#anyway i should sleep soon i might add things tomorrow idk yet

[divermoon]

thoughts on prophets

im still crying like i full out sobbed during and again when i rewatched all the most important scenes

all the root harold TM content !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hope shaw gets more content soon

not to go get into furious mode here again but iris........lmao im out of here. i hate therapist scenes already and while her assessment of john is  correct (hero complex, death wish..... i could go on abt that but another time) the scenes are so uncomfortable and johns monologue at the end like... it felt so fishy he usually only says these things unprompted or like at the end of a number hes worked when hes experienced something and grown or recognised something and just the whole situation of it rubs me wrong :( why did they do this its going to be awful watching these parts

samaritan rigging the election and taking over more control... im curious as to how much we see what samaritan would envision the world to be like what its objective is (though not necessarily through it happening i really want there to be long conversation scenes at some point thats my wish) bc its written to evolve i think i mean sure theyre fighting and samaritan is the antagonist but in itself its not evil its just doing what it was created for. it didnt have finch :( :’)

harold seeing roots lonliness...trying to comfort her...........this means so much to me.  i want to have more to say my heart hurts thinking about it

harold cares so much and theyve become so special to each other

them talking about the war and reassuring and reaffirming each other....

harold thinks highly of root (a friend, there is more than death, the end is more important than the beginning) and root knows how much the machine genuinely cares (i will protect her and you, she has a plan, THE DIFFERENCE IS YOU im dead im dead)

all the flashback scenes :(((( “how badly did you have to break it to make it care so much” define TM working its all objectives in the end

she has to care about people to want to save them, to make that her priority. she has to care to keep it that way

and harold taught her that. 

he made sure that the AI watching over everyone cared, that we all wouldnt be expendable even if he had to hurt it

he didnt do it lightly but in light of what someone else might build...

(...............death benefit. what if the machine had worked out a way to incapacitate the senator instead  of killing him, like harold did with her.....even if he did kill the other 42 versions)

ooh parallel to “sometimes its better not to know” and their number of week being alive but...living with what happened

im excited for more flashbacks to harold and TM

harold saying hes terrified what will happen now the machine has a voice and memory.....................does root know the other versions almost killed him? 

i love harold so much i mean even though........hes fictional blah blah it makes me so happy knowing hes out there

the fact that i get to watch him on the screen? get to hear his thoughts and monologues and see parts of his life? im so lucky honestly

one more try :’) he always wants to try, to believe in people, in saving them, in doing the right thing

i would die for him honestly no joke

gunfight HOO BOY martine is hot that sequence was hot root with double guns is hot and i agree they need to Fuck and the music man

the score when shes in godmode earlier in the episode i love pois soundtrack so much

the pan to harold when shaw says godmode

“kill me if you can” root!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

im going to watch it again tomorrow and ball my eyes out again tomorrow

[forcefully-awoken]

This is for the BNHArem’s villain AU collab!

Gang Orca x Reader

Rated: Teen? Mature? This is new territory for me.

CW: Sex work, kidnapping, idk stockholm syndrome?

The corruption of Kugo Sakamata is not the prolonged, drawn out affair the news has portrayed it to be. It wasn’t quietly brewing under his skin, needled at by the whispers and stares that plagued him. He was a good man, up until the point where he wasn’t. He was a kind man, until something inside of him snapped. It was as fast as the moment the first domino falls. The goodness is there.

Until it isn’t.

There’s a car alarm blaring outside your apartment.

It’s been like this for weeks now. There’s nothing else to do but get up, to go about your life as though nothing has changed when everything is different. It’s almost time for your stream, you note as you walk by your kitchen, ignoring your grumbling stomach to turn on the tv first. It’s still on the news station, just like when you turned it off last night.

If you can’t save the world, you might as well listen to it crumble.

You move back to the kitchen, trying to figure out what you have that will make an even half way satisfying dinner. Fuck, it’s been weeks since you were able to get to the shops. You settle for some ramen with an egg and some questionable vegetables on top. Waiting for the water to boil you can hear the news trickling in.

**Breaking news: We have yet another report to add to the slew of attacks this month, this comes just days after we broadcast rumours of villains running rampant over the city. This spate of attacks has put the entire metropolitan area at a standstill, road closures and damaged property making it difficult for commuters to get to work in the morning. Road maintenance endeavour to do its best to keep the city running, but it seems futile when these attacks continue to increase. The entire city was brought to a standstill by the mysterious villain who has still not been named, but reports show they are nothing like we have ever experienced before.**

**One thing we know for sure: we can no longer rely on Heroes to protect us. The streets of our once-great city are no longer safe, we are no longer safe.**

The heroes? You can’t decide if the anchor is optimistically naive or just plain stupid. You snort, stirring the noodles into the boiling water. The heroes haven’t been seen in ages, the top ten falling one by one to more and more villains. You’ve even heard talk of heroes becoming the villains.

**Every day the crime toll continues to rise and we have no one here to protect us. The Hero Public Safety Commission assured us earlier in the week that the crime rate would go down, that the top Heroes are out there protecting our city, but if so, where are they? Is it really safe to go out anymore, who can we trust? Would you put your life in the hands of a Hero today? When they have proved our streets are no longer safe. We still have no information on what is going on, or who is involved but we must remain observant. We will continue to report the latest news as we receive it, but for now, we must implore you to heed the warnings of the city-wide curfew that is soon to be implemented. If anyone has any information on these occurrences in the city please send them to us or contact the police, you can remain anonymous. The safety of our citizens is what is most important, stay vigilant and don’t go out unless it is absolutely necessary.**

**One thing we know for sure: we can no longer rely on Heroes to protect us. The streets of our once-great city are no longer safe, we are no longer safe.**

“Yeah, no shit,” You talk back to the tv, preparing your dinner before walking carefully over to the couch with it. You want to turn it to a different channel, see if anything happier is on but you don’t. Can’t. You tell yourself it’s plain need, that you have to check to make sure it’s not your apartment in the path of destruction.

Lies.

You can’t turn it off because you don’t want to. You don’t want to because it’s become an addiction, like watching videos of disasters on the internet. Your food burns the roof of your mouth when you shovel it in but you can hardly tell. Ugh. You’ll need to go shopping this week.

