#i think this season is going to be even more polarised in terms of i love bits and hate others lmao

[rexaleph]

Fruit pt 1 lmao

Back when I was first getting into perfume my assumptions around what was gonna work for me were in the vein of traditional men's fragrances from like when I was a kid and vague ideas around freshness and perhaps coniferous woods. However I'd come across a discussion of Byredo's Pulp and the way people spoke of it as this super strange, polarising, borderline unwearable art piece got me interested, so I tossed a sample of that into my cart, intrigued but expecting not to get it. Ofc I fell in love instantly. It was in fact the only fragrance I ended up liking out of everything I picked going by vibes and word associations, probably bc all of the others smelled of air freshener for the car. So i was like ok, it's fruit for me now, I am a fruit perfume person, and have looked p widely into that fragrance family since. Fig was always a note i was interested in bc it is allegedly central to Pulp, and its plant-like, soft-green juiciness is attractive to me in concept. However! As i started looking towards shifting my lifestyle away from a million samples and decants into a small number of truly beloved bottles, I came to the realization that the only even fruit adjacent thing I was immediately interested in having in a large volume is the fucking grapefruit cologne from Zara. And they don't even usually count citruses as a fruit! So fruit ended up not being my thing in practice, but the thought of it still haunts me. I feel like there should be a fruit for me out there. So i want to spend some time thinking abt the fruity scents that I've tried and maybe figure out where to go from here. I am about to get deeply weird once again.

So to start at the beginning - Pulp by Byredo.

Byredo is a brand with a deeply unappealing aesthetic. When I picture their bottles it is on a glass and gold tray in an influencer's white interior and that is not something I want to associate myself with. But given that the first perfume I fell in love with was one of theirs, I still pay attention to their line.

So Pulp is a very intense, tart, barely sweet fruit. The haters have often said that the fruit smell is fermented and rotten, but I perceive it to be on the other end of the sour fruit spectrum - green and underripe. It suggests maybe an inedibly hard pear. Another major feature - I keep saying "fruit" without specifying, because I struggle to discern anything particular. People will say apple, blackcurrant, citrus, fig. I do perceive the intense opening blackcurrant and maybe apple. Besides the that I get cedarwood, and i guess that woody-green-sweet effect could be a fig note. Pulp does not feel like it evolves much as it wears, but what it does is first fill the space around itself and then settle within minutes, which I think is a quality created by like carrier molecules. (I know of iso e super, which allegedly improves longevity but that would be the opposite effect i think, though i feel like it's in here as well. What i experience w Pulp feels like theres sth that increases volatility, momentarily dragging scent molecules into the air w it. Or theres just a lot of the cassis top note ingredient and much of it evaporates off quickly.)

This room-filling effect is what brings me to the haters' 2nd point that sticks in my mind: Pulp is less like a perfume for a person to wear and more of a large scale air freshener, not even for your home, but for hotel lobbies and shopping malls. And I think this is how I ended up feeling about Pulp - beautiful scent, but I don't want to wear it. There are other perfumes in this post I consider unperfumelike and don't want to wear for their industrial chemical quality, but those actually smell bad to me. I'm not generally concerned w wearability (outside of like not wearing strong or irritating things where people will be forced close to me), I don't think of perfume in terms of daytime vs evening or seasonality, but there is something about Pulp, however much I like it in theory, that makes it unwearable to me. Like whatever I'm looking to wear, be it sweet, fresh, complex, natural-produce-like, loud - Pulp is never the answer. I think what drew me in at first was it's brightnness and intensity, and how different it was from any perfume i had experienced before. I'm wearing it now and it is still impressive, mostly a powerful, mouthwatering blackcurrant; leaves, berries and wood sap. There's another strong natutalistic plant perfume I love - Vetiver Extraordinaire by Frederic Malle. I tried to articulate the vibe i get from it as "you can't fuck me, I'm a tree". Which, I love that for a cold deciduous tree trunk you can't get your arms around. To me right now Pulp also has a strong you can't fuck me aura, though I used to think of it as insanely attractive (the mouth-watering aspect, confusing different kinds of intense sensuality). But i guess being high-pitched, juicy and ultimately friendly and food-like, this is not the unfathomable remote unfuckability of nature; "you can't fuck me i'm covered in berries" is not sth i want to embody. I used to really love the idea of scent-as-art in a vacuum, but now I probably am more concerned with what a perfume can do to create me as i present myself to the world. That mostly excludes unpolishedly naturalistic plants at this point. (Btw a 20 y o coworker who is just starting to get into perfume told me that someone introduced him to Pulp and he loved it so much! It is a good entry point to unisex niche perfume - beautiful, approachable but characterful, different from most designer scents, especially as marketed to men. I'd probably still it like very much on someone else.)

Having spent 4 notes app pages on Pulp I'll be brief on the fruit shampoo types: Kirke by Tiziana Terenzi, Antigua by Phaedon, Eau de Rhubarbe by Hermes, Sirio by Mendittorosa, I wanna say Cedrat Boise by Mancera. The widely recommended fruity one by Mancera anyway. So turns out banana flavored candy isn't weird bc it's based on an extinct breed, it just uses a single flavor compound out of the bouquet found in real bananas, so the flavor comes off distorted. This is I think what people mean when they use "synthetic" as a criticism in perfume. I assume that for shampoo they mix individually made molecules, which is what causes unnatural-seeming compositions, even if the ingredients themselves aren't in any way worse by being synthetic. All the above fragrances have that screechy, fruit-scented toiletries/household chemicals vibe to me, plus Kirke and Antigua at least have some kinda sickly musk note that I don't get along with. I've also encountered it in a number of of woody-fresh cologne type scents. So these fragrances are all widely beloved (except maybe the Mendittorosa on account of being less well known), I think because of what I outlined with Pulp - they're bright and friendly but still fairly unusual. Common notes i believe are lychee or rhubarb - tart, juicy and sweet, which I guess is what most people look for in this type of fragrance. I'm just particularly sensitive to their type of dissonance. Eau de Rhubarbe i think is the most successful one of these - only inelegant, but for the most part I find them fully unpleasant.

Speaking of unpleasant, let me briefly return to Byredo. Mixed Emotions vs Amouage Jubilation XXV

So after my first unsuccessful run at Amouage with the florals I held off on trying their big iconic scent for years. The way people spoke of Jubilation it's this amazing layered masterpiece of resins, woods and fruit, meant for like distinguished gentlemen. Obviously I never felt like I could pull it off, but earlier this year I decided to have another go at Amouage as well as figure out fruit, so I finally tried it out. And yeah it's alright. I think what I'm realizing is that these niche fragrances massively popular among men are always gonna be on the safe side, but spoken of as hugely transgressive bc they smell a little bit outside of menthol shaving foam. Jubilation is soft, deep, smooth and resinous, with like an overtone of sweet-spicy toothpaste freshness I'd put down to blackberry, orange zest and tarragon. Very attractive, would not feel incongruous on any age or gender, for sure not a mature man kinda scent. I went on two week-long trips within a month in August/September and wore it throughout for like professional and leasure occasions and it never felt out of place, I never wanted for anything else. Dudes online are big mad abt alleged weak reformulations, idk abt that, however I will say it is kinda subtle and I wouldnt pay Amouage money for it.

So given that 15 years ago Amouage came out with this hugely popular cult hit, why would Byredo in 2021 make basically the same thing but worse? Black currant for blackberry and birch smoke and mate for all the woods and resins, Mixed Emotions to me is just a loud, unbalanced version of Jubilation, though idk that i've seen anyone else make the comparison. It's very northern forest, tree sap and berries, which is kind of an obvious combination and doesn't make it feel less heavy-handed. Junk by Lush feels adjacent, which is not a compliment. A recurring review phrase is cough syrup. The fruit is scratchy and cloying, overconcentrated. I kept trying to get myself to like Mixed Emotions, but given that it feels like basically a worse version of something that's just pretty nice but not worth the money, it's probably time to give up on her.

So do I hate a scratchy, cloying preserve-like fruit? Not necessarily.

Mendittorosa Rituale

I am a mark for Mendittorosa. I feel like i can still tell when they really don't work for me, but I probably exaggerate how special the ones i do like are. Anyway.

The vibe is nectar: flowers, blackcurrant, pomegranate, raspberry, honey, beeswax. Its heavy and sweet while having a rough scratchy quality (down to beeswax, patchouli and hyrax I'd guess) that can give gourmands a real kitchen-y feel. Mugler AMen has that imo, as well as El Born by Carner Barcelona, both of which suggest rustic dessert to me. Rituale is not really like them them with its big heady floral and fruit elements but that effect is the same. It's like when you have a very sweet pastry with black coffe. Rituale puts me in mind of traditional desserts that use preserves, honey and rose water in a way that doesnt get along with my modern milk chocolate sour gummy palette, so it is a little bit challenging. Going off the notes alone, I was very excited but also apprehensive about this one, I expected it to be either breathtakingly beautiful or just fully disgusting. Especially lavender can really fuck things up for me when it goes nauseating soapy-sweet potpourri. And some of that is there: i notice the lavender and the whole composition teeters on the edge of sickly, but never quite goes there. The actual flowers throughout its middle stage (rose, jasmine, narcissus, what do daffodils even smell like?) give me this high-summer orchard honey bee fantasy. Raspberry is i think the most prominent opening impression, maybe pomegranate, quickly overtaken by floral honey. That's probably the way to discuss the florals in here - not flowers but the way e.g. linden honey can smell of flowers & pollen. Beeswax is also discernible from the very beginning. As it sits and the fruit recedes it goes from nectar fantasy to complex rosewater dessert while always maintaining that little bit of low-pitched roughness you usually get with honey fragrances, just enough to keep things interesting. It's all a whole lot. The very end is a rounder mellower sweetness, feels like vanilla to my nose, but might be some combination of the woods, resins and beeswax. I wish I perceived more of the hyrax, some people complain about it being crazy animalic and i just don’t get that at all unfortunately. I love dirty animal shit :( On the other hand it already has borderline too much going on.

If Mendittorosa made small beautiful bottles Rituale would be a no-brainer to get. It is a very special combination of rich and opulent while also consisting of what to me reads as basically all food-like botanical notes. Real nectar and ambrosia vibes. Very different from those fresh effervescent unisex fruits, a very cool take on the genre imo. And like, yeah, if I'm so bored of fruits, maybe my one fruit perfume to have should be the one that's unlike any of the others. But even with this one, I'm not sure that I want to smell like this! There is again an air of botanical unfuckability about this one that makes it a little emotionally confusing. Not sure what mood I'd want it for, especially if we're talking about getting a bit expensive bottle. I think I wore it for my 29th or 30th birthday, she's festive and attention-grabbing but doesn't necessarily make me feel attractive. One idea I'm holding out for is that if I tried it from an atomizer instead of the shitty dabbing wand sample and got a more accurate idea of how it wears from the bottle, there would be more hyrax and that'd swing it into something more obviously my style. As is it may or may not be my one fruit but for sure points to some directions to continue thinking in.

Putting here so I don't forget my other fruits to discuss: Un Jardin sur le Nil, Pomegranate Noir, Wilde, Bitter Peach, Peau de Peche. And then the figs.

[f1]

DRIVER MARKET: Why Wolff is absolutely confident Hamilton will extend his Mercedes contract amid silly season talk

Mercedes boss Toto Wolff has provided another update on one of the big off-track topics in 2023, expressing full confidence that Lewis Hamilton will sign a fresh deal with the team. Hamilton is in the final year of his current Mercedes deal and speculation has grown over the seven-time world champion’s F1 future amid the squad’s ongoing performance struggles. READ MORE: ‘I’m a fighter’ – Hamilton insists 2023 Mercedes performance won’t determine his F1 future However, after Hamilton himself expressed “100% belief” in Mercedes heading into the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix, and vowed to return to winning ways with them, Wolff offered a similarly clear response when asked about the driver market. “I have no idea what is being said in the silly season, I just know where we are with Lewis and George [Russell] – nothing else is relevant,” Wolff commented. “We’re talking when we want to do it and how, but we just need to change some terms – the dates, basically. I am absolutely confident [Hamilton will stay].” Mercedes endured a tricky start to 2023, with both cars finishing almost a minute off victory in Bahrain Asked if he had any concerns that Hamilton might start talking to rivals if the team’s struggles continue, Wolff said: “I don’t think that Lewis will leave Mercedes. He’s at a stage of [his] career where we trust each other. “We have formed a great bond among each other and we have no reason to doubt each other, even though this is a difficult spell. So nice it will be when we come out of this valley of tears and come back to solid performances. READ MORE: Hamilton announces split from long-time trainer and physio Angela Cullen “As a driver, nevertheless, if he wants to win another championship, he needs to make sure he has the car. If we cannot demonstrate that we’re able to give him a car in the next couple of years, then he needs to look everywhere. “I don’t think he’s [going to be] doing it at that stage, but I would have no grouch if that happens in a year.” Wolff also responded to Hamilton’s admission on Thursday that his recent choice of words to describe Mercedes’ early-season form was “unfortunate” – having claimed that the squad “didn’t listen” to him regarding the design of the 2023 car. Hamilton and Wolff have formed a strong partnership during their time together at Mercedes Addressing the situation, and any potential intra-team tension, Wolff said: “We speak all the time. It’s not a single word that matters in the team, because we know each other so well. “We know there are emotions at play with him, me, with many others in the team. We wear the heart on our sleeves. READ MORE: ‘We’ve got a lot of work to do’ – Mercedes promise ‘visible changes’ to W14 after challenging season opener “Sometimes you say things that in the media are being very quickly translated in a controversial way or polarising, that inside the team never cause any waves, because we know the emotions can run high. “To be honest, if I’m watching a lap time deficit coming together or a race that’s not going well, I also would like to say that I’m not happy [about] where the car has been developed to. That’s okay inside of the team; we want the emotion high. “We have tough love, we are saying it straight out when it’s missing, and nobody is not going to take it on the chin in the team.” via Formula 1 News https://www.formula1.com

[life-rewritten]

GIFTS OF BL! AKA CHRISTMAS GOODIES FOR BL FANS WHO LOVE ANGST, PASSION AND CHEMISTRY.

Merry Christmas BL Fans. I've been trying to be a bit more festive on here, and so I've decided to write out a gift box for every BL fans full of Christmas goodies and suggestions you might want to see based on different tropes, genres and plots in case you haven't caught up with them. Or just my opinions and ranks of some of my favourite BLS that are incredible for each category. So Yes I am a weird person who views suggestions as presents. Finding a new show with all the things I love that remind me of certain other shows that I already love is like a gift to me, I love binge-watching shows that make me happy, excited and is an emotional journey, for me the gift is falling in love with many other plotlines and finding a new passion that inspires or makes me happy just at the thought of the show. That's a great gift. So if you're like me here is the first Gift Box: Merry Christmas :) let me know what you think about these shows, are there other's you've seen? Add them to the box so we can all find new shows to love. Enjoy:

GIFT OF BL! The passionate, angsty and chemistry lovers.

Ahh yes, it's those type of shows, those shows where you find your self obsessed and crying over the incredible and crazy love story between two hot-headed people who are meant to be together but for some reason instead, they hate each other. I mean are we surprised? Haters to lovers always have this incredible sizzling fire on fire chemistry that is explosive at worst but also delicious to consume at best. They are the ride or dies, they're the fighters, they're the shouters, but they're always meant to be together. And not all angsty couples have to be haters to lovers, some on this list aren't, they're drawn to each other, by some inexplicable thing. This soulmate connection isn't as warm/ soft as you want it to be, but it's more firey and loud, it's in your face, and it makes you jealous because once they fall in love and learn about each other, it's unconditional and so effective. These kinds of couples form bonds where they need each other? At some path in their life, the other person is their person, to help them grow, to help them learn, to accept their flaws, to love themselves, to heal, to trust etc. This kind of bond all the time leads to something so beautiful and also an exciting experience worth always rewatching time and time again. And suppose you're like me and you love depth. In that case, these couples and plots normally have so much subtext and depth in their stories; people feel turned off at first by their surface interactions because the characters usually are incredibly flawed but actually you get to see a journey with them as they grow and become better. That's something I enjoy with all these shows, we learn so much about them, they feel real, flawed, messy but also just so exciting to analyse and question as well. By the end of the show, you're either emotionally exhausted in a right way about the love they have, or you're crying so hard because they found each other and became the best versions of themselves through it all.

Sorry, these type of shows are my favourite to discuss. And if you're like me, then I hope this list is a gift box for you to explore and find new loves in case you haven't watched some of these. Or nostalgia just to remember shows like these that touched you and made you so happy. Let's discuss about it.

Tharn and Type

Haha if no one knows me, you won't understand how obsessed I am with this show. For me, this show for both seasons is everything I want and more. Which is weird because this show can be viewed as an uncomfortable experience; toxicity, questioning about some moral issues, non-consensual confusion etc. The righteous me feels weird every time I have to recommend this show to people because it's very polarising. So I'll start first by saying the trigger warnings: there are conversations about r*pe, and non-consent in this show, questions about abuse and predatory behaviours in the show. If this really triggers you, this isn't a gift for you, and I get it.  

But whilst on the surface this show seems like another toxic version of what makes BL hard to watch, with those tropes, I think people tend to misjudge this couple's story a lot. There are issues with the writer, and it depends again what your stance is on it. But for Me the reason why Tharn and Type are on here is because it's a ride, I think it's an incredibly written show, with fantastic acting despite the novelty of the actors, an amazing director and production despite the small budget and an amazing plot despite the first few episodes confusion/discomfort. This story is incredible, with a lot of layers. If you are someone who loves layers, psychological conversations about nature vs nurture, if you are someone who enjoys plot twists, and character arcs and development this show is for you. This couple will take your breath away; this couple will break your heart and repatch it over and over again with their longing, chemistry and love.

At the end of the day, Tharn and Type is a love story at the core, about two flawed people who find a love that gives: healing, comfort and strength. Some people don't see it like that but the way these two love each other, the journey they go through with each other even in the sequel is still amazing to watch and enjoy if you get it. It's why there are so many essays and analysis derived from this show; it's not us being Mame warriors as people would call it, it's us seeing what the story is showing, bringing out the forgotten details to light, making sure people understand the message of the show.

All people see in this show is fighting and then passion, but that's not what this show is about, it has angst the characters are authentic and flawed as humans are. Still, at the core, it has love, sweetness and a soulmate connection that makes you question everything about love and also want something like it ( I know CRAZY). It's like weird for me to say I want to find my Tharn to my Type, but somehow it makes sense, I really adore these twos love, and for some people, it's not like that, and that's okay. But for some others, this show is a gift, and if you're like me who always feels conflicted about some stories in BL lacking passion, chemistry, structured plots, with twists that make you have to rewatch time and time again, then this show is for you. It gives you everything you want in both seasons. But only if you are open-minded enough to see it.

Why it's a gift: The passion, the angst, the haters to lovers, the chemistry, the naturalness of the actors, the soft sweet moments that make you envious, the plot oh the plot, the excitement and conflicting feelings, the questions it brings, the discussion it gets, the love story at the core. It's everything for people like me For others: Others will love the chemistry and the passion between the two actors, may not see the message and view it as a guilty pleasure and may be triggered by many conversations in the show. But all in all, if you stick with this show, it'll always end up being a good show no matter what you feel about it. In terms of representation: I've seen a lot of LGBTQ who have appreciated Tharn and Type because of it's the courage to tackle specific topics on tv, some have praised the naturalness and focus on a character like Type who is incredibly flawed but incredibly understood because of his circumstance, a real character who makes mistakes, is stubborn, rude and angry but grows and learns to accept himself as he falls for Tharn.

