, count your blessings, "I can't wait to meet you", FNAF?, LMAO tell me why I just channeled master builder (I need to rewatch the lego movie soon fr),
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"The Dare"
Pairing: Show!Luke Castellan x demeter!fem!reader
Summary: You and luke have been best friends forever but after the incident things have been awkward between the two of you. Until you're forced to spend the night together...
Contains: percabeth, angst?? (i think? idk bro), swearing, fluff, kissing, ONE FUCKING BED TROPE
Word Count: 2223 did i get carried away? yes.
A/N: Im back bitches! yes i disappeared there lol, but i've resurfaced with my luke obsession (its never going to end). i've always had a small obsession with living in buses and so from that came this. i have little to no idea what im writing here im going off a random idea while half sleep deprived :)
You roll your eyes and grumble as you follow Annabeth out of the apartment.
"This is stupid," you groan. "I'm serious. Are we really going through with this shit dare?"
Annabeth just smirks, shaking her head. "Yes, y/n. We're not going to be chickens and back out," she turns around and eyes you. "It's one night, besides, Percy and I will be there."
You roll your eyes and grip the strap of your bag a little harder. One night with Luke Castellan? After the incident? No way. Nuh uh. You'd rather step on a lego than that.
"Annabeth," you groan.
"Y/n," she looks back with a dead serious look. "I will drag you there if I have to."
"It's a bus!" you almost shriek, but noticing the few people who turn their heads at you, you quiet down and pocket your apartment keys. "I'm serious. Where'd they even find a damn bus? It's a bus!"
"I know!" Annabeth grins, clearly ignoring your bad mood. "I've never stayed in a bus before. This is going to be so cool!"
"Who the fuck hires a bus out to live in?" you grumble clearly pissed.
"Percy-fucking-jackson- that's who," a voice in the distance yells. You look up and fight the wave of panic that overcomes you when you see Luke and Percy walking towards you both.
"I found the two best buses in the area!" Percy announces dropping his bag at his feet. Luke stands just behind him with a forced smile on his face.
"Wait two?" you ask suddenly, your face scrunching up.
"Yeah four of us couldn't fit in one so I hired two out," he says. "The guy was really chill about it and they're parked right next to each other!"
The cab pulls up and all four of you clamber in. Percy in the front, Luke, you and Annabeth in the back. Annabeth being squished between you and Luke.
"this fucking bet," you mutter to yourself, trying to ignore the palpable tension in the cab.
~~
Luke was basically sweating through his t-shirt. He was so glad to have a sweater on, covering his nervousness.
When the four of you had arrived at the bus guys house two pieces of news reached him. One; that while buses look big, they can't fit more than two people. Two; he was going to be sharing a bus with y/n.
Y/n.
The girl he's been desperately in love with since the day she showed up at camp.
This was either going to be really bad, or really bad. He sighs as he picks his bag and climbs into the bus you're both staying in.
It's got a nice crisp, white interior with flashes of wood throughout it. Luke drops the bag on the sofa that runs along the edge of the bus meeting with the kitchen counter.
He sighs when he hears you enter the bus. You awkwardly shuffle past him and put your bag on the bed. The bed. There is only one bed.
Motherfu-
"Y/n!" Annabeth calls out to you climbing inside and dragging you out. "They have connecting rooftop decks!" she cries and pulls herself up onto the ladder. Chattering to herself about how cool this place is, and even though you can't help it you let a smile slip onto your face.
You think you see something inside the bus but it's just Luke's back.
Sighing you clamber on behind her trying your very best to forget the fact that there is ONE BED. ONE BED. Oh gods. You smirk seeing Annabeths cheeks turn bright red when Percy whispers in her ear.
"Am I interrupting anything?" you laugh when you see her whip her head around and blush even more.
"So have you changed your mind about the buses?" Percy eyes you.
You roll your eyes and move your shoulders in what you think is a half shrug but it just ends up making you look like you're trying to do a weird dance move.
"Ahh, so you think it's a dance worthy bus?"