Setting the dishes in the sink for later you turn the tv off, resigning yourself to an excursion this week. It’s not apocalyptic outside yet, but you don’t want to turn the risk of getting mugged, or worse. Whatever you need can wait until tomorrow though, you think, stepping into your bathroom to shower, put on some makeup for your stream.

Streaming isn’t exactly how you thought you would make money but it pays and it keeps you inside, keeps you safe. Once you deem yourself pretty enough you get the show on the road. Easy, light stream today.

You don’t even think you’ll need to take off your underwear.

“Would I ever fuck a villain?” You laugh as you read the question, absentmindedly tweaking a nipple as you do. You can hear the ping of donations stream in when you give a little shudder of pleasure. “Sure, some of them are pretty hot. You ever seen that Gang Orca? I bet he’s packing.”

It ends with little fanfare after that, and soon enough you're back in bed, staring at the ceiling as sleep eludes you. There’s noises outside, loud shouting, what sounds like glass breaking. Just one more stream, just enough to save up to move into a different neighborhood, a safer one. Then maybe you can rest.

Morning comes before you want it to.

You pick plain clothes, a little form fitting so people can’t grab you, but loose enough to move in if you have to run. You keep your head down as you lock your door behind you, moving with quick, sure steps. The store is out of a few things but you manage to stock up on essentials for another few weeks. You did it, thank fuck, nobody even hassled you that much.

Right when you slip your key into the door is where it all goes wrong.

“Don’t scream,” the voice behind you is low, and despite your better instincts you listen. “Open the door and I won’t hurt you.”

Yet, you think but obey anyways. There’s a presence behind you, large and overly looming. A large hand drops onto your shoulder right when you hear the door shut. There’s something digging into your shoulder and a quick, darting glance reveals- claws?

Oh, no.

It can’t be.

You stumble forward in an attempt to get away, twisting your body around. It’s a nightmare come true- not just a villain in your home but one of the worst ones. He’s so much larger in real life than you thought he would be. So much more intimidating when you finally meet his red eyes.

Kugo Sakamata.

Gang Orca.

Standing in your living room.

The last thing you see before you faint is his hands coming towards you.

It’s too quiet when you wake up now.

Your room is too dark, save for the open laptop on your desk. Your arms are tied to your desk chair, legs as well. You can see him in the room, but you know he has to be there. Nothing appears to have been taken. You have no idea what’s going on, until he steps back into view.

“Hello there,” His voice is smoother than you would have imagined from before. God, he looks even taller from this angle. Your neck strains to look up at him all the way. His hand comes up to cup your cheek lightly, some sort of parody of a lover’s touch.

You only barely manage to hold back your shudder of revulsion.

He can see it in your eyes though, and his hand jerks back as if he’s been burned. Good, you hope something has hurt him. He’s already shattered your limited sense of security- hostage, in your own home. If you make it out of this alive you won’t even be able to move. He turns away from you, stepping to your computer. You can’t see around him, he blocks out all the light as he stands between the screen and you.

“Do you know why I’m here, little one?” You had the way the diminutive name sounds as it falls from his mouth, almost soft and bordering on sweet. You remain silent, fear locking your jaw shut tight. He continues on without you anyways, “You should. It was only last night when you said what you want from me.” He steps to the side, allowing you to see what’s on your computer now.

He’s started a stream.

Shit, you knew your dumb mouth would come back to haunt you one day. You just didn’t think it would be like this. Your mouth drops open but no words come out. Vaguely, you can read the chat- lots of concern but those messages are being drowned out by people asking, no telling, Gang Orca to do all sorts of depraved things to you. The fucking perverts.

“You could tell them where you are,” He sits behind you on the bed now, arms coming up to wrap around you, caging you in. “Or you can watch how quickly the average man turns when there’s something he thinks he wants.”

You’re still clothed, but you can feel the heat of him through it. How is he so warm? He shifts forwards even more, a hand coming up to hold your jaw, showing you off to the screen. You feel even more naked than during your actual streams. You feel exposed, every nerve like a livewire beneath your skin.

“I could kill you, you know,” His voice sounds almost detached, like he’s bored with the situation, “I think they would like that.” The grip on your jaw tightens. “You can already see what they want me to do to you, how they want me to defile you. There’s almost nobody concerned with your safety now.”

Your eyes strain as you take in the chat, blinking back tears as you realize he’s right. There’s nobody asking you if you’re alright now- only demands, promises to pay whatever the cost is if Gang Orca will only get the show on the road. You wonder why the site hasn’t automatically shut down your stream, after all one of the most notorious villains is right there, begging to be caught.

Until you catch sight of how many people are watching.

“You’re too popular to turn off,” There’s a hint of something sad in his voice, regret mixed with a fondness you can’t place. It’s like he expected this, like this is all going according to plan. “They don’t want to shut down what’s making them money hand over fist.”

You hate to acknowledge that he’s right. The stupid fish fuck is exactly on the mark. The site takes a portion of your donations, and the amount it’s at right now isn’t just your own personal record, it’s a sitewide one. There’s no way they’ll shut you down, try to get you help. Not when there’s still money to be made.

“Don’t you see?” His voice tickles your ear as he whispers into it. You don’t want to see. It’s like you can predict what he will say next. You don’t want him to confirm it, to confirm the worst fears inside of you.

“It’s not just the villains that are bad,” Between his arms and his voice you can almost forget that it feels like the whole world is watching you now, watching this corruption. “I’m evil, but at least I’m honest. I won’t touch you unless you ask me to. How many of them can say that?”

He’s right, of course he is. How else could the world get this bad? Someone along the way stopped caring, and then another, until there were more eyes looking away than could be helped. Easier to ignore the wrong and look out for number one, after all isn’t that what you had been doing?

“Join me,” he breathes, “Be free.”

You don’t hesitate, not now. You let the next two words slip from your mouth not without thought, but free from it. The last tether of your sanity snaps.

“Kiss me.” It’s a plea, one he obeys with a vicious grin. His mouth presses to yours.

The next domino falls.

[ardett]

all dead hearts to you

Description: George and Dream have never met in person. It isn’t a problem until Dream calls George to tell him he’s going to kill himself.

check this out on Ao3 if you wanna be cool!

Author’s Note: Not me crashing recklessly into another fandom (also this is assuming sapnap went home to Texas after living with dream idk let me live)

title from Dead Hearts by Stars

also I'm new here, anyone wanna give me a welcome to the boys?

warnings: suicide warning (obviously) but no actual suicide, general anxiety and panic attacks

It’s 3am when George gets Dream’s call. 