Why R U

Another absolute incredible gift. Except warning, not the show haha. I honestly believe with my whole heart that this show would have been everything in 2020 had it been directed by better people, edited better and COVID didn't happen. This is why this show is like such a pain to me because I love this show so much, this show made me move on from my obsession with the previous s and found a new show like it which I wasn't expecting. And yet I still advise people not to watch the show.

The gift box here is to watch this show as an edit. So here is a present for you if you haven't seen this show, watch this (1-hour summary) modification of one of the couples in the show, and it'll make you so emotional. And then you can decide if you want to watch this show fully. The reason why I can't recommend the show to people is that I was not too fond of the cringe humour, the loud sound effects, the cuts in the story and the lack of attention to the other side characters.

But for Fighter and Tutor, I would die for this show. This show brought a gift to BL, and that's Saint and Zee as a couple. It's incredible. They are electric to watch on the screen, and they made me fall for this couple even more. But honestly, the reason why I love these twos story is again the plot; It's funny because again like the previous show, this show had a lot of subtexts and hidden depth others didn't understand, people again assumed from on the surface tit was a show about fighting and lust but it wasn't. It tackled the same conversations; internalised homophobia and how it affects you and shapes your actions, it showed a hater to lovers story where two people found comfort, strength and hope with each other. It had two flawed and exciting characters that you couldn't help but fall for. If I loved Tharn and Type previously, I've never wanted a love story the way I want what Fighter and Tutor have.

I mean it's incredible, the way Fighter shows up for Tutor in this show, their effect on each other as they fall in love, they're each other's catalyst to growth and hope, whether it's Fighter learning to fight for what he wants and choose his path for himself, confront his father and become less suffocated from the life he thought he had to live or to overcome his internalised homophobia that was slowly killing him, or it's Tutor learning to trust in life again, and growing strong and finding someone to lean on when he thought he had no one, or him finding his strength also to fight for what he wants, to become vulnerable and let people in, to hope for a new path and happiness. This show broke me. Honestly, these two are a gift for people who love passionate stories.

There is a plot there's so many hints and subtext to their love story, how they've both loved each other secretly for so long. Still, because of fear and homophobia they didn't act on it and turned it to hate for a while, how once they accept their feelings and become brave they know they're each other's forever, they're so pulled and obsessed with each other. And Tutor! Tutor is an incredible lead, he's sassy, he's confident, he doesn't take nothing from others, he doesn't let himself be in a toxic situation, he's powerful and incredible, and I loved watching him on screen. And Fighter may be annoying on the outside, but he's soft, melty, vulnerable and such a great boyfriend when he accepts what he feels for Tutor. Their love is incredible. It's unbelievable, so if you haven't seen this show click on the link and cry and fall in love.

Link Here Enjoy

Why it's a gift: It's a show you will fall in love with for these two, there's another couple you'll also fall in love with for different reasons, but for Fighter and Tutor their chemistry, angst and passion is so exciting to see. The way they fall for each other is also incredible; this show never fails to have moments that tug at heart and make you envious of what these two have, again this show has a completely rounded plot for these two, it's a romantic comedy, their edit is like watching a great movie and being affected. The show is also packed full of amazing actors, music and scenes that you won't want to forget. If you love skinship, SaintZee are kings of showing passion on the screen, mostly also unscripted, they became Fighter and Tutor entirely, and you can see their love ooze from them, and their longing drives you insane. But that's what an extraordinary, passionate story does. It makes you lose your minds at how great these two are, how breathtaking they can be and how much their love makes your heart melt and also race because it's like fireworks, explosive and beautiful and worth the view.

For others: This show may seem generic since it's set in a university and it's engineering (I'm afraid I have to disagree when people say stuff like this), the actual show directing is weird, it's cringy, and you may be turned off and distracted from these two's plot because it's not put together properly. There are moments that you may not clock on like the past flashbacks and what they are trying to tell you about these twos dynamic: so many people didn't get that they loved each other from the first time they saw each other but refused to accept it especially Fighter who pretended to hate Tutor because it was the only way to avoid what he was feeling for a while.  There is a very long version of a beach vacation that seems like there's no plot. Still, it's just showcasing how in love these two are, and how much they realise what they have with each other, how much all their pent up attraction is finally exploding and showing at the surface i.e. they can't get enough of each other. It makes it all the more painful later when they have to break up because they literally can't part with each other, they need the other's touch, presence and more to feel safe and comfortable.  If you love skinship; the beach scenes are the best moments for you,  you will scream at how natural these two are. But you may just think that's all they have. In terms of representation: There are conversations about accepting who you are, and internalised homophobia is a big obstacle for Fighter and Tutor they learn to accept themselves as they fall in love. Fighter is incredible standing up to his father later and fighting for Tutor. It's just a great BL that people can watch as a romantic story and get lost in for a while, it's romantic, passionate and it doesn't feel uncomfortable or unnatural, there's a plot, and it has a happy ending. A perfect show to get away from stresses and reality for a while. That's why I love it.

Mood Indigo

Enough of the happy love stories that have happy endings; Suppose you love painful soulmate bittersweet endings with angst and passion. Mood Indigo is for you. Oh My When I say my heart broke so much because of this show, I mean it. My heart was damaged, I felt sad, but instead of feeling defeated as I do with other BLs with unhappy endings, this was so incredible? It was tasteful, the angst is there, but it's not like the typical haters to lovers angst. It's more dramatic in a different way; it's also touching, and again, the chemistry of the main characters is incredible and will make you scream.

You're rooting for them to make it, you're hoping they choose each other and yet you oddly understand despite being upset at how it ends. This a prequel to another series called the Novelist, you can watch both these two, and it would be a great time. The actors are incredible as with Japanese shows, the storyline is exciting, and as a writer, it's touching, and there are moments where it makes you want to cry. It doesn't feel as depressing as you think it would be (if you've watched the sequel) it feels oddly healing and real. If you like couples with immense longing, and passion for each other, with more self-discovering and deep conversations about themselves, this show is for you. Skinship and love are also more tasteful, and it doesn't feel lustful or crass. It feels like watching art, that's all I can say. And it does have a semi-happy ending depending on whose perspective you watch from; I've watched from both, I've cried at the Novelist because of both, I've also squealed at seeing one of the characters get healing and closure. I've smiled, but I've also watched another beautiful connection to grow. What these two have is special despite how they ended.

Why it's a gift? Realism and a lot of reflections and questions. If you like deep stuff this is for you, add a spice of chemistry and passion, and it's so beautifully done. Not all love stories need a happy ending, but there are some bonds worth finding and making and Kido and Kijima is one of those. Also if you're not a fan of happy fantasy endings and closures, this is for you, this is very real, bittersweet and it hit the right notes. It's worth watching and deciding how you feel about it.

For others: The story does feel slow as with a lot of Japanese BLs, sometimes you may miss out on the deep meanings and reflections the show brings so it may feel more moody and gloomy for no reason. If you love happy endings, then this may not be for you. You may end up disliking the actions of Kido or Kijima and may end up not understanding why people root for them and cared about their relationship.

In terms of representation: This tackles again you guessed it internalised homophobia, (IH) it's the biggest thing BLs like to tackle, this is more realistic and deep. It's very practical about life, and it's just a great show; cast, production and story that showcases an LGBTQ relationship.

History Trapped

Crime and mystery with a side of Passion, Angst and Haters to lovers?? You have History Trapped. This is just incredible. I remember judging at first because I was hesitant about how good it could be. But No, I loved History Trapped. I think it's one of the Best BLs out there, that does what it says it will do, it has an exciting plotline that you can follow and immerse your self in, but the love story is also at the core. I love all the actors in this show, and their chemistry is ridiculous, many scenes left me smiling and grinning from ear to ear. I love how the story is an angsty love between a cop and a gangster-like it's so funny to see how their two groups react to the love they have. I love the revelations and plot twists in the show, we have an exciting plot trying to uncover the mystery of the death between two people both connected different ways to our main couple. It's so good because it's just a nice story overall. The plot is good. The acting is good. The love story is good. And like every hater to lovers, the character reveals, and arc is deep and interesting to unfold. I also think the side couple is good in this show, also passionate and interesting to watch. Also 20 EPISODES?? Damn, worth it, worth it all.

Why it's a gift A unique BL not set in highschool. Angsty, dramatic haters to lovers that is incredibly beautiful and enjoyable on screen. Their chemistry and passion are addicting to watch, and the actors are great. The plot for the main couple is well written, fleshed out and exciting to follow. It is a ride of emotions, and it'll make you obsessed. For others: I really don't know why people would dislike it. Maybe the low budget but I think it makes up for it with the plot and characters. I do think the side couple's story is not as fleshed out as the main but they're a good side couple that is nice to see on the screen. Maybe the ending? It's not the sweet fantasy happy ending you expect, and from this writer, I think it's a pattern so no shock, but it's not depressing or defeating. It's okay.

In terms of representation: I won't say this is like a serious story focused on LGBTQ and issues, but I think that's why I like it as with my other shows, the focus is on the plot, the mystery and the characters, once they fall in love that's it, there's no deep questions or denial about what they are, and I love that. (Not sure about side couple there may have been some questioning) and it's a story with an LGBTQ couple falling in love and choosing each other despite being from being different worlds and opinions on what's moral/righteous. That's why I love it.

I told sunset about you.

Oh, Hi, ITSAY. It seems like I can't forget you or move on from this show. Haha. I've written long paragraphs about the other shows, but I feel like for ITSAY  I don't have even to explain it just watch it. It's worth everything, the production is exquisite, the acting incredible, plot: deep and outstanding, the passion, chemistry, longing and ANGST: Out of this world. Remarkably for a 5 episode show, this show's couple broke me, made me cry for hours and made me addicted and obsessed with them. They were perfect for each other, friends to haters to friends to lovers again. They were fireworks, explosions, and more. And this show was art. Everything was tasteful; everything had meaning; everything had a purpose. This show was the definition of meta, and it made me so happy to analyse. Five hours will go by with this show; it's a gift honestly the best thing I can recommend to you. You will scream and shout and cry and feel jealous, angry, crazy and then you'll feel elated. No other way to put it. Go watch this show if you haven't.

Why it's a gift: Acting: Outstanding Directing: Outstanding Plot: Outstanding Meta: Outstanding Everything: Outstanding

For others: This show may feel draggy to some who don't like over dramatics, a lot of crying, a lot of moping, a lot of angst, but it's done by incredible actors who do them well. The ending of the show feels incomplete because after all the drama, angst, even if it's a happy ending which is great, it felt weird, rushed and empty. Like it was missing something so that might be a bit anti-climatic for you. Still think the show is worth it.

In terms of representation: Again we have IH, but this time we focus on a coming of age storyline and view how people deal with the influx of feelings, how it makes you lose your self, find your self, and know your worth. The characters all grow after being flawed, they find themselves and learn and question their sexuality for a lot of people it's relatable, there are potent discussions in the show about this and meaningful moments and scenes that make it worth it and perfect for LGBTQ +

Many more gifts I can't explain:

Where your eyes linger: Korean, ANGSTY, Short and incredible. Will leave you feeling a lot of emotions. Worth the 80 minutes trust me: bodyguard and spoilt kid story. Longinggggg and repressed attraction it hurts.

Together with me: Not the next chapter, I would avoid the next chapter. But the first together with me? Worth it. Angsty friends to lovers, questioning of IH, and CHEMISTRY, actors who are incredible in real life and also on-screen with each other. A bond worth seeing. You can catch them also on Manner of Death which I also would recommend: same thing Angst, Drama, Chemistry, Passion, Murder, Mystery. Gah MaxTul are incredible.

Friendzone 2: Skinship for days. Chemistry for days. A messy story that you need to look at the subtext for days. Very interesting to analyse incredibly real and flawed characters who you get to see grow. Watch both Friendzone 1 and 2; you may end up hating the couples because it's messy; cheating, uncomfortable moralities, etc., but it's a ride I would never forget.

Night Flight: Oooo a movie, gloomy, moody, realistic and also artistic. Will make you cry for days but worth it—incredible acting, a deep storyline that will break you but also make you feel something. Passion in a very different way from the others, it's not about skinship but about the love these two find as they realise they are each other's key to freedom one way or another. The angst is crazy, the situation is scary, but it takes your breath away and touches your heart differently. I would recommend hundreds of times over and over again. It's everything to me honestly, and I don't like bittersweet endings. Trigger: questionable scene r*pe and bullying and mentions of su*cide.

Theory of Love: Angst, Angst, Angst! Pain and tears all in one but guess what it's a happy ending. Haha fooled you; based on a great book Flipped, about the pain of unrequited love turning requited, flawed 3D characters you'll hate then cry for then love. An incredible OST!  And the chemistry that keeps you on your toes. Worth it too. Lots of crying and shouting.

Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi: Angst for days, love in the subtext, censored but worth it, acting is incredible, a great plot that's not just focused on the romance, fantasy and all things nice, drama and pain, crying and deep, extraordinary characters, 3D villains, will change your opinion on a lot of BLs, incredible directing, production and cast. Worth it. This is an actual gift for a BL fan like read the book. I'll link the translation here as a gift, read the manhua, watch the anime/donghua, listen to the non censored audio drama (my fave). This is an incredible experience. It's a true gift and will talk about it when more I write my gift box for anime and fantasy fans.

Link For Book here - Have a great time with this it’ll make you obsessed

So this Christmas period whenever you want an alone time, rewatch these shows, cry and scream at these shows if you love this type of shows. Obsess and find your self lost in these shows, analyse and ponder on the meaning of these shows. And distract your self with joy and happiness at these shows. I hope these shows also end up feeling like a gift to you. Angsty, passionate couples are just great to see; they require so much depth to their characters, natural actors who aren't uncomfortable with showing passion on-screen and are devoted to their craft, and incredible plotlines that make you question and learn things about your self. Maybe I'm being dramatic, and it's not that deep, but these shows were worth it, and I hope you find one or you rewatch one that makes you happy this Christmas. Feel free to discuss with me about these shows, what did you like about them, what are your opinions, which are your favourite, what other shows will you suggest let me know!

Other Recommendations

GIFTS OF BL FOR FANS WHO LOVE DISCUSSIONS OF REPRESENTATION

[tobeornottotc]

The hidden rules of TKEM and why understanding it will help you understand the show.

The rules of TKEM and why understanding it will help you get the show. 

Being in the TKEM is so reminiscent of the first time I realised how deep shows could be and how cunning their creators are when forming a whole new universe/rabbit hole to fall into. My first ever show to do this for me was the Disney show in America called Girl meets world. I remembered how much we hated at first the first season, how we cringed at the plot lines, the quotes and the whole meta aspect of the show. I remember the first time I noticed the gateway, a couple which was so secretly hidden in subtext that kept jumping at me and in my need to understand why I felt this way I went and researched other people’s thoughts on this. To my surprise other people felt the same way I did. In the next season we had the full plot twist, this couple had been in love with each other for at least 2 years, and no one knew. But once we understood the rules of this show, going back to season 1 felt like a slap in the face, it was there all along, the reason for why everything was confusing was done on purpose. Sorry for going of tangent, but that’s also what happened with me with TKEM episode 1-6. This was the show I waited for all year, I am obsessed with Kim Eun Sook, not even because of her deep writing but because of all the love stories I have been addicted to because of her. She knew how to make me be obsessed with a new world and she made Korea look so amazing. So, I waited and by the end of episode 6 I was devastated I couldn’t understand certain choices in this drama and it made me very depressed honestly. Until I finally noticed a gate way, I mistakenly stumbled like I always do into knowing one of the rules and then I fought to get to the bottom of it. And just like I was heavily tricked by GMW, TKEM did the same and I am so grateful I didn’t stop watching it. So, for all of you confused about the show, here are some things that could help you understand this show even more. I call them the rules that the show seems to be following. Everything is done on purpose. Let’s begin:

Why TKEM is so confusing 

1.      The confusing storytelling and jarring world building and Taeul’s polarising character.

 This was hard for me during episode 1-4. I remember sitting there wondering why on earth everything was so confusing, nonlinear, and why it felt rushed. I understood that KES stories can sometime feel like this, no plot at first before she hits you with the reveal. But this story felt odd and didn’t pick up the plot until episode 6. I also why watching things in Gon’s POV was so confusing, why did he know so much and yet so little? Why did we not understand why he was acting the way he did. Until I finally got the first rule, the story isn’t in Gon’s POV. The story is narrated by our Present Taeul who’s reminiscing about the story whilst she interrogates Lee Lim. This is the first scene we are introduced to in episode 1. That’s because we’re in a flash back being narrated by Taeul. As Taeul in our current episode figures out more about the two worlds, the mythology and the plans Lee Lim has we get more information then. Remember in the first episode she is really confused by Gon, she refuses to believe in the world, and everything feels to bizarre. It’s the same way we feel about the show from those episodes, we feel frustrated she doesn’t believe Gon but at the same time we also find him so ridiculous. 

I have another post about this but TKEM uses Alice in the wonderland as a base (GMW did this as well), it uses both books Alice in wonderland and through the looking glass. I had previously thought that because Gon is our main character, and he goes into the parallel world, he is our Alice. I was wrong. Taeul is our Alice in Wonderland. She also states it to Gon when she enters Corea the first time. When Alice first enters wonderland, she is confused by the bizarreness of Wonderland.  Just like again for the first 5 episodes we are, everything makes no sense, Gon speaks gibberish most of the time using mathematics and science, he’s also very annoying. This is because Taeul is flat earther, she believes in things that she can see, so the first introduction to Gon and other’s is simply crazy to her, she is adamant that its not true. So, we wait until she goes to Corea and finds out that everything is right. Once she explores Corea we finally start to see a linear storyline, we slowly start to understand more about other things like Lim’s goals, her real feelings for Gon, we finally get to start to notice that the show is withholding a lot of information and its slowly coming together. This is also because Taeul is trying to solve the murder mysteries connected to Lee Lim, as she learns more we also start to see more about his goals. She’s our source of information, she’s privy to some parts of the soul but only when she takes part in it. That’s why we don’t understand why Gon chased after the white rabbit it was so odd, because that’s all she knows he did. She also doesn’t know how time travel plays into this, so as Gon figures out about this, its because she’s also starting to recognise it too. 

This is also why time is so nonlinear to us. The flashbacks make no sense, some of the stuff like Fate (yoyo boy) are to cryptic for us to get. Taeul doesn’t yet know their part in this. I think its also why we don’t see a lot on Prime minister Koo either, because all Taeul probably knows about her at this point is the girl who wants to marry Gon for his throne and the girl who she admires for being in power. This also happened in GMW, the audience in the first season saw things through a 12-year-old girl’s perspective so everything felt cheesy, cringy, and nonsensical. It’s done on purpose, we the audience just like Taeul feel like Alice in wonderland, the more she gets to understand why the rabbit is running and is going to be late, the closer she gets to that trial at the end of the book, the more she grows up, the more the story starts to make sense. Taeul’s earth is no longer flat, things are now being pieced together so we also get to know more about that. Be Patient. The directing is done to make you think things are being overlooked, because Taeul is also overlooking important hints.

 2.      The directing is wacky. There are too many characters that are pointless. 

This is another thing that really annoyed me the first 6 episodes, the way the director uses the nonlinear timeline. Especially when we don’t have any information for why we should feel a certain way. An example of this is Taeul running into Gon’s arms when the whole episode she’s been hating and fighting with him or when she breaks down in episode 10 when he appears and kisses her before leaving. What we know is that this doesn’t make sense, we don’t understand what’s making her do this because we normally find out in a flashback of the first 25 minutes of the next episode. Because the next episode is always a week away. We the audience feel cheated and simply confused. 