"No that's not what I meant-" you start but Percy jumps up and starts to shimmy.
"I'm actually gonna push you off this roof," you mutter when a presence comes up behind you. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. It's him. You suck in a breath and force a smile.
"So what's for dinner?"
~~
Three hours later you are all sprawled out in Percy and Annabeth's bus with boxes of pizza and containers of blue ice cream (courtesy of Percy, thank you) around you all.
"I'm not getting up ever again," Percy groans from his spot over the table next to Luke.
"Well, to make sure Percy dies in peace let's play truth or dare!" Annabeth smirks.
"No!" you and Luke both burst out at the same time.
"Relax, babies," Annabeth teases, and pats Percy on the head before groaning and pulling herself up off the seat. "I'm not going to put you through all that again," she says, picking up the boxes and putting them in the small bin.
The tension in the room suddenly increased. And you swore you could hear a pin drop. Silence descended and you slowly peel yourself off the seat. "I'm gonna go."
You slip out of the bus breathing in the night air trying your best to not blush.
Luke watches as you walk out of the bus and groans when he sees Percy and Annabeth's knowing looks.
"You couldn't be cool about it could you?" Percy asks Annabeth.
"What?" she shoots him a look. "They've got to get over it sometime! It's Luke and y/n. They're best friends. I feel like a grandma helping the two bozos get over whatever happened that day. Nobody even knows what happened!"
Luke sighs and collects himself. "Right I'll leave you two, and go deal with this incredibly awkward night by myself."
Annabeth starts to say something but Luke cuts her off. "I swear to god Annabeth! Please don't make this worse than it already is, I'm trying my very best to not focus on the fact that its weird between y/n. So please, please don't say anything to her that'll scare her off. I want to talk to her first."
Annabeth just smirks and nods pushing you out of the bus as Percy wraps an arm around her waist. "Of course lover-boy."
Luke rolls his eyes and walks over to his bus and clambers inside, shutting the door and locking it behind him. He makes his way over to the back of the bus.
You're sitting on the bed on top of the covers, in beach themed pj's (thank you again Percy) and playing with a small flower crown you'd made. Luke falters slightly when he sees you. You look so calm and at peace that he can't help the small smile that slips onto his lips.
Luke has been trying his very best to talk to you ever since the incident a few weeks ago - when this dare was made - but you've been avoiding him, scampering off whenever he tries to talk to you.
You still haven't noticed him and a bright grin lights up your face when you add some daisies to the crown. Luke's heart warms and he clears his turning around to dig in his bag for sleeping clothes.
Your eyes shoot up and your smile wavers. "Hey," your voice is meek. "Do you... uh want," you clear your throat. "Uh... um, which side of the bed do you want"
Luke spins around. "Uh, I'll take the couch. Don't worry about it."
You sigh, stifling your nerves. "Luke, it's a bench seat with padding. Just choose a side of the bed."
Panic flits into his eyes and you're reminded of the way he acted the night of the incident. It's been rocky ground ever since then and you've avoided him as much as you can. Being hopelessly in love with the Luke Castellan is clearly not an easy task.
"Choose Luke."
Luke nods to the left side of the bed and you move over letting him sit on the edge of the bed. His presence calming you while at the same time putting you on edge.
"G'night Luke," you mumble and he smiles at the sleepiness of your voice. "But don't you dare come on my side of the bed."
~~
The first thing you notice when you wake up is that you're warm. It's cozy and you just want to snuggle into the warmth more.
The second thing is that you're lying on top of Luke's arm. If you roll to the right you'll fall off the bed and if you roll to the left you roll into him. Him, Luke. The reason you're so warm right now.
Pulling yourself up you try to move away from him but his arm wraps around your waist and you freeze. "No stay, sunflower," he mutters in a sleepy daze.
Sunflower. Luke hasn't called you that in a long time and it always makes your insides melt.
"Sunflower?" you whisper and Luke's head whips up.
"Y/n?" he says softly.
"Luke?" you whisper back.