Late, but only really for him. It’s still before midnight in Florida, right around 10pm. He’d like to say that he’s so practiced with converting time zones that he doesn’t even have to think about it but he still has to count backwards on his fingers, thinking on the jump between late late nights and early mornings.

He’s still awake but the leds in his room have been turned to red, set to the dimmest mode. He was streaming with Quackity up until about half an hour ago and his room has settled back into quiet again.

He feels the thrum of anxiety as he hears the ringtone. Dream usually only calls him when George is about to sleep through something important or if he’s on the road. George wonders if he forgot something today or maybe he let something slip on his call with Quackity.

Now that it’s on his mind, he realizes that he hasn’t heard from Dream all day. Or yesterday?

They’ve both been busy, though George has been busy with the usual things and Dream said something about needing to put his affairs in order or whatever that meant. They usually text at least but even that has been quieter.

George grabs his phone off his desk and picks up the call.

“Dream. What’s up?” he asks. George runs a quick hand through his hair, checking his screen quickly. It’s a real phone call, not even a discord call. “Hey, I’m putting you on speaker. I’m gonna put on my pajamas.”

He’s about to set the phone on his dresser when Dream says, “Oh, I probably shouldn’t be on speaker.”

There’s something off in his tone. Something flat. It sets George’s nerves on edge. 

“Yeah? Okay.” George tucks the phone back by his ear, slumping back on his bed. “Did you have something you had to tell me?”

“Yeah. George, I’m going to kill myself.”

Everything in George stills.

And then starts to spin.

“What?”

“I’m going to—”

“You’re not serious.” George jerks upright, ignoring the lightheaded feeling sinking its fingers into his skull. “Dream, this isn’t funny.”

“I don’t think it is. It’s just going to happen.” 

There’s not even a tremor in Dream’s voice. George can’t feel anything past the bone deep shock in his system.

All he can think of is Dream, wrists bloody and split open. Dream, fingertips dusted white with the residue of unnamed pills. Dream, rope burns fracturing the long line of his neck. 

Dream, dead.

How is he even going to do it? Is he actually going to do it? George wants to ask but then he realizes he doesn’t want to know.

He imagines the first time he sees Dream in person is when he attends his funeral.

He imagines all the words he’s held in for so long, waiting and waiting for the moment he could say them to Dream face to face, finally being said to dead air.

But George can’t say that so all he manages is an obstinate, “No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Stop disagreeing with me.”

“George,” Dream laughs. Laughs.

George feels dizzy with the disbelief swirling inside him. Surely this can’t be happening. What reason would Dream have to make this up though? Dream would never joke about something like this. Why is he laughing? 

How can Dream be so casual when George’s world is shattering? 

He doesn’t know what a future without Dream looks like.

They’ve always lived miles apart but Dream has never felt so far away. George has never felt like this. Like he couldn’t reach him.

“Dream.” Dream’s laugh cuts off as soon as he hears the plea in George’s voice. “Is something wrong? Are you— I can come there. I can be with you tomorrow. Sapnap can stay with you again. You don’t have to do this—”

“I know. But I want to. So I’m going to.” Any trace of mirth is gone. Dream sounds the same way he did when he decided he was going to break a world record or make YouTube work for him.

Determined. Steadfast. His voice has the steely confidence of knowing he won’t fail.

Usually it’s inspiring but now the familiarity of it just makes George sick. He’s never known Dream to be someone content with failure.

George's phone digs into his palm as his grip spasms. He tastes blood.

And he doesn’t even know why yet.

“What happened? Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

Dream sighs. “Nothing’s wrong, George.”

“There has to be something wrong. You can tell me,” George insists. Then he changes tactics and lies through his teeth. “I swear I won’t tell anyone else. We can work this out together, just the two of us. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I already told you nothing’s wrong,” Dream repeats.

“Then why would you… do that?” George trips over the word, rephrases it instead.

And then Dream rips that tiny defense to shreds.

“You can say it you know,” Dream says. “I’m going to kill myself. You should probably get used to it actually. People are going to ask you about it. I’m sorry about that,” he adds as an afterthought. 

The harsh, blunt words sting against George’s skin.

“Don’t apologize,” he strangles out. “Don’t apologize for that out of everything. Just don’t do it.”

“George,” Dream breathes, exasperated.

“I just don’t understand,” George begs. For the first time, his voice wavers.

Dream, cold gun in his cold hands. Dream, long limbs hanging over the railing of a bridge as he stares down. Dream, slumped over his table with a bottle of vodka nestled near his feet. 

Dream, dead.

Dead.

Dead.

“Don’t cry, okay?” Dream’s voice softens. George forgot how gentle Dream could be with him when he wanted. 

“I didn’t want to make you cry. Look, it’s just…” Dream trails off. Eventually, he continues even quieter. “This is it, you know? This is the top, this is the peak. It can’t go on like this forever, crazy numbers on videos and trending on twitter and all that shit. I’d rather go out like this than wait to hit the bottom. Doesn’t that make sense?” Dream persuades.

“No,” George insists, all the air leaving his lungs at once.

“Come on, George. Can you even picture yourself growing old? What happens when we’re 30, 40, and all of this is gone. Do you want that?”

The sick part of it all is that George has imagined the future. He imagines it lovingly, not viciously. Not like this.

He imagined a future with Sapnap and Bad and Karl and Quackity but most of all with Dream. He wants so badly to be with him. Sapnap talked about living together, how great parts of it had been, how he would have stayed if he hadn’t had to return home for family, and George so selfishly wants that for himself.

And he’s always known that’s not what Dream pictured. Dream doesn’t want what he wants. Dream doesn’t want to grow old with someone, much less George.

Can you even picture yourself growing old?

It hurts because George can and he always wanted it to be with Dream.

“What are you even saying? Do you want me to kill myself too?” George bites. He scrubs viciously at his eyes and stabs at the power button of his computer, teeth piercing into his lip as he waits for it to turn on.

“No, no, of course not. I would never— Come on, that’s obviously not what I’m saying.”

George fumbles with his keyboard, pulling up his discord messages with Sapnap.