Funny thing about this is once you understand this show is about time travel. The director’s choices start to make sense, we have so many timelines already showing up, Gon can travel back in time, and forward, just like we the audience also end up doing. The normal ending of the even episodes is us in the future of Taeul’s narration before we are flung back into the past in the next episode to get what happened. It’s done-on purpose. 

 Another confusing thing about the show is the way the director shows us the two different worlds. This show is chucked with so many side characters, it’s like Goblin whenever he goes to help someone, or the grim reaper goes to take someone’s life. Unfortunately, while it worked for Goblin in a linear narrative, this show has the rule of two, there twice the same amount of characters we know, they have another parallel self in a different world. With the directing its hard to know when these worlds differ, we are always confused by the characters we don’t know where they belong to. But that’s because Taeul doesn’t know at that moment about Lee Lim’s plan to replace the dopple gangers, just as the two world are bleeding into each other (remember Eun Sup feeling the heat of the hot chocolate of Yeong on his iced tea), we get even more confused as to where everyone is from. That’s what Lee Lim is doing replacing everyone in a different world and making them become part of that world. The director does this by withholding information about the side characters so we just as Gon and Taeul are confused by who they are and why they are important in certain worlds. The director is doing this on purpose. Its meant to be confusing.

3.      The powers of the flute is so confusing. Lim’s plans make no sense and for the first 6 episodes he hides doing nothing but being ominous in the background. 

The title: The King Eternal Monarch

Points to consider:

·  The word eternity is defined as something that keeps on going on and on and doesn’t have an end. This is the biggest rule of the show, Gon is stuck in a cycle/loop where he must keep on ruling and fighting for the throne. This is what the show is about, that’s why the flute is so important, and unbreakable sword his father has gifted him. They are artefacts representing Gon’s plight to keep trying to control his reign. He’s the noble blood that’s fated to keep doing this repeatedly. So the question is how? We know this, it’s time travel. The first 6 episodes is about Gon learning about the powers of the flute, he recognises time is important, he recognises that the person who saves his life comes from the future, he knows that person is connected to Taeul because of her id card. He understands this because he understands science and maths, that’s why he speaks in scientific and mathematical terms at the beginning to Taeul. He was explaining what this show is, it’s a sci fi, its going to focus on sci fi themes such as time travel and parallel dimensions. From the beginning the show has explained using Gon’s lexicon that this is all about time travel, its about the character getting to the point where he must save himself again. Taeul is the reason why he’s doing this. That’s why she’s the person he searches for, for 25 years. 

We have two people fighting for the throne to be king. Monarch is to do with the royal family and the control over a government. The fight for the throne is the whole plot of this show, just like in through the looking glass, Alice ends up mistakenly in a battle between the two queens, it’s the same thing. This is a battle for the monarchy, with two different people who have different reasons why they want the throne. Gon however is the king we know; this story is about him through Taeul’s eyes.

4.      The pointless conversations with characters and confusing scenes. 

Literature is used as devices used to help us understand what’s going

 I already have posts on this, but each story mentioned, each book helps us understand and foreshadow this whole show. It also makes us understand more about the show. There are so many stories mentioned, the myth of the manchipasseok and the dragon king, (the flute), the wonderland series, King Arthur, the book about flowers (the book Lady Noh reads), the poem Gon reads  (Invoking the name of the dead), Greek mythology on the fates (the yo yo boy). Kim Eun Sook does this in all her fantasy stories, in secret Garden it was little mermaid but the man as the mermaid, in Goblin it was the mythology of the grim reaper and Goblin, the poem about first love etc… She does this to help the audience not feel cheated by the ending of the show, she already has told you what’s going to happen. This is exactly why the directing choices are the way they are, the plot is told the way it is. Each of our characters are connected to a tale. If you need to know more look at my posts about Things to know about TKEM to know where its going.

 5.      Their relationship is rushed and confusing. 

This is solved by knowing how the subtext and the mathematical references explains their relationship and why it’s so fast.

 These are also used to tell you about the rules of the show. The maths theories are not my strengths, but these are so important. Gon has mentioned Taeul’s role in the story by telling her she represents the number zero when he confesses to her. He’s again reiterating that this story is happening because of her, she’s the most important factor in this whole show.  There’s so many mathematical references that I can’t analyse but if you’re able to do so, you’ll crack more about each of the characters especially why Taeul and Gon act the way they do.

There’s also subtext which everyone has been missing out on. I believe in the theory that our current timeline is not the first time Gon and Taeul have interacted. This is the reason why Taeul easily falls for him once he shows her evidence of his world. She already felt those feelings before, and she recognises it but she can’t explain why. Therefore, Gon instantly chases after Luna as the white rabbit without any explanation, something is making him do this, he’s used to doing this. I’ve spoken so much about Lady Noh and Buyeong also knowing about this too, they know Gon and Taeul have done this too many times, and they remember, why they do I don’t know. There’s also the red balloons I mentioned in the land of frozen time (the pink sky land that has no sun or rain) I think they represent how many times we’ve been through this loop before. If Gon and Taeul have known each other longer than centuries, it would explain why all he wants to do is find her, and why she easily accepts her fate to love him and be with him. The way they act shows you that subtext is important in understanding the show, why she moves away from his hug when he first approaches her like she’s expecting it, why she can’t stop thinking of him, why she talks about her tragic fate and then rapidly tells him she loves him so they speed up their relationship, why easily runs to him after he goes back to Corea. She loved him also from the beginning. 

The songs and osts are also important to understand the subtext. There are many songs portraying Taeul’s thoughts when she first met Gon. I have posts on this. There are so many songs foreshadowing the ending of the show, and the whole eternal loop of the show. Gon’s main purpose is to find Taeul he does this by always opening the gates. Taeul’s main purpose is to wait for him because it’s her promise to him.  (Listen to please don’t cry and dream, maze  and orbit read the English lyrics). Therefore, Taeul and Gon don’t build their relationship slowly, they’ve already passed that stage in their previous meetings, that’s why he proposes to her in episode 2. He knows this. 

Sorry for the lengthy post. I didn’t even go into details about the fight for justice and Fate and destiny as a rule as well of this show. But my other posts talk about these two. 

[overthemoonwithme]

Okay so I watched most of OG Skam and I've seen gifs and clips and discussion of the remakes for years now, but is there one you would genuinely recommend? Or specific seasons of specific remakes? It feels odd that I still haven't seen any of them and you seem more knowledgeable about it all than anyone else I follow.

(i used tumblr on my phone and all the paragraphs collapsed :) )

Omigod I always thought you watched the remakes as well? Personally, I only would recomend Skam España and Druck in terms of overall storyline. 

TLDR: Druck s3-5, eskam S2 & 3 

Season 3 and 5 of Druck imo are two of the best seasons of television. Period. I love the characters, I have some issues with the way the main's mental health was treated in 3 (but they listened and are making up for it now) and there is some critique of an outing plotline, but other than that I think the two seasons have wonderful characters and really enjoyable arcs. Season 3 really feels like a celebration even though it also has some of the darkest character moments of the first four seasons and I just- yep. I love it. If you're watching either season of Druck id say just watch s1 ep 1 clip 1. My favourite intro in the skamverse. 

Both these seasons are also reflective of much Druck cares about the fan response and critique because of their introduction of trans and lesbian characters and treatment of mi. 

I also love season 4 a lot now, but they did rob Amira (Sana) of a real conclusion to her and other muslim charcters' arcs by giving her only 7/10 episodes. Made the show unwatchable for me for months. Wonderful first 7 episodes though. I love the love interest, they really break out of the model minority role Amira got stuck into. It's celebratory of Amira's culture (rather than just about integration as with skam) which I love and really fleshed out her relationships with her family. 

Skam España Season 2 gave us the first wlw mains, and I think this is probably one of the most cohesive seasons with a pretty good integration of queer, religious and mental health related issues. I do think some plotlines just vanish, and eskam's love for realism means some of the great epic moments in skam go away, but it's made up for in excellent character dynamics, and the way they so deeply understand relationships (platonic and romantic) between women.

Season 3- this season is a critique of season 2 of skam, essentially, and of abusive relationships. It's a very polarising but along with S3 of Druck is my favourite seasons of any show. Eskam's love of realism shines through here as big speeches and dramatic scenes are replaced by a very character centric arc for our feminist girl boss main and fragile moments. Unlike season 2, it's invested in Nora more than anyone else and that works with the themes.

Now, if you want to watch a absolutetrashdumpsterfire season (and that is essential to the skam viewing experience as well) I'd suggest season 6 of Skam france. Complety atrocious. Really offensive to me personally and politically. Great fun.

[petekaos]

What did you think about the last episode!!

hi hi! so uhhh... this is going to get long and i’ve combined like 10 other asks i want to address, so your ask may be answered here! if you want Rahul’s Take On The 2gether Finale, then brace yourself.

...I didn't really like the last episode, I feel like it could've been a lot better/more emotional

I dunno if it's because I didn't like the last 2 episodes but even though the show literally finished I'm not emotional? The last episode I felt actually really happy watching was ep 9 but now I'm just 'ok, that show finished.' I'm sad bc I thought I would have a stronger reaction to the ending and them getting back together but I'm just meh :/

Really don't want to sound like those annoying people but damn really no kiss scene

I liked the ending, it was okay I guess but gmmtv better prepare for a shitstorm bc so many people didn't lololol

Honestly the best and well written episodes were ones where they still weren't a couple, like 8 and 9 were amazing

Although the finale was good, I feel llke in the future when I want to rewatch my favorite moments from this series, I will go for the first 10 or so episodes more often than not. It kinda feels like 2gether peaked around episodes 7-10, which is perfectly fine!! It was all in all a great series that did what it wanted to do and I’ll always cherish it but, I probably won’t rewatch much of the last two episodes

They made pam even worse!! Before she had her talk with tine anyway!!

My thoughts on the finale: could've been a lot better, could've been a lot worse

2Gether really felt like a giant inflatable castle that was carefully blown up for the past 12 weeks only to let it rapidly and poorly deflate in the end

The ending was fine and was expected but for me it's underwhelming in the sense that the past episodes, especially 4, 8 and 9 were really written in comparison so the finale is kinda meh bc I knew there was gonna be a happy ending. But still the YouTube comments and what some people on tumblr are saying is ridiculous, I don't want to even think about Twitter but imo I don't think any of gmmtvs other shows can top dbks ending like that ending was perfect,

i honestly love that 2gether focused so much on the story and the emotion and became so successful without all the usual fan service. i hope the whole industry takes something away from that! but i still felt like the finale was a little emotionally stunted when it came to tine/sarawat. i just wanted a big YES, I CHOOSE YOU moment, and tine's reappearance and the bracelet scene just didn't do it for me. you know what would have, though? a kiss. or a hug, or holding hands, or something sweet

okay, my friends! here is my opinion on the 2gether finale first, and then i’m gonna address what i personally hold of the more negative response the fandom has shown. i generally thought the finale had... a solid ending. i went into it with absolutely no expectations apart from sarawat’s song and a happy ending, because i knew it would be messy and not as good as ep 4 or 9 etc, considering the sheer amount of open storylines that were left to be resolved in one episode. i knew it would polarise the fandom--but i personally thought the ending was fine! a bit cliche, a bit rushed, but it was okay and it was a good enough ending for me to put 2gether behind me, the first season at least. the bracelet scenes and shots were amazing, the song was incredible (although i wish they would have had sarawat sing a bit more), the conversation pam and tine had was solid as well! there were a lot of things i liked about the finale and bright and win killed their solo acting as always. however, there are some things i wanna get into more detail about that i feel could have been done better, not only as a finale but as a show itself.

time allocated for the storylines. or: plotlines in general. this has been my bone to pick ever since episode 10. not gonna lie, this wasn’t good, especially from ep 10 onwards. there were so many storylines and plotlines that were dragged out further than necessary, and so many plotlines that should have started earlier. best example for this is mil and phukong, the mil redemption storyline should have started in ep 10 and should have had him be sincere for once, and the mil/phukong storyline should have actually made sense from the beginning and started in ep 11 at the latest. the mantype storyline should have also started a bit earlier than that and given us an explanation as to why type was crying at the retreat. however, mantype did pull it off!

writing! this ties in with the first point. the writing felt a bit inconsistent in the last two episodes and it’s a pity, really, that this is one of the downfalls :/ all the actors in this series, from the mains (bright, win, mike, toptap, frank, drake) to the side characters (gunsmile, love, gigie, film, etc.) are such good actors and it’s unfortunate that the last three episodes were a bit :// in terms of writing and plotlines. they all did the best they could with what was written and that... yeah.

conflict. this has to do with the first two points. the finale felt rushed. that’s something that i don’t think anyone really can argue? and i expected that, so i wasn’t too disappointed by it or anything. obviously it would have felt rushed considering the fact that they had to wrap up 3 or 4 episodes’ worth of storylines in one episode, which was a blunder on the writers’ part. the conflict fell flat, then. if they had had pam come in earlier and had tine and sarawat spend more time away from each other, we would have gotten an explosive reaction. i really do think that after they got together for real, the writers struggled to find conflict to keep the story going, jumping from tine’s insecurities to mil to pam for no reason whatever. i think it would have been much better done if we had mil as an antagonist wrapped up and on the road to redemption in ep 10 and had pam come in there, with tine’s insecurities as a b plot. i feel that would have been a bit more gripping. but, hey, guess that’s just me!

order of filming. this has to do with people saying that brightwin’s chemistry was off in the finale. i don’t think it was off, per se, but it was definitely lacking when we compare it to their chemistry in ep 4 or 9 or 10, y’know? that’s because i believe the finale was filmed earlier, when bright and win were still getting to know each other and figuring out how well they could improv. and they can improv, from what we’ve seen! so there really is nothing i can say apart from the fact that it’s a bit disappointing that they decided to film such a pivotal scene at the beginning. if it had been filmed in the end, it would have definitely been better!

flashbacks. the finale needed all the time it was gonna get, and i am disappointed by the amount of flashbacks they used, honestly. i would have cut down on the number of sarawatine flashbacks and used them sparingly when they reunited, because that just... makes sense and evokes emotion in the viewer, you know? the only flashbacks that served well were type’s view of everything and phukong and mil, because they were new. it just... felt a bit inauthentic.

pam. or: the girls in general. there is nothing i can do here but SCREAM. pam should have come in way earlier and replaced mil as the centre point of conflict for ep 11 and 12 to have been as good as the rest of the show, or ep 4 and 9 at least. her character fell so flat and the conflict she brought with her fell so flat as well, honestly. the girls should have been done better--more of earn and sarawat! more of pear! they could have tied into the plot effortlessly!

mil and phukong x mil. yeah this is a... whole ass bulletpoint, unfortunately. call me a clown all you want for expecting him to have at least a half assed redemption arc in the finale but goddamn was that... not good. really bitter over the fact phukong was straight up okay with being a “replacement” for tine even though... that doesn’t even make sense. i just... yeah, this wasn’t good. i feel super bad for frank and drake because they deserve a well written show or at the very least a well written storyline for all of their chemistry and work they put in, considering the fact that they are so so young. i could go on about a good mil arc for ages but i just... yeah i’m writing a fic, so y’all will see.

the reunion. this stems from the flat conflict and the rushed-ness of it all, but yeah. it wasn’t particularly hard-hitting, but i still enjoyed it because it’s sarawat and tine. this has to do with when they filmed as well, and just... because the angst didn’t start early enough for it to hit home. and i really do wish we’d had a scene after that with the both of them, alone. a lot of their things happen with a lot of people around them... and nah.

one year later. bro. bro. bro. the music club thing was cute! but i would have just... loved to see them alone, y’know? a scene of them being alone and intimate, just sitting next to each other on the couch or at a football game or sarawat continuing bringing the cheerleaders snacks, even a year later. them going to another concert. anything where they were just... alone. i wanted to see them together! we got that with mantype and we even got that fucking... scene on the roof where mil and phukong were just fuckin around? yeah? i would have loved to see that with sarawat and tine so much. (also btw pretty sure the rooftop scenes with mil and phukong is also where drake and frank took this photo and it made me so happy dhsndh like... the shot where mil took his hand off phukong’s eyes? i called it immediately and my partner was like ???)

intimacy. chemistry. the biggest thing everyone is talking about. now comes the part that y’all all wanted to know if you’ve been reading this far lmfao, my take on the fact that was no kiss in the finale! and my take is... i expected there to be no kiss in the finale somewhere deep within, and honestly i’m fine with not having a kiss. my only problems with all of this are first of all, that we didn’t get a proper kiss in the entire series and had sarawat kissing tine one-sidedly. secondly, i would have loved verbal intimacy as well! an i love you, or y’know, some hand holding, anything! this is also due to the fact that i believe the series was filmed relatively early on. i just wish... again, that they would have been alone one year later and we could have just seen them being domestic, as we have already seen them!

so those are some of my thoughts on the finale. considering the fandom’s response... i can see why people are upset or disappointed but i don’t think it’s, like, that justified to throw the whole show away as well. yeah, the ending wasn’t perfect, but if you’ve enjoyed the show as a whole... maybe it’s okay, y’know? like, personally, i don’t think i’m ever going to rewatch the finale. but i do love the earlier episodes and i am gonna watch them back at some point, probably! it’s all well and good and valid to criticise the lack of intimacy and kissing in the finale i guess, but if you’re a straight girl then maybe... watch your words. 2gether has portrayed a wonderful love story between two men and to see straight people throw it away as “bromance” or say it’s the “straightest bl of all time” or whatever because of the lack of kisses is kind of hurtful. i am completely open to discussing this with lgbt people, mlm specifically, and you can come talk to me about your thoughts if you’re a straight woman as well. all i’m asking for is that you maybe show a little bit of empathy and respect, y’know? i also do think 2gether peaked around episode 9/10 and i’m fine with that! it gave me so much more than characters and relationships--it gave me the fandom and everyone here and words cannot express how grateful i am for all of you. maybe the last few episodes were poorly written and the finale wasn’t everything y’all hoped for... but i did and do love this show. i cannot wait to see where brightwin go next.

[divermoon]

thoughts on prophets

im still crying like i full out sobbed during and again when i rewatched all the most important scenes

all the root harold TM content !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hope shaw gets more content soon

not to go get into furious mode here again but iris........lmao im out of here. i hate therapist scenes already and while her assessment of john is  correct (hero complex, death wish..... i could go on abt that but another time) the scenes are so uncomfortable and johns monologue at the end like... it felt so fishy he usually only says these things unprompted or like at the end of a number hes worked when hes experienced something and grown or recognised something and just the whole situation of it rubs me wrong :( why did they do this its going to be awful watching these parts

samaritan rigging the election and taking over more control... im curious as to how much we see what samaritan would envision the world to be like what its objective is (though not necessarily through it happening i really want there to be long conversation scenes at some point thats my wish) bc its written to evolve i think i mean sure theyre fighting and samaritan is the antagonist but in itself its not evil its just doing what it was created for. it didnt have finch :( :’)

harold seeing roots lonliness...trying to comfort her...........this means so much to me.  i want to have more to say my heart hurts thinking about it

harold cares so much and theyve become so special to each other

them talking about the war and reassuring and reaffirming each other....

harold thinks highly of root (a friend, there is more than death, the end is more important than the beginning) and root knows how much the machine genuinely cares (i will protect her and you, she has a plan, THE DIFFERENCE IS YOU im dead im dead)

all the flashback scenes :(((( “how badly did you have to break it to make it care so much” define TM working its all objectives in the end

she has to care about people to want to save them, to make that her priority. she has to care to keep it that way

and harold taught her that. 

he made sure that the AI watching over everyone cared, that we all wouldnt be expendable even if he had to hurt it

he didnt do it lightly but in light of what someone else might build...