"What are we doing?" he asks, noticing his arms around your waist and the fact that you haven't instantly pulled away.
You look up at him. His dark curly hair tousled by sleep and the focused look in his eyes making you very tempted to stay like this forever. But remembering the night of the incident you pull away and clamber out of the bed, cheeks flushing.
"Y/n," your name comes out of his mouth almost tortured.
You ignore him and continue to walk down to where the drapes aren't shut, peaking out to see if Percy and Annabeth are awake yet. And judging by the fact that it's first light.
A blanket wraps around your shoulders. You turn your head to see Luke standing there- shit, he's shirtless. Your eyes trail down his body in a daze. Woah.
Holy Shit.
Now you've seen him shirtless before, but this, this feels more personal somehow. You look up at him, an amused smirk gracing his lips.
"I'm going up onto the deck to watch the sunrise," you say, not looking at him. "Let me know when Annabeth and Percy are awake so I can get out of this dump."
You open the door and climb on to the roof deck, dragging the comforter up with you because yes, as much as you want to be all tough shit and all its freezing and you want the damn warmth - besides it smells like Luke as well.
Luke follows you outside after he puts a shirt on and plops down on the deck next to you. Without even thinking about it you open the comforter for him and he wraps it around himself as well.
"Sunflower, we need to talk."
Here it comes. The inevitable rejection.
"Okay," your voice is small.
"About that night..." he starts trailing off.
"Look," you cut him off, wanting to save yourself the embarrassment. "You don't have to say anything. I get it. That night I kinda jumped on you and I'm sorry. I get it, you were on the spot and then I started acting really weird. But I get it. You don't feel the sa-"
You feel a kiss press gently onto the corner of your lips. What? Pulling back you look at him in shock. "No, please don't humor me on this Luke." A lump forms in your throat.
"Humor you?" Luke asks, puzzled. "Sunflower, I'm not humoring you. I'm serious. That night... I freaked out, I was so surprised when you told me that you liked me, that I froze. Hearing the one thing I'd been dreaming about for years, shocked me," he looks at you, his eyes full of adoration.
"So you don't hate me?" you ask.
"Hate you? No Sunflower, I love you."
Your eyes flit up to his and in the few seconds you take to try and think of something to say Luke presses his lips to yours, pulling you close. You gasp and meet his lips with force.
Luke wraps his arms around your waist, laying you down on the deck, him hovering above you not breaking the kiss once. You wrap your arms around his neck and part your lips, moaning when he slips his tongue inside your mouth. The comforter, forgotten beside you both.
Luke kisses you as if he's never seen the sun before and you are the bright beams shining on the earth for the first time. He kisses you adoringly and groans when you slip your tongue into his mouth. He gently bites your lip and pulls back, gasping for air.
"I love you, Luke," you heave catching your breath. Luke's face breaks into a grin and he presses a soft kiss on the end of your nose.
"Love you, Sunflower."
"Love you, Luke."
He sits you up and wraps the comforter around you both. Resting your head on Luke's shoulder you settle in next to him wrapping an arm around his waist. You swear you can hear Annabeth and Percy cheering in their bus.
"I'm gonna kill them," you mutter.
"I got some ideas," he chuckles back.
#luke castellan#percy jackson#luke castellan x you#luke castellan x y/n#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan x fem!reader#luke castellan fic#luke castellan pjo#percy jackson fanfic#percy jackson fic#fanfic#fanfiction#emma writes ₊˚⊹⋆
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For that comic of Delia forgetting something at the house, idk why but all I could imagine was if it was a common occurrence before Meowth and James knew. That they'd be thinking (at least at first) that Delia wasn't actually forgetting something, she just was quickly stealing Jessie's lipstick and putting it on (poorly) in a rush before leaving.
"Delia, we know your secret."
"W-what? Secret? I don't have any of those!"
"Listen, everyday youse tell us ya 'forget something' in the house and come back out with very poorly applied lipstick."
"Don't think we don't know what's going on. We're not stupid."