He just needs someone else to help him, someone else to know. Someone who can do what he can’t. Someone who isn’t as fucking helpless as him, who doesn’t live an ocean away and who has never seen Dream in person and has never touched Dream, not once, has never known what the sun feels like in Florida.

Of course he was lying when he said this was going to stay between the two of them.

This isn’t the kind of thing he can do alone.

 George: Sapnap dream says hes going 

George: to kill himself

George: you have to get someone to him

George: call 999 

George: 911

 Sapnap: what

 George: please now sap Im on the phone with him

 Sapnap: are you joking

 George: no

George: do it

George: please fast now

 “Are you typing?” Dream questions, a note of warning in his tone.

George jerks. “No, I—”

He’s cut off by a beeping from his phone. 

His heart stops.

“What’s that sound?” Dream asks.

Sapnap is calling him.

George can picture him, knee jumping as he clutches his phone, hoping against hope that George is joking. He can practically hear the adrenaline trembling in Sapnap’s voice, can see the way Sapnap stands and paces.

He can’t answer though. He can’t leave Dream.

George declines the call, hand shaking.

“Who was that?” The question is flat.

“No one,” George says too quickly.

“No one?” Dream repeats. Only a second or two passes before George hears the same beep through his phone speaker, this time coming from Dream’s end. “Wow look who’s calling me. Sapnap. Wonder if he changed his name to No One,” Dream says without emotion.

 Sapnap: fck are you serious

 George bites his tongue, wincing.

“Dream—”

 George: y

 George can’t manage to type anything more before Dream snarls, “You’re such a fucking snitch, you know that? It’s fine though, I thought this might happen. I was gonna call him after you, for the record.” It almost sounds like Dream is smiling. George’s heart twists. Why is he smiling? “I know you have to try as a friend to save me, or whatever you want to call it, but you really don’t have to. I want to do this. I’m going to.

“It’s not like you could really stop me anyway,” Dream continues. “You don’t even know where I live. You barely know what I look like. What, are you going to ask the police to search the entire state of Florida?”

“Sapnap knows,” George whispers. 

He tries to shake off the savagery seeping into Dream’s voice. He tells himself Dream is defensive, Dream is nervous, Dream is scared. Dream isn’t thinking about what he’s really saying.

Though things have never mattered before, the fact George has never been to Florida, that George has never seen Dream in person. But now Dream is weaponizing them against him, forcing George to acknowledge that for everything their relationship is, it can never replace an in person friendship. And Dream has always been a better fighter than George.

“No, he doesn’t. Me and Sap rented a house, remember? We never went to my house. I never sent him my actual address, I checked.” And Dream sounds so smug. Like he won.

George’s gaze darts back to his computer. 

But he already knows Dream isn’t a liar.

 Sapnap: I dont know his address

Sapnap: fuck

Sapnap: Im calling bad

Sapnap: dont let him hang up

 “People are so dumb about it, you know? They tell all their friends and then they get caught before actually doing it,” Dream goes on, not paying attention to George’s disconsolate silence.

“But you’re telling me,” George mutters. Hopelessness strings through him.

Sapnap isn’t writing anything else. George can only hope Bad picked up.

“Yeah but you’re literally in another country. What are you going to do about it?” 

George can’t manage any words. He doesn’t even know if he remembers how to breathe. 

Dream is right, he always seems to be right. George just wishes it wasn’t about this. Anything but this. He has to believe that Sapnap and Bad will figure something out. He has to trust them.

“Just think about how many people are found before they actually do it,” Dream goes on in George’s quiet. “Because they can’t commit. Most people are cowards. It’s dumb honestly. Just do it or don’t.”

“Don’t then,” George whispers.

His eyes burn with unshed tears. His fingers spasm on his bedsheets.

He doesn’t know what Dream wants. Does he want George to beg? To get on his knees and plead with him to save his own life? Because he would in a heartbeat but he doubts it would make a difference. 

Dream sighs. “I feel like you’re not listening to me, George.”

“No, I am.” George’s voice rises with his wrath. Suddenly all his terror and frustration comes to a bursting point. “I’m listening. I’m listening to you talk about killing yourself. I just think you’re wrong. I think it would be a lot fucking braver to stay alive even if your views go down, even if you’re not fucking famous, Dream. What the fuck? You’re a fucking coward for trying to leave!” George’s breaths heave through the staticy phone microphone. His fear and anger wind him.

There’s a moment of emptiness.

Then, lip curling, Dream says, “Trying to leave you?”

George chokes.

“What?”

“Don’t try and pull this card, George. That’s what you’re trying to say, isn’t it? I’m a coward for leaving everyone behind? For leaving you?” 

Dream’s voice drowns out George’s. George flinches, though Dream can’t see it. 

“Don’t be so fucking selfish. I hate that, you know that?” Dream growls. “Everyone thinks they’re enough to save someone all by themselves. Wow, the sheer force of your love just fucking yanked me back from the edge of a cliff, give me a fucking break,” Dream scoffs. George’s ribs feel tight. “You can’t just reverse psychology or guilt me out of this.”

“Jesus, Dream, is it so hard to believe that maybe I care about you and I don’t want you to fucking die?” George grits out. 

The room swims before him. He can’t remember how to uncurl his fingers.

“Well it’s not up to you, is it?” Dream practically smirks.

And that’s it, isn’t it? The winning phrase. Because Dream’s right. 

It’s not up to George. 

George can only listen helplessly as Dream considers his own grave. He’s a constant witness to the storm that is Dream. He was always grateful to be dragged along in Dream’s hurricane winds and now he dreads the day they calm.

“You’re being cruel,” George murmurs. His aggression leaves him as soon as it came.

“I’m being honest,” Dream contends.

George sinks his head into his hands. “Why did you even call me then? To— to gloat?”

Dream’s voice goes low and quiet, vulnerable. George’s insides twist and melt and contort. “No, no, I just… I don’t know. I just wanted to talk to you one more time.”

“Don’t say that,” George hisses. The words are half muffled into his palms.

“Don’t say what?” Dream asks defensively.

“Don’t say one more time. You can’t— you can’t—'' It all hits George at once. He’s going to lose him.

He’s going to lose Dream.

Before he knows it, he’s sobbing into the phone, loud ugly heaving sobs. “Don’t do it, Dream. I’m serious. Please— Just wait for one of us to get there. We can be with you. We can help.”