(...............death benefit. what if the machine had worked out a way to incapacitate the senator instead  of killing him, like harold did with her.....even if he did kill the other 42 versions)

ooh parallel to “sometimes its better not to know” and their number of week being alive but...living with what happened

im excited for more flashbacks to harold and TM

harold saying hes terrified what will happen now the machine has a voice and memory.....................does root know the other versions almost killed him? 

i love harold so much i mean even though........hes fictional blah blah it makes me so happy knowing hes out there

the fact that i get to watch him on the screen? get to hear his thoughts and monologues and see parts of his life? im so lucky honestly

one more try :’) he always wants to try, to believe in people, in saving them, in doing the right thing

i would die for him honestly no joke

gunfight HOO BOY martine is hot that sequence was hot root with double guns is hot and i agree they need to Fuck and the music man

the score when shes in godmode earlier in the episode i love pois soundtrack so much

the pan to harold when shaw says godmode

“kill me if you can” root!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

im going to watch it again tomorrow and ball my eyes out again tomorrow

[daily-joker]

im a big fan of cam in shameless but haven't come around and watch gotham, ive read very good reviews on his performance and some very bad ones. whats your stance on it? particularly in comparison to joaquin thx!

First of all, I’d say that every version of ‘the Joker’ in Gothambrings something different – they’re all very distinct. Also, I’m a huge fan ofCam’s performance in Gotham (I don’t want you to think this is completelyunbiased).

Jerome is very destructive - aims to bring chaos and maniato the show. I’d say this is the version of the joker that is the most differentfrom Cam’s other roles. It’s a really solid adaptation in terms of the overtchaos that is associated with the joker. It’s really enjoyable to see his planscome to be and/or fail. You can see parts of Jerome’s on-the-cusp, rash actions inJoaquin’s Joker. But I’d say that Cam’s Jerome adaptation is more cartoon-ish –bringing in elements of Hamill’s Joker. The aim of the game for Jerome ismadness and fun.

Jerome was really entertaining to watch. Season 2 is where Camshines – Jerome is broken out of Arkham by one of the dominating villains ofthe season to create mayhem which paints the villain as ‘a good guy’ since he ‘stopsJerome’. Of course, season 1 episode 16 is where we are introduced to Jeromeand Cam is incredible in that episode – highly recommend watching that episode,even if you’re not sure you want to watch everything.

Pre-evolution Jeremiah is very similar (in my opinion) toCam on Shameless – you can see it in his manner and facial expressions. A bitquiet, very unsure. However, his evolution into the joker is my favourite. It’sa direct contrast to Jerome: Jerome is chaos and Jeremiah is strategic in everyact he makes. It’s really interesting to see the stark differences inadaptations of the joker on the show, especially in the scenes when they’retogether.

There was controversy over the way Jeremiah was revealed –some viewed it as a cop out and playing to the classic ‘surprise twin brother’trope. However, I really enjoyed it. In fact, season 4 episode 18 is my favouritefrom all episodes of the show. Here we see the transition from Jerome as theJoker to Jeremiah as the joker.  Season 4episode 18, episode 20 and episode 21 are by far some of the best episodesGotham has.

The polarising episode was season 5 episode 7 ‘Ace Chemicals’.Many fans were disappointed by the way Jeremiah was defeated so quickly, theunrealistic SFX relating to Jeremiah falling into the toxic waste, and also theset-up of season 4 which hinted that Jeremiah was going to be THE villain todefeat in season 5. It was dissatisfying to say the least.

The finale – season 5 episode 12 – also brought somediscouragement for Gotham fans, in terms of Jeremiah. Some disliked how littlehe was in it, some didn’t like the final costume and make-up, while others didn’tlike the acting as much.

Regardless, he’s a really talented actor to pull off twovery distinct joker characters in the same show.

In terms of how his versions of the joker relate to Joaquin,I can’t speak too much since I haven’t had the chance to see the film yet. Butfrom the trailers, I’d say his joker feels to be in the middle of Cam’s twoversions. Elements of Joaquin’s Joker is chaotic and rash, while other times he’smore careful as his actions seem more planned. It’s not as psychological asJoaquin but you can spot similarities.

I think that if you like many of the other adaptations ofthe Joker, particularly Nicholson, Hamill and Ledger, then you’ll enjoy Cam’sversions.

[formerlyrunephoenix6769]

I was asked and ask, and in my flu causing feverish state, I deleted it. So if you’re out there and recognize this question (and I’m paraphrasing) please reblog and @ me. 

So If i remember, the question was along the lines of 

“Why isnt there huge amounts of stuff, for shows like She -Ra and TDP, are they not as popular?” 

Lets go for a ride...

I think the reason why we dont get the same amount of content generated for shows such as The Dragon Prince and She-ra, say in comparison to shows like RWBY. 

And by content, I mean, theories, memes, art and in depth analysis, boils down to 3 things.

1) Time to Generate.

Both The Dragon Prince and She-Ra have only recently dropped their first season. Now both have their second season coming rather swiftly, esp in the case of The Dragon Prince. Season 2 is dropping tomorrow: Feb 15 2019 over on Netflix. 

She-Ra’s is set to be released April 26th 2019, again on Netflix. 

The Dragon Prince S1 was released on Sept 14th 2018, and She-Ra: Princesses of Power, Nov, 13th 2018. 

In TDP case, that is a 5 month and 1 day turn around and SPOP, 5 months and 13 days turn around. 

It is rather unheard of for an animation to have their Second season be ready in under 6 months. Usually it is anywhere from 10 months minimum to a year or in some cases, even longer. 

I put this down to the success of the two series and how the audience received them, and Netflix wishing to capitalize on it, and the hype generated. 

Lets just hope that the both properties dont feel rushed as a result. 

So with such little time, and a very short hiatus in terms of tv shows, (which is when most of fandom generated content tends to be created), that gives very little time for their respective fandoms to leave their senses and devolve into some sort of animeesque Lord of the Flies in a matter of weeks, in a bid to cope.

(RWBY FNDM, I’m looking at you with your ‘Beehaw’s’ and YORSE, and ‘Scheehaw’s’. I still cant believe you made Arryn read that with her own eyes!!) 

(You can tumblr search Yorse yourself, I aint making anyone look at that cursed image without their consent. You’ve been warned! ;p @hammertime-rwby  i shake my head in your general direction... ;D ) 

Time to generate can also be reflected in how long a show has been on air, thereby garnering a wider and much larger fanbase with a broader set of creative skills, which in turn results in more fandom content generated, esp if there is the potential of shipping. 

And bloody hell does SPOP have some crazy potential on the shipping front, 

2) Time to Mature and Fandom Engagement. 

As a show matures and the audience leans learn more about the characters and the world that they inhabit, the nature of fandom created content evolves. It also depends on the verve of the show itself. 

The way in which a show is presented, the topics and themes they cover, the way the characters and the world are presented, can vicariously dictate how the fandom engages with the property, go forth and multiply.

For example:

Sherlock is very meme worthy and that tends to be reflected in the content that is generated by the Sherlockians. 

RWBY has been out for 6 volumes and has a very dedicated and passionate FNDM, but it is also broad, large and incredibly diverse.

 It is also rather vocal and has very strong differing opinions from one end of the spectrum to the other, which in turn creates YT reviews, reactions and rebuttals and heated retorts. 

These polarising pov’s can then go on to permeate to other branches of social media, such as twitter, tumblr, discord etc etc 

Same with fandom accepted headcanons and lore... 

(I’m still on the fence about you Renora Rodeo Round up... You’re on thin ice! ;p ) 

But it has taken a number of years to cultivate. 

Neither The Dragon Prince or She-Ra has had the time to do that, yet! 

But I’m certain that will change in the coming future. 

 She-Ra has already generated quite the buzz on both the positive and negative sides, due to being based on a much loved, older, property, ‘She-Ra 1985′, but that is a mine field which I covered on my previous blog before some asshat decided to axe it. 

Also, the themes that Netflix She-Ra seems to be covering, which helped generate a lot of the negative backlash towards the show, will most definitely continue to be polarizing... So I would keep an eye out if YT and people picking stuff apart is your jam. 

On the other side, what SPOP seems to be trying to deliver will also generate lots of awesome content. Just look at how this took off,

“Hey Adora” 

And this cinnamon roll’s preoccupation with ‘force captain orientation’,

The Dragon Prince strikes me as a show that would generate deep reflective analysis of world and characters as well as theories, much like its older cousin, Avatar Last Airbender, once there is more to comb over and speculate on.

These two shows are presented differently and they way they are tackling certain themes in their respective narratives are also vastly different, which could also have a lot to do with their respective target audience and intended demographic,  so it stands to reason that the results of fandom generated content would be different. 

3) Platform and Format. 

This I believe is one of the most important aspects which ties the previous points above.

If a property is delivered week by week, such as RWBY, there is time, for the FNDM, after they make amazing screen shots and insta analysis and excited speculations, to go over it again and allow the episode to sink in. 

(which both TDP and SPOP could do, as they have episodic episodes but that is an entirely different post)

There is time for the fans to go sit back and react to what they have seen, whether that is creating beautiful fan art, crafting in depth theories, character analysis, extrapolate potential world building. 

A week by week delivery culminates in an emotional impact that is allowed to foster and grow, thereby gives space and time for the individual to go off and create content for their respective fandom. 

Fanart takes time, fics take time. 

The not knowing what could happen next opens up the avenues of thought out speculations. 

Having a week to go over everything to that point and process new info. Being able to take your time to research and prep before you put it out there, results in good, in depth analysis and well crafted work. 

Time gives breeding ground.

(Some wait years for lore.. Overwatch fandom, I dont know how we do it! But we all cant be Tracer!) 

Because, we are so salivating at the the mouth for insta gratification and ‘binge’ culture has become so prevalent where media is concerned. 

When a property is delivered all at once, it gives no breathing space for speculation and wild theories.

For a particular scene or interaction between characters to have an emotional impact and thereby create emotionally significant fan art, that is reblogged and shared in that moment, give it time to resonate with its respective fandoms.

And there for have time for other members of the fandom to be inspired to go off and create their own stuff in what ever medium is their forte. 

Because we are on this fast paced ride, not only from the start of the chapter 1 to end of the first ‘book’, so to speak, but also the social media need to be the first to create the content for the fandom, the type of content generated, how and why, is hugely different and may not at first glance look like it is forth coming.. 

It just takes time to sink in.. To go back through and re-evaluate. 

Being inspired by a particular interaction between two characters , or a certain facet of the world that an fan may have noticed and wishes to expand on, art wise, fic wish or theroise, loses its validity when you know that the next episode could answer your burning questions in less than 5 seconds. 

And so you stave off for the dreaded nine episode when your eye balls are nearly gumming together and you know you have work in 4 hours but you need answers to the burning questions.. 

and so results.

This is not the content creators fault, in anyway. This is quite literally the way in which it is delivered. 

Its is pretty much, 

II) However, in Conclusion 

The perceived lack of fandom interaction/generated content, in the social media platforms that a fan chooses to  consume, or is available to them, does not mean that a show isn't popular. 

The ties to previous projects, such as SPOP to She-Ra 1985  and The Dragon Prince to Avatar Last Airbender are vastly different. 

Expectations are vastly different.

 Fandom interaction and generation of fandom content, is not a measure made of how popular a show is.  

Also, politely, remember the demographic of which these shows are aimed at. 

Be respectful of the show creators, the property, the characters and the narrative that the show creators have painstakingly crafted and put out into the world. 

The story that they want to tell. 

Again, 

 a reminder, 

Tomorrow, 15th Feb 2019 , Season 2 of The Dragon Prince. 

(im gonna go back into my fluey coma now)

[thecourtneychronicles]

“Ever since, Act has enjoyed enormous success. From participating in the Emmy-winning TV show RuPaul’s Drag Race to becoming the first drag performer ever to sing live with the San Francisco Symphony to being in campaigns for big fashion brands to winning Celebrity Big Brother to touring the world with her live shows – there is nothing she doesn’t do! Without a doubt, she is a multi-talent and enjoys her career with full passion.

In a time where gender equality, women’s rights and LGBTQ+ movements have become more visible and important than ever, Courtney Act has played a massive role in the conversations concerning it by engaging and educating people about it.

We’ve had a chat with the versatile drag queen and talked about all things drag race, the conversations around drag, and her future plans.

Hi, nice to meet you!

You too, where in the world are you at the moment?

I’m in rainy London unfortunately, and you? Are you back from Hong Kong?

I’m here too! Hong Kong was good, but a lot of civil unrest which wasn’t so good. But then I went to Thailand for the weekend and had some fun! I have only been once before; I had a marvellous time.

Sounds amazing. So, what’s a typical day in the life of Courtney Act then?

Every day is different! Yesterday, I was flying from Bangkok to London, today [18th November] I’m talking to you and debating politics at the BBC, then tomorrow I’m going to the opening of & Juliet which is a new musical. Thursday, I’m recording music for my new live show – it will be sort of a cabaret live show tour through the USA and Australia, and this time all my music will be original! It’s just super exciting and super daunting. Each Thursday, I’m going to the studio and recording. My mission was to write one song a week and so far, it’s been going really well. This time, it’s a different process to what I usually do. Usually, I will sit in a studio with different songwriters and producers and we are trying to come up with pop songs together. But this show is about my views and experiences in life, so I sit at home, sit or stand on the Tube, and just writing down notes. I’ve written songs that are so personal, there is nobody else writing them with me. So, quite often someone says, ‘we need to change this or add that and so on’ and you feel pressure to make creative decisions. But now, it’s just all me, staying up until 4am if I want, in order to perfect and craft songs.

Wow, that sounds busy! How do you ever unwind and let go of the stress that could come up?

Well, all I do is what I love doing anyway. The songwriting thing is so relaxing; you can sit there and watch TV, it’s a good process just sitting there and be creative all night long. It’s been digging up some old emotions! The show is called Fluid; it’s all about the fluidity of life, gender fluidity, fluid sexuality and all sorts of forms. The kind of work that I do is usually exciting and stimulating but when I have a day off, I usually lie in bed all night long, watch some TV or read a book or something like that. I love doing absolutely nothing, I’m extremely good at that when I get the chance!

Well, we’ve got that in common! So, which TV shows are you recommending then?

Oh, Pose Season 2. It’s on BBC iPlayer! It’s just, ‘Oh My God!’ In the first episode, I was already bawling like a baby; it’s just so beautiful and so tragic and yeah, it was amazing. I’ve been watching Strictly [Come Dancing], RuPaul’s Drag Race UK, and just reading lots of books on feminism and fluidity. I just read that great book, called ‘Mother Camp’. It’s about female impersonators in America, it was written a long time ago. It was super fascinating to read about drag and all that in such a pre-revolutionary era, and so many things were actually quite similar. It was really fascinating!

Sounds amazing! Good recommendations. Going back to work, how was the whole experience of Celebrity Big Brother? Congrats on winning!

Haha, I think when you win, all of it has been wonderful. If I hadn’t won, I’d probably be like ‘Oh, this happened, and oh god, that happened’. But I have really fond memories of it all. It was so wonderful because the reasons for me were mainly that I was sitting with people, talking to people respectfully – whether it was sexuality, or gender, very sensitive subjects which people tend to polarise. People, I think, just appreciated me and the conversations. That part of myself is one of my favourite things – talking to people and hopefully sharing my story, and hoping to bring understanding in times like these.

The interesting thing was when it came down to me and Ann Widdecombe who has literally voted against every single right against LGBTQ+ in all of her years in the Parliament, so basically everything that I stand for and that I am. She not only had a different opinion but literally legislated against queer people, women’s rights, the environment and more, all across the UK. And even though she had those views, we still remained civilised but, of course, distanced. It was kind of like a Brexit, Courtney vs Ann! Although I’m sure the actual Brexit is more important than me winning [laughs]. Let’s see if we even get the Brexit though!

Oh dear, let’s hope we won’t! You said you’re currently in London – considering you’re from Australia and have found major success in the States as well, what made you want to settle down in London for now?

I was living in the US for eight years, and although things might have been a little tumultuous over here in terms of politics and Brexit, it’s practically smooth sailing compared to Donald Trump and his administration. I lived there for eight years and loved the understanding that came to live in a country. We see the world through media and press, but I realised how much I really don’t know about the US at all. So living there, during an Obama era which was much nicer, I came to appreciate the US.

But then after Celebrity Big Brother, it was a calling to come here and I grew to love the country even more. The UK has a long-standing history of camp and queer and punk, and whereas there are posh institutions, there is also this other side that respectfully co-exists, which is all about diversity, and drag and queer identities in the media. You’ve got people like La Rue, Boy George, Graham Norton and so many more on UK television. Whereas in America, you are starting from the bottom and trying to educate people. Like I mentioned early, I’m going to the BBC to discuss politics. The US doesn’t have a broadcaster that is as dignified as the BBC and also, I would have never been invited at a broadcaster in America. Here, there is a respect and it’s not just about how sensational you are!

Gender equality, pride, drag and everything around it is starting to finally become recognized worldwide by everyone. People are getting woke. Why do you believe people who are not in this scene are only properly respecting it now, and not earlier?

I think there has been so much more visibility now. And visibility always leads to understanding. There are TV shows about drag and queer identity, which has made it really accessible to a wide audience. Drag Race is predominantly watched by females aged 16-35. That filters through. Sexual and gender revolution have been going on with the likes of Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner for example. Caitlyn is a visible person and brought a lot to the conversation. I think this is really the first time that we’ve had some transmissibility around gender. The examples of people, like Laverne Cox, are just really interesting people and so public. Of course, there is still misinformation but there is a lot of conversation going on.

Even with RuPaul’s Drag Race – I keep reading about it all the time and people really seem to love it!

It’s such a fun show that celebrates identity, creativity and has drama that people love about reality TV in general. But there is a real hots for the show. The fashion and creativity elements make it belong to the fashion industry which makes it so cool. It’s just a brilliant celebration about drag and a middle finger to what society thinks of us.

How did your appearance on the show change the way people respond to you, in particular?

Drag Race Season 6, when I started out, aired in 2014 and I had been living in the US since 2011. I just started touring around the world and through the States. I was constantly performing and earning money. I’ve done shitty jobs in gay bars, don’t get me wrong, but then we decided to tour and perform in bigger venues. And when it came to the UK it became hugely popular. And during that time, I was performing in Edinburgh for the first time, and everyone came to see me because they watched Drag Race. And then I started working on so many things, and I feel like it really changed the global way people view drag, and I got to be a part of that.

Do people come up to you a lot and ask for photographs?

Yes, for sure! When I was in Bangkok with my ex-boyfriend last weekend, he was asking me the exact same question when we had lunch, literally! And then someone came up and asked, ‘Excuse me, are you Courtney Act?’, so I was like ‘Oh, perfectly timed, haha!’ Sometimes people just hug me, and I just hug back. And they are like ‘How are youuu, oh my god’ and I just go along. They’re usually respectful, but I have learned that I’m kind of public property in a gay bar – so I pick and choose where and when I go out! But I do get a lot of discounts and more, so it’s not all that bad [laughs]!

[Laughs] I bet!  

Live performances and being on TV must be two different things; you do both. Which one do you personally enjoy more and why?

They’re different. I love performing live, it’s so exciting and also easier. I did a Christmas special for Channel 4, and it was a big live show, but on TV. I love performing with a live band. I love honing and crafting, and finding out what the audience loves; it’s so gratifying.

Sounds like you are living your best life!

I kind of am! We had this offer for a big TV show in the States and I was so hoping it would happen, but then I was like ‘Meh, even if it won’t happen, I will still do my cabaret show and tour all around the world’. So, I’m doing what I love either way!