"Aaaah, I'm sorry I just- I was planning on telling you two but Jessie-"
"Shhh it's okay your secret is safe with us. I used to borrow Jessie's lipstick without her knowing all the time, too."
"Borrow... her lipstick? O-oh yes! Of course. Can't have her finding out..."
*nods* "She hates people taking her stuff. Found that out the hard way."
"If she caught ya, she'd kill ya! Probably."
"Well I certainly wouldn't want that."
"We'll get you your own lipstick, dear! And I'll teach you how to use it because, no offense, it looks horrible and you haven't been getting any better."
"Yes. I would... appreciate that. Thank you."
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hiii idk if you've done this before but can u do rafe throat training shy!reader with his fingers??
such a fun prompt !! shes down bad in this.
you don't know how you'd ended up like this—curled up on rafe's lap, a whole partying happening in the background while you keep your eyes focused on your boyfriend.
rafe isn't drunk—he hasn't had nearly enough or snorted or smoked anything to get him buzzed, when he stares at you like this, you have to believe he's high on something.
blue eyes blown with lust stare at you while you look back. you can only meet rafe's gaze for a minute, maybe two, before you have to look away, face burning and skin feel hot all over.
instead you keep staring down at rafe's hand, holding two of your boyfriend's fingers in your hand, holding on tight and pressing down while you try to listen to what he's even saying.
"y'wanna go home?" rafe asks, leaning in to whisper the words in your ear. he brushes some of your hair behind your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek that makes your stomach tighten uncomfortabtly.
"we just got here rafe," you reply quietly, trying not to make it so obvious. it's a bustling party—no one's even paying attention to the two of you. even if they were, they weren't seeing anything out of place. you were always touching rafe somehow and he was always touching you. you don't even remember the last time you had been out out rafe's eyeshot at a party.
"who cares?" it's your turn to stare, looking at your boyfriend and biting your cheek.
"it's rude. you told them we'd come."
"well we're here, so, we came." rafe smirks at you and you laugh—just like that you feel a little better, some of the tension dissolving away. you're always like this—caring too much about what people think, worried about their opinion. you don't want kelce to think less of you if you make rafe leave everything early.
your grip on rafe's fingers gets tighter as even the mere thought of the idea stresses you out.
"c'mon, relax. we'll stay a little longer."
"okay. i, um- sorry." you loosen your grip but don't let go, staring down at rafe's hand while you keep playing with his fingers. curled up on his lap like this, you seem to forget there's an entire crowd a few feet away.
"stop apologizin'." rafe reminds you again, flexing his hand while he does it. his ring catches the light and glimmers, your attention once again returning to your boyfriend's pretty hands. you don't let go unless you have to, looping your fingers around his and playing with his hand.
you hear rafe laugh quietly—and though not too long ago, you would have thought he was laughing at you, you know he's not.
"right. sorry," you say quietly, and rafe drops your hand out of his quickly. two fingers come to your jaw, holding you in place to look up at him. you watch with big eyes, waiting in anticipation.
"stop apologizin'. how do i get you to remember that, huh?" his fingers move, brushing over your chin and then your lower lip. your eyes flick down at rafe's hand so close to you, and then back at him. "got some ideas, kid?"
you shake your head, but you don't need to say or do anything—rafe's always been like that. he understands you without you needing to use words. and similarly, you understand him without needed to be told.
your mouth opens, and rafe pushes in one huge finger, first just to the knuckle, then to the base. you take it, eyes getting a little watery, your mouth getting his fingers completely wet with spit. rafe pulls out, and then adds another finger. you vaguely hear him murmuring something about shutting you up, but you don't even process it.
your head feels heavy, stomach tight, another hot, uncomfortable wetness growing between your legs. you start thinking things you really shouldn't, not with so many people around, but the thoughts trickle in anyway.
you stay like that for much too long. anyone could see it—the vulgar scene infront of them with you choking on two of rafe's fingers until you don't choke anymore, cheeks wet and eyes watery, even spit on your lips and chin.