Dream’s voice hardens again. “You mean you can stop me.”

“Dream—” George starts to beg, trying to figure out how to lie without Dream catching him.

But Dream beats him to it. 

“I’m gonna hang up now—”

Panic rips through George. The shock of it physically hurts in his veins, in his heart.

“No!” he almost screams. “Dream, Dream, don’t hang up—”

“Oh my god, relax. I’m calling Sapnap. I’m not doing anything yet.” He can almost hear Dream rolling his eyes. It’s not comforting.

George sniffles. He knows it sounds pathetic. He’s not one for pity but if it gets Dream to keep talking with him, he’s willing to stoop to any low. He just doesn’t know if he can believe Dream.

“Can’t you just… stay on the phone with me?” 

“What, forever? Is that your plan? Just keep me on the line until someone inevitably finds me somehow?” Dream mocks.

Yes.

“No,” George says instead because he thinks it’s what Dream wants to hear.

Dream switches tactics. George recognizes the persuasion in his tone. 

“Don’t you want me to call Sapnap? Shouldn’t he also get the chance to talk with me?” Dream questions.

Guilts rests against George’s ribs. 

Of course he wants Sapnap to get the chance to talk to Dream. What if this is their last chance to talk? But George is too selfish to think about it much.

“That’s not what you’re asking me. Don’t try and pull that shit. You’re asking me to hang up. You’re asking for me to say goodbye and I’m…” George’s voice drops, almost inaudible. “I’m not ready.”

“George…” Dream’s voice trails off. His next words are nearly silent, something bitter and mournful about them. “You know I love you, right?”

“I know,” George mumbles.

“Are you gonna say it back to me?” Dream demands. George doesn’t know what holds him back now but something does.

“You know I do, Dream, why—”

The dial tone rings in George’s ears.

Dream hung up.

-

Not even 30 seconds pass, not nearly enough for the abrupt end of their call to sink in, when George’s phone is ringing again. He fumbles with his screen but manages to pick up.

“George?”

George’s heart sinks. It’s not the voice he wants to hear. That he needs to hear.

“Bad?”

“Yeah,” Bad affirms. “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay? Am I—” George scoffs and it feels like it rips his throat. He feels like he wants to scream. Like he wants to punch a wall. Like he would give anything to be somewhere warmer right now. “No, I’m obviously not okay, Bad. He’s going to— to—”

“I know. Sapnap told me.” 

Bad’s voice is collected, even. It just makes George more frustrated. How can everyone be so fucking calm about this? 

“George, just try to take some deep breaths, okay?” George ignores the suggestion. “Sapnap is on the phone with Dream. He just hung up on me to talk to him. I’m driving there right now, okay?”

George pauses. Something cold washes over him. He doesn’t know yet if it’s relief.

“You’re— you’re driving to Dream?”

“Yes,” Bad affirms. “We just have to keep him talking to someone for the next hour—”

“Hour? Are you serious? That’s too long!” George knows he’s screaming now. He doesn’t care.

“George—”

“We have to call an ambulance, the police. There has to be someone we can call.” 

George squeezes his eyes shut, trying to think of other ways they could possibly get there in time. He comes up blank. He can’t accept it. He can’t.

Dream, alone. Dream, bereft. Dream, dead.

“I know but I can’t— I was trying to tell you.” Bad’s words are muffled. It sounds like he’s biting the inside of his cheek. He confesses, “I don’t know his exact address. Sapnap is going to try and get it while he talks to him. I’m driving to Orlando and hopefully Sap knows it by the time I get there but we’re just—”

“No, no, no—”

George thinks of Bad arriving just in time to find Dream’s body still warm. He’s going to be sick. His chest hurts. His lungs burn.

“Try and take some deep breaths—” Bad placates as George speaks over him.

“I’m never going to talk to him again. He’s going to kill himself.” George is spiraling. He can’t stop himself.

“George, I’m going to get there in time.” But Bad doesn’t sound sure of himself. George zeros in on the weakness.

“You don’t know that,” George hisses.

“This is hard for all of us, George!” George startles at Bad’s yell. He’s heard Bad raise his voice before but never at him, never seriously. “I’m sorry,” Bad apologizes, words quieting again. George hears a sniffle through the phone. 

Bad’s crying. 

God, George is a terrible person. He didn’t even think to check in on Bad. Bad’s the one who might find Dream halfway there or already committed. He’s the only one who’s even close to being able to do something and maybe that’s the worst position to be in.

To be so close and lose a friend anyway.

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… I know it’s hard for all of us. I know you’re doing everything you can. You’re doing more than me.” George tries to laugh but it gets stuck in his throat. It’s not funny anyway.

“It’s going to be okay,” but it doesn’t even sound like Bad believes himself.

“I don’t think I can talk about this anymore,” George murmurs. He feels exhausted. There’s so much adrenaline coursing through him that it hurts. “Can we just talk about something else just… just for a little?” he begs. Like anything could distract him from this.

“Yeah George.” George can hear the sympathy in Bad’s voice. He’s too far gone for the pity to bother him. “Let me— Let me tell you about what I did this weekend on the SMP.”

George sucks in a sharp inhale. “Not— not the SMP. Can you talk about something else?” 

“Of course,” Bad agrees easily. “So last Friday I went to visit my family…”

George lets Bad talk in the background. Every once in a while, one of them will sniffle or sob or take a breath that’s too shaky to be normal. Neither of them mentions it.

George listens to people walk past his window, their voices carrying up into the stars.

The noises of the highway drone on through his phone.

Bad drives.

-

George thinks about what it would be like to go on without Dream.

He’ll never be the same, he already knows. It will haunt him for years. For the rest of his life. The thought of being so close to someone and then losing them.

Death is natural. He knows that. But it’s the intentionality of it that aches the most. The idea that Dream would leave behind everything for something so painful and unknown.

And George just knows… part of him will die with Dream and never come back. 

George doesn’t know who he’ll be with that part missing.

part 1/3, though the next update won’t really be an update but it will be soon

[cherry-ber]

“You’re a little much for me”

A.N: So i disappeared for a month again and I honestly don’t know what I’m doing

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x female reader (I’m sorry i literally couldn’t avoid the pronouns) kinda Jaehyun but ???