Besides your cabaret show, what else does your future hold?

Well, the music alongside the cabaret show is exciting because sometimes music in pop is sometimes pointless in a way. You put it out, a few people listen, and it costs a lot to make and create videos. But we are sort of packaging the music into my live show, so I’m excited to put my original music out.

Also, I have a different TV project that I’m working on. Also, I’m working on YouTube videos in which I want to discuss political topics and current affairs, sort of like a web series. It seems like a lot of people don’t know what is going on in the world, so I want to give them an understanding!”

Courtney’s interview for 1883 Magazine - November 26, 2019

[queen-mabs-revenge]

Do you think OG!Hook and Wish!Hook are the same, or is one better than the other?

I’ve been eying this for days now at this point and, let me tell you, I did not expect this question to send me whirring off in so many different directions, but long and short of it?

I think the Killian we see in S7 is the better iteration of Killian Jones’s story and I wish it were the one we got all along.

Parenthood is the main crux of this character’s conflict, both as the character of Killian Jones himself and as the concept of a version of Captain Hook, and I think that Killian’s redemption story needs to be centred around that concept in order for him to be fulfilled as a character. Which it wasn’t in his first iteration. I think that unless you’re tackling the idea of Captain Killian “Hook” Jones from the perspective of parenthood, you’re not going to be exploring and reconciling his story through his own lens, but through the lens and to the service of other characters. Which is unfortunately the case with Killian’s trajectory in S3-6 as his story became primarily and nearly solely focused on Captain Swan, but which is rectified in S7 with his role as a father and his relationship with Alice being his main focus.

Um, so this gets long? Under the cut we go!

Just think about it. Every important relationship we see in Killian’s life, and the vast majority of his flashbacks, showcases a conflict to do with parental figures. From S2 we know that his own father had abandoned him and meeting Brennan in S5 only highlights how terrible that betrayal was (plus introduces Liam II). His whole relationship with Liam is complicated by Liam taking on the role of parent and becoming a towering, untouchable Perfect Father in contrast to Brennan’s terrible example. His relationship with Milah starts with a family dissolving and, as Killian tells us more about their relationship in 2x22, we find out that there was this shadow third figure in their relationship who they talked about regularly – her son. And then our second ever flashback of the character relates to that son, Baelfire – and the placement of that flashback in the season finale as we enter into Neverland positions Killian’s betrayal as not only the worst sin he ever committed, but as the issue that should have defined the next chapter of his redemption (The Things We Do For Our Children).

So you have this character, positioned and defined by his relationship to those he sees as parent figures and those who see him as a parent figure, and I feel like because of that you have to go about defining this character’s redemption arc, not only through the resolution of the relationship with the person against whom he committed the deepest betrayal (the mirror of the betrayal his own father committed against him), but with his settling into a role of a healthy father figure. Like, that can’t be a tangential story - that has to be the heart of the matter. And it’s why they kept going back to it in nearly every single flashback: Killian and the relationship between Ursula and Poseidon, Killian and the relationship between Nemo and Liam II, Killian and the relationship between Regina and Cora, Killian and the relationship between David and Robert. This is the heart of Killian Jones’s character.

And as much as I mostly enjoyed Captain Swan at the time for what it was, looking at it as a whole, it wasn’t the true resolution of Killian’s past conflicts and issues, and I think that’s probably a big reason why it was so polarising. Yes, throughout it, Killian did work to become a better man, and I feel like he did have a successful redemption arc, but because that redemption wasn’t being grappled with through his defining relationship dynamic, the one fraught with different levels of failure, I can see why the narrative structure of the conflict and resolution would be a mismatch for some people. Killian Jones never had a fraught issue with being a supportive lover, and so the exploration of his redemption as a supportive lover clearly wasn’t about developing his character.

I almost feel like it would have been better had there been more focus on the Captain Cobra relationship as Killian’s way of redeeming his betrayal of Baelfire, and Captain Swan evolving from that – the two of them bonding over learning how to be role models to this kid. As it stands, the Captain Cobra relationship was way far in the backseat to Captain Swan. But it’s telling that some of Killian’s strongest moments are when Captain Cobra is in the forefront (the moments between them in S3 were amazing [and brought up Bae!] and 6x06 was another highlight). Had Captain Cobra been prioritised as the bridge by which Hookfire was reconciled and the relationship from which Captain Swan developed, you would have had a stronger base for a future that didn’t involve Killian becoming fully defined by his role as Love Interest.

Which he was, especially towards the end. It started with the derailing of planned Hookfire development in S2 because of :cough: extra-textual events, but the writers never really figured out how to recover Killian’s true track from there, and they were always afraid to go too far because to address Hookfire, you have to acknowledge that Millian existed. His story at that point becomes so fully defined by his relationship to Emma that it gets to where his final scene, the climax of his resolution as A Hero is literally taking on every aspect of her life as his happy ending. His story became defined by this amorphous concept of Being A Hero instead of the specific conflict of Being A Parent and I think his story arc suffered for it to the point where resolving him in terms outside of Emma wouldn’t have made sense, because they didn’t give him the opportunity to strengthen his individual relationships towards a resolution outside of her as well as alongside her.

When you get this specific character and strip him of his individual character arc, you get the “resolution” of him striving to ‘reach the bar’ as that vague concept of a hero instead of reconciling the past problematic parental issues of his past. You get a character whose complete purpose is as a vehicle to resolve his romantic partner’s trauma. And you get Lieutenant Sheriff Jones, which was always intended to showcase Killian’s unhealthy attempt to live up to his unrealistic ideas about Liam, and that fractured concept of a parent figure, S5 resolution discarded, being passed off as the happy ending that Killian Jones’s character should culminate in.

Which brings us to Season 7. Where they get a second chance at Killian Jones’s story and how to define his growth through his main individual conflict, and that’s why Knightrook is so important. By choosing to stay with Alice, he’s not only proving that he’s not Brennan Jones, but he’s making the right decision by prioritising his child’s welfare over his revenge and that goes to help start to redeem him from his terrible betrayal of Baelfire.

By raising Alice, he learns what being a parent truly entails and grows to understand Liam as a person rather than an untouchable perfect concept. The little family in that tower becomes the reconciliation of the life he and Milah talked about living by going back for Bae. All of the other acts of villainy that we see highlighted in his backstory are specifically addressed by him giving up his revenge for his daughter and learning how to become a good parent.

Also, meeting on the grounds of their parental failures and successes is really the only way that Golden Hook has a real and meaningful way of reaching some kind of non-antagonistic resolution. There is so much trauma between the two of them, that truly, the only way there could be a meeting would be in connection to their most important defining relationships and the relationships against whom they committed their most egregious sins. Which is part of the reason why the S6 Last Supper truce seemed so hollow.

Exploring Killian primarily as a father allows the progression of his redemption to reconcile the worst traumas he inflicted in the name of his revenge, and the worst traumas inflicted against him in his past.

(Interestingly enough, some of the resolution that SB Killian does get as a father is through a set up of S7’s Knightrook arc.7x02 opening with Captain Cobra and continuing with the CS pregnancy serves as a narrative device to set up S7!Killian’s moral dilemma, and to reveal the importance of the Knightrook story)

And this isn’t even getting into the idea of how Killian Jones as a version of Captain Hook needs to be centred around the concept of parenthood/fatherhood in order to be anything more that a namedrop of the Peter Pan character and a hook for a hand. I thought I was going to include that here, but shit, this is way too long-winded already. Short version: basically Captain Hook is traditionally played by the same actor who plays George Darling starting in the original play and continuing into a lot of film productions [oh god, the whole Milah as Captain Hook meta belongs here but…SO LONG!], and that idea of the real-world father being confronted via the fairytale father is a fucking neato way to explore fatherhood through a fairytale trope that is traditionally used for female characters (good dead mother v. evil stepmother). 

Deciding to eschew that in favour of making Captain Hook primarily a romantic partner takes away the impact of the “twisted original story with the roots exposed” idea that OUAT does when it’s at its best, and which S7!Killian’s story with Alice recaptures.

So basically yeah. S7 Killian is the best version of Killian Jones. Knightrook helps develop Killian’s redemption arc in the way that Hookfire wasn’t allowed to because of the fear it would conflict with S2-6 Killian’s narrowed role as one half of Captain Swan and the cure to Emma’s trauma. S7 Killian also fulfils the Captain Hook legacy as a character that deals specifically with the conflict between fathers and their children.

And also he’s a muffin and I love him.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Ralph, my mom sent me a New York Times article about the “real” chances of getting a breakthrough case of covid if you’re fully vaccinated. There was a quote at the end that drew me up short and which I’ve been trying to make sense of since. The author writes “I will confess to one bit of hesitation about walking you through the data on breakthrough infections: It’s not clear how much we should be worrying about them. For the vaccinated, Covid resembles the flu and usually a mild one. Society does not grind to a halt over the flu.” My first reaction to this was a very large cringe - the author seems to adopt an attitude of “well if you’re not vaccinated by now that’s nobody’s fault but your own and I shouldn’t be expected to still go out of my way to protect you.” I recognize this is me reading into the quote, and part of my reaction was influenced by the tone of the article as a whole. But in general, that seems to be a problematic position to take - it ignores all the barriers in place preventing people from getting vaccinated, and the way those barriers seem to run very precisely along racial and socioeconomic lines. My second reaction was to think about this in context of Harry’s concerts, since they are very much top of mind for me right now. I thought well, it’s kind of true that we don’t shut everything down every flu season - I myself have been to numerous concerts in big arenas and tiny bars during the winter and fall and come home with nasty viruses, and I’ve never found myself thinking “that artist should not be touring right now.” But then again, covid is not the flu. I thought about the calls I have seen and am still seeing for Harry to cancel his shows until it’s “safe” to resume touring. But safe meaning what exactly? When there’s a way to do it with an absolute zero level of risk? Because that seems to be what a lot of the people I see calling for the tour to “be canceled until it’s safe” are getting at - the idea that any risk of transmitting covid is too much and we should stop tours until that risk is gone. And that feels like a big assertion to make, with all sorts of implications and questions raised for me - do we shut down bars again? Restaurants? Restrict travel? Where’s the line? What’s acceptable and what’s not? Are we just going to stay in lockdown for 3-5 more years? I mean here in the US people lost their shit after 3 months of lock down, so that doesn’t seem like a particularly feasible approach. And to be honest, there’s a part of me that does feel like I have done everything “right” and am still being punished, and I don’t relish the idea of another lockdown or regression to more strict protocols where I am sidelining my life to abide by them while so many other people just don’t and go on living. (I realize this feeling of mine is problematic in a lot of ways - I’m working through it, but for now it is a feeling I find coming up a lot.) I guess I’m just having trouble figuring out how to live in the space between “we need to go full on bunker mode until this is GONE” and “screw everyone else *I* did what I was supposed to and now I’m just going to watch out for myself.” How are you navigating this? (And if you happened to catch the NYT article this quote came from I’d be interested to hear your thoughts about it.)

Thanks for your thoughts anon - I think these are really interesting and important questions right now.

But I'll begin with a disclaimer - I don't have to navigate this. When where I lived in NZ went from Level 3 (which is lockdown) to Level 2 (where pretty much everything is possible) - I said to my brother 'you don't know how lucky you are. It's not just the fact that people aren't dying, it's the fact that you can trust the decisions that are being made.' I know that the swimming pools and cafes have now opened because it is safe for them to open. So when I go to them I don't need to worry about whether I'm safe, or whether I'm putting the lives of other people at risk. And maybe that makes me the wrong person to answer this, but it does make me someone who can say ot's a failure of society that means that this feels like an individual burden on you.

You suggest one option being full on bunker mode until this is gone. But as someone who lives somewhere where that's official government policy - you can't do that on your own. Full on bunker mode requires substantial government support to workers, and regulation of essential workplaces to make sure they're run safely. Without that - it's just another way that rich people get to be safe and poor people don't.

To turn ot the rest of what you said, out of the context of the article, I would read that snippet very differently from you, but I agree with your conclusion. I assume that when people say that COVID really isn't that special as a respiritory illness if you're vaccinated, then the point that follows is: 'therefore less time and attention should be spent on the worries of the vaccinated and instead all resources should be dedicated to ensuring vaccine equity both between and within countries, taking vaccines to where people are, and celebrating their effectiveness. But perhaps I have too much faith in people's analysis and values.

I totally agree with everything you say about vaccine accessibility. I've been really distrubed at the way US discourse has focused on the fact that some people who aren't vaccinated are Republican anti-vaxxers, and ignored the deep inequalities in the US vaccination programme. (And it's even more disturbing when that rhetoric is exported to other countries).

I do think this is a particular sort of hard time for vaccinated people in places where the vaccine programme has stalled out at less than 75% fully vaccinated. Processing what the change in risk means, after experiencing so much fear is really hard.

I think it's particularly hard for people who put a lot of weight onto their own and other's individual choices. What people did mattered this pandemic - so many people made so many decisions that kept people safer and protected each other. But they have always made those choices against the limitations of government policy and an economic system that saw people facing a choice of work or die. And now more than ever there are limits about what we can do. We can get vaccinated. We can talk kind and compassionately about vaccines to the vaccine hesitant people in our lives. We can resist the urge to posting anything that might contribute to polarising the vaccine debate. We can organise politically to advocate for well-funded programmes to take vaccines where people are, and for an equitable global distribution of vaccines. And some people might have something to contribute to the process of taking vaccines to where people are. But vaccines make such a difference to COVID that anything else we do pales in response - and that can be a difficult adjustment.

And I do think the only solution is to move as much as possible from an individual analysis to a structural one. Think about things in terms of who has access to a vaccine and who doesn't, not in terms of who has done the right thing or the wrong.

**************

In terms of Harry's tour - here's my starting point: I don't know whether Harry's tour should have gone ahead. I'm anxious at the moment that he's travelling through states with high case loads and low rates of vaccination. I think in those circumstances there's a risk that any large event may cause a spike infection that puts too much pressure on the hospital system. But I haven't followed any US state in enough detail to really know what is happening.

And the other part that I think is useful is that it doesn't matter what I think of Harry's tour, or you think of Harry's tour, or anyone else. It's going ahead. It's going ahead because people in power (both in government's and the entertainment industry) decided it could. However, we personally feel or think about it won't change that reality.

I don't think that calls for nobody tour until it's 'safe' are particularly serious (without some articulation of what that would look like. But they're also not going to change the reality. The tour is going ahead (until someone on the team gets a positive COVID test).

I hope that acknowledging the limited power of our reckons is a bit freeing. Of course feel that it's not fair and you've done the right thing and this shouldn't still be happening! It's not and it shouldn't and you (just like everyone else) have given up so much.

I don't think figuring out what level of risk you're comfortable with and figuring out how you can live a life you value under these circumstances is saying 'screw everyone else'. There isn't a magic way that people can act that will make COVID go away. The big decisions are being taken by corporations and governments. So organise to change those decisions (I would say the most important focus is meaningful vaccine equity) and figure out the best way that you can live in the world we live in right now.

[plobbiwrites]

Hello, Grief Cake.

Dear Someone,

Uff. I’ve never wanted to write myself into an agony aunt situation, so I don’t write until I think someone can relate. This is usually around when many Things have already happened, so I’ve learned to begin right from the middle.

Hence, uff.

I should write about the lockdown. About losing what feels like 2 years worth of hair in 2 months. About how insidious being indoors is. About how my Vitamin D levels are hilariously low. About how confounding it is that people I love, people I think are My People are considering long term relationships when I’m still confused about how even a short term one would manifest in my life. About how, at 22, I feel like a toddler playing house, when I felt 50 at 16.

It wasn’t until I was in the middle of cleaning out garbage juice (r/cursedwords) and maggots from my dustbin because I overslept on the last 3 wet waste days that I realised adult supervision doesn’t feel like a bad idea anymore.

So is that what this post is going to be about? About the girl in her early 20’s and how she gets by in a new city, with a new job and new people, new freedom, garbage maggots and fridge fungus and all?

Maybe this post is about how cheated I feel about moving back home and having mommy deal with all my problems. About not getting to experience 23 in all its fungal, first-dates, bleh days, 3rd - piece-of-chocolate-because-who’s-going-to-say-no glory. I was waiting to see if my early 20’s would play out like a TV show – a eureka moment at work has everyone applauding for me. I meet the wrong guy a bunch of times, then it turns out (le gasp!) that the right guy was with me the whole time. I muster up the energy to go bar hopping after a landmark day at work. I realise the true meaning of a cantankerous mentor’s feedback at the end of the episode and my day finishes with a happy little montage.

(Sidenote: With the benefit of time and hopefully, more perspective, I can’t wait to see how much 30 year old me is going to snigger at this whole post.)

As it stands though, I’m stuck in a tug-of-war between being An Adult TM and staying a feckless teen.

Which brings us back to today and the uff.

The 3rd last (ever) episode of Supernatural killed off my favourite character. Now, I’ve learned to be more than the hyperventilating, gesticulating fangirl I was 6 years ago. But, Supernatural was my gateway drug, it partly catalysed who I am at today and fully catalysed this post. Eye-rollers, stick around, there might still be something worth reading here. Might.

If I were hard on myself, I’d say I didn’t learn shit, I only learned to pretend like I’m a semi functional human being when I’m not bawling my eyes out between gasping breaths because Cas just died.

If I were being generous, I’d comfort myself. No Plobbi, that’s just growing up . It’s still a huge part of my life and of course I’m weeping, but I have other thoughts and opinions and purposes now. And I’ll continue to grow for the rest of my life. I can be unapologetic about the list of special things that make my heart happy but the list never has to stagnate.

If I were harsh with myself, I’d say oh there I go, again. I can’t get fit, relationships still confuse me, I forget to stay in touch with dear friends and I still haven’t received that standing ovation I was told to expect at work. Look at me binge Goblin and Mr Sunshine with every free minute I have. Look at me weep about Supernatural like I’m 16 again. Look at me eat my salty, snotty chocolate grief cake. There goes that “health streak”.

If I were kind, I’d say wow look at me gargle salt water so I don’t wake up with a funky throat in the year of our lord 2020, during a global pandemic, a polarising election, the tightest season at work and Destiel finally becoming real, after 12 years, in the most homophobic way possible.

I’m feeling really kind right now. At 22, I paid my own rent today, for the 14th time in my life. I also remembered to throw out the garbage. But really, 16 was only 6 short years ago. My ship and (for better or worse) a big part of my identity 6 years ago was just validated. The character I drew my most childish fan art of, my window to how people, feelings and relationships work, my constant companion through the most topsy turvy years of my life so far, just died. In an incredibly grown up act, I only ate 1/3rd of my jar of chocolate grief cake. I also wiped tears and snot right onto my T shirt. I also gargled to make sure I don’t have to put up with 10 more days of antibiotics for a sore throat brought on by said grief cake.

I’m still yesterday’s child dealing with today’s problems. At least I’m dealing. Any and all TV show hopes and dreams have now been postponed to my 30’s and I’ll let you know how that goes. Until then, I’mma enjoy mom’s fresh cut fruit bowls, cuddles, tear salty grief cake, swooning over whichever kdrama is my current crutch (escapism FTW), do at least half my workout when I didn’t feel like doing any and work hard at my job the only way I know how, whether that’s to the sound of applause or just a podcast getting me through the day.