"yeah, kid. that's it. shit."
when rafe finally pulls his fingers out, it's because he hears topper and kelce somewhere behind him. you wipe your eyes and your mouth, hoping you look somewhat presentable. next to you, rafe admires his wet fingers.
his friends say something but you don't hear it. rafe turns to you, talking quietly into your ear again so you can hear him over the noise of the party and the loud music.
"you wanna go home now?"
you lean back in to reply.
"unless you just wanna do it here." rafe pulls back to stare at you, confused. "but-but up to you. you can decide. either way."
#oh rafe. just fuck shy reader in public already stop being such a wimp#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#shy reader
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Realizing in hindsight that the only reason I was so skeptical about your camp story is that being covered in a combination of crusty, sticky pink residue and rotten fish oil for days on end while sleeping on a wooden floor in the Arizona heat sounded like such unbearable sensory agony that I wanted to convince myself it was fake, because I didn't want to believe that anybody had genuinely been through that. I'd have walked out of that place with a rucksack of pink ooze and either find my way back to civilization or become crispy pink buzzard chow after day 2.
Like, legitimately, I think about my reaction to that post a lot. The imagery was so deeply unpleasant that I was desperately scrambling to convince myself it wasn't true like I'd just found out my spouse was a serial killer. There was no torture, no death, no hunger or disease, just a bunch of sweaty guys being covered in sticky fruit-flavored slime, subjected to unpleasant smells, and sleeping blanketless on the floor. And you can't even smell! You were spared a good third of it! Yet your experience still horrified me worse than any war story, medieval torture device or horror movie for reasons I cannot hope to fathom.
idk, I've had this ask stewing in my head for months, but I keep forgetting to actually write and send it. In my heart of hearts, I knew your story was perfectly plausible. I was just grasping at straws, praying for you to admit that no, nobody has ever showered in off-brand Gatorade and then not slept for 3 days while being expected to attend uni lectures. It's all untrue, a ruse, a trick, and such things could never happen outside of the cruelest depths of hell. Santa Claus is real, teachers live in the school, babies are delivered by storks, and the pink sauce incident never happened.
My mom pulls me into a warm hug after I scrape my knee. The plastic egg I found under the couch opens to reveal a piece of chocolate. A dollar magically appears under the pillow where I'd put my tooth. All is well. I am safe. The universe is kind, and whoever's running it loves me.
It's a sunny August day and I'm holding a popsicle on the swingset. I'm using my plastic dinosaurs to act out an improvised battle between good guys and bad guys as I sit on the carpeted floor. I'm playing Fossil Fighters on my dinged-up Nintendo DS in the plush brown armchair by the window.
I add the carrot nose to my snowman. Candy plops into my Halloween bag. The speaker on the classroom wall announces that school's out for summer, and we all bound out the door with wild glee, free at last.
Panting, wheezing, I drag my battered form back into the cobbled-together wreckage of my innocence, only one arm remaining with which to drag myself, blood and intestines trailing behind me as the storm rages overhead, washing my entrails downstream. I huddle underneath what remains of my once-pristine shelter from the cold and wet, pulling the shards back together as best I can as the wind howls angrily, hatefully. It's no use. It's broken. It's gone. It cannot be repaired. My innocence will never return to me. The rain seeps through the cracks and lands upon my face.
The rain is pink, I realize, and I cry.
First off: I haven’t actually been on the receiving end of this before and I have to say, it's an almost literally gripping experience. I felt this rat for the last three paragraphs.
Incredibly well done. Second: If you just didnt' want to believe, that's fine, I barely have room in me for medium fries - a grudge would just pour out the top, too much tea for my cup. But you don't have to like, gaslight yourself into thinking the story is totally normal and believable (I always stretch my stories out a little) or beat yourself up over it for months. I meant it when I said we're good, you and I. It still makes me happy to see a comment or a like or, rarely, a question like this from you.
If it's just something that pops into your mind every now and again, I dunno, don't sweat it. I'd hate to give you a complex. Did I mention that I loved that writing for this? Incredible experience.
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