Genre: ANGST kinda but idk if it should be called that 

Warning: I know I said it was angst but really I just wrote words so it’s actaully very bad. Mentions of a dependant relation, smoking, but i didn’t develop any of it properly. Not readproof but i needed to psot something tbh.

Plot: I honestly don’t even know what the fuck i did here but Taeyong gives too much of himself for the girl he loves even when she won’t see. (None of this makes sense, actually, but pretend it made you sad somehow idk don’t read this rly)

Tears fell from her cheeks as she walked back home. Her feet hurt inside her shoes, she purposely wore them to look better even though she regretted it as soon as she walked a mile. Clouds gattered threatening to rain when she less expected it. Her heart ached in a particular way, and for a moment she really thought she might die from sadness. 

Around her, groups of people walked together, laughing and couples would pass her by holding hands. Her hands were shaking as she looked for a cigarette in her purse, and took the lighter out of her pocket. She promised herself she wouldn’t smoke again, but that wouldn’t be the first promise she had broken today. Her phone rang, a text message from someone that she wouldn’t want to hurt by replying in a bad mood. 

She felt dumb crying in the streets, grateful that she made everyone too uncomfortable to ask if everything was alright. The truth was that she wasn’t, she felt her life was falling apart, piece by piece, knowing perfectly well all that she was doing wrong, yet unable to do something to fix it. She felt like she was spiraling down to hit rock bottom, and she was hoping that as soon as she did, she’d have enough strenght to overcome what was going on. 

Usually, she would call her boyfriend, but he was exactly the problem. Jaehyun was an amazing friend, beloved by her friends and family, a caring human and the best son to his parents, but he didn’t know how to be an okay boyfriend. He wasn’t a bad person, but he didn’t know how to be good to her. 

He’d often excuse himself saying that settling down wasn’t in his plans, but he tried for her, and he expected her to understand and forgive him when he screwd up because she was a lot to deal with, like today, when she found him kissing another lady, she felt her heart breaking when he saw her too and played the “I didn’t mean you to see this and I’m sorry for that” card that he had use too much before followed by “I can’t handle you sometimes so it’s okay for me to do this”. She knew she loved him too much, she knew that he had hurted her too much this time, though. 

“You know what? I literally can’t stand you this days, it’s not my fault you’re dependant, I don’t even love you anymore, I just can’t leave you because maybe you’ll kill yourself and then I’ll be the bad guy”

“You’re already the bad guy, Jaehyun” “I’m not, you’re overwhelming, you’re too much, I don’t know how I’ve been dealing with your shit for so long” Deffinitely not what you’d want to hear from your boyfriend of 3 years, but deep down she felt sorry for him, he was right, she was overwhelming, she was annoying and she was a little too much for anyone, even for herself, sometimes. 

The phone rang again, you noticed it was a call and hesitantly picked it up. 

“Can  I see you tonight?”

“I’m not in the mood tonight”

“Please” he was pouting on the other side of the line “I’m outside already”

She ran as fast as she could, knowing that he never joked about being outside, not wanting him to be alone when it was about to pour, It was funny how much she cared about others too much, even when she wouldn’t care about herself. At least she knew he cared about her too, he was the person he truted the most. 

Taeyong could read her like a book, he knew every breath of hers meant something, he knew something was wrong just by the way she walked, even when she greeted him with a wide smile. And she knew that he could never hide anything from him, she knew he would always be there for her, so pretending that everything was fine was pointless, she broke down when they were infront of eachother, he gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Her teardrops wetting his clothes enough to mistake them from the raindrops, that couldn’t chose a more dramatic moment to fall. After a moment she was able to take her keys and they came into her cold apartment, the only thing that made that place be cozy, though, was her presence.  “You smell like cigs again” He looked concerned, she quitted smoking some months ago, and they were both proude, it was sad that she went back to it again “Do you want to talk it out?”

“Not really” she boiled some water for tea and brought cookies to him “It was awful, it tastes like shit, I don’t miss it at all” 

“I’m glad you don’t” he hated to ask but he knew he had to “How was your date?”

Her eyes watered immediately at the scene of him with someone else, and she didn’t want to hear what Taeyong had to say about it. 

“It was alright, I  guess”

“Good”

He felt awkward around her, no matter how cool he played it, he was weak for her smile, he could’t help his heart from beating too fast when she spoke, he knew how to hide it from her, but everyone else could notice the way he felt, even her boyfriend, which was the main reason that they hated eachother. 

“Can we go to my room and cuddle?” Sometimes she left him speechless, for a long time he wondered if she knew and that was the reason that she gave him mixed signals, but he came to the realization that she was too nice to ever do that, she was just too friendly “Or whetever, honestly, I could use some sleep”  “I was planning on watching this movie I got recommended, but sure” he followed her to her room, she crawled into the bed and patted next to her, when he layed next to her, he felt joyful and it took her a little to fall asleep. Taeyong felt complete next to her, he wanted to have her like that forever, and he wondered how many times Jaehyun had the chance to sleep with her before, bitter again because he knew he’d never have her. 

It only took him five minutes to fall asleep too, only to be woken up by her phone ringing like crazy. She stood up and picked up too quickly when she read it was Jaehyun calling. 

“I’m sorry, babe, I shouldn’t have say that, you know I loove you”

“I love you too, Jae”

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow and make it up to you, how about that?” 

She knew, somehow, he was with someone else, she could feel it, she knew he meant nothing of what he was saying, but she decided to believe it anyway”

“You’re the best, I’ll see you tomorrow”

Those words shouldn’t have hurted Taeyong as much as they did, but it happened every time, she’d be “over him” and he’d think about confessing, and then Jaehyun would call her, because he was just as dependant as she was, he was too selfish to let her go, but not interested on her at all. Jaehyun liked to know he’d have her whenever he wanted to, without doing much to have her, he liked knowing someone needed him as much as she did, somehow. 

Taeyong loved too hard, and he knew he was unable to move on, he knew he’d always love her, no matter how many times she made him feel like he was not enough. It was funny how he got hurted everytime but he came back for more, that’s why he couldn’t blame her for loving Jaehyun too much. He wondered if she’d move on the day he would move on, too. 

**********************************************************

A.N: I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE TUMBLR ON A COMPUTER HELP . I’ll edit whatever needs to be edited, I wasnt able to add the song but of course “Liability” was playing while i was tying to write something-

[polymetis-23]

Diary Entry Sept. 12th, 2021

Day 1: Sunday - Computers Galore!