Real Actual Love, Me

[crystalracing]

Under the skin of the enigmatic Raikkonen

KIMI RAIKKONEN IS ONE OF THOSE BLOKES WHO polarises opinion, that people seem to either love or hate. Ironic really, considering he is the epitome of getting on with doing his own thing, not manipulating anything, staying clear of boring politics and not worrying about things he has no control over. As a private man who can be difficult to read – not to mention one who a proportion of Formula 1 followers think has passed his best –he is, as our cover suggests, F1’s enigma. Which is why Ben Anderson’sin-depth 14-page feature, beginning on page 14, is probably the best and most-balanced thing you’ll ever read about him. Based on interviews with Raikkonen himself and those around him, it properly assesses his role on the F1 grid, and in the paddock. Ferrari announced a one-year contract extension for Raikkonen on Tuesday – after the last page of our feature had gone to press – but one thing for sure is that he is closer to the end of his F1 career than the beginning, and this week’s Autosport also provides a study of a talent at the opposite end of the spectrum. There hasn’t been a buzz this big about a young British prospect since Lewis Hamilton was rising the ranks, and Kevin Turner’s chat with Lando Norris (p28)tells us all about his cracking recent F1 test with McLaren. It was good timing that the interview coincides with two more wins in the Formula 3 European Championship at Zandvoort (p40). Funny to think that Norris hadn’t even been born when Raikkonen made his Formula Renault UK debut in 1999, and was only a toddler when Kimi first raced a Formula 1 car…

“IF YOU STRUGGLE, PEOPLE SLAG YOU OFF, BUT IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME”

It is very rare that a driver comes along who challenges preconceived notions of what it takes to be a Formula 1 driver. But when a true prodigy breaks through into grand prix racing through sheer force of talent, they often create a sort of butterfly effect.The world we thought we knew before is suddenly changed, and will never be the same again. Kimi Raikkonen should go down in F1 history as one such driver. It has taken Max Verstappen’s remarkable recent ascension to motorsport’s pinnacle to further redefine the boundaries of possibility – so successful in one season of junior single-seater racing that he simply must be in F1 immediately. Since 2015, Verstappen has been thrilling fans, threatening reputations, and rewriting rules with his fearless and superlative brand of racing. Fourteen years earlier, Raikkonen laid the template –arriving with Peter Sauber’s eponymous team after a brief but highly successful stint in Formula Renault. Raikkonen had competed in fewer than 25 car races; surely he couldn’t be ready for such a monumental leap.Yet there he was – 13th on the grid for his debut in Australia, within four tenths of a second of sophomore team-mate Nick Heidfeld, scoring a point in his first GP, finishing not much more than 12 seconds behind his team-mate. Raikkonen looked immediately like he belonged – a driver so naturally gifted he could bypass F3 and F3000 completely, turn convention on its head, yet be immediately and properly competitive in F1. Truly astounding. The question with all prodigies, in any sport, is what next? Will they fully harness that ability, show the necessary will and dedication to ally proper craft to their genius, and transform themselves into a truly unstoppable force? It is this unique blend that tends to define the ultimate greatness of an athlete – whether they burn out early and fade away in the Wayne Rooney style, or evolve into an era-defining machine in the mould of Cristiano Ronaldo. Raikkonen’s stats suggest he’s something of an underachiever. This weekend’s Belgian Grand Prix will mark his 263rd grand prix start; only four drivers – Rubens Barrichello, Michael Schumacher, Jenson Button and Fernando Alonso – have started more. For a driver of Raikkonen’s ability and longevity to have scored ‘only’ 20 wins and 17 pole positions, plus a single world championship achieved in fortuitous circumstances in 2007, seems out of kilter. Damon Hill would not consider himself to be the most naturally gifted driver ever to grace F1. Raikkonen could make that claim, yet Hill achieved more wins and poles than Raikkonen has, in much less than half the number of starts. And yet Raikkonen is still good enough that he is still racing for Ferrari – F1’s grandest team – at the ripe old age of 37, and Tuesday’s announcement that he will remain for 2018 means he will continue doing so for another season at least. That shows Raikkonen still has something serious to offer in the eyes of those who make the biggest decisions in Maranello. Sport is always about much more than pure numbers. Personality and style also count for as much sometimes. Raikkonen commands a strong and loyal fan base, energised by his ‘Iceman’ reputation, one he says he’s done nothing conscious to cultivate. Publicly, Raikkonen comes off as a cool, aloof, anti-hero character – a no-nonsense antidote to the clean-cut corporate image of modern racing. His ‘wild-child’ early years curry him huge favour with those followers of F1 who pine for the era of James Hunt, when drivers partied away the nights and drove by the seat of their pants in the day. But even lovable rogues like Hunt and Raikkonen are driven by a fierce competitive instinct that belies their devil-may-care reputations.We are left with a confusing picture. How to reconcile the incredible natural ability that once redrew boundaries at Sauber and McLaren, and claimed a historic post-Schumacher world championship for Ferrari, with the later seasons of struggle: bettered by Felipe Massa, outpaced by Romain Grosjean, destroyed by Alonso, now playing second fiddle to Sebastian Vettel? Herein lies the enigma of Kimi Raikkonen.

BLAZING A TRAIL AT SAUBER

Raikkonen’s first season in F1 was very strong by conventional standards for a rookie, but when you consider his fundamental lack of experience in car racing it was truly exceptional. His results were very good – four points finishes in total, twice finishing fourth (in Austria and Canada) and placing inside the top 10 in the world championship. Raikkonen made a vital contribution to what then constituted Sauber’s best F1 season, but it was his raw speed that caught the eye. Third time out, Raikkonen qualified only a tenth behind Heidfeld in Brazil, and thereafter matched his more experienced team-mate 7-7 on Saturdays. Not only that, Raikkonen performed with a calm assuredness that belied his lack of experience. “Kimi was very young [21] and not experienced at all – it was very risky,” says Sauber driver trainer Josef Leberer, who worked with Ayrton Senna at McLaren and recalls his season alongside Raikkonen with fondness. “A lot of people said, ‘I don’t understand why Sauber were doing this’. But it worked. “He’s not the kind of guy who sits days and hours on the computer. Such an intuitive driver, his instinct is incredible. This way I would say he’s one of the best. It comes naturally. No bullshit. Just wanna be fast, no excuses. “He was not spoiled, so you could talk with him and be straightforward, and he was an incredible, cool guy. Doing the massage in the morning we had to wake him up and he said, ‘Let me get an extra five minutes of sleep before the race’. I’d never seen this – the second race in Malaysia and he wanted to sleep an extra few minutes! Can you imagine being like this in your second race? “He made such an impact. We had a feeling and he was fast immediately. You could see he had the requirements to be a top driver.” Raikkonen’s extraordinary ability to drive an F1 car quickly without the educational foundation enjoyed by his peers left a lasting impression on the paddock. Renowned motor racing journalist and author David Tremayne was Sauber’s press release writer during Raikkonen’s rookie campaign. He recalls a driver aloof and reserved in public, but completely different when hidden from the glare of a camera lens. “He was very quiet, like he is now,” explains Tremayne. “You thought, ‘What is this kid like, is he going to be another Mika [Hakkinen]?’ But he clearly wasn’t in terms of the way he conducted himself – he wasn’t forthcoming. Kimi didn’t want to do any of the other bollocks. He wanted to get in the car and get on with it. “[But] at Monza I heard all this raucous laughter on top of the media bus at Sauber. I went downstairs and it was Kimi, Peter Collins, and a guy who turned out to be Kimi’s kart mechanic – and it was Kimi doing all the laughing. “It was the only time I ever saw what you might call ‘the real Kimi’– with mates, completely relaxed, no need to be protective of anything.

I think he has the ability to compartmentalise. There was a lot of fire in him but you didn’t get to see it. He’s very self-reliant. I don’t think he needs an entourage. “As a driver, he was wonderful to watch. Felipe came in the following year and he was quick but always on a different line. Kimi was just cool and calm with it – not pushing the car or wrestling with it.”So many drivers dream of being world champion, work hard to achieve that dream, but never even make it onto the grid. Others carve out opportunity but become overwhelmed by expectation or consumed by pressure. It seems Raikkonen benefited not only from exceptional natural ability behind the wheel – after all there are many drivers who share that sort of skill – but also a mental resilience and confidence that helped strip away the extra burdens that might have destroyed someone of a different character. Raikkonen never dreamed big or got carried away by the prospect of fame and fortune. It seems it was this aloof attitude, bordering on indifference, that made him so perfectly suited to thrive in F1. “It was a good team to be in; nice people – I still have lunch there,” Raikkonen tells Autosport, relaxing into his seat as we discuss the first stage of his long career in F1. “For me, it was very easy in someways because I didn’t really expect anything.“I didn’t know anything about F1. I never went to see a race. The first time I saw it live was when I was in a test myself. So for me it was like if you just go to Formula Renault [for the first time]. I had nothing to worry about – what’s the point? It either goes well or it goes bad. What can you do?” Ultimately, it went very well indeed for Raikkonen, who made such an impression that he was poached by Ron Dennis to replace retiring double world champion Hakkinen at McLaren for 2002. Even a wunderkind like Verstappen had to wait four races into his second season before earning promotion to one of F1’s biggest teams… 

McLAREN: WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN  

Some paddock insiders consider Raikkonen’s five-year stint at McLaren to be his absolute peak. His first grand prix victory at Malaysia in 2003 briefly made him F1’s youngest winner since team founder Bruce McLaren. Raikkonen won eight more times for McLaren in those five seasons, as well as taking 11 pole positions and 36 podiums from 87 starts. He quickly established himself as one of grand prix racing’s most exciting stars, but a world championship title eluded him. He was second to Alonso in 2005, but came closest to breaking through two years earlier, when Raikkonen lost out to Schumacher by just two points. “Back in those days he was massively quick,” recalls Pat Fry, McLaren’s chief engineer during Raikkonen’s stint with the team. “It’s a shame car reliability and engine reliability didn’t work for him really. If you look at him through the early 2000s, he was right up there with the best, wasn’t he? He was absolutely outstanding driving the McLaren through 2003, 2005. He should’ve won the championship in 2005.” Raikkonen was unfortunate in that his time at McLaren coincided with Schumacher’s most dominant seasons at Ferrari and latterly the brief but potent rise of Alonso at Renault. Only once during that period, in ’05, could McLaren be considered to have produced the absolute quickest car on the grid, and senior personnel admit it was too unreliable to ultimately get the job done. In this context, Raikkonen achieved much of his success against the odds. Apart from his first year with the team in 2002 – when he was paired alongside stalwart David Coulthard – Raikkonen was never beaten by his McLaren team-mate across a season. He won many admirers inside the squad for his fearless style of racing. “He was blindingly quick – sometimes the circuit wasn’t big enough to contain him in those early days, but he was pushing to the max and everyone liked it,” remembers McLaren’s chief operating officer Jonathan Neale. “He used to scare me. He scared me because he was so completely fearless. You just knew there was no way he was going to give anything less than 110%, and I don’t mean that lightly. He was just a force of nature.” Out of the car, McLaren found a “completely uncompromising” driver, whose “maverick” style didn’t always sit well with the team’s clean-cut corporate image. “We struggled to find out who he was as he didn’t say very much,” adds Neale. “[But] everybody underestimates him at their peril. He did have a fantastic sense of humour. If there were two drivers going on stage, to do a presentation or a question-and-answer session, he’d be sitting in the back and he’d do an amazing mimic. He had the voices and the phrases, all of that, so he was a sharp observer. “There was never a dull moment, but he was a great racer –somebody who is still spoken of highly in the team for what did with us, for us, and the style in which he did it, which was uncompromising. It was uncompromising in the car, it was uncompromising in the set-up, he was uncompromising on whether he wanted to be with a sponsor. It’s not always easy, but isn’t it refreshing when you find somebody who is brave enough to be candid and frank and not prepared to cower to conformity?

“He wouldn’t suffer fools. Everyone was taken at face value, no airs, no graces, nobody standing on ceremony, what you see is what get, very grounded, but enormous following with the mechanics and engineers – real loyalty. “Because that fire burns very intensely, it was kind of polarising –either you got it or you didn’t. It is quite difficult getting engineers close to him – to be able to have that rapport and reach him without being too much, too little, not a fool. “Any whiff of bullshit and you were toast! But [race engineer] Mark Slade was very good with Kimi and they had an understanding. Mark knew when to leave him alone, and when to push him and there were occasions when Mark was quite assertive with him, but because he built up that trust he could be. It is easy to be intimidated by somebody of that temperament.” Slade has worked with Raikkonen twice through the Finn’s F1 career – first at McLaren and later at Lotus. Slade responded well to Raikkonen’s no-nonsense attitude and fussiness for precision. He says the Raikkonen that drove for McLaren arrived at Woking “well-rounded” and was “massively impressive”. “He knew how to manage tyres, he knew how to set up the car – it was like working with someone who’d done it for five years,” Slade recalls. “He knew exactly what he wanted. It was not like working with a new driver. “The only aspect that was a little bit ragged early on was in qualifying, when we had to put the fuel in the car for the race, so 2003. He had a little bit of a tendency to want to be on pole regardless of the amount of fuel in the car. And there were a couple of races where he went off trying to achieve too much. “We basically banned him from watching the other drivers’qualifying laps. We just told him, ‘Go out and drive the car as quickly as it will go’. We did that for the rest of this season and he didn’t do any more mistakes.” Raikkonen is often portrayed as a lazy driver – someone who simply relies on his natural feel for the car but isn’t particularly interested in doing anything other than driving. Slade argues that’s a misunderstanding of Raikkonen’s approach. It’s not that he is uninterested, rather that he sees clear delineation in responsibilities within teams, and wants to trust those around him to do their jobs properly without interference. Slade admits this approach can compromise Raikkonen when internal politics arise.

“There were times at McLaren when things didn’t go the way they should have for Kimi and if he had been just a little bit more involved, that could have swapped things around a bit,” Slade says. “In the middle of 2005 there were certain things happening with the design direction of the car that didn’t suit Kimi and there was a lot of tension and pressure. I was having to fight Kimi’s corner, because he wasn’t really doing much himself. That was quite stressful. “He didn’t like hanging around in the office for very long. His debriefs were very short, but he gave us the important points and that was almost perfect for me, because it meant we didn’t spend lots of time talking about what was not relevant. He won’t rant about it. It’s just, ‘That’s what we need to fix’. Simple as that. “If people try to push him in a different direction, it’s not going to work because you need him on board. You need to be on board with him and he needs to be on board with you. For me, it was enjoyable to work with him, because it was logical and straightforward. “One of the biggest difficulties with drivers who are less consistent with their approach is trying to filter out this inconsistency. It becomes very difficult very quickly. If he came in saying there’s something wrong with the car, the chances are there’s something wrong with the car – even if you can’t see that on data. Ninety-nine percent of the time he’s right. “When we were doing Michelin tyre testing, they desperately wanted him to do the testing. They told us at one point that he was the best test driver that they worked with. They used to give a little array of tick boxes for different characteristics of the tyre – what the tyres were doing, what the characteristics of the different compounds were. They said there were some drivers who got most of the points correct, but he always got them all correct. “And his consistency of lap time when we tested eight different compounds – his baselines would be within one tenth, and that meant that they could properly analyse the lap time data as well as the driver’s comments.” Slade says he’s never seen anything else like Raikkonen’s “extraordinary level of sensitivity” to the car, to the point where Raikkonen could detect problems with McLaren’s traction control so aware the engineers couldn’t see in their trackside data. The chase for a ‘perfect car’ can be a real curse when too many things aren’t working correctly, but this degree of feel made Raikkonen a formidable weapon during F1’s tyre war between Bridgestone and Michelin. “That played a big part of how it went,” says Raikkonen. “I was very happy to do the tyre tests. We could test 20 different sets of tyres and choose exactly what you wanted, whatever you feel is best for you. It was one extra thing that you could use.” Raikkonen does not agree with those, such as Williams technical chief Paddy Lowe, who would say his McLaren years represent Raikkonen at his peak. But he was certainly unfortunate not to win at least one world title with McLaren, and Slade recalls some truly stunning drives by Raikkonen during that period. “No doubt Michael, Fernando and Kimi were the three guys,” argues Slade, who feels Raikkonen could have won “15 straight races” in 2005 with better reliability. “Then, just slightly behind, DC, [Juan Pablo] Montoya and a few others. When it came to the driving and his racecraft, Kimi was right up there.“In the middle part of the [2005] season the car was phenomenal and he was driving phenomenally well. At Monza, he qualified fastest with the full tank of fuel [before a grid penalty]; at Silverstone, he was half a second per lap quicker than Montoya, who won the race; in France he started 13th and finished second. Japan was awesome because he came from the back and won. “One of the best races he ever did was Indianapolis in 2003, when we were on the Michelin wets and the Michelin wets were rubbish. He finished second. It was fantastic. He just drove his heart out. He didn’t win the race, but it was an absolutely phenomenal drive. “Nurburgring 2006 – the engine was terrible that year and he finished fourth. I remember him coming to the bus afterwards, sweat pouring off him, and he said, ‘I just drove 60 qualifying laps’, and you could see he had. We knew he had to drive phenomenally well to achieve that with the car we had then.” By now Raikkonen had grown increasingly frustrated with life at McLaren and reputedly made an agreement with Ferrari as early as late-2005 to join the Scuderia for 2007. “He signed with Ferrari two years before he moved to Ferrari,” confirms his then-Ferrari team-mate Massa. “I remember when I signed for Ferrari, Kimi already has his contract; the only way I stay in Ferrari is if Michael stops.” Schumacher announced his first retirement from F1 after winning the 2006 Italian GP at Monza. Thus, the way was clear for Raikkonen and Massa to usher in a new era at Maranello.

MARK SLADE RAIKKONEN’S ENGINEER AT McLAREN AND LOTUS

Does Kimi have particular traits in his driving? He’s very, very smooth, very gentle, very precise – minimal inputs into the car. He wants the car to do the work. Most drivers tend to be a bit more aggressive with inputs, which can have benefits when the tyres are hard and difficult to get into the working window. The other thing is power steering. He came to us and complained about power steering. We spent a lot of time fixing it. Then he went to Ferrari and apparently complained about power steering there. Then he came back to Lotus and complained about power steering. So the feel of the steering is very, very important. He doesn’t want any friction in it. He doesn’t want any play on the brake pedal. Also, Mark [Arnall] always carried a special cloth to clean the windscreen, because if there was a slightest finger print or scratch, we had to change it.

He says he hates understeer and you often hear him complain about the front… Even at McLaren there were occasions where we did have issues. Canada was a good one in 2005. We were slower on new tyres than on used tyres because he couldn’t get the new tyre temperature to work. The start of the lap can be a real problem if he just hasn’t got the front grip that he needs to get the car into corners. I would say that’s probably the only real weakness. There were times also that was an advantage, because he was a lot more gentle on tyres. When we won the race with Lotus in 2013 in Melbourne, he just walked away with it because he could do one stop. Those tyres were absolutely perfect for him, then Pirelli changed the tyres and that disadvantaged him unfortunately.

Why does he often seem to make mistakes in qualifying? He takes a high-risk approach to qualifying. It’s all about corner entry speed. And if you get the corner wrong you tend to drop a lot of time. Other drivers probably prioritise the exit a little bit more. He’s trying to carry speed through; that is high risk. 