   Everything is starting to settle down after the hectic week that was orientation. There are still some events happening for fraternities and sororities, but I don't think I would have the time to commit to them this semester, maybe I'll try recruitment next year. Either way, now that I am not running around like a chicken with their head cut off I can focus on getting properly set up my station.

   Wait… I'm not sure I ever explained to y'all what my goal is. Looking back through old posts the answer is no, sorry to keep you in the dark but basically I want to become a hero. I've always loved reading the comics and watching the movies growing up and now I'm somewhere that I can develop the technology to become one myself. Cool right!?

   So basically I brought a couple monitors and a desktop tower with me so I could surveille the city for anyone in need of help. I do need to figure out how to hack into the cameras around the city though … I have gotten some books and am taking a class this semester on coding so hopefully the hacking thing won't be too bad. I mean, everyone in movies has somebody who can do it right?

Day 2: Monday - Coding == spaghetti + alphabet soup; result = TRUE

  Okay, so I promise I read some of the coding books prior to coming to campus and thought I understood what was going on, but uh, I don't? I mean there are all these letters floating around and subsets of letters that are supposed to be abbreviations for long words but then multiple words start with the same first few letters sooo… yea idk. And even if you can figure out what variable they are talking about (or even the ones you create, because I'll be honest, I term a variable and then work on some code and about 20 lines later have forgotten what it means), you are then jumping all over the place because of functions and then there are classes above functions and objects which can jump between classes and each have their own set of functions so you can't use the same function on different objects if they have different classes unless one is a subclass or the function exists in multiple places but then you could have the same named function that acts differently depending on the class of the object and yeah. Are you confused yet, because I'm not (that is a lie, I am totally lost in this mess of coding and hope the intro class can help untangle it).

Day 3: Tuesday - Going old fashioned

  Okay so maybe I was a little over ambitious trying to hack into the city camera network without having taken a single programming class cause yesterday was a complete fail. So I think I'll go a bit more old fashioned and get a radio to scan all the police channels. I'm not giving up, that's not what this is, I'm just putting the coding on a back burner until I actually understand what is happening, plus the police scanner will be enough for the majority of crimes right?

  I went dumpster diving (I know gross) around campus to see if I could find any old police radios, cause correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think store bought radios can usually hear those frequencies? Thankfully it was worth my time cause I found an old radio hidden in-between the cushions of a couch. (those things are literally black holes). Anyway I returned to my room to take a shower and set up the radio.

    Upon searching the best ways to connect the radio to my computer, I discovered that yes, you can buy radios that can listen to police channels so I guess all that the dumpster diving did was save me some money/time (you can apparently build these things too? Maybe I should research more often). Anyway I got the radio hooked up to my computer so I can keep things centralized before going to sleep. Oh yeah, classes also start tomorrow.

Day 4: Wednesday - Classes, Yay!?

    So I had my first day of classes today and isn't college supposed to be less time consuming than highschool even if the material is more advanced? Classes only meet 2-3 times a week and I don't even have all my classes everyday. Like seriously, in highschool I had 7 classes every day 5 days a week. How on earth did my 3 classes today feel like more work? Maybe I'm just not used to it after summer break? I'm going to bed early tonight cause I have my remaining 2 classes tomorrow and I feel like I'm gonna need more energy than a single human can possess.

Day 5: Thursday - Classes aren't that bad.

  I guess I was just a little overwhelmed yesterday cause today was much better. Maybe it was partly because I attended a small highschool so, seeing that many people in the same long hallway was a very new experience. Maybe I'm just starting to get into the swing of things, I don't know. Reflecting on classes so far, I don't have much actual work yet seeing as most classes have just been reviewing the syllabi, though I'm sure I will actually have to start learning stuff tomorrow and next week.

   I did have some free time today in which I was able to create a prototype of the lenses that I want to use for my goggles. They're a bit flatter than I would like but I don't know how to curve the technology without breaking it yet so I guess that will be an advancement for later. Thankfully I was able to find some code online that already takes the signal from the camera I ordered and puts it on a screen so I might actually be able to use these soon.

Day 6: Friday - The camera hath arrived!

  I got a notification this morning that the camera I ordered had finally arrived and I could pick it up. Thankfully Friday is a pretty light day for me in terms of classes, otherwise I might have skipped some to get the goggles working and that would not have been a good start to my college career. Of course nothing can go smoothly when building stuff (why do shows have everything just working, can't they actually show me how to make it work and the errors I might encounter? It is so much more entertaining watching them than some old white dude drone on about vectors and integration… maybe the fact that they montage through the failures is what allows the shows to be interesting. Hmm something to chew on there I guess.)

   I'm writing this at midnight and should probably get some sleep, but I will most definitely be testing these goggles tomorrow.

Day 7: Saturday - The test!

   The goggles turned on without blowing up! (That's a start right, something I should be excited about and not something that is a given with these sorts of things?) And I could actually see what the camera was seeing, although it was a little disorientating cause the camera is a good inch above my eyes and the screen is translucent so I'm getting an overlap between what I can see in front of me an a shrunken off set view of what the camera can see. The weirdest thing is the fact that the IR camera (the code maybe?) shows things tinted red, I guess that is how the programmer decided to depict the IR waves since we can't normally see them. The camera had a couple different modes built in, the most interesting being the thermal detection where everything was displayed in a gradient across the rainbow (I'm sure that will come in handy later). But I think the default is all I can use for now with the contrasting position of the camera and my eyes, I'll have to sort the rest out later.

   I went outside once it got dark to test the goggles in a setting more similar to where I would be using them. Thankfully I went out late and there weren't a lot of people around. Everything was covered in a haze of red, I had no idea there was this much ambient IR radiation. Some of the building windows were slightly more intense, I assumed there was some poor grad student staying late to finish their research. I continued to look around exploring the new layer of information I could see before turning around to head back to my dorm. As I was walking to my dorm I could see across the river and stopped in my tracks. There were bright red beams shooting across my vision, quickly I took off my goggles to get a better view, but the lights vanished. Confused, I put the goggles back on and there they were again. Every few seconds a bright beam would shoot up off the ground and across the sky. The angle looked too steep to be coming from a window so there was definitely something happening on the ground, but what? That was the question. *low battery* flashed across my eyes. Great, I forgot how long I had been testing the goggles, I'll need to add a power pack to the next version of these. I guess my exploring is done for the night so I'll see you guys next week.

- Polymetis

[canaryatlaw]

So today was pretty good, both productive and relaxing which is a pretty cool balance to strike. I set my super late like if you're not awake already wake the fuck up alarm for 3:45 as that was the latest I could possibly sleep before having to do shit, but thankfully I woke up around 1 (which is pretty average). I made a smoothie for breakfast because I had a few random ingredients that I thought it could use, and it came out pretty good except it was a bit too thick and like, was not a smoothie in texture lol. But it was still good. I got to work doing the bluebook exercise I have to turn in for larc on Friday, which took while. Unlike last year's that had us write out a citation, this one was multiple choice so I wound up looking up all the technicalities of what is what. It wasn't that bad though. Finished that, then got around to finally putting my laundry away, lol. My room is still a bit of a mess at the moment, but we're making substantial progress- there's no longer clothes all over the floor so that is definitely good haha. Hopefully I can get the rest of the shit lying around organized somewhat or something like that soon, maybe over the weekend, that would be good. By the time I finished all of that it was like 3:45, so I hung out for a little bit and relaxed before getting ready and heading to school for crim pro. It was an interesting class, our prof is really cool and she's always asking us to talk about our opinions on stuff and she was going on about wrongful convictions today so during the break I was talking to her about the podcasts I listen to and all the crazy cases there are out there and she seemed really into it. Towards the end of the class there was an interesting moment, because we were reading about bail and there was a note about this guy who "swallowed a bottle of excedrin" while out of bail which the defense said was a suicide attempt and he prosecutor was like "nah it's good" so they let the guy walk out and h shot himself in the head two days later, and I was just like, I'm sorry, but how does anybody not characterize swallowing a bottle of painkillers as a suicide attempt?? And of course then I had to let slip I might be oversensitive on this exact issue because in high school my best friend swallowed a bottle of painkillers and a lot of people didn't take it seriously and believe me, she was very serious. So I think I kind of made everyone do a double take when I let that out, but I felt like I made my point haha and the prof seemed pleased I shared my opinion at least. She let us out like half an hour early, so class was over and I headed home with one of the guys in my class who was in my section last year and takes the red line home. He's the one who would also raise his hand in civ pro except the prof hated him so his answer was always wrong lol, he's funny and we get along pretty well, so we had an entertaining conversation about our legal adventures and everything else. I haven't seen e-board guy at all yet this semester, which is obviously a change from sitting next to him and riding home with him two classes a week. I'll see him Friday at the pad meeting, but it's obviously a change and I'm kind of sad about that *shrug*. Got home and turned on Frequency because that was on tonight, which is the first time in actually watching it on the night it airs (not live, but close). Interesting episode, we obviously made some progress as far as actually getting Raimy's mom back, but since it wasn't the season finale I knew there was gonna be a catch, and then obviously it was gonna be about Robbie because they kept following him. I'm confused on where they're going from here though, was it just that the douchey priest guy (never learn names) is the actual nightingale killer and Robbie killed the mom because he was stalking her or whatever and they made it look like a nightingale one? Cuz like we clearly see him killing multiple people, so he's definitely the right guy, then Robbie is just there with a bunch of photos of her? And she's back so how is this gonna effect the timeline? Cuz if he just goes on to murder her anyway Raimy's memories would've changed but she wouldn't actually come back, so it has to have changed so she does actually survive regardless of what Robbie does. So seeing what happens next week will be interesting. I'm happy for Raimy though of course that she now has her mom back and also got to have all the memories of a life with her father alive. I also don't know what's going on with the corrupt cop guy (who all I think when I see him is that he was a paramedic on third watch back in the day and I was obsessed with that show) and how he's gonna play into all of this. I was cringing a bit at the interrogation stuff of both Frank and Raimy because both of them did stupid shit that I was like omg stop you're gonna fuck yourself over. Like Frank straight up telling him he's the guy that kidnapped him and threw him in a trunk, because what's to stop the guy from being like "hey this guy kidnapped me and put me in a trunk" which normally would be dismissed as unintelligible, but Frank was literally JUST suspected of having someone in his trunk...like I mean, the circumstantial evidence there would be pretty damning lol. And their stupid IA investigation just really proves why we need cameras in interrogation rooms, for the sakes of the suspects and the cops. But yeah, good episode and I'm sad this season is over already. I don't think it's been renewed yet, or at least it wasn't in the CW's big announcement the other day about renewing a bunch of shows (like my favorite time losers) so hopefully that will happen soon because I like it a lot. We also talked about the minority report a bit in class tonight haha because we were talking about preventative detention and if we had a foolproof way of predicting who would commit crimes should we just lock them up, and someone mentioned it was being made into a tv show which lead to like half the class looking it up on their computers (it was funny, because our prof was like "oh I hope it's led by a girl this time because I hate Tom Cruise" and then like 15 seconds later I just hear from behind me "it is a girl!" and it was basically the best thing ever). And upon looking it up I found out it came out last year, just 10 episodes, and it stars one very dapper looking Nick Zano, so I may have to add that to my list of shows to watch (the episodes are on Amazon instant video, I checked). I just added crazy ex-girlfriend the other night and I'm also considering starting the Americans which has been on my list for a while so we'll see what I pick to watch after I finish a series of unfortunate events (assuming I choose to watch the whole season, which is somewhat indefinite at the moment). And yeah, after that I packed my lunch and dinner for tomorrow since I'll be out for both and then got ready for bed and that was my day. Back at work tomorrow, which should be exciting. I'm really just waiting for my 711 to come at this point so I can actually be useful and start doing actual lawyer things even if I'm somewhat scared of what that will mean lol. The good thing is the GAL doesn't really have a burden of proof, that's on the SA and the GAL just generally joins in their argument, so it's somewhat less pressure than having to make out an entire case theory and shit myself. Idk if I'll legit be doing trials and serious things or if I'll just be doing things like permanency hearings, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's the former because I've heard as much from 3L's with their 711's lol- supervised tends to be a very subjective term. But yeah, that's about it. Should be good. Until then, I'd like to get some sleep being that my alarm will go off 7 hours from now, so that's what I will be doing. Goodnight peeps. Be safe.