WORLD CHAMPION THEN DITCHED BY FERRARI

Raikkonen’s Ferrari career got off to a dream start – pole position and victory in his first race in Melbourne, and of course he went on to claim the championship as Ferrari backed his bid to overhaul the McLarens of Alonso and rookie sensation Lewis Hamilton. Raikkonen succeeded in this mission by a solitary point when team-mate Massa moved aside for him to win the season finale in Brazil.“For me it counts much more than any others – if I had won with McLaren or with somebody else,” Raikkonen says. “Ferrari is Ferrari.I got close a few times in the McLaren. I mean yes in some people’s eyes I [could] have won three championships. I didn’t deserve it.In the end, whoever gets the most points deserves it. “Would I be happier with three championships? It makes no difference. I am happy with what I have achieved.” It felt as though F1 almost owed Raikkonen that championship– regardless of the peculiar circumstances – as payback for the disappointment and near-misses at McLaren. But although he finally conquered the world in his first season as a Ferrari driver, Raikkonen never fully established himself as the team’s number one. Raikkonen says his biggest concern before coming to Ferrari was having to adjust to Bridgestone tyres after years spent honing his car on Michelin rubber, but according to Rob Smedley – Massa’s race engineer throughout Raikkonen’s first stint at Ferrari – the tyres were “never the limiting factor” for Raikkonen during this period.“In terms of raw talent he definitely was one of the best drivers on the grid when he came to us,” Smedley says. “[But] he very much needs a particular set-up. He needs the front to work for him very positively. He turns the car in very early, a little bit like Michael, like Fernando, like Valtteri [Bottas]. They turn very early in the corner, and due to that he’s very demanding on the front-end in that phase of the corner.“He needs to start sending the car into the apex almost immediately when he starts thinking about the corner, especially in medium-speed corners. When he first came to us, it took us a longtime to understand what he wanted. “He’s the driver who, probably the most I’ve ever seen of anyone, is absolutely and entirely unfazed by rear locking at the start of heavy braking. To be able to deal with that and not to be fazed by that is something quite incredible. “We spent a lot of our time in that winter of 2007 attempting to understand how on earth he was putting the brake balance so far rearward. He was running probably 8% more rearward than Felipe and the other drivers – that’s another planet. “We were quite surprised by that, but actually what he was trying to do, in his own way, was to make the car turn as soon as he asked for it.As soon as he asked for response out of the steering, he wanted the car to turn. He had a particular way of driving the car and I think it took us a little bit of time to understand that. Once we did, we got performance from him.” But not consistently. Raikkonen was closely matched with Massa through most of 2007, but would likely have been asked to support his team-mate’s own bid for the championship had Massa not suffered a damper failure while running ahead of Raikkonen in that year’s Italian GP – and narrowly leading Raikkonen in the standings. Massa, who describes Raikkonen as “for sure one of the strangest people I’ve met”, was a fan of the Finn’s honesty as a team-mate, but rates Schumacher and Alonso higher: “Definitely Michael and Fernando were stronger – not quicker, but more complete.” The following year Raikkonen was cast into the supporting role, as his title defence fell apart amid a run of four consecutive non-scoring races in the second half of the season. Massa was unlucky not to become world champion in ’08 and was Ferrari’s leading driver through the first part of a difficult 2009 campaign too, before he suffered a terrible head injury during qualifying for the Hungarian GP. “We never were really comfortable – like if you drive and you have to try and do things that are not normal,” says Raikkonen of his first stint at Ferrari. “We never really found it and put things together. We changed the cars a little bit, but we just struggled compared to what we did in the first bit.” Raikkonen showed flashes of form in a very difficult 2009 Ferrari, which was not a strong answer to the regulatory upheaval of the previous winter. He qualified on the front row and finished third at Monaco, but he wasn’t proving so relentlessly impressive as he had done in his McLaren years– against a team-mate not rated as one of the absolute best on the grid.

“In ’08 Felipe was still in the stage of rapid improvement and overall Felipe was pretty much quicker than him, definitely in qualifying,” adds Smedley, who reckons Raikkonen’s “pure natural talent” made him better than Massa at looking after the rear tyres in races.“That was one of the things that really surprised me, because I expected him to come in and be blisteringly quick but not really manage things in such a mechanically sympathetic way, and in fact the opposite was true. One of the strengths he’s always got is that he can take the tyres further than anybody else and, wherever he goes, the team tries to exploit that.“It’s never a matter of application with Kimi – you just plug him in and he just does it. You often wonder [what would happen] if he had the level of application of others with his level of natural skill and tenacity, [but] one thing you can say about him is that he doesn’t bring any politics. The guy is absolutely apolitical.“I think that comes a little bit from not being interested in this world. The thing that is really important to him is going racing on a Sunday afternoon, qualifying, trying to be better than anybody else. And all the other periphery bits do not interest him. “And that’s kind of where he probably differs to 99.9% of the rest of us in F1. You wake up thinking about it, you go to sleep thinking about it – much to the annoyance of my wife! But that’s how we are– constantly striving to do better and be the best. I don’t think Kimi has that. I mean, he likes it here, he comes and drives his car, then he goes home, and doesn’t think about it a great deal after that.” The feeling inside Ferrari was that Massa was establishing himself as the quicker driver, and that messed with Raikkonen’s head. Raikkonen’s form certainly picked up following Massa’s accident. Kimi was on the podium at Budapest, Valencia and Monza, and beat Giancarlo Fisichella’s Force India to victory at Spa. His performances were made to look all the more remarkable by how badly Massa’s stand-ins Luca Badoer (who qualified slowest of all at Valencia and Spa) and Fisichella (who took over after Spa) struggled. But it wasn’t enough for Ferrari, which elected to pay Raikkonen out of the final two years of his contract to bring Alonso on board for 2010. Raikkonen is still guarded about the events that unfolded behind closed doors at Maranello, but says he was keen to get out of F1 in any case. “I have nothing to hide really,” says Raikkonen, who originally never planned for a long career in F1. “That’s how it played out and I was happy at that point to say, ‘OK, that’s fine and I’ll go’. Honestly, somethings happen in life and I didn’t feel bad about it. Obviously, I had a contract, but that got dealt with. They obviously wanted something else at that point, and for me that’s how it goes sometimes. I wanted to do something else anyhow.”

RETURN FROM THE WILDERNESS

Raikkonen was temporarily done with F1, but F1 wasn’t done with him. Throughout his two-year stint experimenting in the World Rally Championship, proposals were made for his return. Eventually, Raikkonen realised he missed the joy of wheel-to-wheel competition so began thinking seriously about a comeback. He held talks with Williams – “I had a meeting with Toto [Wolff]; he came to my home” – and Lotus, before opting to make his comeback with the Enstone outfit.“The year before I got people asking me if I wanted to come back– there was a lot of talk but I felt if I want to come back I needed to have a current team that people will at least try to put the money into,” Raikkonen explains. “I didn’t need the money, but I wanted a car and a team that actually had some chances to do something good, rather than just being there.”Raikkonen enjoyed a superb first season with Lotus. He finished every one of the 20 races held in 2012, was on the podium seven times, and claimed a victory in Abu Dhabi – the infamous GP where he told the team to “leave me alone I know what I’m doing” over the radio while preparing for a safety car restart.Then-Lotus team principal Eric Boullier recalls a driver who was“a bit rusty over one lap” at first, but “brilliant” in the races, despite spending two seasons out of the game.“His capability and racecraft was amazing,” recalls Boullier.“The good thing for him [was] he had Grosjean near to him, and he [Grosjean] was very fast on one lap but not as good [overall].The most amazing thing about Kimi is he has a great understanding.He has a GPS in his head. He’s doing his own strategy, it’s amazing. ”Boullier recalls the 2012 Hungarian GP as the perfect example of Raikkonen’s craft, where the Finn came from the third row of the grid to beat Grosjean (who qualified on the front row) to second by saving his tyres and running longer in each stint. “You just have to guess sometimes what he wants, because he’snot the best communicator in the world,” Boullier adds. “Kimi gets quite stressed sometimes; he needs people who understand him and can handle him.“He is charismatic – actually, his charisma is strong enough to make people fans of him. What would be better would be to have more motivation to push people around him. He’s not as complete as maybe a Vettel, but he is a great driver. Some drivers need support. He’s one of the guys who can do it on his own. He’s incredibly talented.“He’s quite easy [to work with] to be honest – as long as you give him space to breathe and you’re not on his back all the time.

That was key – to let him live his life. ”Reuniting Raikkonen with Slade (who came across from Mercedes to work with Kimi again) also proved crucial in helping Raikkonen get the most from his comeback, and Lotus get the best out of Raikkonen. “When he first came back, he was really enthusiastic,” remembers Slade. “Unfortunately, he got messed around a bit on the salary side of things. That was an annoyance, but in terms of the driving, I felt he was still exactly the same. I don’t think it’s any secret that he’snot a big fan of the F1 paddock scene and the stuff that goes with it.”It seemed those two seasons of F1, racing on the most extremely fragile rubber of the Pirelli control tyre era, also suited Raikkonen’s particular skillset. Often he would score a big result by making fewer pitstops than his rivals, but Raikkonen himself reckons the design of that generation of Lotus – conceived by James Allison’s team around the Renault V8 engine and exhaust-blown downforce – made more of a difference, giving him the “pure front-end” grip he needs to drive well. Whatever, the combination gelled superbly. Raikkonen added eight more podiums to his tally in 2013, winning the first race of the season in Melbourne and finishing second six times. An unfortunate retirement at Spa that year (thanks to a visor tear-off blocking a brake duct) broke an incredible run of 27 consecutive points finishes stretching back to the Bahrain GP of 2012. “He’s relentless,” says Slade. “I’d say Fernando is the closest in terms of achieving consistent results.” But into the latter part of 2013, Grosjean began to establish himself as the stronger and generally faster of the two Lotus drivers,even though he was twice defeated by Raikkonen overall in the championship. Grosjean describes Raikkonen as “the perfect  benchmark” and says he learned a lot from racing alongside the Finn. “As team-mates we didn’t talk much – maybe three times in two years!” Grosjean says. “Everybody thinks he doesn’t give a shit; he actually does. He works. Same as Fernando – the only thing he thinks on Sunday is 2pm, how to get the car to where he wants it to go.“Once I had a rear soft spring for a race and Kimi tried it and liked it. He was pushing to get the springs. He was trying even though you think he doesn’t [care]. It was interesting that everybody thinks he [just] comes and drives the car and goes. He actually works. ”Their head-to-head record as team-mates is also skewed slightly by the fact Raikkonen skipped the final two races of 2013 – quitting the team over a financial dispute and electing to have surgery on a long-standing back injury, legacy of a testing accident during his first season in F1 at Sauber. “Unfortunately the whole thing [was] destroyed by people that, in my mind, were just stupid to be honest,” Raikkonen says. “They had a great thing on their hands. “It’s not my business, but I left there purely because I didn’t get paid. Without it, who knows? But then obviously I got the offer from Ferrari. I never had a bad feeling with them when I left, despite people thinking that. You know how people always think it will end in a mess, but they offered me a new deal and I went back.”

WHY RAIKKONEN OWES HIS SECOND F1 CAREER TO RALLYING AND NASCAR

Kimi Raikkonen’s two-year sabbatical from F1 in 2010-2011 led him to try his hand at other forms of motorsport he’d long wished to dabble in but never had the time to do so while fully absorbed into grand prix racing’s goldfish bowl. Having sampled Rally Finland in the summer of 2009, Raikkonen contested most of the 2010 World Rally Championship as part of the Citroen Junior Team, and nine rounds of the 2011 championship with a DS 3 run under his own ‘Ice 1 Racing’ banner. There were many incidents, but also many top 10s. “I always wanted to try the rally stuff, because it looks so difficult,”says Raikkonen. “I wanted to see how it would go and I was happy to have the help from Red Bull to do it. I still think it’s a great sport, it’s so difficult. The problem is that it needs time – experience counts a lot more in rallying than in circuit racing.“In rallying you have to put the same effort in driving, but you [also] have to listen to your co-driver. The most difficult thing is that you have to think about what he says and then react. That takes too much time. When that starts to happen automatically then you can go faster, then it gets easier.I was close to getting to that point,then things happened and I ended up back in F1. ”Raikkonen also travelled Stateside in 2011, to try his hand at NASCAR. He contested the lower-tier Nationwide and Truck series races at Charlotte, qualifying mid-pack for his Nationwide outing.It was this experience that refired Raikkonen’s enthusiasm for circuit racing and accelerated his F1 return. “Without that happening then I would definitely not be here today,”he says. “I would never have lasted this long if I hadn’t had a few years doing something else, trying things.

MARANELLO COMEBACK

It was during Raikkonen’s financial dispute with Lotus that he agreed a two-year deal to return to Maranello. Initially, it looked as though signing Raikkonen was the perfect insurance policy for Ferrari,which seemed in danger of losing Alonso after failing to carry the fight to Vettel and Red Bull in 2013. But despite publicly criticising the team and being admonished by company president Luca di Montezemolo, Alonso stayed put (for the moment) and he and Raikkonen became team-mates for 2014, as Massa departed for a fresh start at Williams. Raikkonen’s first season back at the Scuderia was a real struggle.The first year of F1’s current V6 hybrid turbo era was Ferrari’s least competitive since 1993. The car was bad, Raikkonen couldn’t adapt it to his driving style, and was demolished in the championship by Alonso, 161 points to 55. Jonathan Neale recalls how McLaren found its suspension development pulled “in two different directions” owing to Raikkonen’s demand for instant steering response from its cars, and Pat Fry, who was Ferrari’s chief engineer when Raikkonen returned in 2014, found his team coming up against an age-old problem – one exacerbated by stiff and hard Pirelli tyres that Raikkonen often struggled to get working for a single flying lap in qualifying. “He has a very smooth driving style – you’ve got to get rid of the understeer in the car,” says Fry. “You can obviously play around with suspension geometries and stuff like that to try and give him the feel,and sort out power-steering and all that stuff. ”The process was made trickier by Alonso’s long-standing presence as Ferrari’s number one driver, which inevitably led the team in a development direction that suited Alonso, before he departed for the ill-fated McLaren-Honda project.“In all the years I’ve worked with Kimi, the year I saw him struggle the most was that first year back at Ferrari,” says his long-time trainer Mark Arnall. “Coming from Lotus, where he had a good front-end on the car and had podium after podium after podium, it’s not like he suddenly forgot how to drive – he just couldn’t get a balance with that 2014 car.” But Raikkonen commanded the faith of technical director James Allison, with whom he worked at Lotus previously, and knew that he would have to play the long game at Ferrari to get back to where he needed to be.“I knew what I was getting into,” Raikkonen says. “With the engineers, I wouldn’t say they were bad – maybe the fit wasn’t what I wanted. It just didn’t work, I suppose, and our car was not very good.

“The front end has to be right there. If it’s not right, it’s not right,unfortunately. When it’s right things are very easy. Even when you have a good year, it’s a little percentage that’s perfect. There’s always something. There’s so many things that you have no control over.“Some days everything goes perfectly fine, and some days whatever you do it seems to be against you, but I’ve been long enough in the sport to know it. People look at you in one race and if you struggle they slag you off, but I’m used to it so it doesn’t bother me too much.“I want myself to do well and I know what I can do. That’s more important for me. Obviously, it’s not nice when you are in a team like Ferrari and the results are not coming, [but] I had no issues with them and I knew that things would turn out to be just fine with time. It just took some patience.” Raikkonen’s form has gradually improved since that annus horribilis, during which time the Ferrari senior management has changed, the technical structure has changed, the identity of his team-mate has changed, and so has his engineering group. Drafting in Dave Greenwood as his race engineer at the end of 2014 has made a massive difference for Raikkonen. “The car has been getting better and better every year, and a big part for me has been the people,” Raikkonen explains. “Dave is for sure one of the greatest guys that I have ever worked with. I would compare him with Slade – I very highly rate them. “For me it’s important that when we do something, everything has to be exactly like it should be. A very easy example: the ride height,if it’s [supposed] to be 20mm, it has to be 20mm; it can’t be 21mm or 19mm.“When everything is ‘close enough’, and you have five or six things like that, we all know in F1 how much difference small things make,then suddenly the lap time is not so perfect anymore.”Vettel has generally outperformed Raikkonen since arriving at Maranello in 2015, but their similar set-up demands and harmonious working relationship is helping drive Ferrari’s development in a single direction, and the Scuderia is now finally carrying the fight to Mercedes in the world championship – though it is Vettel leading the charge rather than Raikkonen. “Of all F1 drivers, he is probably closer to him [Vettel] than any of the others,” says Arnall, who arranged for Vettel to travel with Raikkonen on a private jet when Vettel was first in F1, and recalls Vettel’s rapid progression playing badminton against Raikkonen. “Kimi always liked Seb and I think Seb always liked Kimi. They are good friends – as much as you can be in this sort of environment. “The thing about Kimi is that he is not political at all, so I think to be a team-mate of, he is actually very easy as he doesn’t stir up any shit in the background – he is very transparent. Harmony in the team is something that is massively underrated. It makes a huge difference.”Paired alongside Vettel, Raikkonen’s own performances have steadily improved too, to the point where he has earned three contract extensions, which will keep him in F1 until after his 39th birthday.Questions about his ultimate speed and consistency remain, though, stoked further by occasional criticism from Ferrari president Sergio Marchionne, who has described Raikkonen as an occasional “laggard” in races. But Raikkonen’s pole position in Monaco proves he can still be faster than anyone when things are right, and his pernickety obsession with car set-up and tyre behaviour, plus the deep levels of valuable experience from F1’s tyre war era he can bring to bear in an age of severely limited testing, make him a valuable commodity, even if the price is the odd lacklustre performance.“I think Kimi is one of those guys that if he thought, ‘I just can’t drive one of these cars as quick as I used to’, he would stop,” reckons Arnall. “Kimi brings a shit load of experience,he’s very good with the development of the car, very non-political, an easy team-mate for people to have, so I think as an overall package,he is [still] very good.“I think his belief is that he can still compete near the top. He is very honest with himself – if he didn’t think that was the case, he’d stop.”Many would argue that he should have stopped a while ago, that his continuing presence on the grid, in such a coveted seat, is baffling when you consider he hasn’t been definitively quicker than any of his last four team-mates in F1. But what does Raikkonen himself think – does he believe he is as good a driver now as he ever was? “That’s so hard to say,” he replies. “I feel that I can drive as well as 2007 and 2001, or whatever people think has been my best ever [year]. For me, if I didn’t feel that I can drive well, or couldn’t win races or championships, I wouldn’t be here, because I don’t have interest to waste my own time and everyone else’s time. “I value my own time too much to use it on something that I wouldn’t be happy with, or that I wouldn’t think that I can actually do well. Plus, all the other people who would waste their time and money or on something that I just want to be part of. It’s not the most friendly place to be if you don’t really want to be…” That Ferrari continues to place its faith in Raikkonen suggests it feels, beyond the headline results and numbers, that he is still fundamentally among the very best drivers in the world, and that it recognises those deeper layers of style, character, substance and ability that make Raikkonen something more than the sum of his parts. He is enigmatic and mercurial, hasn’t been world champion for a decade, but clearly possesses extra qualities that F1’s biggest team finds are still worth investing in. He may lack the single-minded dedication of some of his peers,he may not be the out-and-out fastest driver on the grid anymore, he may well be too Button-esque in his over-reliance on particular car characteristics to drive quickly. He may not be as adaptable as some of his rivals, and F1 may only be a job to him, rather than an all-consuming obsession – but what’s wrong with being naturally gifted enough at your job that you don’t feel the need to take your work home with you every day?His critics will argue that’s not good enough, that Raikkonen has long outstayed his welcome. If Ferrari hands him another contract extension, they will no doubt be outraged if this enigma is given yet another lease of life. But one thing is for sure, Raikkonen will not care what they think. “I can live my life very happy,” Raikkonen says. “Obviously, my aim is to win races and I’m not happy when I’m not doing well. My biggest issue when I’m getting older is that I care too much. In the past, I didn’t care much. Now, when I have a bad weekend it’s more painful because I care more. Before it was still painful, but I got over it very quickly. “I never tried to be anything else than myself. If people like it, that’s good; if people don’t like it, that’s fine. As long as I’m happy what I’m doing, that’s my only interest. I’m not trying to please people because then I don’t live my life as I should. I live my life for myself. “I always said I have a life and that F1 is just a part of that. It’s not like F1 is all your life and then you have nothing. In my mind, I have the opposite. I mean F1, yes I love it and I enjoy doing it, but it’s not my life. My life is outside of it, and that’s how it should be.”

MARK ARNALL- RAIKKONEN’S LONG-TIME PERSONAL TRAINER

How does the Kimi of now compare to the Kimi you first knew back in 2001?

He didn’t really care too much about the PR stuff, he wasn’t interested in that glamour side of it, being famous, I think he would much rather be anonymous! Every time he got in the car all he wanted to do was drive the crap out of it. When I started working with him, I could never imagine him being a father. Now seeing him with two kids is a phenomenal transformation. He is fantastic dad. I think all drivers, everyone learns, go through life and grow; experience teaches a lot. If you look at Kimi, the PR stuff he does now and what the sponsors say, everyone is super happy with him, and he’s got a global following of fans.

He doesn’t give much away in public; is he a shy character?

I think that mysterious side to him is intriguing for people. I don’t think he is particularly shy – the whole fan side of things,he obviously understands Formula 1, knows he is a popular driver, but it is not something he deliberately tries to play to, he just tries to get on with the job and what comes with it comes with it. One area he is very good is with kids. There was a guy who come up to me in Spa once, with this charity, to say this girl has cancer and she’d just love a picture with him or to say ‘hi’, and he spent 25 minutes sitting down and talking to her.

Is he quite a difficult character to work with? He polarises opinion – some people get him and say he is brilliant,others say he is completely closed off, difficult to work with…

The nicest thing I’d say about Kimi is what you see is what you get. Zero bullshit, zero politics. Kimi’s always been his own character and will always make his own decisions. He’s got a very strong head on those shoulders, so if he doesn’t want to do something, it is really difficult to get him to do it.

It sounds like he is not too demanding, quite independent and knows his own mind.

That is quite an accurate description of what he is like. I think he is probably the opposite to what most people think. If I was to describe Kimi, it would be ‘Mr 110%’. Goes into the gym and goes 110%. If he is lying on his sofa, he’ll go 110% horizontal! When he drives anything, it would be 110%, if he goes out it is 110%. I think that is just the way he lives his life.

The public persona is the ‘Iceman’: cool, disinterested, closed-off. Is he really like that?

In most situations, he is like that, but Kimi is actually a very warm, big-hearted character, and he has got a phenomenal sense of humour, but that is not really something people see. He needs to like people as well. If he doesn’t particularly like being with someone, he doesn’t do anything other than just ignore them.There is no bullshit, if he doesn’t like someone, he is quite straight about it. I think I’ve seen all the different versions of him, but I wouldn’t carry on working with him if I thought he was an arse. I actually really like him. I think he is super genuine, superkind. That is something people don’t really see so much.

[rat-foot]

The art of measuring a manager

Are supporters and football pundits good at evaluating other managers? Often I think we're terrible at it.

We seem to horrendously over-estimate short-term results. 11 games ago Ronald Koeman was considered one of the hottest managerial prospects in World football, a sort-of candidate in waiting for the next Barcelona vacancy. Now his reputation seems to be in tatters. Has he changed pretty much overnight, or are we over-estimating short-term results? Is it reasonable to think that actually he's probably somewhere inbetween the management God he was previously assumed to be, and the disaster he is seen as now? Where is he actually on that scale? I have no idea. - that’s the truth.

The thing with managers is that they go in at clubs and have to respond to a huge variety of situations and requirements. Some managers are expected to run the whole squad and the transfer policy, others are just a first-team coach who cannot change an existing infrastructure around them. The circumstances are basically totally different each time. But the way in which these circumstances will be interpreted by others is very polarised - either you get results or you don't. I can understand it in a way - it's a results business as they always say. It's actually quite easy to work out if a manager has ultimately succeeded or failed at a club - what is much more difficult is to work out what their suitability for another job might be, or what their objective state of being is as an individual.

Let's face it, any manager needs luck. They might do things that improve their chances of having good luck or capitalising on it. I think a lot of what managers do is connected to risk assessment - they make decisions that they hope give them a better chance of success, rather than there being an objective right or wrong answer. Sometimes a club is in a position to be high-risk, sometimes not - different managers would suit different levels of risk. There's an awful lot of game theory in managing a club in my opinion - it's a topic that is very complicated and barely understood by many within the sport, let alone outside it. I don’t think we have much of a handle on this area at this stage of the sport’s evolution. There’s so much we don’t know.

Three hot managers in the premiership mid-table right now seem to be David Wagner, Marco Silva and Sean Dyche - all three are said to have been on West Ham’s wishlist for a replacement for Bilic. Here are some random thoughts on them. There are statistical models that suggest Huddersfield and Burnley may have underlying problems with their approach that might catch up with them. If Dyche and Wagner ended up relegated that doesn't mean they've done a bad job of course - we might conclude that's a par for them weighing up the strength of various squads. Silva is very hot right now, but my personal interpretation is that Watford have been an aggressively well-run club for a good few years and it's a good time to be their manager. Silva seems to have escaped criticism for Hull's relegation last season - I’m not quite sure why. Wagner is associated with a high-pressing style from his friend Klopp, but his Huddersfield side have at times seemed hopelessly defensive. Wagner's promotion squad was partly built by Stuart Webber, the sporting director who is now at Norwich. Dyche has been linked with jobs at Everton and West Ham, but his approach is absolutely singular in terms of its focus on defence, which is a style neither of those clubs seem particularly keen on over their history.

I'm just throwing points out in that last paragraph, but I’m trying to illustrate the confusion I feel about evaluating other managers. As a sort of side-project/hobby I have spent a good deal of the last five years trying to work out how to evaluate teams, players, managers. I feel I know how difficult it can be in comparison. There is no single or combinatory statistic that I know of that measures managers effectiveness, because it is so tied into so many other factors at a club. If a goalkeeper saves a shot, you can evaluate that in isolation - you cannot as easily evaluate the coaching that improved the chances of that save, or the likelihood of the tactical decisions that led to the goalkeeper having to face that shot. It's simply very complicated and there are no easy answers.

I think of managers I’ve seen over longer periods from game to game - the West Ham managers of recent decades. How much do I feel I can assess even them? Someone like Roeder had a really good season followed by a bad one (and a major health issue) - I still don’t know quite what I made of him, but I do know he was horrendously undermined on transfers in his second season. Zola also had a good followed by a bad season, but the club was on its knees financially in that period. Allardyce I thought I knew when he joined, but it still really took me 18 months before I felt I really knew what his mode of operation was as a tactician. Bilic had great results at first, but it was many months before my misgivings turned into a more bold negative appraisal. Like every human, managers are a mixed and often contradictory bag.

If I was at a club looking for a new manager, there's a few simpler heuristics you could use to narrow the field a bit, but ultimately I think the only way to really work out who to hire from the shortlist is to really research the candidates and evaluate them in detail. By which I mean I think you need a long interview with them - you need to work out what makes them tick. You need to really look at all the circumstances of their previous record in relation to the situations they found themselves in. You need to look at how much they fit what you want at the club, and whether they fit the squad you've already got. It's as much about what you feel about the state of your club as much as it is the ability of the manager coming in. There's a lot to think about, basically. I think so, anyway.

As a supporter, or a follower of football, or a pundit, there is no access to much of this, and nor is there a chance to have that sort of detailed first-hand experience with each manager. This is why I think most of us defer to very simplistic assessment of the personality and record of managers. I think we should accept that our own opinions on this sort of assessment are going to be very subjective.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I take a lot of opinions about managers with a major pinch of salt. Because to take them seriously it requires a level of trust of who gave that opinion that is hard to justify. There are too many pitfalls in terms of having that opinion. I don't really trust my own opinion about managers, so I'm unlikely to trust anybody else's.

And do I think Moyes is a good manager, or a good fit for West Ham? Hmm maybe..?

[adulting-with-autism]

Would you look at that! It’s episode 2!

Transcript under the cut

Nick: Hello and welcome to episode two of Adulting with Autism

 Liz: That’s right. We’ve had at least two people say they enjoyed it, so we’re doing another one

 Nick: Makes it about twice as popular as my previous attempt at a podcast, so I think we’re onto a winner

Liz: I dunno, I think twice zero is still zero. It’s infinitely more popular

Nick: Infinitely more popular, yes. But, you know, I still think that there’s room for a podcast where you discuss potatoes and time. The concept, not the seasoning

Liz: Although potatoes and thyme is delicious

Nick: That is quite true

Liz: Like, it wouldn’t be my go to but it does go very well

Nick: Know what else is good? Sage

Liz: Ooh and a bit of rosemary

Nick: But that’s not what we do here at adulating with autism we give advice on how to… adult with autism

Liz: But I mean that could involve cooking – it won’t this time but it could do in the future

Nick: My advice this week is if in doubt use sage. For any situation

Liz: Yeah? Unless you’re making a cake

Nick: Maybe don’t use sage on cake – unless you want to but I will judge you

Liz: Shall we do the first question

Nick: Yeah, I think we should

Liz: Ok first question is I think our only non-anon one it’s from I’m going to guess how to say your username, @taka-hardt , who asks “I have a fidget cube but I’m on a computer a lot using both hands so I resort to chewing the inside of my mouth because it feels so nice and makes an interesting.

But is it bad to do? I made a weird indentation on one side of my mouth that rests well between my teeth where my jaw is a bit more slack. Should I invest in a chew necklace?” Short answer yes. Because if you chew the inside of your mouth all the time you are at risk of mouth ulcers as I know from experience and mouth ulcers are not fun

Nick: Nope

Liz: They hurt

Nick: They do. Don’t chew what you use for chewing is a good rule of thumb

Liz: You’re against meta-chewing

Nick: I am against meta-chewing in all its forms. It’s not a stance I expected to have to make clear but that’s where I am, it’s what I believe.

Liz: Okay in terms of where you can get chew necklaces there’s probably multiple ones but one I know a lot of people like is Stimtastic which is run by an actual autistic person and the money goes to autistic stuff and you know that the necklace is made of something that’s safe to chew which is a big thing because a lot of people end up chewing thing that are not a good thing to chew because they might fall apart or contain something toxic

Nick: Yeah like a poisonous… cheek

Liz: What?

Nick: I don’t know…

Liz: Yeah so chew a stim necklace not a poisonous cheek

Nick: Yeah it was the one thing I could think of worse than a cheek

Liz: A toe

Nick: Yup. Before we go through all the things that are bad to chew, we should tackle the next question

L: Okay this is   long one but the gist is this person is 19 has only been in 1 relationship which was short and terrible and is just generally struggling with trying to get into a romantic relationship and is worried about being… the phrase they used is alone forever. I’m going to start by saying 19 is really young. You’ve got a lot of time

Nick: You have many time, much time and I’m going to say fairly confidently you probably won’t be alone forever

Liz: Yeah certainly my own experience is you get into a relationship when you’re not looking to do so

Nick: Yup all the best thin s just sort of occur

Liz: Yeah when I met Nick I was in that place. I was 19 I had two relationships in my life which were both terrible. I basically given up on ever being with someone. I resigned myself to this and then I met Nick.

Nick: Yeah the thing is know it can be difficult. You can really get lonely and feel the need to have someone else there and it can be a comfort but the best thig to do when you’re in that sort of place is find a new interest a new kind of outlet. Something new socially or something you do on your own and just distract yourself from those kind of worries and chances are something’s going to come along.

Liz: The important thing is to be in social situations is the key thing, which I know can be difficult

Nick: Even if it’s something you do online

Liz: Yeah you’ve met people online

Nick: Which has gone pretty well on the whole. So yeah just I know it’s tough but hang in there and the important thing is you can feel you don’t necessarily feel you have the social skills, aren’t an extrovert but you meet someone else like that eventually and that’s when you can really relax and go “4eah I’m not good at people”

Liz: Yeah, then you complain about the lack of spring rolls and info dump about pre-Norman feudalism and eventually you get engaged

Nick: Badda bing badda boom. Ok that’s hopefully something like that will happen

Liz: Yeah or substitute your own interest or lack of food. Ok we’re getting through these quite quickly

Nick: I think we are. Shall we have some kind of…I don’t know I feel we should play some sort of interlude, word from our sponsors

Liz: Yeah, this episode is apparently sponsored by my phone which keeps making noises

Nick: It does it does keep making noises

Liz: It’s a pretty good phone. It’s a Samsung something

Nick: We don’t receive any money from Samsung but that’d be nice

Liz: They probably want more information than Samsung something

Nick: Probably yes. If you’re Samsung and you’re listening we would like some free money

Liz: Or a free phone

Nick: Whatever you feel like. Both would be nice

Liz: Also brought you to by the letter E

Nick: It’s a good letter, one of my faves. Top 26.

Liz: I’m going to read the next question. This one is also anon. “Hi my brother has autism and I was wondering how I could help him”. Okay you’ve given us nothing to work with here. Maybe ask your brother

Nick: Yeah unfortunately because you haven’t given us enough information I feel we can’t really speculate in case we lead you astray so instead I’m going to have to riff relentlessly until I come up with a quality goof so thanks

Liz: Or we could say the best thing you can do as the sibling of an autistic person is not to speak over them and find out from them the best thing you can do for them. Because every autistic person is different so the best thing you can do is find out from them how you can help them specifically

Nick: That wasn’t a goof that was legit advice

Liz: I’m very sorry

Nick: You always do this, giving constructive advice on the podcast, which is probably good as that’s what we’re trying to do

Liz: You say always. This is episode 2

Nick: Well I feel like we’re an institution

Liz: I do goofs sometimes. I declared a vendetta on numbers

Nick: Yeah you did. Remember that listeners? I think the show was better in those days, it’s sort of jumped the shark a bit. Change of showrunners, revolving cast members…

Liz: I’ve been played by 3 people this episode alone

Nick: It’s really distracting, all the changes

Liz: We’re in quite a small room so it’s disruptive if nothing else

Nick: Yeah moving furniture around… but I’m a professional, the show must go on. So yeah, talk… maybe look on the NAS website or ASAN. Those two are good bets on info on how to help, but apart from that all you can do is listen to what they have to say listen to those concerns.

If they are someone who has sensory issues, has meltdowns, things like that it would be good to look for those signs if they look like they’re being a bit overwhelmed and work out a signal between you that means “ok let’s step outside” or try to work out something like that. That could be a really good help

Liz: Also don’t be that autism siblingTM who thinks they know everything about autism because they have a brother who is autistic because those people are the worst. Especially, as we keep saying every autistic person is different. If you’ve met an autistic person you’ve met one autistic person

Nick: That’s very true. I have high hopes for you anon. You said “I need advice on autism” and you asked autistic people. That’s a good sign

Liz: But ask your brother as well, that’s the main bit of advice

Nick: Yeah, you me, their brother. We’re the trinity, the triumvirate of your brother’s life. So consult the three of us when you need any kind of brotherly advice

Liz: Yeah. I mean we’re both siblings

Nick: Yeah we have them, siberinos

Liz: Yeah I think that went well. Hopefully you will be of benefit to your brother instead of annoying or anything like that. I think this next one is more for you Nick, as I’m the worst at dating, as you probably know. “I feel like I don’t really know how to have relationships w people online” sorry, not romantic, “I always accidentally say the wrong thing and people get angry, even people in the autistic community. How do I work on not getting so worked up” I’m still going to pass that one over to you nick.

Nick: Ooh that’s a tricky one there could be a whole lot of reasons why people are getting upset. Could be discussing contentious issues or it could be a simple problem with tact which I find is often an issue in these situations. Well I guess if it’s the former it can be sometimes people will get their you know you’ll say something and you’ll get their passions going. People have strong views on things

Liz: Not on tumblr, surely

Nick: Indeed so. Things can get polarised. There’s a place for debates and discussion but sometimes it’s hard to see when somebody’s inviting you to have a sort of philosophy seminar sort of discussion and w2hen they’re more interested in venting about an issue. I often find there’s a bit of a misunderstanding there that can lead to serious arguments.

If somebody says “I’m really annoyed about this” it’s not always the best idea to say well in my worldview this isn’t a problem it’s not the best way to make friends. But that might not be the issue. It might just be occasionally saying the wrong thing. I think we all do that from time to time

Liz: Part of being autistic really, having terrible social skills

Nick: Yeah that’s often going to happen. The thing is being quick with an apology does help, trying to say “sorry that was a bit thoughtless”

Liz: One thing I’ve noticed some people do on tumblr, starting a conversation with “I’m autistic I might get some things wrong, tell me”

Nick: Yeah it’s not ideal having to prefaced social interactions with that but it can make things easier. People know me well know that sometimes I’m not going to say the right thing.

Liz: Yeah one of the first things you said to me was I’m autistic, so I’d know that things would be a bit different

Nick: One way which might be an odd way of doing it is I sometimes pick up things from films or TV, or used to when I was younger. Like a scene where characters care for each other or help each other out. Not using that a as a blueprint all the time but sometimes seeing wholesome content helped when I was a kid. People hugging and being nice

Liz: It’s scripting isn’t it, I understand intellectually this is how I should interact with people so I will attempt to emulate that

Nick: Yeah developing scripts can really help, just sometimes if someone’s upset about something saying “sorry that sucks”. Sometimes that’s all that the person wants to hear. That sucks would you like a hug.

Liz: Unless you’ve done something wrong in which case that’s the worst thing you can say

Nick: Yeah. If you’ve done something wrong best thing to say is “I’m sorry…”

Liz: How can I do better

Nick: Yeah and if it’s a general thing that’s sucki9ng in their life the best thing to say is I’m sorry that sucks, difficult situation, want a hug

Liz: Anything I can do

Nick: These are good things to say. I hope you manage to develop some scripts or something like that for these situations. It is difficult because I think one of the biggest obstacles is can come across as not caring about people or being disinterested in their lives if you’re autistic when the opposite is true, I find.

Liz: Or you’re genuinely not interested but you need to be polite and you don’t know how to do that.

Nick: It is difficult. Either way you can come across as a bit cold when you don’t want to. But hopefully we gave some helpful tips there and you can find something that works for you.

Liz: Ok we have a few more questions but we’re coming up to about the length of the last one and I want to keep lengths consistent so I think we’ll answer the last ones on the blog, those two.

Nick: We’ll answer your questions shortly

Liz: You’ll probably get your answers before the ones that are answered on the podcast because that’s going up tomorrow

Nick: Yes basically keep sending your questions in, we love getting them

Liz: Remember you can always say you don‘t want this answered on the podcast you can say I want this privately, I want this on tumblr.

Nick: Whatever works for you. We’re just interested in making Adulting With Autism friendly and accessible and open to anyone. We hope that we’ve helped answer your queries whether it’s about diagnosis or day to day coping and it’s been really nice having positive feedback about the blog and about the podcast it’s really encouraging and it makes us want to keep doing it

Liz: And after the feedback on the first one we will be posting transcripts on the same day the podcast goes up in future

Nick: If you have any more suggestions do feel free to send them in

Liz: We’re all about accessibility

Nick: No real point in running a disability themed thing if you don’t make it accessible or it defeats the whole point

Liz: So we’ll be back in a couple of weeks with some more questions and answers

Nick: Yup, both questions and answers

Liz: Are you going to call them dear listeners again

Nick: Maybe, because they are v dear to my heart

Liz: That’s nice

Nick: Yeah I like them they’re my Pals. My special podcast pals.

Liz: Ok

Nick: Goodbye special podcast pals, until next time.